#i figure the once was when he and padme divorced

[tennessoui]

please write part two to the divorce attorney where they actually get together 😭 im dying, it has me in stitches and i NEED TO KNOW HOW IT ENDS XD

ok maybe i will soon write this (obligatory pause for groans from people who want me to stop finding new things and just finish my old things) but i was thinking about it today and honestly

they meet at a bar after obi-wan's long term girlfriend tells him she can't marry him and they should break up, and this is obi-wan's and anakin's first conversation that isn't in some professional capacity so at first honestly they don't know what to say to one another

but then anakin confesses that he wasn't sure obi-wan would recognize him without a wedding ring, and obi-wan scoffs and is like do you know how many other repeat customers i have?

and anakin is like no? and obi-wan is like just one other. he's been divorced three times. every time, it's been devastating for him.

and anakin is like (pensively) i've been divorced before.

and obi-wan is like uh i know. i'm your divorce lawyer. you've been divorced 29 times.

and anakin goes all quiet and picks at the label of his beer and then he shrugs and he's like. 30 i guess. and once when it mattered.

[legobiwan]

I'm a little confused. George Lucas is against Obi-Wan/Satine taking things further w/their romance. Is it because they're in love? Because he's also said Jedi aren't celibate & are against possessive love. Yes, George sees Obi-Wan as the ultimate Jedi but didn't he also plan on having a love triangle w/Anakin/Padme/Obi-Wan that's been described as a torrid affair?

Heh, I mean, this is a textbook Watson/Doylist perspective issue (a Watson/Doylist trolley problem, perhaps?), but let's take a crack at it.

The thing is (and I'm not quoting GL here, even if we do share the same birthday), Obi-wan - for better and for worse - adheres to the Jedi Code. Except when he doesn't. And then he does again even more rigidly (guilt, anyone?). And then he doesn't. And then he does..

Obes going full-bore with Satine would be a kind of commitment to leaving the Jedi that I don't think his character could really ever stomach, as much as he cared for her. And yeah, that means they probably slept together (more than once) and then Obes tried to throw it off as "nothing" or at least something he couldn't get attached to. I mean, yikes. One-night stand, yeah, sure, that happens. Their relationship? That's a real yikes. No wonder Satine sharpened her tongue when they met again on Mandalore.

I mean, narratively, if Obi-wan commits to Satine, he has to leave the Order. Whether or not Obes's ability to compartmentalize and be the "ultimate Jedi" is ultimately healthy is a whole other issue that I don't want to touch on here. (Because committing to a relationship isn't necessarily the definition of healthy and many people are cool on their own with no-strings-attached sex or no sex at all. But, from what we can gather from the source material, he was definitely in love with her. Speculation and fan writing notwithstanding).

And, of course, you have to figure Obes wouldn't be going full-on controlling boyfriend like Anakin did - he was able to let Satine go, obviously. Ultimate Jedi and all of that and also, good for him being in a situation where (for whatever reasons) it was obvious things weren't going to work out and letting the other person just be. It's a rare skill out there, let me tell you.

Then we come to this torrid love triangle with Obes, Anakin, and Padmé, which I'm not going to look up because I am a fraud and hack (to quote Robert Evans). Obes being the "ultimate Jedi" doesn't mean he can't make "ultimate mistakes." I mean, I don't buy that Obi-wan would have a torrid love affair with Padmé given his unbelievable devotion towards Anakin, but it's a hackneyed drama idea that I'm glad was cut. Now, Anakin believing Padmé was having a torrid affair with Obes? Yeah, that tracks 100%, as Anakin was not exactly the best boyfriend/husband in the galaxy. (That's a whole other post).

At the end of the day, the idea I think GL was trying to get across was that attempting to "possess" another person was bad and that you eventually just needed to let go. (And I may be bs'ing here, but I believe some of this stemmed from his own divorce, if I'm not mistaken. It's a much better road to take, for sure). And that possession often takes the form of romance because hormones and all kinds of other weird things like society hijack brains into thinking this is how it should be. (Don't get me started, I have rants for ages about this shit).

