#i fuckin hate durability

[noctomania]

Legend of Zelda: Hunter Gatherer

[thewertsearch]

ERIDAN: im just saying wwhere the fuck wwere you guys ERIDAN: i had to deal wwith those awwful angels all by my self ERIDAN: do you havve any idea howw hard those assholes are to kill ERIDAN: like at least a minute of sustained fire from only the most legendary wweapon evver and they wwere FAST and ANGRY as SHIT

That's fucking terrifying, what the fuck?

Even without a maxed weapon, John was able to kill a First Guardian Imp in well under a minute.

Eridan's 'angels' survived significantly longer, while under fire from a significantly more powerful weapon. They're massively more durable than the most dangerous Underlings in the game, despite their session's Kernels containing weaker material.

What the fuck are these things made of?

KARKAT: I REALLY DON'T THINK YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO BE KILLING THEM DUDE. KARKAT: I KEPT SAYING, I THINK THEY'RE LIKE GAME CONSTRUCTS OR SOMETHING. THERE TO SERVE SOME OTHER GAME PURPOSE, NOT FOR YOU TO HUNT DOWN. KARKAT: THEY DIDN'T EVEN GIVE YOU ANY GRIST, YOU IDIOT. THAT WAS YOUR FIRST CLUE.

Far from being random Underlings, these angels are starting to seem kind of important, actually.

Like Jade's frogs, they represent one of the dual traits of their Land - and Jade's frogs are mission fucking critical. Did these angels also have an endgame purpose to serve?

If so, just how badly has Eridan fucked us over?

I don't know for sure if this quote is related, but Sollux described angels as 'terrible' beings who 'usher in the end'.

If these are the the LOWAA angels, then they almost certainly did have an endgame role that Eridan didn't discover.

Guys, I’ll admit it.

Eridan is kind of funny.

Karkat is really worried, isn’t he? He’s desperate to keep his team safe, even though most of them aren’t really listening to him any more.

Everyone gave this guy so much shit for being an ineffectual leader, but even now, he's taking his responsibility very seriously. Most of the other trolls would have thrown in the towel by now.

Six hundred hours.

This campaign went on for six hundred fucking hours, and Eridan still isn’t leaving Feferi the fuck alone. Did shooting all those angels not let off a little steam? Come on, man.

FEFERI: […] Eridan, you weren't really serious about going to find Jack, were you? ERIDAN: of course i wwas ERIDAN: and wwe should do it together ERIDAN: youvve got nothin to fear noww ivve reached a neww heights of powwer no one else can dream of […] SOLLUX: thii2 ii2 the mo2t hiilariiou2 thiing ii've ever heard, he made one of hii2 2hiitty fake wand2 glow a liittle and now he thiink2 he'2 a faiiry god troll or 2omethiing, lmao! ERIDAN: wwas that slander just i heard i cant evven tell ERIDAN: i tend to block out noise from filth wwhose blood is practically the complementary fuckin color a mine

I hate to admit it, but this behavior is actually fairly realistic. The whole world has collapsed, and Eridan is grasping for anything he can latch onto, to provide some semblance of normalcy.

Unfortunately, and predictably, he has latched onto classism like a limpet.

[mirakurutaimu]

have you ever talked about the origins of your sona/her design inspirations before? ive always really loved her design and i like hearing about how nice character designs come to be

here is the full tale

she started off as a mere picrew years ago

and then people drew fanart of that design whenever i started streaming (like this retro mimi model @catastrothy made)

and then at some point i thought "hm wouldn't it be cool if i paid an artist to make her design better" and then i approached noted good local artist @cnmchn and we went back and forth on some stuff and She were born proper

here is some other behind the scenez

hair accessories were considered at one point but then we thought of the ミ earrings and i just colored in one of her streaks black lmao

final design ended up using a combination of outfit elements from our two examples, rip to alt universe skirt spats and kneesocks short braid loose hoodie long shirt ribs mimi (she will be missed) (i should draw that sometime)

anyways thats all. thats da mimi roundup. sure hope read mores function on this site

edit: i forgot to mention design inspirations.

uh. riamu failgirl, kumbhira granblue, we almost stole astolfo's haircut sans hair vents (though I think it was actually edward elric who made me think 'braid'), vampy granblue. as for the tenets of her design i just wanted a cute, colorful, energetic, annoying, smug, punchable little beast to match my vibe. her fashion sense is like the complete opposite of mine tho lmao this little freak dresses in this skimpy summery crop top and short shorts getup and shit meanwhile i'm a jeans-all-year and longsleeves/hoodie at all times kinda bitch. at least she still melts in the heat like i do

anyways i figure i may as well dump some silly canon stuff here too:

she's a being from what she says is 'the hell that froze over' (because it sounds cool), in actuality it's probably something more like a frozen-over planet with some level of aquatic life under the ice.

at a base level, she's kinda like... if a slimegirl was a crab? like, she's not made out of slime it's still Meat Stuff but it's definitely amorphous and should usually be contained within a thick carapace on the exterior (so when fully shelled, lookin like some kinda scary lookin pointy bone demon). she claims to have lost hers or that it hasn't grown in yet or some such (hence she only has the horn covering)

anyways. her inside meat being amorphous = limited shapeshifting ability, so she somehow ended up on Earth and is posing as a humanoid and having a ton of fun eating and smoking and breaking stuff. but she still fuckin' hates the sun and heat

other fun facts:

loves meat, milk, sweet stuff, clothes, sleeping, swimming, video james (bad at them), money

hates spicy stuff, hot weather, working, people as stubborn as she is, waiting

i'm torn on when her birthday should be. officially it's technically 5/21, but 3/3 would be cute...

believes drinking milk will help grow her shell in

has a strong sixth sense due to having similar organic function to ampullae of lorenzini

durable. if you punch her it caves in like some monkey d luffy shit

[foxglovefaun]

for our tenth wedding anniversary my husband and I got food poisoning.

I’m still pretty upset but I’ve been thinking about it a lot, and tbh I don’t hate this concept as much as I did when we left the restaurant.

When you know someone for a long time, and you go through Some Stuff together a number of times, things like getting food poisoning on your tenth wedding anniversary is sort of like

any other day.

like

The special days are special because special things happen, not because the date scheduled a stand-out importance, you know?

our tenth anniversary is absolutely a massive milestone to be recognized! But we’re at a point where any day can be as special as any landmark date.

Like last week we went to the riverside beach on a Wednesday. I haven’t seen my spouse look so relaxed in months. The water was cool and and we stood in the river and looked at the clouds and I was happy to be alive. He couldn’t stop flirting with me and i felt so fuckin pretty.

It was just a random weekday trip, but it was spent with him, and it was one of the most beautiful days in my life. No fanciness whatsoever. Walmart water shoes, fried chicken from home, strawberries, chips and horrible shelf-stable dip, and the experience of returning a beach stand burger because they forgot to cook it.

One of the best days of my fucking life.

So do you see what I mean?

When you spend so much time with a person, dates sorta stop carrying the weight they used to. You stop putting significance on days as a number in a specific order. You start to put significance on the days that hit different, the ones that feel special, the ones where you watch yourself fall in love with that person over and over.

So last night, grieving our horrible meal and punishment for our poor choice of eating there, faced with the depressing fact that we were food poisoned for our tenth anniversary, we sat on the couch playing bathroom relay, and while the cannabis worked to settle our bellies, we laughed to the point of tears philosophizing about the Pixar Cars universe. The fact that car pope implies car crucifixion, which implies car Roman Empire, which implies car Caligula. There are tiny Volkswagens, what are they pollinating? The controversial car discourse about car Adam and car Eve and how it is a concept being dethroned by the discovery of the first wheel. The evolutionary path where some wheels evolved to be mills and other wheels evolved to be chariots, and the cartholic concept of fully-formed Italian cars being the birth of car existence.

It was so great lmao

This is marriage, if you do it right, if you’re lucky.

You can spend an important number day like your tenth wedding anniversary writing a bitter restaurant review on the toilet, relay racing between the couch and the bathroom, and talking about bullshit meme philosophy while replenishing fluids and waiting for the Imodium to kick in. And despite all those miserable activities, you still have a good time.

Because even the shittiest days feel kind of okay when you’re with your favorite person. Our wedding anniversary wasn’t “ruined.” My risotto was ruined. His pieuvre grillé was ruined. Our relationship with the restaurant was ruined. But our day wasn’t ruined. We spent it together, and we spent it laughing.

The tenth wedding anniversary material is tin, describing the resilience, durability, and flexibility of the relationship, and i think last night was a perfect lived example to why that is.

My husband and I were food poisoned for our tenth wedding anniversary, and it was just another kind of good weather.

[maddsmallow]

" "con, don't you ever fuckin' relax?"

"lieutenant, i'm a machine. i don't need to 'relax'."

"oh fuck you, come on, we're on break. loosen up a little or something. you can chill out from your fuckin' mission for the three minutes it'll take me to smoke this cigarette. and shut your mouth before you go telling me it isn't actually exactly three minutes on average to smoke a cigarette or whatever."

connie closes her mouth. a small addition to her list of missions to accomplish is made: try to appear "relaxed" to appease lieutenant anderson. a raise in friendship means an easier partner to work with, so connie carefully inspects the lieutenant's posture and does her best to replicate it. being a machine of plastic and metal certainly doesn't make it easy. "

hankcon, but gorls. did i base hank off of my butch lesbian manager at my old job at a sex toy store who was covered in spongebob tattoos? absolutely yes i did

mostly i just wanted to portray fem!hank as a Large Woman because i think there is a severe lack of that. broad with muscle hidden under fat, like the kind of woman who does shot put. so uh,,, ms trunchbull basically LMAO. deep voice, raspy from smoking and drinking, all that good stuff 😩👌 also peep the button on her jacket hehe

got some headcanons and stories for them under the cut!

-hank wears cargo shorts 100% of the time. no matter the weather or temperature. like, 'bill and ted at prom in shorts, but it's her at a dpd ceremony in cargo shorts' level. but not actually because i'm totally gonna draw her in a pantsuit later, totally not with connie on her hip in a slinky dress 👀

-also yes hank's shirt is a spongebob reference

-when people ask hank why she goes by hank and not her "real name," (which i like to headcanon is "henrietta") she always says, "oh it's actually a really funny story, i'll tell you later," and the later never comes lmao. or, if she does tell you, it's some made up wacky story that actually has nothing to do with giving herself the name hank. the real reason? she just likes it

-speaking of "henrietta," this story, 'if you know where to look' by ghost_teeth, works so fucking well with a lot of my headcanons about how their characters would be like genderbent! highly recommend it, and all their dbh stories honestly!

-connie has a compact gun (i asked my brother for examples and he said sig p365 or springfield hellcat, which i think work perfectly for this) holstered inside her jacket on the left side. also, i'm stealing this idea from this post (which basically almost has the same design for fem!connor (altho like, most designs for her are basically the same lmao)) but she also has a knife strapped to her thigh

-her skirt is actually made of some super high tech flexible and durable material, and she's got specific programming to make her balance crazy good, since she'll be running in heels. she's made to hunt and pursue deviants so obviously she needs to be able to run and jump. the outfit is only made to appear like a standard "business woman" to blend in with the humans she would be required to work with, but otherwise gives her everything/doesn't hold her back from doing what she needs to complete her mission. here's a bonus conversation i had with @extraordinaryandroid about it lmaoo:

-hank met connor-51 first for the ortiz case, but connie-52 (with 51's memories of course) came in the next day when it was announced they were to be officially paired to investigate deviants. cyberlife has their grubby lil hands in everything so of course they knew their RK800 unit would be paired with this lieutenant anderson before basically anyone else, and deemed that she'd get along better with a "female model" that she would find attractive. which of course has hank like WOW that's super weird and gross of y'all! and i fucking hate that it's working you pieces of shit at cyberlife !!!! but ofc connie's like "im a machine i dont even have a gender" all the while hank's sweatin major thirsty bullets

-at the cyberlife tower, connor-51 is the one to hold hank at gunpoint. how did he get hank to trust him? idk i haven't figured that out yet lmao, but the angst of connor-51 essentially taking the place of -60 from the game in the sense that he's clearly deviant in some capacity, in this context being that he feels connie stole the life he deserved (which he'd never admit) and now wants to suck up to cyberlife and be their best boi to feel important and special again and not knowing they'd just throw him away for the RK900 model, is very good imo. that was a very long sentence so i hope it made sense lmaoo. have i worked out all the details of how all that shit would work in a story? absolutely not, im too busy thinking about butch fem!hank making her robo girlfriend bluescreen in the bedroom 🤪

also if ur wondering wtf the background is, idk. my usual plain color gradient was too simple, but i did NOT want to put in the effort to do a whole ass real background, so i settled on something in between. meh, it's just them hagin' out behind the station on a smoke break ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

consider supporting me on ☕! ko -fi. com / maddsmallow (without spaces)

[ad-astra-per-aspera-1389]

Hawkmoth would fucking HATE Spider-Man, could you imagine? I mean, he fits all the criteria to be a miraculous holder...but minus the miraculous. Skintight, animal/bug themed suit? Named after an animal/bug? Mask? One Power + durability? Hawkmoth is out here wondering WHERE THE FUCK IS THIS KID'S MIRACULOUS, DAMMIT...

