#i have one brand of humor and its shitty memes

[missmisnomer]

I come to you with a humble offering of only the finest home-grown, grass-fed shenanigans. 🍽️❤️

More Rise silliness [ 1 ] [ 2 ] [ 3 ] [ 4 ] [ 5 ] [ 6 ]

[futuresmashmemes]

You're called Future Smash memes-- can you see into the future of my universe? We just had 6 more character slots announced for our game, meaning there are 6 we dont know who they'll be! Do you have any insight? Or at least a prediction o'wise one?

Hmm. You know, I’ve been told that your timeline is the “main” one, and therefore is very tricky to predict and deal with. It may not be much, but I guess I’ll give my two cents on who I think the final six DLC slots for this timeline will be.

First of all, it’s important to remember that these choices were made by Nintendo, not Sakurai. I think that’s the reason why we got Sans and Cuphead miis in this timeline rather than full on fighters: for one reason or another, Nintendo didn’t want them (or at least, didn’t want them as much as the chosen fighters). Sakurai has said that he’s an avid fan of Undertale and Cuphead, so this makes sense. Then again, he’s also an avid Persona fan and I still don’t get why Nintendo would’ve chosen it of all franchises. Don’t get me wrong, Persona looks great and all (never played it myself), but it’s not very…Nintendo, y’know?

With that in mind, I think it’s safe to say that we won’t be getting an indie rep. Nintendo currently doesn’t seem to be very open to the idea of full on indie reps, so that means that characters like Hat Kid probably won’t get in (maybe as a mii costume, though aHiT isn’t as well known for its music as undertale and cuphead are, so I don’t think it would be a deluxe costume). Really, the only indie reps I see getting in are either Reimu or (as much as I hate to say it) Steve. Touhou is the poster child for popular indie projects, even if it isn’t as big over here as it is in Japan. ZUN is also open to the idea of Reimu in smash. The main things that go against Reimu is the fact that she isn’t very well known outside of Japan (and those who do know her often associate her with loli culture, which might be a problem) and because the way the franchise is set up, legalities with Touhou would either be really easy or really, really hard. Steve, on the other hand, has sort of transcended being an indie character. Minecraft recently overtook Tetris as the best selling game of all time, and has become a household name around the world. Maybe I’m just projecting (I’m probably the only person from my generation that doesn’t like Minecraft), but I don’t think Steve is getting in either. First of all, legality with Microsoft would probably be an issue as they would certainly demand more money for Steve than Banjo, who, while a treasured character worthy of his spot, comes from a dead IP who wasn’t had a new game since 2008. Also, similar to former best seller Tetris, I just don’t think that Minecraft’s blocky, pixelated art style and rigid player animations would be a good fit for smash. Again, totally me projecting, but that’s just what I think. I do expect to get Steve over mii swordfighter, though. That makes sense.

Now with my little indie rant out of the way, I’ll do a bullet-point list for characters that I’ve posted memes about on the blog before and what I think of their chances of getting in:

First of all, I think it’s obvious that Raz isn’t going to be one of the DLC characters. Yes, Psychonauts 2 is coming out later this year and the first game is one of my favorite video games of all time and he would fit in perfectly, but let’s be real. The franchise is a cult classic that has never been released on a Nintendo system in any way and probably sold horribly in Japan. Double Fine was also recently bought out by Microsoft which really killed any small chance he had of making it in. Sir Daniel is in a similar position

First/second party characters like Bandana Dee and Impa I think are deconfirmed because most of them are represented by Spirits, and I don’t think that they would “double dip.” And because of the scope of spirits mode, I think it’s unlikely that we’ll get any older characters from prexisting franchises (I say older so people won’t hound me with “WELL BYLETH GOT IN SO”).

We are not getting another FE rep lol. Rip red head merchant waifu.

Shooter characters are in a really weird spot since these games tend to not be made for kids (it’s easy to forget in all the hype and speculation that smash is first and foremost meant for kids), yet have made such a big cultural impact on the gaming scene that it’s hard to deny their “worthiness” to be in smash. Master Chief in particular is tricky to place since I definitely think he has much more character than most other shooter reps (cough cough Doomguy) and could have a more varied moveset than just “gun.” But that being said, he’s once again a character owned by Microsoft and comes from a franchise that up until very recently was Xbox exclusive and (as far as I’m aware, has never been released on a Nintendo system). It’s also important to remember that the original Xbox sold miserably in Japan, so I doubt that he’s getting in either.

