#i don't know where the line between confidence and arrogance is but i think i'm walking it on the daily

[radical-rapscallion]

sighhh i'm just glad i don't have to make supper tonight

[pamicakery]

₊✩‧₊˚౨ You're not a THAT GIRL ৎ˚₊✩‧₊

Let's have a real talk here, maybe people will disagree but I don't care, I want to be honest with you.

What is wrong with Law of Assumption on tumblr? Like.. You may not have noticed but the mix between LOA x Clean girlish Bad Girl Won-youngish pinkish stuff... We are leaving and distancing ourselves from the real main subject.

NO

Loa is not having a bad bitch mindset who says '' fucks the world I'm gonna rule ''. There is a thin line between arrogance and confidence.

NO

You don't value less than a Bad bitch because you have insecurities or you are scared of your manifestation not gonna happen. Stop shaming people about their '' Victim mindset ''. I know, I talked about that in a previous post. But I will never judge someone because they have it, it's normal to have a victim mindset but you shouldn't dwell in that. You can surpass that.

NO

Waking up at 4 am, doing pilate, buying expensive products, drinking lemon water and eating fruits and yogurt won't give you a better self concept.

And NO

If everyone is THAT GIRL then no one is!

You just want to be like everyone and what about you?

If you want to be pretty, be pretty for yourself.

If you want your SP, they will love you for who you are with your flaws, your personality. I bet you don't want to be loved only for your look right? :(

I am not belittling coquette, pinky girls. But let's not transform the Loa into a '' pretty popular and arrogant girl '' club.

The real glow up is inside, in your mind.

You need to grow from a '' I can't do it '' mindset to '' I can do it '' mindset. This is the real glow up.

There is no '' Better version of yourself ''. There is just one version of yourself and this version evolve.

The better version of yourself is not the version approved by society.

You are worthy, you deserve good things and you can evolve.

You can change your appearance, you can have your celebrity SP, be abundant, healthy.

Life is not True Beauty. You will not glow up physically and everyone will love you. You will be obsess with your appearance, and hide yourself behind diets, work out and when everyone will find out how you look without make up, your world will fall appart because you don't truly love yourself as who you truly are and your insecurities will blow out on your face making you realize that despite everything you don't like yourself.

Where is the confidence when you can't be yourself? For real? Stop thinking that you can't do this because you don't have that fire confidence, if you want to be shy be it, you want to be kind, be kind. Don't lower yourself, and don't look upon anybody because they manifested their dream life.

Be yourself.

I came at a point that, as long as I have myself, I have someone. The only one you should compare yourself is with yourself.

The real glow up, is in your mind. Accept yourself with your flaw and accept that you can change and have a better life, opportunities, love, beauty.

Loving yourself as who you are will be the best success you can achieve.

Macha latte and pink eyes patches won't give you your manifestation and your desire life. It won't.

Persisting and knowing you deserve better will.

Don't limit yourself upon what society call success. You can manifest huge mansion, ton of cars, being a model. I wanted to be that, a model, loved by many. Mostly because I have toxic parents who always criticized me. I'll be honest with you, I cry sometime, asking myself '' where is my desire? '', I am jealous, envious and I ask myself '' What's wrong with me? ''.

I wanted to be a model and be called '' the most beautiful woman in the world '' just to brag about it with my celebrity SP. Thinking that if I become a model, he will notice me.

But you know what?

I want to know my worth, I want to have confidence in my manifesting abilities, be healthy, have friends who love me for who I am, and my Sp accepting me as who I am.

know that you deserve the world no matter who you are.

Just like the gravity works the same for everyone. Don't destroy yourself thinking that you will manifest better, don't downgrade yourself because '' Only the pretty popular girls '' manifest.

The real glow up is accepting that you can have your dream life no matter what.

I want my mindset to be strong, I want it to believe that it can change my life, I want my mindset to know that it is powerful. I want to look into my imagination and be sure at 100% that it's true. I want to be myself, to believe in myself.

Be your own validation & believe in yourself.

[cowboybeepboop]

Can you write something with Javi and Tyler with reader? Maybe like a 3some if you write those. I don't have a plot but I love how your writing them huge fan of yours!

A/n: Hi! Thank you for the request (and ofc your compliment) 😣🙏 I just don’t write threesomes so this is like a “choose your own adventure” type thing if that makes any sense at all. I really don’t know what I'm doing. I just thought this would be an interesting way to work this request while staying in my comfort zone.

Pairing: Tyler Owens x fem! reader x Javi Rivera

Warnings: 🚫 NOT A THREESOME 🚫 and a little bit of awkward fighting

You and Tyler Owens are the top tornado chasers in the country, each with a reputation that precedes them. You’re known for your methodical, data-driven approach, while Tyler is famous for his daring, instinctual chases. Your rivalry is legendary—every storm season, you find yourselves competing to capture the most intense footage and data, often ending up in the same storm, glaring at each other from across the swirling chaos.

Despite your professional rivalry, there’s an undeniable spark between you. Your banter is sharp and filled with double meanings, your competition fueled as much by mutual respect as it is by the desire to outdo each other. Friends and fellow chasers joke that the tension between the pair of you could power a storm all on its own.

Your team pulls into the motel that Tyler and his team are also staying at. You hop out of the passenger seat stretching as you leave the truck. Tyler, leaning against the side of his truck, notices you stretching from across the parking lot. His eyes roam over your form with more than a hint of appreciation, before he pushes himself off the vehicle and saunters over to you.

"Look who it is," he drawls, his voice laced with a familiar smirk. "You just can't stay away, can you?" Crossing your arms over your chest you give him a playful glare.

“And how am I supposed to stay away when this is the only motel in the area?” You walk past him brushing his arm with your shoulder. Tyler falls into step beside you as you make your way towards the motel entrance. He glances down at the spot where your shoulder brushed against his arm, his gaze a little darker than usual.

"Oh, so you're just here for convenience, huh?" He teases, his smirk never leaving his face. "Here I was thinking you just couldn't resist the opportunity to see me again."

”What would make you think that cowboy?” Your lips curve into a smile as you turn on your heel, looking up at him sweetly. Tyler chuckles, his arms crossing over his chest as he grins down at you. His eyes roam over your face, slowly taking in every feature.

"You know I could list countless reasons, darlin'," he drawls, his voice dripping with a southern twang. "But they'd all just boil down to one simple truth – you can't resist my charm."

”Charm?” You giggle, “I wouldn’t call you charming.” You turn once again, getting the key to your room from the front desk.

”No? Then what would you call me?” Tyler's smirk only grows wider as you turn away, his gaze locked on you as you retrieve the keys. He follows you to your room, his broad shoulders filling the hallway, making it feel far more crowded than it truly was.

"Coz let me tell you, sweetheart" he murmurs, stepping so close that his chest is nearly pressed against your back "Charm seems like the right word to me." Unlocking your door you swing it open, standing in the doorway.

”I’m thinking something more along the lines of arrogant,” your voice laced with amusement. “Yes, arrogance is the perfect way to describe you,” your playful smile widens.

Tyler laughs, his hand braced against the door frame as he leans into the door to loom over you. “Arrogant, huh?” He echoes, raising an eyebrow. “I like to think of it as confidence. I know what I’m about.”

He reaches out, his fingers trailing a path down your arm, leaving a trail of heat in their wake. “Besides, darlin’, you've never had a problem with my arrogance before. Seems more like you're trying to rile me up...”

You look up at him, your eyes landing on his lips. “Why would I want that?” You put a hand on his chest. Leaning toward him you stand on your tippy toes, “What would I get out of trying to rile you up, cowboy?” You murmur against his ear.

A shiver runs down Tyler's spine as your breath fans over his skin. His heart rate increases, his broad chest rising and falling rapidly. He swallows hard, trying to maintain his cool facade, but the heat in his eyes gives him away.

"I can think of a few things, sweetheart," he murmurs, his voice thick with barely concealed lust. He grips your hip, pulling you closer, his fingers digging into your flesh.

“Yeah?” You run a finger over his jaw, “So are you gonna keep playing games or will you come inside and do something about it?” Your eyes darkened by desire as you look up at him. Tyler's self-control snaps with your words.

With a low growl, he pushes you back into the room, closing the door behind him with a slam. He pins you against the door, trapping you between the hard wood and his hard body.

He towers over you, his hands planted on either side of your head, caging you in. His gaze rakes over you, his eyes dark with a mix of desire and barely suppressed need.

"You're playing a dangerous game here, darlin'," he warns, his voice rough. "But I never back down from a challenge." Your arms wrap around his arms pulling his face close to yours you hover your lips over his.

”Are you sure about that, Owens?” Tyler's eyes lock onto your lips, his breath hitching at the closeness.

"Absolutely sure," he murmurs, his breath fanning over your skin. "And don't call me 'Owens' in that voice. It drives me crazy, damn it." he murmurs before crashing his lips against yours.

The kiss is fierce and possessive, his tongue demanding entrance as his hands snake around your waist, pulling you impossibly closer. Your arms pull him closer as you let his tongue in your mouth.

He breaks the kiss to gasp for breath, his forehead resting against yours. "You really enjoy pushing me, don't you?" He pants, his chest heaving.

”Of course I do, Owens.” You smirk, he growls lowly, his eyes narrowing at the use of his last name.

"You're walking a thin line, sweetheart." he warns as his hands slide lower down your waist, his fingers gripping your hips almost to the point of pain. "Keep it up and I'll have to put you in your place." His lips brush against your ear, his warm breath sending shivers down your spine.

”Is that so?” You push his chest away from you, moving past him and hopping onto the bed. “I’d like to see you try,” your smirk grows as you slip your shirt off, tossing it to the side of the room.

Tyler's eyes widen at the sight, drinking in every bit of flesh revealed with hungry eyes. His jaw clenches as his fists clench, resisting the primal urge to pounce on you right then and there.

