#i don't know if it's spring or the sun or just depression lifting but it's been a whole glorious time

[expatesque]

The weather has been gorgeous today and I played tennis and I roasted a whole head of cauliflower and I sat in a pool of sunlight while I drank a delicious drink out of my new cup and it was perfect. I'm so happy to be back in love with this city and this life.

[afewproblems]

Having depressing Steve Harrington Whump thoughts this sunny Sunday morning.

I usually headcanon Steve's parents as being neglectful and absent given their lack of screen presence in the show and thought about Steve grappling with this throughout his childhood.

Being left alone for days and eventually weeks at a time, starting much younger than was appropriate, but it was the era of latchkey kids and Richard and Darleen Harrington assumed Steve was capable enough to not really need watching. The house never burned down.

Their son was fine.

And Steve would be the first person to agree, to smile wanely while the migraines pounded in his head, a parting gift from Billy Hargrove and the and Russians. He was fine.

It was fine.

Until the spring of 1986 when all Hell literally broke loose.

During the last events of the Upside Down and the earthquakes that almost decimated Hawkins, the Harringtons finally come back to town, horrified to be called in from Indianapolis by the charge nurse at Hawkins General Hospital.

Their relationship does get a little better after nearly losing their only son. They don't talk about it, the lost years of quality time, but Steve has made begrudging peace with it and is happy to have them around now for family dinners and the holidays.

They are even fairly good about his relationship with Eddie once he finally comes out. Richard takes a little longer to warm up to the idea, but Darleen seems determined not to lose Steve again.

And things are fine for awhile, the four of them have found an equilibrium amongst each other. Richard busies himself with offering to help with repairs around their house as needed, the leaky sink in their guest bath or the backdoor that was never hung correctly. While Darleen is always quick to bring over a new recipe for them all to try at the next family dinner.

They don't talk about the fact that this is the most home cooking Steve has ever experienced in his 30 years of life or that he didn't know his dad even owned a screwdriver.

But it's fine.

They manage.

It's only after the adoption of their daughter that Steve begins to notice the changes in his parents in a way that makes his chest feel tight.

"I just, I don't get it," Steve says quietly to Eddie one summer day. Richard and Darleen are out in the yard with Abigail, playing in the sun. Abigail shakes a flower from the garden in Richard's face while he pretends to sneeze exaggeratedly, making Abigail break into peals of laughter.

Eddie frowns at Steve, watching as he crosses his arms tightly around himself.

"There has to be something going on, it doesn't make any sense how they're being with her," Steve bites out eventually. He lifts a trembling hand to his hair and tugs harshly at the roots.

"Okay woah woah," Eddie says slowly as he stops forward and gently coaxes Steve's hands away from his hair, "Stevie, sweetheart, I don't understand".

Eddie watches as Steve's gaze travels out the window once more to see Darleen lift their giggling baby girl above her head before lowering Abigail to pepper kisses all over her cheeks. Eddie smiles at the sight but it quickly vanishes as he looks back at Steve who is looking longingly at his mother.

"Because," Steve says, his voice catches on the growing lump in his throat, "if they were always capable of this, of being there, then why couldn't they do that for me?"

[moonriver080]

【Funny Story Time】

I wrote an article for my 6 pictures

I tried to machine translate a paragraph and modify it.

But it's too long. I give up.

During Links meal breaks, the chains sometimes share anecdotes from the past to improve their understanding of each other ......

Well, sometimes it's not so much the anecdotes that are shared as it is the puzzles or the creepy pasts that are shared on reflection. (And some people seem to enjoy it.

It was a spring-flowery afternoon, and the sun was just right, and mixed with the sweet aroma of the chef's well-cooked courser milk soup, it had to be said that it was a very good soothing respite for Links, who had just finished a hard-fought battle, both physically and mentally.

Everything was just right, so Warriors let his guard down and picked a conversation that had left him a bit exhausted for the next week (Oh! Don't get me wrong, it was actually quite an interesting process and development /grin/)

Huh, how could he be blamed, after all the Warriors, who was more social than the other Links, was relatively adept at grasping the melodrama of the atmosphere, knowing when to be quiet and when it was better to have a chat.

They all understood that the team was, with the exception of certain ones, clamshells that had come to life one by one. (Or maybe some of the outgoing ones are actually clamshells.) (Aha! A new way of flirting with oneself is born.)

Anyway, this is why Warriors wave his spoon smugly (like a tiny flag): "...... When we triumphed, the streets were filled with petals and ribbons, and people clustered in the streets and upstairs and on the rooftops, and though, trampled by the war, both the roads and the .. were somewhat depressed ...... Well! That part doesn't matter now!"Warriors stirs the soup and takes a small sip (any more and we won't be able to start a conversation today, Wild, the

boy's food is gaggingly good), "...brave soldiers walk the streets of Castle Town, their footsteps without the thunder of applause that rises up at the first moment, and my beloved Epona kicks and stomps (and here it's being torn apart by sunlight) down the stone streets, edged in gold, and the streets are filled with the most beautiful and beautiful things in the world.My beloved Epona was kicking and stomping along the stone streets edged in gold by the sunlight (glared at by a certain few here), flowers were thrown from all over the place to send blessings to the soldiers, and the fallen flowers covered the whole road, Aaannnnnd!Of course~ I received the most bouquets of flowers~ No matter which way I looked, the screams were like the rising of the tides that rose up and down, and went on and on and on~"

Warriors grunts and laughs as he speaks, lifting his bangs and skimming the ends of his hair.

Gee, he's always showing off his hormones that have nowhere to go.Legend smacked his lips on his spoon, the delicious food immediately soothing his prickly nerves caused by the teasing, but ......

Putting aside some of his "preconceptions", Warriors was indeed a strong general with leadership qualities, and under the circumstances, it was only natural that he would be welcomed to protect the people, lead the soldiers, gather the divided world, defeat Ganon, and bring safety to the people.With this in mind, Legend picked out the fruit in the soup and took a bite.Looks like he's popular, that's really good. Well, yummy.

(Wild has fine-tuned for everyone's tastes, the golden apple chunks added late in his bowl are soft, crunchy and sweet after micro-cooking, rich in flavor, he had asked for some seeds long ago, but Wild said that this golden apples are produced by probability,. Hummm, Legend who is the hottest apple supplier in Hylia and Loria' smiles but does not say anything.)

But ......Legend chewed another bite of apple chunks, looking at him like this is really unpleasant ah.Legend was disgusted by the image that appeared in his mind of Warriors riding horses and throwing flying kisses to stir up a cheering crowd of cold shivers, ah, can not think about it, a little stomach.[I'm not sure if this paragraph is translated correctly (because I read it myself as if something was wrong, but I don't know what went wrong).]

The Chef of Peace, who had been listening to the story since a moment ago and had somehow become a bit dazed, came back to his senses and looked at Legend, who was blushing a bit darkly, in puzzlement.

【If you want to know the full text, let me know, and maybe I'll translate it intermittently.】

Eggs①: (Three photos taken by Wind) (Price:?)

Confused by the first delivery of the bouquet

Link)

(Link, who was surrounded by civilians, gave flowers and scattered petals to celebrate shyness and cover his face)

(Link who was frightened by the enthusiasm of the people and hid in the Zelda King)

Eggs②:

A week later, another tea break.

Wars looked at Time, who was being chased and intercepted, and drank a cup of sweet and sour fruit tea contentedly.

Offensive and defensive potential is also different, sapling, soldiers are not tired of cheating, plan and then move, is also for the trick. (Completely strung together.)

Wind? Wind curled his lips as he held a small part of the empty cookie bag. Wars really held a grudge.

[sexy-opium-ravioli]

Photo Booth

Universe: Resident Evil

wc: 1,791

Pairing: Stepbro!Leon S. Kennedy x Reader

Warnings: Not many, just the fact that Leon is your stepbrother and he is .5 of a little shit. Otherwise, this is a good, old fashioned fluff piece.

a/n: Hihi hello hello :) I've been trying to claw my way out of depression for a while, but here's some cute Leon content in the meantime!

@lipglossanon !! thank you for being such a wonderful writer, honestly reading you has been really inspiring as of late! and your characterization of the Leons you have are among my very favorite.

It not my best work by any means, but I hope anyone reading this enjoys <3

--

The liminal space of a mall was the place where you could see through a person, like light through glass. You'd get to see what stores they prefer to go to, what mall food they like to eat (or if they can't), what they buy vs what they don't. 

Or sometimes, as is the case with you and your weird, pseudo-freudian stepbrother-boyfriend Leon, you just get boba and mess around. 

There were other things you'd like to do with him, sure. Sometimes you two would catch a movie- or fuck each other until you're both sensitive and whimpering (as young lovers often do). Really depended on the day. 

But it was earlier in the morning and it was a free, clear Saturday, in the haze of a temperate spring. And, the last couple of days were kind of stressful. Keeping up separate social lives, exams, dealing with your shared parents- sometimes just being apart from each other was okay.

You were starting to suspect something in Leon. You didn't know what it was, really. Everything was in a haze with him- truer emotions he always hid behind something snarky and barbed. And since you could never really get an accurate read on him, you could only try to squint in the dark and decipher the signs in front of you. 

Still, something foundational was shifting. And there was a strange feeling in your stomach that had been there all morning, and it wasn't bad, per se; but it was constant and unusual. You sipped on your boba and started chewing. 

You and Leon were both sitting on public benches. The time was before most of the retail shops started setting up, only the food court was open. You laid your head on Leon's shoulder and closed your eyes while you both soaked in the sun's warmth. 

The mall was bright and quiet, not many were there yet. You still felt a bit sleepy, but it didn't seem like Leon minded resting either. There was a difference in the emotions you feel someone going through when you rest your head on their shoulder- and the way Leon's was giving into the weight of your head spelled relaxation. The both of you spent a bit of your morning like this. You lifted your head and glanced at how the sunlight reflected off of Leon's golden hair. How it also cut a shadow at the curve of his jaw. 

"You wanna walk around?" You asked with your voice low, not wanting to disrupt the quiet, alive whirring of the building. Leon looked at you, smiled a bit and nodded his head before getting up. 

When you caught up to pace with him, you decided to annoy him and cross pinkies. He retaliated by taking hold of your entire hand, and you tried not to make a big deal about it. Your heart was starting to beat really fast, though. 

You thought he would let go after a couple of seconds. He didn't. 

Exiting the first floor common area to the escalators surrounding it, you both enjoyed the warmth of a second floor perch. Leon hasn't let go of your hand yet, but you were joking around about other people you were seeing at the mall, or the vaguely strange sale ads you'd see posted on windows. 

It was light, conversation felt easy for once.

And then Leon saw something, and you watched the way his eyes captured a glint of absolute mischief. 

Your eyes followed the laser point focus of his- and oh. 

Oh. 

A photo booth. 

And before you knew it, the distance between you and the box was already halved from Leon practically yanking your arm off. It didn't hurt, so all you could do was laugh. 

Walking up to it, Leon already got his wallet out and was feeding the machine bills. You decided to slip in and look around inside. All photo booths look different- this one was pretty new and sparkly. 

Not long after, Leon swept the curtains and stepped in with a mean smirk. You got yourself ready, trying to make yourself look alright while Leon selected to start through the menu. 

You always felt a weird sort of anxiety in photo booths. They never gave anybody enough time to actually prepare for a photo, but Leon was already doing someth- "Hey-!"

He quickly stepped behind you, caged you in his arms, gave two hand horns, and made such a twisted face he actually did kind of resemble the devil, because in his heart of hearts, Leon S. Kennedy was a dork. 

You decided that if he was going to suffocate you with all the muscle he was trying to show off, you were going to get a picture of biting it. 

