#i genuinely cannot reframe it to understand that

[writing-for-life]

The Tragedy of Identity & Function

[Still comedy gold, sorry…]

Why do I love Season of Mists chapter 2 (#23) so much? Because it establishes part of the central tension that drives Dream’s arc all throughout The Sandman. Lucifer basically tells him verbatim that we can reject even the most fundamental aspects of what we might consider our nature, but Dream can’t internalise this. At all. He remains committed to the idea that identity and function are inseparable, even as he watches Lucifer throw up his hands and essentially go, “You know what? Fuck this.”

The emotional core of Season of Mists #23 is the revelation of Dream’s self-imposed tragedy. I mean, he is what drives the power to reshape reality itself via dreams that are strong enough, yet he cannot imagine reshaping his own existence. And Lucifer’s abdication serves as proof that change is possible while at the same time showing us Dream’s staunch refusal to do the same.

It’s another one of these philosophical pivot points for the entire series:

The fundamental conflict isn’t between good and evil, but between stagnation and change. Lucifer chooses change—radical, complete, and irreversible (well, I’m not talking about the Lucifer comics 😉). Dream chooses stagnation (and another “well…”, but it’s complicated), even when presented with clear alternatives.

It really reframes our understanding of power itself: The ability to walk away from things that no longer serve you, regardless of their supposed significance. It’s a beautiful meditation on choice, identity, and the courage required for genuine change.

[Did I mention I’m a fan of the devil? No? Okay… 😈]

[velvetvexations]

First of all, forgive me if my English is awkward.

There are, obviously, many many problems with that iri_colette tweet. (Colette is such a beautiful name, it's almost irritating that it belongs to such a thoughtless person!) Enough to discuss for quite some time, probably. One thing I can't help but think of is, just how unhealthy it is to place positive moral value on suffering like that! I understand the impulse, I really do. It's a very common and natural psychological response to trauma and injustice to try and reframe it as a sort of valor-earning process in which you become a stronger and more worthwhile person through enduring that pain. But, well, it isn't really true, and that initial thought pattern can lead to a lot of increasingly unhealthy ideas and beliefs as time passes. Once your identity or value hinges on your past suffering, it becomes much harder to let go of it, even once you reach the point where doing so is important to your recovery. If you intend to recover, your self-image cannot revolve around what was done to you indefinitely! You have to make the choice at some point to define yourself around something else! Stewing in it forever just leads you to become an unhappier and more resentful person. I know it's easier said than done and I'm not trying to suggest that traumatized people just "get over it". But once it begins leaking into how you treat other people you have got to take accountability. Over-identification with suffering and struggle produces cruel impulses in people. It's the same phenomenon that leads people to push back on student loan forgiveness, for example. If the defining trait of trans womanhood is suffering, then you won't see trans women who "got off easy" as being true trans women. They definitionally can't be if what makes someone a trans woman is suffering, and not, y'know, being a woman who was at one point expected to be a man. Genuinely, if your mindset is that it's both inevitable and essential, it may lead you to not intervene to prevent suffering in young trans girls when you have the opportunity. I'm not saying that Colette personally is that way. I don't know her life. She could spend her weekends volunteering at queer youth centers for all I know. My point is just that it's a mindset that can have negative consequences.

Also, this is only tangential, but even if it was completely true that pediatric transition of trans men is easy and painless--that would be unequivocally a good thing? I understand that envy is natural, but a well-adjusted adult should maybe try and resist that impulse. If trans men's transitions are free of suffering, that's a victory because trans men don't deserve to suffer. The next step should be to make trans women's transitions equally easy because they also don't deserve to suffer. But Colette's words seem less like a call to action to be upset on behalf of young trans girls and fight for their safety, and more like a call to be upset that trans men have it easy and to make them feel bad for it. It's strange because if that tweet were true, the part about trans girls' struggles would be the bad part, but it's almost phrased like trans men allegedly not struggling is what's supposed to upset you more.

It's extremely targeted. TRFs are entirely about punching sideways at trans siblings, they don't actually care about doing anything for trans women except venting incoherent rage at the people who care about us the most.

[slaaverin]

Before BMPs elemental alignment reading for Jimin tomorrow, as I’ve been reading the rest and where the members are at.

Do we think Jimin actually set himself free?

It’s sometimes I’ve thought about since Face, this big anthem, one that was powerful, but did he actually follow through?

I don’t know what he meant by setting himself free, it could have been anything. But from an outsiders perspective his career and his person remains unchanged from before? So was it a mindset thing he was singing of? Or has he left Hybe or made certain demands so to speak before re signing?

When you think about how proud JK looked watching the mv, what’s he proud of?

I don’t mean to sound demeaning I’m genuinely curious?

I can’t think of anything that outwardly looks like he’s done what he sang about.

In his solos eyes his sophomore album still didn’t get the right promo, so it can’t be that. He still hasn’t addressed haters, mainly taking a kill them with kindness or don’t acknowledge them at all approach.

He’s still Jimin that we know. Sometimes more reserved, and BMPs last reading of him last year wasn’t overly optimistic he seemed troubled and burdened and it was showing in his sleep. I know he was enlisted but still.

So what did he do?

‘Shut up fck Off I’m on my way’

Did he mean literally just the charts?

I’m just so curious

I’m so proud of him regardless and I cannot wait for him to return to what he loves.

I believe Jimin went through a phase of transition and transformation these last few years

We know Jimin was burdened by many shadowy aspects

Yet the "set me free" statement looks like a first step towards personal liberation

It could be very well an internal shift first, without much impact on the physical

And yet

After this we got AYS - more open and free

Jikook enlisted together - a huge statement

He was also more free to create artistically with MUSE, an album with a lighter tone than the previous one, once again highlighting this internal shift

Yes things were cut short by military

Yet my personal theory is that the momentum of this shift continued in there. I believe Jimin worked through some more shadows to reach even more equilibrium, thanks to this new challenging environnement and also the presence of Jungkook helping him reframe himself and his priorities in life.

This train of thought was shown in his letter, revealing deep questions about his existence, that would inevitably lead to transformation. Letting go of certain fears could be huge.

It's like in military he was in a cocoon reframing and expanding his inner life but soon the butterfly will emerge and shine even brighter than before

That's why I suspect that when he comes out, perhaps even more liberated, we will start to see new sides from him, a new burst that will reflect his new internal state

We might be surprised by him moving forward

Maybe I'm completely off, that's just what I suspect, I guess BPM's reading will give us a better understanding

But I'm actually very positive about Jimin, his growth, and the things coming. I believe the future for him will be less burdened and way more joyful/playful.

I have full confidence in him 💜 it makes sense to me. Do you agree? 🧚‍♀️

[shipping-receiving]

Making sense of the “childhood connection” in Love Scout

The Episode 9 preview has pretty much confirmed that Jiyun’s father died saving Eunho – a plot point that I foresaw but have been dreading. Beyond the fundamental improbability of these two people being connected in this way, I was of the position that Jiyun holds too much resentment towards her father to be satisfyingly resolved in so few episodes. However, since the writing and characterisation thus far has been so thoughtful, I wanted to try approaching this not as something to forgive/ignore in the show, but rather something that might make sense for character growth and healing. That is, I think it’s worth considering this childhood connection beyond ‘trope for the sake of trope’, and instead delve more deeply into its potential narrative function.

In Jiyun’s mind, she has judged her father to be a “bad father”; a “liar” for telling her he’d always be by her side, and then making a choice that resulted in his death. This one-dimensional villainisation of her father makes it easier for her to deal with this perceived abandonment – by minimising him and his value to her, she reduces the magnitude of his loss, and therefore of her own grief. Without any form of destabilisation of this narrative she has constructed, she could probably have gone the rest of her life without truly processing his death. Even Eunho – in a scenario where he was not directly involved in the fire – might not have been able to encourage her to forgive her father, certainly not in the foreseeable future. Given his personality, he would not have pushed her too hard (“even being asked questions might be hurtful”); he might have even accepted her version of events, since he’ll “always let her win”.

