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#i have a particular love for niki just. Found it because of just. the intensity and lowkey grossness of it all
faebriel · 10 months
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Can we talk about the damn coat/cloak again. Can we
CAN WE TALK ABOUT IT !!! depending on how niki gets the coat in the first place there are so many brilliant (awful) directions it goes into - whether wilbur gave it to her (a final gift, a piece of me to carry with you) or whether she just. found it (i couldn't save you but i can dig through dirt and rubble to find what's left of you at least). it's like the world's least comforting comfort item. like holding a pelt or a skin or the feathers dropped by a particularly careless bird. it's the only thing left of her best friend. i love you so much i'll carry you on my back blood and sweat and grime into the new year
i think niki struggled to understand wilbur in pogtopia ('he's changed....') which adds Another layer of it all to me. like let me put on the coat that you wore, let me sink into your skin, let me see what you saw. let me in to know how this possibly could have happened. of course given niki's original denial that wilbur was dead.... did she think she was just holding onto it for him? that he would take it back, one day? oh, god
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houseofvans · 8 years
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Art School | Sophie Roach (Austin, TX)
Drawing and painting her way through an imaginative landscape of intricate and visual entanglements is Austin native, Sophie Roach.  Her artwork has endlessly covered  surfaces from– guitars, beer cans, Vans, to entire rooms.  And if that isn’t already insanely rad, her organic approach and laid back attitude make her not only incredibly humble, but also a super awesome collaborator.  While finishing up one mural and starting up new projects, we had the chance to ask Sophie a few questions about her art, her career, and her approach – from finding her voice, attacking a mural, to digging the quietude one might find as a mail person hah!  
Photographs courtesy of the artist. 
Introduce yourself.  
My name is Sophie Roach and I'm an artist/illustrator/muralist based in Austin, TX! I grew up in Austin, went to college in Seattle, then I scooted back to my hometown as quickly as I could after graduating in 2011.
As a self taught artist, how did drawing take shape and become what you do- did it start as a hobby or random habit? 
I was a total jock growing up, not an artsy kid at all. I started drawing when I was 20. At first it was in the margins of my lecture notes, eventually I gave up on the note-taking part. I’m only a good student when I feel like whatever I’m learning will be applicable to life outside the classroom. For me, since I didn’t have a career in mind, that was around 5% of my in-class experience so I wound up drawing a whole lot. By the time I graduated I was interested in doing something creative, possibly graphic design, but I didn’t think that those doodles would be a part of my career until about a year later.
What did your early drawings look like and / or did they evolve into what they are now?  How did you find your particular voice in your art? 
They looked like anyone’s notebook doodles. I’ve had depression and anxiety issues since I was a kid and I found that the meditative, time-intensive work helped me deal with that. I became obsessed with drawing and my skills evolved  quickly as a result. I didn’t know I was looking for my voice until I stumbled upon it in early 2012. Making art was always fun, but once I hit upon a style that felt like my own, I knew I was totally screwed. I had to make it work full-time.
In terms of influences, artistically and in general, what are they and how do they influence the work you make now?
I love the utility of Milton Glaser’s decorative design work, Keith Haring’s visual language, and Sol LeWitt’s ability to make minimalism totally overwhelming with his installations. I love the sincerity in Keith Shore and Nathaniel Russel’s work. I love the bold abstract nature in the work of Blexbolex and in old polish posters and book covers. I’m sure that these things that I love make their way into my work but I don’t spend much time thinking about where my inspiration comes from. I focus more on positioning myself to receive it by taking long walks, traveling to new places, reading books, and simply paying close attention to my surroundings.
You’ve worked with various mediums and from small to super large. Take us through the preparation and thought process when you work in large scale?  What is your planning like and do you find yourself drawn to creating more large scale works?