The bite wasn't too hard, but the quick noise that Leon gave was mostly out of being startled anyways. He quickly retaliated by flicking your arm before posing for the next- 

"Let's do a nicer one," you interject, quietly and quickly. You both prepare and in time, you're smiling together while Leon has his arm draped over your shoulders. It all happened so quickly and concisely that the warm feeling you got in your stomach from all the affectionate, silly, friendly contact was delayed. 

The countdown started again. Leon almost shoved you in front of him, but instead of putting his arms over your chest and neck and face, (being annoying about it), he placed them gently over your waist. And then when the camera flashed, he was kissing your cheek. 

You turned around in his arms, not really caring about the photos anymore. But he was the one that leaned down and kissed you gingerly, and with meaning. His lips were always so soft and smooth against yours-

The camera flashed. You two were together a little longer, and then you both separated. It was a few long seconds where time just stopped, and you could swear that if you opened the curtain and tried to find one of the rare morning pedestrians of the mall, they would be left unmoving. 

But all you could do was look at Leon. It didn't help that he was so pretty. But there was this weird flash of emotion in his eyes, that same one you couldn't read and he wasn't looking away-

The camera flash made you both jump a little, and then Leon gave a quiet, nervous laugh to himself that sparked yours. He looked at you again, an upward pull of his lips that didn't seem too mean anymore. "Better get those photos," 

"Yeah," you offer back, already leaving the booth. He followed you, and not long after, the booth started to give out a noise before producing two copies of the same strip. Leon quickly snatched them before you could even hope to grab them, and he held them out of your view after that. 

"Leon," He was snickering. That pretty smile he hasn't dropped for 5 minutes now has had its teasing quality reapplied. Irritation quickly bubbles back up in your throat. 

"Ugh, Leon, you-" He does that little shit older brother thing where he lets the strip creep just into your reach before yanking it away a couple of times, but he doesn't do it too much. He gives you one of the copies after starting to giggle at you. 

You shake your head, ready to be embarrassed at your own face or maybe even his, and- well, the first photo has you laughing. Your head is tilted backward and your eyes are closed, and the laughs pour out of your throat like smooth wine. 

"Leon you're such a dork,-"

"Oh ok! And we're not gonna talk about the absolutely feral thing latching itself to my arm-," 

"Noo~, we're not," You interrupt teasingly, and you take a look back at the pictures. The air swiftly changes from playful, easy and teasing to meaningful, endearing- kind of tense in a way. Leon looked beautiful, and you looked nice too, and now you just noticed that Leon is right behind you actively gauging your reaction. 

The third photo was almost too sweet and intimate to look at publicly, and you could feel the tips of your ears start to heat up. Leon's face is mostly obscured, sure, but the way you react to why it's obscured is so sweet and genuine it kind of embarrasses you. Your lips try to hide a smile and your eyes are cast downward and away from Leon- low, but not closed. One of your arms rests on the lean coils of muscle wrapped around your center, while the other reaches up for your hand to rest on his head. 

The fourth makes you inhale a little sharper, and you can now feel the high part of your cheekbones heat with your ears. Leon's chin is resting on your shoulder now, and you can't even imagine the shit-eating grin he must be wearing on his face. Well, both of your faces can't be seen by the camera, if that's any consolation to your poor, heated skin- you might melt ice at this point. 

You don't know why it has you so weirdly dizzy, but maybe it's the way Leon looks so boyish, almost soft kissing you. His head is so slightly tilted, and the way his body curls around yours is just so engaged-

The fifth one is sweet in a different way. It makes your heart instantly crackle and spark for hope, which any sort of tired rationality your dopamine abused brain has left is probably screaming at. 

There's that fear in your chest, but there's no denying the fact that there's a light glimmering in Leon's sea glass eyes that you haven't seen from him too many times. 

It's a look that makes your entire body feel warm, like your skin is being pricked by needles. At this point, you've stopped looking at the photos altogether and buried your face in your hands. It makes Leon's chin lift off your shoulder, and you hear a chuckle come from him, but nothing sarcastic. 

"C'mon, stores are opening soon, weirdo," And when he says that you realize that there's warmth behind his words. You lift your head and look at him, and he's scratching his nose but- is he blushing too? Oh. 

Oh. 

He is. 

Probably not as scorching hot as you, but still. He starts walking, you start walking with him. And then, he takes your hand like that entire thing just didn't happen, and you find that you can't really stop smiling. Even if you reduce it to the smallest pull of your lips, it's still on your face for a while longer. 

--

[tsukimefuku]

List 5 things that make you happy, then put this in the askbox for the last 10 people who liked or reblogged something from you! Get to know your mutuals and followers <3

Ohhh, that's a good one!

having a good snack with a warm cup of coffee (or cold cup of tea, if it's spring/summer) just when the sun is rising, after I failed putting myself to sleep. I like how pretty, serene and silent the light lifts throughout the sky in the first hours of the morning - it's arguably my favorite time of the day. I mean... it's so pretty I just can't, ughhh. I don't particularly like being an insomniac, but that is one of the perks.

When I get a song that vibes a lot with me during a few days, I like listening to it in repeat mode (currently, it's Sayonara Bye Bye by Matsuko Mawatari). It's like being cuddled and soothed, but in my brain. It gives me the brain soothing. Can't describe it, just vibin'.

I like collecting notebooks. Hard cover, colorful, bullet point, big, small, I just love having many, many notebooks - I'm the notebook hoarder. I actually have a crate full of them, all written halfway. I've only managed to finish one notebook (used as journal) my entire life.

Daydreaming. As I grew up and began being medicated for my ADHD, my daydreams became more and more distant for me, and for the past 5 years or so, it was pretty rare to daydream at all. I'm very happy to have come back to daydreaming with fictional story plots, drawings, and random ideas in general that aren't so utilitarian (like things I need/want to do around the house and such).

Hyped chatter about something with someone that is as hyped as I am about that. When I'm healthy (ergo not in a depressive little hole), I tend to function very energetically (at least mentally), and some of that energy comes out in the form of chatter or art making (drawing, writing, singing etc.). I know I tend to get kinda tiring or annoying to people most of the time, so it's awesome when I find someone to be hyped by my side.

So these are 5 things my cringy self loves. 🦉

[watercolor-hearts]

George said it's mental health day today, and since I'm bad at remembering the dates of important days, I, sadly, don't have anything new in mental health related topics I can show you but I still wanted to make a post about it because mental health is important and I have a story/universe about mental health issues and it's very important to me. ❤

In Sickness and In Health is about Seb and his depression, it's his healing journey with Kimi. This is not the usual multi-chapter story, it's more like a universe I sometimes write stories to. Happy and sad moments of their jouney.

Part 1 • Tumblr link • Ao3 link

Sebastian didn't plan it to be like this. He didn't plan his retirement to be about always being at home, not wanting to get out of bed and not having any motivation. He wanted to take up hobbies and work on environment-related things but then... Things changed. He didn't want to get out of bed. When he did get out of bed, he didn't want to go out. He just wanted to go back to bed. He felt tired. He couldn't sleep because it wasn't physical tiredness. It was mental. He just wanted to lay there and... exist.

[Trigger warnings at the beginning of each post/in the notes. Please read them before reading the story because there are some heavy topics.]

Part 2 • Tumblr link • Ao3 link

When it was sure Seb was asleep, Kimi covered him with a blanket that was on the top of the couch. When everything was done and the blanket was covering Seb everywhere from his neck to his toes, giving him the much-needed comfort, was the time when Kimi decided to nap for a bit too. He knew his back would be dead if he slept there but, to be honest, the only thing he cared about was his lover on top of him, sleeping peacefully; a calm moment after all the storms of the last few weeks, even months. Therapy sessions, arguments, struggles with the food he was supposed to eat, and long nights filled with crying; it wasn’t easy. It’s never easy but now there’s always light at the end of the tunnel. The winter slowly turned into spring, the birds started to chirp and the sun started showing its rays again. People say the sun helps when you’re sad or feel down. Maybe a walk outside in the sunshine could help, Kimi thought before drifting off as well. Maybe the sunshine will help his Sunshine to find himself again.

A little extra moment • Tumblr link • Ao3 link

“You know you can always listen to my heart, right?” Kimi broke the silence, making Seb open his eyes. “Or just feel it. You can. Any time. If it helps.” “Really?” Seb asked, lifting his head to look at Kimi. “I mean... I have it. All the time. So yeah,” Kimi smiled, making Seb smile as well, “You can always ask for a hug or a cuddle, or if that's too much you can just put your hand on my chest or feel my pulse on my wrist or wherever you want to, really. If I can help you simply by existing, why wouldn't I do it? I want you to be okay. I want you to be happy.”

And an illustration I made of two scenes of this universe: Tumblr link • Ao3 link

If you've read the stories and liked them, don't be afraid to comment or send an ask with your favorite parts of it. You can even ask about the stories/universe or send ideas for future stories. I'm always open to readers' suggestions because I want to write the moments from this journey the readers most interested in. 😊

[I already have an ask with a few ideas in my inbox and I hope I can write them as soon as possible. Sorry Nyx for making you wait so much. ❤ — Thank you for the ideas again.]

And please don't forget to take care of yourselves and don't be afraid to ask for help when things become too much. It doesn't worth not telling it to anyone and suffering silently. Asking for help is never a weakness. ❤

[mindajane-blog]

This blog post is coming from where I am now. I'm healing.

Healing takes time- longer than I would like. I can feel it these last few months and in healing, I am growing. It is uncomfortable.

In pain, I was closed off and stunted from growth by the walls I put up to protect myself.

I'm learning to trust again. I became untrusting and leery twenty years ago. My fear of people grew. I had reason to fear people at fourteen years old in church. I lost my church friends at a hard time in childhood, basically all my friends since my sister and I were homeschooled. We'd moved from our childhood home, lost a grandparent, and i developed a disorder called trichotillomania (hair pulling). Then, the girl friends i'd made in childhood at church stopped being my friends once we hit youth group. I will say exactly the situations that happened at youth. When my sister and I would join peers in a row, they would get up and leave the row, and if we sat in an empty row they wouldn't join us. We switched youth groups to one at another local church for the rest of highschool.

The fear of people and mistrust had taken root, though. I learned recently that's a root of rejection. I was stuck watching my life through those lenses for too many years. I never truly forgave. I was hurt and afraid, so afraid, especially in church. I KNEW without a shadow of doubt that God is was real. God is love. I also was wrestling and wrestling.

It was a lot. Life was a lot to carry. I can't go back, but if I could I would tell younger me to trust people again, love with all your heart, forgive fully. Yes, some people might hurt you really bad, BUT living afraid and hurt and feeling alone is VERY crappy and isolating. In fact, that life is worse than the life you could have if you move past fear and hurt into forgiveness and into love.

I know this is true, because it's my experience. I'm still sometimes scared now, but I see it is already worthwhile.

Jesus LOVES and Jesus forgives. He died to forgive all sins, my sins and yours, everyone's. I don't need to carry any hurt and offenses at all, I can feel them and forgive, give them to Jesus any time they cross my heart or mind.

I feel His love so deeply. I rebelled in my twenties and sinned in ways I knew were sinning. I thought it didn't matter so much because really I was so closed off and feeling so separate from Christian community. I thought that I would be happier just doing as I pleased. I liked things I did, but I wasn't happier. I loved people as much as I always had, because that doesn't change. I did really love and care about all the friends and family I had and have when I was hurting. I just was loving in my closed off ways.

I'm going to go on a small tangent here. If you aren't a Jesus follower you aren't expected to feel some type of way about sinning in your conscience... I'm not expecting you to live to the Bible or to Christian "standards" or "rules" and I'm not judging you. You're free to choose to live as you like.

Anyhow, back to what I was saying... I didn't feel free when i was sinning. I felt sad. There was loneliness and shame. I was more alone than before. I wanted to belong and doing things I wanted had felt freeing initially, but they weren't.

