#its not even my own situation this isnt even related to me. but im being a nice upstanding young man and venting abt it instead of invoking

[strwbrymlkshake]

who up praying for downfalls 🤨

[sassykinzonline]

when people talk about naruto's repression they kind of miss a crucial element which is that it actually makes complete sense.

firstly from the power perspective, simply put, by its very nature he requires repression to function on a most basic level. this is opposite to the sharingan, which thrives on huge displays of emotion. im going to assume that the reason this is missed is because it runs counter to the personality traits each character is known for: the "emotionless, calm and cool" one actually is constantly accessing and expressing the most powerful of emotions, and the "expressive, empathetic and emotionally honest" one is actually warring with letting true emotions come to the surface. comparatively, when you look at starfire and raven from teen titans, you see that their personalities reflect their power. starfire is bright and expressive because thats how she best accesses her powers, and raven is subdued, controlled and calculated in order to control her powers. this means that contrary to popular belief, naruto isnt starfire-- naruto is raven. there are actually a few moments where you are subtly shown just how calculated naruto's displays of emotion are, and how they are reinforced in such a way (context is naruto being saddened that his request for parental affection was rebuffed):

which brings me to my second point: socialization. this part is straightforward. from itachi actively causing and incentivizing hatred and anger, to various mentors/people of influence (eg. kakashi) remaining silent at clear expressions of violent anger-- these negative emotions are not punished or discouraged when it come to the context theyre in. why? they are beneficial to the agenda of various characters. the revenge plot only starts being punished when its disadvantageous to the state. remember that there is a monetary value attached to the murder of itachi uchiha, and this is actually a common way to earn money. when you look at naruto, there is never a single instance when naruto is encouraged or even tolerated for having these emotions. the only exception who does this leaves him due to their own parallel struggle (side note: this is why naruto distinctly says the reason for his obsession is that this person accepted him more than anyone else, given this person is the only one who saw naruto's pain and anger and actually blamed his aggressors for it). naruto, raised implicitly to know that everyone seeks to be a tool of the state, and that in his case this is not just a choice but a requirement for his humanity. iruka's acknowledgment of naruto comes with an indication of possession, implying conditionality. people like kakashi, hiruzen, and others in positions of influence witness the abuse he faces, and ignore it or groom him into accepting the idea that he should appeal to his abusers for eventual acceptance. naruto meets gaara, someone with the same condition as him, but with radically different circumstances. whereas naruto's condition symbolically papers over his pain over time, gaara's is self-protective and defensive against his pain. gaara also occupies a position of power as the member of a royal family, and has siblings who are afraid of him but do hold some level of affection towards him. gaara's feelings of loneliness, while rational, come from a different place than naruto's. for gaara, he is surrounded by community that he doesnt know how to access. naruto has no community, he needs to find a way to forge one, but even when he does it is superficial. this dynamic is repeated in his introduction to killer bee, who from an early age is granted family and institutional protection. this isnt to say that the treatment of jinchuriki is ethical or healthy, but that naruto's situation is actually uniquely oppressive. kushina is the closest naruto gets to someone who validates this pain, but she cannot truly relate to him because she is never cripplingly alone (again, not to say her life was not difficult or oppressive or traumatic) and the object of her affections returns those feelings consistently and early on. naruto's trauma is thus compounded over and over by the conflict his need for his specific love interest causes: naruto is only tolerated as a weapon of the state, and in order to be an effective one he needs to love and be loved, but his love interest who allows him these negative emotions is an enemy of the state, leading to further isolation/tension from the state and pushing him towards the love interest.

as such, i actually think naruto does remarkably well at balancing this conflict and tension in a way that keeps him functional. though, obviously and eventually the compounding of his trauma and the repression of his pain is something that needs to be addressed. the only person who is capable of doing this in a way that puts naruto's wellbeing first ("when i saw you in pain...i also felt pain" and the subsequent frequent moments of protection and defence) only reunites with him at the end of the manga, so you never get to see that actually happen.

im assuming the reason why a lot of this is missed is partially because through framing this repression as positive through the majority of the manga (aside from naruto's own personal thoughts), the reader is never really forced to decide how they feel about the concept unlike the inherent conflict of the radical revenge plot. the other part is the grander, underlying allegory in the naruto story which is the varied manifestations AND expressions of trauma. through readers' responses and attention to certain individuals in the naruto story, you can learn how they relate to and look at trauma. to me, naruto himself is actually the example of a trauma victim who shows a brave face and thus isnt recognized. naruto is the woman who puts on makeup to cover the bruises to go to work a day after she is assaulted. who tells herself that she must have some part in it, so it isnt abuse. maybe she grew up in a family where no one answered when she cried, so she learned to keep it moving and stop crying.

lastly, on a greater scale, people also forget a crucial aspect of "yin/yang" is that things with a large properties of one, by nature will also come with a small amount of the opposite. thats what the smaller inner dots represent.

a more surface level example of this is that naruto's face is brash, large, and masculine-- these are yang traits and they are predominant in his appearance. however, looking closely at his rounded cheeks and eyes and the soft nature of his eye colour, there are subtle yin elements. naruto's "positivity" or "optimism" is fueled by a certain level of negative repression.

[kijosakka]

Thoughts. okay so the total drama drama drama drama island special is interesting mainly bc of team e-scope but im going to take a moment here to ramble about his dynamic with other people here,,

(oh and i didn't have anywhere really to slot it into the other post or segue into it here but dodgebrawl as a Moment demonstrates how [this AU] noah can play the social game, just in a very very different way than how it's normally seen.

he knows what he's doing is going to bother his team and incentivize them to vote, i'd say in this au he even plays up the cockiness and makes veiled personal slights against specific people

(mainly those who would be annoyed enough to vote him off, see: heather, justin, leshawna, cody/trent to some extent if he said smth about gwen? < and gwen herself in that scenario. and to another extent beth, since hes playing up his outright mean traits, which would make lindsay vote with her. i dont think he would do anything specific to/with owen or izzy, since he may see izzy as too volatile and owen too genuine)

in the opposite way of whats expected, sure, but it is a social play. he can pick apart what these people are and what they show and push at it to achieve his own ends (and maybe its even some sort of way for him to regain control in this fundamentally uncontrollable situation he's found himself in; he can be the punishment in foucalt's imagining, to a much smaller degree))

so his teammates,,, do not like him tbh. his flagrant display during dodgeball and everyone being pissed at him after the fact is true in this AU, just coming with different motivations. even after the fact when the frustration of everyone fizzles out, hes still majorly offputting because of his detachedness, and deliberately makes his shown traits very unpalatable to experience in person combined with that.

the only two exceptions are izzy and owen respectively: owens mostly coming from a place of genuineness and im going to say while he wouldnt be able to verbalize it, in some manner owen would clock noahs behavior as a defense mechanism. maybe in the sense of 'hes just scared to open up to people!!' or something similar, but he definitely has a lot more faith that noah really isnt that cold and flat.

