#i feel like van scares misty

[saltball]

Maybe since Natalie was never my favorite I’m not gutted about this she just really fucking annoys me but I feel worse for Lottie and misty and what this will do to them this really makes sense for nats character to me who seemed dead from the jump

[zombieunicorngamerzu]

(Yandere Yellowjackets/Reader)

[Warnings - yandere behavior, Van, Lottie, and Natalie have girlcocks, CNC, penetration, anal, oral, fingering, orgy, creampies, smut]

Ever since the crash, you felt like things changed between you and the team. It was like a switch was flipped and the other girls just went full on Mama bear mode, and not just the Overprotectiveness, but the Clinginess, it got bad. You were the youngest on the Yellowjackets College Soccer Team, only eighteen while the others were either nineteen or twenty with The oldest being Lottie, Natalie, and Taissa, the three of them were twenty.

You knew you were young, you thought Mabye that’s why the team was so overprotective over you, but it got to the point where they babied you. Way too much. Lottie was the most overbearing, well besides Misty, Misty was another level. Both Misty and Lottie insisted on doing everything with you, to bathing you, feeding you, going with you to use the restroom, all you wanted was a ounce of private time, but when you finally got away from one girl, there another was. You felt like they were suffocating you.

“Look, guys I just need to be left alone, please.” You pleaded with Van, Lottie, Taissa, Natalie, Shauna, and Misty, all of them sitting in their spots looking at you so hurt. Lottie stood up first, speaking softly, “Look, baby, we know you want to do things on your own, but we have to keep you safe.” You just shook your head, “No! You won’t even let me go outside alone, your driving me crazy.” Your words really stung everyone, all they tried to do was protect and love you, but all they felt was rejection. Lottie just stepped closer, her arms outstretched, “Baby… just- just let us show you how much we care about you…”

You just shook your head with a hateful glare, you couldn’t stay cooped up in the cabin being babied any longer. You were an adult, so you did what you wanted, you stormed out the door. You didn’t get far at all, Van immediately rushing after you and picking you up by your waist as you flailed, she just grunted and brought you back inside, “Yup, sorry babygirl, but no.” You we’re throwing a fit by the time Van placed you back in front of Lottie who stood with her arms crossed and a scary stern look across her face, “Better after your little fit, baby?”

You just glared and did the only thing you thought, you spit on her. It shocked everyone. You regretted it immediately as soon as you saw Lotties eyes darken and her jaw clench, the others looking scared for you as Lottie shot forward, grabbing you by your neck and forcing you into submission in front of her, her face looming over yours as she spoke in a growl, “I have been nothing but kind and loving and supportive ever since we crashed, I’ve been here for you, taken care of you, and you spit it my face?!”

You couldn’t stop but whimper in fear and regret now, “Lottie I’m sorry-“ She cut you off with a shake or her head, “No, your gonna be a good girl now, you fucking understand?” She growled out as she kicked the back of your knees, forcing you to kneel as she pulled your chin up, “Your gonna take everything we fucking give you without a fucking fight and your gonna fix this goddamn bratty attitude or I swear to god… “ she knelt down to your level, “I will fuck you for days until your a sobbing begging mess for the “nice me” back.”

You just nodded with a whimper, your breathes quick, you’d never seen Lottie so pissed before, it scared you shitless, so you just nodded, watching as she undid her pants, pulling out her cock which was already hard for you while the others watched. “Open your mouth.” She ordered a little softer, cupping your chin while you nodded and parted your lips for her to nudge her cock inside, feeling her length immediately slid to the back of your throat as she moaned, “There’s the good girl I want…” Lottie sighed out as she threaded her fingers in your hair to soothe you while pumping her cock inside your mouth, drool spilling down your chin as you took her down your throat. It didn’t take Lottie long before she was cumming down your throat, her grip on your hair tight before she pulled you off her cock.

She stepped back to let you catch your breath while she undressed, speaking out to everyone, “Everyone strip, we’re gonna show our babygirl why she needs us… and what she gets when she decides to be such a fucking brat.” There was immediate movement as soon as she spoke, everyone listening as Lottie knelt down and helped you undress, kissing your head to calm you as she spoke, “Shh baby, I promise we won’t hurt you,” she caresses your cheek, “We’re just gonna take care of you like we should have a long time ago.”

You just swallowed out of anxiety as you looked over at the others, Taissa already jerking Van off as they kissed, occupied with one another while Shauna was sitting with Nat, the two of them watching you like hawks and Misty who looked elated to just look at you, her hand already in her pants, biting her lip with a blush. Lottie just smirked at Misty, nodding her over which she gladly did, coming over and immediately straddling you, kissing you quick and fiery, making you Yelp at how rushed she was.

Misty was quick, passionate, she was so excited just to touch you as she ground down on your thigh, she was wet and she just wanted to touch you, “Fuck, oh my god, your so pretty, don’t worry, I’ll be gentle… I’ll get you ready for the others.” She smiled before pushing you to lay down, kneeling down between your thighs quickly, spreading your thighs open to bury her face between your thighs, she moaned, getting her first taste of you and she was lost, eating you out like she was starving before her fingers were pushing inside you to find your gspot, she sucked on your clit roughly while curling her finger against your gspot quickly, Misty was surprisingly just a fiery bundle of excitement and pleasured, she focused on you until you came and you swore Misty came in her panties just from getting to make you cum.

You were almost sad when she pulled away but you didn’t get much time to be sad before you were roughly manhandled by Natalie, feeling her hands rolling you onto your tummy and her breasts on your back as she husked in your ear, “Don’t worry baby, I’m gonna fuck you so good your gonna scream.” She just chuckled with a smirk before shoving her cock inside you, making you scream out, you were wet, but she just shoved it in, being rough to the point Lottie voiced out, “Gentle… Natalie, don’t break her.” Nat just chuckled as she dug her nails into your hips, jackhammering her hips into your ass harder, pinning you down, “What if I wanna break her?” Lottie glared at her immediately from her spot which made Natalie roll her eyes, but she did slow down, you were whining and crying already from how sensitive you felt.

Natalie just smiled and slapped your ass, making you squeal and clench around her cock, causing her to groan, her voice husky, “That’s a good fucking girl, taking my cock like this…” she just grunted before reaching down to rub your clit, quickening her thrust as she moaned out, “Now cum on my cock so I can fill you up.” Her words made your eyes widen, groaning out louder at how rough she was fucking you, you could feel her cock slamming deeper inside you, her fingers rubbing your clit rougher which made you build up your orgasm quickly, screaming out as you came around her cock which made her cry out as she slammed into you, spurting hot heavy loads of cum inside you with a groan before slapping your ass and pulling out, leaving you trembling as she ruffled your hair and walked off.

“Christ Nat, how about manners? Some fucking decency?” Taissa spoke out, practically appalled with Natalie just leaving you trembling on the cold floor, you felt Taissa’s hands as she helped you up, pulling you to her chest as she kissed your head, “Van, get some pillows and blankets.” Was all you heard before feeling yourself being laid on a much more comfortable surface, Taissas hands rubbing your tummy and thighs gently while Van just crawled over with a kiss to your knee, “Hey babygirl.” Van smiled as she sat next to you, Taissa putting a pillow under your head as she nodded at Van who settled between your thighs, “Go slow, Van.”

Van just nodded at Taissa’s order, moaning softly as she pressed the head of her cock slowly inside you while rubbing your thighs to help you relax. Both Taissa and Van just seemed more focused on your comfort, they weren’t rushed or rough, they were patient and gentle, focusing on you as Van slowly worked her cock into you, making you moan softly, your eyes fluttering at the feeling, her slow movements felt so much better and Van smiled with pride at the pleasured softer moans you let out, leaning down to kiss your nose as she slowly sped up, making you let out the cutest whine, causing Taissa to shiver, biting her lip as she touched herself and used her free hand to keep your hair out of your eyes. It was a slower buildup to your orgasms, the three of you, but when Van finally got to the point of speeding up her thrusts, breathes shaky as she held your thighs to your chest, sinking her cock in deep as she held your thighs, groaning out loudly, she came inside you, her cock twitching as she made sure to pump in deep so you took every drop.

“God, she’s so perfect.” Van husked out breathlessly as she slowly pulled out, being careful not to hurt you before she leaned down to give you a tender kiss, “Your doing so good baby… so good.” She praised you and it made your heart sing, you really didn’t want Van and Taissa to be done, but they got up, making you whimper before Shauna made her way over, shushing you, “Shh baby, I promise I’m not that scary.” She just gave you a reassuring smile, leaning down to kiss down your stomach before settling between your thighs which made you squirm, you felt too sensitive, it felt like torture when she flicked her tongue over your clit, making her giggle as your hips bucked, “Thats it baby, take what I give you.” She just smiled before attaching her lips to your clit. Gods… Shauna must have known you we’re spent from everyone else, so she just cleaned you up with her tongue mostly, her hands gently rubbing your shaking thighs as she slurped at your pussy, working you to another exhausting but enjoyable orgasm as you came on her tongue.

Shauna carefully let you go after feeling you cum, tasting you was enough for her right now, sitting back to get up and watch as Lottie made her way back over again, you hoped she was the last one. Lottie must have seen how exhausted you were because she just crawled over you, kissing you sweetly with a soft shush, “Shh baby, I know… you did so well, just have to take me now baby, then your done.” She husked out before grabbing your thighs, her hands on the backs of your knees as she pushed them up to your chest, angling her cock at your entrance before pushing in with a deep moan, making your thighs tremble as you moaned brokenly, your poor little hole felt used and sensitive, aching around her cock as she started to thrust.

“Good girl baby, god you look so pretty…” Lottie moaned out as she kissed you harder, groaning and panting against your lips before she pulled out quickly, pining your legs higher before jerking her cock off at your tighter hole below, making you wriggle, “L-Lottie, no please- wait-“ Lottie cut you off by pressing the head of her cock into your tight ass, making you scream out as you felt the stretch, gasping so loud as you felt her thick cock pop into your ass, filling you up so much as she slowly started pumping inside you with such eager moans and growls, “Fuck… yes… this fucking ass- yes baby! Oh god- I’m gonna cum!” Lottie whimpered out as she shoved in deeper, her cock twitching as she groaned out, her voice cracking as her eyes squeezed closed, letting out a cry as she shot her load into your tight little hole, moaning sinfully as she felt your tightness around her cock.

You groaned at the feeling, you felt so full and used at this point, whimpering as Lottie slowly pulled out, her tip popping out of your ass as she let your thighs go, letting you relax as you felt her cum dribble out of your ass. Immediately after Lottie helped sit you up, speaking softly to you, “Baby… your ours now, okay? We love you so much babygirl…” All you could do was nod with a soft whimper as Lottie kissed your forehead before everyone was fussing over you yet again, fighting over who would get to help you bathe next.

