#i get to experience basic respect and gender euphoria from like a Handful of people who give a shit and they mean the world to me but my god

[lindwyrmrelinquished]

So....what are some of your headcanons for Ranbutler?

OHHHHHHHHHH BUDDY, YOU ARE OPENING YOURSELF TO A WHOLE NEW CAN'O'BEANS HERE

OKAY SO FIRST OF ALL-

(everything else under the cut because there is a L O T )

Butler's human form is predominant(which unfortunately means he does not have a tail :(), but he can make Ender noises/speak Galactic. He's got a bunch of stims and tics, and making the Ender noises is one of them! He often makes them to fill the silence, or in times of high emotion(positive or negative. just imagine a Butler bouncing on his toes while excited Ender chirps keep coming out of his mouth, or he's rambling about something and half of it is layered with Galactic). Following from that, Butler has something that Billiam calls the "monochrome form". If he's under high levels of stress, whatever dark tint of color is in his right side will start spiking into the left side, making his skin darker(and, if he has enough color in his skin from NOT FUCKING OVERWORKING HIMSELF, it can get dark enough to blend into shadows) and spreading from the little black scales on his neck and cheeks and hands(which are already claws, that's why he wears gloves), and if he's really stressed/pissed, little horns are gonna start poking out of his skull and he's gonna be completely gray/black, his teeth are already deadly but they're gonna get sharper and if you look him in the eyes he will s c r e a m and very likely tear you apart if Billiam isn't there to hold him back/calm him down.

Speaking of! Butler very much dislikes eye contact. It makes them extremely uncomfortable and the Ender part is gonna start screaming to attack attack attack and the pupil-slit thing is gonna happen. Unfortunately, he's frozen by the eye contact and cannot move of his own free will, it's all going to be instinct to either get away or attack, if he moves at all. And the moment the eye contact is broken, he starts to calm down and all the screaming in his head starts to dissipate, so he doesn't really get the chance to consciously act on the Ender side's instinct.

NEXT OF ALL, throwing canon out the window and saying BILLIAM AND BUTLER ARE FOUND-FAMILY. The way they acted in the episode is just that, an act. In reality, they actually Care each other Very Very Much and have adopted each other into their respective hybrid groups(i.e Endermen have their hauntings, Piglins have their sounders{that part's not canon to mc but i yoinked it from a fic}). Hubert jokes about how Billiam accidentally adopted Bu as his son, but both Bu and Bi deny this. Hubert also got Liaria and James in on the joke and now these two are being constantly triple-teamed.

ON THAT NOTE Liaria and James know about the Egg. It happened at the tail end of Bu's first masquerade when they started accusing Billiam of committing all the murders, and Bu kind of panicked and outed himself as the killer, he pulled out the knife and everything. Billiam admitted that he knew about this, and showed them the Egg as explanation. Now Liaria and James willingly give up their bought lives to the Egg on the regular(we might get into the lives thing later{it was also something i yoinked from a fic, and then I gave it more explanation}) to keep Billiam and his family alive, but they're not all that affected by it due to not even being near it half the time.

AND ON THAT NOTE, let's talk about Butler's relationship with the Egg! Bad. It's bad. Absolutely terrible, the two despise each other immensely. I like to say they're the closest thing to caliginous that a teenaged hybrid that lived off spite and an ancient crimson demon can be. The Egg's hurt Bu a lot, and honestly that's part of the reason his contempt and fear for it is so high. But that's also part of the reason why Billiam was pulled out of its influence despite living right above it. Because he cares for Bu, a literal child that's suffered severe mental and physical trauma at the hands(well, vines) of the Egg. Honestly? Billiam wouldn't be the way he is now if he didn't have to take trips to the Nether. Short explanation, too much time away from their home realm gets hybrids really really sick. So, about a few months or so after Bu arrived, he had to yeet back there for a week and just told Butler and Hubert to take care of the mansion. And you know what Hubert did, that bitch? He took advantage of both Billiam's absence and Butler's skill and pampered himself while throwing the entire load onto the child. And then like halfway through the week, he got the idea to introduce said child to the Egg, who before then has had no idea it ever existed aside from the crimson red aura around the mansion(it's a whole thing about Endermen and magic but again, another thing I might get into later). He hadn't even attended a party before then. So, yeah, Hubert just left him down in one of the old cells for three days. Didn't even check on him, that bitch. And then when Billiam game back, suffice to say he was PISSED. He may be a rich bastard who causes murders biweekly, but even he has standards, and hurting a damn 7-8 year old child that bad was not one of them. he can't be held responsible for child labor, bu followed him home by his own choice. again, another whole backstory thing

