#i dont actually celebrate chirstmas

[drawlody]

YOHOHOHO HOPE YA HAVE A HOLLY JOLLY CHIRSTMAS ☃🎄🎁

Bmo have 2 identical sweaters with different colours aka im too lazy to come up with another ugly sweater design:)) but also also Jake with his hand-sew sweater with the pups faces❤️🧡💛💚💙💜

ignore the lack of violin lol

[wafflesfromtheuniverse]

birthday posting

i had some intresting talk w them in the past few days

they dont celebrate christmas anymore

i dont belive in god, they do, so weirdly enough it should hurt them more if u were to go off just by this information

i wouldnt say im hurt anymore

but is was

for atleast a year or two

i was always saying chirstmas is overrated, i dont like it, capitalism this, capitalism that

then i guess i was a clown for being hurt not having somehting i "despised" so much

because i didnt like christmas

i liked giving gifts, i always did

i didnt like christmas but i liked taking a break

i did not like christmas but i liked the fact that some people actually tried to be nicer atleast in those few weeks before the event

i didnt like christmas for the advertisements, i hated christmas for the sappy clichés, for everything fake

i didnt like how many people around christmas time told me how to love someone

still it hurt when mom said there will be no more christmas at home

i mean they said they wont, what i do is obviosly my choice

but really it just mean i have no one to celebrate with

and what hurt was that, i wouldve been fine with it if there was anything else here

but like i said before, my family isnt really behaving like one (?)

i thought it was my emo teenager self thinking that for a long time but, mum said something similar

that we dont behave how a family should be

we dont talk much

we talk obviously everyday but we dont t a l k

i kind of blame that on the fact that we are really different

i dont belive in things they belive in, and nowadays their whole world is built around their beliefs

if i could talk about softer topics with them i would

but in the end everything ends up with god in their mind

no matter where i try to drive the convo to keep it going, it somehow always ends up there

in the past few days it was kind of better, i gave them a gift on the 21st and told my mom to accept it for me, im not giving it because of christmas

i didnt say a ord to my dad just left the stuff on his desk

i had a "fight" (id rather say disagreement, because it was not aggressive in any way) with my mom about this on the phone that day

i was scared my dad would not accept or somehting, not even scared, better word is uncomfortbale

guess what he was happy

i feel like my mom overdramatizes a lot of things and all that fucking stress murders me for nothing

today too

its my birthday, i got a cake in the morning like always, and it was delicious like always

i was kinda out of it because i just woke up so i didnt talk much but i was happy, i thanked them for the gifts i got and sat down to eat with them

i dont want to get into details but the whole thing started out of the fact that we didnt have the kind of milk i use for coffee, and i asked if theres any

mom somehow already looked snappy

the whole conversation spiraled from there

later on the day i thought we solved it by having smaller talks

but shes on and off with me today all fucking day

and somehow im more sensitive about it

i always feel irony in her voice, this passive aggressive shit, and if i bring it up "its just you", somehow its my faulth

im so fucking tired

today i honestly didnt do anything because i felt like, on my birthday i could do that without a single guilty thought

but the way she spoke to me whenever she looked into my room felt like she had a problem with me again

i dont know

i know im sensitive about this, but i cant help it, she can be extremely cold, and its my birthday

i wanted it to be calm

i just dont feel

i dont feel love coming from her at times like this

like none

i feel like a problem, a burden

im trying to be stronger but its hard

christmas was something when i felt love, calmness around me, and thats what i liked about it, i did not give a shit about how we decorated it

but even that is gone too

and i feel like its a rare occasion when i feel loved

im fucking tired

i have little motivation wich makes me lazy, wich makes me feel kind of lesser again

im fighting tho

its hard

but im not giving up obviously

i cant, not yet

i just wish my mom could be softer, more understanding

i realized in this home that i crave love like crazy, but

somtimes it makes me uncomfortable when i recieve it

i guess some forms of love are rarely experienced by me so its strange, cringey when i get it

but i try to remind myself to everything i get

the fact that they got me a cake, and hugged me in the morning

that was nice atleast

yeah i have to

i have to calm myself

and remember when i get love

welp this got longer than it was meant to be

my mom opened the door on me, i told her not to come in but she did anyways, said she thought i said she can

