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#i don't think we talk enough about this tho
mookiesspace ยท 2 days
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ใ€Šใ€Š ๐‘‡๐‘‚๐‘‹๐ผ๐ถ ๐‘ƒ๐ด๐‘…๐‘‡ 2 ใ€‹ใ€‹
ony x black fem reader , implied cheating , strong language , smut , angst , toxic relationship , jealous ony , picture links , images in story , pov switch (reader to ony back to reader) , mdni 18+
a/n: this was sooo time consuming and I feel like I really did my one two on ts ๐Ÿ˜ฉ !! I hope the pov switch ain't confuse nb so that's why I put onys pov in green (when you get to the switch) & readers pov is in white ! && ony is represented with a "โ˜†" above his pov while readers is "โ™ก"
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โ™ก
**beep! beep! beep! bee-** the sound of your alarm before smacking it off. "shit.." you mumbled. you seriously didn't wanna get up after last night. damn what did happen last night for you to be so dam tired?? "damn 7:30 already? it's to damn early for this shit broo." you moaned forcing yourself outta bed while lazily dragging your body to the bathroom. looking in the mirror you sluggishly rub your eyes while your other hand ran your fingers thru your messy hair, slowly opening your big brow eyes to see your reflection in the mirror while getting ready to start your day.
"fuck.. why did i do that." sighing softly. right. you slept with ony again. why did this become such a natural thing?? why couldn't you just leave that stupid nigga alone, what was so hypnotizing about him that couldn't make you pull away?? walking to your messy bed you find a note lying on the dresser next to it reading 'sorry about last night mama, meet at 8 tonight so I can make it up to ya?' groaning at the note you quickly balled it up before tossing it into the trash. you had other things to focus on and worry about, other things excluding ony. he of all the was the last thing you needed to worry about yet along see. you were growing sick of the constant fighting and fucking all over the same shit, him being a no good cheating ass nigga. what you finally needed was a night out, a night to focus on you and your life damn well not his! you didn't belong to him, damn you ain't belong to anyone you're a boss bitch and you deserve better. and well all know you were gonna get it if it's the last thing you did!
"damnn bitch you i missed youuu!!" sasha squealed squeezing you tightly it had been forverr since you seen your girls sasha & mikasa and like always it was never a dull moment with the two "we missed you boo, how you been?" mikasa added pulling sasha off you. "shitt ion even know anymore," you giggled before taking a sip of your drink "I did fuck on ony last night tho.." you muttered "YOU WHAT BITCH??" "didn't he cheat on you? GIRL you need to sta-" "stay away from that no good ass nigga yes I know sasha. whatchu think I've been doing?" you groaned slouching onto the couch beneath you "clearly not good enough if you let him into yo panties." mikasa snickered at you an sasha's annoyance "don't laugh and help me!!" you whined only for mikasa to sigh loudly "I'm with sash on this one boo, ony's no good and you know that." "ughhh you two are so frustrating" groaning again as the two giggled with one another "let's just go out tonight hm? like we used to do! that'll get ya mind off him for sure" sasha implied. at first, going out sounded like a bad idea.. what if you ran into ony? what if he tried to talk to you and you gave in all over again?? what if- "cmon girl it's been forever!! pleaseeeee" your best friend begged. rolling your eyes while deeply sighing you gave in "ok ok. let's do it, I need a distraction anyways.." your friends cheered lovingly as they planned the entire night out but all you could think about is how badly you wanted ony still, you missed him. the old him.. him touch, his taste, his affection.. his everything. but that was over now, it's been over and now all you really needed was that night out. a night without thinking about anything but you and yo girls, a night without him.
"fuck I look good.." you muttered while looking in your tall bedazzled mirror. yeah you were bound to get some tonight and it wasn't gonna be with him that's for sure. you pull out your phone to post a pic on instagram posing in your big living room mirror, arching your back ever so slightly giving the perfect view of your round fat ass while lookin bad as fuck now waiting to link up with your girls for the best night ever.
โ˜†
"yea bro ionk I for real miss ha" he sighed, taking a long hit of the blunt before passing it to his homeboy eren, man spreading as he pulls out his phone to browse her instagram. "damnn man, I mean I wouldn't be surprised if she ain't tryna fuck with you again." eren added, Connie snickering alongside him in response. "mann you ain't helpin. and shut yo ass up connie that's why she didn't want yo ugly ass" the man groaned, connie following with an irritated sigh before hitting the shared blunt. "not my fault you cheated, man you seriously fucked up & I ain't ugly ho" he replied with an eye roll. ony knew what the two were saying was true but he seriously didn't mean it, he got drunk and it jus happen.. it shouldn't of happen he knew that.. he shouldn't have went to that damn party, he shouldn't have fought with you that day. maybe if he just listened to you.. things would be back to normal.. well not anymore shit what is there left to redeem? everything was all fucked up- "DAMNNN" connie laughed, what was that nigga lookin at?? "oh shitt bro, you definitely ain't getting her back now" eren added, laughing with connie in response. "huh?" raising an eyebrow he snatches erens phone to see not only you at a party you had no business being at but your his ass backed up against that no good ass nigga jean. "hell na." he huffed growing irritated by the second before reaching for his own phone to text his babygirl..
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the tall man gritted his teeth harshly, rubbing his fingers through his waves. "fuck wrong wit-" "I'm thinking." seconds pass with pure silence. Eren and Connie's suspension rose quickly before he spoke sternly. "ight pull up y/n location and let's go." "whatcu finna do crazy??" eren spoke, rising an eyebrow, connie nodding in agreement. "what I say?" the two men watch as their homeboy took off out the front door, clearly leaving to his car. "mannn, if he shoot up the place again, im go be pissed." "still wondering how he managed to cheat on ha and STILL be crazy about that girl." they both share a laugh before heading out the door themselves to follow behind ony.