[katiesbowlcut]

YELLOW JACKETS HEADCANONS | them being jealous

summary: they notice you getting a little too close to another one of the girls, this is how i think they would react to the feelings and emotions that would tag along with it

pairings: nat, misty, taissa, shauna, vanessa, lottie x afab wlw reader

format: headcanons

warning: jealousy, swearing?, suggestive ig

lowercase intended! not proofread! y/n used!

natalie

- stops speaking to you

- starts going hunting without you

- when you would hunt together she’d ignore you

- gets mad if you talk abt whoever she’s jealous over

- you’ll eventually ask her while you’re out why she’s being so weird with you

- she shouts at you

- you shout back

- “what so you’re mad you’re not the only person i talk to???”

- “no i’m mad because i’m not your fucking person!”

- your argument turns into a love confession on her part

- she starts crying

- she gets really embarrassed and runs back to the cabin

misty

- would be BEYOND upset

- she’d think that she had done something wrong

- overthinking it way too much

- was she not good enough for you? even after everything she’s done for you?

- would go a little crazy ngl

- she would confront them and basically interrogate them

- would ask things like “what are your intentions with them?” and stuff like that

- coincidentally after that she wouldn’t see them near you anymore

- i’m fact they’d always make sure they are as far away as possible from either of you

- you literally have no idea what happened you just assumed you two just drifted

- yayyy misty wins again!!

taissa

- she’s been watching you from afar ever since you joined the team

- she’s scared to be openly gay, would people resent her? would they even care the she likes women?

- she’s actually been making an effort to talk to you as much as she can

- whenever shauna was the one giving out the cards for the chores that day she’d beg her to make sure she saved her the closest one to you

- however when you start spending a lot of your time with van, everything changes

- van is openly gay, just like you are

- is it offensive of her to assume you’re dating just because you’re both gay?

- whenever she would speak to you she’d ask about van

- “we’re just friends tai, i swear”

- “sure you are” she’d laugh it off as if she wasn’t genuinely trying to figure out what was going on between you two

- one day tai is out getting water and when she turns around to head back you’re just standing there

- you very quickly explain that you have feelings for her and that’s why you’ve been with van so much because you’ve been trying to figure out how to deal with them

- she drops the bucket of water and pulls you in for a quick yet passionate kiss

- “take it you feel the same?”

shauna

- she’d be so jealous

- my god you better watch your back

- she’s so scary

- the glares she’d give you both when you’re talking? lethal.

- the things she’d write about the person she’s jealous over in her journal? vile.

- she would be really quiet and weird around you

- it would make you very uncomfortable

- one day she puts her journal away and doesn’t balance it properly on the wooden beam

- it falls sometime after she’s left the attic and you just so happen to stumble across it while searching for her

- you stare down in shock at the cruel things she’s been writing about someone who was only considered a friend to you

- you are that into the journal that you don’t hear someone coming up the ladder

- shauna sees what you’re doing and charges at you, snatching her journal from your grasp

- she shouts at you for reading her journal

- you honestly don’t really listen, too busy admiring how hot she is when she’s mad

- you eventually can’t hold yourself back and pull her in by her hips as close to you as possible

- you share a lust filled, rough kiss

- god you’ve wanted that for so long

van

- she’s not really a crazily jealous person

- she’s a hell of a lot more chilled out than the rest of the girls

- but when you start ditching sneaking out of the cabin with her to sit and read under the covers with misty? oh boy things change

- she’s never felt like this before, she could feel it in her chest how furious it made her to see you with someone else

- she would make sooo many sarcastic jokes about you both

- “they’re probably off snogging misty somewhere”

- you’d overhear one of her jokes to the girls and actually get pretty upset

- at some point later that night you’d drag her outside to explain the way her comments made you feel to her

- she feels terrible

- it was never her intention to upset you

- she admits her jealously got the better of her

- you have a very heartfelt conversation about the way you’ve both been feeling recently

- obviously a love confession

- let’s just say you walk back into the cabin holding hands, everyone pitching in an “ooo la la” or a whislte

lottie

- we all know my girl got some problems

- lottie is very protective of you

- always wanting you by her side

- so when she starts to notice that instead of attaching to her side, you’re attaching to nats, she goes a little crazy

- she’d honestly say some bullshit about how the wilderness wants you to stay with her at all times

- “lottie, you can’t be serious right now”

- “y/n i can’t ignore my visions”

- “we wouldn’t want to upset the wilderness now, would we?”

- at that you fold and agree to stop spending so much time with nat, even if you know it’s just lottie trying to act like it doesn’t bother her that you’ve been giving someone other than her attention

- nat is just in disbelief that her strategy to get you back worked

a/n: hope you liked this, this is my first ever time writing fanfic so don’t judge pls! lmk what you’d want next :)

[leahsgf]

I had a nightmare I picked the queen card and was chased and killed by the girls, nat and I were daying and she held me while I was dying in her arms 😭 I’m traumatized

your inevitable

pairings. post!crash natalie x reader

warnings. mentions of blood/knives and death

i’m sorry about your nightmare BUT also thank you for the writing inspiration! this is just pure sadness i have no other words..

-

it had all moved so fast. from the moment you plucked the card from the stack in misty’s grasp, and almost instantly accepted your fate. you knew how this went, it was routine to the group by now, there was no way around it.

no returns.

the practically burning cold belonging to shauna’s blade pressed tightly against your throat, as a crowd of eyes stared you down, emotionless, yet glazed over with an almost enjoyment, like some twisted entertainment act.

in what felt like a split second, the force trapping you in place from behind was ripped away from you, and thrown to the ground, making you freeze and your ears ring. a blur of utter chaos erupted around you, and a warm hand clasped around yours, dragging you outside, and away from the cabin, refusing to slow or let up through any stumble you took.

the others clocked on within seconds, mirroring your tracks with a statement of how the wilderness had selected you to run, and for them to hunt. howls and screams followed you, echoing and bouncing off of the trees almost mockingly, the drags of their now finely crafted handmade weapons against the snow behind them.

you had never been the fastest runner on the team, and you knew in the pit of your stomach that all of this was simply the delaying of your inevitable. that’s all it was. that was how this ended. you’d seen it countless times. still, you allowed yourself to be pulled forwards, attempting to keep up with the person.

“come on, it’s okay, we’re gonna be okay, i know a place, just keep moving. i’ve got you”

natalie. of course it was her.

in the beginning of your relationship the pair of you had endless discussions about each of your fears and what you needed to help with these. of course, in all of that you had never once imagined that not only would your anxieties about everyone you love turning and ganging up on you be true, but your best friends would be physically hunting you instead, and it wasn’t some silly thought that natalie could help ease.

the same way you couldn’t reassure her that you weren’t going anywhere and that you weren’t going to leave her. because out in the wilderness, your own existence was no longer something that you had any power over. however, the silent tears slipping down her cheeks told you louder than any words could that she knew exactly what was going to happen, and that she was just doing the same as you. desperately pushing back the inevitable.

you fell to the ground and into natalie’s arms, uncontrollably sobbing and heaving as you stumbled into the space that javi had previously hidden out in. the same one that he had been trying to show her when he died. when he was chosen.

“i-i’m so scared. i don’t want to d-die. pl-please” her arms scrambled to wrap around you, as an unspoken knowing that this was the last time they would fell between the pair of you. there was no promise or reassurance she could give you that wouldn’t be entirely empty. the snow would snitch, the imprints of your previous footsteps trailing your hunters right to you.

you whimpered as she was torn away from you, as if on cue, and launched against a ‘wall’, held there by mari, misty and melissa, who’s eyes were never once not on your body, even through all of natalie’s fighting, as you were viciously hauled up and onto your feet.

van held you up, sternly, as shauna resumed her previous position behind you, and that cold feeling against your neck returned, with a significant increase in force. a refusal to allow you to escape once more.

this time there was no pause. not an ounce of hesitation from the once reserved, shy girl who you had known since you were in diapers.

the girl who cried because she’d accidentally taken your block from you when you were five, now taking your life as if it was a casual, everyday doing.

which it now was.

the wilderness wanted you. so it got you.

the last sound you heard was your girlfriend’s screams as you felt the pressure shift, flush against you, a sudden, violent warmth flooding down your neck before you slumped to the ground like a rag doll, the snapping of sticks below you eerily filling the sudden silence that overcame.

“no no no no no”

natalie fell towards you, the hold on her having been released, wailing hysterically as she cradled you, pulling you close into her and blocking out the chants of “the wilderness chose” surrounding her. she wiped away what had been your last tears and pressed a shaky kiss to your forehead as you remained motionless.

“it’s okay, you go. i love you. i’ll love you forever. i’ll never forget you. i’m so sorry baby. i’m so so sorry.” she weeped as she brushed the hair away from your face, and watched the life fade from your eyes.

she remained in that position, holding you and almost rocking you, her screams not letting up for hours until she couldn’t fight off the others from taking you away.

natalie scatorccio had never been certain about anything in her life. not really. but the one thing that she had been certain of, into adulthood, and even in her own death, decades later, when the hunts still remained, was that her love for you was the best thing she’d ever had.

and she never got over that.

not really.

[danisbrainrot]

yellowjackets as taylor swift albums (I'm bored). this became deeper than I meant for it to go OMG. whoops, anyways, enjoy:

1. tai: reputation. oh my god this girl is soooo in love with van, and at the end of the day, that's what reputation is. a love album. yeah it's got a little revenge in it, but overall, it's about being in love with someone who was there for you at your most vulnerable. and who's always been there for tai, adult AND teen timeline? VAN!

2. van: 1989! it's nostalgic, fun, iconic but still has the emotional rawness that flows throughout all of taylor's albums. everyone thinks 1989 is just heaps of fun, but it has this emotional intensity to it that once you look closer to it, you realise how much of a masterpiece it is. also, it just gives me van vibes tbh.

3. jackie: lover. she's so insecure about being in a relationship with who she thinks is the love of her life (shauna) in case she fucks it up (spoiler alert, she does). taylor also wrote this album as a last hurrah, to prove she had more stories to tell, and I think that ties in nicely to jackie's character. her insecurity forces her to try and prove herself to shauna, and show her best friend how much she loves her.

4. shauna: she's a red girlie. taylor's most emotionally raw album (besides ttpd) and she just gives the vibes. this is taylor's first heartbreak album (like how jackie's death was shauna's first heartbreak), and it's so intense that it takes a few listens to understand, but once you do, you realise it's an album about a girl with big heart learning how to recover from the devastation of losing someone she loves deeply.

5. lottie: folklore!! I love my little baby. this album was written in isolation, and you can definitely hear it in some of taylor's lyrics, and I just feel like that's lottie's character. the isolated girl who's held up to a higher standard than everyone else.

6. nat: ttpd. okay, i was tossing up between giving this to nat or travis, but then I remembered the adult timeline and went with nat. when I first heard this album, it reminded me of her purposeless speech. it's also an album where taylor was going through a manic phase, and if that isn't nat, I don't know what is. she's just lost the love of her life, and then she's kidnapped by lottie's cult and promised so many wonderful things, that she believes it—only for it to end in tragedy.

7. misty: she gives off such speak now vibes. she has so much she wants to prove, and she's reeling from being in love with a man much older than her.

