#out for. i dont want to have fo fucking worry about this I DONT WANT TO LOSE ANOTHET FUCKING FAMILG MEMBER TO AN OVERDOSR

[lightthatibecome]

.

[tastesousweet]

⭒ the girl with the tattoo (v) - pt 1 pt 2 p3 p4

matt sturniolo x fem!oc / reader

summary : y/n and matt don't have to like each other to continue this thing of theirs, right?

warnings : implications of sex, alcohol, mention of weed, ???

mickey speaks : THANK U FOR THE LOVE ON THIS SERIES!!! sorry if this part feels shorter than the usual !! things get cute in next few parts...

THIS IS PART FIVE GO READ THE OTHERS FIRST OK

"SHE'S sick again?" remi asks, scooting herself further into the booth.

"yeah, i think it's her sinuses or something. she seemed pretty bummed about staying home, i feel awful." andrea pouts while glancing at the menu.

"she's the only person to ever be sick this often in june," remi giggles.

"we should order something to-go for her then. maybe soup?" erin suggests.

"that sounds nice, i'll text her- hopefully she's awake."

౨ৎ

"i can't keep telling my friends i'm sick." you huff as you walk back into your room to find matt redressing.

"why not?" his voice is muffled through his shirt as he tugs it over his head, leaving his hair ruffled.

you lay yourself on your bed lazily, "because they're smart enough to stop believing me soon."

"and why can't they just mind their business?" he looks over to you before reaching down to adjust the white shoes on his feet.

you stretch an arm out to grab your phone from your side table, mumbling, "you must not have friends who worry for you.”

he shakes his head then sighs, “sure, my friends care about me, but they also know when to leave me the fuck alone.”

“right, and my friends know me well enough to know i’m never asking to be left alone.” your comment comes out with more sass than you intended but you know he doesn't understand (or care to understand) your friendships enough to comment on them. then again, you were the one who brought this up in the first place.

"mmm...right. forgot you're just a little insane," he tsks, looking into your mirror and adjusting his shirt some more.

"shut up, matt," you continue staring at your phone, though it's only open to your home screen because you're far more engaged in the conversation than anything your phone could give you. "okay actually, what should i dooo?" you whine.

"i sure as hell won't know?!" his face twists up as he turns to look at you, "you're a smart girl, i'm sure you can figure it out."

you roll your eyes, "'kay... well maybe i've picked up a hobby...like, i dont know, painting! and i just really enjoy painting all alone, 'cause it helps me...focus?"

matt sarcastically laughs through his words, “you’re weird as shit,” he throws your plush throw blanket (that fell on the floor when you pushed matt on your bed just an hour ago) at you. “alright, i’m headin’ out.”

you don’t even give him a second look, “bye.”

౨ৎ

a few cheers of “ayy” and “look who made it” echo out from across the small alley as matt tucks his keys in his front pocket.

he looks over to see chris excitedly pointing at him with an arm hooked on nathan’s neck and another close friend, elijah, sitting on an oversized couch with a smile.

matt chuckles under his breath and walks closer to them, taking in the rowdy and neoned atmosphere of this downtown bowling alley. “what’s good?” he greets his group of friends.

“what’s good with you?” nathan counters with a grin as he moves to dap up matt.

matt shrugs into the handshake as eli begins to speak and stand up, “yeah, where the fuck are you comin' from?”

“home. don’t worry about it,” matt defends as his tongue guides over his hidden smile with a loose shrug of a shoulder.

“nooo! just say it how it is, matt,” chris says through a bite of nachos, “you slept in late and forgot about boys night, big fucking deal. you’re here now!” he throws his hands up before letting them fall to his sides dramatically.

matt slowly nods his head in sarcastic agreement as he faces his friends, "he's right."

he almost wants to laugh at the fact that chris actually believed his fake-sleeping enough to let him off the hook for "forgetting" their group hangout.

cameron wanders over to the group after taking his turn bowling, “‘kay, nate it’s your turn.” he then quips his chin up with a sudden grin, "hey, matt! about time you showed."

"better late than never," he breathes before joking, "you know i had to let you guys get at least a round in before i got here to start dominating."

“the word choice is a bit insane,” nick exaggerates as he approaches with arms full of bottled water and soda cans, "how about you go get your fucking shoes before you make that kind of claim." he moves around matt to place drinks on the coffee table (decorated with various bowling ball and pin themed clutter that made nick way to happy when first seeing it).

elijah places a hand on matt's shoulder, "i'll come with you, matt."

౨ৎ

"sick baby, i'm home nowww!" andrea yells from the front door.

you mentally gather yourself to continue your deception. you add weight to your eyelids, purposely making them droop and make your voice extra scratchy, as if you'd only just awoken.

andrea's at your door quickly, only tapping it slightly open, not wanting to blind you with the harsh yellowed lighting of the hallway. "hi, you up?"

you tussle under your comforter and give a small nod, "mhm."

"do you think you're like, contagious? i have your soup here and really wanna tell you some shit about tonight." she smiles warmly.

"no you're fine. please come in, i've been all alone and bored as hell," you rub your eye softly for effect.

you feel pretty guilty about this whole thing but you aren't hiding anything tragic from her. and this "illness" hasn't ruined that many hangouts...only the one's that happen to fall on days matt texts you.

"i hate to see my favorite bitch down like this, this soup better make you feel better immediately." she sighs as she comes into your room, noisy plastic bag in hand.

"i know," you lift yourself to sit up against your headboard as she sits next to you, "think i should be all better soon. i can't miss another shift at the bakery."

you were never missing work for matt, but to cover your ass you did miss a day or two of work to show your friends just how "sick" you were. if you were sick enough to stay home from work you surely were sick enough to avoid a girls night or two. but you guess it technically does come down to matt...unfortunately.

"yeah, i'm sure mr. houffman will lose it of you call off again," she giggles, sifting through the bag for your soup and silverware.

౨ৎ

barely a week later and you're feeling the best you have in a while, with the guilt of pretending to be sick no longer following you.

it's the fourth of july so there was absolutely no way you'd be continuing that act. you weren't missing out on a holiday with as many parties as this one.

and when chris asked andrea to get the girls to come party hop for the night, you told her yes immediately.

you're currently sat atop a random kitchen counter as nick moves around to make a concoction cocktail for you. you lean back on your hands to watch as he uses a knife to slice a small lime as garnish. "wow you really have an eye for this shit, nick," you laugh at his focused stare (he tries to compensate for any drinks he's had so far, not wanting to slice a finger off).

"i guess i'm just a natural!" he exclaims as he places the lime on the rim of the plastic cups, "okay, one for you," you take it from him, "and one for me." he grins at you.

"cheers!" you motion your drink towards him and he echoes you before you both take large sips.

your eyes pinch before they grow wide, "...why's it actually...good?" you laugh.

"you bitch! you thought i'd give you a shitty drink?!" he giggles and goes for another sip of his own.

"it's not that-"

you're cut off by matt's voice, "alright, time to dip. everyone's sayin' this place is really weird."

you both look over at him with his mellow attitude and perfectly organized outfit (so that he'd 'have all the colors but not look like a walking american flag'). "what? this place has been a good time so far! right, nick?"

"suppperrrr fun. maybe it's a you problem, matt." he jokes.

"come on, chris is the one who sent me to get you two. you know i would've left you both a few houses back." he teases.

you slide off of the counter easily, "okaaay," you look into his eyes and pat his chest twice mumbling, "someone needs a smoke break," before walking off in search of the door.

"wait y/n!" nick grabs a few sealed jello shots from an ice bucket nearby before rushing after you.

though he doesn't catch up to you before matt does, grabbing your hand, "you don't even know where the fuck you're going."

you breathe out defeated, "i'm sure i could've figured it out. i don't need you bossing me around."

matt pouts with squinted eyes and his head tilted, "sure."

nick comes up to you, continuing to stuff the shots into his jort pockets, "do these shorts make my ass look fat?" he turns to show you his side profile (already giggling before the punchline of his joke lands) that showcases the multiple items shoved into his back pockets and protrude out in awkward shapes.

you and nick both fall into a laughing fit and matt only ghosts a smile at his brother's stupidity before tugging your hand towards an exit. "wait! here, hold this please," you hand your drink to matt and reach your hand out for nick's. when he takes your hand willingly you raise your conjoined hands with a smile, "aw, we're like a little train!"

nick adds to the joke by pretending to be a conductor, exclaiming all the cliche lines he knows to make you laugh.

matt finally pushes a front door open, the warm summer air finally surrounding you once more. the rest of the group chatter along the sidewalk across the street. "my friends!" nick yells.

the three of you make your way down the wooden stairs (that seem to be steeper when going down than they were to walk up), and once you're in the grass your hand drops from matts's as nick drags you across the street quickly to crash into your friends.

remi's face is annoyed and confused at first but changes immediately when she recognizes your face. she throws her arms around you for a hug, "y/n! you were found!" you laugh into her neck as she sways back and forth.

"okay guys i'm thinking we hit up the place that the end of this block, right there. they've got some crazy lights goin' on so it should be fun." chris points in the direction and looks to the group for opinions.

"yeah! let's do it!" nate encourages.

the group begin to walk down the sidewalk (and slightly into the grass) lined with miniature american flags and past the many houses full of people and decorated with fairy lights and expensive garland.

naturally, everyone gravitates into cliques due to the amount of small conversations happening at once.

"that's unreal!" erin adds while hanging her arm on your shoulder, as you both listen to remi's dramatic retelling of some guy's awful flirting with her.

"i''m so over these trash ass men," remi shakes her head.

"tell me about it," erin sighs, rolling her eyes.

just as you begin to add your own opinion, matt taps your shoulder. he seems to always find a way to interrupt you. you glance behind you and see him holding your cocktail from earlier up.

"oh thanks, i forgot you had that," erin leans off of you to give you space to turn around and grab it.

though her eyes linger on matt for a second too long causing him to send her a smile and raise his eyebrows slightly in awkward question.

you feel the tension bite at the air around you and in hopes of escaping it, you turn back around and prompt remi with a new topic to discuss.

only, now you miss when erin gives matt a second glance back- and this time she offers a gentle wave and smile to him, in truce.