Therefore, within the time limitations of a 12-episode drama and considering the typical melo tropes, I can understand why this route was chosen to force Jiyun to face her past and reframe her own characterisation of her father – just as Eunho caused her to reevaluate her assumption that “feeling lonely was a luxury”, which she had accepted as truth. In order for this plot point to land for me, though, it needs to go beyond the simple rewriting of Jiyun’s father’s death as a noble sacrifice, just so that Eunho could live and come into her life. It certainly cannot be as cynical as ‘what if you met someone who was perfect in every way but one’ – that he is the ‘cause’ of the hardships she suffered in childhood. Even worse would be Jiyun staying with Eunho ‘in spite of’ this revelation, rather than genuinely working through her trauma. I am hoping that the show will tackle the complexity of Jiyun’s grief, and also that of Eunho’s survivor’s guilt, and I wonder if the writer found a way to interweave this with the Career Way/investor plotline (at least beyond ‘we have to put aside our pain and support each other through this unrelated conflict’).

I will say that I would not be surprised if Jiyun pushes Eunho away in the first instance. It’s understandable for her to need space, and especially to default to her solitude. My prediction is that she will bury herself in her work again – after all, perfectionism is a coping mechanism that she (as well as Eunho) developed to deal with her traumatic past – and overwork herself to yet another breaking point that will require her to be hospitalised. (The pressure being put on her brain is likely caused not just by stress from her work, but also the repression of her grief in response to the loss of both her father and her former mentor at Career Way.) This will give Eunho room to step into a caretaking role that she will not be able to avoid, and hopefully open the door for honest communication. As much as they want to be considerate of and avoid hurting each other, they will have to cause each other pain to get through this.

[sometimesraven]

re: the ableism in Dot and Bubble

I understand it almost certainly wasn't Rusty's intention for the "can't walk without the arrows" thing to be ableist, but the implications are there and it was so, so hard to watch.

As I said while liveblogging, I've noted that reliance on tech like Google Maps has caused a regression in skills like navigation and a frustrating refusal to even try. I'm frequently faced with that fact as I live somewhere you have to use your eyes to see and most fast food delivery drivers just Cannot Find Us bc the GPS goes wild and they can't follow the directions I always give them so I inevitably have to go out to find them myself. Believe me, I know what he was going for with that part of the script.

However.

When you exaggerate that point to the tune of "she literally cannot walk" without the aid, and then instead of it being deeply disturbing to the two 'kind, helpful' characters (Doc n Ruby), they actively roll their eyes at her and it's played as an "omg how stupid is she" moment, you have to see how that looks.

Let's reframe it: someone you've met was raised in a cult. A very insular, very strict cult that they literally have never seen outside of. At this point in time you know nothing about them but you do know they're in a very insular, very closed-off society. One day they tell you they have no idea how to,,,,,, idk, wash themselves without assistance. If your first instinct is to laugh at them and roll your eyes like they're overexaggerating, you're an ableist.

I struggle to believe anyone like the Doctor wouldn't perhaps initially react with confusion/incredulity but then, after realising this person is 100% serious, go "oh my god that's horrible okay uh let me try to walk you through this and teach you how".

It's a horrible, cynical response that would maybe track if at this point the characters already knew she was an entitled pissbaby. But they don't and that's why it comes across so terribly.

Especially when there's no indication that this is a side-effect of her entitlement and she's literally insulting herself "I'm so stupid!" and genuinely upset and frustrated that she can't even walk in the face of actual death. And yes, she miraculously can walk again once she meets Ricky but it wasn't because she was ignoring the Doctor's advice because racism because he had not given her any. She had literally zero clue how to walk without assistance until Ricky guided her.

This isn't a refusal to learn a skill based on entitlement, this isn't a heavy-handed metaphor, you have given this girl a disability (even if it is psychosomatic, it is still a disability). And in a time where social media + youth entitlement is being blamed for an increase of ADHD, Autism, chronic illness and DID diagnosis-seekers (among other things, but those are the ones people are most aggressive against) that just does not look good At All.

Russel could easily have made it so that they just had no idea how to navigate without the bubble and refused to learn.

Maybe at first show it as genuine frustration on Lindy's part that she can't find anything without guidance but slowly show that no, she's perfectly capable, she just doesn't care to learn.

Hell, you could have everything play out the same way but have her genuinely get offered help to begin with by the Doctor and ignore it, only for Ricky to say the same thing to her later and she gets it immediately.

Idk, anything beyond literally disabling her. The show does a great job at humanising her before showing us that she was a monster all along, but I feel like Rusty himself forgot that he was still representing a Whole Entire Person (something that people on all ends of the political spectrum do All The Time: "person is bad therefore [___ism] is okay in this instance". Ableism especially)

[tetitous]

My small, very personal, I understand if you don't see it that way, takes on a few things after having rewatched the entirety of Neon Genesis Evangelion, the End of Evangelion and Rebuild of Evangelion (under a read more for both spoiler and not wanting to take up too much space reasons), it's a lot of Rebuild though:

NGE and EoE don't feel like they're set in the same timeline to me. I think in EoE Shinji is so much a representation of the part of the fandom the creators despise that he becomes too different from himself. I'll always contrast the hospital scene with the bed with Asuka and Shinji, maybe that's why. But genuinely to me the EoE timeline is one in which the actions of Shinji may be similar, but his internal world has to be very different from much earlier on.

I have 0 clue if Shinji from the rebuilds ended up connected to alternate versions of himself. I can see where it's coming from, but I'm not sure.

Also to finish with him, I don't think he necessarily ends up with Mari at the end. While he does flirt back, I feel like it's more here to show he's reached an adult state of maturity, and the imagery of holding hands has been used with a lot of other characters, mostly from a platonic perspective. Also they're simply not close enough to be "endgame" material, so I cannot see it in any serious manner (anyways in my head Kawoshin meet some time down the line and both share a more equal, less devoted kind of relationship and become canon aaa)

Rei I may not be the core of unit 00, maybe there is a "Rei 0" whose sole purpose was to be the core from the get-go, but it being Rei I is more interesting so while the thought crossed my mind I'll still go with the more common theory

Whoever said Rei was a shallow character made to be like a perfect anime doll for otakus to enjoy first is a lot of things I don't want to say but think really hard because this perception of her ruined interpretations of the character and the show for decades. She's fascinating.

I really really enjoyed that in 3.0+1.0 she learns to define herself completely separate not just from Gendo, but also from Shinji, for those in the back who didn't get it the first few times. It also makes it pretty heartbreaking in the last few scenes with her, to see her slowly fit back into the Rei Ayanami mold against her own active will. The narrative won't let her become something that she wasn't programmed to be, not because she can't but because Gendo, who made her dependent to NERV by design, won't let her.

Reframing Kaworu's love for Shinji as a form of dependance is interesting, but waaay too unexplored. I do not think the sequence with Kaji was meant to be taken as something that really happened, simply because it looks too much like he just took on the role (and the clothes) of Gendo, or maybe a version of Gendo who would have done the right things, maybe. Not 100% sure what the movie meant by that btw.