Bu's genderfluid! He usually switches between he/him and they/them, and the direction he nods is a little indicator of which one(up for gender, down for no), but sometimes he uses she/her. Adding on that, due to Weird Enderman Genetics, he can manipulate his hair to grow real fast and likes to experiment with it in the mornings for Maximum Gender Euphoria This means that one day his hair could be barely touching his neck, and the next it's all the way down to his waist. It's a fun little anomaly and sometimes Billiam likes to play with it when it gets longer :3 travelling on the lgbt train, Bu is also ace/aro! This doesn't have much impact story-wise(usually), but it's just a fun little tidbit :3 On other, more Ender notes, he has pretty much all the traits an Enderman does, even if he looks fully human aside from being 6 inches taller than Sir Billiam himself. With the eye-contact thing, I've got a headcanon that Endermen can kind of read minds to an extent if they look into another entity's eyes, but it gets loud and borderline painful if anything but another Enderman does the same. Meanwhile, Bu's about the perfect mix of an Enderman and a Human(later called Players and Villagers depending on their capabilities) to be able to take at least a few seconds of eye contact. He can also teleport! To about the same extent as Endermen, if not a little less. Unfortunately, spending too much time in the void between teleportations(i.e a few hours for him, though an hour in the void is a minute in reality. It's why teleporting happens in the blink of an eye to anyone but the user) has some adverse effects. Bu's either glitched, gotten some sort of void-sickness like a flu but worse, and/or lost large chunks of memory each of the separate times he stuck himself in there for too long. Pure-blooded Endermen have a longer tolerance, but even they can succumb to the void with enough time.

Bu's also hurt by water, and the first time Billiam really figured this out is when he dragged him to the roof because it was raining and for some reason, Bi really likes the rain. Bu, on the other hand, was hospitalized for a day once Billiam actually realized, "oh, he's burning" Unfortunately, Bu can still produce tears, so he's got some scars on his cheeks and hands from those, Luckily, though! Billiam got him some gloves and a facemask reminiscent of cc!Ranboo to hide those scars because bu's. really self-conscious about them :,D

But also he's got TOE BEANS,

[ahem] So Endermen are basically giant block-holding teleporting cats and no one can convince me very much otherwise. So on the one hand, they have giant hands shaped for holding blocks. On the other hand, T O E B E A N S

So Bu's got beans on the pads of his fingers and feet(which also end in claws with a black gradient because Peak Character Design <3). Billiam likes to hold his hands on the rare occasion he doesn't wear his gloves because mans likes to stim with those toe beans. Meanwhile Billiam himself has nicely-textured hands because of his Piglin hooves and Bu also likes to stim with them, so just. them holding each others hands for mutual stimmage

[ahem] anyway

Bu stims!! He flaps his hands and does thing really rapidly and harshly when he's really high-strung, which doesn't happen often, at least in front of people. Boy's got anxiety so he's had his fair share of panic attacks :,D he just knows how to disguise them so people don't see, but Billiam knows the signs at this point. But he also has a lot of vocal stims/tics, mainly lots of Enderman noises, some popping and a little screechy thing here and there. Sometimes he picks up a sound and then repeats it a whole bunch because it feels nice on the tongue :] there's also these poofs of particles that happen when he's happy, they look like mini purple fireworks and they're like an expulsion of magic, he can feel when they happen and it feels nice :]

(cw for self-harm in this paragraph and the followed copy-pasted convo)

[ahemhemhem] So y'know how Butler's an Ender-hybrid? His hands and feet reflect that(along with the ears, the eyes, the height, the abilities, but we're talking about about the hands here). Part of why he keeps those gloves on almost 24/7 is to dull his claws, which are not so much an intentional danger to others rather than an unintentional danger to himself. He's got tics and stims and is very neurodivergent and has anxiety(me projecting? noooo /hj), so he gets very nervous very easily. And one of his nervous habits rather than wringing his hands, fidgeting, and (if really bad)a heightened amount of tics, he tends to scratch at his arms. His claws can tear through the fabric easily, and more than one or two suits have been sent back to the tailors for repairs to the sleeves. However, having both padded sleeves and padded gloves nullifies that, so he always wears them special-made. If he didn't have that habit, he likely wouldn't have the gloves on as often as he does.

