#i got a lil' halo of light in her dark bedroom i think

[aimfor-theheart]

any brain worms about itakugifushi this evening?? i love how communal you all would be — like sharing clothes and meals and space. the casual closeness!!

ohhh i've always got brain worms about itakugifushi...

i had this little drabble based on that one juju stroll where yuuji, nobara, and gojo think megumi is getting hit on and try to ruin it...where the three always try to ruin your chances of getting hit on...vice versa. maybe one day it will leave my wips but for now!!

casual closeness!! thinking ab...sleeping w them. puppy piles. lil hurt/comfort.

***

pairing: aged up itakugifushi x reader

tags: comfort, fluff

cw: maybe mention of nudity-? mention of nightmares

***

when you wake, it is blue-dark and hazy, somewhere between morning and night. the moon still hangs in a half-state outside the window. you blink slowly, burrow down in blankets, in the warmth of bodies surrounding you.

nobara is at your back, head tucked into the center of your back, between your shoulder blades. you can feel her breathe. yuuji is beneath you, shoulder your pillow, broad chest rising and falling. his arms wind around your waist, holding you to him, even in his sleep. nobara's arm is draped loosely around you, too, enough that her hand is splayed over yuuji's stomach.

you ache a little, in your neck, from being all twisted up in them. but they're warm enough, safe enough, that it doesn't matter. your eyes are still heavy but–

one is missing. he was on nobara's side. the boys like to sleep on the outside, bookend you and nobara in the center.

carefully, you lift yourself up to peak around the room.

megumi is nowhere in sight. you listen closely in the dark, hear distant, soft noise in the living room.

you untangle yourself as gently as possible. thankfully, nobara and yuuji are heavy sleepers and don't stir when you slip out of bed. in the dark, you fumble for clothes, happen about a shirt strewn on the floor. you bring it to your nose and inhale–it must be yuuji's. it smells a little like nobara's perfume, though, the curshed berries and rose, musk and vanilla. the boy's like that one. when she gets ready in the morning with you, the whole bedroom will smell of it. she always spritzes some onto the sides of your throat, tilts your head with her hand, let's you have some of her best.

you slip into the shirt, let it fall around your thighs and pad out into the hallway to see soft, gold light towards the joint kitchen and living room. it feels a little dreamlike, heaven sweet, when you find megumi tucked into the couch, haloed in the small light he's turned on. messy hair. bare skinned. there's a mug of tea on the coffee table beside him.

he picks his head up when you enter, catches your eye. you wade into his arms naturally, both of you folding in on each other. he's cooler, while you're still sleep warm, can feel the way he tries to steal some of your heat, hands disappearing beneath yuuji's shirt to find skin as you curl up in his lap.

"can't sleep?" you murmur into his chest.

he hums in agreement, "did i wake you?"

maybe, you think, i just know. i just know when i don't have one of you, like some sixth sense you can't name, some part of you that now feels intrinsic. like missing a heart beat, feeling it skip, missing a limb, of course you'd know.

you shake your head, though, burrow deeper into his arms.

"want tea?" he asks softly, can feel the brush of his lips against your temple.

you nod into his neck, nudge your nose and lips against his jaw. you can feel him sigh a little, feel the breath of him escape in a quiet rush, appreciative. soft.

he leans forward a little, disturbing you, to grab his warm mug.

you unfurl yourself enough to let him bring it to your lips.

the mug is chipped, well-loved, and the tea is bitter, the root of something, crush of earth on your tongue. no honey. you don't mind it, it warms you inside out, but you usually prefer something softer; camomile or lavender. a squeeze of honey.

still, you take another sip. he then takes a sip for himself before settling it back onto the coffee table.

you both ease down against each other again. his broad hand moves up your spine, back down, soothing movements, almost restless.

after a moment, you ask quietly, "nightmare?"

a slow breath.

then, "yeah."

"you okay?" you press petaled kisses to his jaw, his cheek, little i'm sorrys, little comforts.

he hums again. "i don't know if i'll be able to sleep for–"

"why are you guys out here?" yuuji's voice is groggy, slurred almost, deeper and rougher than usual. he looks disheveled, barely awake. it's endearing, the squint of his eyes, the sleepy way he gazes at you two.

"megumi couldn't sleep." you answer and yuuji stumbles over towards the two of you on the couch now.

"let me in," he mutters, before just about throwing all of his weight onto the two of you.

"yuuji–" you laugh softly as he forces you and megumi down, squirms on top of you two all heavy, lax muscles and warm from sleep. megumi grunts as he takes the brunt of both your weights. your leg is twisted a little weird and you shift, make a noise of discontent and yuuji lifts up enough to let you get comfortable.

but then he's heavy again, heavy body, heavy eyes.

"yuu, why'd you even get out of bed if–" you ask, hands tangling in his short hair.

"wanted to make sure you guys were okay," he mumbles, cheek squished up against your chest. your back is pressed to megumi's chest, whose propped against the arm of the couch.

"we're fine, sweet boy." you murmur, "we should go back to bed."

"'m not moving," yuuji declares, hands fitting around your sides, along megumi's thighs. when he's sleepy, he blindly reaches out and holds and feels.

you're about to admonish him, when megumi says, "i'm not sure i'll sleep."

"we can watch something," yuuji mumbles, "'til you fall asleep again. sleep on the couch."

"nobara won't like waking up alone." you counter.

"not waking her, she's evil when–" yuuji starts.

"just carry her out here, she probably won't even wake up." megumi suggests and his own hands now are creeping around your waist, one skimming over yuuji's arm.

"you do it–" yuuji mumbles.

"i have two people on top of me–"

"excuses, fushiguro, excuses..."

"what're you all doing out here?"

speak of the devil.

"nobara," you say warmly, "we were just going to get you."

she's in megumi's shirt. one sock is hers, the other is yours. she looks grouchy, always does when she's been woken, brows furrowed, lips puckered a little.

she pads over as you say, "megumi couldn't sleep. turn on the tv, we're going to watch something out here."