Last year changed me. Losing my Grandma changed me. Becoming so depressed last spring and summer changed me. I had to be totally broken to see that I was broken.

I had to leave my home church where I felt lifebound to by deep loyalty. I was dedicated there as a baby and I take loyalty to things far too seriously, haha, I'm not a minimilist, so you know that loyalty overflows into most aspects of my life, but I digress. Changing churches helped me finally really see the metaphorical glasses i'd been wearing and looking through for so long!

Glasses make things bigger, so those rejection glasses I'd had on just magnified slights, perceived or real, for YEARS. That is SO bad, I know it is.

I do want to say this, I'm really sorry to all I judged, mistrusted, and pushed away.

I forgive anyone who did hurt me back in youth years.

I'm not carrying those anymore. Jesus took both of our hurts and hurting to the cross.

I learned also that I'm free, so much more free and have so much more joy and love within me when I obey Jesus. He gives eternal life. He loves me! Living for Him is freer and fuller life than I ever was living for my flesh wants and desires.

Psalm 121 A Song of Ascents. 121 I lift up my eyes to the hills.     From where does my help come? 2 My help comes from the Lord,     who made heaven and earth. 3 He will not let your foot be moved;     he who keeps you will not slumber. 4 Behold, he who keeps Israel     will neither slumber nor sleep. 5 The Lord is your keeper;     the Lord is your shade on your right hand. 6 The sun shall not strike you by day,     nor the moon by night. 7 The Lord will keep you from all evil;     he will keep your life. 8 The Lord will keep     your going out and your coming in     from this time forth and forevermore.

[lilac-5ky]

Hugging Takasugi during different seasons

A/N: WOO IS THIS A LOW EFFORT POST? YOU BET IT IS! but finishing my current writing project takes so long and I feel depressed since it's heavy on angst and I want some fluff so there you go!

Warning: didn't have the time to proofread ;-; fluff that gets a bit suggestive? nothing over the top though.

❄️Winter❄️

What makes you think that cold weather is enough to get him to dress up? He is undoubtedly flaunting his bare skin even if it's snowing outside. Man knows no shame cold.

But that's exactly what makes him so huggable!

You walk up to him, wrapping both arms around his waist and pressing your head against his uncovered chest. He doesn't budge, but he looks at you with that "What do you think you are doing" look, most certainly quirking a brow.

"It's cold! Let me warm up!"

Of course if you told him that you were looking to warm him up specifically, he'd turn you down, suggesting there's no need for it. But if you are the one shivering?

He'd yank your hands off him, only to fully bury them inside his yukata, allowing you to snake them around his bare torso. Flustered, you tilt your chin against his chest to face him, at which he smirks, content with your reaction.

"How about we warm these lips up as well?"

shameless asdfghjkl

🌸Spring🌸

You thought that with all the flowers blooming up, it'd be romantic to get Shinsuke out for some flower viewing with you. The weather was nice, the cherry trees were full of blossoms; an ideal scenery for an ideal date.

Walking side by side, you reached a secluded area for the two of you to gaze at them together. Terrorism and normal dates don't go hand in hand, and so once you'd made certain there was no way for the Shinsengumi to blast your date, you sat upon a fallen tree trunk.

Although he did have his objection about engaging in such idle activities, you could see a small smile curl his lips up. He looked so ethereal among the pink flowers, that you couldn't help your self but lean against his shoulder, loosely wrapping both arms around him.

"There's no one I'd rather watch the flowers wi-"

Before you could finish your sentence, a wild sneeze cut it in half. Talk about embarrassing! You squeeze your eyes shut, expecting to get murdered in cold blood.

Eventually you find the courage to look up at him, spelling a nasal "Sowwy", the kind that forces a giggle out of his lips. He lifts his hand and you close your eyes again, awaiting your execution, though rather than doing that, Takasugi gently taps the tip of your nose with his index.

"Cute." He says, booping your nose. "Very cute."

🐬Summer🐬

The odds of getting Takasugi to join you for a swim are less than Gintoki paying his yakult debt off to him. Not just that, but he is the type of person to harbor an intense dislike for visiting overpopulated beaches.

And so rather than going outside, the two of you ended up in his room as usually, him sitting by the window like a cat bathing in the sun, and you trying to fan yourself with whatever object came in handy.

He doesn't look bothered by the heat in the slightest, and why should he, when he spends 365 days of the year dressed in the bare minimum? From time to time, he shoots you a look, without doing so much as to indulge to your whims and take you out.

Frustrated, you walk towards him, nesting in between his spread legs. He doesn't reject you, but you hear him sight, mumbling under his breath that this won't help you get rid of your issue. Ignoring his comment, you take hold of his arms, placing them around your body while leaning back against his chest, surprised at the rather cool sensation.

"Wow, they are right about cold-hearted guys having no issue with the heat."

"Wow, they are right about summer being the season of ticks." He huffs in annoyance.

Stubbornly, the two of you remain in this position until he caves in, unhooking his arms. "Perhaps scrubbing them off will do the trick." He says suggestively, glancing towards the bathroom.

So what if he called you a pest? You had no intention to reject his invitation, though unsurprisingly, things turned steamier than before once you joined the shower( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

🍁Fall🍁

The season of fallen leaves, Halloween, and of course, rain.

It's no surprise that Takasugi gets increasingly obnoxious and grumpy during such times. He's expressed his dislike towards downpours on multiple occasions, but the world is not going to self destruct on its own. He has to keep going, even if that means getting soaked, or worse, catching a cold.

With abandon, he chooses to continue his traveling towards his destination, nearly unaware of the fact that you are tagging behind him with an umbrella stretched over his head as if you are filming a historical drama. Unlike him, you are the type to check the weather forecast before going out, and you had no intention to let him get soaked.

You try your best to shield him from the rain, while he ignores you Or rather, he knows what it is you are doing, and is simply teasing you by accelerating and then decelerate his pace. You go between running after him and hitting the edge of the umbrella against his skull, until finally he turns around and faces you.

He smiles, secretly thankful that it's you that always has his back. The girl to catch lone raindrop and never let go.

Extending his hand towards you, he takes the umbrella and then pulls you onto him. You are both drenched from head to toes, but it doesn't matter anymore, not when you have each other.

"Thank you." He whispers, ending the silence between you with a gentle kiss.

Who said terrorists can't be romantic?

[babyboy-cody]

Hey, you probably won't see this but I see that your request are still open. May I request one with the foursome? they are Neglecting the reader like making excuses to not spend time with her or not making love to her but she hears them making love to each other. They all decided to go to a fancy party they left the reader at the bar by herself when she ready to go home she sees them flirting with another girl calling her pet names and she sees Jim kissing her and touching her. The reader goes home crying her eyes out thinking they don't love her and she becomes depressed the more they keep neglecting her the more she becomes depressed and they notice and they try to make things right with her. I know this is long u don’t have to write it. This idea has been on my mind for a while.

oh this completely broke me :(( i’m gonna make this extremely angsty so FAIR WARNING. this will not have a happy ending,,,,,, i’m mean that way >:) this is gonna be vvveeeeerrrryyyyy looonnnggggggg.

word count: 6,249 fucking words

You’re not sure how long it’s been; days, weeks, maybe months. Somehow, in some way, it felt like an eternity. Without their touch, you weren’t sure how to keep yourself grounded and away from the darkness etched in your mind. Without simple praises falling from their lips like a soft melody, you weren’t sure how to build yourself up when you’re constantly falling down. Without their beautiful eyes set on you as if you were the most precious diamond in the entire world, you weren’t sure how to even feel worthy again. All you felt was pain - that deep, emotional, excruciating pain that seemed to follow you everywhere you went, whether you liked it or not. This was hell for you. You’re not sure what you did to end up in your own personal hell, but this was it. And you wanted to get out one way or another.

This loneliness is a vice on your heart, squeezing with just enough pressure to be a constant pain. It kills you everyday just a little bit more, taking what was once your inner light and replacing it with a darkness that overshadows each moment. It is the fuel of your nightmares, the reason you struggle to breathe when a new shock comes. Where is the limit? When comes the point at which dogs are called off and the help begins? Because you need to know; you really need to know.

Today was like no other. It was just a repetitive cycle like yesterday, and the day before that, and the day before that, and the day before that. You tried desperately to get something from them; a hug, a kiss, a pat on the back, a fucking handshake. You needed them so that it quells your mind that they don’t want you anymore, that they have no need to keep you around. It was pure torture.

Duncan was lounging in the living room, knocking back a small glass of his favorite Whiskey - one that you bought for him that traveled all the way from Sweden. His eyes were trained on the television mounted above the fireplace, his feet propped up on the glass table and crossed at the ankles. He didn’t turn his head when you entered, but you noticed his shoulders tensed as if he were holding his breath.

“Dunc?” You quietly spoke. “Um.. I was wondering if you’d like to go out with me tonight? Just you and me?” You were fiddling with your fingers, a nervous habit they all stopped you from continuing, but you picked it up again. You scraped at the skin in the corners of your fingernails and barely reacted when you looked down and saw blood.

“Can’t,” was his response.

“Oh..” you whispered, feeling your heart plummet to the pit of your stomach as your neck and cheeks warmed with embarrassment. “M-May I ask why?”

“I’m busy, Y/N,” he sighs and does the thing when he’s frustrated and rubs his hand over his jaw.

You nodded wordlessly, swallowing down a small whimper of emotional pain and left the living room. When you got to the hallway, you pressed your back against the wall and hid your face in your hands. “Don’t cry, don’t cry, don’t cry,” you hissed to yourself, feeling that little tickle in your nostrils and the lump in your throat getting larger and more painful. You sniffled and stared at your feet. Your vision was getting increasingly blurry, the moments of Duncan’s rejection etched in your mind, mocking you for being so pathetic. “No, I’m not,” you whimpered. So very pathetic.

When you were able to calm down again, you gently wiped away your tears and hiccuped a few shaky breaths. Trudging up the steps slowly, you felt a bit of hope when you heard Michael in his office, wondering if he was typing away at his computer as always. You walked the agonizingly long hallway, twiddling your fingers again. You heard his quiet laughter, followed by the low hum of his voice, although you couldn't make out what he was saying or who was talking to. You knocked three times and slowly pushed the door open, gasping softly as you witnessed what was in front of you.

Jim was wearing one of his baggy college sweaters which was bunched at the bottom around his hips. He sat on Michael's lap straddling him, the same way you would always do. Their lips were locked in a deep kiss, Jim's moans so soft and barely a whisper. You felt a sick feeling in your stomach when you noticed how naked he was below. How long has it been since Jim and Michael touched you? Duncan? At this point, you couldn't even remember when the last time was.

Feeling a presence behind you, you sharply turned and spotted Duncan. You blushed as he looked down at you. He got closer now, close enough for you to feel the warmth radiating from his body and the smell of his intoxicating cologne. He stepped into the doorway and into Michael's office. You looked up at him with hopeful eyes, wondering if they were going to invite you as well. You missed their pleasure filled touch. As you were about to step in as well, Duncan blocked whatever was left of the entrance with his body and the door, as he was holding onto the doorknob to avoid you coming in.

"Maybe next time," he told you in a monotone voice. And with that, he shut the door and locked it. Hearing that lock click so you wouldn't come in felt like a punch in the gut. You staggered back as if you were knocked in the face by Mike Tyson himself. Everything around you feels like it's going in slow motion. Your breathing sounds like an echo in your ears as you begin to hear a high pitched ringing. Your breathing is shallow and rapid, the early signs of an anxiety attack. You grabbed onto the wall as you begun to feel extremely dizzy.

