#i had never used a public pool in my life and never swam with intent before

[abtheb]

April 28, 2023

Despite everything, it's still you.

[egcdeath]

a dip in the pool

pairing: joel miller x reader

summary: when joel finds out you’ve never gone skinny dipping, he decides that he needs to change that. 

word count: 1k

warnings: 18+!!! au: no outbreak, established relationship, cursing, nudity, softie joel, embarrassing situation, no use of Y/N

author’s note: for all intents and purposes, this is a stand alone fic. however, i’ve decided that this is actually part of my soccer parents au. sue me.

also i wrote this all in like an hour and did not proof read anything. i apologize for any mistakes!

“Are you sure this is a good idea?” you asked with uncertainty, despite already being in the process of shucking your jeans off. 

It had all started when you and Joel went to visit one of his friends for a casual get-together. That casual get-together quickly devolved into a night of drinking games, during which, you discovered that you were the only person in the room who hadn’t gone skinny dipping before. Not realizing it was such a common experience, and being within walking distance of one of Joel’s most recent projects in a nearby development, you somehow found yourselves standing at the edge of a pool that your boyfriend had built, inhaling the chemically scent of chlorine as you stripped.

“Everyone has to try it at least once in their life, and there’s no time like the present,” Joel explained enthusiastically as he undid his belt.

“I mean, is it a good idea to be doing this at your job site?” you questioned, finally getting off your pants and moving onto your top.

“It’s not like anyone lives here yet,” he replied casually, his shirt now discarded somewhere in the lawn. 

“Neighbors?” you pressed, not exactly wanting to be caught in a compromising and embarrassing position, or worse–get charged for public indecency. 

“No one’s moved in yet,” Joel assured you, taking a step toward you and setting a comforting hand on your arm. “There’s not a soul in this neighborhood. Just relax and have fun, okay?”

You wanted to argue, but his soft and earnest eyes and reassuring words made it hard to find it in yourself to protest. “Fine,” you agreed.

It certainly wasn’t your finest idea, but the alcohol and your love for the man standing next to you had lowered your inhibitions enough for you to not to care as much. This was supposed to be a fun experience, and there was no real point in worrying so much when it was clear that the cost was clear.

“We’re too old for this shit,” you muttered to yourself before unclasping your bra, reluctance mostly out the window at this point.

Joel’s calloused hand dropped from your arm to your hand, and you gladly took it, the warmth radiating from him comforting enough to reassure you that this was going to be more fun than anything else. 

“You ready?” he asked, looking at you with excitement in his eyes, and adrenaline written all over his face.

“As I’ll ever be,” you replied with a bit of nervous laughter. 

He seemed to take that as a good enough answer, and the two of you began to race to the pool. You brought your free hand to your nose, bracing yourself as you jumped into the water, and holding your breath once you splashed into the pool.

“Fuck!” you squealed the moment your face made it out of the freezing water, your muscles tensing as you adjusted to the stark contrast in temperature. “I think that just sobered me all the way up.” 

In between the time that you two had jumped in and in that very moment, Joel had drifted a bit away from you. Not being a fan of the distance at all, you swam over to him, grabbing his shoulders as he wiped the water out of his eyes.  

“Is it as good as you remembered it?” you asked earnestly, not having to work very hard to keep yourself afloat in the rather shallow water. 

“It’s definitely colder,” he replied quickly, earning a laugh from the two of you. “But it’s better, with you. I can’t think of anyone else in the world I would rather be naked in a pool with.”

“Aww,” you cooed, “you have such a way with words.” You leaned forward just slightly, close enough that your foreheads touched, then your noses, before you were gently pressing your lips against Joel’s. Despite the frigid temperatures surrounding your bodies, you couldn’t help but feel a warmth bubbling up in your chest.

The kissing certainly helped the two of you to warm up, but it also left you too distracted to notice the sound of gravel crunching under wheels, or the sound of tennis shoes quickly approaching you. 

When you finally pulled away and Joel finally noticed that you weren’t alone like you’d thought you’d been, he was quick to pull you behind himself to maintain your modesty. 

“Oh shit, Joel, is that you?” the visitor asked, his voice somewhere between laughter and surprise. 

“Mike, it’s-” the man seemed to catch onto what was going on pretty quickly, and turned his back to the two of you. 

“Shit, man, my bad. I just left something behind, and I didn’t notice until just now. You guys have a good night,” he said hurriedly, fumbling as he grabbed the item he’d left behind and speed-walking away.  

“Thanks,” you piped up despite being absolutely mortified. Joel looked back at you with what could only be described as absolute bewilderment, his mouth slightly agape and his eyes comically wide.

Once you were both sure the coast was clear, you burst into a fit of laughter, one that Joel tried to fight off on his own before laughing right along with you. 

“Oh my God,” he muttered. “He works for me!”

That only had you wheezing more, clutching your chest as you gasped and choked for air. The situation was far too absurd not to laugh. 

“That’s gonna be a fun conversation on Monday,” you finally managed once your laughter subsided.

“Please don’t remind me,” Joel mumbled, pinching the bridge of his nose.

“I’ll be anxiously awaiting the story of how everything goes down when you see him again,” you teased in a light tone. “Well, as much as I’m having fun seeing you like this, I think the novelty of skinny dipping at 1 AM in someone else’s pool is over. Wanna head out?”

“Please,” Joel replied quickly, clearly over your adventure after your little surprise visitor. 

You treaded over to the side of the pool, where you lifted yourself out and laid yourself out on the lawn, humming contentedly to yourself as you looked up at the stars. Joel followed you over, coming out of the water just a few moments after you, and lying beside you in hopes of drying himself off. 

“We should do this again this time,” you suggested, glancing over at your partner with a slightly mischievous grin. 

“Absolutely not,” Joel stated, still dripping wet, and still absolutely mortified.  

[veillenel]

A Splash (Miguel O'hara x Reader)

Warnings/content: Eestablished relationship, blurb because i’m too afraid to write a whole story, fluff, Miguel being happy (sobs), I don’t think I used pronouns for reader (not proofread), I think that’s it?? 

A/n: I just had a cutesy idea that I wanted to write with Miguel because I am in love with him. I’m also still unsure about his and a wee bit insecure about my writing so any criticism is appreciated. I just wanted to start putting content out again and improving my writing <3 (I also appreciate anyone who wants to point out typos, grammar mistakes {I make those often}, or anything else). 

✰ Miguel has little to no sense of humor but will never fail to make you laugh. He accidentally misses a step and falls down the stairs, cussing out everything around him? You're laughing. When anyone around him farts and he puts on the most disgusted face? You're holding your stomach in tears. Overall, an unintentionally funny fellow. 

✰ He’s also not that touchy. At the start of the relationship it took awhile before he would hold you while the two of you laid together. Now, he just prefers affection to be private. Hand holding is as far as he will go. It’s not that he’s embarrassed or anything, he just doesn’t think work time is PDA time. When you go out to dinner he can handle cheek kisses and small side hugs. 

✰ You, on the other hand, are the exact opposite. Everything is funny to you. Stuff that isn't even that funny has you dying on the floor. You also love showing affection in public. A lot of women look at Miguel, he is an attractive man after all, so why not show that he’s simply not available. 

✰ Some people would say that it wasn’t a good mix but they couldn’t be more wrong. Sometimes your inability to take anything serious did bug him a bit and the public affection wasn’t his cup of tea but you were currently the best thing in his life. The light in the dark. Your laughter eased his stress and your kisses made his heart flutter. Every. Time. He loved you, truly. 

✰ On this particular day, Miguel was outside washing his car. Soapy water pouring down the black vehicle. You came outside to see if he needed anything and as he assured you he didn’t you turned to go back inside. Almost immediately you felt the cold water hit your back and Miguel let out a laugh.

✰ Usually, people get mad about stuff like that but hearing Miguel laugh about it only made smile and gain the bright idea to retreat into the house and Miguel thought that was that but you had different intentions. 

✰ You got out a cup from the cabinet and turned the sink on to fill it up. Obviously Miguel wouldn’t let you get your hands on the hose, he’s smarter than that. So you took the cup outside on the ploy that it was a nice drink for your lovely boyfriend. By this point he had put the hose away and was in the yard. Perfect. 