With a low, frustrated groan, he takes a step forward. "You just can't help yourself, can you?" he mutters, his gaze glued to your body.

He stops at the edge of the bed, his eyes roaming over your form, his breathing ragged. "You're playing with fire, sweetheart. I hope you're prepared for the burn." You pull him to you by the loops of his jeans, your hands sliding up his shirt.

Tyler lets you pull him closer, a low groan escaping his lips as your hands make contact with his skin. The touch of your fingers against his bare flesh sends shivers down his spine.

"You're going to be the death of me," he gasps out, his chest rising and falling rapidly as he tries to maintain control.

But the sight of you, half-naked in front of him, threatens to break his restraint. Lifting up the fabric of his worn shirt, you motion for him to pull it off as your lips trail kisses over his abs.

Tyler obeys your order without hesitation, quickly pulling the shirt over his head and tossing it aside. He looks down at you as you kiss his abs, his breathing becoming more ragged with each touch of your lips against his skin.

His hands tangle in your hair, holding your head against his stomach, silently encouraging you to continue. A loud knock interrupts you, “Hey Y/N are you in there?” Javi’s voice rings through the air.

“Yeah, just a moment,” you respond, shoving Tyler toward the closet. “Hide, don’t make a sound.” You warn, your voice a quiet demand. Tyler's eyes widen in surprise, but he obeys your command without question. He slips into the closet and shuts the door softly behind him, just enough for him to peek out.

He watches you through the crack in the closet door as you respond to your friend, a mix of annoyance and amusement playing across his face. You open the door completely forgetting about your missing shirt.

Javi glances towards the closet, only to see... nothing, his eyes widen slightly as he grins, "Aha! You got a man over don't you." He chuckles, leaning against the doorway.

He gives you a nod, "He's in there right?" Javi continues, his tone turning to a more questioning one. He eyes the door that was in front of the closet before turning his head towards you. His face now is a mix of both confusion and amusement.

”No,” you laugh stiffly blocking him from moving toward the closet door. Javi takes one last glance at the door before turning his attention back to you, giving you a teasing smile.

"Alright, alright, I believe you." His eyes dart back to your exposed chest for a brief moment. You cross your arms over your chest as he takes a step toward you.

Javi notices you become a bit more defensive, a smile plays on his lips, "What's the matter? Aren't we good friends?" He leans in, kicking the door shut, his tone turning seductive as he eyes you with a small smirk on his lips.

”We are,” you draw out as he steps closer to you.

Javi continues to step closer to you, his smirk becoming more apparent the closer he gets, “Then what’s wrong?” He begins to lean down slightly, almost as if he’s planning to steal a kiss from you.

A flush creeps up your neck as Javi brushes a stray hair out of your eyes. Javi leans in, his smile still prominent as his hands reach around your waist, his lips gently pressing against yours, but only for a split second. His eyes gaze back into yours before he pulls away.

Your eyes widen as he pulls away, your breath hitching as you hear Tyler clear his throat, stepping out of the closet. He steps into the room and makes eye contact with Javi, raising an eyebrow as he eyes you both.

“What the hell are you doing, Javi?” Tyler's voice is filled with rage as he balls his fist.

Javi raises an eyebrow, a grin appearing on his lips, "What? Is my girl not allowed to get kisses from me?" Javi crosses his arms, looking from you to Tyler as if he's daring him to continue.

"Your girl?" Tyler crosses the room, getting right up to Javi as he looks him in the eyes, "Since when did you own my girl?" You step between the two of them.

“Okay boys, let's be civil,” you glance between them sighing as you try to think of what to do next.

"Civil?" Tyler’s face scowls as he looks back at you, "He kisses you and you're asking for civil?" His eyes look at you intently as he puts his fists on his waist.

Javi crosses his arms, glaring at Tyler. "Alright, listen," he holds up a finger, "One, she's not yours, get that in your head," his eyes now only focus on Tyler, his brows furrowed, "Two, you're lucky it was just a kiss and not something a lot more"

Tyler's now right next to you, looking at Javi with a look of pure anger in his eyes, "You have some nerve," he continues to clench his fist as his temper rises, "Thinking you can kiss my girl then threaten me, you’re lucky I don't beat your ass."

Javi grins, a hint of madness in his eyes. He looks Tyler in the eyes, "What are you gonna do about it?" His eyebrows furrow, "Cause I sure as hell have no problem taking a swing at you."

”Boys, seriously stop it,” you say sternly, narrowing your eyes at them.

a/n: this is like the choose your own adventure part of this idek, but this is the Javi version if you’re interested in his over Tylers idrk.

“Javi, just go okay?” You push Tyler away from Javi as you try to calm the situation. “We’ll talk in the morning. We can just talk in the morning.”

Javi gives a nod, looking from you to Tyler. He rolls his shoulders, "Fine," he walks towards the door before turning back to look at you, "We have a lot to talk about."

“I know,” you sigh as he leaves, slamming the door behind him. Tyler stands in silence for several long moments after Javi leaves, his chest heaving with anger and jealousy. He turns to you, his jaw clenched tight, his eyes burning with barely concealed possessiveness.

"What in the hell was that?" he growls, his voice dripping with venom. "He just barged in here, kissing you, and you just... let him?" Your hand goes to his arm as you look up at him.

“Ty, I didn’t know what to do, it was completely out of nowhere,” your eyes scan his face, your eyebrows furrowing as you try to read his expression. Tyler's jaw clenches tighter at your touch, his body rigid with tension. He takes a step closer to you, his eyes boring into yours.

"What do you mean you didn't know what to do? You should have pushed him away, told him to back off,” he grits out. “You’re supposed to be mine, damn it!" You flinch softly, taking a step away from him.

“Tyler.. I didn’t…” your voice trails off as you drop your hand from his arm. Tyler's heart clenches at the sight of your flinch, his hand immediately reaching out to grab your wrist, preventing you from backing away from him.

"Hey, hey," he says, his voice a little softer, "I just... I didn’t like seeing him paw all over you like that, especially since he had no right to." He steps closer, his free hand reaching out to gently lift your chin, forcing you to look at him.

”I know, I should’ve done something..” a sigh leaves your lips as you set your hand on his waist squeezing his bare skin softly.

Tyler's tension eases slightly at your touch, the feel of your fingers on his bare skin sending a shiver down his spine. He lets out a breath he didn't realize he was holding, his body relaxing a bit.

"You should've," he agrees, his voice still a little gruffer than normal. "But I understand... it was unexpected, I get it." He lets go of your wrist, his hand coming to rest on your hip, pulling you closer to him.

You press your cheek to his chest, wrapping your arms around him, hugging him tight. Tyler's arms wrap around you, holding you against him, his hands running up and down your back in slow, soothing motions.

He buries his face in your hair, inhaling deeply as he tries to calm himself down. "I just... I can't stand seeing him put his hands on you that way,” he murmurs, his voice muffled as he talks into your hair.

”Maybe you can talk some sense into him tomorrow,” you mumble against his skin, “but.. can we not let that ruin what we have going on?” Tyler's hands still on your back, his fingers pressing into your skin. He leans his head against yours, his breath fanning your ear.

“Yeah.. yeah, I’ll talk to him tomorrow, I’ll knock some sense into him, make sure he keeps his hands to himself from now on,” he mutters, his voice still holding a hint of anger.

But then his tone softens, and he pulls away slightly to look down at you, a small smirk tugging at his lips. "But you’re right, we shouldn’t let him ruin our night, right?"

“Mhm,” you press a kiss onto his shoulder moving your hands up his back, onto his shoulder blades. Tyler’s eyes flutter shut at your kiss, a soft hum escaping his lips as you press yourself against him. He lets his hands wander up your sides, his fingers brushing over your bare skin.

He shivers at your touch, his mind quickly turning from anger to desire. He turns his head to your ear, his breath hot against your skin as he speaks. “You’re so damn distracting…” he mutters, his hands gripping your hips just a little tighter.

”A good distraction,” you murmur in between kisses “I hope…” your hands slide down his back as you press your chest against his.

“A very good distraction,” he agrees, his voice low and gravelly. His hands slide lower down your hips, his fingers digging into the soft flesh of your thighs. He sucks in a breath as you press yourself against him, his body reacting instantly to the feel of your bare chest against his.

“You're making it real hard to think straight right now,” he groans, his eyes slowly raking over your body. You smirk and crouch leaving a trail of kisses down his body as you lower yourself onto your knees in front of him.

Tyler watches you with darkened eyes, a low groan escaping his lips as he watches your lips travel down his body. His hands reach out to tangle in your hair, his fingers gripping the strands tightly as he watches you move lower and lower.

“You’re playing a dangerous game, sweetheart,” he grits out, his voice strained, his body already reacting to what he knows is about to happen.

You look up at him through your lashes, a mischievous glint in your eyes. "I know exactly what I'm doing, Tyler," you murmur, your voice sultry and filled with promise. Your hands make quick work of his belt buckle, unbuttoning and unzipping his jeans. Tyler's breath hitches as you free him from his confines, his eyes never leaving yours.

You wrap your hand around him, stroking gently, watching as his pupils dilate with need. His fingers tighten in your hair, guiding you closer as you lean in, your lips parting to take him in your mouth.

His hips jerk at the contact, a groan escaping his lips as you begin to suck and lick with a practiced skill that leaves him trembling. His eyes fall shut, his head tilting back, as he gives in to the pleasure you're giving him.

You continue to suck him off with a fierce dedication, your mouth moving in a rhythm that leaves him gasping for air. Tyler's eyes fly open, locking onto yours, the intensity of your gaze sending a bolt of electricity through him.

His hips rock into your mouth, the pressure building as you swirl your tongue around the tip of his cock. His grip on your hair tightens, guiding you faster and deeper, his breathing growing erratic.

You can feel him swell in your mouth, his muscles tensing as he nears the edge. You don't relent, taking him as deep as you can, your other hand cupping his balls, gently massaging them as you suck.