And let's be honest - GL was/is a great storyteller but not exactly consistent with the details of his narratives. And I think some of this has played into why the whole "non-attachment" policy has become so contentious in Star Wars circles. There's just too many ways to interpret it and use it as a convenient narrative device. And you know, in-universe, this kind of makes sense, too. Any organization as large as the Jedi (and as bureaucratic) is going to have policies that don't make 100% sense and don't fit all situations.

This is all not even getting into my personal thesis that Obi-wan himself was falling deeper into the Dark Side as the war went on, and thus I suppose (although not really, given what I've said above) that could forgive a "torrid" love triangle. Again, it's a little hard to fathom and best that it was nipped in the bud.

So...uh. Not sure if this actually answered any kind of question or is just me going off on a Friday night soap box, but *throws hands*...tada!

[janiedean]

Jaime/Captain Phasma? How bout a Star Wars au? After all, didn't he say that he wanted to serve under her command? In another life he does? Jaime serves faithfully under his beloved Captain Phasma, cough, cough, her real name is Brienne?

maaaaan like

NO ONE KNOWS because I never went for it

but if you really wanna know I had actually planned an entire star wars au back when the force awakens came out where I had for some miracle managed to merge BOTH OT, PT and TFA by doing some meddling but sadly phasma wasn’t brienne because guys as much as AESTHETIC goes phasma is a true bonafide arse and they have nothing in common personality-wise (BUT IT’S FINE I LOVE PHASMA AS THE HORRID PERSON SHE IS), basically............ hahaha I should find my notes but going for a thing where robb wasn’t stark-related the entire thing was along the lines of:

ned as obi-wan, brandon as padme, catelyn as anakin > lady stoneheart as darth vader, sansa and arya as her kids except that since I had planned the TFA plot and the OT plot to happen almost at the same time arya somehow disappeared because the dark side got a hold of her or smth while ned ended up giving sansa to the equivalent of the organas so you had leia!sansa, I think jon arryn was qui-gon and I wish I had my damned notebook let me go check OKAY SO, palpatine was walder frey, I apparently hadn’t decided on who was supposed to be yoda but whatever

then the OT happened with ned exiling himself on tattooine where he has a kid with ashara (jon) that he ends up sending on the other desert planet when he realizes that he might be in danger (YES REY KENOBI WAS A THING BACK IN THE DAY SHH I LIKED THAT THEORY) and he made friends with local farmer brienne who turns out being force sensitive (YES BRIENNE WAS RANDOMLY LUKE WITHOUT BEING ACTUALLY RELATED TO ANAKIN LET ME HAVE IT), sansa is the leader of the rebels blah blah blah help me ned-wan-kenobi-stark you’re my only hope, he and brienne hightail out of tattooine after the empire finds them, they need a passage, they end up with han solo!jaime with his trusted honor!falcon or something so basically I was gonna have the pseudo luke/han storyline lmao

shit happens, they free sansa, she and brienne become bfs, jb hook up sansa brings her mom back to the light while still leading the rebellion, except that ops turns out the first order exists and either tywin or roose!snook have tried to turn to the dark side kylo ren!arya and they have to handle that menace too - featuring phasma!ramsay and hux!roose if tywin is snook

at this point BAM new trilogy happens, we have poe!robb who is the best pilot in their ranks and sansa’s adoptive brother or something idk he can be some other tully branch I had to figure that out who infiltrates the first order base, befriends/falls in love with theon!finn who can’t wait a) for robb to name him ;) b) to run the fuck away from phasma!ramsay, shit happens, finn!theon ends up on jakku where he runs into rey!jon who has been waiting for his parents blah blah blah enter the TFA plot except with jaime and brienne both sharing the falcon because what are divorces not in my fic, maz kanata!davos, bb8!grey wind and arya realizing that the pull of the light was a thing all along and her sister just wants to finally meet her properly and who the fuck are these assholes who brainwashed her? she’s not gonna like that, obv. she and jon become bfs after rather than anything else thanks and yeah that was my sw au