(i dont want to blame her but i said it like 3-4 times to please not come in, and i know her brain just literally skips trough it, we talked about this before, she said she will try but this was fucking shitty timing)

i was crying, idk if she saw it or realized

i kinda hope not

its okay tho bc im done w my birthday cry atleast lol

these updates are always shitty lol but, i have to remind my future self that im only posting the shitty selfreflection times

like i have not posted about how i met up w 2 of my close friends yesterday, made a bunch of photos with 2 shitty digital cameras (mine's screen is literally in negativ and has these strikes on the screen, so u cant see how the pics actually turn out until its on ur phone/pc lol) smoked a bunch because we're unhealthy like that, went to a christmas fair and left quicly bc everything was expensive and it was cold. even the snow started falling wich is like really rare in this region in this time of the year

so we had a white christmas

i think i hear me mom talk about how sensitive i am

i didnt even do anything except cried and wrote my shit out in peace

but now thats a problem too, because she knows i was sad bc of her

im already over it, or i would be but i just fucking hope she doesnt want to talk about this more, because that would be more hurtful than useful, if we look at the fact that shes deadset on defending herself even if i wouldnt say anything about her

whatever

im older w one year

im 22 rn

im kinda lost in life

but thats nothing new so

i just have to power trough it

i actually did better this year

i read back a lot of posts i left in here and

i am making progress

kinda really slow but

its progress

so yeah peace out or some cool way to say goodbye here

[purplecraze]

Beauty and the Beast AU 33

orange-plane-boy — 11/03/2021 1:33 AM

"Mh...Tomorrow its chirstmas eve thinking about..." he murmred chainging topic

purplecraze — 11/03/2021 1:36 AM

"oh- yeah, it is..... uhm, what should we do? is there any thing you used to do with Mela to celebrate?"

orange-plane-boy — 11/03/2021 1:39 AM

"Before losing our home, if we had some money she used to bake, and if we were lucky we even had meat for dinner" he smiled "At midnight i would open my presents, most of the times it was just winter clothes hidden as a presents, but time to time i would get some toys too; chirstmas was a bit more boring, she mostly would take me to the mass" he laughed "....when we lost our house, we would go eat at the canteen, they give free food on chirstman, they even had little fruit cakes"

purplecraze — 11/10/2021 4:39 PM

"Opening presents at midnight and going to a mass will be pretty difficult.... I mean, you can--....." Fugo thought the rest of that sentence over. "....no.. you can't, I want to be there when you open them." it seems that after last discussion he was just a bit more comfortable with acting selfish.

"uhm... we could make a cake together, aside from the cookies. a fruitcake...

and we could play Christmas carols together, on the harmonica and piano?"

orange-plane-boy — 11/10/2021 4:44 PM

"Its ok, mom was religous, me not so much" he giggled

"We can open presents the chirstmas morning! And playing together sounds fun too!"

purplecraze — 11/10/2021 9:55 PM

Fugo nodded. "Anything else you'd want to do?"

orange-plane-boy — 11/10/2021 9:56 PM

"Mhh..dunno, we dont have a lot of hours before it gets dark" he sighed

"Unless we split things between the eve and chirstmas"

purplecraze — 11/10/2021 9:58 PM

"well, there's no adults around to tell us no. we could also celebrate all days between the 25th and the 6th."

orange-plane-boy — 11/10/2021 9:58 PM

"Ohh true!" He giggled

"A chirstmas week! That sounds so cool!"

purplecraze — 11/10/2021 10:16 PM

The younger chuckled a bit. "Not too sure if I can keep you entertained for so long..."

orange-plane-boy — 11/10/2021 10:20 PM

"Pff its ok" he smiled

Breakfast done he colleceted to plates and left them in the sink

"We can chill too, i like chill with you"

purplecraze — 11/10/2021 10:21 PM

"chill? how?"

orange-plane-boy — 11/10/2021 10:22 PM

"Dunno umh...you could read for me? You have a lot of books but they are too hard for me!"

purplecraze — 11/10/2021 10:27 PM

"oh..." Fugo mused about the possibility, seeming to like the idea a lot.

