#i fucked my chances for future
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#> tired shitpost#why am I such a hopeless being#i am everything but good#not a good person not a good child not a good friend not a good artist not a good writer#not good not good not good not good#im never good#never good enough#i was promising#not gifted#me and gifted never should stay in the same sentence#but look at me i failed everyone and myself included#i fucked up myself#i fucked my chances for future#im such a failure#im tired#im so tired#i can't fight anymore i don't want to fight anymore#i want to live a life too#i want leave something that will inspire others#i want to create something meaningful#i can't give up now#its gonna get better its gonna get better its gonna get better#please get better#i want a hug#i want to go home#i want my childhood back#i want my happiness back#do I really not deserve this#or do I just keep losing the life lottery#its going to be okay
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“When I’m flying through the air and I reach my highest point, I know that you're watching.”
#mochart#reverse 1999#Kaalaa Baunaa#reverse 1999 fanart#FINALLY#FUCK#JWJKWJAJWJIWJSJWJKWKSJSKWJISJSIWJJS#I LOVE MY WIFE#FUCK YEAH#I LOVE WOMEN#GREAT DAY TO BE LESBIAN#pls i love her so much#im getting this skin no matter what#im fast? ik#the devil works FAST but lesbians work FASTER#ONE CHANCE#MY WIFE#ONE CHANCE PLEASE#PLEASSEEE#patch 2.0 spoilers#2.0 spoilers#for context in the future: i drew this same day as her release#i finished like 10 hours after release#damn i need to drink !!!
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OKAY! Chatot rant in tags below! Read at your own discretion.
#okay starting from the beginning of where ppl usually dislike him. apple woods chapter.#he doesn’t give hero/partner the CHANCE to explain themselves despite them being relatively good recruits up until that point.#and that legit might be my only gripe with that chapter bc!!! stories need conflict! I LIKE the conflict in apple woods!!!#hero and partner being punished so something they didn’t do!#the misunderstanding! how team skull (Skuntank) actually outplays the main duo with a clever yet rotten trick. I LOVE that it segways into-#one of the more sweeter scenes of guild members looking out for eachother. I LIKE APPLE WOODS CONFLICT.#but chatot just. not giving them a chance. is so dumb.#I’d personally fix this by having a lil montage of hero/partner fucking up on jobs. A LOT. and chatot giving them a pass every time.#and let the perfect apple incident BE the one where he puts his foot down and doesn’t listen to them. bc he’d given them loads of chances.#and doesn’t want to hear any excuse.#but yeah. I legit dont mind him during that chapter except for that really stupid and frustrating moment.#NOW. CHAPTER 17.#UGGGGHHH WHERE DO I BEGIN#Him not believing hero and Partner about Grovyle and the future being in ruin? FINE. ACTUALLY GOOD. BC CHATOT WOULD BE SKEPTIC.#IT FITS HIS CHARACTER!!#BUT WHAT DOES SUCK. IS HIM GOING ‘Dusknoir isn’t the bad guy. he didn’t do anything wrong’#WHEN HE LITERALLY KIDNAPPED HERO AND PARTNER RIGHT I N F R O N T OF HIM.#(NO LITERALLY. HIS CHARACTER IS IN THE FRONT ROW WHEN IT HAPPENED.)#and him. having the GALL to tell hero and partner they must’ve been ‘seeing things’ and downplaying the HELL they went through.#despite them being missing for hours/days. his own guild recruits. and his angry sprite showing up.#like. I think that’s when I genuinely despised him.#that and him going ‘OH I BELIEVED YOU THE WHOLE TIME HEEHOO :)’ shit was so fucking annoying.#just playing it off as a joke the second the guild started to believe hero and partner.#IMAGINE IF HE W A S ACTUALLY TESTING THE GUILD’S TRUST. SHOWCASING HIM AS THE MORE RESPONSIBLE AND RESPECTFUL RIGHT HAND OF THE GUILD.#and yes. Brine cave he saves hero and partner. but at that point I just didn’t care anymore.#he fucked those two over so much. that I didn’t care what ‘valiant’ sacrifice he had.#and he grills Team Skull for what they did OFF SCREEN. they couldn’t even give us THAT.#<<< THAT or him outright saying sorry would’ve been nice. IKIK his ‘actions’ or whatever but.#eughh again this is all imo. I’m not trying to make people hate him or change their mind.#I’ll get into positives in the second post cause I’m running out of tags
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went to bed last night feeling that it was finally time to step back and let the dust settle and try to get things back to normal and then woke up to all that