"it's three in the morning," she grumbles, but still, she reaches for remote. and then, noticing the tea, she picks that up, too, and lifts it to her lips, "whose is this?"

but before you can answer, she takes a sip, and then immediately twists her face up in disgust. "blegh," she makes a noise of distaste, answering her own question. only megumi likes his tea so bitter.

you can feel his soft smile against your temple.

she turns the tv on, soft blue light fills the room. she leans over all of you to turn off the lamp, darkness settling around you gently, save for the dreamy tv.

and then, "let me in." she mutters, nudging at yuuji.

he grumbles and she pushes at him harder. "up, idiot, i want in."

yuuji sits up a little to let her in, but only just so, and suddenly she's against you again, and yuuji's collapses onto her stomach, her legs. she growls softly at him, prickly girl that she is, but sinks her hands into his hair once he's settled against her middle.

you will certainly wake up sore, limbs asleep, perhaps too warm. but–

but it's good. and safe. comforting. a sweet little ache bubbles in your chest.

megumi fishes the remote from her hands and begins to scroll and search.

you press a little kiss to her cheek, messily to her jaw, and then she turns to kiss you soundly. you melt into it a moment and if it weren't so late–

you part from her, let her settle down against you, sink into you, into megumi, and yuuji.

by the time megumi has picked something, yuuji and nobara are already asleep again, dead weight against both of you. and megumi's breathing is even and gentle beneath you, his hands warm, his lips at your cheek, at your neck.

sleep coaxes you, lures you soft and slow, until it catches you with gentle hands.

in the flickering lights, the murmuring movie, tangled up in one another, in all your lives, you find peace again.

and when megumi finally falls asleep again, he doesn't dream, he just holds you, and nobara, and yuuji with gentle, scarred hands.

[kellythepitiablefangirl]

“Honestly, though, why do you read it over and over?” His eyes were vivid with real interest now, trying–again–to unravel the convoluted workings of my mind. He reached across the table to cradle my face in his hand. “What is it that appeals to you?”

a companion to (x)

[pretty-turtle-yoongs-blog]

The Idol Rappers Guardian Angel - Chapter 1: That Fateful Night

“Come on (y/n)! We gotta get going if you don’t want to miss the opportunity of seeing lil meow meow!” My friend yelled up the stairs to me in my room throwing all of my necessities in a small bag, which were lip balm, tissues, keys, hand sanitiser, my phone and money. The bag was a small kind of rucksack bag that was black and once I had all my things in it I threw my arms quickly into the arm gaps, picked up my BTS Concert ticket before turning off my bedroom light and ran down my stairs while yelling back, “You idiot! It’s only 7pm we don’t need to be there till 7:30pm!” I could hear her rolling her eyes at me calling her an idiot.‘The concert starts at 8pm so why is she yelling for?’ I thought to myself as I finally ran down the first step.

“Look, (shows you here weather app on her phone) it’s going to snow. You know I hate snow ever since we watched that Kdrama together...what was it called? ‘While You Were Sleeping?’“ Making me chuckle because it was only a Kdrama plus only she drives, ‘I’m too scared I’d crash my car if I ever did get one and a license.’ “Well it won’t happen, you know how much of a coward I am when it comes to cars.” I replied to comfort her making her look up from her phone to see me and smile a little before going back to her phone. As we stood by the front door she saw something on her iPhone screen that made her wear a shocked expression, “We got to go, if we don’t want to get snowed in and miss the concert.”

She quickly took the white door’s handle before turning it and slowly the door opened, making me and her start to shake at the freezing and whistling air waiting outside for us. The snow looked so thick already like two nearly three inches at least, it was still snowing. She went outside first, and I followed after closing the front door and locking it with my keys as she walked to her car door and opened it  before closing it not even seconds later to keep the chilly air out. I chose to ride shot gun so I quickly ran to the door on her left side, opening and closing the door just as fast as her, “Let’s do this, fuck it’s so cold.” She complained as I put my seat belt on and decided to go on twitter while I wait for my friend, Amy, to arrive at the concert. “Do you think we could get food on the way home?” I asked to make conversation but also because I was indeed hungry. “Maybe, let’s just focus on the concert for now. ” She replied with a sigh on the end. As I was scrolling on twitter I saw BTS had tweeted making me smile, especially since a certain bias decided to tweet a picture of himself wearing glasses and a beautiful smile with a caption that read ‘I can’t wait to see you at the concert!’ when I translated the caption from his Korean. 

I remember the last thing I saw was seeing Yoongi on my phone before hearing Amy scream and my body was impaled with what felt like ever lasting pain that kept growing and suddenly everything just … stopped. 

The next thing I know I opened my eyes to see my self on a stretcher, in a hospital but I was looking at myself... ‘... am I dead?’ I thought to myself before I saw an angelic being appear beside my dead body, he had short brown hair, a handsome face along with a halo and a beautiful set of pure white wings connected to his back. Everything about him screamed ‘pure’. It was obvious he was an angel. He wore a white lose shirt with matching white lose trousers and white shoes.

“E-excuse me?” I ask, I stood with my back towards the door in probably my spiritual form. The said angel looked up from my body to me before smiling and fastly walking over to me with a smile. “Hello (y/n)! I’m glad to finally meet you!” He said with enthusiasm. “Um, s-sorrry I just don’t know who you are, what’s your name?” I ask hesitantly, feeling it would be an outrageous crime to make such a pure being upset. “Oh that’s okay! I’m Sinclair! I was your guardian angel but you know... you died..” he ended with a pout, “but at least we finally get to see each other now!” He smiled again before hugging me tightly with his arms wrapped around my shoulders making me shocked at the tight hold he had on me, he quickly let go giving me a chance to question him. “So... what happens after this? Do I go to heaven or hell?” I ask, scared to know the answer but also I was very curious. “Well, because I deemed you to be a good human but slightly mischievous but all in all a good person, you’ll become an angel like me! I wonder which human you’ll get to look after...” he went off in thought of all the different people I could be paired with. “Do I get wings and a halo like you? I’d look weird with them things. I was always told I look better with dark things.” I told him while looking at my dead self completely still on the bed while my friend was crying and holding my dead and probably cold hand ever so tightly. “No, only pure angels get those, my family are all angels but you do get a few cool things. Your hearing and sight will become enhanced and you can teleport! That’s cool!” He said with a little nudge at my right arm.