Friend Hey good headcanons 👀👀👀👀👀👀👀 Also ohhhh my god Billiam fussing over him and his gloves until he gets them to be the right amount of padded where Bu can still do things but also not hurt himself

Me gbfhdgbhgsfhbgsfdhdf He keeps examining them every time the tailors try but it doesn't feel right until That Specific Try so he just plops the gloves back on the counter and says "Do it again"

Friend They spend an entire day doing nothing but making gloves while Billiam & Hubert take turns watching Butler to make sure he stays safe

Me Absolutely Problem is Butler can feel eyes on him. And eyes make him nervous :,) so when he gets nervous. he starts to scratch at his arms again and anxiety is too much for him to ask them to stop watching him

Friend It ends up with them just having to hold his hands, looking at random things (they can go sit on the balcony or something so they have something pretty to look at)

Me That hold on actually that's adorable-

Friend Fhhdjdjdjsjsj they're friends your honor

Me Absolutely Even Hubert contributes to keeping him safe. And Hubert's afraid of even being near Butler

Friend And then we get bonding via the oh no Billiam is busy and Hubert has to take care of Bu for the next 3 hours

Me GHDSFGSHFGS THAT IS A GREAT IDEA Butler insists he can do everything himself, nothing's different about the routine, and then he has a mental breakdown when he tries to make food without anyone else in the kitchen- Cause usually Hubert's there, even if he's making something else. There's at least another presence, and that's the sort of thing that's calming for Bu. But Hubert's off setting up the table for lunch/dinner or something and Butler makes One minor slip-up and spirals from there until he's struggling even handling spice mixing The same thing happened with cookies one time, and both times Hubert found him borderline unable to function because he panicked too much and helped him out of it.

Friend Butler is just curled up in the kitchen, trying to have a quiet panic attack because he can't cause the others any more trouble than he already is, and Hubert is very quietly upset about helping him because he was doing so good at avoiding Bu but here he is again being the only thing that's letting this kid breathe

Me Absolutely

Friend Do you think Bu passes out on him? Like Hubert (probably reluctantly) gives Butler a hug cause those help, and Bu was just supposed to stay there until he felt better, but panic attacks are exhausting and he fell asleep at some point-

Me Oh my gods he would though, especially with the amount of sleep he gets He'd have to try so hard to even stay conscious, much less do things in the manner he usually does, and Hubert just quietly tells him that it's okay to sleep; he'll take care of everything. Hu never forgets that of course Bu's always in danger around him - he has fleeting thoughts and quite often knows how to act on them - but he stands up holding an exhausted child and takes him to his room so he can rest. Butler may want him to stay; Endermen usually want someone around when sleeping. It's the security of having someone watch for nightmares, but Hubert doesn't stay. He has to go back to the kitchen and finish that meal Bu was making. But if he's still asleep by the time Hu's done with everything, he might linger outside his door, listening in for anything bad.

(Okay the cw is over now, you may now go back to your regularly scheduled content :,D)

Also, one last thing: Billiam gives Butler a bunch of gold things(including the masquerade mask) because that's what Piglins do with their sounders, they cover them in gold to show they care. And after Bu finding out the reason why Billiam's been handing off a bunch of gold things to him he does not cry, because that would hurt his face, but he does feel quite a lot of things that make him want to because holy shit Billiam feels the same

Butler is Billiam's sounder and Billiam is Butler's haunting, they are family your honor

[dxuble-bubble-disco-quexn]

euphoria | b. urie

where brendon goddamn urie is charlie price, and you’re just the lowly costume designer… or so you thought.

brendon urie x reader

(kinky boots era)

word count : 2.8k

warnings : a rushed-as-hell ending because i didn’t know how to finish it and had zero ideas, i’m sorry

notes : i did really try to make this gender neutral, so if i added any fem/masc pronouns or anything like that, please point them out to me! and to get into the theatre mood, i’ve been listening to hamilton non-stop. (see what i did there-)

{ ! }

“how’s it going there, urie?” you asked nonchalantly, leaning in the doorway of brendon’s dressing room. he was clearly struggling with the laces on the left boot, but knowing him, he would have insisted that he could do it himself until he had to walk out to a crowd of hundreds with one boot and a slipper on. suffice it to say, he was a stubborn bastard.

“all good.” brendon grinned wryly, glancing down at the offending footwear. you arched an eyebrow, and after a moment, he crumbled. “okay, fine,” he amended. “maybe it’s not ‘all good’.” you laughed, mentioning that it was pretty clear before entering the room.

"it's, um, yeah." he said helplessly, motioning at the shoe. you snorted and bent down, lacing up the boot with ease. you had designed it, after all. "thanks," brendon said, grinning at you. you brushed off the praise, merely stating that it was your job, after all.

“also, hey, good luck out there tonight! final show, must be pretty bittersweet, hm?” he laughed as though that was a great understatement. in all fairness, however, it probably was. brendon was extremely charismatic, as expected, and made friends within the cast almost immediately. having to leave them all behind in a week to go back to los angeles? that had to be tough.

“i’ll definitely miss you guys, yeah. you’re lucky that you’ll get to stay with them.” you shot him an inquisitive look and he paused. “what?”

