#i havent touched a pencil in so long

[sn4k3r0t]

wgat the hell tradart?! in MY mspaint domain !??

[avoiltaire]

quick ritsu i did on my friends ipad w/procreate and the pencil 🔥

[spoiledmilks]

Woaahhhhhzgh i havent drawn or touched my pencil in so long whats wrong with meeee

[stiffyck]

yep. tcd has definitely taken over i havent read everything so some may be repeats who knows! scars camera, a shitty camcorder that he got from his dad when he was a kid is one of scars prized possessions. him and his brother used to use it to document whatever wild ideas they came up with when scar ended up being alone (with no name. he barely remembers having a brother- did he even have a brother to begin with?) he deleted the old footage for memory. he never rewatched the footage, it hurt to think he actually had a happy life before something out of his control killed his family. he still used it to document. (don't speak of the way some of the recordings were just breakdowns. or how some were so short, and clearly accidental. a young boy, barely in his teens warily looking off to the side before realizing the cameras on. how the last recording was 30 minutes long, documenting how a barely-adult basically walked into suicide, and 20 minutes of it is just dead footage, of barely anything being able to be seen. just the sounds of groaning and darkness before it abruptly ends. the battery died. (just like who was holding the camera))

scar's sketchbook, another one of his prized possessions. it was his first (and only... until he left the hellscape he was born in. (not raised- he was never raised the zombies got to his family before he could grow up-)) sketchbook, and he got it as soon as he told his mom he had an interest in drawing. he never was the best at it, but it helped him keep... some of his sanity. (please ignore the torn and blood covered pages.) scar's notepad, really only ever used to tally days and tally kills. (he lost track after the third year) scar's plush cat keychain. it was originally just a cat plush, a toy he's had since he was a baby. after losing his family, (oh how they loved him. they are the reason he lived. he doesn't know if he hates them.) he frankinstiened it into a keychain for his backpack. it's covered in dirt, and blood, and any zombie that dares to touch it gets killed even more brutally. No One touches jellie. many years later, he still has these objects. it's in an old, blood and dirt covered travel bag in the deepest depths of his closet. damn i made this a whole lot longer than i anticipated

GOD YES.

Imagine scar writing or drawing in the notebook in blood. maybe he just lost his pencil and didn't have anything else on him but... he does have a wound thats still bleeding.

GOD I LOVE THIS WHOLE THING YEA.

Also consider the idea that jellie isnt an actual cat but just the plushie. consider the hermits thinking scar is talking about an old pet he lost. but there was never really any pet, was there. it was just him and his blood stained cat plushie that brough him the only comfort in his childhood.

This also goes well with the clip from lim life where theyre doubting that jellie is actually real

[dooxliss]

I'D LOVE TO HEAR ABOUT YOUR SPLATOONS AND SOME BNHA OCS OF YOUR PICK!! also interested in dragon ball too ngl 👀

i hate tumblr so fucking much i was writing this up for an hour and it deleted

splatoon

i have a set of octolings since splat1 that i really like!

ringo, tako, octavia, mimi, quill, pan

but pan is gonna be revamped so i’ll figure out her deal soon

ringo tako octavia and pan are from octo valley

quill is from octo canyon

mimi is from the splatlands

i also have a budding splatband called out of shoal!

the lead is an octoling who came to the surface after hearing calamari inkantation and got paris syndrome so they made a punk rock band about it

there’s also a pencil urchin who is a vocalist and a shellback crab on drums :] might add a jelly as well

i want to make idols also. someday

bnha

here’s the main gang class 2-b!

(they were 2-a before horikoshi showed 2-a in the manga 💀)

my favorites of each row: atsuko kinzoku, koharu nakamoto, miku ueno, emiri abe

atsuko kinzoku (second to last, first row)—quirk melting point! with a touch of her hands she can melt any meltable object and consequently control that molten mess :] more extreme melting points are harder for her to do and cooling herself down can be an ordeal. she went to a dance school and was well versed in ballet before suddenly pivoting to u.a. and hero work. her hero name is tungsten!

koharu nakamoto (middle, second row)—quirk tear jerker! she can force people within a certain radius to experience certain emotions! she can do negative emotions much easier than positive, and these changes often make her feel the same way. she went to the same middle school as toga. she is also very into decora kei :^) did not give her a hero name oops but she is the magical girl hero

miku ueno (last, third row)—quirk sleepy sheep! her hair is actually clouds that when used makes the target extremely drowsy. as a drawback she herself is also rather sleepy most of the time :( her first hero name is bo sleep, with a themed outfit, but after she graduates and the nature of her work changes, she becomes somna

emiri abe (second, last row)—quirk animate! emiri has charcoal like pads on their fingers, which allows her to draw. once a drawing is completed, it can come to life and then be used as a tool. effectiveness is tied to how clear a drawing is. the medium is water resistant but can be washed away. emiri’s hair is naturally blonde but is more ash colored because of how often they put their hands in their hair 💀 in public, emiri wears gloves. hero name ani!

