#i feel like social media has completely removed how people think about each other as people

[periprose]

why do people on instagram unfollow but assume you want to keep following them? you're not fucking famous lol

[mrs-monaghan]

Hi, it's KY here :)

How is everyone feeling about the Taennie news? Knetz have fully accepted the truth and moved on, I suggest I-fans need to do the same. (Jennie is known for having dating news come out regularly, so it's not a big deal for BP fans. For Armys, the sane ones, we've known for a while now haven't we? It's not a shock anymore.)

I read the comments on my previous ask and don't worry! I will not be sharing anything sensitive whatsoever. I find it funny when other shippers say things like "How is it possible that K-fans can keep things to themselves?" I don't think I've seen anyone else address this yet so let me tell you why.

K-Jikookers are mostly queer. Yes, you read that right. Unlike other shippers, who are straight women that self-insert as one of the members (like they do with TK) we support them as a couple. This means that we don't want to date either of them, and we don't self-imagine as their partner - we know that they're unavailable because they're exclusive to each other. You get me? And we know first hand how terrible it is to be queer in a conservative society. There are actually very few real romantic shippers in Korea, (again, KM is the only romantic ship that has a substantial fanbase) simply because it is so hard to accept two men dating. This is why you will see K-Jikookers on Twitter all being close friends/meeting up in person, because they are kindred spirits. I think it might be hard for westerners to really understand. How do I emphasize this more? The older generation in Korea, anyone older than 30+, is deeply homophobic, to the point where they see anything LGBT as western influence and pervasion. Being American, I know it's hard to grasp that level of homophobia - it's not hate comments about your sexuality or people refusing to sell you a cake for a gay wedding. It's social death, rejection, parents disowning their children, getting fired from your job. I'm not kidding. Do you think us, as queer fans who love and support KM, will willingly out them?

We would never, ever, ever do that, because we know the repercussions. Some Jikookers like to fantasize about their coming out, and I want you to understand: the K-side is terrified of that day. Yes, we all think it will happen in due time, but we are very very scared. You think the hate that JM is getting now is bad? You think people sending food to JK's apartment is bad? Nope. You haven't seen anything yet. You understand what I mean, right? Their coming out will not be a cute post. It will be a carefully orchestrated move complete with a legal and PR team. If/when they are out, their lives will be in immediate danger. I truly believe they will leave the country for a bit, maybe even months, maybe a year. There will not be any public sightings, fan meets, concerts. KM know this very well too. I'm sure there's already a plan in place for it.

And anyone searching for KM evidence on K-Jikookers social media, I would say don't bother. It's almost impossible. The white day photo leak was a massive mistake, and I know exactly who leaked it because they were removed from all group chats immediately. K-Jikookers were very very angry with them (and also cussing out foreigners...please, we all need to keep our mouths shut and keep stuff within our own circles.)

-KY

KY has spoken. We appreciate your services and await your next drop in.

I too, the Jikookers that I know, I have never seen them self insert themselves. Those are y/n idiots who do this shit. Not even in private spaces do I see this happening. We support them as a couple, despite how hot we may find them. We understand and believe they only have eyes for eo.

We appreciate the commercial break KY. Now back to the headline

TAENNIE IS REAL!!!!!

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

WIBTA for reaching out to clear up a misunderstanding? About a month before I (18, any pronouns) sent this ask in (12/12/23), one of my friends (17, she/her, referred to as Bee) posted a sort of rant in a Discord server for a friend group we share about how she'd unfriended some people who she essentially didn't believe really supported her and wouldn't help her if she got hate crimed. Bee ended this message by saying that if anyone (she didn't name names) noticed they got blocked or unfriended, they should stay away from her. I checked Bee's profile just in case, and I saw that I'd been removed from her friend list. I'm relatively certain that Bee took two conversations we had, one on the server and one privately, to mean that I assumed she disagreed with me on a political issue based on a marginalized identity of hers and that I didn't care about discrimination based on this marginalized identity. If I've ever done something outside of these two conversations that has given that impression or somehow acted in a prejudiced way against her, I would listen to her and apologize, but I (and another witness to the public conversation) don't think I did or said anything that would lead to this assumption in those two conversations. In the conversation in DMs, I replied to something Bee posted on social media and asked a clarifying question about the phrasing of one part of it, listened to her explanation, and thanked her once I'd read it; the conversation ended there. In the more public conversation, Bee sent a message essentially about the way the spread of conversations on the internet can be harmful. I misread a small part of her message (about uninformed people), said something expressing my view, and apologized and explained I'd misread her when I realized we didn't actually disagree, and added some thoughts of my own about larger internet conversational patterns that were intended to add onto and support her insights. She was clearly upset by the conversation, and I realized I had to clarify that I thought the things she was saying were correct and didn't intend to come across as disagreeing with her or replacing her ideas with mine when I wasn't. A mutual friend (aforementioned other witness) said it didn't look like I was arguing, and Bee apologized for getting upset later in that conversation, saying she was stressed. I told her that I understood and hoped she could rest and feel better.

I was completely taken aback by the message Bee sent to the server a week or so later, especially because I have preexisting issues around people cutting me off without telling me, but I knew that she was struggling with a lot in her personal life and I understood a lack of capacity to have a stressful conversation with me. I was really hurt, especially because we were pretty close (shared memes and discussed creative projects in DMs regularly, I did my best to comfort her and give advice in relation to the IRL issues, etc) previously, but I decided it wouldn't help to reach out to her and to give her space. I talked about this to one friend who doesn't know Bee or interact with this friend group at all, and vaguely mentioned being upset by a friend cutting me off in a group chat with some people that know her but likely did not see her messages, with the exception of the mutual friend above, with whom I had a very short conversation about my feelings with. The rest of the friend group, to my knowledge, does not know we have any issues. We've been cordial in server conversations that involve both of us without directly talking to each other much. As painful as it is, I think I can accept that Bee doesn't want to be my friend anymore, but I really don't like the idea that she's going around thinking I would stand by and do nothing if she got violently hate crimed (this is not an exaggeration of her statement), especially because she's occasionally been sending passive-aggressive messages like "oh some people think I have x opinion because of y, but I'm glad most people on this server are levelheaded". I'm also worried she might be sharing these thoughts with my other friends (not an unfounded worry as she's discussed people in the friend group she thinks are bigoted behind their back before). I really, really don't want the friend group to be affected, and I want us to just resolve this on our own, but if I have to, I can settle for just keeping an ample distance from her. HOWEVER! The group does a sort of winter gift exchange every year, and because the organizer is unaware of this conflict, I ended up getting assigned to give a gift to Bee, which I don't mind doing, but I feel worried she'll react badly or somehow display disappointment at being assigned me, and I don't want the public gift-giving to escalate into an argument of some sort.

I want to have a clear, private conversation with Bee to make our relationship clear, correct her misunderstandings about my feelings, and get an understanding of anything else I could have done to hurt her so I can apologize and be better in the future. I don't really think we can or should be close friends again (mostly for reasons I haven't gone into here; we don't fight and it's not relevant, just some incompatibility), but I don't want to end our friendship on an uncertain note and allow this perception of me to persist. I don't know if I would be the asshole for doing this when she told me to stay away. On the other hand, would I be the asshole if I didn't talk to her and just silently gave the gift without confirming her boundaries first?

Additional notes: I think Bee is in a slightly better headspace now than she was when these conversations first took place. We do not, in fact, disagree on the political issue in question. I do not share her marginalized identity; I am, however, someone who has probable cause to fear being the target of a violent hate crime myself. We do not interact or see each other IRL. I know for a fact that we were previously Discord friends, because this isn't her first Discord account and she basically switched to the new account mid-conversation with me a year ago, so the first thing she did was to friend/DM me. I'm trying not to include too many specifics about our conversations/the topics of them because I know other people in the friend group read this blog. Sorry this is long; I thought if I just made the post "WIBTA for clearing things up with my ex-friend? She thought we disagreed but it was just a misunderstanding and now she thinks I'm a bigot" I'd just get a bunch of INFO votes, so I tried to provide as much context as I could here.

What are these acronyms?

[bettsfic]

Hi betts! Hope you're doing good! Do you have any advice on how to distance yourself from social media? I saw that you've done so with success and the older I get the more I feel a bit trapped by the internet.

social media certainly has benefits: keeping people connected, giving a voice to those who otherwise wouldn't have a platform, and it allows you to meet new people in the context of interest rather than location.

at least, these are the things social media set out to be, and over time those benefits, to me anyway, haven't been able to outweigh the drawbacks: compulsively checking apps, doomscrolling, content appearing by algorithm to attempt to cater to my interests, and just generally a lot of wasted time.

i don't necessarily believe that if you stop using social media, suddenly you'll be able to devote every minute of your day to a higher pursuit. the brain doesn't work like that. it always needs downtime. before phones, we had television. before television, we had radio. lacking glowing screens and people telling us things from far away, i think we'd all spend a lot of time looking at the things humans are built to look at: fire, water, mountains, sky. we'll listen to stories or read them or watch them.

during your mind's downtime, i don't think anything you decide to do is fundamentally better or worse than any other thing. but i do think social media is designed to manipulate our attention toward it during that downtime (and honestly, all other times) and that pisses me off. it also pisses me off that even though we impose cause-and-effect sequences to our interaction with social media, it doesn't often provide us with a narrative the way reading, watching tv, or listening to a podcast would. stories are a psychological necessity; without the mind's ability to perceive sequences of events and connect them, we wouldn't have memories. we would have no concept of time, of thinking into the past or casting our thoughts into the future. social media, in its drive to keep us scrolling, looking at posts with no narrative connection to one another, deprives us of the stories our minds seek during our downtime.

this got super long so i'm putting it under a cut. tl;dr you need to remove social media as a positive stimulus and build immediate positive stimuli into other aspects of your life. in other words, social media feels good immediately but neutral or bad over time; most other things like reading feel bad or neutral initially but good over time. so you have to find ways to make the latter feel good with the immediacy of the former.

i don't mean to be "old man shakes fist at cloud" about this. i'm a millennial. from facebook's widespread release through the beginning of the pandemic, i raced to every new social media platform. i was an early myspace adopter. my high school graduating class was the very first year people outside of college could use facebook, and so we're the first cohort to have all befriended each other before graduation and never lost touch, completely removing the appeal of a reunion. i joined twitter in 2008 but never used it, and i joined tumblr in 2012 and never stopped using it.

i remember the day i got a smartphone. i was a few years behind everyone else. it was 2010 and i'd just gotten my first office job and i was desperate to be able to look at social media, scroll through stuff or read something, when i was bored. it was an iPhone 4. and as soon as i got it out of the box, i sat and played on it for 10 straight hours.

for those of you who are too young to remember a time before smartphones, i can't emphasize enough how much they changed things. in my life, i went from waking up and eating breakfast and reading for a little bit, to waking up and eating breakfast and getting on my computer to look at facebook and read my daily webcomics, to waking up and reaching over to my nightstand and looking at my phone.

and i don't know, i just decided i didn't want that anymore. last fall i was at this artist residency with no cell service and barely any wifi. and one day the wifi went out. i had a visceral negative reaction to that, which made me step back and go, oh wow, i am way too tethered to the internet. that day, wandering around the property with nothing to do, i got this intense urge to read an old paperback novel. you know, the mass market paperbacks with the pulpy yellow paper and the misaligned typeface. and so i found a very old copy of fellowship of the ring, cracked it open, and read it all day.

the thing about getting away from social media is that it's slow. i don't think you can really go cold turkey. when i got home from the residency, i went on a long hiatus and had all these strict rules for myself about when i was allowed to look at my phone and when i wasn't, but that didn't really work for me. but i did delete all the social media apps from my phone, and on my computer i logged out of all of them and deleted my saved passwords, so if i wanted to check them, i had to go to that extra step of logging in and even typing in my password. and that doesn't seem like a lot, but when you're checking social media out of habit, muscle memory, something to attend to that might give you a brief blip of dopamine, having to type your password is just one step too far. the brief pleasure i would get from checking my notifications was less than the hassle of logging in.

and that's what it all comes down to: feeling good. in the moment, it feels good to check a social media app, to see that somebody has interacted with your content or maybe with you directly. it's that tiny subconscious exclamation point, the feeling we get when somebody politely smiles or waves at us, when a dog comes up to us wagging his tail, when a well-meaning stranger compliments your outfit. that's the social part of social media. but that's also the part that keeps us cycling through our apps out of habit and boredom.

so you have to take away that stimulus from yourself, and you have to create positive stimuli elsewhere. to take away the positive stimulus of social media, you have to stop posting content on it. content is the mind killer. when you tweet something, your impulse might be to check that someone has interacted with it. but if you step away from the great conversation of social media, nobody speaks back to you, and you develop more patience for the longer-term good feelings of reading a book.

of course, that's complicated. i guess the first step that i did a long time ago was losing interest in traffic and developing the internal validation skills that make interaction on social media a bonus, not a need. before that, though, i had a drive to be seen and listened to. i think i just grew out of that. regardless of the existence of the internet, all people throughout history have spent their lives developing their relationship with themselves, learning who they are and coming to accept it. i'm not sure there's a way to rush that inner journey along.

creating positive stimuli is a matter of adopting a kind of little-treat attitude toward things. you have to really pay attention to yourself. the day i picked up the fellowship of the ring, i remembered that paper is important to me. vitally important. i like to write on it. i like to read from it. and it's kind of weird to say "paper is my special interest," but it is. all tools of writing interest me. so acknowledging that, accepting it and choosing to accommodate it, was my first small goal of building immediate positive stimuli.

some of the connection we have to social media (and phones in general) is the physical habit that develops from it. when smokers quit smoking, their hands feel empty. they're used to having something between their fingers, and so they replace that with something like a pen or a straw.

for me, i replaced the physical habit of phone-checking with paper-holding, either in the form of a book, or a notebook and pen. i set about finding my perfect notebook: the one that feels best to hold, the one i'm eager to fill, the one whose paper is quality enough that i love to write on it. the one i found and that kind of changed my life was a Rhodia A4 spiral bound. i take it everywhere with me. in fact i went to the doctor earlier this week and because i was holding my notebook, it didn't even occur to me to look at my phone while i was waiting for the doctor to see me, even though it was in my pocket (and i did download tumblr again, and instagram to support my sister, who is kind of a local influencer). the positive stimulus of looking at it had become less than the positive stimulus of holding my notebook. the potential to easily write something or doodle felt better than the distraction of social media.

did my doctor probably think it was weird that i was taking notes? maybe. did i look weird sitting in the theater before seeing oppenheimer, brainstorming barbie fic ideas? definitely. but i just don't care anymore. sometimes making healthy choices for yourself in a world built to manipulate your attention makes you look weird.

my advice is to spend a week without social media apps on your phone, logged out of them on your computer, and pay very close attention to the things that make you happiest. find ways to interact with those things continuously, and see what happens.

[just-dino-maggie]

hiii, you should write one for trevor with 60 (if we get caught it’s your fault) and 74 (listen, it’s for science)!! i feel like those prompts scream trevor, lol

Ugh I love these prompts! They definitely remind me of Trevor. Thank you for requesting, I hope you like it!

This is a Part 2 to The Intern but it can be read as a stand-alone

After Trevor and I realized we like each other a lot more then we originally let on, we started spending time together. Seeing Trevor outside of work has been amazing. He was hiding his personality from me for so long that it feels like a gift how open he is with me.

He is so honest about his emotions. I’ve spent my entire life hiding myself so seeing him be so true to himself is beautiful. It’s even making me more vulnerable.