Step 1: Develop a loose concept (vague organization and goals for the piece) Step 2: Determine appropriate materials for scale and location Step 3: Pencil out boundaries for linework based on loose concept Step 4: Start drawing. Sometimes sticking to the initial pencil marks, more often making up new stuff as I go. Step 5: Have imposter moment. “Oh my god why did I agree to do this, this looks dumb, the result is going to look dumb, I don’t have the skills to make this look good and everyone can tell.”  With murals, you have to complete the ugly parts of the process in front of people. It’s a little nerve-wracking. Step 6: Stop whining, get back to work Step 7: Once the linework is complete it’s time to color Step 8: Go back through and re-draw lines near the color sections Step 9: Usually jalapeño, pepperoni, pineapple pizza
To be honest, I found little joy in the mural process when I first started. Now that I have a few murals under my belt I find it hard to work on small scale pieces. It's very satisfying to work large scale. I feel like each office/commercial/public mural is practice for the immersive installations that I'm dreaming up for the future.
What’s something you don’t think folks might not know about an artist or being a “working artist”?  
I used to think that I wasn’t a real artist because I rarely show work in galleries and I don’t like sitting in my studio all day. I make art full time but at the moment my work is more appropriate for commercial design-y projects and murals. I don’t feel restricted in the commercial art realm because I’m strict about retaining my voice and most clients are cool with that due to it’s abstract nature. Because I pay my rent with commercial work, I get to have a lot of fun with the works on paper. I don’t think you can feel totally free when making things for the “fine art” world unless you don’t care whether you get a financial return for your energy.
Your work is filled with details and patterns – how do you decide which pattern goes where? Do you have a running sheet of various patterns and shapes constantly running through your mind? 
I just go with my gut. There are rules for organization that I'm constantly making and breaking throughout my process. I don't think I could put the rules into words but I can feel them when I'm working. I do have shapes and shape combos that are vaguely representational of real life things, but its not always obvious. I want it to be apparent that a method exists within the madness but I don’t care how decipherable it is.
Top 3 bands while you’re drawing? These days: -Alex Cameron -Lucy Dacus -King Krule
Albums get old fast because I have headphones on for most of my waking life. I always have something playing because I find that I can control my fatigue with different types of music/audiobooks/podcasts. I've developed a self-regulating listening process when I'm working. If I'm having trouble concentrating on the work, I turn on an audiobook or podcast and focus on that. If I'm having trouble keeping up with the talky stuff, I turn on music and focus on the work. Then there are more ways that I decide what kind of music makes sense for what I'm working on or how I'm feeling.
What is the most asked question you get on social media?  Shall we lay it to rest once and for all? ha
Anytime I post a process video I get tons of comments, DMs, and emails asking about my materials. I think materials are important and I’ve spent a lot of time and money finding the right tools to achieve the aesthetic that I want. I know people don’t mean any harm when they ask, but I can’t help but cringe when I get the pen question for the 10000th time.
That said, here are my favorite tools: Rotring Rapidograph Pens Copic Markers Smooth bristol paper Molotow empty paint markers Golden High Flow Acrylic in Carbon Black
What do you think you would have been doing if not for art?  
My alternate reality fantasy job is to be a mail woman oddly enough. The concept of putting things in their appropriate boxes is really soothing to my Virgo/OCD brain. Plus, I love that I'd be able to work alone, walk a lot, and constantly have my headphones in. It's basically what I do now but without all the challenges and angst, ha.
What’s your big dream? What kind of work do you want to be making in fifteen years? 
Over the next few years I’d like to expand my style into 3D form and eventually design a compound of buildings a la Antoni Gaudi, Friedensreich Hundertwasser, Niki de Saint Phalle, and St. EOM. I’d love for it to have a function as well. Maybe a hotel or event space. Maybe a waterpark.
What are your favorite Vans? and why? I was able to keep one of the 50 pairs of shoes that I hand customized for a Vans/iamsound event in Austin in 2013. It was one of my first collaborations with a brand that I actually cared about and it showed me what kind of projects were available for artists in the commercial realm. I used to wear them all the time but now I keep the pair on a shelf in my studio as a memento.