"No, no, no, please no," you weakly cried out as you reached your room. "Not now. Not again." You felt so pathetic and weak. You slammed your door and hurried to your dresser as you began to wheeze, desperate to get in an even breath. You pulled out your inhaler, shaking it for a brief moment, popping the cap off and sticking the tube into your mouth to breath in the carbonated medicine. Almost instantly, you felt your lungs open up. You panted softly and outstretched your legs on the ground.

"What's wrong with me?" You weeped quietly, not able to hold in your cries anymore and finally letting the dam break. You're not sure what caused the change in your relationship, but you desperately wanted things to go back to normal.

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You have always loved the flowers and the birds, loved the sunlight and the clouds that drift on by. You have always loved the way the leaves move in a breeze and that soft whispering sound they make, like nature loves to chatter too. Yet the tiredness that begun a while ago remains like a veil over your skin, grey and cold. And as you watch the petals and the twigs that sway outside the window, there is only a creeping sorrow where there should be joy. It sits like November rain on your skin, enough to chill what was once warm inside. At any other time you would have spoken to the guys, asked for the warmth you needed to ward it off, just a little is enough. No longer. Now you just let it come, drop by drop and you feel like it's an ocean falling upon you instead of rain - that the grief of years you carefully suspended has all condensed right above your head into a cloud large enough to block the sun. They say it can't rain forever, that there will come a time when it must cease, that the last drop will have fallen. Thing is, you just don't care. You'll still be true to yourself, still help others, but you plan to just stay here in the cold, comfortably numb.

When the tears weren't even half way done, you were empty. You couldn't have cried even if you wanted to. You hadn't experienced this feeling in a long time. The sadness was still there, but not raw anymore – now it was an empty unhappiness - the kind you didn't think would easily lift. You felt like Michael, Duncan, or even Jim could surprise you with the cutest kitten on earth and you wouldn't feel a thing. You stared around yourself as if you were in a pit. Your surroundings were exactly the same, but they gave you no emotion. How could that be? You needed emotion to feel alive, to feel love.

There was a knock at your door, but you didn't respond. You continued staring out the window with a blank expression, your eyes dead and your lips in a slight frown. It was raining. You loved the rain. You remembered when you and Jim had ran outside one spring afternoon and jumped into puddles while laughter filled the air. If you focused your eyes well enough, you can probably see the raindrops sliding down the leaves.

"Y/N?" You felt a hand on your shoulder, pulling you from your thoughts. You sat in a daze, completely silent as rain continued to slap against the window. You looked at the hand and then up at the culprit. "Hey, can you hear me?"

"Hm.." you hummed low and looked around your surroundings. You looked back outside and breathed against the window, watching as frosty condensation forms on the glass. "Hi Jim."

The way you spoke worried Jim deeply. You spoke with zero emotion, as if you were a robot with no feelings at all. You had an empty look in your eyes when you looked up at him. He didn't even recognize you. Your reaction to his words were so delayed and monotonous. You were always so bright and bubbly and cheerful. But now, your responses were, "oh" "um" "hm.." "okay."

"We're going to a party tonight for Duncan's company. Michael wants us all to go, okay?" He told you, stuffing his hands in his pockets as his main focus was on you. "You down for dressing up all fancy?" He had a teasing tone in his voice, but you didn't react to it. All you said was, "Okay, Jim" in that same blank tone. He's not sure what was wrong with you, but he chose not to say much else. He nods wordlessly and leaves your room, not without sparing you one last glance, one that you didn't reciprocate. You still had that thousand yard stare out the window.

As he walks down the long steps, he hears soft murmurs of Michael and Duncan’s voice in the kitchen. When he enters, he smells the delicious steak Michael was currently cooking in a skillet pan. It sizzles and smokes, making his mouth instantly water. Duncan’s leaning against the counter adjacent to the blonde man, nursing down a glass of iced water with lemon - shockingly. They stop their conversation when Duncan notices Jim standing by the large kitchen island, his arms crossed and a wary look on his face.

“What’s wrong, Jimmy?” Duncan immediately crosses over and placed his cold hands over his cheeks. “What’s got you looking so beaten up?”

“Something’s wrong with Y/N,” he quietly tells him, a soft sigh escaping his lips. “She’s... different. Not good different. It’s just... different.”

“Different how?” Michael turned suddenly and seemed interested in the conversation.

“She just wasn’t... there. It was like she was out of it and it was fucking scary,” Jim practically whimpered. “Are you sure we should be doing this? I-I don’t think it’s a good idea anymore.”

“Listen, we all already agreed with it, so we might as well continue with the plan, alright? The least she can do is understand where we’re coming from,” Michael reasoned, lightly calming down the young man.

All three men prepared dinner while you sat in the bath tub with boiling hot water pouring onto like no other. Compared to the cold rain outside, this type of rainfall felt so fucking excruciating and peaceful. The pain etched all over your sensitive skin was what you needed. With your knees tucked to your chest and your chin resting on them, you stared ahead in a blank state, barely acknowledging how hot the water really was. You hummed quietly when there was a knock on the door, followed by the wooden barrier opening.

“Jesus Christ,” Michael hissed as he was immediately enveloped in hot steam, barely seeing the shower or himself in the large mirror beside him. “Y/N? Are you in here?” He spots your rumbled pile of clothes on the ground, and he sees your shadow behind the shower curtain. “What the fuck?” He rips open the shower curtain and takes note of your bright red skin. “Are you out of your fucking mind?!” He furiously goes to shut off the water, yanking his head back as he briefly touches the scorching knob. He reaches down to grab your shirt, wrapping it around the knob to turn the water off completely.

“I like hot showers,” you mumbled and never removed your blank stare from the tiles in front of you. “They feel... they feel... hm... good.” You nodded to yourself.

Michael now knew what Jim was talking about. This robotic state you were in was something he has never seen before. He wrapped a soft towel around your extremely warm shoulders and helped you out of the tub - the way you moved was like you were working on autopilot. There was no smooth glide in your movements like you usually had. It was rocky and uncoordinated, almost robotic. You sat on the toilet seat, not caring of your nudity before Michael. You were usually shy and hid away with a blushing smile, something Michael always loved teasing you about. You would always swat at his hand when he would - so very gently - trace your stretch marks. You didn’t even look up at him as he dried you off.

“We’re going to a party tonight. I’m sure Jimmy told you the details, right?” He looked down at you for a response, but all you did was stare ahead emotionless and in silence. He clears his throat. “I got everyone clothes to wear, so I left yours on your bed. Dinner’s ready downstairs.”

“Not hungry,” you whispered just barely, but Michael heard you perfectly clear. “Just gonna go... lie down for a bit.” It was quiet again as you fully wrapped yourself in the towel. You nodded to yourself and hummed softly, slowly standing from your seat and walking passed Michael in a trance-like state. He watched in the hallway as you made your way to your room and shut the door without sparing him another glance. He sighed softly and looked back into the bathroom, the leftover heat now gone and replaced with a soft mist.

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The drive to the event/party felt like an eternity. You sat in the backseat with Jim. All three men spoke to one another while Duncan drove. You were looking out the window, your eyes moving frantically to watch the street lamps pass by in a flash. You counted quietly to yourself with each car that passed. So far there’s been two cars every four minutes, so it seems. Jim was keeping an eye on you, watching as your lips moved like you were lip syncing to a song in your head. But it looked like your lips were barely parting to form a coherent word. It just looked like whispers, as if you were telling secrets to someone of the unknown. You looked down at your nails and scraped at the peeling skin. So pathetic.

“No,” you mumbled. “No, no, no.” Your voice was so quiet that a pin dropping can even be heard. You’re not sure when the guys ended their conversation or when the car stopped, but a hand touching your elbow pulled you from your thoughts.

“We’re here,” Duncan told you with a tight lipped smile, one that was obviously fake and strained.

You carefully exited the SUV, being careful of the bottom of your silky, champagne colored dress. You tightened the slip around your shoulders and chest when Michael wrapped an arm around your back to lead you towards the entrance. There were lots of people, too many people. The noise. The loud noise. It’s too loud. So very loud; the overexcited laughing, the clinking and scraping of metal silverware against delicate glass, the boisterous music. It’s so fucking loud. You winced when a man’s shoulder roughly knocked into yours when he was in a deep conversation with another man. This was a bad idea, so very bad. You turned to tell Michael that you were already not liking this, but he was nowhere to be seen. Neither was Jim or Duncan. All three of them somehow disappeared and left you in the crowd.

You stifled a whimper and bit your bottom lip as you desperately stood on your tippy toes to try to look over the heads of so many business men, business women, or anyone in between. They bumped into you, not caring to apologize. You heard that familiar ringing in your ears again. All the noise you heard, all the laughter and music and conversation, sounded like it was in a tunnel. That echo that seemed so far away. You spotted a bar in the corner of the main hall and hurried over, silently thanking whoever was above when the seats were empty. The bartender acknowledged you and gave you a nod.

“What can I get you?” He leaned in close to hear you, a small hand towel resting on his shoulder.

“Um.. a strawberry lemonade, please?” You quietly told him, still looking back in hopes of spotting your men, hoping that they spotted you as well.

You can hear the sloshing of ice as the bartender made your drink. You were nervously picking at your fingers again, your face set in a grimace at the amount of people pouring in. You felt sick in your stomach. You felt... alone. Your drink was set on a napkin in front of you, all pretty and a mix of pink and red. You thanked him so very softly that he had to lean in to hear you. You reached into your small clutch and pulled out a $20. “Keep the rest,” you told him and took a small sip.

“I appreciate it, miss.” He gave you a smile and moved on to an eager and very drunk customer at the end of the bar.

You gnawed at your bottom lip, pulling at the thin protective skin with your teeth, barely wincing from the sting. Your eyes were frantically scanning the entire room, trying to see that familiar head of long blonde hair of Michael, of that neatly styled hair of Duncan, or that soft fringe of Jim. You sighed defeatedly and looked down at your drink, feeling so very unworthy and unwanted as laughter echoed all around you. Why did you even come? You knew it was pointless, didn’t you?

“What did I do wrong?” You whispered so weakly to yourself, resting your elbow on the bar top as your forehead rests on your hand. “Fucking stupid.”

Your drink was almost empty as you swirled your ice around with your striped paper straw. The little paper umbrella toothpick was discarded neatly on a napkin. You swiped your fingers on the condensation left from your glass. You drew a small smiley face, but soon wiped it away with the napkin. You looked up to do one last sweep with your eyes when suddenly, you saw the back of Michael’s head. You knew it was him because of the dark red velvet suit jacket he was wearing. Beside him was Duncan, and both men were grinning and talking to someone in front of them. You hoped it was Jim. And it was Jim. But they weren’t alone.

Clinging to his arm stood a pretty woman, so dainty and bright, yet there was a certain fire to her that you didn’t have. You watched as she probably said something snarky to Michael that had him throwing his head back in a laugh. Duncan was grinning like a cat that got the cream. Jim was staring her down like a hungered man. Then, it happened. It was so fast, but it felt like slow motion as it repeats over and over and over and over again in your head. She was clutching onto his tie, pulling him down desperately as they kissed so deeply, with such passion you haven’t had in so long. What hurt the most was that Duncan and Michael watched. They had grins on their faces, the same ones they had when Jim would do the same to you. You swallowed down a gasp as your eyes watered. You read Michael’s lips as he spoke to her. All you can make out was, “Dove.” That was your name. You can feel an ache spread from your chest to your stomach and back up to your chest. You covered your mouth to stifle an excruciating cry.

The pain increased with every step you took towards the exit. You held the bottom of your dress to not trip over, your tears warm and quick down your cheeks, for sure leaving mascara tracks. You hurried down the steps and turned the corner, passing through the beautiful garden you failed to notice earlier. When you were out of sight from other people, you dropped to your knees and pressed your hands into the grass. Your shoulders shook as you desperately tried to breathe, but every time you breathed it was a painful gasp and hiccup.