โ™ก
you scoff loudly, kissing your teeth in pure irritation. "jean babyyyy.." you speak softly into the man's ear, voice silk like smooth honey, running your long manicured nails up and down his neck. "what's up baby?" he spoke, big hands gripping at your waist ever so tightly sending shivers down your spine. "let's go somewhere more.. private.." standing you your tippy toes you lean into his ear while your hands explored his muscular body "she needs you baby.." that along made his dick grow hard, a sly smirk began to display on his face as he grabbed your hand and began walking with you through the crowd of people. safely making it twords a secluded area you hear your phone ding, you roll your eyes knowing the text was most likely from ony, or so you thought.. *ding!* *ding!* *ding!!* "damn mama who blowing yo shit up?" jean chuckled as he rubbed fat of your ass "no one it doesn't matter, let's go baby" you added, following along to the door moving yet through a crowd of people once again. the faster tou get outta here the fucking better you thought, just seconds after you feel a strong hand grip onto your wrist pulling you back "Hey!?! what the fuc-" words cut off once you were facing the one man you prayed not to run into tonight. Onyankopon.. "fuck you doin here?" he growled, looking up to see that you clearly weren't alone he scoffed, sucking his teeth as he looked the other man up and down "and you tryna leave this this pussy ass nigga?" laughing he rested his other hand on his forehead, licking hip plump pink lips, his gold grillz peaking out. You snatched your wrist away from him and rolled your eyes moving back towards Jean "we ain't together Ony, and last time I checked it wasn't yo damn business who I talk to or go with. I'm a grown woman" "yeah well you MY woman, so bring yo lil ass over here and let's go before shit stir up." he barked back, God you hated how he always had to say something you glared at him intensely, feeling the heat of the situation rise more and more. just before you could say something else to end things Jean let out a low laugh "fucks funny nigga." ony now glaring at jean, both men & you now slowly becoming the center of attention, what you didn't want tonight. "baby let's jus' go-" "funny how you claim she's yo girl, yet she here with me?" he spoke, a smirk appearing on his face as he looked directly at ony. shit, he's mad. really mad. you can see him clutching his fist while eyes you and him. "got nothing to say pussy? or are you just mad yo 'girl' ain't really yo-" BAM! before you knew it jean was knocked the fuck out on the ground, the crowd was filming and shouting all kinds of shit, all while you were being pulled away by Ony..
"s-shit! ony slow downnn AH!" your pretty little moans falling against deaf ears fuck why was he fucking you so rough? your wet pussy was clenching around him so tightly sending sparks and tingles right down to his already hard dick. "y-you always gotta show out, almost got that pussy ass nigga f-fucked up... shit.." he groaned, big hand sending harsh, firm slaps to your plump brown ass "ion give no fucks whatchu say mama, we gon' work thi shit out. ya hear me?" he grunts, low eyes shooting daggers at the back of your head. you can feel how hot the tension is but you can't focus, how long has it been?? your pussy is so stuffed and full you can barely speak as it is, head sinking down into the pillow you let out more shallow cries and moans, choking on your own tears and hiccups as his pace speeds up, and his thrusts deepen inside you "I'm talking to you girl." he's basically demanding a response, no. he IS demanding a response from you, sending more angry slaps to your fat ass he grabs you by the back of the neck pulling your limp body up against his "answer me." he demands, pussy clenching tighter against his thick dick your head hangs low "I- I can'ttt... ugahhh" you mumbled, words all twisted and fucked up worse than before. it feels so good, to damn good. he let's out a low chuckle before flipping you over on your back, grabbing ahold your neck before fucking you dumber "ian got no time for games mama you hear me?" thrusting harder than before at his last few words making you yelp "y-yes! fuckkkk onnyyy!!" you cry, you feel your stomach bubble and thighs tighten as he's deep in you, your soft gummy walls sending shivers down his spine making the pleasure better than it was before. he let's go of his tight grip around your neck, as you try catching your breath he pulls your body up hugging onto your smaller frame, your long nails now clawing at his back leaving all kinds of marks for whoever to see eyes crossing, toes curling and mouth slightly agape as drool pool out. he's biting his bottom lip, now gripping your ass even tighter, spanking it again roughly. "you look so beautiful mama.. I missed this." he moaned out, fuck it feels so good you thought. you're unable to even speak, still mumbling whatever mess can come out of your pretty little mouth. you can feel your body growing stiff as you're getting close to your realse. "Onnnyyyyyyy-" you whined out, nails digging into his back yet again. he let's out a low grunt "I know mama, I know." he's fucking you so deep it feel so surreal you can't help but shove your head into his broad shoulders while chasing after your soon sweet release. "I'm sooo closee.. f-fuckkkk onyy~" you moaned, sounding so fucking perfect, looking so fucking perfect he thought. "let it out mama.." and before you knew it, you feel your lower body burst, juices spilling everywhere coating the bed and yourselves in your sweet arousal, ony quickly following behind filling you up so deeply.. so lovingly. you both sigh heavily, nothing but short quick deep breaths and low groans filling the room as he lays you down, slowly pulling out of you watching his cum pour out only to take his tumb and stuff it all back in "this pussy is mine ma, don't do no shit like that again ya hear me?" he grumbled, low eyes staring into yours. "yes ony.." your response causing him to raise a brow "yes daddy." you spoke lowly, looking up at him with wide doe eyes as he smirks, smile growing into a sick grin allowing his grillz to appear once again.
your body feels heavy, you sit up picking up your phone to check the time and your group chat with your girls.