“When do I find out what person I’m looking after?” I ask him as we begin walking out the door and through the endless corridors that reeked off death and illness. “There’s a place all angels can go to, all new ones go there to say an oath as an angel and then you get told the name of your human before getting sent there. Your human will not notice you are with them and you’re supposed to just keep an eye on them, do what you think is right and get ready to make a final judgment if you think they’re worthy or not if becoming an angel because no one knows when their human will die.” He finishes just as we reach the front door, I opened it for both of us and let him go out first before following. “Does everyone have an angel since they were born?” I ask him curiously. “No, fates real (y/n), it’s how humans are selected. I’ve been your guardian angel since you were 14 years old. Fate decides your human. No one else. And to get to Angelus custos civitatis, I have to fly us there so come here, it’ll be over in a few minutes.” He says while motioning his hands towards me, I hugged him around his waist as he then flew using his wings to Angelus custos civitatis...

A/n: ayo friends, so I tried to write this on my phone, idk if it’s gonna work hopefully it does and I’ll put up chapter two on Tuesday hopefully, I’ll be working on the other fanfiction on Monday. I hope everyone enjoyed it! I felt like it was a little too short but the next chapter should be longer.

@nona-9

[ffxvhoe]

Someday Darlin’ || Cindy x Fem!Reader

Purely self-indulgent Cindy fluff with a small side order of angst.

Taggin: @noxfreyas & @sonsoflucis bc they’re the only other not straight babes I know about currently

You were ripped away from the clutches of sleep to a muffled crash.  After getting over the brief paralysis from being startled, you groggily sat up in bed.  Taking a cursory glance around the room you realized that you were alone among the tangled sheets.  You would have wondered where Cindy had gone had you not heard the string of curses that followed the crash.  You bit back a sigh.  This was the fifth time this week you'd awaken to her working in the middle of the night.  It wasn't even that she was working continuously.  She'd come and get ready and would fall asleep next to you, but she would always end up waking up at some point and begin working on some project.  Sometimes it was cars that had been brought to the garage, other times it was her making unnecessary adjustments to the weapons that were laying around.  You'd asked her what was wrong on more than one occasion, but without fail she would brush it off as nothing.  Nothing my ass, you thought as you pulled the sheets from around your waist.  

The warm, summer's night air hit your bare legs as you walked down the stairs and into the garage.  Immediately your eyes drifted to the glow of the lamp that Cindy was working next to.  Gingerly you walked down the rest of the steps, the hem of your over-sized shit brushing your thighs.  You did your best to keep quiet, not wanting to startle Cindy out of the zone she typically went into while working.  You idly remembered the first time you'd accidentally done so.  You'd just gotten back from a hunt with a few others.  It had been a rather difficult hunt -- definitely not worth the lower pay in your opinion -- and had wanted to tell your best friend about the ordeal.  You had waltzed into the garage, brazenly announcing your arrival only to be greeted with a string of curses as Cindy dropped a drill on her foot.  She held something of a grudge over the incident for a while as that had been her favored drill of the several in the garage.  "A gift from paw-paw," she'd said.  Suffice to say it took several apologies and a surprise trip to her favorite hardware store to get back into her good graces.  

Walking over to one of the few plastic chairs in the room, you made yourself comfortable.  The slight breeze that rolled across the rather barren land was welcomed as it cooled down the otherwise stuffy garage.  Your eyes stayed focused on Cindy as she worked.  You always loved seeing her in her element.  The way her eyes lit up when she figured out the cause of a problem was adorable.  The way her nimble fingers worked around the bolts and wires was entrancing.  Ultimately, however, your favorite thing about when she was caught up in her work was how one of her dimples would appear as she pursed her lips.  Your eyes stayed transfixed on the woman you were lucky enough to call yours, devouring the way the lamplight created the faintest halo around her.   You hadn't realized just how closely you were watching her until you were surprised by her voice.  "I can feel ya starin'," she laughed.  You took that as invitation to finally come over to where she was seated.  Coming up behind her, you snaked your arms around her shoulders, hands sliding to rest against her chest.  She was still in her pajamas, the too-big, light blue shirt stopping at around the same place your own over-sized shirt did.  

"Sorry," you mumbled, giving her a brief squeeze.  Her hair still smelled like the milk and honey shampoo she used, although she'd likely need another shower going by how much oil was staining her hands and arms.  Maybe I'll join her, you thought idly. 

"Did I wake ya?" she asked.

"Well it was kinda hard to ignore the sound of things falling," you teased.  You were quick to sober up, however, when you remembered that it was still the early hours of the morning.  "Why are you down here at this hour?"

"Don't worry about it," she said breezily.  

The frown that marred your features was evident in your voice.  "Why won't you tell me what's wrong?  I just wanna help you Cin.  Even if I'm just here to lend you an ear, I'm still here.  Friends, remember?  That's what we are."  Cindy let out a responding sigh, though it didn't sound aggravated.  Instead it held a note of exhaustion; the type you suffered from after burying a problem for too long.  Wiping her hands of the oil that stained her hands, she turned around in her seat to face you, bringing her hands up to rest on your hips.  The way her blue eyes stared up at you made your heart swell; for so long you had wanted someone to look at you like that.  You pushed that feeling aside for the time being though as right now she needed you to listen.

