#i do feel like i got ditched as a grieving 11 year old by the people who should’ve helped keep his memory alive tbh. it fucking sucks

[thebookworm0001]

I'm terribly nosy, so-- 3,5,11, 19 for the ask game? Or whichever you prefer! ❤️

Gonna answer 3&5 for another ask in a second, so hold on tight!

11. Do you believe in the old advice to "kill your darlings?" Are you a ruthless darling assassin?

What happens to the darlings you murder? Do you have a darling graveyard? Do you grieve?

The way that my professors explained this one to me is that sometimes you have lines/sections/etc that you may love, but just don’t work for your piece. So you ditch them. However, you don’t get rid of them. You throw them into a special dead darlings document/folder/notebook and hold onto them. They may live there forever, or you may find that they work perfectly somewhere else.

So, I say less ‘kill your darlings’ and more ‘put them in retirement and they can come out of it if they feel like working again’

I actually combined a lot of my fic wips into one single wip doc, so now I can pull out my darlings and they just hang around. Usually any sadness I feel is replaced once I figure out what actually is working. Then I can try to find a new home for whatever I had to ditch. I’m much more attached to getting the thing right than I am making sure that a single line or phrase sticks around.

19. Tell me a story about your writing journey.

When did you start? Why did you start? Were there bumps along the way? Where are you now and where are you going?

Once upon a time, there was a little girl who loved to read. Stories were everything to her. Why be in the real world when the pages between covers could offer so much more? One day, the brilliant idea came to her - what if she made her own adventures? She quite liked this one World, where children had been given wings and sought to find a place to live in peace far away from the terrible people who had done so. So why not tell a new story there? So she did! And my goodness, she didn’t stop. She filled up notebook after notebook of stories - using the sandbox other people had made to play with new stories and ideas. Many of them very dark, most of them always working toward a happy end. She even shared some of them with people. Some she knew and some she would never meet. And at some point, she started trying out her own worlds and own people. None of them very original, but what can you expect when you’re first starting out. And she liked that so much she decided to keep doing it, and to pay quite a bit of money to learn how to do it better.

And at this point I’m dropping the fairy tale thing. Tired.

Anyway, went to college for creative writing. Figured out not only do I kinda love poetry, I’m actually quite good at it. Got some of mine published internationally, even. Turns out writing short stories makes my brain hurt but I want to do it more than I want to write the poems. College included some Trauma, some of which I wrote about, some of which I can’t write about still (hello burn injuries) and then I wrote a book. 61k words in one year for a single project - a first for me. And a fucking fantastic way to burn myself out. Like, I do think I actually hurt myself doing that. (Perfectionism and anxiety combined to form procrastination and I’m a slow writer as-is.) Very proud of the project. Still have not read it all the way through (that’s a summer project, actually) because reading my own work is some of the most terrifying shit I have to do and I actively avoid it.

Got a job doing writing and editing things professionally. Then a pandemic happened. And somehow that allowed me to write and publish my first ever bit of erotica. Which continues to be my most popular piece of writing.

I don’t write nearly as much as I used to these days - a combo of that burnout and just not having the time/energy anymore (also that perfectionism that I have been getting slowly better about) - and I’m trying to be kind to myself about it. Writing feels a lot like pulling teeth for me - but the end product makes it worth it. And I don’t think I could ever stop writing. I love stories too much. But I’m at a place where if I want to be able to keep doing it, I can’t push myself the way I once did. And while that is frustrating, it does mean that when i can get my writer brain to turn on, it’s a lot easier to get stuff down. If only because I’ve spent four months working out the details of a scene in my head before writing out a single word.

[somuchcolour]

WIP fic rec list

So I have a shit ton of important things to do so I was like, so what better time to make a WIP rec list of fics that are currently (hopefully) updating.

I know wips get a bad rap but I personally enjoy feeling like I’m in 1830s paris waiting for the next chapter of illusions perdues to drop. Also these authors are giving us sweet sweet entertainment and they deserve the hype. All stories deserve love no matter their completion status.

In no particular order:

A Brief History of Sex by Letzi

Never let it be said that Castiel Novak is not a passionate man. He doesn’t seem like he is at first glance, he’s willing to admit that. But what he does in life, everything that he does, in fact, in life, has been in the pursuit of passion.

He’s not sure how it landed him night after night sitting inside a cramped closet in a brothel’s bedroom, watching a prostitute get fucked from behind by one of her clients through a peephole, but that’s where he finds himself these days.

He has to make do with what he has.

--

ABO AU based on the TV Show Masters of Sex and the life and work of Virginia Johnson and William Masters, the pioneers of sex therapy.

A Priori by K_K_TiBal, whelvenwings   

Dean Winchester and Castiel Novak are headed to Hogwarts.

Castiel, as a member of the old Novak wizarding family, is fully expected to be sorted into Ravenclaw, like all of his ancestors before him. Dean, as a Muggle-born, has no idea what the Houses even are. With a surprise sorting and classes starting soon afterwards, they're both pitched headfirst into the unknown - and they find themselves in competition with each other almost at once, both of them needing to prove themselves to the people they left at home, and the people with them at Hogwarts.

Over the course of their seven years at Hogwarts, Dean and Cas learn what it means to prove yourself, what it takes to discover who you are, what it feels like to fall in love, and what it is they'll fight for - what matters most of all.

And Death Shall Have No Dominion by ForeverShippingJohnlock    

Castiel Novak is a zombie. Or rather, a "partially deceased syndrome sufferer." Treated and on medication, Castiel is deemed fit to return to living society. Whether society is ready to accept him or not is another matter entirely.

Dean Winchester is an active member of the Human Volunteer Force, a group determined to eliminate the undead. With his father as the leader of the HVF, Dean has spent years learning that PDS sufferers are scum, treated or not, and Dean wants nothing more than to make his dad proud.

Against all odds, the two boys form an unlikely friendship that makes Dean question everything he knows and believes, while Castiel thinks that maybe his second life isn't such a curse after all.

A story of love and loss, life and death, and everything in between.

Beyond Our Waking Eyes by abbythebollix    

Dean Winchester is troubled, Sam Winchester is growing up and Castiel Milton is too fucking hot for his own good.

Cupid's Fiery Shaft by ChasingRabbits               

When Gabriel Milton is forced into working on the school's annual Shakespeare play, he finds himself drawn to one person in particular--a techie named Sam Winchester.

While waiting on numerous universities to dictate the next major step in his life, Sam has been blowing off steam with his friend, lab partner, and (unknowingly) Gabriel's stepbrother, Castiel Novak.

Castiel Novak: a swimmer and one of the school's resident oddballs, who finds himself in a quandary upon meeting Sam's older brother, Dean.

Dean Winchester: gruff-voiced automechanic by day and culinary genius/MegaNerd by night, who might not be as heterosexual as he lets everybody believe.

If it sounds complicated, that's only because it is.

Now That's Comedy by CaptainMercy42     

Comedy. It's what Winchester's did. Winchester's, and about a million other dumb fucks with an iPhone and 140 character witticisms about their first world problems. It was not supposed to bug him when no-talent "wordsmiths" got highlighted in a bit on Ellen or Bob and Tom. But it did.

His dad, well he was great at it. It was dark comedy. It came from a dark place; the loss of a wife and the life of a morally bankrupt single dad, almost innocent in how thoroughly unprepared he was for fatherhood.  Substance abuse in itself provided jokes for days. The material actually outlasted his dear old dad. This surprised no one. What was surprising was Sam's decision to ditch college and do his own act, despite his lingering bitterness.

The first night Dean saw Sam perform was also the first night Dean saw Castiel perform.

Devil and the Deep Blue Sea by linoresearch   

The year is 1722 and across the oceans merchant ships are hounded by pirates. Killing and stealing their way to infamy, the Winchesters plague the trade-routes to the New World, leaving a trail of death and devastation across the Spanish Main. They are villains, and every ship that sails under the colours of the Royal Navy has been tasked with bringing them to justice; sentenced to hang by the neck until dead.

When the lookout of the navy frigate, the Lady Mary, calls ship-ahoy from the crow’s nest, first-mate Lieutenant Castiel Novak has no idea how his life is about to change. In a swash-buckling adventure across the high-seas, Castiel faces sea-monsters, ghost-ships, and much more, in the race to secure a valuable and dangerous prize. Thrown in among the pirates aboard the Black Impala, he also learns that Captain Dean Winchester can be hard to resist.

Number 1 Crush by Duckyboos                

Dean, Benny, Charlie, Garth, and Cas are old college buddies. In their thirties now, they meet up once a year to shed their adult responsibilities for a week. This year it's Garth's turn to choose where they go and he's still as obsessed with horror and weird shit as he was back in college. He ends up picking a supposedly deserted hotel in the friggin' mountains. The place is creepy as hell and as night falls, two things become increasingly apparent. One: the place isn’t as deserted as they first thought, and two: Dean’s college stalker is back from the dead.

Dial 'M' For Monster by Duckyboos    

By day, Dean Winchester bakes cupcakes. He owns his own bakery (Stairway to Leaven) and people come from all over state to try his delicious vegan red velvet. By night, he’s a fighter of supernatural evil.

Castiel Novak owns the small town's only motel (The Resting Place). He has a problem; he thinks rooms 6 & 11 are haunted.  It’s not like he can just look up a local ghost hunter in the phone book though, now is it?

Oh, he can? Sweet.

All The Other Places by Englandwouldfall                

As is usually the way with this crap, nothing is that simple. Part 4 of Beach House       

Shades of Mediocrity by Englandwouldfall               

Dean needs to rearrange his life all over again, regroup, restart and work out what the hell to do next.Castiel needs to learn where to channel his heart break, among other things.   Part 4 of Home            

The Taming of the Dudes by Englandwouldfall  

They've been doing this long enough and successfully enough that Dean kind of feels they shouldn't be arguing over something as serious as the mortgage. Part 5 of As you like it       

Two and a Half Sheets to the Wind by Englandwouldfall        

The whole point of working on a cruise ship was to escape everything, so the last thing he needs is to run into a guy who makes him a little too honest on the first day of a month long stint around Europe.

With Interest by everandanon     

In which sought-after bad boy Castiel Novak agrees to make awkward, nerdy sophomore Dean Winchester fall in love with him for a bet, and quickly finds himself in over his head — but by the time he realizes his mistake, it’s too little, too late . . .

Fast-forward 11 years, and as guilty as Cas still feels, he has bigger problems to deal with. Grieving his twin brother and struggling to provide the care his niece deserves, Cas finally sucks it up and moves back home in an effort to hold things together.

Of course, it's only a matter of time before he runs into Dean - Dean, who's all grown up and even more beautiful than Cas always suspected he'd be. Dean, who says he wants to be friends, and is clearly much better at a game Cas hasn't played since he broke Dean's heart.

Dean, who might not be the forgive-and-forget type, after all . . .