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"shit." you mumbled, rubbing your head lightly only to feel a thick arm wrap around your waist "what's wrong, ma?" turning next to you to see ony still in bed eyes still closed as he yawned "nothin, jus' the girls.." "mhm" silence. your chest feels heavy as you ponder with your thoughts, lost at words as you stare at the tall man next to you. ony pulls your body closer, you falling down right next to him, his arm now fully wrapped around you as you lay together in silence. "look at me, mama." he mutters lowly, voice smooth and clear. you turn to look at him, big brown eyes staring at his now opened one's, you look so beautiful right now.. morning sunlight, hitting your beautiful brown skin, he takes his hand rubbing his thumb against your plush cheek, kissing it gently. "Ian go leave you," he whispers, cool morning rushing against your skin causing you to shake. you wanna believe him, you really do.. but how many chances do you have to give him before you're really close to nothing? "I love you, y/n. I mean that." your heart starts to beat faster than usual as your eyes swell up with tears. "Ony-" "Ma, I wanna make this right." It's all to much.. "I can't keep doing this immature ass shit, I hurt you, baby, trust me, I know. I have to live with that guilt every damn day. I wish ian do it, I really do but baby I promise it was a mistake. something that should've never happened. I miss you ma, I miss us.." there they are. salty tears run down your cheek, ony wipes them away as he pulls you closer hugging you tightly. "how do I know I can trust you Onyankopon? I don't wanna go through this shit anymore.." "You won't have to baby, I promise. I just need you to trust me.. trust that I'll make it right.." you hesitate before speaking, trying to collect your thoughts. he kisses your head lighlty squeezing you tighter "we all the time in the world, don't worry ma. no rush.."
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meep-meep-richie ยท 1 year
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'' ๐˜ˆ๐˜ฏ๐˜ฅ ๐˜ข๐˜ด ๐˜ง๐˜ฐ๐˜ณ ๐˜ฎ๐˜บ ๐˜ด๐˜ฐ๐˜ฏ. ๐˜›๐˜ฉ๐˜ฆ ๐˜ง๐˜ช๐˜ณ๐˜ด๐˜ต ๐˜ต๐˜ช๐˜ฎ๐˜ฆ ๐˜ ๐˜ณ๐˜ฆ๐˜ข๐˜ค๐˜ฉ๐˜ฆ๐˜ฅ ๐˜ฐ๐˜ถ๐˜ต ๐˜ต๐˜ฐ ๐˜ฉ๐˜ช๐˜ฎ ๐˜ข๐˜ง๐˜ต๐˜ฆ๐˜ณ ๐˜บ๐˜ฆ๐˜ข๐˜ณ๐˜ด ๐˜ข๐˜ฏ๐˜ฅ ๐˜บ๐˜ฆ๐˜ข๐˜ณ๐˜ด ๐˜ข๐˜ฏ๐˜ฅ ๐˜บ๐˜ฆ๐˜ข๐˜ณ๐˜ด ๐˜ ๐˜จ๐˜ฐ๐˜ต ๐˜ข ๐˜ฃ๐˜ช๐˜จ ๐˜ง* ๐˜บ๐˜ฐ๐˜ถ ๐˜ฅ๐˜ข๐˜ฅ. ๐˜‰๐˜ถ๐˜ต ๐˜ต๐˜ฐ๐˜ฅ๐˜ข๐˜บ, ๐˜ต๐˜ฐ๐˜ฅ๐˜ข๐˜บ ๐˜ฉ๐˜ฆ ๐˜ฃ๐˜ณ๐˜ฐ๐˜ถ๐˜จ๐˜ฉ๐˜ต ๐˜ฎ๐˜ฆ ๐˜ด๐˜ต๐˜ณ๐˜ข๐˜ธ๐˜ฃ๐˜ฆ๐˜ณ๐˜ณ๐˜ช๐˜ฆ๐˜ด.''
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sysig ยท 9 months
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So much experimenting to be done, where to even start (Patreon)
#Doodles#Handplates#UT#Fellplates#Gaster#Papyrus#Sans#Mostly silliness :) Mostly :)#It's still fun to draw these two Gasters next to each other hehe โ™ช Even interacting!#They're more similar than I think either of them would admit haha - ''No clearly we have very different ideals'' sure but you're both Gaster#I like the idea of classic being So Annoyed at any iteration of himself thinking positively towards humans haha#I mean it would probably hurt - that's a big piece of his trauma! - but on the surface it's just Ugh I can't believe this -.รณ#I feel like they'd have a lot more common ground when it comes to their experiments tho - not a perfect Venn Diagram but enough!#Maybe even just different enough to offer a new perspective - enough to give them new ideas! Uh oh that's never a good thing lol#I do love Fell!Gaster just so pleased to be having a conversation haha so smiley - classic still not smiling but interested!#Cute face <3#It was after making the Toriel comic that the thought Really occurred to me - like obviously I saw so I knew they were still in the gowns#But it took a bit for that to strike me as odd since I mean that's just what they wear! That's normal! For Handplates anyway#He talks a lot about isolating whatever it is in Monsters that Make Them Like That - what does that entail#Gaster no seriously what are you doing to them don't just smile actually reply#And as much as I like the boys being a bit more Fell-ish I've always been of the opinion that no matter what they're brothers!#They love each other <3 And in Fellplates they'd have to rely on each other even more than regular Underfell#If anything would cause some codependency it's the Handplates setup - no matter what version you throw at it!#They're still both delicate little things - they need each other to survive โ™ฅ If Gaster is sometimes kind to them well...#Similar to Mercyplates but Not Quite hmmmm#At least sometimes doing cute and harmless things tho! Studies how they react to flowers and teaches them to make chains hehe โ™ช#There's also that Underfell thing of Sans calling UF!Papyrus ''Boss'' rather than ''Bro'' yeah? Doodling ideas around that haha#An opportunity to teach! Sans only came away with the basics tho it probably annoys Gaster lol#The idea of them doing cute harmless little things and /that/ being what gets under his skin hehehehe#And ending with a Babybones! :D Surely he'd have no problem being attached since they're meant to be good...? Surely
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m-says-hi ยท 4 months
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i don't think diluc fans talk enough about this:
Diluc Loves Meat. Like a lot.