8. travis: evermore. he's such a tragic little guy, that the album suits him. I really just think of happiness, marjorie and right where you left me because he's stuck in the past. he literally kills himself (accidentally I know, I know) because he's so trapped in the wilderness despite being free from it. this album has always given me: depressed sad, compared to its sister albume: folklore, which gives me angry sad. and while he's definitely more angry then lottie, he's got this deep sadness in him that echoes evermore.

9. mari: midnights. okay I don't know how to explain it better than this is how I interpret mari. she's the first to throw herself into believing lottie because she's scared and when I think of midnights, I think of how scared taylor was at losing her relationship and joe that she ignores her feelings. and mari ignores her feelings because if she really thinks about it, I don't think she'd be able to handle herself, i.e. being trapped in the woods, eating jackie.

10. javi: taylor swift (debut). just the innocence and naïvety of the album. it's her first album, she wrote and released at 15/16 so there's a lot of childish beliefs and hopes, which I think javi has—but there's still an underlying feeling of heartbreak. he tries to be a kid, but is still traumatised.

11. laura lee: fearless!! this is purely based on the album title. I mean, learning to fly a plane just to save her friends? this album is probably my least favourite, so you're not going to get a lot of analysis, but the few times I've listened to it, I understand it's about having faith things will work out (this might be wrong, but that's what I'm choosing to believe about it). and her faith makes her believe she can do anything, including save her friends. omg I love her so much <333

[gunstar-red]

I see people debating whether the Yellowjackets being willing to kill one of their friends to survive feels earned, but like, were they actually ready to do that? Shauna was shaking and crying pretty hard after Nat turned and said look me in the eyes. I honestly think there is a good chance she wouldn’t have had the heart to go through with it. And if Shauna put down the knife then what? Would Misty or Van or whoever pick it up? Maybe, but I don’t think so. Everybody in the circle looked scared and sad. There was no bloodlust in that cabin.  

Ironically by tackling Shauna and telling Nat to run to try and save her, Travis created a situation where the others could mentally psyche themselves up into killing her. Inside the cabin Nat was their friend, but by running away she became prey. It triggered the same primal Wilderness instinct the shrooms brought out of them last season. The stag. We have to catch it!

But even then they never actually ended up attacking Natalie, or anyone. Instead they let Javi die through passivity, the easiest form of violence, and claimed it was that the Wilderness choose. Once Javi’s body was laid out in front of them, they snapped out of their ecstatic state and looked sick. 

[lucid-heart]

I love you too, Lottie.

lottie matthews x f!reader

♦️You pull the queen card and every Yellowjacket knows what that means. Your life is forfeit for the survival of the team. You don't want to run. And there's only one person's you would place your life in. ♦️

WC: 1k+ words

masterlist • read on ao3 • request

A/N: this one is a little tragic but lottie matthews I love you 🙏 keep an eye on the TWs

CW: Main Character Death POV, implied cannibalism (ofc), Sad Ending

"Not her. Anyone but her."

For a moment, you swear your heart stops. Background noises fades to nothingness and your world spins around you. You hold the queen in your hand, pulled freshly from the deck. And you all know what that means.

As you raise your head, the others all realise what you pulled.

Shauna stares at you, hands balled into fists. There's an indescribable wildness in her eyes, as if she recognises the beginning of the hunt. She changes during the hunts. She becomes a predator and you will be her prey.

Nat refuses to look at you but keeps her gaze down. She pulled the first queen. She knows exactly how you feel right now.

You scan the room in desperation but there is nothing anyone can do. The wilderness chooses.

It chose you.

"(Y/N)?"

Someone speaks in the dead silence of the cabin and you look in their direction. It's Lottie, of course it's Lottie. Beautiful, caring, wonderful Lottie with her dark eyes and gentle voice. Of course. Of course.

"What do you have?" she demands. "What is it-?"

"What the fuck do you think it is, Lottie?" Nat snaps.

Lottie crosses the room to you and grabs the card out of your hand. You let her. You hardly feel it slip from your fingers because you're shaking so much. Fear engulfs you in a drowning wave. It's different being on the other end of the blade. It's different knowing you're going to die at the hands of your friends.

"No, no- we have to do it again-"

"Lottie, it chose her. We can't-"

"No! No, we have to-" Lottie spins and tries to grab the deck out of Van's hands but misses. "It can't be her. I-I won't let it. Not her. Anyone but her."

It's not directed at you but at the others. A desperation overcomes her as she realises she can't get the cards back. She grabs your wrists and tug you close to her.

"Lottie, we don't want to do this. But we have to-" The others try to reason with her but they can't.

"No! Get away from us! I'm not letting you take her!"

She's shaking too but from anger or fear, you can't tell which. With her height she overshadows the others but that means little in the wilderness. Shauna alone could tear her apart in seconds. They wouldn't stand a chance against the rest of the pack.

Already the others are moving like wolves, coming to circle the frantic Lottie as she tries to protect you. Misty moves to grab a spear and Lottie screams at her.

"No! Do not even try-" she snarls.

You've never seen her like this. And Lottie herself is the reason the hunts started. There was sadness in every one before yours but not like this. She really doesn't want to lose you.

Since you crash landed into the unknown forest, Lottie and you have gotten closer. How close, you never truly knew and you suppose you wouldn't find out. You know how you feel about her and how you wished for more but didn't dare ask for it out of fear. You didn't want to scare her away. But in doing so, you lost your chance.

You finally manage to shake yourself out of your daze and you look at the card clutched in Lottie's grip.

The painted face of the Queen stares back at you, a haunting image. It was held by the ones before you. The ones that you ate.

"Lottie, stop," you say. "Th-That isn't fair."

She looks at you and there are tears in her eyes. The hand on your wrist travels down to your hand and she squeezes it tight. She shakes her head. "No, no, (Y/N), I can't lose you. I can't let it take you."

"You have to," you say. "That's the rules of the hunt."

"Then fuck them! I don't care! Not about any of this. Just about you."

Your heart is breaking in your chest. Of course you don't want this to happen. But if it wasn't you, it would be someone else. You look around the rest of the Yellowjackets and take in their hollow eyes and grim expressions. No one wants to do this. But to survive, they have to eat. Someone has to be the lamb.

"I know. I know, Lottie."

You reach a hand to her face and brush away her tears with your thumb. Her eyes close as she tries to compose herself but she fails. She still cries. She still can't let you go.

"It has to be this way."

"Will you run?"

"Do you want me to?"

Running gives the chance for the wilderness to choose someone else. For it to intervene. Is that fair? Is it wrong? Nothing about this is right and honestly, you don't want to run. You want to stand tall in your last moments. You don't want to be stabbed in the back.

Lottie lets out a shaky exhale. "I don't want anyone to hurt you."

And in that sentence, you know what she's offering. The others do as well because they've stopped their circling and weapons are being lowered. This will come down to the two of you. As it was always meant to be.

"I know. That's okay." You stare into her dark eyes and find your own starting to blur. "I trust you. You'll make it quick."

Shauna steps in from the side with her knife in hand. She doesn't say anything as she presses it into Lottie's palm.

"Oh, (Y/N)..."

"I want you to have my heart," you say. "It was yours anyway."

You love her. You say it without words. Because you know that if you say it out loud, there is no telling what Lottie will do.

She understands you and tears fall fresh again. She pulls you close and kisses you fiercely, with the passion of someone who loves you back. It's hot and brutal, like she's trying to sink her teeth into you to hold you there.

Your first and last kiss with her.

You're trembling when she finally lets go.

"I'm so sorry," she whispers.

The knife is at your throat but her hands aren't shaking anymore. She holds your close as she presses the knife of the butcher against your skin.

"It's okay," you whisper back. "I forgive you."

The last thing you see will be her. The last thing you feel will be her hands holding onto you. You savour the taste of her kiss. It's just Lottie. Your Lottie.

"I love you, (Y/N)."

Your throat burns and your body gives out. Darkness engulfs you.

I love you too, Lottie.

[star-girl69]

Ultraviolence

Natalie Scatorccio x Fem!Reader

—-

a/n: i hope you all enjoy!!

warnings: mentions of cannibalism, mentions of murder, mention of suicide, mentions of death, animal death, violence and gore, swearing, tell me if i misses anything!!

Chapter Seven - In the Before

Chapter Seven - In the Before

—-

2021-

After taking the weekend off of work to avoid Jessica Roberts, Sunday night rolled around, and as you set out your outfit for the next morning, you were reminded distinctively of nights before school, that same dreadful feeling.

You also thought about the moment right before you picked a card.

The knock at your door was unexpected, so you frowned even as you opened it, and a short woman with curly blonde hair smiled widely at you.

“Y/N!” she shouted, throwing her hands out, like she was gonna hug you, but you pulled back.

“Do I know-?” But then she adjusted her glasses in a way that was so distinctively her. “Misty?”

She smiled wider.

“And I brought a friend!” she winked, and you frowned even more, tempted to shut the door on her face.

You peered around her, until a voice came from just next to you, a hand suddenly resting on your doorframe.

“Y/N,” she said, and it was the voice that you could hear through violence, through mountains and rivers and thousands of miles. The voice that brought you through the violence and into the peace, brought you out of the wilderness.

“Natalie,” you whispered after a moment. Her face appeared around the corner, and she looked just like she did in 2019- black leather jacket, black hair, her lips pulled into a tight line.

“Y/N,” she said again. Like she was saying your name just to say it, just to make sure you were there. “Travis… Travis is dead.”

—-

1996-

After your turn of carrying Coach Ben, you were eager to be near the front, closer to the end, following close behind Van and the compass she had taken from the cockpit.

You kept your eyes peeled for anything edible along the trail you followed, naturally carved out by generations of animals moving from the forest to the lake.

You stopped, crouching down to brush aside a small string of english ivy, only to find inedible winterberries. You sighed, standing back up and taking another good look at this section of the forest.

Someone stood next to you.

“You know, it’s pretty cool that your mom’s a botanist.” You looked at Natalie and smiled softly, wondering if you could run your fingers through her hair like it was strands of ivy.

“Yeah,” you muttered, falling into step beside her.

“I mean it’s really cool for us, because we would be even more screwed than we already are if we didn’t know what was safe to eat out here,” she laughed. “I probably would have eaten those elderberries or whatever raw and died.”

“You go around eating random stuff in the forest a lot?”

“It’s my favorite past-time,” she chuckled, and suddenly her hand brushed against yours, and it was like the lightning that had brought your plane down.

Her skin felt like violence, everything about her did, but you still wanted to sink into her.

You weren’t a fool. Natalie was beautiful, but what was even the possibility of her liking girls?

You pushed the thought out of your mind and shut up before you could say anything stupid.

—-

2021-

You had loved Natalie far too recklessly and far too much. Inthe wilderness, you loved her enough to even let her eat you. But after, when you came back, and saw that love wasn’t about suffering- you still couldn’t let her go.

She was as much deep into your soul as the wilderness was.

If someone were to cut you open, dig around in your soul, they would find your messed-up organs inside, and her, and the wilderness.

She was violence, and once, in a world full of violence, she made you feel safe and loved. She held you at night and made sure there was meat in your stomach, even if you had to hunt it, or kill it.