He's everything Hawkmoth despises about both Chat Noir and Ladybug combined: puns, red suit, resourceful, efficient (more or less) etc etc etc.

But he doesn't have to transform back and forth to use his power again, actually making him more efficient.

Plus, I feel like Ladybug and Chat Noir are less unsettling. Aww, spots! Cat ears! A TAIL OMG. Then you get to spidey...⚪️⚪️ them fuckin eyes...

I got off track, but besides a lack of miraculous to steal, I feel like Spidey would be quick to track down + expose Hawkmoth for his crimes, landing him in jail without hesitation.

[pwnyta]

I was thinking about if LOST characters had powers... sorta like HEROES or XMEN or something... So heres what I got-

Jack- Healing touch. Obviously. Its not like super POWERFUL healing but it does fluctuate with his emotions. Like the more stressed he gets the better his healing is. I think that fits Jack real well. Also its only his hands & he cant heal himself if he cant properly reach the spot (like his back)).

Kate- Shapeshifting! OBVIOUSLY. At first its limited to people similar to herself (thin white women) but as time goes on she starts learning to go crazy. But its still limited to humans.

Sawyer- Anger Empowerment! Hulk-like but without the cool transformation.

Juliet- Time Acceleration (by touch). Hear me out... she CAN heal as a doctor but if she's not paying attention the time acceleration could go so far as to even ROT whats in her hands. So shes mostly scared to use her powers.

John- Danger Detection. The trouble is hes more confident in his power than himself which causes problems(see Ben).

Ben- Mental Manipulation (voice activated, sorta like the persuasion power from HEROES). OBVIOUSLY. Ben's mental manipulation can also override Johns Danger Detection which is why John keeps getting clowned on by that gremlin. However he has a far harder time dealing with people with stronger wills.

Hurley- Empathetic Mimicry. He can use others powers with an associated feeling. Like Hurley getting pissed at Sawyer and kicking the shit outta him using his own rage based power enhancement.

Sayid- Absolute Superpower Opposition. From defending himself against Sawyer, to surviving all of Rousseaus nonsense to outplaying Ben... I think it works for him. However he can be hurt by like... guns and be regular manipulated by Ben if hes sad. But since the mundane is still a threat itd give a reason why hes still the hyper prepared little freak he is.

Sun- Mental Pressure. Her power can cause paranoia and such things. She didnt use it basically at all before the crash... but after returning home without Jin she started exercising that power. Freaking her father out and even screwing with Ben.

Jin- Enhanced Durability. Nothing has ever happened to him. Hes fine guys and if hes fine Suns fine. Guys believe me.

Charlie- Inaudibility (can be completely silent (in an AOE). Ironically (since hes a bloody rock GOD). He hated it before his addiction but then he found it to be quite useful for sneaking around.

Claire- Enhanced Survivability. She was in a house when it fuckin EXPLODED. And also lived in the woods all by herself. Shes just a creature.

Michael- Drawing Creation. Its not something hes ever thought to push. He just creates little animated cards for his son but later uses his creations to torment the people on the boat till they take themselves out.

Desmond- Precognition. Obviously. But his powers are pretty scrambled and especially so after he gets to the island. Weirdly his precog works weirdly on Sayid sometimes he gets absolutely nothing, sometimes he gets visions so clear its suspicious. He doesnt ask(it depends on whether his vision might hurt or help Sayid due Sayids ability. It either completely blocks it or enhances it).

Rousseau- Improbable Weapon Proficiency. DUH. All her weird little traps. Let her cook.

...I could do others but... I think this is good enough. I mean most are either very obvious or... like I HAVE NO IDEA. Frank has flight. Miles can talk to ghosts. Shannon... IDFK? BOONE? Honestly who cares.

[gyozumaki]

As I wait for my laundry and also because I'm not an asshole who withholds content, here is...

Can I beat up a chicken?

Y'all should know the drill by now; 5'7" twink, I know what I'm doing but have poor reflexes, vision, and hearing, and we have...

EXCLUSIONS - Help Wanted 1+2, AR, FNAF World, anything in the books/comics. Let's go!

Bottom of the list to nobody's surprise is Phantom Chica. Easy to avoid, doesn't kill, not even a challenge. Ms. Watermelon has nothing on my keyboard smashing abilities 💪

Possible hot take but Withered Chica is next. What's she gonna do, peck me? Kick me? Not that much of a threat with or without the Freddy head. She's freaky as hell but I'm a big strong man, I can scream while swinging a crowbar or something. Multitasking is my specialty!

Rockstar Chica, not the most memorable but more memorable than Rockstar Bonnie. I dump water on the floor and I'm fine. And if she gets me, what's she gonna do, smack me with maracas? That might hurt actually nvm. Withered gets freaky points and Rockstar has actual blunt force ability, giving her the edge between them.

Nightmare and Jack'O Chica, which my mom thought for the longest time were my favorite animatronics. They're awesome and certainly up there but Springtrap is too damn cool. Anyway, just flash them. Same deal as Nightmare Bonnie. Flash her, you're good. And she isn't a Bonnie so physically fighting her wouldn't be as difficult. I fear Nightmare Cupcake more than her. The designs are awesome though, some of my favorites in FNAF 4.

Again, possible hot take, but Funtime Chica is a menace to deal with. Flashbang, flashbang, flashbang, leave me ALONE JESUS FUCKING CHRIST! In a 1v1 outside of UCN, she's down instantly, but her in Ultimate Custom Night is so painful. My poor eyes, man.

I hate Security Breach and refuse to interact with Ruin but I do like the animatronics. Ruined Glamrock Chica is pretty gnarly to look at and I wouldn't mess with her. But can't you just throw a box at her to stun? I think I have a chance. Teleporting aside, I could probably walk away with a couple scratches.

Obligatory TJOC insert! Ignited Chica is... spooky. The Kubrick stare she has is both funny and freezes me in my tracks. And she actually pecks, good fuckin lord. She doesn't kill instantly and is relatively easy to deal with (in Story Mode) but I'm not fighting her 1v1 willingly. I could maybe trip her yet for some reason I just can't trust my reflexes and bone durability.

Putting my loathing for Security Breach aside, Glamrock Chica is pretty cool. Again, the animatronics are cool! Blob and Burntrap aside. She is a klutz but not really to be reckoned with. None of them are. I suffer from blond so I don't think I can really outsmart her.

Chica the Chicken! Remember when everyone thought Chica was a boy and a duck? Maybe I'm just old. Whatever, I'm not going to willingly fight her either. She's resilient, surprisingly fast, and can thundercunt Carl at me like a Wii remote. And she knows her way around a kitchen?? I do as well but I don't think I can withstand getting conked in the face with a skillet by an animatronic possessed by an angry dead kid.

This is definitely going to be controversial but I'm putting Toy Chica at the top. She scares me on every level. I guarantee, if I battered her with a baseball bat, she would laugh in my face before ripping it off. She's terrifying! You don't fuck with the It girl! I really look forward to seeing her and Withered Bonnie in the next movie (NOT FOR THAT REASON NO ABSOLUTELY NOT) Y'all really don't realize how creepy she is. Fuck that, I'm not fighting her.

Feddy Fazeballs is coming up soon!

[6ad6ro]

hey so uhh breath of the wild 2 looks totally uninteresting. "i put a mushroom on my shield" like okay we only wanted dungeons and the hookshot and music and modifying the durability system to be less annoying. but instead you decide fans wanted... leaf arrows?? the sandbox/physics stuff was always just the garnish. why would you focus on the garnish?

to me the only thing the gameplay preview did was show what WASN'T in the game. is that why they put it off for so long? i didn't hear world map music (don't even start with the shitty horse "music"). the durability seems as dogshit as ever. it seems like they might topload all your "items" (abilities) like in the first game, and they all looked pretty uninteresting. only seeming to exist to circumvent the botw mechanics people hated. fuckin lame.

[akumanoken]

Oh what a night...

It was perhaps hunter instinct, feeling something strange in the air, unsure of what exactly it was, but Souji's normally smiling face was set in a soft frown, eyes darting at the windows of the ballroom. He.. didn't like this...

"Souji?" His eyes moved toward a man, portly, with a furrowed brow. "Is everything alright, Dove? You seem preoccupied with something…."

Carmine lips pressed thin, but spread into a grin. "Now now, Donovan we talked about pet names, and… no, there's something wrong. I am unsure what it is… but I know better than to ignore my gut. We need to get away from the windows…" He danced with the other, leading even as he seemed to be following the waltz, and to their table. "….Don't… leave this spot, Donovan. Not until I tell you to…"

"Ah, Souji, my dear I think you are perhaps a bit paranoid. Maybe if you had another glass of cha---"

He was cut off, the windows shattering as flying demons swarmed inside. It took no time for the ballroom to break into a panic. The security team ran forward as the guests fled, and Souji grabbed Donovan. "STAY HERE!! DO AS I SAY!!" He reached into his clutch, pulling out a handgun and firing at the demons. "Fuck, I'm not prepared for this…." He rushed forward, shooting a few down coming up to a security guard. "I need a magazine, or another gun if you can spare…"

The man looked at him with an incredulous face. "M-Ma'am get to safety---"

"CUT THE SHIT!! I'M A HUNTER GIVE ME A FUCKING GUN OR A SWORD IF YOU HAVE ONE!!" he spat, shooting one of the demons behind the man and taking out another that got too close. "GODDAMIT!!" This was not how he wanted his night to go.

He rushed over to the table, grabbing steak knives and throwing them, taking another down. "DONOVAN YOU GOOD??" He turned to see the man staring up in shock, shaking all over. "GOOD STAY RIGHT HERE, I'M GONNA FIND SOMETHING TO USE…"

He hated shit like this… but there was a larger demon, one wielding rather sharp arms… so he ran over, pushing a few out the way as he grabbed the arm, stomping the arm until it cracked off, hefting it with a sigh. "…better…. EVERYONE ELSE THAT RAN OFF MAY BE GETTING ATTACKED TELL ME YOU HAVE---"

"WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU???" One asked incredulously, moving to remove Souji before the man from before stopped him.

"We have a detail over there with heavier artillery, they should be okay," he said as the others shot around them. "And here!!" A semi-automatic was tossed at him. "For earlier."

"Thanks… I need cover!!" He rushed at the other demons coming through, slashing all the ones that couldn't be shot down from above. It was as sharp as he thought, but not durable, seeing nicks in the weapon. "…shit…" He took the automatic and made a retreat, only for one of the demons to reach him by the dress. "FUCK!!" He didn't think twice, cutting the skirt of his dress so that he was free, and then tearing the rest of it so it was only down midthigh. He slid down toward Donovan and grasped him. "Come on… we're going." Silence. "GET THE FUCK UP IF YOU WANT TO SURVIVE!! LET'S GO!!"

"A-ah y-y-yes!!!" Donovan was on his feet then, following behind Souji as he shot through a few more demons, going toward the heavy artillery was. The security guys should be able to fall back now that everyone was removed from the ballroom.

There were some big bads there, as well, so it was good that they did have the artillery, but one of them had a discarded sword, a demon's blade from the look of it, and he whooped in joy. "FUCKIN' YES!!! DONOVAN STAY THERE WITH THE OTHERS!!!" He rushed forward, throwing the arm at a demon as he dove for the sword, rolling up and blocking just in time. "GET FUCKED ASSHOLE YOU RUINED MY NIGHT!!!" He pushed the demon off, slicing through him before moving toward the mess.