Quarantension by everandanon  

In which Dean and Cas weather quarantine together like any Good Friends would — by developing outstanding skills in self-deception and providing all the casual affection and strictly platonic* orgasms the other could possibly need to make it through.** *Really not platonic **Spoiler: They need a lot.

Fortress by imogenbynight         

Five years ago, a malignant mass removed from John Winchester's temporal lobe left behind a quietly ticking bomb that nobody noticed until it decimated everything. Five years ago, John dragged Dean away from everything he'd ever known, hellbent on rescuing him from an imagined threat that felt more real to him than the blood on his hands. Five years ago, Castiel let Dean's hand slip through his fingers as he rescued Sam from what he'd thought was a more immediate threat.

For five years, Castiel has wondered if there was some way he could have saved Dean, too.

Now, with a phone call that he'd all but given up hoping for, Castiel has a chance to try again.

It's Kind of a Funny Story by deathsteel    

After an aborted suicide attempt lands Castiel Shurley in the hospital, he meets Dean Winchester, a charming damaged young man who is much more than first meets the eye.  Not being able to deal with the stress of growing up may have gotten him here and being hopelessly in love with his best friend's girlfriend probably didn't help, but Castiel soon learns that sometimes it takes  going a little crazy to find the path you were always meant to be on.

Loosely based on the movie/book by Ned Vizzini 'It's Kind of a Funny Story'.

Just A Schoolboy Crush by Zombiecat    

Castiel has a cliche crush on the highschool football all-star, Michael Ashton. Even though he's fully aware he's doomed to longing looks and pining in silence, it wouldn't be so bad if his best friend, Charlie, hadn't told Dean. Dean Winchester never seemed to miss a chance to get under his skin but for some reason he starts acting odd when he hears about Castiel's big secret.

God, Make Small by komodobits               

The last plane into McMurdo before the six-month winter brings a new face, an astronomer on transfer from one of the inland observatories. Truthfully, Dean doesn't know shit about neutrino particles; he's just the guy who gets paid to move the equipment from A to B and tries to keep it from getting broken and/or frozen solid. Castiel Novak's awkward, endearing smile is an additional bonus. However, the relentless blue night is brewing coldly for a storm, and it's starting to look like Dean and Castiel might be the only ones left out on the ice.\

Legacies by vanishingact    

Castiel Milton's uneventful life as a Massachusetts lawyer gets a little strange in the fall of 1887 when he is assigned to handle the late Henry Winchester's estate and his client's distractingly handsome grandson arrives to take up residence in the old manor house. As an unlikely friendship (with a side of pining) develops, the house slowly coughs up its secrets and reveals a whole world of trouble that Dean never knew his grandfather kept hidden.

The Game of God by seperis           

You can't win a war for humanity by sacrificing all of your own. Part 4 of Down to Agincourt        

Sequins and Spirals by euphemology  

Dean Winchester is a world-renowned figure skater who hails from the “good old U.S. of A.” He is well on his way to the 2014 Winter Olympics, but there’s one small problem: so is his arch-rival, Polish skater Castiel Novak. Competition is definitely not going to be easy, but it gets even harder when the two men get assigned to the same room in the Olympic Village.

Show Me How To Love by universalromance    

A new family of kids at Lawrence High School brings a new perspective to Dean's life, especially when he becomes inexplicably drawn to the youngest of the siblings, a severely autistic boy who has never spoken or touched anybody in his entire life. Rating will possibly go up later. Possibly upsetting psychological subject matter.

The Process by Soupernabturel           

“Dean, hands to yourself please.”

The man in question straightens up in his chair, turns his flirty smile from the man two seats from him and onto officer Novak. “Sorry, Cas.”

“Cas?” Hannah asks.

“We get some regulars. They come to know a few of the officers, the patrol officers, especially.” Novak explains, the look on his face, almost slightly bored, slips a little. “As you know, I’m usually the one monitoring the Strip.”

 Police!Officer Cas is being filmed at work (A-la: Jail Las Vegas) for a reality TV show. Meanwhile Dean is a sex worker, not only familiar with the Strip’s booking process, but with a certain blue-eyed officer.

Start With a Name by cumberbellins, frickenapplepie (cumberbellins)    

Waking up in a stranger's living room with a blue eyed man staring down at you isn't the most pleasant experience ever. Dean Winchester can tell you that. Another thing Dean Winchester can tell you is that whenever you have to break into your brother's apartment, you should make sure that you got the right window.

starving in your gravity by alullabytoleaveby   

Dean has enough on his plate. Really.

There's his job as a paramedic for the local hospital and, while he loves it, loves getting to help people, the hours are long and the pay leaves much to be desired. There's his definitely-not-a-relationship with Castiel, the hot ER doctor, where's he's completely out of his depth emotionally. And then there's his brother, who's just dropped out of law school and has no idea what he's going to do now.

So what he definitely does not need is his alcoholic deadbeat dad stumbling back into his life.

Make Damn Sure by SurlyCat      

Dean Winchester is not thrilled about taking an office job at one the most powerful media corporations in the country. His work has always been hands on, but when Charlie tells him about the job opening and its comfortable salary, the temptation is just too great to turn down. And really, it wouldn't be too bad if it weren't for the blue-eyed man that also works there.

Castiel Novak and Dean Winchester have crossed paths far too often over the last 12 years, with an unsavory outcome nearly every time. This time though, walking away is just not an option as they're forced to collaborate on a project and learn to navigate each other like civilized human beings. For Dean and Cas though, nothing ever goes quite according to plan.

...In Bed by SurlyCat                

Dean Winchester and Castiel Milton met on a rainy summer day over a broken down car. Even though Castiel is nosy and seems to have no filter, Dean still finds himself drawn to the man. Over time they become friends, and over time, Dean falls for Cas, certain that Cas is uninterested. What Dean doesn't know is that his friend hasn't always been quite so tame, and Cas is careful to keep it that way. Who would've thought that a fortune cookie and a childish game would be responsible for bringing out the truth?

Tag, You're It! by Kitmistry   

Five months after the case that almost claimed their lives, what started as blowing off some steam during a high-pressure situation and continued as a mutually-beneficial arrangement is getting out of Special Agent Castiel Novak’s control. Falling in love with his partner is doomed to end in disaster, especially when said partner is Special Agent Dean Winchester—cocky, infuriating, and the biggest playboy Castiel has ever met.

Still on medical leave, Dean is bored out of his mind, and worst of all - once Castiel gets sucked into the investigation of a new case - without enough distractions from his inner demons. When he stumbles upon a small, seemingly risk-free case, Dean jumps at the chance to get involved, but the lies he has to tell could be catastrophic for the already shaky foundations of his relationship with Castiel.

With a new threat trying to take over the underworld of DC, Castiel and Dean have to find a way to work past their problems or risk losing each other forever.

Part 2 of The H Files       

The Supernatural Edification of Dean Winchester by OverlordoftheBees   

Based on TV Series “Afterlife”. Professor Castiel Novak (MA Berkeley, PhD Harvard) is an academic who has staked his credibility upon his ability to decompress and deconstruct the mythology surrounding mediums, clairvoyants and all things "new age spiritualist". That is, until a routine trip with a graduate class brings him into contact with medium Dean Winchester: uniquely gifted, supremely abrasive and desperate for a way out. When Dean touches on the tragedy marring Castiel’s past, his neatly constructed worldview is decimated. There is only a veil between life and death, as both well know. And as Castiel finds himself increasingly drawn to Dean, the fragility of that barrier is strained to its limit.

These Are the Nights by vintagenoise         

After a sudden tragedy, Castiel Milton and Dean Winchester reflect back on their youth in the beachside town of Sileas, Oregon, and all the lessons they learned on the path that led them to each other.In the Winter of 2008, Castiel visits his boyfriend, Dean, for Christmas. Despite all the big issues he and Dean have dealt with in the past, they've never had the chance to sort through the little things. Castiel is sure that their plans, from embarking on a road trip together, to spending time with the Winchesters, can only be good for their relationship. There's just one little problem that needs to finally be confronted: sex, and Castiel's difficulty with it.In the Summer of 2009, Dean and Sam visit their estranged father and his new family, who reluctantly allow Castiel to visit through Independence Day. All Dean wants is for his family and his boyfriend to get along, but between John's struggle to accept his son's sexuality, and his wife Kate's strange attitude towards Castiel, he's not sure he'll be able to make it work. Part 7 of Young Volcanoes                

[tabloidtoc]

National Enquirer, November 9

You can buy a copy of this issue for your very own at my eBay store: https://www.ebay.com/str/bradentonbooks

Cover: Duchess Kate sets the record straight on Prince Harry and Meghan Markle 

Page 2: Ben Affleck is wasting away and friends fear he’s taking his new health regimen too far as the six-foot-four star usually weighs 208 pounds but has shriveled to a spindly 165 -- a nutritionist put him on a sensible meal plan but he’s altered it with his own fantastical ideas such as he won’t go near bread and he’s ditched pasta and he’ll eat cantaloupe and blueberries one day and nuts and seeds the next and he’ll only drink boiled water and green tea for 24 hours then break his fast with a small bowl of quinoa -- instead of pumping iron he does exercises using his own body weight like ten-minute planks -- Ben thinks he looks great but his pals fear he’s traded one addiction for another

Page 3: Love-hungry Katie Holmes is thrilled to have a new man in her life but she’s breaking the bank to keep him happy because Katie is picking up the tab wherever she goes with Emilio Vitolo Jr. because it helps her feel she’s in full control of the relationship but Emilio may be taking advantage of Katie’s generosity because Katie has been showering him with designer clothes and jewelry and even paying for a personal trainer to whip him into shape -- Katie enjoys giving her guy things he can appreciate because he’s made her so happy but she may go broke doing it and it’s not like he doesn’t have any money; he’s worth a cool $1.5 million himself

Page 4: CNN rocked by sex scandal -- Jeffrey Toobin’s sleazy sex scandal has rocked CNN but it’s just the latest in a string of scandals at the network 

Page 5: Axed Fox News anchor Ed Henry fought back against his co-worker’s rape charges in a blockbuster lawsuit by handing the court explicit selfies and texts in an attempt to prove their tryst was consensual 

Page 6: Ryan Seacrest is downplaying his latest shocking absence from Live with Kelly and Ryan but the TV dynamo is battling a mystery illness that may force him to sign off for good -- the co-host who is a well known as a workaholic skipped out on the daytime show for the third time this year and used the coronavirus pandemic as his excuse -- Ryan was suffering badly from flu-like symptoms on the weekend before his absences but came back negative for coronavirus however doctors remain baffled by Ryan’s ongoing battles with exhaustion and weight loss and stroke-like symptoms, disgraced perv Bill Cosby’s latest mug shot shows he’s a shriveled shadow of his former self and the fallen funnyman flashed a maniacal grin while refusing to look into the camera in the picture snapped behind bars in September and he’s unshaven and his hair is ratty

Page 7: Lizzo has embarked on a radical vegan diet and extreme exercise program to save her life -- doctor warned the 350-pound singer that her daily intake of 5000 calories a day was a dangerous path to self-destruction and she needed to change her life or lose it and Lizzo finally got the message and is committed to this program but it’s been a living hell for her 

Page 8: After surviving a fiery crash at the Daytona 500 NASCAR hero Ryan Newman is locked in an ugly $50 million divorce showdown with his estranged wife -- Ryan and Kristina Newman split in 2019 after she was caught having an affair with another man and paying her love $450,000 and now Ryan’s lawyers are trying to freeze Kristina who was once referred to as the First Lady of NASCAR out of his fortune -- court papers reveal the two split in July 2019 when Kristina went to live with her boyfriend U.S. Army Captain Joe Schwankhaus who is the Chief Operations Officer of Kristina’s company VRX USA 

Page 9: Ellen DeGeneres debuted a high-flying pompadour hairstyle on her new talk show but the makeover still doesn’t get to the root of her recent problems and although her hair may be rising her show’s ratings are falling 

Page 10: Hot Shots -- pregnant Kelly Rowland, Andy Cohen took his son Benjamin for a stroll in NYC, Will Smith held court in L.A. while shooting King Richard a biopic about the dad of tennis greats Venus Williams and Serena Williams, Angela Bassett caught a drive-in screening of One Night in Miami in L.A. 