But in the real world, you weren’t hungry, and you were still scared- but not in a way that bonded you to her. Not anymore.

After Misty had invited herself in, and Nat had followed her, all you had been able to do was sit on the couch. Natalie stood, far away from you, while Misty made you something to drink and sat next to you, rubbing your shoulder.

Even after all these years, you couldn’t tell if her sympathetic smile was genuine.

Everyone in that plane crash had left something permanent, a scar, on your memory. You remembered everyone who died- from Pilot Fred to everyone who was killed to keep the rest alive. To keep you alive.

“How- how can he be dead?”

“Oh, he killed himself,” Misty frowned, much too calm and happy considering that someone you once had killed alongside with was dead. “We found him- hanging from a construction crane.”

“I don’t believe he killed himself.”

You looked at Natalie, and now it was your turn to look her up and down, your eyes wide and your bones stiff, mouth parted slightly even now in horror. You could imagine a pair of work boots swinging from the air.

It was a while before you could find the courage to speak.

“How did you find me, Natalie?”

Misty took a breath as if to answer-

“I didn’t want to, Y/N. I got the message loud and clear but- Travis is dead, n-” she stopped herself from saying that word.

You cut her a sharp glare, squeezing the handle of the untouched coffee mug Misty had made you.

There was too much associated with that word, an entire other life you had lived- drawing cards, eating too-tough meat, sinewy and chewy, her voice that you loved, whispering, calling you that nickname as she handed you another piece of your friends.

Once you had loved that name. You had loved being hers.

But you were not that girl anymore.

And Natalie wasn’t either.

“Sorry,” she whispered after a moment. She stared into your eyes then looked away, digging her hands into her pockets.

This- this wasn’t the Natalie you knew.

The girl who you had loved in the wilderness wasn’t the same girl as you loved in 2019. But still- things stayed the same. This was like an entire different person. Like someone had crawled into your skin.

You imagined a skeletal hand, clutching a pair of spindly scissors, making a slice down her back to step into.

“But you deserved to know.”

You had always loved her far too much.

—-

1996-

You were the first to smell it. It smelled like the jaws of death, like the remnant of every horrible meal- innocent or not.

“What’s that smell?” you asked, pressing your sleeve to your face.

“I don’t know,” Natalie said back, looking around the forest, until Lottie gasped. “Holy shit.”

Flies swarmed about it, reminding you of the sound a hot summer day made, a glittering blue pool, something cold in your hand, a bright sun- there wasn’t the carcass of a bear, left half eaten, being picked on by a crow. It’s organs fell out of it’s ripped apart stomach, and the blood on the ground had long since dried.

“Oh, God, I’m gonna puke,” you heard Jackie moan.

You groaned to yourself, looking away from the dead thing.

“Woah. Sick,” Travis remarked.

“What could have done that?” Shauna asked, and she was right. What could kill a fucking bear?

“A wolf, probably,” Coach Ben said.

“They can kill a fucking bear?” Nat asked.

“Yeah. Wolves can kill anything if the pack’s big enough.”

Nat stared at it longer, you standing next to her, not wanting to drift far away- even like this.

“Let’s keep moving,” she announced suddenly, sharing a look with you before marching down the trail.

—-

The closer you got to the lake, the more serene the forest became, like this place was a truce- nothing bad could come near the lake, near that vital life-giving place of water.

But, the journey was wearing on all of you, and you were all slowing down. And without the sports experience like the other girls had, you were struggling especially.

“Ah!” you yelped as your foot got caught on a root- you could barely even look at the ground, your eyes wanting to close, wanting to give up. Not even the promise of the lake was enough anymore.

Natalie grabbed onto you quick, one of her arms around your chest, like it was on the plane, the other gripping onto your shoulder.

“Woah, you okay?” she asked, helping you walk over to the side of the trail, to lean against a tall oak tree.

“I’m not a soccer player,” you groaned, “I just write about it. I don’t- don’t have the stamina like you guys…”

“Hah, hah,” Natalie said, squeezing your hand. “You’re fine. I feel like I’m dying too. Don’t worry,” You shot her an exasperated look, and she studied your face, before looking back down the path. “This shit is way longer than four miles. What if we missed it?” she asked, raising her voice so the rest of the team could hear her.

“From the angle of the sun, it looked just left of due north.” Taissa responded, her voice sounding heavy and weighted. Natalie rolled her eyes, tugging you back onto the path with a hand wrapping around your arm.

“Oh, great. ‘Left.’ That’s a precise way of doing it.” Jackie said, sarcasm dropping from her words.

“I’m not a fucking cartographer,” Tai shot back.

“Or maybe you saw a mirage.”

Each step like it was weighed down by a hundred pound weight. You felt sick and horrible, and you wanted nothing more than to lie still in the shade, or jump into whatever lake Taissa had seen, real or not.

You would even jump into a pool of blood, a swamp, as long as in your mind it felt like cool water.

“Oh, shit.” Van suddenly said, waving her arm frantically. “Oh, hell yeah, bitches!” she shouted, and when you looked at the direction she was running off to, there was a lake just visible through the trees.

—-

taglist:

@sweetdayme4427 @dreaming-for-an-escape @peachydoki

[dykepvppy]

All theirs

Blank blogs dni ! Requested by anon

(I'm adding Jackie and Laura Lee to the chase because yeah) this writing was collecting dust :) this is on wattpad btw but revamped it ! Plus it’s the doom coming but gayer writing revamped just with more writing i guess

Being travis friend and a shadow was hard or it kinda was good no one really talked to you they only asked you for travis or how is Travis.. and now your stuck with the yellowjackets and

Today was homecoming in the wilderness which the others say 'doomcoming'. The girls were dressed nice  you were dressed comfortable, I mean why would you get all prepped up in the wilderness Anyways.. you didn't see Natalie was always glancing at you. Standing on the sidelines while everyone was talking to each other, you felt invisible that's how you liked it. It was a matter of time when Jackie went up to you, smirking "wanna dance". Of course you didn't wanna decline her offer "sure.." she quickly pulled you towards her, the team captain put her hands around your neck, "you know it's funny being stranded with bunch of hot babes ya know" she licked her lips jokingly.

“Huh” you were mumbling to yourself  as you felt some stares on you, eventually the two of you pulled away not saying anything.. "hey (name) I got you some punch Misty made it"   You slowly took the cup out of Jackie's hand drinking it as you two danced the day away.

Night time came and you were in the cabin as the others were talking outside shitfaced "fuck what did Misty put in the drinks" rubbing your head as you got up from the wooden stump your head was pounding

The next thing you fled out of the cabin scared shitless, hearing the girls howl as they chased you, soon as they got closer, their footsteps getting close their howling stopped, you looked around the woods trying to hide, but that didn't last long, getting grabbed by van, "GUYS I FOUND THEM", you didn't wanna give in but instead you did, you were theirs.

Lotties hands were under your shirt softly pinching your nipples as the girls looked at you smirking, throwing your head back whimpering you felt your clit throb in anticipation for them

“I see your needy��� van was behind you licking your neck and biting it, “let us show you how we feel about you”

[tabithatwo]

HONEST QUESTION by why do u think no one (until shauna did at their fight) ever called jackie out on being oblivious to other people’s feelings? Like we all know jackie is never mean on-purpose nor does she ever want to cause any harm but there are times where she has no idea that she is indeed doing so.. or is somehow influencing that.. And its like why has no one else ever tried voicing this out to her? BC we can clearly see she would’ve done something to change her behavior if it was pointed out. I just dont get why no one tried to other than the fact that it was probably just pretty privilege or people just being too scared to say so

WELL okay this question really got me thinking lmao my answer is sort of twofold so walk with me here…I don’t fully think jackie IS oblivious to other peoples feelings and I don’t think people have any issues calling her out when she misreads tone. The people who do tend to snap at the others when they say stuff that annoys them—off the top of my head shauna (obviously lol), tai, nat, mari, and van—all do at jackie at some point.

I think in canon, with the group as a whole, jackie is actually very in tune with their emotions. She corrals them at the kegger and they genuinely react positively. I think she’s honestly extra in tune with people’s emotions, perhaps partly because has to work a little harder at things. I think that’s why she’s captain.

When I say “off” in my original post, I mean that I think people can sense the way that someone picks up on and addresses behavior (aka loading time/processing/trying to problem solve when that isn’t what’s desired/etc) more than I mean that jackie is saying shit that upsets people regularly. I think that, other than shauna, jackie doesn’t upset them much more than anyone else until later in the season when things get bleaker.

Once they’re in the woods, jackie has lost her entire social script. It’s funny to me how people say she was the enforcer of society, because really I think society has kicked her ass and she’s simply learned how to exist within it and doesn’t know how to adapt to change. This isn’t the setting she’s used to, she doesn’t know how the people she’s learned and adapted to will react to these things, because who the fuck does?? It’s now unpredictable and she’s just really lost in a compounding way. We see her actually cheer people up again when things fall back into a script that she has access to—the seance, doing mistys makeup for her, etc.

As far as shauna goes, she has NO problem letting Jackie know when she’s upset with her lol. She just gives her no clue why. Shauna doesn’t communicate her feelings with anyone really and she certainly doesn’t delve into big picture things. (There’s a tai shauna tangent here that I’ll go on one day but besides that relationship, shauna is really just closed off and expects people, especially jackie, to read her mind.) Shauna snaps or gives the cold shoulder and Jackie adjusts and readjusts, until she’s fixed it the best she can.

I think that shauna’s reaction to being called out for cheating with jeff is something that greatly colors a lot of peoples’ views on jackie, when really it says a whole fucking lot more about shauna herself. Shauna is a horribly fucking unreliable narrator. We see her get confused and forget what her own lies are when she’s fessing up to callie about adam. She was writing her own narratives and letting resentment build even before the crash. So to me, taking what shauna says during that fight at face value, over what we actually see of jackie and their relationship, is a mistake. Shauna’s backed into a corner. She’s caught out. Little miss I’m with homeland security, first panic instinct is to lie is going to make shit up. She was trying to hurt jackie. That was the goal. For a myriad of reasons—I love shauna shipman don’t get it twisted lol. (And we see jackie realize shauna is tying to hurt her. Jackie tries to hurt back for a bit and she sucks at it lol and then she slips back into shocked hurt.)

So anyway, yeah. I think shauna clearly felt overshadowed, but she just does. In general. All the time. We got to see that in 2x09 when she spells it out for us in her journal lol. So using this scene to read jackie as someone who actually does the things shauna is accusing her of feels like a big jump to me.

Shaunas feelings were real. But I don’t fucking think shauna hated soccer. I don’t think jackie ever actually pushed her into her shadow, unintentionally or not. I think that jackie couldn’t navigate shauna’s emotions in any way other than placating when she could and trying to cling to her, because she was constantly terrified that shauna would leave her. Why did jackie expect shauna to go to rutgers? Probably because that’d been their entire fucking plan and jackie had no way of knowing that shauna didn’t want that anymore. I’m gonna talk more about their fight one day when it isn’t a tangent on a different topic lol, but basically I think reading what shauna says in the fight as truth is a common and inaccurate take.