His specialty dish has 3 steaks. There's so many official arts of him with a plate of just meat. His favorite food from that one web event? meat
so. diluc loves meat.
he was raised by adelinde.
adelinde is hinted to be a cannibal.
do you see where i am going with this.
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shuriken696 ยท 2 years
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//I'm legit should be writing my fic rn but this is getting to my head.//
Has anyone ever thought of an AU where when SQQ is dead, his soul via self imploding, goes to Ghost City?
But the way that it's been transported is a complication. A Sun and Moon Dew flower is a 'rare plant' after all. You can't just come back to life that easily.
Hua Cheng just looks at Shen Yuan who is confused af as to why he was in front of a throne. He knew that Shang Qinghua messed up on the SMD Mushroom but he didn't think it was that bad!
"Fuck, am I actually dead? Is this Hell?" Shen Qingqiu asks Hua Cheng. He tries calling on to the System but it was to no avail.
"Daozhang is a curious case. His stay in Ghost City is only temporary only when his 'plant' is fully ready is he able to go." Hua Cheng tilts his head. He did not expect something so unexpected to happen today. This soul didn't even turn into a ghost flame upon meeting him! He just came fully corpreal like it wasn't even a problem at all.
Well, at least Shen Qingqiu isn't fully dead if that counts as anything. He would be able to come back. His plan would work.
But, PIDW had never mentioned anything about a Ghost City, or any description of the man in front of him!
PIDW was more extended than just the novel? Or was it a deleted outline that Shang Qinghua robbed the readers of?
"How long would that be?" Shen Qingqiu had to get back as soon as he could. What if Binghe got mad at someone else now that the scum villain is gone? "Can I leave this place? I need to be somewhere and it has to be as quick as possibe" He figured that maybe he could float around and haunt people like they showed in the movies?
"I can't allow you to do that, Daozhang. It's against the rules." Hua Cheng raised his eyebrows. This man refused to rest in peace even though he had sacrificed his life for his disciple.
Or was he just like Hua Cheng, refusing to rest in peace until he reunited with the one he loved?
"That man who you sacrificed your life for, what is he to you?" The Ghost king asked. Shen Qingqiu pulls out a fan from his sleeve.
"He is my student. The sword's influence on him was too much so as the one who was responsible for all of this, I had to repay him for the faults I did." Shen Qingqiu answered easily.
Hua Cheng wanted to snort. With the way he's answering, this was more than just a Master-disciple relationship. But if the man didn't know, then he wouldn't tell him. It was more interesting this way anyways.
But for the sheer fact that this cultivator wanted to go back to the man he sacrificed himself for (or what he could assume by reading in between the lines) Hua Cheng couldn't help but see himself in him and respecting him, just a bit.
"I can get you a good place to live while you're residing here but daozhang hasn't told me his name?"
Shen Yuan bows.
"This humble one is Shen Qingqiu, Peak Lord of Qing Jing Peak of the Cang Qiong Mountain Sect."
There was more to 'Shen Qingqiu' that met the eyes, but everyone had their own secrets. As long as he didn't mind Hua Cheng's business then he wouldn't pry into Shen Qingqiu's as well.
"And I am Hua Cheng, the ruler of this city."
Oh shit, I was talking to the leader this whole time?! Shen Qingqiu wanted to smack himself in the head for messing up that badly. Of course the man who was sitting on the fancy throne would be of high status!
Shen Qingqiu bowed again, apologizing for his lack of manners earlier and Hua Cheng waves him off.
"It's alright. Daozhang didn't know."
After that, Hua Chang and Shen Qingqiu became somewhat friends and HC tells SQQ about him trying to find Xie Lian.
(In between that, Wei Wuxian also pays Ghost City a visit, but thats a story for another time)
Years after Binghe and SQQ are married, they find Hualian on a crossing path and Hua Cheng just looks at Binghe and then to Shen Qingqiu.
"Does he treat you well?" Shen Qingqiu hid a smile behind his fan. He didn't think the Ghost King cared that much.
"He's alright. When I saw you, I never thought he and I would get together."
Meanwhile Binghe is so confused. How does his Shizun know this man thats reeking of resentful energy? Why is this man holding hands with someone who had pure energy? Is that even possible?
His Shizun had some explaining to do later!
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waxflowerwoes ยท 1 year
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obviously chandrilan fashion is influenced by traditional east asian garments (the first time i was watched andor i was thinking about how much it reminded me of korean hanbok but that bias is probably indicative of how i grew up near a koreatown) and i saw someone somewhere say that it's odd that the shirts are crossed right over left (the way to dress a dead person) instead of the traditional left over right
now this could be a cultural oversight on the part of the costume designers. it wouldn't be the first time hollywood (or even star wars) appropriated an aesthetic they didn't understand. but with the line "play it how you want. but i'm going to assume i'm already dead," also existing in this show, maybe it's not.
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giantkillerjack ยท 4 months
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Uh-oh! You are like, SOOO awkward!!
You're so awkward that it is occasionally mildly uncomfortable for people!