It took time and men, but after quite a battle, and more cuts than Souji would remember getting, the demons were dead, and any stragglers were being hunted down as they fled. Souji was…exhausted from head to toe, and as he walked toward the glitzy guests, they gave him a wide berth, leaving only Donovan there. "You alright? Sorry about that," he smiled with his usual charm. "Last thing I wanted was to lose my date…" He turned around and pouted. "Awww but I guess the date's over… we should get you home, okay???"

Donovan stared at Souji in shock a moment but soon started beaming with pride. "….y-yeah… that's a good idea… shall we, my dear?" He offered his arm, and Souji giggled, taking it, and slinging the sword over his shoulder. "You know… knowing that you hunt and seeing it for myself are two different things… I'll have to give you a bonus… for saving my life…"

"Oh that's okay you don't have to do that…"

"Oh, I insist… it's the only thing I can do in such a situation…"

[levis-little-nuggie]

How the brothers would react to catching f!MC riding a suction-cupped dildo on the communal HOL washing machine

I didn't think through how much I hate this idea, but I fuckin ran with it so here we are and I'm not apologizing. However the title is still a work in progress. I am accepting ideas.

This first one is Lucifer's reaction.

Warnings: little bit of blood (in a sexy way), he calls MC some vulgar names >:( but he apologizes so I guess it's okay, fem!MC because I was feeling self-indulgent.

Rating: explicit 😌

Word count (so far): 2,628

Carrying the weight of the hamper on her hip, MC closed the laundry room for behind her and padded over to the oversized washing machine. It was laundry day for her and living in a mansion with seven demon brothers didn't make this any easier. Their keen sense of smell had her on edge about keeping certain articles of clothing cleaner, washing them more frequently than when she lived in the human world.

She threw in her load of pajamas, towels, and underwear, including the pair she had been currently wearing, leaving her in an oversized shirt she'd "borrowed" from Beel. MC mixed in the detergent and fabric softener, and started the cycle. As the hot water started pouring into the bin, MC double-checked that the door was closed before pulling out the suction-cup dildo she'd hidden in the laundry bin and stuck it to the top of the washer. MC nudged the step stool closer to the machine, applied a generous amount of lube to the toy, clambered on top of the washer, and positioned herself over the dildo.

Thanks to previous instances in the laundry room, MC was fully aware of both the machine's durability to hold her weight comfortably, and its vigorous shaking when loads were unbalanced. Asmo had winked at her when she came running to him for help for taming the large appliance. "You could say, with a bit of creativity, it'd be the next best thing to sitting on my face, hon."

He'd been right. Unfortunately, this also meant that Asmo knew what laundry day meant to MC and she already felt mortified sharing this dirty secret with Asmo so MC tried her best to schedule her trip to the laundry room for whenever he wasn't home. Luckily enough, it seemed the rest of the brothers were completely unaware of her sinful indulgence and this activity quickly became addicting.

Having already been wet from the excitement, MC's fingers slid into her, pumping and scissoring to stretch herself open. She pressed the tip of the toy against her opening, biting her lip to stifle the noises she wanted to make as her fingers moved to circle over her clit, squeezing her eyes shut as her hips lowered onto the toy. Taking a few moments to breathe from the size of the dildo filling her up, MC maneuvered her legs to shift from her kneeling position sitting on the machine, toy fully sheathed inside, her ass against the lid, and legs hanging over the top.

Her hands trembled from both the excitement and the warmth that stirred in her lower abdomen as she reached for her phone; the machine would be still for awhile as the clothes soaked, but MC loved to fantasize she was cock-warming any one of the brothers until they both gave in and he fucked her mercilessly.

Lazily circling her hips to feel the toy move around inside her, MC mindlessly nibbled on her thumb while flicking thru Devilgram. Scrolling down the feed, she stopped to watch a video Mammon had posted, the audio flowing through the DDD's speakers a teaser for an upcoming song he was releasing. Turning up the volume on her device, MC let the video repeat as she felt herself getting hyped for the track to release. After double-tapping to like the post and leaving an energetic comment, MC opened the music app on her DDD and shuffled the playlist she made of the brothers' songs to stream while she opened a game on her phone to complete the daily task while waiting for the washer cycle to start.

The above set-up will be the same for all the brothers. Below this point will be Lucifer's reaction.

Another prank from the Lucifer You S*ck team left the eldest with some ruffled feathers and an ever-growing coffee stain on his RAD uniform. A vein pulsed on his forehead as he sauntered to the laundry room.

What he wasn't expecting, however, was to hear MC singing along to Satan's song behind the laundry room door. The eldest brother hesitated, his grip tightening on the doorknob as he debated waiting for her laundry to finish but found his brows furrowing as she stopped singing, the machine started its spin cycle, and the faintest of moans floated through the door.

"What in Diavolo's name-" Lucifer opened the door to investigate but halted as he took in the scene before him. MC's eyes had widened, staring directly at Lucifer in a way that perfectly explained the human idiom "like a deer stuck in the headlights." Her mouth was agape but quickly snapped shut as she tried to stifle her panting, legs crossing themselves in an attempt to look innocent, but her white-knuckle grip on the edge of the washer had him feeling alarmed.

"MC, what's going on? Are you feeling unwell?" The machine had started rocking as it began its spin cycle, but Lucifer couldn't figure out why MC was sitting on top of the washer. Was she feeling ill? Her forehead had a sheen of sweat, did she have a fever? Lucifer dropped his clean uniform and crossed the room so he was directly infront of MC, reaching out to feel her heated face, completely disregarding her feeble attempts to assure him she was fine.

'Lucifer! I'm fine, just doing some laundry' was what she wanted to say. However, with the machine rocking, the dildo was rubbing right up against her g-spot and she was fighting the urge to grind her hips. She managed to sound out the first half of his name, but the way his gorgeous, ruby eyes looked into hers with concern, his facial features that were carved by God himself, and a single thrust against that spot had her shivering, finishing the rest of his name in a sultry moan.

The Avatar of Pride blinked as the cogs in his brain stuttered trying to piece together what was happening, his hand froze in mid-air as he had been reaching out to feel the temperature of her skin. The machine continued to rock and MC couldn't find the strength to pretend she wasn't riding a dildo on the communal washing machine and felt her control starting to slip. MC couldn't read the expression on his face and averted her gaze, trying to deny that him watching her like this was turning her on even more.

Seeing his hand stretched out, MC leaned forward the small distance to press her cheek against his palm, biting her lip as she stole a glance at the demon. His eyes remained transfixed, dazed, but he didn't pull his hand away and MC was feeling a little more daring than usual. Tilting her head, she pressed his thumb against her lip, her eyes flickering again to his own for barely half a second, and closed her lips around the tip of his thumb, running her tongue along the seam of the leather. His lack of response coaxed MC on to keep going. Her tongue drew the digit in further, lips gliding over the leather, the material fueling new fantasies she'd previously overlooked.

As the dildo continued its steady rocking, MC felt her control melting away and frustration slowly started to build. Why hadn't he moved? Surely it'd be better if the eldest had scoffed in disgust and turned away than to have him just staring at her like this. She swirled her tongue around his thumb, lips hollowing as she sucked, trying to illicit some sort of response from the demon.

However, he remanded unmoving. MC felt an array of emotions ranging from frustration, shame, embarrassment, anger, all mixed with the sexual desire raging thru her, MC felt tears prick her eyes. She released the thumb from between her lips with an audible pop and faced Lucifer with a snarl; which he found endearing and as threatening as the chihuahua.

"I don't do live performances. Either touch me or leave." MC made a show or grabbing her breast from under her shirt, letting the pleasure from the toy fill her senses and began grounding her hips against the toy as the spin cycle picked up speed. Getting ready to bark at him again, MC yelped as the shirt was torn open and a pair of hands gripped her hips keeping her still but the dildo continued moving with the machine.

"I didn't realize our little human was such a naughty slut. Really. Sticking a toy on our washing machine? Are you that desperate to be fucked?" Nails bit into her flesh as his voice called out her sins, all traces of her bravado gone, replaced with an overwhelming sense of embarrassment and shame. MC tried hiding her face but he still saw the tears that threatened to spill over before crawl down her face and cooed.

"There's nothing to feel ashamed over, my dove. I apologize if I was too vulgar." Lucifer lifted her hips and she squirmed, not ready for him to see the full extent of the situation; the idea of the dildo coated in her juices waving about on top of the poor washing machine only intensified her embarrassment. However, before she could speak out, Lucifer dropped her hips causing her to slam herself back down on the toy. Stars erupted across her vision as the demon repeated the action, drinking in her reactions and felt his erection strain against his pants.

"This carnal desire is human nature. If anything, it's our own fault for not considering such a basic need." His fingers trailed along her neck, tapping against her pulse as if in thought. The hum of the washer broke through the moment and Lucifer clicked his tongue behind his teeth. He reached behind her to turn off the machine and lifted MC off the machine, and the dildo.

MC didn't get a chance to wince from the manhandling as her lips were immediately covered with his own and she felt him pulling her close to him, his hands urging her to wrap her legs around him. She couldn't match the fire he was pouring into her fast enough and he growled, simultaneously smacking her ass and grinding his erection against her folds. This new side of the prideful demon caught her off guard, but the smack brought her back with a fervor.

Her hands fumbled with the buttons on his collar and he kneaded where he spanked her, causing MC to mewl into the kiss. One of his hands moved up to hold the back of her neck as he walked to pin her against a wall. Her legs squeezed his hips tighter and he reached up to break open the collar of his shirt, shedding the clothing haphazardly somewhere else in the room. Meanwhile, MC moved to undo his pants, reaching into his trousers to palm his erection. Lucifer hissed and grabbed her wrists, pinning them to her stomach with one hand.

Releasing her lips, Lucifer latched onto her throat, biting down on the skin above her pulse and positioned himself at her entrance, hesitating for only a moment to allow her the chance to back out. Her nails dug into his shoulders as she braced herself, kissing the side of his head, and granting him permission with a soft, "please." Her voice turned into a wanton cry as he pushed himself into her. His tongue lapped at her throat, sucking against her skin as a feeble distraction to keep himself from fucking her before she was ready but the way her body was receiving him was making the demon tremble.

"Lu, please, I need you to fuck me," all shyness and mortification was gone and all that remained was the sexual desire and a sense of urgency.

"Do you know what you're asking of me, my dear? Do not underestimate me."

"Lucifer, fuck me or else I will invoke our pact and make you-" the rest of MC's threat was lost, replaced by a sob as Lucifer's restraint snapped and began thrusting wildly into MC. It didn't take long for him to readjust his position, turning them away from the wall. With his hands on her hips, the eldest brother moved her against his thrusts, bouncing her on his cock and slamming back into her. His rhythm would change randomly between fast and shallow to deep thrusts where he'd pull out to the tip and snap his hips to fully sheath himself. He'd felt her muscles constrict around him a few times, keeping a tally of how many orgasms he pulled from her, but he wanted her to make a mess and to make a mess of her.

Bending MC backwards, he continued drilling into her as he held her hips in-front of him. Her voice cried out in a scream as he relentlessly thrusted against that spot and she felt a wave building.

"Lu s-st, wait, I'm, you're gonna make, h-hold on-"

"I know MC, it's okay. Let go."

With Lucifer's words of encouragement, MC felt herself relax, giving in to the impending wave that continued to build. Reaching out, her hands found a shelf to stabilize herself, her mouth open in a silent scream as the dam broke and ecstasy filled her senses. The way she clamped down on his cock had Lucifer's hips stuttering through his own orgasm, filling her with his seed quicker than he had intended; the intensity of her orgasm having coaxed his to follow suit.

As the fog cleared in his mind, Lucifer's fingers twitched and he noticed the array of bruises littering her hips. MC lifted her head to look up at him, but the rest of her body was limp. She smiled sheepishly causing Lucifer to roll his eyes but his lips turned to shape a playful smile and MC giggled as he pulled her up. They winced as he pulled out of her, but she kissed his cheek and he brushed his nose against hers, humming as they basked in their afterglow together.