To the last point, I think prettiness definitely impacts a person’s life on like every scale and makes people overlook things they might not normally, but I don’t necessarily feel like jackie got off with no feedback basically. And I don’t think she was actually that hurtful. I’ve talked about the nat situation here and how it’s unique, but that isn’t jackie being oblivious, that’s jackie trying to get an outcome. She is clearly oblivious sometimes (when she tries to give a pep talk post insane leg breaking lol, when she tells travis about who nat has hooked up with, when she is pragmatic about things like rationing food) but really she rarely says overtly hurtful shit, even on accident. She does less so than the other girls.

So I think it all comes back to that thing that a lot of viewers do—view jackie as fake. The fact that she doesn’t really give any evidence of meanness sort of was my point. Even when there is nothing bad said, general social awkwardness can be taken as an indication of insincerity. I think this is sometimes especially true when someone is overall decent at masking, at least enough that they’re superficially seen as well liked. Because then people see a hiccup (which is really an adjustment to new input) and take it as an intentional behavioral change.

(Grain of salt, I am someone who had a keen fucking interest in being as pretty as possible at her age lol, to the degree that when I was asked how I got so good at “beauty stuff” I said “well, you can be weird if you’re hot enough!” Until I learned that was actually NOT the answer people were looking for of course lmao so I am close to the subject of performative attractiveness to skate by and I also know that it only tends to cover more superficial likability—aka homecoming queen, but you’re only got like 1-2 close friends and your teammates have no issue giving you bizarre looks when you miss the mark lol)

Thanks for the ask, clearly it got me thinking. Like a lot. Many tangents and I’m not even sure how well I addressed the questions lol but I don’t feel like going back and making it more focused so this is the ramble we get!! <3

[hauntsthenarrative]

1, 8 and 10 for yellowjackets 👀

HEY MOOTIEEEE okok;

The character everyone gets wrong - I feel like people misunderstand so many of the characters (as an ex Misty hater who didn't understand the mechanics of a black box I have been guilty of this), but I think the main one is Natalie. I've seen a lot of people complain about how her character is largely based around Travis, but the whole point of it is to demonstrate her trauma-bonding habits and how she EVENTUALLY GROWS OUT OF THAT. While we didn't get a chance to see healed Nat apart from the S2 finale, the show explores how you have this loner girl, who's included with the team and her two friends but at the same time reclusive, with a horrific family life that prevents her from truly connecting with others (ex. Kevin, who she probably never invited over to her house to bond or otherwise EVER again), and a sex life with men who have only used her for her body. You bring her into this situation where she's stranded with the only girls who truly notice her and a guy - Travis, who has an asshole dad who is just lost. Travis keeps people at arm's length, he's got this turmoil inside of him, he's angry and isn't afraid to show it. And Nat is drawn to him because she NEVER gets to be angry- she had to be careful around her dad and take care of her mom. And she sees her inner thoughts in this guy so much. Natalie wants to be there for him in the same way that no one could ever be there for her, and it's someone she can connect with on a personal level, not someone who wants her for her body, not someone who will never understand her, not someone who will idealize her and see her for her beauty. And just as suddenly she's taking bullets FROM this guy and she's falling into the same pattern as her mother, even becoming her. But she stays with Travis for so long, because she doesn't see her father, she sees herself. And so she bonds with him, she sticks with him, she destroys him just as much as he destroys her because she wants to punish herself, and Travis, in many ways, IS her. But the problem is that Travis is also her dad, and she wants so badly to love and hate herself, that she doesn't know he's the one holding all the cards. When she loses him, she loses herself, her other half, her purpose in life, and then he dies and she will never have him in her life again. So in S2, this man who she has projected herself onto, it turns out, really isn't a part of her at all. They are 2 separate puzzle pieces painfully glued together, but they can be separated. That's why Natalie isn't with Travis on the plane to her death. She's with her younger self. Because all along, it wasn't Travis that she truly loved and accepted, and who loved and accepted her. It was the parts of her she had lost and had finally gained back.

Jesus I yapped on the first one so I'm gonna make the next one shorter. For number 8, I think people are wrong about Ben. Do I think it was awful he lit the cabin on fire? Yes, obviously that's fucked up. But this is a man who needs more food than the rest and hasn't eaten for literal weeks at this point. He is anxious, schizophrenic, and totally anti-cannibalism. He just witnessed his only 'friend' (Nat) let a CHILD die in her place and be crowned a fucked up cult leader queen for a group of insane women (and Travis). He is horrified. He is scared. He is on his last leg. Like I said, lighting the cabin on fire was horrific, but whose to say he was next? So I think it can be justified a bit in many extents.

Finally, for number 10, I'm sorry to all my Van loving mutuals, but i genuinely HATE her. I know she's starving and unreasonable but I feel like her character got really fucked up towards the ends of season 1 and the entirety of season 2. Fanon acts like she's the greatest ever but she literally told a guy whose brother she had JUST LET DIE that he was being selfish, and that she didn't regret letting a little boy die when there was a USELESS, CULTISH, HALF DEAD BITCH who was WILLING AND READY to be consumed if necessary that was offering herself up for food. Javi's whole death was fucking bullshit and literally horrific. They let Jackie sleep outside and consumed her dead body but couldn't allow an ailing Lottie to just die when she was already injured? And Van EXCUSING that behavior and on top of that TAUNTING a fellow survivor about the fact they were going to fucking eat his little brother? I feel sick. All the girls are fucked, but Van is especially shitty, and fanon needs to stop making her out to be a fucking perfect angel.

[chasingcherriess]

Let the light in.

Eddie roundtree x reader!

warnings: cigarettes, angst, alcohol, and drugs.

P.S. This fanfic was originally an oc, so if you see the name violet it’s meant to be y/n :)

Let the light in - Lana Del Rey Ft. Father John Misty.

-

Y/n had been sitting at the end of the bed, watching her best friend strum his fingers against the cords of his red Gibson. She spent hours studying his every move: how his nose would scrunch up every time she told a joke, how he would hug her tightly as if she was going to disappear from thin air. The brunette's eyes landed on hers, and noticed how her pupils would grow bigger every time they locked eyes. Eddie wasn't the type of guy to express himself, and that included not expressing himself to her. He grew up in a house where communication and emotions didn't mix together. Y/n always thought of it as "oil and water" - it just didn't work.

"Distracting you?" Y/n finally spoke, breaking the silence and staring into the brunette's eyes. She heard a chuckle escape his lips, and she couldn't help but smile at hearing it. The two spent their evenings like this; it was a normal thing for them. Just them. Until one night when eddie sneaked through the window into the girls room.

"Eddie! What are you doing here?!" She giggled a bit, whisper-yelling at the boy in her room. "If my parents find you - no, no, if my dad finds you - you will be next on the stove." Eddie laughed before hugging Y/n. "We need to talk," Y/n heard these terrifying words and looked at him a bit scared. "Did he find out?" "Was he going out with someone?" "Is he going to end our amazing bond?" Millions of thoughts swarmed her mind, but all those thoughts came to a halt. "Come with me, to California." The boy took her smaller hands into his. "I'm going to go with the band, just come with! It can't be terrible." Y/n couldn't believe what he was asking. This could be their new beginning, maybe? Y/n didn't think, nor hesitate. The girl had just nodded and hugged him tightly. "I'll go with you, I'll follow you anywhere." eddie felt himself flush at the girl's words as he placed a soft peck on her cheek. "We are leaving soon, on Thursday. We're leaving, starting a new life." Y/n couldn't help but smile to herself. The two turned at the footsteps that could be heard coming to Y/n room. "Okay, go! Go!" She giggled, pushing Eddie out the window.

Y/n mother came in with a hamper stuck to the side of her hip. "Hi sweetheart," the woman's voice spoke calmly as she set y/n hamper down. "Mom," y/n voice turned into a whisper. "Yes, honey?" Her mom had sat down on the bed, holding her daughter's hands in her own. "Do you like eddie?" Y/n eyes glued onto her mother, looking for an answer with just her facial expressions. "He's a good kid. He has a bright future ahead of him, honey." Y/n felt relief wash over herself as she nodded. "I want to go to California with Eddie." Y/n didn't have time to even process what she had spoken. "What? Why?" Y/n saw the color drain out of her mother's face. "Mom, I'm 18. I want to go live life! I want to be a singer. I won't get that here." Y/n words stayed soft. "I trust you, baby, but I need you to promise to call every day." Y/n nodded her head excitedly and jumped into her mom's arms. The two hugged each other tightly. "I love you, Mom." "I love you too, honey."

After spending what felt like hours with her mother, y/n lay in bed thinking about all the possibilities of her new life in California. She slowly drifted off to sleep, feeling a sense of excitement and nervousness. The next morning came quickly, and Violet packed her most valuable belongings before walking down the stairs to see Eddie and the rest of his bandmates waiting in the van. Her favorite drummer, warren, took her bag and hid it away in the van. Eddie hugged y/n tightly and spun her around. "Let's do this thing," he said with a wide grin on his face as they both walked into the van.

The trip to LA was long and tiring, but also very exciting with the band. Y/n had lit her fifth cigarette, having spent hours reading and smoking by the window. Once they arrived in LA, Warren had arranged a place for them to stay, which wasn't the best but would do for now. Violet sighed upon hearing the lead singer speak. "Really, warren?". billy was an idiot in y/n eyes, and that's all she thought of him.

Months went by and it was tiring for sure. Billy’s girlfriend, Camilla, had been helping y/n with the band's preparations. The two worked day and night managing the band. Y/n grew tired of always managing the band and wanted to be part of something great, not just manage it. Billy never let her join, thinking it should be a "boy band".

Eventually, y/n got her way and joined the band as a background vocalist, occasionally even getting to be the lead singer. She was so happy to finally show her true artistry.

A couple of months had passed, and the band had taken off. Y/n was still crushing on the dreamy bassist, who was also her best friend.

"Birdie, come on, just tell me," Eddie begged on his knees in front of the girl. "Nope, you can't know!" Y/n laughed, watching the boy stand up. He placed his hands on her waist, but was sadly interrupted by Camilla's voice echoing through the house, "Anyone home?!" Eddie quickly backed away and called out, "We're up here, Camilla!" Y/n sat down on the bed in the corner, letting out a loud sigh, feeling her heart break into pieces. She always knew Eddie had pent-up feelings for Camilla, but it still hurt. Eddie had complained to her about what had happened between them. Y/n had taken it for a while because she was too scared to lose her best friend. However, she knew she deserved better, even if she was blinded by love.

The making of their new album was not easy either.

Daisy and Billy constantly fought, making every day exhausting for everyone around them. After finishing the album, they took a three-week break before the tour began. During the break, Y/n attended parties, often drunk or high. This was normal for her in the 70s, but being away from Eddie gave her peace of mind. Eddie, on the other hand, had not slept a single night worrying about Y/n. He didn't know where she was or how she was doing, and it was starting to get to him.