“i’m not staying with the cast. i mean, god, i wish i could, but i’ll be moving on just like you will.” did you just imagine it, or did his face fall for a split second before lifting back up to its normal, playful grin? you shook your head slightly. of course not, you were just overtired,

“well shit, that’s a shame.” brendon said, you glanced up at him in mild bewilderment. “don’t look so surprised, y/n,” he chuckled. “believe it or not, you’re good company.”

a stagehand passed by the door to inform you both that there was 20 minutes until the curtains opened. brendon paled the smallest bit, and you noticed, setting a gentle hand on his arm. “don’t worry,” you reassured. “they’ll love you. and if they don’t, make them.”

brendon snorted. “that almost sounds like a threat.” he pointed out. you shrugged noncommittally and shooed him out the door of his dressing room, reminding him that there was only 15 minutes left and he better go out and kick some metaphorical theatre ass.

{ ! }

he did great. the whole cast did great. everyone did so great and you were doing the nearly impossible task of fighting back tears as you congratulated them all backstage. you had hoped that you were putting on a good mask of joyful pride, but charlie goddamn price just had to see through that one too.

he discreetly gave your hand a little squeeze and you were cursing yourself for the rising blush you could feel high in your cheeks. you were a grown adult, not some silly high schooler holding hands with a crush. wait. did you just compare brendon to a crush? that was completely metaphorical and suddenly brendon’s face was right in front of yours and it would be so easy to kiss him right now and what the actual fuck was happening to your brain.

“hey, um, y/n? you alright?” he asked dubiously. you nod quickly, shaking your head to shoo the obnoxious thoughts away that immediately came back when you looked brendon in the eye, curse his gorgeous face. at the moment all you wanted to do was find the tallest set piece and hurl yourself off of it.

“sorry. you kinda disappeared on me.” he said. you mumbled your apologies and made some lame excuse that you had to go to the bathroom or something. you didn’t really hear yourself, just knowing that you had to get away from all the people and all the noise and, well, brendon.

gasping for air, you made your way to the back parking lot. the cool night air felt fantastic filling up your lungs and pressing against your burning skin. alright. time to take a mental inventory - how did you currently feel? like you desperately wanted to implode. valid. why were you feeling this way? brendon urie was a charismatic, humorous, attractive-as-hell guy and you don’t know how to deal with basic human emotions.

oddly enough, your weird coping mechanisms helped you tremendously, and you were already prepared to go back in there and face your...fears? anxieties? whatever the hell this was.

“y/n!” you hesitated, but luckily it wasn’t brendon - it was ryan, one of the main stagehands in the production. “what’s up? shouldn’t you be at the tear fest, eye-fucking urie like everyone else?” despite his words, you knew ryan felt no envy towards brendon. it was well known that brendon didn’t particularly enjoy the constant eyefucking that just about everyone from the ages of 14-80 gave him on a daily basis. in fact, he liked to joke about it quite a bit.

“screw off, jerk.” you pouted playfully, rolling your eyes skyward as you continued on to the backstage. someone called out to ryan and he bid you farewell, but not before throwing a few playfully sarcastic comments your way.

you and ryan had discovered that you had both gone to the same college just a day after meeting each other, and you had grown quite close bonding over your hatred of a certain hag of a history professor.

you grabbed a glass of wine from the table where they were being served. it wasn’t the afterparty quite yet, no. but this was more pre-gaming in a sense.

you downed half of the glass in one drink and sighed, finally reaching the main bustle of the group. scanning the crowd quickly, you noticed that brendon was off talking to a few members of the ensemble, and didn't seem to be looking for you. that was a relief, but not surprising. you knew that he respected boundaries, and this would be no different.

"hey, y/nnnnn" someone called. you looked around, finding one of your best friends from the cast, jennie, looking back at you with large eyes. "hi,” she said breathlessly. “so like, the entire ensemble is going out for drinks tonight and becks said that you should come too and like everyone agreed with her so like come on!” you paused for a moment, processing her words. jennie had a tendency to do that - talk extremely fast in one breath - when she got excited. you knew there was no point in denying her request, because fuck it, you wanted a drink and who better to do it than with twenty or so grown-up theatre kids?

“why the hell not,” you laughed, “i’ll be right back. gotta grab my bag, meet you right here.” she nodded and you set off to find it. about five minutes later, (the bag evidently did not want to be found, as it had hurled itself off to the darkest corner of the set room), and you were carpooling to the bar with jennie, becks, and a guy who introduced himself as scott.

“so. what’s going on with you and urie?” jennie asked casually, leaning against the driver's seat. you stiffened noticeably.

“what are you talking about?” you retorted with much more bite than intended. jennie however merely raised her eyebrows in amusement.