On a similar note, I’ve seen people throw around ideas for a TF2 rep. This makes a lot more sense to me than Halo or Doom; the playable characters have much more personality and the cartoony aesthetic of the game fits in way better than most other shooters (cough cough Doom). I don’t know which character would be chosen though. Heavy probably? I think their main problem is that Valve would probably be picky about licensing and whatnot (I don’t think we’d be getting Gordon Freeman or Chell for the same reason). Additionally, I struggle to imagine TF2 without it’s signature dark humor which would most likely be cut for smash

Due to recent events, I do not think we will be getting an Overwatch or any other Blizzard rep.

If there’s one character I’d be willing to bet money on getting in, it’s Crash. While he’s never really been all that popular in Japan, it just feels right to me. He fits in perfectly, he has some history with Nintendo (even if he is more synonymous with PlayStation), and I mean…he just feels right. I know that sounds shitty after having just denied a bunch of other characters in an articulate manner, but I don’t know what else to say. I’m not even that big of a Crash fan. The only thing I can see hurting his chances is Activision potentially asking for money than Nintendo is willing to give (this is why he didn’t get into Pl’ystation Allst’rs)

Similarly, I think Spyro has a good chance of getting into smash, but not as well as Crash. I don’t know, maybe it’s just me, but I always thought that Crash just had more of a cultural impact than Spyro did. I do think Spyro has a good chance of getting in though. Maybe some Skylanders/amiibo crosspromotion? Probably not.

Given how stingy they were with Hero (when compared to other DLC reps) and _especially _Cloud, I don’t think we’re getting another Square Enix rep, be it Sephiroth, a Black Mage, or Geno. That being said, it could’ve all been a long con and the FF7 remake will release alongside Sephiroth DLC with the actual fucking spirit battles that we should’ve gotten. Probably not though.

Dante I think has a pretty good chance at getting in. I think that he stands at a similar position to Bayonetta when it comes to censorship, so I think he could work. God knows that he would be broken if he did get in though.

I’ve been a big advocate for a Puyo Puyo rep in smash, and if we were to get one I think it would be Arle (maybe with other characters on her alts like Koopalings/Heroes). People have already theorized how her moveset could work, and I agree with that speculation wholeheartedly. Puyo Puyo unfortunately isn’t very well known outside of Japan since in the past it was usually released under a different brand (Dr. Robotnik’s Mean Bean Machine, Kirby Avalanche, etc). I do think that we absolutely need more puzzle reps than fucking Doctor Mario though, and Puyo Puyo seems perfect.

Professor Layton has unfortunately not had a new game in a long time (at least not one where he has a staring role), and outside of his swordsmanship, which is seen very rarely throughout the series, I don’t think that there’s much of a moveset to be made for him.

I love Ace Attorney, but I don’t think that Phoenix Wright is getting in. I don’t think that Sakurai would realistically just copy and paste his MvC3 moveset to smash and I don’t know what else you could do with him. Also, we haven’t gotten a new international release for Ace Attorney since 2016.

I know next to nothing about No More Heroes but I know a couple of people who will have a fit if I don’t mention Travis. I know there’s a sequel on the horizon but similar to Psychonauts, I don’t see it really happening. It feels to much like a cult classic to me. Once again, I know next to nothing about No More Heroes, so take that with a grain of salt.

I don’t think that any assist trophy characters will be “promoted” to playable through DLC.

And that’s about it. I know that sounded really pessimistic, but that’s honestly because I haven’t the foggiest idea about who’s going to get in. Everyone I want in in this timeline is either an assist trophy/spirit or a niche western/indie pick that I doubt has a chance. That sucks, but it’s just life. As long as we don’t get Goku or Fortnite though, I’ll be happy with whoever.

[capitanogiorgio]

wish granted! recommend me some football blogs, please!

omg thank you so much anon :D !!!

So, in no particular order:

@jmenfoot (Barça/France NT) : amazing humor, always down for serious and important talk about football and its current issues. Great posts !!!

@houssemaouar (Olympique Lyonnais/Gareth Southgate FC) : iconic, came back after a one year suspension from tumblr staff on an unjust basis. Very funny, comedy gold, I love her

@mrhugolloris (France NT/Spurs/BVB) : n°1 Hugo Lloris fan, better France NT fan than most actual french people. Kind and compassionate, deserves the world !

