#i feel in my soul they are dogshit idk what about it

[tobacconist]

Okay like i actually feel so guilty and this isnt even a joke. i dont know how to say this without sounding insane but yes; wizards are real. i am one of them. no, i havent been to hogwarts. yes, i do have a wand. no, i won't show it to you. etc, etc. genuinely this weighs heavy on my soul. ive talked about this before but i feel like its important for me to write this out once again. j confess it: j was party to them what put that curse on jk rowling. (iykyk) like, bitch, im actually so sorry. it was never meant to go this far. i mean i never meant for... well, i dont think any of us did (originally) but now we are where we are, and theres no turning back. not now.

basically, there was a big uproar in the wizarding community after that play 'the cursed child' came out. idk, i never saw it. you see, jk rowling didnt actually 'write' the harry potter series. she 'wrote' it, but it was not actually 'wrought' by her, like... to put it bluntly, the original was all based off of real events (albeit with significant alterations) and ,madame, was the one chosen to write the 'muggle-redacted' version, because she has (distant) wizard ancestry. she herself is completely unaware of this. well then, anyway, then there was the fantastic beasts saga; and, like, we were ALL pissed off. even the muggles sensed that something wasnt right. it wasnt 'magical'. it was a disgrace. so... yeah... we did it. we... uh... put that powder on her doorstep, so to speak. we crossed some bones. it was actually nothing to do with transness at all to begin with, it was about some political shit to do with the labour party and jeremy corbyn? or something like that? idk, were not supposed to vote and be political, we have our own kings and queens. anyway yeah we were just sore about how we were portrayed in it and especially how she distorted the whole plotline about grindelwald and harrys children. like bitch, if youre listening, tell me: WHY DIDNT YOU WRITE 'THE FOUR MARAUDERS' LIKE YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO!? OR 'THE LIFE AND TIMES OF ALBUS DUMBLEDORE' OR 'HOGWARTS A HISTORY'? or ANYTHING ELSE! it could have all been so different... 'fantastic beasts'??? sorry what??? it was genuinely like smearing dogshite upon our screens. im sorry love, but were still right angry about it. we loved you... how... how could you? 'newt scamander' - who is this fellow? we have never heard of him. oh, what? did you feel some tingle of inspiration? some new character, who loves magical creatures. he was expelled from hogwarts... fond relationship with dumbledore... THATS HAGRID! THATS THE YOUNG HAGRID! FUCK! anyway yeah, i didnt watch any of the other ones cus it was just embarrassing to see johnny depp dressed up like that.

and ofcourse there was all the other stuff before that (dont forget to be awesome!) but basically we cast a spell, several spells, and sent evil fortunes to be upon her. i regret it deeply. but by gum was the woman strong! i beg you all to realise that she literally was not transphobic until we caused this incessant stream of abuse to be directed towards her. like, we literally did this to her. on purpose. it was a targeted campaign of psychic harassment and manipulation that we have put her through for YEARS, and its only a few months ago that she truly started to crack. weve all since disbanded, because covens never stay together very long; thats why hogwarts is only a dream - but the spells have been spoken and the weird it is weft, and it would be a strong hand that would unweave them. that is to say - it is ongoing, and i am so sorry sorry sorry sorry

and for the record :- transexuality/homosexuality/genderqueerness/goatfucking is literally not an issue in wizard society we literally have potions that can change your gender in an instant or turn it back again, most of us have non-human ancestry, and we regularly trade our sperm and eggs with other species such as elves and the chinese. so there.

[green-alien-turdz]

started autistically vibrating the second i read your answer lmfao. i was thinking cartman or tweek myself tbh, those bitches are both just PRIMED for it imo. i tend to lean towards a lot of abduction experiences being some kind of extreme reaction to other earthly trauma, but that really doesnt seem to fit every account so idk what the fuck is going on. god though dude *puts on homemade MUFON lanyard* i am SO SO SO CURIOUS to hear about your/your fam's weird experiences if you ever wanna share, i saw some questionable shit when i briefly lived out in Ohio myself. gone back and forth on the legitimacy of it all over the years, one of those things that's like, the more you research the less you Know.