✰ You walk over to him, cup in hand, and give him a side hug. Attempting to make some small talk to make your intentions seem innocent. As you listened to him talk you raised the hand with the cup and splashed the water out, not looking to see if it even made contact with him you threw the cup down and made a beeline for the door but it was too late. Miguel scooped you up into his arms and carried you to the pool.

✰ “Miguel!” you could shout and plead all you wanted to but it would just fall on deaf ears. 

✰ “You think that was funny, huh? I’ll give you something to laugh about.” That was the last thing you heard before you were surrounded by bubbles and chlorinated water. 

✰ When you surfaced Miguel was waiting for you by the later and when you swam over he gave you a hand to take so he could help you out.  ✰ “So not funny Miguel.” He wraps you in a towel he found nearby and the only thing he can think about is how you’re the only person who makes him feel this way. The only person he could do stupid things like this would. You were the one he had to marry.

[pennyl4n3]

The Pool

*Taking a deep breath*

Well well well, this is my first fanfic (or should I say second or third? Btw, this one came to a conclusion) and I've never been much into writing, but Duskwood and all of you fantastic people in the fandom here brought me to this. I hope you like it, and of course I look forward to your comments and feedback.

Pairing: Jake x MC

Contents: Angst, Sadness, Fluff, Romance

It had been three months since his last contact with her. He'd had to disappear from the radar, the government breathing down his neck. Every day he fought the urge to write to her; he couldn't risk putting her in danger. He couldn't even risk reading her conversations at the moment, so he was as blind as she was.

He didn't know where she was, if she was okay, if she was mad at him, though after all this time he imagined she was. The last time they had written to each other she was in Duskwood and he had every intention of finally catching up with her. Things hadn't gone as planned unfortunately, and the deal he was trying to make with the government had fallen through, forcing him to become a fugitive again.

He was exhausted, he was free and yet he felt imprisoned in an endless loop. Ever since he had met her he had realized how heavy his condition was to bear, how much he missed talking to someone in person, how much he longed to get out without having to disguise himself. He wanted to move, to run, to be outside, and above all else he wanted to run to her, and hold her, look into her eyes, tell her in his voice how much he missed her.

While he was lost in these thoughts he scrolled through their last conversations, rereading every word and every comma. At one point he found the conversation in which they had talked about one of MC's great passions, swimming. He barely knew how to float, he had never had a chance to learn it as a child, and on that occasion he had promised himself he would try it someday. MC had told him about a public pool in her hometown that was easy to get into at night through a gate with a broken lock. She had gone there many times, when she needed to relieve her nerves and to be alone. Suddenly Jake felt the urge to see that pool, and set about finding it. Amazingly it was a couple of blocks from where he was hiding, the next step was to check the security cams near the building and along the way. He could do it without too much difficulty, and he really needed to get some air and some purpose, so he slipped on his sweatshirt, pulled on his hood and mask, and set off.

He arrived within minutes, constantly looking around. The streets were practically empty, but caution was never too much. The pool was a low building, all on one level. Mentally following MC's directions he managed to find the little gate, behind some bushes. It was still broken, unbelievable. Curiosity was stronger than him and he continued towards the entrance. His footsteps echoed in the hall, as he went down the few steps that led directly to the pool floor, the smell of chlorine filled his nostrils. Even though it was night he could see almost all of the interior well, thanks to the huge windows that almost reached the ceiling and let in the illumination of the street lamps, just as MC had told him.

He sat on the steps and stayed there for a while, lost in his imagination, even though he had never seen MC, enjoying that moment of peace, and trying to imagine her doing something that made her feel good...

A noise outside startled him, he ran off the steps and flattened himself against the wall. He waited in silence, his nerves on edge, his heart in his throat, his eye searching for possible alternatives escape routes. another metallic noise, and the angry meows of two cats fighting each other. Jake breathed a sigh of relief but waited vigilantly for a while longer before heading for the exit with shaking legs. When he returned to his shelter, he promised himself he would never try it again, but that was not to be. He returned there two more nights, until he decided to get a swimsuit and try swimming.

And so Jake found himself inside the pool, scared and unsure at first, but after a few minutes he began to feel the benefit of being in the water, the lightness provided by its support. He knew it wouldn't last long, but he continued to go there as many nights as he could. He would return to his hut tired but satisfied, and he could even get a decent night's sleep.

One evening he was trying to swim as usual when he heard a female voice saying jokingly, "well, I thought I was the only one who knew this place, but apparently not." Jake froze, almost having a heart attack. He was in the water, there was no way to escape. He drew a deep breath, thinking that it was anyway dark enough, and that his features weren't clearly visible, and decided to try not to look too suspicious. "Yeah, apparently not" he replied, trying to keep his voice from shaking. The girl smiled, or so it seemed to him, and continued, "I guess you like to be here alone, just like I usually do, but I could really use a swim tonight. I'll go in the back lane, I swear I won't bother you. Is that okay?" "O-oh yeah, yeah, go ahead," Jake mumbled, trying to hide his face as much as possible, and stood watching her as she made her way to the other side of the pool, still shocked that there was another human being in the same room as him. He realized that he was staring in her direction, and decided to start swimming again. After a while he stopped, out of breath and with tired arms, and saw that the girl instead was still swimming, at a brisk pace, and giving no sign of wanting to stop. He got out of the water and sat on the steps, wrapped in his towel, trying to catch his breath. Watching her was hypnotic, she moved with fluid movements, slow and steady. He wondered if MC swam like that too. How he wished he could have written to her to tell her he was swimming, or at least trying to, and to thank her for letting him discover this wonderful new experience as well. Since he had met her, his life had taken on a new light, where before only greyness and despair reigned.

His phone made a sound, bringing him back to reality. It was time to go home. He dressed quickly and headed for the exit, he didn't want to interrupt the girl's concentration, and he didn't intend to introduce himself, so better that way. Once back at the shelter he went back to work on his laptop, while eating a sandwich. Concentration continued to leave him that night, however, as the encounter with the stranger had brought him back to MC in a big way.

He returned to the pool the next evening, yearning to tire himself out and find some peace of mind. Once he got to the door he heard the sound of water coming from inside, he carefully pushed his way across the threshold, trying to figure out who was there and was relieved to see that it was again the girl he met the night before. He walked over to his side of the pool and removed his clothes as he cast furtive glances at her. He dove into the water and began to swim, trying to focus on his breathing, which was the part he struggled with the most. When he emerged with bated breath, he saw the girl standing at the edge of the pool and winced. "Hi, I didn't mean to scare you. I've been watching you swim and I thought I could give you a few tips, if you don't mind" Jake was so amazed and scared that for a few seconds he could only stare at her with his mouth open. "I-I...I don't.... " she giggled softly and shrugged her shoulders "Ok, look, I didn't mean to embarrass you...I'm going back to my lane. If you want it you know you can ask it okay?" And she turned to go back to her lane. "Wait. Yes, please I will gladly accept your help." Jake said. She retraced her steps and squatted down beside the edge of the pool with a smile on her face. "So, first let's start with your upper body, I've noticed that you move it a lot between strokes and that wastes your energy and breath. Try to stand up straighter, your arms and legs do most of the work. Then, every time you pull your arm forward, you can inhale if you feel the need to, and slowly you'll find yourself pulling two strokes, then three, and so on, but don't be in a hurry. If you take care of your technique well, managing your breath will already be easier." Jake was focused on her words and nodded, before turning around and trying again. Following her advice actually felt like he was already doing better. A wave of satisfaction ran through him when he managed to do his usual laps without getting breathless. He emerged smiling and sat on the edge of the pool. She was still there and looked at him approvingly, then asked "Better now, isn't it? "Yes, thank you very much." He answered. "Thanks to you, I'm just back in town but I'm not having much contact with the rest of the world, helping you was a pleasure" "I... I understand, I didn't have much contact lately either". A slightly embarrassed silence fell between them. It was Jake's phone that broke it, by emitting an alarm tone. Jake got up quickly and headed for his bagpack. "I, uh, have to go now, thanks again for your help." She looked at him briefly, nodded, and stepped back. "Oh, yeah, sure, no problem. Well, good night then" and walked back to the pool. "Good night" he replied, and as soon as she turned around, he changed his wet swimsuit with dry clothes and headed quickly to the exit.