#life#don't get me wrong i'm all for stepping back and starting over#i feel like people would be much more willing to give third or fourth chances if you just take responsibility#ACTUALLY own up to your mistakes (instead of playing the victim) and just say 'hey i fucked up i'm sorry i'll be taking a break'#for self reflection or whatever#all of us make mistakes all of us mess up and hurt others whether intentionally or not#it's human#yet i also feel like it's important what we do about it yaknow? you can't change the past but you certainly can the future#i believe we all can learn and grow from mistakes and become better#my naive dickhead ass wants to sincerely hope that he will change and get better#and choose being a respectful human being instead of chasing clout#but seeing how everything's been unfolding i fear that he will just go back to his old ways but will try to mask it better this time#hoping for starting over without doing the same old copy-paste stuff and being respectful#fearing it's just block-evading#anyway.. here's to hoping this will be the last of it
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hey so any of my friends in the uk or canada or australia or really anywhere that isn’t the us wanna adopt me? i have a lot of thrifted furniture and a big record collection i can bring 🥰
#just watching highlights from this debate is so sickening#like what the fuck 🤭 there’s no right way to go !!! love it#palestine was used as basically a ‘joke’ or something idk but only said like once#sickkkkkkkkk#y’all are sick#talking about fucking golf dude#also the fact they even let a felon on stage when felons can’t even goddamn vote#this might sound ageist but idc really#there should be an age limit on these things#if you have to be a old enough maybe you gotta be young enough too#sorry if there’s a good chance you will die during office no you should not be able to run#maybe the cap should be like 75 or even 70#also should be a cap on other political offices too#ain’t no way someone should be 900 and on the supreme court looking at you rbg#voting cap too#you gotta be 18 to vote okay makes total sense#but when i say maybe we should stop letting people vote when they turn 75 or something im the bad guy ohhhhohhhokay#i think of all the old people i know. that are 75+ and quite honestly i don’t think they should get to decide my future#anyways#this country is a joke#this country is fucked#and i don’t wanna be here
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Got tagged by @notallsandmen for a WIP paragraph game, and I’m incredibly flattered, considering ... this doesn’t feel on the level of fic, this is fun little sketches of dialogue at most. But this is what I had, so here’s more of the mortal dreamling silliness (previous bits: modern day mortal dreamling and newlyweds with ravens)
How Hob asked Johanna to be his witness for his wedding:
He texted her asking if she was free that afternoon, because he needed her for something. Historically "something" has meant anything from "taste-testing 3 different scone recipe variations to figure out the best one" to "hustling drunk pricks at darts". Likewise, Hob has done her favors ranging from picking up tampons to providing an alibi. In theory there is a ledger of favors owed, but in reality there will never be a balancing of books (because they're best friends, even if Johanna is too prickly to admit it and Hob is too smart to).
Johanna texted back "yeah, what's up?", and practically broke a land speed record pressing "Call" when she got the response.
Johanna: what the fuck kind of text exchange is confirming I'm around and then sending "getting married today, hello, witness!" and a selfie of you and some goth twink?
Hob: it felt pretty self-explanatory
Johanna: last I'd checked, you weren't even seeing anybody!
Hob: things change?
Johanna: I got dinner with you 5 weeks ago, you bastard, and you were single then.
Hob: ... things change fast?
Johanna: how the fuck did you even meet him?
Hob: I was running back from class during that awful rainstorm last month, and he was just outside my tube station.
Johanna: Hob.
Hob: His umbrella'd broken and he was soaking wet, and he looked absolutely miserable, poor darling.
Johanna: ...
Hob: So I offered him towels and dry clothes, since my flat was just up the road. And by the time the rain stopped I knew I wanted to marry him, and he said yes.
Johanna: what lunatic just follows strange men home?
Hob: he was pretty suspicious until I gave him my phone so he could text my address to his sister.
Johanna: and she was somehow fine with it, like 'yeah, go on'?
Hob:
Hob: he got a bit distracted by my phone background and never actually texted her.
Johanna: the fuck
Hob: you know Julian of Norwich is gorgeous
Johanna: your cat is a lesser demon escaped from hell. I'm going to exorcise your cat someday
Hob: Jules is a sweetheart. She doesn't even hunt birds!