I had the very wrong memory of Misato being left behind in the Rebuilds. I was wrong, but she feels less tortured by her relationship with her father. Or maybe it's because the show didn't want to criticize her sexuality like it did in NGE, most likely because it kind of was a bad take to blame anything on female sexuality when the male cast was Like That. It's a little weird to me that the show barely criticizes her for abandoning her child in comparison to her own father or Gendo, though I can imagine that she did a lot for him behind the scenes, so that he never feels left behind, whereas she and Shinji have been neglected. But it did feel like a double-standard. She apparently has the right to be the absent dad this time, and honestly ? Good for her... I guess? (Misato being not the step mom, but the dad that stepped up, not for her biological son but still is very funny to me, basically)

Asuka in NGE I wish they brought you to the Rebuilds so that you get a happy ending, I hope the theory that you are the grown up version of Asuka we see in 4.0 is true uuhuuuu...

The reveal of Shikinami being a clone really should have happened sooner. It would have helped with understanding what separates her from Soryu, but also with developing her personal issues. Btw it implies Soryu was the donor for the Shikinami cloning, right? Does that mean she's dead in this version?? Like the mom did manage her murder-suicide plan?? I'm a bit horrified by the idea.

Love the relationship between Shikinami and Kensuke, what do you mean he replaced the emotional support doll of loneliness with actual connexion and they have a sort of mentorship with no mentoring going on? I love found family with unclear, not simply definable dynamics

In general I understand, Soryu was so good, one simply cannot do her as good twice, also her issues were like 2 mountains of above average trauma so...

Mari... is a mess. I understand her purpose with the ending, but she doesn't function with the other characters, not because she couldn't, but because she doesn't have the time to AND the development of what is there seemingly happens off-screen. Also her backstory reveal just makes things Complicated(TM). I don't hate her, but I can hardly say I enjoy her.

Gendo got erased from reality along with all Evas, which is the only thing that brings me joy while knowing he did get what he wanted. Even EoE was too kind to him, honestly

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for telling my sister that I didn't find her instagram post funny and that I didn't want her to send me things like that again?

I (32f) have never had a good relationship with my sister (34f). We have gotten somewhat better over time, but we have always had a strained relationship. We are about as opposite as you can be. Social rights issues? No compromise. ACAB? Constant disagreements. Politics: best never mention them. TV Shows? No interest at all. Music? We cannot stand each other's music. We genuinely have nothing except our blood and the fact we were raised by the same people in common.

I am currently in the process of finishing my PhD and live on a different continent to her. We have been vaguely trying to talk and maintain a cordial friendship from afar.

For the past four months I had been preparing for a conference that I was organizing, leading, and moderating. It was a massive project that will be a huge part of my dissertation research, and it went very well. The day after the conference I had a long career planning discussion with some academic advisors, and spent about three hours talking in my second language with my own advisor. The combination of everything left me genuinely exhausted to the point that I woke up the day after it all still too tired to move.

After I woke up, I realized I had a text from her containing an instagram link - no comment, no notes, no context, just the link. I know I wasn't in a perfect headspace and still needed more sleep, but I clicked it because usually she just spam sends me instagram videos about random baby rearing things she finds funny. I don't find any of them amusing, but tolerate them because she seems to enjoy it. I usually just nod my head or offer a few responses to show I've seen it and move on.

But this video was different. This video was, as far as I can tell, an influencer attempt at selling an AI. It had a young woman walk into a classroom with the onscreen text describing how "my professor is the same age as us and she has her phd!" and when she was asked how she got it, the video shows how the "teacher" went onto Youtube, put Youtube videos into this AI which created an algorithm to summarize the video. It ends with the words "University is a joke in 2024".

I was....genuinely offended. After everything I had been through working on this conference and with years of thesis work, I was just hurt. I watched it a few times, trying to understand what it was even trying to say, and could come up with no good reason for why she would just send it to me. So I wrote back to her "idk how you even want me to respond."

She said she thought it was funny, and I asked her if she understood why I wouldn't find it funny. She wrote back "because you lack my sense of humor smh." I tried explaining why I was upset and reframed it in the context of her job. She doubled down that she thought it was funny, but that it was because she thought it was amusing anyone would think they could get any kind of degree like that.

I explained that AI is genuinely a problem in universities right now and that our students are using it to get through their classes and it's causing a lot of chaos with profs trying to crack down on it. Then I told her it felt like she sent me something just to annoy me.

The argument continued from there. I asked her not to send me stuff like that again, and she asked how she was supposed to know I would be triggered by an AI video, and that I was being oversensitive, and how it was my fault for always assuming that she is plotting to piss me off and that she can never show an interest in my life without me having a "feelings dumpfest" and calling her out for being a bully.

I don't understand how she could think sending a video to me saying "university is a joke in 2024" with no context at all would be taken as a joke in the first place. And I felt like if I didn't tell her I didn't like this kind of video and why it made me upset she would keep sending things like this to me I'd have to keep seeing and ignoring future posts.

AITA for telling her I didn't think it was funny and to stop?

Should I have just ignored it and gone back to sleep? (At this point that's what I felt like I should have done...)

What are these acronyms?

[dn-hc]

Hiii, I have a really personal request. I'm supposed to go for my first pap on the 18th and I'm really nervous about it because it just feels so submissive and embarrassing. So, I was wondering if I can get a one-shot or headcanons of how L, Light, Mello, Matt, Near, Misa, and Naomi would comfort their girlfriend who's nervous about getting a pap.

Sorry if it's too weird 🫣

No, that's not too weird at all

Mature

Trigger Warnings: Gynecological Exam, Pap Smear, Humiliation, Submission

L Lawliet

L cares for your health and therefore notices you have never had a gyn exam.

He insists you get one at your earliest convenience.

After you express your reluctance, he wouldn’t raise his voice, but his gaze alone would carry weight.

He says something along the lines of, “I understand that you’re uncomfortable. Your feelings make perfect sense. While it is a medical examination, that doesn’t erase the fact that it feels invasive and personal in nature. But I need you to do this.”

He leans in, voice calm but firm. “I will not sit idlely by while you neglect your health. You are too important to me.”

Upon expressing your concern of embarrassment, he’s quiet for a moment, thinking deeply—not because he doesn’t care, but because he wants to say it right.

“Embarrassment comes from feeling watched, judged. But no one worth your trust will judge you for this. Certainly not me.”

He leans forward just slightly, voice softer than usual. “If I could remove the discomfort for you, I would. But since I cannot… I can remind you that your body isn’t shameful. Taking care of it isn’t shameful.”

A rare moment of genuine warmth flickers in his eyes. “And I admire you for facing something that makes you feel vulnerable. That’s real courage.”

He rests a hand on your wrist. “You don’t need to feel embarrassed. Not with me. Not when your health is on the line.”

You express your concern that it feels like a submissive act.

L’s mind is wired to understand power dynamics, and he’d take you seriously without overreacting.

“Submission implies lack of agency. But you're choosing this. That’s the opposite of submission—it's control.”

His tone is quiet but firm. “Think of it as asserting your right to be cared for. Not submitting, but claiming something that's yours.”

He shifts a little closer. “If it helps… I don’t think less of you for this or for your feelings about it. In fact, I respect you more for taking agency over your health in spite of your feelings.”

He smiles softly. “You don’t have to go through it alone. I’ll be there—before, during, after. However you need me.”

Light Yagami

Upon overhearing a conversation between his mom and sister, Light inquired when your last gynecological exam was.

After you admitted to never having one, Light insisted, practically demanded, that you have one for your own good.

However, you bashfully questioned why he wants you to get such an exam.

“You're my girlfriend. It's only natural that I'd be concerned for your health."

He holds your chin lightly, gaze intense but loving. “You don’t have to like it. You don’t have to pretend it doesn’t bother you. But you do have to go.”

His voice softens, but it never loses its edge of command. “I won’t risk your safety just because it feels uncomfortable. You deserve to be taken care of.”

Upon expressing your concern that it might be embarrassing, his response is graceful, comforting, and emotionally attuned. He hates that you feel this way, and it shows in his tenderness.