Page 11: Grieving Lisa Marie Presley has broken her silence over the suicide of her beloved only son Benjamin Keough saying her heart and soul went with him sharing her heartbreak on what would have been Ben’s 28th birthday and she added she’s dedicating herself to raising Ben’s twin half-sisters and actress sister Riley Keough, Chaka Khan refuses to duo with Ariana Grande again saying she’s not gonna do a song with no heifer -- Chaka and Ariana worked together in 2019 for the Charlie’s Angels soundtrack

Page 12: Straight Shuter -- DWTS pro Emma Slater kept a handle on her coffee while steering her e-bike (picture), it pays to be Brad Pitt’s girlfriend as his new squeeze Nicole Poturalski has doubled her modeling fees, dancing siblings Derek Hough and Julianne Hough are out of step over her sloppy personal life and his hot new judging career because these two were supposed to be the next Donny and Marie Osmond but his solo career is exploding while hers is falling apart, Madonna has always been a big believer in astrology but now she won’t even meet with people if it’s not written in the stars and she’s spending a fortune to have an army of people read her charts 

Page 13: Losing his beloved son to cancer has sparked new fears for fragile Robert Redford because Robert has struggled with his own health over the years and losing his son to bile-duct cancer is extremely worrying; he’s already frail and this has friends fearing the worst, Jeff Bridges is confident he’ll win his battle with lymphoma by coupling medical care with a strict vegan diet and chanting and spiritual healing techniques

Page 14: Convicted wife killer Scott Peterson may soon walk out of prison and grisly photos lawyers say could set him free -- following years of appeals California’s Supreme Court overturned Scott’s death penalty and now another appeal is forcing a lower court to reexamine his conviction for murdering seven months pregnant wife Laci Peterson and their unborn son Conner -- if Scott gets a retrial his legal team will be allowed to introduce new evidence including crime scene pictures that Scott’s former defense attorney said suggests Laci’s disappearance was an abduction by a satanic cult 

Page 15: Former child star Zachery Ty Bryan of Home Improvement was jailed overnight and released on $8500 bail following his bust for a fight with a galpal at an apartment complex in Eugene in Oregon -- the drama comes on the heels of Zachery’s split from wife Carly Matros the mom of his four kids

Page 16: Ryan Reynolds can’t wait to film a new rom-com with close pal Sandra Bullock but it’s causing tension with wife Blake Lively even though Blake trusts Ryan and would never forbid him from taking this part but the idea of him getting cozy with Sandra again still makes her uneasy -- now Ryan and Sandra are signed up to do The Lost City of D and despite Sandra’s denials they ever had a romance Ryan is gushing about them getting back together 

Page 17: Isolated and overlooked Today show host Hoda Kotb is being bullied off the morning show because of tepid ratings and the absence of former sidekick Kathie Lee Gifford and Mean Girls treatment by co-hosts Savannah Guthrie and Jenna Bush Hager have pushed the disillusioned anchor closer to the door -- Hoda recently filled out paperwork to adopt a third child and she’s clearly putting more emphasis on family than her career and it sends the signal she isn’t happy with her role and is not thinking of Today as her top priority, trainwreck Matthew Perry is holed up in his new Pacific Palisades beach pad  pounding out an explosive tell-all and his former Friends are quaking about what secrets he may reveal -- Matthew wants to rush the book out while interest in the Friends reunion special which was postponed by the COVID-19 pandemic remains high -- he knows an uncensored account of his time on Friends and his drug issues would be a bestseller and he intends to blow the lid off his on-set romances and address rumors he and Jennifer Aniston were more than friends 

Page 18: American Life -- her tall tale: I have the longest legs in the world 

Page 19: Jessica Simpson has been flaunting her body after dumping a shocking 100 pounds but buddies worry the drastic drop in size isn’t natural and suspect she’s been taking diet pills again and they’re worried this could escalate into a big issue

Page 20: Devastated Reese Witherspoon was hit with a depressing double whammy -- the death of her dog Pepper from cancer and the delay of her long-awaited sequel Legally Blonde 3, Hollywood Hookups -- John Cena and Shay Shariatzadeh wed, Ashley Hebert and J.P. Rosenbaum split, Cardi B and Offset on again

Page 21: Bruce Willis is back in another Die Hard but this time it’s a commercial for Advance Auto Parts and Die Hard batteries and it’s a clear statement on the state of his career that Bruce has to revisit his amazing past to make a fast buck in the present, Giada De Laurentiis has been given the green light to get married by her 12-year-old daughter Jade -- Giada has dated TV producer Shane Farley for five years and he’s been living with mother and daughter for five months during the pandemic lockdown which gave Jade a firsthand look at what it would be like to have a new daddy and Shane’s passed the test with flying colors 

Page 22: Cover Story -- Prince William’s heartsick wife Kate Middleton is breaking her silence about the royal family’s tumultuous bitter break with Prince Harry and Meghan Markle to set the record straight and save Britain’s monarchy and she’s tired of all the rumors and lies and backbiting and after all the drama and negativity she wants to get the truth out there and end this unprecedented crisis that’s endangering the monarchy’s survival -- friends are trying to convince Kate to do an official sit-down TV interview about what really happened between once-inseparable William and Harry and how Harry and Meghan tore the family apart even before they moved to America but Kate is resisting because she fears that could backfire like Princess Diana’s TV tell-all about her marriage to Prince Charles 25 years ago -- Kate had to turn the other cheek often after Meghan joined the family and she offered to help Meghan adjust to royal life from the start but Meghan rebuffed her and Kate in tired of Meghan painting her as the bad guy especially when it was Meghan’s antics that tore the family apart -- Kate also is upset that Harry and Meghan are portraying themselves as victims of a world that’s against them while she and William take on a phenomenal workload to cover the responsibilities the Sussexes left and losing precious time with their own three children and it’s hard not to be bitter but Kate is trying to take the high road and forgive Meghan and move forward

Page 26: With their marriage hanging by a thread Tori Spelling fears Dean McDermott will cheat on her again while filming a new TV show in Canada for six months; Tori wanted to bring their 5 children to Canada with him but Dean put her off saying it would be too distracting -- she’s been a jittery mess and he can’t stand to look at her and he only took this job because they need the money, Melanie Griffith is frustrated with Chris Martin and wants him to put a ring on her daughter Dakota Johnson’s finger -- the couple have been dating since 2017 and Melanie’s fed up with waiting for Chris to pop the question -- Melanie began to lose her patience after the couple reunited following a split last June when Chris won Dakota back with promises to settle down 

Page 28: COVID Vaccines: What you need to know

Page 32: Miley Cyrus claimed she once spotted a spaceship over Hollywood and even locked eyes with an alien but she also admits she’d bought weed wax from a guy in a van in front of a taco shop, whiny Kris Jenner is blaming social media for killing off Keeping Up with the Kardashians after it helped the reality TV clan make a mint

Page 34: Ozzy Osbourne is terrified a doll has cursed him -- Ozzy told son Jack Osbourne on their Osbournes Want to Believe show that Robert the doll was responsible for his recent bad luck and failing health, Tom Cruise and his Mission: Impossible 7 team caused chaos at an Italian hospital by filming there during the COVID-19 pandemic -- Tom and his crew including 100 security staffers plus trucks and other equipment descended on the Policlinico Umberto I in Rome for a week and legions of fans also flocked to the filming creating even more commotion in the streets outside the hospital and adding to the bedlam the production commandeered an elevator drawing criticism as hospital staff were treating 140 coronavirus patients with 12 in intensive care -- filming was done in an administrative section of the hospital but still sparked an official protest as well as complaints from trade union members

Page 36: Health Watch 

Page 38: Superhero screen pals of Chris Pratt rushed to rescue the actor’s reputation after he was mercilessly dragged into a silly social media meme when a Twitter user posted pictures of Chris Pratt and Chris Pine and Chris Hemsworth and Chris Evans captioned with the instruction one has to go but a flood of responses slammed Pratt as the worst Chris causing his Marvel co-stars to prop him up such as Zoe Saldana and Robert Downey Jr. and Mark Ruffalo and Jeremy Renner and Guardians of the Galaxy director James Gunn and Chris Pratt’s wife Katherine Schwarzenegger also bashed the social media bullies, Matthew McConaughey kept saying alright alright alright to making romantic comedies until the day he was so fed up he turned down $14.5 million to do another one -- Matthew revealed in his memoir that he didn’t mind making a string of mindless rom-coms because their paychecks rented the houses on the beach he ran shirtless on but he eventually wanted to try something else so he turned down a big payday so he could get more serious 

Page 42: Red Carpet -- Drew Barrymore 

Page 47: Odd List

[lampmeeting]

what are your headcanons for magnus's backstory? i really enjoy picking apart underdeveloped villains to see what makes them tick and building up backstory that Explains why they do the shit they do and... you seem to also have many thoughts about magnus

ohhh!! yes i have thoughts! :D i still haven’t delved super in-depth into his past but here’s some VERY LONG messy, rambly stuff that’s like partially ideas i’ve had already and partially things i’m pulling right out of my ass (seriously this is long i’m sorry haha)

first big thing is that his dad was a really loving, warm person. just a big tall friendly dude, kind of a free spirit, also a veteran (fought in korea maybe? i think that timing would work out if magnus was born in the early 60s). he died in a motorcycle accident when magnus was like 9 or 10. maybe magnus was on the bike with him but survived, not sure how sad i wanna go here. his mom, who had always struggled with depression, fell into a really dark period and magnus tried to be there for her but he was just a grieving little kid. :( 

he has an older half-sister from his dad’s first marriage, and she was about 17 when he died and then left the family because she couldn’t deal with it (i don’t think magnus really reconnects with her in any significant way until after dethklok kicks him out).

