#i dont miss it whatsoever in the older games

[mrsjadecurtiss]

Pokemon is one of the last bastions of cinematic-story franchise gaming that doesnt have annoying voice acting blabbing constantly leave it alone... not every media needs to use the same stylistic devices

[daenystheedreamer]

I just read your Omeagorverse post and I hope you know I am turning it over in my brain and I am obsessed with the aegon -aerion- Helena stuff going on as well as all the blood magica

I would like to very politely ask for lesbian Maris infor

under da cut ^_^ dont click if u have respect for me cos youll lose it when u see my devianart ocs

ok so maris is ceryse' niece, grew up in the hightower. her mother's a peake cos lol lmao and i wanted the peakes in the targ bloodline 😈 there's a historical character called patrice hightower who was maybe a witch and maybe poisoned the high septon. and as a kid maris was great aunt patrice's shadow who followed her everywhere asking about glass candles and such. after viserys, maegor reached an agreement with the faith that targs can have one westerosi bride, one valyrian bride (for him it's ceryse and viserys). so jae was betrothed to both maris hightower and aerea (daughter of rhaena) on the wedding day maris is 13, jae is 14 and aerea is 16. bit before the wedding though, viserra and aerea do One Last Gal Pal Hang and fly on balerion to valyria and aerea comes back all fucked up so jae and maris marry alone

maris does nawt like aerea because aerea is totally detached from court etc and maris is still in writhing tentacle mass of feudalism. combo of jealousy and a little crush on the cool older butch. she also thinks the polygamy thing is offensive and that she is being slighted (she is) so when aerea dies she's like. well im 13 so im just not gonna unpack that whatsoever and be glad im gonna be sole queen.

i gave her seven girlfriends based on the seven gods cos thats fun to me. first gf is her childhood girlfriend, her cousin patricia (The Father gf). brought to court as her lady-in-waiting but she got bored of patricia trying to scheme and dominate her so she arranged a marriage to a lannister cousin. patricia ends up adopting viserra's lannister kids after viserra gets kicked out of casterly rock. she ends up being the Dad Who Stepped Up to them :)

The Mother gf is desmera webber a distant cousin on the peake side of the family married to a mullendore knight. desmera is a social climber who maris thinks is funny she thinks the attempts at sabotage and subterfuge are cute entertainment. desmera's husband dies and and maris realises desmera killed him so she could find a better richer husband and when desmera tries to seduce jae she's like ight ok thats enough Its Not Funneh Enymore (british accent). then its a fun cat and mouse game where maris marries her off a couple times and each time desmera kills him cos she wants to marry a better guy. maris ends up killing her and framing it as a suicide cos desmera tries blackmailing her with the lesbian thing +targ secrets.

Warrior gf is a lady knight :) she's bethany brune The She-Bear from crackclaw point :) kind of like jonquil darke/alysanne. dies protecting maris rip

Smith gf is a lowborn blacksmith wife :) after aerion murdered the high septon maris went kinda cuckoo and ran off to harrenhal cos she hated jae so much. then viserra is just too crazy for her so maris says fuck it and dresses like a peasant and lives in lord harroway's town for a while where she meets sexy big milf butch tansy and lives her marie antoinette peasant milkmaid fantasy for a while before she gets bored and misses her kids and fancy clothes so she and tansy break up mutually nicely :) only normal relationship she ever has. ends up raising harroway's town to the status of a city :)

Maiden gf is elinor cafferen her lady in waiting when she's in her 40s. elinor has a crush on maris and maris thinks its cute. elinor also has a crush on helaena which makes maris jealous (insane woman)

Craziest one is. Crone gf. her name is rhea upcliffe nee lynderly the witch of snake isle. she becomes the mistress of whispers after maegor kills tyanna and stays in power for decades. she's like 80 by the end of her life but looks 40 and she wears a green ribbon around her neck at all times 😈 maris and rhea have an on/off relationship since maris was like 17. anyway rhea starts convincing maris that elinor is a spy for aerion whos there to seduce helaena and helped kidnap her to essos etcetc and maris goes a little nutso (her daughter DID get kidnapped by her exile son sooo) and confronts elinor but elinor is like wahhhh what tf is going on😭 rhea hates me bcos i found out she's a necromancer and probably undead😭 and maris begs forgiveness and then rhea shoots a crossbow into elinor's skull lol. so maris kills rhea :3 whether elinor was a spy or if rhea was undead is unclear. maybe it didnt even happen and maris was just going crazy lol who knows...

the stranger is jaehaerys 😈 maris and jaehaerys have a tense relationship very bad from the outset. jaehaerys loved aerea and after aerea died he became the Stoic Man that maegor kept trying to beat him into. he's obsessed with recreating valyria in westeros because he wants a real home. aerea's name is forbidden or itll cause a screaming fight. jae wanted to name his heir aerion after her but maris was like LMAO over my fuckin dead body. but he was like well fucking one of them will be. so the younger twin he named aerion and maris never forgave him for the slight. she thinks he's a weird creep about viserys(his mother-father) and after viserys dies and jae starts collecting boy youths that look like him she fully loses any respect for him she thinks he's the most disgusting man ever. doesnt like the way he treats viserys(their son). viserys ends up favouring a young hightower cousin of maris which is the last straw and she snaps and does a murder-suicide RIP babygirl

this is incoherent as is my usual :3 tried to keep it in a coherent timeline but im bad at that. MWAH ily<3

[importantlovecolor]

Zoids Saga Fuzors

Go to the Zoids Research Facility, and take the Core Active Ion Small from the left Chest, and the Hellcat Data from the right Chest. Go to the Item and Weapon Shop, and take the Emergency Retreat.

Zoids Saga

Zoids Saga Fuzors

Watch Zoids Fuzors

Zoids Saga Fuzors for Nintendo Gameboy Advance/GBA is a RPG game published by Tomy.

Game Boy Advance Zoids Saga: Fuzors. Tags: Zoids View.

Zoids Saga III: Fuzors (sometimes just 'Zoids Saga III' or 'Zoids Saga: Fuzors'), is set in the Zoids: Fuzors fictional world, and follows the actions of 'Will'. A good portion of the storyline parallels the Zoids: Fuzors anime. Similar to Zoids Saga there is one city (Blue City) which the player returns to after each segment of the story.

Zoids Saga

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Zoids Saga Fuzors Info:

Release Date: February 23, 2005 Genre : RPG Publisher: Tomy Region : USA Languages: English Platform : Gameboy Advance Rom Type: .GBA

Download Links: Size – (4MB) ———————————————————— Direct

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Zoids Saga Fuzors

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Status:Eps Seen: / 26Your Score:Add Detailed Info

Alternative Titles

English: Zoids Fuzors

Information

Type:TV

Status: Finished Airing

Premiered:Fall 2004

Producers:Tokyo Kids

Studios: None found, add some

Genres:AdventureAdventure, MechaMecha, Sci-FiSci-Fi, ShounenShounen

Rating: PG-13 - Teens 13 or older

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Preliminary

26 of 26 episodes seen

slax(All reviews)