"uhm... sure~.. what kind of books would you like?"

orange-plane-boy — 11/10/2021 10:28 PM

"Uh- i dont know- i-i didnt really read a lot" he giggled awakrdly looking away

purplecraze — 11/10/2021 10:31 PM

"then uh.... any kind of stories you like?"

orange-plane-boy — 11/10/2021 10:32 PM

"Umh...fairytales maybe..? I-i mean thats what people mean with stories right?" He blushed a bit

purplecraze — 11/10/2021 10:43 PM

he nodded. "Mela used to tell them to you too, right? there should be a few fairytale books around"

orange-plane-boy — 11/10/2021 10:44 PM

"Yes!" He chirped happily

It felt a bit sad that mela raised fugo more than his actuall mother

purplecraze — 11/10/2021 10:46 PM

"then, I'll look up on some. and I could read you a few christmas themed stories this week."

because mela was just that nice, or mrs fugo was such a bad mother, you pick

orange-plane-boy — 11/10/2021 10:47 PM

"Yay!" Narancia sounded actually really happy at the idea, maybe it was him being childish, or maybe he really wants more excuse to spend time with fugo

purplecraze — 11/10/2021 10:50 PM

Fugo was a bit relieved too. he craved Narancia's attention desperately. But he just didn't know how to keep the conversation going or stop it from turning negative and depressing. reading out loud would allow them to spend time without awkwardly fumbling for conversations.

orange-plane-boy — 11/10/2021 10:51 PM

"Umh...if you find something, can we start today? Since we dont have anything to do anyway.."

purplecraze — 11/10/2021 11:04 PM

"-!" fugo held his breath, his cheeks coloring from Narancia's eagerness.

they had agreed to make cookies, but honestly Fugo preferred to do this...

he got up.

"alright. Then meet me in the parlour."

orange-plane-boy — 11/10/2021 11:05 PM

Narancia nodded happily, going to the parlour, he looked happy, almost jumpy and skipping around

purplecraze — 11/10/2021 11:11 PM

the parlour had a comfi and intimate mood to it. after 3 years, the scent of expensive brandy and high class cigars still lingered subtly. the chairs looked comfortable enough to take a nap in and the hearth was burning diligently

orange-plane-boy — 11/10/2021 11:12 PM

"Ohh here its so pretty!" He exclamed sitting in the comfy couch

Indeed it was a nice spot for a nap, he would take note of this

purplecraze — 11/10/2021 11:20 PM

it took some time for Fugo to show up, which was explained when he did show.

"sorry for the wait." he muttered while carrying a stack of books.

orange-plane-boy — 11/10/2021 11:21 PM

"No problem!" He said as he got himself comfy

He glanced the books, even those looked so fancy

purplecraze — 11/10/2021 11:25 PM

"uhm..." and he then realized his error for having too many options, checking between them. "chrismas, christmas...... do you know The Cat on the Dovrefell?"

orange-plane-boy — 11/10/2021 11:26 PM

"Uh nope!" He exclamed

"I know the one that wears boots tho!'

purplecraze — 11/10/2021 11:28 PM

"ah, the puss in boots. they have it too, but let's keep it in the christmas spirit for tonight. also, The Cat on the Dovrefell isn't actually a cat~"

orange-plane-boy — 11/10/2021 11:29 PM

"Uh? Then what it is?" He asked curious, see, it wasnt that hard tk get his attention

purplecraze — 11/10/2021 11:49 PM

Fugo smiled and made himself comfortable in one of the arm chairs, opening the book and reading in a clear voice.

it was a story about a man who had caught a pollar bear and wanted to offer it to the king as a christmas gift. on his journey to the palace, he wanted to spend the night somewhere. but the farm where he asked for shelter had it's inhabitants terrified. every year on christmas eve, trolls would come down the hills and raid their house.

the man still decided to stay in the house, together with his bear. and in the night at 12 am, the trolls came, eating all the food, destroying the furniture and wracking loud havoc.

some of the trolls were convinced that what was sleeping on the ground was the farmer's cat and they started bullying it. but it was actually the pollar bear who went wild and chased all of the trolls out.

the next day when the man continued his journey, he could hear calling in the hills that the other trolls should never go to that farm, because they have this huge feral cat.

orange-plane-boy — 11/10/2021 11:59 PM

"ooh" he giggled "Those trolls must be a bit stuoid to dont see the difference between a cat and a bear....or really drunk"

After saing that he chirped again "My turn now!"

purplecraze — 11/11/2021 12:01 AM

"there was a lot of beer involved, I'll bet~

hm?" he lay the book down on the table, having had assumed that Narancia would have prefered to listen over reading. "Alright. which will you read?"

orange-plane-boy — 11/11/2021 12:12 AM

"Ah! i dont have to read it i have it all here!" and pointed his head.

