#i got whitewashed badly bro

[blue-thief]

kiis kids growing up multilingual

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[abbeyfangirl]

dragon age: all characters (companions)

I’ve been in this fandom for a hot minute now and I want to update my opinions on characters :)

Origins

Alistair: super sweet dude who literally is not the stereotypicalchantryguyfightme. He’s a great example of healthy masculinity and I totally wish he was bi because I have an entire essay on that— also: he’s a poc! His mum was brown. In game he’s got dark features. if you really want a blond/blue-eyes/white guy, make your warden that. or accept that brown people can be noble and moral. or just draw cailan, idk. just because BioWare whitewashes doesn’t mean you should.

Leliana: someone hug my singing girlfriend before I crush her under with my own hugs. Also: nugs. Yes! Shoes. Yes! She likes how I style my hair? YES!! I honestly think she’s super duper and it pisses me off whenever someone’s like: yeah she enjoys killing people and the Game. ok. and michel de chevin willingly participated in genocidal marches through the alienage he grew up in with his elvhen mum. 

Morrigan: dirty swamp witch that i stan and also have a v big crush on. tiddies. Have a son with a GW so we can raise him with our tiddies out in the forest. she’s also white-passing, as her father was chasind and all people we’ve seen that are chasind are black. therefore, she is biracial. therefore, poc can be goths and don’t shy away from giving morrigan a darker skintone. if the devs had of been thinking, she’d have a darker skintone.

Zevran: Actually is the best romance, I think. Loves consent, therefore I will stan him so hard my skull cracks a little. Also: he is a very brown boy and if he’s white in da4 I’m seriously going to throw all canon out the fucking window. genuinely a good person who needs to be told so. 

Wynne: grandma who only likes my friends who go to church. but also super sweet and I’d rest my head on her bosom (in a platonic way omg ZEVRAN)

Sten: angry quiet boi. the bestest boi. I totally would give him a kitten for a gift and bake him cookies. Thicc softie. I think if I had DA:O and i knew how to use mods i would mod the fuck outta him. sorry.

Sha(y)le: who’s gender? idk her. See also: fuck birds and authority. pound ur ass into the ground you feathery meatbag little shits. fuck songbirds.

Dog: such a good boi. thicc. thinks Alistair is a whiny fuck and is Morrigan’s only friend. love him. he’s the cutest companion. bet.

Ohgren: honestly forgot about him bcc he’s such a shitbag. also: he could’ve been a really cool addiction recovery type but NOPE. probably would have a trump shirt in a modern au and would catcall wlw and hit mlm. no thanks.

Awakening

Anders: he acts like rlly straight but he’s so gay I can smell it. also he’s rlly cute and fun and I love him so much.

Justice: MAYBE i’M selF CONSCious OF THE twitchING. is the friend that genuinely doesn’t get dick jokes but is ur 110% ride or die.

Nathaniel Howe: honestly is sort of a white knight/neck beard a little, but it’s kind of charming with his whole velanna m’lady?? grump boi. annoying soul patch that I’d mod out SO FAST—

Sigrun: would have ROMANCED the FUCK out of her. why she even entertains the idea of fucking with ohgren makes me realize most of the writers are dumbfucks.png. peppy little emo. 12/10 would die if she kissed my cheek teasingly.

Ohgren: why. why. why. I’d have brought Shayle over. Maybe Zev? Definitely Dog.

Velanna: she was written to be an annoying feminist and you can tell but I deadass am a kindred spirit with her bcc I too am deadpan annoyed with Thedas’ general population too. love her. Would’ve loved to romance her. She’d totally be one of those who’d get all tsundere and be like “n-no i hate you” *kisses the fuckin soul out of you then blushes so hard she’s now a tomato*

Dragon Age II

Anders: fuck the cops. i don’t care. fuck the cops. (vine reference). also: do i hate him for blowing up the chantry that would eventually annul a huge collection of his people? no. read dalishious’s meta on Anders. v intriguing. didn’t they retcon the fuck out of the reported deaths too? like there was like eight Templars and Elthinia in there. Templars killed more “abominations” in a day than Anders in the game canon—

Aveline: initially thought she was fine and then realized she’s shit to my lil brother and I will fucking clap her ginger ass. See also: whorephobia isn’t a joke so fuck off with treating Isabela badly, you tit.