One of my favorite sides of him is his mischievous side. I can see it coming from a mile away. He always gets quiet and has this smirk on his face that means trouble. It’s wonderful.

He’s been wearing that signature smirk all morning. He told me yesterday that he has a surprise for me so I’m getting ready for anything. I throw on a normal comfortable outfit and meet him in the car.

His hand rests on my thigh the entire car ride and I quickly realize where we are headed. “Why are we going to the rink?” I ask.

“You’ll figure it out when we get there.” He says playfully, leaning over quickly to kiss me at the red light. I can feel his smile on my lips.

When we pull up to Honda center Trevor parks behind the building. He sees my concern and simply grabs my hand. He leads me to a back door where our favorite security guard stands. Trevor greets him and the guard lets us in with no questions asked.

“Are we allowed to be here right now?” I question.

Trevor scrunches his nose, “Not technically.” My eyes go wide and he just chuckles. We walk through the hallways and at one point he asks, “Do you trust me?”

I don’t hesitate, “Of course I do.” Part of me can’t believe that it’s true. I trust him fully and completely. Just a few months ago being in a room with him was stressful. Now I can’t imagine a world where he isn’t my safe person.

He puts in hands over my eyes. I revel in their warmth. He walks with me for a short time before he removes his hands and whispers. “Open your eyes.”

On the ice there is a picnic set up for the two of us. There’s a blanket, food, flowers, and a cute little basket tied with a bow. “It’s beautiful!” I kiss him quickly and start heading over to the blanket.

I almost trip on the way over but Trevor catches me. I let out a yelp in fear of falling on my face. He just laughs holding me to his chest. “If we get caught it’s your fault.” He chuckles kissing my neck softly.

I respond by scoffing and pushing him a little. He only tightens his grip on me. Smiling we make our way to center ice.

I’ve always loved cold weather and the chill of an ice rink is the perfect cold. I don’t think I ever told Trevor that but an indoor cold picnic is better then baking in the California sun. It’s simply perfect.

We eat sandwiches that he claims he made “all by himself” and small cakes he admits that he bought. After we are done eating we cuddle on the blanket together and talk. My favorite thing about Trevor is how he communicates with me. He’s open and honest. We can talk about anything.

Then after a while of just talking he says, “Open the basket.” I give him a weird look. “I got you a present.” He smirks and kisses me.

I cant deny I’m excited, Who doesn’t like presents? I practically rip the basket open and when I see what’s inside I gasp. As I pick it up tears start to well.

Trevor grabs my face, “what’s wrong? Did I do something wrong?” He asks.

“No,” I respond. “It’s just… It’s the best gift anyone has ever given me.” I stare down at this beautiful film camera. It reminds me of the first camera I ever used. Trevor and I met because I’m on the social media team. A lot of people think that means I love digital photography and I do love it. But my first ever love was the darkroom. “How did you know?” I ask dumbstruck.

“I heard you talking with the other photographers once about how you like darkroom better. I had to look up what that meant. Now that we’re together I thought I’d surprise you.”

I’m in awe of him. He’s so incredibly sweet. I put the camera down softly and jump into his lap. Straddling him, I thank him for the gift with my lips. We kiss passionately with no care that we are in the middle of a rink we aren’t even allowed to be on. He parts from me just long enough to take a breath then his lips go to my neck.

He’s sucking, nipping, and biting every inch of skin. I can’t help but lean into him. Eventually he flips me over and leans back picking up the new camera. “What are you doing?” I ask breathlessly.

“Taking your picture,” He says smiling. I try to take the camera out of his hands but he dodges it. I hate pictures of me and he knows it. “Listen, it’s for science.” He holds it to his eye and snaps two pictures of me. My hair is messy from him pulling it and my neck is covered in blotches.

“How is it for science?” I ask finally taking the camera away from him.

“Film is marked by light then develops over time in chemicals. Your neck is marked by me and then it will develop over time because it just does.” I chuckle and he continues, “I’m documenting it.”

I take a picture of him as he hovers over me. “When did you get so interested in science?”

“When it started giving me excuse to kiss you.” I can’t help but smile. It’s the most perfect date I’ve ever been on, regardless of the fact that I’ll need to use a lot of concealer tomorrow.

“I love you,” I whisper against his lips.

He smiles, “I love you too.”

[anti-katsuki-lounge]

I’m about to share my unpopular opinion here. Bakugou’s kidnapping should have been the beginning of the end of his hero career, his fall from grace.

Why?

Because the literal scum of Japan view him as one of them. They saw themselves in a hero student.

That should have been enough to get the (trashy irresponsible neglectful) faculty to do some investigations into Bakugou’s behavior and reflect on how much let let him slide without consequences.

And let’s face it, even with Aizawa vouching for him, social media is a place where scandals, incidents, theories, and opinions thrive. We were already introduced to the world of journalism in MHA when the camera quirk journalist wanted to do interviews with class 1A students and how they were willing to breach UA’s security defenses when they heard All Might was teaching there. So it wouldn’t be far fetched to assume that journalists would be interested in an inside scoop.

Articles, meta analysis, and social media posts would be likely to surface, all commenting on how villains sympathize with a person who is supposed to be an aspiring hero, before they all reach the same conclusion; the sports festival.

Disdain would follow soon after. Because to the general public, the LOV targeted Bakugou because he very much acted like a villain. And then things will slowly begin to make sense.

I know this seems like reaching, but I find it very likely for UA to be blamed as well. Not only for the kidnapping taking place but also never stepping in or making any progress in shaping Bakugou up. People will see this and begin to wonder ‘How many villain hopefuls is UA responsible for creating. This will lead to UA having to change policies. To what exactly, I’m not sure.

But one conclusion is clear, either Bakugou is put on academic probation until a police investigation is complete (Again, this is a student who villains thought would make a great addition to the team. That should have been taken more seriously other than a gloss over by Nedzu), or he is removed from the hero course all together.

Either way each result will end in the same way, Bakugou’s reputation would be in shambles (if it wasn’t already due to the sports festival), no one would be able to trust him, and his PR would crumble before it even started. And PR ratings are an extremely important part of heroics that people don’t give enough credit. It doesn’t matter how strong, skilled or smart his is or how much potential he has. A poor PR rating is enough to keep him from rising through the ranks. So his dream of being number one will likely never become a reality.

This incident will very likely follow him for a long time. Even if the hype dies down, any wrong move cause him to lose everything. Let’s be realistic here: we all know how prevalent cancel culture is around the world right? Well, I think it’d be the same situation Bakugou finds himself in. The media will likely watch him like a hawk. Waiting for a mistake or slip up. At any given moment, Bakugou can find himself cancelled just like that. It’s like a metaphorical sword above his head.

On the topic of his friendships and how the class perceives him? I don’t think they’d think badly of him right away. I mean they were all worried about him and some were actually willing to save him. But, they’re bound to be exposed to some mainstream media. They’re teenagers, so they probably have a lot of social media exposure. Just imagine the realization and then the horror.

I’m not saying hear me out, but hear me out.

This is a theory I honestly 100% agree with. Either his kidnapping should’ve ended his hero career or it should’ve properly set up his redemption story. Instead we got Kacchan vs Deku 2, where Katsuki missed the point of why he was kidnapped and was given pep rallies by All Might and Izuku even after he literally took someone outside to beat them up so he could feel better. He would then miss out on an asswhopping that would’ve humbled him greatly in the name of “punishment”, something that Izuku also received after defending himself yet conveniently he still had to fight Mirio. All in all, the aftermath of his kidnapping was handled horribly and should’ve either ended his career like you’ve said or should’ve been written much better.

[thoroughlymodernminutia]

A Wisp of Smoke - Chapter 1 (Mike Duarte x F!Reader)

Summary: An unconventional member joins the Bronx Gang Unit.

Word Count: 3364

Content Warning: This is mildly canonical but like not really, so if that bothers you, then I’d skip. Some physical description - gave hte reader some gray hair cause I'm old and I want to represent some old people lol. Edit that out of your mind if you need to. Foul language (if that bothers you?), Gang talk, coworkers who don’t like each other, this part I don’t think has anything that would be triggering, but if you feel differently I can update the warnings.

A/N: When I tell you that I started writing this in October…it means exactly that. This has morphed into something different than I was expecting and I imagine I will have to scrap some stuff I have written once the next episode airs, so this is EVOLVING. Who even knows what this will be about by the time it’s finished. God help me. If there are typos, I apologize - I proof read this a few times and i'm sure somewhere there is something wrong

UM, Minors probably shouldn’t read this but I’m not your mother.

—-

The thing about the subway is it takes time to understand the quirks—the nuances—of the subway lines you take. The majority of your time is taking one line to and from work if you’re lucky. You’ve been taking one train line for so long, you’re at 90% accuracy of predicting when something is about to go wrong. You like the routine of it—knowing if you get to the platform right at 8:01 AM you’ll only have to wait a minute before the train comes and you’ll get to work early. It’s an art and a science, but it takes practice. It’s why taking a job so far out of your usual subway line is annoying; you have to learn it all over again. It’s made even worse by having to switch to another line, if something goes wrong on that first leg of the commute, you’re fucked for the rest of it.

And today, you feel like you’re fucked. You leave your apartment like a parent leaving for the airport; panicking about the time and trying to make sure you have everything. You feel smug catching the subway right when it pulls into the platform and getting in a nearly empty subway car. The smugness fades when you transfer to another train that happily sits between stations for 30 minutes and then decides to switch to the express track. It’s not express for you though, of course. It puts you a good mile away from where you need to be, instead of the five blocks you planned for. The extra distance isn’t an issue, for once you might show up on time without having to walk around the block ten times. It is, however, unseasonably warm for February and now your coat is overkill. You stop and take it off, juggling your bag from hand to hand as you remove it. It’s insane, not even being able to feel cold in February in New York. 

While you walk the unfamiliar sidewalks of the South Bronx you think about how this is your brother-in-law Tommy’s doing. You don’t even know how or why he’s sending you up to the Bronx as some kind of backfill in the Gang Unit. You aren’t a cop, so you have no idea why they’d want you up there. You feel like it’s going to look pretty strange, a senior analyst for the NYPD in the Intelligence Bureau, joining the Gang Unit. Gangs in the Bronx aren’t really on your radar; the majority of your time is spent juggling mostly empty threats against NYC. Analyzing the message boards and social media where people spew garbage 24/7. It’s weird to think that maybe this will be a break from that. 

You do know a little about Duarte’s reputation. For as much as Tommy thinks gossiping is a female trait he certainly loves to partake in it. You heard all about the drama between him and Captain Benson–Tommy was almost gleeful when recounting it. You get the impression that like most men in the NYPD Duarte is only happy when he gets his way. You could be completely wrong, it’s not like Tommy is the most reliable narrator. 

—-

The precinct looks different than you thought it would. You had imagined something along the lines of a bland box with windows, but this is a beautiful limestone building. Some of the stone work looks like it belongs in an Italian palazzo in the 16th century. The inside reminds you of an old library with the heavy wood furniture and dim lighting. It’s really quite something—all these disappearing architectural gems throughout all the boroughs. As you walk towards the Desk Sergeant you wonder how much longer it will be around before the city turns it into a glassbox citing progress in the neighborhood. 

When you ask where you can find Captain Duarte you realize the charm seems to end with the interior and doesn’t really extend to the people. She looks like you’ve just ruined her day by speaking to her. She nods her head towards the stairs and says it’s the third floor. You thank her, thinking maybe that’s her problem, no one ever sounds grateful for her assistance. Halfway up the stairs you do consider turning around and walking right back down and out of the building. You suppress the urge; dealing with Tommy in the aftermath of flaking would probably be worse than whatever fresh hell is waiting for you a few flights up.

You duck into the bathroom when you get to the third floor and are relieved when you find it empty. You set your bag on the edge of the sink, and drape your coat over a stall door. You turn back to the mirror and give yourself a once over. You were going for an overall look of extreme competence so you went with all black. Black silk button down, black skinny jeans, black thick soled loafers. You think maybe you look like you’re about to attend a funeral—probably your own. You hike up your jeans a little and try to ignore how much your feet hurt. You look back up to your face in the mirror to check your makeup. It still looks good; your eyeliner is intact and hopefully giving the impression that you’re precise, detail oriented. Your hair looks fine, the gray pieces framing your face, glossy under the overhead lights. You used to hate that you started going gray fairly young; you must have spent thousands covering it up over the years. At some point you stopped caring and just let it be. It came with a fun bonus, men you worked with suddenly thought you were old and left you alone. You give yourself one last once over before washing your hands. As you grab your things and head out of the bathroom you run through the little information you have like you’re cramming for a test. 

An officer shows you to Captain Duarte’s office and tells you that you can wait inside, that he doesn’t know when he’ll be back. It’s very you to think that you’re going to be late to something and be the person that ends up waiting. When the officer leaves you put your bag on one of the chairs and drape your coat over the back. His desk is neat and you don’t see much in the way of personal effects on it. There’s a few books and you’re tempted to go to the other side of his desk to get a better look, but restrain yourself knowing the moment you do, he will come walking in. You sit down in one of the chairs and wait. 

—-  

As Duarte approaches his office he can see you sitting inside. He had put your arrival out of his mind once McGrath had told him and seeing you now throws him off for a moment. He should be prepared, he only knows what McGrath told him. Although, he’s sure that since McGrath is the one who sent you here, the information isn’t reliable. When you get up and introduce yourself, his initial impression is that you’re prissy. The way your coat is folded over the back of one of the chairs. How you’re now clasping your hands in front of you. Your outfit, a far cry from the recently departed, hoodie-clad Muncy. He can’t tell what he hates more right now, the way you look or that you were foisted on him by McGrath. 

Duarte closes the door to his office and turns back to face you.

“I don’t really know what you’re doing here. You have no gang—no actual police experience. I’d wager to say you’ve never used a gun. I don’t care about your intelligence experience. Frankly, you could single handedly bring down all gang activity in this city and it wouldn’t matter to me. If you think whatever relationship you have with McGrath is going to help you here, you’re wrong.”

It’s a lot all at once and you try to ignore the way he says ‘relationship’. As if you slept with Tommy to get you a job with the Gang Unit. If you’re going to sleep your way to a new job in the NYPD, it wouldn’t be for a mostly lateral position all the way in the Bronx. You can feel yourself about to do that thing where you match the energy that’s being directed your way. It’s great when the person you’re dealing with isn’t an asshole. But if they’re looking to take the low road, well you own a home there.

“I’m sorry, I must have blacked out. I think I missed a part where you said something like ‘I’m glad to have you on the team.’” 

The look on his face tells you he was expecting you to be more yielding in your response. Maybe eight or ten years ago you would have been. You’re tired of minimizing yourself to make men in the NYPD feel better.

“If I felt that way, I would have said it. This is real shit we deal with, no one here has time to babysit you.”

“Well, I’ll just have to cut the crust off my own sandwich then, won’t I?” You try to keep your voice calm. “Look, I’m good at my job and whatever it is I’m supposed to do here, I’ll be good at that too.”

Duarte grabs a box off of his desk and thrusts it at you. 

“I think you’re going to find your confidence is misplaced.”

You balance the box on your hip as you pick up your coat and bag from the chair. You consider not saying anything else, but when you get to the door you turn around and smile.

“I just have to say, this has just been so pleasant. Really looking forward to working with you.”

He huffs in your general direction before turning back to his desk. You know he’s setting you up for failure—not giving you a single inch already. He’s probably looking forward to watching you spin your wheels and flame out. If there’s anyone that can dig their heels in it’s you, so if he is looking for some kind of low level fight you’re ready.