౨ৎ

after a few more stops at parties (you all got a little greedy about the free drinks and food which brought three extra "one more"s before deciding to cut it off), you all head to a nearby park to end the night with a firework show.

it was surprisingly well organized, with blankets already laid out around the large grassy area so that anyone could sit and watch whether they'd planned to or not.

the night has started to get the slightest bit cooler which was much needed after such an eventful three hours, leaving everyone exhausted in their comfortable spots; chris resting his head against andrea's full thighs, you next to her with your legs sprawled and arms extended behind you, nick and nathan both sat with their legs crossed, admiring the bright fireworks despite nick's flinching every-so-often.

the blanket next to you hosts erin, remi, matt, and cameron. all laying out as they laugh and talk, which you assume comes from a combination of the edibles they'd all taken at one of the parties and remi's addictingly outgoing nature that can force anyone to want to talk to her.

the booming fireworks go on for another twenty minutes before dying down and leaving the crowd in the dark, smokey air.

as you adjust to standing and take out your phone to use as a makeshift flashlight, you read the most recent of your many notifcations:

MATT - 12:36 AM

you down to paint after this???

you bite at your freshly chapped bottom lip before looking over to matt, who's currently using his hands obnoxiously to explain something he's clearly passionate about to cameron.

you sliently sigh before replying:

YOU -12:47 AM

sure

꩜⋆ ˚｡⋆🎱˚

tag list (ily):

@rootbeerworshiper @deadxrx @breeloveschris @saintsturn @honestlybabymiracle @hearts4chris @starrysturniolo @blissfulbellss @aoxash

[ecoamerica]

Watch the American Climate Leadership Awards 2024 now: https://youtu.be/bWiW4Rp8vF0?feature=shared

The American Climate Leadership Awards 2024 broadcast recording is now available on ecoAmerica's YouTube channel for viewers to be inspired by active climate leaders. Watch to find out which finalist received the $50,000 grand prize! Hosted by Vanessa Hauc and featuring Bill McKibben and Katharine Hayhoe!

[king-of-a-kingless-world]

not metatron just casually handin out 30000 coins

b- bro. i. uh. ahshagsga. yes sir 🫡. anything fo u dokja kim.

hahahah

:((

DUMBASS. god i fucking hate him

AS SHE SHOULD THIS DUMBASS SUBJUGATED A KID TO THOUSANDS OF YEARS OF ISOLATION ALSO KNOWN AS THE WORST FORM OF MENTAL TORMENT AND FOR WHAT? SO HE COULD GET A LITTLE LUCKIER EARLIER ON? THAT MAN IS AN ASSHOLE AND THE WORST AND I HOPE HE DIES MULTIPLE GRUESOME DEATHS

NO NO DOKJA DONT JUST LET HIM DIE JUST LET HER KILL HIM

AFYZYSFAUSTJXKTCTISRUAQUFUG 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

OH SHEEEET

ok the thing about this is up to this point theyve basically only referred to eachother using their full names, first+last but here joonghyuk only calls him dokja and it gives the vibes theyre close enough to refer to eachother like that so...he cares no denying you cant hide from my perceptiveness i can see everything

BROOOO HES TRYING TO HOLD HIM UP NOT LET HIM FALL OVER CUZ HES GONNA DIE AND DOKJAS JUST GRABBING ONTO HIS ARM AND ITS NOT INTENTIONAL ITS INSTINCT AND AHSHAHSGS SO MANY WORDS THEY DENY IT BUT THEY CARE AND DOKJA WAS PROBABLY DIGGING HIS NAILS INTO HIS ARM CUZ HE KINDA IS MISSING HIS ENTIRE LOWER TORSO AND EVEN WITH FOURTH WALL THATS GOTTA BE SO PAINFUL AND YJH JUST IS FINE WOTH IT AND DOESNT CARE AND HES WORRIED ABOUT HIM AND SNAJSJWJSJDBSI

bro he has a giant hole where his stomach should be

also i thought you hated and wanted to kill him

THIS JUST SHOWS HE CARED THE WHOLE TIME BECAUSE HE KEPT TRYING TO KILL HIM BUT THE SECOND DOKJAS ACTUALLY GONNA DIE HES ALL LIKE NO NO NO NOT TOO LATE EVEN THOUGH DOKJA LEGIT DOESNT HAVE A LOWER TORSO AND THERES NO LOGICAL WAY FOR HIM TO SURVIVE BUT HES STILL IN DENIAL HED ONLY BE DENYING IF HE CARED AHAHAHAHHAHAHSBWHABSH

dude he looks so scared for him im gonna cry 😭😭😭😭. like hes looking him in the face with the most terror ive seen for him i cant wtfffff

no shit

never seen him so angry he even has the glowy main character eyes ✋

bro there aint no way he wasnt in love w dokja cuz he was perfectly fine with letting seolhwa die even tho he like dated her last regression and here he is only having spoken to kdj a few times and ready to fucking kill everything for him

YEA YEA UHUH HED PISSED CUZ YOU KILLED THE GUY HE WANTED TO BE HIS BF YEA YEA JOONGDOK CANNON THESE BITCHES GAY THEYRE ANNOYING AS ALL HELL AND THEYRE GAY

[mordeiswrld]

Stu Macher x M!Reader

AHHHH MY FIRST REQUEST🤭🤭 OFC I CAN DO THAT FOR YOU- Admin Zjay🪷 (reupload since i deleted everything🥲)

Requested?: yes

Fic type: Headcanons (not sure of you wanted a oneshot or this but just let me know and ill redo it)

Time started: 5:34 AM

Character: Stu Macher x M!reader

A/N: this may be bad since i dont capture extroverted characters’ personalities as well as Introverts but ill try my best😁

Stu being...well stu never really put much thought into anyone being taller than him until you came that is

When he first saw you it was in his History class that, in all honesty, he wasnt paying that nuch attention in. Just off in la la land and fucking with the other students with his goofy antics

Then you walked in, silently. Having to duck a little since the doorways never took tall people into consideration

Upon seeing a big figure in his peripheral vision he snapped his head towards you and his brain LITERALLY stopped all thoughts from processing everything

He was just ASTONISHED at your size. He was so amazed that he prayed to the gods that his teacher would sit you next to him

Unfortunately for him, she didn’t but will that stop Stuart? Absolutely not

After about an hour of boring lectures about Wars the bell had rung and kids starting pouring out into the halls, running, screaming, talking and laughing and doing what normal Highschoolers do before they speed off to their next class

But not Stu, well, not right away anyways. He was looking for the new kid. You. He searched above everyones heads and then he spotted you. Taller amongst the crowd of teenagers. You made them look like ants. Stu loved your height it was a relief to finally have someone who is taller than he is for a change

He quickly ran up to you after he spotted you and tapped your shoulder. “Hey, you’re in my history class i wanted to ask for your name earlier but-ah...Ms.HasAStickUpHerAss would’ve lectured me for an hour straight and sent me to detention.” he chuckles as he scratches his head, trying to seem awkward

You laugh “Oh is that so? My name is Y/N, what’s yours?” you questioned back as you rummage through your locker to get your textbook. “Stu Macher at your service” he says as he puts on a fake British accent and bows before you as if you are royalty. You laugh again and close your locker, tetxbook in hand.

“Nice to meet you Sir Stu. But if you’ll excuse me I have to get to Math and that’s all the way on the other side of the school” you say in an already exhausted tone. Stu smiles and playfully wraps his arms around your shoulders or tries to, after 4 failed attempts he gets onto his tiptoes and tries it “i can walk you there” he says as he starts to steer you down the hall. “You sure? Won’t you be late to class? If not later than i will be?” you question but Stu just brushes off the question a careless scoff “pffft, I’ll be fine. I have Science and he barely even remembers my face so i’m not worried” he states as he unwraps his arm from your neck, gets off of his tip toes and starts to walk in front of you backwards

He walks you to your class and then after that, yall talk almost everyday you are like his new favorite person to mess with. And the height? Oh he’s definitely gonna tease you about it “hey! Hows the weather up their dude?” “Fe Fi Fo Fum says the giant Y/N” “shhh as you can see hea we have a woild Y/N in its Natural habitat” ‘STU I CAN SEE YOU BEHIND THAT BUSH’

After a few months Stu starts to notice his crush on you. His longing stares, the way he notices every little change and detail about you (the way you slouch to be the same height as everyone, the way you almost bump into every doorway, etc), how he likes to be around you, how he likes to be the short one for once, etc. He’s shocked to say the least, since your both guys and its not really “normal” for the same gender to date but he quickly gets over it because he can love whoever the fuck he wants and if someone has a problem with it? They’ll be hanging by their appendix the next day.

Stu sits on the idea of him having a crush on you for a few weeks all while acting the exact same way except a lot more physical. The noogies turn into him ruffling your hair gently, he asks for you to get things for him even though he can clearly get it himself, he compliments your height more often, the hugs become tighter and longer, and his touches linger. He can tell you feel the same but he isn’t sure but all he needs is a positive response...

A/N: lowkey dont know how to feel about this 🫢i hope you like it though!!

Time ended: 6:31 AM

[thebomb-thebird-andtheburntbitch]

prohero!bakugou who just got one of the best offers of his early career

its got so much goin for him

it would give him experience overseas/out of country, inside work and extensive fieldwork, near constant communications with other seasoned heroes on sight, its described as a long term gig, and after its all wrapped up it would undoubtedly give him a good shove up the charts and get himcloser to his goal that much sooner

the catch? he'll have little to no open contact with those he leaves for this specific job

when it's offered to him, he says he needs a day or two to think about it which shocked the people who reached out. they thought he'd jump at the chance to go- and he would've if not for that lousy ass catch

he goes home that night and immediately tells you about it

he explains that it's looking to be a long process job and being out of the country

you tell him he should totally take it- but then he tells you that he wouldn't be able to talk to you often or maybe even at all for whatever reason

you definitely have mixed feelings- knowing that he'd be gone for so long with nothing to keep you grounded while he's gone

but you dont want to hold him back either

"if you don't want me to go, i'll turn it down."

and he's dead serious too

the whole reason he wanted to think about it was to give you a chance to make him stay- bc he would

he would give up this opportunity in a heartbeat bc not only would it be hard on you- but he'd miss the hell out of you too

if cabin fever was possible to feel towards a person, katsuki knows if he goes he'd feel it towards you

it'd be homesickness pumped up to the max and with no outlet to talk to all those miles away (his friends and you not by his side)- he wouldn't know how to cope

"you should take it"

mans is flabbergasted honestly

he gave you full rights to tell him to tell them 'no' but here you are- telling him to go anyways

"you realized i could be gone months with no authorization to contact you. not you, my folks, or any of the other idiots."

theres a hidden fear he's not bringing up and it's not like he's avoiding it, he just doesn't know how to say it without sounding absolutely pathetic

"you really think i should take the offer?" he's hesitant and quiet when asking you- just to see if maybe you'll change your answer

"Of course i do, this is a big opportunity. the last thing you want is someone else to snatch that up when it's being delivered to you on a silver platter."

he starts nervously toying with your clothes. picking at your shirt hem and pitching the fabric between his fingers

and definitely not making eye contact

"plus," he tuts to signal he's listening "you know you'd beat yourself up if you turned it down."

he huffs absolutely hating that you were right

"I'm shocked you didn't just accept it the moment they told you honestly," you lightly laughed at him as he slightly sent a scowl up at you

"you said we needed to talk about important shit like this- so im tryin' to fuckin' listen"

"Is that all?"

he hated how you could always tell that when he was baring his heart to you, you could still tell he was keeping something else

"we haven't been apart for that long, have we?"