@ikercasiillas (Juventus/Romania NT) : I LOVE HER !!! Loves Max Allegri and his big truck, Rino Gattuso and his screams. Always there to point out and discuss serious issues in football and that’s! so! important! especially on here when it’s rare. Will make you love the younglings of Romania NT, you will root for them tooth and nail, I promise you. Also, will let your soft spot for Torino players emerge. A GIFT

@andreabarzagli (Juventus) : always informed, mostly chilled out fan, stands by the club no matter what but not blindly. Very great memes and humor. Mistaken for Andrea Barzagli himself

@donbianconero (Juventus) : I love him. Not only has he been my faithful Moise Kean supporter with me since day one but he also loves Captain Tsubasa and he’s one of the most kindest, sweetest soul I’ve ever met. Great memes too.

@gonzaloromagnoli (Juventus/BVB) : A BABY !! A very angry one who fights tooth and nail for her club, her country, her faves and her beliefs. Pops up onto your dash one night and then strikes again two weeks later, you’re never prepared.

@gingervivilou (LFC/Juventus/Croatia NT) : we’re the same age but she’s my mom

@gendryabaratheonn​ (Juventus/LFC) :

@vecchiasignoras (Juventus/Manchester United) : Gigi and Alex lover, what more can I say ? Super sweet and always excited for games, ready to support !

@gigidalligna (Juventus) : UGH THEIR MIND. #GiorgioChielliniForBallondOr partner in crime. Will take no nonsense from our shitty board.

@montosmadman (Milan) :

@cuterone (LFC/Milan/Serie A) : Patrick Cutrone’s mom, loves Serie A and most of its teams very much. Loves a bus, part of the #FreeMonto team. A literal ray of sunshine

@jordanshenderson (LFC/England NT) : what can I say ? People can only DREAM about having the same dedication and love towards the club and one Jordan Henderson. A real gem who also have a lot of feelings on Go The Distance x Sports (mostly Go The Distance x Jordan Henderson). Loves her good James Milner’s arms and abs and I love her even more for it ! Such a sweet sweet sweet person who deserves the world

@sadiiomane10 (LFC/Bayern) : ABSOLUTE TOP QUALITY MEMES ! Really entertaining. Best provider of content for Emre Can, that’s her brand. Always supports other fans and keep them believing when it seems we won’t again, despite pessimist posts stating otherwise

@andyrobertsonz (LFC/Celtic/SCOTLAND) : My favourite scottish fan on here !! Actual president of Andy Robertson’s fan club and will defend Scotland (and lfc) to death. Always great and funny stories to tell. Was at Liverpool Bus Parade with @jordanshenderson so, ergo, literally a legend !

@mcmanamans (LFC/Neville Siblings FC) : SAM

@thesecretdetectivecollection (LFC) : Also onto the Carra-has-a-great-ass agenda !! So easy to talk to and fun and passionate :D !!!! LOVES JUAN MARTIN DEL POTRO

@georginiwijnaldum (LFC) : Did you say Virgil Van Dijk ? loves lfc with all her heart, protect our kiddos fiercly !! Also loves tennis and never says no to a fair share of drama !!!

@diegoalvesisgod (LFC/Ostrava) : MAKES GREAT FOOTBALL-THEMED BRACELET GO CHECK !!! Always chill and will tell you great and movig tales about Ostrava and I love it !!!

@garance-bayernitude (Bayern/France NT) : another baby ! Another angry one !!! Be ware. Loves Niko Kovac to death and will fight you if you wish ill on him.

And many others I forgot and to whom I apolosgise. All the blogs above are favourite and gems

[reefs-n-relaxation]

Getting to Know me

There’s a thought that often times pops into my head when I’m super depressed, “nobody knows who you are, not really.” You’d think that’s just the depression talking, but it’s actually true. I unintentionally do a pretty good job of hiding aspects of myself. In an attempt to rectify that, I’m going to ramble on about whatever comes to my mind. I’m not interesting or anything, but if I were to suddenly vanish I’d like if people actually had a proper idea of who I was. Here we go:

Name: My name is Reilly. That one I haven’t really kept much of a secret, haha. Who Am I: I’m a guy who was raised by two different households which I’m very greatful for because I think it helped me in being more open minded and aware of stuff in life. Later on I was also raised by an even larger household known as the internet. I loved going on to youtube to watch AMVs, listen to Linkin Park, and check out memes, but I loved it most of all for a chat site called TinierMe. TinierMe introduced me to so many people who had the same interests when back home nobody in the area really understood me or gave a shit about my interests. My pals from TinierMe helped me so so much in becoming who I am today, but its closure and the subsequent loss of said friends put me in a DEEP depression that hasn’t gone away no matter how many friends, exercise, medication, or improved eating habits I throw at it. I don’t let me depression define me, I’m not just a sad sack and I do what I can to keep people around me from being sad, but it’s also done a lot of damage and influenced many of my life decisions. Depending on my mood I could either give everyone in the world a hug and some good memories and compassion, or I could destroy the planet without a moments hesitation. At my worst and most depressed I used to go to certain websites and watch people die to make myself feel better, not because I liked watching people die, but because I liked to pretend they were me. It was fucked up, and I’m not like that anymore nor have I gone on to the site in years. I’m very ashamed and saddened at how desensitized I’ve made myself. These days I try to be far more positive and increase positivity in others as well, and it’s very hard work but also very worth it. In the end, I’m a passive average joe who likes to think, observe nature’s beauty (especially oceans and the stars), and dream about having dreams. I’m not really overly good or bad at anything, and when I die it’ll go unnoticed by the world.

Favorite Color: This is always changing. Usually though my favorite colors are shades of pink, purple, or green. 

Favorite Food: My food tastes are all over the place. I’m willing to try just about anything, though I tend to dislike foods that are eaten by themselves (Ex. steak, pork chops, chicken breast). That being said, my #1 comfort food would have to be fried/coconut shrimp with some fries and cola. It’s not something to have very often, but every time I do have it I’m relaxed and genuinely happy/SUPER.

Music Tastes: My musical tastes are about as varied as my food tastes but I’ll try to condense a list of some of my all-time favorite stuff:   Grynpyret - Boba Beach   Sonata Arctica - San Sebastian   Flight Facilities - Clair De Lune (feat. Christine Hoberg)   The Protomen - Keep Quiet   Flight of the Conchords - Rambling Through the Avenues of Time   The Pierces - We Are Stars   Oasis - Don’t Look Back in Anger   Milo - The Ballad of Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy   John Denver- Annie’s Song   Enigma - Sadeness   Akeboshi - Seeds   Rei Brown - Picture Frames This list was waaaaaay harder to make than I thought it’d be, and there’s stil a whole lot I’m leaving out haha. 

Favorite Movie: Swiss Army Man by far. The music, scenery, plot, symbolism, humor, writing, acting, every aspect of the film is pretty close to perfection in my eyes. When I saw it for the first time I was mentally in a situation very similar to the main character though, so I know there’s a bit of bias here. The movie is weird and definitely isn’t for everyone, but very few movies about a suicidal mean teaching a corpse that life’s worth living will be. Please go check this film out!

Hobbies: I really don’t do much in life aside from lay motionless in bed like a vampire waiting for the moon to rise. I enjoy scribbling and imagining about creatures and characters but never actually doing anything with these thoughts. I’ve also taken up painting miniatures which can be quite fun. My main hobby though is voice acting. Recently I’ve been straying away from it, but it’s brought me a lot of joy and helped me to meet a bunch of really cool people so I’m sure I won’t be gone for long.  Love Life: Once upon a time I had a wonderful dream, it took place in a wonderful Venice-like city with pastel colored buildings and vibrant plantlife everywhere. This dream spawned a crush that crippled me for YEARS. Nothing ever came of it in the end though, which is probably for the best. I’d like to think I’m a romantic, but really I’m just lazy and want someone to talk to haha. So, in conclusion I probably should not’ve added this segment, but oh well.  Friends: Over my life I’ve had so many friends. Frankly I’m a VERY shitty friend to have, and I feel bad for people who like me to tell you the truth. That being said I love each of my friends very much, even if I don’t show it and push them away. Favorite Book: When I was little I used to love reading and would read all kinds of stuff, but as I’ve gotten older I’ve read books less and less. I think school is to blame for this, but some of my favorite books have come from forced readings. At the height of my love for reading I actually used to browse a fanfiction site named after Lemmy Koopa from Super Mario every day haha. These days I mostly just read Jojo’s Bizarre Adventure with the occasional comic book or other Shonen Jump series. Favorite Video Game(s): This is always a hard question for me, but I always reach the same conclusion: The World Ends With You. It’s a game I picked up in my younger more emo and angsty about socity years, so the game and especially the ending were very influential to me. I play and have played all kinds of games, however, I love the culture and creativity of video games far more than actually playing them. When it comes to Nintendo stuff though, I could talk about most series’ all day (Yoshi and Kapp’n are two of my favorite characters in all of gaming), and Smash Bros. especially always makes me happy because of how it brings everyone together. P.S. A Rhythm Heaven rep for Smash PLEASE Random Thought/Philosophy: One of my favorite games is Yoshi’s Island on the SNES. That game in particular has a fantastic philosophy. The game is a simple platformer where you must traverse the level with a baby on your back who you have to take care of by not getting hit. You can beat the levels normally, or you can try to perfect the levels by finding all of the hidden red coins, hidden flowers, and by not allowing the baby to take damage. Each level has a brand new Yoshi (indicated by a new color) and introduces new elements and themes. These ideas translate well to a happy life in my eyes. Take good care of those who you love and those who you can protect, go with the flow and embrace whatever new experiences life throws at you, don’t be afraid of change, and you don’t always have to be perfect just make sure that you are having fun as you go along.