(bonus! hideyoshi maki + kanon katou)

hideyoshi (second, top row)—quirk lucky lottery! he has bands on his arms and marks on his face that appear when good things naturally happen to him. as its stored, he can then expend them to sort of force events to happen as long as there is a chance of it happening. less likely events requires him to spend more luck. it is also automatically used to keep him out of harms way. unrelated to his quirk, he has doll like limbs :^) he’s the lucky hero—chance!

kanon (right of emiri)—quirk stereo! she gains super speed and strength depending on the qualities of the music she listens to! she is also emiri’s gf :] kanon has vitiligo as well, which is being hidden at that point in time. she fails the hero license test going against her older sister kotone and partner chiyo, who go to seiai academy, but eventually gets her shit together and becomes the wabisabi hero—shuffle 👍🏽

dragon ball

i had several saiyan ocs (maiz, kohn, aspara, pumpki, etc) when i was in hs but i havent drawn them since so here are the ones i have!

nati (from naticidae, genus of moon snail) and kitsu (from tsuki, moon) are my namekian ocs! they are bonded in the same was dende and cargo were.

unfortunately they died in the namek saga, and were later revived on earth. during that wait for the namekian dragon balls to be used again, they explored earth and decided to then explore the rest of universe 7 to see what’s out there :D

nati is a dragon clan namekian! they have a shitty keychain esque set of dragon balls that aren’t capable of much besides wishing for the return of a lost sock. they think its cute but don’t use them often because of the hassle of collecting.

kitsu is a warrior clan namekian! he died protecting nati on namek and as a result has become very guard dog-y regarding them. you know how it is. was initially reluctant about not going to namek with his brothers.

i’m still waffling about who but while hopping from planet to planet one of them gets gravely injured to the point where fusion was the only option available to them. as a result this fused namekian has extreme survivors guilt and is reluctant to return to namek. (though they may eventually do to see if porunga can unfuse them)

since we know that zeno erased like 6 universes before the universe survival saga i wanted to make a set of ocs from one of those erased universes (god of destruction, angel, supreme kai). i did not get far in that all tho 💀 only designed the angel and i don’t think they have a name. but i probably wouldve named them kesa (from sake, doubleish meaning with the negative conjugation of kesu, to erase)

[sardonic-sprite]

*BREAKS DOOR*

*HORRIBLE SCREECHING*

TRICK OR TREAT

Snippet from a WIP i havent touched in forever

Jason slammed his thumb on the hang up button and snarled in frustration, throwing the phone down on his bed. He stood up and started pacing, like a tiger in a cage. That's what his bedroom felt like. A cage of rules and expectations and standards he'd never meet, never well enough, or for long enough. A cage of memories, happy ones going one way and horrible ones perpendicular, all of them keeping him paralyzed. He couldn’t stay. Couldn’t go. Couldn't move. He bit down on his knuckles to muffle a scream, kicking at nothing. Or something, apparently, because there was a burst of pain in his toes that made him yelp and start swearing vehemently. "Fucking– mahogany– stupid goddamn – rich boy– bloody fucking--useless– 'big brother' yeah, right–" He collapsed back onto the bed, holding his foot and squeezing harder and harder, like it could take away more than just the physical pain. Jason deliberately did not look at the box in the corner, or the phone book, or the all-important, all-deceitful paper at the top of the pile. He glanced around, trying to find anything that could let him just… just escape. Escape from the things he was so desperate to escape from that he didn't even want to define them. No movie or game would hold his attention right now, and if he tried to write anything, he'd probably end up tearing the paper or snapping the pencil in rage. His eyes found the bookshelf that – don't think about it, stop that – that held dozens of titles that he'd already read, that wouldn't keep him absorbed, not enough… One lay out, horizontal on the shelf in front of his copy of the Percy Jackson series. It had a laminated cover that some idiot had torn, and a receipt sticking out the top, because it was a library book. Library. Now that was an idea. If there was anyone who could really, truly help Jason right now – anyone who understood what it was like to be paralyzed – it was Barbara Gordon.

[arisoups]

i havent drawn in so long... my fingers yearn to touch a pencil...........oug....

[strifethedestroyer]

Touch Starved Cuddles

________________________________________

Assassin's Creed × Ezioleo

"Aw, Leo! You look down. What's on your mind? Do you want a hug?" said Ezio, eyes agleam. He already partially reached out his hands for the potential hug he was about to give, despite the fact that Leonardo hadn't even answered his question yet.

Leonardo, on the other hand, was deep in thought, eyes - unlike Ezio's - were dreamy and distant, as if he was in his own world. He was avidly studying a few small wooden models he had collected and positioned in front of him, hurriedly and messily sketching their poses. He was leaning a bit too close to his desk which made Ezio worry for his posture.

