#i hope this nearly 12k chapter lives up to your expectations

[psychologicalwarclaire]

It's finally here!

Chapter 24: Baby (Blue) Steps is live!

WOOOOOOOOO

In which we finally get to see Splinter's side of things. Pride, pain, and Papa, this chapter has it all!

[svtxsoju]

02. morning glory fizz | dear miss soju

ღ Synopsis: College is hard. Love is even harder. Good thing the students of Mansae University can write in to Miss Soju, the campus’ very own romance advice columnist! The only problem is she’s never been in a relationship. Ever. There’s no telling what kind of chaos she may cause in the love lives of several of MU’s most eligible bachelors. Too bad no one knows who she really is! ღ Characters/Pairings: college AU! Seventeen & OC’s, Joshua x baking major!OC, and more TBA!  ღ Genre: Romantic Comedy, Slice of Life ღ Warning(s): Mentions of alcohol, suggestions of sex, language  ღ Word Count: 4.9k words  ღ Binu’s Note: a week late but better late than never i guess 😌 i’ve been avoiding tumblr to finish writing this, but i just kept getting distracted by choi seungcheol. hit that mf like button if you relate. i’m so excited for the special album y’all the teasers and concepts are so sadkfklsj i love seventeen

anyway, i apologize not only for the late update, BUT ALSO bc this chapter is also a lot of exposition again 😔🥺 i promise i’m done setting it all up and that some real shit will go down in the next chapter!! hopefully people will still be able to enjoy this chapter huhuhu 😭💗 if you’re reading this, i love u and i hope u have a good weekend!! 

《 ⊛ Author’s Note & Credits ⊛ Disclaimer ⊛ Masterlist ⊛ 》

《 Previous ⊛ Next 》

Having already completed the first half of her college career, Joohyun was well aware of the value of sleep. And yet, like most college students, she could never  seem to manage a decent sleeping schedule. She had only slept 2 hours when her alarm went off at 5:30AM. She groggily rolled out of bed, mentally cursing her past self for thinking that this was a good idea when clearly, the best idea at the moment was to snuggle back up under her covers and sleep in until afternoon. Only one of her eyes seemed capable of staying open as she pulled on her clothes and got ready for the day. When she suddenly heard the front door close behind her roommate, she cursed out loud, throwing her laptop into her bag before she rushed out the door. She half-wobbled, half-hopped along the second-story walkway while she tried to get her shoes all the way on.

“Bok Bongseon! Wait for me!” Joohyun called out in an aggressive whisper.

“HOLY SHIT! You scared me, Joo!” her roommate, a shorter girl with full cheeks and pouty lips, screamed at full volume. She clutched at her racing heart and leaned against the wall while she caught her breath. 

“Shut up, people are still sleeping!” Joohyun linked arms with Bongseon and dragged her down the steps leading to the street. It was still dark outside, but she could already hear the faint bustling of the mart located below their apartment. It was nice to know that they weren’t the only two people in Seoul insane enough to be awake at this hour. 

“I thought you were the ghost of my grandma, you bitch! You know she visits me in my dreams to tell me how disappointed she that I’m a baker,” Bongseon said indignantly, though she still cuddled closer to Joohyun when they were hit by the morning chill. Once they reached the street, they both headed towards the train station without having to say a word.  “What are you even doing up?” 

“I am simply accompanying my favorite roommate to work to make sure that she gets there safely,” Joohyun crooned sweetly, and made kissy faces at the girl, who in turn pinched Joohyun’s lips between her calloused fingers. She tried to protest but could only let out pained whines until she was mercifully released. “Ow!” 

“Sorry but I cannot fulfill your roommates to lovers, 12k slowburn fantasy,” Bongseon continued on nonchalantly as they climbed down the steps to the platform. “You had your chance, but I am a taken girl!”

“Oh, so you and Josh are together today?” Joohyun teased. Although it probably wasn’t the best idea, considering her lips were slightly throbbing from the girl’s attack. “I’ll just wait until tomorrow then.” 

“Wow, bold words coming from Miss Fish Lips.” Bongseon raised an eyebrow and smiled tauntingly. “Understandable, considering  that that was probably the most action your lips have gotten in your entire life. I could probably set it up on a blind date with my fist, if you’d like.” 

Joohyun’s laughter echoed off the walls of the mostly empty station, startling the only other person waiting for the morning train (an old woman, who was still half-asleep prior to being rudely awakened by two very loud girls). Bongseon often made some colorful threats, morning or not, but Joohyun was one of the very few people who could be assured that her words were empty. “Don’t you know that it’s rude to stare, lady?” she barked at the old woman, who was openly glaring at them. Everyone else, on the other hand, was subject to Bongseon’s sharp temper.