in this whole mess I didn’t know what to do with either chewie and c3p0/r2d2 as *roles* so I decided that tyrion and bronn were going to double for what those three were supposed to accomplish in the story’s plot or smth and like they were jaime’s understaffed falcon crew but had the bickering sassy dynamic duo thing going on, or like tyrion and jaime co-owned the falcon but jaime is... the..... *han* of the situation if you get me while bronn ended up being hired for a job once and never left because sorry but I need my ship okay, idk I had to think about it further

now: I absolutely have no idea if I’m ever going to have time to touch this because a) who knows b) it’s long af and I don’t have the force of will right now, c) I’d have had to finalize a lot of stuff and recast a few people I didn’t and so on but anyway I did come up with a SW au I just don’t know if I’ll ever be brave enough to go there X°DDDD also because since then we had rogue one, tlj and the han solo movie like idek if I should upgrade it or not

[tennessoui]

when is anakin going to get his revenge and kiss divorced obi-wan back

yes hello this got out of hand and the best moment would be in the hypothetical part two but here is a KUWSK directly post kiss from Anakin's pov. For context, this snippet and this snippet probablllyyyy should be read?

(2.8k, ffs @ kit)

“He was thinking about Satine,” Anakin tells himself after he drops the kids off at school and starts making the drive back home. His hands are tight on the wheel. He’s been trying to think about something else--anything else ever since it happened, but his mind refuses to let go of that moment.

He’s replayed it so many times in the last hour and a half that it doesn’t even feel like an actual memory anymore, just a combination of sensations.

The chill of the almost winter morning that made the hair on his arms stick up. The tacky feeling in his mouth because he had slept a bit later than he had wanted to and didn’t have time to brush his teeth if he wanted to make breakfast before the kids and Obi-Wan left.

The woodsy-spiced smell of Obi-Wan’s cologne, stronger than normal. They’d been standing closer together than normal too, but it had been so early and Obi-Wan’s mind had obviously been miles away.

Anakin had been saying something stupid, something that didn’t mean anything, and Obi-Wan had replied and then Obi-Wan had leaned in and kissed him, full on the mouth. His beard had felt so soft against Anakin’s skin, his lips even softer, if a bit chapped.

Had they been chapped? Now Anakin can’t remember, he’s turned this memory over in his head so often. It had been for less than a handful of seconds. A quick brush of lips, a taste of a life Anakin has dreamt about for well over a year now. And Obi-Wan had just turned and left, as if he hadn’t done anything extraordinary. As if he hadn’t just kissed Anakin on the porch for everyone to see.

Obi-Wan would never be that cruel on purpose. Perhaps to that one profesor who always tries to refute Obi-Wan’s papers, but not to Anakin.

Which means Obi-Wan hadn’t been thinking. He had been perhaps caught up in the domesticity of it all, of having someone wish him luck and see him off. And maybe Anakin has been doing something like that for the last two years, but there’s a person who did that for Obi-Wan for much longer. A person they ran into at the park just two days ago.

“He was thinking about Satine,” Anakin tells himself as he gets out of the car and unlocks the house. He tries desperately to keep the despair and jealousy out of his voice, but at least no one’s around. It’s not that he hates the woman or anything. Really, he doesn’t. He doesn’t understand her, but that’s a given.

He’d never have Obi-Wan’s heart and soul and throw it away. He’d never get tired of fighting with Obi-Wan if he was fighting to stay with the man. He’d never be able to run into him at a park and then just leave again as if seeing him stirred up nothing inside of him.