Lucifer grabbed a blanket to wrap around them and turned to leave the laundry room when he caught sight of the glittery purple dildo still mounted to the lid of the washing machine. He snorted and walked over to it. Having curled into the demon, MC had to turn to see why he'd stopped walking and groaned.

"Don't you dare."

"Hmm?

"You're going to say something really condescending and I don't want to hear it." MC snuggled closer into Lucifer's chest, pulling the blanket over her head in protest.

"I don't know about 'condescending,' but-"

"Lucifer, don't you fuckin do it."

"This had to been Asmo's idea."

"..."

"It just reeks of desperation and wanting to get caught."

"Lucifer!"

"Now if you had been a good human, and come to me with your situation sooner, all of this could have been avoided. But now, there's a big mess to clean up." Having lived with the demon brothers long enough and sitting thru many a famous Lucifer lecture, MC could hear the smirk in his voice. In retaliation, MC pinched the Avatar of Pride's nipple earning her a grunt and a thump on the back of her head. She hissed like a cat from behind the blanket and Lucifer sighed from the absurdity of the whole thing.

"Do you want to go get cleaned up?"

"....yes."

"Do you need me to keep carrying you?"

"...yes."

"Then be a good girl and hold this." MC pulled the blanket away from her head, curiosity having piqued her interest, but groaned when Lucifer handed her the aforementioned dildo. "I don't want the others seeing this in case the room isn't cleaned up by the time they come back from their classes."

Damn him for making perfect, logical sense.

"Besides, I might want to use it on you later."

"...I hate you."

"I know."

[gnocchighoul]

The boys (+undateables?) reactions when they discover MC is actually a vampire?

....so I’m a dingus and didn’t realize that this was also for the undateables and just wrote it for the brothers, my bad 😅 Part two maybe? 👀

WARNING: as this is about vampires, it’s a little bit morbid. I strayed away from being too graphic, but y’know. Vampires. There’s death and blood and such. 

Enjoy! :D

~

Lucifer

In hindsight, he really should have figured it out on his own.

But it’s not like he’s been around enough humans lately to know what Normal human behavior is. 

So he just kinda took your... quirks at face value.

So what if you’re far too comfortable with the Devildom’s constant state of nighttime? Solomon doesn’t seem to mind it either, so maybe humans are just more nocturnal now.

And perhaps your Very Strong aversion to garlic is a little odd, but Mammon wouldn't eat it either for the first 600 years of his life, so it’s not that weird.

You’re also not phased by constantly being surrounded by demons and monsters, which is a little strange, but maybe you’re just like the ancient greeks. A monster fucker.

You feeling right at home in the Devildom is auspicious for the exchange program, so he doesn’t bother dwelling on it.

Though maybe he does find it a little bit weird when you really insist that he start drinking cranberry juice.

(It’s just for health benefits of course, totally has nothing to do with you prepping your next meal)

So what, you may ask, triggers his big lightbulb moment?

You fall off the roof.

And you just get right back up.

Now he knows that humans aren’t supposed to be THAT durable, so he stops you from scaling the side of the fucking house with your bare hands, and very eloquently asks you, “What the fuck?” 

You shake him off. “What? Mammon and I are playing roof-ball.” 

Lucifer stares. “You fell. I saw how hard you hit the ground. You should be dead.”

You laugh. “Dead? Just from a little fall like that? Are you serio-ohhh wait. You don’t know, do you?” 

You give him your biggest, cheesiest grin and—oh. 

Fangs.

...And now he understands why you want him to drink cranberry juice.

Mammon

You are, by far, the weirdest human he’s ever met. 

Which is saying something, because Solomon is literally just a few blocks away.

Seriously, despite camping out in your room nearly every single night, Mammon has never seen you sleep, he’s pretty fucking sure that sometimes you don’t even breathe, you won’t step foot into the House of Lamentation unless someone invites you in, and who the hell hates garlic that much?? 

But you’ve also expressed your intense dislike for crosses, so he supposes that you’re not unredeemable. 

Just weird.

But it’s incredibly annoying how you wont sleep. Your tossin’ and turnin’ is killing him, why the fuck can’t you just settle down? You need to just put your DDD down and sleep already, dammit.

He sits up, ready to tear you a new one—and pauses. 

“Um,” his voice is high, somewhat uncertain, and your eyes snap over to look at him. “Why are you looking at coffins for sale?” 

You sigh, a bit wistfully. “I just can’t stand sleeping in a bed anymore. I didn’t want to be rude, so I really did try, but it's been a couple hundred years since I last had one and it’s just murder on my back. I think I’m gonna just have to get a coffin. They’re so much more comfortable.” 

Briefly, Mammon considers running. 

Instead, he says, “What the fuck?” 

You quirk an eyebrow at him. “You do know I’m a vampire, right?” 

...What the fuck—

Mammon lays back down—crosses his arms over his chest with a huff and pretends that he isn’t totally freaked the fuck out. “‘Course I do, don’t be stupid. Now go to sleep already.” 

So that he can escape before you try to eat him.

“Mammon,” you sing, leaning over the bed to loom over him. He swallows hard—can’t look away from your sharp, toothy grin. 

You coo, “I can hear the scared little pitter patter of your heart, darling.”

He squeaks.

Levi

Honestly, Levi is so so happy to have another irl friend who’s into video games that he looks past your strangeness.

You like to stay indoors and play games!! That’s something he has in common with you that his brothers don’t, and that’s all that matters!

...Though he does find it a little weird how sometimes you just kinda sniff him. 

The first dozen times he nearly had a heart attack, and when he asked why you were doing it, he Really wasn't expecting you to shrug and say “I dunno, you just smell tasty” 

Seriously. Tasty? Are you Beel or something, what’s that supposed to mean?!

He’s not entirely sure why you’re a bit of a shut in gamer though, because despite your, ah, quirks, you’re still so much cooler than he is, so what’s the deal with that?

When he asks, you just shrug and say, “Old habits die hard, I guess. Real sunshine hurts, but virtual doesn’t, so I just got kinda used to living through games and staying indoors.”

“Oh.” Levi’s a bit surprised, but sympathetic. “So, you sunburn easily?” 

He’s not entirely sure why you’re laughing now, since that wasn’t a joke. He was just trying to be friendly :(

But then you hug him and he’s too flustered to be offended anymore jndcks

So, when does it finally click for Levi that you’re a vampire?

You guys are having a game night in his room.

He accidentally takes a sip of your caprisun and realizes, very quickly, that it is not the refreshing juice of a caprisun pouch.

He throws up a little bit.

And screams.

And maybe blacks out for a few seconds.

But when he finally calms down and lets you explain, he’s pretty damn enchanted, because this is just like Help, My Roommate Is A Vampire And I Didn’t Know Until A Vampire-Hunter Mistook Me For Them And Attacked Me!! :D 

Satan

Satan considers himself to be somewhat of a detective, y’know. His brain is just filled to the brim with Big Smarts

Naturally, he puts that jelly thicc thought tank of his to good use and realizes very quickly that you aren’t totally human. 

At first, he isn’t totally sure what you are.

And then a coffin gets delivered to the house, which upon seeing you cheer “Oh sweet, my new bed!!” aaaand he puts the pieces together.

You become somewhat of a case study to him. You’re the first vampire he’s ever encountered and he just wants to know everything and anything about your life.

He’s so intrigued by you.

But you frustrate him SO much.

He wants to know about how you were turned!! It’s not like he has any other vampires that he can ask about their experience!! And you fucking tell him a different story every day!!

“A cat jumped over my deceased body!”

“I was stabbed and the wound wasn’t treated with boiling water!” 

“On a dark and stormy night, I came across a palace and the owner, a hospitable gentleman, let me take refuge there. But then, I quickly realized that I was actually a hostage, and when I tried to escape, that fucker turned me!”

“Nobody put an obolus in my mouth to pay the toll of the Styx, so Charon the ferryman sent me back! What a great guy.” 

“A chupacabra bit me!”

Needless to say, he considers breaking the wooden leg off one of the dining room chairs and stabbing you with it, but the lecture he would get from Lucifer just isn’t worth the effort. 

He’s gonna pull the truth out of you one of these days.

Asmo

“My my, darling, what sharp teeth you have~” Asmo purrs, lifting a finger to brush against them, doe-eyes wide and curious. “The better to eat me with, hopefully?” 

You smile. “Something like that.”

And you fuckin’ bite his finger.

His scream is fantastic. If you actually draw blood next time, maybe he’ll even shatter the windows! 

He swats your leg sharply with a silk folding fan and cries, “What if you had broken my skin!? Do you have any idea how much time and effort goes into maintaining this soft, supple skin?! What’s wrong with you, you psychopath?”

“Don’t hit me,” you pout, scooting away from him. “I couldn’t help it! You just smell so sweet and I haven’t had any blood in a while, so—”

“Huh?” Asmo blinks, looking a bit confused. Then recovers far too quickly and waggles his eyebrows at you. “Oh, so that’s what you’re into! What a pleasant surprise~” 

You thunk him on the back of the head. “Didn’t anyone ever teach you not to tease a vampire?”

Asmo’s grin could rival the sun.

“A vampire?! Well why didn’t you say so sooner?” 

He’s already taking off his shirt.

“Get over here already and take a bite out of me~”

Beel

When he finds out that you’re a vampire, his first thought is to worry over if you can eat normal food or not.

He’s very relieved when you tell him that you can, so long as you’ve had enough blood, but that garlic is a very big no-no.

Naturally, you two bond over how both of you never quite feel full. 

It’s not uncommon for the other house members to find you two laying face down on the floor, tummies rumbling, whining about how you’re staaaaarving

You carry around snacks for him, and Beel makes sure that you’ve always got access to blood (whether that means stashing blood bags, letting you feed from him, or a combo of both ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) )

He’s probably going to be the least weirded out by your ~undead tendencies~

Honestly, he’s a bit relieved by how strong you are. The last thing he ever wants to do is hurt you or see you get hurt, and it gives him peace of mind when he realizes that you’re actually pretty durable!

But it does give him a fucking heart attack the first time he sees you yeet yourself out a second story window to crush poor, poor unassuming Mammon.

He also really loves how your body temperature naturally runs cold. He’s a space heater, you’re an icicle—it just works. Snuggle time is good :)

He totally compares the size of your incisors with his jkdcnkj

He just thinks you’re really neat!!!

But he is very sympathetic about how you cant eat good garlic bread :(

Belphie

Listen.

We all know this emo boy is a vampire fucker, probably even more so than Asmo.

(He read Twilight. He saw all the movies. He had merch.)

(Fuck Edward and Jacob though, he was Team Alice all the way.)

(If he can stay awake long enough, he reads really shitty vampire romance novels.)

He just thinks vampires are hot, okay? He can’t help that his soul longs to be a vampire fucker.

Just accept it into your heart. Belphie already has.

So needless to say, he’s THRILLED when he finds out that you’re a vampire. He tries to play it cool though and pretends that he isn’t immediately trying to jump your bones dfghjkjh

He overheard you telling Satan that you got bitten by a Chupacabra, and they’re known for going after cows right? 

He is a cowboy, y’know, guess you’re just gonna have to go to him now when you’re thirsty, y’know, since you were bitten by a Chupacabra. it just makes sense, really ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

(No it doesn’t)

(But let’s be real, are you gonna pass up the chance to snuggle the shit out of him AND get a snack out of it? No. No you’re not.)

(He totally makes you arm wrestle Beel to recreate the “Iconic” twilight scene with Emmett and Bella.)

(When he realizes that you’re strong, he’s gonna make you give him piggyback rides, just like Edward and Bella :) and no he doesn’t care how ridiculous you both look)

[casart]

Okay, so Dsmp/LN crossover AU

Six n Mono tend to stay in the snow (think Snowchester/Techno, Phil n Ranboo's house) to avoid conflict. RK just sticks with Tubbo, he couldn't care less where Tubbo is at the moment.

RK snarls and is just generally Disturbing and Unsettling whenever they feel anyone is a threat to Tubbo, so c!Quackity doesn't get to say much to Tubbo bc the moment he starts with his bs he's being attacked by a child.

C!Technoblade finds Six interesting. Six is fascinated by him, and tends to stick by his side, if only for protection.

Techno was a bit nervous around Six in the beginning bc she's a small child and is the most fragile-looking thing he's ever come across. But then he saw sharp teeth and they bit him, and he was like "ah. she bites. familiar territory."