"Ok so the story its named Snow White and Rose Red! But its not that snow white, its another one. but there is two bears here too...Anyway!"

he got back in track

"ok...So, once upon a time there were two sisters, one was blonde and shy, she liked to read and bake, the other was brunette and outspoken and she loved to play outside the house. They lived alone with their mom. one cold winter night two big bears knock at the door, asking the girls if they could rest there for the winter since they didnt found a place to hy..hibernate..?

so the girls and their mom took  care of the bears for the whole winter and became friends with them!

as spring started, the bear leaved, telling the to watch out for the evil dwarf. and indeed they found the dwarf some days later, his beard stuck in a tree, the girls cutted it to free him, but the dwarf started to attack the girls! But then the bears saved them! and umh, turned into a princes somehow...? because the dwarf cursed them...?

A-Anyway they got married and lived happy ever after!"

purplecraze — 11/11/2021 12:15 AM

Fugo laughed. "that's very cute~" also because he could sort of see Narancia's train of thought to how he remembered this story and how the girls' personality seemed slightly familiar.

orange-plane-boy — 11/11/2021 12:28 AM

"It is!" he smiled

"Your turn again!"

purplecraze — 11/12/2021 12:25 PM

Fugo had a soft smile on his face as he took one of the books once more and browsed it.

He found one and started reading a story about a snow queen who had send hail to bewitch a boy. the hail had pierced his heart and had frozen it, making him treat his childhood friend badly. right after that, he disapeared.

despite the childhood friend having been treated badly, she set out to safe him.

she experienced a bunch of adventures, like an old lady inviting her in her house but wouldn't let her go and made her lose her memories. or her meeting a prince who resembled her friend and who gave her a carriage to ride in and continue her search. and the carriage got attacked by bandits and the girl was captured. but the daughter of the bandit leader liked her and helped her escape.

when she told the daughter what had happened, she could tell her the snow queen must have put a spell on her, and that her friend hadn't been mean to her because he disliked her.

the daughter gave her a reindeer to ride further and she eventually found the snow queen's castle.

the snow queen was bullying the boy and making him clean her ice palace, which slowly made him freeze all over.

the girl found him in the end, but the boy was cold to her and didn't recognize her. still, she refused to let go of him and cried warm tears. some of the tears fell on his heart and thawed the hail that had frozen it.

together, they escaped the castle on the reindeer's back and went home

orange-plane-boy — 11/12/2021 12:54 PM

There was something about Fugo's voice that sounded just right, it was clean and smooth and overall Narancia enjoyed it, giving him some sort of comfort.

"Thats one its really pretty" he smiled "Im glad they got back home safe!"

He then thinked a bit about the next story to tell

purplecraze — 11/12/2021 12:55 PM

"you know any more? I can read you another if you'd prefer?"

orange-plane-boy — 11/12/2021 1:13 PM

"I know one more! Its not really chirstmas-y, but mom used to tell me this a lot" he smiled

"So, once upon a time a little girl; she lived with her evil step mother and sister in a poor little house; the step mother would make the poor girl do all the house work, but she was really kind and never complained.

One of the tasks she had to do was go in the forest to the river and wash all her sister and step mom clothes.

One day as she was doing this, she found a poor naked old lady trying to wash a dress covered in tick mud.

The girl offered to help her, and she scrubbed, scrubbed and scrubbed for hours, till no mud was left!

The old lady thanked her and wore the dress, turning into a young beautiful fairy!

She smiled at the girl and to thank her she casted a spell on her! Everytime she laughed, diamonds would fall from her mouth, and everytime she was sad, she would cry pearls.

The girl happily got back home, leaving a trail of diamons on her way back.

When she got home she said 'mom! A fairy blessed me!'

But the woman was jealous, so she yelled at her daughter 'go in the forest and find a fairy and get blessed too'

In the forest the step sister found the old lady too, but when the ladt asked for help, the girl, who was super mean and lazy was like 'old hag cant you see im waiting for a fairy?!'

