#i dont have to worry constantly about anything specific (i am still worying all the time but about many different things now :
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Anyway just an update, I kept going and the ed recovery is actually recovery-ing now 👍
#its been about... 8 months i think??#and things are just so much unspeakably better#like idk how to even put it into words#i can actually ENJOY things#i can actually be happy#i dont have to worry constantly about anything specific (i am still worying all the time but about many different things now :/#im not always nauseous or full or hungry or having severe stomach pain#i dont constantly have to use every ounce of mental and physical energy to distract myself from food and my ed#i fall asleep without having to push down ny hunger pains and i wake up happier knowing that it doesnt matter what i do next#i get a coffee and yes i still think twice about putting creamer in it and whipped cream on top but its easier#its still a conscious effort but its easier to make now that i know how much i have to lose#im weight restored for real this time and im not very worried about gaining more#but because of that this number im at now was so abstract in my mind as something i never thought i would get to#that its actually kind of a good thing?? like its like this weight is just outside of my ed#its easy to convince myself not to restrict because it wouldnt be an instant fix now that i weigh this much#it would take months and months of effort that would harm my body and my mind even more#and i just dont want tht#my joint pain is worse now that theyre holding so much more weight but im still hopeful about getting stronger#idk i just feel like ive gained so much more than weight. so many things that make it worth it
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