#i dont think this even makes sense cause im vague on purpose. this sounds like a situation from the bible i think

[strwbrymlkshake]

who up praying for downfalls 🤨

[urmomsstuntdouble]

ok not sure how comprehensible this post is gonna be but! regarding the languages discussion, here are my thoughts about the anglo americans. be warned this post is long as fuck, but thank you so much if you do read all of it, and i’d love to hear your thoughts about it as well! 

so i just wanna start with alfred’s name- alfred. i think he may be named after alfred the great of wessex, who may or may not have been the first king of england. he wasn’t technically the king of a unified england that we’d think of it as today- he was the king of wessex, as his title implies, but there was a point at which he was “in charge” or however you want to put it of most of present day southern england. anyway this presents the first of his issues with his identity. he’s permanently tied to britain beyond just his culture and most common language- his name is a reminder of who he “belongs to.” of course most people don’t know that and they just think it’s a little odd that this 19yo miles morales type is called alfred but eh, what are you gonna do. 

then you have the fact that there’s no official language in the US, which makes things a little harder for him. he’s never sure what language he’s supposed to be speaking in, as the human representative of america. he thinks it should be english, seeing as that is the lingua franca, but there’s times when he just doesn’t vibe with english as a language. i mentioned before that he struggles with keeping his (spanish) dialects straight (which @cupofkey summed up as immigrant-kid-syndrome and that’s exactly it), although its not limited to just spanish. he also has a hard time keeping other shit in line, to the extent where his thoughts are a messy jumble of languages, concepts, images, and feelings. this is most evident when he’s nervous, because his accent will get super thick and he’ll start just saying the words that pop into his mind, even if they’re in another language or straight up not words at all. the only peson who can understand him when he’s doing this is canada. both of them are countries of immigrants, although they are different in who immigrated and when, so they dont have the exact same nervous tick language, but it’s close enough that they can communicate well. it’s sort of like a more global version of europanto? might sound something like this to an outside observer, but again, more global (also for the video they dont start talking until 1:17). 

america and canada also have a sort of inextricable bond because of the first nations people. the first tribe that comes to mind are the members of the okanagan national alliance, which straddles the present day border of british columbia and washington state (this is also something america shares with mexico). it’s caused a lot of pain between them personally, and with the okanagan nation. just as the border itself is vague- though the us-canada border is more respected than the okanagan borders- the parts of their identities are also vague. they feel bits and pieces of themselves ebbing and flowing, and matt and fred have gotten into arguments about it because they struggle to define their identities and they just want to be able to explain themselves to themselves. but you know that often winds up causing friction with the okanagan nations, because whatever issues with identity regarding their indigenous people fred and matt are having. they’ve got it worse, only in a sort of..negative image. like whereas fred and matt feel it on the fringes of themselves, making it so they cant tell where they end and other nations begin, the okanagan nations feel themselves being slowly eroded. none of them want each other to suffer, though, because the okanagan people can be americans and canadians and okanagans all at the same time. 

this also applies with the american border with mexico, seeing as there’s some areas in the southwestern us where spanish is spoken more than english. when he’s down there, freddie finds it easier to communicate than when he’s speaking english. chicano is his language just as much as english is- he just sort of became able to speak it when the west was colonized, and he already knew spanish for business purposes, so there ya go. there are some issues with that though because the spanish in the west is primarily from mexico and central america, whereas the east is more from the caribbean- like how miami has a large cuban minority. so he’s got a weird sort of chicano english too, because it’s no longer “pure” chicano. pure is a very loose term there because there is of course variation within southwestern chicano speakers. angelinos don’t have the same chicano as nuevomexicanos. anyway i think he’d get it mixed up with spanish proper or spanglish a lot because of the similar phonetic rules. i’m not sure about any indigenous tribes who have land that straddles the us-mexico border, but that’s probably not alfred’s biggest worry with That Border. actually no i think he might purposefully talk in an aggressively chicano dialect whenever someone in the government wants to talk to him about the ice concentration camps. like he usually doesn’t try that hard to keep the wrong language out of his mouth but he will go Full Chicano, just to make them uncomfortable and to try to get the point across that he can literally feel the physical pain of the people trapped at the border in those camps. but this also causes some tension with the countries of origins of those people, seeing as they can also feel that pain. there’s quite a lot of discourse between america, mexico, guatemala, honduras, and el salvador about that, because none of them quite know what to do. they argue again about whose pain it is and how they should, as nation personifications, deal with it.