What’s the best and worse advice you’ve gotten in regards to art? (if any)
I try to put all of the good and bad advice in the same pile in my head. Then I generally ignore that pile. People are always telling what I "should" do. I used to make an effort to do all of those things because it's a lot easier and less scary compared to coming up with ideas on my own. Turns out there are plenty of great ideas that just don't light my fire. I'm learning to trust my gut.
However there is one bit of helpful advice that I heard in a documentary a long time ago. I don't remember what it was called or who the artist was but he said that his best advice for young people who want to make art for a living is to QUIT NOW. When things get hard I tell myself to quit, then I remember that I can't. I need to make stuff! Then I get back to work.
What do you have coming up for 2017? What’s your next project or show people should know about?
I'm continuing to focus on murals this year. So far almost all of my installations have been in Austin so I’m stoked to have projects scheduled around the country in 2017. Best way to keep up with what I'm doing is to follow me on Instagram.
Follow Sophie Roach:
Website: www.sophieroach.com Instagram: @Sophieroach 
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bintaeran · 6 years
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The Importance of Inquiry and Agency in the Asana Practice
The Importance of Inquiry and Agency in the Asana Practice Nina Zolotow by Carey Sims
Nana Power by Niki de Saint Phalle
Some of the things that make our asana practice so effective can prove problematic if we start to misinterpret or misuse them. Many of us have experienced the hypnotic effect of linking breath, movement, and awareness. The endorphins released after a Vinyasa Flow class can be downright intoxicating and simply taking time to pause for a few minutes in Savasana can seem revolutionary in a society perpetually in the fast lane. I don’t mean to discount these experiences; I too love a good yoga buzz and am a sucker for a long Savasana. But my query is, when are we turning off our own physical and emotional feedback mechanisms and engaging in unhealthy practices in the name of transformation?  We are told that yoga is more than exercise and that yoga is inherently good for us. In many cases these things are indeed true, but when we become addicted to the routine, the blissful feelings of our practice can cause us to tune out instead of tuning in. And if we dissociate in our practice we might not sense when the body is telling us to slow down or stop, causing us to go beyond our safe edge and careen into pain or injury. Conversely, we might be acutely aware of those signals and simply not yield to them under the guise that there is something larger at play. The solution is to stay reliably curious in our practice and keep tabs our personal agency. We will then begin to notice places of potential and also of unwitting harm.  I have a student, Allison, who started coming to yoga because of spinal stenosis and back discomfort. I recently saw her grimacing in a posture, and when I asked her if she was okay, she shook her head “No.” I inquired why she remained in the shape if she was physically hurting? She didn’t have an immediate response, but she became interested in seeking an answer. She later revealed that she stayed in the posture because she thought the intensity meant something was “shifting.” Allison suffers from intense chronic pain and has learned to ignore her body’s feedback; something she hadn’t really explored until my question. She can sit through a level pain that many of us can’t imagine. This can be dangerous. I never want a student to hurt in a shape or movement. There is always a way to find equanimity; it just takes curiosity and exploration on the part of the student and teacher. This particular posture clearly wasn’t working and we found another option that she connected with.  A few weeks later Allison pulled me aside after class told me that she’d started keeping a pain diary and is becoming aware of places where she is powering through her discomfort. Her yoga practice is one of those places. She has been ignoring her pain as a way to live with it. Letting the volume of her pain get too loud would be debilitating so she let it become white noise beneath the surface. I encouraged her to listen to the loudest parts a little at a time and she gathered the courage to do so. She now modifies her shapes and we check in before, during, and after class to see how she is doing. An observation in a yoga posture and a simple conversation offered her a reflection into her experience—a place she’s become curious about. The relationship to her body, mind, and spirit has the  potential to shift as a result. At its core, our asana practice is a practice of inquiry. The shapes are merely blueprints of possibility. Our personal practice is a conversation between our body and breath where respectful listening is key. It is a process where the outcome is not as important as moment-to-moment presence and attentiveness.  For the student and the teacher this practice of inquiry centers on relationship. As yoga teachers, we are partners with our students. When we collaborate with our students we avoid the trap of thinking we have the answers, we stay open, and we both learn. We must embody the same spirit of curiosity and skillful observation we are asking our students to employ. Our students know their bodies better than we ever will; their autonomy is key. Yoga teachers do have specific knowledge and techniques we can offer our students, but it is up to each student to explore a technique and decide if it is working for them or not. Students you can empower your practice by realizing that your teacher simply guides you to places you can chose to explore. Yoga teachers offer options, not answers. Your physical and emotional anatomies are uniquely yours and something that works for others may not necessarily work for you. Talk with your teacher and develop a rapport that allows you to signal them when something isn’t resonating with you—it may be an alternate posture or a simple wave of your hand. If they are resistant then it may be time to find another teacher. Calling something healing, or spiritual, doesn’t necessarily make it so; our relationships to others and ourselves determine those values.  For all practitioners, here are a few questions to consider: 
Where might I be ignoring my body’s feedback? Why? 