—-

You’re unpacking the box at your desk when you see a friendly face standing at the desk across from yours. It could be Satan smiling at you at this point and you’d take it. You both introduce yourselves as he sits down.

“Should I call you Jordan or Williams? I know how much everyone in the NYPD loves going by their last name.” 

“Ha! True. Honestly, either is fine.”

You pull another stack of files and a hard drive out the box and look at your computer for the time. When you see it’s barely 10AM you know it’s going to be a long rest of the day. 

“Well, Jordan, can I ask you something?”

“Let me guess, your face is giving me, is he always like that?”

“Ha, yes that is the question.”

Jordan lets out a sigh, “It depends. He’s still pissed at McGrath I think. After he let Captain Benson snatch Muncy from us. And then Benson gets attacked, I don’t know, there’s a lot going on.” He pauses for a moment. “It’s fucked up, but he’s probably worried McGrath sent you up here as a spy or something.”

“What if he did?”

Jordan leans back in his chair and scans your face trying to determine if you’re telling the truth.

“Did he?”

You give Jordan a wry smile.

“No. But it will be fun letting Captain Duarte think so.”

You can’t help but laugh because it’s so dumb; that someone would think you were sent up here to spy. It seems like something Tommy would do—send someone up here to unknowingly spy for him. Tommy is an idiot, but you’re not. 

Jordan chuckles as he shakes his head.

“I think it’s going to be good having you around.”

You both chat a little more and you’re able to get from him what you couldn’t from Duarte; what he’s actually looking for. You already had a feeling that he wanted to treat gangs like terrorist groups and your theory proves true. It also proves true that he wanted someone with your experience but who was also a detective. He must think Tommy short-changed him with you so he could have a person on the inside. At least now you have a clearer picture of why he hates you. You’d probably hate you too if you were in Duarte’s shoes.

You spend the rest of the morning going through everything Duarte gave you. It’s strange trying to apply everything you know to a completely new set of circumstances. You can already feel some doubt creeping in. Yes you’re good at your job—but this is not that. You think that Duarte probably views you as some interloper trying to use this as some kind of play to get ahead. Take credit for fixing a problem and leave behind other growing problems. It’s only partially true; you don’t care about taking credit for things but you are an interloper. It’s not like this is really your community; you don’t live in areas impacted by gang violence. You don’t have the depth and breadth of knowledge on the specific systemic issues that allow this type of thing to flourish. With counter-terrorism it always seems like a much broader issue where the violence impacts many, where gang violence only affects the few. It’s something that you feel like you’re going to be unpacking for as long as you’re here. 

Duarte and Williams leave early in the afternoon. You don’t know if you were expecting Duarte to tell you what’s going on, but he doesn’t. He just gives you an annoyed look as he passes by your desk and you give him a tight lipped smile. You think back to this morning and wish you would have taken the high road and acquiesced to his running commentary of your lack of abilities. It’s the ‘relationship’ jab that’s bothering you the most for some reason—probably because it was so unnecessary. You wish you were the type of person that could just move on from comments like that but you’re not; it’s probably why your last relationship ended. So you know you’re going to hold on to that relationship comment much longer than necessary. 

With Duarte gone you feel like you can finally relax; your shoulders drop and you take a few quiet breaths. You plug in the hard drive to your laptop and try to figure out where to start. When you first started with the bureau in counter-terrorism, it was overwhelming, but you quickly found your footing. It was a lot of research and developing counterintelligence reports. It was your job to plan, research, develop, and communicate in-depth analysis of targets, networks, and issues to key leaders in the department. You know how to plan and implement strategies based on a combination of information and gut feeling. At least here you won’t be starting entirely from scratch. You have your experience—and while this is a different set of circumstances you know what’s needed. You settle in and start familiarizing yourself with all the information you have. 

You want to memorize the faces, the names, everything about the people in the files and computer in front of you. You know right now the focus seems to be BX9, but you also know as these groups collapse they splinter off or join existing gangs. You work on putting something together that you can leave for Duarte. The thought crosses your mind that if he doesn’t expect anything of you then why bother, but you have enough self respect to not do that.

—-

He sees you in his office as he comes into the squad room. He can see through the open blinds that you’re standing behind his desk, looking out of the window towards the street. He was hoping you’d be gone and that he wouldn’t have to deal with you again today. He just wants some fucking peace.

“Do you need something?” Duarte’s voice is quiet as he enters his office but he sees you jump a little in place at the sound of it. As you turn around and see it’s him you half smile. He recognizes it as the kind of smile that says you didn’t want to see him either. He thinks for a moment how this could have gone differently. How he could have been given someone qualified—a real detective. He wouldn’t have this generalized annoyance he’s been feeling since this morning.

“No, sorry. Was just leaving something on your desk.” 

You brush past him as you say it and it breaks him from his train of thought. He watches you grab your things from your desk and then turn to leave. He sees you stop as Williams comes back to his desk. He watches as you say something to Williams but it’s not loud enough for him to hear. Whatever it was it must have been funny because Williams laughs. Duarte calls him into his office and he hears you say goodnight as you’re walking out of the squad room. 

“You need something, Cap?” 

“I want you to keep an eye on her.” 

“Yeah, of course.”

“I need to know if she’s—”

Williams cuts him off and shakes his head.

“I don’t think she’s like that if that’s what you’re getting at. I like her.”

“Good for you. Just do what I ask.”

“Aye, aye Cap.” 

Williams turns to leave and Duarte closes the office door behind him. He goes over to his desk and opens the bottom drawer and pulls out a bottle of bourbon and a glass. It’s incredible how fucking exhausted he is every day. Every day since the subway attack in Manhattan has steadily been draining him. And then Benson getting attacked and her inserting herself into the investigation; he feels like everyone is coming at him from all sides. He feels like a tire slowly losing air. He uncorks the bottle and pours himself a drink and downs it before sitting in his chair. 

He mulls over the decision the DA’s office made every single day. On the surface he understood the reasoning behind it. But deeper, he felt it was a mistake, a decision made for optics. A lie that Manhattan has rid itself of BX9. That only the poor fucks in the Bronx have to deal with them from now on. Well that went out the fucking window once Benson got kicked in the ribs. If she had listened to him instead of only thinking about her case it would be a different story. Instead he has two dead kids in Rikers and he’s hunting for more. He pours himself another drink while he tries to ignore the pressure building in his chest. He’s grateful for the nearly empty floor, the quiet.

He leans in his chair and notices a manilla folder on his desk; it has a post-it with his name on it scrawled in unfamiliar handwriting. Maybe you’re already resigning, it wouldn’t surprise him. He knows he wasn’t very welcoming. He has no desire, no energy to be—this job is all consuming. He grabs the file folder and opens it. Inside he sees you’ve put together a briefing based on all the information you went through. You seem to have analyzed what you view as gaps in the systems that are being used to monitor gang activity currently. You’ve even outlined the resources you’ll need. It’s not even entirely focused on BX9–you included other gangs in your briefing, gangs that weren’t included in the information he gave you. He feels a little sting of something reading through everything. He can’t tell if he’s impressed or irritated that you put this much together in a day. He realizes that he knows almost nothing about you, having put in almost no effort to find out. He closes the folder and starts making some calls. He wasn’t expecting so much from you on your first day.

[saintlupin]

tbh, i think internet culture has cultivated this international apathy towards people behind these LED screens and i’m not saying this as if i am not also at fault of sometimes forgetting that i am only seeing pieces of people and getting caught up in that as a result. social media is fairly new and with it has arisen a new culture of instant communication that didn't exist up until the last two decades or so. which of course means that there is an adjustment period for all of us, especially while we coexist in these internet spaces alongside the capitalistic isolation of our day-to-day lives. and listen, i'm the first to advocate for people who experience intense and obsessives hypefixations to be treated with empathy as they learn to navigate a world where dopamine hits are just a click away, however, there is a level of personal responsibility that i see so many actively turning a blind eye to.

we cannot control what we feel, but we always have control over how we react to what we feel. it is our personal responsibility to understand what is happening within ourselves and realize that half the shit we say on this website we would not have the nerve to say to someone's face. it goes past the definition of entitlement and trapezes into a phenomenon i have noticed has only intensified in recent years. which is, since we are the only tangible person to ourselves in these online spaces, we put ourselves at the center of each interaction. i do believe so much is lost in translation as we try and interpret meaning behind a screen, but we have the responsibility to create space for clarification and room for miscommunication. we have a responsibility to remove ourselves from the equation, because it's not about how "I wouldn't mind it if someone said this or treated me that way," it's about how someone has said, "this is how I would like to be treated."

you do owe people things, actually. you owe them respect unless they have disrespected you. you owe them kindness unless they have been cruel to you. you owe them grace if you don't know them at all. this is how it is now and you are going to run into a lot of problems in your life if you cannot understand that these aren't "fandom" rules or social ideals imposed upon us by colonialism, this is how you treat people. the culture of demanding someone's time, energy, and attention after they have made it clear to you what their boundaries are and that your desire for instant gratification lays outside of the realm of capability and comfort is, in of itself, a colonial-capitalist belief that you are going to have to work on in order to create a reality that is just and equal.

i'm not exaggerating when i say this, and i am not being dramatic. i am pointing out how this "entitlement" is derived from capitalistic-colonial mentality that affects every area of our lives and is inescapable. most people who i see demanding more than others desire to offer or criticizing others for setting boundaries in ways that make them comfortable are the same people who would abhor a 9-5 and hate when their boss asks them to work outside their scheduled hours, or assigns more work than they can complete in the basic work day. this is to say, this apathy is derived directly from the same system we wish to see crumble and we do have a responsibility to change ourselves to ensure that we do not do onto others the same things we on a systemic scale denounce. this is what it means to be a person on the internet and fandom spaces, creative spaces, etc.

because creative spaces are a collectivist environment by default, you have a responsibility to others and if you think you don't then this is not the space for you.

[traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors]

hi, so uh no TW's here (i think), but just some general advice. although it's not related to trauma, the advice i've gotten from the mods here is great, so i'm hoping that's okay! but just in case; tl;dr i need some advice on an online friend situation. so over the past 2 years ish, i used to be on discord for a game i used to play at one point. i used to to talk with a lot of people there & made some good friends, but it's been a long time now and a lot of people have moved on with their lives and i'm not in touch with too many. however i've kept contact with one friend and we talked a lot over the last year. i've talked with him about all my irl issues and he knows about my traumas. we even call each other best friends. but here's the thing, i prefer to have a divide over my online and real life. in some sense, it gives me peace and keeps me sane because i have a history of feeling shitty using social media sometimes. although he has been on me on video call, i never show my face because i don't feel comfy doing it. and thing is, the guys not really mad. he's been upset over it sometimes, but he respects it. i've also not given out my personal number. however, due to real life situations, i have decided to completely get rid of social media and have been off it for a while now, like instagram & discord so on. my friend has my gmail, so they can contact me through that, but i barely get a chance to reply. i've not been in the best place mentally, and i have a habit of taking very long periods to reply. this morning i checked my email for some uni work and saw the emails voicing his concern. they talked about how i disappear and leave nothing for them to contact me, they don't know how i look like and they still call me my best friend. it wasn't a rude gmail, it was genuinely full of concern but he sounded disappointed. although it's my fault for not letting them know about my situation, i still feel very guilty about it and i'm having a hard time writing back to them. we last talked over a month ago on gmail. and i know it's not good at all, but i haven't had the energy to respond to them. my therapist has suggested that i remove my online persona altogether because she does not see me doing well with being online, but wants me to not hurt anyone else in the process. and i honestly want to do it, because social media is draining for me, and i do not want to talk to anybody online except those i have real life connections with. but i really do feel bad abt the fact that i might have cut them off too, although i feel like not being online at all really might do my mental health well, but i'm not sure how to convey this to them. the fact that i want nothing to do with them anymore or any online friend just for my own sake feels very selfish and wrong, especially because they're nowhere at fault, and they really look up to me and respect me, but somehow, i feel like online friends remain online friends and i cannot let my guard down to go beyond that, although they've expressed wanting to be in real life friends before. i don't have the heart to tell them that they're merely an online friend to me. i seriously don't want to be on social media anymore, but i don't want to hurt them either. i'd really appreciate some advice on how i can go about this. sorry its so long!! hope y'all have a good day.

Hi anon, 

Thank you for the kind words about previous advice and it’s absolutely alright to reach out about interpersonal relationship dynamics - hopefully any of the below might prove helpful, or at the very least, validating.

You shared that you have a firm boundary about online versus real life, and you’re certainly not alone in that regard - who is allowed access to us in any and all ways - is only something you get to decide for yourself.  Regardless if that boundary might shift as you further progress on your healing journey, or not, currently you sound sure of what you need and have taken the steps to advocate for those needs (yay!).  

Though it’s equally valid for him to share his concern for you and politely request alternative ways to stay in contact to nurture the friendship, the way I’m reading your ask is that you feel the relationship has reached its course?  I don’t think it’s talked about often enough, but friendships changing, shifting, or even ending, is just as significant as the romantic counterparts, and in my opinion, it’s understandable that the complexities of trying to navigate that ending feel no less draining than trying to maneuver through a romantic break up.

And though I think you are being kind and empathetic by trying to find the best way to honor your needs, while avoiding hurting his feelings, sometimes - unfortunately - it cannot be avoided.  I believe your responsibility is to you stating your boundaries, and honoring his personhood by being kind in your goodbye message, but in regards to whatever his feelings might be in response?  Those are for him to process and manage. 

Without knowing either of you, I certainly cannot state definitely how you, or him might feel about it, or what happens next - but I’d encourage a goodbye message just to help with the sense of closure for you both.  I’d imagine there’s a way to offer appreciation for what the friendship was during a specific time of your life, and affirmations and assurances that it’s nothing personal, but that this is what you need for yourself at this time.  Hopefully hearing it’s not them, but something you need for your own mental health, will allow them to accept your boundary with grace, and compassion.  However even if they do not, it would not mean that your boundary was not valid.  And you have options when it comes to level of access with this person - gray rock, blocking, etc.  

Regardless of what you decide moving forward, I wish you well.

Mod Kat

[agirlwholovesrockstars]

out of touch part 3 ♡

OUT OF TOUCH PART 1 ♡

OUT OF TOUCH PART 2 ♡

OUT OF TOUCH PART 4 ♡

word count : it's a bit long so enjoy yourself here get comfortable

summary : after your first 2 days at school, everything changed, the moment you laid your eyes on Eddie but you're scared to give your heart and trust on someone again after traumatic experience at all of the schools you've been to and only if you knew how he feels for you.

IF ANY OF THESE WARNINGS TRIGGERING YOU PLEASE DON'T CONTINUE TO CONSUME ANY MEDIA

warnings : 18+ Eddie Munson x FEM!reader, the reader has a bullying trauma, language, no use of y/n but the reader is Amanda Jones, s*xual harassment (but don't worry, the reader defends herself cause' she's a strong woman), alcohol consumption, vi0lence, Jason Carver appearance sorry, mentions of bl00d, age gap the reader is (19) and Eddie is (21), yeah that's all

what to expect : stranger to lovers, fluff, angst, mutual pining drama, action, clueless idiots who can't make the first move lol

author note : I'm sorry if I took long to create the part 3 of the story! I hope you enjoyed and liked reading my very first fiction! 🥺🫶🏻

THE STORY IS SET IN 1987!

and I removed the part where Eddie DIDN'T DIE! 😤

You and Eddie both ran towards to the school's parking lot

In a rush, Eddie still helped you get in the passenger seat and he slams the door quickly as he runs to the driver's seat

even when you guys are in a hurry he always reminds you to put on your seatbelt

The street lights on the road at night the light hits your face everytime you pass them and the cool breeze from the window makes you feel complete and just right like this is the thing that you always wanted but somehow it feels so fast for you and it feels weird at the same time, maybe, Eddie's friends were right about you two, you guys were made for each other....

the sudden insecurity takes over you, he doesn't deserve someone like you, he deserves someone better, "what am I even doing?" you think to yourself at the thought that you finally already know what the truth is that, you really do like Eddie, you finally realize it after 2 days being with him, but you don't want to dive deeper into it because you might lose yourself.