[*]izzy feels much the same -- except maybe it comes off more to her as strategic. izzy can act, and might recognize that in noah. if you wanted to you could write this in as to why she was eager to swap teams in the first episode, but it wouldnt change that he does get eliminated and thats all she sees of him until the special -- which, her intrigue in his lacking and the fact that it apparently wasnt strategic to get him further in the game, could help explain why she picks him in the team-up.

[*i have soooo much to say about izzy in this au actually. but ill save it for a diff post]

and speaking of the team-up: team e-scope!!!! :0

my au my rules eva and izzy became really good friends on the playa; izzy isn't afraid of eva (and curbing her anger before it reaches a boiling point) and eva is physically adept enough to restrain izzy from Shenanigans that might be a little Much. but eva doesnt really?? know anything about noah?? but izzy insists on teaming with him for the special (and unbeknownst to her noah wasnt even planning to participate initially) so he must be some level of Not Too Bad if izzy wants anything to do with him that doesnt seem to be related to tormenting the guy

and she thinks hes Fine. apathetic and detached and unpalatable (but then again, everyone in their little trio really is to some degree), but can kind of understand izzys intrigue: hes still A Guy, hes just hidden behind 20 layers of non-substance that are so offputting from the first meeting it makes people steer clear of him.

now with tddddi comes two other pertinent details: the justin line, and the Thing With Duncan.

i personally thing noahs 'he's the anti-me' line is really funny in the context of canon but if you squint it kinda works here? wherein justin is non-speaking yet flaunts himself to be the center of attention and clearly shows intent and capacity to scheme (underdeveloped or no, see: awakeathon), whereas noah speaks a lot yet lets himself fade into the background, showing vague hints of the capacity to scheme but no intention or palpable ambition behind it.

^ am i reaching? maybe. the other option here is noah somehow has seen him in-person before on a modeling or red carpet kind of gig and dislikes him on principle because of it/its a jab at it (smth smth they are both opposite ends of the same industry? justin is the face of it in a manner where noah stays behind the scenes and out of sight)

and the thing with duncan,, hear me out here okay noah does his whole song and dance, goes up to him and patronizes him, and duncan retaliates. however, he curses like a sailor and in noah's head has ruined the footage, therefore instead of further retaliating and potentially invoking actual physical harm he just. doesnt react. at all. duncan looks up at him and hes just dead-eyed staring down at him -- and then he leaves.

^ the scene has been ruined, and everyone else is doing so much that theres no reason to play it up any more. duncan and him arent plot important like how heather and lindsay were, theres no reason for the crew to painstakingly edit his swearing out. they just wont let it reach the final cut. duncan is understandably very confused by this, but at that point noah was already gone to find eva and izzy again (< this is when the cast having a running bet that noahs and android becomes Not a Joke)

but life goes on!!! and in the worlds worst comedy of errors (for noah), izzy ends up dragging him along into the lake, thereby leaving him as a confirmed member of the next season.

^ noah is so angry at this. popping blood vessels. he argues with chris endlessly, straight frothing at the mouth at only having two days of real reprieve before he has to deal with the Same Shit again. and chris gets this, to some degree, but also knows that if theres no explanation for noahs non-appearance to hand the producers, theyll be pissed (since all things considered, noahs pretty damn popular among the fans)

luckily for him, courtney just filed a lawsuit against the show!! and since chris is busy running said show, the producers do not want to deal with it and are willing to hand off the case to anyone else -- hence, chris officially signs noah on as his PA, and noah takes over the court settlements and whatnot.

< though i do imagine the producers would see it as a 'get out of the show' scheme, and thereby push way harder for his involvement in WT as a result

but noah does get a break!!! for now, at least.

[chaosandthe-deadblog]

okay lets see if i can put this into words

it matters that miles is latino

it matters that miles is a latinamerican kid that grew up in new york city with a usamerican father, it matters that he barely speaks spanish

it matters because his entire story is about not being able to find a place where he fits in. a community. a family

miles feels disconnected from the other spideys.

miles is not a "canon" spiderman. he wasnt *supposed* to be spiderman. but he is anyways. he cant relate to the othet spidermans because of the nature of how he became spiderman. by almost every sense of the word, he is an anomaly.

however... hes not an anomaly either. he lost his uncle like every other spidey. he went through the insecurity and problems every other spidey went through. he IS spiderman and no one can take that away from him

it reminds me so much of what it feels to be latinamerican in eurocentric spaces. like a lot.

the opening to miles' situation basically spells it out. "you're a struggling immigrant family" and only his mother is an immigrant. theyre not even struggling. he doesnt even speak spanish. hes not usamerican either. yet he's being forced into boxes. forced into either turning into a usamerican kid completely disregarding his heritage, or make said heritage the only thing thats important about himself

in the same way that he either has to be a spiderman or a civilian

miles is neither. he cant relate to his mother because he barely speaks spanish, he cant relate to the other spidermans because he's not supposed to be there. they shut him out because he's spiderman in a different way than they are.

i cannot stress enough that its his mom the one who tells him that he shouldnt let anyone define him. because people will try to force him into a box no matter what he does. embrace his heritage? he'll just be latino. not do that? he'll lose touch with it. get into the spider-society? he'll lose touch with his own experience as spiderman. not do that? he'll be alone

it MATTERS that this movie puts emphasis on him being latino. it MATTERS that his mom has more relevance.

not to get personal, but i understand the feeling miles has. by almost every definition i am white -- skin color, european heritage, all that. but i am also latinamerican. i grew up in argentina... in one of the more usamericanized cities. in one of the more eurocentric spaces. my id says im argentinian and spanish, but i was never able to identify with the latter. ive never been in touch with the non-european side of my heritage, ive never related to it. ive never related to the european side either

does any of this make sense? for so many latinos its impossible for us to fit into the boxes europeans and usamericans want us to fit into. for so many of us we're just.... a third thing. at least i grew up in my home country, at least i speak my own language; miles doesnt, miles didnt.

for so many of us we either have to live disconnected from our culture in order to be "accepted" by europeans or usamericans, or just be "latino" (which, by the way, is not even a race, yet its treated as one)

also.... isnt it interesting how miguel is mexican? bye bye

[requiemsystem]

Hey.