You're so awkward that sometimes people are confused by you and then there are awkward silences!
You're so awkward ...... that ultimately no one is harmed!!
Oh damn!!! What a vile crime you have committed! What an unforgivable thing it is to make a fellow human briefly confused!
Why, if *I* were ever briefly confused and kind of uncomfortable as a result, I'd be devastated.... by the absolute net zero change in my happiness and health! - From which I might never recover!! Yes indeed! No punishment can ever be enough for you!!
So you better absolutely hate yourself for it.
Better be SO MEAN to yourself about every single missed social cue so you don't forget your horrible crime! Meaner than you'd ever dream of being to someone else for the same thing! This is YOUR responsibility!
You need to show the world that you KNOW you are bad by punishing yourself constantly! After all, think of all the people who BENEFIT from you punishing yourself! - No, really! Think about it! Think about who benefits from your pain.
Think of alllllll the definitely-good people that your definitely-necessary self-torment definitely helps! I mean, you can't just cut off their definitely-life-sustaining supply of your suffering, right?? Sure, everyone else has a breaking point, but you're probably the only person in human history who doesn't, right? Best not to question it probably. Sure, it's a symptom that billions of people with trauma have had, but who knows? You could be a one-in-seven-billion exception. Anything's possible!
Instead, better just accept that idea that bullies carry like guns in holsters - the idea that people who have trouble with social cues deserve to suffer. Better carry on the burden they placed on you until you drop. Aid the cause of the callous by enforcing shame and suffering upon yourself extra hard; try your best to do their work for them. They're very busy.
Better not recognize that you need patience and kindness to heal from your trauma. Better not find out that it was trauma rather than personal weakness filling your head with self-hating thoughts. Better not find out it wasn't your fault.
Better not find out that awkwardness is not inherently harmful or unkind, and, in fact, the people who act like it is *are the ones enacting harm and being cruel.*
Better not get righteously angry when you realize just how much unnecessary damage this has done to you. After all, if you get mad, you might realize you deserve better. You might even feel brave enough to DEMAND better! You might build boundaries that keep you safe! You might make other people think they deserve to feel safe too! And we obviously can't be having that, so...
Better not show yourself even a little kindness a little bit at a time.
Better not make a habit out of it after all that practice.
Better not get confident.
Especially if you can't first wipe out every trace of awkward. (And you probably never will. Because people who experience absolute social certainty at all times tend to be insufferable assholes that enforce the status quo. And you just don't have the stock portfolio for that.)
Better not be confident and awkward because then you might confuse and delight people
- you might accidentally end up making other people feel less shame for their social difficulties
- you might make isolated, traumatized, and shy people feel like they deserve to be included in social situations
- you might even make them feel they can be themselves around you
- you might start loving the effect you have on a room
- you might enjoy conversations more
- you might forgive yourself and bounce back from shame more easily and frequently
- you might come to enjoy some of those moments of harmless confusion you cause because NOBODY expects the Confident Awkward, and that can genuinely be an advantage in social situations
- you might stop apologizing so much.
- you might find that socializing is like a video game: it requires practice but also a safe space for it to be fun and positive.
Or if you can't become assertive and confident, better not remain awkward and shy and quiet, and then love and forgive yourself anyway!
Why, it would be carnage!!
In either scenario, you run the risk of finding out that it's not your fault that safe spaces full of kind people can be really hard to find, create, and nurture. You could end up building a skillset that helps you do those things if you're not careful!
If you start giving yourself even the tiniest amount of grace at a time, you will find that you've accessed a gateway drug with extreme long-term side effects:
- You might realize that it was never your fault that it took so long to like yourself.
- You might realize that you were always worth talking to, even when you didn't like yourself and communication felt impossibly difficult.
- You might realize that you'll still be worth talking to even if communication becomes harder as you age and/or experience disability.
- You might come to know that you deserve to be heard even on bad days when words come slow and blurry.
You might discover that you were always deserving of kindness, first and foremost from yourself.
So. As you can see, it's FAR too much of a risk to start granting your awkward self free pardons for your many heinous and harmless crimes. Better to just leave it there.