another thing that he struggles with where matt is concerned is with his indigenous languages. the languages of his northernmost people are the most at risk and endangered, and some are actually in the process of dying. he hates that, because as much as he wants to act like he speaks just SCE and quebecois, he doesn’t. he knows all of his people’s languages, and it makes him feel like he’s losing his identity a little bit when his indigenous languages start fading away. the worst part about this is that he doesn’t even always know it’s happening until the fading feeling kicks in, so sometimes he’ll just make a point of going up to the northwestern territories and try to hang out with the oldest inuit people he can find to try and have a chat. and it’s ROUGH communicating at first but when he can get back into it he feels more solid and defined. i think this isn’t unique to him, and that the other countries in the americas do this too, but bc of the way civil rights work in canada, it’s a little different for him. because indigenous canadians are recognized as a certain class of citizen, indigenous canadian governments have a collective legal bargaining power and could theoretically ask for legal protections from the ottowa government for their languages. however, this doesn’t apply to the northwest territories, so that’s why matt goes there specifically to talk to old ass indigenous people. their languages aren’t protected legally in the same way that french and quebecois are, so he sort of takes it upon himself as mr canada to do preserve the languages and history. it’s especially sad when a language dies out forever, because then he’s one of very few people who still speak it and if he wants anyone else to know about it he’d have to teach them. but since the language is dead, there’s no one for him to get help from. the people who once spoke it are gone or use other languages now, and it’s all very weight of the world on his shoulders. i think this makes him very sad, because of the weirdly smug left wing anti-american nature of canadian nationalism. like he understands exactly the sort of pressure freddie is under but also has a cultural pressure to not say anything about it or even offer to help. 

this is also why he has the most boring and basic idiolect out of perhaps the entire anglosphere- even arthur has a distinct posh dialect that he uses most of the time. matthew talks like a textbook. a very polite and anxious textbook, but a textbook all the same. and matthew williams actually kind of likes what alfred jones has going on, but canada doesn’t. canada fell into british hands after the end of the 7yr war, which happened to be the war that sparked the american revolution (speaking of which the ages for america and canada make no goddamn sense, ask me about it if you want more detailed thoughts). loyalists fled to canada, and developed a superiority complex around the idea that they weren’t ungrateful. then it was about how they weren’t slave owners- which isn’t entirely true- and in the present day, even in hetalia canon, canadians often define themselves in relation to america. that is, they are better than americans because of xyz political thing. right now, to quote the anime, it’s “our free healthcare and lack of gun crime, eh.” this also poses some difficulties for canada in terms of culture, though, because if that much of their national pride comes from being better than america, what do they have to make a name for themselves? for anglo canadians, that’s a more complicated question. for quebeckers, it’s that the’re not anglo canadians. but quebec is also annoying as fuck and canada actually has nightmares about there being a successful secession movement there, so. i don’t know what the average anglo canadian thinks of quebec seeing as im not an average anglo canadian, but i do know that i hate their accents so now matt does too, although he will respect their right to have their language protected by the ottowa government (because quebec, that’s why). 

anyway i do have one last thought and that’s that nobody will ever really know america or canada like they know each other. they struggle with a lot of the same issues regarding language, but america has just sort of given up. in some ways, matt’s jealous of him, and in others he’s so glad he’s not the united states. but they do understand each other a lot as the anglo americans, and as some of the number one destinations for immigration out of the entire world. so yeah, i dont have any specific strong conclusion ot this post, but would absolutely love to hear your thoughts about languages in the americas! shit’s wack in this neck of the woods my dudes. 

oh actually one last thing. i think america and canada struggle a bit with their identities because they dont fit into any one specific group, linguistically or otherwise. they feel a bit isolated from the rest of the world specifically due to the intensity of the melting pot effect, and even within their own countries sometimes. people will be like oh you’re too white or you’re too black or you’re too dine or too much whatever other culture, so they often feel isolated from that stuff because they are all of those things, and have a deep connection with all of it. anyway they’ll always be there for each other

[kendrixtermina]

Now here's an all new theory for where the procrastination comes from

Like the uni councilors thought of like generic selfhate insecurity or like spineless ppl pleasing (nope an anime cured me of that when I was 13 - thst sounded more like what that ladys own problems might be), fear or failure & wanting to spite my father, eveb that getting ahead through "talent" was an unfair advantage bad tainted and evil, or that "talent" meant being beholden and controlled by others (definitely somewhat right - we worked on that, it helped, the second guy was defs much much more helpful & compatible cause he focussed a lot more on strategies than wannabe-maternal pep talks) but there was always something else there that wasnt getting touched

In tje end I dont think I have talent and in any case what really matters is attitude toward "living the examined life" for example whst you do. What you notice.

Now I did notice that things get harder to do precisely because I actually want them(whereas a lot of ppl get distracted from stuff because they dont really want it) - at the same time I can totally function or pick up new habits in day to day life its not like I have some "hardware problem" like, say, ADHD or the like.

Like of course its some emotional knot it couldnt be anything else but I feel they didnt identify what kind of knot? Certainly not that first lady. If im trying to get clarity and you give me reassuring pep talks you just freak me out more for the love of god tell me whats happening. Nothing worse when a Doctor says "it will be over soon" rather than explain the procedure

Fear of/ distraction from wanting itself never really occured to me thats not a common stereotypical fear that ppl talk about.

Let me get this straight I never thought I was better than anyone I knew very well that I'm not. I thought of both those things as ways not to get bullied, maybe get somewhere where I feel that im in the right place.