Seeing Obi-Wan always stirs things up inside of Anakin. It makes no sense that Satine, who had had Obi-Wan’s love--knew all those things about the man that Anakin did not and could not know as just his housemate--had just been satisfied with saying hello and then just as quickly goodbye.

The same cold sinking feeling that Anakin’s been trying to shake off for the last two and a half days returns, and he has to lean against the countertop in the kitchen for a second to ground himself.

They’re going to get back together. They will.

At the park, they had seemed so in their own world, as if everything else had disappeared except for them. Anakin had had to send Luke over, couldn’t stand watching that reconnection happen without at least trying to remind Obi-Wan that he has a family now, that he’s not alone anymore, that there are people who love him.

Obi-Wan had glared at him for his meddling, which hadn’t admittedly done wonders to his confidence. And when Obi-Wan had deposited Luke--Luke--on the ground to chase after Satine, when he had hugged her, Anakin knew for sure.

They were going to lose him.

Anakin had had his set of chances and had taken none of them, and now Obi-Wan’s going to re-fall in love with his ex-wife and Anakin’s going to have to be the supportive best friend who has to figure out how to tell his children that due to unforeseen and tragic circumstances, their Obi is probably going to elope to Paris and maybe send a postcard once or twice a year addressed solely to the children and Anakin will grow old and die alone and the name Obi-Wan Kenobi will be banned from his small, shadowy apartment, and all Anakin will have is a few memories of the two most important and heart wrenching kisses he’s ever been a part of in his entire life.

“He was thinking about Satine,” he tells himself. “He kissed me but it wasn’t about me. It hasn’t ever been about me.”

There’s no denying that Obi-Wan loves Anakin’s children and also no denying that his children love Obi-Wan. Anakin thinks he wouldn’t love Obi-Wan half as much if he hadn’t absolutely been charmed by the kids and vice versa. But he had been. They had been. Those few weeks when Anakin had thought about leaving a year ago had been absolutely awful because he knew he would be breaking his twins’ hearts, not just his. He’d be hurting Obi-Wan too, he had known that.

But he had had to try. Because he knew that if he didn’t try to leave then he’d have to be dragged kicking and screaming out of Obi-Wan’s life when it came time for the man to grow tired of his presence.

It had been a last ditch attempt at saving his dignity. And it hadn’t taken much argument from everyone else to get him to abandon the idea completely.

Now he can’t help but to think he should have put his foot down, gotten some distance. Because now he’s entrenched in Obi-Wan’s world, the same way Obi-Wan is entrenched in his and the twins’ world. Leaving now will feel like ripping himself in two. He’ll probably wake up in the middle of the night five years from now and wonder about the academic response to Obi-Wan’s most recent publication.

He’ll probably have read it. He’ll probably still be fielding questions from his kids’ friends’ parents about whatever happened to that handsome man that used to come in to help during Show-And-Tell Day? Do you remember who I’m talking about, Anakin?

If he had left then, the idea of leaving now wouldn’t hurt so much. But there’s a ticking clock in his head.

Obi-Wan kissed him.

But he was thinking about Satine.

He calls Padme, because that’s sort of what he does when he doesn’t know what to do. She’s never turned him away--with the rejected marriage proposal being the one glaring exception, of course.

Thankfully, she doesn’t start now, though she does sound a little stressed when she picks up.

“Hey,” he says trying to sound normal and as if he isn’t a few minutes alone with his thoughts away from crying like a baby.

“Ani?”

“Are you--are you busy? Something sort of happened.”

“My flight is boarding,” Padme admits, but there’s a rustle on the other end of the line like she’s just sat down. “But it’s not like I’m not assigned a seat. They won’t leave without me. What happened?”

Anakin smiles in spite of himself. She’s really just such an angel of a person.

“Are the children alright?” she asks, sounding worried the longer it takes for Anakin to respond. “Ani?”

“No, yeah, the children are fine. I dropped them off at school this morning. But. Um.” He takes a deep breath. “Obi-Wankissedme.”