Okay bro, I gotchu. I NEVER get to talk about this shit so imma fuckin go wild

Ight, so legit everybody in my mfin family got some shit to say- I tried to pry my brother's experiences outta him, but he is dogshit about answerin questions. Just know that he got some stories from when he would go campin n shit (even though he has funny ass stories from when he was outta his mind fucked up, there's still a lotta sober experiences he's got too)

1st, my dad: his stories are kinda vague too bcuz we don't talk, but from what he has told me in the past, he has 2 moments in his life he was certain was alien activity. Both of these take place in Texas (but when he was still livin in Ohio, he did say he'd seen some weird shit). The first is when he was movin to Oregon, n he was drivin late at night through Texas. Not a soul on the mfin road n he's in buttfuck nowhere. He said that there was this huge fuckin flash of light from above n his truck completely shut off. Like, the mf was still rollin at the same speed, but nothin it was like the car itself just kinda switched off (no engine, no lights, no music, nothin). He's tryin to start it up over n over, not really sure what the hell was goin on- so he's tryna pop the clutch seein as he was still movin. But this shit would NOT turn the fuck over. Until after he was gonna give up, slowly brake n just pull off to the side, but before he even attempted, the truck starts up again n continues on like nothin even happened.

His second experience I don't remember as well, so sorry about that. If I fuckin recall my dad n his band were just finishin up a show n were just chillin behind the bar smokin. One mf points out that there's this weird fuckin plane over some buildings on the horizon. Like, it just wasn't movin right? He said it seemed to be movin in a really slow zig zag pattern (but it wasn't like a drone, this this was way too big n it was the mid-90s). They kinda brush it off bcuz it's late as hell n they're all pretty shitfaced. But he said that it lasted in that area for about 10 more minutes, just movin back n forth until he looked away for a minute n it was just gone.

He's also told me about how on his late night drives in dead places, he's seen a shit load of random light infront of him shootin into the ground, n this is especially fuckin freaky to me bcuz I got a very similar thing that happened not that long ago. It's explained in my individual experience.

My mom n grandma: My gma might have some more, I feel like she had told me somethin. This one is backed by both my mom n my gma (although my uncle was here too, he just doesn't associate w/ the family so maybe he'd have some input). My gma used to drive from across the whole U.S. ALL the fuckin time when my mom was growin up, like they always had these roadtrips bcuz my gpa was an abusive pos n they'd escape back to my greatgrandparents place. So they're in the more of the desert states (like New Mexico, Arizona, Nevada, I just can't remember which). My mom is probably about 10 or so. It's full on daylight, unlike every other story I got, this is the only one where it is broad fuckin daylight out. There's nothin but desert for miles, it's just a long beige stretch. So when my mom saw somethin just hoverin in the sky, it stuck out like a sore thumb. My mom calls it out, which causes everyone in the car to just watch it. My gma doesn't stop drivin, but she slowed down quite a bit, n she says that thing just fuckin sat there. Like, no movement whatsoever. It didn't look all that much like a plane, but they couldn't make out defined details. All they knew is that there is this plane adjacent aircraft just hoverin in the middle of the desert. They'd never seen anythin like it, despite all of them bein raised on military bases n seein a lot of kinds of military aircrafts (which is why this was ruled out). They kept drivin off but my mom said she just watched it through the window as it became smaller n smaller until it got too far away to see- but that shit never moved. It just remained hoverin in that same place.

Ight, Imma get into my experiences now, I got two with people n one that's on my own (that one is long as SHIT).

The first one is with me n my sisters (home in Oregon): This is around 2015-2016. It's the middle of the night in late April. We were chillin bcuz it was one of my sisters bdays n we were just talkin n watchin the stars. Now we live right next to an airport, so there are a shit ton of planes that go over, even late at night- but you can always tell those bcuz of the red lights n they're usually not that high up yet. We were just talkin tryin to find constellations bcuz it was a clear ass night. At some point we see these two lights. They're contained in these circular shadows WELL into the sky, but we could still make out a vessel that the light were on. 4 light on each circle. They're goin up n down the night sky back n forth completely parallel, so it seems like they're together. At first we were losin our shit, not able to explain what we were watchin. After some rational thought, we were like 'mfer we see satellites in the sky all the time, that's probably what these are' bcuz they were fuckin zoomin through the sky. We even see satellites pass over, but we kinda notice that they move n look a LOT different than the lights we were watchin. But every satellite's different yknow? That is until these mfs, the completely parallel movin in tandem lights all of a sudden both separate n go fuckin zoomin away from one another in the opposite direction. No longer up n down, but left n right. And then they're just fuckin GONE. Like, they sped off n never returned to the place they'd been for like 20 or so minutes. (Now I am willin to admit, that very well could be satellites, but it's still weird as fuck).