Six doesn't talk a ton and as long as they're fed and somewhat occupied (they're very easy to occupy) they're a very easy kid. Techno appreciates this.

Techno isn't very bothered by Six's diet bc he figures he's in no place to judge and he could always breed villagers/provide as much food as Six needs to satiate their constant hunger.

Six tends to gnaw on their own hands/Techno's furniture when they're stressed or just generally anxious about anything. Techno isn't fond of this, so he found a chew ring for them. They wear out really quickly tho bc sharp teeth, so Technoblade just found the most durable cloth he had and let them go ham.

Six slightly frightens c!Ranboo, but no more than his own gremlin husband and plays well with Micheal so he lets it slide.

Six not giving any shits about sides and having a practically non-existent moral compass + being a Literal Child, makes it hard for people to target her. Plus, she bites, and Technoblade likes her.

Six isn't fond of cold so they tend to hide behind/have Ranboo or Techno carry them. Phil still hasn't been able to make snow boots in their size, so it helps their case.

Mono, on the other hand, variates between c!Tommy and c!Phil, so he's always on the move. Tommy and Ranboo are always around each other bc c!Wilbur, so Six tags along.

Mono likes Phil bc Fluffy Wings and Big Hat, plus Phil is nice to him :]. (Yes those are his only requirements for a friend. He knows it's sad, shut up.)

Mono eats Phil's hair when he isn't paying attention, so Phil got him a chew necklace instead.

Mono likes Tommy bc he has Good Vibes. That's it. Plus, Tommy reminds him of Six kinda, and he likes it.

Both Mono and Tommy hate/are frightened by yelling/sudden loud noises. Tommy tends to leave bc "Mono doesn't like it, you're fuckin scaring him. He won't leave if I don't."

Mono and Tommy both eat dirt together. Tommy talks, Mono listens and nods. It's a very beneficial relationship.

Six n Mono tend to wander a lot and end up just freaking. passing out in the snow, clinging to each other for body heat, and Phil found that So worrying.

He made them cloaks that are Too Big (he couldn't tailor to size Extra Tiny he isn't a miracle worker) and proper winter clothes and all so they wouldn't freeze/get sick (they got sick once at the same time bc they weren't used to the horrible cold and they were nightmares to deal with).

RK just borrows Micheal's clothes.

RK really really likes Foolish bc of his pretty builds and he's shiny, but refuses to leave Tubbo. So Tubbo just visits Foolish more often.

Foolish is really fond of both of them, so it's a win-win situation.

Six n Mono find Alivebur strange. They don't think he's a bad person, but he does bad things then feels bad about it later. They just tend to watch him curiously and be generally creepy af.

The Dsmp members know who the three of them don't like bc Six won't accept food from the person. If Six (best judge of character and notoriously the easiest to please) doesn’t like you, there's no chance the others will either.

Six is loyal to basically anyone that feeds them and doesn't hurt Mono and RK, but that's where Mono and RK come in. They do the "if you hurt my friends we don't like you" thing, and together draw up a list of people the three don't like.

The rest of the server wonders why three new kids appear and start hanging on to the people that cause the most issues. They're really worried.

Mono has the best moral compass/sense of right and wrong, but tends to ignore it in favor of whatever he feels like doing. He commits arson.

Six is rlly fascinated by Kinoko Kingdom and finds it rlly pretty, so they tend to wander around there.

RK likes fluffy n soft things.

Mono loves animals and mud and grass and is a mostly vegetarian.

Yooo I love when ppl send me headcanons!! These are all awesome - I honestly love the idea that Techno would get along w Six lol

[angelthebedsheet]

“lip gloss kiss marks”

a/n: im making another oneshot so thank you to my broski jay ❤️

rengoku x genderneutral! black! reader

contains kissing, slapping kyo’s ass bc why not, kyo is technically up at an ungodly hour, reader doesn’t like the outside world, reader is a kyojuro ass enthusiast

modern au. f l u f f and some crack bc i cant resist

lets get it

_______________________________________________

You lazily leaned against the doorway with your arms crossed. You watched Kyojuro put on his white button, admiring how his back muscles moved as he adjusted his shirt. “I can feel your stares burning into my back, my love.” Kyojuro said with a slight chuckle as he looked at you in the mirror. You smiled. “What can I say? I’m simply a sucker for my husband’s muscles. Sue me.” You commented earning a hearty laugh from him. You lovingly watched as his eyes crinkled as his shoulders slightly shook. “Ah. You never fail to surprise me. Casanova in the sheets and a shy lil thing in the streets.” He said as he finished buttoning up his shirt. “It’s called me hating the outside world.” You sang while doing jazz hands.

“My brother is in the outside world.” He sang. “Shut up. Senjuro is my baby and I love him. Baby doesn’t count. I mean strangers and other shit like that.” You said, scrunching your nose. He hummed as he tucked his shirt into his pants. Your eyes trailed down his back to his snatched waist then to the main prize. That ass. Your man had a whole junk in the truck. Shawty was thick. You gotta tap that. You quickly shuffled forward and winded your hand back. You slapped it. He gasped and quickly held his bottom. He looked back at you with a bewildered expression and pink cheeks. “I touched the butt.” You said as you stared at your hand. “Y-Y/N! You can’t just do that!” He exclaimed. “Oh yeah? Who’s stopping me? There ain’t no law stoppin’ me from slapping the absolute dog shit out of my husband’s ass. You can’t just wear those slacks with that glorious ass and expect me not to pounce like a cat. Nu uh sir. You walk into a room and that ass walks in 5 minutes later.” You said passionately as you poked your finger into his chest. He huffed out a laugh as he glanced at your plump glossy lips. He could smell the coconut scent and he already wanted to kiss it all away.

“I walk into a room and my butt walks in 5 minutes later?” He questioned as he gently swatted your finger again. “That. shit. is. phat. It fuckin’ jiggles for fuck’s sake, Kyo! It’s mandatory! Let me get my daily dose!” You reached behind him and lightly patted his butt. He swatted your hand away. “Stop it, Y/N! I have to get ready for work.” He whined. “Need I remind you it’s only like what 5 am and you have a whole hour and a half before you even have to clock in?” You said as you adjusted your bonnet. “The early bird gets the worm! It always sets a nice example to be early and prepared for work!” He chirped before putting on his watch. “Sure, but there’s a thing called being too early which you’re doing right now. I don’t get why we couldn’t cuddle for just a few more minutes, sunflower. The bed is so warm and comfy while outside isn’t as warm and comfy.” You whined as you wrapped your arms around his waist. He chuckled and wrapped his arm around you. He cupped your face and used his thumb to gently carress your s/c cheek. “Becauseeee my sun, a few more minutes for you means hours. But, don’t worry! I’ll be coming home at a reasonable hour! So after work you’ll have me and my cuddles all to yourself.” He said as he pressed a kiss to your bonnet. He scrunched his nose and gently moved the elastic band of your bonnet back to kiss your forehead.

You hummed. “Still doesn’t make it better. Kyo I think I’ll die without my proper amount of cuddles and affection.” You said dramatically as you made your best puppy eyes. Kyojuro could feel his resistance breaking as he looked at your big bright eyes that he never failed to get lost in. “I’m sorry, my sun! But I can’t stay as much as I’d like to. You also have to start your day fully as well.” He mumbled. You cursed under your breath. “Fineee I won’t ask anymore.” You looked away and grumbled, very unhappy with the fact your puppy eyes didn’t break him like they did on multiple occasions. He nodded and tilted your face back to him. He looked down at your glossy lips and then back up to your eyes. You smiled gently and nodded, giving him permission to let his own gently meet yours, not caring if your lip gloss rubbed off onto his own.

He smiled against your lips as he continued to press short kisses against your own, moving his arms to fully trap you in a hug. You felt yourself lean back slightly due to the repeated kisses (not that you hated it. No no, it was quite the opposite. Kyojuro’s kisses honestly felt like a drug as his regular scent of cinnamon and vanilla filled your senses.) pressed onto you. He hummed as he pulled away. He glanced at your lips and stared in disbelief. “It... It didn’t rub off that much.” He said, surprised at the durability of your lipgloss. Usually, by the time he was done your lips would be ridden of any balm, gloss or lipstick you wore. But this right here? Props. It was actually Kyojuro proof. “Mhm. I’m wearing a thicker one so I don’t have to keep reapplying after you basically eat my lips off each time. Keeps em soft too.” You mumbled as you looked at his glossy lips. “Smart move, my sun.” He said, letting you go. You slightly groaned at the lost of his warmth. (I mean seriously this man was like a human heater why would you let go?)

After he was finally able to finish putting on his clothes and eating with you, he grabbed his knapsack from the couch. You watched as he adjusted the strap on the bag before slipping his shoes on. As he stood up, you fixed his tie. He smiled at you. “I have to go now, my sun.” He said as he cupped your face with both hands. He pressed a kiss to your plump lips and pulled away. You whined, making him press a couple more kisses. “I love you. Remember to call me if you need anything.” He said as he let you go. You nodded as you watched him turn to unlock the door. You held the door for him as he stepped out. You suddenly got an idea. You smirked as you quickly grabbed the back of his collar, pulling him back. He gasped as you twirled him around, grabbing his tie. “Stay for just a little longer? I don’t think I got my daily dose of your kisses.” You said with a devilish innocent smile. You watched as his cheeks reddened.

“Y-You’re evil.” He mumbled as you pulled him back into the house, closing the door behind him. “But you married me.” You cooed, satisfied he was under your spell. “But I married you.” He whispered as you pulled him to kiss you by his tie. Yeah no, he wasn’t going to come in to work by the time he wanted to leave with your stunt you just pulled. He kissed you back, shrugging off his knapsack. With a light thud, his knapsack fell onto the floor. You wrapped your arms around his neck. He kicked his shoes off and quickly lifted you up by your thighs. You squealed as he walked to the kitchen and set you on the island. “I have to go now, my sun.” You mocked once you pulled away from your liplock. He chuckled slightly. “You’re just a little too intoxicating. You little manipulator.” He joked. “Can’t hate the player, hate the game, sunflower.” You said as you pressed kisses all over his face. “Can you call in late today? Just this once?” You asked as you gave your best puppy eyes with a pout.

Damn you and your puppy eyes. He groaned as he pulled his phone out and sent a quick text before gently tossing it on the counter. “The things I do for you.” He leaned forward to get a deeper kiss in. You pulled him closer.

Kyojuro ended up coming into work slightly late with some glossy kisses marks on his pink cheeks.... He was clowned by Sanemi and Shinobu.

[roman-writing]

no great revelation (4/8)

Fandom(s): The Haunting of Bly Manor / Star Wars

Pairing: Dani Clayton/Jamie Taylor

Rating: T

Wordcount: 7,057

Summary: Jamie  just wants to enjoy a drink after a hard day’s work on the Telosian  Restoration Project. The last thing she needs is to get herself  caught  up in a mysterious woman with a lightsabre at the local bar.

Aurthor’s notes: Please don’t expect anything from this story. I’m just doodling in between writing ch11 and ch12 of ‘bring home a haunting.’

read it below or read it here on AO3

IV:

—

“I owe you a favour?” Rebecca said, and her voice sounded amused. “Is that how we’re remembering it?”

“Yup. After that fiasco you put me through in that club on Nar Shaddaa.”

The sound of an incredulous huff of laughter came through the cracked speakers of the transceiver in a staticky burst. “What is it this time?”

“Nothing special,” said Jamie. “In fact, it’s even a little boring.”

“You? Boring?” 

“I like boring.”

“Pull the other one.”

“More boring than last time, then.” 

“Last time you had me move three hundred freed Twi’lek slaves from Hutt space and back to their home planets.”

“And they’ve been singing your praises ever since. I know that for a fact, because one family sent me a holo-card which showed that party you went to where they made you godmother of their newborn child.” 

“Oh! That reminds me,” Rebecca said, sounding suddenly excited. “Do you want to see the latest pictures of the kid? He’s four and adorable.” 

“That had better be a rhetorical question,” Jamie drawled.

“So, that’s a no?”

“Shut up and send me the pictures to my personal transceiver when I see you.” 