Finally, the three-week break was over, and everyone said their goodbyes before heading out on tour. Y/n had already bid farewell to Camillia and Julia with a smile. On the bus, she noticed Eddie looking at her in a way that made her heart break. Y/n couldn't handle it anymore. After everyone said their goodbyes, Eddie sat next to Y/n and gave her his classic tight-lipped smile. The two were quiet, and Karen noticed this more than anyone. Everyone was in their own world, but Karen always knew when something was going on, especially when it came to y/n.

Their first concert was great. Y/n was super nervous but also felt an excitement within her. Emotions were running wild as the band wrapped up the concert. Y/n walked towards the wings and felt someone's arms wrap around her waist. "We did great!" It was the bassist, her best friend. Y/n smiled and hugged Eddie back, but without thinking she had kissed him. It wasn't intense, just a quick smooch. Y/n didn't know what to do after that. She just nodded and smiled at the man before walking off with Karen to the tour bus for their after-parties, leaving the groupies to swarm Eddie. This was the routine at every concert: perform, party, and hit the road. Eddie played that kiss over and over in his mind. Maybe he did love her? Eddie couldn't keep his thoughts sane after the feeling of his best friends lips on his.

The girls had decided to go shopping while the boys stayed back on the bus. "I don't know, man. Maybe I do love Y/n," Eddie told Warren and Graham. Warren, still high from his daily dose, tried his best to respond. "If there's something going on, then go for it! Why wait? Besides, you don't want to do it too late, man. Y/n is tricky." Eddie nodded, listening, before Graham interrupted. "I mean, Warren's right. No girl kisses just because." Eddie thought for a moment. "Well, no, I mean, have you seen her? A bunch of guys swarm her all the fucking time, man! They are like insects wanting more." Eddie frowned and looked at Warren. "I mean, man, listen, Y/n is a beautiful woman. She's going to get stared down like that, but just because you love her isn't going to stop those guys. She doesn't know you love her." Eddie's eyebrows furrowed. "I'll tell her soon.” Warren shook his head, “whatever you say man.”

Chicago was the final stop, and y/n had made it to sound check on time, as she never missed it. However, as she approached the stage, she saw that Eddie had a black eye. Y/n’s lips formed a frown “Ed’s, are you alright?” She could tell that he wasn't okay. Eddie forced his smile before speaking “I’m alright birdie, thank you” Eddie placed a soft peck on her cheek before going back to shining his bass. Warren looked over at the bass player and frowned, and Eddie knew he needed to tell Y/n what was going on. Warren felt bad for y/n, he could tell that she was tearing herself apart over Eddie’s actions.

Since no one showed up for sound check, y/n asked Rod for permission to leave, and he excused her. She went to her room and stared at herself in the mirror, feeling overwhelmed. She felt like she was going crazy and without thinking, she ran to find Karen, she had no one else.

When y/n arrived at Karen's room, she knocked aggressively, needing her friend's comfort. Karen opened the door and took a second to see y/n face, without hesitation Karen had taken y/n into her arms, consoling her as she cried. Y/n sobbed out “it’s too much Karen. It’s too much for me, for my heart”. Karen held onto y/n until she was ready to let go, and then y/n had collected herself and spoke softly, “I won’t allow myself to suffer like this, ever again.”Karen was proud of y/n and hugged her tightly, “I believe in you y/n.” Karen placed a soft kiss on her forehead.

It was finally time for the show. This was it, the end. Y/n stepped onto the stage, tambourine in hand, and looked out at the crowd. She knew she had to give it her all. She performed like no other before her, wowing the audience. Even a certain bassist couldn't take his eyes off her. Daisy and y/n had sang a duet together, their voices ringing out as loud as they could. Daisy had started the intro for look at us now, but when billys part came on, he didn’t sing. He stayed silent. Billy ran off the stage, causing confusion, but the band continued on. It was the end. Y/n and the band she had grown to love took their last bow to the audience and walked off. Before y/n could leave this place forever, her home, she felt a hand grab her wrist. "Wait," Eddie said, pulling y/n close. "I have something to tell you, please." Y/n stayed quiet, puzzled. "What's the matter, Eddie?" His heart tugged a little hearing how easily his name slipped off her tongue. "I love you, y/n, more than anything. I know it's late, but please." Y/n stayed silent, shocked. These were the words she had begged to hear her whole life, but now that she heard them, nothing changed. Everything was the same. Eddie noticed her silence and felt himself get anxious. "Birdie, please, we can leave the band together and start our own thing. I just need you to trust me," Eddie pleaded again. He wasn't giving up. "Ed's... I," she didn't know how to form the sentence she needed to say, "I don't love you anymore." She said it. She finally said it. Relief washed over her, but she soon became overwhelmed with sadness. "Y/n, but this is how it was supposed to be. It was supposed to be us against the world. It was supposed to be like that from the beginning," Eddie felt his eyes water slightly. Eddie didn't want to be vulnerable, but he really loved this woman, and he hated that he was too late. "Exactly, Eddie. From the beginning, not from the end," she spoke coldly, the words striking through Eddie's heart. "Please, y/n, don't do this, please," he filled her ears up with pleads once again. He couldn't let her go like this. "Eddie, I like to love you, and I hate to hate you." Y/n eyes watered, tears threatening to fall. "Let's just put on some Beatles, light the candles, and start over," Eddie held y/n hands in his. He wanted to keep her around. Eddie didn't want to lose his favorite girl. Y/n kissed Eddie, knowing this would be the last time ever. Eddie didn't want this to end, but he had to accept that he couldn't control what happens. Y/n finally parted her lips from his. "Look at us," she whispered to him. "You and me, back at it again," Eddie whispered back, his tear-stained cheeks and red eyes staring into y/n swollen eyes and cheeks. "Goodbye, Eddie," y/n left him standing there. That same night, she left Chicago and went back home. Y/n left a piece of herself with Eddie, just as Eddie left a piece of himself with her.

-

This definitely wasn’t my best, but I hope you guys enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it! sending love 🍒

[cdyssey]

Yellowjackets 2.03 Thoughts:

TW: Cannibalism

Oh, my God. Jackie’s shriveled, burnt, picked over hand.

Coach Ben and Paul. Cute!! I’m digging Paul’s earring.

TAISSA NOT KNOWING WHAT HAPPENED TO JACKIE. I AM SO UNWELL. NAT BEING PROTECTIVE. VAN BEING BLUNT ABOUT THE REALITY AND SCARED ABOUT THE REALITY OF HOW ADVANCED TAI’S SLEEPWALKING IS.

“… you ate her face.” Tai screaming and just utterly losing it. These girls. My god.

“I guess… no one wants breakfast.” MARI ANQNWJDJWJWJSJS.

Nat being a leader when it comes to practicalities in the cabin, suggesting that Jackie’s body be moved to the plane. But it’s also so fascinating at a power dynamic level that she checks in with Shauna here too. It’s the fact that she knows just how much Jackie meant to Shauna on one hand, but it’s also that Shauna is someone who subtly influences the team as well. They all look to her reactions in both timelines. It was her permission that they needed to eat Jackie.

Augh, Ben saying that burying her out there will make it look like she died with the rest of them. That’s probably the cover story they give to Jackie’s parents + the authorities, which is harrowing. If so, they erase five months of Jackie’s life to conceal what happened at her death.

That transition between young Lottie and adult Lottie!!!!!! ALSO, ALSO, I LAST WEEK, I JUST REALIZED THAT SIMONE KESSELL PLAYS BREHA ON KENOBI!!!

The antlers on Lottie’s quarters. That’s my Antler Queen right there.

LISA JUST STRAIGHT UP CHOPPING THAT CHICKEN’S HEAD OFF. Listen, there’s a somewhat decent chance that she’s wilderness baby. If so, like Mama, she’s got a way with butchering animals.

Simone. :(( I will actually lose it if she dies. SHADOW TAISSA DRAWING THE SYMBOL ON HER WIFE’S HAND. MA’AM.

THE VERUCA SALT NEEDLE DROP.

“I wasn’t stalking you. I was just finding a suitable nursing home for my mother.” AKQKDFJJSDJJD. Them casting Elijah Wood as an off-kilter Reddit stalker weirdo is the casting choice of a century.

RANDY FUCKING WALSH!

I didn’t think I was going to ship Misty and Walter, but omfg, their chemistry is SO good.

“IT WAS THE STRAWBERRY LUBE.” HELP ME GOD. THE WAITRESS JUST TURNING AWAY IQKQOQKWIWOWIDDISN.

“I THINK THIS STUFF IS FOR BISEXUALS AND GOTHS.” I’M CRYIN G.

“YOU’RE NO FUN.” ANQKQKOQKQOWIEIDIDDJSJJSJWWJS, this is the most insane marriage in the world. It isn’t just the fact that the strawberry lube was a seminal moment to Jeff in his marriage with a woman who survived 19 months in the Canadian wilderness and came back wrong, but it’s also the fact, that she remembers word-for-word what he said. I’m laughing so fucking hard.

Shauna is 100% bi. But is she goth? Discuss!! (Nat, on the other hand, definitely fits the descriptor.)

“It wasn’t about you. I mean, sure it was exciting. Exciting… mm, that’s not the right word. Um… okay. It made me feel like… I didn’t know what was going to happen. And I liked that. I liked not feeling like this… boring version of me.” Such perfect dialogue. It wasn’t about Jeff even from the start. It was about Jackie. It was about loving her, hating her, wanting to be her, wanting to fuck her, entirely consume her. And she did, she did, she did.

But we also get other stuff here. The fact that she misses the unpredictability of the wilderness. And yeah, she absolutely was excited, even if she doesn’t admit it here. My god. I love her.

JEFF TRYING TO BE SPONTANEOUS AND TAKING SHAUNA TO CHURN BUTTER, BLOW GLASS, OR BLACKSMITH. WHAT IS WRONG WITH THIS MAN (AFFECTIONATE)? SNWJQOQKWJS.

HOLY FUCK AT SHAUNA DEALING WITH THE THIEF. LIKE, DID YOU SEE THE ACTING MELANIE LYNSKEY WAS DOING. THE PRIMAL RAGE IN HER EYES.

“Are you Rambo?!”

“Callie’s old toy that she loved probably more than she loved me?” I’m actually unwell about this line. From what Melanie has said in interviews, so much of her arc this season is going to be about motherhood. I’m often thinking about the traumatic birth that Shauna experienced in the wilderness and how she brought that to the table with Callie, how she tried her best anyway, how Callie grew up to be a normal goddamn teenager. But now that she is older, now that she can see Shauna’s cracks and the facades and all the lies she’s told herself and others, that relationship is fractured. The Sadecki family, normal though they’ve seemed for all these years, has fundamentally been unwell from the start.

This is Melanie Lynskey’s world and we’re just living in it. Every microgesture is so, so raw.

LOTTIENAT OVER THE SHOULDER PROXIMITY. THAT WAS CHEMISTRY THERE.

The swirl of rocks around the beehives… it’s like the spiral from Sammy’s drawings.