i’m lifting this straight from marc maron but he’s jewish since his mother was jewish. his mom wasn’t religious though (at least when he was younger). about a year or so after his dad’s passing, though, his mom meets a man through her job and ultimately marries him. magnus’ step-dad is just...awful. very strict catholic. very controlling of his mom. the guy has magnus baptized shortly after the marriage. magnus goes through a really intense satanism phase in his teens as a way to rebel (this is also when he gets into metal - it’s the mid-70s so alice cooper and black sabbath are his faves). even as an adult magnus has a weird, complicated relationship with religion. he’d call himself an atheist but he has periods when he’s more of a misotheist and then other periods where he’s, like, afraid of god. it’s all very complicated.

after high school he decides to enlist in the army just like his dad did. he has no fucking idea what to do with himself so he thinks if it worked for his dad, it’ll work for him. wrong haha, he hates it. he picked up smoking and drinking in his teens, but the army amps those vices up to 11 and he starts experimenting with drugs too, mostly acid. surprise surprise, he gets in trouble for buying shit off-base from an undercover cop, and he’s dishonorably discharged. :O

his step-dad doesn’t allow him to come live back home after that, and his mom just defers to him now, so magnus spends a while living out of his truck. it’s a bleak time. he’s in his early 20s. all he’s got is his car and his guitar and a few other possessions. starts busking. for him, it’s humiliating work. spends most of his money on cigarettes and alcohol. somehow he ends up gigging at a local dive bar and gets a job washing dishes in the back. over the next few years he’s in and out of various bands, but he never really saves enough money to get a place. it’s kind of his weird secret, that he’s still living in the truck. he has a few relationships with various people, some bandmates, some fans, one coworker. they only ever last a couple months or so until they get too close and magnus starts itching to be by himself again, even though he’s miserable alone. but that’s preferable to having someone in his space all the time, knowing his business.

it’s during this time, too, that he picks up his heroin habit from a bandmate (that’s why the band dissolved, they all got addicted) but he tells himself he’s got it under control (the mental gymnastics with this man...). eventually he decides he’s done with bands, he’s just gonna play solo since he’s obviously more talented than anyone he could possibly play with. makes a pretty good name for himself, plays some local events, has a few solo albums that do all right, but no mainstream attention or anything.

it’s pickles who reaches out to him when magnus is in his early 30s (it’s like 1994 or something). wants to know if he’s at all interested in going back to his metal roots because they just had to get rid of their previous lead guitarist due to heroin addiction. magnus admits he’s interested, comes to a practice session. the guys are all phenomenal, and magnus sees some serious dollar signs. dethklok starts getting huge pretty quickly after that. they ditch their older manager at magnus’ insistence that he’s holding them back, and pickles knows a guy and gets him on board (hello charlie!). they all buy into a huge apartment so they can live and practice in the same place. there’s talk of a recording contract. everything’s looking up, even if they’re all starting to bicker behind the scenes.

it’s around this time that magnus hears from his step-dad that his mother died. a month ago. it was a lovely funeral, but he didn’t want magnus there due to his history with drugs, didn’t want him to make a scene and “act crazy”. after that magnus begins to slip. his addiction and depression spiral. he’s blowing up at people left and right, feels out of control. the only thing he thinks he can control is the band, and his grip tightens hard. he butts heads with pickles quite a bit, who definitely suspects something bad is up with him. magnus fears there’s talk of getting rid of him, and his paranoia makes him try to assert even more control.

finally we reach That Night. we know what goes down. magnus finds himself kicked out with his gear, homeless again, face busted. he gets in his truck, shoots up, goes for a drive for a while, feels good. when he comes down, though, he’s furious and his face fucking hurts and he wants to fucking kill something. he drives back to the apartment, finding everyone either out or asleep. he makes a move for nathan’s bedroom door, intent on finishing the job, but he doesn’t. and then he just gets pissed off at himself, wrecks up the place, and drives away again. he keeps telling himself he should just drive off the road and end it, but he doesn’t, and when he crosses state lines into new mexico he realizes he’s been driving to his half-sister’s house this whole time. they’d talked occasionally over the years but not much, but the moment he knocks on her door she takes him in with no questions asked. he doesn’t want any doctors so she just tends to his face as best she can, and when he starts to detox she looks after him. his sister makes her living as a reiki healer and is super into crystals and meditation and stuff, so while he’s living with her she tries to help him get his energies all aligned and whatnot hahaha... she’s also a recovered addict so no alcohol or drugs in the house. it’s a really weird time for magnus, but it’s good too. he probably ends up living with her for a few years, just keeping a low profile, playing guitar, trying to heal from shit.

dethklok gets huge very, very quickly. he tries not to pay attention but soon enough he’s seeing billboards for their album and tour, interviews on TV, magazine covers. a documentary comes out on MTV about the history of the band, and there’s a whole section about magnus with photos of him and people talking about how angry and controlling he was. they interview the band, people he played with in the past, old flames. his sister says she was approached for it, but she declined to comment. magnus is distraught, and almost overnight every time he goes into town for anything someone recognizes him and gives him shit (or worse, recognizes him and wants him to tell them all about dethklok). he gets things thrown at him, gets his tires slashed, gets approached for sex but only because of his connection to the band. dethklok fans at this point are getting even more zealous.

he has a really bad night and considers just shaving his head and beard so he won’t be recognized, but he can’t bring himself to do it. he starts drinking again, hiding it from his sister, and eventually just leaves in the middle of the night without a word. calls her in the morning when he reaches a stopping place, apologizes, confesses he’s off the wagon. she wires him some money, a pretty significant amount, and tells him to get an apartment and take care of himself. magnus, surprisingly, does just that. he feels it’s the least he can do to repay her kindness.

he still drinks, but i don’t think he gets back into drugs until he starts doing the rock camp thing years later. being around those old washed-up musicians and being “ex-dethklok guitarist magnus hammersmith” makes him feel like shit, even if the money is good, and most of these dudes are still using. heroin’s not chic anymore, though, it’s all about pills.

the assassin knows exactly what he’s doing when he shows himself to magnus on the anniversary of his mother’s death. offers him a chance to take his life back, to help change the world, to make sure dethklok gets what’s coming to them once and for all. magnus had all but given up hope on ever escaping from their shadow, but this...the assassin makes some sense, so in the middle of the night he agrees, and in the morning he finds an address scrawled on the wall in blood. and the rest is history i suppose. :’)

[noccalula-writes]

What are your favorite games and franchises? Top 5?

OH BOY have I got feelings on this subject. 

Please keep in mind - I’m a storyteller and a writer. I fucking /love/ a good story. I DM a DnD game and my biggest weakness is that I don’t often include enough combat because I am so much more interested in telling a story. So for me, there’s got to be an emotional investment for a game to really land. I also hyperfixate like a motherfucker so I often refuse to pick up new things purely because there’s not enough space in my head for them at the time, so I’m slow getting to things as they come out. 

So, I’m first and foremost a survival horror bitch. I cut my teeth on Parasite Eve before I played any others - my mother scrimped and saved and fought her way through Wal-mart back in like 1998 to get me the original Playstation gaming console and Tekken 2 (which was my first PS game, I played it in an arcade near her barber shop as a child - Tomb Raider 2 was my second). The old Playstation discs at that time came with demos for different games, including Metal Gear Solid, which I replayed until I could have done it in my sleep because poverty meant I wasn’t likely to get another game anytime soon. I mention this because the Parasite Eve trailer used to give me nightmares but I was super, super hooked. 

I am a huge Silent Hill fan. Huge. That is a tragedy I could write a whole ‘nother post about, because as excited as I am to finally get my hands on Death Stranding (again, poverty, so it’ll be another minute before we can get a PS4), we’ll never get another SH game again unless some major reconciliation happens with Kojima and Konami, which is unlikely (and also hard to hope for - I’m happy Kojima now has the creative freedom to go as balls to the wall as he wants). 

I am an equally huge Resident Evil fan. I’ve always maintained that my first fandom was The X Files, but my wife pointed out a few nights ago that my RE love started around the same time in the late 90′s, so now it’s a chicken and egg kind of thing. Point being, it’s either The or One Of my longest lasting fandoms/interests. RE and Silent Hill get compared to one another a lot - RE7 did nothing to help that - but they really are apples and oranges to me. Fruit, sure, but two totally different tones and experiences. 

I’ve been a huge Tomb Raider fan for forever - my first high school boyfriend was loaded and bought me Angel of Darkness to come play at his house and while it was def critically panned, I do recall enjoying it - so that’s been fun to get those games remade with updated graphics. I’ve only played the one but the others are def on The List. 

So now that I’ve talked for an hour, my Top 5 fave games ever - 

#1 - Resident Evil 3 I am beyond jazzed for this remake, and a lot of people in the 90′s complained about RE3′s lack of clear cut boss battles, but I don’t know what they’re talking about. The entire fucking game is a boss battle - Jill vs. Raccoon City, and of course, Nemesis, who used to give my mother nightmares and caused me to sleep with a leaf-stabber by my bed for years. Jill is far and away my favorite protagonist in RE; she’s got a resilience of the spirit that somehow isn’t conflated with naivety, which is uncommon in ‘nice’ female protags. She’s savvy but she’s still kind, and she’s committed as fuck to survival - not to mention, as zealotous a Chris and Jill shipper as I am, she and Carlos had hella chemistry and I’m excited to see where that goes (JD Pardo would have made a fuck of a Carlos Oliviera, btw). It was An Experience and it’s forever at my #1. 

#2 - The Last of Us 

There is no comparison for emotional weight in video games, as far as I’m concerned. SPOILERS if you don’t already know the ending (this game came out in what, 2014?) but to me one of the biggest thing in the game’s favor is that the protagonist made the wrong choice. He had an option to potentially eradicate the cordyceps fungus and maybe save the world, turn the tides back for humanity, and with the weight of the world in the balance, he chose to save Ellie instead. It was, on a global scale, the wrong choice - but it was the human choice. It was the thing that a dad who never properly grieved his dead daughter would do for the surrogate daughter he inherited by accident. As for Ellie, there is no other character quite like her in games, and she’s fucking quality LGBT representation, especially considering how little we see queer children in media. I still cry every time, we play this game twice a year like clockwork and every single time, I still cry. 