21 people found this review helpful

Overall1Story1Animation1Sound1Character1Enjoyment1

Ok, I'm a big Zoids fan, and as such, this review focuses on the differences between the styles of this and the preceding series, rather than an more general overview (I won't use Genesis as an example since that is of a vastly different style). Unfortunately, it is very negative. Firstly, let me start with the Story: Fuzors basically has no story whatsoever for the vast majority of the series. In the final few episodes, a backstory gets fleshed out and some continuity established, but as this only happens very late-on, it feels more like a justification for why the series occurred in the way it did, rather than an actual plot that naturally developed. Furthermore, the story it does eventually manage to establish is rushed, this, along with the generally poor translations, makes it difficult to draw any praise from the story. Now, this brings me to draw parallels with Zoids Zero, which also had a very skimpy plot at best. However, the biggest difference with the two series is that Zero is built around battles and comedy, and as such tries to give the viewer fluid fights and funny lines rather than a deep plot. Fuzors does not, and as such has no excuse for the lack of story. To continue with the story theme, I'll next discuss the Characters: While Zoids shows are not renowned for their characters, the development of the cast is not handled well in Fuzors at all. For instance, in the first episode, the character 'Amy' walks in to Mach Storm's headquarters and appears to anger some of the main characters. What the show doesn't tell you is that Amy is actually a member of Mach Storm herself. This fact makes it very confusing (to say the least) when she shows up unannounced in later episodes. This is probably the best way of describing the problem with the characters in Fuzors, it simply assumes you know who/what everyone/thing is -rather than actually take the time introduce them. This is especially true for the Zoids themselves. Many of the Zoids, such as Arosaurers and Gorhecks are totally new Zoids that fans of the previous series would not know anything about -and yet they appear on screen without any kind of introduction at all. To make matters worse, old Zoids that fans would be familiar with from other series are changed abruptly and without reason. For example, the Blade Liger is depicted in the other series as a very rare (if not unique) Zoid. In the first episode of Fuzors, three of them are shown. Another prominent example is the Fuzors variant of Gunsniper, which are all customised to be the same as Leena's heavily modified (and thus unique) Zoid featured in Zero. No explanation for either of these is ever given. This kind of 'thrust the viewer into the show' serves to confuse new watchers and disenfranchise fans, and is a great detriment to the series. Toward the end of the series, some of the cast's backstory is explained, however this is done in a very rushed manner and fails to justify the terrible job done in the first three-quarters of the series. Next up is the artwork. Well, the most important aspect of a Zoids show is the Zoids themselves, so I'll start with them. The models are all done in 3D, but the style is different to the previous series. The models themselves are very detailed, and try to stick closely to the real toy range, with small things like feathers and antennae being included. While such attention to detail may sound good, this is actually a detriment, as it severs to clutter the screen with needless 'wriggly bits' that only serve to distract the viewer. Furthermore, the models are all done in a very bland color scheme, with everything appearing 'cloudy' and dull when compared to the crisp, bright, colors of the previous series. Compounding this is the fact that most of these included features are simply never used. For example, the Liger Zero Phoenix never fires the bomb or guns that it has on it's back, instead RD usually uses his claws to attack from a distance, which is a big departure from the realism the highly detailed models try to emulate. While this might be excusable if everything in the series were done in the same style of graphics, this is simply not the case. Bullets and explosions are done in conventional anime style and as such stick out like a sore thumb. They just do not blend at all with the Zoids they are fired from or hit. But the most noticeable feature of the animation is the movement of the Zoids. The Zoids move in a very awkward and robotic fashion. All of the Zoids featured are extremely rigid and inflexible, thus their movements seem entirely unnatural and unrealistic. This is especially prevalent when the Zoids 'fall over', wherein they appear to do a backflip on the spot rather than actually collapse or stagger. This is easily the biggest complaint I have with the series, especially when comparing with the extraordinarily fluid animations of Zero. The backgrounds are bland and uninteresting, with very little stand-out features, and as such, the only positive thing I have to say about Fuzor's artwork is the character's design. However, considering that the characters are very unimportant (as they are usually obscured from view inside Zoids) this is largely a moot point. Finally, is the sound. Almost all weapons have high-pitched sounds, regardless of what they are actually shooting. As any mech fan could well appreciate, it sounds a bit ridiculous when super-heavy artillery makes a 'pew' sound. Furthermore, RD's voice actor has a very high-pitched voice, as do most of the supporting cast (such as Sigma and Sweet). As the viewer's ears are bombarded constantly by all these high-pitched sounds, it honestly gets annoying. Other: Well, there is no section for this, but the quality of translation is very poor. The names of Zoids are often mispronounced or downright wrong. Overall: Quite simply Fuzors is a very poorly made anime when taken from the viewpoint of a Zoids fan. The animation is awkward, robotic and dull, the sound effects are annoying and inappropriate, the translations are poor and the story only picks up toward the end of the series, but this simply come along far too late to salvage the series.

26 of 26 episodes seen

sylvanelite(All reviews)

11 people found this review helpful

Overall1Story1Animation1Sound1Character1Enjoyment1

This might sound like a harsh thing to say, but this is one of the worst series I've ever seen. The plot is terrible, and the voice actors are outstandingly bad. The fights are poorly strung together and are terrible to look at. This series was cancelled from US airways for good reason. Although it does get better in the latter half, it's not enough to recover from the terrible first half.

26 of 26 episodes seen

Daniel_mugen25(All reviews)

7 people found this review helpful

Overall7Story7Animation7Sound6Character6Enjoyment7

Zoids fuzors, just like Zoids new century, have teams who uses Zoids to battle each other for entertainment purposes in my opinion. It has been a good series especially when their Zoids combine with each other. Unfortunately, the story is a bit cliche. Teams battling each other for no explained reason(I might have missed it in the series though). I have only watched the English dub so far and the voice actors are good. Animation is a bit different from previous Zoids series but then impressive when they combine. All in all, it was a good series.

[vitosscaletta]

🍓🍓🍓🍓🍓🍓 Christian, Helena, Gina, Georgie, and Aaliyah!!!

THANK U!!!! sorry this is so late :(

CHRISTIAN

IDK if I ever said this but his whole mansion in Bel Air is modeled after the interior in Versailles - still modern but with STRONG Baroque vibes

His favorite european city - besides Versailles of course - is Venice 😳 he lived there for some time in the 18th century and loved it there... he misses it a lot

He has a ghoul.... his name is Claude, the only living descendant of his favorite sister :(( Christian tracked him down in the early 1900s in Paris and eventually offered him to embrace him, but Claude was like nah... I wanna see the sunlight dude. They’re still living together in Bel Air since they’re the only family they have left :0 

Hangs out in LA nightclubs a lot - not the goth ones we see in the game.. the sexy ones where rich people hang out, he mostly feeds from them there.. slurp slurp!

Can speak english, french, italian, german and a few words in latin.. op king. being that old gives you time to learn languages ig

Went into an overdramatic state of fake depression after Helena dumped him.. didn’t leave his mansion at all, just hung around in his room, not eating (... drinking blood..), moping and talking about killing himself bc Toreadors are fucked up. Claude is like.. get up dude -_-

HELENA

I also dont know if I ever said this but even though shes not the fledgling.. Heather is still her ghoul (she was in the santa monica clinic to get somehting done for la croy and yeah).. she regrets it because Heather is soooo annoying and does all of this shit for her like calling her her master and all that and it’s just so uncomfortable. Especially when she offers her her student loans. Helena is like “oh my god I can’t take this what the fuck?????????? this is yours. okay you know what.. if you insist.. i will take it 😏”

She doesn’t have the heart to kick her out though.. mostly because Helena misses having a roommate :c

The only people who were genuinely sad about her death are her mom and sister jhdsjhds.. the fake rich friends she had before her embrace didn’t really give a fuck about her until they realized they could get attention through it & started posting sob stories on myspace. Helena is mad about it.. those hoes treated her like a third wheel when she was alive 😤

she probably ends up “accidentally” telling her family she’s alive.. 

what annoys her the most about her death isn’t even the fact that she was killed.. it’s the fact that she didn’t die in a beautiful way, she was just some random nobody with no friends or fame who may have been killed by her boyfriend (except that the official story is that she never arrived at his house). Christian couldn’t have waited until she was an established actress so it could have been more poetic, nah he had to embrace her when nobody cared :((

She liked Christian’s Bel Air mansion but honestly?? her weird old apartment was still better - it wasn’t big and the furniture was a mess but it was still her home

GINA

Grew up with a single mother because her father died early in an accident... he was a construction worker or something :c her mom worked as a maid for a rich family until she got fired for stealing from them jdfkjsd

gets to rapture by assuming some rich girl’s identity. idk how she does that but.. somehow she does. Of course nobody knows about that, it’s her big secret 🤫 to the other rapture residents she’s just a rich heiress who acts a little different from New York’s high society because she lived abroad

she dislikes Rapture’s upper class for living so large when the poor have nothing just like she had nothing growing up.. doesn’t do much about it though..  Gina: *donates like a tiny amount of her wealth to an orphanage* wow helping people feels so good :)

Doesn’t have any real friends in rapture either except maybe Diane.. ironically because she thinks everyone else is fake 🙄

She didn’t like F*ntaine AT ALL because she thought he looked creepy but also because the Bronx accent scared her.. she’s really paranoid that he might have run into her while she was still living there and remembers her even though that’s soooo unlikely 😒 every time they’re in the same elevator together she turns away and pretends to look for something in her handbag

The civil war is just the worst for her bc she doesn’t want to align with the rebels they’re all freaks but there’s also no way in hell she’ll be on Andy Ryan’s side.. she’s just like *reluctantly joins rebels because she thinks its the winning team and because she thinks A**** is hot and doesn’t realize its the same guy she hid from at parties* *doesn’t do shit* 