This even included her boyfriend of approximately 4 years. ‘Approximately’ being the key word, because the two often took breaks--  a natural phenomenon when one partner was easily provoked and the other loved to do the provoking. Jihoon had told Joohyun that the two had met at the cafe in their freshman year, when Bongseon came in as a part-time baker and Joshua was merely a barista trainee. They started dating within a month and moved into an apartment together in two. That went just as well as anyone would expect. By the grace of whatever entity that was chaotic enough to keep their relationship intact, they made it 7 months before nearly breaking things off for good. As luck would have it though, a new hire and his roommate were in the same exact predicament as them. Kind of. 

Joohyun shuddered to recall her freshman year when she and Jihoon somehow convinced themselves that it was a good idea to share an apartment. In principle it made sense; they had lived across the street from each other since they were in diapers. Two exhausting months into trying to irritate the other into breaking the lease first, they met Bongseon and Joshua when Jihoon started working at Smile Flower. It didn’t take long for Joohyun to suggest the switch— she would move in with Bongseon and Joshua with Woozi. Just like that, she saved both Bongseon and Joshua’s turbulent romance (temporarily) and her and Woozi’s fractured friendship (now thriving). 

She and Bongseon have been roommates ever since, and Joohyun knew her life was a little easier for it. 

“Joohyun, you better stop looking at me with those heart eyes before I really act up,” Bongseon warned. They had boarded the train, but hadn’t bothered to sit down since Mansae University station was only two stops away. 

“But I just love you so much,” Joohyun pouted, affectionately resting her head on her friend’s shoulder. “What does Joshua have that I don’t?” 

“A dick. And that’s about it.” 

“Damn you, heterosexuality!” 

Bongseon snorted out a laugh. “Seriously Joo, how are you awake right now? You’re only ever this lovey-dovey when you’re severely sleep deprived. I know you don’t have classes until 3PM today. You also don’t have your internship today,” Bongseon narrowed her eyes when Joohyun visibly tensed up at the mention of her current occupation. “Also, since when do you watch Youtube videos until 2am? And don’t think I didn’t notice that all of them were titled ‘Relationship Q&A’s’ and ‘I confessed to my crush and he said this!!!’. Got something to tell me, missy?” 

It was so quiet on the train that Joohyun worried that Bongseon could hear all the wires in her brain short-circuit. With Bongseon’s cross-examination skills, it was a wonder why she pursued baking instead of joining her family’s firm. Come on, Joohyun, just tell a white lie. Easy, simple. Don’t need to overcomplicate things. “Oh, uh I— um— well, I j-just thought they were entertaining?” She was done for. 

“Right. You thought random couples self-indulgently talking about their love lifes for 40 minutes with default iMovies effects were entertaining.”  

“Y-yes?” Joohyun threw in her most convincing smile for good measure, but it did nothing to soften Bongseon’s hard gaze. “It’s my new guilty pleasure, haha!”  

“Hm, interesting,” Bongseon was momentarily interrupted by the sound of the arrival bell. Joohyun eagerly pulled her friend towards the exit, hoping that the distance from the train could also get her further away from the topic. Unfortunately for her, Bongseon did not plan on dropping it so soon. “You sure you don’t want to tell me anything, Joo? About your internship?” 

Joohyun began to sweat. Was she really that transparent? “Okay, don’t get mad--”

“Don’t get me wrong, I’m super jazzed that you’re getting into relationships and everything, but really Joo? Youtube? You could just talk to me if you need help talking to your new crush at your job!” 

“Oh.” Joohyun would have let out a sigh of relief if she wasn’t out of breath from climbing the mountain of stairs up to the sidewalk. “Right. Confessing. To my crush. That I definitely have.”

“It’s okay to admit you have one, Joo. I’m no  stranger to workplace romance,” Bongseon said, her breathing completely even. A measly flight of stairs was nothing compared to eight hours of kneading dough. “Who’s the lucky bastard, Joo?” 

“Well, I’m not sure I would call it a workplace romance, per se…” Joohyun laughed nervously. There was no way she could stick another clean landing if she kept talking. 

“Shut up, I bet that guy is in love with you already. Who wouldn’t fall for the only editing intern at The Front?” 

“Haha, I don’t know…” Probably no one, because the only editing intern at The Front doesn’t exist? 

Joohyun could not be more relieved to see the small store front of Smile Flower Cafe. It was one amongst the many cafes located near campus, but Joohyun felt like nothing really matched its comforting home-like ambience. But that probably had less to do with the soft wooden floors and pastel ceramic mugs, and more owed to the three years Joohyun had spent hanging around there, usually bothering Jihoon and joking around with Josh. 

The two boys already stood waiting at the cafe’s entrance, too bleary-eyed to notice Joohyun and Bongseon quickly approaching. “Hey, ugly!” Joohyun called out, snickering when both of them turned to look at her. 

“What the hell, why are you awake?” 