As he walked down the street, he wondered if he wasn't risking too much by going to the pool regularly, and by confiding in that unknown girl. He then decided that it would be better to avoid it for a while, even if it was with great regret.

Jake avoided the pool for a few days, but eventually decided to go back. He couldn't wait to get there. As he walked the short distance between his hiding place and the pool, he mentally savored the feel of the water, the smell of the chlorine, the relaxation it gave him to swim until his muscles ached. As always, he sneaked up on the hidden entrance, his senses all out to catch any suspicious movements or noises. That evening, however, he heard no suspicious noises as he entered the large room with the tanks, but a soft sobbing. He listened for a while, trying to distinguish where the crying was coming from. When he spotted the silhouette of the mysterious girl on the steps he felt a tug at his heart, and could not help but go near her.

"Hey, is everything okay?" he said softly.

She looked up with a jolt, and when she recognized him she answered a little annoyed: "What do you think? No, everything is not okay." She immediately realized she had been abrupt, and added in a tone of apology, clutching her knees to her chest: "Sorry, I didn't think you would come, I haven't seen you here in a while and you caught me off guard..." "It's okay, no need to apologize. I guess I interrupted an intimate moment of yours. It's just that hearing you cry made me worried somehow." He replied to her as he blushed, realizing what he had just said. "I-I meant...well I mean, sorry if I m-maybe I embarrassed you, I should probably go and..." hinting back. "No, wait. Please stay. If it's not a problem for you of course. I don't really feel like being alone anymore." she said as she reached out a hand towards him and motioned for him to sit beside her. Jake was tense, the last thing he had expected that night was to find himself consoling the mysterious girl, but he certainly couldn't leave her there alone, she had always been very kind to him and he was sincerely sorry to see her sad. He exhaled a deep breath and went to sit next to her as he pulled a handkerchief from a pocket of his backpack and handed it to her. "Thank you," she said with a smile, "I really appreciate it." For a while an awkward silence descended, during which they both stared at their hands. Suddenly she blurted out "You know, I'm worried about someone, that's why I was crying. I haven't heard from him in a while and I don't know what to think. I'm trying to move on, I promised him, and really, I'm trying so hard, but some days the weight of his absence is so hard to bear that I can barely get out of bed. Whatever I do the thought of him is with me. This is the only place I can find some peace, because swimming empties my mind b-but t-tonight..." her eyes glazed over again as she swallowed, trying to push back the tears. He had listened to her in silence until that moment, respecting her moment of venting, but when he realized she was about to cry again he felt he had to do something, so he passed his left arm behind her back and pulled her to him, gently holding her in an embrace. "I-I can understand it, you know? I promised one person I would move on too. But it's so hard. I want to call her, I want to write her, I want to know how she is doing, where she is...but every day I forbid myself to do that. And I know I owe it to her, because she doesn't deserve to keep feeling bad because of me and my mistakes and..." his voice faded away, as he realized that he was risking to say things he shouldn't have said, he recovered quickly trying to cut it short and not to let the tremor in his voice be heard "...and I understand you, that's it. I miss her so much too."

As they stood in silence, his heart running fast in his chest and he desperately looking for something else to say, he felt her draw back into his embrace and sigh. It felt good to have her in his arms, and feeling her calming down warmed his heart. It had been so long since Jake had touched anyone, not really talked to anyone, hardly remembered what it was like. A little later she said softly, "Thank you. For sharing a little piece of you with me. You don't need to talk about it if you don't feel like it, I understand. It's... " she stopped thoughtfully, "Complicated" finished Jake. "Yes, yes exactly! It's damn complicated. But knowing that someone can understand me makes me feel better." then she turned to him and drew a deep breath, then added, "Well, how about a swim? After all, this is what we both came for." Jake nodded and removed his arm from her shoulders. "Yeah, I guess you're right." He got up from the steps and walked over to the usual little corner where he used to change his clothes, while she headed to her pool lane and dove in. Once he slipped into his swimsuit, Jake entered cautiously, still pensive from that brief but intense exchange of confessions.

He slowly dived down to the bottom and stayed there for a while, still immersed in his thoughts. He had to stop those nightly outings. They were already dangerous in themselves, and now this unknown girl had been added, making him talk too freely. All of his inner alarms were telling him it was time to stop, and it was also time to change hiding places again, even though being so close to a place in MC's heart made him feel closer to her.

A movement to the side of his field of vision brought him out of his thoughts, and out of the pool as well. When he got to his feet he ran a hand over his eyes and pulled his hair back so he could see better, turning to face the source of the movement. He saw her in the aisle next to where he stood, staring at him. "A-are you ok?" said him in an uncertain voice. She giggled and replied, "I was going to ask you the same thing, you weren't coming up out of the water anymore." "Oh, I'm sorry, I'm sorry I scared you, I was just... well, reflecting." he replied. She stared at him intently, looking at his black hair, stuck to the sides of his face, and said tilting her head "It's weird you know? You remind me so much of him, the way you behave somehow, I can't actually explain it". Jake blushed and swallowed hard. "I'll take it as a compliment" he replied, and stepped out of the water. "I have to get back. I hope you feel better now." continued, while heading to the bag of dry clothes. She stood staring at him, wondering if she had made him uncomfortable with that confession. When she realised he was about to undress she turned around, blushing. She waited for a while and then sat down on the edge of the bath and said with a smile, "Yes, I'm feeling better, thanks to you. Good night, stranger."

When he arrived to the hut, something alarmed him: some of the boards near the entrance were placed differently than he had left them. He quickly stepped into the shadows and took out his phone to check inside. Two men were sitting at his usual spot, peering at the screens. Jake was quick to slip back downstairs and to reach out his hiding place number two, three doors down. As soon as he was seated, he took his phone out of his jeans pocket and started the hidden cameras. The two men didn't seem to have any idea what they were looking at, and they didn't look like officers either, to be honest. Maybe two thieves? But what kind of thieves would break into an old warehouse with the windows covered by boards? What did they expect to find there? He carefully examined the video images from the cameras he had placed around the rest of the perimeter of the building and saw a couple of policemen in the back. "Fuck!" he whispered through his teeth. He prepared to format everything in the hiding place and stood vigilantly by, watching them alternately. The two intruders were probably hiding from the cops, and risked exposing him. He noticed that there was a car shop next door and decided to create a diversion. He quickly managed to hack into the shop's security system and set it to go off, so that the cops could be sent away. He then logged on to his workstation and simply brought up Nymos, some glitches and the words "intruders detected, defensive protocol activated" on the screens. It was more than enough to send the two of them running for the hills.

He sighed with relief, letting himself down on the makeshift mattress behind him. He stayed like that for a while as he listened to his heartbeat return to a normal rhythm, his adrenaline slowly subsiding, his breathing becoming regular. His stomach rumbled, so he reached into his bag and pulled out an energy bar. After an hour or so, he locked the entrance to the main hideout and went back the way he'd come: better stay there for the night. As he settled in for the night, streams of thoughts came over him. He realised that the idea of leaving MC hometown made him feel lost, even though she wasn't there, and it wasn't even certain that she would return. Still, he knew he had to leave, that evening's mishap was another proof of that. There wasn't much to think about really, he had to move again, maybe he'd come back later. He thought of the girl at the pool, of her pain, so familiar. How was it possible that love could always bring so much suffering? He drifted off to sleep with those thoughts in his head, and woke up restless.

The next morning Jake was almost done packing up all of his belongings and ready to go. He wondered if once he was settled into his new hiding place, he would find another pool where he could train undisturbed, so he set about identifying all the potential candidates. How he wished he could have told MC about this! As he scanned the pools and studied their surroundings it occurred to him that he could write her using a disposable phone before leaving. His hands began to shake at the mere thought of being able to write her again. Would she be happy to read it? Maybe she was angry with him. In their last conversation she had told him to at least let her know if he was alive as soon as he could. Before he could think about it too much longer, he stormed out of the room and headed for the first open store. Once he retrieved the disposable phone he went back to the spare hut and slipped into it with all his things. He turned on the phone and prepared it for use.