#3 - Silent Hill 3 

All of SH’s games will have a special place in my heart - and if you wanna talk shit about Downpour, I’ll meet you in the Denny’s parking lot at 11, you better square the fuck up because I will defend Murphy with fists - but 3 is the best, hands down. I felt like it did the best job of streamlining the series’ ... uhm... somewhat complicated lore into something more understandable. SPOILERS: The villains are horrific - the Missionaries strike fear into my heart every time I play, and Claudia eating a miscarried god fetus to become god herself? Fucked up on a level you rarely see. I suppose if you didn’t catch it in the last sentence - your protag Heather vomits up a fetal god late in the game. Yes, you read that right. The best thing about this game though? Heather. I could climb up my feminist soapbox and talk about Heather as a subversion to video game tropes all fucking day - she’s a nonsexualized teenage girl whose father is killed for her character development. She’s self-sufficient, tough but still vulnerable, and hard as nails in a fight. As I might have mentioned a time or six, she also voluntarily aborts a god because Fuck Your Plans, She’s Got Her Own. 

#4 - Final Fantasy X 

Listen. I don’t know how much of this is because of actually enjoying playing the game and how much of it is emotional attachment. As most of you who follow me know, my mother died when I was sixteen. When I was about fourteen, I dated a rich kid who used to bring his PS2 to our very not-rich house and play games for us to watch - the sort of neophyte version of Watching Guys Play Videogames, if you will, which is another rant for another time. He got a Gamecube specifically so I could play RE Zero and Hunter The Reckoning. He was a neckbeard but he was also desperate to keep me from ditching so he did the smart thing and plied my very poor ass with money and food. The #1 game in the watching roster, though, was FFX - and if you know anything about the game, you know how heavily spirituality features into the story. My mother, very caught up in a very Eastern Philosphy Meets Quantum Physics internal seeking about the nature of things, was hooked from the word Go. She used to sit and watch Trey play for hours - we all did, but having her join us and love it that much? Wonderful. Half my memories of this game are both of us crying - crying when Yuna dances to send the souls, crying when Yuna reveals she’s on a suicide mission, crying when she and Tidus fall in love anyway, crying when she sends her Aeons to die in the final fight, crying over ‘the fayts are waking up’, crying when the big reveal about Auron comes up, crying crying crying. My wife bought it in 2011 and I watched her play through it again and while it suffers from the same issue as all FF games - too much filler and weird battle scenarios - it was cathartic. I miss my mom. 

#5 - Resident Evil 6 

Eat my entire ass. You already knew this was coming. I will defend this game to my grave for the fact that we have complex, interesting narratives surrounding female characters who have actual personalities. Was it perfect? No. Did it take RE out of horror territory and move it more into action? Woefully, yes. Is this series deeply problematic for where it chooses to set down your mostly-white protags and have them kill their way through? Big time. Don’t gloss those facts. But it’s got emotional punch in spades and a few weird character breaks that ended up being kind of brilliant - Chris has been so resiliently relentless in his fight against bioterrorism that a major PTSD break was inevitable. Leon would of course risk life and limb to help Helena, even though she implicated herself in something terrible. The icing on the cake to me was a grown up Sherry Birkin, wide eyed and believing like hell in the fight she thought she was on the right side of and getting knocked down only to get back up. Ada’s entire side campaign was brilliant. I hate some of the control choices they made in this game - the running from the Haos scenes near the end of Chris and Piers’ campaign makes me want to eat my own fist - but so it goes with most RE games (until RE4, moving your protag was like driving a tank). Jake and Sherry are My Unsinkable Ship. There are at least six scenes across this game that never get easier to watch - when the bomb hits the city and the cut scene of the mass infections begin, I still get sick to my stomach - and that, to me, is the mark that this game struck a hell of a chord in terms of storytelling. 

This was long. 

[foxofthedesert]

Arrow FF | Dinah x Laurel | A Christmas Miracle

Part 2 – The Approach (click to read on AO3)

After wiping a bead of sweat from her forehead for the third time in as many minutes, Laurel unties the bandanna keeping her hair back, folds it up, then uses it to dry off her face.  She takes a deep breath to collect her composure having just served a particularly ungrateful misanthrope.  It’s hot as hell in the kitchen and now she is irritated beyond belief, so to curtail an early exit stage left requires internally reciting the reason she is here at all.  A promise is a promise, after all.

Two weeks ago she was driving through the Triangle on her way home for a change of scenery when she passed one of Star City’s many homeless shelters.  Only it wasn’t just any homeless shelter to her but a thorny reminder of a bygone era in her life she rarely reminisces about.  Unable to curtail the onrush of memories, she maneuvered her car into the lot on autopilot, got out, and was through the front doors before she realized what she was doing.  By the time she regained any sense of control, she had been spotted by a staff member, a tiny black lady whose stature belied an enormous character, and could not beat a hasty retreat without making herself look like a damned fool.  So she stuck around a while to chat with the nice lady, Brenda, whom she assumed was in charge of intake but turned out to be the director of the shelter.  Big mistake.  Within five minutes Brenda had unraveled the phony story she hastily cooked up to explain her presence and had her confessing the real reason she was unable to resist visiting.  She kept her identity a secret, of course, but that did not prevent her from regurgitating some excruciating parts of her history and volunteering half an hour later to drop by every evening after work to help prepare the place for Christmas.

That first night, Laurel was nothing more than a frenetic ball of anxiety as she helped organize supplies and pick out which of the gaudy decorations were fit to put on display.  Being in the shelter brought back a lot of good memories, but it also unearthed a lot of bad ones.  It was nigh on impossible to avoid the ghosts of yesteryear lurking in every nook and cranny of a building that so resembled one she once temporarily called home.  She almost bolted for the door several times after getting spooked by a nasty neurological memento only for a resident to trundle by, toss her a friendly or gruff greeting, and in doing so remind her who she was doing this for and what it might mean to them.  Through sheer will and determination, she made it the whole night without saying or doing anything unforgivably stupid, which she counted as a major victory.  The satisfied smile present on her face as she exited the building around midnight was still there when she breezed into her relatively lavish apartment, only to fade upon realizing how fucking lucky she is to have so much when she deserves so little.  That night, curled up on her couch with a quarter-filled tumbler of whiskey and a heart laden with self-loathing, she made a promise to herself, and to one specific ghost of her past, that she would retroactively earn some of that good luck bestowed upon her by being selfless for once in her miserable life.

After that, going back to the shelter got much easier.  All the motivation she needed could be derived from one simple fact: if it weren’t for one woman’s compassion and a father’s love she would be dead twice over.  So she made good on her promise, by God, and strode into the shelter with her head held high, her back straight, and her hands ready to work.  By the third night, the staff all treated her as if she were one of them while the residents often regarded her with a gratitude that resonated down into her bones.  Ever since, she’s arrived exactly at 6:30 pm with a smile on her face and a spring in her step, ready to labor in the hope of making this Christmas the best yet for these unfortunate, downtrodden, and disregarded citizens of Star City.  Honestly, she’s enjoyed it so much she has promised to keep dropping by when she can to help out and has also already pledged to work both Thanksgiving and Christmas next year.  Being here, doing something magnanimous for people with little hope and poor prospects for the future during the season they need it most, has given her a renewed purpose outside of her day job; it has also inspired her to want better things for herself than the lonely, perfunctory existence she has occupied since assuming her deceased doppelganger’s identity.

If only Quentin could see me now.  I think he might actually be proud.  The thought creates equal measures of warmth and pain in Laurel’s heart.  

Except for her Ollie, her father – both of them – was the only person who ever unconditionally believed in her.  Her pregnant mother died in an auto accident when she was young and everyone else judged her for her many glaring flaws.  Herself included, since it was her fault her father was shot to death interrupting a robbery in progress while out late at a 7/11.  He’d been out late buying her a carton of ice cream after much extravagant pleading from a daughter that couldn’t see past the end of her own nose and whose only concern was that her craving for mint chocolate chip be immediately gratified.  She was a fifteen-going-on-sixteen year old Daddy’s girl and used that to her advantage to ply him into submission, fully aware that he was tired and probably shouldn’t have even been driving.  She has never forgiven herself for the role she played in that senseless tragedy.

Since then, Laurel has not held much concern for the opinions of others.  In the wake her father and Ollie dying within six months of one another, every single day for her was a fight for survival.  With no other family to speak of, she was sent to live in a state facility for a while, then bounced around foster families who had little patience for a rebellious teenager who was always angry at everything and everyone.  By the time she graduated high school at seventeen, which was more due to her intellectual capacity than her studious ethic, she was so done with the system and humanity in general.  Her GPA got her into college on a scholarship, but a year later she was living in the streets and fighting every chance she got.  Not long after that, he sunk his gnarly claws into her, and within a matter of weeks she was hooked on heroin and all but a slave to a deranged, depraved, maniacal druglord who systematically broke her in body, mind, and spirit.  When she got free of him and got clean, she proceeded to burn every last bridge on her home Earth in a wave of fantastic violence that crescendoed with the emergence of Black Siren.  With nothing left to live for at home, she jumped at the chance to start over on this Earth when Zoom invaded.

Unlike most of the people Laurel knows on her Earth, she does not blame the people here for hating her.  She has more than earned their ire, even expected it and welcomed it for the most part.  From Dinah especially, and strangely enough her hatred had hurt the most – far more than enduring Ollie’s hypocritical derision.  She has only recently discovered why, though the reason matters little when the chances of anything coming of it are about the same as Felicity managing to resist filling silence with inane babble for more than ten seconds.

The only real surprise on this Earth was Quentin’s stubborn inability to let her slip through his grasp and his irrational faith that there was something inside of her worth saving.  He was the only one that saw a spark of decency still smoldering rebelliously within her, and that is counting her own opinion.  She had convinced herself she was essentially the walking dead, an empty shell of a woman flitting through life stealing and killing and fucking with casual indifference because her heart was nothing but a shriveled up knot seething with infinite pools of concentrated misery and incendiary hatred.  Quentin proved her wrong.  And he did it to the cries of foul play from those he cared about the most.  His investment in her woke something up that she honestly thought had been permanently extinguished.  He made her want to try to make something worthwhile of her life, even convinced her that it was possible she could be good again, ridiculous as that seemed.  It is for him that she turned her back on her old life.  For him...and for Dinah.

Laurel still has no idea how it happened that Dinah Drake was the first to venture into the newly reopened vaults of her heart.  There is every possibility it was because Dinah was able to forgive her for something unforgivable, something Laurel has yet to forgive herself for.  Vinnie’s death was so pointless and avoidable, so wrong that even as she was screaming his brains into mush, guilt began to take hold.  Sometimes when she’s lying in bed in the dark with her eyes closed, she can still hear Dinah’s helpless screams and see the immense love for her pouring out of Vinnie in a desperate bid to comfort the lover who would have to grieve him a second time having just got him back.  If Dinah had done that to Laurel’s Ollie, there is no chance she would have ditched the mission for vengeance without having achieved it or died in the process.  Yet for Quentin’s sake, that is exactly what Dinah did.  And she did not stop there.  Dinah has not only abandoned seeking retribution but has generously offered clemency for the highly personal crime committed against her that Laurel gratefully accepted.  But the greatest of all miracles in that fucked up situation is that Dinah actually cares about her as a person and that the feeling is fully reciprocated.  