I saw your post to help out newly found systems/questioning systems. It was really helpful, I just have a question. How do you live with being a system?. It’s honestly so hard, whenever a lot of our alters front they don’t do things to keep up with day to day activity’s, so then me (the gatekeeper) and the host are forced to do a lot of those things. Communication is already extremely hard for us, and I’m getting super burnt out already.

-Gatekeeper

yeah, it really is hard. im not gonna lie and say i enjoy being a part of a system, because truthfully, i dont. i do want my own life and my own body. i think the best thing to keep in mind is that it is ok to be upset about being a part of a system, its ok to be hurt and not love being a system. a lot of people want to make it seem like its all positive, but its usually not that. yes, there can be good moments, but for us at least it usually sucks now, for the more practical part of living as a system. setting simple expectations and even system rules can be incredibly helpful for situations like this if you can get everyone on board with following them. for us, we have a few simple rules and guidelines with a simple rewards / consequences system in place to ensure everyone follows them. our rewards / consequences system looks something like this: if you follow the rules, you get more time in front or money to buy things you want or anything else practical that you want to request. if you repeatedly break the rules, you get put on front monitoring (another alter watches you when youre in front, usually a gatekeeper), sent for innerworld counselling, etc. depending on severity of rulebreaking since some of our rules are just like "go to work and keep up with responsibilities" while others relate to safety we will probably have a much more in depth post on system rules coming out in the near future, so if this seems beneficial to you, maybe keep an eye out for that as for the communication thing, id try starting with external communication since that tends to be easier. if this isnt possible for you, maybe look into other methods that may work for you. we have a whole post on communication that can be found here if you havent seen it yet if other alters are fronting and not doing things, maybe try to figure out why they arent doing these things. is there not enough incentive / motivation? if so, how can you make it more motivating for them? maybe you can implement a rewards system like discussed above, or you can find something else that would motivate them. are they not doing it because they are too busy with other things? what are they busy with? is this something they need to be doing? maybe ask them to re-evaluate how they spend their time. are they capable of doing the task that youre asking them to do? etc. just figure out why they arent doing it and try to problem solve from there i hope some of this advice is helpful, and i wish you the best of luck! as always, our inbox or messages are open for any further questions or comments! - grey

[terraliensvent]

thanks for being open to critique /gen

I sadly do agree with the anon on the pkmn blog rn bc I also noticed a change in how you respond aswell.

i can think of two examples straight off my head of when you seemed biased. srry to bring it back up but ya the first time was when the porn proportioned terra discourse happened. you spoke for the anon and changed the meaning of what they said to “oh they just meant kea should be more varied” when its clear thats not what ppl were upset about. the second example was when you also made it seem like anons who had imo very legit reasons to be upset about the way you handled the “speculation” were just being crazy out of nowhere. like you said they were like “you should die in a fire if u think this is ok” when no one said that, they were just rightfully disgusted and concerned.

ik this is a drama blog but the truth does matter too even when it means conceding that someone u disagree with was not bad in a situation or also that someone u agree with was bad.

idk i think u have been ok sofar but like yea if u learned from this it would make ur blog alot better like when it started

post related

example 1

example 2

prefacing my reply by saying im not arguing against the point this anon made or trying to paint my responses linked as “correct” or anything, just giving my reasoning for stuff

i will say that these 2 situations are the ones that have exhausted me the most when it comes to topics on here, which does further my point about how i can be bitter when topics get more aggressive. im not sure if i should take this as an issue with myself, or whether to show that being nasty to myself and others in my inbox just helps nobody. lets go with both!

starting with example 1, i felt like i made it pretty clear that i had my own interpretation of the comment, i think i even said as much within my reply. i will admit though i dont really have any sort of fondness for kea and their previous sexualization of terra adopts did leave a bad taste in my mouth regarding them. regardless, i think the reason i gave og anon so much slack is because of the (in my opinion) unbalanced response to it in the first reply. i think that there should be some more disconnect when it comes to critiquing a person ideas as opposed to the person themselves; what i mean by that is you can say “that comment you made or that idea you hold is misogynistic” without making aggressive assumptions as the person replying did. i think that maybe it makes it my fault for not being clearer that assumptions like that arent welcome here, or maybe its more my fault for having a very specific expectation of how people should interact. either way

example 2 i think has a bit of a shorter explanation, this specific ask set me off about the whole situation, since i agree it really shouldnt have gone on as long as it did. but as ive stated many times before i prefer to post everything in my inbox just to be more trustworthy as a mod and i was expecting that ppl could just let the topic die on its own. the assumptions thing was also happening here, and with the arguing going on it just pissed me off. i will say about the specific “die in a fire comment” that wasnt me so much saying that anons were claiming stuff like that, but rather me being hyperbolic in explaining my stance. i can be really hyperbolic on here when it comes to jokes and i can realize sometimes it isnt the most obvious thing, but thats my way of communicating for when im not being the most serious. with that specific situation, i was getting really annoyed that people were winding down to slapfighting, and if i presented the opposing anons as crazy or not really having a leg to stand on, thats my bad. i can see where both sides are coming from, it was just at that point in the argument i really just wanted it to be done and i maintain the stance that it really wasnt any of our business

i dont mean to present my opinions on here as the correct ones or that people who disagree with me are bad, and my responses on here are meant to be my interpretation of asks and how i see things personally. if i give my interpretation, it isnt meant to be like “oh actually anon meant this,” its more like “the way i read it is they could mean this, i dont have a ton of evidence one way or the other though so this is just my thoughts”

in the end though, i think both of these instances can be majorly chalked up to me becoming snippy, lol

[wandering-koyote]

Im using this chance to scream about my mortal kombat hot take that turned into a rlly long ramble (only loosely related bc its about two normal humans lol):

Everyone says Cassie and Jacqui shouldn't have been in MK11, since Cas has had the main character spotlight in MKX and Jacqui has the personality of cardboard, while Takeda/Jin are more interesting. HOWEVER I actually think they deserved to be in the game 500% more, but that Netherrealm completely fumbled them. Jacqui more than Cassie, like horribly so.

Both really need something 'unique' about them, and MK11 was that chance, but instead Jacqui is just. A plot device really. She only exists to support other character arcs and be a borderline macguffin for Jax to have motivation- her own damn tower ending is her dying to further someone else's life. MK11 should've given Jacqui something to define herself a bit more in the story! Some kind of plot!! Cassie's story is sorta interesting, but Sonya coming back kinda dulls the impact of Sonya, yknow, dying. Hanzo's death is more impactful since his character arc was just wiped, Sonya doesn't get that. The whole "you're my mom who just died but not yet because you're from the past and im really conflicted about this" angle was, as my dad who watched me play said, "really fucked up" (in a good way imo), but they really only confined that to one scene. If you're gonna go at that angle, put ur whole pussy into it babe!!!