Here's one with me n my dad: This is around 2019. We were out in Utah, middle of the desert. This time it's probably closer to like 10-11pm. We were kinda just doin our own thing, sittin, thinkin about shit. When outta the fuckin blue, we notice this weird ass aircraft. Like, it low flying, large enough to be a fuckin cargo plane (doesn't look like one though), n movin super slow with a BRIGHT fuckin light slowly phasin in n out, illuminatin the craft. We're both losin our shit watchin this bcuz neither of us know what the fuck we're lookin at. Now this this was low enough that, if it were a plane, we would've heard it. But it was movin at the same speed which planes always appear to be when they're thousands of feet into the sky. But this was maybe 200 or less feet up. It was a really thick, aircraft that was slightly triangular in shape, but still pretty bulky. We couldn't see any engine or shit like that. We are legit fuckin shoutin like mad men, chasin this thing. At some point we try to call over the rest of the family, but we're slowly losin our visual on this thing. Everyone else is tryna look in the sky as my dad n I make a mad dash tryna keep an eye on it as it went behind some structure. But the second we got to a place where it should've been seen on the other side, based on its flight path, this thing was fuckin gone. Like, nowhere in the sky. It was like it was never there. To this day not sure what the fuck we were watchin bcuz we followed it for a good while, just for it to vanish.

Okay, now onto my final encounter (warning, this is a LONG mf bcuz it just happened in January, so it's fresh on my mind): I had decided to drive out to Sauvi island at like 1 am because I really wanted to go out and watch the water. But it was like the foggiest night in existence. It was during that period in January where every night was covered in this thick, heavy fog. I wasn't gonna let that stop me though. Even if I could barely see the road and almost crashed like 5 different times, I was determined. The drive itself was kinda ominous, but shit didn't start gettin weird until I actually reached Sauvi's. The second I reach the island, something just feels off instantly. I mean, no one's on the road of course, it's late, it's foggy. But I mean, it was DEAD. There was an alarming amount of roadkill everywhere (like fresh roadkill), and the entire island reeked of fuckin death, skunk, and mold. So I keep fuckin driving and just get the sense that someone was following me, like on my ass tailing me, but there wasn't any other cars or nothing. But I had the window down and swear I could hear some shit close to me. I'm driving and manage to miss my turn off to the beach. Here's where shit genuinely starts getting weird. Lights. Unexplainable lights ALL over. Now if this was a more populated area, I would assume some of this was street lamps, but the island doesn't really have that many (they have them in front of some buildings, but the roads are lightless). I kept seein "headlights" coming around turns that didn't exist. And when I should've been passing them, there was nothing there and the lights were gone. Okay, weird, but maybe it was my headlights reflection on the fog. Then I see fuckin taillights. I get confused because it looks like a car going up a hill, and I brushed it off before realizing that it was a wide open, flat road, and there was no hill or car in sight. I watched the lights turn into nothing and they were gone. At this point, I'm freaked out, but I'm still finding my way back to the beach. I manage to loop back around to the entrance of Sauvi's so I can take the right turn this time. When I tell you that the smell is worse and I even notice more roadkill. I would've seen any other cars on the road, but there was fuckin no one. And I know damn well that I wasn't the one who hit them. But I brush that off because I'm every white person in a horror movie. Not too long after, I saw the final unexplainable light I'd see that night. There was this small-ish, but abnormally bright light just kinda bobbing up and down infront of this post. I assumed it was some weird reflective thing, but as I approached it, it went up and then shot into the ground- the light completely disappearin into the ground. After I saw this, the feelin of bein chased was at a 100%, like I was stressin. I finally took the right turn, and there's this one fuckin shadow in the fog that I'm TELLING you looked like this tall fucking figure walking about. I legit stopped dead in my tracks to watch it, but this feeling of dread came over me, and I sped off. I finally make it to the beach, but I think I stayed for maybe 5 minutes or less? There was an extremely menacing feeling. Like it was THICK. I couldn't see the water it was so fogged out. I mean, it was beautiful. But it truly felt like I was being watched. There was little to no sound until I heard coyotes fucking EVERYWHERE. Like an insane amount. I head back to the car and they seem to shut up. I absolutely dipped the fuck outta there.

Now it is important to note with Sauvi's that there is maybe a supernatural element into that. Seein as Sauvi's, like most of Oregon n the U.S. was home to Native Americans (Chinook Indians specifically) n as we know, mfs just weren't allowed catch a break (to put things lightly). So there is more than likely some unrest in the energies n life of the island.