"I jus'...I feel helpless ya know?  This ol' darkness's been 'ere for two years now."  That's right.  The thing people had come to label as the Starscourge had just reached its second full year a couple months ago.  You'd stopped counting the months a long while ago; you'd find trying to keep track was just shoving you further towards a hole of depression.  Instead you'd thrown yourself into helping people fight off the daemons.  "You're always out huntin' down them daemons, and I'm jus' here fixin' cars."  She leaned forward, resting her head against your stomach. You moved your arms from where they were draped over her shoulders, and instead brought your hands up to run through her curling, gold hair.  "Not t' mention I don't even know if you'll come back in one piece 'r not half the time."  Your hands paused in their path through Cindy's hair.  The way her tone had changed as she said that...a part of you began to wonder if it wasn't so much that she was upset about being in the garage every day, as it was that she hated the prospect of you being in danger while she's unable to do anything about it.  The longer you thought about it the more it seemed to make sense to you.  The Cindy that you'd grown up around loved being hard at work, surrounded by her power tools.  The likelihood of her resenting being here was slim to none.

"I'm sorry," you whispered, leaning over to press your lips to the top of her head.   "You shouldn't be," Cindy sighed.  "I'm just bein' silly.  You're one of the best hun'ers I know.  It's a good thing ya don't practice aroun' me anymore though; I'd never get any work done," she laughed.  You rose an intrigued brow at that and moved to straddle her hips before taking a seat in her lap.  The hem of your shirt rode up to expose the expanse of your thigh, and you felt a metaphorical shock go up your spine when Cindy's hands came to rest on them.

"Oh really?  And why is that?"  You asked.

"You kiddin' me?  Hun, seein' you all sweaty in your lil' tank top, breathin' heavy - I'm pretty sure that'd work anyone up."  You couldn't fight the heat you felt rising to your cheeks.  Whenever Cindy complimented you it was always very straight forward, but somehow there was also a hint of nonchalance as well.  You were typically good with compliments, though hers were always so point blank that you ended up caught off guard.  "No need t' be so bashful," she teased upon seeing the look you were giving her.  

"Well pardon me if I'm still not use to having a gorgeous girl compliment me," you pouted.  

"'m afraid you're gonna have t' get over it.  I don't plan on lettin' you get away from me any time soon."  Though she had laughed as she spoke, her eyes softened as they stared up at you.  She didn't have to say anything else; her eyes spoke for her.  Cindy hated the Starscourge and the fact that the world had come to something so awful, she hated that one of her friends had gone missing.  But at the same time she was grateful for the time that she was getting to spend with you.  Sometimes she would think about what her life would currently be like if she hadn't taken that leap of faith and asked you out all those months ago.  While it wasn't much of a different life, it certainly had a lot less happiness in it.  You were the one person that was able to get her to forget about the garage for a few minutes -- the one person to get her to live outside of her job.  You were an utter gift to Cindy and she treasured the fact she got to wake up with her best friend every morning.  

"Do you want me to stop going out on hunts?" You asked as a comfortable silence settled over the two of you.

"Of course not!  You'd never ask me to stop workin' at the garage; how could I ask ya t' stop huntin'?" She looked up at you incredulously.  "'Sides, ya obviously enjoy it.  I ain't about t' ask ya to stop doin' somethin' you enjoy."  

"I don't want ya constantly worrying though," you said with a frown.  You lowered your arms and entwined your fingers with Cindy's, staring down at your joined hands.  Both of your hands were calloused, though for different reasons.  Yours were hardened from hunting, while hers were hardened from working in the garage.  Similar yet different, just like everything else about the two of you.  Maybe that's why you guys got along so well, you wondered.  You were similar enough to understand one another, yet different in the places you needed to be to compliment each other.  

You took a step back as Cindy stood from her chair.  "C'mon, it's too late for this kinda talk," she said.  "Let's go get some sleep." She tugged on your hand slightly, bringing you to her side.  You unlaced your fingers from hers and instead settled with wrapping an arm around your waist as she wound an arm around your shoulders.  You leaned your head against her shoulder as you two ascended the staircase.  Once the two of you reached your bedroom once more, you separated to your opposite sides of the bed.  Climbing in, you brought the covers up to your chest and turned onto your side, hands folded under your head.  You watched silently as Cindy settled herself, and smiled once she turned to face you.  You tangled your legs together under the sheets and moved just the slightest bit closer to the blonde.  

"Think the sun will magically rise tomorrow?" You joked, crinkling your nose in amusement.  When you caught the look of pure awe on Cindy's face though you calmed.  She moved a stray piece of hair out your face, her touch delicate and loving.

"Someday, darlin', someday."

[softpink]

A Year in Spotify: March 2018

March is the worst month of the goddamn year. It’s just a vacuum of grief and loss and hurting. I miss Mike so much, and I’m making progress in coming to terms with it, but holy fucking shit I wish he hadn’t died. That’s all I have to say about this month, I’m happy for it to be over.

50. Store - Carly Rae Jepsen I can't play pretend, wish it hadn't come to this But you know there's some things you can't mend

49. Can’t Hold Us Down - Christina Aguilera Making up a few false rumors or two That for sure is not a man for me, slandering names for popularity It's sad you only get your fame through controversy But now it's time for me to come and give you more to say

48. The City - 1975 Don 't call it a fight when you know it 's a war With nothing but your t-shirt on

47. Discovering the Waterfront - Silverstein Pretend it’s not forever I'll pull myself together, I'll say that I'll forget her, I'll breathe And I'll say she never hurt me, and look at it as learning And laugh about the good and the bad 

46. Getaway Car - Taylor Swift Well he was running after us, I was screaming, "go, go, go" But with three of us, honey, it's a side show And a circus ain't a love story, and now we’re both sorry

45. Fight Test - The Flaming Lips Cause I'm a man not a boy and there are things you can't avoid, You have to face them when you're not prepared to face them

44. Sober - Lorde Midnight, we’re fading Till daylight, we’re jaded We know that it’s over In the morning, you'll be dancing with all the heartache