His legs wobble, and a string of curses fall from his lips as he finally releases, the warmth of his cum filling your mouth. You swallow it all, not breaking eye contact as you slowly pull away, leaving him panting and thoroughly satisfied.

With a fiery hunger in his eyes, Tyler pulls you to your feet, his grip on your arms firm yet gentle. In one swift motion, he lifts you off the ground and tosses you onto the bed, the mattress bouncing beneath your weight.

His movements are swift and deliberate, fueled by the passion that's been building between you for what feels like an eternity. You giggle in surprise, your cheeks flushed with excitement as he crawls over you, his eyes never leaving yours.

He pins your wrists above your head, his strong thighs straddling your waist, and captures your mouth in a demanding kiss that leaves you gasping for air. His tongue tangles with yours, tasting the remnants of his own desire on your lips as his hips grind against yours, the friction sending waves of pleasure through both of you.

His kisses turn into nips and licks as he trails his way down your neck, his teeth grazing your skin, leaving a path of goosebumps in their wake. You arch into him, your body responding to his touch like it's been starved for it.

With a growl of pure need, Tyler releases your wrists, he takes in the sight of your heaving chest with a hunger that makes your pulse race. His thumbs hook into the fabric of your bra, pulling the material down to expose your nipples. He takes one into his mouth, suckling it hard as he plays with the other with his thumb and forefinger.

You moan, arching your back as pleasure spikes through you. He kisses a trail down your body, his mouth watering at the thought of feeling more of you. He reaches your jeans, his hands deftly unbuttoning and unzipping them before sliding them down your legs, along with your panties.

His eyes darken as he takes in the sight of your wetness, a testament to how much you want him. He lines himself up with your entrance, the anticipation almost too much to handle. With one powerful thrust, he enters you, filling you completely, eliciting a gasp from your lips.

His strokes are deep and rhythmic, hitting that spot that makes your eyes roll back in your head. Your legs wrap around his waist, urging him closer as you meet each thrust with equal fervor. The electricity in the air is palpable as you move together in a dance of passion and desire.

He fucks you with desperation and hunger, his hips pounding into yours, each thrust punctuating the unspoken words of need and longing that hang in the air between you. Your nails dig into his back as you try to keep up with the ferocity of his movements, your breaths coming in short, sharp gasps.

Your bodies are slick with sweat, sticking together as if trying to become one. Tyler’s eyes never leave yours, his gaze a mixture of fierce possession and blazing desire. He’s claiming you in this moment, marking you as his own in the most primal way possible, and you can’t help but feel the same need to claim him back.

The tension in the room is thick, the tumultuous passion unfolding on the bed. Each stroke feels like a declaration of war, a battle of wills, but one that you’re both eager to lose in the sweet surrender of climax.

As your bodies reach their peak together, Tyler's hips stutter to a stop, his cock pulsing deep within you. You tighten your legs around his waist, your muscles clenching around him, as you both let out a symphony of moans and gasps.

The tension breaks, and in the aftermath, Tyler collapses on top of you, his weight pressing you into the mattress. His breaths are hot and ragged against your neck, his chest heaving with exertion. Without breaking the intimate connection, he shifts slightly, his mouth finding your skin once more.

He sucks hard, leaving a dark hickey in the crook of your neck, a brand of his ownership that sends a shiver down your spine. You arch into his touch, the sting of his teeth mixing with the sweet ache of your release. His hands roam over your body, possessive and tender, as he marks you with more bruises of passion.

Finally, he pulls back, his eyes locking onto yours, the heat between you still smoldering. "Damn, darlin'," he whispers, his voice hoarse with need. "You're mine." Your heart swells at his words, the intensity of the moment etching itself into your soul. You stroke his cheek, smiling softly. "Always have been, Tyler." You murmur, your voice filled with a quiet satisfaction.

He grins, his eyes sparkling with mischief as he rolls off of you, pulling you into his arms. You both lay there, tangled in the sheets and each other, finally at peace in the eye of the tempest that is your rivalry and desire.

[angelfirstclass]

Magneto: A Villain playing Dressup or Reformed Tortured Soul?

This is going to be hard one for me because I don't want to be too negative about Magneto because I think in X-men 97 he isn't the villain, but upon rewatching the show I think this question is viable. I may be accused of being a Romy shipper and Charles apologist, but I'm not really. I like Magneto in the show and he says some of the best lines in the show. But sometimes he says and does things that are kind of assholey am I right?

To start off with, the way that he introduces himself and announces that he's the heir to Xavier's mansion and the X-men. Did he really have to barge into Xavier's office and confront the team as they were bonding together playing basketball? He is so smug in that scene which is something I like about Magneto, his Alpha male strength and directness. It's hot and works when I'm writing Magneto fan fiction, but it is a tad presumptuous. His first reactions from everyone on the team is anger and suspicion and then he wonders why he's not getting a warm reception. He could have been normal and called or rang the doorbell or something, but it wouldn't have been as dramatic or as Magneto to come barging in.

The way that he says My X-men at the end of episode 1 is kind of smug and sinister is not? Maybe it's just the writers wanting tension out of that moment and having the readers shocked by Magneto, a known X-enemy inheriting everything, because at that moment we don't know if Magneto is going to be a good leader or not.

Then we see Magneto in action and he's playing the good guy. He saves a child from a busted ride and the Morlocks from the Friends of Humanity. It is shocking to the X-men but also shocking to humankind because of Magneto's past crimes. He enters leading the X-men tamping down his evil past and his more destructive methods of getting back at anti-mutant groups, but he is still Magneto with all his arrogance and his confidence and his strength of belief in himself.

Something that I actually love is the line that he toes the line between trying to be a good X-man and his feelings about humanity. He has seen so much that he is formed by those traumas and pain which cannot be so easily let go of. When he talks of not harming the Friends of Humanity members, the sneer when he says "sapiens" is pure gold. This Magneto is a tempered Magneto and we have to appreciate how far he's come. If it wasn't for his love of Charles Xavier he would be 1000 times worse.

It could be argued that other people might have made better leaders of the X-men, but for this season's storyline having Magneto play the leader was brilliant. He was just enough of an asshole to make the whole thing interesting and made the twist at the end more believable because he never really lost himself completely. You saw moments of him being potentially selfish, arrogant, cruel throughout the season which made him an interesting, complex character.

"My intentions here was not to cause drama or discord." Lol! Says the man in the cape and big M on his costume and the one who barged into the mansion without notice. Yeah, sure, Jan. He yielded to the UN, but not until after he proves how powerful he could be. A note to point out his that Wolverine talks about people being upset over all the things Magneto has done and "can't say I blame them" for being upset and I take this seriously. So currently he's trying to reform, but in this universe and timeline, Magneto has done some awful things.

The trial scene is really amazing. There are some great lines in it. The speech is probably the most compelling reason to want to trust Magneto. He is a great public speaker and he speaks of his past, how the oppressed become oppressors and that loving or being different will cause you to be punished. He is speaking Xavier's words and attempting to walk his past, but he must also acknowledge his past and the consequences of them. This is where I get confused or conflicted as I don't know if Magneto went too far or just enough or is justified or crazy. I don't know and I don't think it's something that the writers even know- like that is the crux of the show itself.

His sardonic wit is the best! "Oh to play by the rules and still they come for you." Yes. It's all going sideways and Magneto is not panicked in the least. He may be a lot of things, but dumb is not one of them. He saw this all coming and knew it was a matter of time that the extremists broke through and the judges would be deemed traitors of the race. It's like a part of him wanted things to get extreme, so the X-men would get to be on his side and see that humanity is not to be trusted and making nice doesn't work.

When asks if this is the high roads destination and essentially kidnaps all the judges, viewers are justified in thinking he might have snapped and gone back to his evil ways. We are surprised to see that he is walking Xavier's path and applaud him for that. He eventually lets the people go and asks them to not let him let them down and that's so poignant because we see just in episode 2 what Magneto is capable of and what he could do if he wasn't walking Xavier's path.

Magneto did a pretty good job of leading the team from episode 3 to 5, he is concerned about Jean, Scott, and Nathan and coordinates the team. He fights clone Jean or Madelyn and she taunts him with the line about a villain playing dress up as a hero. I think that line is so apt with Magneto because I think that his character arc is at the heart of the storyline. I wrote once saying that his relationship with Xavier was the thesis of the story and I also believe that Magneto's belief of Xavier's ideals and his own is also a pivotal part of the story. Madelyn had the power to delve into the psyche of each mutant and find their weak spots, so it proves here that Erik is self conscious of seeming to play the hero and most likely doubts his own commitment to Xavier's cause.

Then we go to Genosha in episode 5, where Magneto is king, literally. There are posters and statues of him everywhere and this all was his dream. Magneto is a savvy politician and understands making grand speeches or doing publicity stunts. Even other mutants at Genosha understand that he is the handsome face of Mutant kind and especially after joining the X-men and following moderation is liked by moderate mutants as well as humans. Even when he speaks to the group, he acknowledges that this was all Charles' dream and he didn't believe that it would happen. He is asked to be king and then he asks Rogue to be his queen. Episode 5, I think is tragically the peak of when Erik is believing Xavier's dream and thinking that peace is possible and happiness is possible for him as well. He is letting down his guard, accepting the King position, declaring his love for Rogue, trying to walk Xavier's path, be a good X-man, and etc. We know what happens next tragically however.

Everything he believed gets snatched and beaten out of him in Genosha. He tried to walk Xavier's path and it did not work out for him. He was already scarred, but this time was too much. He was kidnapped, tortured, and saw many deaths. He was already toeing the line before and felt justified in a way for committing crimes and atrocities and Genosha set him back to that way of thinking.

When we see him later, trying to persuade X-men to join him, EMPing the planet, attacking members of the X-men trying to stop him, he is traumatized and reacting poorly to Genosha. I don't justify his behavior, but I understand it. This is an Omega level mutant that has a track history of hurting humans for hurting mutants, so when a massacre hits it is not surprising that the mutant in question flexes his powers and gets angry.