GEORGIE

has a weird relationship with her mom... she died when she was very very young and Georgie really doesn’t remember much about her - almost everything she knows is from her father reminiscing about how beautiful and loving she was but that’s not.. true.. its just how he remembers her, in reality she was a very cold & narcissistic person. she’ll never know the truth though :/

does NOT care about any politician or noble whatsoever but had a soft spot for Jessamine mostly because she made a friendly impression on her (from what she’s seen on posters and all that stuff).. Georgie liked to imagine she wanted to make things better for people like her. (the heart when pointed at Georgie: this bitch digs through garbage cans. freak.)

has little pots with flowers all over her little clinic in the distillery district, it adds a little life to her weird looking little home and makes it look even more goth-ish because they’re all dried out :/

is one of those people who are pretentious about drinking tea

has a weird rivalry with dr Galvani that he doesn’t know about 😒 her clinic is near his home and she's mad jealous of him, this dude has money to fund his research and expensive tools and what does he do with it?? dissect fucking rats? (she heard about it from Granny Rags and yeah she believes everything she says).. she’s out there calling him an idiot, meanwhile Galvani doesn’t even know she even exists

used to be a pickpocket as a kid.. mostly when her dad didn’t make enough money, she still got into trouble for it most of the time though and stopped when she got older -_- its ok though because she got to steal family heirlooms at the Boyle mansion during their masquerades because one of the sisters called her ugly

AALIYAH

unlike the game wants you to believe she’s from Nevarra City rather than Ostwick 😳 the youngest of 5 siblings and the only mage in the family - since Nevarra is pretty chill about magic and has no circles, she grew up without the whole oppression thing that’s going on in the rest of thedas, thus all this templar shit is nonsense to her. We’re fine back home, thank you! Your mages are just fucked up because you put them in prisons!

She was supposed to become a Mortalitasi and have a pretty powerful position in the Nevarran court until idk something political that involved the chantry in one way or another happened and she got shipped off to ferelden’s circle (post blight duh). She managed to escape after a few weeks in its weakened state and joined the mage underground - she never really was a circle mage like in the game 🙄

She and a group of other mages she was friends with were supposed to go to the conclave together to.. vote for mage rights but you know what happened! Also you know this excerpt from a very angry person’s journal you can find in the fade? that was from her best friend who died in the explosion :c She still misses her a lot

The only people she’s close to within the inquisition are Sera, Varric and Dorian.. the rest are either more acquaintances or outright hate her (especially Vivienne.. i love her but BOY did they not get along).. She likes the advisors a little more, Josie is cool they’re not like bffs or anything but they like each other.. Leliana and her got along soooo well I think they were really good friends. Cullen was.. unfortunately her boyfriend but they also hated each other in the beginning. more on that later

The worst thing for her was the attack on Haven it fucked her up sooooo bad :c All those innocent people she wanted to protect dying, she tried her best to save them but it was still too late for some of them despite her best efforts.. it just really messes with her and she hates thinking about it.. she actually tried to run off on one occasion after that 😳

Feels sooo weird about the fact that she’s nevarran because on one hand that’s her home and she’s proud of it!!! on the other hand everyone acts like she’s the biggest freak bc they think she was in a death cult or something and she HATES it :((

[sleeeeepytea]

10 for 10 for 10

you answer 10 questions, make a further 10 questions & tag 10 people!! you don't have to do it ofc but it's fun :>

i was tagged by the precious @depressomocha !! (i didnt wanna reblog bc it was long :'0 )

favourite time of day; !! i dont know if this counts but bc i prefer nighttime i love 12-3 am like its... so magical. but if i had to pick a time of day, it would prolly be 5 am!! that fresh morning smell & feel is amazing,, not that i'd ever wake up that early :'>

favourite character? why? god okay its hard to choose between my two main faves atm but... dorothea will always be my no. 1!! she's not only gorgeous but her insecurities & backstory get to me. she just wants unconditional love n acceptance n stability,, but thinks no one will love her beyond her voice n looks,, but she's precious!! she's funny n has a witty tongue n literally takes no shit. like a really cool older sister for the beagles!! she deserves so much more love tbh

favourite book genre; poetry!! classics!! mystery is also good, but i def prefer classical literature :'>

if you were an animal, what would you be? i'd like to think I'd be a bird of some kind...i've been called an owl a few times by ppl bc of how "wise" i can be (also bc im nocturnal) but?? i have too many different personalities to actually pinpoint one bird ngl. but if i were able to choose, i'd love to be a fairy wren!! they're my fave birds ♡

favourite drinks; green tea, anything that has any of the citrus flavours in it & lemon lime & bitters!

what do you like to do in your free time? obvs play vidya games lmao but!! i also love to write, cross stitch, read & crochet.

what game do you like to play when you're bored? probably either cytus or animal crossing,, both are rlly nice and probably the easiest to access lmao

any life motto? uhhhh not really? i've never rlly thought about it ngl ;;

if a genie offered you all the luxury in the world but your loved one would be gone, would you accept it? nope!!! i wouldn't even think of accepting it tbh. i'd rather have my loved ones and no luxury whatsoever than the other way around.

would you live 1000 years in your 25 old body if given the chance? hmm,, i think i would, if only to see what happens within that 1000 year time span. i dunno what i'll be like when i'm 25 but hopefully i'll be a functioning human being!

okkie dokes! my questions now -

1; what's your favourite kind of aesthetic?

2; do you have an irrational fear? if so, what of?

3; who's your favourite animal crossing villager? (if you don't know animal crossing, just share your fave animal/s)

4; how long has it been since you've received a gift?

5; what colour would you describe yourself as?

6; do you have plans for the future or do you prefer to let things just play out?

7; favourite crystal/gemstone?

8; what's one book/poem/line that has stuck with you/made an impact on you?

9; do you have any piercings? if so, where? if not, do you want any?

10; how many gaming consoles do you have?

time to tag!!

@miss-laney @angesirene @ginger-tea-spoon @thedragonlover @fr4ctalized @megami-power-up @soft-femagines @stag-of-almyra @nerdycreatorclamzipper @tod-fox & anyone who wants to do it ♡♡

[thekingofwinterblog]

Game Freak, Stagnation, Luck and the Refusal to Change

Its Amazing how much fucking grief Game Freak could easily have avoided if they simply said it would take a few months post launch to impliment all pokemon.

No one would have given a shit, they would have gotten away with halfassing everything else, having the A Team working on a game no one asked for, they could take their time, and all the hype would have remained at the top of the world.

Then again if they did that, it would have required actual work, and maybe expanding the company. And God forbid they actually invest any of those billions of Dollars they have earned over the Years.

Amongst all of Nintendo’s teams and Secondary companies, Game Freak is the most stagnant, and that can in Large part be contributed to their immense success. they started with around 150 people, and they currently have around 150 people. They have Stubbornly refused to expand the rooster over the year, despite the fact that they Struck gold better than literarly any other Company in the Game industry.

This in turn Lead to the Company growing stagnant, not innovating, and in general not really going foreward nearly as much as other companies.

There is a question to be made though. Was it always this way? Before this whole debacle i used to think that Game Freak used to be this amazing innovative company, that managed to score an amazing hit and pushed that for all its worth.

However after digging deeper ive kinda begun to question that at all. or Rather ive come to realise that Game Freak is a good example of how a company needs input from other sources for it to not fall into decadence, and that sometimes you need someone to come along and give you a few suggestions. Or a kick in the ass, as they need in Newer times

----GENERATION 1----

Going back all the Way to Red and Green, Nintendo gave what was quite possibly the first Mandate it Ever gave for the Pokemon franchise. This demand? Add PVP to the Game. Thats right, originally Game Freak didnt want to add PVP whatsoever. Given how Game Freak now wishes to fuck over the competitive scene permanently, the fact that they never originally didnt want to have players battle at all should not come as a great suprise.

Withouth this one feature, it seems unlikely pokemon would have been as big a hit as it became. Maybe it would have been added in the Blue and yellow versions and have been in all international releases, but this is by no means certain. Player against players would have come eventually no doubt, but its fully possible that left entierly to their own devices, Game Freak would not have implemented this feature before Gold and Silver.

How big this would have impacted the franchise in both short and long term is impossible to say, but it certainly would have drastically reduced the long term gameplay of the first Game by quite a lot.

however, i should note that im not arguing that Game Freak did not work hard for Red and Green. they did, and they worked on it to the point that right before it was released, Mew was secretly added to the game under Nintendo’s noses. but it sets the Stage for Game Freak often not implimenting the obvious, or not going out of their way to add stuff beyond their original vision of the game.