“don’t even play that with me,” she tutted. “the tension between you two is freaking palpable. don’t even.” you blushed and mumbled something incoherent into the headrest in front of you. “hm?”

“what- what about you and that stagehand? eva?” jennie rolled her eyes and scoffed.

“i asked her out two days ago, she said yes. now don’t change the subject.” you blinked. alright then, you thought. some form of god seemed to be looking down on you that day, as the car pulled into the parking lot of the bar and you jumped out. it was painfully obvious that you were avoiding that topic, but it was far better than talking about it.

you, jennie, becks and scott joined the rest of the ensemble as you raced into the bar like children at an amusement park. there was a good possibility that this experience would end horribly, but in the moment, you were completely up to take that chance.

{ ! }

you flopped onto the bed of your hotel room and sighed. the bedside clock read three am, and you were utterly exhausted. feeling like a total zombie, you dragged yourself off of the soft embrace of your mattress to brush your teeth and change clothes. plugging your phone into the charger, you noticed that you had a text from none other than brendon, sent earlier that night.

“hey, y/n, it’s brendon. i hope you’re okay, i didn’t really see you after you left. but i was wondering if it was cool with you if we could meet tomorrow? i’ll send you the address of the place i was thinking. but i just wanted to ask you a few things about the boots. if you’re busy, don’t worry! it’s fine x - b”

you stared at the message for a moment before taking it in. your sleep deprived brain didn’t react as you normally would - you just sort of mentally shrugged. but you did reply.

“hi, brendon! sure, that sounds good. meet you around 11?” you mentally high-fived yourself for coming up with a reply that looked like it was written by someone not on the verge of dropping their phone on their face and falling the fuck asleep.

and then you did just that.

{ ! }

when you awoke due to the blaring sound of the alarm that you must have set before falling asleep (even though you didn’t remember setting it at all), it was already ten am. cursing softly, you rolled out of bed, straight into a hot shower. you were never one to take hours readying yourself, but you were pretty sure it was record timing as you walked out of your hotel, hair straightened with a full face of makeup on.

it was hardly a ten minute walk to the café - one that seemed even shorter as you were lost in your own thoughts. in fact, you almost walked straight past the unassuming little corner shop on accident.

the small bell next to the door rang softly as you entered. the single room of the café was gorgeous - it was on the smaller side, but the windows and natural light made it look giant yet inviting. you liked this place already.

“hello!” greeted the barista cheerfully, “what can i get for you today?” you placed your order and sat down at one of the raised seats near the front facing window, watching the slow-moving traffic. the barista called your name, and you soon sat back down, drink in hand. you were just about to immerse yourself in your phone when brendon walked in. he smiled over at you, went to place his order, and sat down across the table,

“so, what’s up?” you said, stifling a yawn. brendon chuckled.

“not quite awake yet?” he teased. you scoffed, similarly to jennie the night before.

“don’t avoid the question,” you laughed. “no offense, but why are we here?” he shrugged, suddenly dawning a shy demeanor of that you had never seen him wear. the confident, charismatic brendon urie - shy? surprisingly enough, you could see it. “why do i feel like you lured me here under the false pretenses of talking about my job?” you asked, narrowing your eyes jokingly.

“okay, fine,” he conceded. “maybe i just wanted to talk to you.”

“you know, i would have gladly accepted your invitation even if you did just want to meet up and talk.” you pointed out. brendon flushed and shrugged. “anyway, now that we’re both here, where did you find this place?” that question seemed to spiral into an endless conversation of which you were not complaining. brendon very quickly regained his confidence as the two of you began discussing mutual friends, activities you both enjoyed, and a plethora of other topics as well. you felt like you could talk to him forever.

occasionally the two of you would head up to the counter together to get new drinks, only stopping to place your orders and thank the barista who, by the sly smile on her face, almost definitely thought that you and brendon were a Thing™.

by the time you checked your phone, it was three pm. “four hours,” you said to him in awe as you walked back to his hotel room. (you had blindy agreed to head back there as you had left the coffee shop)

“sure as hell didn’t seem like four hours,” brendon chuckled. you mumbled your agreement beside him as the two of you entered the lobby of the hotel brendon was staying at, coincidentally only a few minutes walk from yours.

the elevator ride was quick and comfortably quiet, as was the walk up to his room. unsurprisingly, it was a bit nicer than yours, but you didn’t mind. it wasn’t like you spent much time in your room those days, anyway.

“dude, you’re hotel room is sweet.” you exclaimed, flopping onto the sofa that faced the window overlooking the new york skyline. brendon blushed faintly and chuckled. you raised an eyebrow at him, but refrained from saying anything.