The old lady got mad, because fairies are really petty, and turned into her real form, scaring the girl and then cursed her, than everytime she would hichup toads and frogs would jump off her mouth!

The mean step sister got back home crying, and so she hickhupped, leaving a trail of frog behind.

Meanwhile, the king, that was in the forest to hunt, found a trail of diamonds, and following it she found the kind little girl, suprised of her gift and since his wife, the queen, never had babies, decided to adopt her, so she lived happy in her castel, not having to do hard work anymore"

purplecraze — 11/12/2021 1:18 PM

"Ah, I know a similar story, I think this is a variety of Mother Hulda? it's a German fairy tale."

orange-plane-boy — 11/12/2021 1:22 PM

"Maybe! This version is how my mom used to tell me" he smiled, at this point he was laying down on the couch instead of sitting

[ms-freakenstein]

I dont usually do my stuff like this but I decided to just post this as a text translation since I translated this a looong time ago, if there is anyone willing to edit it I would really appreciate it 😢

Source: https://www.pixiv.net/en/artworks/65214196

Link to the full raw pages here

Full text translation below

Page 1

M: uncle how was the breakfast this morning?

L: today makes it the 3rd time you've been making me breakfast before going to school

L: what are you aiming for?

M: at the 3rd week this month...

L: give it up

L: you just want to borrow my apartment on Christmas day right?

L: I will be in here on that day (he already has plans)

L: you would have to look for a different place

L: the breakfasts you made are delicious

L: all of the ingredients you used are mine though

M: if you already noticed then you should have told me on day 1 you midget!!

Page 2

H: in your apartment?

H: in christmas eve?

H: now that I think of it your birthday is on 25 right

H: I'll take along the members of my research team lets all celebrate together

H: you can take along some of your co workers too lets all have fun together ❤

Black text: my room would be in a mess

Theres not one proper person in them

E: if you let us borrow your room I'll make it clean

E: I'll repay you!

Page 3

M: eh you'll let me borrow your apartment? For real?

M: no, we don't need the bedroom

Box: Levi started looking for a lodging

Box: but it is almost christmas eve would he be able to book an accommodation!?

Page 4

M: I think... This atmosphere is nice

M: right now all the girls are giving it their all for me

M: so I could spend  time with Eren, just the two of us

M: now that I think of it Eren... Well, I did told him to buy some food he would like to eat

M: ah

E: I'm sorry for being late

E: it's just that there's too many things on the shopping district so I got confuse what to buy

Page 5

E: look, this seems very chirstmas like right

Black text: santa sushi!

E: here theres also chopsticks

M: thank you

E: the chicken is delicious! Did you made this? It taste like kentucky

M: actually that really is kentucky

E: so I was right, as I thought

M: the hand made one is the salad

E: I see, then it will be easy to tidy this up later

Box: the smell on vinegar floats in the air

Box: and Mikasa is happy

Page 6

A: ah it's really delicious~

A: Hanji san sure do know some nice store

M: how about we all go to karaoke?

G: that sounds good

L: thanks for celebrating with us today

L: be careful on your way there you drunkards

P: eehh~~ Levi san are you not going~~

A: lets all go together~~ we should sing together ~~

B: then, lets go.

N: take care you two~

L: refusing to have the party on my house is the right choice after all

L: those guys probably won't go home

Page 7

H: waa~ they illuminated this vicinity too

H: it's so pretty

H: somehow it makes you want to talk about something romantic right? Levi

L: that's right... The lodge that we're going to right now is actually a high class hotel they have a christmas only couples deal

L: and it seems that they have already prepared a christmas tree and a wine inside the room

L: I booked it after confirming through phone that the room was vacant, apparently the couple who originally booked it cancelled... 3days before their appointed date.

H: hee~ is it twin? Or double?

L: it's double

H: I wonder what happened to that couple...

L: I wonder... We don't really need to know

H: um.. Then why did you even brought it up?

Page 8

H: there really is a christmas tree and wine~~~

H: this hotel is for real!

H: the bed look so soft too~

L: hey wait!

H: eh

L: you'll dirty the bed if you lay there with your dirty clothes, you need to take a bath first if you want to change clothes.

H: eehh~~ here comes the clean freak

L: shut up! You need to wash off the smell from the bar that stick with you

Box: Hanji's bath time

H: aaahh this bed feels incredibly good

L: they serve the breakfast up until 10 am and we'll check out at 11am, do you understand?