Setting the stage, we get to the first truely innovative pokemon Game. Pokemon Stadium. And as we’ll see over the course of this retrospective, the Innovative games, is not the ones made by Game Freak themselves, but instead Other companies. In this case Nintendo themselves, Hal Labratory, and its Brilliant leader Satoru Iwata, a man who as we’ll see created half of Pokemon Gold and Silver singlehandedly.

Iwata began his involvement in Pokemon History in Great Style. By taking a look at the pokemon Battle system, and memorising it withouth Code or notes. that might not seem that impressive, but he then went on to create the entire Battle System of Pokemon Stadium exclusively from his own memories, and amazingly enough he would fix things which Game Freak had fucked up in its first outing, like Focus Energy actually working and a number of other smaller mistakes Game Freak had Made being fixed for Stadium.

Stadium Would Then go on to create Pokemon Models that would be used all the way to the third Generation, where the Orre Games would simply ugrade them.

Another innovative feature was to unlock a Game Mode which let you speed up your Game Boy Game while playing it on the stadium. An Amazing tool for anyone who wants to Grind, and a really good reward for anyone who put the effort into unlocking it.

Stadium is by no means a Perfect Game. but it Set the tone for it being the Other companies Nintendo Employes being the truely innovative game makers in regards to pokemon. Iwata in particular being a truly important figure for the second Generation of Pokemon Games.

So after the golden Ticket that Game Freak had in the Original Red and Green, you would expect them to heavily invest them into making sure that when the sequels rolled around, they would have everything in place, a bigger more experienced team, and all the resources they would need to get the Second Games rolling. If you had this expectation, the actual development is actually quite a sad affair.

----GENERATION 2----

Now there was an obstacle which wasnt their fault at all, which was the game boy colour. Given its sudden and unexpected release, Game Freak now had to Port the second generation Games so they would work on both the original Game Boy and the New Version. that would have been a daunting task, but if the development was going well to begin with, they would propbably have pulled it off.

that however was not the case. Long story short, the Games were a complete Mess, they had a hundred ideas, but There seems to have been no hard leader who would wrangle them in line and decide what to cut and not cut. and as the first Release Date which they would delay another year began to creep closer, they had come to a point where they neared the end of the Capacity of the Game Boys Cartridge power to handle. yet they were only halfway through the development. It reads like an eerily similar Development which Anthem would go through around 2 decades later.

So, what happened? why did the Second Pokemon Generation not end up as a dysmal failure? the Answer is Satoru Iwata. at this Point the Brilliant Future president of Nintendo Stepped in to save the day, and he Decompressed the entire work the team had done, to such a degree that they unexpectedly had so much extra space that they decided to just port Kanto over to the newer Games.

To put it bluntly, Game Freak was about to Completely Blow it, and was only saved thanks to the genius of a single man they only had access to thanks to their bosses at nintendo.

in other words, Pure Luck and chance.

Between gold and silver, and the third generation there was Crystal and pokemon Stadium 2. Crystal very much reads like a game where game freak had more breathing room to just impliment the ideas they originally had for Gold and Silver, and while not the most expansive third Game, it certainly was a step in the Right Direction. Stadium 2, was not created by iwara, and feels more like a game where the team from the previous Game just polished up the old stuff and added more pokemon. and there is nothing wrong with that. at least they gave and delivered on the expansion of new pokemon which this update promised. i mean, its not like Game Freak would be forced to cut features from gold and Silver for their next games right?

----GENERATION 3----

Generation 3 was, and probably is the most divisive released generation of Pokemon at the time of this writing. there are a lot of Reasons for this. the first and most obvious reason, was that there was no way to port over all the pokemon from generation 1 and 2, but unlike the newest development in sword and shield, there was actual Mechanical reasons for it, as well as a generally overhaul of the way stats and mechanics worked. More Glaring is the the fact that this was the most difficult set of pokemon games Game Freak ever worked on. which shouldnt be a suprise. it was entierly now hardware after all.

Junichi Masuda famously worked himself to the abslute brink while doing work on the game, and up to the very release date he had nightmares about them completely failing and bombing. this did not happen of course. Ruby and Sapphire were great Games, even if they did miss a lot of pokemon, didnt have the day and night cycles(or at least not as obvious ones) and had completely scrapped the idea of Online capability which Crystal had dipped its toes in.

However commendable how much crunch and work the workstaff over at Game Freak were willing to put themselves through for Generation 3, one cannot help but wonder, if the entire Development hell couldnt simply have been avoided if they had hired maybe a hundred new people to work on the third generation. after all, the limited manpower undoubtedly contributed to the hell that was the development of Gold and Silver. surely they would have learned from those mistakes and prepared for the next round right? what with the billions they had made from all the pokemon sales, they surely could have afforded it. but they did not. in fact, not only did they not learn anything in regards to the limited manpower they had for Gold and Silver, but they would in fact not learn it from this debacle either. nor would they ever.

After the whole not all pokemon being a thing in Ruby and sapphire, the next few games entire role for existing would be to rectify this, and to game freaks credit, they laid the ground work for this from the beginning, by making sure that a national dex existed in the game which would be unlocked if you transferred over older pokemon that didnt exist in hoenn.

Game Freak themselves then did the remakes of Firered and Leafgreen, which are great games in their own right, but as far as innovation goes, i dont think anyone would argue that they were revolutionary in any way.

instead we turn our eye to another Game, Pokemon Colosseum for the Gamecube, the little Lunchbox that almost could. Pokemon Colosseum was made by Genius Sonority, a VERY small company owned by nintendo and The Pokemon Company. as of this writing, they have around 20 employees, dwarfed by even the modest 140-150 employees Game Freak has. they would be the first to actually challenge Game Freak as Makers of pokemon games.

Colosseum is a truly experimental pokemon game, from the way you catch pokemon, to its protagonist, to its actual difficulty. but in my opinion the thing that makes the game so much different than any other game in the franchise is its sense of idendity. its very different than any other game in the series, being in general rather dark in many ways, with a protagonist that used to be a thief which dealt with stolen pokemon, the mechanics of actually having to steal pokemon to save them from what was done to them, and an unfliching difficulty where the game was not afraid of not pulling its punches. all goes to make it a rather unique pokemon experience.

Sadly, Colosseum was not to reach true mainstream success. while it did the job of filling in the pokemon not covered by Either sapphire and ruby, nor Firered and Leafgreen, this limited array of pokemon had its price. while it was certainly not a failure by any means, and sold well, there is no denying that it simply didnt sell better, nor nearly as well as the regular pokemon games. thus Game Freak did not need to take notice of it. never the less, it was the first challenge to Game Freaks status as the main Creators of pokemon Games. it would take a while before a new contender would arise to credibly challenge them for the throne.

after colosseum, there was pokemon emerald and XD:Gale of Darkness, the sequel to collosseum. Emerald very much feels like crystal. A game where Game Freak got to take it a bit easier and add some stuff they had planned for Sapphire and Ruby, but had to scratch. the fact that they did not add day and night cycles, boggles the mind, but it would probably have been to much work. XD was a good game in its own right, but it simply lacked a lot of what made Colusseum work so well. it very much feels more like a mainstream pokemon game on the big screen, instead of a sequel to probably the game with the most unique idendity in the franchise. it also adds very little new gameplay vise.

after xd and emerald there were no other pokemon Games which werent spin offs in their own sub franchise, like Pokemon Mystery dungeon, before generation 4. which for once didnt have any major problems.