You're overthinking right now, you pick your dry lips, "what if's" is all what you're thinking right now at the moment.

What if he gets tired of you?

What if you gave him your whole heart and he might just throw it all away?

What if he's just playing with you

What if he broke your trust

What if he is just like the same people that are mean to you at school

What if, what if, what if keeps repeating all over your head

You can't believe that this is happening, you've never think like this before and you never thought of it, maybe, it's because of the victim blaming and the confusion that bullying has done to you....

You we're so confident, happy, all smiles, you never worrying about everything but that all went down when that happened, you thought you can carry it, you thought you can handle it, you thought you can just ignore it, but now, you all bottled up and you can't take it anymore so you let it go....

you've been depressed, you have no energy anymore to go to school, you always been absent, but you try to attend as much as you can, you finish it all off so that you can finally go leave the fucking school that it broke your whole being...

It's so hard to recover after all you've been through those years, but you remind yourself that it's okay even it's just a little small and slow process... your parents might don't understand what's happening to you at first and you did have arguments before but it takes time for them to fully understand what's going on and you thank them for that and they apologize and they also realized the mistake that they did in the first place...

It's been tough to socialize again with everyone, new environment, new school, new faces, it's hard for you to trust someone now, so that you've been thinking a lot since you came into Hawkins High...

You're afraid that Eddie or anyone you met might done the same thing with you

This maybe a good time at first but soon you will never know what will happen, maybe tomorrow will be different, maybe this school might be the only exception as you thought yesterday....

You scratch your forehead as you take a deep breath and you shake your head after so you can forget all of those thoughts, you want to avoid them all, but, sometimes you can't help it, you're just scared that someone will put another trauma to you that it will take time to recover again....

2 days, the first 2 days went so perfectly and it give you goosebumps of how everything is going so well....

For what you didn't know after all of these thoughts going on inside your head

Eddie always take a chance to glance at you to see what you're doing...

every minute, every second that he can get to take a look at you...

he saw your habits and your eyes and your expression, he knows something is wrong but of course he doesn't want to ask you about it right away, he doesn't wanna disrespect your boundaries but he still wants to know what's going on of your sudden change of emotions

he puts his hand on your shoulder "hey, Amanda, are you doing okay?"

you jumped by his touch because of how deep your thoughts are- you let out a breathy "Oh" and you chuckled nervously

"Eddie, I'm fine, don't worry but thank you" you give him a slight sad smile

Eddie nods at you but he saw something in your eyes, a look that you're longing for care and belief for someone

You look away from his gaze as you look on the road sightseeing at the places passed

His eyes softens while he watches you, looking back at the road and looks back at you again as he can, he really wanted to know so badly so that he can help you like he just wants you to be okay with everything, but he is also afraid you that you might get mad at him for asking such personal stuff so he brushes off at the thought of that...

The drive to the Hideout might took a while to get there but you guys still made it right on time...

He stopped taking glances at you as he thinks to himself about you....

ever since Eddie met you, he saw your eyes and he can see how much you are in pain, you just hide it with a sweet smile, but he can still see that you're still, you, just grown and matured but nevertheless about everything has happened to you, even he didn't knew the whole story, he still loves you just the way you are, every imperfection and flaws and all he likes everything about you ever since he saw you for the first time in the school hallway, he wanna spill this feeling at you so bad but he also wants to wait and to say it in a right right time... he knows that you're carrying something inside you for too long and you're just shutting and avoiding everyone else who is trying to love and care for you... he just wants you to open up and not seeing you like this, it's killing him to see you like this...

He also feels the same way, he can feel the spark and he feels complete whenever you're with him... he smiles a little bit at the thought of that... as he parks up the van...

Eddie turns off the engine and he turns to you and grabs your hand

You're about to reach for the door handle but you felt Eddie's touch on your hand so you turn to look at him

"Not those eyes again" you think to yourself he looks at you with such concern

"Are you sure you still want to come?" eyes still glued to you as he try to analyze your face

"I- I'm sure, Eddie, I still want to go with you." you can't even keep a straight eye contact with him and you shift from your seat and you look away from him

"Ah- ah" he tuts and he holds your face to make you look at him "I need sure answers, sweetheart, if you're not feeling up for it, then it's okay, I won't feel bad." as he rubs his thumb on your cheeks

your stomach twirls on how he holds you, you just can't understand why you feel so safe with him

You stare at him for a while and you hold his arm where he places your hand on your cheek and you say "No, Eddie, I think- I'm just overwhelmed at everything, but I'm okay, I still wanna go with you."

He nods as he leans down to kiss your cheek again and it sends shiver down to your spine of how his lips touch your soft skin

He always loves to caught you off guard by his actions and he snickers of how you're still unfazed of what just happened

You blinked and you look down and look back up at him and give him a shy smile

"Let's go" he says

He helps you to get out of his van as always and you look at the place

There's disco lights everywhere from the inside and outside of the building and you can hear the loud music inside even though it sounds cloudy you can still recognize the song, Guns N' Roses Welcome To The Jungle is playing

Eddie checks his beloved van for the one last time and he appears beside you

He looks at you and he can see that you're observing the place

"So, what do you think?"

"Huh?"

he chuckles "the place?"

"Oh, uh- it looks fine to me."

"Really?" he fears that you might not like what he's doing like yeah he knows that you love also rock bands but he became anxious at the thought of you wanting to go home because you feel uncomfortable at the place

"Yeah" he sees your curious smile while still looking around the place so that made him feel a little bit better

"I bet you never been to a bar before?"

Your eyes still traveling around the place and you saw there's 2 guys drunk together as they struggle to balance themselves you giggle quietly but Eddie can hear it and he stares at you more longer and you saw people coming outside to take a cigarette break and lots of people coming in with a group of friends laughing as they enter the bar

you look back at him and nod

"It's your first time, are you nervous?"

"No, I don't, I'll be fine." You reassure him

"Okay then, um- can I ask you something?"

"yeah, sure, what is it?" you respond without looking at him

"Can I hold your hand?" he asks with a hesitant tone but he really wants to

"What?" a bolt out of the blue runs down to blood and veins and it made your hands feel cold

He laughs as he taken you by surprise as he reaches for your hand and he intertwines both of your fingers and you did the same and you both walk towards to the bar

"I'll take that as a yes." Eddie says to you while you're still dazed of his actions

You kept looking down at your hand while he holds it, you felt butterflies on your stomach as he tightens his grip on you and he knows that you're looking at it and you keep looking down and you smile to yourself and you blushed

of course, Eddie always notices it as he chortled he turns to you and he teases you gesturing to your cheeks

Your face become even more redder as you put on a smirk on your face you roll your eyes playfully and you push him on his chest

He laughes even harder as he continues to tease you

You remove your hand on him and you cross both of your arms and you turn away from him and your cheeks is red as a tomato and you're avoiding his eye contact as he try to tease you more and more as he chases your eyes and he always appears infront of you everytime you try to look away from him

He jumped and chuckled with his hands throw up in the air and he plays with it to annoy you more

"Oh my god, please stop!" you uncross both of your arms in frustration

"Oh my god, please stop!" he mocks you with a same tone that you did and he lets out an evil laugh

Your face don't stop reddening and you shoved both of hands in your face in humiliation

You removed your hands away from your face and you glare at Eddie with a smug on his face "You're getting on my nerves, Munson."

"Aw, are you vexing me now?"

"Yes, oh yes, absolutely, you're making my blood boil."

Eddie can see at your expression that you're really really upset at him and oh yeah he loves when he does that to you and he also loves that you both have the same temper and he can see your forehead scrunching and your eyes filled with irritation and it looks like you're ready to slap him off the face

Eddie leans down on you and he pinches your cheek harder that it made you hiss at how harder he squishes it

"You're so cute when I successfully annoy you." he laughs as he runs away from you with his mouth open wide to make you chase after him

You massage your cheek with circling motions and you shouted out loud to him "that fucking hurt, Eddie! you're going to pay for that!"

"Yeah, yeah, you will! if you can catch me!" Eddie shrugs as he stops running for a minute

Eddie bends over to hold his stomach from laughing too hard he sees you like a kid, he watches you stomping on the ground and he imagines that both of you are in a cartoon show, he can see that your face blowing up like kettle that he can picture a smoke coming out of both your ears.

You ran so fast towards him that it made Eddie flinched as he chuckles breathlessly he laughs of how serious you are chasing after him

Marlon the bartender at the bar while wiping the counter, he looks up and he sees the both of you running around the all over the place

He snorts as he hears you "You're so infuriating, Eddie!" You complained cause you can't catch him on the other side of the room

"Aw, that's that mean that I won? princess?"

You shake your head ignoring that it made your heart flutters at the nickname "No, you fucking don't that's so unfair!"

You continue to chase after him as he almost trips to the ground

You laughed as he looks back at you he flips you off until he halts his tracks as he sees his bandmates already arrived in there watching the both of you playing around the bar

You stopped infront of him and you furrow your brows as you follow to where his looking at and you turn around and you saw his bandmates and you let out a breathy "Oh" and you giggle catching up your breath as you put both of your hands on your knees

"They're ridiculously so cute." Gareth exclaims to Jeff

Jeff nods and waves at the both of you playfully wiggles his fingers teasing you both

He looks back at Gareth with a smirk on his face "Are you seeing this shit? they just met 2 days ago and they act like they've been together before, Eddie needs to act up like literally right now." he gestures to the both of you

Gareth agrees while he pouts his bottom lip raising both of his eyebrows and he nods his head aggressively

Eric appears beside them the one member you haven't met yet and you look at him with curiosity and you stand up straight and you look back at Eddie

He's already looking at you and he says "uh- yeah, there's one more member his name is Eric, he's the one that graduated first." he shrugs

"Oh" you both walk towards to them

"How's the chase? Who won?" Gareth grins at the both of you and Jeff snickers to the flushed cheeks that Eddie is having

You grin back at Gareth and he raise his eyebrows at you and you look back at Eddie with a smirk on your face

Eddie is taken a back of your expression as he pulled his brows together as he look back at his friends raising his both of his shoulders

all of them shrugged and Jeff throws his hand up in defense

You take the opportunity of him being distracted

You elbowed him in the stomach that made him cough and you made a loud smack to his forehead

Gareth closes his fist puts over his mouth and said a loud "Ohhhh" and Jeff laughs as he throws his head back and Eric's jaw dropped of what just happened

"OW- JESUS H. CHRIST!" Eddie yells that made people stare at all of you and he coughs as he glares at you

"What the hell is that for?"

You look at him with a sassy expression and you raise your eyebrow to him

"Payback." You say it with such confidence with your hand over your hip

Jeff laughs and he claps his hands and he says "Alright, alright, feisty girl, you done your job and I'm proud of you, as much as I want to watch more." He glares back at Eddie

Gareth and Eric smirks at each other as they communicate with their minds

He huffs while recovering from what you did to him "Dude." with his hands gestures in annoyance

"Now, let me take you at the back stage before you could do so much harm to him." Jeff says it when a sarcastic tone as he pouts at Eddie while he flutter his eyes at him

Eddie shakes his head "Piss off, Jeff!"

Jeff looks at you and you both shrugged

At that moment you knew that Jeff and you will get along together because you both love to tease Eddie the same way he did.

Jeff walks towards you offering his arm to hold out for you and he say with an accent "Milady?"

"Well, of course my good sir."

You both chuckled and you both glare at Eddie and you wink at him teasingly and you say "See ya later, rockstar!"

He rolls his eyes with a hint of smile in them he watches you as you both and Jeff enters at the backstage, he can still hear the echoes of laughter from you two.

Eddie look back at his two friends left and Gareth with a smirk is still on him and Eric with a confusion on his face but in a good way

Eric can't hold it any longer as he still continues to wonder why Eddie has a girl with him, it's not that he doesn't like it but he never sees him having one and he is now dying of curiosity as he groans both of his friends

"Can someone please update me of what's going?!" Eric exclaims as he nudges Gareth's arm so harshly

"What?!" Gareth's face falls and he turns to look back at Eric with annoyance "Well, it's not my fault that you've been away for college!"

"Education is important to me, you guys know that, but you could at least tell me over the phone!"

Gareth and Eddie sighs

"Look is not like she's been here for a long time now we just met 2 days ago." Eddie says while looking back at Eric with a apologetic smile

"I'm sorry? Come again?"

"She just came to the school 2 days ago-"

Eric cuts him off by saying "Yeah, yeah I heard that, the way you said 2 DAYS AGO just freaking blew my mind." he gestures both of his hands over the sides of his head to make a mind-blowing action

Gareth laughs and he agrees with Eric "Exactly, man! This is why I'm so excited to see you again because we need to wake the fuck up of his clueless dumb brain!" Gareth says with such passion as he moves back up and down with frustration

Eddie scoffed "you guys have no idea what you're talking about."

Gareth and Eric looks back at each other and darts back to Eddie

"Yeah, right." Eric nods sarcastically

Gareth shakes his head and puts the finger on his temple at the thought of Eddie acting cool not admitting that he's truly have feelings for you

he says "they're literally falling over each other everytime they're together and I'm surprised they're not even official yet." he put both of his hands inside of his pants pockets as he sighs lowering his back leaning to the both of his friends

Gareth looks down in disappointment and Eric loses his mind of what he just heard

"Oh, you're going to be fucking kidding me! right now, Eddie?!?" Eric shouted at loud at Eddie

"Wha- what's wrong, calm down." Eddie startled as he stutters at his friends sudden exclaims

"This" Eric points to him "This isn't like you" he gestures you from the top to the bottom

"You always been so honest like you always said the truth if you like someone like literally! You just said it right away! out of all of us you're the only one has the guts to tell someone how you feel and now you're so worked up about some girl that you met 2 days ago?!? fucking 2 days ago?!? and hell- that is different everything about you look right now is different." Eric finished as he crosses both of his arms

Eddie stared at him with guilt coming over his eyes

Eric's words went straight to his chest because all of what he just said is painfully true

He remembers the time last year, all of them having a bet whose going to confess at their crushes

Back in 1986

Eddie is the only one confessed his crush to Chrissy before

Chrissy Cunningham is sweet, kind, pretty cheerleader popular girl, the queen of Hawkins High

They already knew each other back in middle school, Eddie couldn't believe that his crush was in the same room cheering with his band performing for a talent show... Chrissy realization flashes back in her eyes as she remembers the band's name "Corroded Coffin" she apologize to Eddie that she didn't recognize him at first she said that he looks so different before, Eddie said it was okay and he understands why...

His hair was buzzed and he doesn't have those "sweet" tattoos yet...

Chrissy even mentioned that he plays guitar and he still does until now, Eddie made her laugh and that's enough for him to see her liked that it was full bliss to him... after that Eddie confess his feelings to her...

Even though Chrissy didn't reciprocate her feelings to Eddie, they're not mutual and Eddie understands and respects that...

Chrissy expects him to be mad at her but Eddie doesn't mind it at all and he still continues to treat her like he always does, Chrissy is just in awe on how Eddie is being so nice to her and that's the reason why she changes her perspective on other people and she also realizes that Jason is manipulating her and clouding her thoughts with judgement that Jason has thought to her.