Johanna: That thing won't kill any of the bloody birds in your neighborhood because she's saving all her energy to someday murder me and you know it.
Hob: ... undeserved paranoia about my extremely photogenic cat aside --
Johanna: WELL-deserved!
Hob: --will you be my witness?
Johanna: Left it a bit late, if you're asking me today. Did everybody else say no?
Hob: Didn't ask anybody else. Been planning to ask you since Dream said yes, but I figured if I gave you too much notice you'd flee the country.
Johanna: [tearing up, because even if you're an independent badass, it's nice to hear you're somebody's person] you're fucking right I would.
(Johanna's custom ringtone on Hob's phone is from Sweeney Todd, the final verse in Johanna where you can hear the body drop ("Wake up, Johanna, another bright red day"), because Hob and Johanna are black-hearted bastards/absolutely in cahoots with each other and think it’s funny. Hob's ringtone is Being Alive from Company ("Somebody need me too much..."). Sondheim all the way, motherfuckers)
#dreamling#hob is a medievalist and he would name his cat after an anchoress#i don't make the rules except when i do#johanna: wtf do i even wear to be a witness#hob: idk nothing obviously bloody or stained?#johanna: mm. what are you wearing?#hob: khakis and a button up#johanna: not the high-waisted ones right?#hob: there is nothing wrong with them#johanna: you're going to look like the slutty professor wannabe you are#johanna: and i bet you're going to roll your sleeves up#hob mid-sleeve roll: can't i look nice for my future husband?#johanna: yeah nice. not Mr April from an Academia Gone Wild calendar#hob: ... how am i supposed to take that#johanna: as a suggestion to look like a respectable spousal candidate#hob: we got engaged on less than 24 hours' acquaintance#hob: there is no chance of respectability#johanna: jesus fucking christ#johanna: you're paying for all my drinks at the reception#hob: by reception do you mean at the pub afterwards#johanna: clearly you prick. and it's going to be decent liquor. none of that bottom shelf swill#hob: we are celebrating my marriage afterall#johanna: [groaning] text me the address and don't give me any shit when i show up with a flask#johanna: you absolute bastard#hob: <3#dream is 'sir not appearing in this sketch' because he had to go back to his flat and get his own appropriate clothing#and also provide proof of life and zero mental impairment to death#because she was still hoping it was a joke/she could talk him around to waiting longer
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More questions because I'm chatty tonight. You can have one relatively mundane item from your life preserved exceptionally well and rediscovered by historians a thousand years later. What do you want it to be?
#I feel like the most obvious choice for me would be my diary#But I think it might be a hastle for historians because it chances languages frequently for no reason#Studying 21st century English in the future might be hard enough you gotta add 21st century French Japanese Hungarian fucking everything#But I think it paints a good image of the average bloke's emotions#Alternatively my cortex mug#because it's just funy
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The amount of doomerism I've heard from fellow usamericn zoomers/millennials around me is starting to drive me fucking insane.
"We're all gonna die, it's hopeless, it's not worth doing anything. This is our penance as human beings/[insert other guilty identity]"
You know who you guys fucking sound like? Fucking Evangelicals.
Yeah it's fucking scary and big, I'm not trying to say it isn't. But what the fuck is your plan??? Sitting down and dying?? Are you really telling me that this world is not worth you even fucking trying?? That you're just gonna party it out until your miscellaneous end game apocalypse arrives?
This isn't the rapture. The apocalypse is a false concept. People have been living through "apocalypses" every day of their fucking lives for all of human history, especially during the past 400 years. Get up and stop the suicidal idealization of your own tragic death. Our lives in the first world are built off suffering. To lay down and say we don't have any power is to reject the duty we have as beneficiaries of that suffering.
If you are so convinced you're going to die young then die trying instead of baring your fucking throat.