“I’m sorry?” Padme asks.

“Obi-Wan kissed me.”

The other end of the line is silent. “And we’re calling this a problem now?” she asks faintly. “Is he a bad kisser?”

“He’s a great kisser,” Anakin defends, shifting awkwardly on his feet, catching sight of the fridge door and quickly turning away.

“Then I don’t…?” Padme trails off uncertainly. Anakin can understand this confusion. Padme has only had to hear about how much Anakin wants Obi-Wan to kiss him for about two years now.

“I don’t think he realized he did it,” Anakin confesses. “He just did it as he was leaving. Because I said goodbye. It--I don’t think he realized who he was kissing.”

Now Padme sounds a distinct mix of skeptical and sympathetic, a tone Anakin’s only ever heard her use with him. “What makes you say that?”

“Because--because we went to the park the other day and he ran into his ex-wife and they were together for, for years so--so obviously he just--he wasn’t--it wasn’t me he was kissing. He was thinking about Satine.”

The words sound dull and practiced and lifeless.

“Oh, Anakin,” Padme says.

“And they’re probably gonna get back together, and we’re going to have to leave, and he’ll never know that I--” Anakin cuts himself off and thunks his head on the countertop with a groan.

Padme hums disbelievingly. “Anakin, I know you’ve never believed me when I say this, but that man is gone over you. And I think if he kissed you long enough for you to tell me for certain that he’s a good kisser, then he definitely knew he was kissing you.”

Anakin bites his lip and debates the pros and cons of being completely truthful. But he had called Padme for help, and she can’t provide the best advice if she doesn’t know the full story.

“That’s not the first time he’s kissed me,” Anakin finally admits, rubbing bashfully at the back of his neck.

“What?” Padme exclaims, probably much louder than appropriate for a public space. “Anakin Skywalker, explain yourself right now.”

He exhales forcefully. “Last New Year’s Eve party.”

“That was almost a year ago! And nothing else ever happened between you two? What? We always thought that once the first kiss was out of the way we’d need to beat you both with sticks to keep you off each other.”

“Well--wait, who’s we?”

Padme tsks. “Myself and Obi-Wan’s coworker.”

“You’ve been gossiping about me?” Anakin asks, torn between being flabbergasted and offended.

“That’s not important right now,” Padme says airily. “What’s important here is the fact that you apparently kissed Obi-Wan Kenobi and never told me?”

“He doesn’t remember, okay?” Anakin snaps. “He. We’d been drinking. A lot. It was after everyone left. And. I was in the kitchen and he was in the kitchen and he--”

--had pinned him to the front of the fridge and just looked at Anakin for a few seconds like he was the most precious, important thing in the entire world, and Anakin had opened his mouth to say something and Obi-Wan had--

“--kissed me,” Anakin says out loud. “And then he--”

He had pressed impossibly closer to Anakin, one hand wrapped around his hip, caressing the thin skin there while his other hand ghosted down Anakin’s hair and back as if he couldn’t decide where he wanted to touch, as his tongue mapped out Anakin’s mouth for what could have been seconds or minutes, and Anakin could have stayed there forever, but his own hands had grabbed too tightly onto Obi-Wan’s shoulders, must have jerked him forward too roughly, because he had been pushed away and--

“--threw up in the kitchen sink,” he finishes.

There’s dead silence on the other end of the line before Padme bursts out laughing. “Okay, okay,” she says once she’s calmed down. “But how do you know for sure he forgot about that? Sounds like something he might just never want to talk about if it ended up with him vomiting in the kitchen.”

“I just know,” Anakin promises. And he does. Obi-Wan had no idea about that kiss. It was a secret Anakin thought about too often, but one he had kept to himself for nearly a year, too afraid to reveal it to Obi-Wan only for the man to say he hadn’t meant to, it hadn’t meant anything, he’d been much too drunk.