And that also made her to breakup to the son of bitch bully school jock Jason Carver... Eddie made her realize her worth that Jason doesn't deserve someone like her...

Eddie finds out about that and he lets out a smug as he sees Jason crying like a kid throwing tantrums as Chrissy leaves him in the school's parking lot, he can't believe that Jason behaves like that when he acts all tough at school...

Chrissy focus on her studies after graduating senior high school she went straight to college and she takes on becoming a fashion designer someday

Jason on the other hand, he haven't changed still being a jerk to everyone as he struggles to earn money for his college his parents are in real debt, sucks to be him...

Eddie and Chrissy remained friends till this day

Eric is one of the realest friend that Eddie has ever had in his life, he's like the big brother of the friendship

Unlike Jeff and Gareth are the most unserious ones, but they're still decent and very understanding to the group..

Yeah, he can be fun and silly but when times get tough, he will always be there for his friends and he listens to them

Eric remembered back when they're in junior high school, he's a freshman, he never lets anyone bully him, that's the reputation that he has back then, if you mess with him you're doomed

But deep inside all he wanted is to have friends, he was all alone, until Eddie introduced himself to him, Eric couldn't forget the day that Eddie, Jeff and Gareth welcomed him to their club and they became bestfriends for life

That time in his life was so special to him and it's also nice to think about that he was known for such a rebellious kid at school but that didn't stop Eddie to become friends with him...

Obviously, Eddie is the most purest of them all, the kind-hearted human being ever, he is not like what the people been talking about him at school, he can be scary and mean when it's needed...

People are afraid of him or maybe even interacted with him, they would just ran off with his presence and he would just laugh and shake his head off and he just got used to it at the way that he's being treated at school

But Eric knew that Eddie wished people have different perspective at him

"they judge me before they even know me." Eddie thinks to himself

Eddie didn't like bullies at all, he despises them, he likes to teases them all the time but Jason is the only one who is brave enough to face him which Eddie thought it's so silly to watch him act like he's the hero to the school bullying the so-called "freaks" as he calls them

Steve, Dustin, Mike, and Lucas loved Eddie because of how open minded he was, he never sticks to what other people say about him, he never cares about what opinions people have on him, if some of his friends wants to do something new, he lets them, he is so caring and understanding person which all of his friends wished they knew, they knew how good hearted Eddie is...

But sadly... they just don't give him a chance...

Eddie didn't mind it all, he tried so many times to fit in, but he couldn't, that's why he gave up trying to be someone that he's not, so he just continue to be himself...

That's what Eddie sees in you, he sees himself in you, you also left the world like he does and you both have in common in literally everything...

In music, fashion, you both have the same temper, doesn't give a fuck about everyone thinks to the both of you, you both hated mean people until....

All of that changed when you both met, 2 days ago...

You and Eddie have the same thoughts that you both couldn't believe that you can think of something like that....

You both we're never insecure, you both never get scared easily, you both never get nervous when you with each other...

All of this feelings are new to you and to himself

But why this is happening?! is it true?! is it a Destiny?!

Eddie sighed "Alright, Eric, fine you got me! I already asked her out on the first day and I respect her decision that she wanted us to get to know each other first, but she said she would love to come with me, soon" he says with uncertainty in his eyes

Eric saw it, he knew Eddie all of his life, he knows, he just knows it

"Oh, boy"

"What now"

"You thought she likes someone else, don't you?"

Gareth eyes widened as he looks back at Eddie

Eddie stumbles as he says "I- I don't know- mm- maybe she is." he stutters

"I don't think so, dude." Gareth says it's so unlike him to be this serious but when Eddie sees him acts like this way is no joke

"I see the way she looks at you and the way you look at her, I've never seen anyone looks like that at each other." He added

Eric looks at Gareth and darts his eye back to Eddie with confusion on his eyes

"Why'd you think something like that?" Eric asks with eagerness waiting for his answer

Eddie can't even look at Eric in the eye as he stutters to respond to him again

"I think it's because of Steve, Steve Harrington, she's a childhood bestfriend." Gareth says

Eric glares at Eddie with displeased expression across of his face

"What?! that was the reason?! Steve is a good guy, why do you think of him something like that?! why do you assume it? I thought you trust him?" Eric says while ignoring the fact that you both crossed the same paths together being friends with Steve and he thought of Destiny as he trying to look at Eddie eyes

Eddie looks back up at Eric and he says "I know, I know, I don't know what came over me ever since I met her, man, I couldn't think clearly, I know I can handle rejections before but I don't think I can handle it, if she rejected me." he says it with a shaking voice

Eric and Gareth raise both of their eyebrows

Just that alone, Eric and Gareth knew that Eddie is truly and deeply in love with you...

"You know, you should talk to Steve." Gareth says

"What?"

"He's your bestfriend, right? I'm sure he'll understand it like talk to him of how you feel about her."

"I second to that" Eric added while shrugs at Gareth

"What if, he saids something that-

"But what if he's not?"

You and Steve ever since when you we're kids back then until now are simply just platonic friendship, you haven't even talked to him yet but you regret your actions back then after what Nancy said to you and she probably didn't even mean to hurt your feelings but it made you realize how much you changed back then and you feel sorry and bad for Steve and you will make it up to him soon... even though Steve it doesn't matter to him of what you did back then all he ever wanted is to be there for you and listen to you...

"What if, they're just friends?! you should talk to him, so you can have a peace of mind! not like you looking a miserable piece of crap." Eric gestures to Eddie's stressed expression

Gareth laughs while holding his chest

Eddie glares at Gareth

"Wait- dude, he's right, stop assuming something and find it out for yourself!" Gareth holds his hands out in surrender

Eddie lets out a big sigh and Eric walks beside him and pats his back

"You'll be okay and I know she's only have eyes for you, I can feel it and I'm always right."

"You think so?"

Gareth leans down "We know so."

Eddie looks at Eric and Gareth with hopeful eyes and a smile

Gareth leans back as he looks over at Eddie shoulder squinting his eyes as he heard someone's voice familiar entering the bar

Eric and Eddie furrowed their brows at Gareth until they heard the same thing as they turn around

"What the fuck"

"Is he fucking serious?"

"No, fucking way."

Jason with his 2 friends entered the bar, he looks horrible like he hasn't slept the whole day, shouting out loud while he walks inside the bar, his friends laughing as they steal drink from someone's hand and smashing the glass down to the floor...

Eddie glares at Marlon as he already watching Jason entering his bar

Marlon looks back at Eddie where he leaves the counter and walk towards him

"Don't worry, son, I'll handle this."

"You better." Eddie says it with a serious tone as he watches Marlon walks over to Jason

Gareth and Eric looks back at each other with their eyes flaming with anger as they try to control it

"Is there a problem here?" Marlon asks

"Oh, no- sir, there's no problem here."

2 of his friends laughs with a mischievous look at their faces

Marlon glares at them while he scrunches up his forehead

"We promise, old man, we're here to drink, not to cause any trouble." Jason says throwing his hands up in defense

Marlon doesn't trust them but he is still kind and lets them in but he looks at his security guards giving them a warning to look after them and they nod

Marlon scoffed "I'll let you have your fun but don't fuck around with my bar and the other guests in here, alright?"

Jason chuckles "Yeah, sure, whatever you say, man" he says it sarcastically

Marlon walks away while shaking his head heading back to his counter until Eddie stops him holding his arm

Marlon looks at Eddie with anger on his eyes "What did he say?"

"He said they'll just have a drink."

He huffed "and you believe that?"

"What am I supposed to do?"

"Kick them out!"

"It will just make the scenario worse, you know that he will never leave."

Eddie sigh in frustration as he looks down

"Kid, you got a show to do, don't mind them."

Eddie nods as he lets Marlon walks away from him

Eric and Gareth breathes heavily and they all look at Jason who is already looking at them

Jason raises his glass to them, giving them a backhanded smile and he takes a sip of his drink with his eyes flashes with anger

Eddie clenches his jaw as he flips him off while Eric and Gareth stares at him intensely

Jason laughs while he watches the three walk away heading towards at the backstage

"Oh, he wants to make me the bad guy, huh, let's see about that." Jason mumbles to himself

Jeff gives you tour of their dressing room

you expected to be messy and not so interesting but holy shit-

You look all over their tables like ones that you've seen in the movies and obviously you recognized which one is from Eddie's and you smile at it

Jeff saw your awestruck expression while your eyes still roaming around

He chuckles to the sight of it as he walks beside you

"Uh- hey, Amanda can I ask you something?"

You turn to look at him noticing a curious expression from his face

You tilt your head at him and nod and you say

"Fire away, Jeff"

"Do you like Eddie?"

You blink rapidly and you avoid looking at his eyes

he giggled and he holds your hand

"Hey, hey, don't worry about it, Amanda, I knew it since I saw you for the first time at the cafeteria."

You look at him for a sec and you shake your head and look down

"Oh, god" you throw your head back and sighed

You can't lie to him now and he already caught you

"I don't even know- why I-" you stuttered you breathe deeply

Jeff nods at you with eagerness as he waits for you to answer

"I've never felt this to anyone before and I don't know what to do." You swallowed harshly

Jeff can see it in your eyes and the tone of your voice- he can feel that something is pulling you away to finally tell him about your feelings but he knows it's unnecessary for you to think something like that and he knows Eddie.

Eddie is his best pal, even he's a real pain in the ass to him sometimes but he knows when Eddie loves someone he truly means it and he will always kept his word.

"Whenever what's been troubling with you, I just wanna let you know that Eddie would never ever hurt you, he would kill himself if he does something to hurt your feelings." Jeff paused as put his hand on your shoulder

"I hope you both get your shit together sooner or later." he jokes lightly

It made you chuckle "Thanks, Jeff." you give him a grateful smile

"You're always welcome." he pats your shoulder as you both look at the front door of the dressing room opened

both of you and Jeff furrowed your brows as you saw all of them with a tense expression from their faces

You walk towards to Eddie as he looks back at you he calms down at a bit when you cupped his cheeks and you say "What's the problem, Eddie?"

"What's going on?" Jeff asked them as he glares at everyone

even you felt that Eddie calmed down but you can still see his eyes, his piercing eyes filled with fury coming right out of them

Gareth sighs in exasperation and he says "Jason and his thugs are in the bar."

"What?!" Jeff exclaimed and now his face looks the same with his band

You look back at Jeff and Gareth watching them grab a beer

Meanwhile Eric sits down at a couch as he tries to calm down

You look at them all with concern and confusion and you glance at Eddie still at rage

He looks back at you and somehow his gaze softens at you everytime he takes a look at you

He holds your arm where you hold his cheeks and he looks down and he sighed as he try to explain the situation

"Jason Carver, is the one who gave us fucking terror to our highschool life." he scoffed

You nod at him and you rub your thumb to his cheeks

"I just hate it whenever you do to them, they won't ever stop tormenting your life."

"I can relate to that."

Marlon came into the dressing room saying they're up in 10 minutes

Everyone gets up and get ready

Before you remove your hand from his cheek and you said to him "just pretend that he isn't there, Eddie, don't let your night ruin because of him." You let out a small smile

He smiles back at you and he lets his hand rests at your hold and he closes his eyes for a moment

Your heartbeats even more faster as you watch him and you can feel yourself lifting like you were on a cloud nine

You can't even resist yourself to lean down and kiss him on the cheek

Eddie startled at your action as he jumps back into reality remembering that he is in a dressing room with his friends and you

ignoring the fact what you just did infront of his friends- you just giggled and you told him "I'll be in the front watching you guys play."

Gareth, Jeff and Eric all of them glare at each other with a knowing look and they smirk at Eddie

Eddie flushing up at the moment can't even look at you straight in the eyes with his lips parted and he darts his eyes at his friends

you and the boys noticing the red cheeks on him

He rolls his eyes with a smile on the side and give his friends a disapproving look

"alright, alright," Gareth throw his hand up in defense

Jeff flutter his eyes at Eddie teasingly and Eric wiggles his brows at him

You look back at them and you laughed

"Okay, fine, I'll leave- so you won't feel embarrassed anymore." You shake your head

Eddie face became even more red and he clears his throat

You removed your hand from his cheek and Eddie already misses your touch and he watches you leave and you give him a blow kiss

Eddie smirks at you

Gareth whistles while he watches the scene from his reflection in the mirror

"Our boy is done for." Jeff while fixing his outfit

"and you're telling me that she's likes someone else?! are you that fucking blind?!" Eric gestures to the door from where you walked out and grabs his guitar

Eddie must've flipping his friends off at this moment but all of what they just said to him is all blurry to his ears

He is locked in you, he had fallen so hard that he can't even breathe, he is still unfazed....

He shakes his head off and turns around to his friends with a warning glare and cursing all of them and he walks away

"Man, he is so fucked up with Amanda." Gareth says it while he couldn't believe what just strucked at Eddie to you...

You feel like you needed a drink so you walked towards at the counter and you sat down

Marlon walks over to you and he asks "could I get you anything, doll?"

"um- yeah just one bottle of Budweiser please."

He nods and grabs the beer from fridge and removes the cap off using a bottle opener

He puts it down on the counter and you grab it and take a sip of it

Marlon wanted to ask something but he doesn't want to pry but he is just curious why you're with the boys, especially Eddie...

"Uh- are you Eddie's girlfriend?" Marlon hesitant tone coming out from his voice

"Oh, no, no, we're just friends." You respond as you shift from your seat

"You looked good together though, just saying." He chuckles while he prepares another drink for the customer

"Why does everyone keep saying that?!" You exclaimed at him while you slam your hands down on the counter

Marlon laughs while shaking his head "I'm sorry, I haven't introduced myself to you, I'm Marlon, I am friends with Eddie's uncle since highschool."

"Oh, wow, that's so cool! I'm Amanda by the way." You waved at him

"pleased to meet you, Amanda- so uh- yeah, I'm the one who influenced that kid in music and I remember him saving up his money so he could get his dream guitar"

You smile and you nod at him to continue

"I wanna teach him but he is so stubborn that he said can learn by himself.... I gotta admit even he is so difficult sometimes, he's a true artist he takes this very seriously."

You giggled "Tell me about it." You start

"He always gets mad when I try to carry my stuff to school or going outside from his van." You scoffed and you raise your bottle to drink it

Marlon crossed his arms and he leans down at you

You lean backwards and you eye him in confusion

"What's the matter?"

"He likes you"

You roll your eyes and you look down at your bottle and you sighed "I know"

Marlon leans back with a questioning look "huh"

You look back at him and you blinked rapidly "I know ever since I came to the school 2 days ago."

"Damn"

You laughed "yeah, damn"

"Then why you guys aren't dating yet?"

You scratch your head not knowing what to say "He already asks me out on my first day and I told him that I want us to get to know each first, I- I told him I would to come with him- I don't know, I guess I'm scared."

He uncrosses his arm and put his hands on the counter to lean down on you

"My dear, you have nothing to be afraid of, Eddie is a good kid, yeah he can be really annoying but I can see it.... it's something."

You eyes light up to his words and you smile at him

"And I'll tell you a secret, he may acts that he doesn't like any other music genres, but his most beloved song?"

You grin at him waiting for his answer

"He worships the song I've Had The Time Of My Life."

You bursted laughing "No kidding?" you smirk at a idea that pops into your head and you saw a jukebox across on the other side of the counter...