43. Double Cross - Senses Fail All my pictures have faded over time I burnt the negatives of you

42. Sleeping With a Friend - Neon Trees All my friends stay up past midnight Looking for the thing to fill the void I don't go out much like I used to Something about the strangers and the noise

41. A Song For Ernest Hemingway - The Wonder Years And I heard all about how his plane went down after Christmas in the Congo He read about his own death in the paper, I bet it was freeing to know When you destroy anything worth chasing, there's nowhere left to go

40. A Change of Heart - The 1975 And she said, I've been so worried about you lately You look shit and smell a bit You're mad thinking you could ever save me Not looking like that

39. Hum Hallelujah - Fall Out Boy I love you in the same way there's a chapel in a hospital One foot in your bedroom, and one foot out the door

38. First Letter From St. Sean (Rearranged) - Sorority Noise I am not alive, I didn't mean to leave you when I died I was too scared you might be the one to leave There's so much more to life than the flick of a knife

37. So It Goes... - Taylor Swift Cut me into pieces Gold cage, hostage to my feelings

36. Truffle Butter - Nicki Minaj Your whole style and approach, I invented And I ain't taking that back, cause I meant it

35. I Don’t Fuck With You - Big Sean I swear I hear some new bullshit every day I'm waking up It seems like nowadays everybody breaking up That shit can break you down if you lose a good girl I guess you need a bad bitch to come around and make it up

34. Dress - Taylor Swift I'm spilling wine in the bathtub, you kiss my face and we're both drunk Everyone thinks that they know us, but they know nothing about us

33. Me vs The Highway - The Wonder Years I remember me at eighteen, naked in your parents' basement Young and careless, watching you blow smoke rings And I remember me at eighteen You sat stoic in front me, a portrait of who we'd someday be

32. The Waterboy Returns - Modern Baseball It’s fun to be all talk, but I won't be here forever Rough time to be a lost soul, I'm sure, but we feel the same Death won't bring friends and flowers to your grave

31. You’re Crashing But You’re No Wave - Fall Out Boy Case open, case shut But you could pay to close it like a casket

30. State of Grace - Taylor Swift We are alone, just you and me Up in your room and our slates are clean Just twin fire signs, four blue eyes

29. Writer in the Dark - Lorde Stood on my chest and kept me down Hated hearing my name on the lips of a crowd Did my best to exist just for you

28. I’m Serious I’m Sorry - Jeff Rosenstock I wanted to tell you I know how it feels when The people you love just start disappearing Ashamed that you took their presence for granted But I didn’t want to seem condescending

27. Bonfire - Childish Gambino They told me I was awful man, that shit did not phase me Tell me how I suck again, my memory is hazy

26. She Way Out - The 1975 With a face from a movie scene Or magazine, you know what I mean

25. Don’t Take The Money - Bleachers And I saw your face and hands, colored in sun and then I think I understand

24. The “I” in Lie - Patrick Stump It might’ve felt good for a minute But admit it to yourself it ain’t right When you’re sleeping with your lover But you’re living with your wife

23. Flicker, Fade - Taking Back Sunday So you can go, go, go, if you want to I wouldn't try and stop you I couldn't say I blame you

22. Loverboy - You Me At Six Your past has you in a choke hold But you deserve it from what I've been told

21. A Little Uncanny - Conor Oberst You know old Ronnie Reagan, he was a shoe salesman's son He got himself in the movies, he impressed everyone He fought trial by fire, was America's fate He made a joke of the poor people, and that made him a saint

20. Like a River Runs - Bleachers The summer's gone and I'm alone And I get the feeling that you're somewhere close And I wanna get up, to the rhythm of your wild, to the rhythm of your wild heart It beats, been beating since you've gone

19. Something - Julien Baker I just let the silence swallow me up The ring in my ears, the taste of blood Asking aloud why you're leaving But the pavement won't answer me

18. Blacktop - Julien Baker But I know you're in the pews, the same as stools around the bar And I know I saw your hand when I went out and wrapped my car

17. Treacherous - Taylor Swift And I'll do anything you say, if you say it with your hands And I'd be smart to walk away, but you're quicksand

16. The Way - Ariana Grande You got my heart, don’t know how you did it And I don’t care who sees it babe I don’t wanna hide the way I feel when you're next to me

15. Hard Feelings/Loveless - Lorde When you've outgrown a lover, the whole world knows but you It's time to let go of this endless summer afternoon

14. Cry - Carly Rae Jepsen He never wants to strip down to his feelings He never wants to kiss and close his eyes

13. Jacksonville Skyline - Whiskeytown I was born in an abundance of inherited sadness And fifty cent picture frames bought at a five and dime

12. Go Home - Julien Baker And I haven't been taking my meds Lock all the cabinets, send me to bed Cause I know you're still worried I'm gonna get scared Cause I'm alone again and I don't like the things I see

11. Reckless - You Me At Six Your loose lips let, let words slide You spend too much time talking about my life Stories you will spin just for a power trip It's safe to say that I am not into it

10. All I Need - Radiohead You are all I need I'm in the middle of your picture Lying in the reeds

9. Cutting My Fingers Off - Turnover I never wanted to make you go You might be a stranger now But I just wanted to let you know that I meant what I said

8. Rich as Fuck - Lil Wayne (Will rapping this entire goddamn song on the drive the DC is forever burned into my memory)

7. No Halo (Rearranged) - Sorority Noise The same things that plague you still plaguing me God called you to fulfill a vacancy I tried to see why it wasn't me

6. Sex - The 1975 You and your fit friends anyway I'd take them all out any day They've all got back combs anyway You've all got boyfriends anyway

5. Wild Pack of Family Dogs - Modest Mouse And I’m sitting outside my mud lake, waiting for the pack to take me away And right after I die the dogs start floating up towards the glowing sky

4. Green Light - Lorde But honey I'll be seeing you, wherever I go But honey I'll be seeing you down every road I'm waiting for it, that green light, I want it

3. Everybody Lost Somebody - Bleachers And there's a reason I wake up alone in strange places A reason I see myself in a million faces A reason I can't stop it all from changing So come on, motherfucker, you survived, you gotta give yourself a break

2. Supercut - Lorde In my head, I do everything right When you call, I'll forgive and not fight Because ours are the moments I play in the dark We were wild and fluorescent, come home to my heart

1. Drummer Boy - MisterWives Never want to wake up next to anybody else Never in my life did I want to hear the wedding bells You make me believe in something I claimed untrue Set my fears on fire, like a phoenix I am new With you, I am new every scar fades away, less existent with each day they fade away

[madameezeroni]

Buttercup: Part One

Summary: The Walking Dead, OC

Characters: OC (Lily) Spencer Munroe,

Warning: Sexual Content, language

Word Count: 3700 ish ( Got away from me)

A/N: An Idea I had that I just ran with. Do have some pieces written for earlier in the season but fancied starting from this point. Next piece will be much more action based.