#going to r/collapse pisses me off because some people are genuinely trying to do community gardens and become more self sustainable#and others are like “the third world is done for at least im safe for the time being in the first world :((((”#the “third world” isn't your fucking sacrificial lamb for climate guilt. acting like it's over for billions of people when people are tryin#to survive and innovate and prepare and help themselves is fucking selfish#and moving away from the usa may help you but everyone else is still fucking there and the us will still suck resources from everyone else#the same people who don't vote in anything and then go “oh well it was a given” when shit people get in office like babes you could've done#something about that#climate change#sorry im just pissed today. my housemate keeps saying stupid doomer shit like “hope i die before it gets too bad haha”#like we are both puerto rican don't you think our homeland is worth saving???#to be clear it doesn't have to be extreme action! its something im fighting through too#learning how to be more self sufficient outside of capitalism also conveniently means a more sustainable lifestyle!#and im not perfect at all i want to do more#but im so sick of people just accepting this shit and saying it like its a fucking joke#i get it is a coping mechanism and trust me i get sad too but like jesus christ people are eat the rich until its time to actually#think of a plan or what a survivable future might actually fucking look like and how we help each other get as close to possible.#whatv compromises we have to make until one day it's not a compromise but a goal#and yeah it might not work but i don't want to obliterate any chance of it either#what's the quote from the sophie video? “people can visualize the end of the world more then the end of capitalism”#doomerism#climate justice#gen z#generation z#millennials#climate
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i hate my parents. i hate them so fucking much.
#i will never ever ever ever ever forgive them for ruining my fucking life#and any chance i might've had at a future that involves SOME quality of life#actually i hate my whole fucking family if i'm going to be real#they blame me for everything even now that i'm hundreds of miles away from any of them and i'm so sick of it#txt
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I'm trying desperately hard to stay positive and not give into depressive thoughts but I feel very very stuck and like I'm making no progress ahhhhhhhh
#fucked up my whole summer and my academic career which is like the one thing that i feel gives me purpose#i just feel like im not smart anymore if i ever even was#i know im young and that its the depression brain talking but i feel like i have no future and that i've ruined any chance at feeling happy#im just sad and tired all the time. i really try not to be and i feel lazy and guilty about it#my SI is the worst it's ever been in my whole life and i think i genuinely might live like this forever#there's a lot of cognitive distortions going on i know that i know!!! i want to get better and be a functioning person#it's just so lonely and i feel like i can't talk to anyone abt it because i dont want to freak them out#and also i recognize how exhausting it can be to talk to someone who shuts down every piece of advice or suggestion with something negative#so tumblr gets my splurge lol
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every time i read a different issue of Archie Megaman that i havent read yet its just
#yeah im also reading archie tonight sue me#archie mega man#archie megaman#JFC I WAS JUST SKIMMING THE ISSUES WITH THE MM3 BOTS AND HE-FUCKING-LLO?!?!?!#ALL THE BOTS NOT WANTING TO FIGHT BUT LITERALLY BEING FORCED TO VIA PROGRAMMING?!#DR LIGHT REGRETTING ALL THE SECOND CHANCES HE GAVE WILY BECAUSE HE GOT STABBED IN THE BACK SO MUCH?!?!#THE MM2 BOTS BEING NON-CONSENSUALLY SHOVED INTO ONE BODY?!?!?!#That is some plural HORROR right there holy FUCK#AND KNOWING -THIS- IS WHAT HAPPENS BEFORE THE EVENTS OF ISSUE 49?!?! OH GOD#ROCK PROMISED THEM ALL A BETTER FUTURE. AND HALF OF THEM ENDED IMMEDIATELY SHUT DOWN AFTER BEING BROUGHT BACK#THEY NEVER -GOT- THEIR BETTER FUTURE. FUCK. *SOBS*#oh oh oh im soooo incorporating all this into my au(?) with QuickCut and the fics ive written#im tossing ideas around and maybe ill write a 'prequel' fic abt how Quick and Cut got together through Quick's POV#i already had ideas but archie just keeps inspiring more hcs man#also ive been binging megamix/gigamix + archie instead of editing my vines for the mm2 bots... oops
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i'm feeling so depressed and out of options/motivation/will to do anything that I can't even enjoy the "love you to the core"!!! i hate this shit
#very possibly losing my career because the strikes seem to have changed it forever#the future ia very fucking bleak and I feel like my unemployment benefits will run out before i even have a chance to get a job again#in the industry i mean#and now this medical diagnosis that is my fault and my fault only#30 and no savings nothing in my name#i feel i'm just a waste of space tbh#shut up alie
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ykw tumblr gets me gushing about this too. SUMMER SCHOOL CLASSES OFFICIALLY DONE!!