If I look back at really breaking experiences it was times I really really wanted something and then I couldnt do it or some outside party stepped on my fingers. That Tori Amos Music Video where she escapes from a psycho killer's trunk and then the passerby's dont help her? That was my most favorite music video in the world for years maybe still is.

Like I was told I could maybe skip third grade and I poured all my energy and passion and strenght into that everything I had to do well, make friends with the new class i was so highly motivated I aced all the exams I felt so happy & fulfilled just being in thst flow state all the time... i wanted this more than anything. Maybe it was the first time I really wanted something beyond vague dreams or base desires. But the homeroom teacher hated my guts and put the kibosh on that; Probably because I was unwittingly repeating some of the artogant classist shit my father spouts without realizing how hurtful it is. my parents thought it wasnt worth going to the higher ups for that but having to essentially redo 4th grade in a crap school in the different town we moved to was one of the worst times of my life. Also I didnt find out that the teacher had hated me/acted in a petty way until years after I thought I just failed. That there was a possible place I could have belonged but turns out I really belong nowhere after all.

All my effort was for nothing. It was such a joy - i mean these days even getting code to work or solving math problems has that same joy - but all that effort and joy and wanting did was that... im tearing up and searching for the words to even process this tbh. I think I denied that joy, told myself that I was just a stupud kid thinking I was a special snowflake. It didnt even matter.

Rather than insist on staying up late to make sure my homework was done I just stopped caring and hardly did another piece of homework in my life just faking it on the spot or coasting through. It could have gone another way maybe if it werent for the bullies and my father the chief bully or if only I was more determined but it was like "okay I dont care anymore I just dont care" and I think thats stayed my default response to dissapointment to this day.

This TV show didnt turn out like I wanted? I dont care its just a tv show.

My father treated be with hatred all my life? Its okay I dont care about him and I dont want his love anyway.

Like there were other times when I thought I could be happy.

Like I really wanted to go to this boarding school for gifted kids. Again I thought maybe incorrectly that this would be a place where I can belong and not be bullied it was never about being better than anyone.

Again I wanted it I clamored and cried and made noise nonstop. Maybe I still hadnt wholly lost contact with willpower back then. I still thought of myself as strong willed.

And my father made me regret it. It was around the same time that mom briefly considered divorce maybe I was just the stress valve. Or he took it personally as wanting to get away from him. Duh he abused me of course I wanted away from him. He was such a suffocating control freak! Mom said yes first then he spoke to her and suddenly she followed everything he said. Thats when I really realized how emotionally manipulative was how abusive... i mean one of my first conscious memories of him is thinking "oh crap I will be just like cinderella" but he really laid it on so thick so transparently even a 10 year old could tell its manipulation. If you do this you dont love your mom. If you do this you dont love your siblings. If you dont obey me your mom will kill herself. No she wont you jerk even my 2 year old self could tell youre abusive.

The most cruel thing he did was briefly say yes. Again I got so happy. So invested. Just bending all I was towards that even though he bombarded me with abuse and mental torture.

And then on the day we were supposed to leave he said no youre not going.

Maybe I actually did say I didnt want to go because of one time he was doing this constant scientology type torture on me

That same reaction: "I dont want it I dont want anything so please please let me be"

Ppl think of bad childhoods as a game that you win if yoz turn 18 -or 28 maybe - without killing yourself. But its not. Every year you live it can take away from your potential. Every day less than you have to live it

He sure didnt let me have sucess with his overcontrol and abuse. Anything I was proud of he rules. When I graduated from school with a fairly good but not perfevt final score he humiliated me. When I turned 18 he humiliated me. Everything I did was a burden even just feeding and washing me. Hed give me unwanted white elephant gifts then bitch about how giving them to me ruined his life cause he had to work so muxh "Ingrate Ingrate Ingrate" Butch I never asked for anything I want nothing!

But as I had to eat I did in fact have to ask things of him and I hated it so much.

No wonder that I turned out afraid of wanting things eh?

Hed seen some poster when we went to see tje school I wanted to go to - not by the school by an individual student - about the history of abortion portrayed in a positive way or at least that was his official reason why I couldnt go. Again I had wanted something badly with all my being and again all my being availed nothing. Irrelevant like I didnt exist. All my screaming gone unheard.

And this is so silly cause im not a child anymore I have control and if I were to stop procrastinating I could have money and gave even more control.

I havent even spoken to him in years now hes no longer relevant. Its not about him its about thus bad pattern I picked up.

I like how this books handles it with the idea that certain experiences dont create the type but that it nakes you uniquely suceotible to certain kinds of hurt or certain misunderstandings.

Because with all this discourse about bad message free media ive really come to think that while it can and should be minimized its not possible to eradicate cause human mibds are so quicl so fallible to extract overgeneralizations and make it mean something abput themselves

Like an immature statistical learning model easily overtrained by noisy data.

Another time I was nearly happy was when I started looking for work, doing my thesis...

Same pattern I was engaged, happy to be engaged talking to ppl at both work and in the uni work group loving it all so much...

my life had started to feel meaningful again. And it had gotten to that point in part because of my ex-fiance. Yes the councelling heloed taking up meditation helped, getting high on morning glory that one time helped a whole lot got more self esteem from that than I ever got from my father.

