#it would take months and months of effort that would harm my body and my mind even more

[caffeinatedopossum]

Anyway just an update, I kept going and the ed recovery is actually recovery-ing now 👍

[angelicsoka]

MAKE A PART 2 OF THE HUGHES SISTER X TREVOR I NEEDDDD TO KNOW HOW HED REACT

LITTLE TALKS, t. zegras 

part one <3

word count | 1.3k

pairings | trevor zegras x fem!hughes!reader, platonic!luke hughes x sister!reader, platonic!quinn hughes x sister!reader, platonic!jack hughes x sister!reader, 

summary | the youngest hughes sibling begins to amend her relationships

warnings | mentions of self-harm and depression. not proofread. based loosely on the song little talks by of monsters and men. no use of "y/n". lowercase intended. uses of the nicknames for reader include: sunshine, love, pretty girl, & babe. i think that's it??

a/n | i’ve been on a writing SPREE, so here’s this <3 

i don't like walking around this old and empty house

so hold my hand, i'll walk with you, my dear

the stairs creak as you sleep

it's keeping me awake

it's the house telling you to close your eyes

and some days i can't even dress myself

it's killing me to see you this way

she looked in the mirror, an exhausted look on her face. her hair was greasy and disheveled, her eyes held bags under them. she sighed at the pathetic sight that was her, tears welling in her eyes. she had barely slept and when she did it was for long periods of times. her clothes were wrinkled and clearly worn, and she knew she smelt. yet, it took so much effort just to get up and take a shower. 

her brothers had been trying to get her to go out with them, and when that didn’t work they tried to start with simple stuff: quinn would cook her favorite meals to get her to eat with them. jack would set up games and movies for them, and luke helped her clean up her room. most of the time, however, she was in her room either sleeping or trying to sleep. but today she had to be up, she had to shower. 

she broke her gaze from the mirror, turning to run the shower. she discarded her clothes, ignoring the scars that littered her body. she stepped in, her body relaxing against the hot water. it stung, but she didn’t even seem to notice. she was stuck in her head, worried about seeing trevor; about talking to him.

time passed faster than she would’ve liked. the water had begun to run cold, forcing her to finish up and turn off the shower. she began to towel dry herself, taking her time to avoid seeing him. she sighed as she put on her clean clothes, the feeling of finally being clean made her feel just slightly better. she exited the bathroom into her room, throwing the clothes in the hamper as she passed. she heard voices coming from the living room, one voice she could always pick out: trevor zegras. 

for a moment she contemplated how she could get out unnoticed. maybe she could sneak out through the backdoor when he wasn't looking or jump out her bedroom window, although the fall would probably cripple her. she sighed once more, deciding that she needed to talk to him, to explain; he deserved that much.

she reached for her doorknob, panicking internally as she twisted it open. it had been months since she had seen him in person, but he looked no different from the last time she had seen him to now. she saw him sitting on the couch with jack, the two of them catching up. she slowly walked down the stairs, a creak catching their attention. trevor’s head whipped toward her direction, an unreadable look on his face. she wanted nothing more than to fold into herself, to get his eyes off of her. 

“hey, sunshine.” jack broke the silence, smiling at his baby sister. she held a small smile, continuing down the stairs. neither her nor trevor said a word. “how ya feeling?”

“okay.” she spoke softly, unlike the person trevor knew. he watched as she moved slowly, how she didn't smile and when she did it seemed forced. he felt a pang in his heart seeing her like this, so unlike herself. 

beside him, jack began to make very obviously fake ringing noises, grabbing his phone from his pocket. “sorry, gotta take this.” he jumped up, running out of the living area and out the front door.

“did he just…” trevor trailed off, looking to his ex with a confused look.

“make fake ringing noises so that he could leave? yeah, yeah he did.” she laughed softly, almost inaudibly. for a moment, she seemed like her old self, but her face dropped quickly. 

there's an old voice in my head

that's holding me back

well, tell her that i miss our little talks

soon it will be over and buried with our past

we used to play outside when we were young

and full of life and full of love

some days i don't know if i am wrong or right

your mind is playing tricks on you, my dear

“so, uh, how have you been?” trevor cleared his throat, looking to the hughes sister. she was curled up on the other end of the couch as she bit at her finger nails. she looked over to him, the anxiety clear on her face. she shrugged, looking back down to her fingers. he couldn’t see it, but he knew her like the back of his hand, and right now she was holding back tears. he stood up, walking over to where she sat, taking a seat beside her. “talk to me, love.” the pet name simply slipped out, but it brought her over the edge. her shoulders shook as she began to sob, trevor pulling her to his chest. “shh, shh, it's okay. it's okay.”

“i’m so sorry, trev. i’m so fucking sorry.” she cried, gripping his torso as if her life depended on it.

“babe, why are you apologizing?” he asked, looking down at her. he tilted her chin up, ignoring the pain he felt at the sight of her teary, tired eyes. he cupped her cheek, wiping away the tears that had fallen down. “you don’t need to apologize.”

“yes, i do. i left you, i hurt you.” she hiccupped continuously, rushing her words.

“shh, slow down. it’s okay, i’m okay.” she tried to continue but her breath caught in her throat. she began to panic, her breathing turning short and quick. “look at me, love. breathe with me.” trevor began to take deep breaths, the youngest hughes following. it brought back the memories of trevor comforting her through her anxiety and panic attacks; he would always drop what he was doing to help her. once she had calmed down, trevor pulled her into a hug, placing a tender kiss on her temple.

“i hate myself, trev. i hate everything about myself, and i hate feeling like this.” his heart broke with every word she spoke. “how can i love you if i can’t love myself?” she sniffled, looking up at him.

“i love you so much, sunshine, and it is killing me to see you like this.” she wiped at the tear that fell, “i wish you could see yourself the way that i see you. you are perfect, love, in every way. i could be the most mad i’ve ever been and one smile from you could change that in an instant. i love the way your eyes light up whenever you talked about something you love, the way you can keep up with my energy.” she smiled softly, “i may be biased but i just so happen to think you are the most beautiful girl in the world. i love you, pretty girl.”

“i love you, trev, so goddamn much.” she smiled once again, tracing her fingers along his jaw. “can we try this again?” 

“absolutely, love.” he lent down, gently kissing her. she was nowhere near perfectly happy, but they would be okay, and that's all that matters.  

[yan-lorkai]

Just read hades!Idia x persephone!reader drabble, do you have any more ideas? I might have loved the concept a little too much 😍

.⁠｡⁠*⁠♡ A/N: Oh but of course I have more hcs for him, he's my silly little guy! Drabble darling is referring can be read here.

.⁠｡⁠*⁠♡ Warnings: Yandere content, kidnapping mention

.⁠｡⁠*⁠♡ Idia makes your crown himself and decorates it with different flowers, in its composition there are blossoming buds, big, strong flowers exuding their life and then their weakened bodies, each one representing their lives during spring.

.⁠｡⁠*⁠♡ He made you eat some pomegranate seeds and so now there is really no way out of this world for you, although a few more seeds wouldn't do any harm, just in case.

.⁠｡⁠*⁠♡ He is a respectful god. Idia may have kidnapped you and made you a captive of his kingdom, but you're also given all the space you want and are free to explore his world as you see fit. Idia knows where and what you are doing all the time so he doesn't feel anxiety eating him up inside like he felt every time he had to leave Olympus and couldn't bring you home yet. He also like to take you sightseeing sometimes.

.⁠｡⁠*⁠♡ He loves talking about what he does as king of the Underworld, how it is separated into sections and what happens to the souls in his care. And he loves it when you ask him this and that.

.⁠｡⁠*⁠♡ Being a deity so different from him, you offer a certain comfort to the souls passing through the Underworld, especially for those who end up going to Tartarus and he thinks this is noble and honorable on your part.

.⁠｡⁠*⁠♡ Absolutely melts when you start to reciprocate his efforts, you can hear him laugh when he's alone and his voice cracks, changing from its regular tone to a high pitched one. It's lovely to see.

.⁠｡⁠*⁠♡ When Zeus butts in and demands that you go home and spend time with your mother for six months, Idia feels a part of him die a little inside. Six months is a long time, if he could he would deny it, even with you offering your best puppy ​​eyes. He is selfish and loves having you all to himself. Inevitably he can't stop you from leaving, but over the next six months he is more irritable and aggressive without you there to keep him company.

.⁠｡⁠*⁠♡ But when do you return to the Underworld? He forgets everything, even his shyness to wrap you in a long, warm hug that makes you melt into him and he spin around with you. He also kisses you until both of your lips are swollen and sore, there is so much he wants to tell you, so much he wants to say and of course he also listens to whatever you want to say.

.⁠｡⁠*⁠♡ He is highly affectionate towards you every time you come back, almost a little suffocating, but that soon passes. For now, hold on a little.

[pastadoughie]

incase 1 of you needs 2 hear this :

a)

ai art is shitty and explotative, and while i dont think that neural networks are bad as a concept, they can be done ethically, but at this point every single large company that has ai shit is doing it in an extremely shitty way. art that is posted on the internet isnt yours to steal and make profit off of. you do not get to take the art of unconsenting random internet users, throw it into a shredder, and sell 7.99 a month subscription packadges for people to be able to eat some of the dust it spits out.

while i previously was more lax on people on reposting my art so long as they credited me, i ask that you not fucking repost my art, under any circumstance if you are on a platform that is scraping art, or on a site that is not properly set up to deal with scraping. the only acception to this is commisions where you have explicitly asked me.

this includes tumblr.

b)

reposting without credit is always bad, even if you dont know who to credit. you should under no circumstance be posting artwork that isnt your own without giving people a way to see the artist, and you need to link it in a way that is ACTUALLY USEFUL, give multiple links to multiple platforms, do not use 3rd party link shorteners, include mirrors and archive captures, provide a plain text spelling of usernames for every platform you link to, ask for explicit permission of the artist, opt out of any ai generation tools. or if you are on a platform that does not allow for this do not post it at all, and you have to have all of this very clearly visable and easily readable

if that is too much effort for you then you shouldnt be posting it. with literally zero exceptions.

c)

biological sex is not real and people can do whatever the fuck they want with their own bodies, even if you deem it as "self harm". under no circumstance should you take away peoples bodily autonomy, someone could literally be sawing their arms off for funsie wunsies and i would still say they need to have freedom and privacy, and it is ultimatly THEIR call what they do with themselves.

gender is similarly also not fucking real, people can dress however they want, fuck whoever they want, and use whatever words to describe themself with that they want. and if you think that boys wearing dresses or some shit is somehow harming you then you are ligitimately fucking pathetic. if i fucking ran a political campain saying everybody wearing a scarf was a pedo and a rapist and we need to ban scarfs forever would you fucking vote for me? are you that scared of people being able to? do what they want? jesus.

d)

genocide is bad. regardless of who does it.

regardless of the scale of cruelty, there is nothing that a group of people from a certain state, ethnicity, religeon, ect, can do that justifies murdering civilians. there is never a justification for genocide.

implying, under any circumstance, that someone is somehow evil for their background, appearance, religous beliefs, country of origin, sexuality, gender, ect. is shitty or worthy of violence because of that is, and i cannot stress this enough, fucking disgusting. nazi shit. even.

e)

i do not support zionism. i do not support antisemitism. i do not support racism.

also the iof is actively commiting a genocide. you should donate to a relief fund for people currently suffering from this, as well as call your house and senate members. as have i.

f)

people often times claim that people they dislike, largely minorities, are pedos or rapists or something of the sort. this is something that has been happening for, and i cannot stress this enough. all of fucking history. people were fucking saying these exact points, verbatim, to argue in favor of SLAVERY okay? if you are spouting the exact same shit as fucking nazis and colonizers and slave traders, then consider, you are a horrible fucking person.

you have to be EXTRODENARILY SKEPTICAL when accusing a minority of a serious crime, and spreading information about it. because if a bigot can just say "oh theyre a pedo" and you believe them at FACE VALUE then guess what? you are just as much of a bigot as they are. minorities are people, and people do terrible things, but just like you should be doing with EVERYBODY, you should be actually looking into things before you accuse someone of being a shit person, and often times, you are not knowlagable enough about someone to make those kinds of claims anyway.

[eatmeandbirthmeagain]

Hope you're doing well for this week and good luck on your exams! I have a request!

Baldwin has a wife who's a secretly witch, she came from a royal family with ties of witchcraft but had to keep it a secret because of the church, but she loves him a lot and was willing to do little spells of good luck everyday or before a battle.

Baldwin doesn't know this but he does get a tad suspicious with the luck he's been having.

♡ My Lucky Charm - King Baldwin x Reader ♡

♡ Fluff ♡

A/N: Hello Chicken Blitz! I hope you are also doing well, and thank you for wishing me well on the exams 🤞. Thank you for this lovely request, its so cute and I had fun writing it. I hope you enjoy it! As always, this is based on the film Kingdom Of Heaven, not the real historical figgures. Enjoy!

TW: Leprosy

Y/n and Baldwin the fourth had been married for three years. Wed at sixteen years old, now nineteen. Three years of marriage and having been acquainted since the age of seven but still the young king suspected nothing of y/n’s true nature.

Y/n had been a practicing witch since she could walk. Her mother had taught her everything she needed to know, from spells of protection to powerful curses. She had learnt quickly and by the time she was sixteen was a very powerful witch.

The spells she performed were legend in her coven. Her family was descended from English royalty but broke away to travel to the Holy Land in hope to build an alliance. The women in her family were witches.

That was how it had been for generations. And every single man in the family was oblivious to it, if they knew then the coven would be burnt to the ground. Sacred sites destroyed, spells of protection over land ruined. It was not possible to allow anybody to gain access to the true nature of their family.

Y/n was no different when she was wed to Baldwin. And how she loved him. They had been acquainted for many years prior to their marriage and already loved each other greatly, even before they were married.

The night of their wedding, y/n swore to herself that she would never let anybody hurt her sweet husband. She held him in her arms for the first time that very night. She whispered to him that she would never let anybody harm him and if they did, she would make sure they died in an awful and painful death.

He had not heard her say this, for he was already peacefully asleep. Exhausted from the wedding, the long hours of standing taking its toll on his diseased body. She had stroked his hair and promised to always protect him. No matter what.

She placed spells of protection over him and his army when they went to battle against Saladin just a few months later. They returned victorious.

She kept the kingdom safe with regular sacrifice and rituals. But most importantly, every day she placed spells of protection over her beautiful husband. He needed all the strength he could get and she was more than happy to provide it all.

----------------

She would spend her days in the woods, collecting ingredients and used every last one ensuring his safety and strength. Her tireless work started to show greatly when the young king's disease began to have less and less of an physical impact on his body. He grew stronger and stronger day by day. The painful looking sores clearing and the feeling in his limbs began to return slowly.

She spent long hours in the forest and her private chambers, performing spell after spell, sneaking ingredients into his drinks, doing whatever she could do until every trace of disease that plagued him was gone.

It was a miracle. The physicians were baffled and Baldwin was equally as confused. But y/n was overjoyed. She had done it, but she continued her relentless efforts. She did not stop until every last trace of disease was rid from his beautiful body.