“You have nothing to be embarrassed about. If anything, I’m in awe of you. Most people give in to their discomfort and avoid this altogether—but you’re pushing through something that feels awful for your own health.”

He brushes your hair back behind your ear. “That’s not something to hide or be ashamed of.”

You admit it feels like an act of submission, to which he would immediately want to affirm your dignity and agency, trying to reframe it in your mind.

“I can see why you’d feel that way—it’s exposing, vulnerable. But it doesn’t mean you’re being dominated. You’re not submitting to anyone—you’re allowing a professional to help protect your health.”

He squeezes your fingers. “This doesn’t make you weak. You’re doing something brave. You're putting your well-being first—and that’s powerful.”

A small smile plays at his lips. “Let me be there for you. Whatever you need—support, distraction, silence—I’m yours.”

Mihael Keehl

It had been a few months since you turned 21, a bittersweet age for a woman. Mello had been insisting you make an appointment for your first pap, but you had been putting it off.

You know he's not one to sugarcoat things and that he can be quite protective of you. So, after a few months had passed without you scheduling an appointment, Mello informed you that he took it upon himself to schedule it for you.

This, of course, caused you to protest.

“I’m not asking, babe. You’re getting checked.”

He grabs your hand, threading your fingers tight. “I know it isn't fun. I get that. But I’d rather you hate me for pushing you than have something go wrong and regret not fighting harder."

His voice drops to a near-whisper. “I need you alive. Healthy. With me. You will take care of yourself, even if I have to drag you there myself.”

You finally admit to him that you're worried it will be embarrassing.

“You think I’d ever look at you different for this?”

“You shouldn’t have to feel like that.”

Then he breathes, forces himself to slow down, and looks you in the eye. “But I get it. It’s not just the exam—it’s about trust. Control.”

He grabs your hand, fierce protectiveness in his tone. “But, you don’t owe the world poise or pride every second. It’s okay to feel vulnerable and embarrassed. I’ve been there too, in different ways.”

Then his voice drops, softer, almost pleading, “But, don’t let shame make you feel smaller than you are. You're already doing something hard. That makes you a goddamn warrior in my eyes.”

You bashfully confide in him that it feels submissive to be looked at like that.

Mello would get furious—not at you, but at the system that made you feel like self-care equates to submission.

“That’s bullshit—who made you think taking care of yourself means giving up control?”

Then he softens, realizing you're not asking for a fight but understanding. “Look, you’re not submitting to anyone. You're putting your health first and that takes guts. That’s power.”

He cups your face. “You’re in charge here—not the doctors. Don’t forget that.”

He pulls you into his arms with surprising gentleness.

Mail Jeevas

You had turned 21 not long ago, and since then, Matt has been casually reminding you that you need to schedule your first pap, but you had been putting it off.

He finally confronts you on this after months of putting it off, which prompts whining and resistance from you.

Matt is usually laid back and casual, but his word is absolute when he draws the line.

His voice doesn’t rise, but it hardens—just a bit. “You know I don’t make demands often. But this? I’m not letting slide.”

He exhales smoke, looks over his glasses, and speaks firmly. “I love your stubborn ass, but we’re not gambling with your health. Not today.”

He pulls you into his arms. “I’ll hold your hand. I’ll sit in the waiting room. I’ll bring your favorite snacks. But you’re going. End of story.”

You admit that one of your qualms is that you feel it's submissive in nature.

Matt might not fully understand at first, but once he hears you out, he gets quiet and really listens.

“Yeah. I’d hate it too. I never thought about it that way. Laying there, cold, vulnerable, and everyone just calls it normal. I don’t blame you at all.”

He squeezes your hand. “But if you’re choosing it? That’s yours. It's ownership - not submission. That’s yours to reclaim however you want."

You confide him that you're embarrassed.

Matt’s easygoing nature turns quietly serious when he hears the word “embarrassed.” He doesn’t joke this time.

He tugs gently on your sleeve. “Hey. Look at me for a second.”

“You have nothing to be embarrassed about. Everyone has a body. Everyone needs care. This whole idea that it’s something awkward or shameful? That’s just bad programming.”

He presses a kiss to your temple.

Nate River

You had turned 21 recently, and Near had been reminding you that it's time to schedule an appointment, but you had been putting it off.

Near is quiet, but when he puts his foot down, it’s unshakable.

His voice never gets loud—it gets decisive.

“This isn’t about preference. It’s about prevention.”

He places his puzzle piece slowly, then meets your eyes. “I won’t force you. But I won’t stand by and do nothing either. You are the most important person in my life.”

His voice tightens slightly—not out of anger, but fear in disguise. “You don’t get to neglect yourself. Not under my care.”

Upon your protests, he listens with complete attention, hands mid-move with a puzzle piece.

His voice is soft—almost uncertain, but sincere. “You’re not wrong to feel unsettled. Many procedures are designed without dignity in mind.”

He folds his hands in his lap. “But doing something that scares you… that’s strength I admire. Even if it doesn’t feel like it.”

Upon you admitting you feel a bit embarrassed by the whole thing, he responds, “Embarrassment is often internalized from what we believe others will think. But the people who matter won’t think less of you. I certainly won’t.”

He tilts his head, voice soft but resolute. “You are navigating something deeply personal, and you’re doing it thoughtfully. That is never shameful.”

Upon hearing you feel it's submissive in nature, Near would respond with insight, not judgment.

“Choosing discomfort for your health—that is a form of agency. You are not surrendering control. You are exercising it.”

He pauses, searching for words. “If you need control, I can help you create it if you want.”

Misa Amane

You had turned 21 recently, and Misa had been reminding you to schedule an appointment, but you had been putting it off.

“I don’t want to hear excuses. You’re going.”

Her voice is light—but her eyes are unwavering. “I’m not letting the person I love skip out on something that could literally save her life. No way.”

She crosses her arms, then softens slightly, stepping forward. “You can cry. You can curse me. I’ll hold you through all of it. But I will drag you in if I have to.”

You, of course, protest her demands, admitting it seems embarrassing.

“I used to cry before mine. Not because it hurt—but because I felt so… weird and exposed.” She admits.

She takes your hands, eyes shimmering with understanding. “But I promise you—your body is not something to be ashamed of.”

She leans in and whispers like a secret, “You’re still beautiful. Still powerful. Still you. Even when you’re in a paper gown and stirrups.”

You confide in her that you feel like a submissive position.

Misa’s heart sinks when she sees you upset.

Misa really gets it. She understands the emotional weight of being seen and touched in clinical and objectified ways.

Her voice trembles with emotion as she takes your hands. “I hate that it makes you feel that way. I’ve felt like that too—like being looked at means you're reduced to a specimen.”

“You don’t have to be okay right now. Just know you’re not alone. I’ve felt that way too.”

She grabs both of your hands, eyes glossy with emotion. “And this time… it’s on your terms. You call the shots. You’re not being submissive. You’re being brave—and smart—and freaking amazing.”

She hugs you tightly. “You don’t owe anyone your body. Not even a doctor. That’s your power.”

Then, with a spark of light in her voice: “And afterward, I’m taking you shopping and buying you your favorite dessert. Brave girls deserve soft things.”

Noami Misora

You recently turned 21, and your girlfriend had been pressing you to schedule the dreaded exam.

After months of putting it off, she confronts you.

“I know it makes you feel small. But I’m not letting you disappear behind that feeling.”

She kneels slightly to meet your eyes. “I’ve lost people because they waited too long. I won’t lose you.”

Her voice stays even, unwavering. “You will do this. Because I love you. Because your life matters. And because I won’t let fear take something from us that we can protect.”

She reacts to your protests with calmness.

She wouldn’t minimize your feelings of submission —instead she’d validate and reframe it with care.