But that all started because of my ex fiance.

He was an i tellectual type and he had a sense of purpose about him like hes a legendary character and everyone around him became legendary too. And he found me useful! Others had called me "walking dictionary" with mockery and scorn he called me his google and it meant love and admiration. Maybe I got a bit of an ego trip off of tjat but I also really stupidly dumbtastically loved him I bragged of him to anyobe who listened everything he did seemed fascinating abd interesting and meaningful, but also I just loved the sweet gentle warmth of being next to him in the morning. Once again I was happy and everything was joyful even when it was hard, I felt strong and meaningful and useful and I let myself openly want things.

And then it all blew up. Worse yet i was so mistaken abozt him it really shook my confidence in my own judgement or any sense of clarity. I was si confused during the fucking breakup like I hadnt been since I left my father's house.

Google hah! More like his personal Alexa! It turns out he didnt respect or like me at all.

I couldnt even be sad or angry cause it was all my mistake. The one feeling I allowed - and even that took me weeks to identify - is dissapointment. Heavy leaden dissapointment i didnt even kniw that was a feeling you could feel so strongly. I didnt even do anything wrong you have to open yourself to have love. He could habe choosen to love me he just simply didnt. He probably thought he did but he wouldnt evebn do something as simple as not make fun of my voice or clean when I am sick.

Once he started putting me in the "wife" role he just became unable to see me. His loss really cause I think he wanted to keep me from all those annoying texts and email he had the nerve to write.

By all means I was right to trust but also right to leave later but still my sense of certainty and purpose and meaning was totally shaken. He did the sort of romantic stuff I didnt think was real. I knew I loved him when we had this conversation about water on mars. He got me the perfect books for my birthday! He said I was pretty and a genius and looked just like an actress. He got me this titanic esque heart pendant with stars. We were stuck at midnight in a train station that one time and he pulled out a picnic rug two plastic glasses and a shampain bottle. It never worked out but he said he might take me to see the LHC! I really thought we would be buried in the same hole folks!. He had read that same steven Hawkings book that I loved. One of the rather few books he actually read as I would find. Sigh.

And I fell right back into that same old pattern. Dont care about anything dont want anything it would be stuoid unrealistic and silly to want.

When I first came to uni I also had this feeling of hapiness and belongingness and wanting, I was putting in an effort, talking to ppl more.. and when things went wrong the slightest bit I pulled by hand back from that like from an open flame.

And here I am years later most the sucess or contact I get is comments on my fanfictions.

I thought I was doing that, or drawing, because its Stakes/Evaluation-free (going by the fear of failure theory) or because at least with the ffs gratification/payoff for effort is immediate compared to original stuff or uni work. Its a nice little niche at least.

I mean I do care about it its not "just" distraction but maybe ive been profaning it in that way... and so etimes I dont even do that and go for full unadulterated undebatable distraction; Line to 7 I guess. Tje only reason I spoke face to face to anyone else than the delivery guy this week is that I had some doctors appointments.

But not its distraction from stuff Im too lazy to do or even from pressure like I always thought. But from wanting things.

So the original fiction went great while it was a distraction from school not so much when its one of the things I most want and actually have the time to do it.

Even thought thats the most practiced skill I have that I never stopped working on since I was 10. 🤦‍♀️

I mean they already explained that its basically like meditation. Or weeds. Or popup ads. Youve got to click them away as they pop up.

I always told myself thst I didnt have to be happy... and thats not even untrue actually but it would sure be neat to be happy again one of these days.

[leecherish]

hgfjkhd not to be Like That but.....every ask from the jojo ask meme 😳😳😳

 girl,,,,,okay WHEW get ready for this cuz this one is gonna be a long one,, (thank you for enabling me to write this ramble for 2 hours straight, it felt rejuvenating)

(these answers are spoiler free! i kept my answers vague, so it’s safe to read, no matter where you are at! i will be discussing part 1-part 7 stuff though, so in case you entirely want to avoid everything possible about it, then maybe it is not spoiler free.)

☆ - Favorite stand design?

you literally cannot make me choose one of them, so in no particular order:

- Whitesnake, because I like how clean and crisp-looking it is with its limited color palette (and because sexy legs and gun)

- Purple Haze, because I love how this ’sickly’ stand has that word reflected in every aspect of its desgin, and how it serves as a character exploration for Fugo. The way it’s curled up in a ball, slouching, drooling, the stitched mouth (referring to both how Fugo ’restrains’ his anger, or how he feels rendered speechless by his trauma), the virus bulbs (representing the way Fugo ’bottles up’ his anger, only for it to explode and cause harm). I really like the spikes and the long, flowy cape added to its desgin in the anime, it just looks super cool. Its sound desgin is also delicious, I have rewatched the Illuso beatdown so many times at this point, only to hear it again and again- it’s so brutal and satisfying istg.