Takeda/Jin have more than enough to separate themselves from their parents, so yeah Cassie and Jacqui really needed an extra game to grow. Unfortunately they didn't, they're just kinda static. So im delving into personal story ideas!

Cassie would've really benefitted from gifted kid syndrome- girl just killed a god and saved the world, mk11 shouldve rlly leaned into the idea that shes pulling herself apart to try and keep being the main character. Kid of Johnny and Sonya, god killer?? Make that shit keep her up at night. Make her take charge in every situation where the older characters aren't there, make her self sacrificial, make her want to be the hero not because she wants that fame again, but because earthrealm is notorious for crumbling without someone to protect it and she cant bear to have anyone else shoulder that weight. She did it once, she can take it again. Then make Sonya die doing exactly what Cassie's doing, sacrificing herself for the mission and for Earthrealm.

Then she comes back, younger and a little less hardened. I think it's infinitely better if we flip the whole "ur my mother" thing- make Sonya conflicted that this is her child who is writhing in agony over her mother's death and Sonya isn't sure what shes meant to do. Everything screams to go and comfort her- its her DAUGHTER for crying out loud, but how would Cassie react? Would it only make things worse? What the HELL did her future self do to make Cassie look at her with such mixed emotions? It's mentioned a few times that present Sonya valued work heavily over her family, and that it got worse and worse over time, so i think it should culminate in a scene where Sonya from the past tells Cassie that her future self was wrong- the mission isnt everything, and she has family she needs to look out for. I think it'd mirror the Johnny's well too, since old Johnny literally beat the shit out of younger Johnny because he refused to take his (future) family seriously.

Jacqui on the other hand? She just needs her own damn arc. Keep Jax becoming a bad guy, thats fine imo, but touch on the mother's death and Jacqui's feelings about it. Her damn MOTHER died and the story is completely "ohhh jax became a bAD GUY ABOUT THIS" and I don't even think Jacqui gets to like, I dont even think her death is mentioned around Jacqui at all. I think just adding a few scenes between present Jax and Jacqui would fix a lot. Have the two not talk since her death; Jacqui really wants to talk about it, acknowledge what happened and try and heal, while Jax is ignoring her attempts and distancing himself (depression) and simultaneously trying to protect Jacqui. Replace the Kronika and Jax scene with a scene of the two in a fight, Jax trying to tell Jacqui to leave the military and dodging any conversation about how badly theyre both hurting, while Jacqui is pissed that he's shutting himself off and is basically regressing her into a child as a way to cope. Jacqui leaves in a huff, and Jax alone going "please, i just want to protect my little girl", queue the clicking of the grandfather clock stopping the tears freezing midair. Dont even show us the conversation, just hard cut away- the fight tells us everything we need to know about why Jax is doing what hes doing. I think that ALONE would help with Jacqui a lot (we've acknowledged she has feelings about her mom's death and that she has a conflict with her dad going on now), but going further you might be able to replace the cassie/raiden scene with JACQUI instead. Have Jacqui be upset that Jax is so deep in grief that hes joined the bad guys, and that she cant even tell what type of person her father is anymore. Is he the father that pushed her on the swing when she squeeled 'higher!', who hugged her so gently with his metal arms, or is he the man he is now, joining with criminals and thieves and murderers in the name of her 'protection'? Is that who he's always been? Have Raiden tell her that it doesnt matter who her father is, but who SHE is. Is she the type of person who give up on her dad? Or will she look him in the eye and tell him "I love you despite everything" and fight to save him?

Jax and Jacqui should reconcile before the boat scene entirely so they can get a plot beat to just talk. Too much action for a pause in the boat scene. My timeline of events is iffy but maybe this can happen at the Tiara scene- iirc Cetrion LITERALLY threatens to kill Jacqui and Jax is STILL on Team Kronika after this. CMON. Have Jax switch sides and attack Cetrion when she tries killing Jacqui- Past Jax is a bit iffy to me as an addition to the scene, he doesnt rlly add anything. Have Jax snap out of everything at the realization that its not the military putting Jacqui in danger, its HIMSELF. Have him admit hes wrong, and the two finally get a moment to grief (even if briefly bc the world is dying again). Have Cetrion note this interaction too. Whens the last time her mother ever hugged her like that? When was the last time they grieved the loss of Father? Even MENTIONED Father? Is Kronika even her mother beyond just the name? Hot take but have Cetrion try and betray Kronika at the end of the plot because of this moment, and Kronika goes "lmao no" and absorbs her essence anyway.

VERY LONG ASK I KNOW BUT I NEED TO GET THIS IDEA OUT!!! It also adds a layer of theming around family and love, something thats vaguely there in MKX and MK11 but its like. Hidden and an afterthought. Jax protect Jacqui bc shes family. Cassie is grieving the death of a family member. The villian is the mother of two other villians and kills one and discards the other. Cassie and Jacqui deserve better thats my message im here all night folks

Yesss! The family themes need to hit hard! This is why I’m sad they rebooted when we could’ve had more familial growth, but maybe we’ll get it in the next few games 😭

I don’t have much input because I agree with so much (if only I could ring up NRS and get you hired)! BUT IM POSTING CUZ YOU COOKED FR FR AND NEED RECOGNITION 🔥🔥🔥

[cupcraft]

I think why it's important to support victims too is the reality of being a victim is that not everyone is going to have collected the evidence that ppl always ask for (and even then people always say the evidence is fake/not good enough).

Like I wont get too personal on details bc im not comfortable with that, but I want to use myself as example for my point because I don't want to speak for other people's experiences.

I was a victim of emotional abuse from a friend group for years that i only very recently went no contact with 1 year ago just about (2 ppl in the group specifically the most). And I didn't collect screenshots. I didn't collect video/recording (and even if i planned to thats illegal in my state without their consent). And for a lot of that relationship though I suffered and was in a bad place I never really quite realized it was abuse until I got out and had someone some else give me a wakeup call. And I currently still have no plans to report it or go through legal trouble with it personally (for reasons not important to this post's point.

And why I say this is because when I share my story with people I'm close to all I have is my word. My word of the things they did to me. My word on how the abuse was subtle, how I knew from a tone of voice if I'd get in trouble with them. How they'd belittle me under the guise of jokes and "game lobby culture". Etc.

And so when you think all victims need to come with you with a mountain of evidence you're really saying you won't believe people at their word which is my reality and many other people's realities for any type of abuse and harm. At the end of the day you're going to trust me or not if you're someone I'm comfortable enough telling my story to. At the end of the day you're going to see the post and decide if I'm making shit up or not.