What I don't know and am still on the fence about is how dedicated he truly was to Xavier's cause. Was he really a believer and dedicated to being a X-man or did it just take one incident for him to return to his ways? Also, how far is too far? Who is allowed to seek revenge or retribution? And to what extent? It is these questions that I think are so fascinating and I'm glad I don't know. These questions about Magneto are what made the show so interesting and complex and wants to make me see Season 2.

[vanveronicango]

okay yall i'm def going to liveblog my soc/crooked kingdom read WEEEEEE (feel free to blacklist '#andie reads six of crows' and '#andie reads crooked kingdom' if you don't wanna be sick of me or see any spoilers)

let me just get some thoughts out from the almost-130 pages i've read so far because i got em!!:

the kaz/wylan parallels already!! like i've read some opinions that they're two sides of the same coin but the fact there was already something before wylan was even introduced... at the end of his meeting with jan, jan says "i do wonder what a boy of your intelligence might have amounted to under different circumstances." this is literally the exact opposite of how he feels about wylan. from what i've seen other readers say, at least, he sees wylan as inherently stupid in his illiteracy, and it doesn't matter that his circumstances were 'perfect', he absolutely doesn't belong to the van eck empire. it's almost like, in this line alone, jan - somewhere subconsciously, at least - wonders what it would have been like to have someone like kaz as a son instead. leigh the things you've already made me feel

kaz's personality. already i absolutely love his characterization: he's a dick, an asshole to those around him, but he also has this snarky, almost silly side where he doesn't feel above occasionally joining in on his dregs' banter, while simultaneously being secretive and completely rigid in his own arrogance. he's both unlikeable and charming, and already he's feeling so layered and developed and interesting. i'm going to be honest: usually i'm not a huge fan of fan-favorite male characters that are dicks with extensive skills and massive egos hiding insecurities underneath. i think it's overdone and i'm not interested in it. but there is something about kaz that just completely flips the trope on its head for me and i can't quite place my finger on why that is but i'll be sure to bring it up when i finally figure it out lmao

BOOK NINA BOOK NINA BOOK NINA. i already absolutely adored her in the show, but only from the bit i've read, book nina is on another level. her work at the white rose, the way she completely shifts in her personality for that work but is also so so confident in who she is. the FLIRTING. the HEARTBREAK when she finally meets matthias again. she is so wonderfully written and such a joy to read

matthias is absolutely breaking my heart fr like... when he was forced to kill the wolves... the way he went from feral animal in the ring to tears... damn. damn. the way he's written it's like he's literally at war with his own mind, just being ping-ponged between sheer, violent rage towards nina interspersed with flashes of... oh her skin is so soft... the dreams about loving her hurt more than the ones where i kill her... he must be so tired :(

the kaz & wylan relationship. i knowwww that he's fully using him and everything he does is a means to an end like I KNOW THAT but the way he defended wylan when the rest of the crows were calling him stupid and less talented :( "hidden depths" "marketable skills" OH MYYYYYYY gosh :(((((((((( their relationship is so special to me already.. like kaz is extremely upfront (well as much as kaz brekker can be lol) to wylan about why he's there ("why do you think i'm keeping you around" "i'm good at demo" "you're passable at demo. you're excellent at hostage") which i actually do appreciate, but right now he's also objectively the only one on wylan's side rn, even if it's all bc of ulterior motives

wesper. OH. OH BOOK WESPER. my absolute beloved already. the way jesper can't stand him. the way wylan doesn't back down when jesper comes at him. their bickering means literally everything to me. am i absolutely heartbroken that he literally called wylan useless? you're damn right i am :((( but man their growth is gonna HIT i can feel it now. i see how different book & show wesper are now (i've heard but actually reading it is a whole other thing) and both are so special to me... it's like alternate universes bless em. i'm so excited to read more of them (they are my favorite couple and i will be commenting on them a lot okay)

i really wonder how this book would be if i had literally zero spoilers BUT. reading wylan say "i'm not useless" when everyone is attacking him for just being there (jesper calling him useless and nina calling him stupid got me feeling a little feral)... he's so used to being belittled and treated like a fool by everyone around him but he still tries :( he still puts his all into helping. he tries to make everyone understand that he should be there and that he is talented at what he does and that he's not useless. i think he's trying to convince himself, too

i'm so excited for more jesper pov. i absolutely love this man and i wanna get into his head gdi that beautiful insane little sharpshooter brain

inej... so far she's giving the p much the same vibe as the show so i don't yet have much to comment here (i just love her. anyone who feels anything less than unwavering adoration for inej ghafa is not to be trusted) EXCEPT honorable mention for the absolute thirst that comes over her watching kaz get half naked and bathing himself. the way she just gazes at the water running down his body and his HANDDDSSSS miss ghafa has a hand fetish confirmed good for her good for her good for her

okay okay that's enough for now, i'll be more specific as i go further but i had to get my thoughts so far out somewhere lol anyways im about to continue reading so i'll see ya in the next post~

[sokkastyles]

What do you think of the argument that Zuko continues to be arrogant and prideful in Book 3? I'm sure you've seen this post already, but I just wanted to know your thoughts on this. These are their words.

"Late Book 3.5 Zuko has changed significantly, but he can still be very arrogant, prideful, bitter, or hostile(some examples).* He continues to even sometimes put others down. He most certainly wasn’t obligated to let go of his bitterness toward those he felt hurt him. The idea that Ozai’s abuse someone made Zuko “less bitter” seems insane to me."

OP brought up the line in The Firebending Masters where Zuko says they can take them in a fight because they're the fire prince and the Avatar. Then they brought up Zuko saying he could take Azula in a fight in the finale to prove that he's still arrogant. Also, an example they used for the put others down thing is the infamous "air temple preschool" line. And to prove he's still violent and hostile, they pointed to him attacking Aang in the finale. I was taking a break from Azula stan insanity, but this argument pulled me out of retirement.

There's an obvious difference between excessive pride driven by a selfish need to be better than others and pride in oneself and one's accomplishments as a virtue.

And I would argue, and have argued before, that Zuko's arc has a lot to do with distinguishing that difference, as an abuse victim who was repeatedly told that his only sense of worth was tied to his abuser.

Zuko convincing Aang to see things through and that they could face whatever challenges might be coming is what allowed them to face the dragons. Without that, they would never have been judged worthy to begin with because they would have run away before they got the chance.

Getting rid of excessive pride and arrogance does not mean becoming a doormat. It also doesn't mean you stop being angry at people who deserve your anger. That's also a big lesson of "The Southern Raiders" that Katara learned as well. She didn't forgive her mother's murderer, and she'll never stop being angry at the man who killed her. And she doesn't need to do that. That was what Zuko was objecting to that Aang was preaching, and he knew that Katara didn't need to forgive because he himself knows what it's like to carry that anger which he probably will carry for the rest of his life. But that's okay. Ozai certainly deserves Zuko's anger and bitterness and probably more than that, because I'd argue that Zuko is way more forgiving than he deserves. The important thing is that Zuko is not directing that anger outward anymore at people who don't deserve it. It doesn't mean he never gets angry or he never disagrees with anyone about anything, it means that he's not trying to hurt himself or others anymore.

But trying to muddle that difference is a gaslighting technique that abusers use so I am not surprised that that person would use it.

But the thing about excessive pride is that it also makes you cowardly. Zuko has the confidence to face the dragons but he also knows that this means he has to submit himself to their judgment, and that is an inherently humbling experience that takes confidence to face. The same thing with fighting Azula, which, by the way, he is not doing for fun or his own benefit. He's doing it to save the world, and he's confident enough to know he can face her but humble enough to admit he can't do it on his own. These things show that he's learned how to find balance in his life, neither becoming overcome with excessive pride or becoming excessively timid or insecure, and that's a GOOD thing.

[hwnglx]

hello! could you do minhyuk monsta x fs reading?

minhyuk's future spouse based on tarot, take it with a grain of salt

what kind of a person is his future spouse?

aceofc&queofc, 2ofp, temp, 8ofc&5ofc+aceofsw, 6ofw, 4ofw

very beautiful and ethereal looking. expressive and deep eyes. long, healthy and flowy hair. round and full face. built on the curvier and more voluptuous side. probably a cancer rising.

this person has incredibly balanced and comfortable energy to them. they're someone who has been able to gain a clear and healthy mindset by overcoming a fair share of disappointment and loss in their lives, and coming out even stronger. there's a lot confidence in the way the carry themselves now, but not to be confused with arrogance. they're still very popular and much-loved, due to their easygoing and sociable character that's very likable. minhyuk's fs radiates a lot of happiness and contentment, and therefore makes the people around them feel just as joyous. they know how to have a good time and probably throw nice celebrations, they truly enjoy being around people. this person is definitely giving me libra vibes, maybe with a scorpio moon since there does seem to be quite some emotional depth to them as well. it might just be more of a side they prefer keeping to themselves, as scorpio moons do.

what kind of a relationship will they have?

7ofc, 3ofsw, 7ofw, herm, 8ofc, justice, aceofw&devil, 6ofw

phew. i can definitely see minhyuk's scorpio sun and his fs' scorpio moon creating a lot of intensity here. also this person's libra sun and his libra venus. while these identical placements make them very compatible, both of them being incredibly charming, flirty and attractive characters is likely to create some conflict for them. combine that with both their overly possessive and jealous tendencies, it's a recipe for a lot of toxic dispute and tension. i'm honestly getting a lot of sexual tension too. like these two will be passionate, that's for sure. the beginning stages will certainly be filled with a lot of back and forth, where they both will first struggle to find a way to fully trust each other. i can see blurry lines and boundaries, not knowing what's considered cheating and what isn't. the six of wands in the end does signify how they'll be successful in the end. but i do think them just being too similar will be a blessing and a curse at the same time.

what is their current energy like?