- Kiss, because I love the colors and the kiss stickers on its desgin! It looks royal and fun at the same time 

- Heaven’s Door, because he looks like the main character of Rohan’s manga and i find that somewhat charming and even heartwarming cuz like… his manga comes from right from his heart (or whatever he has instead of one), so it only makes sense that the manifestation of his soul would also be in the same style… idk its cute (but also pink dark boy confirmed as Rohan’s self-insert) 

- after I had to read up a little about Black Sabbath for a fic im writing (shh) I was in awe of how well-made that stand desgin actually is. it didn’t stood out to me when I first watched the anime (cuz i am a filthy zoomer who wasnt into boomer music before), but after I’ve read the lyrics of the song, I grew to appreciate it a lot more… like even it’s pointing manga pose is a reference to the lyrics, how cool that is!  

- Tusk act 1!!! its just. how can you not. i want a plushie, please

♡ - Favorite ship?  

[EDIT 07/22/2020: as of now, my opinions of fugio here are outdated bc back then i was mostly blinded by public opinion and i was afraid to express my own thoughts. anyway i still like fugio a lot but i personally dont find phf’s narrative of them very epic. they do really make sense even within canon for reasons i will not proceed to list. even though this is very dated, im keeping this section as it is for archiving purposes. thank you for understanding]

stan fugio. tho i admit it only makes sense if we assume that a reunion, like PHF, or something similar took place, because otherwise those two literally had no time with each other (other than both of them almost dying for the other in the man in the mirror arc). 

it’s just the fact that the final chapter of PHF doesnt make a lot of sense unless you look at it thru romantic lenses. „the soldier in love”?? „if you can’t step forward, i will step halfway to you”??? „if grief anchors your feet, then let me share it”?? „please accept my body, my heart and my soul. that is my hope, and that is my future”?? bitch!!! l*ve was invented that day 

but also because i think they could relate and understand the other very well - with both being from abusive/neglectful households and all. Giorno could help Fugo to understand his anger and help him find healthier outlets, allowing him to be more calm, while Fugo could teach Giorno to let his guard down and that he can express himself now, he doesn’t have to be afraid, because now he is being heard and cared for… g*d 

i also like trishelia because i simply find it adorable and the idea of Fugo & Shelia mlm/wlw solidarity keeps me alive… its so wholesome 

also one-sided Rohan lusting for Jotaro is funny as fuck 

i like to think about jotakak aswell sometimes if i feel like crying

◐ - Favorite minor villain?  

N’doul, because I like his desgin, the way he utilizes his stand is very creative, and his „The wicked needs a wicked savior” quote will never leave me be 

Cioccolata & Secco, because they are so over-the-top evil, disgusting and bizarre, you just cannot not love them 

Ringo Roadagain cuz his backstory made me cry and also the battle had such an effect on Gyro’s worldview for the second half of the steel ball run, he was just such a great character…

☠ - Least favorite character?  

i hate alessi with burning passion i am not even gonna write his name with capitals. the most uncomfortable episode of all of jjba is all thanks to him and his yikes ass stand. that cute girl didn’t deserve to be in that episode

⌧ - Favorite outfit?  

outfits, so like, not overall desgins? all of part 4 Jotaro’s outfits… Shinobu’s outfits were also super cute!! 

Blackmore… Mrs. Robinson because what the hell was that 

Dio’s feathery outfit from part 1… that slapped 

Bruno’s…. its so pretty… so stylish… love u capo please return my calls 

I also loved all of Rohan’s dumb outfits, but my fave one has to be the one with the suspenders, its so stupid. wh*re

⇧ - Character you’d most like to be friends with?  

Avdol! he could recommend me books or something…

The entirety of the part 4 cast…. they are all my good friends 

Foo Fighters… shes cute we could play baseball any time 

Gyro! I think it would be adventurous… (tho i’d rather have him to be my boyfrie-)

∇ - Favorite part? 

I feel like I’d need to rewatch/reread all 7 parts to be able to answer that in a way I’d be sure about it… every part has something special about it that later parts could not replicate

but anyway, I always mention part 4 when I’m asked about my fave part. i loved the artstyle, loved the desgins, i loved it’s slice-of-life structure, and how it plunges into darkness when the hunt for Kira begins to intensify… the characters were all quirky and loveable, and the ending was actually wholesome (for jojo standards).

part 5 has the biggest tag on my blog. it’s a part I rather grow fond of later, after watching a lot of discussion videos (and reading PHF). the main cast of the characters, and the overall message of the part is especially outstanding, pretty much saved my sad ass this summer 

finally, part 7’s mood, aesthetics and athmosphere is just everything, I loved the wild west feeling of it so much. the story was grand and going all directions with insane twists (the high voltage arc literally had me shouting „NO FUCKIGN WAY” outloud), it made me sad but also warm and fuzzy… like I dare say, despite everything, the ending was… wholesome? borderline? very-very sad but in a wholesome way… also Johnny was godawful relatable sometimes, his character development… *chef kiss*

♛ - Favorite fight?

again, no way to choose only one, so: 

Daniel J. D’arby vs. Jotaro cuz it was a nice change of pace from all the ’punch it untill it dies’ fights

Mista/Giorno vs. Ghiacchio because it was so over the top dramatic…. lov it,

Jotaro vs. Dio cuz again,,, the drama,,,,  

the entirety of the Heavy Weather arc because i love seeing otherwise calm characters go Apeshit 

Fugo/Abbacchio/Giorno vs. Illuso, mostly because it’s the only fight Fugo and Purple Haze has 

the Gyro/Johnny vs, Sugar Mountain fight, even though it wasn’t technically a fight in the traditional sense… it was a really fun arc and the end packed a punch.