But yeah, there's a small collection of experiences in my family. I'd LOVE to hear your shit from Ohio. That place has some strange shit goin on there, like genuinely. Everytime I went to vist my dad's mom, that place just feels like somethins goin on there

[robotlesbianjavert]

Ten headcanons about spinner please

well you asked so nicely. okay!

10) i think i've already mentioned this in the past and some fics but despite what you expect from someone with reptile associations he's not anymore affected by the cold than any other warm-blooded person. and he knows it's a silly thing to get sensitive about but well when people assume he gets a bit heated!! so to say!!

9) he first learned how to use a knife, and in particular knife throwing tricks, from his mom, who is most of the born and bred country rep in his family and grew up with very little else to do and really needed a cool party trick. between her and toga, knife-throwing is his only surefire way to bond with women.

8) who is the biggest bara rep in league of legends. idk mordekaiser looks promising. in any case spinner's first glimmer of realizing that he is gay was accidentally stumbling upon LoL bara doujinshi, on the internet. somehow the continuing fascination for bara did not translate to real life where he keeps going gaga for weird skinny weirdos with disappointing t&a (UNTIL shigaraki's ujiko-provided glow-up)

7) his backup plan for going to the city after seeing stain on tv if he failed to find and join the league of villains was just to hit all the clubs and get laid. but as a virgin and hikkikomori he was very nervous about this option and was kind of relieved that he could just join a terrorist group instead.

6) i used this one in a fic too lmao. as a kid his claws were filed down regularly so that other kids and the rest of the town didn't freak out and think he was gonna gut them. cuz they're evil. as part of the headcanon of it all he does have weird hang-ups and

5) backseat gamer. like, pathological. much like myself as a child watching my stepbrothers play zelda or conker's bad fur day, he will sit over shigaraki's shoulder (and anyone else's i guess but he's literally so under-socialized he doesn't know anyone else who plays videogames irl. sad!) and be like i wouldn't have done that. you're supposed to go over there. why aren't you using all these cheat codes that i know (they don't work). thankfully shigaraki is cool with this cuz he loves to argue. i actually consider this canon enough given that we have now seen spinner hanging over shigaraki's shoulder as he's playing games.

4) were a tumblr equivalent to exist in bnhaverse spinner would have an account and he would try to be crazy stealth and not have it associated to any other social accounts ever and he would be a hater on it and you could not pay him to commit voter fraud for something against his morals (shipping polls) (he would have voted destiel!! he knows he is cas-coded!!) but he would create so many dummy accounts manually by hand HIMSELF like a hard worker to influence results as much as he could. without paying people. or getting bots. he has a pure hater soul.

3) related to the above spinner is a constant hater online. people ask him what does he ever like and he just regurgitates whatever video essay he watched recently that had a nice thing to say. but his hater stances are 100% original. not to say that he never Likes something about anything but he's dogshit at expressing it.

2) part of his issues is that he was very unintentionally detached from any other of his heteromorph-related family that he could relate to (a lot of the family was probably located in cities) aside from whatever parents or siblings, which contributed further to his feelings of isolation from the community he grew up in, and his heteromorphic traits were just enough more apparent compared to the immediate family that he was more targeted by the community he grew up in. so he's both discriminated and marginalized by the community, and has a harder time finding solace in his family to cope.

1 ) i must once again stand by spinner's hybistrophilia. like really specifically his true fantasy is a cool suave older man who does a lot of serial killing and is willing to take spinner under his wing and say ah i see you have a lot of potential. but then he fell in love with shigaraki. that's how you know it's true love. i guess you can argue that shigaraki is an old soul.

[cielsosinfel]

i want to eventually move over all my blusky rambling to here, because reading through even your own older posts on bluesky is still DOGSHIT. But I'm very very tired from health issues so I'll figure that out later. but I do wanna post this. I was scouring through the devnotes for Raphael, Hope and Korrilla (still haven't gotten to the end of HoH so also desperately avoiding cutscenes I have yet to reach lmao playing with fire, oh well)

AND THIS ONE! THIS ONE STOOD OUT TO ME!

Korrilla: Poor, deluded Hope. She's stubborn. Raphael loves stubborn. If she'd just agree to serve him, he'd probably have released her a long time ago. Korrilla: As things stand, she's his favourite toy. We're all mad here, but Hope in hell? Why that's the definition of insanity. Devnote: NodeContext: Complicated feelings. Both jealous of Raphael's attention and sad because she knows her sister doesn't want it.