"well no, but it's to be expected"

"and we wont be able to talk or see each other"

"yes, so you've told me"

"what if..." he huffs, planting his forehead on your shoulder so he wouldn't have to look at you "what if i come back and you don't love me anymore?"

“what?” That was eve last thing you expect to come out of his mouth

“I’ll be gone for fuck knows how long and I won’t be able to talk to you or see you or listen to you- so I’m just...” the unspoken ‘worried’ didn’t need to be said

You understood

“Well, what if you come back and you don’t love me?”

His head snaps from its previous resting place and the expression he wore was like you just said the stupidest thing known to language

You light tap your fingers on his forehead shifting his expression to more of a ‘what was that for?’ scowl

“You see how that feels? Being worried over things you shouldn’t be?”

Your way or comforting him was sometimes awkward and sometimes bit weird, but he has to admit to did help settle the concern in his gut

“Even if I can’t reply,” he starts and your sure now that his mind was made up. “Even if I can’t do shit, I still want you to text me”

“Will that be okay?”

“If you don’t I’m going to be the most insufferable hero on the team; they’ll wanna send me back”

You laugh at him and he cracks a smile too. After so long frowning, the upwards turn in his lips was a sight for sore eyes

“Alright then. What should I text about?”

“Everything. I want to know when you wake up, when you go to bed. I want you to tell me about your day and what you are for meals- and if you skip meals, you better cough up the truth or else” he pitched your side at his faux threat

“I just want to know it all. And- and maybe the occasional voicemail wouldn’t be unappreciated so i can hear your voice from time to time”

Katsuki still has some issues with swallowing his pride and being “mushy” so you were proud of the requests he was making without much pushing from you- not that you’d made him say it if he really couldn’t have

He contacted the heroes who had offered him a spot in their team for the mission and told them he accept it

He then took the remaining days he has left before departure with you

Taking time off patrols and only doing minimal work through his laptop at home when you were taking a shower or sleeping.

He’d help with all the household chores on his newly found window of down time.

Going shopping with you and holding spices he wanted to buy over his head so when you tried to grab it and put it back- it was well out of your reach.

Cooking new dishes you both hasn’t tried before, binging random shows, even being attached to your hip sitting on the couch as you both preoccupied yourselves

He wanted to spend every second possible by your side until he wasn’t anymore

When you drop him off at the airport security gate, you weren’t sure if he’d let you go. The hug he gave you felt right and secure and he wishes he could pick you up and take you with him

It was an early morning flight and it was barely 3 in the morning- it was for the nest bc less people had the chance to see dynamight clinging to his partner like a touch starved koala

“‘m gonna fuckin miss you so much”

You scratch at the nape of his neck and feel him huff into your own as his palms spread in your back- lifting you to your toes on the verge of swaying side to side

“I’ll miss you too, katsuki” you’d be lying if you said you weren’t getting choked up

When he fight let’s you go, he’s cupping your face and running his thumbs under your misty eyes

He’s mapping out your face and the way you look so he can burn it into his brain. The pictures he had in his phone wouldn’t be enough, he has to remember how you feel under his hands

“Remember your promise,” he instructs and you chuckle- a bubble of emotions in your throat

“I’ll make sure to text you so often you’ll wish you hadn’t told me to”

“That’s what I like to hear”

He kisses you goodbye before being ushered through security and before you can even get to an open public seat in the airport (bc you want to wait until his fight takes off before going home) you get a text

-I miss you already dammit-

You laugh, rubbing at your still wet eyes at the seemingly thick impatience he’s using to show how he feels

You figure he’s just doing this since he won’t have a chance in the future- so parking your butt in a chair you indulge him

-I bet I miss you more-

-I seriously doubt it-

-you’ll push me to the back of your mind the moment you land overseas and shift into dynamight mode!-

-yeah, fat chance. you’re always on my mind-

You smile at your phone and when he finally tells you he’s boarding the sinking feeling of being alone finally hits you- but you don’t regret this decision

You receive one last phone call from katsuki just before he needs to shut his phone down

You can hear the loud humming of the plane and the clambering background noise of others boarding that are coming in the mission too

“I love you” is all he says. And it’s all you say back.

Because you do- you both do.

“I’ll see you soon, okay? Kick some ass for me”

“Oh, you know I will, babe”

Then the line ends. And soon after his plane take off. You’ll miss him like hell, but you know he’ll be back

-x-x-x-

a/n: Pardon any spelling errors. Started this on laptop- finished it on phone and I have quite the track record for typos LOL they (may) be fixed later on

[leigh-kay]

Drunken Jealousy

-conrad fisher-

x reader

warnings// cursing, love so cute you want to sleep on the highway, drunken anger/frustration (no physical harm just yelling)

-youve spent your entire life growing up at the summer house w your brother and sister, steven and belly, and the fisher boys. youd long ago fallen for the charms of conrad fisher and one night, you find out he feels the same.

"Belly, Y/N, we're leaving your asses here if you aren't down here in five!" Steven shouted up.

"Don't worry Bells you know I won't let him leave ya." Jeremiah smiled at them, walking past the room with Conrad trailing behind him.

"Conrad, you're going?" Belly asked. Conrad had said he was staying in; something about being up early tomorrow to go surfing. He hadn't gone the last few days.

He backed up into the door frame and nodded, "only if the two of you finish getting ready before the party ends."

Y/N tried not to smile when she noticed Conrad wearing the bracelet she's got him a few years ago clinging to his wrist. He was eleven when she'd given it to him and it used to near fall off, but with age and a hell of a lot of football, Conrad had filled out the empty space.

"Tell Steven if he leaves us we'll walk and if we walk mom will fucking kill him." I offered, straightening out the skirt I was wearing.

"Language, you're not too big for Laur to lay into you too," Belly laughed and all Y/N could fo was roll her eyes.

"I'm not a kid anymore Con."

"Sure ya are. You two are twins and Belly's still a cry baby."

Belly swatted at him, chasing him down the stairs and out by the pool. Y/N followed after. She loved Conrad and Belly equally... But she was obviously rooting for Belly. He called them babies. If he ended up in the pool? Who cares.

-----

Conrad did end up in the pool, but so did Belly, and despite 'not caring' Y/N was the first one pool side with a towel for Conrad. Steven had been pissed that the two had to go and change but he waited nonetheless and soon after they took off.

Jere had called shotgun and so Conrad squeezed in the back with the girls. Y/N was just happy there was enough room in Jeremiah's jeep for them to comfortably sit. The idea of being pressed against Conrad had flashed through her mind but just as quickly she pushed it away. Conrad would sooner die before he thought of her that way.

The moment they'd arrives they split. Belly and Y/N were sitting with the Deb girls. Belly was the only one that paid them any attention though. Y/N couldn't have cared less about the Deb scene. Conrad was right when he said it was for sheeps.

Her focus stayed on the was Jeremiah kept glancing over from the couch. He waited approximately five minutes in between each glance and each time he locked eyes with Y/N.

He was drunk, she could tell. If not from how she'd watched him down a keg, from the way he just looked at her. Jere never looked at her like that. Like she was a girl. None of the boys did.

"Y/N, dont you think Conrad and Nicole are the cutest pair? I mean the way he looks at her is so precious." Gigi was probably the most annoying girl Y/N had ever had the displeasure of meeting; but that didn't stop the thin lipped smile she gave her anyways before nodding.

What she wanted to say was "Conrad hardly ever looks at Nicole in general, let alone like he cares about her. They won't even be as much as a fling next summer. He'll forget all about her. He does that with every girl he hooks up with."

But for one, thats not socially acceptable, and for two, then she'd have to admit she was just jealous. No one would care that much about the topic unless they were jealous. And she was.

"Speaking of..."

"Y/N, can you come here?" Conrad had grabbed her hand, giving her a tight look.

"Hey Connie, do you want a hit?" Nicole held out a joint she'd just been handed from one of the other girls.

His grip tightened in Y/N's hand, "Not now." He looked back at the girl in his grasp, "Can we talk. Now."

Belly wrapped her own fingers around Conrad's wrist, eyes narrowing, "Con let her go that looks like it's hurting her."

He looked to Y/N's face; she gave a helpless slow nod and he quickly dropped his grip. "I'm sorry," he swallowed, "y/n/n, please can we talk."

As the two of them left the group, the Deb's eyes followed them and so did their whispers. It seemed like everyone including her was wondering what had gotten Conrad so riled up.

When they reached the sand at the beginning of the beach, Conrad spoke again, "what the hell was that in there?"

"What are you talking about?"

"Those looks with Jeremiah? Like there was something going on?"

She had to fight a laugh, "Something going on? With Jere?"

"You two kept staring at each other and you know I'm not the only one that noticed? Steven was looking too."

"So why is it that you're the one asking? If we were something at all, which, were not, shouldn't it be Steven's grumpy ass scolding me on the beach?" She crossed her arms.

He shrugged his shoulders, shaking his head, "Oh so you're trying to tell me you and Jeremiah haven't been hooking up?"

"Conrad you're drunk and being a complete idiot. Of course I haven't been sleeping with Jere!"

"Then why the fuck was he looking at you like he owned you or something?"