Gyro vs. Ringo… again, because it had such an impact on Gyro, and also because Mandom is a cool ass stand.

I also liked the D4C debut chapters? it hurt my brain it’s so cool i love it 

im totally not keeping the chronological order here anymore but also Gyro/Johnny vs. Sandman. i loved Johnny’s development in that fight

and of course, the high voltage arc

╬ - Favorite stand ability?  

Echoes, because god bless, Koichi’s character development is easily one of the best ones in all of Jojo’s, and the evolution of Echoes did a great job to represent that. also, beetch 

Heavy Weather, because it was so chaotic and over the top, and quite literally represented Weather Report literally losing it and going feral

Enigma, because I think it’s super creative and I love the visuals that go along with it

Heaven’s Door because its so goddamn busted. Rohan could probably take over the world with it if he’d leave his house

Catch The Rainbow, it’s very situational yeah, but it’s like an alternative to Kraftwerk with healing potential. i just think it’s neat

Pearl Jam, because it’s a useful and a very wholesome stand!

♬ - Scene that made you the saddest?

the final chapter of Stone Ocean. that. 

also a certain death in part 5, and more like, the rest of the characters reacting to that death… especially the anime version, hearing that one mental breakdown still makes me tear up to this day :)  

also when funny valentine tried to bargain with johnny  

☿ - Character you don’t understand the fuss over?

I guess I’m jut not that into La Squadra yet? I mean, they barely had any screentime, and yeah, they all have cool battles and cool stands, but i have yet to realize what made them so popular amongst fans. not that I mind them, i like consuming la squadra content. I wouldn’t say I don’t understand the fuss over them, because they are all compelling characters, and I would have loved to see more of them aswell

۞ - Part you would beg Araki to change? 

you know, I for one I wouldn’t say any of the characters’ death was in vain - and if it was, that’s the point. one certain death in part 5 feels really unnecessary and only for shock factor but i personally think it served a purpose in that certain context… i said i was gonna be vague abt spoilers sdgsghd. but i think the ones who have seen or read part 5 know which one i’m talking about.

i still do get sad about Jotaro to this day, the way he never really got the chance to develop and get over egypt. in a way, that’s what makes him compelling, he’s an extremely tragic character, but it also makes me super sad. maybe I would like him to have a happier life…

that includes Jolyne too, she really deserved to have a good father figure and a happy life and oh god i can’t wait for stone ocean to be animated. i WILL cry.

i feel like if Araki’s original plans for Fugo were carried out, and he would have been killed by the gang, that would have left me wanting it to be removed. but thankfully, Araki himself felt the same way about this route, so we got one (1) moldy doctor instead of traitor Fugo. (even though the concept of traitor Fugo is really intriguing to me, part of me would have loved to see how that fight carries out, and to learn about what motivated Fugo to betray the gang… thinking about it makes me sad)

Ω - Figure or other merchandise (existing or not) you’d most like to have?

Jojoveller volumes. all of the microorganism plushies. also like, all of those super cool desginer t-shirts and jackets… make them more affordable for gajins from poor post-socialism countries im begging y

☂ - Character you’d most like to cosplay?

Fugo because his outfit is so stupid i want to have it on my body, Bruno because he is super elegant… but the problem with both of them is. i have boobs and their clothes aren’t exactly boob-friendly 

more realistically, i think i could pull off a Jolyne or a Lisa Lisa? Yukako? Maybe Guess too… or when it comes to guys, Rohan or Gyro? Rohan only because i want to own one of his weird ass outfits.

[blookmallow]

so i downloaded an alternate program to play rpgmaker games on since ive been having SO much trouble with wine, and the one i got already had space funeral (which ive played already) and something called “schuld” which ive never heard of, so i figure, i got it, i might as well play it 

so far its Okay, seems to be working well though so hopefully this program will work with my other games too but i got way too distracted with the Mysterious Game From The Void to mess with it yet 

also any program that comes to me with space funeral pre-installed for some reason is a good one as far as im concerned

anyway heres schuld

i put that image as the preview bc its cool but also that thing hanging from. uh. the sky???? was a pair of pliers that i needed to get through a door covered in barbed wire 

like. just. pliers, hangin on a rope. from the sky. for absolutely no discernible reason

a lot of this game feels very intentionally Constructed/intended to be metaphorical rather than logical/None Of This Is Actually Reality, Probably so on the one hand the solutions to puzzles being. bizarre shit like this could actually be intentionally strange to give that sense that things are being given or withheld from you by some omnipotent force that is pulling you through this experience, You See What We Want You To See, You Go Where We Want You To Go

on the other hand, pliers hanging from the sky is hilarious

anyway here we are

i know absolutely nothing about this game i just opened it because It Was There 

this is very ominous ambiance i like it. the soundtrack sounds vaguely like labored breathing it is very, very unsettling 

looks like we got a zombie apocalypse 

not gonna like. tell me what the phrases are or anything. ok

hmm,

wh....what the fuck 

IT’S........MONEY :’) 