Bethany: sunshine. Literal sunshine. I feel my freckles grow in her presence and i love it. she’s my little baby sister and I’d slam that ogre so fuckin hard before it touched either twin.

Carver: there has to be a mod where both twins survive. I love them both to bits. My babies. carver is my bitter, angry little brother and I can relate because I too am very angry and would totally clap my own ass. hes so genuine and I don’t get the competition between Beth and Carver. Like, both are fuckin stellar in different ways. In this essay I will—

Fenris: honestly, I don’t get the general hate between him and Anders. Fenris’ main arc should’ve been a recovery arc, not drunken moping and revenge. he deserves better. give him a soft sweater instead of his spikes and let him love himself as much as I love him for MAKERS SAKE. like when you really think about their relationship, it could’ve been an eye-opener for fenris and finally some legit sympathy for anders. but we all know that if they had of teamed up that Meredith would’ve been dead before the end of Act 1 so.

Isabela: whorephobia is not a joke. oversexualizing your only appearing brown woman is so poorly written. how about we appreciate her and her lovely bosoms but also let people tease her about her heart of gold? her innate understanding of freedom? instead of just a wave of dick? please?? can we give her some pants for when she fights? can we accept that i fall for rogues who hate themselves?? fuck. also whomever draws her x femHawke x Merrill literally is after my own heart.

Merrill: my fucking babygirl MARRY ME. Fenris could’ve been her older brother type, but NO. she and Isabela should’ve been canonical gfs instead of Isabela/Fenris (no shaming the pairing tho!!). I love how she’s written as neurodivergent. V nice. Sometimes I just look her up and cry because she’s fucking everything. Also: she’s in the Dalish origin and she’s far from being white. Why did they make the most innocent/naïve character really white? hmmmm.

Sebastian: whew that boy. Would totally be that annoying Mormon at your door but you still let him in bcc he’s super sweet. Also: huge ass bible thumper and should get his head slap because you said the maker loved all his children why do you defend a complicit old hag you annoying attractive fuck—

Varric: totally is a bard and the devs couldn’t handle the idea of him being one bcc it might make him look less straight. is the only grey morality person I don’t want to fucking bash in with a fry pan. he sees people and I like that, but you totally know he’s siding with mages every time bcc him and Anders are like besties. I’m sorry. I don’t make the rules. “Professional Younger Brother”.

Tallis: I know nothing about her but she seems okay. I think she was an escaped slave and honestly? Fucking props. Spy on a shitting organization, idk what you’re doing, but your VA was that cool lesbian from SPN so I think ur okay?

Inquisition

Blackwall: Redemption Arc 101. Love him to bits. Sad dad bunwall. good man. actually atoned for his sins by actively becoming a good person. his initial design is 80% hotter im so sorry but so not.

Cassandra: was way browner in the last game. would romance the fuck outta her. I love me a butch lady who melts at my dorky recitation of poetry. BioWare is a coward. also is the worst choice for divine. but not a bad person. could use some more guidance or get her ass whipped by a dalish elf about religion or a circle mage kid whos like “yeah bud i didn’t ask for the templars to whip my ass everyday for existing.”

The Iron Bull: I think the Qunari/Vashoth were a little based off black people (the whole anti blackness thing where ppl are scared of them bcc of whatever reason) and it pisses me off that he had a weird ass dubcon thing with Dorian in banter. It doesn’t make sense— he’s an A+++ dom and would not jump straight in role play without at least checking in at first like wtf BioWare.