7ofc, kingofp, kingofw+kingofsw, queofsw, 2ofc

this person has a lot of male attention and influences in their life. i think they might have a strong relationship to their father, a few older brothers maybe. but despite them also being very desired by the male public, they are not engaging in anything emotionally intimate with them, since they do seem to be in a relationship with someone right now. plus they're very independent, so they're very much just focusing on their own life and what's important to them. i think they're good at drawing the line between being a social butterfly and having nice convos but remaining emotionally distant. definitely a mature and strong person with some experience under their belt. they know what they want and won't be bothered with you if you don't serve them in any shape of form. at least, they might still send you off with a charming smile though.

[having-conniptions]

KinnPorsche ep 7 + Side Story Rewatch Rambles:

Idk why the Side Story isn't in the actual episode I think it's so important for the development of the relationships - both the VegasPorsche fuckery and the KinnPorsche softness are SO IMPORTANT

THIS IS THEIR FIRST TALK AFTER THE DRAMATIC GOODBYE KISS AND KINN TAKING A BULLET FOR PORSCHE

Aka this is where feelings are acted on AND EMBRACED instead of being pushed down right away AND without a dramatic, emotionally charged situation as the catalyst. Just soft, wholesome cuddling, hand-holding and hair-petting. No alcohol, drugs or adrenaline clouding their judgment. The conscious decision to be together like this - loving, caring, romantic. As a couple. THIS IS A BIG STEP FOR THEM I'M TELLING YA

Also the phone call between Porsche and Chay 🥺❤️❤️

Ok on to the actual episode

I know this is gonna be a good one

Idk how grenades work but certainly not Like That

Vegas wearing red I- 🥵

Oh god Vegas getting out his little torture briefcase

Pete's face says "he looks kinda good covered in blood"

I need that necklace Vegas is wearing

"Promise me, no matter what happens, you must return to me." ❤️❤️❤️ SEE WITHOUT THE SIDE STORY IT WOULD BE WEIRD TO SEE THEM ACTING LIKE A PROPER COUPLE NOW BECAUSE THERE WOULD BE NOTHING TO BRIDGE THE GAP BETWEEN "EMOTIONALLY CHARGED FAREWELL KISS" AND "WHOLESOME SOFT COUPLE BEHAVIOR"

Yes I am very passionate about this why do you ask

Vegas' face when Porsche doesn't show up alone lmao

VEGAS IN YET ANOTHER RED SHIRT MMMMM

The minor family residence is actually so pretty

Awww lil bit of Ta & Vegas interaction

Ta & Porsche awkwardness LMAO

VEGAS SIPPING RED WINE WHILE WEARING RED VELVET OH LORD HAVE MERCY

I think Chay's ringtone is the same as the alarm on my phone lol

Hahahaha the messy house is so relatable

Korn your apple metaphor is fucking stupid

Kim gifting Chay a guitar awww 😭❤️😭❤️

PROTECT CHAY AT ALL COSTS

Detective Kim back in action!! And he sees all the pictures on Chay's wall and the shirt and he actually finds it kinda endearing awwww

"Do you like anyone?" Real smooth, Kim.

THIS HURTS I K OW HOW IT'S GONNA END SO IT HURTS

Kinn is jealous and Porsche is ENJOYING IT

Oooooo Vegas spilling the tea 👀

Tay 🥺❤️❤️❤️

"Looking for something?" 👀

Balcony scene my beloved

"When you're done, return it to me. The gun... and yourself." 😭❤️😭❤️😭❤️

"I'm not just carrying one gun, you know" AND PORSCHE'S EYEBROW LMAOO

The way the sexy music just stops and Why Don't You Stay starts playing idk if I should laugh or cry

Idk if I'm a fan of the scene where Vegas speaks English for a long time - as much as I love Bible I feel like his voice sounds too soft and it makes his acting seem kinda flat (which I obviously can't judge when he's speaking Thai but in this scene I've kinda noticed it)

AGAIN I LOVE BIBLE AND I THINK HE'S INCREDIBLY TALENTED AND HARD-WORKING AND JUST OVERALL AMAZING, I just think he comes across as a little flat in some parts this scene (idk the lines feel like they should be delivered with more arrogance/confidence but that's just my opinion)

Vegas speaking Italian, now THAT'S hot

Porsche and Vegas have such good chemistry, such a shame Vegas is forcing it (though I don't think he's completely faking)

Pete as Kinn's spy keeping an eye on Vegas and Porsche is so good lol

I need the scene of Porsche dancing, drinking and smoking as a live wallpaper on my desktop please and thank you ❤️❤️❤️ idk what it is about that scene, it's so satisfying, aesthetically pleasing, attractive? Idk it's just great. The music really matches the vibe and Porsches dancing and the editing match the music I just love it

Especially that first shot where he empties his glass and the light hits his tits just right lmao

"Let's go outside" *takes him to the bathroom*

Porsche's triceps as he leans on the counter APOOOO ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL US

JEALOUS KINN TO THE RESCUE

"DO YOU NOT SEE THE RING ON MY FINGER?" 🔥🔥🔥

I can't focus on them fighting I'm distracted by Apo's arms HOLY SHIT

"I shouldn't have loved a crappy guy like you" LOVE CONFESSION LOVE CONFESSION

This scene tho. THIS SCENE.

The way Kinn goes straight for Porsche's tit - same, babe

The lighting is so beautiful aaaa

The most unrealistic thing is that there is no mess whatsoever, no clean-up, nothing xD

But the hug??? Beautiful. <3

I guess in a way we have Vegas to thank for this huh?

[allthemusic]

Week ending: 7th June

It's a tough job following Elvis, but the song we've got today is legendary, so if any song's going to be able to do it, it's this one! We're also firmly into rock and roll, with one rocker replacing another, which is kind of cool to see!

The Saints Rock and Roll - Bill Haley and His Comets (peaked at Number 5)

Don't let the title fool you, this song is a reskinned version of Oh When the Saints Go Marching In, which, for the uninitiated, is a Christian gospel hymn that's become a jazz standard, all about looking forward to the end of times, when the saints go marchin' in. Dating back to at least the early 1900s and first recorded in 1923, it's been done by just about everybody in the world of jazz, but most famously Louis Armstrong in 1938. So this is a really well known song.

Still, this feels like a fresh take on it, adding a sort of rock and roll sensibility that sets this version apart, but also connects it to rock and roll's jazz forebears, establshing that yes, these are part of the same tradition. You can do a rock and roll version of a jazz standard - in fact, it's not only possible, it's a good fit. You see it from the start, as Bill adds in lyrics about rock n' rollin' 'til the end and a proper saxophone, which I'm beginning to realise is the rock and roll instrument par exellence at this point. That and electric guitar, I guess? If you could pick a single sound as "most rock and roll" at this point you couldn't do much better than a sax and guitar solo, with guitar taking over from the sax midway through. Heck, I think this song has one exactly like that.

That said, my favourite solo break is the one at the end when you just get double bass and drums. It feels like a proper link back to jazz, with these instruments that have carried across and are used for both genres of music. This is rock and roll going back to its jazz roots, in a way that really respects and honours both styles.

And the lyrics really emphasise this link between the styles of music, above and beyond any real concern with getting to the afterlife and being among the godly folks in heaven. Sure, you've got lyrics about when the saints go marchin' in, but mostly Bill spends the back half of the song making heaven sound like a rock and roll gig, dreaming of when that guitar comes wailin' in, then when Rudy begins to blow, when that sax man starts wailin' in, when that rhythm comes wailin' in and finally when old Rapper starts to wail. Which, now I look at it, is a whole lotta wailing.

I'd also be remiss not to mention the sort of meta almost-arrogance of the line where Bill sings about wanting to be in heaven when the band plays rock 'n roll / Well, when the Comets rock 'n roll. It takes a certain swagger and confidence to put yourself in that picture, but I admire it, you know? That's what rock and roll feels like it's about, honestly, at this point, the sort of performative claim that rock and roll as a phenomenon is just something else, something special and fun enough that yeah, of course everyone in heaven's gonna be jamming to it! I can't imagine any artist prior to maybe 1955 making claims like this, you know?

The song was also apparently featured in a 1956 film, called Rock, Pretty Baby, as part of the soundtrack. The summary sounds like the most 1950s thing ever, all about a boy in a band whose dad wants him to be a lawyer. He goes to a wild party, breaks stuff, and enters a battle of the bands to get to money to pay it back, and thus earns his dad's respect. It's such a classic teen movie plot - a new type of movie, for a demographic that's only just finding its own identity at this point. We're right at the start of "teenagerhood" as a concept, and as such, of course they had to have rock and roll. What else could get that sense of youthful exuberance and rebellion, you know?

Yeah, this is good fun. Again, we've got the "solid song, decent cover" effect going on. It diverges a bit from the original song, adding a bunch of extra stuff, but it's all very on-brand, and honestly, I like to think that 1950s me would have been bopping away to this.

Favourite song of the jazzy, rockin', somewhat self-aggrandizing bunch: The Saints Rock and Roll

[hgghgfd]

On The Street, February 1988

Knocking on Nick's Door An interview (sort of) with Nicholas Cave

On The Street, February 1988

Interview by Rob Miller

Collected by Katherine B.

Saint and Sinner, Misogynist and Misanthropist... as famous in his own way as AC/DC or INXS (Australia's most well-known musical exports), Nick Cave is a bad boy of international proportions these days. Recognized as one of the major talents of the '80's in culturally elevated circles from London to Berlin and New York, there's no small irony in the fact that Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds (or even The Birthday Party for that matter) are virtually unknown to the average music-listening Australian. And out of those that do acknowledge Cave in his own country, a fair proportion can't decide whether they love him for the brooding emotional soundscapes he and the Bad Seeds conjure or despise him for the blatantly arrogant attitude he displays to his listening public.