EVERY TIME I INTERACT WITH THE MONEY RIVER I GET ANOTHER THOUSAND DOLLARS :’ ) 

the only item you have to start off with is a book containing a list of the seven deadly sins, so this is almost definitely a very very obvious Greed Trap but i dont care lmao 

oh. thanks

NICE

also this dude told me money is worthless now which comes as no surprise to me (as of where i am now, i never had any consequence or purpose for the money, im not even sure if i still have it i forgot about it until now) 

we got an economy of FLESH and some dudes chased me trying to steal my flesh which is, I’ll be honest, a bit rude

uh

you guys just gonna hang out there then

i cant interact with anything else in here or go back the way i came so you’re gonna have to move, 

(turns out you have to outrun them, if they pass before you they get stuck in the wall and there’s no way to progress / you die if you touch them) 

eew

turns out everyone has The Rot and are slowly rotting away, so any possible source of Clean Flesh to replace their gross bits has become incredibly valuable but its also assumed that Everyone has the rot and will die from it eventually, so im not sure whats even actually being accomplished by replacing gross bits with clean bits if the clean bits are gonna get gross soon anyway

shrugs. anyway it’s Not Quite a zombie apocalypse but its close. an interesting direction

OK APPARENTLY THAT’S AN ARM THEN 

this is a hospital (and it’s still functioning, there’s patients here, there’s a nurse, there’s a doctor, and a kid went in for an amputation when i came in, it’s not abandoned or overrun or anything just in massive disrepair) why are they just leaving this shit all over the floor 

see this kind of medical irresponsibility is probably why you guys are all rotting in the first place 

strange man wanders into your hospital room, you immediately just start telling him your life story 

ohhhhh it’s greed. the Rot is greed. they’re all rotting from the Greed inherent in human nature and their Envy for what other people have (unrotten flesh) is turning them into monsters and causing them to tear other people apart except now it’s literally. money is so worthless it now costs an ARM AND A LEG!!! to get anything, i get it. ok :’) 

the allegory seems a lil heavy handed to me but, eh, still pretty fun

anyway then i had to distract the doctor so i could steal his ID and wander into rooms im not supposed to be in so i lit his trash can on fire, as you do, 

just gonna stand there and watch it, then, i suppose. good thinking, doctor

the Enemy Encounters in this game are a nuisance to navigate but most of the like. logic puzzles/etc are kind of hilariously straight forward as far as “what do i need to do” even if the solutions dont. really make sense

like not to the point that it feels boring, i just set a garbage can on fire in some dude’s office while he was sitting like 5 feet away, it’s fun as hell, it’s just :’) when i interacted with this trash can earlier, before i even knew i needed a distraction or had any means of lighting it, its like “huh this trash would probably burn really well if it were to ignite” and im just like ok apparently im gonna have to set that on fire at some point for SOME REASON, 

idk im too tired to write anymore i have more but ill go through the rest later. this game is weird but im into it thats my review goodnight ill have more adventures in flesh thievery, a LOT of cigarettes, and Gun City for you all later 

[jedimasteramell]

Two Halves of a Whole

Original Characters // SFW // Post-SWTOR

Still doing OC Kiss Week cause Im slow as shit but determined! Set way post end-game with my Jacoac, and @uldren-sov‘s Azred’vsyt.

--------------------------

“There, you can touch it now, how’s that feel?”

If there was one thing Jacoac never had learned in his over fourty years of life, even with more than three of those decades spent as a jedi, it was sitting still. He reached up to test the newly trimmed beard on his face and itch at the spots he’d been dying to for the last half hour, much to Azred’s chagrin. “More importantly,” he tilted his head back, fixing his dedicated barber with a blind eye, “how do I look? Handsome enough for you?”

That earned a groan from Az, who lightly cuffed the back of his head in turn. “Someday Im going to accidentally nick you if you keep on squirming, and purposely if you insist on saying things like that.” His tone may have been even, and to those who didn’t know him, annoyed in the way a master would be of a dear student who refused to pay attention, but Jac knew him far better than that. Under the rule-weighty no-nonsense mask, Jac knew Azred to be a man of humor and affection, with an affinity for the natural order of the force, and one who loved him deeply.

They’d been bonded for nearly as long as they’d known each other after all.

“You like my face too much to do that to me.” Jac teased, as cocky now as he’d been as a teen, albeit with a few more scars and a better peace within himself. He felt the press of Az’s faux annoyance as if it were his own, allowing his own warm endearment to permeate into Azred. After all these years, even the greatest spiritual master would be hard pressed to tell where one of them ended and the other began.