#social skills#i have a few posts now in my ' social skills' tag#original#maybe eventually I will compile them and polish them in some meaningful way. I know what I want to call the book title#in big text it'll say 'I'M AUTISTIC' and then beneath that in smaller text 'And I Have Better Social Skills Than You'#or something to that effect. and the cover of the book will be me making an exaggerated smug face like the little rascal I am#challenging the viewer to pick up the book and see if they can prove me wrong.#and then the entire first section of the book is about how actually the issue with our society's social skills is the harsh judgment#for people who have trouble communicating and not the other way around. I don't actually think I'm the#most charismatic person in the world by a very long shot. but i do know that I have put more thought into my social skills than#most allistic people and frankly i have surpassed most of them. not because i am more persuasive or smooth or funny#(tho i am persuasive and funny lol) but bc i have questioned which social functions are more restriction than utility.#and instead i have focused my energy on actively learning how to make people feel safe. i feel social rules would benefit all people by#being a little more autistic tyvm. i don't think every person should dedicate themselves to being better at communicating#i think people should dedicate themselves to being kind and patient to everyone regardless of their ability to communicate#I think our society wrongly links communication ability to intelligence and intelligence to level of humanity.#when in fact all three of those things are fucking unrelated and connecting them inevitably leads to#really fucked up views on disabled people that hurt us. and then with that aspect of the book firmly understood and established I would#go on to recommend some ways to make socializing easier and more fulfilling (and less shameful and terrifying) for all kinds of people#it wouldn't be a book about Leaning In To Succeed in Business or 'here's how to avoid being the awkward loner at a party'#it'd be a book about how if you see someone alone at a party here's how to invite them to join your group without pressuring them#stuff like 'hot tip! if someone takes a while to type or speak a full sentence - talking over them b4 they can finish makes u an asshole!'#I know that a lot of people cannot or don't want to dump a lot of skill points into socializing like i did and they shouldn't have to in#order to experience basic dignity and respect. if we treat people like that then we just validate that people - especially#autistic children and elders and disabled people of manu varieties - have to suffer unless they learn all these arbitrary bullshit rules#and a lot of them are arbitrary bullshit! one of the reasons I throw people off so much is because I harmlessly break a lot of social rules#but I know I'm doing it and I'm not ashamed and people just don't know what to do with that! but a lot of them like it actually!!#i think it's a relief to be around someone so openly and unrelentingly weird bc what am I gonna do? judge you for being weird??#I only care if you're kind. not necessarily 'nice' or passive. Kind. Brave enough to care about people being treated well. Kind.#also I recognize that at least some of my ability to be openly weird is white privilege so that's important to acknowledge too
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nordicbananas ยท 19 days
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yay I'm tech!! (one of the four) (there are five tech roles) (there are only four tech people) (for all 4 mini shows) (one person is the entire deck crew one person is all custume and make up crew one person is the entire sound board I'm the entire light board) (we don't have enough people for a spot light op)
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look-at-the-stars-tonight ยท 1 month
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i would like to stop experiencing the full spectrum of human emotions every day please. putting this out into the universe
#had suchhh a good workday. had hot pot with my roommate where we talked about our quarter life crises#and then came home and had a 3 hour screaming match with both of my parents where i said i was cutting them out of my life#it turns out. my dad still does not understand what the word bi means even tho his fucking wife is bi#he was like 'so you marry someone and six months later you see someone else you like and u go marry them instead?'#like genuinely. truly trying to understand#and that shocked me enough to stop crying#do not reblog please#like in hindsight it is SO funny#and that was the point where i was like. wait is this not malice#this is homophobia but i don't think it's malice#anyways we're all Ok now#we've agreed that i'm going to do what i want#and even if they're unhappy they're still gonna have a relationship with me#and they'll figure out how to adjust#my brother periodically came into the room and also screamed at my parents#i feel bad for them a lil bit. like they're not bad people#after he left my mom told me that a week and a half ago#my brother came into her room and told her that when she died he would bury her in a grave instead#of the traditional last rites (cremation rituals etc etc)#if she wouldn't accept me#and my mom said she was on a bunch of meds cause she's sick so she was so out of it it didn't even register what he was going on about#and then today after that convo she was like WAIT A MIN WHAT THE FUCK DID THIS BOY SAY TO ME#funniest 16 year old u could have on your side#truly he kept coming into the room every 5 min and going HEY HAVE YOU BOTH CONSIDERED NOT BEING HOMOPHOBIC. HAVE YOU.#HEY CAN U TELL YOUR DAUGHTER YOU STILL LOVE HER MAYBE??? THINK??? USE YOUR BRAIN???#this is why i would die for this kid#he's the best#he's such an idiot most of the time but when he's not being an idiot he's my favorite person on earth#don't tell him that tho anyone please#he'll hold it against me forever and ever as siblings do
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itsmistyeyedbi ยท 17 days
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This might be a silly question but...do anyone of your detective's believe in fate? Why or why not? Did their view of it change after meeting Unit Bravo and experiencing the events of the twc books?
#zuri does to a certain extent#she believes that sometimes things are going to happen and you have no control over it happening#but you can control how you react to it#that includes some of the bad shit that happens so sometimes she loves it and other times she despises it#its not really a belief she...actively thinks about if that makes sense? but it does play a role in how she thinks about some things#not consistently but if you got her to talk about the way she thinks for long enough she'd probably realise that its a thing that is there#an example of this is... she knows her relationship with rebecca was going to change after room died#she knew that she'd become more distant#it's the fact that she never even tried to be her mother that hurts her#they wouldve never been a super close mother daughter duo but she couldve still been her mother and she chose not to be#another one is ub - theyre gonna get hurt and she knows that#people get hurt all the time especially when they have the type of job ub has - she just doesnt want that hurt to be because of her#if there's something she can do to minimise or outright eliminate the possibility of them getting hurt because of her she will do it#its why she gets so protective of them by book 4 (and why her hurting her li with the solar powers does a number on her)#zuri is the type of person who feels wanted when someone just TRIES for her - even if its against logic#even if what happens between them is going to end and is sometimes going to hurt#not the healthiest way of thinking lol but it is a thing#dont ask her about rook's death tho#or murphy#because thats when she despises the idea of fate and when its most lost on her that she does to some extent believe in it#you could say this is just life but she looks at certain things as though theyre canon events so idk๐Ÿ’€#it also might just be her abandonment issues but hey dont our issues inform what we believe sometimes?#im hoping i don't sound dumb lol#tina is the only one who's challenged this belief - she (and her ex) is the reason why its flexible#ub are probably gonna be another reason soon#twc#the wayhaven chronicles#twc detective#oc: zuri jackson