In equal parts misanthropic, exceptionally talented and wantonly self-destructive, it's also kind of unfortunate that the notoriety surrounding Nick Cave (which he does little to dispel), the tales of the man's narcotic over-indulgence and prima-donna arrogance have tended to overshadow the erratic brilliance of the Birthday Party/Bad Seeds career. Speaking for myself, a shameless fan since the early days of the Birthday Party, rarely have records been so eagerly awaited or as obsessively consumed as those by Nick Cave and his cronies. Yet in all that time I've never felt tempted to shoot up hard drugs just because that was part of the Nick Cave mythology. The price I've paid has been when my interest spilled over into curiosity to interview Cave, who's hardly the most receptive candidate for questions (which with the reputation is perhaps understandable).

Certainly when trying to separate the Man from the Myth, when you're second in a line of four phone interviews is a quest only for the foolhardy, especially when the questioning turns to the relationship between Cave's fabled decadence and his creativity...

"You're asking me if I take drugs?"

No, I'm not. I don't care particularly. I'm just interested in the what makes the records the wonderful experiences they usually are...

"Well, I guess I do. I don't know why you're looking for external factors. You're talking to the reason why those records are wonderful, I don't think that's got anything to do with drugs. I'm not on drugs at the moment, and as you can see, I'm still speaking with wit and intense as ever..."

Actually one gets the impression that these days Nick Cave would rather be known as a workaholic rather than for any other kind of obsessive behaviour.

"The last year I've been working my arse off," confides Nick. "It may not appear that way since no product has come out, but I'll reap the fruit this year. I've written a novel. I have two books coming out this year. I'm involved in a couple of films. Um, yeah, records and that shit."

Is music still a primary focus for you? Do you still consider yourself primarily a musician?

"I've never considered myself that way, but yeah, it's still very important to me. I've always felt that my areas of creativity were fairly open. But it's only in the past couple of years that I've actually had the chance to become involved in other things."

Long noted for his innate and formidable 'sense of the dramatic' by former Rich kid turned video producer Evan English, Nick cave has been based in Melbourne for the past few months where he'd been playing the part of Manyard in Ghosts (of the Civil Dead), a film about life in a high-tech maximum security prison. "I played a psychopath with a leaning towards self-destruction and shooting his mouth off," explains Nick. "It's about the authorities deliberately provoking a situation, where a series of violent events occur, so that the prison can be put under what's called lockdown, that's kind of twenty-four hours a day locked in the cells without any privileges or whatever. And there's that story plus the following of one particular character who goes into the prison a smalltime criminal and comes out a killer."

Along with Mick Harvey and Blixa Bargeld, Nick Cave will also be scoring the music for Ghosts, but is adamant that it will bear little resemblance to the Bad Seeds.

"The Ghosts film is the first I've done any music for. Apart from Wings of Desire, but that was only playing a couple of songs from our repertoire on stage. It wasn't actually doing music for the film as such. For Ghosts, I'm actually having to compose music to suit a certain type of atmosphere and so forth to kind of please the producer. And in that way it's kind of the first time I've had to do anything like that and it's quite a challenge. Usually I'm only pleasing myself..."

With songs like Knockin' on the Joe and Jack's Shadow (based on the story of Norman Mailer's friend Jack Henry Abbott, who wrote In the Belly of the Beast), Nick Cave has long been interested in the brutality and twisted emotions of the jail experience. Yet once again, attempts to prove Cave's seemingly fatal attraction towards these things merited an unenlightening response.

Have you mellowed over the years or are you still drawn to these sorts of things?

"I've written lots of prison songs... there's two or three prison songs on the next album"

Yet it seems prison is only one of the ways you've attempted to deal with various extremities of experience...

"The basic theme in my latest record are death, isolation and prison, basically the same things I've always been harping on about..."

What about sex and violence?

"Yeah, well, sex and violence of course. (Said with barely a trace of humour.) There's a good deal of sex and violence in it."

Is it still in the production stages?

"We've recorded quite a lot of songs for it, but we're still interested in recording more. Basically we want to make a better record than the last one even though I'm very happy with the last one. And I won't be really happy until I've done that."

Is Your Funeral... My Trial your favourite of the Bad Seeds records so far?

"Yeah..."

Although it is as yet untitled, Mick Harvey, who OTS spoke to last week (but that's another story!) is confident that the new album will be more than just a worthy successor to Your Funeral... My Trial. Incidentally, Cave will also be contributing to the soundtrack of Wim Wenders' next movie (Paris, Texas), who he met whilst living in Berlin and between whom there is apparently a mutual respect.

In fact, diversity - surprisingly enough for those whose perception of Cave would favour him as an apathetic, drug-ridden layabout junkie - has been one of the characteristics of his career in recent years even if it hasn't necessarily improved his sense of humour or sociability. From the well-received album of covers, Kicking Against the Pricks, to Cave's long-awaited novel And the Ass saw the Angel, from which an excerpt, Atra Vigaro or the Vargas Barking Spider appeared on the Smack my Crack compilation last year, Cave has doubtless in his own inimitable fashion been hard at work.

Is the novel to be published soon?

"Yeah, it's being typed up now. There's still a few more weeks work left to do on it, but it'll be out this year sometime. But the first book that'll come out will be a collection of other writing apart from the novel of lyrics and extra-curricular writings called King Ink. My publishers are actually compiling it but I think it'll have hand written pages and the odd doodle and that punctuating it. That'll coincide with the album, which will come out in a few months."

And what of Nick Cave's immediate plans? Does he intend to stay in Melbourne?

"Well, I'm just here for two months and then I'll go to Berlin, I think. We plan to do a fair bit of traveling this year. We've got our eye on visiting Brazil and Argentina. I'd quite like to stay there for a while."

A few years ago you said you'd like to go to Mexico and be a gas attendant for a while, and the suggestion was, get away from the pressure for a while. Is having a lot of preconceptions and expectations foisted on you what's ultimately a drag about being Nick Cave?

"Well, it keeps me on my toes, I guess. I've never managed to do that; to cut myself off from obligations is a near impossible thing. But yeah, there is a lot of pressure to fulfill a lot of contracts, but ultimately that sort of situation is one I work best in."

Do you still enjoy playing live? It seems to me that you've always had a fairly ambivalent attitude, almost take us as you find us...

"Yeah, sometimes, I've always had the attitude that I can't really give anymore than I can give and I always try to give as much as I can. Basically that's the way people will find us and the way they'll have to take us."

It seems like a very brief tour that you're doing this time, only half a dozen dates spread over ten days...

"It seems to me like a very long tour!"

Will you only do one date in Sydney?

"I don't know. Are we doing a date in Sydney?"

Thanks for the interview, Nick! Reprinted with permission. Copyright by Rob Miller, 1988. Wholesale publication requires the written consent of the author. Contact site administrator for details.

[clubwnderland]

💭 if you're not trying to impress anyone, what exactly is the purpose of this spectacle, chan? what motivates you to engage in such a display? it's clear you want a reaction but sorry to say, i find this rather unamusing. if there's truly no fear, then why squander your time on someone like me? you speak of my lack of knowledge but you forget that knowledge is power. i know everything about you while you know nothing about me. your arrogance only makes you appear more pathetic with every word you utter from that ignorant mouth of yours. there's a stark difference between confidence and arrogance and i hope you realize the perilous path you're treading.

i don't covet your position, not in the slightest. what you fail to grasp is that i want her happiness above all else. the irony of no one being good enough for her is that it also includes you. how are you any different? it seems you're the one holding her back. you claim to encourage her desires but what enjoyment do you derive each time her heart is broken? is it satisfying to know that she'll come to you, seeking comfort after every disappointment? it's not a faceless and nameless stalker with an obsession over her that falls into the category of 'ain't shit’. no, instead, it's the one who enjoys seeing her heartache, claiming to be the protector but chaining her to a cycle of despair.

you can call me a stalker or whatever you please but i'm here to protect and cherish her, not to engage in futile competitions with you. in fact, I urge you to pay closer attention to your ‘doll’. she's already yearning for my presence and that, to me, speaks volumes. as for immortality, it is not a badge of honor. it's a curse that i wouldn't wish upon anyone. the agony of witnessing loved ones slip away while you remain trapped in a timeless existence is a torment one could never truly fathom. i’ve already lived in a hell you could never imagine. i pity you, chan, for your existence must be a lonely one.

Blah, blah, blah, so much talk for someone who can't actually show their face. There isn't any purpose to this, you're right. I simply am protecting her from falling victim to someone who will only disappoint - you all do. No matter what you claim, you'll only disappoint and hurt her - everyone claims the same shit, how they wouldn't do that and yet, time and time again, they do. You say you're different, you want to act like you are but I don't see it. I don't need to know everything or anything about you, mate, you don't know me - you can claim whatever you like about it but you don't but you think you do. You think you know everything about me but if you did then you would know better than to speak the fucking words that you are saying.

You're threatened, I get it. I've been here for years while you are barely a babe in your existence in her life regardless of what you like to say - she only started to know of your existence a few days ago. She'll know me until her final breath because I'll be there making sure she goes to where she deserves.

See now, here is where you cross a line. This is where you are so wrong, it must hurt. You speak as if I think I'm good enough - mate, why do you think I kept her pure? Why do you think I never touched her when I knew how sweet she would have been? Because I knew she deserves better than me, I'm not good enough for her and I never said I was but that also means I know when someone doesn't deserve her and you're on that list regardless of what you like to claim. You haven't proven your worth, just because you think she longs for you or whatever twisted thought you have in your head, doesn't mean you are worthy. You think I like when she's heart broken? You think I like having her in my arms fucking crying? Ha, see how wrong you are. I detest it and if she allowed me to - I would break the legs of those who dared to make her feel such pain. Did you know that? How much I respect her to not harm those she loved when they deserved it more than anything? Nah, you didn't because you think I chain her up and keep her in this cycle when she wouldn't fucking be hurt if she listened. The faceless, nameless, obsessive stalker also thinks he knows it all - what a joke.