“Y/n, I have some news” he confessed to her one warm spring afternoon, attempting to hide a smile and failing slightly. “Yes my husband?” y/n had replied, looking up from her book with a forced curiosity, already knowing exactly what he was going to say. “I am cured my love, my leprosy is gone! The physicians don't know how it is possible, but it is truly a miracle!” he picked her up and spun her around, with the biggest smile on his face. She giggled and smiled at his words.

He placed her down and cupped his hands around her cheeks. “Do you know what that means? It means we can be together forever y/n!”. The two were overjoyed at the news but only she knew the truth. This was no miracle. It was simply the love of a witch, manifested in the form of riding a frail body of disease. Returning it to its true strength. Out of nothing but love.

It was not just this. The luck he had been experiencing since being wed to y/n was shocking. Everything had been going well in the kingdom. Battles had been won, alliances had been formed, conflicts had been resolved, famines had been lifted and now his disease that would have seen him in an early grave had been cured? This was incredible.

“It must be you, my love,” he confessed to her one night. “You are my lucky charm”, the young queen had blushed at his words. Indeed she was. And as long as she lived, she would be.

Even after everything, Baldwin remained oblivious to her abilities. And y/n was more than happy to keep it that way. She would much rather him remain in the dark about her talents than be exposed to the church. She hoped that he was too happy with his success to grow suspicious.

Even though the possibility of a witch's intervention had crossed his mind at the comment of a physician, he chose to ignore it. There was no reason for him to question anything. He was healthy, all was well in his kingdom, and he had a wonderful, caring wife who adored him. What more could a young man wish for?

[jayden-killer]

DREAMS ARE MY REALITY.

what would happen if your favourite fictional character appeared in your bed..?

Part 2

A/N: finally came back! Exams period is almost done, so I can mainly focus on writing fan fics and replying to your comments. Thanks to everyone who never stopped giving me support during these months.~ For this story I was heavily inspired by the "Reality" song by Richard Sanderson. Last night I watched "La Boum" and something clicked in my mind the moment the movie titles came by. I highly recommend that movie (and its main song!).

☆

Fantastic. Another day gone bad. Not only I lost my notes taken at university with great effort (who knows where they flew thanks to the wind...), but it had rained until the end of the afternoon and a careless car passed by at great speed, soiling me with rain and migo mixed together.

«Ugh! You fucker!» My feet stomped hard on the dirt, realizing that what had just happened was just the beginning of a long evening. I'll just open the front door, walk into the kitchen, and throw my comfort on the sofa that I look forward to.

It seemed like an eternity would pass on the way back, and my body barely even managed to walk, almost like a dead weight. Don't walk on the ground. That would have been the last straw.

«Shit,» I thought aloud, the moment my eyes saw my house from afar, «Finally home». Taking the keys out of the backpack was also, a real pain in the ass: a real tangle of wires and metal had formed there since my headphones had not been folded properly. A sigh escaped from my lips the moment I walked through the front door, searching with difficulty for the light switch. I didn't waste any more time removing the ruined clothes (and placing them in a water bath) and letting a hot shower melt my nerves. It was just what I needed.

I knew I had a smile as I lathered my body thoroughly. Now the scent of lavender was something calming.

``I should make some tea too``.

~

«Oh, now that's what I am talking about! ». My smile didn't leave my face, as I excitedly opened the book I had left hanging a few days ago, due to my exam period. Being under stress didn't help me find the concertation and desire to identify myself with the main character of the book. ``That's enough``. This thought flooded my mind. ``Now you can rest, because you deserve it, so enjoy your reading``.

``Thanks, other me, maybe you're right`` I replied to the little inner voice that I assumed had a satisfied grin on her face.

Yet my eyes fell on the mega poster that took up most of my bedroom wall: Miguel O'Hara. This man was going to be the death of me one of these days. I remembered the day when my heart wanted him only for me: in the new Spiderman, starring Miles Morales, many would have said that he was the perfect villain, even if I kept countering, claiming the opposite. Of course, his anger issues didn't help get people on his side. He was perfect in every aspect: tall, muscular, intelligent, thoughtful. My god, where do I have to sign to have him next to me?

«Too good to be true». I sighed aloud again as I pulled my attention away from the poster and back into my book. I think it wasn't long after I started reading and my eyes started to get heavy. I might have let go of the book, and fallen asleep with it on my chest. It had been a bad day in every way. Perhaps that is the reason I imagined hugging Miguel more than once. Maybe that's why I also felt my mattress getting heavier under my back.

~

I was awakened by the sun's rays penetrating through the curtains of my room. I loudly grunted at the thought of getting up early to do my daily cleaning chores around the house. But what harm would it have been to stay in my warm bed for at least an hour longer? Turning over, I had the feeling that my bed had gotten much heavier. Or was I still dreaming of hugging Miguel?

Slowly my eyes opened and focused on an unfamiliar figure lying next to me. I had a moment of confusion. Why...was there a person in my bed?

Only when I fully focused on who was in front of me I almost fainted on the spot.

"AAAAHH!" I grabbed the first pillow nearby, slapping the stranger hard several times, and leapt out of bed, the pillow still in my hands. The man, taken aback, tripped on the ground, and a great thud resounded in the bedroom. I hugged the pillow tightly to my chest. Oh, holy god. What was happening at that moment? I was so confused I could have sworn my face was as just as confused.

The man grunted aloud and scrambled to his feet, throwing his hands in surrender.

«What the fuck did I do?!» he yelled, in sheer confusion too. Maybe at that moment, I could have passed out, I swear to whoever you want! Because whoever I had in front of me was a real dream.

«Holy shit...»

«What?!»

I swallowed hard. «You are Miguel O'Hara. Miguel O'Hara was in my room, in my bed!»

[thebadboyfanclub]

I Spill My Blood For You (Aegon x Reader)

Now was this requested? No, but it’s been itching my brain to write something toxic for Aegon also in this story Aegon is not a rpist just fucked in the head and a drunk. T.W mentions of self harm

(Y/n) knew Aegon loved her, at least that is what she told herself to make the pain of betrayal go away. Aegon and (y/n) had been betrothed since they were young so it was only natural they spend most of their youth together all the way until the wedding.

Aegon was not a bad man but he had his vices, he made attempts to be a good husband and most of the time he succeeded, yet he would always find his way back to filthy whore houses at the street of silk, spending his night with whores and dornish wine, on the morrow he would come back to their shared chamber and plead for forgiveness on his knees to (y/n), she always forgave him what else could she do? He was her lord husband, her Aegon he might not have meant his vow on the contrary (y/n) meant it when she stood in front of the Sept and declared her love and loyalty to him “until the end of my days”

When (y/n) became with child Aegon was thrilled, he lifted her and spun her around as he showered her with kisses and words of encouragement, for months he was at his best behaviour that even had his own mother rubbing her eyes in disbelief, everyone seemed to be able to take a breath after Aegons change of character.

The main reason was how frightened (y/n) was at the thought of childbirth, as she had confessed to him the same night she announced her pregnancy to him she sobbed in his arms, shaking like a leaf as he hugged her. (Y/n) had listened to one to many stories of Maesters gutting women like a fish for the babe to get out, the mere thought brought shivers down her spine.

Aegon tended to (y/n)s every need, basically he was her shadow he always escorted her for long walks in the garden under the order of the maesters that walking was going to help her prepare for her labour, he made sure she ate lots of fresh fruit and drew her baths at the night of the owl since it seemed to be the only remedy that worked for her aching back that made her restless.

(Y/n) was delighted at how Aegon had stepped up to assist her during this important time, she relished how his hand was always in her growing belly and laughed when he would try to talk to the babe for hours on end, she felt relieved she even thought this was certainly the end of his visitations at the pillow houses.Their family was going to grow and she wanted her children to blossom in a family full of love, for the little babes to look up to their parents and smile.

It was prince Aemonds name day and the feast was marvellous, (y/n)s belly had grown big and round to the point that the sept indicated it wasn’t only one babe making (y/n) shake like a leaf from fear, childbirth was already a painful procedure let alone pushing out two of them. Alas she brushed it off, (y/n) put on her finest and most comfortable dress to escort her lord husband.

It was well into the night when (y/n) lost sight of him, again she tried to reason with herself and think that he was probably out for some air or had been distracted and started a conversation with some lord. That changed when she slowly got up from her chair and let out a yelp as a sharp pain occurred at her lower belly, at an instant she felt a gush of liquid between her legs making her eyes grow wide. Queen Alicent was the first one to notice and rushed over to the girl, holding her hand tightly

“What is it sweet (y/n)?”

“I’ve started my labours”

The queen had send the guards to find her son while she stayed with (y/n) who was wailing from the pain, crying and begging for mercy as her entire body felt like it was burning, the room was full of women and the Maester who was doing his best to help poor (y/n).

“Push my darling”

“I can’t, I need Aegon”

“I know dear but you must, come on you can do this”

Finally after hours upon hours of effort (y/n) gave birth to two beautiful babes, a boy and a girl, both of them healthy. (Y/n) almost buried herself in the pillows from exhaustion as she was covered with sweat, however she was smiling. Everything had gone well, the babes were heathy and she was alive, in pain but alive, when she held them it was the most blissful moment in her life if she had to describe it she felt like her heart got cut in three pieces and two of the parts went to the babes.

“What are their names?”

“Maegor and Alicent”

Alicent gasped at (y/n)s decision. (Y/n) had grown font of the queen, she had done mistakes but she wasn’t cruel and (y/n) could tell that she had done the best that she could with all her children, as well as being the only person to hold her hand through the labour.

“Thank you”

Alicent stayed with (y/n) as the young mother slept, waiting to hear back from the guards and her irresponsible son, as she watched the girl sleep her anger rose more and more, how could he leave her when he had known (y/n) was going to go through labour any minute now, he ran away like a coward to go sin and once again embarrass them.

The sun had started to rise when Ser Arryk had walked in and dragged Aegon with him, Alicent thanked the knight for his service and instructed him to leave the half conscious Aegon laying on the floor. She went to check on (y/n) to make sure she is still sleeping, brushing away a few strands of hair from her face and placing a kiss on her forehead before she walked to stand over her son.

“Mother? Where am I?”

“You are a disgrace do you know that?”

The spoke in a low tone yet it was harsh and cold. The scene that was playing in front of her eyes infuriated her, her own kin, her first child on the floor dirty and reeking of wine while his wife had just given birth to twins, she felt responsible for his ridiculous actions and she could not take it anymore.

She kicked his side in anger making him groan and curl up from the pain, he coughed a few times as he started to understand where was his mothers wrath coming from.

“What did I do?”

“What did you do? I will tell you, you wasted your night away with whores and wine while your wife gave birth”

“What?”

His mothers words made his blood ran cold, in a blink of an eye he had sobered up from the shock of the news he had just heard. No, it couldn’t be, he had been there this whole time she could not have given birth tonight, he looked up at his mother even if it hurt his eyes and Aegon could swear he saw steam coming out of her ears.

“Certainly you are jesting”

“Get up and look at your wife, how she is laying after giving birth to twins”

Twins! Two babes! Several thoughts raced through aegons blurry mind, was she alright? Was anyone with her? Was she scared? Are the babes alright and healthy? As got off the floor he felt a mixture of guilt and humiliation take over him, rightfully so if he could add. He had done the best he could and yet when the time came he proved everyone right, he failed just like how all of them expected.

Silence fell while he looked at his wife who had drifted off to dreamland, her belly had deflated and that was the sign he needed to understand this was not a dream like he secretly hoped.

“Where are the babies?”

“ With the wet nurses, a boy and a girl, (y/n) took the liberty and named them-”

“Maegor and Alicent”

He whispered, a few nights ago as she laid in their bed and let Aegon rub her belly she mentioned the names she liked. At first Aegon laughed at how they would repeating the cycle of Aegon and Maegor, after a while he reached up to place a sweet kiss on his wife’s lips and told her what a pretty name Alicent is also how his mother would jump from joy.

“I knew you are a low life but this is a new low, missing the birth of your children”

“You think I wanted this? I wanted to be here”

“you left, you rushed to your whores and fleeted from your wife’s side like a dim wit, do you know that she was asking for you? Poor thing was begging me to run and get you, telling me again and again how scared she was”

“Stop mother please”

He pressed his mother as he felt close to breaking down.

Aegon had his back turned to (y/n) and Alicent was too furious to notice that (y/n) had awoken a while ago, moreover she chose to remain silent and view them from afar. She listened to Alicent harass Aegon and watched Aegon get eaten by his own pain and guilt, a side of her was happy that this caused such a reaction out of him on the other hand she felt like she should stop this and she did.

“Where are the babes?”

Her voice was hoarse from sleep and exhaustion, she had slept for only a few hours and it was not enough to help her recover. Alicent once again went to her side and held her hand while the other went on the girls cheek to caress it as her eyes scanned for any signs of pain.

“It’s alright my dear (y/n), they are with the wet nurses, you should rest my girl go back to sleep”

“No no, I want to see my children”

She protested as she struggled to raise her chest and sit up on her bed, Alicent tended to her and fixed (y/n)s pillows for back support. It was the first time that (y/n)s eyes were met with Aegons, Aegon locked his gaze for a second before he went back to starring at the floor, embarrassed by his actions and appearance.

“Your grace could you please go and ask the wet nurses to bring my babes?”

“Of course, as you wish dearest”

Alicent left the girl and gave one last disappointing look to Aegon before she left them alone, shutting the door behind her.

As they were alone, Aegon did not know what to say, there was nothing that he could possibly phrase that would make this better, (y/n) was silent, she wanted for him to break first since he was the one in the wrong and it wasn’t just a small mistake, he broke his promise, he had done such big acts to make her believe he had change just to prove her wrong at the very end, bitterness and anger made her chest hurt.

“I’m sorry”

He whispered, only to be met with a pillow thrown at his face with force from (y/n). It did not hurt but once he raised his gaze he saw the anger that she was experiencing how her rage took over her.

“Where the fuck were you?! You fucking left me”

She barked at him, pain rushed through her due to her sudden move since her abdomen and private part hasn’t fully recovered from

Childbirth, she ignored it as fury towards her husband was her main focus.

Aegon could count the times he had seen (y/n) be cross with him in his one hand, none of them were like this. Her face had changed as her eyes threw daggers at hum, she was unrecognisable as something took over her and it sunk in how he couldn’t get away with this, she had been tipped over the edge and he was the one that pushed her.

“Please my dove”

“No! I do not wish to hear you speak! Shut up for once you fucking moron! I trusted you, I have been nothing but a good wife, a trusting companion an honourable match and this how you repay me? I have stood by you when no one else was there!”

As madness wrapped her up tightly her curse words and harsh truths being her only weapon as she could not physically attack him. Her voice louder than Aegon has ever heard it, he flinched at her outrage he did not try to protest because deep inside he knew he was the villain.

(Y/n) spoke truthfully, Aegon could blame his family all he wanted it would not change the fact that (y/n) was the one ray of sunshine in his darkness and he dimmed her light until she was also eaten up by the dark. Silent tears streamed down his eyes as she kept throwing pillows at him as a way to cause him pain, she could throw a brick at him if she craved then again it would be her words that made him crumble.