Of course I wish I had scs of things for many reasons, but even then a lot of my experiences were verbally related with no recording (some of which is subtle anyway ill get into that in a second) The angry comments on Instagram I got were quickly changed while I was too panicked to sc them at the time. A lot of my texts were over kik of which never saved the history.

Sometimes people's words are going to have to be enough for people because that's all you're going to have. Because when you say evidence is important you're really saying that I expect every person in a situation to: know they're a victim, and once knowing theyre a victim collect evidence (even if that evidence collection could harm the victim/or isnt possible) and to somehow make sure that evidence is enough for people, plus be able to have evidence for abuse that is publicly subtle.

And on another point this expectation doesn't really cover how abuse can sometimes be so fucking subtle. You know? How can you explain to people how a tone of voice is a part of the abuse? How can you explain something that could be a joke between friends wasnt a joke in that situation and a part of the torment? How canyou explain to someone when they say something normal its the smile that tells you its belittling/anger? Like even if I had a believable recording of the interaction for the smile example, like it may not be noticeable to you because thats the pt in why its so fucking subtle! you're just gonna have to trust ppl when they know something is sinister or not idk how to explain this. How do we collect evidence for the things that are so subtle and innocuous and meant to fly under the radar in public?

So when people tell you to check your victim blaming rhetoric this is part of the reason why.

You may reblog this btw and you free to rb with additions of your own too this is an important and open conversation. And before it's said this is not specifically about any one situation it's something I've wanted to write about for a while based on both fandom experiences, irl experiences, and just witnessing how abuse victims are treated in various situations. So it's not a vague.

[idealspawn]

i dont understand why does everyone i love keep going back to people who have hurt them and see no problem with it. how they just accept being treated like shit and love them more for it. there are so many people who are going to love them and love them already who have no intention of hurting them whatsoever yet that is not enough. not only do they tolerate that hurt but they justify that behaviour? how dont they see that their mind is so massively distorted by putting the one that hurt them on such a high pedestal and only blaming themselves for everything? im sure that everyone has low points and hurting one another at one point in relationships is going to be inevitable to a degree but to PRAISE them for HURTING you intentionally.. i think its reasonable to forgive and reconnect but not to think that one deserved that kind of abuse in the first place... i too have love for people who have hurt me in the past and sometimes people grow so we do reconnect as two more mature people years later but that only comes after acknowledgeing the fact that neither of us was necessarily "right" in that situation. such thing as absolute black and white right or wrong doesnt exist in i'd say most cases. and i also dont seem to understand why does this keep happening to me that im in a very close relation to someone and they keep choosing the one that hurts them SO MUCH over me. that just isnt fair to them or me. the issue isnt necessarily that they dont choose ME but someone who treats them with respect. i just have a personal hurt with it too. ive worked so hard on myself and continue to do so and am so good at conflict situations and i havent lost my temper around people i love for such a long long long loong time now. i am SO careful to make sure i am loving and present and understanding and patient and somehow that still is less of a love than someone screaming at them. even if they did do something wrong i think rarely unless in extreme situations one should resort to aggression. i keep trying to show them and tell them that they shouldnt accept such treatment but it just hasnt changed anything. this has happened to me with multiple people in a row. im so tired of this. im tired of my friends not recognizing their own value. and im tired of not being valued. im tired that its not valued how much work and intention i put behind healthy relationships. im sure they had their reasons for being abusive but that doesnt excuse shit. i have more than enough ways how life has fucked me up but i choose not to hurt others because of it.

[lorillee]

"need I say more" I don't know about *need* but I'm curious what you were referring to *specifically* lmao (in relation to that "sometimes widely accepted fanon is worse" post). Like again it's not that I disagree I'm just curious about your take... I have a feeling you might have already elaborated on this so feel free to link me to older posts or something though

honestly mostly just how the fandom looooooves making this entire situation incredibly black & white in like. the sense of manfred personally forced miles and franziska to become prosecutors and like beat them on the regular and was [insert generic Bad Person Trait here whether applicable or not] and now that he's gone they hate him so much forever with 0 even vaguely complicated feelings and that manfreds entire view of miles was purely "son of guy who ruined my life so im going to be The Most Generic Awful Abusive Parent to rectify this situation" and for some reason franziska gets folded into this too i guess like that isnt the most bland take on this entire thing humanly possible and also like . not even canon.

i know people a lot of the time cite that one line from aai1 and like. yeah its bad. but like are we really going to take a single line as the entire representation for this entire relationship when like. there is also . the entire um. rest of the case. ?????? like girl . did you play the game with your eyes open or what. (i've also seen people say it was a mistranslation but since i have no sources for that i cant really speak for it. that being said considering said line came completely out of left field and was not addressed or referenced in any capacity again i wouldnt be surprised).

for the record im certainly not saying manfred was Father Of The Year - i think turnabout goodbyes is uhhhhhhhhhh a pretty good example of him decidedly . not being. but it drives me insane when people flatten the entire relationship to be as palatable and black and white and generic as humanly possible. like im sorry but how can you look at miles keeping the suit manfred gave him, the suit based off of manfred's own iconic suit, literally right there in his office for years after turnabout goodbyes and say "yeah actually the best and most canon reading of this relationship is that manfred beat miles (and franziska when we remember she exists. LOL <- passive aggressive) on the regular and miles' only opinion on manfred is that he hates him so much forever". and like obviously with franziska honestly we ... dont really get much of her opinions on manfred at all, particularly post turnabout goodbyes - but in the flashback case in aai she clearly adores him, and also this line which makes me insane

like. COME ON GUYSSSSSSSSSSS COME ON come on. anyways i know i plug it all the time but if you want my opinions on the von karma-edgeworth family soap opera via mr miles edgeworth's arc in aai2 . i did write a bit of an essay

[yuukei-yikes]

hibiya and takane at the end of the novels let me talk for a second😐😐😐😐😐😭😭😭😭ok erm novel spoilers duh

takane and hibiya werent at the lab with clearing and the rest bc they couldn't rly help (takane is doing shit as ene but if they took her body itd just be something the dan has to carry and as for hibiya in my sick twisted mind hibiyas thing is not ONLY cuz he cant help bc his powers take too much energy but its also bc the dan is trying to act like responsible older siblings and deciding hibiyas too young to be put in danger...sobsob. like it means a lot that hes the only one to survive aside from seto and mary. it's also funny how seto and mary are having an ugly crying party and hibiyas there like 😐) its a good team cuz ene can report back to the dan everything hibiya is seeing with his powers and hibiya can report to takane too *goes insane* its such a funny duo takane tasked as the worlds awfulest babysitter. you know in cartoons when the babysitter just ignores the kids and talks on the phone. hibiya and takane being teamed up together is literally that. except she goes inside the phone and all their friends are dying but thats a detail.