Even the idea of Obi-Wan apologizing for one of the hottest kisses Anakin’s ever experienced in his life has been enough to keep Anakin silent on the matter.

But now he’s been kissed again, this time by a sober Obi-Wan, and it still--it still doesn’t mean anything.

“It didn’t mean anything to him then, or he would have remembered,” Anakin tells Padme. “And this one doesn’t mean anything either. The timing is just...it can’t be a coincidence, Padme. He’s never once thought about kissing me, about...about coming home to me like that, and now, a few days after he runs into his ex-wife he’s suddenly planting one on me as he walks out the door? I know--I know you think he...he might...he might have liked me, or...or wanted me, but. There’s no way I can hold a candle to a decades long marriage. I just. I can’t compete with that. He doesn’t want me to.”

Padme’s Anakin is cut off on her end by what sounds like a flight attendant. “Yes, I’m coming,” Padme tells the person, and there’s shuffling and then the distinct sound of the harsh beep of the ticket scanner, before Padme’s heels are clicking on the flight tunnel. “Do not rush me,” Padme tells someone. “What are you going to do, close this thing while I’m in it?”

Anakin has to hide his only sort of watery smile in his hand as he listens quietly on his end.

“Anakin?” Padme asks, and she must be on the plane because there’s a buzz of other people’s noises around her. “Anakin, I know you won’t believe me, and maybe--maybe you’re right and they’ll get back together, maybe you’re going to lose him.” Anakin’s heart hurts quite painfully at these words. “But do you remember what you did the first time you proposed to me and I said no?”

Great, yeah. Just bring up all his biggest failures in love. Sure, why start with Padme? When Anakin had been five he had tried to kiss a boy and been shoved into the mud for his efforts. That’s a fine place to begin, really. Just drag up all the old hurts. He sighs. “I went and got you a bigger ring.”

“And do you remember what you did when I told you that I couldn’t raise the children, but my parents wanted to?”

“I threatened to take them to court if they didn’t let me have them,” Anakin says. It hadn’t been his proudest moment, of course, but Padme’s parents had never really liked him. They still don’t.

Someone’s trying to talk to Padme on the other end of the line. “Yes, fine,” she snaps. “Anakin. Anakin, what I’m trying to say is I’ve never seen you give up on anything without at least trying to fight for it. And I don’t know why this should be different. You won’t be able to live with yourself if you have to watch him get back together with his ex-wife and know you never even tried to tell him he had other options.”

Anakin opens and closes his mouth, speechless. “Then what--”

“So go,” Padme cuts him off. “Go tell him he has other options! For fuck’s sake, yes, alright I’m getting off the phone. Anakin, when I land I expect to have a very detailed account of events waiting for me on my email. Goodbye.”

She hangs up. Anakin stares at the phone in his hand for a handful of seconds, thinking over what she’s said. What she’s implied.

She’s right, of course. Anakin never gives in this easily. He doesn’t fully understand why he’s so ready to capitulate now. Maybe he knows full-well he can’t compete with whatever Obi-Wan had with his ex-wife. They have history. They grew up together, became adults together. Anakin’s just this weird twenty-eight year old man with a pair of kids too old for his age who crashed at Obi-Wan’s house during the lowest moment of his life. Of maybe both of their lives.

Love can’t bloom from that. Not really. Not...not the sort of love that turns into a lifelong marriage.

But. Padme’s right. He wouldn’t be able to live with himself if he doesn’t try. If he doesn’t know for sure.

So either he could putter around the house all day waiting for Obi-Wan to text or call or come home, talking himself into and out of confessing every emotion he’s harbored for the man for the past two years, or….or he could drive to his campus and confront him in his office, put himself on the execution block and hand Obi-Wan the axe. At least it would be a quick death.

He glances at the digital clock on the oven. 9:38. The idea of waiting ten hours for a resolution makes his skin crawl.

And besides. 

Obi-Wan hadn’t packed a lunch.