"You're pissed that Jeremiah was looking protective of me when youre literally throwing a fit because you're being overprotective," Y/N shouted, "I'm not your sister and you're not my boyfriend either so just stop."

"Oh so now you're bringing that into things? Don't tell me you still have that stupid kid crush on me Y/N."

She smacked him. Full palm smacked him. And he knew he deserved it.

"Sober up and then fucking talk to me." She tried to storm off, she had turned and she fully intended on running back up to that house and asking Nicole to crash in her room for a bit. But then she heard him wretch, and she was right back at his side.

"Let it out Con... just don't get it on me."

He laughed as he wiped at his chin, "no promises y/n/n."

They looked at one another, the moment lasted almost too long, but she doubted she'd mind if he stared at her like that for the next 100 years.

"I'm sorry. I'm drunk and- jealous."

"Jealous?" she liked the sound of that.

He tugged at the bracelet, "I don't like that he looks at you like that."

"Jeremiah? He's mine and Belly's best friend Con of course he's looking out for us."

"It's not that anymore. Not for him," he sighed, "You and Belly look different this year..."

It took her a moment but she knew he was right, "We look like the girls he likes now. That's why he's been standing up for us to Steven about tagging along."

"I just don't like that he gives you that same fucking look. You're not like the people he hooks up with at a party youre the girls. Our girls."

"How does jealousy play into that?"

"Because I spent this entire party looking at you and you spent it making eyes with Jeremiah and I hate it."

"Seriously? God, you can't handle my attention drifting off of you for even one second Con- How is it fair that youre mad when you've ignored me practically all summer?"

He needed an answer he didn't have to offer. He couldn't ruin her summer like that. His mom hadn't wanted any of them to know.

"I have a lot going on right now. I didn't mean to ignore you guys. I never meant to upset you," he looked like he meant it. So why was she still so angry?

"That's not an apology Conrad."

"I'm sorry. Y/N/N, I am," his hand pushed at the hair the wind had blown out of place, "I didn't mean to be a dick but I was. I'm sorry."

She was still mad. She probably would've stormed off if he was one of her other friends. Hell, she probably would've done it even if it were Jeremiah. But he wasn't Jeremiah; or any other guy. He was Conrad.

And she knew that held more weight with her than it should.

"I'm sorry I hit you."

"Don't be. I kinda fucking deserved it."

Silence... And then laughter, "Yeah you kinda did."

And then they were right back to where they'd been all summer. Quiet. Ignoring. Staring at their feet as if they hadn't just gotten into a screaming match and then laughed about it.

Usually she was the one to grow sick of it. To leave or to talk, but for once, Conrad beat her to the punch, and she was grateful.

"I can't be what you think I am."

She didn't understand.

"What I think you are?"

"That guy. The one you've made up in your mind," her cheeks flushed, "you took my face and my name and made up a guy that I can't even try to be as good as."

Was Conrad Fisher really standing there telling her he couldn't measure up to what she wanted? Conrad Fisher was the only boy she'd ever wanted!

"That's not true," her head shook as she faced the beach.

"I just yelled at you for practically nothing all because I'm drunk and pissed at myself for not just caving and giving into what you've asked me for years."

"I never asked you anything."

He smiled, "Not out loud. But I knew. You know what I'm talking about Y/N."

She smiled back, even as she wasn't looking at him.

"Conrad do you know why I've," she cleared her throat, "liked you for so fucking long?"

Only now she met his eyes, "because I'm a pro at football."

She swatted his arm in annoyance, "No. I couldn't care less about how good you are at football. I don't care that you look romantic with wet hair or how tall you are or even that you look like that."

He watched her, curious, "Conrad I love how you used to let Belly and I tag along. And I love how you have weird inside jokes with my mom, and how you adore Susannah."

He swallowed, "And I love how you put passion into everything you do even if it's you being a total asshole, and I love that stupid handshake we made together when I was seven. I love how you laugh at my bad jokes to humor me so Steven will shut the fuck up and I love how you don't ogle me like half the jackasses here have done with me and Bells all summer."

She took a deep breath that made her chest feel like it might explode and just laughed like a psychopath.

He wasn't sure if she was having a mental break or if she actually found something she'd just said funny.

It wasn't until she calmed that she shook her head and finally looked at him, "And I love you."

Conrad had never heard her say it that way. She'd never heard herself say it that way either. The only 'I love you's that had been uttered between them came on the last days of summer. When they all had to say goodbye and they'd yell it as she and Belly and Steven and Laurel all piled in the car.

It'd never been spoken softly or singularly.

"Y/N," Conrad had known. He'd lied that he didn't to feel better about being a prick this summer but he had always known, "I love you too."

Part of her wondered if he only said it to soothe her. She had broken into a maniacal laughter a second prior to finally confessing but another part of her didn't care even if it was the case.

It wasn't.

She wanted to kiss him. She'd waited how long for this and yet? Kissing after he threw up was simply not in the cards.

"You have very bad timing Conrad Fisher."

He knew, and he smiled, "Sorry to disapoint Y/N Conklin."

"HEY!" A voice, Steven's came from up the hill.

"What the hell are you yelling for asshole?" Y/N huffed, trudging up with Conrad behind her.

"The cops are here you brat, what are you two doing down there anyways?"

"Minding our business. Now can we go before mom kills us?"

They ran to the car, Y/N happy back in her middle seat between Conrad and Belly.

Jeremiah drove home, he had drank the least.

"Con?" Y/N mumbled, leaning to him so as to not have Belly, who was half conscious half not, hear what she meant to say next.

"Hmm?"

"After you brush your teeth I expect my movie moment."

He rolled his eyes but his smile erased any trace of it, "You still chase movie moments?"

"Never to old to romanticize."

"Never to old to be the same old Y/N."

She smiled and let herself relax in the seat. She mentally ran through the scenario in her head on the way home.

_____

She woke with her head against his pillows, everything here smelt like him. Even her.

She took in everything, even the things she'd seen over the last sixteen summers. She could wake up to just his things every day and not get bored.

"Movie moment?" he was awake. She watched his room and he watched her.

She tried to hide her smile and the embarassment on her face, "Eh."

He didn't think before sitting up and running his fingers across her jawline. She could hardly think straight as he smiled at her, "Eh?"

"Conrad."

He kissed her, soft and sweet, and she tried her best not to laugh at how he'd simply known what she wanted.

They pulled away with grins.

"Sorry there aren't any fireworks, the film is kinda low budget."

|

I strongly dislike the ending however I couldn't quite find one I liked anyways so I'll settle. I hope you all enjoyed this... I got a bit carried away.

- <3 kaleigh

[ecoamerica]

Watch the 2024 American Climate Leadership Awards for High School Students now: https://youtu.be/5C-bb9PoRLc

The recording is now available on ecoAmerica's YouTube channel for viewers to be inspired by student climate leaders! Join Aishah-Nyeta Brown & Jerome Foster II and be inspired by student climate leaders as we recognize the High School Student finalists. Watch now to find out which student received the $25,000 grand prize and top recognition!

[br1ghtestlight]

love how bob seems to be completely out of it for this entire episode. like gene and tina are barely following along with linda and louise's insane reverse psychology game but bob is GONE like he's not present at the dinner table he isnt even part of the family. he just grumbles when linda tells him to but he isn't saying shit 😭😭

TINA AND GENE ARE SO SILLY IN THIS EPISODE LMAOO head empty zero thoughts. they are nothing more than pawns in louise's game

bob is correct for wanting to bribe them with candy that would literally work. like they are simple people

WHAT IF THEY TURN INTO LITTLE DELINQUENTS WHO DONT LISTEN TO AUTHORITY??? linda do you know who your kids are they are already WELL past that point especially louise. kinda funny that linda in this episode has the exact opposite viewpoint to how she was w/ louise in amelia. not a criticism of the episode its just ironic

BLACKMAIL

ARE YOU GONNA KILL US LMFAO

gene is SO BABY in this scene im gonna need to take screenshots later bcuz he is the smallest boy. in the world or maybe ever

back when we were children?? says the nine year old child

love how this episode is told through a bedtime story its very creative formatting and kinda unique feeling compared to the three story type of episode :)

MR FISCHOEDER APPEARANCE thank god we always need more fischoeder in our lives. i was worried we would have to wait weeks or even months to see him again

love big g. is that perhaps Grandma or Gloria

ZEKE AND JIMMY JR this is the big win for people who like seeing secondary characters. this episode already has more of them than like the Entirety of season 13 zeke and gene are so cute. their friendship is everything

THEY SEEM NICE TO ME AND LOVING I WANNA SAY AND WISE LIKE THEYVE GOT ALL THIS WISDOM TO PASS ON ABOUT LIFE AND THE WORLD 😭😭😭 lmao zeke saying that bob and linda are loving and kind is kinda sweet even though i know its technically bob and linda saying that about themselves. i do think zeke has a positive view of bob and linda Tbh

YOU GUYS SEEM LIKE YOU WORK SO HARD ALL THE TIME AND YOURE DELIGHTFUL........

new jimmy jr lore: he has a small bladder?

BOB AND LINDA GIVING EACH OTHER PIGGYBACK RIDES <3 so cute

rudy AND jessica spotted

AAWWWW ITS OUR JOB TO PROTECT YOU they love their kids so much :(

MARSHMALLOW APPEARANCE WTF??? new voice actor too :D i thought if she was gonna be in any episode it would be the bachlorette episode but its kinda funny she's just randomly in a western. its where she belongs

wait did i die?? no you were just being dramatic :/

I DONT KNOW WHY I THOUGHY MR FISCHOEDER WAS GONNA SERIOUSLY SUGGEST TO USE REAL BULLETS mf just shoots a bunch of kids. i mean he would do that honestly

AWW BOB SPECIAL INTEREST MOMENT he likes cooking ^_^

everything i do i do it for you 😭😭💕

LINDA ACTUALLY CRYING THIS IS GONNA BREAK MY HEART wtf i wasn't expecting this episode to actually get sad. what the hell </3 louise making her mom cry.....