“I have put myself at the sword! I went through the seven rings of hell for you! I’ve been ridiculed by everyone at court due to your lustful sins and wrongdoings for you to be absent at our childrens birth, what if I were dead Aegon? What if our children did not make it?”

“Please don’t-“

“What? You don’t want to think about it? You would feel shame if I were to lay dead yet now that I’m alive everything is fine? I might be well Aegon but this put our marriage to rest”

The last declaration was the one that made his eyes snap away from the carpet and look at her, she could not do this? She could not leave him? No, they just had their first babes she could not deprive him of them.

Aegon, quick on his feet went on her side and fell on his knees in front of her, (y/n) had seen this before, once again Aegon would beg for mercy, whisper sweet promises and express his love to her and like a fool she would believe him.

When Aegon went to grab her hands (y/n) reacted before she could think and landed a strong slap across his face, making his head turn to the side. Aegon shocked by the slap stood still momentarily, she had never reached the point of physically assaulting him yes she had been upset but now she was ruthless, nothing could stop her.

“I tried Aegon, oh how I yearned for you to become a man of honour, a man that could be a good husband and a father, you have once again disappointed me. The servants will pack your belongings we are not to share chambers any longer”

Something in Aegon snapped, as (y/n) spoke of their new set of rules in their marriage he inspected the dagger he had left on their nightstand he had left it there when (y/n) had asked him to peel an orange for her.

With a swift motion Aegon was on his feet and had taken the dagger in his hand, cutting his arm all the way down from elbow to wrist.(y/n) gasped at the sudden cruel harm he had caused in himself, it felt like time had remained still as they eyeballed one another, Aegon still crying felt the pain although to him it was nothing that what his heart was experiencing.

“I spill my blood for you, my heart beats for you, you are my wife, my life, the fire in my soul, the breath in my lungs (y/n) you have kept me alive, without you I might as well wither away”

“Aegon”

“I will do anything you wish, I will gut myself if that will bring you comfort, my heaven, if you leave my side I will be stuck in the endless cycle of misery and hell, there is no reason for me to walk amongst the people once the light of life is not here”

His blood dripped on the carpet, Valyrian steel cut clean and Aegon was starting to understand the consequences of his actions as he started to wobble when he was fighting unconsciousness. (Y/n) had opened her mouth to say something when Aegon collapsed, at an instant (y/n) jumped off the bed forgetting her own suffering to sit by her husbands side and place his head on her thighs.

“Aegon! Aegon! No no don’t do this to me Aegon”

Alicent had heard (y/n)s cries of agony and bursted in the door with Ser Arryk thinking that something had happened to her good-daughter and to her disturbance she couldn’t have been more wrong. (Y/n)s white night gown ruined with her child’s blood as she screeched in agony, Ser Arryk being the only one that had kept his composure lifted the prince as his hand hanged from one side leaving drops of his blood as a trail all the way to the bed, (y/n) had not seen Alicent scurry away from the room, she just heard the woman yell for the maesters.

(Y/n) jumped on the bed next to her lord husband, cupping his porcelain face with her bloody hands, staining his flesh with his own blood that he had shed as a desperate declaration of love and devotion, “how peculiar” she thought, hours ago she was covered in her own blood as a minor sacrifice for life to be brought into this world, now she was smearing Aegons blood who attempted to take his own life, a life had been created and a life was being taken.

“It’s alright, it’s alright he is going to be alright”

Requests are open

[dyns33]

The debt

Little Morpheus x Reader for a sweet week end 

Y/N didn't want to see Mopheus again.

Not at all.

She wished him no harm of course, she even wanted him to find balance, serenity, and happiness, but there were still a lot of things she couldn't forgive.

Their break-up had been difficult. Maybe he had warned her, before they even started dating.

           "My love stories always end badly."

Y/N had laughed. She brushed that sentence aside, convinced that it would be different between them, that she was the one who was going to change him, and that they were going to stay together forever.

And they had been together long enough. Several years. They had been very happy. Morpheus had even asked his father not to pass for her anymore, so that his dear sister would never come to take her from him, and since he never asked for anything, Time had accepted.

She wasn't the first mortal to defy the laws of nature, so it didn't really matter much.

But even though time had stopped for her body, their hearts were still racing, and one day they had started to argue.

A bit, then a lot, more and more often, more and more violently.

He had never hit her, but the words could be as hurtful as the blows.

Y/N had made the decision to leave him. It didn't seem to surprise him. This had offended him a little. Maybe also saddened him, in any case she wanted to hope so. He hadn't fought for her to stay. It was the end of all his previous love affairs after all.

The difference was that there was no punishment. No ban. Morpheus didn't prevent her from dreaming, as he didn't ask his father to take back the gift he had given her.

It had been over a year now, and Y/N was trying to move on. Not necessarily to forget him, he would always haunt her nights, and there were some good memories, but she had to learn to live without him, and forever.

So she didn't want to see him anymore, but she continued to appreciate the inhabitants of the Dreaming. It was for this reason that she suddenly stopped near an alley, while it was raining, taking a few steps back to check that she hadn't been mistaken.

Hiding behind a trash can was a raven, visibly injured, which was painful to see.

           "Matthew ?" she asked softly as she approached.

           "... Hi Y/N."

           "What happened ?"

           "A tiny little accident, nothing dramatic. I'm resting a bit before flying off to go back to... Well, to leave."

           "You can talk about the Dreaming, I don't mind. It sounds serious enough. Isn't Morpheus coming to get you ?"

           "No !" cried the raven, fidgeting nervously. "I mean, the boss doesn't know, and he doesn't have to know ! He's going to panic, and be angry, and sad, and disappointed, saying that I'm not paying enough attention, and that I can't go into the waking world alone anymore, and that it's his fault because he wasn't there to protect me, and he's going to take a new raven which will be better than me and..."

           "Matthew. Calm down."

           "... I don't want him to replace me. I don't want him to worry either. I know he suffered a lot after the death of Jessamy. But it's true that I can't really fly right now, and I'm stuck here."

Y/N sighed. It probably wasn't a good idea, because Matthew was a dream, and Morpheus was very protective of his dreams, very possessive, but she couldn't leave the little bird, and he knew her, so there was no reason for this situation to take a bad turn.

Without saying a word, not listening to the cries of the raven, she took him with her, to her house, where she settled him on a cushion, taking care of his wing and giving him something to regain his strength.

           "You can stay here as long as you need, and when you're better you can go back to Dream."

           "Thank you ! That's so nice ! I knew you were nice, I don't understand why you and the boss broke up."

           "It was not working anymore."

           "Because he's not good with people, he knows it, and instead of making an effort, he sulks, imagines the worst, and ruins everything ? Classic. He does that all the time. It has rained for months after you left, he was inconsolable."

Guessing she wasn't supposed to know that, Y/N said nothing, pretending she hadn't heard anything, and taking care of Matthew until he was fit to fly away.

Quite honestly, she thought this story was going to end there. She had helped an old friend, nothing more.

But when she had just fallen asleep, she was surprised to find herself in the throne room she knew so well. Morpheus was there, staring coldly at her. He hadn't changed, and Y/N tried not to think he was still very handsome.

           "Matthew told me that you assisted him during one of his trips to the waking world."

           "Yes, although I thought he didn't want you to know that."

           "He can't hide anything from me. He's a part of me, and I immediately knew he was in distress. But I saw you were with him and helping him, so I didn't interfere."

           "Good. Why am I here then ?" she asked, suddenly feeling hope deep in her heart, thinking he was going to talk about that rain, tell her he missed her, and ask her to come back.

           "I am in your debt.. As Endless, I must pay it. Ask me what you want, so that we are even."

The request fell on her like a sledgehammer. For a second she almost smiled, then laughed, waiting for him to laugh with her, because it could only be a joke.

           "I didn't do this for a favour. I don't want anything, thank you."

           "You do not understand." he growled as he rose from his throne, huge and menacing. "I have to pay my debt."

           "Morpheus, I don't want anything. Consider us even right now, I don't want to ask you anything."

           "You have to, that's the rule."

So that was the only reason he had brought her here. The rules, the responsibilities. Again This upset her pretty much. Morpheus certainly didn't think she had helped Matthew get anything out of him, but that was how she felt. He wasn't offering her a present as a thank you, but because he had no choice.

           "No."

           "You dare."

           "I won't ask you anything."

           "But you could. You can ask me for anything you want and I'll give it to you.."

Indeed, as she could have made him a totally ridiculous request, like a book, or sweet dreams, or that he just say "thank you" by getting down on his knees, but Y/N was as stubborn as he was, and she refused to change her mind.

Morpheus didn't back down either. He continued to torment her for several nights, before visiting her during the day, ordering her to release him from his debt.

As always, he was selfish, annoying, insistent, but not violent. He didn't touch her once, and he didn't actually scream, like she knew he was capable of. He seemed genuinely desperate about this situation, and Y/N ended up not knowing what to do.

She didn't want him to think she had helped Matthew to get something, and she could have asked for something ridiculous, and at the same time she could be asking for something huge, like getting a second chance. She was secretly happy to see him again, so often.

Because even if everything hadn't been perfect, she sometimes missed him. She missed what they had had.

Instead, as he continued to harass her, even preventing her from sleeping, Y/N lost her composure, being tired and lost.

           "You want a wish ? Fine. I never want to see you again. Never again !"

Morpheus suddenly seemed shocked. Hurt. He studied her for a long time, as if he wanted to say something, before shaking his head and disappearing in a whirlwind of sand.

The wish was immediately regretted, but Y/N tried to call him, hoping he would come back to cancel her request, but he didn't show up.

Luckily for her, the wish was vague. She hadn't said a word about the Dreaming, or its inhabitants, and after several days she finally found Matthew, presumably on a mission in the waking world, standing on a bench.

           "Hello Matthew." she whispered as she sat down next to him.

           "Yeah. Hi."

           "Everything is fine ?"

           "Depends. The boss has been crying since he got back from your place. He refuses to say what happened. I know you were both responsible last time, but I don't like seeing him like this. He's my friend, I don't want you to hurt him."

           "I'm sorry. I made a mistake. I said something stupid, and I'd like to undo all of this, but I don't know if it's possible."

She explained to him what had happened, and the little raven sighed, realizing that they had acted like fools again. However, he sadly told her that there was nothing he could do, because now that she had made her request, he had to respect it.

           "Even if I ask ? I really want to rescind that wish."

           "Sorry, kid. It doesn't work that way."

           "But... I'll never see him again." Y/N sobbed, putting her hands on her heart. She hadn't wanted to see Morpheus again, but she hadn't thought she would never see him again.

Matthew sighed again, shook his little head, before letting out a caw. Without saying a word, he abruptly flew away, leaving her alone on the bench, where she wept softly, thinking he had abandoned her.

Then he came back, hopping on one leg.

           "I had a problem." he declared.

           "What do you mean? You... Your leg is broken ?! Matthew ! How did you do that ?!"

           "A bike."

           "You're totally oblivious. Maybe Dream is right in not wanting to let you walk around on your own. Come on."

Once in her apartment, Y/N did exactly like the last time, taking care of the crow, putting a bandage on his tiny leg, before freezing.

           "... You didn't hurt yourself on purpose to make Morpheus owe me another debt, did you ?"

           "... Maybe ?"

           "Matthew. That's a really bad idea."

           "Indeed."

The voice startled her, but she was still happy to see Dream, who was standing awkwardly by the door.

Y/N slowly turned to him, afraid that he would disappear as quickly as he had come the instant her eyes landed on him. He looked as desperate as Matthew had said, scared, which wasn't normal for an Endless.

           "You… You're not going to get in trouble ? By being in the same room as me, despite my wish ?"

           "I could." he replied. "But I have another debt to you again, which I must honour so, exceptionally, here I am."

           "I see. It's... I'm sorry. I didn't mean to ask that. I was sick of your constant asking, I wanted you to understand that I didn't do this for favours, and I refused to abuse your powers."

           "I know. I'm sorry I was so insistent. I never thought you helped Matthew for any reason other than your kindness. But there are rules, I have to offer you something. I... I was hoping you would ask me..."

           "Yes ?"

           "I didn't think you would ask that."

           "And I want to rescind that wish, right now. It doesn't count anymore. I don't want to never see you again. Of course, if you don't want to come back, I'll understand, but if you... You would be welcome."

           "That's it. That's what I wanted to hear." he whispered, moving closer to rest his forehead against hers.

Despite himself, Matthew let out a caw of joy, ruining the moment a bit, but it made the two former lovers smile. Taking his emissary in his arms, Dream thanked her for having helped him again, even if the circumstances were special this time.

Visibly embarrassed, he offered her to come and visit him in the Dreaming, if she wanted to. Y/N said she would think about it, adding that he could also come for tea when he had some free time.

They parted ways, knowing they were foolish enough to never see each other again, and knowing they wouldn't last long before they visited each other. Because even if she had told herself for a long time that she didn't want to see him again, Y/N knew deep down that it was wrong, that she wanted as much as needed to be with Morpheus, stupid, imperfect, beloved Morpheus, who had never had love affairs with the same person twice.

So maybe the second time would be the right one.

[extremewritersblock]

Drabble - “just pretend to be my date”

“Just pretend to be my date.” 

Hermione continued her insistent poking on Draco’s arm. He was annoyingly uninterested in her dilemma. 

“I don’t bring dates to these sort of occasions, Granger. It would completely ruin the “readily available for sex” persona I’ve worked so hard to build.”

Hermione watched McLaggen set his sights on her. He waved in recognition and began his way over to where they stood at the bar.

She gripped Malfoy’s arm.

“Please! Please, Malfoy, I’m desperate.” 

His body suddenly turned to face hers, and the unexpected loss of his body mass under her hands caused her to stumble into him. He caught her before she could inflict any bodily harm upon herself - or their glasses of champagne.

She looked up into his piercing grey eyes and was, for a moment, quite lost in them, until she remembered that she really needed this man to pretend to be in love with her. At least for as long as it took for Cormac McLaggen to call off his pursuit of her and find a new target.

Every Ministry party was the same. She showed up, dateless, spent the night bouncing around different groups of coworkers in her effort to avoid Cormac and ended the night alone because she had been too busy hiding out to flirt with anyone.

She realized she’d been resting in Malfoy’s arms for too long. She adjusted herself upright and felt his hands leave warm imprints where they’d held her body. 

“So? Will you do it?” She gave her most grotesquely pleading pout that she could muster.

“Not until you tell me what’s in it for me, Granger?” He eyed her curiously, taking another swig of his drink. His eyes sparkled menacingly.

Hermione peaked over his shoulder to see she’d gained a few minutes, thanks to Luna - bless her, Hermione owed her big time - who seemed to have stopped McLaggen for a chat. She had a Quibbler in her hands. Hermione strained to read the headline: Tinder: A Muggle Solution to Dating Woes

This was a good sign. Luna could talk about the curiosity of Muggle inventions to a wall. This bought her at least a few more minutes.

Now, how could she bribe Malfoy to help her?

“I’ll - I’ll file your paperwork in the office for an entire month.”

“I’m all caught up on my filing, unlike yourself.”