"No- I don't! He always denies it." He chuckles

You suddenly turn around and the guys are on the stage, they greet everyone and they introduced themselves everyone cheered on them

Marlon was right, he takes this simple show like he was performing at a concert like a rockstar and you're very impressed at his stage presence, he owns the stage, he belongs in there...

You screamed and clap your both of your hands as you shout everyone names in the stage

All of them laughed and smile as they turn their heads at you

You wave at them happily and Eddie looking at you with his heart beating in such full joy seeing you infront of the audience

"We have a special guest here tonight, my darling... Amanda." Eddie says and points at you with a wide smile

You blushed at his words and the crew put on a spotlight in you and you keep saying "no, no, no" and everyone's attention is at you right now but there's nothing you could do so you just nod and wave and smile at everyone shyly

Marlon applaused and you look back at him with a smirk on his face

You can hear all of them saying "aww" and "oooh"

Jason saw you on the other side of the bar thank god he's far away from you but he had already made a plan to his head and he looks back at his friends with a look that says something.... something bad....

"I would like to dedicate to this song to Amanda." he winks at you and you shake your head in humiliation

Marlon holds both of your shoulders and shakes it playfully and teasing you and you just keep telling him to "Stop" while you're laughing

They start playing Sunshine Of Your Love by Cream

Your eyes widen of how beautiful Eddie's voice is

You and his eyes are locked in together he doesn't try to tear away his eyes from you while he's singing to you

You take a gulp from your beer nervously and Eddie smirks at your action

after a few songs they play, you applauded very loudly and keep screaming at them

while they're singing their last song, Jason sits beside you unknowingly that he is the guy that Eddie and his friends are talking about

Jason's eyes trails from your chest down to your thighs

You're wearing a AC/DC bandshirt and a black short skirt just above your knee with stockings and black boots

You feel eyes looking at you and you turn to look at him "Can I help you?"

Jason removed his eyes from your body

Your stomach drops as you already felt something that this man have bad intentions with you

"I just wanna be friends with you" he touches your thigh and you push him away

"What the fuck?! get your hands off me!"

"Oh, come on, I know you want it" as he tries to reach for your thighs

Your eyes flashes with anger and you slap him in the face

"stay the fuck away from me, get lost!" You yelled at him

Jason glares at you breathing heavily as he leans closer to you

Marlon heard your voice and he came outside from the storage room runs back quickly to his counter

"I thought we had an agreement."

You're still mad but your eyes flicker with questions as you look back at Marlon

Jason chuckles "oh yeah, right, but remember, I'm not done with you yet."

He walks away back to his table

You shake your head and you finished drinking your beer putting it down on the counter afterwards

"Hey, I'm sorry about that- are you okay?"

"Yeah, yeah I'm fine, thank you." you sigh of relief and you smile at him

Marlon nods at you and tells you just call him whenever you need something and you hum in agreement

You look back at Eddie as you watch him sighing in exhaustion from performing, his forehead is sweaty but he still looks amazing

Jeff notices the sudden change of your expression and he nudges Eddie

Eddie looks back at him and Jeff points to you

Eddie's eyes flashes in worry and concern and as he remembers that Jason is in the bar, as he tries to understand your face

"I'm okay" you waved them off to get back to what their doing

He shows you a small smile and nod at you and he travel his eyes to Jason drinking a lot and he notices something is not right to him... It looks like he already done something bad to you... judging by the way he aggressively raises his bottle...

The show is over and Eddie and his band bid farewell to the audience and a big applause while they're walking out of the stage

You removed yourself from the seat and you ran towards Eddie and you hug him and you say "you guys are fantastic! I love it!"

Eddie tries to not stick himself to you as if you already feeling his sweat on you but you didn't care and he doesn't want you to get dirty from his sweat and you frown by his action

"Wait- no- let me go change- I just don't want you- okay, fine you can hug me." he protests but he couldn't do anything so hugs you back

You let out a wide smile at him

Gareth, Jeff and Eric admiring you both from afar

You and Eddie and the gang walk towards to the dressing room and Eddie asks you to wait outside for a minute and he promises you he'll be back and you nod at him

A sudden bang that came from the back door and you gasp and look around you saw the same guy that harassed you but before you can knock at the guys dressing room and call for help

He covers your mouth with his hands and holds you tightly that you can't remove yourself from him as he drags you away outside

You saw the two guys locking the backdoor and they ran towards to you and they grab and carry your legs so that you can't fight them off and try to escape

Eric heard something from outside and he opens the door and he looks out for you and you're not there anymore

"Eddie?"

"Yeah?"

"Where is she?"

"What?" Eddie rans quickly at the door and he look out for you and he can't see you everywhere as he tries to look for you and he walk towards to the backdoor and it won't open

Eric walked behind him and Eddie looks back at him with a knowing look and all of them know that Marlon don't lock the backdoor that early so they already know what's up

Jeff and Gareth walked outside from the dressing room as they tried to understand what's going on

"I'll get Marlon" wastes no time as he tries to run as fast as he can to him

Jeff and Gareth are sharp they picked up and knew what's going on

"Me and Gareth will look for her at the front entrance." Eddie nods at Jeff with worry flashes before his eyes

He watched them running off and he tries to open the backdoor, he kept kicking on it as he felt finally opening

Jason and his thugs panicked as they tried to put you to the car

You managed to elbowed Jason's stomach and the two guys loosens their grip on your legs and you shouted "Eddie!"

Eddie heard your voice as his expression from worry to a complete wrath as he can feel your horrified emotion

The door peeked through a little while keeps banging it and he can finally see what's going on outside

Eric didn't care to run over the side of the counter instead he jumps off over at the counter as he looks for Marlon in the storage room

Marlon furrowing his brows at the boy who try to catch up his breath

"What's the matter, boy?"

"Amanda, she's in danger"

Marlon eyes widened and he is so pissed off as he walks away from the storage room with Eric

Jeff and Gareth keep looking for the guards and they finally found them brutally beatened at the men's room as they frightened at the thought of your being, they're afraid of what might happen to you

"I'll call Hopper" Gareth says he picks up the phone

"I'll look for her outside" Jeff saids and Gareth nods at him

Jeff can't open the front door as he tried many times to open it but he doesn't stop as he tries harder and harder as it finally opened

You dodge at the two boys trying to knock you out and you kick them at their sensitive part so that they can't move to try and grab you again

you glare back at Jason

"You seriously have no idea who you're dealing with." You told him giving him a warning look

Jason winced at the pain that you did to his stomach "trying hard to get huh? you're just like any other bitches that I've met."

"Oh, you just met your worst nightmare." You stare at him intensely in the eyes and you reached down for the wood that is heavy enough and he loses his cool as he watch you

"Wait- woah- wait!" he stammers and you ignore his objections and you hit him right in the face that his own blood splatters everywhere loosing a tooth from his mouth

His friends we're alarmed by your actions as they try to move away from you

Jeff founds you and punches the other guy and keeps beating him repeatedly as the guy can't defend himself anymore and the other one rans away

You had enough, you want justice for what's happened to you, so you chase after him still holding the wood that you hit with Jason

You hit him in the legs and falls down in pain and you grab him by the collar "I hope this is a lesson to you that girls are not some toys that you would fuck around and belittle us afterwards- we are human beings for christ sakes!" You screamed at him in exasperation and you push him down on the ground as he grunts

Marlon, Eddie, Gareth and Eric are finally outside as they laid their eyes on the scenario

Eric's eyes flashes with shock as he couldn't believe that you handled yourself quite well as he is so petrified they might be too late but here you are- defended yourself

"Oh my god" Gareth says while putting his hand over his head

Eddie saw you shaking with such anger while still holding the wood and Jeff falls back down on the side while the guy he just beaten up struggling to breathe

Jason kept wailing in pain as he tries to stop the bleeding from his face

Marlon helped Jeff get up takes him over at the bench to sit down and grabs a first aid kit

Eddie walks up behind you and he called your name and you turn around to look at him still upset with horror in your eyes as you think he might be spooked of what you just did but instead he brings you into his arms and hugs you tightly

You dropped the wood on the ground and your body calms down and you melt and collapsed to his touch and you breakdown crying on his chest and you hugged him back

"I- I was so scared- Eddie." You hiccuped from your tears and that breaks his heart "Shh- I'm so worried about you- you just did what you had to do." he says while he rubs your back your hands

Eddie walks over to your side still hugging you and both of you walks towards at the others

"You got a lot of nerve to do such a thing, Jason!" Gareth exclaimed at him while Jason is still perplexed by his wound and the situation

"Jason?!" You halt your tracks of what you just heard "he's Jason?!" You point at him

All of them nod at you

you huffed and you lean down at Jason "If you try to hurt me again or any of my friends I wouldn't think twice of killing you instantly."

Jason couldn't even look at you straight in the eyes as his words caught up from his throat

The guys are intimidated by tone of your voice as they look at Eddie

He blinks and shrugs at them behind you and he is still very surprised what you're capable of

Hopper arrived at the scene with 2 more police cars behind him and walks out of car and drops his cigarette on the ground

He stopped walking towards them as he saw everyone hurt and in pain

"What the hell happened here?!?"

Marlon walked over to Hopper and tried to explain everything

"Jason tried to kidnapped Amanda with his goons and maybe even-" he can't even bring himself to continue the last word

but Hopper already knows it just by looking at Marlon's eyes "Oh fuck no-" while he shakes his head

Eddie and his friends are worried they might put you in jail even though they know that you did the right thing and they can trust Hopper but still he wanted to make sure that you're innocent and a victim

Eddie called out to Hopper "Please- don't do anything to Amanda, she only made a self-defense to herself- this fucking prick started it." He points at Jason and he holds you even tightly afraid that he you might disappear from his side

Gareth, Jeff and Eric starts raving and begging that you only did what you had to do and they starts rambling uncontrollably

"Hold on- guys" Hopper raises his hand up signalling them the boys to stop talking and he looked at you in the eyes

He sees your eyes stricken with fear, regret and anger

He sighs "I can see that." he starts "and I believe you"

He looked at Jason with a pointed look as he shouted "if you don't stop with this bullshit, I will fucking lock you up forever, Carver, you should be ashamed of yourself!"

Your eyes filling up with tears as you say "Thank you" is the only thing you croaked out

Hopper nods at you and shows you a sad smile

"Thank you so much, Jim" Marlon says while he shakes his hand

Hopper walks over to where Jason is sitting still hisses at the pain "That's what you fucking get for disrespecting girls, young man."

You chuckled at his words while your tears coming down from you cheeks

Hopper is tired of putting back Jason on the police headquarters again and listening to his oblivious parents that keep saying that he's not doing anything wrong but he's gonna change that once and for all cause he's done enough damage to the town

The policemen grabbed the two beaten boys and cuffed their hands put them behind of the car and Hopper nods at them as he watch them drove away

You ran over to Jeff his hands were bruised from punching too hard on the guy

"Ugh" you exclaimed as you take a glimpse over to his wounded covered in blood knuckles

"Oh- god- I'm so sorry, Jeff you didn't have to do that."

Jeff chuckles slightly "I just wanted to help and I'm glad that I went on time."

You nod at him with a sympathetic smile

Marlon finished cleaning and disinfecting his hands and put a bandage over them

Marlon stands up and goes over to you with guilt coming out from his eyes "Amanda, it's my fault, I should've taken the boys advice earlier, I'm so sorry I didn't meant for this to happen, if only I followed what they told me to do this wouldn't happen.'

You look back up at him and you admire his consideration at the tone of his voice

Your eyes are filled with warmth and you hold his shoulder "Marlon, it's okay, don't ever blame yourself, I'm fine and all of us didn't know that this is going to happen, don't worry about it."

Marlon swallows thickly and he nods at you with a sad smile

"Uh- guys if it's okay with you I'm headed at the diner? I think I need a coffee." Gareth says as he removes himself against the wall

"Wait- I'm coming with you." You say as you pulled Eddie's hand with you and Jeff runs behind you

"Eric are you coming?" Jeff asks him

Eric still talking to Hopper and he looks at Jeff "yeah, I'll be there in a minute."

Eric tells Hopper that you're a new student at Hawkins High and it confuses him why he hasn't met you before but Eric further explains the reason why he told the same story that Gareth and Jeff already told him about you- being Steve's childhood bestfriend, you and your family moved away and then came back, you being a Jones- Hopper has no idea who you are except from your parents he is familiar with them- it's kinda odd for him that you're not as popular as the other rich kids it's not that it's bad it's different for him and that got his attention

Hopper saw your hands splattered in Jason's blood and judging by your behavior, he knows you're a upright person and for some reason you already gained his trust on you...

You guys walked inside the diner and your body is still trembling after what happened earlier, Eddie's arms goes over your shoulder as he tries to calm you down and you headed to sit down at the table

Eric enters the diner in about a minute since you guys arrived inside

Eddie sits down across from you and you sat down on the other side and he holds both of your hands and rubs his thumb on the back of your hand

Your heart still palpitates at the scenario earlier as your mind starts to replaying the scene over and over inside your head as you began to weep again

You remove your hands away from Eddie and you snuck yourself down putting your arms on the table and lean your head down on it...

Eddie panicked by your actions and lick his lips together as he tries to think to make you feel better- he watches you quavering in terror and sadness he can hear how hard you're breathing from crying....

He wants to do something but he is afraid to make you even more upset so he just sits there his eyes roams all over you in concern

Eric, Gareth and Jeff appears on the side of the table and they saw you

Eric felt unsettled as he laid his eyes on you

Jeff became even more worried to see you like this

Gareth "is she okay?" he whispers to Eddie

Eddie looks back at them and remembers you wanted to something so he quickly reaches down to his pocket fishing his wallet but Eric stops him "I'll get it- it's on me."

All of them walk away from the table as Eddie tried to follow them but you stop him by holding his hand

"Wait- Eddie don't- I've shouldn't act like that, I'm sorry, please- stay with me."

Eddie's eyes brimmed with tears as he sees your face distressed from the scenario

"I won't ever leave you alone, sweetheart."

[cyrsed]

ranting about GCs/t*rfs sorry!!! just been seeing too much of this stuff on twitter and i have to get my thoughts out so they stop bothering me T_T so yeah feel free to skip this, it’s just me being angry at how awful these people are and pointing out stuff we all already know lol

so like, it’s not that i didn’t believe in the gender critical --> right wing pipeline but it feels like during the pandemic it’s been streamlined to a scary degree, and the average GC’er these days (not necessarily on tumblr, but on any other social media p much) is completely indistinguishable from the average right wing fascist or qanon except that they maybe throw the word “feminist” in every so often.

it’s so evil and at this point i have no idea how those people are ever going to see how far removed from reality they’ve gotten when they’ve been completely poisoned by the anti trans hate machine feeding them misinformation and keeping them in a state of perpetually reaffirming each other’s beliefs thru dog piling trans people & preying on each other’s emotional vulnerability to things like SA.

it’s like. they accuse us of being disconnected from reality/~denying biology~/not understanding basic biology/being misogynistic/being homophobic, when they’re the ones who are all those things! and it’s so scary that they can’t see it. they’re the ones who don’t know the most basic trans 101 concepts (like that “transition” can refer to more than medical transition) and they still think they’re qualified to have an opinion on our humanity bc they’ve been told that the status quo and their gut reactions to things are just “common sense”/”just the way things are” rather than something that has been taught to us that we can and should question.

they can’t/won’t see beyond their own perspective, so it makes sense to them to say that we “deny our biology”, and to assume that trans people are literally claiming to change our chromosomes or something, because they’ve decided THEIR definition of man/woman is xy/xx (or whatever 1 specific trait they’ve decided on that day that will tooootally prove sex is binary), and by that definition sure, trans people would be lying if they said they could be another sex/gender than whatever they were assigned at birth, but that’s not what trans people are saying!

they’re so unbelievably self centered and sheltered in their echo chamber that they can’t/won’t understand that someone can have a different framework for talking about sex/gender. they’ll go “gender identity isn’t real!!” , but then immediately make themselves forget that trans people are often referring to gender when they say “i’m a man/woman/nonbinary” so they can make up some straw man argument that by a trans man saying he’s a man, that’s equivalent to him saying he has xy chromosomes.