I think that’s good for now. Apologies for the long post, but this is something I’ve wanted to do for a very long time but haven’t really had the courage or the drive to do. If you’re reading this I both apologize and thank you for taking the time to do so, and I hope your opinion of me hasn’t soured (though if it has that’s completely understandable). If you have any other questions or clarifications about stuff that you’d like to know I’d be delighted to talk to you, but if not that’s cool too. Hope you’re having a wonderful day/night, and hope you keep having these wonderful days until we meet again. :)

[tinymixtapes]

Column: Favorite Rap Mixtapes of March 2017

With a daunting cascade of releases spewing from the likes of DatPiff, LiveMixtapes, Bandcamp, and SoundCloud, it can be difficult to keep up with the overbearing yet increasingly vital mixtape game. In this column, we aim to immerse ourselves in this hyper-prolific world and share our favorite releases each month. The focus will primarily be on rap mixtapes — loosely defined here as free (or sometimes free-to-stream) digital releases — but we’ll keep things loose enough to branch out if/when we feel it necessary. (Check out last month’s installment here.) --- --- Truman Snow - Kingdom Heartless [stream] It’s the trap on candid camera in a reality TV movie, not Menace II Society or Snow on tha Bluff, but The Truman Show, except the cast of friends, neighbors, and family casually advertise illicit substances instead of cleaning products and lawnmowers, and everybody’s armed to the grill. It’s a winter in the Taiga completely isolated from civilization for the chance to win a stack, but the show gets canceled, the lenses in the trees go dark, and no one bothers to tell the contestants. It’s technicolor carnage visited upon greyscale fantasy, i.e. Connecticut. –Samuel Diamond --- Caleb Giles - Tower [stream] Above all else, Tower harks back to an era when rap was more about focusing on what was in front of you as opposed to what might otherwise be experienced on a virtual platform, and in this case, that’s the Bronx. On his debut mixtape, Caleb Giles ensures a gritty listen, even when punctuated through his smooth, pronounced vocals and snippets of jazz instrumentation. Giles challenges the comforts and securities that are sometimes hinted at when contemplating one’s home city, focusing on the trials and tribulations that impinge on his own aspirations. “I can’t do anything but rhyme,” he spouts on “YBR” amidst pitched-up vocals and carefully spliced beats and clicks, hinting at his own determination while experimenting profoundly with the productions that wrap around his thoughtful flow. The mixtape is a solid listen that remains concise across each track in terms of content and production. “Valley” is a personal favorite, where a public service announcement melds with antagonistic conversation. “I know I’ve been a little dismissive, but I’ve just been searching for a bigger pot to piss in,” Giles snaps before his voice crackles and fades — it’s a fleeting moment, but one that one that stays true to the mixtape’s theme and the direction that this young rapper is headed. –Birkut --- CHXPO - SAUCE FOR SELL [stream/download] “Vitalists have argued for 40 years that postwar art’s ultimate expression will be a kind of enormous psychosocial excrement. The real aesthetic, conscious or otherwise of today’s best serious rap may be nothing but the first wave of this Great Peristalsis.” – David Foster Wallace, Signifying Rappers In a post-Lil B era, prolificacy seems more like a byproduct of exorcism than the exuberant mixtape manna once lavished by The BasedGod upon his loyal followers. There’s only so much information one can process in the digital realm before resorting to desperate measures of discharge. Cleveland-native CHXPO’s a human kidney when it comes to waste filtration, honing in on moments of improvised vitriol and pasting them into cathartic patchworks. Six (entirely-freestyled) mixtapes into 2017, the Black Money Boys Death Row affiliate treads the artistic path of Warhol and the technological vision of Musk: Sauce For Sell is a product of automaton creativity, produced, packaged, and shipped as efficiently as possible. If a recycled verse or two rises to the surface mid-process, so be it. Quantity over quality. Quantity and quality. Invest in Neuralink today. “The angels respect me / The demons protect me.” – CHXPO - “BVNDGXD” –Jude Noel --- The Noise Above - Blossom! [stream/download] Unlike memes, a creed does not degrade upon repetition. Take 1990s jazz-tinged hip-hop as an example; the two decades transpired have turned it as much a tradition as the rare groove tracks it originally sampled. New York-based producer The Noise Above qualifies as a third inheritor in such lineage, his latest mixtape Blossom! boasting the soulful vibe and melodious rhyming of its East Coast forbears. With a richer production and a more seasoned flow than his previous releases, Blossom! highlights the evolution of The Noise Above as an artist who’s maybe two or three mixtapes away from his mainstream breakout. With lots of pop hooks and clever lyrical turns in his tracks, what weighs him down is a compulsion to overdo things production-wise and the restlessness of someone who knows he’s