I don't think the emotions expressed in the devnote come across in the line as voice-acted in the game, but the fact it was the writer's intention is so startling, and really explains a lot of the dynamic between these two... Hope absolutely loathes Raphael. She has resisted giving into him for an untold number of years, refused him at every juncture despite the tortures it earns her. he's obsessed with her because she's something he can't claim ownership of, no matter what he does, and it infuriates him. And then there's Korrilla. Her own sister has basically abandoned her, sided with her abuser, become deathly loyal to him, JOINED in torturing her ("Sister, my sister, oh what have you done? Sold me for soul scraps, torment me for fun!" as Hope says.) Basically wholly given herself over to Raphael as an extension of his will, as a tool and a weapon for him to make use of. Even seems to have moments of casual camaraderie with him (the silly betting over what their clients will manage do...) The depths of abandonment and resentment Hope must feel!

And yet apparently Korrilla's jealous that Raphael is still so fixated on the sister of hers who refuses him at every turn, when she's practically his star employee, the person he relies on most. Everything she does for him and he still wants a woman he cannot break down into wanting him. Jealous yet still sad about what her sister is going through, still having this shred of empathy, even while thinking Hope is bringing it on herself, because wouldn't it be so easy to say "yes"? Wouldn't it be so easy to give in?

idk these three drive me crazier the more I think about them

And it's not like Korrilla wasn't subject to Raphael's violence, if we go off this note, but apparently she took to the Hells and the expectations of its hierarchies and means of survival very quickly and very well. But that still means violence, fear and intimidation were used to secure her cooperation and loyalty in the beginning, right? Did she watch what was happening to her sister, so much firmer in her morals, and decide "I will avoid this by any means necessary"? "If I just show Hope how good she can have it by agreeing to Raphael's authority, she'll come to her senses"? Me spinning headcanons in my mind lmao

Also personally I don't interpret this jealousy as a romantic thing on Korrilla's part, but who knows what the writer's intention was. Literally the only mention of these feelings of Korrilla's, as far as I know, is this devnote. I will keep an eye out as I continue to play and adjust my interpretations accordingly lmao

[atalienart]

that sounds like a shit situation ❤️❤️ i don‘t think you‘re unlikeable though. it can be tough to keep in contact with people, and i think it‘s gotten harder over the last couple years for everyone (don‘t mean to minimize your specific situation). i think it could just be shit luck, but if it isn‘t, i don‘t think the problem lies deep within you or anything. i know it can feel like that though. there‘s nothing wrong with you as a person, you‘re not somehow fucked up. you‘re fine, i promise. people who talk like that (“you’re unlikeable”) are just mean because for some reason they either don‘t want to be better or they just don‘t know how to. either way, it doesn‘t sound like they put a lot of effort into building that opinion, so personally, i would dismiss it (i know that can be really hard to do though). it’s not exactly constructive. it sounds like plain petty and bitter bullshit tbh lol.

even though i found some friends for life during school, after moving away from each other, it‘s been hard to keep in touch. two of them are just dogshit at texting lmao, and one is great but doesn‘t have much time for actually substantial contact, like phone calls or visits. what i‘ve found to be integral is all of it, sadly lmao. it‘s rly hard when life is happening for everyone and bigger projects take up time and energy, it‘s been a struggle to trust that we‘re still friends despite little active friendship happening, but it‘s worth it. i don‘t know anything about your specific situation, but open communication is always a banger. if you have people you want to keep in your life, you gotta tell em. again, i don‘t know if you have and it just wasn‘t mutual. i just wanna help somehow because you seem hurt and i know that and it sucks but it‘s hard to go off of so little info. anyway. baring your soul be scary as hell but everyone has one, and usually being brave enough to do it first makes people feel safe to do it back. i recommend trying it. i also highly recommend not declaring a friendship / any relationship lost because of a potentially temporary loss of contact. people withdraw from their social circles all the time bc something in their life is stressing them out, and a lot of the time people aren‘t opposed to contact with someone, they just don‘t know how to approach them because maybe they thought they‘re sending signals that they‘re not that interested, or they‘re just plain anxious. shy. if you want a relationship to grow and develop and become stronger, if you want to build a bond, i recommend getting into the habit of making the first step. i KNOW that can be really hard lmao, the first time i tried to meaningfully reach out to someone i wasn‘t already close with it took me literal months lmfao. but i did it! and you can do it too. you really absolutely can.