"even though its really cool for moms to get angry and frustrated and cry in front of their kids"

this is weirdly reminding me of mother daughter lazor razor?? linda saying that she wished louise liked her and then louise saying wait you think i dont like you. their relationship is so weird and complicated but louise DOES love and respect linda and thinks she's really cool and fun!!! i wont hear otherwise idc

ONE OF OUR CHORES WAS TO LIGHT GRANDPAS CIGARS LIKE IN OUR MOUTHS??? LMAO WHAT THE FUCK LINDA why is this getting like weirdly serious is every episode gonna be like this now. are they just a little bit traumatic to watch every single time (also john roberts did A GREAT job voicing in this episode especially this ending scene)

MOSTLY BECAUSE OF TINA RIGHT AND GENE why did i literally start laughing loudly when she said that. god i love louise so much

aww they're babies <3 their relationship is the sweetest. you'll the toughest little cutie in prison

LIKE I SAID CANDY WAS LITERALLY THE SOLUTION those kids will do anything for some candy we all know this. we've seen the show before

gene its not even a question you WILL play coachella someday baby boy. you could probably do anything you wanted

GLORIA APPEARANCE i mean i dont like her but its been a few seasons since she was around. hello gloria is al dead

wait why does gloria have big ass badonkadonks..what who said that

aww the babies all asleep <3 little sweethearts

THIS EPISODE WAS SO FUN AND CUTE??? like genuinely a great episode that was heartfelt AND funny and had a really interesting story element to it as well. louise and linda episodes are always great and i love linda talking about how hard it is to raise good people and how much pressure is on them (and it makes sense that she would be more stressed about making them do chores vs bob because it was her mom who was pressuring her. big bob doesnt give a FUCK) a very fun start to hopefully a great season!!!!

[sophierequests]

Hello!!!! Can I request a genya fic? I dont really have an idea for it so feel free to write whatever you want! Thank you!!!!

they don't know about us

Navigation┃Main Masterlist┃Request

Pairing: Genya Safin x f!Reader

A/N: Hello!!! Ofc you can! I love her sm ngl. I had to think about what to write, because I genuinely had no clue what I could write about. But don't worry, your girl got the secret relationship trope going. I hope you enjoy this, and thank you for the request! Also, this is just 90% dialogue, I'm sorry in advance.

Summary: Unbeknownst to their best friends the reader and Genya had been dating for quite a while now. But what happens when Nikolai and Zoya are set on getting the two of them together?

Genre: Fluff and Comedy

Word Count: 2K

Warnings: I may have used a bad word once or twice (or thrice), poor proofreading, my bad jokes

“Nikolai, if you don’t stop following me, I’ll break that pretty nose of yours.” you huffed, as you walked towards the workshops, desperate to get the man trailing behind you off of your heels.

“As much as I appreciate the compliment, your flattery won’t distract me. At least not this time.” he answered quickly, reaching out to grab your wrist, “If you would just wait and listen to me, only fo-”

“Lantsov, I may not be an Etherealki or as vicious as Zoya, but if you don’t let go of me immediately, I’ll make sure that you regret ever even knowing me.” you hissed, turning around to face him.

Instantly, his hand flew off your arm, leading to him putting his arms up defensively.

“Y/N, I don’t want to agitate you-”

“Well, you’re doing a pretty shit job at that.”

“I don't want to irritate you, but I just can't watch the two of you act like little lovesick children whenever you’re around each other any longer.” he insisted, making you roll your eyes in dismay, “Just…go ask her out or something! I can’t take it anymore. The flirting and constant eye fucking is getting way too much!”

“Nikolai!”

“You can’t tell me that I’m wrong! Everyone else can see it, just not you!”

“Saints, just leave me alone with that! I am quite capable of deciding whether I want to ask someone out, or not. Thank you very much.” you retorted, turning on your heels to resume your walk, “And I’m pretty sure that Genya is very much capable of doing that too!”

“I didn’t even say her name! How do you know that I meant her.” he called after you smugly, deciding to not risk his head by following you this time.

“Go fuck yourself, Lantsov.”

“Zoya, do you mind leaving me alone? I do have other things to tend to.”

“Like what? Or should I say who?” the young queen inquired sheepishly.

“I have no idea what you are insinuating.” Genya replied coolly, only slightly flustered by her friend’s constant bombardment with questions.

“You know exactly who I’m referring to.” she cooed, leaning forward to stare at her.

“No, how would I?”

“Oh come on, Genya, it’s so depressingly obvious that you have a thing for Y/N. And so does she! Please just talk to her. We can’t take it anymore.” Zoya groaned, already knowing that the red-haired Tailor wouldn’t budge.

“We? Is Nikolai in on this…mission too? Can I expect that he is simultaneously pestering Y/N, whilst you are focused on annoying me?” Genya laughed incredulously, shaking her head in mocked disbelief.

“No, of course not! How low do you think of us?”

“Very.”

With that, Genya picked up the stack of paper that was laying in front of her and quickly walked toward the door. Zoya let out an exasperated breath, falling back into her chair, as she watched her friend leave.

“You can’t deny it forever, Genya! It’s better to acknowledge it now!” she called after her as a last effort.

“Love you too, Z!”

“How long do you think they’ll need until they realize it?” you asked your girlfriend, as you plopped down next to her in bed.

Genya laughed, putting a bookmark into the book she had currently sitting on her lap.

“I mean, it is getting kind of obvious now. They must’ve noticed that I haven’t slept in my own room for ages.” you added, letting your head drop on her shoulder, as she placed a quick peck on your cheek.

“I suppose Nikolai tried to convince you to ask me out too?” she mused, her fingers running through your hair gently.

“Of course he did. You had to deal with Zoya?”

“Yes, but I didn’t tell her anything.”

“You know, it’s quite entertaining watching them grasp on to every interaction we have. I’ll miss that once they figure it out.” you giggled, suddenly feeling very tired.

“If they figure it out. By the way they’re acting, it’ll take them at least another millennia.” she chuckled.

“We could probably get married right in front of their eyes, and they wouldn’t be able to put the puzzle pieces together.”

“I’m also quite surprised that David hasn’t managed to let it slip, yet. He can be quite easily fooled into talking about things he shouldn’t.” Genya confessed, wrapping her arms around your torso.

“He probably only shuts up about it, because he’s still traumatized by accidentally walking in on us making out in the workshops.” you recalled, vividly imagining David’s shocked face as he opened the door to his workspace to actually get some work done, instead he saw you make out on a table.

“Saints, that poor man." she laughed, also remembering that little accident.

The preparations for the upcoming winter fête had been in progress for weeks now. Of course, you and Genya were also keen on helping your friends with planning every little detail, hoping that nothing would be able to go wrong.

But hope is dangerous. It clouds your judgement.

"Who was in charge of the invitations?" Zoya questioned as she looked over the files in front of her.

Nikolai's eyebrows cocked up, a look on his face that betrayed his panic.

"I thought you wanted to take care of that?" he said meekly, knowing that he fucked up.

Zoya didn't dare to say a word. Her fiery blue eyes were trained on his. If looks could kill, Nikolai would've already died an awfully painful death.

"You can't be serious?" her words sounded more like a statement, rather than a question, "How does one forget about the invitations?"

"I was so sure that-"

"Nikolai, I really don't care what you were so sure of. We need to find a way to get them out as soon as possible, or everything can be rescheduled! We can't possibly allow that." she rambled worriedly, "Who could possibly manage to do that? Everyone else is already busy, and so are we, I might remind you."

"I may a certain couple that could manage that." Nikolai smirked, his usual smugness was back in an instant.

"Oh?"

"You want us to do what?" Genya exclaimed, visibly confused by Nikolai's request.

"There were some…errors in our planning. So we completely missed taking care of the invitation part." he explained, as he handed you a long list of names.

"That's why we want you two to write and address them. You're the only two people that have the time and abilities to finish them in time. And since the library is free today…" Zoya chimed in, a knowing smile painted on her lips.

"Of course, we are the only two people that you could've asked…" you mumbled, already catching on to what they were trying to do.

"We'll do it." Genya answered for the both of you.

"Will we now? Do I get to have a say in that too?"

"Great, so it's decided!" Nikolai beamed, clasping his hands together with a sonorous clap.

"Why did you agree to that again?" you groaned, as you finished another letter, neatly putting it into an envelope and sealing it.

Almost an hour into writing, stamping and sorting letters, you felt your fingers cramp. Your girlfriend, however, seemed to quite enjoy herself. She could always make the most benign tasks appear at least mildly fun.

"Do you think they're spying on us?" she asked leaning forward, not answering your question.

"I have absolutely no clue. Wouldn't put it past them though." you chuckled, "I think they're trying to give us some alone time."

"If they would only know." Genya chuckled, her delicate hands straightened out the letter she was currently working on.

"I think we should tell them at the winter fête. If they haven't figured it out by then. Because I'm definitely taking you out, whether they know or not." you began again, earning a small smile from her.

"That sound like a plan."

"And? Did you enjoy your date yesterday?" Nikolai cooed, as he leaned against your desk in the workshop.

His voice almost made you drop the thin piece of metal you had previously worked on. This man had a talent for just appearing out of the blue if he wanted to.

"Saints, Nikolai! What are you doing here? Is constantly following me not enough? Did you resort to breaking and entering now?" you hissed, putting your project down to save it from getting dented.

"Oh sweetheart, this is my palace, after all. I can go wherever I want."

"Debatable."

"Go on, answer the question. How did you enjoy your little date yesterday? We would've loved to help, but we didn't want to disturb your…togetherness." he interrogated mockingly.

You sighed, giving him a death glare, that was more than telling.

"I swear to the Saints if you don't start dropping this forsaken topic, I'll genuinely kill you. Maybe I should build you a faulty battle armour for the next war."

"I'm pretty sure that's considered treason."

"Only if I'm caught."

"Come on now, didn't you at least feel the tension between the two of you?" he asked silly, leaning down on the table on his elbows to bring himself down to your eye level.

"The only tension I felt was the one in my hands after writing hundreds of letters."

"You could still ask her to be your date for the winter fête…" he murmured, shooting you a foxy grin.

"Nikolai, please just leave it alone. I can assure you we are both not in need of your matchmaking."

"If you say so."

"I still need to choose a fitting dress!" Genya thought out loud, as she rummaged through her wardrobe, effectively hiding your clothes from Zoya's sight.

"What's your date wearing? I heard she has already decided on one." Zoya smirked, sitting in one of the armchairs as she watched her friend look for a suitable outfit.

She turned around slightly, a disapproving look on her face.

"Don't start this again." she warned, her voice laced with annoyance.

"Oh come on, you didn't ask her out? Not even after the date we arranged for you?"