Cole: his mother was chasind so he’s like not supposed to be that white? or like biracial? albino? idk. love him to bits tho. He’s neurodivergent and I deadass love him. romancing him? idk. I see why ppl think it’s fuckin nasty but also like as a writer I’d age him the fuck up so fast before my inquisitor even THOUGHT about that. like idk. I’m down with him being a sweet little bro character tho. he’s a babe. love him.

Sera: had the worst fucking writer I’ve ever seen and I willingly read the twilight saga twice by a shit ass racist white lady who okay’d pedophilia. like. Fuck you Kristjanson suck your own dick you fuck. had the worst options in regards to speak to her. has a thicc case of internalized racism that literally most of the fandom just loves to use against her. my lesbian neurodivergent queen. Would write a thousand fix it fics for her. Love her to bits. im gay.

Varric: I haven’t played DA2 so i don’t get why everyone wants to romance him but like. a dwarf romance? yes please. Idk he reminds me of my uncle so I only see him as fun uncle material. Deadass should adopt Cole and Merrill and co parent with Blackwall for Sera. dads? fuck yeah. love me some wholesome, present fathers.

Dorian: is a gay stereotype that I love/hate so much. and he’s also just as bad about being a creep bcc he sexualizes qunari men (in banter). I attribute that to shit writing tho. I want to protect him from all the “omg gay best friend!” people. he’d clearly be that tired gay that wouldn’t give a diddly damn about ur het romance. wanna talk about politics? he’s ur guy/gay.

Solas: “me, an intellectual:”. I don’t hate him, but I’m not about him. He comes off as mysterious and suave (which he totally is) but I deadass would not save him from himself because he’s a racist, exclusionist eggshell. idk. not my cup of tea, but I can totally see the appeal. And he’s interesting, I’ll totally say that. “I think the Dalish are garbage but they made you” is not a compliment. it’s so offensive. and such bait for “quirky girls” which I’m no fan of. Would be Achilles and let Patroclus (Lavellan in his case) die before he realized how his pride is literally a waste of time. If he gets a redemption arc I hope Lavellan gets to slap him before getting him to teach all about ancient Arlathan and show that the Evanuris weren’t all total dicknozzles. (Aka I really have a hard time believing that they’d be slavery cult things. especially since they’ve compared elves to indigenous ppl, Jews and the Romani.)

Vivienne: it’s so racist that they’d make a black woman be pro-slavery. That’s such internalized racism. She could’ve been the cool ass “educate yourself first before you speak, fool” ice lady, but NO. the devs could’ve kept the “Templars are a tool that I proudly can mandate” and the “circles are very good education” and we. Could. Have. Romanced. Her. Like. Fuck. Sake. I just wanna give her a hug and say “love yourself omg!!” and not even in a romantic way. Also: she and morrigan should not have been so antagonistic towards each other. I’d expect them to have great respect for each other, as they both moved up in the world through hardwork and very little help. They could learn different magic from each other too and still maintain that rival respect “oh you” mood. Sidenote: probably the cooler option for Divine. if her approval is high enough she’ll love and be loyal to you forever and i can’t see her agenda being bad. she improves the circles exponentially and tells all the antis to suck her pretty painted toes.

Josephine: an actual disney princess. romanced her my first playthrough. I love her so much. she just makes me so happy. And she’s like: “Integrity, Loyalty, peace. That is what it means to be a GREY WARDEN good fucking person.” she’s the person who would let you hold her hand if you got anxious and she’d be that person who shouldered the whole group project with finesse and poise and would probably lie for everyone as to not be mean. i love josie. her and leliana’s relationship is so cute, too. whether it’s romantic or not: women supporting women.

Leliana: if you leave her hardened you must hate her. why. she becomes so against herself. i like how shes feminine and lighthearted because that’s so powerful-- to remain hopeful when the world is hopeless. (its hard to know when to soften her/harden her so i get it but. google it. she deserves to be happy and sweet again.)