idk. i think the most important thing is to be openly affectionate and let people know, even just in small ways! in can be said so so casually, you can just mention that sitting down for coffee or smth is such a nice calm moment in your otherwise busy day. or customize that to fit you however you want! just let people know that it‘s fun to spend time with them. they‘re probably just as shy and insecure as you. just small things to make them feel valuable and appreciated, so that they can understand that they really are, yknow? basically just— everything you‘d want them to do for you, you gotta do for them! and they‘ll likely happily return the favor :‘) if not, that‘s tough, but you guys not being a match doesn‘t mean other people won‘t be!

i find it hard to make new friends too. i moved away from my school friends and sttttruuuuggglllleeed for a while to make new friends here, i‘m just coming out of a shit shit fucking shit period in my life so i still don‘t have any, despite having talked with and sort of started the process of building a friendship with a few. nothing lasted for me either, and i thought it was because there‘s something wrong with me too. that‘s bullshit though, for me as for you, and i gotta try again and be calm and trust that it‘s gonna work eventually, because people do want to be friends, and if you can manage not to make yourself crazy with worry about it, then it‘s just gonna go along rather smoothly and just be fun.

i hope you can believe that, but i know i would have found it hard a year ago. it‘s true though. it could be that you‘re a rarer personality hehe, i still feel like that myself lol. but that doesn‘t mean you won‘t find your people. and if you meet someone you like, i hope you can have the courage to take the first step whenever it‘s needed. if you start like that, they‘ll likely follow and take the first step towards you when you can‘t :‘)

people generally like friendship and want to make friends. you‘re not any less suited for the job than anybody else. it takes a bit of effort though, sometimes a lot. but you can do it :‘)

i hope you feel better soon, and i really hope this isn‘t preachy and obnoxious. :|

Hey, thanks for the message. I'm sorry to hear you struggle with finding your people. But even if it's hard, I'm happy to hear that you still have someone you keep in touch with. Also, I think you're really amazing being so active in building relationships, hope it turns into something great for you one day and you find many valuable friendships. You sound like really cool, smart person ❤️

You're very kind but I think my situation really is my fault. I try, but I believe I'm just tiresome after a while. Besides, even when I do my best to communicate clearly (I really do) it seems I always end up saying or doing something wrong. I guess the braver people choose to look past my weirdness but at some point they realise it's not worth it. And I'm not saying that to sound quirky, it's just that when people constantly look at you like you're a different species and tell you you're weird you start to notice you're the odd one out xD I really don't expect people to always be there for me, I just hope for some conversation from time to time, some texting, nothing more. (And I think unless something really serious is going on in your life you can find time to answer a text from someone you say you like/see as a friend.) I really admire you for reaching out to others just like that, I always have a feeling I'm a bother. It doesn't help that initial small talk is extremely hard form me, it takes a lot of energy and brain power from me Anyway, at this point I think I'm the one who doesn't want to make friends anymore. I already gave up on trying to do that irl, it's like "level impossible" because apart from horrible personality I'm additionally very visually unappealing xD But in general, I think it would be safer to not expect anything from anyone. It's always like "hey, maybe they really do enjoy talking to me" and then it's like "nope, never mind, you really do suck". I don't need that reminder every couple years xD I'm old and tired. Anyway, don't worry, I'll be fine. I just haven't got enough sleep and I've been stressed lately, that's why I'm whining. I know I shouldn't do that on social media but here we go lol. Hugs for you!

[idsb]

may I ask what it is about Australia that makes you feel like half your soul is there? I have been following you since your first trip there and I remember when you decided to go back and see the guy, a large part of it was that you felt you didn’t have great support in the US (I think?) and weren’t leaving much behind, which is different now. and a couple months ago you were not having a good time in Aus right? Just being nosy so feel free to ignore me, just curious because idk what it’s like to be really tied to a place

Hi! That’s okay, thanks for asking.

I think what initially drew me to go there the first time, on the trip I met the guy, was that when I was like 14 I was like “America is fucked” - but not just in a standard bitchy teenager way, like I legitimately cannot stomach being in this country or having children in this country etc etc (I have long said I will never have a kid if they are going to be born a US citizen because I think that is a dogshit burden to inflict on someone 🤪) to the point where I feel like a captive to America and am disgusted with the concept of living somewhere so awful. It feels like continuing to have someone as a housemate / landlord who you know is an abuser but choosing to stay because it’s easier and you like other things about the house. It like, gives me the ick in an irreconcilable way. I used to tell people it’s a life goal of mine to renounce my US citizenship to spit in this country’s face, and I’d still like to.