“Jac you’d look like a crazed hermit living if I wasn’t here to make sure you brushed your hair and bathed and you know it. Your appearance is on the line as much as my sense of smell.” Az ignored the expectant purse of Jacoac’s lips, running his fingers through Jac’s amber hair to fluff out the haircut. It would be difficult to say who enjoyed the sensation more, even if they were both practiced at covering it.

Humming absently, Jac let Az take the last word so he could savor the experience of Az’s fingers in his hair. He wished for little more honestly, these small moments of tenderness amidst their daily lives as Knights of the Order, were everything to him. Feeling particularly nostalgic, Jac took one of Az’s hands in his own, bringing his lips to the knuckles where he knew the back geometric tattoos emblazoned Azred’s rich green skin.

“‘Like the sunlight through the leaves of Tython’s canopies’.” Az’s turn to tease. “You say that every time you know.”

“I didn’t say it, I thought it.” Jac smarted with another kiss, unable to help his grin. “And you should stay out of my head.”

“You first.” Az retorted, laughter coming through the mock incredulity. He slipped his finger’s free of Jac, settling both hands on Jac’s shoulders, looking at them in the mirror. Spirits, it’d been so so many years, so many things had changed, evolved, but here they were, Az still helping Jac shave as he’d started doing more than twenty-five years ago. Back when they were padawans, back before they’d known they begun to be bonded. His grip tightened to a surge of affection from Jac.

The blind man went back to running his palm across his thick beard, examining himself in the mirror he knew was there but he couldn’t see. “Yeah I look good. All thanks to you.” There were so many things he couldn’t do without Az’s help. Once he may have resented that, but he wouldn’t have become the person he was without Az ever by his side, helping him, even when he didn’t want it. Jac winked at Az’s reflection, or at least he hoped he did. His age-old charm earned a smile he felt rather than saw.

“I’m not falling for that one again, you ruined that about ten years ago.” So many countless jokes and countless times Az had fallen for one of Jac sly comments about ‘seeing’. Stars, he should have a tattoo for that one…

They both drifted into the silence of two who didnt need to talk to be companions, they two of them musing on memories and what else they’d get p to for the day. As Jac’s thoughts drifted in search for the last time Azred had fallen for his sight joke, he felt Az shift attention, a passing thought about his tattoos and then some little cloudy knot of worry.

“Whats wrong?” He could have pried if he wished, but they had well established rules about that.

“Nothing.” Az said hastily, then, sensing Jac’s friendly doubt he sighed. “Okay I don't know really, something just feels… Off.”

Though he didn’t need to, or rather the act was vaguely pointless, Jac turned in the chair so that his webbed-scarred eyes were on Azred. Just because he was blind didn’t mean he was free of social courtesies. “You’re fretting again, about your tattoos…..” Jac frowned and cocked his head, pondering. “You’re second guessing that the Council has you training younglings.” He ventured.

Az winced, and Jac felt that. “Yeah, I don’t know, I got a lot of these so fast, and I know we’ve done a lot, but to be a hand in raising the next generation of jedi? What if I don't do well, what if Im a poor teacher?”

Jac shook his head, and used his instincts to find Az’s hands and take them in his own. “Oh Azred…” His expression softened as he ran his hand up Az’s bicep, thumbing over the cuff of tattoos he knew to be there, ones Az had earned for his effort in rebuilding. “You haven’t been a poor teacher yet, the younglings look up to you. Dont tell me you haven’t put in all the experience and more in all the years we’ve been friends.” Jac will his reassurance along their bond to Az, who rolled his lips in consideration.

“I know we’ve done a lot but-”

“C’mon Az,” Jac interrupted his tone firm and affectionate as his touch. “Do you think I’m ready to be training younglings? Me, of all people.”

“Why not, you’ve really come a long way Jac, you're putting in so much effort to be a great master.” Azred sounded near scandalized by Jac’s implication.

“And I’d still be a lonely little brat if you hadn’t been with me.” Scolding gently, he spoke a bit like a master there didn’t he. “You got me to turn out okay, better than expected really, you’re not going to fail Az, it's all learning, growing, stepping beyond your past mistakes, and you know that better than anyone.” Jac beamed brightly, and tried to drag Az down into the kiss he’d been after for over an hour.

Unable to stave off the love and support he received from Jac, Az sighed and bent into the kiss, cradling Jac head in his palms. “It's always a day when you start talking sense.” A huff of laughter escaped him, and Az looked across Jac beautiful face he knew better than his own. If he focused just enough he could see in his mind's eye the glowing golden aspect that Jac saw him as. No amount of self doubt could stand against that light. He met his lips again, savoring the warmth, the familiarity, the scent of the aftershave Az himself had picked for Jac. “Even more so when you’re right.” He murmured mirroring the smile; he’d never tire of their banter.

“Im right fairly often.” Jac grinned, and Az kissed him furiously again just to put a cap on both their laughter..

Jac didn’t need to say anything else anyway, some things were best left unsaid, and some things, well, there simply weren’t enough words to do them justice.