*??? is online*

Jake:Hello, MC.

Shortly after came the reply

*** MC is online ***

MC:Jake! Are you okay?

Jake:Yes MC, I'm fine. I apologize for not letting you hear from me again, it was too dangerous.

MC:That's okay, I'm so glad to read you now, I kept telling myself that you were definitely fine and that I shouldn't have written you, as promised

Jake felt his palms sweat.

Jake:You know, I've been going swimming lately. At night, on the sly. Your enthusiasm about it convinced me. You were so right MC, it can empty your mind. I wanted so hard to thank you for that.

MC:I went swimming recently too, at night, it kept me from going crazy. Maybe we swam at the same time

Jake: :)

Jake:And do you know where I was? The place you told me about. It was like I felt closer to you

MC squinted her eyes

MC:Jake... you don't mean that place with big windows almost to the ceiling,do you?

Jake:Yes, exactly that.

MC bursted in laugh and shaked her head in disbelief.

MC:And you didn't happen to meet someone? Like a really nice, kind girl who gave you lessons?

Jake felt his knees buckle and had to lean against the wall to keep from falling.

Jake:You...

Jake:Was that you?

Butterflies were spreading through his stomach.

MC:So you hugged me the other night! I was crying just for you, and you were there, this is crazy!

MC:Where are you now?

His eyes widened.

Jake:MC me, I was going to leave the town, last night I found intruders in my shelter, it's not safe for me to be here anymore.

For a time that seemed eternal to him there was no sign of life on the other end of the phone.

Jake:MC...

MC:Don't you dare

MC:Don't you dare leaving again. You've been staying here for days, and even allowed yourself to go out almost every night, and you never wrote me anything. Now that we might meet you're starting this again.

MC:We met by accident Jake! Does that seem normal to you???

MC:I'll be waiting there tonight, you better come

***MC is offline***

Jake stared at the phone bewildered. He was terrified. He couldn't believe he had hugged MC the night before. And she was crying, because of him. She was right, he couldn't leave again.

That night he went to the pool, almost running. He sneaked up on the hidden entrance, holding his breath, and went to sit on the steps where he usually rested his backpack. A short time later he saw her walk in and head towards him. It seemed to him that his heart was about to explode. He stood up and walked over to her. They both found themselves running to cover the final distance that separated them. They hugged each other tightly, and stayed that way, without speaking for who knows how long. Neither of them wanted to untie the embrace, as if to do so meant to lose themselves again.

At the end MC pulled back a little to look him in the eyes, and said, "I was beginning to think this moment would never come" "And instead we found each other without even knowing it" he replied chuckling. She blushed and rose on tiptoe to give him a light kiss on the lips.

"Shall we go for a swim?" she told him with a mischievous grin. "Sure. I've been taking lessons" he replied as he began to undress.

[wonderwonderhowido]

Year-end meme time! I have been answering these questions once a year without fail since 2006. Maybe one of these years I’ll stop, but not for 2017.

Was 2017 a good year for you?

Yes! In February I decided I wanted to quit my job and go to Brazil for 3 months. I quit my job and moved away from NC in July, left for Brazil in August. I had a short-lived but intense romantic relationship from April-July. We drove across the country together. Brazil was really challenging but overall amazing. With the exception of a couple periods when life was too hectic, I kept up with my yoga habit. I think I made it a full 8 months without skipping a whole week actually? Maybe it was 6 months, I forget now, I just know that it was an important milestone for me at the time because I have never managed to keep up an exercise routine that long before. I spent more time at the ocean and by the pool than I have in most other years of my life. I lost some weight. I stayed relatively on top of my shit (bullet journaling really helped, when I was doing that), and stayed sane. I read a fuck ton of Harry/Draco and BTS fic. I took a lot of chances with people I had only just barely met. It has honestly been a pretty stellar year for me personally, the mounting sense of despair over the external world aside.

What was your favorite moment of the year?

Being in the ocean with kids climbing on top of me, demanding to be tossed into the waves.

What was your least favorite moment of the year?

Nothing actually stands out. I had some pretty low moments of crying over certain things in my life, but nothing I can talk about on the online, and besides since none of them were reacting to specific things they all sort of blend together in my memory anyway. I did cry whole buckets while leaving my goodbye party in NC and continued to cry when I got to my ex-BF’s house and then cried myself to sleep, but it feels sort of not right to call that a least favorite moment, just cathartic.

Where were you when 2017 began?

At the same new years’ party I was at when 2014, 2015, and 2016 began. That night was kind of a mixed bag for me, although I did get a new years’ kiss, which I will probably not be getting this year.  

Where will you be when 2017 ends?

One of my oldest friends in SLC is hosting a “polar plunge” at her house, so I’m going to do that. I probably will not be taking any kind of plunge myself but I can provide emotional support to those who shall.

Who will you be with when 2017 ends?

My friend Jennica and her husband. I have no idea who else, I don’t think I know most of their friends these days.  

Did you keep your new years resolution of 2017?

Looking at the half-assed resoluations I made…. Lmao, no I didn’t, but then my goals for the year changed rather drastically in February when I decided to upend everything, and I feel pretty good about how I followed through with all that stuff.

Do you have a new years resolution for 2018?

Have another list of resolution-ish intentions I have, I still would not call this list whole-assed but hey:

-complete a 30 day yoga challenge (I am on day 7 already, actually, so if I keep up with it I'll knock this one out before the end of January)

-don't let more than 4 days go by without going to yoga (other than when I'm traveling)

-don't let more than 2 days go by without writing (other than when I'm traveling)

-write original fiction at least three times a week, even if it's just like, scribbling down 100 words of a writing exercise (again, other than when traveling)

-read at least 25 books

-read at least 20 short stories

What was your relationship status? Did you break up with anyone?

I was in a relationship from roughly April-July, we broke it off before I left for Brazil. I dated other people in there, although no one for as long as I dated him.

How many one-night stands?

I think four? Idk depends on what you consider a one-night stand. And I made out with lots of different people, which was fun.

Did you make any new friends in 2017?

I made a lot of new friends in Brazil! I’ve made some new friends and reconnected with old friends through kpop. I seem to have made some new friends in SLC, which has been really nice.

What was your favorite month of 2017?

Probably September. April really ranks up there, too.

What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

I turned 30!!! I think on the day of I went to work, got taken out to lunch by my boyfriend, swam in my apartment’s pool, and started watching Boku No Hero Academia, also with the boyfriend. I had a small party for myself over the weekend, if memory serves. It was really nice, low key and happy, I really enjoyed turning 30 and have been very much enjoying my thirties since. I remember thinking that I was going to feel angsty and panicked about turning this number but that never really hit. It was mostly just good.

How many different places did you travel to in 2017?

Ashland, OR; Wilmington, NC; Charlotte, NC; from Carrboro, NC to SLC, with stops along the way in Birmingham, New Orleans, a town in Texas that I have forgotten the name of; in Brazil: Fortaleza, Taiba, Manaus, Tefe, Mamiraua Reserve, Monte Alegre do Sul, and Sao Paulo.

Did anybody close to you die in 2017?

No.

Did anybody close to you give birth?

Yes, K and E.

Did you miss anybody in the past year?

I missed my NC friends a lot after I moved away. I missed Brazil and my people there.

Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?

Other than public figures, no, not really.

What were your favorite movies that you saw in 2017?

Loving Vincent, Thor: Ragnarok and The Last Jedi.

What was your favorite song from 2017?

I have not done a great job of keeping track of which songs I’ve listened to the most this year, but: Silver Spoon/Baepsae by BTS; Nights by Frank Ocean; Soldados by Legiao Urbana; Don’t Take The Money by Bleachers; The Louvre by Lorde; Ultralight Beam by Kanye West; Young by The Chainsmokers.

Did you have a favorite concert in 2017?

Bleachers and MUNA in Charlotte! Also Chance The Rapper.