"We're just friends."

"And that is the problem. You both want more, don't even think of denying that! One of you just has to make the first move." she complained, earning a cocked eyebrow from Genya.

"And that's why you just decided to do that for us? Listen, I really appreciate all your interest in our relationship - your efforts not so much - but if you want it to happen, let it happen freely. With no pressure, or whatever you're doing."

"Fine. But don't wait too long. I want to still be alive when you get married!"

“Y/N! There you are!” Zoya’s voice came up from behind you, as you stood next to a table with other Grisha.

“Z! You look amazing!” you replied with a smile, watching your friend and her boyfriend approach you.

“And where did you leave-” Nikolai began, his question being interrupted by Zoya giving him a sharp jab to the ribs.

“Where did I leave Genya? She’s getting us a drink.” you answered, a self-satisfied smile on your face, as you watched them interpret the situation.

“Us? That’s so domestic of you.” he commented, hoping to get the answer he’d been waiting for.

“Zoya, Nikolai! We’ve been looking for you!” your girlfriend’s voice called.

She came up to you, two champagne glasses in her hands. One of them was handed over to you, as she stood next to you. You gave her a thankful smile, but she was already one step ahead. The next moment, a pair of lips was pressed against yours, as Genya had apparently decided to finally reveal the great secret you had been keeping from your friends.

When she pulled away, your eyes immediately landed on the couple standing across from you. Both of them looked like they had just been hit by a brick.

“What?” was the first thing coming out of their mouths while they stared back at you in disbelief.

“Wait, what did we miss?” Nikolai questioned absolutely baffled.

“Saints, am I dreaming? You’re finally dating?” Zoya added, a wide smile forming on her face.

“Well yes, we’ve been dating for almost over a year now.” Genya started.

“We just enjoyed watching you try to figure it out.” you finished.

“WHAT?”

[biographydivider]

“Is that something you want to talk about?”

Rottmnt😉

"So...is that something you want to talk about?"

Raph leaned his full weight against the closet door, making it creak. "D?"

A long moment of silence. Then; a single knock.

No.

"Okay, tha's fine. As long as I know you're in there, bud. If I gotta organise a search party I'd wanna do it before Dad gets home." He laughed; a single awkward bark.

The Comfy Closet had been something Donnie and Dad had put together after The Great Sudsy Meltdown when Donnie was five. It was stuffed full of bedsheets and pillows, old pyjamas worn to a buttery softness, once-loved plushies waiting for their moment to shine and fuzzy, cosy blankets. Usually, Donnie just took a armful to bed when he was feeling overstimulated. Tonight, apparently, he'd simply walked in and closed the door.

It had been Raph's fault. He'd missed the signals that Donnie was approaching Meltdown Status; the glassy eyes, the snappish responses to being prompted to tidy up the common room/work on survellience for the next patrol/drink some water once in a while, the gritted-teeth insistence that they all thought he was stupid, that he wasn't a dumb-dumb, you know, and why couldn't everyone just shut up for a second...

So Raph, being Raph, had reached out and spun him by the shoulder, insisting Donnie needed to tell him what was wrong. And that was when Donnie spat back; "Do not fucking touch me, Raphael."

"Oooooooooh," Mikey had sang, sticking his head into the garage at just the wrong moment. "Donnie cuuuurrrrsed, he gon' get in trooouuu...ble."

Seeing his brother's faces, he'd swiftly retreated. That had been two hours ago, and no-one had seen Donnie since.

"Look, D," Raph continued, picking nervously as the skin of his knuckles, "I don't think you're a dumb-dumb, alright? No-one does. I just...I just blunder on ahead sometimes, y'know? Barking orders and giving you guys a hard time for...for nothin'. Like, you guys aren't babies no more, are you?"

A single knock.

"An'...an' I've always done that, haven't I, D?"

Two knocks. Yes. Raph winced. He knew what Donnie was thinking about. He was thinking about it, too.

Raph had been six. Dad hadn't been good for a month or two. Distant, you know? So Raph had been Big Brother, Playmate and Authority Figure for a while, and the younger kids were starting to rebel. He'd managed to wrestle Mikey and Leo into the bath, but Donnie was being stubborn. He liked his stink, apparently. So Raph had picked him up bodily and dumped him in the tub. Donnie had slipped, and bashed his soft shell against the taps, hard. His head went under water and he'd inhaled a lungful of frothy bathwater; triggering the biggest meltdown ever seen by man, rat or turtle. Not long after, the Comfy Closet was born.

Raph's knuckle worked its way into his mouth, and he worried at the skin with his tooth. Something he only did when he was feeling nervous. Or guilty.

"Aw, D...I'm so sorry. I just...you'd think after all this time, I'd be able to read yous guys' signals better, huh? Some leader I am."

Dont cry. Don't cry don't cry don't cry don't--

A creak. Raph stilled. The feeling of a hand inching its way along the ridge of his shell, down to his shoulder.

Pat. Pat pat. Pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat...

Raph snorted; his nose suddenly full of tears and snot. Donnie had had a lot of nonverbal spells as a tot, and it always made Raph fret. Especially after the Great Sudsy Meltdown. So his brother used to sit and drum merrily away on Raph's shell, or his leg, or the top of his head. It was his little way of saying hey, I can't talk right now, but that doesn't mean we're not speaking. I still love you.

Raph reached up, found the wrist that the hand was attached to.

Pat pat pat pat pat pat. Pat pat.

They did that for ten minutes or more, in silence. Then, Raph laughed.

"We're so dumb."

Two knocks.

"Well," Raph continued, "when you want it, the shower's free. You can have it as hot as you want, with the scrubby brush for your shell? It'd make you feel better. Then maybe we'll order takeout, play some video games...you still need to help me with my Creature Crossing island..."

The closet door bumped against his shell; once, twice. Then, Donnie emerged; shark plushie shoved under one arm, Pooh Bear blanket wrapped around his shoulders like the cloak of some disgruntled, pre-school wizard.

"'m keepin' the blankie," he muttered. "An' no-one's gonna say nothin' 'bout it. Capisce?"

"Okay, that's fair. You're a grown turtle, after all."

[gentil-minou]

Hello! I’ve loved your ml psychology analyses, and I was wondering if you’d being to answer a question of mine! I’ve been thinking on whether or not I want to study psychology and be a counselor, as I love to figure out how people (fictional characters for the most part lol) end up the way they do, and what is influencing their choices. I also really like to help other people who are struggling and try to give them as much support as possible because I’ve also struggled in the past, and I thought that maybe analysis and Listening skills would indicate that I might like the career, but I’m still unsure. Sorry for the rambling, but I guess I was just wondering what made you want to work in mental health and did you find your initial idea of what psychology is vs what you learned in school to be jarring? Sorry to bug, but I thought hearing what someone who’s work I look up fo would think!

ahhhh i always love questions like this because this field is, in my humble and completely unbiased opinion, one of the most important out there, and so i just love when folks are interested! especially because it's such a rewarding career even with all its difficulty!

Read more cause i rambled too much what a shock hfdjsd

my own path towards becoming a therapist is a bit of a weird one because i didn't actually take any psych classes until I was getting my masters in it shjdjkdfs (I was originally in STEM sciences).

becoming a therapist kind of happened by fortuitous happenstance: i was a teacher and found i had an especially great talent for getting kids to open up and talk about themselves and their worries. i'm also very neurodivergent and have my own complicated healing history, and once i got better i realized i really didn't want kids to go through what i went through growing up. it feels a bit selfish but in the best way, because by helping kids out i can make up for the time i spent suffering. it makes me feel good, i guess if that makes sense djkfhds

anyways, my rambling aside i think there are a couple main takeaways that i hope people going into this field can be prepared for so!

practice!!!!!!!!!!! like seriously this is one field where i think the best practice is by doing.

therapy is kinda like dating, in that sometimes you won't click with your client and they might ask to see someone else. it might not be anything personal or it might be, maybe wrong gender or ethnicity or orientation, or they just don't like your vibes. it will be okay, and it doesn't mean anything about you. when that happens i usually focus on the clients i have clicked really well with and remind myself that the client who is leaving is looking to get the best support possible, and it helps

dont trust the movies, it's way more complicated than just asking how someone feels. a lot of times people don't know how they're feeling. kinda got to work your way up to it, and first learn what feelings are

get comfortable with silence. i hate it, i suck at it. but sometimes you gotta make it reallyyyyy awkward before it can get better and the client cant open up

you will have to explain things so sometimes it will feel a lot like teaching. but it's not always so bad

so many fucking acronyms. be prepared

don't be your friends/family's therapist. don't offer unsolicited advice, unless they are open or interested. once you recognize the signs and can diagnose people it becomes waaaaay too easy. it's not always welcome, and sometimes we have to be okay with that

people won't always have the same values or opinions as you, and sometimes it might be triggering. i have a number of clients i wouldn't like or want to be around outside of work, and that's okay. remember to check in with yourself and let yourself have feelings. rely on your empathy and understanding to remind you that the person is what matters, not their beliefs/values. and what your job is

if you work with kids (both young and teens) you will have to work with parents. it might not be fun, but you gotta

you are human, you are born with emotions. you WILL be affected by the things people say and are going through. it isn't easy. the most important thing for anyone in this field is to get their own therapist and really make sure you stay on top of your self-care. think of it like how on airplanes you have to put an oxygen mask on yourself before you can help others; you have to help yourself before you help others.

depending on what you might specialize in (for me it's depression and anxiety) there is a significant chance you might lose a client in the worst way. it will suck and you will grieve, and it will be okay but not really. it's the reality of the field and one that's hard to accept, but i hope folks realize that

nothing beats the feeling of a client you've been seeing for a while start to unconsciously do the things you practiced in session. actually the one thing that beats it is when the client realizes they've gotten better and have made progress. it's the best feeling in the world

kinda related to the last one but it's not uncommon for someone who has made loadsssss of progress to end up experiencing something minor or major that spirals them down. they will feel bad and upset and disappointed, and that's normal. just remember that life is a series of hurdles and it's important to get back up.

this goes the same for therapists!!!! you will make mistakes! and it will be okay! you might say or do something that you think back on and go ah shit i really shouldnt have done that. and that's okay, just get back up and try again

I realize this is becoming very long and may not be as specific, but i feel like this is what i learned that was most valuable over my years in this field. if you have any specific questions i'm happy to go into more details (though my education was a bit unorthodox soooo)

[beammeupbroadway]

Find the Word/ Manuscript Search Tag

Tagged by the lovely @setaflow (here is her post please go show her girl love Riley needs it)

Words I had to play with were wait, wind, teeth, and hope. Three are from a published fic (Fool on the Hill) and one from an unpublished longer fic I’ve been working on for a couple of years because I am very slow

Wait

Metal hand tapping against the floor, Johnny turned his gaze away from her. If she didn't know better, she'd have recognised shame on his face.