Rebecca’s laugh was infectious. Always had been. A smile pulled at the corner of Jamie’s mouth in spite of herself. The Jawas had crowded off to the other end of the tiny room, talking amongst themselves while Jamie used their transceiver. On the other hand Dani drifted closer, hovering just out of range of the transceiver’s camera, which — along with the microphone and speakers — seemed to be the only thing about it that actually functioned properly. 

“It’s been too long,” Rebecca was saying. “I’ve missed talking to you.”

“So, you’ll do me the favour?” 

“You know I hate moving people,” Rebecca sighed. “Pressurising the cargo hold is so expensive.”

“It’s for a good cause.”

“Always is with you.”

"It's not like that."

"Sure it isn't." Rebecca said, then groaned. "Why can't you ever ask me to run something normal? Like food? Or weapons?"

"I asked you to run those emergency rations to Taris that one time."

"The planet was being blockaded by the Empire!"

"And you snuck through like a ghost," Jamie said. "I've never seen anything like it in all my years."

"Flatterer."

"Fuckin' right I am. Is it working?"

A sigh down the other line. "All right. How many people is it this time?"

Jamie opened her mouth to answer, but before she could speak Dani came into frame and sat beside Jamie with a wave towards the camera.

"Hi," she said with as much false cheer as she could muster. "Just me. Dani Clayton. Nice to meet you."

Silence on the other end. Jamie really wished this piece of crap transceiver had a working screen of its own so she could gauge Rebecca's reaction. As it was: the silence didn't seem like a good start.

“I see,” Rebecca said slowly. “Jamie, you always did have a soft spot for a pretty face.”

Heat flushed all the way up to Jamie’s hairline. “That’s not -!” she said, then turned to Dani and insisted, “It’s not.”

Dani did not answer. Her own cheeks were pink and she was studiously avoiding Jamie’s gaze, watching the broken monitor instead where Rebecca’s face should have been displayed. 

Rebecca — damn her — was the one who spoke next. "And where are you from, Dani?"

"Alderaan," Dani said at the same time Jamie hissed, "Don't answer that."

Dani shot Jamie a puzzled look and lowered her voice, “I thought you two were friends.”

“We are, but -” 

“No whispering,” said Rebecca through the crackling speakers in a sing-song voice. “If you’re talking about me, at least let me hear the juicy gossip.”

Rather than continue down that vein, Jamie corrected course. “We need to get to Tython. We’re on a transport through the Hydian Way to Coruscant, but we’ve got some undesirables on our tail. Think you can help?”

Rebecca gave a thoughtful hum. “You know I’m not a Core World girl. Not my speciality.” 

“I wouldn’t ask you if I wasn’t desperate.” 

“Next time,” Rebecca said in a dry tone, “just call me for drinks and a laugh.” 

“First round’s on me,” Jamie promised with a grin. 

The sound of tapping down the line and a series of beeps as Rebecca did something with her ship’s computer. “I’m picking up your signal from hyperspace just past Bandomeer. I won’t be able to meet up with your transport until you come out of hyperspace for a stop over at Corsin tomorrow afternoon. Think you can survive that long?” 

Leaning back, Jamie exhaled a long relieved breath, her shoulders slumping. “It’ll have to do. Thanks, Becs. You’re a lifesaver.”

“I know.”

And just like that, the call ended. No fanfare. No goodbyes. That’s how it always was with her — touch and go. Probably why the two of them got along so well, Jamie thought. Not many people could go without exchanging a single word for four years and then pick up where they’d left off as if no time had passed at all. 

Jamie pushed the transceiver away. Dani was watching her with a curious tilt of her head so that a lock of her hair was curled along the column of her neck in a way that made Jamie want to reach out and card her fingers through her hair. 

“She seems nice,” Dani said.

“It’s complicated.”

Understanding lit up in Dani’s mismatched eyes. “Ah.” 

“Not like that,” Jamie said quickly. “We never - I just meant that she’s complicated. For a smuggler like Rebecca, trust is its own currency. And now I owe her a very big favour.” 

Dani nodded but didn’t comment further. She had turned her attention back to the huddle of Jawas, listening to them quibble and murmur together. “As much as I like them,” she said, “I don’t think we can hide here for a full day without imposing.”

That and Jamie could not imagine trying to sleep in a pile with a bunch of Jawas. She made a face at the very thought. It was cramped with two people in one of these rooms. Let alone eleven. Even if the other nine were less than a meter in height and smelled of damp womprat. 

“Please tell me the alternative doesn’t involve the garbage chute,” Dani said. 

 --

The alternative only partially involved the garbage chute. And even then, they only had to use it once to ferry their way up to the mid decks when their transport dropped out of hyperspace and docked at Corsin. Jamie kept checking over her shoulder for sign of the Jedi and the Troopers as she and Dani snuck off the transport with a crowd of others. She did not relax even as they stepped free of the transport and into the hangar bays of Corsin.

The arched transparisteel ceiling was a void of star-speckled ink viewing out into space, and far below the planet was a marble of blue oceans and green islands, white tufts of cloud drifting across its surface. 

“It looks beautiful,” said Dani, pausing to wistfully admire the planet below. 

“It looks unaffordable,” Jamie replied, not sparing it a glance and instead standing up on her toes, craning her neck to get a better look around the hangar. 

“Reminds me of Alderaan.” 

It was said almost softly enough that Jamie couldn’t hear it. Jamie stopped her search and turned back to Dani, who was still staring longingly out the windows. Hesitating for a second, Jamie curled her fingers around Dani’s hand. Startled, Dani blinked at her.

Jamie offered what she hoped was a reassuring smile. “C’mon,” she said, and gave Dani’s hand a tug. 

Dani did not pull her hand away as Jamie pulled her along further into the hangar in search of their ticket out of this mess. She linked their fingers together and held on tight, her hand cold; Dani was always cold. Jamie needed to think about buying her a set of thermals. 

Pushing through the crowd, they made their way from various bay to various bay. Other passengers who knew their destinations went straight to the cruiser that would ferry them down to the planet below. Most of them wore enough Ottegan silk to last Jamie a year if she sold it on the black market, no questions asked. This was not a planet for people like them, and a few security droids around the place had started to take notice of that fact. Jamie was constructing an elaborate lie in her head about how they were janitorial staff, when she finally saw her. 

Rebecca was standing before a side bay with her hand resting easily on the holster of her blaster pistol. She looked just as Jamie remembered. All in smart and durable beige and black, the cut of her clothes fashionable in a rakish sort of way but unafraid of hard labour. Her dark hair was longer and was bound in a long plait over one shoulder. And her dark skin was slightly darker, too — she must have been visiting a sunny planet lately. Letting go of Dani’s hand and striding forward with a broad smile, Jamie caught her in a fierce warm hug.

“God, but it’s good to see you again,” Jamie said. 

Only one of Rebecca’s hands came up to rest against Jamie’s back to return the hug. When she pulled back slightly her smile had an oddly sad slant, and she murmured, “I really am sorry for this, Jamie.” 

Jamie blinked, her face falling. “What -?” 

Before she could move, Rebecca’s other hand came up and pressed something to Jamie’s flank. A flash of something like fire rippled through Jamie’s body, and then she slumped forwards into Rebecca’s arms, the world spinning and going dark. 

 --

When Jamie came to, she had a splitting headache and her side felt like it had been kicked by a very large very angry animal. She winced and slowly sat up with a groan. Blinking muzzily, she took inventory of her surroundings. Just a small room sheathed in dark metal panels from floor to ceiling, complete with the only door blocked by yellow plasma beam bars, and a Czerka logo stamped into one of the panels on the hallway outside. 

And worst of all: no Dani in sight.

Great. Alone in the brig of a Czerka ship. And given her shit luck, Jamie had an inkling of exactly whose ship this belonged to as well. 

“Fuck,” she said, lingering emphatically over every aspect of the word. 

She had been placed along a bench in the cell, and now she dragged her sorry carcass into the corner so that she could prop her legs atop the bench and lean her head back against the wall. When the world finally stopped trying to tilt with every sluggish beat of her heart, Jamie patted herself down. 

No mining laser, of course. That would’ve been the first thing they stripped off of her. No credit chits in her pocket. No multitools that she always kept on her person in case she ever needed to disassemble some machinery at work. The dogtags were still around her neck at least. At least if she died, whoever found her would be able to identify her body and return it to Tython or wherever the fuck nobodies like her in The Order went after death. Small miracles. 

Nothing for it, then. She staggered upright and went to use the loo. When she’d finished, she returned to her place on the bench and thought about how fucked she was. 

She’d been in plenty of bad scrapes in her time, but this was taking the coveted position of ‘Worst Hole Ever Dug by Jamie Taylor — May the Force Be With Her.’

A door opened in the near distance, then another, followed by quick footsteps. Jamie frowned at the hallway, waiting for some Czerka pillock to come take her away and shove her out an airlock. Instead Rebecca came into swift view.

"Here," she said, sliding Jamie's handheld mining laser along the floor through the bars, then began trying to pry a section of the wall away from the hallway in order to reveal a nest of wires leading to the control panel. "I've disabled the alarms and cameras for the brig, but we don't have much time. There's a cruiser docked in bay three. It has a hyperdrive and enough rations to get you to wherever you need to go. The Czerka fleet won't fire upon it so long as you're quick and you don't let them figure out it's you."

Jamie did not move. Teeth clenched, she crossed her arms and glowered at the opposite wall. 

"Jamie -"

"Nope," Jamie said, jaw taut, refusing to even look in her direction.

"Listen to me," Rebecca gave up on hacking the control panel. She tried to move into Jamie's line of sight but Jamie kept turning her head aside. "There is more to this than what it appears. I know about the infiltration of House Thul. I know about the -"

"I don't care about what you know,” Jamie cut her off.  "If you think I'll listen to another word out of your mouth, then you've got another thing coming."

"I'm trying to make sure I can get you out of here alive, you thick-headed Rim-Rat!" Rebecca snapped.

“If it weren’t for you, I wouldn’t be in this mess in the first place!”

With a bitter laugh, Rebecca leaned against the frame of the cell, careful to not touch the plasma beam bars. “That’s rich, knowing your history. I’ve never met a person who gets into more trouble than you.”

Jamie put on her best sneer and asked, "What's Quint got over you this time, then? Eh?"

Rebecca shook her head and looked away with an incredulous noise, hands on her hips. "It's not like that."

"Like hell it's not," Jamie growled. "All that time you spent outwitting the Empire, and now this? He is Imperial through and through."

"I know exactly what Peter is."

"Yeah. A piece of shit, who'd sell his mother if it means saving his own sorry hide." 

“You have no idea what you’re talking about,” Rebecca said and her voice was low. She darted her eyes down the hall, as if watching for any potential eavesdroppers. “And you are in far deeper shit than you could possibly understand. That woman you’re with -”

Sitting up straighter, Jamie swung her legs over the side of the bench and onto the ground, suddenly alert. “Where is she?” 

Rebecca fixed her with a serious expression. Rather than answer, she said, “She’s dangerous.” 

“She’s scared,” Jamie corrected. 

“Which is quite possibly the worst thing for her to be.”

Rising to her feet, Jamie glowered through the plasma bars. Her voice was pure venom. “If you had just helped me get her to Tython, then I could’ve gotten her proper training.”

“The Order won’t take her.”

Jamie had to stop herself from striking out at the bars, even knowing they would give her burns all across her skin. “You know fuck all about The Order!” she snarled, pointing at Rebecca’s infuriatingly calm face through the bars. 

In the distance a door opened with a hiss of pressurized air. Both Jamie and Rebecca tensed and looked over in that direction. Or, well, Jamie tried to look but the view from the cell was pretty limited, all things considered. She'd had better views from the brigs of far less fancy ships than this.

Footsteps approached. Turning back, Rebecca lowered her voice and said in a rush, "Jamie, listen to me for once in your life. You are my friend, and I am going to get you out of this, but you have to do what I say."

Jamie shook her head. "No. Not without her."

Swearing fluently under her breath, Rebecca slammed the section of wall back into place to hide her attempted tampering. She’d only just managed to get everything in place and turn around, when no less than four Czerka guards in green and gold livery marched into sight. All of them were holding blaster rifles and were armoured to boot. They weren’t walking military-grade arsenals like the Republic Troopers from the transport, but they still weren’t people Jamie wanted to fuck with unless she had some serious firepower at her back. Hastily Jamie hid her mining laser in one of her bulky pockets, praying they wouldn’t pat her down. 