So, that said, I spent a lot of time researching where might be better, and the answer I came up with was Australia. That’s how I first found out about the visa I’m currently on, and I even was going to go to college here, got accepted to a uni and put a deposit on housing and everything before I got cold feet at 19. I discovered through all this research that it was the most objectively perfect place for an English speaking person to live in this entire world. I learned everything about living here and 95% of everything I learned about it just made it more perfect. Obviously the guy took a front seat to me loving it for a while, and the having dogshit friends in the US (none of whom I am still friends with so hooray) was a factor too. But there’s so much about this country, from growing up watching Steve Irwin religiously every night of my childhood and learning about the wildlife here and in my months of research at 17 and me learning everything ever about how this country’s social safety net works at 19 and seeing firsthand how great the people here are and how everything good I’ve read about this place is true at 22 and seeing the remarkable beauty and incredible beaches and rainforests and reef and red sands and and so much more and making so many lovely friends here at 23 and at 27 and seeing how much easier everything about life here is now that I’m living it, talking to people who are from here who know how lucky they are to be from here… I love EVERYTHING about it. Everything. A place where the only fault about day to day life and stress levels etc in a vacuum, outside of bad things that have happened to me, is like. The grocery store doesn’t have mac and cheese. I’ve been thinking a lot this week and I feel like, yes I have had some dogshit happen to me, but if the things that have happened to me here happened in America, they would be like, literally completely life-ruining with the way America is. Here they are just bad things that happen and are solvable because the quality of living and workplace conditions etc etc etc are worlds better here.

I think the concept of leaving and not coming back and the visa I’ve always wanted ending and being unable to renew it has had me zoom out a lot on my feelings towards it here. I’ve just always felt so DEEPLY tied to this place and it makes me see the forest for the trees a bit more in terms of my time here, and it’s compounded with, as I think about, “well where else could I go?” My absolute disgust with America and that then only makes me love it here more. @dorotheado said to me a few weeks ago, “you know, you’ve had like.. a really bad time here? And yet you just keep chasing it and just keep wanting to stay, and I really don’t think that would be the case if your internal compass wasn’t just rooted STRAIGHT here” and I think it’s the most accurate thing I’ve ever heard

[80-ursa-major]

i was going through blogs and saw an old hp meta and i mostly respect that person's opinion so i went back and reread the last 2 books and that was fun and now i have so many feeling i need to let them out

-the main one is that i don't hate snape? like he's an asshole for bullying kids but after seeing his entire life flash before my eyes there was no room for anything but pity. mind you not the aw poor bb pity but the damn life really is a bitch and then you die. like your family's shit and you're ugly and everyone hates and you can't let go so you end up perpetuating the abuse cycle and there's no redemption. you failed, the end. kinda amazing tbh that she wrote him like that i.e a brave dude who managed to do the right thing after he ruined everything but also a thoroughly unpleasant human being till the end.

p.s: is he even a bad teacher? most of his students pass, his detention is scrubbing pots and he makes mean girls tier remarks. Meanwhile the good guys send children to the forbidden forest and expose them to dangeorus animals without protection lmao

+ the always~ line is overused and criiiinge just like the ship itself. The real goat line is ''And my soul? Mine? It cut me deeply cause i was also dumbledore's (wo)man's through and through and i didn't care about his hitler boyfriend and his secrets and i even went as far as to make a note in the book (the only note) to plead with harry not to doubt him. and he was the only thing remotely close to a friend snape had cause he was the ony one who knew the truth but he did use him cause he wanted to save harry and the world and even fucking draco and it just sucks, it all suuuucks

++and it's not like draco got a redemption, his entire family was dogshit and still got away with everything. i felt this so hard cause thanks to churchil the nazi collaborators in my country never got their comeuppance so their descendants also hold positions of power now and keep eroding our democracy

+++still can't believe the one that got rehabilitated was kreacher, like i hated him so much for sirius but hermione was kinda right. and it was so sad when he must have waited and waited for them to show up and eat that kidney pie

-i remember i hated how my precious perfect hermione ending up with he's just ron but this time i didn't care much. his rapid fire cool AND considerate moments in the battle were very forced in my opinion and a little too little too late but eh whatever as long as she's happy.