She takes your hand and gently threads your fingers together. “I understand that feeling—of being out of control, of being watched—it doesn’t go away just because it’s clinical. You’re allowed to feel what you feel.”

“However, It’s not weakness to take agency over your health. Society’s made women feel that way about our own bodies for too long.”

She sits beside you, hands gently resting on your knees. “But the truth is—you decide what this means. Not society. You define the narrative. And I’ll be there, no matter how you choose to write it.”

You confide in her that you feel embarrassed

Naomi is calm, steady, and validating. She recognizes that embarrassment comes from how we’ve been conditioned—and she meets it with grace.

“I’ve been there. That feeling like your body isn’t really yours for a moment.”

She cups your face, grounding you. “But your worth isn’t diminished by this. And dignity doesn’t disappear just because you feel exposed.”

Her voice is low and sincere, “You’re allowed to feel nervous. But please don’t feel ashamed. I see your strength, even when you don’t.”

Hope this helps bring some comfort, and I wish you the best of luck 🙃

[1yyyyyy1]

If you don’t mind me asking, how old are you? I get the sense that you’re older based on your posts, but going by your most recent post, you seem to imply that you’re still a teenager. If that’s true, I am very impressed by how knowledgeable you are at such a young age.

How did you get so articulate? What did you read? Did you take classes in high school? Did you have a mentor? did you have a life-changing conversation with somebody? I would love to know more about your process of getting to where you are now.

Hey :) I'm kind of surprised that people choose to compliment me at all since I'm calling people names on here and such, I think I'm a nasty person overall... I'm in my early twenties currently, so I'm certainly not a teenager, but I'm still at an age where my opinions get dismissed and it has taken me significant effort to start taking my concerns seriously. In the post you are referring to, I was talking about people who equate polarizing opinions to those of an immature teenager, which hints at the fact that people grow out of their rebellious phase and expect others to become just as compliant with age… I don't consider my opinions (especially on pregnancy) to be rebellious in the first place, to me they are common sense and I'm genuinely disgusted by the fact that many adult women continue to perpetuate the same rhetoric that has harmed me as a teenager.

I've never received any higher education, and I barely ever attended high school, so if you find my writing skill compelling it can be the proof that all you need is yourself and a willingness to learn. I'm not sure if I what I have is innate talent because I did read a lot as a child, which probably explains my vocabulary, and I'm not exactly a prodigy since my early writing is still as primitive as it gets for someone who is just starting out. My writing process is not effortless either and I go through a lot of drafts or even variations of the same sentence until I'm satisfied with it. What I know to be innate to myself is my overall interest in reading and writing, it is something I spend a lot of time doing and my proficiency makes sense to me that way. I suppose, I'm still not at my fullest potential because I limit myself to mentally taxing topics... Much of the difficulty I encounter comes down to the fact that the things I talk about are extremely personal and often require more reflection from me than I'm ready for; this is the reason I'm yet to post some of the questions I promised to answer. When it comes to my writing skill, I would be lying if I said that public education did nothing for it because it did lay down the foundation, just that I draw my understanding from other subjects and cannot recommend a reading list because I was taught them in person. My approach to writing is based on my knowledge of cognitive reframing and I would have to write a book myself to explain how I apply it. Weirdly enough, I attribute my eloquence to fanfiction since it's what I used to read the most of, and some of it is genuinely high quality — for example, I think this story is very poetic, especially the last paragraph. The same can be said about fantasy games where I would pay attention to the flowery language in quest text and dialogue; my learning experience has been unconventional at best.

I thought it would be helpful if I recited what I do directly... My writing process is as follows:

Receive a question or get interested in an idea, draft the first thing that comes to mind. Write until I don't feel like it anymore. Usually this is no longer than one sentence.

Come back to the draft when I feel like it and let my imagination run its course while I look at the prompt. At this point, the draft is a mixture of coherent ideas and incoherent sentence stumps I then proceed to flesh out within the confines of the main topic. This is the stage where I figure out the structure and the general theme of whatever I'm writing. I narrow down the essence of what I'm being asked about, write until I figure out the closing paragraph, break down the draft into connected sub-topics and come up with a title for each paragraph as well as the entire piece. For this answer, I titled the first paragraph "Why I wrote what I did and my attitude towards it", the second & third paragraph "My education and writing process" and the fourth paragraph "My advice and why I haven't given up yet". I titled the answer as a whole "My age and my writing process" which is kind of odd, it probably means there's something I have to reflect on in regards to my age... While drawing up a plan like that is common writing advice I would give regardless, grounding myself with a simplified idea is even more important to me because I do not write sentences consecutively. The first draft of the previous sentence quite literally was "is important to me because I do not write sentences consecutively." with the dot, meaning that I knew it would be the last part of the sentence and that there was something I was supposed to trace it back to before I could finish it. This goes for the entirety of my writing process and I will often start a sentence from the middle, write different paragraphs one sentence at a time or even write an entire paragraph backwards. It can be hard to keep track of the structure when you write the way I do, so having a grounded idea I can always refer back to is the solution for me.

Continue to refine the draft along the guidelines I established until I'm satisfied with it — this doesn't mean that it's perfect even by my own standards, I often leave awkward wording as is because I know when to move on from a creative block. What matters to me is that it communicates the ideas of the sub-topics and fully conveys my point.

The most important thing I've learned ever since I committed to writing is that I am at my best when I write for myself. I would go as far as to say that I'm at my best when I write about myself, that way I absolve myself of the responsibility that accompanies external topics. I no longer burden myself with articles and statistics which may or may not be inaccurate, I talk about my own improvement and I know what it has been well enough to not be bothered by people disputing it. Even as I'm answering this question, my focus is on my personal enjoyment so that it remains the motivation I can look back at; I don't believe it to be remotely unfair, it is reliable. People move on and people get disinterested, my audience could leave due to personal circumstances and it would be no one's fault. By being my own standard of quality, I get to be consistent with my work and both me and the reader benefit that way. Other than that, my straightforward advice is to trust the process and to not be afraid to take risks with your writing. Stylistically, the list I made has to be limited to impersonal descriptions to be consistent, but I went on a personal tangent in the second point anyway — so what? Taking this liberty was what inspired me to finish the list at all, which I'm not going to complain about. I take a risk every time I choose not to dilute my complicated speech, like right now, because it does come off as pretentious, although no one has complained so far. Generally speaking, there are no real social risks to be taken with writing because intelligence is already hard to come by, the people who value it will appreciate the effort regardless and the people who don't could never be catered to in the first place. The only "risk" I can imagine anyone taking is the risk of being disappointed in one's abilities and the fear of never amounting to one's aspirations, but even that is temporary because creative skills always improve so long as you practice. I'm personally well past the point of doubt because people have seen me at my worst too many times by now, that ship has sailed for me... My aspirations rely on my ability to articulate myself, so I don't lack motivation when it comes to improvement. The enjoyment I get from completing a piece allows me to persevere through the many challenges the writing process entails.