“want anything to drink? wine, beer, water, we have it all.” he said, walking into the kitchen. you shrugged, saying that water was fine. your attention was stolen by the view from the window, where the glass panes of a nearby skyscraper were glinting rainbow in the sunlight.

“hello?” brendon laughed, setting a water bottle on the table in front of you and sitting down. you blinked and looked over at him.

“sorry about that,” you blushed, “the view is gorgeous here.” brendon agreed quietly and the two of you sat in comfortable silence for a few minutes. finally, you broke it.

“what are you going to do next? another album?” you asked. brendon shrugged, sipping his beer.

“maybe, i don’t know. i’ve been thinking of a few songs, but not a whole albums-worth.” you nodded, murmuring your understanding.

“don’t worry! i get that, and-” you cut yourself off. “you have a balcony?!” you gasped in excitement. brendon laughed and nodded, making a motion for you to lead the way, seeing as you had already jumped off of the couch.

the view from the balcony was indescribable. what with the gentle wind from being up so high, it felt like you were at the literal top of the world. even the skyscrapers seemed to shrink below you, and the clouds seemed just too far away to touch. it was euphoric.

“sorry for acting like a child,” you said nervously, not tearing your eyes away from the soaring view of the city spread out below. “i just- i’ve always loved views like this. they’re so…” you trailed off, not able to describe the feeling. brendon made a soft sound of understanding beside you.

“don’t worry, y/n,” he grinned. “excitement looks cute on you.” did he just…? no, you thought. he couldn’t be flirting with you. but as your brain went into over-analysis mode, a thought popped into your head. he was totally flirting with me. that smooth motherfucker. brendon had stayed comfortably silent throughout this whole realization, and you wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of watching you mentally fall apart before him. though, it was either that or act like you possessed the iq of a plastic houseplant, and neither of those options sounded particularly desirable.

“and everything looks cute on you, urie.” fuck, that slipped out. guess we’ll see what he does with that. he certainly looked taken aback, but regained his composure quickly. that’s right, two can play at this game.

however, the “game” did not last as long as you had previously assumed. brendon made sure of that.

“you’re making it really hard not to kiss you, y/n.” he grumbled. your stomach did a little flip at his words, and your eyes widened. you didn’t even attempt to mask your surprise this time.

“personally, i recommend that you do it then,” you smirked. brendon blinked, and before either of your realized it, your lips were on his.

with the wind blowing around the two of you, and the entirety of new york city sprawled out below as your lips moved in sync, you formed a single coherent thought. this is it, you sighed in contentment. this is euphoria.

[queerhargreeves]

Makes sense

nb Klaus and trans Diego are the only acceptable headcanons

here’s a lil self indulgent fic i wrote :’))

—————————————————————————-

It had been a few months since the Hargreeves had avoided the end of the world. At first they were all sort of shocked. Nothing felt quite real - nothing felt the same. They didn’t feel the same. They’ve been working together to regain some sort of normalcy in their lives. All seven of the siblings had their own unique “quirks”.

Luther was learning how to be an actual person without a mission. He spent 30 years aimlessly following orders and now that he has this newfound freedom, he’s working on trying to find his “thing”. Right now he’s experimenting with painting. He had spent about $1,500 of their fathers money on art supplies and his siblings fully supported that use of his money. Often times he’d end up painting the moon and the sights he saw while up there.

As time progressed Diego’s stutter started to reappear and not just when he was emotional. He would wake up every morning and say the same line to the reflection.

“My name is Diego Hargreeves and I am here.” That line became his new mantra. He affirmed his existence every morning while seeing where his brain and his body lined up that day. Sometimes it wouldn’t come out of his mouth as clean as he’d want. Sometimes it wouldn’t come out at all. During those times he signed for the day. Klaus and Diego had learned the basics as kids. They would sneak in the library and find the ASL books and cram as much information as they could in their heads before they got kicked out of the room. Klaus wanted Diego to know there was more than one way to communicate; he wanted him to know that he could express himself without words. Diego had been busying himself in boxing once more. Him and Luther turned one of the rooms downstairs into their own personal gym. He found it to be a good stress release even if he wasn’t living at the boxing rink anymore. He was still competing and his family came to every event to cheer him on.

Allison may have lost her voice but she didn’t lose her passion for acting. She’s been interpreting for shows and musicals. She even auditioned for Deaf West Sprint Awakening with the encouragement of the other six Hargreeves of course. Vanya was not the most fluent in ASL. She wanted to help her sister with rehearsing and also wanted become more fluent herself. She felt like Allison deserved at least that much. The two sisters spent many nights together rehearsing the lines, making sure she was as good as she could be. She got the role. And Vanya is playing in the pit with her. Allisons siblings made sure she didn’t lose that part of herself.