+i think it's cause as a kid i wanted her with harry but now he was kinda annoying, idk he can be a pretty annoying kid. i mean it makes sense considering what the poor child had to got Through. But also he's basically the messiah with his love spiel and dying for everyone and i'm sitting here with my hurt cheek and a core that craves a proportionate justice that doesn't exist.

btw i'll never understand people who still complain about albus severus. it's a shit name to be sure but if you spend 7 years with harry it should be obvious this is a 200% in character thing to do.

++adulthood is realising krum was the best and deserved better and we deserved better instead of unrepentant asshole malfoys

-i still hate ginny and molly. molly was poor but had seven kids and the only one who would always get the short end of the stick was ron. it was just so pitiful with the wand, and the cloak and the rat. and she was so obsessed with being harry's mom she got pissed at sirius for being the cool dad (dude had his issues too obviously but they should have met in the middle) and she thought the sun shined out of harry's ass so she froze a teen girl she knew cause of something she read in the Sun. Kinda hated how she got the bella kill too

ginny went from nobody to best at hexing AND sports AND doesn't cry AND she's so hot everyone wants her and lmao what kind of cardboard dating game self-insert is this?Her sense of humour has asuch a mean streak too. And the way they treated fleur argh I felt like i was in an aita about the stereotypical evil mil and sil. and the people who say it was mutual cause fluer was snob? yeah she was and i ripped her one too when she looked down on my favorite chaotic magic murderschool but they weren't bullying her because of that? they were being mean cause they were jealous she was beautiful and men went gaga, because they thought that meant she was shallow and of course she wasn't good enough for their son/bro

and the trashiest thing was when they made fun of accents. these people who only knew english and had never tried learning any other languages! like come on dude

-i had forgotten how hedwig dies aaaaaaa i still can't believe it was so fast and then nothing it still hurts...

[goshen-applecrumbledore]

How do you manage to write so much, and so well? I recently started trying to write a story, and it will be my first ever multi chapter story if I can manage it, but I don't see how it will ever be written. It's taken me so many hours over the past few days just to write a couple pages, and those aren't even good. It's just a silly AU but if I want to do it justice, it will have to be at least a big bang size and I don't think my brain can do it. How are you so prolific?

I mean!! great question! I never really thought about why beyond "it's a compulsion and I don't know how to not," but this IS the first time in my life I've ever written this kind of volume at this speed (I did the math and it's been 300k words of spn fic since the beginning of 2021 to now which is appalling) so there's gotta be something there. I guess I can share a few things of note that might be helpful

1. I think it's kind of a personal built-in thing, whether you naturally write long or short (I'm aware this is unhelpful lol). in general, I just write long form and have a very hard time writing short! a lot of my fics are over 20k and I don't even think that's a good thing, I wish I could tell better stories shorter. in my personal work, I've self-published 4 novels (nobody ask, they're old and dogshit) but gotten zero short stories published because I don't get ideas for them and when I do I can't make them sub-3k. so to start, I guess: don't feel bad. it's something to practice

2. I never shut up about this because it's so integral to the way that I write but I write exclusively on my phone. I can't fathom sitting down at a computer and being like It Is Time To Write Now and being able to get anything down. seems very high-pressure and soul crushing. if I'm working on a story, I have it up on my phone whenever I have 2 free seconds, writing or reading it over. I think it takes the pressure off because you're not TRYING to write, your story is just hangin out with you all the time. looking at it and reading it over gets me in the mood to add stuff, if that makes sense. it's like writing immersion. and, I think it lets me be more immediate/passionate-- when I have a good line it instantly gets jotted down, when i'm horny, I work on a sex scene. I just use the Google docs mobile app but maybe if you have an iPhone there are better word processor apps (i have an android)

3. related: I write non-linearly, so I don't get stuck on "I don't have any ideas for this part right now." I figure lots of people do this but idk. i have a note form outline, but then I hop around and write the parts that are most exciting to me at the moment, which means I write more because I'm always jazzed about the part I'm writing. I'll think of a good line of dialogue or something and let it spool from there, even if it's in the middle or end, because I know how I want that scene to go and it doesn't matter that I don't have what comes before it.

3a. now that I think of it, I don't know if you write outlines but definitely have even the barest of outlines, like point form. it's motivating to know where you want the story to get to, even if you don't 100% know how you'll get there.

I always feel like a clown giving writing advice because I'm not a professional but I hope those help somewhat. nobody ever takes my advice on the phone thing, but give it a shot. if I didn't write on my phone I literally wouldn't write, so that's GOTTA work for somebody else at some point. thank you and good luck with your story, you can do it!