She did have an embarrassingly large backlog of papers to be sorted.

“Fine - I’ll... I’ll quit suggesting better ways you could have completed your work assignments.”

“I do hate it when you do that..”

“So we have a deal?”

His lips curved into a smirk and he closed the distance between them again, as if he had a secret to tell that only she could hear. 

“When I wanted to know what would be in this for me, I wasn’t exactly thinking about - Ministry related things.”

This confused her. “Then when do you need help? I’m not very handy, but I can bake a mean pie - ”

Malfoy maintained his closeness. “I was thinking more along the lines of...tonight.”

“Oh Merlin, he’s back on the move. Great, okay. I’ll help you tonight.”

“I’m not sure you’re understanding me, Granger.” She felt a sudden chill as Malfoy reached a finger under her chin, gentle but assertive. She could’ve easily pulled away, but she couldn’t, for the life of her, remember how to move her head.

Her breathing hitched. His eyes, though still sparkling, had turned dangerous. She couldn’t look away.

“Tonight. My apartment.”

McLaggen was meters away.

“Okay,” she said, her voice quivered, betraying her uncertainty of what she was agreeing to. She decided not to analyze the fact that spending a night with Malfoy was currently the better option than having a conversation with Cormac.

A much better choice. It wasn’t even a contest.

Malfoy used his grasp on her chin to bring her face closer to his.

“Anything I ask from you - do you agree?”

“Hermione!” McLaggen called. Only a single person stood between him and Hermione’s spot at the bar.

“Malfoy, please!”

Malfoy dropped his hand from her chin and snaked his arm around the silk fabric clinging to her waist. It was quite a thin barrier between her skin and the strength of his arm. The feeling was strangely intimate. 

He turned them so that they faced outward, toward their approaching guest.

“Hey! Glad I found you - that Loony chick caught me up in a very weird conversation about Muggle dating practices. My date ditched me tonight, so I thought I’d come find you and buy you a drink.”

McLaggen looked from Malfoy to Hermione, then down to her waist where, to any outsider, it would look as though she’d already been claimed. 

“She already has a drink. But I’ll take another one, if you’re offering.” Draco’s stare was focused, as if challenging McLaggen to even attempt taking what was rightfully his. Draco tightened his grasp on her hip, causing her dress to slide up daringly. 

“Ah, well. Looks like I’m too late. Perhaps another time, Hermione?”

“Actually, I think her drinks are sorted for the next - I dunno - ten of these parties. Possibly more, if she’s feeling extra helpful tonight.”

Malfoy pulled away from her fingers, which had just pinched him as hard as they could.

McLaggen first looked confused, then as though he wanted to say something - perhaps to ask Hermione what her thoughts were on his offer - but to her relief, he decided that this encounter was no longer worth his time, and sauntered away. He made sure to take the exit furthest away from Luna Lovegood.

Hermione expected to feel again the removal of Malfoy��s arm from around her, but he only pulled her closer. Using his free hand, he passed her her glass of champagne. 

“So - tonight?” she asked, inquisitive to what he had in store for her.

“You have no idea what you’ve signed up for, Granger.”

[chao-thicc-hcs]

Hi, how are you? I read your work, “It hurts when I realize I’ll never mean that much to someone, and it’s all my fault”, and I would like to request a sequel? Could you please include sanzu, rindou, baji and mikey? It also doesn’t have to be those characters, you can choose whoever, but I’d love to see sanzu especially! Thank you for your hard work and if you take the time to consider this! Love your works and small note, for English not being your mother language, it seems near perfect!❤️❤️

Thank you so much for your kind words, anon! I hope my future works will bring the same amout of joy as now!

And sorry for the delay!

I won't include Mikey and Baji, I don't rlly have ideas for them

It hurts when I realize I’ll never mean that much to someone, and it's all my fault. - the sequel [x reader]

ft. kakucho hitto, shinichiro sano, ran haitani, shion madarame + sanzu haruchiyo, rindou haitani

; when the turn tables. once, you were nothing to them, despite all of your efforts, now, fed up with all the pain they made you go through, they became nothing to you. ;

genre: heavy angst, no comfort at all (only fluff at rindou's ending)

tw!!: gn!reader, one-sided firendship/relationship, gun pointing, mentions of abuse, bullying, mentions of blood, abuse, cheating, reader snapping at the end, murder, mentions of suicide, alcohol problems, drug abusing, seizures, self-harm, necrophilia

kakucho (sequel).

Never in his life people have been so important to him, so important that their words pierced like a pitchfork.

He knew he was a villain, he knew he hurt innocent people, and this has never bothered him until now. So, how could you, a mere citizen, make him feel sick to his guts, make him tear up, cry, and coop himself up in a tiny room filled to the brim with dirty laundry.

Something deep in him knew you were special, despite all of the years denying you and assuming you're vile. In the end his anger issues and trust issues won, but at what cost?

You were able to help him, eradicate his pain and suffering, color his life and bring some joy. However, he missed his chance and now he's left only with the shotgun and cigarettes in his hand.

shinichiro (sequel).

He knew he hurt you and went over your limits, so it didn't shock him you were never willing to forgive him.

It was understandable, he left a deep wound that led to you losing your spark, miserable and insecure even until today and refusing to let others near you, embarassed to even show your face. He made you cry and isolate yourself as excruciating thoughts of ''never being good enough'' were flashing through your mind all these years.

He lost your trust for people that don't even reach up to him anymore, he doesn't even remember them himself.

Sano was smoking in front of your school, carefully watching how you were sitting under a tree, using your laptop and munching on your lunch. He was smiling at the sight of you tapping with your fingers on the device and taking your time to think of what to write down, even after the awkward encounter.

As he finished the cigarette, Shinichiro glanced once more at your figure, running towards the school entrance. He chuckled and turned around heading to his shop.

. . . .

Realizing his fate laying down on the floor as blood was pouring out of his head, the muffled police and ambulance sirens getting weaker as he starts losing his consciousness, Shinichiro was happy you were one of the last people he saw this day.

But you were not happy that your last goodbye with him was with his cold body in a coffin.

ran (sequel)

To his surprise he got over it pretty quickly, cursing the day he cried in front of you, instead of just killing you and that twink of a guard. He claims that he's gotten over it all, but even after months this encounter is still causing him random anger outbursts, driving him to insanity and even a desire to kill his own brother just to alleviate his anger. Ran seemed way more erratic, unstable and quick to anger as days passed by. The man tried to ease this by sleeping with women, but lowered his guard and ended up used by every single one of them.

Now he knew what it was like, being used up and then thrown on the ground, laughed at and left overthinking everything from the past weeks with a bottle of liquor and puffy, sleepless expression.

He also lost custody of his child and the mother filed a restraining order against both of them after he hit her and his child.

Ran stalked you, waiting for the perfect day to get his revenge. However you're not stupid, you knew he would be a pain in the ass and hired a guard, who works for another, albeit small, powerful mafia.

He deleted all of his social media, stopped going that much outside and settled down to work from home, eradicated all evidence of his exsistence, just so you think he's dead or just dissappeared, lower your guard and blunt your intuition. He bought extentions, dyed his hair to match them, and dressed blandly. Eventually he was able to abduct you and lock you in his basement, turning you into his favourite toy.

Even after your heart stopped beating, he was still enjoying the feeling of you between his thighs.

Is this what insanity feels like?

shion. (sequel)

His mind was still conscious while you were assaulting him, ruthlessly impaling him with the sharp item in your hand. He was able to process a glimpse of the things you were doing to him, a tiny teardrop going down his cheeks, as his eyes lost all color. He attempted to reach for your chin and feel you for the last time, but this is when you did the fatal blow that ended his life.

You opened your leather backpack and took out the food you bought before, casually sitting on his lifeless body, eating as the burger buns soaked the blood on your hands. ''It tastes better with a nice view.'' you mumbled.

Couple of years passed and you were sitting there, looking at your new lover, who happened to resemble Shion immaculately. The hair, the stern look, the physique. All the same. But at the same time radically different in spiritual terms. His demeanor meek and gentle. You felt the chills every time you looked in his eyes for longer than 2 seconds, reminiscing your past with the blonde.

It felt weird, anxiety creeping on your bones and nerves when he approaches you, still not over your abusive ex, the resemblance was uncanny. And the memories of you almost beheading him oftentimes flashed through your mind, what matters is that nobody will ever find out. You have your own tricks on how to get away with murder.

sanzu (+sequel)

Your mind was going in all shades of the rainbow as Sanzu was screaming at you in gibberish, equally as high as you.

He managed to get you into taking drugs with him so it could be easier to mentally damage you and chain you to himself. He succeeded, you were addicted to him and his pills, waiting eagerly everyday for your dose of brief embarking in another universe. Your brain was fried and you were on the verge of blacking out, just like every night. You don't know why aren't you already used to it. His screeching pounding on the inside of your skull, your eyes bloodshot red from the lack of sleep and you not blinking at all, staring at one spot, shaking like a leaf.

- You're nothing without me! You're miserable, you are ready to follow like a dog, drenching yourself with a concoction of tears and blood for someone else's benefit, you're worthless and have absolutely no value!

Overdosing on those potent drugs tickled his anger issues and made him almost kill you every time he encountered you while in this state, you were about to go in your room when he threw a chair at you and it hit your ankle, causing you to fall down and shriek in pain. You were unable to move, you were already tired from crying and skipping meals, hugging yourself as cold sweat went down your body.

-L-leave me a-al- you couldn't even finish a sentence without stuttering and zoning out or forgetting how to pronounce words.

-Oh heck yeah I will leave you alone, I will leave you here crying and screeching while I go on with my life and fuck others relentlessly while you are only left with missing my touch and drugs, craving me like a piece of meat! The others will be screaming my name and ending drenched in my juices and you still won't even have the courage to leave me.

You've known him since childhood, you grew up together, played games, and crushed on each other. However due to your strict upbringing, both of you waited until you were old enough to handle a relationship, but everything got worse over the years, with Sanzu's overflowing worshipping of Mikey and his growing intimacy with pills, and your deteriorating relationship with your parents, mental state, failures and you losing yourself over someone who didn't even love you.

The cheating, the manipulation, the abuse, this wasn't the Sanzu you grew up and played hopscotch with, you didn't even know who he had become. You were desperate to make things work, and forced yourself to dodrugs with him, hoping he will at least love you more if you shared ''hobbies''. And there he was now, proving once again all your work was futile, using the most dastardly words known to human to degrade you and make you feel small in your own house. You knew you would still feel pain, but consented anyways, because deep down was a searing love for this man.

You still loved him, every time you were sober, you were there to help him with the headaches and stomachaches, patched up his wounds. Sanzu never talked to you when he was sober, though, he ignored you and only paid attention to you only if it was related to his gang or using you to his advantage.

He even reached so far to make you watch him have the most gut-wrenching intercourse with a random cheap lowlife he hooked up with, enjoying how you cry for him and whimper in hurt and betrayal.

Sanzu liked to see you beg for the smallest things. He just felt like nagging with you all the time, so he tried his best to find the smallest mistakes and nitpick on them, growing the stems of your insecurities.

There were days where he didn't even look at you, slept on the couch, made himself food, and just acted like you were an inanimate object. Walked past you and didn't bat an eye if he accidentaly bumped into you. Your sanity depended on his mood and behavior.

The silence between you was loud, too loud it made your head hurt and feel heavy. He would take all your money, because ''you didn't deserve them since you don't bring anything to the table'', took away everything he didn't like that you buy because ''it's too ugly in his opinion''.

He did try leaving you, but he wasn't able to manipulate other people into staying with him, nobody was able to stand his erratic behaviour when he was high. You were feeble-minded and he already managed to imprison you and make you his puppy, so why leave you and waste all his ''effort''?

The day you snapped is engraved between his brain folds, the way you looked, the tears, the blood from your body, the messy hair, the torn clothes, your words filled with poison and pain. And especially, your eyes filled with fury and contempt. It was the first time he felt hurt seeing what his tomfoolery led you to.

. . . . . .

You overdosed on pills, cut your hair, cried and inflicted harm on yourself. Sanzu was sober, to his surprise, but finally saw what it was like being high, you were just an alternative version of his intoxicated state. You've had enough of this torture of a relationship.

- Y/n...? Did you fucking inhale my damn pills? - Sanzu tried hiding the shaking of his voice, but didn't succeed.

- N-no, I-i just - something in you snapped all of a sudden and you impulsively took a sharp glass shard from the broken bottle of alcohol you drank alongside the pills. Glenfarclas 12 year old single malt scotch whisky, both of you's favourite alcohol, drinking a glass of it after a fight to soothe the bitterness between you. Something propelled you to scream like crazy and swing the piece trying to impale the person you once called your lover, who was evading all of it, but tripped and fell to his nates.

Sanzu tried to look stern, but he was panting like crazy and looking around in panic, trying to find a way to escape. But when he turned his head towards you, suddenly, your eyes had a different sparkle and emotion in them that made him relax. Even if you wanted him dead that moment, he still managed to hit your soft spot with just his presence. All of your memories together, good and bad, he is still Haruchiyo Akashi. You still held hope. Whilst reaching out to hug him, your hands drowning in blood, yearning to hug him and feel his hands wrap around you like a precious ornament, suddenly your eyes went upward, mind and vision blank. You started having a seizure, but he didn't want to call an ambulance, as they will inform the police and arrest him for drug possesion. Instinctively, he grabbed his bag and ran away, leaving you there.

You had a brain hemorrhage, the pills and alcohol shutted down everything in your system, causing you to flatline. He just left you there to decompose.

The neighbors found you when the stench of your rotting carcass was spreading around, weeks after the incident. You were cremated by your parents' wish, because you had no ''true'' family in the first place that would want to burden themselves to cover the expenses of the funeral, but they kept your ashes in a small urn in your old bedroom.

. . . .

Ten years, ten damned years and this was still making him go insane. After the accident with you his life went downhill. He couldn't focus on his work, increased his dose and failed to complete everything he was assigned. He pretended to not give a shit about you, not at all, or at least he tried, albeit failing.

He actually felt something.... could it be, despondency? From a person who he saw as nothing? He lost his precious toy, the only person who could handle him. Eventually he was kicked out from the gang, got submerged with bills and debt, and ended up homeless, with stubble on his face and alopecia because of the severe stress he was subjected to.

Every time he remembered you his stomach was tickling, he realized he had a close bond with you, he realized you could've actually help him and drag him out of the shithole and help him reach the catharsis of becoming a better self. Since early childhood you saved him from thousands of troubles he involved himself into, gave your sholder for him to cry on, allowed him to be vulnerable in your embrace and filled his body with a new, purer blood, and now you're gone, probably laughing at him from the outerworld. Sanzu was not able to afford drugs anymore, and his sobriety stabilized his senses, and he realized how special you were. The only beam of hope and warmth.

Thankfully the apartment you died in was never rented by anyone. Rumours swiftly spread after your death, people thought your ghost was roaming there and were too scared to even glance at the front door engulfed in spider webs. Sanzu often visited the place to sleep in and stared at the dry blood on the ground and walls, crying and cursing himself for leading you to this.

rindou (+sequel)

The feeling of being overpowered by his brother and constantly living in his shadow plagued Rindou's mind. All the applause and credit for the hard work he was busting his ass for was aimed at his brother. Ran was the one who took the credit and profited more, leading him into becoming an insufferable stuck-up, who only got in his way, as Rindou was always saying.