Where can I be more curious in my practice? Where can I listen more attentively? 
What myths do I hold about my yoga practice? How do they shape how I practice? 
Where have I given away my power? To whom or what? Where can I reassert my agency on and off of the mat?
Carey Sims, RYT500, E-RYT200 lives in Charlotte, NC, where he teaches at NoDa Yoga and offers Chair Yoga at various senior living centers in the Charlotte area. He is a student of Adaptive Yoga pioneer Matthew Sanford (Mind Body Solutions, Minnetonka, MN.) Carey’s mission is to use Yoga to help students explore their bodies in an accepting and non-judgmental way.  Subscribe to Yoga for Healthy Aging by Email ° Follow Yoga for Healthy Aging on Facebook and Twitter ° To order Yoga for Healthy Aging: A Guide to Lifelong Well-Being, go to Amazon, Shambhala, Indie Bound or your local bookstore.
The Importance of Inquiry and Agency in the Asana Practice https://ift.tt/2BCcQyu themostdangerous1 https://ift.tt/2PZjl7p via IFTTT
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quintinefowler-blog · 6 years
Text
The Importance of Inquiry and Agency in the Asana Practice
by Carey Sims
Nana Power by Niki de Saint Phalle
Some of the things that make our asana practice so effective can prove problematic if we start to misinterpret or misuse them. Many of us have experienced the hypnotic effect of linking breath, movement, and awareness. The endorphins released after a Vinyasa Flow class can be downright intoxicating and simply taking time to pause for a few minutes in Savasana can seem revolutionary in a society perpetually in the fast lane. I don’t mean to discount these experiences; I too love a good yoga buzz and am a sucker for a long Savasana. But my query is, when are we turning off our own physical and emotional feedback mechanisms and engaging in unhealthy practices in the name of transformation?  We are told that yoga is more than exercise and that yoga is inherently good for us. In many cases these things are indeed true, but when we become addicted to the routine, the blissful feelings of our practice can cause us to tune out instead of tuning in. And if we dissociate in our practice we might not sense when the body is telling us to slow down or stop, causing us to go beyond our safe edge and careen into pain or injury. Conversely, we might be acutely aware of those signals and simply not yield to them under the guise that there is something larger at play. The solution is to stay reliably curious in our practice and keep tabs our personal agency. We will then begin to notice places of potential and also of unwitting harm.  I have a student, Allison, who started coming to yoga because of spinal stenosis and back discomfort. I recently saw her grimacing in a posture, and when I asked her if she was okay, she shook her head “No.” I inquired why she remained in the shape if she was physically hurting? She didn’t have an immediate response, but she became interested in seeking an answer. She later revealed that she stayed in the posture because she thought the intensity meant something was “shifting.” Allison suffers from intense chronic pain and has learned to ignore her body’s feedback; something she hadn’t really explored until my question. She can sit through a level pain that many of us can’t imagine. This can be dangerous. I never want a student to hurt in a shape or movement. There is always a way to find equanimity; it just takes curiosity and exploration on the part of the student and teacher. This particular posture clearly wasn’t working and we found another option that she connected with.  