Im so fucking happy man . this is genuinely the first time since MIDDLE SCHOOL that I've gotten through an entire school year without failing a single class. if all goes according to plan i start school back up in august and graduate in december of 2024 :)
#im so glad i gave online another chance#with a school thats actually MADE to be online#this was so fucking worth the risk#my only regret is i wish i had done it sooner#public school fucked me up but. honestly i havent been this optimistic about my future maybe ever.#like i still have trauma to work through because of public school but like#things actually feel like everything is gonna turn out ok and go according to plan for once#not to mention i had completely given up all hope of graduating on time#and . here i am#and im not even stressed out of my mind passing by the skin of my teeth#I fucking got covid and was unable to work on summer school for a solid WEEK and i still did it#a year ago that would of fucking made me fail the semester#let alone summer school where it takes up a third of the time i have#but i fucking got a 91% in one class and passed the other#and the only reason i dont have a higher grade is because i dont care enough about pe to want one#wyrm.txt
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What does a man have to do not to live in constant dread
#this is about school#mostly#i hate it here chat#what am i to do#someone.....if you have any advice... please#i have an oral test tomorrow i have to learn by heart two texts in chinese and learn 100 new vocabulary words#help. drowning#literally#can no longer keep it up#for the record I'm demotivated because my efforts never take me to satisfactory results#and yea sure nothing changes overnight#but like. I've been trying for at least 8 years now? aren't things supposed to get better after a while I'm trying?#I've tried changing methods eh#anyways. unsatisfactory results. and it gets frustrating because I feel so disappointing because I know before starting that I won't be abl#to do The Thing. get to complete homework? memorise something? BE ABLE TO FUCKING TALK LIKE A NORMAL PERSON WHO KNOWS HOW TO TALK???#you name it. i just can't do it#in school specifically but outside too#only outside of school i don't whip my ass about it because who fucking cares#but this is something that will influence my future chances of getting jobs too#like i cant talk the way i do in a job interview nobody's going to think i have basic communication skills or even basic human skills at al#ah nevermind it's fine#I'll find a way#some day#i guess#the unsilly
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ok dean's do as i say not as i do ass in the cassie episode when sam realizes that not ONLY is his supposed playboy brother actually a guy who will drop everything and reveal The Secret to the first girl who spends more than a month with him but . he will reveal The Secret at all, a thing he's spent the past six months loudly saying there is never any use in doing because we can't keep friends in this life anyway
#part of it is that he's very bad at HAVING these conversations so they never go well and he then thinks. well i know what to do now:#isolate myself forever#like you did that to yourself. we dont see the actual conversation where he tells cassie but you KNOW it was his worst timing ever#you just know there were probably half a dozen easily available alternatives that would've made it go better but he has no social skills#and he didnt use any of them#and she was like. ok this awkward odd guy who i took a chance on and who i really really like in spit of myself is just#making fun of me now. he's just playing with me i really had something invested in this relationship and he thinks we're a joke#acctually wait she does recount what it sounded like from her perspective and it was like this:#'the guy im hoping will be in my future starts telling me he professionally pops ghosts for a living' 'uhNOT the words i used'#i am so sorry they 100% definitely were. thats exactly how you talk#you said cassie i know you have to leave because you're graduating but i have to leave to go gank casper#and she's like be fucking serious . and hes like i AM pleaseeeeee believe me and shes like fucking incredible. goodbye forever idiot#spn#q
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I ACTUALLY HAVE TO HOLD BACK A SQUEAL RIGHT NOW OH MY GOD I AM GOING INSANE HOLY FUCK
#STIMMING SO MUCH PATTING MY CHAIR SO FUCKING HARD LIKE ACTUALLY HOLY SHIT BRO#AND IT'S GLOW IN THE DARK IM SO SICK OH MY LORD OOOH MY LOORD PLEASE GOD TAKE ME AWAY#OORUHRUGHRUHRGUH THIS HAS TO BE MY CHANCE THIS NEEDS TO BE MY CHANCE I WILL NOT MISS OUT ON CLYDE PLUSHIE AGAIN NO SIR NO SIREE#pastra#clyde plush#zombie clyde#plushies#doai clyde#clyde pastra#i am not gonna be normal about this im not im not oh my god i need this so badly#if i'm not gonna be able to buy future phi merch i might as well have this#my stuffs
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