It took a few seconds for Leonardo to snap from his trance and his eyes looked a bit crazed as he looked at Ezio. When Leonardo looked at him, Ezio could see small bags under his eyes. This wasn't an uncommon sight, yet it still made Ezio worry. Muse strook Leonardo often at the late night hours, and he had ADHD, after all.

"Ah, it's nothing to worry about, my friend. I'm fine, really. I'm just a bit.." he averted his gaze from Ezio's and instead began sketching the models again. "Frustrated."

Ezio didn't know if he saw correctly, but it seemed to him that whilst Leonardo was saying that, he pressed the pencil to the paper a bit harder. There was even a slight tear, if he was not mistaken.

Ezio saw this as a perfect oppurtunity to bring back his proposal. "Well, if you're so frustrated, why don't I give you a hug? Will that help you relax? Or recharge?" if Ezio was not, well, Ezio, he wouldn't have pressed further. Leonardo had said he was fine and he hadn't even said anything in relation to the hug, so why insist? But, truth was, Ezio hadn't even thought Leonardo had looked down in the first place. He just wanted an excuse to hug someone. Or, rather, someone to hug him.

Leonardo was easy to read for Ezio and Ezio was easy to read for Leonardo. Thus, Leonardo could easily tell his companion was just looking for excuses to be hugged. And yes, not TO hug, to BE hugged. And held, and felt wanted and loved.

Leonardo, without saying a word, lunged forward and swung Ezio into a hug on his seat. They were both laughing and Leonardo was just about to squeeze Ezio when..

CRASH.

The seat had toppled and they both flew backwards, crashing directly onto the floor, Ezio flailing like a wild animal and Leonardo still holding onto him, resisting the urge to do the same as his companion.

Once a few moments had gone by and they were still hugging on the floor, the two began to laugh. Loudly, wholeheartedly.

Leonardo squeezed Ezio as he had longed to do before the damned chair fell, and Ezio let himself be absorbed in his embrace.

Leonardo could tell by Ezio's facial expression and body language that to him it was as if a burden had been lifted from his shoulders.

"You're really touch starved, you know that, right?"

"Hm?"

Leonardo chuckled. "Nevermind."

_______________________________________

i wrote this thing months ago but realized i never posted it on here and for another few months i was like 'ehhh im not really into ac anymore and havent posted ac stuff in a while there's not really a point in posting this on tumblr' but then i contemplated for a while again like 'hmm i already have a writing tag on here i dont want to leave it unfinished' and now at almost 10 pm i went 'fuck it' so now its here too.

[heylinfanclub]

I been zoned out allllll day and it’s been nice but I do feel that usual ‘I have a ton of shit I need to get done’ dread circling near by. So sit your ass down dread we gonna schedule a few things I wanted to get done and you’re gonna shut your banshee hole.

Look: I did some dishes already, not in the structured way I’d approve of, but I got sOME DONE. I’ve put my loose laundry in my baskets. I’ve tOUCHED the exercise equipment. I took my meds and I’ve been WRITING (not long form shareable stuff, mostly brain storming, BUT ITS NICE!!!!!) I went to planned parenthood and got represcribed my T (in gEL FORM).

I really want to read the NEWS in my EMAIL cause it’s been bulking up for WEEKS but it’s scary cause propaganda and advertisements and total tonal dissonance I really hate it. But I want my local news and my INFORMATION. and doom scrolling won’t get me as nearly packaged as the nEWS.

I have overdue library books. I want to read at least one of them. My brother had loaned me two books I’ve barely touched I also want to read. I’m slowly making my way through ascendence chapters because I’m a behind a novel and am enjoying the slow progression of reading this time. I have been chowing down sO MUCH FANFIC it’s wild I love it and I kinda wanna write some. Just a lil.

Nov hopefully will be a creative month but I can’t do everything at once so I gotta just. Breathe chill and think bout scheduling.

There’s some other dreads with the ‘havent heard from my uncle since he got back from the hospital hope he’s just busy’ and ‘no financial stability hell life’ but that’s. Life. Just text your uncle a meme.

I wanna journal and this is sometimes the closest I can get to it. I used to be able to sit down with a pencil and a bullet journal and I filled THREE OF THEM during college but now—- I use my blog to blog. As god intended. (Wheezes). Tag it therapy cause it’s usually relevant.

I wanna play some BG3 also cause I have been zoned out of gaming for a couple days now despite the new patch lmao. Hfhfjgkh. I think I can control my intake. If not I plan for a following day of no game perhaps.