(also it hurts so much too bc of the whole haruka&konoha thing. the 2 characters most closely related to haruka and konoha being stuck together *my descend into madness is complete*)

i think their chapter together was interesting it made me poke my eyes out bc hibiya has to tell takane shintaro is dead and he's like OUGH...I DONT WANNA BE THE ONE TO TELL HER HER BEST FRIEND IS DEAD.. and then takane has a "weird" reaction, like basically doesnt break into tears or anything. and i know its because she had apparently discussed the possibility with shintaro previously (id kill to have read that convo. normal shintaka convo post reveal *shakes fist*) but the way she kind of tries to comfort hibiya in her own weird way and the whole thing being hibiyas pov its so clear she's trying to keep it together in front of him bc he's just a kid. and not only that but she says he reminds her of SHINTARO so she's like. ough ofc she acts like that. just by how she was as ene to shintaro she is being to hibiya rn to make him feel better. she knows she will die when she says goodbye to him after that as ene. IM GONNA PUKE

(she's... like so mature in her own stupid way. it rly hurts when in the following chapter when she's like on her way to die/just died she thinks abt how helpless she was and how she couldnt do anything even though she had just comforted hibiya and sacrificed herself for seto and marys sake. *bangs head against wall* TAKANEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!)

anyways i had all those thoughts bc i was like so since in novel route takane dies as ene... is her physical body also swallowed by the daze?? or is it just her soul, and when she's in the daze later its a haruka situation and both of them only have their consciousness kinda walking around as opposed to everyone else who is there with physical bodies? if that happened then hibiya would just be left on the roof of a random building with a corpse.

either way F for hibiya bc its either he's alone with a corpse or he gets jumpscared by another dimension opening and eating up the body. i do think her body gets swallowed tho and she just looks like ene in the daze cuz thats what she looks like in her mind (she's only been back in her physical body for like a day before this so lol)

either way. hc time but like. i just imagine hibiya realising takane isnt Really sleeping anymore and she Really wont wake up and Wow she doesnt have a pulse and even if he doesn't know her well, he is a kid and she is the adult that was keeping him company. so he kind of loses his mind. i feel so bad for him, what happened to him after takane leaves him??? bc we dont see him again til the end.

like even if he was technically already alone on the roof cuz takane was away as ene anyway, he knew she'd come back. but now shes NOT WAKING UP. he's looking at all this happen, all the people he's met in the last 2 days are dying one by one, the hope to find hiyori seems more and more ridiculous as the hours go on, konoha has been taken over by something Bad and is doing Bad things to people, he doesnt know if momo will be safe, its the middle of the night and he's in a city he doesnt know and the person, the adult, THE FRIEND supposed to be with him is NOT WAKING UP!!! i just imagine this little guy sobbing on takanes body begging her to wake up because he doesnt know how to get back to the hideout from here!! he doesnt know where he is!!! hey!! wakeup!! dont leave me by myself what am i supposed to do!!! and screaming when the daze swallows the body and hes just left alone for real. lol. anyways hows everyone doing

[purple-plum-petals]

OK I SAW THAT U HAD MATCHUPS OPEN I CAME RUNNING

ALSO NO RUSH, TAKE CARE OF URSELF BTW

so if its okay, i'd like a twst matchup plz!

personality;. I’m a 6w5 ENTP- except i dont really fit into the usual ENTP stereotype. it kind of actually relates to a lot of deeper psychology functions in each personality type. and i usually follow carl jung’s belief that each aspect of a personality is still in a person(even though it isnt common in them) and it can eventually be developed over time soooo yeah

in general, i can be pretty bright and chaotic but I can be super chill when i’m not in the mood for it. i kinda like being a menace and pranking people. sometimes, when I’m feeling extremely hyper, I like to make violent and/or flirty jokes. and i also laugh at my own jokes(but its kinda funny) and i also like to seem overly confident in myself. usually, im straightforward and blunt with people. however, with strangers, i’m more quiet and i won’t really talk to you unless you approach me first and then, i kinda of start smiling and being really friendly.

otherwise, i can actually be really responsible and smart. it’s just that i act dumb at first especially since it’s amusing to see how people would react to it

- Hobbiesss; i really, really like to research online about specific topics or listen to educational podcasts/documentaries/etc. or sometimes, im usually playing video games, or im simply talking to friends or sometimes, i like to chill and read

- dislikes; iii hate insects like i will cry at the sight of one. i dont like ppl who sugarcoat things and/or don’t actually mean what they say. I literally hate feeling bored like its the worst feeling in the world. i also tend to feel a little intimidated with overly tall people that are like over 6ft especially since i am 4”9

- likes; I rlly like horror moviesss/video games and music. i like video games in general too though and i rlly like learning. i also like mysterious and thriller stufffff. i also rlly like rings, i love them so much. anddd my birdss, i love my pets so muchhh- i also really like philosophy. i love math a lot mostly because i’m really good at it and especially because i love problem-solving and coming up with ideas

Thank you for sending in a match-up; I think that either Idia Shroud or Ace Trappola would be good matches for you!

Idia may be quite tall but, given how bad his posture is, his height shouldn't affect you too horribly considering he's always slouching. You two surprisingly work well together despite your differing energy levels and desire to cause mischief. You both enjoy playing video games and have vast amounts of knowledge on various topics, so Idia would enjoy spending time with you (when you're not too full of energy, that is). Idia would also find your sense of humor to be funny as he seems like the type of person who also laughs at his own jokes, so you two kind of hype each other up when the situation calls for it. He's also a very straightforward person who doesn't sugarcoat things, so most people agree that you two make a great match (even if they may not always appreciate your blunt nature). Idia would enjoy watching horror movies with you, probably laughing and pointing out different inaccuracies throughout the film. He's also a big fan of animals, especially cats, so he'd probably love to be able to pet and play with yours!

Ace would most definitely be your partner in crime. The two of you constantly get into trouble together whenever and wherever you can given that you both have fun when it comes to playing pranks on others. Ace would find your bluntness to be respectable, but also funny in certain situations since you don't sugarcoat your words (even in situations that may need a gentler delivery). He would also find it interesting that you play dumb around others, especially since he knows you’re a very intelligent and somewhat responsible person; the duality of your personality keeps him on his toes, for better or for worse. Ace, too, also hates feeling bored, so you two would probably always be doing something together whether it be visiting an amusement park or just window shopping together on Sage's Island. He also appreciates that you love horror movies since it's one of his favorite genres as well, so you two can go to the movie theatre and watch them together when you're not busy with class!