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born-to-lose ยท 1 month
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I love being the always single person in my family, mad respect to my sister for constantly dating guys for the last 8 years, I would have shot myself
#whenever my mom asks if i have love news of my own while we're talking about my sister's newest catch and i say no#i hope she doesn't feel pity because like. this is the life that i choose. my sister's ex boyfriends were enough for ME even#and i only met a handful of them personally but heard more than enough shit about them#i just always think i'm only flirting with some guys only to never talk to them again or ghost them because it's fun#fat girl who's always been seen as ugly by other people gets to flirt with good looking people is the ultimate ego boost arc#if i ever date anyone seriously again it better be true love and end in kids and marriage until death or i'll live as a hermit#until that happens tho...... life is a party i don't wanna miss a thing break some men's heart get revenge yolo etc etc#also the thought of actively dating freaks me out. if i meet someone and we tolerate each other long term that's good#but dating apps or going on dates with several people and deciding who's the best like on the bachelorette?? death first#plus i lowkey don't like men as a concept. at least the type i've dated. i guess you could say my last ex traumatized me hahaha ๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿป (๐Ÿ”จ๐Ÿ”จ)#i think i'm too young to be in a committed relationship anyway. or even to seek getting into one. there are much more important things rn#i know former classmates my age are having kids or getting married but idgaf the one who got engaged last year has been with him for 7 year#which is a decent time tbh you change quite a bit during that time and if it feels right why not#but i can't wrap my head around searching for a relationship when you don't even have a stable job and know what else you want in life#rambling again sorryyyy but yeah proud single here and i'm not saying this out of spite because i genuinely enjoy it#all relationships i've been in were so draining (tbf they were long distance too) and got me at rock bottom and had me filled with regret#also these men can be so controlling and jealous when you just wanna go out with friends while they do whatever they want too#but when you say you don't want a jealous partner they think that's a free pass for them to cheat like what the actual fuck#do you see the difference between being unnecessarily jealous when you hang out with friends and being rightfully jealous when they cheat??#at this point idk what to say. i'm very entertained by my friends' dating journeys but that couldn't be me#all the gossip i provide for them is which people i flirted with for the ego and who i ghosted and who ghosted me#mel talks
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troublcmakcrs ยท 2 months
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//what if i gave craig my specific brand of aromanticism where he rarely gets crushes or feels romantic love but when he does he's an absolute deranged little freak about it
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the-acid-pear ยท 1 year
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Btw one of my oldest memories consists of this time in uh, kindergarten. We had this game going where the teachers would give this little monkey toy once to every student for them to keep for the day and it was like the highest honor given to the best student of the day. And one day I was literally just Determined to get the monkey, I remember I went as far as to not go on my favorite spot to play on (a tube on the wall where I'd stand on) like they told me many times to not do like this was it this was going to be My Day and then this fucking guy, Alexis, I remember him, he goes and gets hurt Honestly Pretty Bad like nothing that couldn't be treated there but I think he had a big wound on his elbow or forehead idk but it was a big one and at the end of the day they were announcing who'd take the monkey and bc he didnt cry after getting hurt they gave it to him and I was HEARTBROKEN to the point I just straight up broke down in tears to the confusion of literally everyone. I tried to explain myself but they just promised they'd give it to me tomorrow I think. It wasn't the same tho. It didn't hit the same at all. And that experience still haunts me because something something bending over backwards for the approval of others that later goes unseen because what's hard for you isn't for everyone else and they can't seem to appreciate your individuality and struggles. Whatever. Kills a hostage.
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billygoat26 ยท 5 months
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Guys- moots who know me well enough kind of-
I'm not simping solely for fictional characters anymore-
...
I hate this, it's weird, I wanna say something to them or at least one of my other irl friends but I'm too scared that 1: they'll judge me and 2: they'll TELL HIM. Dear god I do not need that-
BUT IT WON'T LEAVE ME ALONE (aka it's been on my mind for a few hours too long)
Yesterday, pool party with friends, right?
I knew that he did some workout stuff but I still was NOT prepared- (me, who was fully expecting him to wear some form of his normal outfit but for the pool- noooooope! Shirtless- very unprepared)
And listen, I knew I at least sort of like-liked him before cuz you know, personality and all that stuff, but come onnnn- like- what do I do now??
And then they were playing chicken fights in the pool or whatever the game is called, and after that they were standing on each other's shoulders and pretending to walk on water (We all had just endured a bible unit in our English classes)
He had offered for ME to stand on HIS shoulders- and for that to happen, you know, they gotta swim under, right? Well, we both have the dirtiest of minds (I also just have shitty balance so I was not about to try that anyways. That was the main reason on my mind but I thought of the other stuff after).
I don't even know if I have blushed since elementary school, but if I did then, then thank god for the sun because sunburnsssss
And then he couldn't find his shirt after we had all gotten out, and one of my other friends said that he didn't need the shirt (jokingly) and dear god I wanted to agree (verbally) but I'm too worried about my whole bullshit being too obvious if I did, so I just had to stay quiet. (He ended up not finding it and just having to leave cuz his parents were there)
But that- that day- just... that. It's not. Leaving. My. Mind. Alone.