----GENERATION 4----

Generation 4 was a turning point in many ways, but not for the better. it was the first Generation which was developed withouth major problems, except a small delay to put the finishing touches on the game. some might say that is a big development mistep, but i would have said that in a vacum, this would be fine. if this had simply been the only time Game Freak had a bit of time problems, there would be nothing to complain about here. however, taken in context of the history of Game Freak as a whole, the major problem that Game Freak refuses to Expand, despite the fact that their situation very much demands they do so, rings very true here.

other than this small delay though, Generation 4 came along with no hickups. it was critically loved, it was a sales success, and in general was just a great sucess. the problem is that by now, Game Freak had discovered a way of doing things, and as far as they were concerned it worked. Diamond and Pearl being the first time they didnt have an existensial crisis developing a new generation. now the good about this is that they generally did a good job. Gen 4 is just good all around.

innovation vise though, its probably the least impressive of all the generations. unlike gen 2 and 3 it didnt introduce any new types, unlike gen 3 it didnt introduce entierly new ways of battling, and unlike generation 5 it didnt make a ridiculous leap in animation, very much sticking to the old way of doing sprites with just a bit more power.

this was in hindsight a very bad thing, because the great success of Gen 4 established a pattern that would repeat itself over time. namely the lack of innovation to things such as story, character, the way you progressed through the game. everything that was in gen 4 in this regard it had all been established in generation 1-3. The gym system was from gen 1. the evil team also dates back to gen 1, with their grandiose plans being a thing established in gen 3. the post game was established in gen 3 mostly and a bit in gen 2. safari zone from gen 1. casino from gen 1. the event pokemon system(probably the worst mechanic in the franchise) had also not changed much at all, with gen 1 being where it became a mix of pokemon you simply could not capture, and those you needed special items to capture.

in this Light gen 4 is where the pattern really established itself. it might not have been the ones who invented anything going foreward, but it was the ones that hammered out how things would work in almost all games going foreward.

after Diamond and pearl, the next non game freak game to try and contend with the mainstream ones was Battle Revolution, which was a failure of such proportions that it killed the very idea of ever there being more colosseum or stadium type games. the Game Freak Dominance stayed supreme.

following Diamond and Pearl, there was the third game, and remakes. pretty much the same story as the previous time, third game being the first two but better, while the remakes are great games in their own right, but not immensly innovative.

----GENERATION 5----

generation 5 was in many ways a geniune innovative attempt at remaking the franchise. it was also a game that unknowlingly or not, tried to establish itself as a type of successor to Colloseum, but which did not quite pull it off. while the game has an actually good story, it still didnt quite manage to divest itself from the regular pokemon formula the way Colosseum did. while the story was better well told, it was still when it came down to it, just the same beats as the two previous generations.

the big difference of course was N, the most compelling villain in the games so far. he managed to give the game a lot of grandiose which the two previous sets of leaders lacked. unfortunatly, him alone was not quite enough to make the story stand out from all the rest. it was however a great sign of innovation on Game Freaks Part, and it goes to show that at this point there was still a spark in actually wanting to improve the games fundamentals.

going along with a better story, there was also the jump to actually moving sprites, which in my opinion was the best the combat of Pokemon has ever looked. just having the sprites move and the camera being a bit more dynamic made the battles far more alive than any previous mainstream game.

not everything can be a sucess though, and as we see in the triple and rotation based battle, there were also some new concepts which simply didnt work nearly as well as intended. There was also the removal of Contests, which had always been a bit problematic, but rather than trying to fix it, Game Freak instead opted to remove it entierly. this fate would later befall the much better implemented mega Evolutions, but the pattern was already there.

after the Failure of battle revolution, no alternative to Game Freak created Games would arise this generation, which mean that the next games in the series would be the only other core RPG games for the generation. Black and White 2.

Much and more can be said of black and White 2. for one thing, it was a very good sequel to a very good game. it built upon the plot of the previous games, sold well, and while not that innovative in gameplay, none of the third games before it was such, so why should this one be critiqued for that when none of they were?

unfortunatly, this streak would not continue with the next games in the franchise. X and Y.

----GENERATION 6----

now i want to make some things clear. i like X and Y. but other than one single element, and a graphical update, it was probably the generation with the least innovation in story, character, plot and general idendity.

the biggest change was of course Mega Evolution, probably the biggest and best change since double battles. it was a game play mechanic which completely altered the way the game played, both in singles and doubles, as well as breathing new life into many old pokemon.

other than that, there was the jump to full 3d, which was okay, and the game looked nice, as well as being the first game to let you customize your trainer(though not to insane degrees, generally only clothes, hairstyles and color) made the game look far better overall(though i still prefere gen 5′s more dynamic combat.

unfortunatly, that is where the innovation ends. because pretty much everything else is pretty much rehash of older games. 

the evil team is as generic as possible. the main villain is the same as gen 3′s villains, just with a different solution. the plot is pretty much the same as gen 3 and 4. the league mechanics arent different at all from what had come before. the Game traded the 2 interesting rivals from gen 5 for a whole entourage of generic characters who all supposedly served as your rival. the only truly interesting part of the plot was  AZ, a character that was criminally underused, despite a really interesting backstory.

all in all, despite a huge change in gameplay generation 6 is probably as “standard” a pokemon game as there has ever been. following afte X and Y, there would be no third version, a first in pokemon(if one counts white and black 2) but there would be remakes, which as ive said about its predessesors, were good games in their own right, but not terribly innovative(other than having better flying than any game that came before it.). after that however, there were no other major games until the seventh generation.

----GENERATION 7 and Onwards----

there is so much good to say about generation 7 that im generally not gonna delve into it here. what i will focus on, is that what made generation 7 so innovative, was that it pretty much just took the standard pokemon guidebook, and threw it out the window, for better or worse. this has lead to a game that is truely different than the previous games, but also not quite a true successor to them. this is probably best shown in that generation 8 didnt want to follow up on the direction 7 put foreward, and instead went back to the older style.

this is not to say that generation 8 was bad by any means, but that it was never going to be the next step. it was an experiment to see how far you could stretch the boundary of the mainstream pokemon games away fromt he standard, and while it had elements that should have carried on over, it was never gonna be the definite way pokemon games would go foreward.

so after such a drastic change of pace, we only have to ask one simple question. WHAT. THE. HELL. HAPPENED?

after Sun and moon was released, the follow up was Ultra sun and moon, which was just the previous game with slight changes. it was for all intents and purposes a reskin. no third version even comes close to how much a cash grab it was.

so what the hell happened after the release of sun and moon? two words. Pokemon GO.

Pokemon Go was the first real challenge to Game Freaks exclusivity over the mainstream Pokemon RPG experience since colosseum way over a decade ago, and to say it was a bit more successful, would be like saying the mongol empire killed a few people.

Pokemon GO, or rather the way Game Freak has reacted to it, completely changed the way the pokemon franchsie would go foreward. At the time of this Writing, Pokemon GO is responsible for around 5% of the entire pokemon franchise earnings. it is to put it simply, a massive and insane success.

which is what has lead to a massive problem for Game Freak, as they have come to the rather disturbing conclusion that they can be replaced. the success of Pokemon GO has killed the myth that Pokemon Needs game freak to succed going foreward, and the stark realisation that there is literarly nothign stopping nintendo and the Pokemon Company from handing the franchise over to the hands of some other team.

the ownership of pokemon is a complicated mess between nintendo, Creatures INC, the pokemon Company and Game Freak, but the base line, is that nintendo owns it. they can hand over the franchise to any company they want if they so desire.

this is why when the time came for a sequel to sun and moon, the absolute cheapest alternative was taken. because Game Freak needed to move on to other projects.

One would think that this would mean that they would pump all their effort into making the newest Pokemon Games. alas, that is not the case, instead they sent the A Team of Game Freak over to work at an entierly new Game called The Town. this is an insane move, as they are at a critical point in regards to pokemon games going foreward. but when taken from Game Freaks point of view it makes sense. as they are desperate to prove to nintendo that they can in fact make other games than pokemon, and that even if they dont get to make more of them, they are still a valuable company under their umbrella.

again, from a purely business perspective this makes sense. from every other perspective its insane. having an already miniscule manpower pool to draw from, Game Freak cannot afford to majorly split their resources for any single major release. yet that is exactly what they are doing. 

Every bad decision taken by game freak in regards to Sword and Shield, every corner cut, every single decision, is to make this game as playable as it can be, with the miniscule amount of probably 70 or so people working on it. hence the lackluster animation, primitive looking trees, load times, the cutting of around 60% of the total amount of pokemon from previous games, the removal of mega evolutions in favor of the much simplier Dynamax.

all to get this game out knowing from experience that as long as its a standard Pokemon Game it will probably be a great success.

this hole however, is entierly their own fault. the one big release a year, could easily have been made drastically easier, if they hired a hundred people and made them exclusively devoted to the extra releases while Game Freak as a whole could focus exclusively on their big games. instead, they dug in their heels, and refused to expand on their business, even though it was clear all the way back in generation 2, that change needed to happen. that their current way of doing things simply didnt work.

the rest of the industry changed to cope with the changing market. some embraced DLC, some decided that mmo style was the only way to go, Even Nintendo themselves is finally embracing the concept of DLC, Patches, online multiplayer in large scale and so on.