A few weeks later Allison pulled me aside after class told me that she’d started keeping a pain diary and is becoming aware of places where she is powering through her discomfort. Her yoga practice is one of those places. She has been ignoring her pain as a way to live with it. Letting the volume of her pain get too loud would be debilitating so she let it become white noise beneath the surface. I encouraged her to listen to the loudest parts a little at a time and she gathered the courage to do so. She now modifies her shapes and we check in before, during, and after class to see how she is doing. An observation in a yoga posture and a simple conversation offered her a reflection into her experience—a place she’s become curious about. The relationship to her body, mind, and spirit has the  potential to shift as a result. At its core, our asana practice is a practice of inquiry. The shapes are merely blueprints of possibility. Our personal practice is a conversation between our body and breath where respectful listening is key. It is a process where the outcome is not as important as moment-to-moment presence and attentiveness.  For the student and the teacher this practice of inquiry centers on relationship. As yoga teachers, we are partners with our students. When we collaborate with our students we avoid the trap of thinking we have the answers, we stay open, and we both learn. We must embody the same spirit of curiosity and skillful observation we are asking our students to employ. Our students know their bodies better than we ever will; their autonomy is key. Yoga teachers do have specific knowledge and techniques we can offer our students, but it is up to each student to explore a technique and decide if it is working for them or not. Students you can empower your practice by realizing that your teacher simply guides you to places you can chose to explore. Yoga teachers offer options, not answers. Your physical and emotional anatomies are uniquely yours and something that works for others may not necessarily work for you. Talk with your teacher and develop a rapport that allows you to signal them when something isn’t resonating with you—it may be an alternate posture or a simple wave of your hand. If they are resistant then it may be time to find another teacher. Calling something healing, or spiritual, doesn’t necessarily make it so; our relationships to others and ourselves determine those values.  For all practitioners, here are a few questions to consider: 
Where might I be ignoring my body’s feedback? Why? 
Where can I be more curious in my practice? Where can I listen more attentively? 
What myths do I hold about my yoga practice? How do they shape how I practice? 
Where have I given away my power? To whom or what? Where can I reassert my agency on and off of the mat?
Carey Sims, RYT500, E-RYT200 lives in Charlotte, NC, where he teaches at NoDa Yoga and offers Chair Yoga at various senior living centers in the Charlotte area. He is a student of Adaptive Yoga pioneer Matthew Sanford (Mind Body Solutions, Minnetonka, MN.) Carey’s mission is to use Yoga to help students explore their bodies in an accepting and non-judgmental way.  Subscribe to Yoga for Healthy Aging by Email ° Follow Yoga for Healthy Aging on Facebook and Twitter ° To order Yoga for Healthy Aging: A Guide to Lifelong Well-Being, go to Amazon, Shambhala, Indie Bound or your local bookstore.
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kidsviral-blog · 6 years
Text
8 Transgender Athletes Explain What Fitness Means To Them
New Post has been published on https://kidsviral.info/8-transgender-athletes-explain-what-fitness-means-to-them/
8 Transgender Athletes Explain What Fitness Means To Them
Transgender people face a particular set of challenges when it comes to spaces where people exercise and compete. Here, eight athletes tell BuzzFeed Life about their experiences with fitness, movement, and competition.
1. The yogi
View this image ›
Danh Duong Photography / Via 500px.com
“Every time I practice yoga I am choosing to be happy and healthy.” —Sparkle Thornton
Sparkle Thornton, 33, is a yoga instructor and massage therapist who lives in the Bay Area. Originally from Asheville, North Carolina, she started practicing yoga when she was 19 and became an instructor at age 25. This March she’s leading Yogay, a yoga retreat in California for queer and transgender people. Thornton shares how her yoga practice helped her realize that she wanted to transition, and how, almost 15 years since she started, yoga continues to be her source of emotional well-being and self-care.