“Why? Why? Why? Why me? Why? What did I do? What did I do wrong, God? Please, tell me, why?” You cried and brought your hands together in a praying motion, crying up at the sky above. “Please, tell me! And I’ll change! Just tell me, why?”

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Self control is a finite resource because the part of the brain exerting control gets tired - it requires energy and that gets depleted. So, the repressing of anger needs careful thought. If it is boiling up, how will it be cooled? If it explodes, whom bares the brunt? Because they psyche under seige will naturally seek a more vulnerable (hence "safe") person to explode at. Stress bubbles down to less dominant people in a society where the more powerful have reduced ability to handle their anger and stress. Thus, how you deal with your anger is vital. It is as steam in a pressure cooker, you have to find a way to let it out in a safe manner. That can be through physical activity or by finding inner peace, or often a combination of the two. Sport releases the need for self control, finding inner peace expands your endurance and ability for self control. As such, they are a winning combination.

But now.. you’re not sure you have that same self control you had a while back. You felt nothing, hence you did nothing. You just laid there hoping that it’ll pass. Feeling empty and feeling tired have such a strong connection to one another that you need to fully rest before you can figure out what is what. But even rest is tiring. There is a silence to your soul; you’re fall leaves under frost. You feel the chill in your blood, coldness bringing the synapses of your brain to a stand still. Part of it is a pain, yet one you can endure, one you can sleep through night after night without the anaesthesia of false hope. This is your winter; you wait for spring and the chattering of the birds. But it never comes.

It’s been a month. One whole month since you’ve witnessed the cause of your shattered heart. It wasn’t broken and able to piece back together. It was completely shattered into dust. You relived in constantly in your conscious and unconscious state. It replayed like a broken record over and over and over again. The moment was in your dreams, nightmares, and thoughts. When you had gotten home that night, you stood in complete silence before finally uttering that long, heart-wrenching scream that strained your vocal cords. You had fallen to the ground, unable to keep yourself standing any longer and screamed and screamed and screamed until you couldn’t scream anymore. You were already in bed by the time the guys had gotten home. Only Jim called your phone, but you let it ring. They didn’t check up on you. They just left you there, broken.

You lie awake in bed, watching as the rain fell and pelted against the window in a gently melody. It brought your spirits just slightly, but it soon washed away in an instant. You contemplated on taking your medication again, the ones that made you feel good, but you’d rather punish yourself with this overpowering feeling of emptiness. You didn’t deserve to feel good. You deserved the pain thrown at you emotionally.

You’re not sure what time it was, but there was still light out. It couldn’t be no more than two in the afternoon. You heard clatter coming from downstairs, followed by a mix of deep voices. You continued staring out the window, wishing you were enveloped in nothing but darkness. There was a knock at your door, following the small creak of it opening. Well, this was a first.

“Dove?” Michael quietly called out. “Are you awake?”

He watched as your breathing was steady, your back facing him as you were huddled underneath the covers. You didn’t respond to him, but you knew that he knew you were awake. He sighed quietly and stepped around your bed to get closer to you, sitting on the edge of the bed to lower the covers in order to see you.

You didn’t look at him, instead keeping your eyes on the window with a blank expression. He noticed the really dark circles under your eyes and your sickly complexion. He noticed how much weight you’ve lost, and he wondered when was the last time you ate. He hadn’t seen you in the kitchen in so long because it was Jim who tried to coax you to join them for breakfast and dinner.

“Come downstairs and eat,” he told you, tugging on your arm gently, but you slowly pulled it away and tucked it under the covers again. He frowned.

“Not hungry,” you hoarsely whispered. “Just go away, Michael.” You shut your eyes as a small tear rolled down your temple. “Please... just leave.”

He opened his mouth to protest, but his attention turned to the doorway where Jim and Duncan stood. They both shook their heads as the youngest of the two frantically waved his hand in a “come here” motion. Michael glanced at you one last time and stood up with a small sigh. When he left the room and shut the door, they all stood in a small circle.

“She’s getting worse,” Duncan mumbled and rubbed his jaw frustratedly.

“I knew this was a bad fucking idea, Michael,” Jim hissed. “I never wanted to do this. You wanted to do this. And we were so stupid to go along with it because you made us believe that we needed something new in our lives.”

“It was a suggestion, Jim,” Michael told him, holding a hand out to calm the frantic man. “I just thought -”

“Yeah,” Jim cut him off. “You thought it would make things better. Now look at her. She’s fucking falling apart because of us.” He whimpered and pressed his hands against his eyes to roughly rub his tears away.

He walked away in a hurry, mentally beating himself up for falling victim to Michael’s words. What was he thinking? Needing something new? He didn’t need new, he needed you. When he kissed and flirted and had his hands on that girl, all he was thinking about was you. He wasn’t thinking how bad the outcome could’ve been.

Duncan stared at Michael silently with his arms crossed. “We need to make this right,” he told the blonde man. “This was a reckless and unthinkable thing we could’ve done, and now we’re paying the price.”

“I know,” Michael mumbled and pinched the bridge of his nose. “I just wanted our relationship to take a next level of something exciting.”

“Exciting?” Duncan scoffed. “We pushed her away. We neglected her constantly. We haven’t touched her, let alone kissed her in, what, almost two months? It’s just... we should’ve brought her into the loop as well.”

“I know,” Michael stressed. “Look, we’ll fix this. We always do.”

Except, the damage was already done. There was nothing too fix. You were a hallow shell of a human, of what was left of you. You were nothing but a faint, forgotten memory.

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You rest eyes upon the leaves, fluttering in the garden. In the light of day you could never tell of the storm they had suffered the night before, of the winds that howled and tore their brethren from branches to ground. They reflected the soft sun rays, gave off their colors with that quiet joy nature sings of, that silent music you love to hear. Yet you also saw the plucked leaves, swirling in the gusting wind, the subtle “tells” of the hardship only recently passed. In that moment you wondered what people would make of you. Would they see “tells” of your storm? The way your eyes were slow and mouth heavy at the corners? Would they see the tears un-cried? And if they did, if they saw that emotional debris, knowing how the grief hurricane returns over and over, would they shine for you like the sun on the trees or treat you like you were on the other side of glass, ensuring that your storm never chilled their own skin, much less clipped at their souls. You wondered.

Tightening your chunky cardigan over your body as a chill passed, you smiled and closed your eyes as you smelled the freshly cut grass and rainwater. Everything was peaceful, as it should be. Your bare feet was buried in the soft tuts of bright green grass, your toes wiggling as you giggled at the tickling sensation. Afternoon crickets chirped and birds sung sweet songs in the trees. You felt at peace with yourself. Michael, Duncan, and Jim were away. You’re not sure where, but they had left a note telling you the time they should be back. The trunk and backseat of your car were filled with boxes and trash bags of your things. It was time to let go and be free, as much as it pained you to do so. As much as you tried to forget about that incident, it was tattooed in the back of your mind permanently.

You entered the house and shut the back door, making sure it was locked and the window shades were down. You walked around slowly, savoring the last of moments inside. Every room you were in, you remembered something good or bad that happened. Every moment of passionate love making, every laugh, every argument, every cry, every kiss. You would be forever grateful in in experiencing these things because without it, you weren’t sure how strong you’d be compared to now.

You heard the small beep of the alarm unlocking and the front door opening. You swallowed down a small, nervous breath and nodded to yourself. Everything’s going to be okay, you thought. You entered the large dining room where the three stood. Jim looked defeated, Duncan looked confused, and Michael... he looked broken.

“We saw your car...” Duncan began, but Jim cut him off instantly.

“Where are you going?” He mumbled softly and took a tiny step forward, shuffling his feet side to side, not knowing what to do in this moment.

“Um... I’m leaving,” you quietly told them. “I did a lot of thinking these passed two months and I’ve come to a realization that I’m not cut out for this.” Michael opened his mouth to speak up, but you held a hand out to silence him. “Listen to me, please. I loved you, all of you. I loved and I gave and I was taken for granted. And the only person to build myself back up again was... me.”

“Why are you talking like this so suddenly?” Michael spoke up, brows furrowing as he struggled to understand your words.

“I saw what happened, at the party. And I know that, maybe, I wasn’t someone you wanted and I know how difficult I can be and I know I have some unresolved issues I need to work on to become better,” your voice cracked and you sniffled as your looked down at your hands with blurry eyes. “And I’m sorry I couldn’t give you what you wanted.”

“No,” Duncan whispered brokenly. “This wasn’t supposed to happen.” He angrily shook his head, eyes blazing with a building rage. “You-You can’t leave.”

“Duncan,” you whispered softly and stepped up to him, resting your hands on his scruffy cheeks as a lonesome tear rolls down, pooling over your thumbs. “I have to go. You have to let me go.”

He shook his head as the dam finally breaks. “No...” His voice was completely broken, eyes filled with so much pain and anger. “Please...”

You stepped away and sniffled. You looked over at Jim and gave him a sad smile. His bottom lip was trembling so badly that he had to bite down on it to make it stop. He was rubbing the back of his neck continuously, a tell tale sign of frustration and panic.

“Jimmy,” you quietly said. “You’re gonna have to let me go as well, okay? Can you do that for me?”

He shook his head and exhaled a shuddering breath. “I-I can’t... I...” He couldn’t even speak. He just stared at you in desperation, wishing and hoping that you’d change your mind and stay with them like you all promised.

And finally, you looked at Michael - the first man you ever loved and who introduced you to Duncan and Jim. You would forever be thankful that you had the opportunity to fall in love with these men, but sadly, these opportunities must come to an end.

“What can I do to make things right, dove?” He begged, something he’s never done before and it’s such a shock to you. “Tell me what to do.”

“There’s nothing that can be done to make things right, Michael,” you told him gently as you shook your head. “I think this was the final straw that I really needed to get out, and I really hope that you all have a good life ahead of you. I love you and I always will love you deep down in my heart, and I’ll never forget you three.” You gave them a sad smile. “I guess this is goodbye,” your voice cracked just a little bit.

You looked at them one last time before moving through the hallway and towards the front door. You swung the strap of your bag around your shoulder and dug inside for your keys. You pulled out the house key from the ring and placed it on the small table that had a stack of mail, a little bowl with Jim and Duncan’s keys, a long vase with lilies - your favorite flower, and a picture. It was of you, Duncan, Jim, and Michael the minute you all had moved in. There were bright smiles on your faces, even Michael. Things were so much better back then; when things were simpler. You heard faint crying coming from the dining room, and you wondered who it was, if you should go back to console them. But you knew if you did, you would stay.

As you left the house, you studied it with a small smile. You’ll never forget the endless memories inside and out. This wasn’t just a house, it was a home. “Goodbye, home,” you whispered and placed your hand on the banister.

After the long days of being so alone, the pain ebbed. You thought you would feel the knives in your back forever, the long blades slicing into such sensitive flesh. There were days your brain felt electrocuted, so violently defocused and the pain, the emotional pain, was all so encompassing you simply existed as a matter of will power. They say people come out of these things stronger, and you guess that's true, but you come out wiser too. You still have your loving heart, you’re proud to say. You still have your idealism and courage. You still take forward leaps whether you can see the ground or not. But this heart, it's not for everyone, it's not for the ones who threw the knives.

But this? This isn’t the end. It’s the start of a new chapter. You’re not sure where you’ll end up, but you’re sure you’ll pass the next level. Alone or not.