Game Freak however is still operating like its the early 1990′s and they are still a small studio with no big demands on them, which they can handle on their own. they purposefully ignored the lessons that they should have learned in generation 2 and 3, namely that they needed to expand and build better infrastructure. instead they have stubbornly refused to change, until now when they fully willing to cleave their own franchise into pieces, when simply embracing the concept of a Patch or Two would have solved all their problems.

[anastasiaskarsgard]

Hydrangea - Chapter 1

The home was large and imposing. Located on the second largest island, in the Stockholm archipelago, it was connected to Stockholm by a bridge, which meant it was in the perfect location to quickly reach the rest of civilization whenever the moment was required -- but was enough out of the way that I didn't have to be bothered by anyone. The quiet location of the home allowed me the peace and privacy recent events, had made so valuable.

Upon stepping inside, I noted the dust that covered every single surface within the home; and on the kitchen table -- sat a magazine from six years ago. It had been a while since anyone used this place. It had been in our family for several generations, and although it was grand and beautiful in the summer, it was a hard place to live in the winter. Just heating it, was a small fortune, especially considering it had no protection or barriers to help shield it from the ferocious frozen winds, that relentlessly lasted the coldest months of an already savage cold.

 My tiny Pomeranian, Max, took a moment to sniff around. He was as fearless as he was adorable, and I could only pray that he managed to stay out of trouble. Max was my loyal little man, and when i was at my lowest, he really helped me keep going. I had given up on myself, but I couldnt let my little Max down. I leaned down and gave him a quick back rub, before he trotted off to sniff around some more. I could only imagine the sensory overload all this was to a little city dog, that now had an entire new world to investigate.

I walked around the house, going from room to room, opening up windows to let in the fresh air. I peeked over at my neighbors house, and was pleased to see people were there.

Back when I was growing up, I would come here every summer, without fail. During that time, I had managed to develop amazing friendships with the children who had lived next door -- Bill and Eija Skarsgard. Bill was the tall and lanky boy who would always have scrapes and bruises, and absolutely zero fear whatsoever. Eija, was just as bold as her older brother. She never failed to be confident in any situation -- even when I was hesitant about something. In fact, if I tried to chicken out, or god forbid, not even try, she always found a way to change my mind. I was a naturally timid child, but they would have none of it. There were 3 older brothers, and although theyd often humor us, they were too old to play our silly games of pretend.  But looking back on the events that led me here, I couldn't help but wish I’d stayed that sweet timid girl, that cried when i caught a fish, because id made its mouth bleed. Being fearless and passionate hadnt gone well for me.

These days, from what I'd seen online and read about in articles, it seemed that almost all of the Skarsgard brothers were actors. I remembered the father was some sort of artistic type, and was shocked his sons had followed suit, all but one of them, got so embarrassed by his unapologetic nudity. The boys I grew up playing "make believe" with as children, were now critically acclaimed actors. Not only that but beautiful ones at that! Bill had grown into quite the looker. He was handsome by anyone's standards,  with his rich and dark brown hair, sinful full lips, chiseled facial features and penetrating green eyes. Looking at him in magazines, it was mind-blowing that this was the same boy that helped me build dams out of stones, or dig in the dirt for hours. I was sorry I'd lost touch with them but was too shy to reach out to them now that they were famous. That wasn't why I missed them, although I'm sure that's what they'd think. I hoped that the fame hadn't gone to their heads and that they were still the friendly, free-spirited family that I had always remembered them to be before I couldn't find the time to come back to this place.

When you're a teenager, you don't want to escape the rat race; you want to be in the thick of it. I was by no means a party girl, but I did enjoy an active social life in my teens, and all through college. I was obsessed with getting good grades and was a bit of an overachiever, so I kept myself busy. I was always aloof with boys because frankly, they all seemed more trouble than they were worth. I had high standards and was of the mindset that I would rather be alone than settle for someone perfect for me. Then I met Adam.

Adam appeared perfect, at least at the surface. He was naturally athletic and tall, attractive by conventional standards; and very funny -- as well as charismatic and successful. He honestly had it all, or so I thought. People, myself included, were instinctively drawn in by him. Adam could always be counted upon for a good time with a great story. He was your typical all-american boy next door that you wanted to do bad things with. It’d actually flattered me, when he took an interest in me, and tirelessly pursued me.

If I had to describe myself, physically, I was fortunate enough to be naturally conventionally attractive as well. However, I had a standoffish vibe. In my defense, resting bitch face is a thing that can’t be fixed for some people, but with every cloud, there's a silver lining. Especially since it's saved me from numerous creeps approaching me, and at least gave me the illusion that I blended in, and didn't draw much notice.  I HATED being the center of attention. On a Friday night, you're more likely to find me at home curled up on my couch engrossed in a good novel -- rather than dealing with strangers and drunk people.

I had a very secure career as a  business analyst, for a big utility company; so I was not the person you ever wanted to see. I analyzed our various departments and employees, to always be sure, we work at our most financial efficiency, and if I did come to see you, it wasn’t because to give you a high five. As long as I kept us out of the red, and looked professional and clean, they really couldn't have cared less about aging or being fashionable.

As time progressed within our relationship, I thought nothing of it when Adam got a new assistant at work named Alexis. Alexis had a lovely face and Victoria's Secret body. She was slender, and never appeared to have a single strand of hair out of place. A few friends made comments, but I defended her, annoyed people only looked at her superficially, and didn't take her seriously. I had suffered this same plight, my entire life, so I refused to acknowledge her beauty as anything suspicious. She was brilliant and tenacious, and her organizational skills were spectacular, and coming from me, that's quite a compliment.  She also knew a lot about healthy eating habits and managed to share diet and exercise tips with Adam when he started to find it difficult to fit in some of his suits. I thought it was sweet of him to make a new friend, and treat her like a peer and looking back, I want to choke myself.  I was, quite frankly, the most naive, trusting idiot on the planet.

It started simply; she would occasionally "forget" to give him some messages from me and once in a while laughing a little too much at one of his jokes that just wasn't as funny, or always would touch his arm or back or shoulder. Honestly, it was a tint bit annoying, but he had always been a handsome, charming guy, that made people feel comfortable. She wasn't the first one to be a bit too familiar, but at the end of the day, he loved me and wanted to marry me. I had no reason to not trust him because of her actions. If I'm honest, I probably should confess I am a bit of a reclusive type and am not very attentive or needy. Alone time is right up there with oxygen, for me, so I have to trust completely, or I’ll drive myself nuts.

If I’d paid closer attention, id have questioned why he started staying later and later at the office. I just assumed he was taking on more cases, that he had gained from all the free publicity when he had represented a notorious South American cartel crime lords son, and saved him from what was thought to be a certain a guaranteed death sentence. He’d still received a life sentence, but considering the 74 crimes had been guilty of, that was damn near a miracle! So, I didn’t mind when he had to cancel several dates with me. In fact, I was proud of him for getting more work, rising in the ranks of the legal hierarchy as well. Then there was his sudden disinterest in looking at houses with me. One of the most significant conflicts in our relationship had always been that I refused to move in together until we were married. Since we were going to be getting married at the end of summer, he had been foaming at the mouth to pick out our future home, but now it was like he planned on buying a house after we were married. I didn't let it bother me though, I figured that because of his busy work schedule, it would just be easier for me to take photos of the houses for him, and put them all in an online portfolio for him to review at his convenience. I even went as far as completely buying his bullshit excuse of "needing something to hold back his hair out of his eyes, while he was at the gym" when I found a woman's hair tye in his fucking bathroom. (Believe me, if I could go back and slap the shit out of myself --) :

It wasn’t until I received a call from my gynecologist with the results from my yearly pap smear -- that I was doused in the cold hard reality of what was going on. I had chlamydia, and quite frankly -- I wanted to cut his manhood off and make him eat it, I was so mad. I stormed into his office and burst through the doors dramatically slamming the test results on his desk in front of him. And you want to know the embarrassing part? I still didn't think it was Alexis.

“What dirty ass whore, have you been sticking your dick in? Who was worth throwing us away, because its fucking over.” I said menacingly enough, he scooted back a bit.

“I dont think you should talk about her like she cant hear you, for fucks sake,” he said looking over at Alexis who continued to work quietly and avoid eye contact with me; almost pretending as if nothing were wrong and she could not in fact hear me.