L: don't you dare sleep yet.

H: yes, yes I know

Page 9

Box: Levi's bathing time

H: Levi might be a nagger

H: but still he always makes time for us to meet like this

H: he also got this place on such a short period

H: he did it despite being busy at work

H: I have to make sure to let him rest tomorrow... Too

H: ah

H: the wine is still...

L: sigh

L: are you serious...

L: she's sleeping

Page 10

L: I did everything for this moment.

L: I prepared this even though I barely have time

L: damn it!

Page 11

L: it cant be helped

L: I guess I'll let her rest for a little while

L: that's right

L: I should rest too

L: for a bit...

Page 12

Box: dec 25

Box: current time 10am

Box: the time for the breakfast buffet is over

Box: checking out by 11am

Unknown: the two of you would be 62,000 yen

H: over 60,000 yen for sleeping together overnight!!

H: I'm really sorry... it would have been fine if you hit me to wake me up you know!

L: that's my initial plan but I felt comfortable and ended up falling asleep too

H: ahaha!

Page 13

H: then what should we do now, we'll find a proper place to have our lunch, stroll around

H: then after that should we go to my house

H: but soon enough, the distance is a bit far and our time is already messy

H: we should put it in order first

H: thanks for the nice lodging, I really slept well yesterday!

H: it's been a while since I had a sleep as good as that

(I usually only get to nap)

L: You... You should always sleep properly.

Box: the time he spent together with Hanji is longer than what was planned and deep inside, it made Levi happy.

[hary-and-droc]

HARY AND DROC EXTRA SPECIAL CHRISTMAS CHAPTRE!11!!!!

Halla and velkommen to the Christmas Chaptre! As you may or may not know, there has been a lot of drama going on around hoggy during the past few months. But now it is christamas time, a most sepcial time of year, a time where everyone stops their worrying and celebrates the day without a care in the world. Where everyone stops their fighting and bickering, where everyone is friends again, no matter whether you are a huffle, raven, or groff. Not a slitther because they are mean all the time even chritsmas :(

And our chaptre starts at the groff in the door common room… t’was the night before christmas.. When all through hoggy, not a creature was stirring.. Not even scabbers, rons rat.

‘Hary whats on your christmas wish list?’ asked roon.

Hary sadly gased out the window. ‘I dont have any parents’ he mentioned glumly. ‘They died when i was just a child. I was forced to watch it with my own eyes. Some nights, i can still hear their screams.’

Hermy and ron shared an awkward glance. ‘I didnt mean what you want your parents to get you’ said roon. ‘I meant what you want snata to get you.’

‘Snata isn’t real, Ronny,’ said hary. ‘Snata is your parents.’

Roon hadn;t known this. Neithr had Nevil, who overheard their conversation. Nevil had decided to come out of his wheelbarrow for christmas because he wanted some figgy pudding. However, he was so sad upon discovering snata wasnt real that he ran back to his wheelbarrow immediately.

‘Roon, didn;t you know Snata was your parents?’ Hermy asked, she giggled.

‘Shut up hermy. Of course i knew. Why don’t you go back to the library?’

You are probaby wondering why hermy is back in 1996 instead of 1396 like previously. But the magic of chirstmas had bought her back to the present time to celebrate chritmas with her friends. Dont worry, she will go back soon.  

Hermy went to the libray to study for next term’s work. Hary and roon decided to get some figgy pudding at the 4 broomsticks.

Droc and Hary stopped fighting for the christmas season. Well, Droc stopped being angry at Hary for being obsessed with ginney and hary stopped being obsessed with ginney.

Hary invited droc to join him for a butterbear because roon had pulled out. He had to sned an owl to his mother. Hary caught a glimpse of what roon was writing before he left for hogsmeade. It said ‘why didnt you tell me’ ‘my whole life has been a lie’ and ‘can you send me some figgy pudding

‘hAlla!’ said droc. He was waiting outside the groff common room with a rose. He handed it to hary. ‘Merry christmas eve, hary.’

‘Thank yu droc!’ they kissed and had a quick makeout sesh before making their way to the 5 broomsticks.

‘Do you want some figgy pudding?’ asked natarshar. She and vlodkotmr were on a date at the 6 broomsticks.