[alphaofdarkness]

not me here for the oc ask ! can't wait to answer the ones you asked me, tomorrow i have my exam and then i shall live again haha ! but now i'll ask you 1, 2, 17, 18, 19, 20 and 31 — i know, it is a lot ( you don't have to do them all 💕) , but i really want to know something more about your wonderful babies and Dany ofc ! I missed her sm during this semi-hiatus 🤧💕💕💕 hope you're doing fine, sending you lots of love 💞💕💘

@carmenio Edgy!! 🥺 so happy to hear from you! ✨ I love these kinds of asks, especially on my many, many OC babies! I hope these answers are good and interesting to thee! I’ll present more info on Dany to some way, some how cause I love her 😭💖

I have gone and included the other questions you asked as well! 🤗 Let’s dive in! 😳

1. Gone and Answered Here ! UwU

2. Do you have a personal favorite among your OCs?

Personal favorite is often shown in the one I draw the most lol, which for a long time was Danielle LWW, but just because she was also my wolfsona at the time. After I made my own personal one I think I went onto Sam for a good while, also eventually going to Dany from Bsd!

So a tie between two beautiful girls, Sam is definitely my favorite LWW Oc, she is just precious and the one I hold the most and most always feel terrible and bad when I put her through it TM. 

Also Dany is my self insert, U//w//U, she has definitely allowed me to slowly self love and allow me to appreciate myself, especially the parts of me I didn’t think to much about or consider so appealing, I think? She has definitely been changing gradually into more of myself since I first came up with her almost 2 years ago! Watch me slowly knock her down to my height of 4′9″, let her have her 3 inches for another year maybe lol.

My dearest Atsushi agrees lol ✨🐯

17. Any OC OTPs? 

👀 lol yesss~ so many and so many crack ships too, which I'll answer next 😂

I’ll just go on and list them off, plenty more of them but~:

DanyJay

SoraYama

LidiaTom

AlikLucy

IsabelleKayla

AlexanderIsabelle

DarkwolfmonJatomon

JatamonRaiwolfmon

EarthamonHounmon

HumaamonWolverimon

And lastly TakaSam is the one I have definitely drawn and thought of the most! They are the top OTP and just best trope of Childhood Friends to Lovers trope, also filling in that trope of Oblivious to both of them but everyone else 🙄. While SoraYama may have been the OG Couple in my story, my love and warmth for TakaSam is unmatched TwT.

It is wild cause I always draw anguish between them as could-have-been-lovers-had-it-not-been-for-death, but recently been drawing them purely happy and content. Total sweethearts, the love everyone wants, excluding possibility of being old friends or not!

18. Any OC crackships?

L o l, I never seem to focus on the main couples because of this specific thing.

I’ll again just go off in list an maybe add a trope or something to get an idea of them:

DanyYama: Rivals, Constantly arguing, and can be petty as heck, but oh the potential and just possibility of opening up after the traumaTM 👀 also the couple that is always in your face about being in a relationship.

DanySora: Sparing partners, the sass and stubbornness, BiPan solidarity 👀

DanyLidia: Pure, wholesome, best friends and so much hugging and lifting from the tol to smol, the nature love vibes

SamJay: Wholesome, soft, healing together from traumaTM, protectiveness, also their Digimon were lovers and married in their previous life, what does that make us? 😳

SamDany: Mostly sibling-like relationship, but damn they have that Sun and Moon tropes?! How can you not possibly ship them!

SamLula: Shy and Confident, Bisexual/Lesbian solidarity 💕✨

JaySora: Opposite of the DanyYama tropes, why are our partners constantly arguing, can they please stop, pure and soft together.

DanyTaka: Digimon Au specifically, Oh you and I are the voice of the revolution? We are rallying up the troops together? Oh boi my Digimon feels love for yours, am I falling for you or are we falling together? Depression buddies but also each others hope and spirit boost ;;w;;

Any of the Warriors with the Sins: A whole lo t of mess, and just not healthy ... but I can already seen fandom people sayin g otherwise~

LustWrath: Spicy, no strings attached kind of deal.

WrathEnvy: ...Oof um, not healthy, kind of manipulative, we are devils there is nothing but toxic vibes.

PrideWrath: Rulers, King and Queen vibes, Yeah we are toxic for each other, f*** off.

19. Introduce an OC that means a lot to you (and explain why)

Definitely Darkwolfmon! I am sure I explained in the first question why, but again I consider her to be that other half of me, the part of me I never discovered or the parts that essentially fill in the gaps within me. She is my precious partner Digimon and has honestly come a long, long way since I first created her. I believe sometime in 2009-2010, so almost 11-12 years since. She was the first ever OC of mine and is one I hold closest too in my heart.

For the longest time, even too now, I have always wanted her to just manifest at my side. Go on this journey of life together. While she might not be physically here like my child-self would want, she is still in my stories, my imagination, my inspirational drive. I think that is definitely more than enough, I don't know where or who I would be without having created her. I probably wouldn’t have a whole tale of OC’s and stories to tell if it wasn't for her. 

I am more than grateful and thankful that I am who I am because of this lovely Oc of mine. I can only hope to have her at my side for the rest of my days!

20. Do any of your OCs sing? If they sing, care to share more details (headcanon voice, what kind of songs they like etc)?

Most, if not all, my OC’s can sing! Their voices and tones vary, to which I cannot give a straight answer on how I headcanon most of their voices right now ^^; I will say that Danielle has a British accent to her voice as well as Spanish speak, and Sora has a Russian accent to her voice, so may be just lightly deep, but not to much.

I will definitely go with my Bsd Oc/Self Insert Danielle Mika Mason, however! Because I have gone and done a thing on how she would speak in her Japanese and English Dub! Other than me also being her voice, her Japanese VA would be Yui Ishikawa, same VA of the queen herself, Mikasa 💕 English VA would be Barrett Wilbert Weed, with an English accent, good Veronica from the Heathers! You can have a listen to her here in this post! 

Dany is meek when it comes to her singing, she will often be caught humming and softly singing something, but quickly tends to stop around others. She is often back and forth with how she sounds and often shuts down when she hears someone she considers better than her. She just needs some encouragement and a gentle push from someone she really cares about. When she does feel the push and genuineness from someone she will sing her heart out. But of course prefers to sing for only that one special person~ can ya guess~ 🐯

31.  Pick one OC of yours and explain what their tumblr blog would be like (what they reblog, layout, anything really).

Oh boi! I literally have moodboards to add to this! I pick Samantha, or Sam! 

She would totes have a Tumblr blog, and Instagram! You always look forward to see what she post and just feel an instant calmness and warmth when you see it! She is always tagging her things appropriately, a soft and warm spring like layout that is shades of yellows, golds, orange, white; an occasional blue and teal as well! She would reblog anything of her aesthetic, golds, yellows, dance and ballet related things (may even post videos or poses of herself in practice and dance related things), cafe shops, sweets and desserts, warm night lights, cats, lots and lots of cats and felines of all shapes and sizes! Her best friend/boyfriend, Takaru always cameos in her stories and posts 💖

She would also reblog or spread awareness of any issues happening in the world, marking them and making her own voice heard as well. In spur moments, you may see her not tag things, but will likely go back to name things accordingly. She would also reblog anything of Bi Pride too!

28. Your most dangerous OC? 

Hmmm,,, my most dangerous Oc, I am taking the notion that they are just plain dangerous and likely of evil intent in their actions. Because plenty of my Oc’s on their own are dangerous in their own right, such as the Legendary Wolf Warriors, who have a great power at their paws. They can be destructive in their actions if they lose control or use it for the wrong intentions, which they wouldn't do of their free will. 

I will say Danielle and Sam are the strongest of the seven, because of their powers of Darkness and Light, respectively. Their souls created the others, so the other Warrior’s power does not match theirs. They can definitely be lethal together if used for the wrong reasons or if they are under the control of a Human or Deadly Sin.

Which leads me to say that the most dangerous of my OC’s with the worst intentions and evil thought processes that makes them dangerous is likely the Deadly Soul Sin Pride, or Mikka Penelope King/Pride as her solid name goes. 

She is definitely the most sinister of the seven sins, even worse than Wrath, who you may figure would be the worst. She has a calculating mind and is very precise in her actions and ways of manipulation. She has a poison within her veins that is just as deadly, capable of blinding others or even killing without remorse or care. While she may be a ghost like entity in my stories, a person/digimon holder in my Digimon College Au, she has enough power to influence people to fall under pride and vanity in the most dangerous level possible, heck even possess them if she wishes. That makes her stronger, as well as the other sins. Does not matter if she is dead or fades away for a while, her influence remains and if it does, than she can exist for a long as she desires.

48. OC who is a perfect cinnamon roll, too good for this world, too pure

Lol I saw cinnamon roll and instantly had a list of ocs ready, honestly any child OC I have is instantly a cinnamon roll and to good and put for this world, please treat them all kindly!

Current top Oc’s that come to mind are Haruko Mason-Nakajima, along with their nameless sister/pup! They are the sweetest babies ever and love them so much. Too good and pure, especially nameless pup with her love for tigers; she wants to grow up and be like her sibling and papa 🥺🥰  You can see the post on them here!

Next up is my precious flamey boi named Alik Azure Mizuhara! A next gen. LWW, son of Sora and Yamato! A little sightless boi with the softest heart and warmest empathy for others. Very much like his mother in likeness and pure curiosity of the world’s secrets and tales. His father worries for him a lot, but gradually learns to trust in his ability to guide himself. Don’t worry too much about him, he is very smart and knows how to care and guide himself!

Thank you so much for the time and questions you asked me Edgy! I had so much fun with these and gave me a chance to gush about my dearest OC’s! I do hope you find them of interest! 🤗🥺🥰

May your day be beautiful and amazing!! 🥰✨💖

[pasteljooonie]

It’s Okay | Jungkook

Description; When the other Bangtan boys notice a change in Jungkook’s behavior that links to a girlfriend he’s had previous problems with, and can’t get through to him, afraid for his wellbeing they contact you, an old friend of Jungkook’s that hasnt seen him in a while, in hopes you can find out what’s going on, and help Jungkook in ways they can’t.

Warning; Depression, Swearing, Bruise Mention, Victim Guilt, Abuse.

Genre; Angst

Pairing; Jungkook x Reader

Word Count; 5.6k

A/N: so this one was fun to write, I would’ve had it posted sooner but I’ve been really busy and just finished editing it, but I hope you guys enjoy. also, if your name is georgia, I’m sorry. :)

Your phone ringing suddenly was startling as you sat by yourself in your room, a book in your hands as you reached for the phone, confused as you saw the caller was marked unknown, you hesitated before answering, hoping it wasn't a telemarketer. "Hello?" You asked softly, putting your phone on speaker and setting it back down on the bed. "__?" A familiar voice asked, making you furrow your eyebrows in confusion. "Jimin?" You asked, picking the phone of the bed and taking it off speaker as you brought it to your ear. "Hi ___." Jimin's voice replied, making you smile softly. "Hey Jimin! It's been a while, how are things?" You asked, standing up from your bed and walking around absentmindedly. "Uhh, they're good I guess, how are you?" He asked, his voice sounding hesitant. "I'm alright, is everything okay? Why'd you call?" You asked, before cringing softly. "Not that it's a bad thing, it's great to hear from you, and you can call whenever, I just want to make sure everything's okay." You said softly, hearing him laugh on the other end. "Yeah, well, sort of. Umm, I'd hate to spring this all on you over the phone-everyone's okay." He added quickly. "Can we talk? Like in person? It would be easier to explain." He said softly, and you couldn't deny the drop in your stomach as you grew nervous. "Uhh yeah." You replied quickly. "I'm not doing anything, do you want to meet at the café? Near the library? I can be there in ten minutes." You asked, beginning to put your shoes on as you felt nerves eating at you. "I'll be there in five."