I was at a complete loss. I stood there with my mouth agape, trying to process this information, and when I could feel the lump in my throat rise, and the tears threatened to fall, I turned on my heel and left, without saying another word.

Looking back, I should have noticed several signs that something was amiss.

About six months ago, he became very concerned with his appearance; hitting the gym, eating healthy, buying anti-aging products, investing in several expensive wardrobe pieces, getting a new hairstyle. I had found it funny that at 30 years old, he was having a mid-life crisis. I’d tease him about it a little bit, and he’d just roll his eyes and say he wasn’t a natural stunner like me.

I’ve always been very low maintenance, but that’s because my body knows it has to keep it together because I’m not doing a bunch of crazy stuff to stay young. I’m totally fine with gray hairs, wrinkles and wearing my Juicy tracksuits that haven’t been in style, for a decade. There were better odds that I’d get superpowers than I’d get Botox.

I had been so blind. Such a fool.

When Adam came by my home to pick up his possessions he’d left there over the years, she came along and even had the audacity to come inside with him. She had this smug look on her face, and kept whispering to Adam and giggling. I knew she was trying to get a rise out of me but was a lady dammit... I held it together until they finally left, and as I closed the door and locked it behind them, I pressed my forehead to the door, willing myself to stay strong, but my legs got so weak, and the air felt like it’d been knocked out of me. And I suddenly felt far too heavy to stand. I crumpled to the floor, and curled myself into the fetal position, and cried like I, ve never cried in my entire life. Hysterical, slobberyface, sobbing with boogers, till my throat and diaphragm hurt, and then I cried some more.

My heart was broken. I felt like my life was over, and my chance at happiness had left with him. I sunk into a pretty deep depression and stopped cleaning the house and speaking to anyone outside of work. If it hadn't been for my loyalty to Max, I don't know if I would of left my house. I had to take care of Max tho, so I pressed on although I was a shell of my old self.

I’d torture myself looking at their social media accounts, with all their cute little pictures and sappy comments. I’d never been one to post 1000 pictures of my life or write to my boyfriend. I saw every day, professions of my love for all the world to see. I updated my Instagram maybe once a month, unlike Alexis, who seemed to update hers about once an hour. It was disgusting.

That’s how I saw the hydrangea bushes.

I always loved hydrangeas and had asked Adam if I could plant some at his office, and he’d always said they were too problematic. I’m an analyst, so rather than argue, I gathered various varieties and strains, what their strengths and weaknesses were, what colors were offered, how often they bloomed and what was required to keep them alive. I had presented Adam with the top 3 hydrangea candidates in folders that were the color they’d bloom to be, and was rather pleased with myself. He’d been busy at the time and handed the folders off to Alexis, promising to look them over later. I asked him a few times if he’d gotten a chance to look them over and he’d get annoyed, so I just let it go.

Now I was sitting here, seething with rage, looking at Alexis, posing next to a sizeable Bloomstruck hydrangea bush holding my motherfucking folder.

I don’t know what came over me, but I had to destroy that bush.: I stayed up all night, figuring out the best strategy. Finally, I decided to go by his office before sunrise, since no one would be around, for me to douse said bush in lighter fluid and walk away to let it soak in. Eventually, once they had arrived at the office a little bit later, I would wait for them to all be inside and then casually stroll on by and toss a lit match in the bush.

 Burn baby, burn! 

His office building was made out of bricks and the flowering bed was also encased in bricks; there was no risk of it getting out of control.

I jogged by, splashing the contents all over the bush, and then crossed the street to the parking garage, where I took the stairs up to the sixth floor, where I could see them arrive without being seen. People never look up.

It didn't take long before I saw Adam’s shiny black Mercedes pull into his reserved parking space, and imagine my surprise when Alexis got out the passenger side. I guess he was giving her rides to work now too, or maybe they even lived together. Frankly, I didn't care, but they were not getting happily ever after, with my favorite fucking flowers!

They kissed and held hands, in front of God and everybody. It was repulsive and so unprofessional. He pulled her into a deep kiss and then went inside, leaving her outside. What was she doing? I bet she was going to take some fucking selfies. She walked over to MY bush, digging in her purse. More pictures with the bush, but when she pulled something out of her purse, my stomach dropped. In her hand, she had a cigarette and a lighter. She tried to light her cigarette, but it was a windy day. Thank God, I breathed a sigh of relief until she huddled down into the bush, using it to block the wind and lit her cigarette. I'm not exaggerating when I say; she quite literally burst into flames.

 I watched in horror, as she ran around flailing her arms and screaming completely engulfed in flames. Then I turned around, and I ran as fast and as far as my legs would take me in the opposite direction.

I want to give a huge thank you for helping me with editing @imaginationlane. She is such a good writer, and she took the time to help point me in the right direction and I'm very thankful. I actually edited something!!!! Yeah!!!

If I should keep going, like or comment or reblog. I welcome any comments, good or bad.

[iamnumeronine]

2020 cruzhes

Here we go again, u already know na why im writing here kase i cant really tell this yet to anybody, not ready for their judgements.

Early this year, i had a major major crush on a fellow sone and daaaaaamn im pretty sure it would go onto greater heights if not because of COVID!!!! LIKE POTAAAAAA well,gonna discuss this further on another post tho.

My current dillema now is... i have a new crush. Well sige, admit ko na masyado akong (shet i forgot the term), but i was putting so much thought about it i cant even stop thinking about it. YES, I AM RUMINATING hence, the intense feeling of being attracted to her.

So what's my point? The deal kase is she is my tele friend din (same circle with the other tele friend ive mentioned on my older post) and idk if nafefeel ko lang to dahil sa quarantine mode, na i was just looking for someone to talk to. And i dont wanna like...entertain this feeling or explore it further because i know na I'm waaaaaay out of league for her. But when there are times na pumapatol sya sa mga pang haharot ko, i cant remove the fact na i was kinda hoping na she feels positive about it. There are times nga na u can feel the tension like FCK "girlie can I say I like you like for real?", and i chicken out kase i dont wanna make her feel awkward or uncomfortable.

She is a constant playmate in a mobile game then we do voice chat there. It almost becomes a habit na it came to a point na i miss talking to her agad or when i hear her voice i feel so soft or weak na ewan i cant explain tho. But i know for sure, i always like to listen when she talks. Or when she tells a story. Kase for me, it's like a breath of fresh air, i get to hear her stories na outside topics about my work. When im talking to her, it feels like im in a different world, full of artistry and being yourself. We're not talking about machines, or technical stuff but we're talking about LIFE and it makes me feel ALIVE.

I do not intend naman to pursue it romantically or whatsoever coz i know invested sya sa ibang tao but i would like to be her friend, as in real friend not just a virtual eme or something.

Yun lang, sige na lalaro pa kami.

Hahahahahaha

[ughdestiel]

i’ve been feeling kind of trapped and clueless lately, and i think it would really make me feel better if i just kind of put this out there in the open and get it off my chest and let those who care or are curious enough to read it so... here goes

it’s nothing crazy serious obviously. but i’ve just felt kind of out of place lately. with college and being on my own, basically, and all, it’s really different. and i do love college, i love everything im learning and becoming and discovering what i really want to do in life, but in the midst of all that. I feel so alone sometimes.

like all my close friends from high school go to different colleges, but like... 

ok so in my group of friends theres basically six of us, including myself. one of them didnt go to high school with us. but with the other four (one being my bf), one of them goes to school w our former friend, one just simply goes to school then goes home but talks with the guys (the six are all guys), then the last two is my bf and friend who go to school together. and my bf and friend is part of this club at school and they have TONS of friends like TONS and theyre always doing stuff with them like play basketball or going out to eat or something and of course im so happy that my bf got cool friends and he’s happy there and all but i cant help but get so so so. s.o jealous....

i have only one solid friend from my school. but we dont really do anything together. we used to early in the semester, but then she got a part time job and likes going to the city a lot so the only times i hang out / talk to her is either before during or after class. then she takes the bus or gets picked up by her parents. and i totally understand its not her fault and all but it just gets so beyond lonely having to go to the gym alone, to the library, to get food. and i also totally get how sometimes i have to be independent and do stuff alone and all this and that and i do love it. i do prefer doing things by myself most times but it truly, truly does get lonely. 