His inferiority complex rooted from there his mental state and confidence went downhill, and he couldn't stand still nor remain calm without some form of reassurance, so he frequently organized pity parties and his co-workers had to bear with his whining. Unfortunately you were the victim of the self-conscious man, allowing yourself to fall into a trap of thorns and venomous snakes piercing your spiritual flesh. Rindou made sure to make you pity him, to make you feel the same way he does, just so he could ease his soul.

He loved you, he really did, so he wanted to share emotions with you, he wanted to teach you to be strong, so you don't get hurt just like him. From trying to stop you from doing what you love and saying how awful you are to even hiding all your stuff just so you don't experience the joy of succeeding in something, just because of his own bullshit.

You still wanted to work somewhere, you wanted your own money, because Rindou would never spoil you or give you anything money related, because he perceived them as the only reward he will ever recieve. He would even go far as to complete tasks assigned for you and gain all the credit.

- Baby, please, let me finish my work! - you pleaded as he was holding your laptop, deleting the files you spent days working on

You felt your blood boil, but the only thing you could do is watch him how he sat on the couch and continued writing, not even bothering to look at you or react to your cries.

- Make me food, please, I have a lot of work to do.

He deemed you weak if you cried, the only time he could try and apologize was when he had a hidden objective to fuck you. By his words, this was the only way to teach you how life actually works, so he didn't actually do any harm, at least that's what he preached. Rindou would seek empathy from you constantly, even after he mentally destroyed you just seconds ago.

Rindou took some rest from work. He loved spending time with you and analyzing every reaction you show as he was sitting on the couch with his hands intertwined infront of his mouth. The man slept almost all day with you, until sunset and still woke up before you. One blissful afternoon, right when the cocktail of sunset's colors were engulfing the sky, placing your head on his chest, you closed your eyes and fell into a deep slumber.

- Y/n, baby? - after what seemed for an hour he shook you awake from the nap you were taking on his chest, snuggled in a silk bedsheet as the sunset colors were touching the room

- Mhh, yes, honey? - you stood up and lazily rubbed your eyes, leaning in for a kiss

- I am worried. Now Ran will have even more time boasting about stuff he didn't do and will make me seem like a loser... and now I'm yet again useless, and he is currently probably living his best life, our co-workers praising him. - he said as a forced sigh came out of his mouth

The same questions, the same statement, for the 3rd time today. Your whole mood sunk to the ground and you tried to conceal your sigh of exasperation with a sweet smile on your face. He woke you up from your peaceful dream just to act like a brat.

- No, baby, you're better than him for the sole reason you do something productive, he's only there for decor, once people realize how useless he is you will gain your fame and he will be swiftly forgotten.

Rindou wrinkled his nose in disbelief, turning his head around and scoffed. This was one of his master tricks to receive a double shot of ego boost and new ideas to make you feel inferior to him. Even his own brother warned you about this behaviour, even encouraged you to run away as soon as you can, unfortunately you were taking a swim in pink clouds.

- Nah, you're still drowsy you can't even process information right now. I know you think of him all the time when I happen to fail, because you wished someone more competent was in your life.

- You know what? Yeah, you're actually a sore loser. - you blurted out with a raspy voice. Getting up from the bed, you went to the bathroom and took a fast shower. Grabbing the sexiest outfit you could find, fixing your hair, not even acknowledging Rindou's piercing glare. After half an hour you and aimed to the door, swinging your hips and leaving a trail of a heavy yet alluring perfume, the one you usually get more compliments for

- And where are you going? - Rindou asked as he was blocking your way to the entrance, towering over you, eyes filled with emptiness

- I am sick of being your punching bag, Rindou. Have you ever wondered why you're so miserable? Because you're weak, and if you go on with it, your brother will continue overshadowing you while you remain at the bottom. Grow a thicker skin and move on instead of asking for pity all the time. You're a child trapped in a grown man's body.

Before rushing out, you turned around and approached him. Towering over his laying figure, you began your taunting session.

- It's funny how you think that the only way to cope with the fact that you're insecure is by projecting your own issues onto others. Has Ran ever been laughed at and pitied? No. He's a real man who can handle his emotions and manage to do his own work without the help of his illiterate brother. Have you actually wondered why you're always the laughingstock? Tried to talk to your brother? You only sit and whine like a whore. All this time the ''work'' you've been doing for him was constantly the subject of a good laughter. You never acutally did your job correctly out of spite towards your own blood, but Ran had to correct you and then he enjoyed himself with a glass of whine, laughing at your kindergarten-level grammar mistakes with your co-workers while I'm sitting on his lap. His fame is deserved, and you will always remain in his shadow, alone and insecure, just how it should be.

You ran outside from the backdoor and head towards Ran's place, taking Rindou's car. You wanted to finally feel loved, and you remembered a conversation you had with Ran when your relationship with Rindou had just begun.

Your first conversation with the older Haitani was behind their bar, while you were waiting for Rindou to arrive. It took Ran embarrassingly long time until he broke the silence while

- My brother will damage you, angel. A pretty face like you doesn't deserve to be bothered with my brother's twisted fantasies of what a relationship is. I will make your life better.

You huffed in annoyance and crossed your arms, twitching an eyebrow and averting your gaze to somewhere else.

- Rindou always warned me about you, how you're always trying to steal everything from him, how you hate his guts and enjoy his suffering and blah blah. I know these old dusty tricks, I ain't getting fooled. You're always trying to overshadow him and steal his happiness away, and now even me, but I don't even like you. I know you're lying, you're a disgrace of a brother and never deserved your fame.

Looking back at this you realized how horribly wrong you were about your thoughtless trust in Rindou's words towards his brother. Fortunately Ran was not annoyed nor agitated, but still offered you help and shelter for when you realize that you were wrong about him. And there you were, kissing his lips and rubbing against him with unabashed passion and lust.

- I knew you will come to me, baby, I've waited so long for you. - he said as he moved his hips to match your rythm.

You spent the night with him, getting drunk and nasty. You unveiled a side of you that even you weren't aware you had, but it was an unbelievable night mixed with lecherous emotions. Ran was able to make you relax and be yourself without. You felt wanted, appreciated and all your craving needs were fulfilled this very night.

- No wonder you are the better brother. - you exclaimed in a slight laughter while hugging Ran's bare chest, sweaty from what was like your fourth session already

He smirked and turned to face you, embracing your figure under the moonlight creeping through the small gaps in his curtains. However, this sweety-lovely moment was swiftly ruined by Rindou kicking the door to Ran's bedroom, eyes filled with frenzied fury. Ran jolted and grabbed his gun that was on his nightstand, pointed it at his own brother and covered your figure with the blankets.

- What the fuck are you doing here, Rindou!

- Oh, no, dear brother, what are YOU doing with my lover! - Rindou screeched as he threw himsef on him.

Ran didn't want to harm him, but protecting you was his current priority, he managed to shoot Rindou in his shoulder and knock him down as he screamed in pain, holding his bleeding gash for dear life, his vision going blurry from all the anguish he was feeling. As much as he despised his brother's attitude and wanted him gone, Ran took him to the ER with you for his wound to be taken care of. The older lad tried to play it smooth but the anxiety could be spotted in his eyes and his hands were shaking.

You were sitting in front of the room Rindou was in, cold, still and stiff, looking at the ground and refusing to make eye contact with the older Haitani, who was sitting next to you, one arm massaging your nape.

After what seemed like an eternity, one of the surgeons left the room. Mikey, Sanzu, Kakucho and Kokonoi were already there. The surgeon's merry expression eased the atmosphere and it felt like all the world's weight came off all of you's shoulders.

- The boy is in a decent condition and we removed the bullet successfully. However, we have a suspicion his glenohumeral joint and humerus are affected. We have to perform an x-ray and a neurovascular exam to see if any bones are broken. But keep in mind if something is affected, the rehabilitation process involves gradually increasing activities to restore muscle strength, joint motion and flexibility. Now he needs to rest and is currently sound asleep.

Everyone smiled and cheered that Rindou made it alive. For a moment Ran thought he had affected a vital organ, fortunately he didn't. You felt tears coming out of your tears, becoming a potion of emotions as Ran wrapped his hands around you. Both of you felt immense guilt forming inside, mixed with sadness and joy. You were blaming yourself for everything and couldn't think how you will ever muster the courage to ever speak to Rin again or even look him in the eyes.

- Do you want a ride home? I can see both of you are tired and need some rest. - Kakucho mumbled as he was spinning his car keys on his finger

- We wouldn't mind, I will come pick my car tomorrow, my hands are too shaky to handle the wheel. - Ran retorted and thanked his friend

The ride home was awkward. Ran's arm was caressing your exposed thigh as you were snuggled in his jacket, staring outside the window. Everything seemed fuzzier and faster than usual, probably because you were lost in thoughts about Rindou. Ran was staring lovingly at your features and brushed your hair with his fingers, which snapped you out from your contemplations.

- How are you feeling, sweetcheeks?

- Could've been better. I want to go home and just fall asleep.. - you retorted and snuggled in him, wrapping a hand around his waist

He kissed the top of your head and brushed your hair and massaged your scalp, which led you to fall asleep under his touch. Ran carried you bridal style to his bedroom and placed you to sleep. You woke up some time later with his broad figure laying next to you to change your clothes.

- I think we need to cease our relations for now. For Rindou. I don't want to do him even dirtier than I've already did. - you nodded and hummed in approval, then went back to sleep

. . . .

Rindou got discharged with a fracture in his humerus and a torn glenohumeral joint. He didn't seem to be upset nor was acting maliciously towards both of you. What was even weirder was the fact he is happier than his usual self, albeit after your betrayal. He was constantly under yours and Ran's surveillance.

Both of you were sitting at a bench, waiting for the older Haitani to come back with the drinks and food. You were playing with a street cat that approached you, and Rin was smiling at your interactions.

- Can you put it on my lap?

You obliged and placed the silver tabby on his lap, who seemed not to mind at all and made itself comfortable. A very obedient and cuddly creature that took a liking to the younger Haitani. The cat transformed itself into a loaf and sat there. You were smiling and petting the purring animal, just when Ran came back with the food.

- What a lovely creature, but be careful, it might have fleas. - he scoffed and sat down

- There isn't a bigger sucker than you, brother. - Rindou slyly added and made u giggle, to which Ran threw his drink in his face

All of you sat there, eating peacefully and discussing random matters, giving the tabby some food too, arguing about it's gender, what name to give it and where will it live. There was a moment of silence after before Rindou spoke up.

- I'm not mad. Contrary, I even have a proposal. - that part made you and Ran choke, staring at Rindou with both worry and anticipation - why don't we engage in polyamory?

That sentence perplexed you. Your face was beet red and you almost dropped your food. Your lost all color from your skin when you turned to Ran, who was smiling like a cocaine addict nodding in acceptance

- Ran?? Rindou?? You're okay with this? - you shouted and only got a laughter from the two of them in response

- I know I was a total asshole towards you. - Rin blurted out, the atmosphere turing gloomy- With my inferiority complex and self-hatred, the only thing I inflicted was pain on you, rather than stabilizing myself and our relationship. I deserved to get cheated on, you deserved solace and the love I never managed to give you. But I still have as equally deep feelings as when I first got to know you. And I never want to lose you or my brother. I don't want us acting like strangers and avoiding each other.

Rindou took your hands and squeezed them tight in anticipation and anxiety of you rejecting him and leaving with his brother. In fact, he doesn't want to lose you and watch you with his own blood, albeit telling you he doesn't feel bad. It's eating him up on the inside, it's draining all life from him. He can't sleep, nor eat properly without his guts twisting in regret from all the suffering and torment he put you through. And the way his brother did the exact opposite.

- I-if you don't really mind... - you scratched your nape and held each one of them's hand in approval - I aggree..

You blushed and barely had the courage to muster your response. You were going to be with the hottest men you've ever laid eyes upon. The thought of being between them every night, sharing everything with them, even your own self, was exciting and simultaneously terrifying. Tears started forming in your eyes and you couldn't hold yourself from sobbing.

- What's wrong, baby?? - Rindou softly asked and both Haitanis hugged you tightly

- I'm afraid I won't be good enough... And that you will probably leave me for someone else.. I will not be able to satisfy you, I'm just a mere person while both of you hold power in your hands - you sobbed and snuggled between their embrace

- We never will, we promise. - the older Haitani retorted and kissed your cheek - You're our one and only we want to spend our lives with..

a/n: It took me way too long to be able to write again. I'm sorry for the long delay

[earthtooz]

When will you post more of Cambridge gojo??

a/n: how do we feel about jealous cambridge!gojo ;)

third part of my cambridge!gojo instalment - you're gonna have to find the first two parts yourself 🤣 | FLUFF, mean gn!reader- it's... banter... but it stops dw, 'beautiful' and 'darling' as endearment, lovesick gojo

whatever gojo satoru wants, gojo satoru gets.

a new line of designer shades drops from his favourite brand? he's purchasing one in every colour. requesting an extension for the final because he needs to be abroad in who-knows-where? here, take two weeks, hope that's enough. ranked top of the class with little effort? easy, spedran that shit. take a dean's award while you're at it.

he does so all whilst maintaining his image of a perfect bachelor, never having a bad hair or outfit day as he shows up to lectures with a look ready for vogue whilst his classmates are struggling to not let the coffee and tea turn their teeth yellow.

when he flashes his pearly whites and offers you a flirtatious wink, you want to rip his pretty, snowy hair out, except you could never because it looks so soft.

he's also too tall to reach the top of his head.

motherfucker said he wanted to be the same height as the top shelves and was immediately blessed with long, lanky limbs.

so in conclusion, whatever gojo satoru wants, he gets.

the only anomaly in that claim would be you.

he watches from across the campus with a bitter expression plastered on his pretty face. as the students around him stare and quietly fawn over his presence, he's glaring daggers into the window of one of many cambridge cafe, heavenly eyes locked on you.

locked on you and another man, sitting opposite each other in a cozy booth. on your face is a smile that doesn't appear much around him and gojo burns with jealousy at the contradiction. it makes him feel queasy.

what should he do? should he intercept or should he wait for you to leave? a cafe 'date' (gojo shudders at the thought of you on a date with someone that's not him) can only be so long, so waiting wouldn't have any harm.

and violating your privacy would not be a good step in this 'courtship' you have going on.

but when he watches as you throw your head back with laughter, the corner of your eyes creasing due to how wide you were smiling, it gets harder to resist the urge to just storm in and steal you away.

why were you giving him the time of day when gojo couldn't even get a minute of it? what did this other specimen have that he didn't?

somewhere in the back of the white-haired's mind, he hears your voice and how it quips: 'a likeable personality'.

quickly shaking the thought away, gojo watches as you two pack up your table, shoving your laptop into your bag before shuffling out of the booth, disappearing from his sight. in retrospect, what he was doing was definitely creepy and he should have just kept going with his day but the second that he saw you with another man? his day was immediately turned on its head- there was no day to be had until he did something!

what if someone sweeps you off your feet before gojo does? he's been trying for months at this point and if some random thinks he can disrupt the progress gojo's worked his ass off to create then he has some bad news.

when you appear outside the cafe a minute later, he's relieved to see you bidding farewell to said classmate.

his body moves first and the white-haired easily closes the distance between you with his one metre stride length, curling around you to whisper a quiet 'boo' in your ear.

looking up at him, you pull a jokingly disgusted expression, frowning at him. "oh hey, it's the ugliest man i've ever seen in my life," you murmur.

gojo's jaw drops and he doesn't even have time to pick it back up when you begin to walk away. "i know you don't mean that!" he exclaims behind you, matching your steps.