Did you drink a lot of alcohol in 2017?

I feel like yes but I think I did less getting super drunk than in previous years.

Did you do a lot of drugs in 2017?

Not ‘a lot’ but I was not expecting this to be the year that recreational drugs came back into my life. So ‘a lot’ by my usual standards, I guess.

What kept you sane?

Yoga, walking, and journaling. This is a very boring and literal answer, sorry, but it’s true. I’m sorry to be one of Those People but exercise and mindfulness are the reasons I’m able to be off anti-depressants.

What did you do in 2017 that you’d never done before?

Traveled to a foreign country by myself. Tried cocaine. Wrote fanfiction commissions. Taught english classes. Learned how to samba. Used a bullet journal. Did goat yoga. Interviewed a creator I admired. Went to a club by myself.

What dates from 2017 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

-August 21, the day of the eclipse and the day I flew to Brazil.

-July 28-29, my last days in NC, the night one of my cats spent in the bathtub of a friend’s apartment, and the days I spent frantically moving out of my apartment.

-The Women’s March. Both because it was one of the very few times this year I felt politically empowered, and because that night I had a really fantastic tinder date with a woman who had also been at the march. This was only a couple days after I’d been dumped by the girl I was seeing, so I felt very spitefully pleased about the timing of it all.

-April 22. At my old job, we opened up a new public preserve, an event everyone in the org had been working to make happen for years. The event itself went extremely well and was super gratifying, and then that night was one of the early and really great dates with the guy I was dating.

What was your biggest achievement of the year?

Quitting my job in a way I feel good about. Making Brazil happen. Moving out of my apartment. Sticking with yoga. Finishing my otayuri Spy AU. Writing all the fic that people commissioned me for, even though it took me forever and a day. Paying off my credit card post-brazil.

What was your biggest failure?

I am disappointed in myself for not trying harder to write and publish more nonfiction, even though I felt all this momentum in that direction after the McElroy piece I wrote in May. I am also disappointed in myself for losing steam on the novel I started in 2016. There are some conversations I wish I had had with important people in my life, that I always chickend out on having. There are some feelings I wish I had been able to leave behind, but couldn’t.

What was the best thing you bought?

Other than plane tickets, probably my chromebook. It does not feel real at all that I bought that in 2017, though. This year has been five years in one.

Compared to this time last year, are you:

a) happier or sadder? happier

b) thinner or fatter? thinner

c) richer or poorer? poorer

How did you spend Christmas?

With my family in SLC, like I almost always do. We opened presents, my dad and I went to yoga, I read a lot of kpop fic, in the evening we went to a dinner party at my parents’ friends house and I ate a lot of really good food.

What was the best book you read?

If I manage to finish The Female Man today, I will have read 23 books this year, not counting the 6 Animorphs books I reread and the gazillions of BNHA manga chapters. That’s actually more than I thought I had read, and maybe I should make my books goal for 2018 a larger number, hm.

But anyway I think the best book of those was probably The Basic Eight by Daniel Handler or Blind Assassin by Margaret Atwood. I also loved Swing Time by Zadie Smith but I read that at the beginning of the year so it sort of feels like a lifetime ago.

How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2017?

Well for half of it I’ve been either living out of a backpack or in my pajamas almost 24/7. Also I got rid of most of my wardrobe. So I guess minimal?

What would you like to have in 2018 that you lacked in 2017?

A new Carly Rae Jepsen album!!! And greater financial security, a home in a city I’m happy about living in.

What do you wish you’d done more of?

Writing original fiction and freelance writing. Exercising more discipline in my writing life, in general. Mindfulness exercises when I was upset. Taking photos of people I wanted to remember.

What do you wish you’d done less of?

Sweet jesus do I wish I had spent less time mindlessly refreshing apps on my phone, particularly twitter. Also pointless angsting about personal relationships. Gone on less Tinder dates that I knew weren’t going anywhere.

What are your plans for 2018?

Going to Japan in May with @corvidyouths and @globsavethequeen!!! And getting a job in New York or LA or DC or, who knows, somewhere else that I haven’t though of yet.

Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:

Well, I don’t know how much of my year this actually sums up, but these lines have been rattling around my head more than anything else. From Nights by Frank Ocean:

I ain't trying to keep you Can't keep up a conversation Can't nobody reach you Why your eyes well up Did you call me from a seance You are from a past life

[anavoliselenu]

Grounded chapter 10

I wrinkled my nose at him. I knew the Vegas scene well enough, even if it wasn’t really my scene. “I hope everything’s been disinfected.”

He tapped my nose. “Yes, of course. You know it drives me crazy when you do that with your nose. It makes you look so damn cute.”

I tapped his nose. “Don’t call me cute,” I told him.

His nostrils flared, rather sexily, I thought.

I was lying on a cushioned lounger in a white bikini I wouldn’t be caught dead wearing in public while he rubbed sunblock all over my body. He was not efficient about the process, rubbing more of the parts inside of the tiny bikini than out of it, and grinning the entire time.

“You don’t have to work at all today?” I asked him. He’d worked the day before, but made no mention of going in that day.

“I’m taking a day off. I want to f**k you in broad daylight. I want to spread you out and strip you bare under the sun.”

That made me squirm in my seat. I’d had my hopes when he was dismissing his staff, but now it was certain. We weren’t just out here to swim.

“You’re going to get me sunburned in some painful places,” I predicted.

He held up the bottle of sunblock he was using. “I’ve got it covered. Come on now, you know me better.”

He was thorough, but slow as molasses as he covered me in the stuff. He even spent extra time on my feet, rubbing and kneading until I moaned in pleasure. He was good with his hands in every way imaginable.

The second leisurely rubbed on coat of sunblock was completely unnecessary, of course, but he did it all the same. Only Justin could turn sun protection into foreplay. I was writhing before he made it back up to my inner thighs.

His sunblock coated fingers teased around my sex, fingering my tiny string bikini bottoms, but he pulled them back with a wicked little smile. “For external use only, Love. I guess you’ll have to settle for my tongue.”

He pulled the strings on both of my h*ps loose with his teeth. I buried my hands in his hair as he buried his face between my legs.

It wasn’t his usual oral technique, avoiding my cl*t at first to thrust his tongue as deep inside of me as it would go. It felt drugging—it felt good, but when he finally moved up to my cl*t and sucked with a vengeance I came hard, gasping his name.

He moved up my body in a flash, untying my top, and moving my leg across his torso, positioning it diagonally with my ankle on his shoulder, turning me on my side, and straddling my other leg. He poised himself at my entrance for a brief moment.

“Fucking me sideways,” I told him breathlessly.

He grinned and thrust in hard. “Every which way, until we’re sated or dead, Love.”

He pulled out slowly, dragging himself along every perfect nerve, playing me like an instrument, then pounded in again. His size, and the unrelenting position, made each thrust border on painful. He repeated the torture, again and again, and I came with a ragged cry torn out of me.

He didn’t stop, just pounded faster. He bottomed out and came inside of me with a rough shout. I loved it, absolutely relished the moments when he lost it like that.

He pushed my legs apart, shifted me onto my back, and moved into me, kissing me languorously. He pulled out of me slowly, drawing it out, until I wanted him again as though we hadn’t just made love.

Once he’d separated his body from mine, he moved flush against me again.

“Wrap your arms and legs around me,” he ordered against my ear.

I did, my body obeying but my mind still in that soft dreamy place that only he could take me. He picked me up, rising slowly.

It was only as I was flying through the air that I realized his intent. I hit the water with a surprised little yelp. I was glaring as I surfaced.

He just grinned, diving in after me.

We played in the pool for a long time. Like children, I thought, only we were skinny dipping in broad daylight. I loved every second of it. I thought that playful Justin might just be my favorite.

He pulled me against him, kissing me hotly, and then thrust me away. “Run,” he told me with a wicked grin.

I made it just to the edge of the pool and one step out before he caught me, yanking me back into the water and against him, his front flush against my back. He bit my neck and rubbed against me. His rock hard erection poked hard into my backside.

“You’re insatiable,” I told him, my voice breathless.