Cullen: uwu war criminal with shit ass “redemption arc” that was actually a half-assed (at BEST) recovery arc. Recovery isn’t linear, it isn’t pretty, and even the broken need to be told they are wrong in order to heal right. Like I’m offended by that bullshit. I’ve had to do some mental health recovery in the past and unlearning lots of toxic ideologies— which I’m still unlearning— and it bothers me that he gets an easy pass because he’s hot. It’s one thing if you like Cullen, it’s another thing if you hold him accountable.

[slufac]

wrt my last reblog abt the last airbender movie i’ve always found it ironic that people are chomping at the bit to crucify the only indian-american director in hollywood for “whitewashing” a show that had white creators and mostly white voice actors in the first place. not to mention that, as the post i reblogged pointed out, shyamalan loved the original show and worked with the show’s creators when writing the script, and that some of the actors got their parts due to studio nepotism.

not to mention that the movie is just... not that bad! certainly it’s not very good; it’s stilted, unnatural, self-serious, and badly paced, things which i’m realizing are cardinal sins for the average movie-goer. but it’s also undeniably a sincere and personal vision that uses cgi in a visually expressive and graceful way that is incredibly rare in action cinema (in fact, reminding me a little of the wachowskis, two other minority directors who were crucified by their original “nerd” fan base).

no matter what reasons people give for hating shyamalan, his real transgression is being a corny humanist in the age of irony, for developing an affected acting and dialogue style (and yet people embrace yorgos lanthimos and the corn bros??), and for being subversive without being obvious or cute about it. i really think he’s one of the best directors in hollywood right now and i hope more people come to embrace him as time goes on.

[joculatrixster]

not to be that guy but the whole “light skin poc exist” is a tactic often used to demean black ppl who want to be seen as apart of cultures which demean them...like colorism is a whole thing and you’re perpetuating it bro

omg i made a whole reply to this then backspaced like an idot so ill just say this, being dark skinned isnt an insult and i dont think light skinned ppls issues over shadow dark skinend issues to preface, ik u didnt say that anon but my post could have and has bee interpreted that way. my post was a vent, a poorly worded vent i made while crying and shaking iver one stupid post and honestly i regret makign the post thwn replying to ppl so much it jsut made me not think straight and those dms made it alot worst. but to answer the actual ask i do understand that, thats not hat my psot was saying but holy fuck i missed the mark with my post, i wrongly assumed ppl would understand it when i couldn't tupe straight and was wayyy to in my feleings, thats completely my fauly and i get why ppl thought i was being colorist or racist because i wasnt makign my points clear and r wanst till those dms i relized the main issue. im uncomfortable when characters r changed, like in general if a characters skintone, gender, heritage, all that good stuff is changed or tesited i get uncomfortable, its worst for comfort characters or kins and definitely affects me more with mixed, light skinned characters, women, or bi characters because well those r my identities. that being said my post could have been read as "thats equal to whitewashig, its equally as offensive to be made darker" wich holy shit is not what i was trying to say and im so sorry to my followers and mutuals who read it that way, i know white washing is horrendous and im aware of the racist history it has, i was not thinkign clearly and chose an example i could think of wich i diffintly was an asshole for equavalitign them because they r far from equal, i don't want white ppl to see me as a poc and decide i gave them a pass to do whitewashing because "shes black and she said they were also bad too!" uh uh thats not it. i was trying to make the point "seeing characters thaat repent me being treated like they r not good representation because thwy look like me amkes me uncomfortable because it reminds me of how many ppl dont see light skinned ppl as ppl with struggles too or as good enough representation, can we all jsut agree there needs to be more dark skinned characters and not change established ones in fanart?" but i came off as "racebeding is all bad, u dakr skinned artist r offending me because u think u have issues well we all have issues so there!" right anon? thats ok if u read it like that, well not rlly ok but i see how i fucked up. and well yeah i jsut wanted to be out and open about this because its rlly stupid that i didnt take a moment to save psot as drafe and come back later, i let a stupid dm conversation make my mood worst when i should have just blocked the op wayyy back when they kept ignoring what i was saying and tried everything to make me seem worst, i rlly like rllllllly should have dmed my other black friedns about it so they could have helped me calm down instead of venting on discord because ily guys but u kinda made me feel justified more when i made a badly worded post with comparing it to white washing. ig this is jsut an ask im using to own up to my post? ur ask is barelt about this but the other ask i got also gave me a slap in the face because the person was obviously white and used the word "woke" which is antisjw talk meaning "minority who wants to be acknowledged" and like fuckign HELL i wanted my post to be used to devalue other black and poc voices i rlly wasnt trying to do that i was trying to point out a thin that i think is a bit of an issue and wanted to see if other light skinned poc could relate to my specific struggle, i instead gave ppl a post that made them feel like i dont think dark skinned ppl deserve representation wich wasnt what i ment at all and im jsut rlly sorry to anyone who read my post thinking i ment that. also in case anyone wants to say im not taking responsibility for calling it a vent i genuinely wasnt in the right mental state and i get way too defensive when upset, ive done something similar on my side blog and im working on the issue but currently the best thing for me to do is take a break so ive deleted the app for now and will come back after a few days when i stop begin as emotionally affected, see yall later.