You smiled as you saw Jimin, letting the café door close behind you as he stood up from his table, and you saw five other boys sitting where he had got up from. "It's great to see you." You sighed into Jimin's shoulder, it had been a long time since you'd seen any of them, and being back with them made it seem like you'd never left in the first place. "Is everything okay? You sounded nervous on the phone." You said softly, hugging each of the boys before sitting down, and realizing Jungkook wasn't there. "He's okay, he's asleep at the hotel." Jin assured you quickly, seeing the panic on your face. You took a deep breath and nodded, nearly on the verge of tears as panic convinced you he was hurt. "This is actually about him, that's why he's not here." Namjoon said softly, making you nod slowly, afraid of what they were going to tell you. "He has this girlfriend. I'm not sure if you remember her-" "oh god." You sighed, running your hand over your face. How could you forget her. Georgia became Jungkook's girlfriend nearly a year before you two stopped talking, and you hated her the moment you met her. "He's still with her?" You watched the boys nod slowly. "God it's been what, two years? How has he not realized what type of person she is." You sighed angrily, when you and Jungkook were still in contact, every time she was around the two of you, she always bossed Jungkook around like he was her slave, and was threatened that you were going to try and take Jungkook from her. "Yeah, that's the problem." Jimin said softly, making your face fall. "Did she do something?" You asked, your blood boiling at the thought. You hadn't seen Jungkook in a long time, but you cared deeply for him, and the idea of her hurting him made you feel indescribable amounts of anger. "We think so." Jimin said softly, "we don't know for sure, none of use have seen anything, but we've seen signs." Jimin said quietly, you could barely hear him over the pounding of your heart against your chest.

"He's always hurt. Has a hard time dancing, doesn't like being touched, and nobody's seen him without his shirt on in months. He won't even lift it up around us, it's like he's hiding something. Something we can only imagine is-" "bruises." You interrupted Namjoon, your hands shaking in your lap as you tried to calm yourself down, but the thought of Jungkook hurt, hurt you in way indescribable. "Yeah." It was Tae answering you as they all hung their heads low, and you saw Jin wipe at his face hastily. It hurt them just as much as it hurt you. "I'm going to kill her." You said softly, tears welling in your eyes as you sniffled. "Does anybody know an area I can drive to that has mountain lions? Or like a really starved pig farm? I heard they can eat a body in nine minut-" "__" Jimin interrupted you, making you face him, his eyes as teary as yours. "We called you here, because he won't talk to us. But we thought he might talk to you. Every time we even say her name he changes the topic, nobody’s been able to even mention anything hinting at her hurting him because he shuts down." He said softly, making you sigh. "We haven't talked in over a year Jimin, things aren't the same." You replied, despite the words hurting, you thought you would be the last person he would want to talk to. "__, I've never seen Jungkook as happy around someone as he is around you. Even if it has been more than a year, you're still his best friend, and I know if he saw you again he would be just as happy as he was a year ago." Hoseok said softly, each of them looking at you with pleading eyes. "She was what caused us to drift apart in the first place, he'll choose her again, and it'll just end the same as last time. He won't talk to me, it's better off just me beating her a-" "I know you want to hurt her, believe me, we all do, but that's not going to solve anything with him." Namjoon said softly, and you hated that he was right. "Losing you was the worst thing I've ever seen Jungkook go through. If he had you, he wouldn't let it happen again." Jimin said softly, and you sighed, "Alright. I'll try, but if he doesn't talk to me-" "then you get to beat her ass. I'll even drive you to her myself." Namjoon said softly, and you smiled.

The room was silent as you let the door close behind you, seeing Jungkook asleep on his bed, you smiled at how tiny he looked, and slowly crept over to him, careful to not wake him up. You knew it would take more than a few floorboards creaking. Living with the boys gave Jungkook a sleeping immunity to soft noises, and you were grateful for that. You sat down on his bed slowly, and brushed his bangs out of his face. It looked more sullen, clinging to the bones more than it had the last time you had seen him, less full of life. "Oh Kookie, what has she done to you." You whispered to yourself, your heart breaking as he mumbled in his sleep, his eyes moving underneath his eyelids. You didn't want to wake him up, he looked too peaceful. Sighing in defeat, you knew you had to, you couldn't help him if he was asleep. "Kookie." You said softly, brushing more hair out of his face as you lightly bumped his shoulder. "Jungkook." Your voice was a bit louder now, your hand still on his cheek as his eyes fluttered, but stayed closed. "Jungkook." You sang his name, nudging him again, you watched his eyes open slowly, blinking to adjust to the light. Until he saw your face. "Oh my god." He whispered, sitting up quickly, a smile wide on his face as he looked at you, letting his eyes trail over your body as if questioning if you were real. "Hi." You smiled, pain in your chest at the sight of your old friend. He yelled your name suddenly and you were thrown down onto the bed, his arms and legs wrapped around you and hugging you tightly to him. "I missed you too." You laughed softly, turning to face him with a wide smile on your face, he looked so content as he held you, his eyes closed, bangs in his face, his whole body latching onto you, it almost made you forget why you were there. "I missed you a lot." You mumbled softly, running your fingers through his hair again, you wanted to stay like this forever. "Why are you here?" He asked, finally letting go of you so the two of you could sit up.

"I was tired of not having my sun in my life." You said softly, unable to keep yourself from putting your hand in his hair again. You watched his cheeks run pink as you brushed the bangs out of his face. "The new album is so good Kookie I'm so proud of you." You said softly, wanting nothing more than to see his smile again. "I can't believe you're here." He breathed out, grabbing your hands and holding the both of them in his lap, refusing to let go of you, as if afraid the second you weren't in his hands you would leave again. "I know." You said softly, smiling as you squeezed his hands tightly. "We should have an us day. Just the two of us, we can see a movie, go to a nice restaurant, there's a new bowling alley, let's just hang out, just us for a day?" You asked softly seeing the excitement in his eyes. "Yeah! I'd love that!" He smiled wide, making you smile, until you saw him hesitate. "I umm, I have to call someone-" "I know Jungkook, it's alright. Jimin told me you're still with Georgia, you don't have to hide it from me." You said softly, seeing obvious guilt in his eyes as he nodded, and pulled out his phone slowly, clearly hesitant as he clicked on her contact and swallowed thickly as the phone began ringing. "H-Hey, a friend is in town, and we were going to hang out today, just like, see a movie or something. I just wanted to let you know so you didn't like, come to the hotel room or something and not find me there-" he forced out a laugh, and your blood boiled as you heard her voice screaming at him. "O-Okay, yeah. Got it, right. Okay. Okay. Bye." He hung up the phone and kept his back to you as he tossed the phone onto his bed. "I umm, need to change, are you okay just waiting here? I'll only be a few minutes." He promised, and you nodded. "Take as much time as you need Kookie." You said softly, sadness overwhelming you as he collected an outfit and stepped into the bathroom.

He was right when he said only a few minutes. You wiped at your eyes hurriedly as he stepped out and feigned a smile. "Hey." You said softly, standing up off the bed as he smiled at you, only for his smile to fall as he saw you. "Were you crying?" He asked, putting his hand on your cheek, wiping away a stray tear as you feigned another smile. "Yeah, but it's just from those sad videos, you know the ones, where the dad or mom comes home from the army and sees their kids? Gets me every time." You lied, wiping at your face as he nodded, smiling at you again as he grabbed his phone and jacket. "Ready?" He asked, and you nodded, taking his hand as he led you out of the hotel.

"I missed this." Your voice was soft as you looked at Junkook. He was sitting across from you, the two of you at an ice cream parlor, sitting in a booth as you ate your dessert. "I missed this too." He replied, smiling at you from across the table, "so, how are things?" You asked softly. "How are things with the boys? With your-" you waved your hand and he pursed his lips softly. "The boys are good." He nodded with his words, "and, umm she's good. How are you?" He asked the last part quickly, wanting to change the subject, and the fear in his eyes made your heart shatter. "I’m good. I'm in an apartment now, new roommates, I'm thinking about getting a pet." You said softly, wanting to change the subject, the pain in his eyes was too much to look at for so long. You needed to see his smile again. "Ooh, what type of pet?" He asked, his mood lifting as you smiled. "I was originally thinking a bunny, but now that I've got you back in my life, I don't think I need two." You smiled wide as he hid his face behind his hands. "You can't say things like that!" He laughed softly. "And why not?" You giggled, pulling his hands back, you saw his face completely red as he looked away from you. "Because it's cheesy, and makes me blush." He huffed, making you smile wide. "That's the point." You laughed as he nudged you playfully. "I really did miss you so much Jungkook." You said softly, setting your hand on the table, he set his on top of it and smiled softly. "I missed you so much too. Please don't ever make me lose you again." He mumbled softly. You smiled and ran your thumb over his hand. "Promise." You said softly, "promise." He replied, the smile back on his face, only to be startled as someone suddenly hit your table, making it shake, and causing Jungkook's ice cream to spill onto his shirt. "I'm so sorry!" The person apologized, Jungkook stood up suddenly, grabbing at napkins as he tried to wipe it off, panic in his eyes, and you knew it was an expensive shirt, "oh, I have a spare shirt in my car! I'll be right back." You told him, grabbing your keys off the table you hurried to your car and saw a shirt sitting in the backseat, it was Jungkook's, and despite the pain it's caused in the last year, you were now grateful you hadn't had the strength to get rid of it. You hurried back into the parlor and saw Jungkook still trying to wipe it off. "Come here." You told him, taking his hand you dragged him to the bathroom, and locked the door behind you. It was a one person bathroom and you were grateful as you turned to Jungkook. "Take that shirt off, put this one on, I'll wash that off with water, hopefully that'll keep it from staining until we can get it properly washed okay?" You said softly, watching panic cross his eyes, and he played with the hem of his shirt nervously. "I won't look, I promise." You said softly, turning away, he hesitated, before beginning to pull the shirt over his head. Glancing in the mirror, your face fell in horror as you saw the purple and black marks littering along his skin. The boys were right. He was hiding bruises. He quickly pulled the old shirt over his head and handed the one covered in ice cream to you, and you began washing it off. He stood behind you awkwardly, crossing his arms over his chest as you scrubbed at the shirt. "I don't think ice cream stains thankfully." You said softly as you began to ring it out. "I still think getting it washed would be a good idea, but it should be alright." You smiled as you turned to hand it to him, and he nodded thankfully, taking it from you, he crossed his arms over his body nervously, and you opened the bathroom door, and walked back to your car with him behind you.

"There's so many." Your voice was barely a whisper as you wiped at your eyes, sniffling as you sat across from the boys. You texted Jimin, telling him you needed to talk to them, and you all sat in Jungkook and Taehyung's hotel room, while Jungkook gave his shirt to the dry cleaners. "I haven't had the chance to bring it up. I barely even mentioned her and he looked so upset. I'm sorry, I just can't do it today, not when he gets that scared. Tomorrow, I will. I promise, I just don't want him shutting me out again." You sniffled, wiping at your eyes hastily as the boys nodded. "She's out of town, she shouldn't be back until Tuesday." Jimin said softly, and you sighed in relief, that gave you two days. "Okay. I'll talk to him by then, I promise. But if she shows up-" "trust me ___, we're all feeling that way right now." Hoseok said softly, his fists clenched in his lap as you nodded, swallowing thickly, you all jumped suddenly when the door opened and Jungkook peeked his head in, "Hey, everything okay?" He asked softly, still halfway in the doorway. "Yeah. I was just showing them that soldier video I was telling you about. The one that made me cry earlier." You smiled weakly, watching him nod slowly, before wincing, and stepping inside, you glanced away for a second, glancing at Jimin, only to look back and see Jungkook wasn't alone. You stood up suddenly, Tae and Yoongi standing up with you, and Namjoon stood up slowly, holding his hand out to the three of you. "I thought she wasn't coming back until Tuesday." Jimin said softly, the calmest one in this situation as he stood up as well. "Came home early. Just couldn't wait to see my oppa!" Georgia smiled wide, making you take a sharp intake of breath, and Namjoon grabbed your hand softly. "Hey Jungkook, can I talk to you for a second?" You asked softly, making the boy glance up from the floor, he nodded and you walked over to him, "is it something you can say to the both of us?" Georgia asked, crossing her arms as you opened the door. "No." You snapped, grabbing Jungkook and leading him to the hallway. You were still in the doorway however when she grabbed the door to keep you from closing it. "I don't feel comfortable with you sneaking around with my oppa without me, I know your history, so whatever you say to him you can say to me!" She snapped. You let go of the door and stepped to the side, she smiled and walked into the hallway, reaching for Jungkook, but you pulled him from her reach. "Go to the lobby or the only thing you're going to be uncomfortable with is my foot up your ass." You sneered, watching fear flash in her eyes as she huffed and turned away, doing as you told her, and you led Jungkook to the stairwell.