Bee metaphor talk!!!!!!! OH, GOD. THATCUT TO THE BEES. TERRIFYING

Lottie, my love, stop offering ur blood tea. 😭

Oh, my God. Jackie’s remains being so small that Nat can easily hoist her over her shoulder.

Shauna staring out the window with tears in her eyes. :((

“But I wanted it too.” SCREAMING.

“I don’t know, I just feel so fucked up.” / “I’m scared, Lottie. Everything is out of control, like I don’t feel like I know what’s going to happen next.” God, the exact echo of what adult Shauna says. Shauna is always revisiting the moment of Jackie’s death and her consumption.

Lottie revealing the gender of Shauna’s baby, lmfao.

The girls getting so excited about a wilderness baby shower. 🥺 Crystal combing Misty’s hair in the background!!!

MISTY TELLING WALTER TO HIT RANDY FOR INSULTING NAT!!!!! THAT’S HER GIRLFRIEND.

Shipping is so much fun in YJ. I basically just ship everyone. Juliette and Melanie were so right. All those girls just made out in the woods.

“Forgive me. I have IBS.” QKWKWOQOWIEJDIEIEIDOEWJEID.

WALTER JUST STRAIGHT UP SLAPPING HIM. YELLOWJACKETS IS A GODDAMN COMEDY.

Taissa and Akilah making a crib. 😭 I am so soft. And now I’m teary-eyed. Oh, my God. I want Akilah to live. It isn’t fair what happened to these girls.

“That’s good, Mar. The baby can dream that it’s being stabbed to death every night.” ALOQOQOQJSJSEJ.

Mari hearing dripping that no one else does… she was also the one to feel something crawling down her back way back in S1.

“Too bad they didn’t listen to your broth idea.” JACKIE BONE BROTH. Oh, my fucking God.

CRYSTAL ABSORBING HER IDENTICAL TWIN IN THR WOMB WIWODJIEWKS.

The parallels between the Misty/Crystal storylines and the Misty/Walter storylines… Misty has finally found her kindred spirit. What the fuck happens to them?

Ben’s still starving because he didn’t eat Jackie. Oh, God, if he dies of starvation, I’ll lose it.

“You always say those girls are vicious, little monsters.” They’ve always been vicious. The forest gave them permission to be wild.

“You’re lucky, you know? I think shit is gonna get a lot worse out here. But you’re already dead, so… way to make everyone jealous of you one last time.” [Nat chuckles.] “I’m sorry… for what we did. Who knows? Eating you could be the reason why we survive the winter, so… thanks. Rest in peace, Jackie.” I AM FUCKING UNWELL. JACKIE, WHO DIED PEACEFULLY IN THE SNOW, WAS THE LUCKY ONE. NAT HAS BEEN JEALOUS OF JACKIE. OH, GOD. JACKIE, THE POPULAR TEENAGE QUEEN AND NAT, THE PERPETUAL LONER. NAT KNOWING THAT THE CANNIBALISM MIGHT HAVE BEEN ESSENTIAL FOR THEIR SURVIVAL. BUT HOW SURVIVAL ISN’T NECESSARILY A DESIRABLE FATE.

CGI WHITE MOOSE.

I love Randy fucking Walsh. So dumb. <3

Van trying to stay awake for Taissa… oh, God, and now willingly following her. Jasmin’s vocal inflection change when she’s playing shadow Tai is chilling.

THE MAN WITH NO EYES LEADS SHADOW TAI. DO NOT SHOW ME THAT MAN ON MY SCREEN. I’M NOT PREPARED FOR HIM TODAY.

OH, GOD, TAISSA HOLDS SHADOW TAI BACK.

The fucking flashback to him in the mirror. Ugh, scariest moment in the show for me. I do think, though, there’s gotta be something more complex going on with him than just, “he’s evil and trying to kill Tai.” I think he’s actually serving as some sort of fucked up protector for her.

Kevyn Tan at the gym!!! Wearing a backwards hat, lmao. Not Jeff going all angry-bro at him. Sir, you’re probably going to be a central part of a murder investigation. Don’t antagonize a detective. 😭

DON’T TALK ABOUT ADAM WITH HIM. JEFF. GODDAMN.

“Well, fuck your diligence. Okay? ‘Cause I-I know her.” / “We’ve been married almost twenty-five years. I know my wife, and I trust her.” HE’S SO DUMB, BUT I CAN’T HELP BUT LOVE HIM FOR BEING SUCH W RIDE-OR-DIE FOR SHAUNA. GODDAMN. Also, the fact that they got married almost straight after she returned from woods. Jfc!!!

My poor little meow meow with a gun is about to go get her car back. <3

“Have you ever peeled the skin off s human corpse? It’s not as easy as you might think. It’s really, uh, stuck on us. Skin. You have to roll back just the edges of it, so you can get a good enough grip to-to really pull. Which, again, isn’t easy. People are always so sweaty when you kill them. Just, like, oily. There’s a look people get… when they realize they’re going to die.” [Shauna smiles, tears in her eyes.] “It’s that one. My hand wasn’t shaking because I was afraid. It was shaking because of how badly I wanted to do this.” MELANIE FUCKING LYNSKEY.

I AM LOSING MY MIND. OH, MY GODDDDDDDD. SHE IS SO FUCKING GOOD.

AND THEN, AFTER COMPOSING HERSELF, SHE SLIPS BACK INTO A MIDWESTERN THANK YOU. UNREAL.

I SUPPORT WOMEN’S WRONGS.

Ben fantasizing what he should have said and done with Paul. :((((

VAN’S LITTLE CHANGING TEEPEE.

A MONOLOGUE FROM STEEL MAGNOLIAS. I’M CRYING.

NOT THE SALLY FIELD MONOLOGUE ABOUT SHELBY’S DEATH. HELP ME. I’M LOSING IT.

SHE’S BODYING IT. AKQOQOWJSJSIWIWIWIIWIAJSSJ. SHE GOT IT DOWN PERFECTLY. THE SOUTHERN ACCENT AND EVERYTHINT.

The girls being deeply moved by the monologue because it’s about grief and violence and how those things can be easily intertwined. They’ve lost so, so fucking much: their friends, their girlhoods, their innocence. And they just want to hit something.

Shadow Tai in the fucking mirror. Oh, my GOD. They’re doing an excellent job of making Tawny Cypress look like she hasn’t slept in three weeks.

Shadow Tai wanting her to go to Van. 😭

Tai trying to call Jessica Roberts, lmao. I miss my favorite morally fucked up fixer.

“Hacking… you can just say it,” WKWKJWDJEJJEJDDJ.

MISTY AND THE ADAM’S MOTHER LIE. THEATER NERD FOR LIFE HELP.

“Maybe I’m just a bored Moriarty looking for his Sherlock.” And Misty walking away because she doesn’t know what to do with that vulnerability. 😭

I actually just teared up at Shauna placing the stuffed animal next to Callie. Oh, my God, and Callie snuggling it.

Adult Nat finally putting on purple… hhhhhgh.

I think Lottie and Nat should kiss. <3

LOTTIE, YOUR WELLNESS ADVICE IS S LITTLE FUCKED UP, LOVE. <33

The symbol…

Lottie and Nat fighting, revealing where ALL of the group straddles the tension between them. The only (main-ish) girl who doesn’t really reveal her stance is Shauna.

TAI RUSHING TO SHAUNA.

THE DEAD BIRDS. THAT SOUND WAS TERRIFYING.

“Did these guys just suicide on our roof?” ANWKQKWJDJWSJS.

Them all putting the birds at Lottie’s feet… worshippers leaving offerings for their god.

LOTTIE’S BEES. WHAT THE HELL.

This Tori Amos song is stellar.

Oh, my God, the camera pulling back and revealing that it was Lottie’s hallucination. Her panic and grief. Jesus fucking Christ.

The GRIP that these women have on me.

[blubushie]

any bush stories you’d be interested in sharing?? Definitely not taking notes and using those said notes to help me better write sniper cough cough,, also genuinely interested!! Grew up in north-west wilderness and whatnot, would love to hear about what it’s like down in Australia!

I am genuinely honoured you're using me as inspiration! Here's some stories from Australia:

I've seen UFOs and other unexplainable lights multiple times.

Once when I was out in the bush I had a yahoo (basically Australian sasquatch) walk up to my camp. Scared me shitless, I screamed like a little girl, and then I threw the yam I was eating at him. He picked it up and walked off back into the bush. That happened almost three years ago and I'm not sure if my meat had gone bad and I was hallucinating but I told my Aboriginal mate about it and he just said I'm lucky the fucker didn't eat me because "They don't care for white fellas much."

Heard singing voices in an abandoned gold mine I was exploring like a dumb cunt. I ran out screaming when I heard a loud bang deeper in the mine.

Saw a bloke watching me from a window at Gwalia, which is an abandoned town with no residents (they all moved to nearby Leonora when the gold mine in Gwalia ran dry). I entered the home and no one was in there. Scared me shitless.

Once while camping near Uluru I had a young Aboriginal bloke (couldn't have been older than 16) walk up to me wearing nothing but a fucking loincloth in 4c weather. Keep in mind Uluru is fucking flat, there's no way this kid could have snuck up on me from 5 clicks away without me seeing him in the middle of the fucking night. He said he was from Anapala in South Aus (it hasn't been called Anapala since the 1970s when it was renamed Pukatja) and he had a Pitjantjatjara accent. He also had ritual scars on his arms which suggested he was a little older than he said he was. He said he hadn't eaten in a few days so I shared my rabbit with him. I let him sleep in my swag and when I woke up in the morning he was gone. No tracks, nothing. Disappeared into thin air. Absolutely convinced I met a fucking ghost.

Thought I was going to be eaten by a dropbear once. It was a flying fox. Still feel like an idiot for that one.

Found the tracks of a large cat (puma-sized, as wide as my palm) alongside a streambed in the Blue Mountains west of Sydney. They were fresh tracks since it rained a day earlier. I felt like I was being watched and got the fuck out of there.

I was chased 10km through Boulia by the Min Min Lights. I'm driving down the highway and there's these fucking lights behind me, I floor it because I think it's the cops, they keep following, Matilda's engine starts smoking so I pull over because I'm not going to blow my van's engine. Finally I pull over and the lights are just hovering about three metres off the ground, these fiery orbs. Scared me half to death and I got back in Matilda and kept driving. Eventually the lights just fizzled out and disappeared. I've only been back to Boulia once and I was on guard the entire time.

Once was surrounded by a pack of dingos (4-5 individuals) for an entire night. I had my rifle across my lap and my knife ready. Didn't get a wink of sleep. It's terrifying when you're the prey for once.

Had to bandage my arm with the rag I use for wiping down my rifle because a blackheaded python slithered into my engine in WA and snapped onto my arm when I tried lugging it out in the morning. I've since gotten a new rag for the rifle.

Woke up one morning to Misty going off like a frog in a sock. Turns out I had a bandy-bandy in me fucking swag. That was fun trying to get it out (bandy-bandys are elapids related to cobras, but their small fangs and low venom output means they're one of Australia's least deadly venomous snakes).