"are you calling me a liar?"

"that's exactly it!"

"lies are beneficial sometimes."

he slings an arm over your shoulder, leaning onto you. "relative to the context, and darling, my beauty is not something to take lightly."

"you're a clown."

"you can just say that i capture your attention without comparing me to a circus actor."

"with your grandpa hair and overgrown limbs? i'm not looking at you willingly, y'know, you stick out like a sore thumb everywhere you go."

"good, means you get to look at me more."

"i'd rather gauge my eyes out."

"you're real mean to me."

"i will continue to be so for as long as you're vain. besides, my attempts of being mean aren't deterring you, for whatever reason."

"we're meant to be, y/n! i stay because of my heart that beats for you and you alone," he huffs, pulling you closer towards him. you get a whiff of his expensive cologne and you need to turn your nose away before you bury it in his chest. "y'know what, i think we started this interaction on the wrong foot."

"well you only have two and both are quite problematic."

gojo clears his throat, ignoring your last statement. "good afternoon, my beautiful y/n. how are you on this fine thursday?"

"why i am quite well," you respond, mimicking a posh accent. "thank you inquiring. how might you be, gojo?"

"fantastic now that i'm your company rather than that stranger you were previously at the cafe with."

your eyebrows scrunch together, conveying a mix of shock, confusion, and slight anger. "you saw me? how?"

"i was on my way back from a class then i saw you! you know me, i can't help but be drawn in by you, then i saw you with another and it broke my heart, so i was compelled to stay!"

"so you just... watched me? how long did you stand there for, you creep!"

"it wasn't like that- and not that long! just long enough to see that you were enjoying being with him," this time, a genuine frown overtakes his glorious features and a part of your heart sizzles because you caused it. "you looked happier with him than you ever are with me."

"gojo, are you upset?" you asked cautiously, not wanting to stroke the turbulence within him with another witty comeback.

"no," he lies with a sniffle, crossing his arms defensively.

the sight of him being so vulnerable breaks your heart a little and you pull him by the hand to the nearest vacant bench. you sit him down and stand between his legs.

your heart aches a little more at the way he looks up at you with such hope and wonder in those crystal eyes of his. you hate the way gojo's eyes bare into your soul; it's so unnerving, yet you don't have it in you to look away.

"i'm sorry, i realise a lot of the stuff i said just then was a little out of pocket, i didn't mean to hurt your feelings," you begin awkwardly, trying your best to sound genuine. "i'm happy around you, i promise, gojo."

with your affirmation, a wide smile replaces his previous frown and he throws his arms around your waist, causing you to stumble closer. instinctively, your hands hold on to his shoulders. he recovers quite quickly for the magnitude of his ego.

at his lighter attitude, you throw in a harmless quip. "although i might not act like it because you're too irritating for your own good."

he pouts again- jokingly.

"at least you're pretty," you sigh.

"i'm prettier than- whoever the hell you were just hanging out with- right?" he asks, prodding the extent of your vulnerability. "you're even happier around me, right?"

"what? why are you asking me these- wait... are you jealous?"

the way his nose scrunches reveals his answer, and the way that he reluctantly drags out a 'no' whilst avoiding eye contact has you chuckling at his childish behaviour.

"there's nothing to be jealous over. he's just a classmate i was partnered for for a semester project," you reassure. "i don't know what you have to be jealous of in the first place, though."

"i have to watch you interact with another man for another semester?"

you scowl at him, narrowing your eyes at his outburst. "watch your mouth, knave."

"yes, your highness," he mocks, sinking into the bench as he pouts again.

whatever gojo satoru wants, gojo satoru gets because he accepts it all with open arms... even if it's you giving him the bare minimum.

one day he'll get you to crack, but for now, he bides.

[neil-for-me13]

Growing Pain

Chapter I - Sowing Sorrows

“I was never really insane except upon occasions when my heart was touched.” ― Edgar Allan Poe A typical Nevermore student, that's what you are. Most of your free time grossly consists of anything that is flora related or your other interests. During your third year you practically lived either in the greenhouse or out by the garden fields. Merrily you were whistling a tune out in your own little field that you cultivated at the far edge of nevermore forest and away from the lupin cages. It was early spring just in time for your germinated plants to peak out from its pot and to be transplanted to the rich plot of garden soil. The afternoon sun was out and just enough to beamed through the canopies. The wind was perfect to ease the grueling labor that awaits you. You were excited to plant your new varieties of belladonnas and foxgloves, maybe this time the new fertilizer would finally let them bloom. The last one made hydrangeas wilt even though the rainy season was perfect for them to thrive. Perhaps he’s it's a little acidic for the poor flower. This time you took the time to observe your compost for any potential inadequacies before processing him the plant food. Months of preparation and research with a little bit of footwork; You hope this fertilizer was worth the effort. Everyone was so invested in him, you’re a little bit curious as to why. You were digging small holes for your germinated belladonnas, when you sensed a presence behind, quietly approaching. You continued whistling and transplanting the first of your plants, now fully aware that a heavy platformed-shoe wearing individual would actually talk or threaten you before going for the kill; and even then no one can harm you in your own garden. No one. “Y/N, did you kill the hyde?” Oof, first name call out. 3 meters away and the forest breeze still carried her scent to you. Then you thought about how her scent would perfectly pair with the plants that you were in the midst of growing beneath you. Of course her scent would be perfect for your deadly wild greenery. A large inhale with the light breeze would cause your eyes to visibly dilate, thankfully she can only see your back from behind. 

“Hello to you too, Wednesday.” You continued to shovel the soil for the next plant in the row without turning around to face her. Knowing that  her temper would grow sour when you deliberately ignore her opening inquiry, you can’t help but smirk a little when she stomps a little bit closer to you. “Answer the question, Y/N.” Her tone clipped and the question loaded with accusation. You note that you didn’t need the breeze anymore to smell her scent, although a little bit sharp you relished it anyway. This has got you thinking if the body can produce enzymes and proteins based on emotions; would a horrible, tortured, and fear-stricken fertilizer be good to your plants’ nutrition. You were suddenly deep in thought that you forgot to answer her question or is it an accusation now? Because the next moment you were reminded how impatient Wednesday can be. With rushed paces she closed in on you, grabbed your sweaty collar and made you face her. “What was the question again?” you smiled coyly. “I will not repeat myself, Y/N '' she snarled, brows furrowing and deep brown eyes narrowing. Oh wow, in your squatting position she looks towering but not the city skyscrapers more like red wood trees. The sun was filtered through the leaves leaving specks of sun rays reflected upon her freckles. If you hoped she didn’t see your dilating eyes awhile ago, that hope is long gone now. You shamelessly took your time to take in all of her facial features from her fiery eyes, to her nose, to her cheeks, the hidden eyebrows, and then her lips. You softened your eyes and adjusted your position to inch closer to her ear. Careful not to touch her with your soiled gloves. “If I said no, would you believe me?” you say as you notice her shudder a little. “No. The possibility that you have caused the hyde to disappear is higher than any of my other suspects.” she uttered without moving away or inching closer while she still held on to your collar. I could live forever in this moment, Wednesday, your scent is heavenly and you’re holding me like you’re afraid that I’ll fall off the earth once you let me go. This moment in my garden (our) garden is to die for. You are to kill for. 

“I take offense that you have others in mind, Wednesday. Although I admit I am quite curious on how I became your number one and had the privilege to be visited miles away from the comfort of your writing desk. And minutes away from your writing time I might add.” you inch closer again to the reddening shell of her outer ear and puff out a breath, restraining yourself not to bite;not yet.

Your breath seems to jolt Wednesday to life, she lets your collar go and then you plop down the ground. You let out a chuckle. Knowing the effect you had, to make Wednesday elicit such a physical reaction. 

You smile and look up at her, ah the bliss of seeing her cheeks tinted light blush with embarrassment mixed with the tumultuous red with fury; the privilege of witnessing such displays of outward emotions can be only yours. Mine. My privilege. Only mine.

“May I interest you for some tea while you unfold how you think I did the crime you think I committed?” you slowly dusted yourself off then stood to collect your unplanted flowers and garden tools. Leaving your half-done grounds for another day. 

“I don’t have coffee beans yet; I’ll have them planted by the summer.” You stretched your back and turned to wink at her. “For your coffee addiction.” And to keep you from going back to that fucking Weathervane.

Wednesday blinked at your invitation, still seemingly flustered from your antics. You stood waiting for her to gather her walls and consent to your impromptu tea-party.

“I still have some arsenic and cyanide if you want a little kick to your tea.” you entice. “Cyanide.” she nods. She stood still, eyes tracked your next move. You offer a small smile and then walk towards a small shed to stow your baggage and store your gloves and apron. Beside the shed was a small awning with a table and two chairs. You ushered her towards the chair, aware that her eyes were following you and still vigilant with your movement. “Staring at me like you’ll devour me. Why darling, I’m flattered.” You continue to put away your tools and begin to prepare the water for boiling and locate the stored tea leaves. “You know if you were to kill me, the tools in your shed wouldn’t suffice.” she misdirects your last statement, while eyeing every equipment hanged meticulously in your tool shed like an arsenal.

“That much I know, Darling.” you smirked. She proceeded to walk over to one of the chairs to sit. While you lit the flame of a small camping burner by a small counter.

“I’ll make the tea just sit there and in a while we’ll begin to talk about your deductions; Well.. you’ll talk and I’ll listen.” You say as you begin to pour the boiling water into the tea pot. 

You picked out a half emptied Earl Grey tea leaves, dark and well suited for the caffeine levels that (your) Wednesday craved. The powerful aroma of bitterness and bergamot wafted when the leaves were submerged into the teapot. You paused and looked at her as she was taking in every little detail of your garden, her head pointing to the direction of the section she wanted to scan. The plot lands, the fruiting trees, the numerous bushels, the small diy greenhouse for the herbs as well as the seedlings, and the compost processing pit. 

It was a rustic garden that was almost a homestead that you did all by yourself and she respected that, and your collection of poisonous plots elicits a tiny warmth in her heart remembering how her mother would have adored talking your ear off all day about them.

The afternoon light bounced off on her face just right that even a godless stranger would call her divine. Her perfectly weaved braids, posture so straight that you’d swear she had those corrective braces if you’d only just met her, her smooth cheeks that's sprinkled with constellations of freckles, her lips slightly pursed for when she’s formulating thoughts inside of her sharp-witted mind, and her eyes; the most luscious brown of leather patina that reflected her sentiments. You know this is true because her eyes are now glowering at you.

“Might you be steeping it a little too long or is this one of your delaying tactics? She speculates now fully facing you, which made you smile.

“Darling, if I intend to keep you here for a long time I’d be thinking of doing other fun activities rather than drinking tea wouldn’t you agree?” 

You place your tea set and a small vial of cyanide onto a tray and make your way toward her. You arrange each cup on the table neatly and set aside the platter. 

You sauntered behind her with the tea pot, leaned down close enough for you to sneak a glance at her, poured out a decent amount of darkened tea and sprinkled a teaspoon worth of the almond flavored toxin.

“And I happen to know you preferred your beverages darker and deadlier than most. Although you can say the same if you tried some pepsi or cola.” your head turned to her to gauge out her reaction.

“ Surely, you jest.” She turned toward you to scowl at the idea of her ingesting anything that was sickeningly sweet. Your faces so close that a strong gust of wind can knock you off your feet and your lips might accidentally collide with hers.

“Don’t knock it until you try it.” you shrugged, walking back to your seat and settling down to your seat across from her. You served yourself some tea and took a sip to ease her growing suspicions towards the drink.

“Okay now we’re set, you have the floor. Cara mia.” you smiled deviously. Author's Note: My first ever delve into fanfiction territory. Long time reader but amateur writer. Suggestions and questions are welcome.

[stargazer-sims]

The Art of Redemption

(part 11)

previous // next // story index

—————

Beth-Anne wakes up screaming.

Nikolai is jarred out of the best non-medicated sleep he's had in over a month, and he's momentarily confused because his brain can't determine whether the noise is real or part of a dream. With his heart thumping a bit too rapidly, he draws in a long, steadying breath. He opens his eyes and remembers that he's at Stan's place and that he and Beth-Anne had fallen asleep together.

When he rolls over, he discovers her sitting up with her palm pressed flat against her chest. They'd forgotten to close the curtains all the way, and in the dim illumination filtering in from outside, he thinks he can see tears on her face. She's breathing fast, each respiration a shallow but audible pant. It scares him. He's not sure what to do.

He says her name tentatively, pitching it like a question. "Beth-Anne?"

Either she doesn't hear him or she's not capable of processing the fact that he's talking to her. She's staring straight ahead. He doesn't know what she thinks she sees, but whatever it is, it's obvious she's terrified.

He swallows. Gathering his wits and telling himself that he has to do something, he pushes himself into a sitting position. Then, he reaches toward her and places his hand gently on her arm.

Her reaction is absolutely not what he expects.

She lets out a yelp and recoils as if he'd struck her, and scrambles away from him far enough that she gets dangerously close to falling off the bed. She gasps for breath. Her voice is ragged as she gets out a fierce and frightened, "Stay the hell away from me!"

"Beth-Anne," he says, more firmly this time. "Beth-Anne, it's me. It's Nikolai. I'm not going to hurt you."

It takes her a few seconds, but she finally focuses on him. She's still breathing hard, but he thinks she's starting to regain her sense of reality. "Nikolai," she whispers. "I... I'm sorry."

"It's okay," he says. "I think you were having a nightmare."

She nods. "Yeah."

"Are you okay?"

"I don't..." she begins, but then just goes with, "Yeah."

He holds out his hand to her, cautious of touching her again. "Here, do you want me to help you? You're really close to the edge of the bed, you know."

She doesn't take his hand. It seems she's more than capable of moving back toward the center of the bed on her own, but apparently this doesn't mean she doesn't need or want his support. Before he even fully grasps what she's doing, she wraps her arms around him, sags against his chest and begins to sob. Nikolai doesn't even hesitate. He reciprocates the hug, and hopes it'll be enough to comfort her and still the trembling he can feel wherever her body touches his.

Her words are muffled by her tears and the soft fabric of his t-shirt. "I wish it would stop."

"It's over now," he assures her.

She mumbles something that sounds like, "Maybe on the outside."

He doesn't understand what she means, but he doesn't ask her to elaborate. If he were to guess, she's probably talking about the nightmare. She knows there's nothing in the room that'll harm her, but what's inside her head is most likely a whole other matter.