[dateamonster]

what’s your opinion on monstrous transformations (both fast and slow), and also more controversially what do you think about having monsters/nonhuman characters serve as minority allegory (as opposed to society���s hate for them being being an allegory)

ohhh hold on this is a rly good question i think abt a Lot actually.

ok getting the first bit out of the way, love a good monstrous transformation. fast, slow, its all good. i personally like gradual slow shifts the most but its a situational thing. transformation is one of those things that like just always has to be symbolic. even more than the degree to which Everything is symbolic ya know. so like context rly matters when it comes to how to invoke it most effectively.

MOVING ON

i think from the phrasing of the ask ur looking for something more along the lines of like. for example shapeshifters as representation of nonbinary people or aliens as representation of different cultures rather than like monsters vs humans as allegory for racism. but im also not sure you can meaningfully separate the two! the latter i think is more overused so it like registers more as an immediate red flag, but its like. if the aliens from avatar werent being violently invaded by humans it wouldnt make like their reskinned stereotypical indigeneity anymore tolerable i dont think.

which isnt to say i think every story that draws connections between fantastical fictional species and real world people are inherently bad. i dont really think theres any trope that i believe cant be handled well by anyone under any circumstance. the super easy fix to bad rep via monster or fantasy creature characters is basically just have actual humans who also represent those same identities and communities and experiences so that the audience isnt drawn to connect the traits of any one group with your fictional species.

the harder fix is to like seriously analyze why you want this character to be a monster and what that says about them and what that says about you and your own experiences and biases and what you actually want to communicate with the inclusion of this character. and when applicable hire a sensitivity reader. its kinda crazy how many pieces of media seem to prefer half-assing the hard way over just doing the easy thing and not assigning the status of token minority to a literal monster.

of course once again all of this is ya know circumstantial. im speaking to like my own experiences and the things ive observed. and its weird too! bc im also speaking as someone who like is trans and nonbinary and thinks of myself and my gender expression as inherently intertwined with monstrosity. and as someone who is autistic and thinks of myself as a changeling. and as someone who is a fat person who represents themself with a pig themed sona. if i talk abt cringeass hollywood blockbusters engaging in High Fantasy Racism i feel like to be fair i kinda have to talk about independent own-voices creators who write stories and make art about their own identities in the lovely language of monstrosity. theres not rly a way to draw a hard line around the former without the risk of catching some of the latter.

so umm as usual i dont rly have a snappy all encompassing answer for how i feel abt this kind of characterization. im simply too much of a Nuance Enjoyer. i do i guess think this is something that generally turns out better when it is someone making art about their own experiences, but also unless i believe minority artists are a monolith, which i dont, i need to accept that artists will inevitably make stuff that is beautiful and resonant to some people and totally repugnant and offensive to others, and that both of those responses can be like totally justified and correct. thats art babey!

anyway slight digression but i think any case where a character feels more like an allegory than a fully fleshed u know Character is gonna flop for me no matter how relatable it is. tbqh, id rather more ppl try and fail to make beautiful grotesque frightening sensually moving monsters out of their lived experiences and their empathetic connections with others than succeed at creating bland toothless universally approachable Good Rep tm. if u know u know. if u feel me u feel me. that is all.

[lunatic-fandom-space]

Oh god, Im five minutes into the Shanghai Special and I definitely remember reading salt posts about this at some point, but I completely forgot that the inciting incident of Marinette wanting to go there was to follow Adrien and that she basically used going to visit her uncle as the excuse which is bad, especially considering Adrien is the whitest boy alive and the show does this weird thing where he knows chinese culture better than Marinette and knows how to speak the language better than Marinette and his family has more personal connections to the chinese miracle box than Marinette's, like, it looks really bad

But the reason Im making this post is actually because I wanted to talk a little about the way they handle Marinette being part of a, idk if this is the best way to phrase this, non-dominant culture. Im phrasing it like that because Im white and the child of two immigrants from the same country, so Im not getting into the additional nuances of being biracial or even of belonging to two different cultures here

First off, I think its fine that Marinette isnt super in-touch with the chinese side of things because she doesnt like, live there and her parents dont seem to be encouraging her to get in touch with it. Im in pretty much the same situation and I actually find it pretty relatable that she doesnt interact too much with her culture outside of like, food mostly. It is a shame because we couldve had something interesting with her initially not being interested in learning more about chinese culture and only researching it and ancient china to find out more about the Miraculous, but then a genuine desire to reconnect with that part of herself starts to grow from that, but I dont think its the biggest deal in the world

The thing that bothers me the most is that they not only basically had Adrien 'be better' at her own culture than Marinette, she doesnt react to it all beyond maybe being like "oh hes so talented" and its like. Im having a lot of trouble putting this into words, but I'll try anyway

When youre the child of immigrants especially and youre not very in-touch with your/your parents' culture, dont really speak the language, dont participate in any traditions and then you meet other immigrant-kids from the same country/culture and they do speak the language and are overall way more in-touch with it than you are, theres this incredible sense of embarassment that I could never explain to people who are, idk, unicultural ? is that a word I should use here? And like, with other people from a similar background theres atleast this sense of solidarity yknow, but with people who are not from there and who are maybe just good at the language and know the culture bc culture lessions are a pretty big part of most language learning lessions.... its a bit different I would imagine. I say 'I would imagine' bc my parents are from a russian-speaking country and we live in germany and, while a lot of schools here will offer some kind of voluntary russian lessions (atleast in my area) most of those are attended by immigrant-kids trying to learn or relearn their language and Ive never met someone who was born here without a russian or post-soviet background who knew russian beyond a few words and who was well versed in russian culture and the cultures of ex-soviet countriws.

However, if I did meet a person like that, I would probably be pissed. Thats obviously not the case for all immigrants and I think the reason why the thought of people not from 'my' culture being "better" at it than I am honestly relates to some deep personal baggage I have because I started crying when I wrote that previous section. And like, its good to learn other languages and to learn about other cultures, please dont let this post discourage you in any way, this is just because of some personal stuff that I dont want to share here.

My point here is, there are intense and complex emotions attached to your family's culture, even if you dont participate in it yourself for whatever reasons you may have. I dont like that its just being swept under the rug for Marinette because the writers would rather have her drool over an intensely bland guy than even begin to address how awful it feels to not be able to communicate with or understand a memeber of your own family due to cultural differences and because you just didnt keep in touch.