‘No thanks’ said voltmort. ‘I dont like figgy pudding.’

‘Che? Why not” asked natarshar ‘figgy pudding is the beeeessstst. Now bring us some figgy pudding now bring us some figgu pudding…’

The waitress took down their order and went to bring them some figgy pudding, bring them some figgy pudding.

‘I dont like it because it reminds me of christmas. And i dont like christmas.’

NATARSHAR was stunned. ‘How can you not like chreitsmas!!11!!!’

Vodmort sighed ‘I just don’t.’

Natarshar was sad that someone could not like chirstmas. She knew there was something bothering her about the merry holiday. So Natarshar deicded that it was her mission to give voldmort the best chrotismas she could ever have!

Hary and Droc entered the 7 broomsticks and ordered a butter beer, along with some figgy pudding. While they waited, they noticed that voltmort was at the 8 broomsticks too, along with some woman. Hary thought she was quite attractice. Little did he know it was his pet bird. Gross.

Droc and Hary went over to say halla. ‘Halla’ said droc and hary.

‘Hello boys’ said voldmrd. ‘This is my girlfriend Natarshar’

Hary winked at natarshar. Natarshar awkwardly avoided eye contact.

‘What brings you two fine ladies to the 9 broomsticks on this fine evening’ droc said

‘Oh just eating some figgy pudding’ natarshar said

‘Me too’ hary said quickly. ‘I like your hairy legs natatshar’

‘Ew gross’ whispered natarshar

‘Back off’ said volfmord.

Hary remembered that he had a boyfriend. He can be quite forgetful like that sometimes. ‘Good evenin, girls. And merry christmas. Have a nice date.’ he said. He left with droc to his table to eat figgy pudding.

Back at Hoggy, snapps was busy brewing some go-away-christmas potion. He didn’t like christmas and wanted it to go-away, as the title suggests. Snapps didn’t like christmas because he doesn’t like anything. Except making potions and eating figgy pudding.

‘Hmm lets try this out’ he poured a sprinkle over a minature christmas tree. It turned into an easy-to-care-for house plant.

‘Good.’ said snapps. He had always wanted a house plat that was easy-to-care-for.  

You may remember that Dumbeldock won voldmot’s pet snake lingiuni in an intense game of wizard chess.

‘Hiss hiss motherfucka’ said lingiuni

Well volrtmord had been quite sad about losing his snake and Natarshar hadn’t know why. Until she notcied a picture of a snakker on her bedside table.

‘Whos that?’ asked nat

‘Hm? Oh, no one.’ vodrt said

Natshar could tell voldy was even sadder than ever. She didnt know why vodmo didnt like christmas, but she could try to get the snake back if it would cheer voldmo up. She didnt know who had the snake so decided to go to the smartest person she knew, hermy.

She snuck out while voldermot was sleeping and caught a cab over to hoggy. She only had a little time before she turned back into headlice, so she hurried.

‘Hermy. Wake up’ said natshatar.

Hermy was in the middle of a deam about figgy pudding and was annoyed to be woken up. ‘Who are you?’

‘No time to explain. I need to know where voldermorts snake is!’

‘Nevil killed it in the seventh book’

‘Hva?”

‘Wait nvm that hasnt happened yet. I think deumveldor won the snake in a game of wizard chess.’

‘Cool. whats it name?’

Hermy pondered. ‘I think its type of pasta. Fettucine, maybe?”

‘Cool thanks bye.’

Dumbedlros office was at the top of a lot of stairs. Natarshar missed her wings.

‘Knock knock’

‘Whos there’ said dumbel from inside his study

‘Natarshar,’ said natarshar

‘Natarshar who?’ Dumbeldore didnt know this knock knock joke.

‘Natarshar…. Potter.’ Natarshar realised she didn’t have a last name so she borrowed harys.

‘Omg a potter come striaght up what do you want i love potters.’

Dymbeldor was sirring in his office eating figgy pudding. Macaroni the snake was on the ground, too.

‘I want that snake!’ Natshar cried.

Dumveldroe was sad. ‘But this is my snake spaghettti i won in an intense game of wizard chess.. It’s mine..’.’.

But Natarshar was  a Potter and dumbelldoor loved pottrs so he gave the snake to Natarshar. ‘Takke good care of her.’