Ooooo I wanna to get cheap Halloween candy idk if they’ll still have some it’s been a couple days and I’ve stayed inside aaaaaaa that’s the most urgent one I suPPOSE I also need to pick up my meds at the store so YEAH go dO THAT—-

[funshinebf]

i have tried so so long to enjoy drawing and coloring with markers but ill be honest guys i fucking hate it. no matter what i do it always looks like shit. it bleeds like crazy and smudges the fuck out of the line art. not to mention trying to blend always looks like ass for me. ive watched video tutorials over and over, ive spent years trying shit, ive used both cheap and expensive brands. i really just think markers are not my medium to work with. i dont fucking know what would be my medium though cause i dont like colored pencils either. i had water color markers and those were.. okay? but they were used and some of them kinda dried up or ran out of juice. im not good with any kind of paint either. i enjoy posca pens but i think theyre a little trickier to use so i dont use them for every piece, like i kind of have to plan things out more if i intend to use my posca pens, also i have to use paper that doesnt shred as soon as the nib touches it and i dont have as much of that type of paper. honestly im starting to draw a blank on what other mediums there are. ink maybe? ive enjoyed coloring with pens in the past but i find it very time consuming, and pen ink is usually in more saturated colors so it doesnt work for like skin tones or lighter colors. that being said its probably the medium i enjoy most for casual drawings and the one i work best in. i dunno. i also dunno why im even thinking about this rn since i havent drawn anything in months but whatever. 8 am moment

[1941-crowley-slut]

Tried drawing crowley yesterday but i havent touched a pencil in so long I couldnt do anything :(

[wildheadtendsherhair]

2023/02/02

Skin Picking

Havent been on here a while since ive been picking so little, its hard to remember to post! Ill take that as a partial win. But anyway, can you guess why im back? Yep, its day 0 again. And surprise surprise, my skin is bumpy and red again. When i was still on my streak, its amazing, i could use however much lotion i wanted and not breakout. It truly wasnt any products, it was just me touching my face all the time. I still got blackheads, but they were so hard to see because they werent red. I was disappointed to to figure out that acne pads arent enough to get rid of blackheads. I think i have to at least scratch off the top layer? I dont know. Grr! Honestly tho when blackheads arent angry i find i dont mind them much. Hardly at all, actually.

Hair

Great. Still so short! I still look like a fairy pixie, but sometimes by nightfall i just look like an oily unkempt person, and its not because of sebum. Just something about the uneven ends and the short length. Tempted to get it cut, but theres not really any good options? Cutting off and inch would probably dramatically decrease the frazzledness, but not comletely eliminate it, *and* it would be an inch shorter. I only have four inches! I wish i kept more track of how fast my hair grows. Ive heard half an inch is average. See heres the thing people dont think about when trimming hair—its inherently temporary. If you trim half an inch, thats one months worth of growth. By the end of the next month, you'll have grown another half inch. But, the growth will be uneven. So youre back to where youve started, right? No wonder it felt like i could not grow my hair out past a certain amount once my mom started making me get "the split ends cut off". Itll probably all be worth it when it gets long. Unkempt but cool & cute wild animal [insert pic of Power]. That said, i do wonder how long itd need to be to get the dorky but clean Queen's Gambit haircut…

Diet

Still doing Weight Watchers. I hecked up this week, ate under. Ended up binging last night. But it was the first time in a long while, so im proud of what ive accomplished. Silver lining, i mean. It was a very sucky experience being that full. Painful, even. But ive recovered! And im gonna be more liberal with my points earlier in the day. No point in being cautious if i can always eat 0-point foods at the end of the day, and it becomes an imperative to not if im regularly hitting the end of the day with spare points. It was a bit of a successful experiment, because i wanted to see if me eating under naturally would hurt me later, and, well… But im a little worried, because me eating whatever and "lots" this morning has only led to a normal breatfast of ten points. And ive been eating until about an hour ago, so i may not be hungry for a timely lunch. :( But i am feeling peckish for a sub, so maybe soon ill order one and not shy away from the sauce. My point target isnt a minimum, its a, well, *target*! Wow! What a riddle!

Mood

Ive been on edge this week, after a week of feeling phenomenally well. I blamed it on work, but, maybe it was my eating? Or its a factor? Hard to say. I do have quite a few things started that i havent finished, and i think those are hanging on my mind; go long enough and it become tiring but you forget why. Its a hypothesis. Other than that, its been a great week. Started a cool playthru with some friends (and its a japanese project too), checked out warhammer for the first time and had a blast, study group has been great, i got back into DDR, and might go with a cool girl this weekend, i drew for the first time in forever and it turned out great (oh man i love my apple pencil). Fruitful month, january was. I might just need to remind myself to and practice relaxing. Worked for my sleep!

[kanilanipani]

No one in particular.