Thats it, if you're biracial or you were raised in a multi-cultured home and you have thoughts about this, please share them because I'd love to hear them!

[sabaramonds]

the thing about mikoto of milgram fame is that hes like. okay. so theres a lot that cant be said about him yet because his 2nd trial hasnt released and wont be for quite a while and his music video and interrogation only tell us so much. but what they DO tell us is um. enough to say some things if he answered his interrogation questions honestly, we know he has a younger sister he brags about, his parents are divorced and his father isnt involved in their lives. in regards to his mother, he says that “she raised me. i cant let her worry.” he downplays his own interests/hobbies a lot. he said he played baseball in high school but that he wasnt good at it; he went to an art school but did so in order to go into business (though design was related to his chosen company) and says that he likes drawing but, again, isnt good at it. he says he hates working late nights but we see him pulling an all nighter at work in ‘undercover’. when asked why hes working his current job, he says he worked incredibly hard to even get hired, so its something to be proud of. finally, when asked if he ever gets angry, he says he doesnt. he says, “i dont think ive ever gotten angry before. isnt it disgraceful to get angry?” theres also the following milgram portal conversation (src):

Yuno: Hey, Mikoto-san. Don’t you get tired being so conscious of others all the time? I mean, you’re free to do what you want though.

Mikoto: Eh…… Aha, what are you talking about? I’m not being conscious or anything. It’s normal to make sure to get along with everyone, right?

I mean, when you put it like that, aren’t you the same, Yun-chan? You’re always smiling and getting on with everyone too.

Yuno: I don’t smile unless I actually want to. But with you, when you’re talking with other people it’s more like you only smile deliberately. So I kept thinking, don’t your cheeks get tired?

Ah, is this just what happens when you become a working adult? ……you see people like that sometimes.

Mikoto: Haha, you don’t mince your words do you.

…….that was never my intention, but now that you mention it, yeah, I guess I do. This might’ve been since I started my job too…… But like, if I was rude to everyone I met, all my efforts would come to nothing, right?

all these little things add up to paint a picture of a stressed and deeply repressed guy working a job he doesnt actually like (but he has to have a successful job he can brag about or his mother will worry) he thinks little of his own interests and hobbies and socializes more out of obligation than out of genuine desire. all of this culminates to um...his present situation... basically what i want to say is that i think its fine. also i think he killed someone and immediately repressed it but that incident is entirely unrelated to his anime brand DID and his alter. who aside from trying to whale on es that one time has only ever really showed up to be like “can you shut the fuck up. and get away from me. im trying to be normal over here and you are RUINING my life” or to pace around in mikotos cell in the middle of the night like a creature. i think mikoto 2 was entirely unrelated to mikotos repression stress induced rage murder but they might have cleaned up after him idk. we will see. mikoto wants to be a normal guy having a normal time and not worrying his family at all ever and never experiencing anything like anger or frustration at all EVER EVER!! because he has to set a good example for his sister and be the perfect son for his mom so she can relax. and he doesnt think he can do the things he enjoys for the sake of doing them. so what im saying is if he killed someone who cares. whatever. also we should all mass vote him forgiven/innocent just to spite kotoko after last nights birthday timeline post. AND because it would be funny as hell and the fandom flopped HARD voting haruka guilty/unforgiven. like god forbid girls have a little fun 🙄 btw its my firm belief that the tarot set we see in his mv (and i could talk a lot about the rest of the imagery used in that video but its almost 2am and ive rambled long enough) was designed by him during college. really funny to think about it like that. he does have one of the card designs (the. hangman, actually. i think) visible on a canvas in his apartment, partially obscured behind his couch at one point. so. lol

[witchlockmonsterfox]

Are you okay?

yeah im ok now i just had like an episode not because of the shrooms but because i got into a fight with someone. i also hadnt eaten in a very long time but i finally did. i just went into full lockdown mode of paranoia with my ipad playing on the bed as a distraction huddled up in the corner of a window in the dark watching.

i tried looking for resources but its just, suicide crisis hotlines, domestic violence hotlines, and chatlines for veterans with ptsd.

this isnt related but i keep saying this but i really think there needs to be more recognition of ptsd in response to things like drug addiction and poverty and oppression

there are no resources for these hardly. the people i relate to a lot weirdly are veterans (my judgment about the military aside). i feel like not only is there little recognition for what addicts have gone through as serious trauma, but there’s especially not enough for those who went through the peak of the opioid crisis (which later ended up being during an economic crisis too in 2008 when i was using), and no one ever thinks about like… all the black people who were affected by the “crack epidemic” or whatever in the 80s.

recovery from that was not the same as a war but i mean, a great friend of mine overdosed and died. i had to learn medical skills and deliver medicine and essential items and try to get people groceries. i had to save lives. i had to not get killed. i got assaulted twice. and then during recovery i was with a guy who abused me.

i often didnt talk about some of that with therapists but when i would try to talk about my trauma with addiction they would kind of shut me down, or it wasnt “okay” unless i basically told an NA sob story of recovery and how life was so great now. life was horrible. i was severely traumatized. i wasn’t allowed to tell jokes either, jokes that are just things drug addicts say or joke about talking about their experiences to relieve the stress of talking about it!

people treated me the same way — “i dont want to hear about it”. i understand addiction affects those around the addict but im sorry, it is the addict who suffers “worse”. i think if an addict is in recovery you should listen to them. i just think sometimes people get so obsessed with their own feelings these days they forget about other people. i am feeling that a lot lately. sometimes if you care about someone you have to listen to upsetting things they talk about.

i think people basically blame addicts for their trauma and believe they deserved it, and you see the same when poor people talk about poverty, and black people talk about oppression. i am not saying these are all the same situations, but the reaction from others is similar. it becomes a “blame game” to the other party.

i’m not sure where i was going with this… i am just always asking people to have more respect and compassion to those who are different than you, who have had or have wildly different lives, were systemically mistreated and abused, and recognize there’s big differences even amongst similar groups (like mentally ill people).

i notice there’s so much “boundary” talk these days and “my anxiety” with mentally ill people, particularly those who are white, and to me it feels privileged, especially when my boundaries are never asked or respected. what i went through even systemically?

there were no boundaries, no one cared, and i didnt even get the worst of it. one time i got full body restrained in an ER for 7 hours alone because i took seven klonopin (a benzodiazepine, i was NOT violent and it was NOT lethal nor was i trying to kill myself!) and they denied letting me even make a phone call. that’s just one example. the idea of telling staff about my boundaries and feelings and insisting they respect me sounds outright dangerous. they would abuse you further. i have trouble understanding it.

i’m not trying to be ableist, but i do think someone needs to say all this.