#billygoat talks#Look ma- I'm not simping for only fictional characters!#I'm not adding him to the simp list tho- 1: not putting his name anyways and 2: that list is for fictional characters only#Wait- what day is it now?#Fuck- it's only Sunday...#Should I say something? Cuz I only know him because of the IB program but I'm not gonna be in it next school year#And I think the only time we would see each other is either during lunch and after school going to the buses or just buses#But I'm worried that- if I do say something and he doesn't feel the same- our friendship will be fucked up and awkward- I don't want that..#Besides- I've never had good luck with these things#And at the start of the year I had come out to my friends as gay- mid-school-year one of my friends and I agreed I was pan#<- that was only one friend... and the one who made the joke I told y'all about#But he still thinks I am gay- we joke about it a lot- so how would I even start?#I've never been in a relationship- can't say I've never been kissed before only cuz of a weird thing in elementary school-#Believe it or not- even if I can give others advice- I don't know what to do for myself...#I guess I'm scared of rejection but I should be used to it by now-#Oh yeah! The other thing- we've only known each other for a whole one school year- his friends have known him for much longer-#I feel like it's wrong to even think like that after only one school year and say something about it- like it's too soon#Believe me- I do wanna say something but I'm just scared that our friendship will be ruined or he'll ask questions I don't have have answer#to- more than likely one of those would be about my sexuality#I feel like I have to stick to that- like a limitation- but I don't want to-#I have so many wants but I feel like I'm not exactly good enough for anybody and those wants will just be wishful thinking forever#Fuck- just bombarded y'all with my shower thoughts... sorry-#Ummmmmm-#Yeah-
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todayisafridaynight ยท 2 years
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just watched Taboo (Gohatto) that anon here was talkin bout and i get legal rights to talk about it on this blog because takeshi kitano (hirose) plays hijikata in the movie
#snap chats#LIKE THE ENTIRE TIME I JUST KEPT THINKING 'wait he looks really familiar'#lo and behold thats so funny#anyway What Did I Think Of The Movie#it was hilarious the shinsengumi are fucking SCRAMBLING because of this pretty boy#hijikata looking at everyone like 'kondo are you in love with him ??? SOJI are YOU in love with him?? INOUE??????'#everyone but himself smh he only got eyes for one man but we been knew#okita was peak with the Top Ten Homophobia moments i cant#bro said 'oh no i hate gay people but i love a good story'#AND THE WAY HE WAS LIKE 'hijikata you're gay for kondo tho arent you like you always get pissed when people talk to him'#ENOUGH the shinsengumi is full of homosexuals#yamazaki was prob my fave bro in this movie idk why. maybe its cause i also thought he was real handsome but dont look at me#oh but the Actual movie i should talk about right#i just felt bad for kano the whole time#like people keep lusting after him and he's just like 'please leave me be'#the whole time hiji suspects him and tashiro to be lovers but like#we don't get to see kano's feelings on the matter aside from him pulling a knife on tashiro after he tries to sleep with him#it feels like kano's feelings are pushed to the side the whole time actually#the only time we actually see him earnestly say he loves someone is about yamazaki#and of course yamazaki doesnt reciprocate- whole movie tbh is just the shinsengumi trying to get kano to Not Be Gay#but like he's not even doing anything it's the men around him that keep trying to make a move on bro#tho the film DOESS say takeda courted him for a bit ?? but the deets on that are vague- tho kano at least laughs about it so#im scratching my head about the ending of the movie too- i cant decide if okita kills kano or what#hijikata cutting down the cherry blossom tree makes me believe that's what happened but idk#ALSO i dont think they want him to be Not Gay because of strict homophobia but because.well it's causing a problem#not STRICTLY cause hes gay but its cause men are killing each other over him- Allegedly it aint confirmed if kano killed yuzawa or not#but SOMEONE tried to kill yamazaki so.#it was an ight movie tho i wasnt mad bout watchin it. if you're gonna watch it warnings for SA/dubious consent and casual homophobia
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hauntingblue ยท 6 months
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I loved this movie about nami and her ex situationship reconciling and also anti capitalism
#i have one question are the episode 0 of movies just fanservice am i reding this right. also zoro looks jealous and petty#can they in like love action make zoro chastize sanji bc he is an ally and not just letting him sound jealous and petty like i enjoy both#but clarificaiton sometimes you know. like sanji stop that its dehumanizing and disrespectful also i want you#why are they worried about money when they are in a casino. nami was great at playing cards wasnt she#franky and luffy bonding sumo time.... nami gets the title hell yeah lmao i have been saying she is the strongest#omg the children sellong flowers... dont tell me luffy is going to defeat capitalism in this movie. hell yeah#i was gonna say cant believe they let luffy bet but he does have good luck tho. the stomach ache lmao#sanji is so stupid akdjsksks the guy who likes pain also....don't let sanji think too much about it omg the golden dust....#zoro is going to be executed sanji and luffy are unlucky and all of them are broke and in debt. damn. how are you broke as a pirate even#nami and carina ex situationship talking about trusting each other again looking at the sunset... exactly#that was such a nasty betrayal and nami trusting her again so easily and fast like damn.#also what is the cp0 koala and sabo doing there like damn. jesus even#also what is absalom doing there....#and WHO let luffy infiltrate. FRANKY GOT IMPALED!! gold is really malleable and not resistant and strong like this is getting me out of it#sanji got a cleaning man fit instead of a cleaning lady fit so why is usopp wearing one ajdjaka.... i mean he is the crews babygirl....#also second movie where zoro gets kidnapped. the peoples princess.#omg they are in the pipes. also why is there pipe for the entry of seawater in a boat. maybe i don't know enough about boats#franky getting luffy out of the fan.... cradled like baby jesus for an instant#omg they have been bamboozled BY CARINA?????? OMG AGAIN??? NAMI!!!! OH NVM!!! WHAT???#luffy didnt know they were doing all this cause he would have fucked it up akshaua him being thrown half dead out of the tower ahsuakaia#this reminds me of super mario wii where bowser turns into a bigger bowser when you kill it. damn#also another good guy turned villain because of tragedy. two in a row#the kid with the metal pipe omg... sabo is coming#i heard hikken and the voice was so similar i wondered why ace was there.... for a millisecond he was there..... ๐Ÿ˜ž#the red hawk and everything..... should we all kill ourselves.... omg carina didnt betray her actually#tesoro dumb asf for taking nami look how he is going down after that lmao didnt expect gear fourth tho. damn#still thinking about how gold isnt that strong so this shouldn't be necessary but alas shonen be shonen. luffy saving namis gf too <3#talking tag#watching one piece#watching one piece movies
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