Klaus, newly sober and doing well, painted his nails weekly and has started experimenting with makeup. He had bought just about every palette he could get his hands on and everyday he would look like a different person. The siblings always made sure to comment on the look of the day. Even Luther was able to tell he was improving. They spent too long not taking Klaus seriously that the least they could do was give him the affirmations he deserves. And every week he’d have a new nail color; this weeks being hot pink. He had his “weekly appointments” with Allison that involved gummy worms, soap operas, and nail polish.

Five made sure to make a marshmallow and peanut butter sandwich every morning for breakfast with a hot cup of coffee. He often read the newspaper and usually Ben was the only one up early enough to join him. The 13 year old body had been touch deprived for 45 years and the 20 year old had been unable to get in contact with anyone for 10 years. Ben and Five always made sure they had company within each other in the mornings.

Ben was able to be physically present for about 12 hours of the day. Klaus and Ben has been training hard so they could have their brother in their life again. All Ben wanted to do was spend time with his family. He helped Luther pick out the brands of paints he should from his research of art. He also made sure to research the best, non problematic makeup brands for Klaus to buy from. He even accompanied Vanya’s students on piano as he was an avid player until the day he died. If he wasn’t physically doing things with his family, he would be reading with them.

Even after all that happened Vanya is still playing violin. She’s not currently in school as she’s already a grad student. She doesn’t have any intentions on getting her masters in violin performance. She’s content teaching kids at home. Her family has made it a big thing: Grace always made sure the children had plenty of “brain food”. Allison helped turn one of the many bedrooms into a studio with creative design rightfully going to Klaus (or more so he insisted).

However one thing that Klaus didn’t expect to happen was the euphoria he started to feel. Not only was his family actually acting like a family, but he was able to actually discover who he is. His brain has finally been given a break. He’s able to have clear, cognitive thoughts that were entirely his own without the cloudiness or influence of any substance. This was the first time he was able to do so in 17 years.

Since he started playing with makeup he realized something. He wasn’t sure if he was really a “he” at all. Klaus knew he wasn’t a girl like Allison or Vanya are. But he knew he wasn’t a man like Diego or Luther.

Klaus learned about the difference between gender and sex after a long talk with Ben. Ben had found his sibling staring at their reflection in front of the, noticing the way they eyed every centimeter of their body with confusion one night. They had on black overalls with a black and white crop top underneath and their buckled booties on. They had a simple makeup look: just winged eyeliner and a red lip. They had grown out their curls long enough to where it touched their shoulders however they had it tied up in a bun.

“I just...i don’t feel like a guy.” Klaus finally let out after he noticed Ben’s gentle presence.

“That’s okay.”

“But I don’t feel like a girl.” They shifted, looking away from their reflection and staring at Ben’s. They weren’t sure what they were saying this out loud for but Ben has been their clarity filter for quite a few years now. He always knew what to say.

Ben came up right behind Klaus and peaked his head over his shoulder. Although they were taller than Ben, Klaus had never felt so small.

“Tell me what you’re thinking. What are you seeing?” Ben asked softly, putting his hand on the small of Klaus’ back for support.

They blinked at the question. They weren’t too sure how to answer that.

“I uh,” they paused and tugged at one of their sleeves and pulled it down, “I see a lanky person who doesn’t look like anything.”

Ben nodded and waved his hand as a sign to make them elaborate.

“I think I’m...I’m not anything? I’m just Klaus.”

“And just Klaus is good enough for me. Good enough for all of us. Have you considered that you may be nonbinary?” Ben spun their sibling around so they were now facing each other.

“Non-binary...?” Klaus’ voice tapered at the end. They had never heard of such a thing.

“From what I’ve read, nonbinary people are individuals who don’t identify as male or female. They don’t fit within either binary. They simply exist as a person regardless of the binary genders assumed of people. Some go by they/them pronouns,” Ben explained, “so like ‘oh that’s Jay’s jacket. They must have left it here when they went home’. It’s completely grammatically correct. Others are comfortable with he/she pronouns. Or all of the above! It all depends on the person. This identity fits under the trans umbrella which a lot of people don’t realize.” Ben found himself rambling which he usually did when educating someone about a subject. Even if he didn’t know the most about a topic he always appreciated when anyone would listen to him.

“You can do that? You can...you can actually live like that?” They were in shock. Everything Ben had just said felt like it came right from their brain as if he had peaked inside their head at their most intimate inner thoughts about themself.

“Absolutely.” Ben put his hand on their shoulder and gave it a light squeeze. Klaus’ eyes started to sting as they started to tear up. They immediately wrapped the shorter man into a hug, careful not to get makeup on his hoodie.