"Worst thing they can do to you, take who you are..." Johnny hit his head against the wall, metal fingers clenching in a fist. "Don't have any more answers than you do, doll. For what it's worth, don't fuckin' want this any more than you."

Johnny shifted, turning round to fully face her, steeled expression as he leaned into her space, Valerie tensing at the intrusion. "You want an out? Oughta take it now. Not how I'd do it, but you wanna go out on your terms? Do us both a favour an' make it quick." He gestured to the gun on the table beside her. An out. One last act she could make. Preserve her integrity to her last moment.

It would be easier. God knows that gun felt like it had been pressed to her head since the day she was born, always waiting for an excuse to pull the trigger. A cold, unloveable creature. Waiting for the day someone put her down. At least this way it would be in her hands. Her choice.

Wind

She'd felt the wind knocked out of her when Johnny asked to go on a date with Rogue. Which was unfair. She'd just told him how important it was to have connections with the people in your life, and now she was bitter because he wanted to fix the ones he had?

It wasn't just that though. There was something more with Rogue, the 'what if that always hung in the air around them. She wanted him to do this, to get some closure, but it felt like signing her own death warrant. She knew the moment Rogue was back in the picture she might as well be gone.

Teeth

"And what, you think you're somethin'? Got news for you old man, you've been dead 50 years, nobody gives a fuck about Johnny Silverhand anymore, not even Arasaka. There's no score to settle, they've forgotten you and it's time you moved on and fucked off."

She gritted her teeth when his metal hand tugged hard on her hair, dragging her back round to face him. His face was so close she could feel his hair brushing against her, his expression menacing and teeth bared, his breath hot against her face.

"What, and you think you're gonna go out in some 'blaze of glory? Not in this fuckin' life Princess. Look at your choom Jackie-"

"Dont say his name you fuckin' asshole." She spat. The grip on her hair tightened, causing her to grimace, pushing down a small sound of pain that threatened to escape. She wouldn't give the bastard the satisfaction.

"look where he is now. Bleedin' out in the back of a cab your idea of a blaze of glory? That ain't happenin'. Not for you. You're no Night City legend darlin', you're gonna end up right there alongside your choom in the long list of nobodies who died thinkin' they could be somthin' in this city.”

Hope

"Can we stay here for a bit longer? I know we have shit to-"

He silenced her with the press of his lips against her own, moving in tandem as they twined themselves round one another. She felt him relax into the mattress and allowed herself to do the same, any desire to move from that spot vanishing with the soft touch of his hand trailing down her arm.

"Stayin' here long as you want Darlin'."

She let her eyes drift shut, tentatively reaching out to his mind with her own. What she found there lay any worry she may have had to rest, complete and overwhelming devotion tangling with her own, indistinguishable from each other.

As they lay there, basking in the faint glow of the setting sun over the pacific as it encompassed them in it's warmth, she realised for the first time since Jackie died, she felt hope. Hope for a different future, for them to stay like this forever, wrapped up in each other's warmth, feeling like for the first time, they had both found their way home.

Tagging @glitchinginthegarden @trashcatsnark @skippygiraffee @neon-pink-witch @synthsinner and anyone else who wants to give it a go! ❤️

For the words stop, alone, and warm

[ourflagmeansgayrights]

man by the nature of the circles i follow i generally don't see a lot of takes from izzy stans, but both the notes of the post you reblogged and the original twitter thread just make them look like their izzy brainworms have destroyed their reading comprehension and situational awareness. 'hehe there's two ways u could take that' clearly only one was intended. 'ur so right izzy is fucking blackbeard and he can build a pillowfort' YOU'RE SO EMBARRASSING. the show's creator is annoyed enough to actually voice some push back against the racist idea that history's greatest tactician needs this wet purse dog of a man to do basic tasks. these people really said 'i'm gonna ignore the actual issue being pointed out here and make this about my blorbo and my ship instead' and i don't know how anyone like this is gonna get through season two when they find out izzy isn't the main character they think he is.

ok tbh as amused as i am at the interpretation of that tweet as david jenkins getting so annoyed abt people thinking ed is an incompetent imbecile and is tweeting “ed knows how to build a blanket for on his own for fuck’s sake” i dont actually know how much of The Discourse david’s seen or if he’s aware of how many ppl genuinely believe shit like “izzy is the brains behind blackbeard.” it’s possible he just logged onto twitter and saw that tweet at the top of his mentions or whatever (idk how twitter works) and was just casually like “wtf obviously ed can build a fort by himself” and it’s not meant as an @ at any particular fans. and quite frankly i wouldnt want it to BE an @ at any fans. as toxic as parts of this fandom are, if david or any other showrunners started directly @ing people like “hey your headcanon is racist” it would only make shit worse. if i was a writer for ofmd i frankly wouldve stopped looking at ofmd twitter after a month bc it got so choked with rampant racism and it would make me go insane. like i hope jenkins et al have some distance from the fandom discourse for their own sake.

BUT ANYWAY about the izzy fans. as much as i personally am an ed stan first and a human being second i DO understand why izzy fans would make the joke abt “oh so youre saying izzy is having sex with blackbeard AND he knows how to build a blanket fort?” and i also think the majority of izzy fans KNOW theyre making a silly joke. like they know what david is actually saying. as far as im aware Not All Izzy Fans are the type to believe the “izzy is the brains behind blackbeard” headcanon so im not gonna assume every fan making this joke are doing so to intentionally downplay/ignore ed’s intelligence. i think a lot of them are just making a joke abt their favorite blorbo and while yeah i think the main focus should be on MY blorbo and how smart he is, this joke is so low on the list of shitty things ive seen izzy fans do that im basically just like. eh. whatever. definitely SOME of the ppl making this joke are the type to think ed is stupid and who warp the whole show to focus on izzy but i have no idea who or many so im not gonna worry about it. the joke is kinda annoying to me but im ALSO kind of stretching the tweet jokingly to be like “David Jenkins HIMSELF said that izzy is a useless first mate” (which i DO believe, but im not gonna use this tweet as proof that dj himself confirmed it)

that being said i dont think it’s a funny joke bc izzy obviously has never gotten laid before in his life and also izzy’s never experienced any joy so he obviously DOESNT know how to build a fort. and also of course youre right that there are izzy fans who will not be able to cope with the next season of the show not treating izzy like a special little main character but again this tweet is a single line from david abt a silly headcanon im not gonna get mad at ppl for not using it as a talking point abt racist fandom discourse. idk if david meant that line to be lighthearted or not so im not gonna take it too seriously except to say that ed’s blanket fort had better structural engineering than half the boats he’s ever raided. if the Revenge came under attack or if a huge storm blew through, stede’s cabin would be a disaster but the blanket fort would be completely unharmed

[beef-unknwn]

hey fuckos it's late and my brain is simmering wanna know how to write pain and suffering then come on down and sit wherever imma tell ya how. ill try not to care to much about spelling as i go on so fair warning

so ya wanna knkw how to emotionalky (and oerhaps akso physically torment a character? don even worry about jt i gotchu fam

olay heres what yer gonna do. first you gotta make your character all solid and shit get a good founsation on that bitch. all fheir hopes and dreams solidified and fuck. like ooh little tommy wants go be an architect how cjte

now youre gonna put your gonna put them in a Scenario™

this Scenarii has fo be like super duper special to them. like a competition or meeting someone or a confessin is abouta be made kr something

heres the kicker

you think of the worst possible thing to happen at the worst possible time

and gou let it happen

someone important to them dies, ghey lose the competition, the conversation goes absolutely wrong, theres an argument and two characters break up (platonically or romantically) that sorta shit

and you hold onto the silence

you hold onto this character

you hold on their pose, their face, their tears

do you feel it? fhe rising action? your throat clogging? tears welling?

wait for it... wait for it.......... NOW

THEY BREAK THEY SHATTER THEY'RE CRUNBLING ONTO FHE FLOOR

TEARS AND MAYBE SCREAMING BUT MOSTLY TEARS

They dont even have to crunbke they could just... stand ghere and cry kr whatever

idk but if youre writing the climax of angst it bettwr tingle my fuckin balls alright? i better feel chills along my spine and arms i better be cryin ballin my fuckin eyes out alright?

it better be like the monster aftermath scene in steven universe where i cry every damn time shut the fuck up go away

i better feel like a fuckin husk when gou write angst

bitch

anyways

[grimsneverendingfuneral]

Aw, Grim, you’re so sweet! But you don’t needa worry about me, I promise! I’m trying to stay positive, catching up on books or shows I can’t get to because I’m usually very busy. It’s silly, I know, but at least it’s better than bein all depressed. I play football and my coach told me I can’t play until it’s healed which really bummed me, especially since we have a game on Thursday. But I’m looking at the positives! So if you have any shows you recommend… 🤲

Okay the how is kind of stupid, but I’ll tell you anyway. I broke my arm playing football, fell right on the goal post and put my arm out to break the fall… yeah. And my wrist, well. I’m very short, like 150cm short, and I weigh nothing, so I climb. Not rock climbing, I mean climbing up my furniture; in this case, the huge bookcase I have, so I can reach the top books. I feel like you can kind of see where this is going. So I climbed it as usual, to get to the book I need, since I stupidly keep all my important books and school stuff at the tippy top. And I tried grabbing the book I needed with my now good arm, the one that I’d just gotten the cast off of, but it fell. It’s a heavy book so I didn’t want it to make a noise and disturb my neighbours so I kind of tried chasing it down with my arm?

It didn’t work and I ended up falling haha. I tried stopping it by landing with my hands out to break the fall but I didn’t want to risk my arm to breaking after it just healed, so I only used one hand. I don’t know how to explain it well, but my hand sort of landed between the floor and the book that fell. Surprisingly, it doesn’t even end there! I also slammed the big ass metal front door of my flat on my hand. Broke my wrist in four places lol.