[wordsgenerate]

i cant find my marker caps

[uwua3]

Hello! Sunflowers hold a really special meaning for me so when i read the "sunflower dreams" My heart was so happy!! I havent felt this happy in a long time since quarantine started so thank you for taking the time to write it! It really made my day. If i could request a kazunari x reader where they're both artists that would be amazing. Maybe the reader can be a famous anonymous art influencer? Its up to you! Again thank you so much for writing "sunflower dreams" 💜

i’m so happy i could make you smile ‧⁺◟( ᵒ̴̶̷̥́ ·̫ ᵒ̴̶̷̣̥̀ ) it’s messages like these that absolutely make my day! thank you so much for taking your time to even read it, i’m glad to know it touched your heart ♡ i hope you have a good rest of your day—please know all of a3! love you vvv much!!! ｀･ω･)9 i hope this makes your heart happy just like before! thank you, anon, for everything

summary: every time you fell in love, you made a new art piece

author’s note: please smile from this absolutely soft and endearing kazunari fluff! in times like these where negativity is all around us, it’s good to take a break and purposely give yourself happiness. i hope this is a light in your day and makes you experience all the goodness of love! ♡ — concept based on “to all the boys i’ve loved before”

word count: 3,389

music: i like me better – lauv

to everyone i’ve loved before.

🌻🎨 miyoshi kazunari

you created art every time you had a crush so intense, you didn’t know what else to do

no matter how big or small it was, or how long or short it lasted, love is love. even if it was a random stranger you’d never see again or someone you knew for a lifetime, love is love

therefore, there was no exact total. because even if you didn’t remember every single person you’ve made art for, you clearly remembered what it was like experiencing the euphoria of love. the phenomenon of your heart selflessly beating for someone else. the attack of getting hit by cupid’s arrow out of no where. the rush of emotions unlike any other

love was everywhere and you made sure to create something that was a memory of it. that was when you decided to practice art after being unable to recall a person’s face a moment too long

it was your form of a love letter. a picture spoke a thousand words you couldn’t write, and art was the perfect way to convey that. online for everyone to see were your love letters in art form: portraits of everyone you’ve loved

you fell in love again and again, a new art piece posted soon over the years of your life. under the username, to-everyone-ive-loved, a lifelong project was in the works for all of social media to see

unknown to the rest of the world, you were the artist behind the blog “to-everyone-ive-loved” who created portraits from memory

but, you didn’t mean to fall in love with another artist as well

all it took was one comment and you were theirs

it was one of your most recent posts, a finished piece on a stranger you saw. you found yourself in veludo way, the ideal street to find people you’d never forget. after witnessing a sudden street act, only one actor caught your eye that day

you didn’t know his name, but you didn’t need to. you were in love

you immediately rushed home without a second thought, the inspiration and creativity infectious after watching him perform. something about his energy was wildly entertaining and bizarre, like a modern pop song as a person. he was effortlessly trendy, popular, and charismatic just from the few minutes you saw him

the moment he stood up on that street corner like it was a stage, all eyes were on him and he knew it. as you sketched into the day, you remembered the small details clearly. dirty blonde hair with no dark roots in sight, glittering green eyes, wide welcoming smile. he had the face of an actor, that’s for sure

when you posted it right after finishing, you didn’t expect any major attention. on average, your posts got 100 likes or so. while it was an impressive feat, nothing could’ve prepared you for that one comment

kaz-PIKO: i’m in love with your art ♡

as your popularity and fame grew before your very eyes, you clicked on his profile and realized it was him. the actor you had seen earlier at veludo way

you didn’t know what happened, but all you knew was you couldn’t forget this one person, miyoshi kazunari, no matter how hard you tried

no matter where you went, you couldn’t draw anyone else except that boy named kazunari. after scrolling through his entire instablam account, you found out he was an actor for mankai company’s summer troupe. he was a star in his own right, with a stage presence like the spotlight was constantly on him and a heart of gold

this was the first time you ever got so caught up on someone that they didn’t leave your mind. hours became days, and days began becoming a week before you let yourself follow him back

everyone you had ever drawn had never recognized themselves before. it was all because a follower connected the visual similarities between your art and kazunari’s unique traits that kazunari knew you had seen him before

if only he wasn’t a social media influencer with followers reaching the hundreds of thousands. at least, his popularity attracted attention to your profile...

this was a problem, however. because if you couldn’t draw anyone else, what could you do? once again, you stalked kazunari’s blog once again like it was a habit

it was never really a rule to make one love letter per person, but you never had wanted to make another for the same person. until, now

video after video. picture after picture. story after story. you could see kazunari’s face even when you closed your eyes. what about him made you daydream about him constantly? was it his charming voice that could make anyone stop and stare? his intricate piercings that were different every day? his ability to make you feel at home? whatever it was (or maybe it was an accumulation of everything and more), you had to draw kazunari again

when you posted it, you typically didn’t add more to the caption than the date and time. except this time, you felt like all your rules were being broken over someone who had no idea who you were

to-everyone-ive-loved-before: XX/XX/20 (3:33 A.M.) — social butterfly

you watched it upload. it was a piece you had never done before. glowing butterflies of all colors surrounded the center of the masterpiece, a smiling kazunari