[smokeybrand]

Insincere Sensibilities

I touched upon this a few days ago when i ranted about Outrage and Cancel Culture but, the current Sentai Filmworks purge over at Crunchyroll, i feel like i need to address this sh*t directly. I think that’s over licensing issues but it’s just a drop in the bucket with all of the other purges and alterations being made, all over the place. American censorship of international media is f*cking ridiculous. It is and i can’t stand it. I get that, for a lot of the youngsters out here, especially the ones that are of that Social Justice disposition, certain things, especially out of Japan, can be misconstrued, misunderstood, or even seen as offensive. The thing is, though, mind your f*cking business. Not everyone is outraged by the same sh*t you are. If it’s media to be consumed, just don’t consume it. Not everyone wants to fit in your very narrow worldview of assumed offense and righteous indignation. You look like a clown doing that sh*t. The motherf*cker who sh*ts in the pool, forcing everyone to leave. You’re the no-fun police. Chill the f*ck out, man, and keep your negativity to yourself. F*ck off with your soft ass sensibilities. Instead of harassing a Japanese artist, who lives in Japan, and is actually part of that culture, maybe get some f*cking context first? Maybe understand that, where that person is from, the sh*t they draw is fine and probably popular? Maybe don’t insist upon applying your narrow, prudish, American "values” to a country that, in so many ways, resembles nothing that you’d recognize as everyday life? Like, Amazon removed the Grimgar books. What the f*ck was wrong with Grimgar?? Interestingly enough, you can still watch the show on Prime. That hypocrisy is going to be a running theme, just letting you know ahead of time.

Not everyone who likes lolis wants to f*ck kids. Not everyone who likes guro wants to rape then eat corpses. Not everyone who likes isekai want’s a slave harem or is some weenie neckbeard that lacks all of the confidence. It’s nuts to me that this wave of pearl clutching is so selective. Like, Amazon removed all the No Game No Life novels, among others, because of “questionable content”. A cursory search reveals that you can still buy Catcher in the Rye on the site; A book about a teenage sociopath, who sells drugs and tries to f*cks prostitutes. Dude is sixteen. Shouldn’t this be removed, too? Isn’t this offensive material as well by these new rules? It’s required f*cking reading in high schools across the nation! F*cking A Clockwork Orange is still available, both the book and the film. Why? That sh*t is literally a murder-rape rampage. Dude rapes two ten-year-olds in that sh*t! It’s also another book i read in high school just to see if it was as bad as everyone says. The book is, yes. The film? Not so much. Also, and this is probably the most pertinent of my unabashed hypocrisy on display, f*cking Lolita is still available on Amazon! Both films, hardcover, soft cover, and even audio book if you’re too lazy to read for yourself. Lolita is quite literally, the inspiration for the loli genre that everyone seems to be completely out of their minds about now. Loli is short FOR Lolita. That’s a thing. You can imagine the content therein so why is THAT book okay but not No Game No Life? The Lolita audio book is f*cking free with an Audible trial! Free! But go off about Shiro, though.