‘Oh, i will.’ Natarshar was happy that she found voldmorts snake, Gnocchi. She wrapped him up and put him under the christmas tree for chirtsmas morning.

‘HAPPY HOGGY CHRISTMAS’ said roon, waking hary up that next morning. It was 6am.

‘Omfg roon stop i need my sleep’

‘Theres figgy pudding downstairs, hary!’

Hary was tempted.

‘It’s fresh OUT OF THE OVEN.’

‘Omg sign me the fuck up mothafucker’ hary said, jumping out of bed and racing downstrais

‘Happy hoggy christmas Hermy!’ said roon as they entered the groof common room.

‘Happy hoggy christmas roon. Happy hoggy christmas Hary!’ said hermy.

Hary felt a tap on his shoulder. It was his boyfrined, droc! What was he doing in the groff common room? ‘What are you doing in the groff common room?’ hary said.

Droc held out some figgy pudding. ‘I bought this for you. Fresh out of the oven.’

‘Omg sign me the fuck up i love a good figgy pudding. Happy hoggy christmas, droc.’

Droc smiled. ‘Happy hoggy christmas, hary.’

On christmas morning, the magic of christmas had let Natarshar be a human for the day so she could join in on the chirtsmas festivities. She had booked voldmort and herself a table at hoggy for their christmas dinner feast. Natarshar was so excited to give her girlfriend the special present she had.

Unfonrtunately, voldmort was even sadder than ever !!11!! :(( what could it be? Natarshar could only hope that hoggy’s figgy pudding combined with her present would cheer voldemort up.

‘Halla and velkommon to the christmas feast.’ said dumedlro that night. All the students were very excited and Nevil had even come out of his wheelbarrow for the feast! Unfortniaely no one had booked him a table so he sat on the ground. At least he got to eat figgy pudding, though.

As you know, Snapps had perfectd his go-away-christmas potion and was waiting for the right time to strike. He snuck into the hoggy kitchen and while the house elves’ backs were turned, he put the potion into all the food!!!! It all turned into ordinary, boring food like pea soup and duck liver patte!!!

The house elves were astonished. What had happened to their perfect christmas  food? They cuoldnt serve the hoggy students this disguting food! What were they going to do??!?!???!?!/

FRONUBNATELY, DOBBI THE ELF SAVED THE DAY. ‘hey look friends there is one dish here that isn’t turned into normal food!’ the elves all gathered around to see the only dish that had been saved. The only food they could serve to the students. It was…. Figgy pudding.

‘Nice.’ said Nevil.

Everything was back to normal and everyone was happy. No one seemed to be complaining that the only dish on the menu that night was figgy pudding. Quite the opposite, actually.

When the christmas feast finished, Natatshar pulled out her gift and prestened it to Violdrtm.

‘Is thia for my brithday?’ voldrtmort asked.

Birthday? Why would voldrtmort assume that a gift given to him on christmas was for his birthday? Maybe it was because Natarshar had accidentally used birthday wrapping paper.  Unless….

‘Yes it is! Happy birthday, bolremort!’

‘Omg you remembered i thought you forgot thank you so much natastarhr this is the best birthdayever!’

Wait until you open the gift natarshar said.

Voldermort opened it and saw his snake, Lasanga. Except, Natarshar had accidentally kept the snake Carbonara in the box for a whole day and forgot to poke holes and he was actually dead.

‘You gave me a carcass of my old pet snakker?’ voldermort was confused .

Until HERMY saved the day because she is smart like that. ‘Abracadara!’ she said, and tortellini the snake was bought back to life! It was truly a happy ending.

So Hary and Droc were perfectly in love, roon found out snata isnt real (or is he?????) Hermy got to save the day, Snapps got the ruin the day (which ultimately saved the day), Dobbi also got to save the day, Dumbedlor got to learn a new knock knock joke, voldrmeort got her snake back, Natatshar remembered her girlfriends birthday, and nevil got to eat figgy pudding.

All was well.

Merry christmas to all and to all a good night!

BUT WAIT!! Someone crashed through the front door of hoggy. ‘I’m sorry I’m late’ he said! ‘I got lost in traffic. Omg yum do i smell figgy pudding??!?!?!??!?!?!?!?’

Everyone’s jaws dropped. It was STEVE HARRINGTON.  

‘Can i have an autograph?” said Shrek.