hopefully, this would solve whatever feelings you were having and the world would go back to normal. you’d move on, fall in love with someone else, and repeat

it didn’t work, because some time later, you woke up to a comment that made you feel the butterflies in your stomach

kaz-PIKO: like a butterfly, i’ll fly to you, wherever you are~ ☆

and for some reason, you wanted kazunari to find you

you had never felt so motivated to draw before. however, your muse was the same. a beautiful boy named miyoshi kazunari who was slowly capturing your heart without even knowing it. you watched the pages in your sketchbook lessen and lessen. the corners of assignments and napkins and anything in between was covered in doodles. if there was a writing instrument in your hand, something related to kazunari would come out of it

it was a fascination. a fixiation, even. you had only seen one performance before falling in love. was it because kazunari responded that it made you feel like you had a chance?

you wouldn’t admit it, but it was becoming embarrassing with how much you were staring at the few unread messages from kazunari in your dm box. they came in right after you had followed him back, and more arrived when you posted the “social butterfly” piece

what was stopping you from talking to your muse? you knew the answer without thinking: what if these feelings were real?

obsessions and crushes come and go, but... love, love stayed. there wasn’t any possibility you could love someone from afar without knowing anything about them, right?

but, then again... you did know some things about kazunari. you knew kazunari was the best actor of all time, with expressions and gestures the equivalent of art. kazunari was art—in every single way possible. everything about him made you want to draw and draw and draw

you only drew kazunari for a certain time, no matter which stranger crossed your path. people you knew you would’ve sketched simply became passer-bys, and it was all because of kazunari’s sunny smile that you were in love. or, what you thought was love

the more you thought about kazunari’s unread dms, the more you wondered what this was. why did kazunari make you so happy? was this truly the first time you were experiencing... a crush?!

for the first time since that street act, you found yourself in veludo way. while half of you was hoping you’d randomly bump into summer troupe’s moodmaker, the other half was petrified about how kazunari was a real person. a very much popular, recognizable person

it was the weekend, and the burden of university projects was telling you to go back and focus. yet, with a sketchbook in one hand and a pencil tucked behind your ear, you were very much prepared to draw to your heart’s content

as you tried to flip to a clean page, you heard something that made your heart flutter. despite the noise and busy atmosphere of veludo, a distinct laugh was audible above the crowd. when you looked up, your eyes barely registered a deep blue jacket before walking straight into the person

you nearly tumbled to the ground before two hands steadied you, a surprised “whoa!” leaving their mouth before being followed by a gentle laugh. the usual embarrassment didn’t set in until you went to go thank the person, only to stop

oh my god. you had just bumped into miyoshi kazunari, your muse for the past month or so

kazunari grinned, even though it faltered slightly at your wide-eyed expression and awkward silence. he didn’t seem to mind as he adjusted his black top hat, pocketing his phone and confidently meeting your gaze

“i’m so sorry~! i hope you’re okay, i’m kazunari!” kazunari introduced and you realized he didn’t know you were behind to-everyone-ive-loved-before. you quickly adjusted yourself, pretending as if this wasn’t the highlight of your entire week

when you introduced yourself, kazunari’s eyes sparkled with interest as he easily led you into conversation. despite being a bit of a socially awkward artist who preferred being alone over anything else, kazunari was... comfortable. you didn’t feel self-conscious of how you acted, because he readily accepted how you were with a smile

was he like this was everyone or... did he find you to be a work of art, too?

standing off to the side, you finally noticed several members of mankai were advertising their latest play. bright, aesthetically pleasing flyers were being handed out to everyone walking by, and you seemed to look a moment too long before kazunari followed your gaze and suddenly snapped his fingers

“oh! are you interested in theatre?” you really weren’t, but you nodded anyways just to see kazunari’s excitement. he pardoned himself for a moment just to snatch a flyer, returning to show it off with a proud smile

“please come to mankai company’s summer performance!” kazunari’s smile sparkled and before he looked around to see if anyone was watching, he winked. kazunari covered the side of his face that was facing his troupe members, pretending as if you two were sharing some big secret

“plus, i’ll be there. if you come, i’ll make sure to do my very best~” kazunari bargained, even though you already knew he was already planning on wowing the audience with his charisma. you took in his genuine want to impress you and the butterflies came back

“i’ll come.” you agreed without even checking the date or reading anything. now all of you just wanted more & more opportunities as the person kazunari was surprisingly interested in, not as the artist who was basically in love with him

agreeing right away was worth it when kazunari shot you a grateful, blinding smile in return. you stumbled over your words with how taken back you were, but asked anyways, “do you like flowers?”

kazunari’s eyes softened for a moment, his usual energy suddenly gone before returning. he seemed genuinely moved by your question, and you wondered how many flowers it’d take to see him smile again like that

“i do, especially if they’re from you.”