[chilope]

top 5 books that made you the possum you are today?

ive been trying to decide how to answer this because theres like. the five books that made me the possum that i am but that i wouldnt necessarily recommend and then theres the top five books that i would recommend but that didnt necessarily have a profound impact on me.

changed my brain chemistry, not recommended:

speak by laurie halse anderson. listen im not gonna get into it but i happened to have spontaneously grabbed this book from the middle school library at the exact specific moment that i needed to read it and i credit it in many ways with my continued aliveness

an abundance of katherines by john green. PLEASE SEE SUBHEADING. but again, read it at basically the exact moment i needed to, i have never in my life related to a character more. reading it felt like having an adult grab me by the shoulders and tell me with absolute sincerity that everything was going to be fine. and i was like 18 and homeless and suicidal and scared to death constantly so it really helped.

edgar allen poe's poetry. not recommended because i have extremely mixed feelings about him as a person but he is also like. the reason i started liking poetry as a concept. so.

the selfish gene by richard dawkins. this is a good book and you should read it i just have beef with richard dawkins.

becoming dangerous edited by katie west and jasmine elliot, in particular the final essay (need to grab my copy to remember the name and author). idk listen. i go in for this kind of stuff. it speaks to me. it is not for everyone, in particular the mutuals i have here tend to be very anti-woo (reasonable) and this is very woo, so i dont recommend it. but i liked it a lot and it changed the way i thought about a bunch of things (my queerness, my spirituality, feminism, the way i relate to other women and my expectations of them). its a good book.

honorable mentions go to why does he do that, adult children of emotionally immature parents, the body keeps the score, etc, which have many many many many flaws and yet are also apparently good vehicles for understanding what the fuck is happening to you and like. reframing your experiences.

recommended and contributed in some meaningful way to my possumhood:

the redwall series by brian jacques. just straight up i cannot imagine what kind of person i would be if i hadn't read these growing up? genuinely difficult to wrap my head around that universe. these books are the background radiation coloring every aesthetic decision i have literally ever made. i actually have no idea if they hold up because i havent read then since i was like 12 but im choosing to believe they are still very good.

the persistent desire edited by joan nestle. the first queer history/theory book i ever read. idk man i dont really have an explanation for this one it just made me feel really seen and connected.

a thousand splendid suns by khaled hosseini. i dont really have an explanation for this one it just hit.

watership down by richard adams. again i cant really explain this one its just like. in there, you know? it will never come out.

its kind of a funny story by ned vizzini. this is another one of those ones that just sort of got claws in me and i never pulled them out. i still think about it a lot. its good, i recommend it if you can stomach ya still.

honorable mentions go to the poisonwood bible, the complete works of sherlock holmes, the lord of the rings/the hobbit, the grapes of wrath, the scarlet letter, matilda, the master and margherita, the child catchers, maus, the diary of anne frank, night, persepolis, 1984 (different reasons than usual), muted, fucking trans women, the red tent, black beauty, number the stars, the origin of species, and, i suspect it goes without saying, the torah. actually i dont really recommend the torah. but its effect is undeniable.

unfortunately the criteria was "made me the possum i am today" so the list skews toward books i read when i was younger, hence the ya and english class stuff. but this was a very fun jaunt down memory lane so thank you for asking :)

[butts-bouncing-on-the-beltway]

I have a really hard time on Tumblr sometimes and I have this issue with a lot of people and places so it's hardly tumblr specific, but it's also really hard to describe/convey to others. Let me try to scaffold it out

I spent my entire childhood being called an anxious person, and being forced to keep my anxiety internal, and this is overall really bad for me

The one useful tool I was ever given for BOTH reducing externally visible distress AND total distress is to pair anxious/distressing and "strengths based" thoughts. Whenever I say or think something related to distress, I take a moment to reframe the thought into a pair of thoughts - one non-judgemental observation of the need speaking through my distress/how I might meet it, and one non-judgemental acknowledgement of my feelings. It's energy intensive, and it takes a while to learn how to do it in a way that is clarifying rather than erasive. But it genuinely always makes me feel like I have a better handle on things, like I'm less inclined to spiral or end up with a disrupted mood or function, and also now consistently get **the opposite** commentary about being a very positive person who's good at conveying and opening up that positivity for others (at least in my professional life)

There are some people who take my doing this as an invitation to argue with me about why, actually, the distressing stuff IS VALID AND RIGHT AS A FRAMEWORK rather than understanding why I might be shifting away from it. You'd think this would happen most when I talk to other people and "reframe" something they've said, but actually this happens the most often after I have just finished expressing my own thoughts about a thing and someone seems to decide that "framed in a functional way" is equivalent to "hasn't thought enough about the problem areas" and start going off about all the "bad" or "hard" or whatever parts of a thing.

I cannot argue BACK with these people when they do this, because arguing back is dragging me back into a headspace that directly contributes to my suicidality, however side-stepping the issue by CONTINUING to insist on framing things the way I do often leads to them REPEATING their points in different ways in an attempt to "convince" me or "correct my misunderstanding" and I kinda have to be like. Not a misunderstanding. I know what you said and am simply not sharing that space with you. Why is it so uncomfortable for you that we are on different pages about this thing that you feel the need to force me into a distressing place for me rather than move on now that we've both shared our thoughts on the matter?

I can only spend so much of my time around a person rigidly reinforcing my own protective cognitions before I just. I can't talk to them anymore. I need to leave and do other things in other spaces with people who can talk to me about things from the same strengths-based perspective for a while

A lot of people use this to accuse me of spending time in echo chambers because they LITERALLY CANNOT FATHOM a space in which one can be critical of a thing without explicitly being "negative" about it, and assume that if everyone in a space is coming from a strengths based perspective that they're all uncritical fans or at least don't criticise in that space. This is just an objectively untrue assumption and I actually vastly prefer the constructive criticism of things within those strengths-based spaces

You can't ask people to stop doing this, or make them believe (if they don't already) the impact this might be having on your mental health, and if you try, people take it VERY personally and will start being MORE "negative" about EVERYTHING they say without even realizing it (saying "positive" things about one thing directly by "pulling down" something else, using satirical praise language like "fuck you" or "i can't stand it I'm going to die" or etc to refer to things they are happy with/enjoying/liking/etc, pivoting off your "positives" with immediate "negatives", etc) which makes the dynamic more intensive to cope with for me. Even when I try to convey this stuff to someone or point out examples, it quickly worsens the issue to the point that it's literally better for me to stop doing so and go back to quietly exiting when I'm overwhelmed.

A lot of people, when all this is discussed for them, will say something to the effect of "this is how I enjoy things I love!" And I get that. I do. But why? Why is the only way you are able to enjoy a thing by putting it or something else down? If it were ONE OF THE WAYS you enjoyed things, I'd 100% get that, and have no issue with it! I do wish that it was more common for groups of people to just enjoy things "unironically" tho, because it's a space I have a much easier time existing comfortably in, and those spaces being hard to find and maintain is part of why I struggle to socialize much. It's hard for me (literally, in terms of asking more effort of me, and emotionally in terms of the impact it has on my mood) to be around people whose only access to enjoyment is to insult, belittle, or point out the problems in something. It makes me sad not to spend as much time as I'd like to with people I like because of this incompatibility, and it makes me frustrated that I have never found a way of sharing with others what is happening in this dynamic in a way that has any concrete impact on the outcome. I have sort of learned to just NOT share it with others and instead do all the heavy listing of navigating the issue on other people's behalf and taking breaks when I can no longer do that so that I can keep relationships or spaces or conversations that are important to me.

Tumblr is, to put it mildly, almost nothing but this dynamic. So despite being a system I am most suited to in terms of posting options, conversation topics, access formats, etc, Tumblr is a space I feel best taking regular breaks from.

Tumblr is far from the epitome of this in my life. But it's a space where I see the most. I want to say etiquette? Social "respect" indicators? Built around this kind of behavior/framework. Like. Tumblr is a space of differing social contexts, but a lot of the connected ones across subcultures on the platform are informed by this framework because it is non-ideological and so gets conveyed as a more universalizably etiquette system I think. So there's a lot of like. Expectations of how you interact with others here that default this framework (for very functional reasons I think lol, i just don't know that it was done on purpose rather than sort of stumbled into?) are really normalized in a way that is especially risky for me given how much work I have to put into resisting this framework on a personal level

I often feel very lonely, because I have found a degree of distance that gets built into my dynamics with people. Throughout my life, there have been people who put me up on a pedastal, and people who set me far below them in capacity and cannot fathom my functionality, and of course people who manage both at once in different areas. But it's been hard to build and maintain relationships where I trust I am seen specifically as a peer and where this anxiety/complaint oriented framework is not one of the dominant cultural forces in play socially.