(i mean, technically i would say that my biology is male/nb because i’m male/nb, but i don’t define “male” as “has xy chromosomes”. i’m saying that bci’m transmasc (an afab person who feels that “cis woman” is an incomplete/incorrect description of my gender), so my body is also transmasc because it’s my body. i’m saying that a male body can have ovaries/high estrogen/chromosomes other than xy, etc)

they’ll happily dog pile trans people right alongside right wing reactionaries/racists/homophobes who call people “groomers” (and they’ll go right along with the “groomer” thing too of course). if they really were feminists or whatever, you’d think that they would be calling out the fascist misogynists who they’re participating in these attacks with, but they don’t they just ignore them at best, and actively celebrate them at worst?

it’s like. how do you change someone’s mind when they’re plugging their ears so hard it’s almost comical? how can those people be reached? can they learn to think more critically? is that what the problem is? it’s already hard for people to swallow their pride and admit they were wrong about something minor, but this is something these people have based huge parts of their identity around ykwim? they’ll accuse trans people of being in a cult, and basing their whole identity around being trans, but then GC’ers have social media profiles that are Entirely dedicated to antagonizing trans people, and trying to make us unsafe. i have no idea how people could change their minds on a scale large enough to make even a dent in their community

(which is far and away more cult-like than the lgbtq+ community lmao. i remember seeing a r*dfem tell another r*dfem that she shouldn’t see her male therapist bc he’s ~male~ and therefore inherently can’t be trusted and doesn’t see her as human, despite the other r*dfem saying that she likes the therapist and has seen him for a long time, but she’s not sure how to bring up her views on trans people to him. and that same Popular r*dfem telling other women that the best way to find other r*dfems irl was not to look for r*dfems themselves, but literally to look for women in their community who look vulnerable and lonely and start feeding them anti-trans propaganda in order to convert them.

the way that they feed each other news stories (often unreliable ones, too) about transfems being arrested for SA (identical to how racist right wingers use stories about someone from a marginalized group committing a crime to justify their racism/homophobia/etc etc), along w other scaremongering tactics, it’s so obvious that it keeps them in a semi-constant state of being triggered and afraid and angry that would cloud anyone’s critical thinking skills & make them more vulnerable to uncritically consuming misinfo)

(i remember years back now, when there was a post going around r*dfem tumblr that was a supposed masterlist of examples of trans women committing sex crimes, yet when it was actually investigated, nearly all were completely unverified claims from homophobic/misogynist far right/christian “news sites” where no arrest record could be found, or other just as untrustworthy sources)

[crispylilworm]

I can't totally articulate why beyond just 'it's not worth it', but just wanted to rant here instead of fighting people on the internet lol overstimulated reading a million different posts every day about all the awful things going on in the world so sometimes you really just have to pick your battles

So I am not into F1 at all so please forgive my imperfect retelling, but I was reading about the Qatar Grand Prix that happened last month and how driver Logan Sargeant withdrew from the competition after feeling ill - which it's apparently pretty rare to voluntarily withdraw mid-race like that. Extremely commendable decision by this driver, probably was an impossible call to make with all the sponsors and fans and all the other factors that depend on him to complete the race. What was even more amazing was the overall support from the community - literally every article, comment section, and Reddit thread I went through were praising Sargeant for putting himself, as he should, first. The thought of a driver potentially passing out from being ill behind a F1 car going full speed is horrifying. His life is worth more than winning a race.

And want to know what this made me think about? Simone Biles.

Although a different circumstance, Biles had the exact same situation where she felt ill and unsafe competing and removed herself, as she should, from the competition. And everyone absolutely DRAGGED her through the dirt. Literally it's been two years and to this day people still label her a "quitter" and loudly bring their doubt in to everything she does - mind you she has earned both record-setting World and Olympic medals since the infamous team event. Would they have felt any better if she went for that second vault and instead landed on her neck and got seriously injured? Why was the response to Biles so disgustingly different than the response to Sargeant? (You know why.)

If I hear a single "she owes it to her team" - no she doesn't. Sargeant's team Williams Racing and Biles' Olympic team were both vocal in their support for their respective teammates decisions and expressed their gratitude that each athlete had the mental awareness to make that call and withdraw to prevent something worse from happening. If the only people directly impacted by a teammate withdrawing from a competition are not upset then why the fuck would you be?

Ultimately, huge shocker here, the difference in response comes down to all sorts of intersectionality of issues due to Biles being a woman and POC. It's exhausting just reading the vitriol and hate plastered all over the internet so I can only imagine how frustrating it is for Biles. She's literally set every conceivable record in her discipline and is STILL reaching new milestones to this day, yet people want to make her decision to preserve her own safety in Tokyo her career-defining moment. It's because of that decision that she continues to break records to this day so I guess maybe it was.

Social media is pretty much used for people to complain and criticize and try to make comments to virtue signal or whatever to seem better than the other person, so maybe that's why is so frustrating seeing one athlete hailed a hero for making the same decision that caused another athlete to get effectively cancelled. Like being on the internet so long I'm jaded enough to not read into hate comments too much, just disagree with them and let them bounce off you. But sometimes coming across these hypocritical responses makes me want to grab their collective shoulders and shake some sense into them (ง'̀-'́)ง

[athenabehavioralhealth]

Mental health disorder

This Diwali, use these 7 tricks to declutter your mind too

For a space that doesn’t make a sound, the mind can be the nosiest place in the world. The mind is full of constant chatter from reminders about Diwali decorations, gifting options, meeting relatives, planning, deadlines, errands and meetings, and your own voice telling you to stop and take time for yourself. From listening to friends, family and co-workers, to learning what you need to know to earn a degree or make a living, to news, social media, sports and entertainment, the modern mind can easily get crushed with clutter. This is the race known as life and many minds are constantly running on the proverbial hamster wheel.

In addition to the constant thoughts that the human mind harbors, it is also a victim of some of your habits. These habits, unknowingly add to the clutter in the mind. These can include thinking about things on which you have no control, ruminating about the past, not letting go of the past or of negative emotions, keeping a constantly incomplete mental list of dreams and things to do, getting too busy or caught up in daily life and forgetting to stop and taking a pause.

The mind can become full of clutter and getting rid of it can bring clarity. So how can you deal with all that mental clutter? Here are some of the best seven ways to do this.

1.       Recognize the link between mind and body: The mind and body are connected. When you do not take care of your body, your mind suffers and vice versa. That is why it is important to be very aware of what you put into your body. Be aware of what you eat and drink, and choose food and beverages that promote good health. Junk food can hurt the body and mind. Similarly, allow your mind to rest from time to time. If the mind is unable to rest, it affects the skin, hormonal balance, digestion, and heart health. Looking out for signs that can help you understand that it is time for a reboot.

2.       Take the time to exercise: Most people know the benefits of exercising, yet they are unable to take out the time to do so. Physical activity helps clear the mind and produces endorphins that promote feelings of well-being. On the other hand, a sedentary lifestyle can lead to sadness, depression, and multiple lifestyle disorders like hypertension, diabetes, hyper- or hypothyroidism, etc.

3.       Remove negative influences: Avoid the rumor mill whether in social circles or at office, because gossip clutters the mind. Eradicate negative attitudes such as envy and resentment from your life and avoid spending time with people who bring you down. You can attract positive people to your life by becoming a positive person. Avoiding negative circumstances and negative people can help you get rid of mental clutter.

4.       Let the past stay in the past: Everyone has made a mistake, hurt others and hopefully learned from their follies. However, holding grudges and retaining self-blame take up way too much mental space. Do your best to move on from these past incidences. The past is the past and you cannot change it, so learn to focus on the present and the future.

5.       Recognize and avoid your triggers: It is important to identify your stressors. Certain stressors can set people off and these can range from something small like sitting in traffic to having to deal with a person who brings you down. To be able to avoid your triggers, you must first recognize them. Once identified, work on a plan to deal with them. Implement and improvise the plan regularly.

6.       Prioritize and complete: Rather than having a constant mental list of unfinished tasks, aim to prioritize and complete each task. When you are able to complete a task and mark it as complete on your list, it will provide you a sense of achievement, which is immensely satisfying. It also improves your focus for the other tasks.

7.       Build a support system: A support system is helpful to turn to whenever you are feeling beaten or hopeless. The support system reminds you of the important things in life and helps you redirect by assisting you in letting go of the past and negative feelings and emotions. They are the best punching bag you can ask for. Build a support group of trusted people and meet them often.

The road ahead

You would be surprised by how happy you could be after decluttering your mind. Living with a cluttered mind can be debilitating and overwhelming. Just like you clean out your closet or pantry regularly, it is important to clear the clutter from your mind also. A decluttered mind has better clarity, is more focused, can balance things and is at peace with its actions. Other benefits of decluttering the mind include better relationships, higher self-esteem and confidence, lower risk of physical ailments, and improved overall well-being. Remember, you do not need to declutter in one go. Start small.

While a decluttered mind can provide peace, a cluttered mind can lead to several physical and mental health problems. If you or a loved one are suffering from a Mental health disorder like depression or any other issue, get in touch with Athena Behavioral Health. Our experienced and skilled medical team can help you prioritize and treat your mental health disorder. We provide customized and evidence-based mental health treatment programs. For more information about our mental health treatment programs, WhatsApp us at 9289086193.

[prime-wars]

Hello! It's funny how CDRW is kinda loved in this part of fandom, but in the part where I usually hang out (it's mostly this Russian social network which is used by people from neighboring (CIS) countries) people actually dislike it! <:D but it's almost always for weird reasons like "this relationship teaches us that ab//se is good" because they think that Rewind manipulates Chromedome, and CD is literally a victim of Stockholm syndrome. It's all because of Dominus. I mean. Fair?? But I don't believe that media always has to teach its readers about something and that showing various types of relationships is not that bad (and CDRW has never been that ab//sive, like, there IS love there). But yeah, I think this ship would have benefitted it if CD and RW got into a relationship throughout MTMTE/LL and not like centuries before because seeing how RW is searching for Dominus can make it hard to believe that they are husbands. Maybe they could have portrayed their love more explicitly. Because, tbh, all I can remember from their talks was "Dominus Dominus Dominus". xDD And on that note it would have been interesting to see more of them on their own being their own characters - it was portrayed in the first season of MTMTE, but then it happened less and less. I mean. CD didn't even talk with Brainstorm about time accident, what? Are they mad at each other or something???

HI!! im so sorry this took me ages to get around to, but that's so interesting!!!! i wonder about like, the possible reasons that might have happened... like in this case, maybe the cultural differences between american and russian people that leads one group of people to adore a pairing so much while another hates them. its always one of my favorite things to talk about in bigger fandoms!

and i can kinddd of see where theyre coming from re:the whole abuse thing with cdrw. its definitely really weird for rewind to be so dedicated to his ex-husband (who he hasn't seen for millions of years in canon at this point) to the point where chromedome feels that he isnt even rewinds "real" husband; just his placeholder until rewind finds dominus. it's genuinely a really interesting dynamic, if far from a healthy one. i really wish we got to see more of the drama of that, instead of them just reconciling after dominus' death and putting the massive elephant in the room behind them like nothing ever happened.

ESPECIALLY because it would create such an interesting like, almost juxtaposition between the two. the whole contrast of rewind, who remains so dedicated to his past love that he pushes on in his search for him past the point of reasonable doubt of his still being alive, vs. chromedome, who is so devastated by the reality of his loved ones' deaths that he removes any trace of them ever existing from his life, including all memories and emotions that he ever felt towards them. like, god!!! it couldve been such an interesting juxtaposition to examine, if jro ever gave them more than 5 seconds worth of conflict before they kissed and made up.

i think rewind and chromedome falling in love over the course of mtmte/ll definitely would have solved the problem with rewind's kind of one-sided relationship with chromedome. and i think it genuinely would've been a much sweeter love story; chromedome trying to help rewind recover from the loss of his long dead husband, which he's never had the strength to accept, and slowly coming to terms with his own past in the process... the two of them working towards healing together, instead of the kind of lopsided "chromedome dedicating himself entirely to rewind's past trauma while completely ignoring his own" storyline we actually got would've been a lot better i think.

and also what you mentioned, about them not really being their own characters, is so true!!! i think it's part of the reason im really not that interested in them at all. they dont feel like complete people; like two pieces of the same person, but not in an interesting way. from how much it's implied that brainstorm views chromedome as a really good friend, it seems like it's really not reciprocated at all. (which, with brainstorm's whole thing with quark, is entirely possible and also makes me very sad. brainstorm deserves better 😢) chromedome has no one outside of rewind and acts like he doesnt Need anyone outside of rewind, and the shitty thing is that ll25 kind of validates that? the whole "rewind lives in chromedome's head now" never read as a happy ending to me. they deluded themselves into thinking that they would never need anyone outside of each other, and now they live inside that delusion. just creepy imo.

[tanktoplinson]

some thoughts bc i just read an interesting opinion piece from an anti’s perspective that i don’t really feel like linking rn lol but i want to talk about it so what is my blog useful for but for me to talk my head off.. :)

there is probably a lot more debate about the state of HL’s relationship now that were a few years removed from the last we’ve publicly seen these two in the same room. i’ve been on this ship for too long to think otherwise, but i can understand why newer larries would have a harder time dealing with stunts/denials/media speaking on them mainly because they never lived through one direction as they were actively handing spoonfeeding us content, which by proxy, getting a firsthand experience of what it’s like to watch HL in motion (may that be in live stage performances, social media activity, or legit face to face interactions through tours/meet n greets, etc.)

that’s not to say that people that are now just doing their digging are any less welcome or would be considered to not bring as much to the table, but in my observation, younger larries simply have faced more of these couple of years where on the surface level, what the media is shaping the public to believe has given them more reasons to doubt the validity of what the fans think of their relationship as opposed to older/veteran larries seeing how the rumors are handled, the stunts that follow, and the industry’s behavior as a dead giveaway that there is something to hide.

what i can’t wrap my head around though is that someone could have lived through the early days of the band and still be completely sure that they have never suspected that these two may be Romantically involved with each other. with their rise in popularity, which has always been described as a phenomenon never seen before in the history of fandoms at the time, everyone and their mama was always talking about niall, liam, zayn, and louisandharry. it was undeniable that these two were always paired since the get go. for sure, we will never know how it started and when the serious shift to shipping turning to genuine csi detective shit where a significant chunk of the fandom have reached to the same consensus: they seem to be way more than friends.

personally, the denials and cover ups have spoken louder than what any touch, stare, or interaction between HL that people could speculate on over and over again in challenging my perspective on whether larry is real or not. not that it would serve as legit proof, but comparing how they’ve denied other rumors (relationship with other members, engagement with a long-term girlfriend, writing a song ab a specific ex) without beating around the bush and how HL has handled denials about their own relationship should be something to be noted. i would argue that as a young teen, information about closeting was not the first thing on my mind nor will it be what their management would be offering obviously, but as more and more people look into them more, it wouldn’t take a lot of time for young fans to figure out that closeting IS a thing and it is very much real in this industry.

through the years, i have also seen people argue that the reason why they wouldn’t deny the rumors straight up is because it causes people to talk, leading to profit, again just toying the fans around. but that literally would not make sense in a business standpoint bc their labels would have argued that destroying the fantasy of young impressionable fangirls and marketing these attractive young lads as available is what would make them lose money. all of the effort and millions put to market these boys as straight, hot and available, but will also treat you right because they are the boys next door, is literally calculated to the point that other artists (esp the ones that emerged out of xf, syco, s*mon cowbell’s dungeon) have come forward to expose that all of that strategy was in the agenda since day one.

this has gone too long (my rant and their lies lol) that im losing track of my point;; but circling back to even the earliest bouts of stomping down the rumors, a decade of coincidences that lead back to the same thing should not be taken lightly. i know larries reach sometimes, but most times were the first to debunk proofs ourselves. yet honestly, a person would probably sound even more ridiculous trying to reason against everything we’ve witnessed for the past 12 years. but again, time will tell and stakes are too high now to think of a logical and relatively easy way of explaining how it has all come to this point (referring to exposing bbg and explaining how and why for all the many girls they have partnered with H). there’s so much we don’t know behind the scenes, especially in the technical and legal sense. all we could do is support the favs we have chosen to stick by and if gets too much (bc sometimes it really wears you out), stepping out when needed.

there come’s a time when a blind man takes your hand and says, “can’t you see?”