then when i go home, i just basically do homework and facetime my bf which is great because i only see him once a week now. but while he’s talking to our friends and im not, i get bored a lot. and of course he doesnt just talk to them the whole time, we talk as well, but yea. its so hard to explain i dont even know. my girl friends who i have known since grammar school and used to talk to on the daily dont talk to me anymore. one of them literally just cut me off but then i picked it back up but ever since then it hasnt been the same. the other one is my absolute bff, but she goes to a different school as well and shes always busy with something and she lives somewhat of a drive, so we dont really talk much either bc college and life has gotten us. but i miss them. so much. its really hard for me to make an actual friendship with another girl, because i dont know. guys too. so basically i cant make friends in general. but i miss them with all my dear heart and soul but even when i try to text them they reply either hours late or hardly reply, and its annoying and hurts so i just stopped trying

then i have another close guy friend outside of my og group. ive known him since grammar school as well even though we didnt go to the same one. anyways i would talk to him every other day and it was really nice and he was and is just such a great friend but since college we dont talk at all anymore because he has a crazy schedule and all and he travels miles to go see his gf (who i LOVE) and theyre so great im so so happy for him and everything. but yea i just miss talking to him every now and then but i understand and respect his priorities and im just really happy hes happy

so basically point of those two paragraphs is.... i get lonely. i want friends. i dont need them of course. but i do want friends. my only friend from school doesnt always want to do the stuff i want to do. it took me to convince her to play pool with me in the game room. and then to go to the gym together took less time. but she has never eased up to the offer of playing basketball, which i would love love love to do and it would bring me so so so much joy to just ball up every day or every other day after class, but i cant go alone. i wouldnt feel comfortable, because its all older dudes that go there and i would feel so attacked. i feel attacked just when im walking on campus and pass by (some) guys. i love when my bf brings me to school with him because all we do is play basketball and eat and that is all i want to do, and i wish i had someone to do that with at school.

furthermore... since college.. or well... since prom weekend of senior year.. ive been so exposed to parties and alcohol and drugs. not always physically, but mentally. the very thought of parties or consuming alcohol or using drugs has tried to pop up in my life so many times this school year. and i was never a “party” party person. never. and of course im not saying im better than those who party or drink or smoke, im just saying i wasnt made for it. ive always preferred being at a house or a chill place where my friends and i can have simple fun like board games or video games or basketball or football or just talking. i take so much passion in simple things. thats why i love my group of friends from hs. they have so much pure fun and it warms my heart and soul and makes me love them from now til eternity. 

anyways, i feel so uncomfortable about alcohol and drugs. when i was younger all of my uncles would get stupid drunk and get all crazy and it used to scare me. it honestly tramautized me. one of my uncles would get drunk so much and so bad; my family used to have a lot of family parties and of course, ppl drank. my uncle would get really drunk and just sit in the hallway downstairs, and i would obviously have to use the bathroom or get food or talk to my mom or something and would have to pass by him, and he would stop me and sit me down. I’ll never forget how he wreaked of alcohol and it made my stomach turn. and he’d put his hand over my shoulder and say something like “aj you know you are so pretty” and it would make me so uncomfortable. he never did anything awfully awful to me thank god but the amount of unease he made me feel made me terrified and angry at what alcohol does to a person. then my uncle would lecture me for thirty minutes, sometimes an hour at most. and i would be trapped because he literally wouldnt let me leave. he would be telling me about how schools important, how i have to finish school before getting a boyfriend. i couldnt get a boyfriend before finishing school, because that was bad, a sin. he throw in “youre pretty” in there so much. and it was just awful. i was tramautized. i hated it. i remember my older girl cousin who went through the same thing told me to get out of it is to say i have my period and i’ll be free- it worked. then there’s a long laundry list of how many people in my family have problems with alcohol. and i hate it. i hate what it is capable of doing to people. if you have it in moderation, thats great, but if youre excessive... please just don’t.

drugs was never a friend to me either. specifically smoking. i dont know why, i just dont like it. i wasnt exposed to it as much as alcohol which is maybe why the very idea of people wanting to smoke seems so odd to me. idk. i guess its more like i have no desire whatsoever to try and do it or make it a thing for myself and then when i see others or loved ones doing it i feel confused and i begin to question them whereas im really questioning myself. i guess the only time i’d smoke or drink is with my truly beloved ones. other than that, never. never would it ever cross my mind.  i remember when i was in a bad place end of freshman and beginning of sophomore year i wanted to drink i wanted to smoke. i wanted to forget about what was making me mentally feel pain. i remember going to seaside heights during that time and running into one of my better girl friends whom i previously mentioned and we bought hookah pens, and we smoked the shit out of that. i thought it was awesome. i thought it was the shit - it really wasnt. afterwards i was just like....ok..... wtf am i doing. i had no idea why i was doing that. i felt so weird. i didnt know my stance on anything. i was so confused. i remember trying to smoke weed with one of my then friends. he was so hyped about it, i was whatever about it. i just wanted to forget forget forget. idk what happened, but i didnt go. i didnt do it. and to this day, i really do think that was God’s work. He knew that that wasn’t what i really wanted or needed, even in my most darkest time, and God helped me resist. it blows my mind. then freshman sophomore and beginning of junior year i used to hang out with my grammar school friends A LOT. like a lot. and i vividly remember how many times i stayed upstairs in the living room watching tv with my other friend or two while everyone else was downstairs smoking. i remember feeling so out of place.. questioning why i was even there... then i realized it all came back to i just wanted friends thats all. thats all it was. they tried convincing me so many times to smoke or drink with them and it just never appealed to me. and this happened so many times because i kept going back to them and back to them and eventually i just felt like i was weird. i felt like i was the one who had the problem.

and i still feel like that. i feel like im the one who has the issue, the weird habit. i have no desire whatsoever to try alcohol or smoke or any drug or just do anything that could potentially kill my inside organs. people become so amazed when i tell them i never smoked nor have i ever drank. and when they react like that, it makes me feel like im so weird. im so out of place. like im an alien. then i feel awful about myself and ask why im not like them and not into those normal “teenager” things. when people talk about college and crazy parties and blacking out and passing out, it makes me feel like im somehow obligated to live up to those standards and i feel so restricted and a little guilty or sad i guess. because i dont do any of that. i do my homework, watch youtube videos, netflix, laugh at them, cry about them, hang out with my boyfriend and friends, and we play board games and laugh and not really cry but yeah and i do everything so simple but it means the entire world to me and makes me who i am and it makes me feel so weird and out of place when put against the standards of teenage years or young adult years and i dont know what to do with myself or how to come about it. my bf drinks only with family and sometimes friends but not much he knows his limits and i love how i can trust him and everything but gosh i get so worried.. like everything i ever learned about drugs and alcohol and then everything ive experienced with drugs and alcohol... it makes me feel so uneasy but i have help myself understand that he is not me, he does not want to stay away from all that, he wants to try it and experience that teenage young adult standard and thats his choice and as long as hes safe and loyal, which i know he is, there’s nothing wrong at all. i am still learning that. in theology my professor explained how love requires accepting the other person for who they are and compromising. love requires sacrifice. and you must choose to love. and that is what im doing for him, because i love him. same goes to my family. my not so younger cousin just started smoking, and i was shocked and honestly felt somewhat betrayed because we were the ones who were left from that whole life, but i love my cousin. so i accept him for what he’s chosen to do.

it’s been a crazy year for me, and though ive rambled on for paragraphs i still feel like i havent gotten all of it out. but this has helped. most definitely. im still trying to figure myself out. and im still trying to learn to accept others for what they choose because that is love. 

one thing i will always carry on with the rest of my life is my sophomore year latin teacher. she didnt know any latin, nor did me or my class. one day we werent doing work and my classmates and i loved talking to her and asking questions because she was so smart and insightful and awesome. my classmate asked her something about drugs and alcohol. like whats the craziest thing shes done or something, and my teacher’s reply was “never done it” and everyone was shocked, including myself. and my classmate was dumbfounded and said, “never?? youre lying” and my teacher simply said, “nope, never felt the need to.” and i found that to be the most profound thing ever. it made me realize that i didnt need to bring drugs and alcohol in my life, thats when i realized that it was not necessary. i realized i didnt need that to be cool or smart or accepted, because she was all of that. she’ll never know, but she really changed my life perspective by saying that. i hope someday i’ll come to peaceful terms with what i’ve chosen and stand by. i think i’ll be on the way there soon.

if anyone made it this far, i love you. so so much. this is why i love this website. this community this fanbase. you are all so caring and loving and helpful and genuine and just awesome. thank you for following me, just standing by me and reading what ive rambled on for pages basically. i hope someday i can update you guys by saying, “i did it.”