Again, no competition, mate. You can do what you want, I couldn't care less because I'm secure enough to know that at the end of every day - I am and always will be there. Oh fuck sakes, you really doing that 'oh being immortal is a curse' bullshit, come off it - talking like everyone views it as such. I know people who are thankful for their immortality, I sure as hell am, your problem is that you're weak. A Hell I could never imagine, goes to show you don't know what you're talking about again.

You pity me? You think my existence is a lonely one? Man, how does it feel to be so wrong about someone that you sound like an idiot?

[wily-one24]

Ask meme: 6, 9, 16, 30 & 50 😊😊😊😊

6. What are you excited for?

Oh, we're starting with the hard questions right out of the gate, are we? Hmmm... I am excited for summer. I guess. I do so much better in the warmer weather than the cold. The last two days were beautiful and I got to break out some cute summer dresses. I love it. I really cannot wait for the real long lasting heat to begin.

I want to say I'm excited for Christmas, but... I guess I am kinda neutral about it? Like, it's a good thing, but the stress, omg. I *do* have a brand new cute christmas dress though, it's very swirly. It *is* a bit more low cut and thin strappy than I had planned for, so I am going to have to invest in a strapless bra sometime soon.

9. Is confidence cute?

Omg. Confidence is hella sexy.

Although, there is a difference between confidence and arrogance and arrogance is defintiely not.

16. Do you think you’ll change in the next 3 months?

I mean, I don't *expect* to change that drastically in the next three months, but how can anyone ever be sure? I am noticably different now than I was 12 months ago and people have remarked to me recently that I look very well. Which... I haven't noticed?

But, I have recently completed a round of dentistry which has greatly improved my confidence, so that's always a bonus and has to effect how I am coming across.

I, personally, don't expect to change. My life is stable, my job is stable, my kids are honestly (although sometimes frustrating, bc teenage boys, omg) the light of my life... I don't really see any of that changing. I'm returning into fandom activity after several years of nothing, which feels good, and I don't see that changing.

30. Does everyone deserve a second chance?

You really come out swinging, don't you?

I want to say yes. I want to say that people grow and can change and they deserve the chance to do that. And in most circumstances, I would definitely say yes.

But there are some things that are unforgivable and some people do not deserve to be in society.

I am a pretty forgiving and tolerant person. It takes a lot to upset me to begin with and I will usually get over it when I do. That said, my patience only goes so far. There is a line and once it is crossed, I will cut you out so badly it's not even funny.

(For instance: I have forgiven and remain friends with my ex-husband, the man who cheated on me when I was in the hospital trying not the die while giving birth to my youngest child, so I can forgive almost anything if you try to make up for it... but I have a sister that I was very close to growing up that I refuse to speak to, I won't go to her house, and give her only the briefest of cursory responses when I am forced to be in the same room with at famly functions, because she has crossed the line too many times and has reached into irredeemable territory).

I guess, second chance, yes, but when you start getting into third/fourth/fifth chances then obviously some people aren't going to change. They're set and that's who they are. You know the saying, when people show you who they are: believe them.

50. Ever used a bow and arrow?

Used a bow and arrow? Yes.

Mastered and/or been good at a bow and arrow? No.

I have been on school camps where archery was a thing and I liked it. I have been to a few places where archery is a thing as an adult and I've tried again there (like adventure parks, or Kryal Castle).

Unfortunately, I don't think I'll be doing that again, my shoulder has a tendency to weakness and I can't push it. And shoulders are very necessary when pulling back that string. The tension and strength to hold and focus it, I just don't have that anymore.

But, yes, I have done it before.

@rowark, you picked some interesting questions. Yikes. Thanks for playing!!!

[vro0m]

He's even a bit arrogant about not thinking that he is.

//

saw your answer to an anon on drivers thinking whether they are slower or not. I think don't think about it is right thing because it will distract you, but as you said, it may be arrogant to not think about it at all. So do you think there is a line between driver believe in themselves with blind confidence, how to balance that the difference between reality and self belief especially in F1 with so many data to mention you the gap.

Very interesting question Anon.

First of all I just wanna clear things up because I think you misunderstood me maybe? I'm not saying I think George doesn't think about whether or not he's slower, I'm saying I think he thinks he's not slower. I'm also not saying it's arrogant of him to not think about whether or not he's slower, I'm saying at times I've found him a bit arrogant about the fact that he thinks he's not slower.

Not thinking at all about whether he's slower or not wouldn't be arrogant in my opinion, it would be absurd? They all think about it. Because (sing with me) you always always have to do better than your teammate.

About the rest of your question : very vast and complex topic. How can you question yourself enough to know what you need to improve but not that much that you start losing confidence? Not just regarding the speed performance but also the mistakes they make. It's a super fine line.

I think ultimately it's down to whether they feel they are throwing everything they have at it or not. If you take Lewis' teammates as examples again, several of them have said that they eventually realised that even when they gave their full maximum to the point of exhaustion they couldn't keep up with him over the course of a full season. As long as they feel they can still give more, they stay confident that they just need to do that and it will be okay. I think when it works every once in a while and they finish ahead for example, it fuels that confidence because it's a proof it's possible and that the efforts they're making are bringing them results. They lose confidence in themselves when they can't do it no matter what they try, no matter how much they train, no matter how much they sacrifice, probably.

I mean it's like in general in life right? You can keep your hopes and confidence up as long as you feel you have some level of control on the situation. When all your efforts don't amount to a result, it's difficult to keep going, because what's the point?

Anyway in short I'd say that's where a lot of the mental aspect of F1 comes into play.

[countenanceblog]

Chapter 35

.Chapter 35

The game room was a spacious and dimly lit area within Fort Retard. It had high ceilings with exposed wooden beams and walls adorned with vintage posters of classic movies. The centerpiece of the room was a well-maintained pool table, surrounded by plush leather couches and a few shelves filled with board games and other forms of entertainment.

Francisco Lobo, with his voluminous black ponytail and confident demeanor, leaned against the pool table, cue stick in hand. He exuded an air of self-assured coolness. On the other side of the table stood Aleister Fawkes, who radiated a more understated sense of charm and allure.

Francisco grinned as he lined up his shot, looking at Aleister. "You know, Aleister, Spain City isn't just a metropolis; it's also where I shine the brightest. The ladies can't resist my charm, and the city lights reflect perfectly off my sunglasses."

Aleister chuckled softly, his eyes never leaving the pool balls. "Oh, Francisco, you always know how to make a grand entrance, don't you? But I must admit, Spain City does have its allure. It's like a web of secrets and hidden agendas, with something new around every corner."

Francisco took his shot, sinking a ball with a flourish. "You got that right, my friend. But it's not just the mysteries that draw me in. It's the thrill of the chase—the high-stakes games and the adrenaline rush."

Aleister nodded, calmly taking his turn and sinking a ball effortlessly. "Indeed, the city has its fair share of dangers and risks. But you know, there's a fine line between confidence and arrogance. You've got to be careful not to let your ego blind you to the true dangers that lie ahead."

Francisco smirked, leaning on the pool table. "You think I can't handle myself, Aleister? I've navigated those mean streets countless times and come out on top every single time. I'm the biggest grass dealer in Air Town."

Aleister chuckled again, his demeanor never faltering. "I never said you couldn't handle yourself, Francisco. I just think it's important to stay grounded and keep your wits about you. That's how you survive in a city like Spain City. Besides which, they do real drugs in Spain City!"

Francisco chuckled. As the game progressed, they continued to banter back and forth, sharing anecdotes of their experiences in Spain City. Francisco recounted a daring escape from the clutches of a notorious gang, while Aleister spoke of a femme fatale who left him broken.

"You see, Francisco," Aleister said calmly, "it's not just about looking cool or being the center of attention. It's about following your path, even in the darkest of places."

Francisco paused, considering Aleister's words. He took his next shot, sinking another ball. "You might have a point there, Aleister. Maybe I've been too focused on myself and not enough on what really matters."

Aleister smiled, nodding approvingly. "It's never too late to change, my friend. Just remember, being cool isn't about ego—it's about getting completely screwed over by babes dressed in tight black outfits." Wolf laughed.

Maggie came flying into the game room. "Guys! Aleister, there's someone on the phone for you! It sounds like he's got, one of those things." She gestured towards her throat. "Tracheotomy. Know anyone like that?"

"Nope," said Aleister. "But I'll answer anyway. Anyone who knows where I'm at, well, they deserve my time. I'm hard to find. Comes along with the no parents thing."

Maggie's expression softened. "No parents? Oh God, I had no idea." Aleister made a dismissive hand gesture.

"It's new to you, it's not new to me. I'm over it." Francisco eyed Aleister keenly. "What's up?"

"Maybe you should answer the phone. Strange times," said Lobo. Aleister nodded, handing Maggie his pool cue. He headed to the kitchen, where Gwyneth was standing next to the landline. She looked nervous.

Aleister picked up the phone and held it up to his ear. "Who's this?"

"Call me Herringbone," said the strange, fuzzy voice. "Elite Tactical will be at the house in exactly one hour. Six o'clock sharp." Aleister could feel his hands sweating. The line clicked. He almost dropped the phone.

Gwyneth turned to him "What is it?"

"Elite Tactical. They know we're here. We have exactly enough time to get out of here," said Aleister.

Gwyneth, thinking quickly, replied, "Ralph will know something's up if we take Xander with us. Do you think he'll keep his mouth shut about Karen?"

Aleister adjusted his glasses. "You mean leave him here? Why not evacuate everyone? There's enough – "

"That's just it, though. It'll take them longer to figure out what's going on if we leave some people here. Plus, we can't take two car-loads of fugitives with us." Aleister spent a moment being completely unsure what to say.

"Very practical, Gwyneth. Who do you suggest we leave behind? You know they'll be interrogated?"

"Maggie can handle that," said Gwyneth. "Thank fuck for the anonymous tip line. What did he say his name was?" Aleister looked concerned.