The night was silent as you and Jungkook sat next to each other, sitting on the curb, the dim lighting from the hotel pool illuminated his face as he stared at the ground, his eyes conflicted as you searched for your words. "Jungkook..." You started, struggling to hold back tears as he faced you, "Do you remember the last thing I told you? Before everything happened, when we were saying goodbye?" You said softly, watching him nod as you took a shaky breath. "You're too good of a person Kookie, and that scares me, because I know one of these days someone is going to hurt you, and you're not going to know why it's not okay." You repeated your past words, words you told him the last time you had seen him. "I meant it, and I always told myself, you're not a baby, you can handle yourself, I don't have to look out for you, you know right from wrong, you know friends from foe, you're so damn smart, and you're going to do great in this world, and I was right." You sniffled, tears falling past your eyes. "You aren't a baby, and you do know right from wrong, but you're a literal fucking ball of sunshine, and you trust people so easily, and you can't tell when someone is hurting you, because you don't see people's faults, because you have such a heart of gold, all you see is the beauty of someone's soul, and even when their soul is dark and evil, you still see good in them, and you're such an amazing person Kookie, but I can't sit back and watch you be around these evil people, and let them convince you and you are the one with the faults." You cried, your heart breaking as he looked at you through confused eyes, “__, is this about the boys? You know them so well, you know they would never do anything to hurt me, everything’s playful, we just shove each other around-“ “this isn’t about the boys Kookie.” You said softly, a tear slipping past your eyes as he looked at you through curious eyes and you took a shaky breath.

"I know she's gotten in your head. I know she's made you fall in love with her, and I know that she's made you think you are the problem. But Jungkook you are fucking flawless, there isn't a single problem with you, and it's her, she's sunk her claws into your skin, and she's hurting you." Your voice broke, and he looked away. His hands shaking in his lap as you took a shaky breath. "I know it's hard to do things like this on your own, but the boys and I are going to help you okay? I just need you to let me. I can't help you without you helping me too. I saw the bruises Jungkook, I know-" he stood up quickly before you could finish, his breathing uneven as he ran his hands over his face, struggling to collect his emotions. "N-No, it's not what you think, I-I just made her angry, it was my f-fault, she has anger issues, and I know that, a-and I-" "Jungkook stop making excuses for her!" You grabbed his arms suddenly, watching him flinch as you sniffled and loosened your grip, seeing the fear in his eyes as you held onto him unintentionally harsh. "It was not your fault. She hurt you, and that's not okay. That will never be okay. Jungkook please, listen to me, shes hurting you, she needs to go away, you need to get away from her. You need to be by yourself, to be surrounded by people that aren't going to hurt you like this, by people that care about you. Me and the boys, we want to help you. Please, let us." You begged. He refused to face you, and started pacing, running his hands through his hair as he shook his head. "Jungkook what if I had a boyfriend, and he was hitting me?" You asked, watching him stop suddenly.

"What if you saw me with a wrist brace, and a black eye, and he had hit me because I accidentally knocked over a vase, or burnt some noodles, what if you saw me in pain because I was in love with someone, and I thought they loved me back, but they just loved having a punching bag around. What would you do? Would you let me go home with him? Would you let me stay in a relationship with him, knowing he was hurting me, and he had brainwashed me to think he loved me?" You choked out, watching him choke out a sob as he kept his back to you. "A bucket of thorns is not worth a single rose." You said softly, taking a step closer, seeing his shoulders shaking as he cried. "Please Jungkook, let me help you. This isn't your fault. Nothing is your fault. You're the victim here, not her." You said softly. Reaching out, you touched his back softly. He flinched slightly at the touch, but didn't move. You wrapped your arms around him softly, and at the touch he fell to his knees, crying, you fell with him, and held him tighter, holding him with your entire body, you rested your head on his, more tears passing your eyes as you kissed the side of his head softly. "I'm going to help you." You whispered. "I'm going to help you heal, because you've been through too much pain, and it has been nobody's fault but hers. You deserve the world Jungkook, and I'm going to make sure you get nothing less." You promised he didn't reply, but he didn't need to, letting you hold him, was all you needed, and you held him for as long as he needed.

Your face was set as you walked down the hallway. You were heading back to Jungkook's room, the boy trailing slowly behind you, his hand held tightly in yours, his eyes watching his feet as he walked. You were taking him to the boys, and planning on dealing with her alone. You reached the room and knocked on it, the door swung open almost immediately, and you saw Jimin looking back at you. You nodded slowly, and he grabbed Jungkook, hugging him tightly as the boy cried silently, wrapping his arms tightly around Jimin, the other boys joined the hug, each of them holding Jimin as tightly as they could and crying together, you were grateful they were here, and nodded to Jimin as you stepped out of the hotel room, startled as you saw Georgia staring at you expectantly, barely a foot away. "What's going on?" She snapped, her voice making the boys jump, and you saw panic flash through Jungkook's eyes as he tried to step forward, but Hoseok stopped him. "I'll tell you what's going on." You smiled forcefully as you turned to face her, "you're going to walk your ugly ass to your car, get your trashy ass in, and drive as far away as possible, or I'm going to beat your ass into a pulp, right here, right now. And don't even think about ever contacting Jungkook again, got it? Good." You sneered, making her scoff "I'm sorry, just who do you think you are?" She sneered, making your blood boil as you stepped forward, but saw Namjoon throw you a weary glance, "Jungkook, let's go. I’m tired of being around this psychopath." She sneered. You clenched your fists as Jungkook stepped up beside you, and glanced between the two of you nervously. "Jungkook, remember what I said." You told him softly, watching panic flood his eyes as he struggled with himself . "You wouldn't let me go home, and I'm not letting you." You told him, seeing conflict in his eyes, but he nodded to you, and swallowed thickly, looking at the floor, you saw Georgia flare in anger "Jungkook. I said, we're leaving." She snapped, her arms crossed. Jungkook glanced at you nervously, before taking your hand, and raising his head. "No." His voice was shaky as her jaw dropped in shock, and she glanced at your and his intwined hands. "Make a choice." She sneered, shaking her hair off her shoulders. "Me. Or her." She said sharply, and Jungkook swallowed thickly. "Her. I will always choose her over you." He answered, his face set as he stood at his height, despite the slouching you'd seen him doing, making himself smaller.

The next moment was a blur. The sight of Jungkook's head snapping to the side, her hand the one forcing it, the sound of Tae grabbing Jungkook, Jin yelling your name as you threw her to the floor, you saw red as you hovered over her. You didn't feel the pain in your fists as you punched her repeatedly, you heard unintelligible shouting, the boys and any other hotel guests stepping out of the rooms searching for a source of the commotion, and you finally felt Hoseok pull you off of her. You were shaking as you finally heard their voices, Jimin hugging Jungkook, soothing him as Namjoon pressed his fingertips to Georgia's throat. "She has a heartbeat, I think. I don't really know how to do this, but she doesn't look dead, just really unconscious." Namjoon mumbled, your back hit the wall and you sunk down to the floor, your hands shaking as you looked forward, your eyes open, yet you didn't see anything as you waited. You didn't know what you were waiting for, but you waited.

The hotel room was silent as Jimin wrapped your hand, the cops came, and after watching the camera footage and seeing her swing at Jungkook first, they ruled it self defense, and you didn't get in any trouble. They were long gone now as Jimin cleaned up your knuckles, they were cut and bruised from hitting her so many times. None of the boys spoke. Jungkook had locked himself in the bathroom when everything calmed down, and now, you still weren't sure if you were calmed down completely. "I had myself under control." You whispered, making all the boys face you as Jimin paused from putting gauze on your hands. "I really did, I was just going to make her leave, that was it, I didn’t want to put Jungkook through that. But seeing her hit him-“ you broke off, taking a shaky breath “seeing the bruises, and the pain she had already caused him was one thing, but seeing her hit him like that, as if he meant nothing, I saw red. I couldn't even hear you guys until Hobi pulled me off. I would've killed her." You said softly, your eyes concentrating on the wall in front of you and the boys nodded. "Any of us would've." Jimin said softly. You sniffled, thanking him as he finished wrapping your hands, and flexed your fingers, wincing at the pain, and set them in your lap. "Thank you." Jin suddenly said, making you face him. "For helping him when we couldn't. We weren't who he needed to hear it from, and I'm grateful he had you to help him." He said softly, and you feigned a smile, "I'm glad I could help him. I don't know what I would've done if he chose her." You shook your head, jumping suddenly as the bathroom door opened, and Jungkook stepped out, his head hanging low as he played with his fingers. You stood up slowly, hesitating, you walked over to him. He glanced away, but you put you hand on his cheek, and his eyes met yours. His cheek red, but he still offered you a weak smile, and you wrapped your arms tightly around him. He hugged you back, sniffling softly as he rested his face in the crook of your neck. You heard the other boys stand up, and all join the hug. And in that moment, you promised both yourself, and Jungkook, no one would ever hurt the either of you again, and would never come in between you.

"I don't think I ever really loved her." Jungkook's voice was soft as you turned to face him. "Who?" You asked, sitting up and leaning on you elbow as you watched him do the same. "Her?" You asked, he nodded in response. "I can't remember a time I ever loved her. I liked her, at first, but it was right after we had broken up, I think it was more of a need for something to fill the void than it was an attraction." He mumbled, making you suppress a smile. "You had a void when we broke up?" You asked, causing a blush rise to his cheeks, "of course I did. We weren't the same after it, everything felt too awkward, and it's you, there's always a void in my life when you're not there." He admitted, and you felt your heart swell inside your chest. "I have a void without you too." You told him, "I know what you mean, us not being the same. I felt like we were too afraid of each other. We were terrified of the idea of losing each other, we pushed ourselves apart until we did." You mumbled, he nodded, knowing you were right. "And she obviously didn't help, but I mean, we're here now, and that's what matters right? It's been a month since I came to your hotel room, and it already feels like we were never apart, that's what matters." You said softly, watching him smile as he laid back down. The two of you were on a grassy hill, the night sky shining full of stars above you. Having snuck away from the boys to watch the sun set, and just be with each other. "That's exactly why we broke up." He snorted, you laughed softly and nodded, knowing he was right. "We get in such a good place, and then convince ourselves something is going to go wrong, and every time we fall for it, and it makes things worse." You sighed, running your hand over your face irritably. "I promise I won't let it happen anymore. I don't think I'd survive if I had to lose you again." He mumbled, staring at the sky as you laid down next to him. "I can't lose you either." You replied, staring at him as he sighed, opening and closing his mouth a few times, unsure how to word his feelings, before finally sighing and closing his eyes. "I still love you." The words were barely a whisper as they passed his lips, and you smiled wide. "I still love you too." You said softly. Your response made him face you as he grabbed your hand softly, intwining your fingers with his, and you two laid in the silence, not needing anything other than each other, and not wanting anything else than what you had beside you.