Lips trace my neck, dipping in every few seconds for another light kiss. It's feather touch, and begins to tickle. “Quit it.” The mattress slopes as he shuffles down, mouth now on my collar bone. “Spencer seriously, I'm on an early shift on the gate.”

“You can swap it though right?” He looks so eager, with that adorable puppy smile that I almost falter. “You want me to go knock about and ask right now?” He shrugs, and I mimic him in jest. “I'll have to do it naked but if it makes you happy...”

“Ha-Ha.” He drawls, looping his arm around me just as I sit up. “Fine, I'll give. You do your fun shift.”

“Oh, I will.” I declare, letting him squash me back against the mattress, “Me and Abraham.”

He scrunches his nose, and shakes his head slightly, “Guy still scares the heck out of me.” He kisses me again to stop me laughing at him. “He's a good guy.” I promise, “Even with the moustache.”

“What if I grew a moustache?” I smirk, and press my lips together, he notices my expression, “hey, what? It wouldn't be that bad!” The laugh bubbles in my throat and he groans, rolling off me and stealing the majority of the thin sheet. I give him a couple of seconds, “You fallen out with me?”

“Yep.” He's facing the other way, I slip under the sheet so I can grasp and cuddle up behind him, letting my hand trail. “Nothin' I can do to make you forgive me then?”

“Nothing.” The word falters as I reach my target and start gently moving my hand back and forth. I wait until I can tell he's somewhat close to his release and suddenly bring my hand back to my body. “Ah, Lil what the hell?”

I put on my sweetest voice, sugar plum sweet. “Well, you said you weren't going to forgive me.” I add the pout for extra measure, but still make sure my arms are placed in a way that somewhat empathises my breasts. It works, with Spencer it always works, and within a few seconds the feeling of his body against mine forces everything out from my head.

Abraham is already by the gate when I appears, the sky is still dark, stars glimmering overhead. I actually prefer such an early shift, it was ten to four when the battery powered alarm beside Spencer's bed went off and he murmured some goodbye as I dressed and slipped into his bathroom. I was spending more nights at his home now. That was for a mixture of reasons I supposed, he was alone in this place now, since Deanna had died in the attack. I filled some gap, stopped him feeling so lonely.

He was much the same for me. I had no issues in the house I was sharing with Carol, Tara, Sasha and Rosita. I liked them all very much, most of the time. We'd had nearly a month of this normality now, since the majority of the damage had been resolved. It was a little community again, so reminiscent of the prison at points I felt overwhelmed. Not by the place itself, but how many people were no longer with us.

That part didn't get easier.

Spencer distracted me, and he was nice, he was handsome. In the real world, before everything went to shit he would have been someone I would go for. Especially as the son of a congresswoman. I was thankful that sense of snobbery I'd held was gone. Everything was gone. The familiar shiver danced up my spine and I shook it away.

Lingering in the past was my problem, everyone else seemed to be able to detach themselves better, to move on and focus on the ahead when part of me seemed trapped behind. I wasn't as 'painfully damn optimistic' as Daryl had once moaned. I'm drifting, still half asleep and I quickly splash water on my face, I'd have a proper shower later. I brush my hair, even slap on some foundation and mascara. Normality had it's benefits and when I leave I look somewhat like someone I used to resemble. Of course when I slip a pistol and a knife into the belt around my hips that effect drops.

I'm a couple of minutes late. Abraham makes a coarse joke and laughs hard at my reaction. “Sorry Princess, don't wanna turn your stomach.” I start to climb the ladder to allow me onto the platform of the fence, placing me several feet above him. “Don't worry, your face does that to me anyway.” I miss his reaction but not his good natured chuckle. I didn't lie to Spencer, Abraham was intimidating as hell, but he was a good guy. He was also perfectly adapt to how life was now, killed easily and without thought. All instinct.

In a way I wasn't much different.

The next four hours move slowly, we pass comments back and forth, and I enjoy the sunrise as it breaks through the grey. That was another reason I liked this shift. Sasha and Father Gabriel appear once the small settlement is starting to wake and prepare to take our spaces. Abraham illuminates the moment he sees her and I feel that usual conflicting mix of emotions at how that is going, considering Rosita as a close friend. I dawdle on the way back, debating between heading back to mine or to Spencer's. He'll be awake now, I try to remember where he'll be for the majority of the day but it hasn't stuck. That's part of the problem, there's nothing significant there, I don't think there ever will be.

“Lily.” I spin on my heels, and can't help the wide smile that greets the young man in front of me. “Hey Judith.” I croon to his sibling, her hair catching the light in a halo. “Can you do me a massive favour?” I lift a brow, but accept Judith with no argument. “Sorry, Enid looks upset and I wanna speak to her, don't want her going off without me.” He's fumbled, said a little too much, but Carl knows I won't say anything about their trips outside. At least not whilst I know he can handle himself.

“Sure, no problem Carl.” He smiles, with the curve lifting the bandage that decorates almost half of his face now. What was left of his eye had healed, and we'd gotten over the awkward nature of him re-learning balance, depth perception. “Is your Dad up yet?