“what kind?”

someone called kazunari’s name, insisting they were going to be late for practice. kazunari shouted back an agreement by telling them to go ahead first, before putting all his attention on you once again

“hibiscus.” meaning delicate beauty

before kazunari could ask for your socials, with his hand already reaching for his phone, you cut him off, hoping your voice wasn’t off

“next week. 7 P.M., mankai theatre. i’ll be there, front row.” you promised and took off, rushing off with a wave as kazunari stared after you for a second before waving back enthusiastically

as you left, kazunari was about to leave before he noticed something on the ground. it was a plain sketchbook, unassuming at first but it was nearly bursting at the binding with how many pages there were

when kazunari picked it up, he was about to flip to the first page before mankai called his name again, impatient this time. kazunari held onto the book and sent one last glance towards your direction before disappearing, hurrying to make sure the director wouldn’t penalize him for being the reason everyone was late

when you arrived home, you instinctually reached for the pencil behind your ear. at the same time, you put your hand in your bag, attempting to feel the familiar edges of your sketchbook

then, after turning your bag inside out and finding nothing, you collapsed onto your desk chair with shock and disbelief

you lost your sketchbook in veludo way the moment you met kazunari. what if he had it?

you drew another piece and stared at your screen, wondering if you should post it. it was kazunari once again with a yellow hibiscus flower behind his ear, the same gentle smile you couldn’t perfectly capture gracing his lips

you typed the caption and backspaced before settling on something that only you and him would know

to-everyone-ive-loved-before: XX/XX/20 (8:01 P.M.) — delicate beauty

you hesitated before deleting the post a second after. maybe, you’d keep some artwork to yourself

kazunari had the sketchbook open next to his bedside, his phone in his hands and your profile open. he could recognize your art style a mile away, and the moment he saw the first sketch after practice, he couldn’t believe it

did this explain why he felt such a natural attraction to you? when you bumped into him, kazunari swore he could see the sparks flying. you made him feel like he was falling in love and you only proved him right when you two talked earlier. he wanted to know everything about you, he wanted to see you again

was this what love at first sight felt like? kazunari giddily typed a message over and over again, the unread messages of his filling his screen

kaz-PIKO: heya!! ★>d(,,･ε´-,,)⌒☆ just wanted to say i LOVE your art fr!!! we should totes collab, you know???

kaz-PIKO: thanks for drawing me btw :0 does this mean you live near veludo? let’s meet up!!!

kaz-PIKO: ,,, i don’t usually say this but, that social butterfly piece was breathtaking. you must really like me, huh? (･ω<)☆ jk haha

kaz-PIKO: no but really, it’s beautiful. thank you, honestly. it made my day, you make me happy ♡

kaz-PIKO: you must be really beautiful, too. i would want to draw you as well. lmk if ur up for that haha

kazunari read back his previous messages, all of them delivered but unopened. he realized how... how open he already was with the anonymous faceless artist, despite never interacting with them

now that he knew what you looked like, it only reassured his intuition that he was rightfully head over heels for you

kazunari typed something before deleting it, closing out of instablam and throwing his phone somewhere on his bed

kaz-PIKO: i was right, you are beautiful. i may have fallen in love, too

some things were better left unsaid. after all, you two had until next week to figure everything out

for the rest of the week, all you and kazunari did were think about the other person. a small part of you was afraid kazunari wasn’t the dream boy you imagined, but he was much more. you noticed he started posting more often and turned his notifications, wanting to be one of the first to see his practice videos and university selfies

you didn’t post any of the art you made of kazunari, making it the longest you hadn’t posted ever. kazunari couldn’t help but refresh your account every now and then, hoping he’d see his face again, as selfish as it was. kazunari wouldn’t know how’d he feel if he saw someone else had your heart

the longer time went on, the more you were certain. every fascination you had with someone was temporary, and you remembered the feeling rather than the person. but, with kazunari, you liked him for who he was. everything kazunari made you feel was new and exciting, but even when that went away, you still liked him

kazunari was your first crush, for real

kazunari liked making people like him. so, your online confession through art wasn’t exactly a surprise. but, yours was different. it was earnest, honest, and everything he didn’t know he was needing

kazunari looked through your sketchbook again and again, tracing over the notes you wrote in the margins and admiring your skill

kazunari liked you, and he was certain he would’ve still liked you even if you weren’t to-everyone-ive-loved-before

when showtime arrived, kazunari was oddly nervous. peeking from behind the red curtain, kazunari could already see you were one of the first sitting front row, just like you said. he had practiced his lines a thousand times and summer was fully prepared, why was he nervous?