This sh*t is frustrating to me because it feels like a targeted attack on Japanese media and ONLY Japanese media. I got Senators getting on TV, talking about how Dragon Ball Z is degenerate trash, even though it’s been on US television for almost three decades. Sony is prematurely censoring games like Sengan Kagura and Devil May Cry V, but Abby gets a whole ass, grunt filled, bro down, f*ckfest in The Last of Us II. That sh*t was so jarring and hilariously gross to see, it became a straight up meme. Her entire peck-a-titty was completely exposed, nips and all. Her animalistic barking and grimaced face, were so brazenly displayed. Graphically. Gratuitously. Uncomfortably. That sh*t look painful. That’s what sex is like in real life, right? That interpretation is grounded and not sexualized at all, right. Sex can’t be sexualized anymore. No joy or fun in the f*ck. It has to mechanical and the most unappealing sh*t, ever, or you’ll be objectifying women or some sh*t. Okay. Stunning and brave, I'm sure, but why? Why the f*ck was that necessary other than to wag a finger at your player base? Here’s some f*cking in your game, we know you like it, but don’t like that way. That way is wrong. Women are not cum-dumpsters. They are to be respected and never subject to your pitiable sense of passion or attractiveness. They can be inconvenienced by sex, too! That’s what i thought, at least, as i watched this aggressively icky display happen on my television for a miserable amount of timen. It’s this way or no way. I get a lens flare on the butt of a beauty like Lady from DMC, but I'm forced to see Abby’s whole body tense as whatshisname goes in raw with no lube? For real?

There’s just so much stupid surrounding the media i love lately, you know? Let’s go after Shield Hero because I'm offended that Raphtalia is a child slave. Because i only watched three episodes and completely ignored the heartwarming relationship that developed between Naofumi and the adult Raphtalia. Because Raphtalia grew the f*ck up. She only appeared that young, for that long, because Naofumi's trauma wouldn’t allow him to see her as an adult. I’m not saying don’t feel a certain way about whatever. Let’s get the pitchforks and torches because Scarlett Johansson is portraying a Japanese cyborg, even though the Japanese don’t care. They’re wrong for being indifferent to the racial injustice perpetrated by this Hollywood production! Even though the character of Batou IS canonically of Japanese descent, not a full cyborg so his body is organic with certain cybernetic enhancements, and still got portrayed by a white dude. Yeah, that’s fine. Ignore the whitewashing of literally every other Japanese or ethnic character in this movie, and focus on the one what is literally a brain in a mechanical shell. Outrage! Did I want to see a Japanese actor in that role? Sure. I think Rinko Kukichi was a perfect fit for Major Motoko Kusanagi. However, the Japanese people don't care so I had to let my bias go, too. If the director of the original anime film gives his blessing, who the f*ck are we to be so pissed off about it? Plus, the Major in this version of the picture is named Mira or some sh*t. She not even MY Major and I can separate the two. Apparently, I am in the minority on that one.

My favorite character in the Monogatari series is Shinobu. She’s a loli vampire that’s nearly six centuries old but looks to be about twelve in real time. Shinobu starts as a ravishing, adult beauty named Kissshot. Through a series of events, her power was sapped and, in order to save her life, she was left in her juvenile form. She later reclaims her voluptuous, mature, appearance and carries on for the rest of the series as such, but she was Shinobu, not Kissshot, when i fell in love with her. I do adore both versions of that character; Her haughty, too-old-for-her-looks, pre-teen self and the reserved, stoic, haunting beauty of her true form. That said, even as a loli vampire, Shinobu is still pretty tame. If Shinobu is worth a Change.org petition, what about Claudia from Interview with the Vampire? Claudia is FAR more problematic. She is Lolita on steroids. Claudia is nine when she was turned and was killed sixty-five years later. It is stated, in detail, she wanted to f*ck. Badly. But she couldn’t because, you know, the whole nine-year-old body and everything. That was actually a pretty big thing with Claudia’s character, that sexual frustration. Never mind the, you know, murderous rage and delight in cruelty, you know? Claudia is fine, with all of her bloody, murderous, psychopathy and manipulative, over sexual, personality proudly displayed, but Shinobu is an issue because... why again?