poised for greatness but anxious because the future takes too long to materialize. With killer tracks like “RACE,” “What if?,” or “Lemon king” announcing there’s more fire from whence they came, some patience would no doubt go a long way for the young New Yorker. –jrodriguez6 --- Lil Durk - Love Songs For The Streets [stream/download] After weathering some career-growing pains and serious personal losses within the past few years, Lil Durk found himself on something of a back-to-basics winning streak à la Monster-era Future at the outset of the 2017, building on the slow-burning success of last summer’s refreshingly no-bullshit LilDurk2x album with a scorching, taut return to street rap on November’s They Forgot mixtape. Love Songs For The Streets thankfully continues in this crossovers-be-damned vein, offering up precisely what the title implies in a brief but electrifying set of tracks. Love and respect for the wisdom that can only be gained through loss and struggle is what has always fueled Durk’s best songwriting, and for new listeners and old fans alike, it is strangely affirming to hear the rapper speak humbly and candidly about the disillusionment and loss of intimacy that has come with success. “Better,” the tape’s brittle, cold centerpiece and most potent track, is just one of several odes therein to the bittersweet, lean-clouded freedom experienced on the opposite end of a betrayal: “You were my brudda/ Changed on me for that chedda/ You were my brudda/ We can do better.” –Nick Henderson --- Slug Christ - It’s Colder at the Bottom of the Shower [stream/download] Slug Christ’s return to non-feature work in 2017 is a quick five-track EP dealing directly with his troubles with addiction: emotional and chemical, mostly. The first four tracks have Slugger reflecting on his heroin addiction, which is explicitly noted in nearly every mixtape dating back five years. In the same recovering imagery as It’s Colder at the Bottom of the Shower, “Scraped Me Off The Pavement” and, more directly, “At The Bottom” and “I Been Tryna Get Clean” are devil-off-the-shoulder interpersonal conflicts of love and relapse. The closer “Gamecube” seems like a hang-on, with the only real correlation between it and the rest of ICATBOTS (holy shit that acronym) being L.A. producer Nedarb. It’s another Christ banger. Praise the man. Hopefully, Slug’s still trying. Hopefully he’s still kicking it with the shawty that saved him. And hopefully you’ll go find him on the East Coast tour he’s on right now. –Monet Maker --- ۞ pvps ۞ - 2K17 GLO [stream] 2011. Washed Out’s Within and Without on my iPod Touch against the stitching of my blue Oxford. Breathe in. New car smell. Old Navy warehouse smell. Synths like 2-in-1 Shampoo and Conditioner webbing my fingers. Bass like an oscillating fan on a humid night. Yacht-rock trap jams to wax upper-middle class to. Dig it. –Jude Noel --- Devin the Dude - Acoustic Levitation [stream] Affectionately nicknamed “your favorite rapper’s favorite rapper,” Devin the Dude’s unique delivery and ear for production brought his self-deprecating brand of weed rap a degree of critical respect he probably wouldn’t have anticipated prior to the success of 2002 singles “Lacville ‘79” and “Doobie Ashtray,” respectively about driving a shitty car and people smoking all your weed. Quietly beloved by rappers and fans with a rapper-like interest in his wonky flow, Devin has nonetheless spent his career relegated to a niche. Acoustic Levitation, his first project in four years, is true to his principles in a way that, as before, makes a case for their appeal outside of the narrow window afforded him. Particularly benefiting “Can I” and “Apartment #8216,” its basslines are appropriately sticky, and Devin’s flow hasn’t budged an inch; if you don’t like his mid-2000s output, Acoustic Levitation won’t change your mind about Devin the Dude. “All I need is good weed, and I’m cool man,” etc. For me, though, and because the game hasn’t been fair to him, his consistency is well worth celebrating. –Will Neibergall --- Lil Uzi Vert - Luv Is Rage 1.5 [stream/download] There’s always been a hint of melodrama to Lil Uzi Vert’s sound amidst his array of malleable flows and quick-hit punchlines, but it’s generally carried a cartoonish element to it that’s thwarted any sense of urgency (see: “You Was Right”). And while Uzi’s Luv Is Rage 1.5 delivers three quality head-nodders mixing humor and sentimentality, the project’s breakout single “XO Tour Llife3” steals the show, finding rap’s rising star at his most revealing. Gone is any hint of a tongue placed in cheek, instead replaced by a raw, melodic warble of a performance that lays all out bare; the end of its first verse is outright heart-wrenching as he croons, “She say I’m insane yeah, I might blow my brains out, Xanny help the pain yeah, Please Xanny make it go away,” only to be emotionally bested by the cry of “All my friends are dead” with a cadence more likened to emo than hip-hop. Uzi’s usual brand of pop rap is a consistent, comfortable machine that’s always fun at the very least, but his most thrilling moments from a critical perspective occur when he takes risks like “XO Tour Llife3.” Here’s to hoping they won’t be hidden within SoundCloud mini-mixtapes in the future. –Mike Giegerich http://j.mp/2oH5i46