Stepped on an eastern brown while hunting in QLD. Leather boots saved me life. The fact I don't take Misty with me when I hunt saved hers.

Back in January I fell out of a tree while hunting, landing on my back, and pissed blood for a week. Figured I'd either be fine or lose a kidney. Honestly I've fallen out of trees more times than I can count. Eucalyptus doesn't hold weight very well.

Two years or so ago I was bitten by a metre-long saltwater crocodile while helping biologists do a survey in Kakadu. I've still got the scars on my left arm from where the cunt grabbed me. Little shit.

Got me foot stomped by a cow while helping a mate muster cattle.

Watched Polly up in Daly Waters kick a cunt once during a pub brawl that made it outside.

Had my hat chewed on by Blackface at that same pub. The hat escaped unscathed.

Once got into a tug-a-war over a pig I shot with a fucking perentie. Took me twenty minutes to trek up to where the pig was and when I got there the fucking perentie had its head buried up to its shoulders in the bloody carcass. The perentie didn't bite me but Lord knows it tried.

Burned my chest when a spent casing ejected and landed in my fucking shirt. I'm left-handed and shoot left-handed. My rifle is impossible to find with a left-handed bolt, so the casings eject across my body instead of away from me, and it landed in my shirt. I now wear undershirts when I work because that shit hurt. Thankfully it didn't leave a scar.

Nicked my wrist on the broadhead of an arrow once by accident.

Before I got my boots I had a piece of razor wire wedge itself into my shoe and slit my ankle open. It got infected, of course. Cleaned it with whisky and spent the next five minutes swearing a blue streak. It healed but I've got a scar.

Stung by a jellyfish on my hand when I was a kid. Did it again on my foot a few years ago. Luckily no scars, just felt like a massive bee sting.

Every time I hit a bump while driving I have some dust come down from the roof from a few years ago when I accidentally left a window cracked during a dust storm.

Was in WA when it snowed in 2021 during the night. Went to bed freezing and woke up to a white blanket.

Was tackled by a kangaroo while hunting once.

Got my name because I was a dumb cunt and went bushwalking and didn't bring enough water. I was dying of dehydration and living off nothing but bugs and my own piss for two days. Finally found a pond of the clearest water you'd ever see. Drank probably 3 litres, refilled my canteens. Had complete ego death and I walked out of the bush as a new person with a new name.

Once in the middle of the night up in Kakadu I was just sitting at my campfire as blokes do, it was foggy as shit, and out of the fog walks the most beautiful horse I've ever seen. This bastard was snow white with the prettiest brown eyes. He walks up to my fire, snorts, sniffs around at my tuckerbag, looks at me, and then just walks off back into the fog. Brumbies are fucking skittish so it was a magical moment.

Had a kookaburra steal a piece of jerky right out of my hand.

Dingos. So many dingos. Once shot a dingo in NSW—terrible shot on my part, I still feel terrible for it. The wind was higher than I would've liked and the bullet ended up too far back so it wasn't an immediate kill. His mates came over to check out the row and I watched through my scope as they started ripping him apart. I put another bullet in him because nothing deserves that. The second shot didn't miss.

Been in more pubfights than I can count. I don't start them.

Stepped on a kangaroo eyeball once by accident. Scrub your boots when you're done hunting because nothing will get the smell of summer-baked kangaroo brains out of your house.

Once killed two roos with one bullet.

CALIFORNIA: When I was eight years old my dad and I were hunting in NorCal and it'd rained the night before. We came across a streambed (keep in mind this was -2c weather) with footprints in it. These footprints were massive, about 40cm from heel to toe and wide as sin. They were accompanied by much smaller footprints about half that length. There's no way in hell someone with 40cm feet would be out there in -6c weather WITH A CHILD walking BAREFOOT through freezing water 8km from the nearest road between the time it rained (which would've washed away any prints) and sunrise. Dad and I found them at sunrise. Both of us are convinced we found fucking bigfoot footprints.

CALIFORNIA: Was stalked by a mountain lion for 1.5km.

[teabookgremlin]

babe wake up lila’s thoughts on yellowjackets 02x04 just dropped. as per usual spoilers below cut. i loved this week’s ep so very hyped to share my thoughts!

- obsessed w/ fugue state tai at jessica roberts’ house. she was on a fucking mission and i respect it. i really liked having her wake up on the way to find van, i was kinda hoping she’d only come to once arriving at van’s shop but i liked to see that tai still had the same goal as other tai

- kinda obsessed with the new cover of the intro song, i mean it always goes so hard but it definitely slapped this week, wonder if it’ll stay this way for the rest of the season or not

- I DO NOT TRUST WALTER he knows what misty likes just too well. the musicals, the flattery, calling her a good friend, he wants something from her and he is trying to get her to trust him. i doubt she will and i want him to die at her hand but we’ll see as long as they don’t end up a couple i’m chill

- misty and crystal singing and annoying the others i love these loser girls so much

- who do we think stole some of the bear? i would say ben but like it would be hard for him to get out there without anyone noticing and i don’t think he has the motivation to go through extra effort for food rn. maybe javi? i don’t think sleep walking tai bc van has been following her. adding this to the list of cabin mysteries right next to who shit in the piss bucket

- “what exactly would you do about it, eat me?” ben no longer gives a fuck he is so ready to be bitchy to these cannibal teenagers and i love that for him

- very interested by lottie this episode oh boy, but as i’m going chronologically lets start with her silence when the hunting competition was proposed. it’s really interesting to me how she doesn’t seem to want this at all, like she does not want the influence she has over the girls, she does not want to be seen as this power and i’m intrigued to know if that’ll change at all

- now onto adult lottie: i want to know if something in particular happened to make her so scared of her visions bc in the wilderness so far she’s just been kinda going along with them so i’m curious to see when that shift occurs

- need to know what the dripping is that mari hears and absolutely loved her asking akilah to help her find it. mari is a hater to everyone but her we love to see it

- AKILAH MY BEST FRIEND AKILAH THE LITTLE MOUSE FRIEND SO FUCKING CUTE AKILAH IS JUST LIKE ME FOR REAL

- lottie returned to bear heart altar to perform a blood sacrifice —> did this bring the moose in some way? 

- obsessed with nat being so protective over lisa when they were with her mother that was so sweet nat really is the kindest of the bunch

- “not a bad person just a bad criminal” shauna you are in not position to judge how good a criminal someone is you also kinda suck at it

- nat taking the fish was so cute

- i don’t even know what to say about lottie’s hallucination except i’m in pain and lottie lee is real we won but i’m still very sad

- nat after they lost the moose made me want to cry. she is putting so much pressure on herself to feed everyone and just ugh she is making me feel things. and then her blaming herself for lottie almost dying too my girl <3

- LOTTIENAT that’s it that’s all i have for the tub scene

- so intrigued by the queen of hearts w/ eyes scratched out, maybe some connection to man w/ no eyes? connection to antler queen? idk maybe we will see lottie find out about man w/ no eyes and that’ll mean something?

- what the fuck happened to javi. where was he. how’d he survive. what’s wrong with him. is that even the real javi. i have many questions

- i think that van becoming increasingly convinced that tai has a connection to wilderness is going to lead to tai leaning into it more to stay close to van. their dynamic will probably start to shift more and i’m so interested to see how

- ok now onto the best part: ADULT TAIVAN THEY ARE HERE WE HAVE THEM MY BELOVEDS HAVE BEEN REUNITED

- just van’s expression when seeing tai, the little barely there smile as she says her name, her little shop, she’s real she’s here i love her she’s amazing thank you lauren

[misty-caligula]

S2E7

S2E8

Well, which is it, Lottie?

This is what I’ve been saying, exactly. Lott’s the most unreliable leader they could’ve possibly chosen, because she does not have a consistent grip on what It wants, it changes all the time. It’s not bad writing or whatever, it’s that she’s literally delusional. She’s absolutely confident in her perception of It at all times, and doesn’t realise that she’s being inconsistent. And what’s really worrying is that the rest of them don’t seem to notice it either.

Also the absurdity of the situation, Shauna’s killed Adam, Tai’s killed her dog and hurt her wife, Misty’s killed Jessica, Natalie almost killed herself, Van’s dying, and Lottie thinks she can solve all this death with... more death? How exactly? The REASON they killed Javi, the reason they hunted Nat, pit girl and who knows how many others, the reason they ate Jackie, was because they needed FOOD. LIFE. PHYSICAL, not spiritual, sustenance. They were solving death with death only in the way that we solve death with death every single day by eating in the food chain, if you took your food and killed it and then let it just rot you’d be solving nothing.

This isn’t a bug though, it’s a feature. The concept that they never really left the wilderness has been a recurring one all season, and here they are, putting it all together again. They’ve really never been able to reintegrate into society at all, none of them. This is where they’ve always belonged. And the only solutions they learned for their problems are ... insufficient. Self destructive. To the outside world they seem bizarre and nonsensical, to the ‘jackets they’re intuitive and familiar. And they DO argue, to an extent, but only to an extent. Almost like they feel like they are expected to argue, but their hearts aren’t really in it.

Because Lottie’s right. They DID survive last time. And they can’t say with any level of certainty that it wasn’t because of the Wilderness. That It didn’t hold them there and keep them safe, and follow them home and that It isn’t now hungry after being starved for 25 years. On the surface they do a pretty good job of pretending to be rational-minded, solid individuals. But you scratch that even the smallest amount and underneath they’re still free-falling, still absolutely adrift and just begging for the kind of certainty that It used to bring them.

I think this is a foreboding line. I think that IF they do go ahead and drink (I think there’s a 50/50 chance they do) that Lottie’s probably going to have the poison. I could be surprised on this, but that’s my gut instinct.

As a show that’s largely about trauma and the way that it follows you around your whole damn life, I think this framing is damn near perfect. Going through traumatic experiences - especially long, drawn out trauma, particularly while you grow up - teaches you how to live in a traumatic situation. It teaches you how to survive, how to subsist. It doesn’t teach you at all how to be healthy, how to thrive, how to be happy. Only how to not die. And it doesn’t teach you truth or stability, only what your pattern-seeking brain seems to suggest is working, and then in a life-or-death situation you just hold onto what’s working as tightly as you fucking can. You can’t evaluate it, can’t test it, you don’t have the space or the stability, you just clutch it like driftwood on the ocean.

Then, when you’re older, and you’re trying to live your life in a safer, calmer space, all you have to go on are these maladaptive behaviours and inside you’re just this scared kid forever, still clutching tight to them, because you know what it’s like to drown, and you just KNOW that the moment you let go the water’s coming back, you just KNOW it. Even when they hurt you, even when they’re actively dragging you down, killing you and causing damage to everything you care about, it’s SO hard to let go and trust that you can learn new ways to live, that you can let It go, that It won’t come looking for It’s pound of flesh.

I think that, deep down, every one of these women believed they’d find themselves back here one day. Back in this room, back in this circle, doing the sacrifice thing once more. I think that deep deep down none of them are really putting up a fight because none of them are really genuinely surprised. They never really bought that they ever got away in the first place.