I haven’t had a chance to listen to your song yet, but I will today! Pinky promise :)

Anyways! Question time, Grim… What’s a hobby you had as a kid? Do you like painting your nails? What’s your preferred method of transportation (e.g.: bus, train, car)? What’s something that made your week/day better? 🎤

ooohhhh you play football??? oh fuck yeah. youre so cool for that. but one thing though...... is it football like british football aka soccer or american football lmfao

i cant believe this story though wowwwwwoooww..... i truly understand your thought process. we do weird stuff like that when we're alone, us humans. you try to save your ass by making a move that ultimately has another part of your body suffering. i get it. i do it all the time. as someone who lives alone, i always have to be extra careful as to how i do things cause if i fuck up, no ones gonna save me lol. glad youre taking this time to just consume sick ass media. nothing better

OK SHOWS I RECOMMEND FUCK there are a lot. take your pick: Shameless (US version fo sho), My Mad Fat Diary, Friday Night Lights (football show that changed my brain chemistry), The Sopranos, Fellow Travelers (gay), It's A Sin (gay), Pose (one of the best shows ive ever watched), Freaks And Geeks (1 season only show), It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia (if you just wanna shut your brain off) and uuhhh any cartoon like Bojack Horseman, Simpsons, Rick And Morty is also sick (to me) you can just shut your brain off while watching it. all these shows are mad entertaining

A hobby i had as a kid......damn i had a lot. I would draw compulsively honestly, like anywhere i could. Any piece of paper. I would also play imaginary games with complex scenarios all the time and act out the entire Peter Pan live action movie from 2003 with my friend. i would collect keychains and had this bouncy ball i was obsessed with that i would just bounce off the walls. i went to circus school too so i did a lot of shit on the jungle gym at the park like every day. always tryna impress the other kids lol. nothings changed

i also do paint my nails! always with some sparkly polish though. i dont like to wear dark color polish or anything too matte so its always a combo of different glittersss

my preferred method of transportation is my bike!! but its winter 6 months outta the year here so when i cant take it i like walking the most or the bus. the subway here makes me feel claustrophobic fr. my parents are giving me their car though in the summer so im about to be a gay man that drives aaayyyyyyy

something that made my week better........hm probably dancing with my friends. it was disco night and i had my flask in my pocket so i got to drink for freeeeee. also writing the first two chapters of my rosekiller fic AAANNND getting an ask from you!!!!

okok i feel like i KNOW the game is YOU ask ME questions, but here lemme return the sentiment: what is a dream youve had that you'll always remember?

[twntyfiveotwo]

i know my fking issue

yes i know. i fking know. i dont care about love. i dont care about who loves me or who i love. all i love is the feeling of being loved. which is why i always become insanely infatuated when i have a dream of me being delicately loved by a face i dont recognise. which is why i lock myself in my memories and reminisce all the good feelings i once had. you see, i know how insane and pathetic it sounds. but it feels good. to know, to remember that i was once loved.

he loved me at a time when i didnt know how to love myself. he loved me at my lowest, when i was so fking depressed and so desperate for love. he was my double edge sword - the cause of my anxiety because i would spend hours with him rather than on things i should do. but also, my safe space. if anything, every night i always always looked forward to our pillow talk with one another. and we would share our vulnerabilities with each other. it feels so raw, yet so real. and the first time he said "i love you" was before we even met each other. i wanted to see him, but i also would rather save myself the look of disgust that would appear on his face because i knew for sure no one would accept my physical appearance. impulsively, we made plans to meet, we booked all our places. and 2 days before meeting, i pushed myself to face my fear and sent him a real time picture of me. he told me, "i'm sorry but i dont think i can continue this". understandable, at least he got the courage to reject me directly.

i travelled as planned. i persuaded him to come down. i said "no strings attached, just come out and we hang as friends if thats ok. i dont have any other company here". he declined. he said he doesnt think it's appropriate. but yet we continued to play games and talked like nothing was wrong. later that night, he told me he was coming down to hang. im like sure, knowing full well how the night would go. we watched a horror movie, and after the movie ended we fucked. as always. allowing my body to be used by a man that doesnt love me. but who the fk cares at this point. the next day i went out with my friends. i left half of my cash with him because he said he was going out and i was concerned that he might not have enough money. we met later at night at a bar, together with my friends. we all drank and played drinking games together. at that point of time tbh fwb was probably the best description for whatever we shared. so we didnt cross each others' boundaries. then as we were going back to where i stayed together, i got tipsy-excited and started doing little skips in front of him. i remember turning back to wait for him, and then walking off side by side with him. as we were about to cross a road, he held my hand. i didnt dare to hold back. i just thought to myself, "what a kind gesture. he is probably worried for me because im drunk and he wouldnt want me running across the road". what caught me off guard was that he didnt let go even after we crossed the road. he continued to hold my hand as we walked all the way back to our accomodation. and when we were back, we fucked again. after the fucking, i asked him, "does this mean that we are back together?" he said, "what do you think?" i said "i dont know" he questioned me, "do you want us to be back together?" and i said, "yea". he nodded his head. i asked him, "what is it that made you want to reconcile?" he said, "im not sure either". i assumed it was cause i happened to be convenient.

or maybe not. because if it was just out of convenience he didn't have to be so sweet to me:

i still remember how we ran under the sudden downpour when we were walking to one of our karaoke sessions. we both ended up being soaking wet. but the first thing he did was to make sure i was alright. he tried to wipe me dry, despite how much of a mess i was. if that wasnt romance, idk what is.

i still remember how excited he looked when i came down from the bus during my second trip. and when we arrived at our hotel, i found it hard to use the toilet because i couldnt stand floor with small tiles. he offered and asked me to stand on his feet despite my size. if that wasnt romance, idk what is.

i still remember how much of a crowd there was during new years eve. and there were all those annoying fuckers that would horn the new year trumpet right in front of our faces. i was overwhelmed. the moment he noticed that, instead of leading me from the front, he walked behind me and cupped my ears as we walked through the crowd. if that wasnt romance, idk what is.

i still remember how there was one time he went out with he friends to drink. he called me when he was drunk and started crying, saying that he missed me. if that wasnt romance, idk what is.

i still remember on my third trip there, he squeezed in a part time job shift just so we can use some extra cash for our date. if that wasnt romance, idk what is.

i still remember how we climaxed together for the last sex that we had, and i guess it felt really good for him. when we were showering together, he looked at me with those googly eyes. i shyed away from it, and asked him why was he looking at me like that. he said he found me cute. if that wasnt romance, idk what is.

i still remember how he came back from his pt shift way past midnight and craved for some cold beer. i offered to go down to buy by myself cause he said he was tired. i went to the convenience store and snapped a pic asking him if that was the correct beer. he called me and asked me where was i. i said the convenience store. he said "stand there, im coming down. when i asked you to go down and buy i meant the front counter of the hotel, not the convenience store! do you know how dangerous it is for you to go out alone this late at night?" and when he reached, the first thing he did was to check up and down that i was alright while holding on to my shoulders. despite being tired. if that wasnt romance, idk what is.

but so what. so fking what. all the moments above didnt change the fact that he ghosted on me. he could have said something if he wanted to break up. maybe my anxious attachment style made it hard for him to breathe. but say something darling, i would have let you go. because truth be told, neither of us were made for long distance r/s. i want to believe that there were some pocket of moments when he loved me. actually, you know what, i do believe there were some moments that he loved me. but i guess, the love was not enough for us to overcome the struggles of a ldr. not that it matter, because this r/s is long over.

but thanks, i guess. he made me feel loved during a time when i didnt think anyone was capable of loving me. and while the rs was short lived, it was one of the sweetest rs i had. in fact, listening to the songs he shared to me & reliving through all these memories made me feel like wow, i actually once had a novel-like romance. so, thanks for that i guess. i still miss you sometimes, why wouldnt i. but boy, the heartbreak you gave me at that time. it drove me insane. but since when does love not drive me crazy. it always does.

[missfailureherself]

heyy its me againn

Once again ım here bc ı messed up. I messed up at school. Well since ı was never happy in there ı guess it can’t be helped. I fucking hate uni actally ı hate all kinds of schools. They gave me anxiety and all kinds of insecurities. I tought ı was at least smart but now even thats gone. I fucked up my finals and ı might have ruined the only chance to escape from my home even for a little while. Hell this is so messed up. Im a horrible person. And a total failure too! I dont know what to do anymore living feels too hard. Too heavy, too unbearable. I just sometimes wish to die and ı cant even do that because ım a coward. I want to yell but  my voice wont come out. And back then when it did nobody heard it anyway so ıdk what is the point in screaming. But still ı guess ı want to relieve even the slightest pain ı can. I cant do this anymore please someone end this pain. Im the perfect example on how to ruin yourself. I mean not exactly myself but school did it. It caused a lot of trauma and it is effecting my still. Even when ım in college I am supposed to be a grown ass adult but ı never felt like that. ı just cant kill the child inside but ı know ı have to because that child is too fucking sensitive and cares about even the smallest shit. I know ım hurting myself but ı cant stop, ı cant stop myself on the inside. Oh god ı pity that child so much ı wish ı could hug her and tell her that its not her fault. She did not deserve all that bullying and mental violance. Im proud of my younger self because she hanged so well that even my adult ass cant do that. I wish back then someone told me that maybe things wouldn’t enp up like that. And my goddamn heart it doesnt even work perfecly phsically so why do i feel emotions so deep. I act like ıdc ıdgf but in truth I DO GIVE A SHIT. Please dont hurt my feelings more just because ı dont cry in front of you. I do have feelings too Just in case you didn’t know and ı most certainly didn’t need that comment about my body  thank you for that bc ı starved myself fo almost a whole fucking year. Im sorry my old self ı was too hard on you. Im sorry but dont worry now ım having the best karma ı could have. I hate myself even more now. I dont feel pretty no matter how much makeup ı put on. I hate going out, ı hate people, ı hate interacting, ı hate pretending, ı hate everything. But what ı hate most is myself. Im really dissapointed in myself so i can understand my parents. I dont even love myself how could ı expect them to love me. Im not a lovable person so no one here is at fault. Oh but before ı forget ı hope if ım alive in the next years when ı read this ı wish to say “wow ı survived this ım fucking strong and now ım here proudly and standing still and strong.” Hope you’ll say this future me!