[andrewuttaro]

New Look Sabres: Sabres Twitter Comedy Index (July 2019)

Right when I think I’ve made it out for the summer I’m pulled right back in. New Look Sabres is a fan reaction blog. That means my focus isn’t being smart and or correct, it’s conveying where supporters of the Buffalo Sabres Hockey Club are at. During the season this a game-to-game affair. If this is your first time reading me, give me a follow and go check out the blog at uttarosports.tumblr.com. I bring it up because part of being a fan blog is knowing when you got a real piece of fan culture and running with it. I was beginning to enjoy the Post-Hockey summer when this began… well it actually began a while ago. Back in February I put up the four axis of Buffalo Sabres twitter. It was just one of those funny pseudo-charts meant to be a meme really. The humor I suppose came from how it could be seen as somewhat accurate while certainly not being scientific. I think it was the most liked thing I’ve ever put on any social media. I did a 2.0 version of that and its not out of the realm of possibility I do a 3.0 version come the 2019-2020 season. This is background for what you probably came here for: the Sabres Twitter Comedy Index… or at least some kind of explanation about WTF it is. I am not going to take full credit for the index. Chad DeDominicis was one of the guys who dug up the axis of Sabres Twitter recently and renewed the fun because it’s the offseason and hockey twitter generally is kind of boring right now. He made it clear to me what should be pretty obvious: the most fun part of it is the comedy corner of the chart. That’s where the idea began and now… well here we are!

I write here we are that way because 20 slots are far too few to recognize all the funny people on Sabres Hockey Twitter. I’m not just saying that to kiss ass. Making this ranking was very hard. From the time I got all twenty slots filled to the time I said I’m going with this I changed the ranking probably 35 times. If you’re coming here thinking “Why I am I not on this list?” I have a couple things to say to you. For one, calm down it’s totally arbitrary and pretty stupid if we’re all being honest with ourselves. Secondly, know that there is literally a list of the first fourteen out. Yeah, I think there are at least 34 twitter accounts who deserve to be on this list. If you really think you were snubbed you’re probably on that list. Thirdly, there is a deeper logic to the order of the list though, once again it is totally arbitrary. The most basic logic behind this is that these are tweeters who make twitter funny. There are hundreds of people who make being a Sabres fan fun, but this list is about Sabres twitter specifically and being funny on it. That also has an impact on the list in that twitter itself is important here. If you have a radio show or blog for a website that has a staff and holy crap…if you’re paid to talk about the Sabres… well that definitely bumped you down or off the rankings. In those cases we’re talking about people whose platform is bigger than twitter. That said, I’m not going to be a comedy gatekeeper. The world is shitty enough right now that we don’t need some dweeby graduate student who likes hockey trying to determine what is and isn’t funny. All forms of humor probably have some representation on this list. A few other quick things to consider about how I did this ranking: activity and expertise matters. If you hardly tweet about Sabres hockey or haven’t tweeted much about Sabres hockey in a long while, well that’s going to hurt your chances on the index. Similarly expertise matters because this is a twitter community based on one shared interest: the Buffalo Sabres. What you know about the Sabres matters in how your humor lands on Sabres twitter. If you’re making deep cut jokes about Ted Nolan’s relationship with Dominic Hasek and how it connects in some way to Rasmus Ristolainen getting choked out by Jon Scott, well that may help you on the ranking. That was an example attempting to be a joke by the way. There is a lot of that here. One last thing: if you’re an asshole you’re not on the index. If you are exclusionary in any way that makes you an asshole and therefore bounces you off this here index. So let’s finally talk about the list you just read.