Which brings up the other, even scarier, alternative explanation to Dinah’s taking up residence in Laurel’s every waking thought.  That she let Dinah in because of the impossible crush she’d been nursing for the Black Canary since their introduction.  

Outside of Sara, no one on this Earth is aware that she is bisexual.  Well, sort of. She has a hard time pinning down her sexuality, really, when she is mostly attracted to men and a limited subset of women.  Very limited. When she confessed that to Sara, her newly acquired sister just laughed and said the exact reverse was true for her, and that Laurel’s tastes jived with the memory of her beloved sibling, who apparently experimented in college – terribly cliché as that is – with the exact same rival sorority member Laurel had a two year long relationship with.

“Funny enough,” Sara added with a contemplative expression, “Josie had the same attitude, body type, hair color, skin tone, eerily similar facial features and voice timbre of someone we know.  Wanna guess who?”

Laurel hadn’t needed to guess since she knew.  The second the name Josie was uttered, she had made the same connection.  And though she found the comparison to Earth-Prime Laurel uncomfortable, more disconcerting was the revelation that they both harbored uncanny attractions for women that look and act exactly like Dinah Drake.  For Sara’s sake she smiled and cut a joke that fell a little flat, and then was oh-so-thankful when she was not called out for ducking the obvious inference.  But that isn’t Sara’s way.  No, no.  Sara’s way is sending snail mail from 1969.  And 1971.  And ‘84.  And ‘91.  And ‘93.  And ‘97.  And ‘01.  And ‘04.  All of the packages feature a different photo of Laurel gazing at Dinah with moon eyes that Laurel cannot figure out how Sara is getting.  And that’s not all.  Along with the clandestine snaps are included selfies of Sara – and sometimes Ava – making exaggerated kissy faces and, last but not least, an annoying, hastily scrawled note taunting her about a certain bodacious police captain.  One of the notes rather charmingly read: When u gonna woman the fuck up & make a move? Not gettin’ younger here & I need nieces & nephews 2 spoil rotten.  Get busy already dumbass!  

“When, indeed, Sara,” Laurel had replied to her empty apartment just last night. The answer, sadly, is likely never.  What she and Dinah have is far too fragile for her to risk it on such a bold move, even if she does want to as badly as she wanted to ask Ollie to run away with her to Vegas when they turned eighteen.  Also, she is fairly certain Dinah doesn’t swing that way.  Which is tragic all on it’s own, because that is a woman who deserves to be worshiped and Laurel can’t think of any man who would be suitable to the task.

So, instead of upsetting the apple cart, Laurel contents herself with the status quo.  Bantering with Dinah may be as close as she ever gets to a lover’s quarrel and a tentative touch of their hands as near as she’ll ever be to a kiss, but she’ll take it.  For her, just having the privilege of being in Dinah’s life is enough.

“Yo, Dinah, lookin’ hot back there, and I don’t just mean the outfit.”

The wry grin of one of Laurel’s favorite residents, a jokester named Lewis, catches her coming out of her thoughts.  Unperturbed his usage of her given name, which she uses here for privacy, she wipes her moist hands off on her black jeans, smooths down her red blouse, and gives him a cheeky grin.  

“You don’t say,” she says.  “Tell you what, I’ll trade sides.  You can have the heat and I’ll eat the food.  From what I heard, the sweet potato casserole is on point this year.”

“True that,” says Lewis.  “Jordie was singin’ its praises to Larissa when I passed by.  Which is why I’ll have to decline your generous offer.”

Jordie and Larissa are Lewis’s friends, or as close to that as anyone can get in a shelter.  They are always found in each other’s company when present within the facility, as beyond being friends they are all the same twenty-six years of age and all recently recovering addicts who are staying at the shelter while they look for jobs.  While Lewis is the resident comedian, Jordie is a talented musician who often sings and tickles the ivories of the upright piano donated to the shelter or plays his beat up acoustic guitar while Larissa – a sweetheart who fell into the wrong crowd and suffered dearly for her mistake – accompanies him with angelic pipes that belong in some saintly choir. Strangely enough Laurel took an instant liking to the three, which is why she stuck her neck out to get them all work.  Larissa was due to start her new job at a little mom and pop Laundromat down the street in February while Jordie and Lewis have yet to hear from the public construction foreman Laurel spoke to on their behalf.  

“Aww. That’s too bad,” she replies to Lewish, then pauses to lean in conspiratorially.  “Say.  Did Jordie ever hear back from that foreman about the job he applied for?”

Lewis’s entire countenance lights up as if he were the Christmas tree she helped decorate.  “Sure did.  He got it.  I got on there, too, actually. We start week after New Years.”

Laurel cannot contain a genuine smile.  “That’s great, Lew!  I’m really happy for you both.  Larissa, too”

“Thanks, D.” Lewis shrugs bashfully, toeing the linoleum flooring.  “I, uh, I also wanted to say thanks for puttin’ in a word for us.”

Rather than fess up to her role in getting three people jobs who actually deserve them, Laurel playfully narrows her eyes at Lewis and adopts her official District Attorney pose.  “Who said I did any such thing?”

“A little birdie.”

“Does that little birdie happen to have a name?”

“Sure does. Funny thing, that.  Her name’s Dinah, too.”

Quite unexpectedly, Laurel’s heart skips a beat just like it does just about every time she hears that name.  And while she knows it’s unlikely he is referring to her Dinah – when did Dinah become hers for that matter? – all the same she hopes against hope that he is.  Dinah being here would make an already damn good evening a perfect one.

“Oh?” she asks, brow quirked inquisitively to hide her sudden bout of nerves. “When did you talk to this other Dinah?”

“Tonight,” says Lewis, causing Laurel’s heart to stutter once more.  He then goes on to point in the opposite direction from where they are standing.  “Actually, she’s right over there.”

When Laurel follows his extended arm and index finger out of the kitchen and across the cafeteria, her breath catches and her muscles seize up and her high brain functions momentarily cease.  There, leaning nonchalantly against a bare metal support post, is Dinah Drake in all of her standard work attire glory, looking like a perfect ten model torn out of some professional chic magazine with her hair in tumbling curls and wearing a snazzy charcoal gray pantsuit with a red Oxford buttoned almost to the top.  As if drawn to one another by invisible strings, their eyes lock across the distance.  And as Dinah’s gaze bores into Laurel’s very soul, heat begins to rise through her chest, up through the column of her throat, and then spreads into her cheeks, turning them a similar shade to the cranberry sauce she was should have placed on Lewis’s plate two minutes ago.

“I’ll, uh, make myself scarce,” Lewis says after a moment, chuckling a bit at her star-struck expression.  “Thanks again, D.  And, uh, word of advice?  Don’t keep the lady waitin’.  Dinner’s almost done bein’ served, so I think the fine folks here can handle things.”

“Listen at Lewis, all wise and shit for a change,” chimes in Brenda, a mid-fifties former bank manager whose brother found life-saving refuge in this very shelter.  When Laurel doesn’t respond, Brenda gives her an encouraging nudge.  “He’s right, though.  Go on, girl.  Go say hello to your woman.”

Laurel cannot summon the words to correct the assumption, nor would she lend them voice if she could.  Like the scene from some sappy Holiday movie one would watch on Hallmark Movie Channel, the Spirit of Christmas has, in that one visual exchange between herself and Dinah, invaded her brain and her heart and conveniently erased every reason she’s ever come up with to remain in denial about how she feels for the stubborn, compassionate, brilliant woman who has given her so many new reasons to strive for becoming the best version of herself possible.  All she can think right now is how beautiful Dinah is, how her eyes glitter even in the bland lighting of the shelter, and how her smile makes Laurel’s heart start to gallop like Secretariat turned loose at the Belmont.

So she nods, wordlessly passes off Lewis’s tray to Brenda, then makes her way over to Dinah on legs that seem far less sturdy than they did a few seconds ago.  The thirty yards separating them feel more like a mile as she weaves through the crowded cafeteria.  No one dares speak to her, as if they also are cognizant of whatever mystical forces are at play tonight to bring Dinah here of all places and are thus unwilling to break the spell that has descended on them.

Stopping short of Dinah’s position, Laurel loiters uncertainly, a bit confused as to Dinah’s presence but mostly enthralled by it.  This has been happening more and more often whenever she spends time with Dinah.  A moment will happen between them sort of like this, and Laurel will just go dumb, like a kid called on by her teacher for an answer the first minute of the first class of the first day back at school after summer vacation.  It’s like her brain turns into goo or something, rendering her unable to interact like a normal human being. Actually...it sort of reminds of her of how she used to get around Ollie after puberty hit and she realized her best friend was seriously hot.

“Well, are you just gonna stand there staring or what?” Dinah asks, looking terribly amused by Laurel’s inability to speak.

“Huh?” Startled out of her stupor, Laurel quickly stuffs her hands into her pockets to conceal their trembling.

Rather than take pity upon her, Dinah smirks.  “I thought you might be coming over here to invite me to join the festivities.  You know, since I came all the way down here.”

That last bit provokes a question Laurel’s restored brain cannot pass up vocalizing.  “Why are you here?”

Frowning, Dinah glances around the cafeteria at the many people enjoying a relative feast.  “You really wanna get into that here and now?”

Laurel mentally chastises herself for being an idiot.  “No.  No, you’re right.  Sorry.  Still working on that whole manners thing.  Please, come back to the kitchen and I’ll have Brenda fix you a plate.” As she expects, Dinah politely turns her down.

“Nah, I’m good.  Don’t wanna take away from anyone here when I got plenty back home in my fridge.  That said...” she starts to shuck her jacket as she goes on, “I am handy around a kitchen.  Wouldn’t mind pitching in to clean up.  Whatever I can do, just point me in a direction.”

That is an offer Laurel is not about to refuse.  Clean up at an even like this is an ordeal, and they are already one short since Jeremy’s daughter got sick and his wife had a prior commitment at an office party.  Poor thing begged him to stay home with her instead of foisting her off on a nanny.  Laurel overheard Brenda tell him on the phone that if he left that baby for one minute she would beat his ass with a rolling pin.  The threat was only half-joking, so Jeremy obviously stayed home.

“Well, in that case, follow me,” Laurel says.  “Let me warn you, though. You might have just made five lifelong fans ‘cause of the job that’s ahead.”

Dinah returns a secretive smile.  “One fan’s all I need, and I have a feeling I already hooked her...”

The comment slams into Laurel like a sledgehammer, and she all but welcomes the delightful pain.  Is it possible I was wrong about her?  Could she really feel the same as I do?  The possibility is so thrilling she feels her extremities begin to tingle in anticipation. 