Carl nods, yawning loudly into his wrist. “He went to go see Morgan and Daryl. They're planning another run.”

“Oh yeah, of course they are.” I shift Judith on my hip and she starts tugging on a chunk of my hair. “Right, I'll be around then, probably at yours with little'un.”

“Thanks Lil, I'll see you in a bit, yeah?” I send him away after a couple more 'yeahs' and Judith whines. “He won't be long.” I promise, and her head tilts as if she has any idea what I mean. I giggle at her, “Come on missy, lets find something to do.” On the way back we pass Glenn and Maggie's house and I wave as he appears, looking typically dishevelled.

“You on babysitting today?” I draw to a pause near the steps and he plops himself on the top one, his yawn almost as fierce as Carl's. “Stop yawning, you're all making me tired.”

He smirks at me in response and I scowl, pulling a face. “I don't need that look Rhee.”

“Mmm, cause you're little Miss Innocent.”

“Of course.” I declare, “Isn't that right Judith?” She babbles in response, trying to cram my hair into her mouth. “Sure, sure.” He yawns again and this time I can't stop myself. “You were on the fence early right?”

“Nice and early.” I confirm.

“Didn't come back home last night though did you? I came looking for you.” I shrug, and he meets my eyes quickly, “Is it getting serious with you two?” I giggle.

“Why, would you like to sit him down and make him ask your permission?

“I'll do my best Italian accent.” We both chuckle. “You like him though, don't you?”

“I'm not exactly overwhelmed with choice.” I lower my voice a little, my words aren't very kind. He rolls his eyes at me, accompanied by a tiny head shake. “He's a good guy.”

“Yes, I know.” Since he had realised where I was sneaking off to weeks ago Glenn had morphed into some awful match maker. “I don't need the speech. Save it.”

“You can't complain about me wanting you to be happy.”

“Sorry Dad.”

“Prh...Fuck off. I'm barely a year older than you.”

“Don't swear in front of the baby.” He huffs, moves down a step so he's next to us. “I am very sorry Judith.” He looks like he's praying, head bowed to her.

She reaches for him and I let him take her, she settles easily with her back against his chest. “I think she forgives you.” We sit in that familiar and comfortable silence, his knee hitting against mine until Judith starts whining. “Think she's hungry?”

“I dunno. They would have fed her when she woke up but she could be hungry again? I'm not sure. I can't read her like Beth could, don't have the gift.” I mention Beth's name casually, and its only a split second before the pain that always follows it happens. It stabs, deep in my chest. Glenn checks behind him, as if Maggie would appear and overhear. “Sorry.” I mutter, blinking away the tears the blur my vision. He rests his free hand on my shoulder, gently fiddling with a curl. “I miss her.” He says frankly, before returning his hand and letting Judith catch it. “I miss all of them.”

I can only nod, my throat is a lump. I swallow hard, “Me too.” I have to shake the shiver away again, “But we're in a real good position. We're strong, we've got good people.” The words are true, but the optimism isn't. He smiles anyway, “Yeah, we are. We're okay.”

Judith lets out a louder cry as if to disagree with the point. “I'm gunna head to Rick's and see what formula there is. Pass her back.”

He shakes his head, “I got time to kill, I'll come with you.”

“Suit yourself,” I sing, eager to lift the tone “I'll put you on diaper duty as well if you want.” His face is all the answer I need and I laugh loudly, letting us into Rick's house. There's no locked doors in Alexandria, and half way through spooning some weird chicken baby food into Judith's mouth Michonne appears. She has the third bedroom in this home. “Where's Carl?”

“With Enid, said she looked upset.”

“Ah.” She gave a knowing smile and Glenn smirked. “You don't say anything.” She warned him, “Your new status as a relationship guru does not impress me.”

“How much have you been moaning about me?” He spins, leaning on the counter to playfully glare at me. “Enough.” Michonne adds, digging through the cupboard for some cereal. “What?”

“Nothin'. Getting me in trouble is all.”

“I don't think either of you need me for that.” She retorts, Glenn nods, pouting. Once again I pull a face, and we sink into jokes and the usual chatter. Michonne was a completely different person to when we had first met her, she was warm now, still deadly but approachable, easy and kind. I certainly hadn't missed the growing spark between her and our dear Sheriff either, but Glenn had told me I was talking rubbish so I'd held mum on that. I remained silent on a lot of things regarding Rick.

There's several sharp raps at the door. Odd in itself but Michonne treads that way, “Oh, Spencer...”

“Is Lily here?” She nods and opens the door wider, he comes in in three long strides. “I need to talk to you.” Anxiety bubbles instantly in my stomach, he looks unhappy. More than that, he looks downright pissed off. “You okay?” I'm already walking towards him, and his hand rests on my lower back as he steers me out of the house.

He obviously wants to remain quiet until we reach him home but about half way there, after him refusing to answer me several time he all but snarls at me, “Did you fuck my brother?” I stop dead,

“What?”

He scoffs instead now, still keeping his voice low. “I've just had the loveliest little chat with Carol. Now, I knew, I knew  that you and her and some of the others were putting on a little act when you got here. I get that, I don't like it but I get it.” He pauses and I open my mouth but there's nothing I can say, “But then, she tells me that Aiden was your...your...target, your way in and you were fucking him pretty much from the moment you got here. Is that true?”

I'm dumbfounded, not just by how reaction but the simple fact that Carol would have said something. We had had our differences sure, not always got along but I had done it for Carol. I'd listened to her. “Is it goddamn true Lily?” He's sweating, a vein bulging on the left side of his throat. “I...” My voice croaks, I feel close to tears again.

“Jesus fucking Christ.” He takes several steps away but them returns to me. I don't want this, the argument; him mad at me but I especially don't want it in the street with Sasha watching from afar and a bemused Glenn appearing on Rick's porch. “Not here.” I manage, going to catch his hand, “I can explain.”