When I started practicing yoga it started to really come up that I wanted to transition. Of course it was in there all along, the desire was there. I didn’t have the words for it but I knew that I wanted to grow up and be female when I was 5 years old. Yoga has this way of stirring things up, like whatever has been buried and whatever the things are that we are trying to ignore. For me that was that I was trans. It helped me to feel comfortable in my body. I really think yoga is why I’m still alive and why I’m happy and thriving now.
For me [practicing yoga] has always been mental health. I feel so much more able to face the world when I’ve practiced yoga. I don’t really trust myself to make good decisions until after I’ve done yoga. If I’m really worried about something or feeling impatient it’s probably because I haven’t practiced. It keeps my state of mind open and aware of what might be unfolding that I don’t have control over. So for me it feels like necessity. If I don’t do it, I suffer.
2. The running CrossFitter
View this image ›
Ben Pender-Cudlip
“I am actively in search of my body’s limits and I don’t think I’ve found them yet.” —Niki Brown
Originally from Iowa, Niki Brown, 30, is a web developer who lives in Cambridge, Massachusetts. He grew up running track and cross country and playing soccer. He’s still a runner — a half-marathoner and, since last year, a marathoner. He also competes in local fitness competitions. He tells BuzzFeed Life about how his transition impacted his mental toughness and his connection to his body.
I definitely think transitioning has made me stronger mentally. Some of the stuff I’ve had to deal with — people not handling it well, family members not talking to me — I have to get past it, deal with it, get stronger. I think that translates to the mental toughness of [running a marathon]: “OK, I have to be running for four hours and when your knee hurts saying nope, turn it off. Keep going.”
My whole life I felt disconnected from my body, so working out helps with that. I don’t even know if I have the words to accurately describe it. … It’s difficult to put into words. I am still getting used to being connected to my body in that way.
3. The MMA fighter
View this image ›
Rhys Harper / Via Facebook: transcendinggenderproject
“My strengths right now are my determination and my will.” —Fallon Fox
Fallon Fox, 39, is the first professional mixed martial arts (MMA) fighter to come out as transgender. Initially interested in learning martial arts for self-protection, she started training Brazilian jiujitsu in late 2007, picked up Muy Thai a couple years later, and less than a year after that started training in MMA, in which opponents fight using a variety of styles from Brazilian jiujitsu and Muy Thai to wrestling, judo, and kickboxing. She will be featured in Game Face, a documentary about LGBTQ athletes, set to be released this year. She talks about getting inspired to learn MMA by watching other women fighters, what happened when UFC host Joe Rogan made public comments about her gender identity, and how professional competition can be more inclusive of transgender fighters.
The thing that inspired me the most was other female fighters, these older style fighters before women’s MMA became popular. I was blown away because women were actually fighting. They were letting women fight. I’d never seen that intensity, that assertiveness, that skill. … I felt I needed that for my own assertiveness. I felt I was lacking that for my own self-protection.
[It would help trans people if] promotions [the organizations that produce MMA matches] hire trans fighters. Or they can punish their employees and fighters who say transphobic comments and slurs. That would help us out the most, promoting the perception of reality that we are who we say we are. I suppose it should be looked at like this. [When MMA celebrities] say transphobic comments, they kind of set the pace for the kind of negativity that fans might have. They stir it up. They light the fire under it. When [UFC host] Joe Rogan said those comments, the fans would come to me online or while I’m fighting and say they heard it from Joe Rogan. That affected me in the beginning. It affected me a lot. I wasn’t used to that. I had to get used to having names yelled at me while I was trying to do my job.
4. The track star turned weightlifter
instagram.com / Via Instagram: @jord23nbre
“I was a strong female, but not where I wanted to be, where I imagined myself being.” —Jordan Davis
Jordan Davis, 24, is a nursing student from Oklahoma City. He started taking testosterone in August 2014, but even before starting his medical transition, Davis says he always identified with guys and was almost always assumed by strangers to be a boy. In high school he was a state champion sprinter, but nowadays he’s more of a bodybuilder. He starts every morning with about a 20-minute high-intensity interval circuit of pull-up variations and pushups, and then, five days per week, spends about two hours lifting in the gym. He speaks here about how his transition has helped him feel more comfortable while working out, as well as how it’s impacted the way he thinks and feels about his body.