He holds her until she stops crying. It's only a few minutes, but he imagines how it must feel for her. Seconds, or an eternity? When he'd cried in her arms in his front hallway, he'd felt like his tears would never end, and the effort had left him exhausted, humiliated and feeling weaker than he'd felt in his life.

He searches for a way to tell Beth-Anne that he understands, that whatever emotions she's experiencing are valid, and that he'll never judge her for any of it. All he wants is for her to feel safe.

Frustratingly, everything he comes up with sounds like a platitude. In the end, he settles for telling her simply, "I'm here. I've got you."

"Thank you," she says quietly. "Don't let go."

"Not until you're ready."

"I'm sorry I woke you."

"Don't worry about that," he says. "I can always catch up on my sleep later. The most important thing is that you're okay."

"I'm probably not," she says. "I'm fucked up, honestly, and sometimes it's really hard to hide it."

"Aren't we all kind of fucked up, though?"

"Maybe everybody is a little, but not like me." She releases a long, shaky sigh. She pulls away from him. "Sorry. You don't need to hear my sob story."

"Maybe not," he says, "But, do you need to tell it?"

"What?"

"You said it's getting harder to hide it. Maybe that's a sign you shouldn't be hiding it any more."

"I don't know," she says. "I want to tell somebody, but..."

"But what?"

"People would look at me differently if they knew. They already do, because of the scars, and it's... I don't know. Sometimes I think if people knew what was really going on inside my head sometimes, they'd run away. They'd think I'm a monster and they'd never want to trust me again."

"You want to know what I see?" Nikolai says. "It's not a monster."

"You don't know everything."

"No, but I'm not clueless. I know somebody gave you those scars. You don't get something like that from bumping into an open cabinet door or whatever."

"No, you don't," she agrees. She inches closer again, and then settles herself next to him. He puts one arm around her, and she leans into him. "This isn't too weird for you, is it?"

"Sitting like this, you mean? No," he says. "What's weird about human contact? Besides, you saw me naked in the bath. If that wasn't weird, then tell me how this is."

"Fair enough." She reaches up to trace one of the scars on her face. "You really don't think these make me monstrous?"

"No, I don't," he says. "The monster isn't you. It's the person who did that to you. You're a survivor and a warrior, and... and I don't care what anybody else thinks, and I don't care if this is inappropriate to say. You're beautiful. Really fucking beautiful, and your scars don't take a single thing away from that."

He hadn't meant to make her start crying again. This time, though, she doesn't sob. She sounds tired and sad, and it makes his heart hurt.

"I don't deserve you," she says. "You, Stan and Milena. You're all too good for me."

"That's not true. You're one of the best people I know, and I promise we all love you, no matter what. We're your family."

"Family," she echoes. She's silent for a while after that, but then almost too softly for him to hear, she says, "It was my mother. She gave me the scars."

Nikolai has the sensation of his stomach dropping several centimeters, and all the muscles along his spine contract. It takes a mighty effort to relax the sudden tension. He doesn't want to telegraph his shock to Beth-Anne, even though she has to know he's horrified.

The scars on Beth-Anne's face are long and heavy, the kind he knows come from having stitches. He's got a small one from accidentally crashing his bike and cutting his forearm on a sharp rock when he was a kid. That had required three stitches and the thickness of the little scar hasn't diminished much at all since the minor injury healed.

He doesn't want to think about how many stitches Beth-Anne had needed. She has two scars on her left cheek and one on the bridge of her nose that never gets completely concealed when she wears makeup. The biggest scar runs from beside her right eye almost all the way to the corner of her mouth. She has one on the palm of her right hand too, but he doesn't think most people notice that.

Her mother!

The notion that any parent could hurt their child at all is disgusting to him, but a woman who deliberately disfigured her daughter? It's repulsive and evil.

Nikolai thinks of his own mother. Elena Pavlenko isn't a physically demonstrative person and she doesn't often express her feelings in words, but he knows with absolute certainty that she loves him and his twin sister Natascha unconditionally. Mama has always encouraged both of them in her own way, and she has never, ever laid a hand on them in anger.

"I'm sorry," is all he can think to say.

"She was going to hurt my sister," Beth-Anne goes on as if he hadn't said anything. "My baby sister Abby. She was five, and I was eleven. I was trying to protect her."

"Because you're a warrior."

"Not that day. I was a child, and I was scared shitless," she says. "Claudia got mad at Abby for spilling fruit punch all over the living room carpet. She was five. Kids that age are fucking clumsy. They break stuff, spill stuff, fall down. Normal people just clean up and move on, but not Claudia. Not that day."

He wonders if it's wrong to ask, but he can't prevent the question from slipping out. "What happened?"

"Claudia was off her face, but that wasn't new. Booze was her vice, and if she ever had a fucking shred of self-control to begin with, it went out the window when she was drinking."

Beth-Anne's tone is flat, as if she's narrating a documentary rather than explaining what must've been one of the most traumatic experiences of her childhood, but Nikolai isn't fooled by it. It's not the first time he's heard her speaking like this. She'd talked to the doctor in Taiwan this way too, the one who was giving them the news about his injury and the prognosis that he might never walk without pain again, much less skate in an international competition. She'd been outwardly masking her emotions then, and she's doing it now. Perhaps, he thinks, this is her way of shielding herself from pain.

"Claudia was so angry. She... she smashed a bottle on the door frame and came after us with it. I was... I tried to keep Abby safe by basically laying on her, and Claudia decided she was going to punish me instead for not letting her get Abby."

"My God," is all Nikolai can manage in response. "Beth-Anne, I don't even know what to say."

"There's nothing you can say," she says. "What can a normal person say to that? She made me clean up my own face in the bathroom, but it wouldn't stop bleeding. I didn't get help until hours later. Not until my coach turned up at our house that evening to see why I wasn't at the rink for her afternoon group class. Nancy, my coach... she fuckin' lost it when she saw me."

"I don't doubt it."

"I ended up in the hospital, and Nancy called the cops, and I got sent to a foster home after that. But I was only there till my brother turned eighteen. He busted me out, and we kind of went on the run for a while. We lived in this old camper van and we were broke as shit, and I lost a lot of skating time, but at least nobody was trying to kill me when it was just me and Jason."

"And what about Abby?" He's almost afraid to find out.

"I don't know," she says. "Jason... Claudia tried to get me back, and Jason said if she did, it'd only be over his dead body. He said he wanted Abby too, and that's when she told him Abby was... she was gone."

"Gone? Like, she passed away?"

"I think that's what she was implying, but Jason and I didn't want to believe that. Jason tried to find out if she was in foster care like I was, but the social workers would never tell him anything because he wasn't Abby's legal guardian. I mean, that was the rule and I get it, but we thought it was bullshit at the time."

"Understandable."

"After a while, Jason told me that we should just forget about it because it would take a miracle to get Abby back with us, if... if she was still alive. And, you know, I think I did forget for a long time, but when I think about her now, I feel like shit for not trying harder."

"You shouldn't," Nikolai says. "You were a kid. What could you have done differently?"

"I don't know. Something."

"Have you tried to look for her recently?"

"No."

"Maybe you should. Milena could help you. She probably knows people who can access confidential records and stuff."

"I'd have to think about that." She closes her eyes. "Christ, this is hard."

"We don't have to talk any more if you don't want to."

"I miss her," Beth-Anne says. "That sounds stupid, considering the last time I saw her, we were just little kids and it's been thirty years. But still..."

"It doesn't sound stupid to me. It sounds like someone who never stopped loving her sister."

"For all the good loving her did."

"Don't say that. You might've saved her."

"For what? For Claudia to have another chance to..." She doesn't finish the sentence, but she doesn't really have to. "You know what the worst part is? Every day, I'm afraid that I'm just one mistake away, one loss of control away from becoming like Claudia. That haunts me."

"You're nothing like that."

She shakes her head. "My anger, it's... I'm fucking terrified of it, Nikolai. It's like this demon inside me, and I'm so scared it's going to get out some day. I love working with all my kids, but what if... what if I...?"

"You won't." He tightens his arm around her shoulders. "Know how I know?"

"How?"

"Because it's not just that you love working with all of us, it's that you love us. If you really love someone, you don't hurt them on purpose, even if you're angry. Besides, you're a good person and you know what's right."

"Is that enough?"

"I'm not a professional or anything, but I think so," he says. "You could ask a professional, I guess. Stan can probably help you find someone, if that's what you need."

"No." She shakes her head once more. "I tried that. I'm not ready to try again."

"Okay," he says. "Is there anything you think could help?"

"Brain transplant?" she ventures.

Despite the situation, Nikolai laughs. "Well, that's one highly-improbable option. I wouldn't like it if you got a brain transplant, though. You wouldn't be you any more."

"That's kind of the point."

"No. We want you just as you are. Me, Stan and Milena, Mariah, all your little kids. I'll bet even that self-important little shit, Brett Eriksson, wouldn't want to change you."

"Hey," she says. "That little shit is your rink mate. No trash-talking."

"Sorry, coach."

"You'd better be." He thinks she's attempting to sound stern, or at least mock-stern, but it lacks the energy to have the desired impact.

"Let's try to get back to sleep," he suggests.

'You can, if you want to," she says. "I'm not sure I'll be able to."

"At least lie down."

"Okay."

They arrange themselves spoon fashion beneath the cozy handmade quilt, with his arm draped around her from behind. She hugs Champion the teddy bear to her chest. Under any other circumstances, they would never do anything like this, but the unspoken need for human warmth and closeness erases any barriers that might otherwise have existed between them.

Regardless of her assertion that she couldn't go back to sleep, Beth-Anne drifts off before Nikolai does. As for him, he lies awake, considering everything that's just happened. He's overwhelmed by the fact that she trusts him enough to show vulnerability in front of him and to share something so deeply personal, and at the same time, he's amazed by her resilience, strength and courage.

You have no idea how wonderful you are, he wants to tell her. I wish you could see yourself the way I see you. Maybe if you could, you'd be less afraid of your past and you'd feel better about the future.

You saved me, and you're teaching me to look forward, he adds to the silent confession. I wish I could find a way to do that for you.

[firstkanaphans]

just to see you smile

Pairing: PheeJin (Dead Friend Forever) Description: My take on how PheeJin's FWB relationship starts Rating/Warnings: Mature; sex as a means of self-harm (or at least it starts that way) Word Count: 1050

Phee liked to talk. Jin hadn’t known him long, but he knew that. It was the main reason he’d agreed to partner with him for the History project they were currently working on. He’d figured that with any luck, Phee would take the reins and Jin could just stand in front of the class and nod. He’d forgotten about the in-between part. The part where they actually had to work on the damn thing together.

They were in Jin’s bedroom with a stack of textbooks opened between them and Phee was talking about everything except their assignment.

“I don’t know. I just get bad vibes from Tee, man. I heard a rumor that his uncle’s in the mafia. Is that true?”

Jin didn’t answer him. 

Phee continued, “I mean, I guess he wouldn’t be our only classmate with crooked relatives. Isn’t Por’s dad some sort of politician?”

Just the sound of Tee and Por’s names made Jin’s skin itch. It was enough that he had to see them everyday at school. He didn’t like them also existing here, in his bedroom, in the one place he felt safe.

“I don’t want to talk about them,” he snapped more harshly than he’d meant to. 

“Oh,” Phee said, breaking off immediately. “What do you want to talk about then?”

To Phee’s credit, he had been putting in the effort to befriend Jin for weeks and, in another life, Jin could see the two of them getting along well. But he wasn’t exactly in the market for friends. Not anymore. Especially not friends like Phee. Friends that set loose a swarm of butterflies in his stomach. Friends that made it impossible for him to think straight. Friends who offered him the possibility of a happiness he did not deserve.

The idea came to him all at once—a means to both punish himself for the sins of his past and also to chase Phee away. Two birds, one stone.

Without saying a word, he leaned forward and kissed Phee on the lips. They had barely made contact before Phee pulled away. Good. He would yell and then they could be done with this farce. Jin would finish the presentation himself.

But Phee didn’t leave. Instead, he just sat there on Jin’s bed and stared him straight in the eyes as if he were looking for something. As if he were looking for answers. He wouldn’t find them. There wasn’t enough of Jin’s soul left for that.

“What was that for?” Phee asked, his voice soft.

Jin shrugged. “I don’t know. I just wanted to shut you up.”

And then, to his surprise, Phee leaned forward and kissed him again. This time, he didn’t stop.

If Jin was being honest, he had never kissed anyone like this before—alone in a bedroom with no parents around to chaperone. He had never kissed someone and actually enjoyed it. But Phee’s lips felt good on his. Phee’s hands felt good on his body. And the closer Phee got to him, the farther away the memories drifted. For the first time in months, Jin wasn’t thinking about Non or the mistakes he had made. He was thinking about Phee. So although he had no clue what he was doing, he pushed Phee’s pants down to his ankles, dropped to his knees on the floor, and took Phee’s dick into his mouth.

Phee collapsed back down onto the mattress as Jin sucked him, but his fingers stayed threaded in Jin’s hair, scratching lightly at his scalp, and it caused goosebumps to erupt all over Jin’s body. Phee’s moans filled the room and it didn’t take long before the fingers in his hair started to tug. “I’m going to come.”

Jin pulled off but continued to stroke him, and when Phee came, he came in Jin’s hand.

It was more…intimate than Jin had expected it to be, watching someone unravel beneath you. It was strangely exhilarating. Phee sat up and looked down at Jin, who was looking up at him, and for just a moment, it was almost as if they were both seeing someone else.

Guilt and shame quickly overtook Jin because pleasure wasn’t something he allowed himself anymore. He stood, grabbed a tissue to clean himself, and then stayed with his back to the bed until the sounds of Phee redressing faded. When he turned back around, he found that Phee was frowning.

“Was it not good?” Jin asked, more curious than offended.

“No, it’s not that,” Phee said. For the first time ever, he seemed at a loss for words. “It’s just…been a while.”

Jin nodded once and then passed him the box of tissues, but Phee just set it down on the bed. “Can I ask you a question?” Phee said.

Jin rolled his eyes. He had just sucked his dick to stop the questions!

“Not about them,” Phee reassured him. “I just…do you ever smile?”

Jin balked at the assumption—not because it was overly intrusive, but because he was forced to actually think about it. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d smiled. He didn’t feel like he ever would again.

“Of course I smile,” he snapped, but he couldn’t bring himself to actually do it, not even in jest.

“Are you sure? Because we’ve been going to school together for weeks now and I’ve never seen it,” Phee said, reaching out and pulling Jin in by the belt loops. Jin was so surprised by the touch that he almost missed the next part. “Can I try to make you smile, Jin?”

His hand went to the front of Jin’s pants where his hard cock was straining against the fabric and although Jin knew he shouldn’t, he found himself nodding.

Phee dropped to his knees in front of Jin, a mirror of what Jin had done only a few minutes before, and then divested him of his pants. At the first press of Phee’s tongue against his skin, Jin thought he might die. Unlike him, Phee actually seemed to know what he was doing and he was doing it well.