“Someone’s confident.  I like it,” she says, rising to the occasion.  Laurel has never been one to back down, especially with Dinah.

“Enough to land me a nifty Christmas present?” Dinah replies, her pretty green eyes glimmering in the fluorescent light.

Laurel will never be able to explain the surge of bravery that hits her at this specific instant, only that it inspires her to take a chance that she is fully aware might blow up in her face in spectacular fashion.  But in the moment, all she can think is that Dinah is worth the risk. 

“Maybe. Guess you’ll have to find out later.  If you’re willing to drop by my place afterwards, that is.  Clean up around here can be stressful to say the least, so I won’t blame you if you wanna go home afterward.  But, I did make eggnog and ginger bread cookies. Old family recipes, too.”

To Laurel’s immense delight, Dinah does not reject the advance. Instead as she nods her assent, her cheeks bloom with color and she tucks a full bottom lip between her teeth.  They are the first visible signs that what is happening between them is affecting her as deeply as it is Laurel. 

“Plying me with sweets is known to be an effective tactic,” Dinah then says, “so I wouldn’t worry too much about having to bend my arm. Plus, I love eggnog.  Especially if it has alcohol.”

“It’s traditional Eirlikör, so it has rum in it.  Pretty damn tasty if I do say so myself.”

Truth be told it was the first time Laurel had made it, so she hadn’t expected much.  But she found the aged recipe in one of Quentin’s collections a couple days ago and recognized it as one that her father used to make their eggnog every year.  Nostalgia mixed with heartfelt sentimentality for a man whose love for her does not vary from world to world provided a cocktail she could not turn down.  To her delight, it turned out exactly as she remembered: creamy, thick, with a flavor sort of like custard with a hint of the rum’s vanilla and molasses notes.  In other words, it was fucking delicious and she has downed more than half of it already.  

Dinah hums appreciatively.  “Never had that before, but I like rum and as I said I love eggnog, so...”

“You won’t be disappointed then.  I promise.”  

Taking another chance, Laurel reaches out to touch Dinah’s arm right above the elbow and is pleased that the gesture is accepted and even reciprocated when Dinah lays her own hand atop Laurel’s.

Staring into Laurel’s eyes as intensely as she ever has, Dinah leans in a touch closer.  So close that Laurel can smell her coconut shampoo and the hint of hazelnut coffee on her breath.  

“I’ll hold you to that, Counselor,” Dinah says, voice little more than a whisper.  

A companionable silence falls between them then that they settle into with matching smiles, lips achingly close to touching, mesmerized by the tension of an attraction that has suddenly taken control of them both.  For the longest stretch they stand there, mutually enveloped in a warm aura that drowns out the noise of a crowded cafeteria and erases the bitter hurts between them and makes it seem like the two of them becoming an us is not as impossible as it originally seemed.

Sharp whistling and a few shouted encouragements for her to do what her heart is screaming at her to finally snaps them out of whatever spell just ensnared them and caused them to almost make a scene in public.

Flushing beet red, Laurel clears her throat before doing what she actually approached Dinah to do.  “So...how about I take you back to the kitchen and introduce you?”

Dinah nods, nibbles the corner of her lip, blushing as furiously as Laurel is.  “Sounds good.  Lead the way.”

Without further commentary, Laurel spins and begins weaving her way back through the cafeteria.  Once back inside the kitchen, she is greeted by a row of Cheshire grins.  In order from left to right there is: Lisa, a perpetually peppy twenty-something of Korean descent straight out of university; Wayne, a hulking slab of muscle with the biggest, softest heart around; Don, a silver-haired ex-Disc Jockey who; and Enrique, the epitome of Hispanic charm with his olive skin, luxurious black hair, suave smile, and panty-melting accent; and last but not least, the leader of this diverse pack of fascinating people, Brenda the fearless and the overprotective mother of forty-eight broken children.  All of these people look totally normal on the outside, while on the inside they each harbor hurts – either directly or indirectly – that lead them to dedicate their lives to others. Perhaps that is why Laurel felt so safe with them; they all know what it’s like to hide pain too acute to be expressed and have it marginalized or ignored altogether by family.  Don, for instance, retired to social work when his daughter went through a rough patch not terribly unlike Laurel’s.  Lisa’s father is still living on the streets of San Francisco; she visits him once every three months. Wayne was homeless for four years after he got out of the military, his PTSD having prevented him from holding down a job and his pride from seeking the help he so desperately needed.  Enrique’s story traces back to his native Spain, where he lost a brother to drugs, has a sister in jail for illegally prostituting herself, and whose mother exposed him to things no child ought to ever witness.  Laurel knows both sides of the coin, both the personal and familial battle with such demons.  While she was a victim, her father – like the Quentin of this Earth – was an alcoholic.  There are not many places she fits in the way she does here, which is why she has no intention of abandoning them once the Holidays are over.

That said, sharing a common background, they know how to push her buttons and get a way with it.  Like they are right now, when she can’t really retaliate.  She groans at the well meaning ribbing she is about to endure, knowing they will not cut her any slack due to their solid rapport – and their never having been introduced to Black Siren.  The only Laurel they know is the one who jokes around with them while doing laundry, gets filthy crawling through a tight utility space to rewire a faulty circuit, and sings off key along with Jordie and Larissa whenever they break out early era Dashboard Confessional tunes.  She cannot express in words how amazing it feels to be treated like a person and not a public persona, a degenerate monster, or a pale imitation of the deified woman whose life she now inhabits.  And for that, Laurel is eternally grateful.  Also, it buys the Happy Fun Time Gang – Wayne’s moniker for the staff that has now been extended to include Laurel – a lot of leeway with their teasing that pretty much no one else enjoys.

“I don’t want to hear a peep out of any of you miscreants!  I expect you all to be nice while our guest is around,” she says, eyeing them each in turn as if they are children.  They all ignore her, long used to her attitude.

“We’re always nice, sugar,” Brenda says with a wink, then turns her big brown eyes onto Dinah as she points a thumb in Laurel’s direction. “This one over here has convinced herself no matter where she goes she’s large and in charge.  But around these parts, we just think she’s a cute-pie.”

“I’ve noticed,” Dinah replies, unable to stifle a little giggle at their treatment of a woman who once inspired terror in the hearts of millions as Black Siren and commands power that few can rival as District Attorney of a city as large as theirs.  

It’s frankly a bit belittling and incredibly annoying for Laurel to have her fearsome reputation shredded in less than five seconds by five foot three inch distinguished looking lady with salt and pepper hair and a cherubic visage that could fool St. Peter into granting a mischievous imp entry past the pearly gates.  And she would be really upset if she wasn’t so enchanted by Dinah’s adorable giggling. And a little flabbergasted that Dinah might actually think it’s cute when she’s being bossy.  

“Oh, God, Brenda.  Please stop before I have zero credibility left,” Laurel groans again, which incites another round of giggles from Dinah.

“Settle down now, little miss thang,” retorts Brenda with a wave of her hand.  “Why don’t you introduce us to this lovely young lady who came to visit.”

Laurel jumps at the chance to end the affectionate harassment.  For someone so physically unassuming, Brenda has an eerie way of getting her to do whatever she wants.  

Taking in a deep breath, she lets it out with a whoosh.  “That is an excellent idea.”  She turns to Dinah, then gestures one at a time toward her new friends and colleague.  “Dinah, this is Brenda, Lisa, Wayne, Don, and Enrique.  They’re all full time employees here at the shelter.  Everyone, this is Dinah Drake, Captain of the SCPD’s distinguished Fifth Precinct.”

Lisa whistles loudly in astonishment, though not for the reason Laurel assumes.  “Another Dinah.  What are the odds?”

In the periphery, Laurel catches Dinah eyeing her sharply and freezes, and not so much out of fear of her secret getting out so much as she is worried Dinah will judge her for lying.  The quirky crew that have official adopted her have all been read in to her actual who she really is.  By her own choice.  Brenda knew from the outset, of course, but after a week of the rest of the gang making her feel so welcome and accepted, the thought continuing the charade, innocuous as it was, any longer made her sick to her stomach.  To their credit, finding out her true identity did not change their opinion of her in the slightest.  If anything, it only made them respect her more because they recognized the subterfuge as proof she was not acting on some ulterior motive to promote her career by volunteering her time and effort to the needy.  Whether or not Dinah sees things the same way is another matter entirely...  

“Apparently very good,” Dinah says after a second of staring a hole into the side of Laurel’s head.  The northward tilt that turns up the corner of her sinful lips indicates she is not displeased by the deception, which is a relief to Laurel, who lets out the breath she didn’t know she’s been holding.   “It’s good to meet you all,” Dinah continues, offering each of them her hand for a quick but firm shake.   She then points idly toward the front entrance.  “I talked to Marv a bit before I came in.  According to him, Laur – er, Dinah – here has been a real lifesaver these past two weeks.”

“Oh, honey.  You don’t know the half of it,” Brenda crows, ever quick to sing the praises of one of her people.  “That girl saved our hide so many times.  Saved it, I tell ya!”  Animated as always, she springs into action, corralling Dinah by the shoulder then guiding her deeper into the kitchen as she launches into a comical version of their coordinated planning of this event.

Brenda has this theatrical method of telling a story that either has everyone in stitches or in tears depending on the subject matter. Tonight is no different.  Within seconds she has Dinah eating out of the palm of her hand as she describes Laurel’s many contributions and a few misadventures that occurred along the way.  Laurel merely watches, bashfully amused by Brenda’s embellishments and besotted by Dinah’s carefree reactions to them.  

Not for the first time, as Dinah rolls up her sleeves to start washing dishes all the while laughing along with Laurel’s motley crew of lovable misfits, she gets the sense that this place is truly magical. That it isn’t just her who has experienced a renewed connection to life by stepping crossing the threshold into a building that is the definition of mundane to the naked eye but is teeming with the gritty, noble, tragic, and resilient essence of humanity and infused the full gamut of extreme emotions that the human condition has to offer.  That perhaps this Christmas is a portent of things to come, an announcement that the suffocating darkness that enshrouds Star City on a daily basis is not a permanent climate but merely a prolonged weather front that is at last about to recede to the majestic reappearance of a fresh springtime morning.  And maybe, just maybe, the joy that floods her heart, spills over, then suffuses her entire being is indicative that what is happening between this group of disparate individuals unified under a single purpose – and most importantly whatever wonderful sorcery is brewing between her and Dinah – doesn’t have to end when they all depart these monotone halls that have housed the best and the worst of mankind.  Something truly remarkable is binding them together, giving Laurel a feeling she can’t shake that whatever force is at play in this place is far from finished with the altruistic enterprise it began this otherwise ordinary Christmas.  And that’s just fine with her.