When you run track [on the girls’ team] the uniforms you have to wear are just totally not me. I was real uncomfortable; it felt like something I was forced to do. As soon as the race was over I would go put my clothes back on. I never really liked my body even though I was pretty cut up. Now my fat has redistributed, so it’s like my upper body is really big and I’m a lot more solid up top than I used to be, so it’s a lot more comfortable for me now that I am on T [testosterone].
I used to feel real self-conscious. I kind of still do because I’m still not as big as I want to be. I’m getting there…I have to kind of remind myself that most of the guys at the gym are cis male, so I’m like a 16-year old compared to them. I have to remind myself of that and look at where I came from. I keep my headphones in and focus on myself instead of looking around. It’s easier if you do it like that. [It’s better to] think about the goals that you’re trying to reach and not worry about people around you.
5. The CrossFit coach and competitor
instagram.com / Via Instagram: @instagram.com/chlojonsson/?modal=true
“I embrace every change that happens to my body…I love how my body feels.” —Chloie Jonsson
Chloie Jonsson, 35, is an Olympic lifter and CrossFit athlete and coach in Morgan Hill, California. She started CrossFit in 2010, and told BuzzFeed Life (and her lawsuit complaint notes) that in spring 2013 she was told by CrossFit Games general manager Justin Bergh that competitors must register under their original gender. CrossFit’s general counsel later confirmed that she would “need to compete in the Men’s Division.” Jonsson, who medically transitioned almost 20 years ago at the age of 16, is suing CrossFit for discrimination, intentional infliction of emotional distress, and unfair competition. She talks here about loving her body and using it to move heavy weight, and how CrossFit HQ’s competition ban has affected her.
I love the feeling of working out and using my body. Like during Olympic lifting, to move the amount of weight that I can, it’s a super empowering feeling knowing that this little tiny frame can make something so heavy move. I’ve never had that [self-consciousness when working out]. I feel my best when I am working out. I work out in barely any clothing. I don’t prefer clothing; if the world could be naked that would be amazing. I’m pretty comfortable with my body.
It was pretty heart-wrenching when [the CrossFit ban] first happened because I was not an out individual. I identified as trans, but was stealth; I came out publicly this past year. The reason was because CrossFit said “no,” so I found a lawyer. They told me if you want to move forward, your entire life is going to change. It took me 60 days to really get comfortable with the fact that my entire community would know about me being transgender. It was a pretty big step. I knew I had to do it because what they were doing to me was wrong, and if they were going to do it to me they were going to do it to other people.
6. The martial artist and bodybuilding enthusiast
instagram.com / Via Instagram: @ftmfitnessworld
“I am definitely more aware of and in love with my body.” —Neo L. Sandja Neo L. Sandja, 30, is from the Democratic Republic of the Congo and lives in Atlanta. He’s the president and founder of FTM Fitness World, the first-ever bodybuilding competition for trans men. He trains Korean Taekwondo and has studied karate and Brazilian jiujitsu. He dances zouk, salsa, kizomba, and other Latin dances, and does bodyweight workouts at home: pull-ups, pushups, squats, etc. He speaks about gaining strength from vulnerability and the confinements of the gender binary.
Every time I’ve been vulnerable and accepted it without trying to control it, I’ve come out stronger. I don’t think the issue is in being vulnerable, but in allowing ourselves to experience vulnerability so that we can learn to be strong. The more vulnerable you become, the stronger you can get. I’ve certainly experienced dysphoria in many situations, especially in the gym’s locker rooms; I realized that every time I make the step to get out of my comfort zone, life becomes easier and I become happier.
I think the barriers come when you don’t fit in a particular box when people expect you to. We still very much live in a dual world and we have a long ways to go before we can understand and accept gender fluidity. People still expect men to be and act a certain way and women to be and act another way. But I think that’s the beauty of being trans. We can see it as a chance to redefine what being a man or a woman is, not for the world, but for ourselves.