Cats are apologizing for violent abusers because they’re pretty women, and you HAVE to believe all women, regardless of the fact that they’re pathological sociopaths. Instead, let’s cancel a child for drawing She-Ra characters “wrong”, even though she drew the G1 versions of said characters F*ck her, right? Because she liked the designs of the old, problematic, version of that show? It’s on the “wrong side of social justice”. This is a child. One that can’t be more than a decade old but these motherf*ckers came for her, like her last name was Weinstein. It’s kind of hard to take your moral outcry seriously when you’ve directed your hateful intent on a goddamn grade schooler. Sh*t like that, the gross hypocrisy and targeted vitriol, is just f*cking exhausting. You’re entitled to your opinion. Hell, you’re entitled to even voice your opinion out in the wild. The internet is an awesome soapbox. I’m using it right now! As long as the discourse is civil, f*cking go for it. It’s rarely ever civil. Attacking someone because you made assumptions of their character over sh*t they follow on Twatter, is pure folly. Raising the alarm because you don’t like seeing “youthful characters” depicted in a certain fight, while ignoring other media that takes it even further but is more palatable or subtle with their transgressions, is hypocrisy. If you’re going to be outraged about something, if you’re going to call for censorship, make sure yo censor all of it. If you’re going to hide Japanese boob jiggle, make sure you fade to black with the hard sex in your domestic games, too. I’m as offended by Abby’s body in TLoUII, as you are of Ayane’s from Dead or Alive. Why should i be subjected to your bullsh*t while you curtail and demonize mine? Motherf*ckers want to be champions of tolerance and understanding but these same motherf*ckers sure refuse to understand any point of view obtuse to their own. You want that moral high grown so bad? Then stop picking and choosing what is or isn’t offensive. Either all of it is okay or none of it.

[depressedvegetable-blog]

Dreaming

I have been tormented with nightmares for the better part of two years, ever since I went through a very traumatic period in my late teens. Almost every night without fail I have horrifying dreams that utilize every guttural fear I didn't know I had. Seriously I could make horror films about some of these. For example.

I was going down a deserted road in a sir urban neighborhood in a shopping cart when I came across a hill at the edge of the neighborhood, which bordered a swamp. I went down the hill under no control of my own as shopping carts don't have steering wheels, and veered off the road into the wooded area. There was also a very steep drop off where the ground literally disappeared and reappeared 30 feet lower with no angle of decline, just a fucking mini cliff. And of course I fell down it in my shopping cart, as the vines got caught in the wheels and the branches in the trees blinded me. I don't remember hitting the ground.

There was a Russian man like Gru from despicable me(I hate that movie) but like actually evil and grim reaper powers ish. He told me that he knew when my mother would die, and then he set out an outfit for her that she would die in. This would signal to me, who was the only one who could talk to the Russian man, that this was the day my mother would die, as he would not tell me the date precisely. I talked with him in a heated conversation in an attempt to figure out how to stop it, but I could do nothing. The outfit was bumble bee themed, with a striped black and yellow dress with matching socks and various other black and yellow accessories. As I was talking with the Gru Reaper my mother entered the room, unaware of any danger. Then I was forced to clothe my mother in the bumblebee outfit, signaling to me that I had wasted all my time arguing with death and now my mother was about to die but I couldn't tell her(for dream reasons).