“Yes,” he breathed into my ear. “I am. Now run.”

I made it out of the pool, across the concrete, and into the grass that time. It was only as he was tackling me onto my stomach that I realized it was exactly what he’d wanted, exactly what he’d planned. He was entering me from behind rather roughly within seconds.

He f**ked me in the grass, on hands and knees, pumping into me with a purpose.

“Say it, Selena,” he ordered into my ear, his voice so low and gruff.

I came apart, but not enough to keep from saying it. “I’m yours, Justin. Only yours.”

He continued the jarring rhythm while my body squeezed him convulsively, as shivers of pleasure wracked my body. He kept going until every little shocking wave had passed. He moaned low in his throat when he let himself go.

My hands and knees were raw and grass stained when Justin carried me back to the pool. I couldn’t imagine that his were in much better shape.

He tossed me back in the pool. Even knowing it was coming, I let out a little shriek before I hit the water. When I resurfaced, Justin was striding towards the house, a towel slung low across his hips.

“Where are you going?” I called out.

“To check in with the other man in your life,” he called back.

I thought that was the sweetest thing in the world. And so very Justin. Nothing could soften me more than him understanding my bond with Stephan, and understand it, he did. He always knew which strings to pull. Manipulative, perceptive, wonderful man.

When he returned, he moved straight to the lounging sofa where we’d discarded all of our clothing. He pulled on his low-slung gray swim trunks and grabbed my bikini, moving back to the pool with a purpose.

He cornered me in the pool.

I kissed him. “Thank you for being so understanding about Stephan. That means everything to me.”

“I have nothing but love for that man. If I have to share you with someone, I’m glad that it’s him. And I will do anything it takes to stay on his good side. I know that a happy Stephan is a happy Selena.” He gave me one hard kiss and began to slip me back into the tiny series of strings that he called a bikini.

“The guys wanted to hang out,” he continued. “So I told them to come over. Not sure how he did it, but Stephan turned the whole thing into an impromptu pool party. I don’t even know who’s coming. I may have met my match. That man is cunning.”

That made me smile real big. Talk about the pot calling the kettle black…

“I need to go put on a cover-up or something,” I told him. “If we’re having a party, I’d rather not be showing this much skin.”

He eyed me up, running a tongue over his teeth in a luscious display. “Yeah, I agree. I’d rather not share this much of your skin with company. Especially since I don’t even know who’s coming. I can’t even tell you the havoc that will wreak with security. A last minute party with no guest list.” He shook his head, then smiled suddenly. “I guess that’s why I pay them so well. Now let’s go get you a cover-up.”

Stephan and Javier arrived first, not even thirty minutes later. They were both already in their swimsuits, shirtless and smiling.

I eyed the three hot, half-naked men around me. “What did I ever do to get so lucky?” I asked.

Stephan flashed a dimple at me, and that dimple was always mischievous. He picked me up, running through the house with a happy shout. He never had been able to behave himself around water.

Unlike Justin, Stephan jumped in still holding me, rather than throwing me. I had a sudden but clear epiphany about the two major men in my life, and just how alike they were in so many strange ways, both so relentlessly, affectionately physical, and emotionally open for me, if on different levels.

Stephan didn’t let me go even when were both in the water, just cradling me to him and smiling.

“Who did you invite to this?” I asked him suspiciously. I could just tell by the look on his face that he was in an ornery mood. His huge grin at the question only confirmed it.

“Wrong question, Buttercup.”

I pulled his hair lightly. “What’s the right question, then?” I asked. I knew this game.

“Who didn’t I invite?”

I heard a bark of a laugh behind me, and craned my head around to see Justin striding back to the house. “If it’s going to be that sort of a party, I’ll at least have it catered,” he muttered as he walked. “And I don’t suppose a house full of pilots and flight attendants won’t want an open bar.”

I had to laugh. He’d assessed the situation accurately. If Stephan had sent out a blanket invite to everyone he knew, we were a few minutes away from having a house full of pilots and flight attendants, and they would be drinking.

The first few people to arrive were complete strangers to me, and it felt beyond awkward meeting new people wearing a tiny bikini, and a tiny, sopping wet cover-up, but I tried to play it off.

I shot Stephan a glare. “Do you even know who they are?”

He shrugged. “I think they’re pilots. Murphy’s friends? They look vaguely familiar.

Justin dove into the pool, his form perfect. He swam straight to me, staying underwater until he reached me. He grabbed me around the waist and dragged me from where I was huddled with Stephan. He cornered me against the side of the pool. “Stephan gets to play host tonight, since this was his idea, and I planned to spend my entire day touching you, so I’m damn well going to do it.”

I had no problem with that. I just smiled at him.

CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

Mr. Scandalous

Of course a party at a swank mansion with an open bar attracted a lot of people, and within an hour the place was packed. I recognized maybe a third of the people that swarmed into the pools.

Our usual group ended up hanging out with us, taking one of the large pools to ourselves.

Marnie and Judith were there. I’d figured they would be. If they were in town, you couldn’t drag them away from a good party. Marnie, however, wouldn’t get in the water, which was unusual for her. I asked her why.

She waved her martini glass in the air. “You see this?”

I nodded, smiling. I knew there’d be a punch line.

“This is not a martini. This is a Midol-tini, cause I’m on the rag, folks, and it is a heavy flow day!”

“OOOhhhh,” Murphy cried. “TMI, Marnie TMI! I picture things!”

“Well picture that whole pool turning red if I take one step in.”

Every man within ten feet groaned in disgust. Except for Mr. Beautiful, who didn’t seem to have a squeamish bone in his body. He just laughed.

“Women are disgusting!” Murphy told her. “And what does it say about me that I’m kind of turned on right now?”

“You want a shot at this?” Marnie taunted him, waving a hand at her cute little body. “Liz told me you were good in bed, but I’ll warn you right now, if you don’t make me come, I’m spreading the word.”

Murphy slapped his forehead. “How am I supposed to perform under that kind of pressure?”

She pointed at him. “If you can’t perform under pressure, that’s a deal-breaker. If this makes you nervous, what will you do when I bust out my strap-on? The pressure hasn’t even begun. Take it or leave it, Cap’n!”

Murphy’s eyes widened comically. “Will you call me that while we’re going at it? That might help my performance.”

She gave him a smart little salute. “Ay Ay, Cap’n!”

She shouted the words, but could still barely be heard over the sounds of all of us laughing. The funniest part was, I had no idea if they were actually joking.

Murphy turned to Damien, holding out his hand as if to shake. “We’ll finally be Eskimo brothers, mate! I’ve been looking forward to this day!”

Damien just shook his head, looking pained. He was particularly quiet tonight, chatting up Jessa in the corner of the pool. “So wrong,” he muttered.

Murphy threw his arms up in the air. “Is that too crass? How about fish-sticks? Can we cross fish-sticks now?”

“What does that even mean?” I asked Justin, figuring it was a guy thing.

He grimaced. “It’s a really crude way of saying that they hooked up with the same woman.”

Judith held up two fingers to Murphy, bouncing over to him in the pool. “Fish-sticks!”

They began to have a long mock sword fight with their fingers.

“Your friends are a riot,” Justin told me. “But I can’t imagine they weren’t a shock to a virgin.”

I gave him a look. “I was a virgin, but I’ve seen plenty, Justin. I was on the streets as a young teen. I was past the ability to be shocked before I was sixteen. I think that Judith and Marnie were more shocked at my virginity than they’ve ever managed to shock me.”

He laughed. “I can well imagine.”

“They tried to relieve me of the ‘condition’ for months. I had to really chew them out to get them to stop.”

His face darkened. “I’m glad they didn’t succeed. The idea makes me feel violent.”

I rolled my eyes. “They didn’t even come close to succeeding. They were trying to hook me up with guys that they had hooked up with.”

“Murphy is earning his red-wings tonight!” Marnie shouted loudly.

I looked at Justin, who had me crowded against the side of the pool. “What does that mean?” I asked him, knowing it was something kinky, and that he was the expert on kink.

He grinned, moving close against me. “When you go down on a girl on her period for the first time, that’s called earning your red-wings. I’m going to earn my red-wings with you.”