"Herringbone." Aleister's mind raced as he processed the information. "Herringbone... That name sounds vaguely familiar. I've heard whispers about him in Spain City before. He's a notorious Resistance fighter."

Gwyneth's eyes widened with concern. "Herringbone?" she whispered confusedly. "That's not good, Aleister. We need to get out of here and fast."

Aleister nodded in agreement. "You're right. We need to warn the others and come up with a plan. Or at least, we need Francisco and Wayne. They're both quick on their feet. Should we, by Hel, I don't want to say it. Should we leave the rest of them in the dark about this?"

Gwyneth nodded. "We have to be pragmatic."

Fawkes rushed back into the game room, where Francisco was leaning against the pool table, waiting. "Trouble?" Francisco asked, sensing the urgency in Aleister's expression.

"Yeah, trouble," Aleister replied, his voice serious. "Elite Tactical is on their way. We have an hour."

Francisco's eyes narrowed with determination. "Alright, let's get moving. What's the plan?"

"You're not going to like it," Aleister began. "We're not taking everyone. If we leave some people here, it will throw them off our trail." Francisco, to Aleister's surprise, nodded. "You understand?"

"I do," said Francisco. "Even if I don't want to."

[mrmajesticcircle]

Dashaun Olynuk

He's quiet at his defense.

His dreams are now permanent, not changing!

Sound in his mind of the sandcastle, white moon raising the turquoise tides, to wash away the machines craftsmanship to the architectural patterns once upon a time the strong hands thy made, wooden beams, high liberal ceilings, and safety proof domes adjacent to the foyer.

Tossed upside down across the backyard, like fuck it.

I'm going out of style and all, my mindset is going to a whole new level of fuck the powers that be.

I won't ever wait, but waist your time looking for the healing powers of the sparrow, fly in to me high.

Standing up pigeon toed with roasted Carmel complected, salted almond flavored charlie horses, of rolling in the vineyard too long, trying to find my way back to his Dashaun Olynuk.

There's a difference between.

Driving that defies.

Disturbance to Dial, when the silence is too alive.

A destiny unborn.

Determination unwon.

A king's decree.

Degree of no return; No matter the details, the decree of the Demon King, unknown.

Not a word from Hitler, that's what the Bible says, it's written in red, like the revelation you can understand.

The silver fang punctuation, a semicolon, the Devil's claw, the symbol to transcend into the underground

The Democratic party is the Demonic order we obliged for the winter in the hall of Baal.

It's such a beautiful friend we must share a common initial, and now by law together we are a army.

It's a sign to yield, as you pause for the moment, as you wait to exhale from exhaustion, we a Frontline in high matrimony are now the Doctors orders, the reason you're threatening to yourself.

Dashaun Olynuk.

I'm your imaginary machine, cold something put fat away, not even mine.

Daydreaming your silver wool will shine every evening, we may not have any fight inside, when the ice begins to melt away from our heads lost in this shadow of disparity.

Don't deny I'm your imaginary pride and envy; don't deny me.

We are as one, but of opposing galactic light-years far away from natural!

His name is Dashaun Olynuk looking forward to turn the wheels off the world to force everyone to get a eye full of him through the lense.

He's so arrogant and confident, and confused about whether he belongs, maybe it's supernatural superstition, scrutiny, or coincidental why you or the face of something much more advanced than my artificial intelligence can overwrite me down to my fingernails.

Maybe if you stare in the mirror of what you want too hard, your life plays mind games on you.

I don't know if it's to play a peculiar prank on me.

I don't know if it's for God's humorous lie.

I don't think it's to piss me off, I have been taught to fall all over him!

There's definitely something strange going on with me, I hesitate in the convoying rural areas sitting low on every corner of the desolate earth.

One not hither before me, but mocking my footsteps, slow walking me down through the hidden valley, carrying a hidden agenda to torture my mind, and conquer the best of me.

You don't or you do know where to find me hiding from the sun, with summer drawing nigh.

Because if I ever was Dashaun Olynuk, I would want to rest my bird's-nest in the shade.

Pouring out my sins, my mechanical lights, to find my equal other Dashaun Olynuk, turning solid matter into Ivory black crystal.

Hollow out the stoney adversity ahead, do a rain dance to bestow the power lines; beating you down for indivisible rights, and a place high in the euphoric sky!

I hope you're now.

Going with me.

Not bowing down to the winds, no matter how hard they howl, or bitter it brings unease.

I know that you're black in your heart, there's nothing inside, no room but for the head Prescott.

Waving chef knives,

Everyone is fighting for the crown; the throne is up for the taking!

It's a constant tug of war for the queen's heart, how to turn it around from the Sigmond finger waves, stretched out on the starry night.

I want to be the mathematician at bay, painting the right amount of pigmentation, a rae of motion by the color of the night!

It's getting zone free out here, people feel they can invade your personal bubble sky, but in your hands you hold me tight; hold me high; hold me close, I hold you to it.

On your shoulder I don't have to worry about how to swim across fire.

I find refuge; I'm a regular refugee trying to start over with a clean slate.

When I lock into your eyes I see, love doesn't matter at all, when everything seems so small.

All of my life I shimmer and watch the hours fade away to wonder will you bridge the equation in our minds, think it would be nice to connect the dots to find out what's ripe?

I don't have the dollar bills for a relationship us, not even in the ironic landmine of poltergeists.

Is it wrong for me to want to that is only me, does it sound immortal like pride?

I can't afford to be him.

Do you watch over me?

There's a forbidden entity where Deuteronomy plays, a new again culture when midwives prey.

On every single day another lay, best institutionalized between chasing education, and flowers of May.

Aboard the mayflower to Mayfield Lane, the one way journey impossible with or without the eyes of Dashaun Olynuk overlying the prejudice cult we all were deceived to practice, like practitioners.

This country we turn against ourselves; a king's disease, bleeding monsters to steal our souls, wearing our biological, and physical make up, our skin.

Face Shields to replace our purpose, separate our fate, and overcome us all throughout the Shawn's of our past.

Doesn't sound like it is simply beautiful enough to make us run to the top of a tower.

Throwing ourselves away, plunging into the concrete to an instant death, from falling approximately of a steel building standing up around one hundred stories high, I'm hymn.

I'm him, standing to the hem of my oppressing brethren, upon a defensive Christ, at fault.

I'll follow you if you follow me!

You're the Sun agent.

Army of Ra.

I'll break right through, if you break through me!

I'll breathe right through, if you breathe through me!

I'll follow you; if you follow me!

I've been down in a cell of long-suffering, just as far as the eye can go.

I'll break right through, if you need me to!

Authorship by Mr Dashaun Rashod Snipes

©Mr. Dashaun Rashod Snipes

[lonelyicycle]

Fear vs Fearlessness

Months ago, I was fearless. Compliments would be gifted on the confidence I exuded inside and outside the club, girls vying to be like me and have an ounce of the self-esteem I held. While riding this confidence, I often toed the line on confidence vs arrogance, and persistently loathed the arrogance that did come with self-confidence. However, I would give anything to have that back.

Since the beginning of December, I've felt outcasted, left alone to my own ideations and evolutions. Though this has been a healing experience, I would be lying if I said that I'd wanted it. Losing friends, losing hope, and losing the confidence I used to bolster myself with throughout my day-to-day has impacted me in a way that's hard to describe as anything besides rejection. Fearing rejection was never an issue for me until recently. Between the rejection from friends, from myself, and from customers at the club, I feel as though I'm lost walking in the forest. Robert Frost's divergence of two roads, and advice to take the one less traveled by has left me stranded. It's left me reeling, trying to understand where I fit in this big, small world.

Is that so wrong? To want to fit in? Short answer, yes. I shouldn't want to fit in, but I strive to. I have this aching in my chest that I need to be liked, and well-received, but why? Why do I have these types of strings pulling at my insides, and wrapping itself around my brain, strangling the oxygen from it? It makes it hard to think, hard to breathe, and hard to function. I'm not sure exactly where this loss of confidence has arose from, but I do have some ideas.

So, from fearlessness to fearful is where I stand. It's my own island between the two roads that diverged in the woods, and the water surrounding me laps the shore like the waves do to Captain Ahab's ship. Clouds loom in the wake of stars above me in the night sky, casting my doubts upon me, and dwindling the need to leave. It's a peaceful island although storms rage around it, and the clouds in the air never disperse. There's no one but me. Myself and the clouds that impede my view of the possibilities that I am capable of.

To escape the storm that plagues my brain and heart, I have to be innovative. I have to fearless once again. It's the only choice in escaping my island, to conquer the fear of my self-doubts and insecurities, and release my true self. Tired, and drowning from the sound of the waves that give no break to the shore of my island, I have to pull myself up. I have to swim.

Although the water is icy, so am I. I've been frozen on this island for too long, allowing life as I know it to swim by. There have been a few life boats, but I didn't think they were for me. Or I thought they were too good for me. Either way, I now see my mistakes. Each wave that courses onto the shore is written with my self-doubts. You're not good enough. Everyone hates you. Why did you say that, you imbecile? They don't want to meet you. They don't want to save you. You don't want to save yourself.

The intrusion of these thoughts is what has kept me frozen, not willing to face the water. Begrudgingly ignoring myself, and my need to escape. I need to swim. I need to step through my self-doubts and show them that no matter how long they try to keep me trapped, I will always become a better swimmer.

Dipping a toe into the water, surrounding my island, my veins rage with anger, sadness, loathing. The cells in my body try to force me back so I can avoid the hurt of it all, but I can't. I must keep going. Being knee-deep in the icy water, more vicious than the bay surrounding Alcatraz, I walk with strength. One foot after another. Forcing myself through the stormy water, not knowing what lies beneath it. Smashing each wave with the strength of my body, I fall through my self-doubts. Proving them wrong one at a time.

The only question that prevails me now. How long can I swim before I reach the solid ground of fearlessness once again?