7. The fitness coach
instagram.com / Via Instagram: @alegutier
“I’m going to be me.” —Alex Gutierrez
Alex Gutierrez, 27, is a Florida-based fitness coach who plans to one day soon quit her day job to be a full-time personal trainer. She’s experienced numerous transformations over the last few years, from her 85-pound weight loss, to falling in love with exercise and deciding to make it her career, to starting hormone replacement therapy and undergoing her medical transition. She talks about how working out made her a stronger person mentally, and how it gave her the courage to transition.
Insanity [the 60-day, high-intensity workout program] built mental toughness that gave me determination. Once you go through the entire program you embrace the whole idea that small things repeated can lead to huge results at the end. The consistency, the discipline of doing simple little tasks can add up to a future. That can give you confidence that if you truly put your head to it and make a plan, you can achieve whatever the hell you want.
Because of working out … I went on hormones. It gave me courage. If it wasn’t for fitness, I don’t really think I ever would have transitioned. Insanity saved my life. It gave me the confidence I needed to make a final step to start hormones.
8. The triathlete and trans activist
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“There is a confidence that has come for me in being authentically myself.” —Chris Mosier
Chris Mosier is an NYC-based triathlete and coach. He founded transathlete.com, a resource for information about trans inclusion in athletics, and started GO! Athletes, a support network of current and former LGBTQ collegiate and high school athletes. Last year he won the Staten Island Flat as a Pancake Duathlon, his first overall win in the male category. He discusses how his love of competition impacted his decision about when to transition, and why he’s committed to being an openly trans athlete.
Being an athlete has always been a primary part of my identity. I delayed my transition for over a year because I wasn’t sure how it would impact my ability to compete and participate in the sports I loved, and that was something I wasn’t willing to let go of easily. I was uncomfortable — triathlon is a very body-conscious sport, with skin-tight kits, and navigating the swimming pool was a challenge. I thought that I would eventually become more comfortable after transition, but I was concerned about my ability to be competitive. At that time I was doing well in my races in the female category. … I felt so uncomfortable with the classification of the female category that I wouldn’t want to share my results with anyone.
Figuring out my own identity was a lonely journey; I did not see myself reflected in any example I saw in the media or in sports. As an athlete, I did not know of any other trans male athletes who transitioned and were competing at a high level, and that is what I wanted for myself. I don’t want any other person — particularly a young person — to be able to say that. That’s why I am committed to be an openly trans athlete, and to my work with GO! Athletes. The media has a tendency to elevate certain voices and ignore important intersections of identity. I am committed to making sure not only trans voices are included in athletics, but that the voices of women, people of color, bisexual athletes, and other identities are all at the table when discussing policy, inclusion, and equity in sports. Sport is for everyone.
Interviews have been edited for space.
correction
Niki Brown competes in local fitness competitions. The original post mistakenly said he competes in local CrossFit competitions. BF_STATIC.timequeue.push(function () document.getElementById(“update_article_correction_time_4890379”).innerHTML = UI.dateFormat.get_formatted_date(‘2015-02-06 17:39:24 -0500’, ‘update’); );
correction
The events described related to Chloie Jonsson all took place in 2013; rather than having qualified for the 2013 CrossFit Games, Jonsson was, she says, invited by a team to join them as an alternate. And, according to her lawsuit complaint, it was actually in spring 2013 that she was told by CrossFit Games general manager Justin Bergh that competitors must register under their original gender. CrossFit’s general counsel later confirmed that she would “need to compete in the Men’s Division.” An earlier version of the post mistakenly said it was the 2014 CrossFit Games Regionals, that Jonsson qualified for a highly competitive spot as a team alternate, and that it was at that time that CrossFit HQ told her she’d have to compete in the men’s division. BF_STATIC.timequeue.push(function () document.getElementById(“update_article_correction_time_5083706”).innerHTML = UI.dateFormat.get_formatted_date(‘2015-02-25 10:03:43 -0500’, ‘update’); );
Read more: http://www.buzzfeed.com/sallytamarkin/transgender-athletes
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