I felt like I blushed from head to toe. I had to look away. I didn’t know how, but he could still manage to shock me.

He gripped my chin and turned me back to look at him.

“So you’ve never done that before?” I asked him.

He shook his head.

“And people actually do that?”

He shrugged. “I’m going to.”

I wrinkled my nose at him. “You are so kinky in the strangest ways. I just kind of assumed that people just stopped doing…stuff…during that time of the month.”

He laughed. “Look at you. You can’t even say it. I won’t be going a week without sex just because you have your period, I can tell you that much. And I won’t be going a week without going down on you either. So yes, I’ll be earning my red-wings soon.”

I flushed hotly. The idea was so embarrassing, but the fact that nothing about me was a turn-off for him, was still always kind of a turn-on for me.

He grinned, gripping my chin in a hand, and leaning in close. “Words can’t even express how much I love to put that scandalized look in your eyes.”

“Why doesn’t that surprise me?” I whispered back, still blushing.

“God you guys are good at eye-f**king each other!” Marnie shouted at us, just making me flush harder. “Get a room!”

“I might not be in the mood when I’m on my period,” I told him, ignoring Marnie. “I can get tired and grumpy.”

He laughed, unfazed. “Oh, trust me, I’ll get you in the mood.”

Knowing him, I could hardly doubt it.

“I need to go to the bathroom, you kinky bastard,” I told him.

He made an embarrassing show of getting me out of the pool, drying me and putting my cover-up on. My friends cheered him on, and I flushed. He even tried to walk me to the bathroom.

I gave him a level stare. “Justin, I can go to the bathroom by myself.”

He looked none-too-happy about it, but he handed me a key from the pocket of his swim trunks. “Use the one in our bedroom. It’s locked.”

I just nodded and walked off, keeping the towel wrapped tightly around my chest.

After I finished and came back down to the main floor, I was particularly surprised to find one partygoer that I did recognize, but that I certainly hadn’t expected to come.

“Hi Melissa,” I told her.

Melissa was drinking a martini and looked to be flirting with a bartender in one of the makeshift bars that had been set up around the house.

She sent me a pretty disgusted look for someone partying at my boyfriend’s house.

“Selena,” she said with a sneer.

I’m not sure if it was her venom, or if it was the nerve of her bad attitude at this particular location, but that sneer just seemed to snap the class right out of me.

I grabbed her arm, pretty much dragging her into the nearest room. It was some sort of entertainment room, with a giant TV mounted on the wall, theatre seating, and a long sofa set up at the back of the room. I’d only seen the room once before and briefly, when I’d finally gotten the full tour of the house.

A couple was making out on the sofa. I ordered them out like I owned the place. They seemed to think I did, because they listened and obeyed without a protest. I shut the door behind them and turned to Melissa.

“Ok, let’s hear it,” I told her in my coldest voice. “What is your problem? Do you dislike me, or is your personality just this horrible in general?” Normally being this rude to someone literally made my skin crawl, but I didn’t seem to be having any problem with it just then.

She folded her arms over her chest and glared at me, the look more pouty than convincing. “It’s you. You are just the type of woman that I absolutely despise.”

I raised my brows at her. I wasn’t surprised that she didn’t like me—that was hardly a shocker, she hadn’t been keeping it a secret, but I rarely found myself described as a type. Unless maybe it was the distant, reserved type. And that type rarely inspired this kind of animosity. I didn’t have to ask her what she meant; she was more than happy to elaborate.

“You act like a prissy bitch, you look down on the girls that want a sugar daddy, but you are just like us! You are playing the same game I am; you’re just less honest about it. That is what I hate! And you landed the biggest rich guy of all! You don’t deserve it. You don’t deserve any of this! I was born rich. Born in to this life, born deserving this life, but then my daddy lost everything, and now I have to throw f**king peanuts to make ends meet, blowing sixty-year old men just to get the bags I used to get for giving my daddy a kiss on the cheek. And you, with your supposed virtue, land the ultimate rich guy on your first try. You give honest girls like me a bad name.”

I laughed. I couldn’t keep it in. I laughed right in her face. “So that’s your deal,” I told her, my tone scathing. I just couldn’t believe that she was even more worthless than what I’d pegged her for. “You’re a spoiled little brat that never grew up. Your daddy gave you everything, and look what you became. A whore for bags?”

She actually had the nerve to try to slap me. I saw it coming and caught her wrist mid-air.

“I am nothing like you,” I continued as though she hadn’t just taken a swing at me. “The fact that Justin has money worked against him with me, not for him, and I couldn’t give a flying f**k about handbags. You need a little dose of the real world, little girl, and I hope you get it.”

The door burst open, and Justin strode in, his eyes wild, four security guards behind him. He didn’t even look at Melissa as he had her escorted out.

I did, meeting her glare for glare as she stormed off.

Finally, I met his eyes. I knew what I’d find there. Enough concern and fury to make me tense.

“That’s f**king it. You aren’t going to the bathroom without security ever again.”

I rolled my eyes. “Please. It was Melissa. She’s hostile, but hardly a threat to me.”

“She threw a f**king drink at your head!”

He was really working himself into a rage, I realized.

I moved to him, burying my face in his chest. He wrapped me in his arms. It was an automatic response, enraged or not. I thought that said a lot.

“I’m perfectly fine. We had an enlightening conversation, actually.”

“Oh?” he asked, his hands running over my back possessively.

“Yeah. I found out what her deal is.”

“I’d love to hear it.”

“She’s a spoiled brat,” I said simply.

“Huh.”

“And a whore for designer bags.”

That got a real laugh out of him. “She must really like handbags,” he said, a smile in his voice.

“I would hope so, since she claims she blew a sixty-year old just to get one.” I don’t know why it struck me funny when I said it, it really was just sad and pathetic, but I couldn’t make the statement without laughing.

It must have been contagious because Justin started laughing just as hard as I was.

Stephan found us still laughing when he burst in the door, breathless. He pointed at Justin. “That was mean. You had me scared to death that she’d disappeared, and here you are, laughing and joking, and not bothering to call the search off.”

“My bad,” Justin said, still laughing. It must have been that tension relieving type of laughter, because I couldn’t stop mine either.

“What’s so funny?” Stephan asked, his face breaking into a smile at our delirious laughter. He was always quick to shake things off.

“Melissa blew a sixty-year old for a handbag,” I gasped out. I knew it was bitchy to repeat what she’d said, but it was Stephan, and I just didn’t care anymore about being a bitch where she was concerned.

His brows shot up, his grin widening. “That’s hardly surprising, but I may turn you saying that into my ringtone.”

“Why?” I asked him.

“Because I can’t imagine a time of day where I would hear you saying something like that and not smile. So, did you two finally have it out?”

I nodded, still trying to hold in my helpless laughter. “She thought I was a gold-digger like her, just being sneaky about it. It insulted her oh-so refined sensibilities. I called her a spoiled little brat and a handbag whore.”

That made Stephan laugh as hard as Justin and I. “Oh God,” Stephan gasped. “I love that you said that to her. She had it coming.”

We rejoined the party, and I felt more relaxed after the strange little confrontation. I hadn’t imagined that having it out with Melissa would actually turn out to be a tension reliever for me. Maybe I needed to do that more often.

We didn’t tell our other friends about Melissa’s little confession. That would have felt like petty, mean gossip, even if it were the truth. Melissa’s character spoke for itself. I didn’t need to be its messenger.

CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO

Mr. Distant

Justin came home from working on Wednesday strangely tense and quiet. He was intense as he made love to me that night, his eyes full of…something. I couldn’t identify it, but it worried me. And going to bed without him ever clearing it up worried me even more.

My worry didn’t let up the next morning when I woke to find him turned away from me. He was nude, a whisper of a sheet playing low on one dusky hip. Even concerned, I had to admire that sleek play of muscle along his nak*d side. I never got to see this side of him. I stroked his hip with a hand.

He flinched away, still sound asleep.

My first instinct was to back off, to give him space. I could well understand the need for space. But I was beginning to understand him well enough to know that space wasn’t what he wanted, or even what he needed.