As the business of cleaning up after forty-eight famished souls kicks off in earnest, many other tales are told about her contributions to the shelter over the past few weeks.  Laurel blushes pretty much the entire time her coworkers gush, and when Dinah looks at her as if torn between wanting to hug or kiss her, it takes all of Laurel’s willpower not take matters into her own hands, which doesn’t help with the blushing one bit.  But she makes it through via sheer determination not to ruin her utterly reputation with Dinah.  Though, it might be a little late for that after each of the gang chime in with an embarrassing story.  As if she wasn’t already mortified enough by the time Enrique is done with his yarn about her accidentally repainting a section of the facility that was just done less than a year before, Don then delivers the coup de grâce with the story of the mouse crawling up her pant leg while she was in the attic working on repairing some faulty wiring.  If the twenty or so corroborating reports are to be believed, she may have screeched so loud she was heard two floors down.  As insensibly panicked as she was, it was a minor miracle she didn’t slip between rafters and fall through the sheet rock or activate her meta powers which would have caved in the roof.  Yeah.  That was not her most dignified moment.  Dinah eats the story up, though, and laughs at Don’s reenactment of the infamous shriek dancing until she is clutching her stomach as tears of merriment wet her cheeks.  Laurel gets the distinct impression that unfortunate if not objectively humorous incident will not be forgotten any time soon.  Not that she minds too much.  It’s nice to see Dinah so happy, even if it is at her expense.

Eventually, as with all things, the fun comes to an end.  It was fun, though, doing this with Dinah.  And sort of domestic, as if they were a couple who did stuff like this in their spare time because they could and should seeing as both of them have, to admittedly different degrees, trod the valleys of life then began the long toil back up the foreboding mountain of redemption.  As far as Laurel can tell, Dinah enjoys herself every bit as much if not more since she is the star of the day and is showered with copious amounts of attention she does appear unhappy to receive.  More than the break it gives Laurel not to be the new kid on the block, she truly enjoys watching Dinah blossom before her eyes.  Or maybe not blossom so much as rejuvenate having been exposed to the well fertilized soil of people who have zero political correctness, are utterly devoid of pretense, and are as real and receptive and forgiving and compassionate as any Laurel has ever met.  Whatever terminology would be most adequate, the effect is truly marvelous to behold.  Dinah at her most disheveled is the most beautiful creature she has ever laid eyes upon.  But tonight?  Oh, tonight she is more radiant than a Harvest Moon, more august than a blanket of stars on a clear summer night, and more brilliant than the southern equatorial Perihelion sun at midday.  For that reason alone, Laurel basically floats through the grueling process of returning the facility to proper working order.

It is nearly half past ten when the final table is swiped down and the last folding chair stacked up and returned to the storage closet in the east end of the building.  By then, Laurel is exhausted to the bone but happy down to the marrow.  How can she not be?  When they bid adieu to the Happy Fun Time Gang and start down the single flight of bricked stairs, Dinah – adorably wrapped up in her coat and scarf and mittens – holds her hand.

[susanwardmegsunsetbeachfans]

SOD Editors' Choice

The Editor's of Soap Opera Digest Magazine salute the best in daytime!

Last Updated: December 1, 1999

Sizzling Storylines, SUNSET BEACH

Soap Opera Digest, August 24, 1998

When it debuted in 1997, SUNSET BEACH knew it had to do something to stand out from the pack and to attract those 18-39 year-olds that TV advertisers covet. It laid on the camp and played up pop culture references (the Scream-esque Terror Island storyline, Sara's FRIENDS fantasy, a guest stint by Jerry Springer).

BEACH set itself apart from other shows, all right. Almost too much so - the strategy drew younger viewers, but turned off soap fans who like their stories told the old-fashioned way. But the episodes that aired during the week of July 19 showed that if you like your soaps straight up, BEACH can serve 'em that way, too - with or without a twist.

There were no fewer than three storylines peaking that week. Ricardo was set to marry Gabi, when he saw a video of his intended making passionate love to his brother … a priest. Ricardo was rushed to the hospital with a stroke; during that week, he lay helpless in a hospital bed, haunted by visions of the horrifying videotape. To make matters worse, a clueless Antonio and Gabi (who don't know that Ricardo saw the tape), stayed faithfully by the patient's bedside, sending a seething Ricardo's vital signs through the roof. Then Gabi proposed that Antonio marry her and Ricardo right there in the hospital room! A weak and mute Ricardo could do nothing.

For those who prefer their drama over-the-top, there was the memorial service for a very-much-alive Gregory. A conniving Annie pondered revealing the truth that Gregory's son-in-law, Cole, is Trey's father (not Gregory), so that as Gregory's "widow" she would inherit his fortune. "You realize that would destroy a whole family," her lawyer warned. "That would be just a bonus," she replied a gleeful Annie. "It would also make me a very, very rich widow!" At the funeral, Gregory - disguised as a monk - watched in wonder as people genuinely grieved for him. "He was my life," sobbed Olivia, Gregory's ex. Caitlin cried "I loved my father, and I always will."

Then there was Ben and Meg's falling-out. "I don't have anything to say to you!" wailed Meg when she stumbled upon Ben and his ex, Maria, having sex. Who did she run to for sympathy? Casey - the man who Ben spotted Meg kissing, just before he fell into bed with Maria. Though Casey was Sara's boyfriend, he realized that her sister, Meg, is the one he loves.

A soap risks alienating fans if it strays too far outside the genre's traditional boundaries. Attention-grabbing gimmicks can backfire if viewers aren't also grabbed by the story. These days, BEACH is showing that you can be fresh, even cheeky, if you respect the audience enough to never lose sight of what makes people keep coming back for more.

Wedded Bliss-ters, SUNSET BEACH

Soap Opera Digest, 1998

It was the event that SUNSET BEACH had been building to almost since its premiere nearly two years ago: The wedding of country mouse Meg Cummings and city mouse Ben Evans - but this was no day as Disneyland. Mousetraps aplenty had been carefully laid, months in advance - all set to snap as the lovers journeyed down the aisle.

Except for a thunderstorm, the obstacles were not BEACH's usual fare. Instead of earthquakes and tidal waves, human relationships threatened the star-crossed lovers' bliss.

As the wedding approached, Carmen played by the deliciously hilarious Margarita Cordova, began to wig out. Plagued by the belief that her daughter, Maria (Ben'' drowned wife), was alive, she saw Ben and Meg's wedding as the apocalypse. As it turned out, the loony lady was dead on.

Things began to crumble the moment Carmen stormed into the Cummings house and pleaded with Meg to cancel the nuptials. This provoked an inspired performance from Susan Ward (Meg). "Why are you doing this to me?" the bride-to-be sobbed. Ward's ability to convey the compassion for and understanding of a mother's grief succeeded in gaining sympathy for both women.

When the action moved to the chapel, several subplots gained steam - all threatening to climax in a simultaneous eruption of licentious lava. A desperate Carmen slithered inside, as her son, Antonio, officiated the nuptials.

The padre was a little hot under the collar himself, unable to take his eyes off bridesmaid Gabi. Maid-of-honor Sara fantasized about marrying best man Casey. With all those lustful looks darting back and forth, we were caught off guard when Carmen rose from her pew, thrust her gun in the air and screamed, "You're going to listen to me - all of you!" And we did, as the eccentric psychic pushed Meg to the breaking point. "I am through listening to anything you have to say ever again!" the bride spat.

Carmen was promptly escorted out by her sons, who demonstrated just the right blend of shame and support for their hysterical mama. Another interruption arrived in the form of Annie and Tim, but they were quickly removed.

While all this was going down, the biggest bombshell was lurking in the wings, err, vestibule. Fans were pulling out their hair as amnesiac Maria's entry was delayed by one mishap after another. First, a broken heel forced her into the bathroom. Then, the doorknob fell off, trapping her inside. When Maria tried to escape through a window, she fell and was knocked unconscious. By the time she came to, Meg and Ben were married.

The newlyweds celebrated at the reception until Meg tossed her bouquet - rotating in super slow-mo - and it landed in wife No. 1's arms. Newcomer Christina Chambers skillfully conveyed the heartbreaking fear and confusion that Maria was feeling. When she fainted, we nearly did too.

Ben stared with disbelief and horror at his resurrected spouse as Meg realized the shocking identity of her new pal, Dana. It was a thrilling roller coaster ride for all three passengers - and it's far from over.

Sunset Beach's Kansas Connection

Soap Opera Digest, November 11, 1997

In any great fairy-tale romance, the man in white rides off with his lady love, promising to make all her dreams come true. Sunset Beach fans got their storybook ending when the dashing Ben Evans, dressed uncharacteristically in white, drove up to Meg's door in a convertible and swept her off her feet with a kiss.

The innocent far girl and the enigmatic businessman first found love on the Internet. Meg ditched her philandering fiancé in Kansas and cased her dream man all the way to California -- only to find that he was more Mr. Rochester than Prince Charming, haunted and glowering and ill-equipped for romance.

Meg finally did crake Ben's tough shell, only to face Annie and Tim's trickery. Courtesy of Annie's hypnosis, Ben called Meg by his late wife, Maria's, name once too often, sending her scampering home to Kansas with Tim. When Ben found out what Annie had done, he headed to Ludlow, Kansas, to reclaim his love.

Almost as sweet as the couple's reunion was their revenge. As Ben explained to Meg how Annie had manipulated them, the two realized that Tim must have been Annie's accomplice. Tim walked in on their conversation and our hero's fist sent Tim to the floor.

Of course, where Ben goes, Annie is sure to follow. After changing planes three times, Annie was carted to Ludlow in the back of a chicken truck. Stung by Ben's rejection of her apology, Annie shared a romp in the hay - quite literally - with Tim.

Meg has always been something of a misfit in the sophisticated, salty world of Sunset Beach, and it was fitting that Ben met her on her home turf to win her back. Beach took advantage of scenic middle America with exterior shots of Meg showing Ben around her hometown, including a romantic walk through the corn fields, Meg telling a touching tale of how she broke her arm as a child in the apple orchard by the bar, and a visit to the local country-and-western bar.

And what took place at that bar was as memorable a dance you'll ever see on daytime. Ben and Meg "battled" on the dance floor with Tim and a decked out Annie [shades of Cha Cha from Grease]. It was hilarious, refreshing and entirely within the context of the story.

Carol Potter returned as Meg's mom for the compelling heart-to-heart with her daughter. When Meg expressed her fears about giving herself to Ben, her mom pointed out, "you gave your heart to Ben a long time ago."

Meanwhile, Ben had his hands full with Meg's protective dad, Hank, played charmingly by daytime vet John Martin. Hank grilled Ben, questioning why he really came to Kansas. "Because I love your daughter," Ben replied, and Hank's wistful reaction betrayed regret as well as relief - he was no longer the most important man in his little girl's life, be he was leaving her in the hands of someone else who loved her.

Come to think of it, it was less a happy ending than a new beginning.