“Explain that? Is that what this is?” He gestures fiercely between us both, “What exactly do you need or want from me? And what was it, my brother dies so here I am, second best - I'll starting fucking about with the other one.”

“No it's...”

“It's what? What exactly is it? That you're just some manipulative little slut who...” His voice has lifted, he notices and slams his mouth shut. It's so quiet around here any noise carries and I know full well if I follow his eye line behind me Glenn will have started down the steps. I take a few shallow breaths to try and compose myself, not to rise to it. Instead I walk past him, into his house and slam myself onto the couch.

He follows, but stands, pacing around the coffee table. He doesn't speak, he wants me to, to deny what Carol has said, to somehow make it better. I can't, it's true. “When Aaron found us and we were on the way we were worried, about being with a group and not knowing the you all.” My voice sounds pathetic, on the verge of crumbling, “She said a few of us should just act...normal, I mean with people like Daryl and Abraham we were already intimidating. We wanted you all to let us stay. Carol played her little feeble Mum part and I was just supposed to be...”

He makes a noise I ignore. “I was supposed to be what I used to be like basically. Pretend I cant shoot a gun, that I need protecting, act sweet and girly all that shit. When we got here we kept it up, but we needed to know if we could trust you and Carol suggested...”

“Carol suggested you open your legs for the top dog.” It's a statement said simply, which somehow makes it hurt all the more. “Is that what you are? Is that how damn mindless you are?” I swallow again, purposefully looking at his mid section and not up to his face. “Who's telling you to be with me then? Whose genius plan is that?”

“It's not... no-one. I'm not doing that any more, I haven't done anything like that with you. I swear.”

“Not that you'd admit at least.”

“Spencer...” He's facing the grand fire place now, looking at the pictures of his family. “I thought this could'a been something, you know.”

“It is.” I stand now, although my hands are shaking and come up behind. I don't touch him, scared he'll flinch away. The anger seems to have passed now, and for all my bravado about not really caring the idea of him hating me is a dagger. He shakes his head, sensing my presence, “No it's not. I was trying to fool myself, pretend it coulda' been. It's not though. I'm just a stop gap until something better comes along for you.” He looks at me, and his expression is cruel, “Or maybe you're just waiting for something to split up Glenn and Maggie so you can finally have him to yourself.”

“Don't be stupid.” I snap back.

“Well, I fell for you so I guess I am.” His features settle back into their usual pleasantry, although the smile is forced and so are his words. “Any shit you got here I want you to take back.”

“Spencer...”

“This isn't anything. I don't even...” He runs a hand over his face, “Just leave Lil, grab your stuff and go home.” I repeat his name again but he's stone and I know that's it. There's no changing this and there is certainly no going back. I do as he says. I head up the stairs, cursing him under my breath, cursing the stupid tears that have escaped and the tightness of my chest. I grab my clothes, bits of make-up. I'm in too much of a hurry now to properly look around and snatch it up, scrunching them in my arms. I practically run down the stairs and the hallway, not pausing even when I hear him speak. It's busier outside now, it's past ten am and even those who sleep in are starting to make use of the day.

Rosita stares at me aghast, but I'm already past her and into the room Tara and I share, for the time being at least – she was planning on moving in with Denise. Tara isn't here, she’s on a two day run and I'm thankful. I chuck the stuff on my perfectly made, barely used bed and sit numbly on the edge. I can hear the murmur of Glenn speaking to Rosita downstairs, and head back to the door, locking it and wincing at how loud the click of metal is.

They don't knock, they know me better like that. I need time.

I give myself an hour. Scrub myself in the shower so I no longer smell like him, let my upset turn to anger. Aimed at three people, Spencer, Carol and myself. I spend a while on my hair and make-up, it's not for any purpose other than letting him know I'm okay with this. I will be polite, I will be cool and calm. I'm not showing anyone that I'm upset, I won't do that.

Another hour passes, I make a decision, it's probably stupid but suddenly its suffocating in here. I want to go on a walk, not just around Alexandria where news will have spread and everyone will be looking at me. Those who know about Aiden and those who will just be finding out. They can think what they like. I doubt they could be more disgusted at themselves than I am.

I want to leave Alexandria, just for a few hours. Where I can't think about it, I'll have to focus. I can check out a few places we had on our list, a pharmacy, a kids store. I need to get out of here. I don't announce this to anyone, they'd just talk me out of it, or worse come with me. Glenn would offer, but I don't need his sympathy. I dress not for Alexandria but the outside world. Thick jeans, heavy but comfortable boots. I pull on a long sleeved shirt, slipping a denim jacket over it just in-case it gets chilly later. I grab my holster, strap a pistol to my thigh and thread through a belt with spaces cut for knives. I'll have to go to the armoury before I leave.

I grab a big backpack, leaving it mostly empty for anything useful. When I leave my room I hover but can't hear anyone. So I go straight to the kitchen, chuck in a bottle of water, some food, a torch.

Using the back door may take a little longer but I know it will be less bother and I only see Morgan who smiles but doesn't say anything. The armoury is open so I grab three knives and shove them into my belt. Another gets slotted into the side pocket of my bag. “You're not on a run are you?” Olivia makes me jump, doing her weekly intake of what was in storage, weapon and food wise. “Just sorting something out.”

She doesn't buy it but I don't give her time, striding out the front and towards the gate. Eugene stands there now, Rosita up on the platform. She frowns when she sees me, “What are you doing?”

I ignore her, “Open the gate please Eugene.”

“I don't have any runs on my schedule that would require me to open the gate.” He says in his plain talking way. “Well, add one. I need to go.”

“Don't do it Eugene.” Rosita demands, glaring down at me. “You stupid? Don't go out there alone and upset, you'll do something dumb.”

“Just want a walk.” I insist and she raises both brows.

“Sure you do.”

“Yes, I do. Gate please Eugene.” He's looking between us both again and I huff, slipping around him and doing it myself. “For fuck sa-” Rosita is making her way down so I start past the dirty cars. “Lily, don't be an idiot!”