“You shouldn’t be down here,” one of them said to Rebecca. 

Rebecca pointed to a corner of the ceiling. “I noticed the cameras were down and came to investigate in case the prisoner managed to escape.” 

He narrowed his eyes at her, then stomped past her to key in a code into the control panel leading to Jamie’s cell. “Next time, alert one of us instead.” 

The plasma bars fizzed out of existence. The leader of this particular pillock squad made a sharp motion to the others, and two of them marched forward, grabbed Jamie by the shoulders, and hauled her upright. 

“Easy does it, lads,” Jamie grumbled. “Could’ve just asked.”

One of them clipped her on the back of the head with his gauntleted fist. “Quiet.” 

After they yanked her hands behind her back and clipped a set of handcuffs around her wrists, they marched her out of the cell. Jamie gave Rebecca the dirtiest glare she possibly could, and Rebecca just rolled her eyes in response, trailing after the group. Two sets of hands remained firm around Jamie’s upper arms as they walked, guiding her further into the depths of the ship. 

When they all crowded into an elevator together, doors sliding shut behind them, a cheerful cantina tune began to play. 

“So,” Jamie ventured. “Don’t suppose anyone’s got a light?” 

No answer. From the corner of her vision, Jamie could just make out Rebecca biting back an ill-timed smile in the back of the elevator. Or maybe she was trying to stop herself from screaming in frustration. Difficult to tell from this angle. 

“Just trying to be neighbourly,” Jamie grumbled.

“Shut up,” said one of the guards whose fingers dug into her arm. 

A light dinged, the music stopped, and the elevator doors opened with a hiss. Jamie couldn’t see beyond the massive frame of the two guards standing in front of her, but soon the four of them were flanking her as they all moved forward, leading her onto the bridge of what appeared to be Peter Quint’s flagship. 

Or at least, that was what Jamie assumed. And given that Peter Quint was standing at the head of the bridge, she reckoned she wasn’t too far off the mark. 

His hands were clasped behind his back and he faced away, looking out through the transparisteel windows at the sleek fore of the ship pointing into space, surrounded by a veritable fleet of other vessels that looked like they were on direct loan from the Empire. The long hems of Peter’s dark coat brushed his ankles, but he did not turn around or indeed take any notice of the new arrivals. In fact, he seemed engaged in deep conversation with someone whom Jamie could not see. The light glinted off one of his hands, the metal dark of his cybernetic limb dark. If Jamie hadn’t been looking for it, she might have mistaken it for a glove of some sort. 

The bridge split into three segments, the centre being command ending in a . Two of the guards veered off to the left, while another marched straight forward to address Peter. The last kept a firm hold of Jamie’s arm and hauled her off to the right, circling around while Rebecca trailed behind them, silent. As they went, Jamie got a better view of exactly who Peter was talking to, and she started.

“Dani -” 

The guard yanked at Jamie’s arm to keep her on course, and the three of them stopped at the head of the right wing, separated from command by a pit sunk into the floor, where engineers and pilots and God only knows who else toiled away pressing buttons or something. Jamie had no idea what was required to run a ship this size. Armed men, apparently, for that constituted the majority of people on the bridge. Guards at the doors. Guards at the helm. Guards along the walls.

Dani’s wrists weren’t bound with handcuffs, but she was kneeling on the ground as if she’d fallen there, and her cheek bore a bruise that was already starting to go purple. Her shoulders were hunched around her ears, and she was leaning away from Peter. When Jamie had spoken, Dani’s eyes flicked in her direction then widened. She opened her mouth as if to answer, but snapped it shut once more, wringing her hands together in her lap. She was not wearing the lightsabre anywhere on her person. 

Peter had tilted his head to listen to whatever report the guard was delivering to him. He nodded and the guard went away with a sharp salute. And then he turned to look at Jamie. 

“Jamie,” he said, “It’s been a minute.”

“Yeah, not nearly enough,” Jamie muttered. 

The guard cuffed her again. Not enough to bruise, but enough to sting. On the other side of her, Jamie saw Rebecca’s hand tighten into a fist. 

If Peter seemed at all troubled by this exchange, he did not show it. “You’ve led us on a bit of a merry chase, you know. Could’ve saved me the trouble and just let me have her back on Telos IV.” 

Nodding towards Dani, Jamie said, "Since when do you care about dead Jedi? Or bounties for that matter? You’re rolling in credits."

Peter let out a bark of laughter. "About - what?" He looked down at Dani, saw the stricken expression on her face, and then he smiled that sickly sweet smile of his. "Oh, I see."

Dani did not move. She did not speak.

When Peter continued speaking, it was not to Jamie. “No, it’s not credits I’m after. Or Jedi. But you know that. Don’t you, darling?” He crouched down before Dani, who shrank back from him. His voice was soft when he said, "You know what I want. Just give it back, love, and you can be on your way. I'll even give you your own personal escort back to Alderaan with enough credits to drown yourself in. How does that sound?"

Dani blinked up at him in surprise. Then her eyes darted in Jamie's direction.

Peter followed her gaze, and Jamie wanted to burn the smirk off his smug fucking face. "Ah, no," he said, turning back to Dani. "I'm afraid that one stays with me."

Dani licked at her lips and straightened her shoulders. "You let her go, or I won’t give it to you."

From this angle Jamie couldn't see the expression on Peter's face. His broad shoulders held a barely restrained tension, as though on the cusp of explosive movement. And when he spoke, even the gentle softness of his voice was a lie, "Very well. You have my word."

Don't, Jamie wanted to shout in warning. Don't do it.

Slowly, Dani reached into her cloak and unpicked a section of the lining, revealing a makeshift hidden pocket. She rummaged around then pulled something out and set it on the floor. Jamie strained to get a better look. Her captor kneed her roughly in the back for her trouble, and she would've gone face first into the ground if not for the hand in her hair yanking her back so that she remained upright.

It didn't stop her from catching a glimpse of what was being exchanged, however. Shards of metal, black gold. All in pieces, like a disassembled puzzle.

Peter was silent. He stared down at the pieces Dani had placed at his feet. Then in a smooth motion he stood, pushing himself upright to loom over her. 

"Do you think this is funny?" he asked in that too quiet, too dangerous tone.

Eyes wide, Dani shook her head. "No, I -"

Peter kicked the pieces away with a vicious swipe of his foot, and Dani flinched back with a startled cry. He darted forward and seized a handful of her cloak.

"Where is it?" he snarled.

"That's - That's all I have! The box fell apart after I touched it, I swear!"

Peter's hand tightened around the fabric, pulling up so that Dani was held slightly off the ground by the scruff of her neck, her feet scrambling for purchase on the metal flooring. "Box?" he repeated. "I'm not asking about a fucking toy box! Where is the holocron?"

"The -? The what?"

With a vicious curse, he threw her back onto the ground. Dani caught herself on her hands with a hiss of pain, and she flinched back when Peter began to circle her. 

"Don't play dumb," he said. "You know what I'm after."

"I don't -"

"You think I'm fucking blind? You think a piece of shit nobody from a backwater in Alderaan can kill a Jedi? You think you just woke up one day with powers?" He stalked around her, his expression a mask of fury. "You are nothing. You are nobody. You're not Force sensitive. You're a puppet. Just a piece of meat to house something greater, and you don't even fucking know it!"

The deck fell silent but for the beep of electronics, the rustle of fabric as pilots kept the ship on course. Jamie darted a look towards Rebecca, but her face was carefully blank and guarded, her thumb hooked through the belt of her blaster pistol in a way that Jamie knew meant she was actually nervous about something. None of which boded well.

“I was so close,” Peter was saying, and he didn’t even seem to be talking to Dani anymore. His words were a ranting mutter, wrathful and desperate. The metal of his robotic arm clicked in a menacing fashion every time he clenched his hand into a rhythmic fist. “This was it. This was my last run. The last deed I’d ever have to do for those evil cocksuckers on Dromund Kaas. Plant a holocron and be done with it. Be free of the Empire forever. Until you -”

His voice trailed off and his steps slowed to a halt. In the muddy light of the bridge, he was a faceless silhouette. He clenched his metal fist so tightly that it creaked and sparked. Dani shivered on the ground at his feet, her shoulders hunched, as though she were trying to make herself small enough to disappear. 

“You went snooping. You took something that didn’t belong to you. And I need it back. No matter the price.” In a swift movement, Peter crouched down on his haunches again. Dani flinched back, but Peter merely watched her for a long and uncomfortable moment before he continued, “So, what’s it going to be?”

From where she stood, Jamie could just make out the defiant set of Dani’s jaw. 

Sighing, Peter reached out and tucked a stray curl of hair behind Dani’s ear, while Dani sat, frozen in place. “Contrary to popular belief, I don’t like hurting people,” he said. “Always the worst way of going about it. And, you know, it just doesn’t work as well as you’d think. So, tell me. What’s your price? Hmm? What do I have to do to get you to talk?” 

When again Dani did not answer, Peter withdrew his hand. “Normally I’m a patient man, but as we live and breathe, there’s a Dark Lord of the Sith coming our way. If you don’t deal with me, then you’ll be dealing with him. And I assure you: you want to be dealing with me instead.” 

Licking her lips, Dani said, “I already told you everything I know.” 

“Well, that is disappointing.”

Jamie tried to shift her feet slightly so she could get a better angle on the rest of the bridge, but the guard behind her kicked her in the back of the knee. When she went down with a grunt of pain, her knee slamming into the ground, the guard then yanked her back up by the handcuffs behind her with enough force she felt her arm sockets complain. 

“Get up,” the guard growled, and Jamie shot him a look that should have dropped him on the spot. 

The brief commotion drew Peter and Dani’s attention back in this direction. Peter pushed himself upright and turned, while Dani’s panicked gaze moved from him to Jamie and back again. 

“Or maybe I’m going about this the wrong way,” Peter murmured. He walked slowly across the bridge towards Jamie.  

“Even if I did know something, you and I both know I’d rather cut out my own tongue than tell you,” Jamie spat. The guard tightened his hold on her handcuffs, but she pinned him in place with a fierce glare and said, “Touch me again, and I’ll end you, mate.” 

Peter held up his hand before the guard could react. When Jamie faced him once more, Peter was close enough that she could see the thin scar on his cheek. Unfortunately, she hadn’t been the one to give it to him. She didn’t know where in his sordid past he’d gotten it. 

The corner of his mouth twitched in a smile that never touched his eyes. “Oh, Jamie. I never thought you actually knew something. You’re much too simple to get sensible answers before leaping to a lost cause.” 

In spite of herself, Jamie’s gaze darted to Dani who was watching their interaction with naked dread. 

Peter followed her gaze and grinned. “Aye,” he said. “That’s the one.” 

And without further ado, he drew his blaster pistol, pointed it at Jamie, and shot her. The smell of burnt flesh was an afterthought to the blinding pain that sent her vision white. Jamie staggered, keeling slowly over the charred wound low in her abdomen just above her hip. Something cold was pressed against her face, and it was with a blurred realisation that Jamie found herself lying on the floor. She blinked through the muzzy borders of her vision, trying to move and only managing to gurgle weakly. 

Right. Bad idea, that. 

At least blaster fire didn’t allow for my bleeding. Mass internal burn trauma, yes, but she wasn’t about to bleed out on the floor. Every breath was a sharp lance through Jamie’s stomach. She pushed herself into a crouch on all fours, registering the commotion around her as if experiencing it through water. 

“ - Don’t touch her! Don’t you dare -!” 

“Peter, killing her gets you nothing. You should -”

“Don’t fucking tell me what to do, Becs! I won’t be taking orders ever again! Not from you, and especially not from the Empire!”

“Then get what you need, but Jamie doesn’t have it. And neither, it seems, does she.” 

Three sets of boots surrounded her. The guard beside her, and Rebecca standing between her and Peter. As Jamie tilted her head up, Peter started to stalk away. His footsteps were loud against the metal grating of the floor, and he dropped heavily into the captain’s chair at the head of the bridge. He had holstered his pistol and now he reached down to pick up something that had been propped up against the base of the chair. 