When Jin came, he didn’t smile, but it was the first time in a long time that he had felt anything other than pain.

So they did it again. And they never really stopped.

[pjisskullourful]

-🦇- ρɛтιтɛ мσят -🩸-

“I’m bleeding.” - “I know baby…All over my sheets.”

DAMIANO/READER •°• vampire filth, blood-soaked pwp

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you & vampire-rockstar-hybrid -heartbreaker Damiano have a strange arrangement...

⚰️HOT VAMP SHIT playlist🎧

CW: discussions of mental health issues, suicide ideation, knife kink, bodily harm. written by an adult, about adults, for adults

× PART ONE × PART TWO {more parts coming soon!} ° month 1 ° month 6

🎃want more vampire måneskin? ethan {𝔣𝔦𝔯𝔰𝔱/𝔩𝔞𝔰𝔱} thomas {𝔥𝔬𝔱 𝔭𝔯𝔬𝔴𝔩} victoria {𝔩𝔞𝔱𝔢𝔫𝔦𝔤𝔥𝔱 𝔡𝔢𝔳𝔦𝔩}

preview of upcoming PETITE MORT PART 3(VERY NSFW!) wordcount: 2,745

- WEEK 20 -

You were walking around a brand new apartment. Familiar items caught your eye as you tried to commit this floorplan to memory, your wide eyes darting all around so as to not miss any details.

Damiano had been teasing this new home for you for a while. He had assured you that you would be moving somewhere new, but had never promised it by a set date. His critiques of your apartment had increased substantially, comparing it to the far superior new apartment that had only been an abstract concept to you.

Until now. Until you were walking through the renovated apartment a few floors down from his penthouse. You weren’t going to be living with him - it would be foolish to think something like that would happen, he was still definitely not your boyfriend. But he wanted you and the baby you were carrying closer to him. He had made it inescapably clear that your apartment wasn’t good enough for any child of his - saying the same about your waitressing job, forcing you to resign.

Now you would be living rent-free in a neighbourhood you had never hoped to afford. He had organised removalists, getting your things in place amongst what he had bought to fill out the spacious apartment. All that you had to move from one home to another was your body.

You were now physically moving into a new stage of your life. Very little was familiar and you were even more uncertain than you had been four months ago.

You found him in the master bedroom, looking very comfortable and not even slightly out of place as he sat on the bed that was larger than any you had ever owned. He smiled at the sight of you, which always made you think he was up to something. You gave the room a thorough look over, noting the books on pregnancy that rested on your nightstand. There were things that you had owned for years, like a purple and green painting created by a high school friend whom you no longer spoke to. Some photographs had been framed and put on display (capturing happy memories of you with your best friends, Sebastian and Sally), but none of them featured Damiano.

“You’re showing more.” He said, getting your attention.

You stopped looking at the collection of modest necklaces draped over a jewellery tree. Now you looked down at your tummy, which was definitely getting rounder with each passing day - but it didn’t appear to be straining against the fabric of your hoodie, demanding to be noticed. You ran a hand down your front, feeling the home of your mysterious child. “Am I?”

He rolled his eyes. “Are you gonna take that as the compliment I meant it to be, or is this going to be an excuse for you to go into one of your annoying spirals?”

“If you say that it’s a compliment, then it is, sir.” You said, resting your hand at the top of your bump.

“Good. How about you come over here and let me admire you some more?” It wasn’t a request and you acted accordingly. “Give me more to compliment.”

He didn't hesitate in grabbing the bottom of your jumper and immediately pulling it up, away from your body. You lifted your arms above your head, putting up no resistance to his efforts and soon the garment was removed. He tossed it aside and as soon as his hands were available, they went to your tummy. The cool metal of his numerous rings contrasted with the warmth of his fingers, lovingly cupping your stomach.

"It's so pretty. Do you have any idea how much this suits you?" He asked, slowly caressing your skin. You snagged your lower lip between your teeth as you watched him, he was so genuine in this moment that you couldn't help feeling a few butterflies in your stomach. It was the sunshine that could blind you, it could make you forget all of his snarky or downright hurtful comments.

"If I had known how fuckin' gorgeous you would look pregnant, I would have started breeding you that first night you let me have you." He said and the intensity of his gaze, coupled with how he traced his fingertips up-and-down your exposed sides, elicited shivers from you. The excitement surged down your spine and your nipples were soon standing at attention beneath your bra.

“Really?” You asked.

“Absolutely, honey.” He said, letting you feel his fingernails drag lightly against your skin.

“What would you have done?” You asked.

He grabbed your hips and pulled you in close. You licked your lips and rested your hands on his shoulders. Before you could begin to think of your next move, he was making his - twisting his body and forcing you to move from your spot. You didn’t resist the way that his hands guided you, bringing you down to the bed. You laid out flat on your back, feeling your breath coming in quicker as the atmosphere in this unfamiliar room seemed to shift. The way he was looking at you made you want to squirm.

“I would have put you into a lovely mating press and just pounded myself dry on you.” He said.

You furrowed your brow. “What’s a- have we ever done that before?”

He rolled his eyes. “Literally, you have had the most uninspired idiots screwing you.” He placed himself on his knees, down by your legs. “Mating press is achieved by you raising these…” He didn’t ask if you were interested in a live demonstration, he just grabbed your ankles and got to work repositioning you.

“Yep, we want them nice and high.” He said, lifting your legs until your ankles were almost at your shoulders. Even though you still wore pants and underwear, you were feeling very exposed as your blood went coursing into new areas. “Then I would come in here…” He moved into the space beneath your ass. “And my legs overlap yours as I kind of squat…”

He placed himself partially on top of you, your gut tightening as you took notice of how your genitals were now lined up. His hands remained on your ankles, keeping you locked into this position.

“I would hold onto your legs like this. Do you see how that would give me deeper penetration?” He asked, looking down at you as you wondered if he had seen the way you had started to tremble. “And it’s perfect for me to keep driving my cock into you while also pulling you onto it.” He grabbed your hip and jerked you up, making your breath hitch. “Do you get it now, preziosa?”

“Yeah.” You said. “But…”

He was smirking as he let go of your hip, raising this hand to your face and rubbing his thumb over your lower lip. “Just say it.” You began smiling too - he always swore that telepathy was a myth, but there were times when his ability to guess what you were thinking was truly uncanny. “Say it and if you ask nicely enough maybe I’ll do it."

He pushed his thumb into your mouth and you instantly wrapped your lips around it. "Say that you want me to show you every single way that I've fantasised about breeding you."

"Please, that's what I want, sir." You said.

He swooped down, taking his thumb away from you so that he could kiss you. His lips crushed against yours and the pressure on your legs increased, before he was pulling away.

You craved more, but before you could begin to complain, he was taking off his tank top. With his hands gone, you lowered your legs to a more natural position and grabbed for the waistband of your yoga pants, working them down. You swiftly got naked with him.

He let you secure a few more kisses before he was bending you back into position. You were looking into his eyes as you rested your hands on your raised calves, a feeble attempt to brace yourself for what would come next. Your pussy was spread and you felt the pressure building up in your body before he got on top of you.

He perched in front of you, parts of your body overlapping. One hand held your leg while the other went to his dick, guiding it towards your cunt. Working forward, he filled his shaft into you. His legs pushed into yours as he kept coming closer.

He was going all the way in, seemingly wanting to find out how much you could take immediately. And he faced no resistance from you - your very sensitive body was so receptive to him, spawning appreciation for every sensation. His eyes were alight with excitement as he moved to get his hips pressed right up against you.

“Good girl, taking me so deep.” He purred. No longer needing his hand on his dick, he instead put it to your other leg. “You look just as fuckin’ amazing like this as I had imagined. I don’t even care that I can’t breed you a second time, I still wanna unload into you and mark that pussy up as my property, even more than it already is.”

In addition to feeling how his dick twitched between your walls, you could see the cracks in his façade that indicated how he wanted to lose control. His breath was coming in quicker, with less consistency. The way that his eyes had begun to dart all over your body hinted at how his thoughts were racing.

“Will you let me do that?” He asked.

You didn’t have the chance to answer before he was stunning you with a sudden jerking of his hips. It was more than you were ready for, your mouth falling uselessly open.

“Will you?” He asked, rocking back ever so slightly.

His hips snapping sharply into you surprised you all over again, evoking tingles through your body. As your breath halted, you forgot to answer him.

“Will you?” He repeated as he delivered another powerful jolt into your cunt.

You were more than ready to surrender to him, your chest swelling as your desires climbed higher. “Yes.” It was difficult to get your voice above a strained whisper right now. “Yessir.”

This was enough for him to set into a consistent tempo, his hands fiercely gripping your legs as he jackhammered his dick into you. You squeezed your eyes shut as you felt your cunt hugging tighter to him. Spellbound by everything that you were feeling, your body had begun to clench.

You were being stretched and pulled, it was all so overwhelming, in the best way possible. You let the fire build up inside of you.

At the feeling of his pointer finger resting on your stomach, you opened your eyes. He was staring down at it.

"What's in there?" He asked.

You arched your back, beginning to try meeting his bucks. “Your baby, sir.”

“Yeah, because I got you good and pregnant, didn’t I?” He asked.

“So pregnant.”

Everything was coming at you so fast with no opportunity to gain your bearings. Your mind was filled with sparks of excitement, making it impossible for you to string together a coherent thought. All that you knew was to keep your hips in motion, needing to serve his desires.

You chased one intimidating collision after the other, knowing that you could fall apart at any second. You rocked your hips with him as he caressed his fingers across your developing belly.

This position gave him all of the control that he needed and he was soon finding the correct angle. You cried out in response to him snapping into your sweet spot. Your head slumped back and it felt like your legs were starting to go numb.

Your whimpers were coming in louder and more frequently as you faced the greatest threats to your composure. His passion possessed you as your own noises mixed with his breathy moans to fill your ears. Even with your eyes shut, you were hyper-aware of him, his presence imposing on you and never losing its importance.

As your sensitive walls clung to him, you felt the precum spilling into you, his tip driving in so deep with every determined movement. His fingernails were digging into the skin of your thighs as his tempo remained intact, just as dedicated to making you a ruin.

You cried out, your desperation taking you over, assuming dominance as everything else fell away. “Please, please…”

“What’s that, my little pet?” He asked.

“Need- gonna cuh-um, need you to-...” More words got stuck in your throat and your toes were curling. “Plea-please let me.” The rest came out as nonsense whines.

These transformed into ecstatic screams when he gave you the signifying slap on your ass. The walls were crashing down all around you and with a couple more thrusts, you secured the freedom of your orgasm.

He didn’t let you peacefully float away, still spanking you as he powered between your clenching walls. While you were slumping, he rocked forward, more of his weight pressing on your elevated legs. You were so small, trapped beneath his frenzied body and he was only getting closer. He strived to be buried in so deep, letting your cunt milk the orgasm out of him.

He reached his peak with a series of breathless cursing, his load shooting into you. He remained on top of you, still buried so deep. You secured some relief for yourself by lowering your legs, moving them to lie out on either side of him. You began to catch your breath, steadily coming down.

Finally he sat up a little, planting his hands on the mattress and extending his arms. But he didn't move much further away. You opened your eyes, seeing the way that he was hovering over you, observing you.

He drew a gasp out of you when he snapped his hips into you. You spasmed under him, your mouth hanging open.

Then he jerked into you again. You were kept suspended at this height, unable to prepare yourself for what he might do next.

Before you could calm down any, he gave another buck. His eyes were fixed on you, drinking in your responses as time slowly slipped by.

He licked his lips and rutted forward another time. "We need that cum real fuckin' deep, don't we? I don't want any of that to slip out." He jerked into you. "And you don't want to lose a single drop because you love it, don't you, huh?"

You writhed, tense as you remained on this edge. "Yes, I do, I love it, luh-love it."

"Because you're just a cumslut." He said with another controlled buck.

"Mm-hmm, I am, I am." You whimpered.

He gave you one last powerful thrust then started to pull away with a groan. Your mind felt fried as he moved to lay alongside you. You were shivering and your vision was filled with stars. You felt adrift from reality, not knowing how to come down yet.

"See, now you get it." He said, his voice gentle and you knew he would be in a good mood for a while. "Now you know what a mating press is. So when I say that's how I want to breed you, you'll understand what's coming for you, huh?"

You were still getting your breath back. "Yep, I understand now."

His hand stroked your arm. "Aw, look at you, little girl. Learning exhausts you, huh?"

"That's one way to put it." You said. The tingles were radiating through your body as you rolled onto your side, getting more comfortable, you didn't think it would take much for you to fall asleep.

"I suppose this is the best time to tell you that I have no idea where they put the clean linen." He said.

The yet-to-be-met they, Damiano's underlings, a group of vampires who did errands for him and kept all of his secrets. They had set up this new home for you. You didn't know their names, or how much they knew about you. You weren't sure you would like to meet them.

"Oh, uh, I'm sure I'll find the cupboard it's all in." You said, opening your eyes to look at him beside you. "I really like the apartment, thank you. I'm sure the baby is gonna like it too."

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stay tuned, stay spooky --- xxx your halloQween

[aemondtargaryensfire]

A Ravenous Desire- Masterlist

NOTE: ON HIATUS (kind of!)…The writer's block has been BAD for this fic and I've realized that this is because I'm honestly not very happy with what I have written so far and where it's going. I may have rushed my outlining process a little bit. I have thought a lot about it, and I'm going to be revising what I have written from the beginning in an effort to get it to where I'd like it to be and mend the months-long gap that really threw me off of my creative process. There are a lot of things that I would like to add or edit to enrich the overall story, mostly having to do with the background Targaryen lore and general themes. What I have already posted will stay up for the foreseeable future while I work, and I plan to replace those parts with the revised chapters here on Tumblr once I have the entire story at least 80-90% complete. I will also be cross-posting on AO3. This should hopefully put less pressure on me and allow me to follow a posting schedule of updating AT LEAST once a week. This update was posted on 5/25/24.

Rating: Explicit

Pairing: Aemond Targaryen x fem!Reader

General Warnings: 18+ Minors DNI, AFAB reader, she/her pronouns, cannibalism/descriptions of cannibalistic acts (i.e. eating flesh and other body parts), mentions of inbreeding and incest, violence, gore, blood, murder, death of major character (s), angst, ANGST, soooo much trauma, self-harm

To avoid spoilers, more detailed warnings will be added to each individual chapter. Please pay attention to these!

Summary: When Aemond Targaryen was only ten years old, he ate his own eye. And ten years later, driven by rage and pain, Aemond commits an act that confirms a truth he’d always known: that he was a monster. Desperate to flee the wrath of his family, Aemond runs away from home, only to meet you, someone more similar to him than he ever thought possible.

Author's Note: Cannibalism as a metaphor, my beloved <3 In all seriousness, this is a dark one. I'm taking some inspiration from Bones and All, so this is intended to take place in the late 80s to early 90s and there may be some narrative similarities.

Prologue

Chapter One, Part I

Chapter One, Part II

Chapter Two

Chapter Three

Chapter Four

Chapter Five

Chapter Six

Chapter Seven

Chapter Eight

Chapter Nine

Chapter Ten

Epilogue