There was indeed a moment I said Fuck it. This was actually hard because I knew it wasn’t going to be too much like the four-axis chart, but I knew that ought to have an impact too. Some radio personalities and big bloggers are on the list, but I generally did keep them out of the top ten. I don’t want those folks to be excluded either so the ones that really help make Sabres twitter the funny place it is are on there. Chad DeDominicis and Anthony Sciandra for example were in the top twenty in the early going but after a while got pushed off because there are so many twitter-first folks who are just as funny if not funnier. Sorry guys, thanks for having me on the podcast. The top 5 were folks who checked all the boxes: they’re all longtime Sabres tweeters who hardly drop off even in the offseason. None of those guys have blogs, not even a shitty fan-first blog like this. They’re all strictly Sabres tweeters. Sure, not every single tweet is about the Sabres but come on now. @essbeeay is the funniest follow on Sabres twitter right now because he is one of those meme-lord types who not only gets those funny screengrabs but also bridges pop culture into following the team we all love. He very nearly does it all. The top spot was in fact a race between him and Ben Matheson. It was so close and at the end of the day I just had to go with the one whose been around longer. @BLMC88, I believe her name is Brittany, occupies the 4 spot because she has tweeted some absolute slappers. Some of her jokes about Casey Mittelstadt this past season still stick with me. Everyone else in the top ten is similarly a different level of meme-lord. The Funnel Guy is in there because, once again, I am not going to be a comedy gatekeeper here. His less family-friendly brand of humor is funny too. There are three tweeters in the top ten who could be classified as bloggers: Chris Ostrander, the pizzaman and Max Marko. Consider Chris Ostrander the representative of deadpan humor in the top ten. I felt a little guilty putting a guy whose done radio hits in the top ten but the way 2ITB delivers his brand of Sabres humor on twitter is just too good. Three traditional media personalities made the index and if you’re a regular on Sabres twitter you probably know why. Jeremy White is on here because historically speaking he gave birth to what, in retrospect, is one of the funnier sides of Sabres twitter and that is Tank Twitter. I hardly got a taste of that world but it’s on a whole other level. Let’s not go back there for a long time. By this point the other radio guys who tweeted about this should understand why they’re in the bottom ten or not on the list. A couple of those guys are in the first fourteen out and you, dear reader, may also be on that list. That list is a Beyond The Blade exclusive so if you want to know that list you need to listen to the live show as saved in podcast form over with the nice guys at BTB. They’re a great follow too by the way.

Part of the reason this index happened was because it’s the offseason and the NHL hockey world is rather dormant right now. However I have considered doing this index again… maybe yearly, maybe quarterly, absolutely not more than that. I don’t know, this is a fan reaction blog so I suppose that will be determined by… well fan reaction. If it ever happens again it will be a Top 25 list. I don’t think a Top 50 list is really possible, but the idea has gone through my head as the Sabres enter their fiftieth season on the ice. Considering this is an arbitrary exercise in meme humor for a small community within the already niche sport of hockey this could be the very last mention of the Sabres Twitter Comedy Index and that wouldn’t be the least bit surprising. If you enjoyed this than I think you will enjoy regular New Look Sabres blog content once it starts up again in earnest at the end of August. Follow me @UttaroSports and follow the Uttaro Sports blog itself on Tumblr at UttaroSports.tumblr.com. Right now Uttaro Sports is going to be dominated by Soccer content because it’s July but trust me, Sabres hockey stuff is always simmering under the surface. For now: like, share and comment on this blog. While you’re engaging with this blog go follow Beyond The Blade @BTBHockey as well as the accounts of the great dudes behind that podcast. I hope to hear from you too and right now I frankly expect to hear from you. I’m ready for your @ tweets.

Thanks for reading.

P.S. And hey, maybe try out Soccer. I love the sport and so should you. I’ll be putting out some stuff for getting into soccer later this month on the blog if you feel so inclined.