before he went on, kazunari ignored the urgency of the mankai staff and quickly texted a message to your profile, hoping you’d at least see the notification this time

kaz-PIKO: i like you, too

(when you felt your phone buzz, you quickly silenced it)

the show moved you to a standing ovation, just like everyone else in the audience. as summer walked out to bow and express their gratitude, you watched kazunari’s eyes search for yours as he tilted his head towards backstage. you nodded, knowing you’d do anything to see this kazunari. actor kazunari, who was on cloud 9 with his performance and glowing from praise

you wanted to see, to experience, to draw, all versions of kazunari

after the applause, you looked around backstage before feeling a hand on your arm, the feeling reminiscent of the first time you bumped into kazunari

“you came.” kazunari breathlessly stated, as if he was surprised. before he could say anything else, you presented him with a bouquet of hibiscus flowers. the same shade of yellow you drew him with

“of course, i wanted to see you again.” you honestly admitted, knowing it made you flustered. kazunari carefully took the flowers before grinning, gently placing then beneath his chin. he looked like a vision, you wish you could’ve asked him to stand still so you could capture this moment forever

“i wanted to see you, too.” kazunari softly said, all the energy of being on stage gone. it was tranquil and peaceful, like you two were the only people in the entire theatre

kazunari took a moment to admire you before realizing something, taking something from behind him and presenting it to you. it was your sketchbook on the bottom, but a smaller version was on top of it, signed in silver sharpie. kazunari’s signature was glittering like his eyes as you took it

“next time, let’s draw together.”

kazunari’s sketchbook was filled with you. anything from small doodles to encouraging messages was found inside, with tens of post-it notes of just thoughts about you. kazunari’s art was colorful and extremely out of the box compared to his usual traditional style. it made you smile

kazunari watched you flip through it, already knowing this was the greatest act of love he could’ve declared this early on. he anticipated for you to reach the end

when you landed on the last page, you saw a note

do you want go on a date with me?

“next time, respond to my dms! that way i don’t have to write everything~!” kazunari teased and you two shared a laugh, knowing everything was going to be okay

“yes.”

“yes...?”

“yes, i’ll respond to your dms. and yes, i’ll go on a date with you.”

eventually, you ended up closing your blog for good. your last post was a picture of you and kazunari, with one caption

to-everyone-ive-loved-before: XX/XX/20 (3:33 P.M.) — to the one boy i love now, i love you

kaz-PIKO: i love you, too ♡

[miekasa]

YUP YUP YUP I HAVENT EVEN READ RIGHT WHERE YOU WANT ME YET BUT THE NOTE THAT SAYS ERENS LOVE LANGUAGE IS QUALITY TIME YUP YUP. this motherfucker simply cannot express affection in words he doesn’t have that feature. lbr, he has zero reservations against acting how he feels like (it may be in the best interest of his loved ones but it goes against their wishes it’s just a matter of doing what he wants) so acts of service are not like him, also he’s just not that touchy? n there is pretty much no room for gift giving at least in titan verse but also eren isn’t that like..thoughtful LOL not in a mean way but he’s not the type to see something in a store and be like “hey y/n likes that lemme get it for them.” i feel like his runner up may be physical touch cause it’s in the same realm of quality time, has to do with physical presence of a loved one yk? mine is also quality time but for an entirely different reason, IM FUCKING SHY n i love receiving physical touch n words of affirmation (acts of service n gift giving make me feel bad) but it’s hard for me to give that back to someone because of anxiety i guess. quality time just hits different n i feel like it’s not many ppls language so it makes me happy that it’s eren’s and now i will leave you alone LOL

First of all, you don’t have to leave me alone, because you’re not a bother!! I love asks like this!! 

I agree with everything you’ve said! I think through time and getting to know someone, Eren can get better about expressing his feelings (and also understanding them), but it can still be difficult to process for him. Also, I take his childhood into account, and although in most modern aus I use, it’s a lot more tame than his canon childhood, I still think some of that emotional repression would carry through to adulthood and how he approaches relationships!

So, in the end, quality time is the easiest way for him to express himself; because, to him, he’s not really expressing anything, you know? He just wants to be next to somebody -- I think he might not even understand the profundity or reasoning behind it, but he likes it. I agree he’s definitely not an acts of service kind of guy... at least unprompted LMAO, he can be kind of dense; so you’re probably going to have to ask him to do something before he does it--or, he’ll sit on an idea to do something for a long time before he acts on it. 

I feel like gift giving can go either way for him. I think he can be thoughtful, but maybe not... sentimental? If that’s the right word? Like, he would buy you stationary if you were into it, but he wouldn’t like, buy a special pencil and engrave your initials on it or something like that. But he’s trying LMAOOO. I actually think that gift giving is the love language Eren needs to receive the most; because he learns to understand that people think about him and are willing to express it through physical gifts. 

As for physical touch, I think he likes it a lot! And I think it can go hand in hand with quality time. If you’re around him a lot, he’s going to want to touch you. But I think he gets kind of shy if you initiate contact first because he’s a babie 😭