This is more recent and probably the most horrific objectively. There was this girl I didn't get along with in school named Amanda and she was a fucking bitch. She was. She made up lies about me and was always being rude for no reason. Anyways, I hadn't thought about her in a long time when I had this dream. In the dream Amanda had gone rabid and was trying to kill everyone in school, as a rabid person does. She would run around with a knife/multiple knives of various styles and sizes trying to kill my schoolmates and myself. I tried over and over to defend myself without hurting her, because although I hate that bitch I wasn't just going to try and kill her if I didn't have to. But I did have to. And I think one of my friends actually did end up hurting her badly or killing her but it turned out she was like an actual demon or something and so she couldn't be killed unless every piece of her body was completely destroyed, think like terminator 2, or the silver metal melty one, whichever one that is. She was like that. So I ended up having to,HAVING TO stab Amanda in the back with her own knife, in the trapezius muscle, around the spine of her left scapula in the upper middle portion of her back. I dragged the knife right so I cut a long line across the top of her back near her neck. I then drug the knife cut around her neck, cutting her Carotid and jugular from the back so I wouldn't have to look at her while she died. I held her head away from me as she thrashed and bled out. I stabbed her several more times to make sure she was dead, and then I chopped her up Hannibal lecter style. I spirilized all of her body into flesh pasta(raw btw) and had to eat it so she wouldn't come back. And she was a big girl so I had to eat A LOT. And I don't eat meat irl so it was hard to deal with that. It tasted texture wise like undercooked butternut squash, which I had eaten a month earlier that had been unpleasant. The flesh pasta had no sauce since I cut her up in school and there was no communal kitchen so I ate it without salt or marinara or anything. I told one of my friends what I did and I gave him and one other unknowing friend the last two pieces of flesh to eat(because dream logic) and the unaware guy ate it just fine but the knowing guy flushed it down the toilet LIKE A FUCKINNG IMBECILE and made all the work and calories I just consumed literally useless. So Amanda regenerated in the sewer and the rush started over. Thanks Todd for throwing out a bite sized piece of human flesh. IT WASNT THAT FUCKIG HARD TODD. GOD.

Next one was scary because of mental issues I personally deal with. There was a monster that takes away your soul when you're most alone(which is almost always when you take a shit) and then incorporates it with all the other souls it's taken and blends you into itself, erasing your identity so you no longer exist, you are only the monster now without a consciousness. Two scary things about this: 1)losing your identity and being aware of your consciousness stripped from you and 2) shirting in front of people. Two very real fears. So I end up shutting in a clothing drawer of mine which still hold clothes because the toilet is under the control of the monster and I hold my friend's hands and look into her eyes as I do so so the monster can't get me, but he does. I feel myself being erased and it was one of the most horrifying things to be aware of your consciousness being erased. Then I became this digital version of myself that was exclusively existing inside a daily talk show. I wore a cobalt blue lace burka. I was angry because the monster made me, the white girl, representing the traditionally Arabic Muslim community. It was a whitewashed cast in my opinion.

I accidentally murdered four people and threw their chopped up corpses into an underground pool with crocodiles and empty suits of armor in it. This came way before Amanda, and I shot these guys with a heavy duty gun which left big holes in their chest. It wasn't good. I'm not pro gun just as an FYI, I feel like I am coming across as psychopathic because of these dreams. PSA I have no control over what happens in them. Interestingly this dream also had a shopping like cart in it too in which I hauled around the dead body pieces, which was also cobalt blue, but larger than a traditional shopping cart and with plastic siding.

A demon monster of an underground school lagoon possessed and killed hundreds of kids. There wasn't much plot there but the monster made all of the possessed kids into marble like statues that she could take control of. It was refreshing to see a female character in my dreams in such a position of power.

My art teacher told me I was too annoying to be worth teaching. I was also told that I have a 49% in my hardest class going into the final. In reality I have a 96% in that hard class and, well, my art teacher may find me annoying, I have a bad habit of talking back to his criticism.

There's more but these are the most poignant in my brain. As I throw this into the empty void of the internet, if anyone wants to hear more of these let me know and I'll post another of these with more. I have plenty of them. It's every night bro.(fuck u Logan Paul)

As always, with disgrace and shame,

X