There are gaps in all this still in my brain, but. I dunno, I get tired sometimes. I wish I had a space in my life where I felt fully seen and where I could just sort of sit and build something up with someone for a while.

[impishtubist]

Sirius chaos anon back for more (not a native english speaker BTW, please forgive my typos):

I think that Sirius Black is one of the only characters to genuinely challenge the system in HP. I called him anti-autoriteran for a reason: he knows people in power that everyone think are right can be wrong, and that everyone can make mistakes. He’s the only one to challenge Dumbeldore’s opinions and show mistrust of him without being outright vilified. However the Narrative karmically forces it to be a mistake every time, and punishes him for it. He’s the only character to challenge the idea that goodness isn't an inherent character trait but something you must choose, work on, and question over and over again. He knows good people can make bad and even evil choices.

The systems failed him time and time again. In his abusive upbringing, in failing to adress the growing threat of the death eaters, in never giving him a trial, in ignoring his mental and physical needs as long as they can use his property. He has no reason to trust people in power have his wellbeing in mind.

He is not stupid, far from it, he probebly is the best critical thinker in the cast. He was so deeply traumatized by injustice it’s literally the core of his personality and what kept him sane in Azkaban. He knows actions have consequences more them most others, but still chooses the subversive path because he trusts his own judgment more than the authority. I fully believe that’s why he needed to be killed at Ootp, and reframed post-mortem.

Bonus: If anyone thinks that a flighty, stupid, and spoilt person that needs tough love comes from an overtly abusive home: you have no idea how human psychology works. choosing as a kid do openly oppose you parental abuser and discured the ideologies and identities they push is a sign of personality who deeply mistrust power and an unwillingness to give yourself over even for the price of safety. That's why common fanon wolfstar makes no sense to me.

However, the closer to the cannon iteration of Remus would be attractive to him, in my opinion. Not only because he's a living proof of how wrong everything he was taught about werewolves is, but because he can identify with the position of being told he is bad because something intrinsic he cannot control and having to prove his goodness over and over.

Yes, all of this! You're especially right about Sirius being the only critical thinker in the cast, and yet the narrative forces him to be wrong/punished for it each time.

Wolfstar is so interesting when you stick to their canon selves! I will never understand fanon Remus, or the fandom obsession with him.

[askgothamshitty]

I just wanted to send a single prompt lol but personally

I have not seen the movie nor do I plan to (just don't care) but the discourse on it online is sort of frustrating me.

Recently I have been re-evaluating my stance of sex work and the sw industry. A lot of my opinions were formed from like "radfem" circles that were just TERFs and those weird conservatives that masquerade as feminists. It's one of those things I have to personally sit with and actually research and interact with so i can form a more cohesive opinion.

(To be clear going forward I am talking about sex work and not the industry itself. I am against the industry due to its exploitative nature etc etc. What I am challenging here is why we should be against it and how we define sex in general.)

I cannot find myself being anti-sw anymore. All the reasons people presented as to why sex work is bad is rooted in this very puritan monogamous heterosexual definition of sex that I fundamentally do not agree with and therefore I cannot see any issue with sex work.

In my head, sex is a purely mechanical action. It's just stimulation of one's genitalia. It's connotations within society is a bit more nuanced but at its core it's just arousal. Although I can never see myself doing it i can understand just doing it for the sake of doing it. I don't find the idea of having sex with someone you are not attracted to as inherently harmful.

I have also been learning a lot more about how sex is used in a society and how it is still very transactional in nature. People outside of that framework still use sex and sexuality to their own advantage. To me this is where that idea of prostitution being the oldest profession comes from. As long as humans are able have sex and crave sex that desire can be exploited for social leverage.

These are just counter-arguements to some of the points I have seen raised against sex work. I do not agree with the idea that sex is a sacred practice, but most arguments I see hinge on this idea that the crime of sex work is that it violates this sacred nature. We live in a capitalistic society that makes all of our interactions and relationships transactional, and that is where sex work finds its roots. Transactional sex does not only exist in the formal sex work industry, it is also very prominent within heterosexual relationships and much more. There are also other ways to use one's sexuality for social leverage.

I just don't think arguments against sex work should be rooted in the idea that sex should only occur between coupled people. You can have sex with whoever you want for whatever reason, and you don't even have to enjoy it. That's just life. Instead, we should focus on the harm caused by the lack of legislation or protection for sex workers. And there is the long-term goal of dismantling capitalism and, therefore, transactional sex as a whole (or at least the need for a formal industry). And, of course, there is the relationship between masculinity and sexual dominance. So there are reasons why the sex work industry is harmful, having sex with strangers part just isn't it.

To me of course. It's the more I read and engage with sex workers the more I understand their situation. The more i engage with their stories the more i see it's less about the sex and more about the work and the lack of protection they have in these spaces. I csnt help but genuinely question how helpful this discourse is for actual sex workers.

And again a lot of online radfems just seem like conservatives who have found comfort in the aggressive nature and anti liberal sentiments of radical feminism. I see it time and time again where they reframe radical feminist ideology into these holo conservative ideas particularly in regards to sex negativity and bioessentialism.

I'm ranting here but it's been a long two days. I have a lot on my mind i need to get it out sorry

I have to say I disagree with most of what you’ve said here.

For me and other anti-prostitution feminists, a fundamental objection towards the trade is centered around the belief that sex should not be commodified. This turns sexuality itself into a commodity and thus fragments it from the self in a process of alienation. This objection has nothing to do with a belief that sex should only happen between coupled people.

Aside from this, another feminist objection is the understanding that paid sex is rape. Feminists recognize money as a vehicle of coercion. When an offer of payment (or food, shelter, protection, drugs) is used to mediate consent, that consent ought to be considered coerced. And coerced sex is rape.

“Prostitution is the world’s oldest profession” is a quote from British novelist Rudyard Kipling. It is not true - prostitution is the oldest form of slavery. It is not until very recently, with the advent of capitalism, that some (mostly Western) women were able to enter the sex trade as entrepreneurs. Historically, and still currently, the vast majority of sex is sold under slave-like conditions.

I do agree with you about “regular” sex also being transactional - specifically heterosexual marriage. This is exactly why radical feminists recognize both marriage and prostitution as twin institutions of sexual exploitation.

You’re entitled to your opinion, of course. But it’s important to understand what the feminist critique actually is, and the real, material conditions for the masses in the sex trade. I do understand your qualms with the online radfem community, and yes there are many plain old conservatives hanging out in those circles, but they do not accurately represent the actual analysis.

[lazarostreicher]

Clarity and Confidence: How Life Coaching Unlocks Growth

In an increasingly fast-paced and uncertain world, personal and professional success no longer hinges solely on technical skills or external circumstances. Instead, it depends mainly on clarity, purpose, and the ability to make empowered decisions. This is where life coaching plays a transformative role. Life coaching offers a structured and personalized approach to self-improvement grounded in reflection, strategic planning, and accountability. As individuals seek ways to grow and thrive, life coaching has become a trusted path to achieve specific goals and foster long-lasting confidence and fulfillment.

Establishing Vision and Direction Through Focused Self-Discovery

Many people begin life coaching because they feel stuck or unsure about their next steps in life. They may be navigating a career transition, facing burnout, or struggling with dissatisfaction that they cannot quite explain. Life coaching provides the clarity necessary to identify what matters and where energy should be focused. Unlike traditional therapy, which often looks at the past, coaching focuses on where the client is today and where they want to go.

