#i dont blame her i dont but i am so tired i dong want to live like thid anymore
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#i know its mt responsibility because if it wasnt then it no ones responsibility but theres a unique sort of pain that comes with losing one×#parent to suicide and drug addiction and be constantly terrifief that the other parent will end up the same fucking way#i dont want to have to be the one to worry about it anymore i wanna be able to ask mg mom to fucking help me but shes thr one i have to look#out for. i dont want to have fo fucking worry about this I DONT WANT TO LOSE ANOTHET FUCKING FAMILG MEMBER TO AN OVERDOSR#i dont want to do this i hate living in fear and never saying the fucking words aloud like if i address the fear that itll be a possibility#but i know i cant avoid it forever and im fucking breaking down. i dont want this to be another thing i have to worry ahout im so fucking#tired of this im so tired of being scared im so scared of losing my only living parejt to the same fucking thing#WHAT CAN I EVEN FUCKING DO#i pushed her to get help shes on methadone she has a counsellor but shes still using . we dont have the money for that right now#and i dont want to be controlling i donf want to have to control the finances and take away her cards i dont wanf to have to do that#but were going to lose the fucking house . and i know addiction is hard my god ive fuckign seen it i dont blame her BUT ITS SO FUCKING HARD#FOR ME TOO. ITS SO FUCKING HARD TO SEE HER GOING THROUGH THE THINGS I CAN ONYL ASSUME MY FATHER WAS FEELING#AND WORRYING THAT THE INEVITABLE OUTCOME IS THE SAME AS HIS . AND I WISH I COULDVE DONE SOMWTHIFN THEN BUT I WAS 3#SO IM TRYING TO DO SOMETHING THIS TIME AROUND BUT ITS SO . FUCKING HARD#i dont blame her i dont but i am so tired i dong want to live like thid anymore
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