“Thank you. I think...I think that’s it. I’m nonbinary.” Klaus took a step back and wiped a tear from their eyes, looking up as they did so to not mess up their eyeliner.

“What pronouns are you comfortable with?” Ben inquired with a grin on his face. He loved seeing his sibling this happy.

“I...want to try they/them.” They stated, “if...if that’s okay.” Their head always made them feel like they were asking too much of people. They didn’t want to add any unnecessary stress to their siblings lives, not anymore.

“Of course it is, Klaus. Should we tell the others?” Ben nodded towards the door. “There’s absolutely no rush though.” He added, not wanting to make them feel like they had to announce their identity to the world.

“No yeah, I’d like to. I want to be 100% me to everyone.” Klaus agreed, a grin forming on their face.

“Alrighty then, family meeting time!” Ben marched to the door like a soldier which caused Klaus to bark out a laugh.

“Yeah okay buddy.” They rolled their eyes and followed suit.

They didn’t think they’d ever have to come out again. To say they weren’t scared would be a lie but they knew the could do this. Ben was on their side after all.

Ben grabbed Klaus’ bell on the way out and rang it through the halls.

“Non emergency family meeting people! Let’s go let’s go let’s goooo~” Ben chanted as each of their respective doors opened.

“Okay c-cool it with the bell, Ben. We heard it the first th-th-thousand rings.” Diego yanked the bell from his hand and ruffled his brothers hair.

“Fair enough. But you know I always need to make an entrance now.” Ben laughed as they seven of them seated themselves in the living room.

Ben walked up to the front with Klaus basically attached at his hip. It wasn’t unusual to find the two of them this close but they way Klaus was closing in on themself worried the family.

“What’s this about? I know you said nonemergency but,” Luther gestured to Klaus, “is this about-“

“Did you relapse, Klaus?” Five interrupted. He didn’t sound mad or accusatory, just concerned. His brows were furrowed and he was twirling his fingers in his lap.

“What, no? God no, don’t worry. I’m okay.” Klaus reassured their family as they waved their hands in front of them.

The rest of them immediately relaxed and all shared glances.

“What is this about then?” Allison signed carefully.

“I wanted to tell you guys I’m. Uh,” Ben gave them a nudge and a nod, reassuring them they can do this.

“I’m nonbinary.” They blurted in one breath. Their eyes were wide and he was frantically looking at each of them awaiting their reaction.

“I’m not familiar? What is this term. Nonbinary?” Five asked and leaned forward, ready to listen.

“It’s um, well, Ben knows more about this then I do but basically I don’t identify as a man. Or woman. I’ve never felt like either so...” Klaus trailed off

“Well I can’t really say that’s a far fetched concept to wrap my head around. You’ve always just been Klaus so this makes sense.” Luther pondered aloud almost like he was talking to himself.

Allison nodded. “I love you no matter what Klaus.” She signed and gave him a big smile.

Klaus signed thank you, feeling themself already getting emotional again.

“I could’ve told you that, K-Klaus. Is that name ok-okay still?” Diego asked and signed.

“Mmhmm! And I don’t think I really like he/him pronouns. They make me all,” they waved their hands in a dramatic motion and made a “ufjsjfjs” sound

“Dysphoric?” Diego finger spelled, knowing all too well what that felt like.

Klaus took a sharp inhale and snapped their fingers.

“Yes! Yes that’s it. It makes me uncomfy.”

“Now there’s two trans people in the family, one ace, five queer, and only one cis straight.” Vanya giggled and pointed at Luther at the last bit which earned the roll of his eyes.

“I’m the minority now.” He retorted in a fake ‘hurt’ voice and pointed at himself.

“It gets better.” Allison signed next to him and pat his shoulder.

The entire family bust out laughing, the quiet house filled being filled with their joy.

“Thank you for trusting us with this, Klaus.” Five stood up and walked over to his sibling and stopped right in front of them and turned around expectantly.

“Family hug time!” Vanya exclaimed and jumped right up. She attacked her sibling with a hug and the rest got up to do the same.

“Who ever would’ve thought it would take the end of the world for the Hargreeves to finally develop communication skills.” Ben’s voice was muffled in the middle of the 7 bodies but everyone heard him clearly.

“Let’s go shopping, yeah? I want to blow more of father dearests money on some new dresses. The ones I have are a bit dated.” Klaus suggested as they tried to wrangle themself out of the hug to go fix their makeup.

Everyone broke apart and watched their sibling dash up the stairs before giving anyone a chance to respond. Guess they were going to the mall.

But they would be going together. Even if that meant spending an hour in and out of the changing rooms as Klaus put on their own fashion show. They all enjoyed their time together nonetheless.