The coaching process starts with defining a clear and compelling vision. Clients are encouraged to explore their values, passions, and unique strengths. This form of self-discovery isn’t superficial; it dives deep into what gives life meaning and how that meaning can be translated into real-world action. With a coach’s guidance, clients can distinguish between externally imposed goals and those genuinely aligned with their inner compass.

Once a meaningful vision is articulated, it becomes a guiding force for all future decisions. Clients often report feeling energized and motivated, not just because they’ve set goals but because they finally understand why they matter. With a strong sense of direction, individuals become more resilient and adaptable in facing challenges because they know what they are working toward and why it’s worth it.

Enhancing Decision-Making and Building Emotional Intelligence

Life coaching helps clients become more effective decision-makers by cultivating emotional intelligence and self-awareness. These two qualities are crucial for personal and professional development. Poor decisions often stem from emotional reactivity, internal conflict, or misalignment with core values. A life coach helps individuals pause, reflect, and respond intentionally rather than reacting impulsively or out of habit.

As clients grow in self-awareness, they also begin to recognize emotional patterns that influence their thoughts and behaviors. This might include tendencies like people-pleasing, avoiding conflict, or being overly self-critical. A coach helps illuminate these patterns without judgment, creating space for new responses. Over time, clients learn to manage emotions more effectively, communicate more clearly, and maintain stronger boundaries.

In professional settings, this enhanced emotional intelligence improves relationships and leadership and increases confidence. Managers become more adept at handling team dynamics, entrepreneurs make bolder yet thoughtful decisions, and employees at all levels gain the presence and poise to handle stress constructively. Emotional intelligence becomes a valuable asset for career growth and sustaining well-being in high-pressure environments.

Shifting Mindset and Reframing Challenges Into Opportunities

The mindset that individuals bring to their lives largely determines the outcomes they achieve. Limiting beliefs, self-doubt, and fear often hold people back more than external barriers. Life coaching is particularly effective in identifying and transforming these internal roadblocks. Coaches are trained to listen for the subtle language of limitation—phrases like “I could never,” “I’m not the type,” or “It’s too late”—and help clients reframe these beliefs into more empowering perspectives.

This mental shift can be profound. Clients begin to see obstacles not as permanent dead ends but as temporary challenges or learning opportunities. They build confidence not by avoiding failure but by facing it and discovering they can survive, adapt, and grow. The coaching relationship becomes a model for how challenges can be explored, understood, and overcome with the proper support.

As clients become more solution-oriented, they also become more proactive. Instead of waiting for the “perfect” moment or ideal conditions, they learn to act with what they have, knowing that growth comes from doing rather than overthinking. This active mindset helps achieve immediate goals and builds long-term resilience, which is essential in a world where change is constant and often unpredictable.

Elevating Professional Growth Through Intentional Strategy and Accountability

While many seek out life coaching for personal clarity, its impact on professional development is equally powerful. In competitive workplaces, standing out often requires more than technical skill—it demands strategic thinking, self-motivation, and the ability to communicate with impact. Life coaching offers tailored strategies to help professionals navigate their careers more intentionally and successfully.

Clients work with coaches to identify short- and long-term career goals, assess their strengths, and develop action plans aligning with their professional aspirations. This might include improving performance in a current role, preparing for a leadership position, or even shifting into a completely new industry. Coaches also support clients in building a personal brand, refining communication skills, and mastering the art of goal-setting with measurable outcomes.

Creating Balance, Reducing Stress, and Sustaining Personal Fulfillment

While growth and achievement are essential, life coaching emphasizes that success should not come at the cost of well-being. Many high achievers come to coaching because they are exhausted, anxious, or overwhelmed. They may appear successful on the outside but feel unfulfilled or disconnected internally. Coaching addresses this disconnect by helping individuals cultivate a more balanced and sustainable lifestyle.

Coaches work with clients to identify sources of stress and imbalance and then co-create strategies to restore harmony. This may involve redefining what success looks like, setting better boundaries, or integrating wellness practices into daily routines. Rather than pushing clients to do more, coaches often help them do less—but with more significant impact and purpose.

Investing in Life Coaching Is Investing in Yourself

Life coaching is not just about solving problems—it’s about unlocking potential. It’s an investment in your personal growth, your professional advancement, and your overall quality of life. With the support of a skilled coach, individuals gain clarity about who they are, what they want, and how to get there. They develop emotional intelligence, resilience, and the tools to navigate triumphs and trials with grace.

Whether seeking a career change, deeper self-awareness, or a more balanced life, life coaching offers a pathway forward. It is not a shortcut but a strategic partnership that honors your goals, challenges your limitations, and empowers you to own your journey thoroughly. In choosing life coaching, you are choosing to believe in your capacity for change—and that belief is often the first, most essential step toward a life of clarity, confidence, and lasting growth.

[thatmcgwords]

Build your resilience through consistent, disciplined actions, no matter how small. ~ Admiral William H. McRaven

Success is not only about career achievements or physical prowess but about navigating life's trials. ~ Admiral William H. McRaven

“Life is not fair, but who said it was supposed to be? The sooner we understand that the universe and fate do not owe us anything, the sooner we grow and mature. Different problems may occur as we make our journeys. It is a fact. What matters is the way we react to these problems.”

In SEAL training, a swim buddy is one of the closest people a soldier can have. Swim buddies are interdependent because they are tied to each other while diving. They are partners and allies because they spend most of their time together training and studying. And when one falls behind, the other gets punished.

“If you find it hard to accept failures as natural pinpoints on your life path, try this: • Reframe how you see failure: Instead of saying, "I have failed," say, "It was a good lesson for me. What can I learn from it?" • Use a checklist: After every "failure," reflect on what happened and create a checklist of what went wrong. Then, use this checklist for your future projects. • Ask for feedback: Ask your colleagues or friends how they see your work and how you can improve.”

If you want to change the world, slide down the obstacle headfirst. ~ William H. McRaven

In everyday life, taking risks doesn’t have to be drastic. You can start by doing the usual things differently. For example, try to reroute your path to work, take a long way, or use other transportation. If your usual recreational time is spent online, try walking without your gadgets. You can also go to your favorite restaurant and order a different dish from the menu. As you get used to taking small risks, you won't have any issues making significant changes.

Whether you succeed or stumble, each risk sharpens your judgment and fuels your personal growth. ~ Admiral William H. McRaven

“It was a valuable lesson for William McRaven: you can't be in this world alone. You need others who will help you achieve your goals.”

“You may already have some family members and friends who admire you and are ready to offer a helping hand. To expand this circle, try out these steps: • Do not be afraid of small talk: Start conversing with your neighbors, colleagues, or people you meet at the cafe. • Find people with similar values and preferences: You can apply for workshops and join a club where you can meet people who resonate with you.”

Being willing to share your struggles and accept help makes you genuinely approachable to others. ~ Admiral William H. McRaven

Even without trying, genuine confidence effortlessly grabs attention and earns respect. ~ Admiral William H. McRaven

“You can stop bullying, and you can do so with these techniques: • Save your resources and walk away: Bullies love when you pay attention to them. Try to distance yourself from the conflict and not waste your energy defending yourself. • Get proof: If you cannot avoid being bullied, try to get as much information as possible about what happened (time, place, and witnesses). It will help you immensely when you report it. Report it to the authorities: Tell others or people dear to you about your struggles. Inform those in charge, like teachers or supervisors.”

If you want to change the world, don’t back down from the sharks. ~ William H. McRaven

“same. Quitting may bring you comfort, but it will never bring you growth. Try this • Bring value to society: You create more purpose in your life by offering help to others. You can start by volunteering in your local community. • Limit your access to negative media: Negative narratives can affect your mental health and undermine your self-esteem. Create a quota for complaining: Allocate only five minutes for complaints. Then, get to work on solutions to your issues.”

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