He pressed a button, and the lightsabre leapt to life. The blue light scattered across his face. “The holocron isn’t on Alderaan,” Peter said. “We did a very thorough check. Which means you -” he pointed the lightsabre at Dani, who was now standing at the centre of the bridge facing him, “- must have left it somewhere between there and Telos IV.” 

Dani’s expression was dark, her hands were trembling fists at her side. 

With a sigh, Peter sheathed the lightsabre and set it on the arm of his chair. He leaned back in his seat, crossing his legs so that his ankle was propped on his opposite knee. Addressing the guard beside Jamie, he said, “Rebecca’s right Jamie doesn’t know anything of use. Take her to the lower decks and throw her out the airlock.” 

The guard did not even say an affirmative. He simply hauled Jamie to her feet, and began dragging her back towards the exit despite Rebecca’s protests. 

“Leave her alone.” 

There was something wrong with Dani’s voice. An odd burr, a hard quality that did not suit her. She still had her gaze fixed upon Peter, but something in the way she spoke made every person in the room tense. The guard shoving Jamie along froze, looking back towards Peter for further instruction. 

There was an internal pressure building in Jamie’s chest, something like desperation, like the acrid aftertaste of gunmetal and blasterfire. All around them, the wall panels groaned. A few crumpled beneath the strain. Rupture of pipe and control panels, and with a screech of metal on metal all the lights on the bridge went out. Steam from the burst pipes billowed along the floor. Every guard in the room — even Jamie’s — raised their weapon towards Dani, glancing nervously around. Moments later, the emergency lighting flickered to life, illuminating the deck with a faint glow. 

Quint’s face was cast from below. Unlike the others, he had not moved, remaining slouched on his captain’s chair like a low-slung throne. He smiled at Dani. “Was that supposed to impress anyone?” 

Dani reached out her hand and the sabre that had been resting on the arm of Peter’s chair was in Dani’s grasp before Jamie could even blink, as though it had leapt into place there. With a press of her thumb, the blade extended, slicing a blue line through the gloom. The air was cold, so cold that Jamie could see her own breath misting in a cloud, and the icy fear that had twisted in her chest was a thing now slicked with darkness. A treachery of black ice beneath every step. 

She watched, handcuffed and helpless, as Dani gripped the sabre so tightly that her hands shook. One of Dani’s eyes gleamed gold and bright, unblinking, fixed upon Peter, and from the hilt a crimson light peeled down the length of the blade, a slow and burning bleed of kyber, until the sabre was completely engulfed in a light as red as a dying star. 

“Open fire,” Peter said, voice trembling, face pale, staring at her with wide eyes. He jabbed his finger in Dani’s direction and repeated in a shout to the room at large, “Open fucking fire!”

Over a dozen guardsmen sighted down their blaster rifles and began shooting. The lightsabre was a living thing in Dani’s hands. It moved in ways Jamie had only ever seen in training manuals, in the hands of Knights and Masters. No motion wasted. Every angle of the blade made with surety of purpose. 

Four guards were dead by their own reflected blaster fire before they could even manage to pull the trigger a second time. Dani reached out, and four others had their rifles ripped from their hands, the weapons warping into useless hunks of metal and cast aside. One of the guards stationed at the exit raced forward, pulling out a long knife that had been strapped to his thigh. Dani did not even pause in deflecting incoming blaster fire; she swept the lightsabre behind her, passing the hilt between her hands and bringing it back around. Half of the guard’s severed body went careening into the control pit, where the pilots and engineers cowered with hands over their heads. The other half skidded to a halt on the floor, dead weight. 

Jamie’s mouth hung open. Blaster fire continued to fly through the air in streaks of red. The guard who had been assigned to her was torn between trying to shoot Dani and trying to keep a hand on his charge. Then Rebecca stepped forward, pressed the muzzle of her pistol to the side of his head, and pulled the trigger. He crumpled into a heap on the ground, and Jamie swore loudly. 

Crouching down, Rebecca grabbed something off the guard’s body and used it to unlock Jamie’s handcuffs. “Don’t just stand there!” Rebecca yelled over the din, and she circled an arm around Jamie’s waist to help her along. “Let’s go!”

The two of them lurched towards the exit. A deflected shot struck the ground beside them, and they ducked down. Smoke and steam filled the air. The smell of blaster fire and burnt flesh was thick enough to make Jamie gag. Cursing under her breath all the while, Rebecca pulled Jamie to the exit, where a guardsman was sprawled, dead on the floor with a hole the size of a fist burnt through his chest. Rebecca had to let go of Jamie for a second to haul the guard closer so she could use his hand to unlock the biosecurity lock on the exit. The panel flashed green, and Rebecca dropped the guard in favour of Jamie again. 

The elevator was eleven floors down and slowly started to ascend. 

“Come on,” Rebecca was muttering under her breath to herself. “Come on, come on, come on -”

Behind them, the blaster fire dwindled to a halt. There was the sound of something heavy and wet falling to the ground. With a thrill of sickening fear gripping her stomach, Jamie turned and felt Rebecca do the same.

The walls were scarred and pitted. A shower of sparks fell from the ceiling where a wall panel had been shot loose. Through the haze of smoke, Jamie could make out the shape of bodies scattered across the floor, and at the very centre of it all Dani stood. 

Her back was to them. She faced the captain’s chair, the lightsabre burning red through the acrid smoke. For a moment it seemed Peter was standing to his feet, but then Jamie realised he was being lifted up. He grasped at his throat with both hands, heels lashing out at the air, making wordless strangled noises, gasping. Then his head snapped to one side with a sickening crack, and he went still. Dani looked up at him and with an almost lazy gesture, tossed him aside. His body slammed into a far wall and fell to the ground in a heap.

Jamie’s pulse skyrocketed when Dani turned around and looked at them. And when Dani started to stalk in their direction, adrenaline coursed through Jamie; every nerve in her body was screaming for her to flee, to hide in some small dark place until this danger had passed over the land like the shadow of night. 

Dani’s cold gaze fell upon Rebecca, and she raised the lightsabre once more. 

“Woah!” Maybe it was the adrenaline or maybe it was the pain doing funny things to her head, but Jamie leapt in front of Rebecca, hands trembling and lifted as though in surrender. “No, no! I mean, yeah, I’m also mad at her, but I don’t want her to die!” 

“Thanks,” muttered Rebecca behind her. 

“Shut up,” Jamie muttered back. 

Dani had gone still, but the weapon was still a gleaming line of bloody crimson held overhead.

“She can get us a cruiser with a hyperdrive,” Jamie said. “We can get out of here. Just - put down the lightsabre? Please?” 

The elevator made a bright ding behind them and the doors slid open. Dani leveled the lightsabre and for a brief terrifying moment Jamie thought she was going to cut it straight through her from shoulder to hip. The blade stopped, pointing at Rebecca just over Jamie’s shoulder, and she made a sharp little gesture with the tip that Jamie could hear burning up the air right next to her ear. 

"Move," Dani ordered softly, and her voice sounded odd. As though there was more than one person speaking in unison.

Rebecca moved, backing slowly into the elevator. Lowering her hands, Jamie followed. Dani watched them with the fixedness of a predator, the air around her cold enough that Jamie shivered when Dani stepped into the small enclosed space with them. The lightsabre still seared in Dani’s fist, pointed towards the ground. Rebecca hit a button for hangar bay three, and the doors of the elevator shut with a hiss. 

The elevator started its descent. If this had been any other time, Jamie might have been tempted to reach out, gently grasp Dani’s wrist and urge her to put the lightsabre away. But this was not any other time, and there was nothing of the woman Jamie had grown to know over the last week in Dani’s face now. She stared blankly at the shut elevator doors, never blinking.

They arrived at hangar bay three and Rebecca immediately rushed over to the console that controlled access to the ship docked just beyond the hangar doors. She hooked something into the base of the console, making the screen flicker before giving her full admin privileges. As she started keying in the right commands, Jamie walked up beside her. 

Dani drifted behind her, blade in hand, completely silent. It felt like being followed by a mute ghost. 

Whatever Rebecca did worked. The hangar doors unlatched, turned, then slowly opened to reveal the sleek polished interior of a luxury cruiser yacht. Jamie stepped into the yacht’s entryway and looked around at the gleaming walls. Finally, Dani hit the button to sheathe the lightsabre and brushed past Jamie without a glance in her direction, vanishing around a corner of the cruiser. The brief contact made Jamie shiver. 

“Right. Okay,” said Jamie, hand pressing on the wound at her abdomen, still jittery from that feeling of being prey in the sights of something with very big teeth. She turned to Rebecca. “Fuck you, I guess?” 

From behind the console, Rebecca smiled weakly at her. “I suppose I deserve that. Does this mean I owe you a favour?”

“The biggest favour,” Jamie said gravely. “Like - seriously huge.”

“Until next time, then. Oh, and Jamie?” Rebecca said, and Jamie paused to glance back at her. “Don’t die.” 

Swallowing thickly, Jamie nodded, then Rebecca hit the button to shut the doors.  

Easier said than done.

[swtorcompanionsgoofin]

For Skaia: 🌳 🍂 and 🌾? :) (~Dina)

Hi!!!!  thank u for asking, Dina, always a delight to see you in my inbox ^-^ <3

🌳 - What does your OC do when they see others upset or in pain? An upset friend? A stranger?

✨ I have a whole fic on this ✨

FIC:  We’re Taking A Walk

He can’t pass by someone having a bad time, friend or stranger.   Unless he has orders to leave it be or a time limit he’ll never make if he derails, he’ll sidetrack himself to try to help the suffering party.  He’s never been able to pass suffering by.  It’s just something he can’t do, he has to try to help, to soothe and comfort as best he can.  This is how he met Aeco, the soldier from the fic up there and who eventually joins on as the final member of his crew bc Skaia’s not a Wrath, he doesn’t get the canon warrior crew lmfao

This is also how he met Sylvas.  That’s a fic that’s in the works 😉😉😉

🍂 - How does your OC think they will die? Does death scare them? Is there any reason for this?

He tries not to think about how he'll eventually kick it. Although I think he fully suspects that it won't be peaceful. And he is terrified of dying. He got a real good look at his own mortality when he was about 15, and started working towards doing as much as he could to never face it again.

Which uh, he isn't doing to great a job at Avoiding Taking Critical Damage he gets beat to shit kind of a lot. Teeny tiny warrior.

Very yeetable.

Very easy to slam into a wall at top speed.

Typically he can take it, because he’s very durable, despite appearances.  But uh, sometimes he spends a couple days in the fckn med bay bc he got tossed through More Than One Wall in a 10 minute span.

Also that one time he got Fuckin Impaled that wasn't fun, that was a SUPER close call and scared the shit out of him and Also Sylvas lmfao --> “Heal, Damn You”

🌾 - What would your OC be like if they were evil. Or if they're already evil what would they be like as a good guy?

I've put some thought into this one recently, actually! I have a spotify playlist for this concept :D

Spotify Playlist: Skaia - Corrupted

Skaia, normally and on his own, is a being of kindness, of compassion and love, a friendly face who’ll apologize to soldiers for inconveniencing them slightly in their days.  My bleeding heart lightsider of a sith, who has never been allowed autonomy and has traded himself and everything he has away for the sakes of other people.  He’s a sweetheart and a genuinely good person, chained down to his responsibilities by people who never cared.  He’s never liked hurting people, that he’s such an effective killer sucks for him.

But he could have gone a very different way.  With everything he’s been through, everything he’s given up and sacrificed and traded and sold of himself, he is still kindness and hope and warmth.

He could have been something much worse.

He could have been vengeance and cruelty, hate and pain and slaughter.  A dark and corrupted Skaia is not a fun Skaia. 

Here’s a blip from my musings on this version of Skaia, bc fckn, O o f:

“It's a fckn, it's a very Angry and very Sad version of Skaia.  This is fckn, this is a very very angry Skaia, and more to the point it is a Skaia without hope.  With no faith in a future or that anything Kind he does would ever make an impact.   it's a version of him that was kicked one too many times for trying his best, with nothing to show for it but scars, who went 'fuck this, what's kindness done for me?' and stopped choosing it, because good kept getting crushed and he was tired of being crushed with it.”

And i have another ask asking for Evil Skaia, I’m gonna do some Art for that one so if u wanna get tagged for that, let me know i’ll make sure to @ u in it owo