I pressed my body against his back, rubbing my hand over that sexy golden hip. I nuzzled into his neck.

He stiffened, then relaxed against my touch. “Selena,” he moaned. I had to check again to see if he was sleeping. He was.

“Selena,” he said again in a rough whisper. “Stay, Selena, stay. Please.”

I stroked his hip and kissed his neck. “I’m not going anywhere, Love,” I told him reassuringly.

That seemed to help. He relaxed against me and I hugged his back and burrowed into him. It was an hour before he had to wake up, so I drifted off again, still clutching him.

When I awoke again two hours later, Justin was long gone.

I worked that night, flying to JFK for our usual layover, Justin occupying his customary seat in 2D. He’d come to the airport directly from his casino, so we didn’t even get to see each other before the flight.

He seemed fine, just a little quiet and reserved.

It was a full flight, and he was asleep before I’d finished my service. I stewed about it, worried about him and his mood swings.

“The crew is going shopping tomorrow,” Stephan was telling me. “Canal Street.” Canal Street was the designer knock-off capital of the U.S. Every crew we’d ever worked with made at least one trip a month there. “You up for it?”

We were eating our crew meals in the galley. I shook my head, chewing and swallowing my food before I answered. “No thanks.”

I had other plans tomorrow, plans that made me nervous and gave me a whole other reason to stew.

He didn’t ask me about what I did plan, and I was relieved. I wouldn’t have had the heart to lie to him, even knowing that he wouldn’t like what I’d decided to do. In fact, he’d dislike it so much that I thought he might even try to interfere. Him not asking made the whole thing much easier for me.

Justin made it easier on me, as well, when we got to New York. He had the driver drop him off directly at his hotel, rather than going home for a nap.

“There are a lot of things I need to attend to today. I have to get to work right away,” he explained.

“Do you want me to come have lunch with you?” I asked him. “I’m flexible. Just name the time.”

He just shook his head, his face unreadable. “Not today,” he said. That was all.

It was when he just gave me a brief kiss on the forehead, not even looking at me before he got out of the car, that I knew for certain that something was wrong. This wasn’t just a mood.

I tried to take a nap back at our place, but it was no good. I was upset and nervous and out of sorts. Best to just get it over with. Perhaps it could even distract me, for a time, from dwelling on Justin.

I scrolled through my phone, looking for the contact Jr. I had tried to put his first name into my phone when I’d saved the number, but I just hadn’t been able to do it. Even knowing it wasn’t my father, I’d been horrified to have that name in my contact list.

Selena: Would today be a good day for you to meet up?

His response was almost immediate, which I found encouraging.

JR: Yes! Anytime. I have a two hour lunch that I can take whenever I want. Just tell me when and where.

I started to text him back then decided to call him. Hearing his kind voice again would bolster my confidence.

He answered on the third ring.

“Hi!” Sven said. “How are you, Selena?” His voice was as warm as I remembered.

“I’m good. I was wondering if you wanted to meet for coffee sooner rather than later. Like now.”

He didn’t miss a beat. “That’s perfect. Where at?”

I named off a place that I could walk to, one of the major chain coffee joints, so the place would be very public and likely crowded.

He agreed without hesitation.

“I work no more than five minutes away from there,” he told me.

I found some conservative, cuffed navy shorts, with a blue and white striped boatneck shirt. I didn’t want to dress up to meet my half-brother, but I didn’t want to look like a slob either. I completely ignored Jackie’s shoe suggestions, finding a pair of plain navy sandals with no heel to speak of.

I left my phone in the bedroom, and my purse. I only had my debit card with me when I boarded the elevator. That was a nerve-wracking endeavor, since I could hear Blake and Marion talking in another room as I waited impatiently for the elevator to arrive.

I didn’t want security with me for what was already bound to be an awkward meeting, and I didn’t think I was in any real danger, going out to a very public place, in broad daylight, for a brief meeting. If I could just slip away unnoticed, I could be there and back before anyone even realized that I wasn’t asleep in bed.

I had another brief moment of panic as I passed through the lobby. Johnny was there, presumably to guard me. He was leaning over the lobby desk, chatting up a receptionist, and didn’t even twitch as I walked briskly out the front door.

The doorman nodded to me, and I nodded back.

“Have a pleasant day, Ms. Karlsson,” he said as I strode away.

Well, he had recognized me, but perhaps it didn’t matter. Justin had posted security. Maybe the building’s staff wouldn’t be notifying anyone about my activities. Either way, I was planning to be too quick to garner attention.

Still, I took a sharp turn, walking fast, just in case. I would go the roundabout way to my destination, losing any potential tails. As far as I could tell, I was successful.

It was only as I approached the entrance to the café that I realized that I had no idea who to look for. It seemed like such a ridiculous thing to overlook. Why had I thought that I would just know what he looked like? Because we shared a tainted bloodline?

I was regretting not bringing my phone as I walked through the door. It turned out that I didn’t need to sweat it. I knew Sven at a glance, as he did me.

I froze at the sight of him.

He would have been devastatingly handsome, if he didn’t look so much like our father.

He had pale, beige blond hair, pin straight and clean cut. His eyes were ice blue, but not cold, not like those same eyes were on that other face. His features were even and attractive, with a Nordic cast to them. He had a perfect, clear complexion.

I don’t know how long I stood there, just taking him in, struck profoundly by the recognition.

He had already secured us a table, and he stood as I approached.

He was tall. Taller than Stephan, taller than Justin, possibly as tall as our father, though more slender than all three of them.

He was the spitting image of the monster that haunted my nightmares, and he was giving me an open, friendly smile.

“Selena,” he said by way of greeting.

We sat at the same time, just staring at each other, taking it all in.

“Sven,” I said finally.

We went back to staring.

“We could be twins,” he said.

That made me blink, but as I processed his words, I realized that he wasn’t wrong. It was just a conclusion that my mind hadn’t wanted to make on its own.

“We look like him,” I told him.

He nodded, pursing his lips. “Yes.”

And we did. I’d always had a hope tucked away in some distant part of my brain that I somehow resembled my mother. She’d shared my coloring, at least. Though so had my father…

All of those hopes were dashed as I stared at my half-brother, who looked so much like me and my father that I couldn’t deny it anymore.

Sven seemed to read my thoughts, which was beyond disconcerting. “We may take after him in looks, but at least we didn’t inherit his crazy, violent, homicidal tendencies.”

Oddly, that made me smile. “You don’t know me that well,” I told him.

He smiled.

It was my smile, not my father’s. It was a kind but sad sort of smile, and Jr.’s was less reserved than my own. “Selena, you and I would know at a glance. We’re too familiar with monsters not to recognize them on sight.”

His words made me realize several things at once.

The first was that I would recognize a monster on sight, and perhaps I spent too much time jumping at shadows, and doubting people that didn’t deserve my doubt.

The second was that Sven must have endured so many of the things that I had, living in a house with my father.

“He was gone most of the time,” Sven said. “And he rarely came after me. That was so hard for me, to watch him do that to my mother, and be spared. It made me feel so worthless. It still does. I don’t think I’ll ever be able let go of that shame.”

As he spoke, I registered that looks might be the biggest thing we had in common. He was the open book to my closed one.

“I had to leave her,” he continued. “I was out of there the second I turned eighteen, but she wouldn’t leave. No matter what he did to her, she wouldn’t leave him. It made me sick, and it broke my heart, but I saved myself and left. I haven’t spoken to either one of them since. And now she’s gone. Anyone could have seen it coming a mile away, but I’m still in shock.”

His voice was so open and raw by the end of it that I felt the need to comfort him. I watched my hand cover his, feeling surreal.

He seemed to appreciate the gesture, smiling at me, though that smile died a quick death.

“Did he hit you?” he asked, and I stiffened.

“He did. Often. He treated my mother and I much the same when he was dealing out the blows.”

Sven winced. “That’s horrible. I thought he spared me because I was a kid.”

“He thought that women were worthless. He always made that very clear when he was in one of his rages. I believe that his mother was the one that cut him off from his family’s money when he married my mother, and so he blamed them both for his misfortune.”