[heloisedaphnebrightmore]

Possibilities [Tom Hiddleston x Reader]

Title: Possibilities Pairing: Tom Hiddleston x Female!Reader Word count: 3k Published: 6 July 2021 Author: Heloise Daphne Brightmore Warnings: Mention of food and alcohol Summary: Tom and you have been friends for a long time and because of that same reason you value your friendship more than to ruin it with some silly feelings. But the event you attend together offers you some surprises that might change your relationship forever.

Tom Hiddleston and Characters Masterlist | Masterlists

Real People Masterlist

If you enjoy my stories, please consider donating and supporting me on Ko-fi. Of course, it’s completely your choice, I will continue updating for free anyway :) Thank you <3

Events, galas, award ceremonies. You weren't a popular actress nor a famous singer, or social media influencer. You had a simple 9-5 job that would hardly ever get you into these events. But regardless of your status in society, you were known and not because of any talent you possessed that could have made you famous, but because your best friend was none-other than Tom Hiddleston.

You have been friends for years, you adored everything about the man. He was sweet and kind, always polite, but just as playful. It was a friendship you felt lucky to be in, a friendship that you held so close to your heart, it would have broken every little piece of you if it ever ended. Often, you found yourself staring at him with a little smile in the corner of your lips, watching his every move, the way he joked around with his co-stars on set, the way he exercised in the gym for a role, the way he winked at you with a mischievous smile as he caught your eyes on him.

"Do you need my autograph?" he asked with a wide grin as he opened the door of the luxurious car he booked for the event. Once again you have forgotten your eyes on him— his dashing looks, the perfectly fitted suit, the playful twinkle in his eyes. He never stopped teasing you about it.

"Shove off, Tom," you nudged him as he got out of the car and held out a hand for you, waiting for you to accept his help. So, you did. Wrapping your fingers around his hand, you let him help you out of the vehicle as you rearranged your stunning dress and ran your hand down its length to remove any creasing. Cameras were flashing, reporters' loud voices filled the pathway to the entrance, a long red carpet leading your way inside the building towering over you like a modern castle.

"If I didn't know better, I would think your interest in me goes beyond friendship," he chuckled as he held his arm out to you, waiting for yours to be placed over his, his eyes following every little movement of yours. A sudden rush of heat travelled up to your cheeks, your breathing slightly laboured as you tried to calm your heavily beating heart. He was not wrong after all. It's been years since you have been harbouring these feelings, but you hadn't had the heart to confess them. Tom was more important to you than to ruin it over some silly feelings.

Sometimes, when you caught Tom's eyes on you, watching you intently, a soft smile spread across his face, it made you think if maybe, just maybe he was harbouring similar feelings towards you. But the idea was quickly swept away by your doubts, the thought of such an amazing man falling for you seeming impossible. You knew your worth, you didn't write yourself down, but Tom has always been perfect in your eyes, and you couldn't imagine him wanting you even if at times a certain silly part of your brain whispered otherwise.

"I love your healthy self-confidence," you finally gathered your ability to be able to reply, earning a comical huff from him. You have been trying hard, to deny your romantic interest in him, but rumours about the two of you have become a reoccurring news and it didn't help your case to shove your feelings in the back of your mind.

"Ready?" He asked as his gaze turned towards the red carpet. Heaving a heavy sigh, you nodded and murmured a 'yes' as a response.

As soon as the cameras started flashing, hundreds of photos of Tom and you being taken, you conjured a sweet little smile that the tabloids loved. You were always nervous when it came to these events. It was Tom's job to answer some of the questions journalists asked of him, which meant they were to ask about your relationship. It was becoming repetitive, making you feel uncomfortable. The questions themselves didn't bother you but repeating over and over again that the man you have fallen for is merely a friend, felt like a stab in your heart, each time you responded.

"Tom! Tom!" One of the reporters shouted his name and he led you to the side of the red carpet, halting right beside the metal cordons. Questions were flying around, photos had been taken, but you didn't concentrate. Your senses were heightened as Tom pulled you in his side, his arm now wrapped around your waist, gently, but firmly holding onto you. Looking up at him, you studied his face, his ice-blue eyes focusing on the reporter, an excited smile across his face. He seemed so relaxed, so collected, meanwhile even events after events you were still nervous. As though he could feel it, he turned to you with a soft, reassuring smile, giving you a nod, silently asking if you were alright. For others, the movement could have easily been missed, but to you, it was like an earthquake, shaking your heart, making you fall even deeper for him. In a reply, you nodded and offered him a smile as you squeezed his hand that rested on your waist.

"So, Tom, this might be a bit more personal, but everyone has been talking about the two of you," he started, and your eyes immediately darted towards the man. You knew the question, heard it a thousand times already, so you prepared your heart to give the same reply as always. 'We are just friends,' you repeated time after time, hoping they would finally understand and let you be, but they didn't seem to budge. "You have been friends for a long time, and your fans have been talking about how close the two of you have become. Do you think, maybe in the future, there's a possibility for romance to blossom?" He asked with an expectant expression, a sly smile in the corner of his lips.

"As we have said before," you spoke up, ready to reply as you always did, "we—"

"You never know what the future holds for you, there are many possibilities" Tom cut in with a mischievous smile, your eyes growing wide as you looked up at him. Tom chuckled at your expression as he leaned down and kissed the top of your head. "Tell me I'm wrong," he arched a brow questioningly, his words starting your heart off at a faster pace, your cheeks feeling warmer under his intent gaze, those blue eyes you often found yourself lost in.

"Well—, I mean I can't argue with that statement," you replied, feeling slightly awkward. A confused smile started growing wider on your face as Tom led you away. "Why did you do that?" You asked as you finally stepped inside the building, his arm still resting around your waist as you headed towards a large room filled with all sorts of foods and drinks, people dancing in the middle, the dim lightning offering a rather intimate mood. "You just created even more gossip," you scolded him, but seemingly he didn't mind. He led you to a table where his name was printed on a nametag and pulled the chair out for you before he took his seat beside you.

"I didn't say anything," he smiled at you as innocently as he could manage, the corner of his eyes crinkling.

"You did. Exactly because you were so secretive, people will want to read between the lines. They will think there's more to us than friendship," you huffed as you hid your face in your palm and heaved a heavy sigh.

"And is that so bad?" He frowned, earning the same expression from you.

"What?" A silent scoff left your lungs. "What are you trying to say?"

"Is that such a big problem if people think we are together?" He asked, his confident tone stunning you.

"Of course, not. I don't care what rumours are being spread about me, but I don't want them to gossip about you," you reached for his hand on the table and wrapped your fingers around it, giving it a gentle squeeze. His expression stayed emotionless; you couldn't read him entirely, but you knew he seemed off.

"I will go grab us a drink," he said as he stood up, leaving you frowning. You weren't sure what you said that made him upset, and regardless of trying to put on a straight face, you knew he wasn't happy with your response.

You watched as he walked over to a small table filled with the most delicious looking cakes and a couple of bottles of champagne, ready for the guests before they brought out the main course. Tom grabbed a battle of champagne and two glasses, filling up both halfway, before he placed the battle back into an ice bucket.

"What is it?" You asked as he returned and gave you one of the glasses.

"What do you mean?" He asked, taking a seat beside you.

"We've known each other for quite a long time. I can read you like an open book. What's bothering you?" Trying to get him to open up, you shuffled closer to him, your chair scraping the floor, turning heads in your direction. "Oops," you scratched the back of your neck awkwardly, earning a chuckle from Tom.

"Very subtle," he mocked you.

"Don't change the subject Mr. Hiddleston," you raised a questioning brow, a tiny smile hidden in the corner of your lips.

"Nothing is bothering me," he added, but your suspicious gaze didn't falter. "I'm being honest, darling," the sly little fox knew his nickname for you would make you soften up and he used every opportunity to say it when he felt cornered.

"Fine," you squinted. "But we aren't done! I'm not blind, I can see something is on your mind."

"Yes, ma'am, I can't wait for this conversation to come back around," he mocked you once again, making you huff as you gently punched his shoulder.

Throughout the night, said conversation was forgotten, the alcohol consumption rose, the amount of people dancing around the room grew, meanwhile others sat at their tables, trying to digest the previously served delicious meals. You couldn't deny that you had a good laugh with Tom and his co-stars from all sorts of movies he had been in. It felt like a little family, people coming together to just have a joyous time.

The way Tom smiled at his friends, praising each other, before turning to mock one another forced your eyes to rest on his excited features. He looked so alive, so happy and the feeling of the man you loved being in his element meant everything to you. Tom was radiating enthusiasm and you couldn't look away as you watched his ever-growing smile, his nose scrunched up at an unexpected subject, his head falling back as a loud laughter erupted from his lungs. He was always handsome, but when he was happy, it filled you up with a certain warmth that you couldn't explain. Like you always wanted to make him happy just to be able to see that cheerful smile spread across his face.

He turned to you, catching your gaze on him once again. His arm sneaked behind you, pulling you closer and leaning down to your ear. "You are staring at me again," you couldn't see it, but you could feel his smile spreading wider.

"I like to see you happy," you shrugged with a soft smile as you leaned back to be able to meet his gaze. His smile faltered, but his eyes softened.

"Dance with me," he said as he offered his palm to you, and you placed your hand in it.

"I take no responsibility for broken toes," you said with a silent chuckle as you followed him to the dancefloor.

"Don't worry, darling, it's worth the injury," he mirrored your expression as you stopped in the middle of the dance floor. A slow, romantic song started playing in the background, his arms finding their perfect position around your waist as yours sneaked around his neck.

It was a slow and peaceful dance, not requiring much knowledge and talent. You just enjoyed each other's presence, gazes meeting, smiles forming, swaying to the slow rhythm of the music. You didn't speak a word, but the silence wasn't uncomfortable. It never was with Tom. A soft smile, a quick glance, a simple gesture meant more than thousands of words when you were with him.

You laid your head against his chest, listening to his fast heartbeat, taking on a quicker pace just like yours did. "I miss you when you are not with me," he spoke for the first time as he leaned down and kissed the top of your head. You didn't move away; his embrace was too comfortable, and you couldn't care about people watching you.

"I always miss you. You are the one travelling all the time after all," you chuckled lightly, not wanting to ruin the moment.

"I could be only a mile away and I would still miss you," he replied as you pulled back a bit to meet his soft gaze, but there was no smile present across his handsome face. As the song finished, you found yourself standing in front of him, slightly confused about the conversation. "Do you want to go to the balcony? Have some fresh air?" He asked, taking on a more cheerful expression, but you knew him more than to believe it was genuine. In a response you nodded and linked your arm with his.

Following him through the sea of people, you finally arrived at the balcony, looking down to a smaller version of a park, a water fountain standing tall in its centre. You leaned against the rail as you watched the trees battling the silent wind, fallen leaves being blown across the walking path. Tom joined beside you, his eyes following the same direction as you did before they halted on your face. "You are being strange tonight," you spoke up, feeling his gaze resting on you before you turned to him, meeting his eyes.

"I'm just thinking," he added with a half-hearted smile.

"About?" You asked as you reached for his hand resting on the rail and placed yours on top of his. He turned his palm upside down and lifted your hand, hinting a small kiss on your knuckles as he heaved a heavy sigh. "Tom talk to me," you squeezed his fingers reassuringly, his eyes watching you, not leaving your gaze for a moment. "You have been rather quiet around me," you added.

His whole body turned to you, as though he was focusing his complete attention on you. Reaching towards you, he brushed your hair to the side, gently tucking it behind your ear. You leaned into the touch involuntarily, only realising your actions when he caressed your cheek with his thumb, before moving down and running it across your lips. The feeling burnt you, starting your mind off in a very dangerous territory, one that you have been avoiding. 'He is your friend' you tried to remind yourself. But once the tip of his thumb brushed along your lips once again, you couldn't stop yourself. Stepping forward, you placed your hands on his chest, steading yourself and rose on your tiptoes, pressing your lips against his.

Your own bravery surprised you, but Tom didn't seem affected. As soon as your lips met, his arms wrapped around you, pulling you closer. He didn't hesitate, he wasn't surprised. He just held you, gently running his lips along yours, tilting his head to deepen the kiss. But as much as you wanted to enjoy the moment, realisation hit you. You were kissing your best friend. You gently pushed him away, stumbling back from the force, covering your mouth with your palm. "I'm so sorry," you breathed, panic rising in your chest. "I have no idea what happened, I don't know why I did that, I'm so sorry," your words were rushed, your heartbeat loudly pulsing in your ears.

But Tom's gaze twinkled. A soft, warm smile grew wider across his face as he stepped forward and wrapped his arms around you. "I'm not," he said as he pressed his forehead against yours. "I've been wanting to kiss you," he breathed as he closed his eyes momentarily, slightly shaking his head. "I've been wanting to tell you how much I love you; I've been trying to gain the courage to say it out loud," he scoffed. "I'm a fool for dragging it out for so long, but I love you," his voice shook as he said the words, but his arms tightened around you, safely holding you against his chest. It took you a second to understand what he meant, that your feelings weren't unrequited, that he has been harbouring the same feelings you have.

A heavy sigh left your lungs, as though a weight fell off your chest. Your lips curved into a smile as you placed your hands on his cheeks, running the tip of your thumbs across his jawline. He mirrored your expression whilst leaning into your touch, planting a small kiss on your palm. "I love you too," you replied finally," the words rolling off the tip of your tongue easier than you expected. "I love you so much," you giggled, wanting to repeat the words over and over again, until you finally understood that it was real, that you weren't dreaming. "You never know what the future holds for you, huh?" You asked, repeating his words from earlier in the evening, earning a loud chuckle from him. "So, is this one of those many possibilities?" you raised a single brow.

"Could be. I have a couple more ideas," he said, his soft smile turning into a confident grin.

"You are terrible," you gently hit his chest as you grabbed his suit-jacket and pulled him down to you, meeting his lips halfway, smiling into the intimate moment you have been craving for so long.

Notes: If you enjoyed reading this little piece, please don’t forget to leave a like, comment and/or reblog. Your opinion matters and gives us motivation. Thank you ^^

If you enjoy my stories, please consider donating and supporting me on Ko-fi. Of course, it’s completely your choice, I will continue updating for free anyway :) Thank you <3

Taglists; Send me a message if you would like to be added :)