“Good morning to you too, Jihoon,” she answered, blowing him a kiss. “I’m actually here to see you, believe it or not. Don’t you feel special?”

“Oh? That’s interesting, because you told me that you came here for me,” Bongseon broke away from exchanging actual kisses with Joshua to look between Joohyun and Jihoon in a way that Joohyun did not like too much.  “I guess it wasn’t a workplace romance after all.” 

Joshua mirrored his girlfriend’s implicating expression as he unlocked the front door, simply because he knew it made his friends squirm. “Wow Joohyun, you woke up this early just to talk to Jihoon? You really couldn’t wait to see him, huh?” 

“Uh, yes because I need his help—”

“Ah, his help, gotcha! Come on, Bongseon, I’ll go help you in the kitchen while these two help each other out here,” Joshua snickered. Before Joohyun or Jihoon could roast the couple in retaliation, they had already disappeared behind the counter. 

After years of similar taunts, all Jihoon could do was shake his head. “Okay Joo, what is so important that you need my help at 6 in the morning?”

“I wrote my first response last night!” Joohyun whispered excitedly, taking out her laptop from her bag. “Well, a few hours ago. I wanted to show you before continuing on with the rest! Here, look.” 

① Dear Miss Soju, 

I just started my first year at MU and she’s an exchange student from New York. We met at a party and talked for two hours about comics, aliens, anything we could think of. It was perfect. She even asked me to walk her home. When the time came for me to make a move though, I kind of dropped the ball. Since we had just met that night, I didn’t want to come off too strong. Now I really regret it - I don’t even have her phone number. I feel like such an idiot! I can’t stop thinking about her, but I don’t even know if I’ll ever talk to her again. Did I make myself seem disinterested? Will we meet again? Will she even remember me?

Sincerely,

Big Cringy Idiot

She let Jihoon read the asker’s message first, then scrolled down to show her answer.

Dear Big Cringy Idiot,

You and your crush seem to have a lot in common. There is nothing wrong with being nervous around someone you like. In fact, it is fairly normal and is a good sign that you like this girl very much. She also seems open to any future possiblities, since she did ask you to take her home. You need not worry about coming off too strong in this situation, although I do admire your dedication to respecting women’s boundaries. I hope you are able to find this girl again so that you can truly tell her how you feel. Best of luck to you!

Sincerely,

Miss Soju

“Joo, that was…” 

“Poetic, beautiful, life-changing?” Joohyun grinned, and nudged her best friend with each suggestion.

“Boring. It was boring.” Joohyun’s face fell, and Jihoon could only offer the girl an apologetic smile. “Dude, you’re gonna put people to sleep if you keep it up like this. I almost took out a pillow to take a nap on the floor.”

“But this is how I write my articles— Informative and concise! How else am I supposed to write it?”

“I mean, that’s great for reporting articles, but this is an advice column. It’s supposed to be fun, sarcastic maybe. Like your promo piece! That was good.” 

“I wrote that as a joke, hoping they would fire me for it,” Joohyun admitted, eyes wide in panic as she looked at her best friend. 

“Huh. Well, I think it would sound better than this Wikipedia article you got going on,” Jihoon shrugged. “Try to be fun!”

“I am fun!” Joohyun cried out defensively, her nostrils flaring with passion. When Jihoon responded with a doubtful look, she let out a dramatic gasp and snatched up her laptop, stomping over to her favorite corner in the cafe. “I can be fun! I’ll show you fun!” 

 “Atta girl,” Jihoon’s signature cackle filled the cafe, further fueling the girl’s aggressive typing. 

Just another morning in the life of So Joohyun.

To the surprise of the cafe’s current occupants, a student already tapped at the glass entrance, clearly in desperate need of his morning americano. He had walked all the way from the freshman dorms after a restless night of tossing and turning. When his phone screen told him it was already 6:05AM, he decided to just give up on sleep altogether. So there he was, trying to start off his day right, at Smile Flower Cafe, only to be stopped at the door by the grumpy barista with the red hair. He always felt like the other one was way nicer, especially since he would go out of his way to sneak him free cookie samples and made pleasant small talk while ringing him up (what was his name? Jonathan?). 

  All the red-haired barista ever did was scowl at him when he asked for a student discount. Now, he scowled at him as he gestured at the sign that indicated that the cafe would not be open until 7AM. The fatigued freshman had half a mind to make some choice gestures of his own, but he refrained and just whipped out his phone instead. He gave the mean barista one last pout before turning around and walking towards the 24-hour convenience store on campus.

➠ [ to: vernonie 😌😎  ] Good morning king. Are you still on your shift ?

➠ [ from: vernonie 😌😎  ] gm seungkwan pls k*ll me 

Seungkwan took that as a yes. It didn’t take long for him to arrive, the entrance bell ringing lightly when he stepped into the small store. At the register sat his roommate, who was clearly fighting to keep his eyes open. “Wol-cuh ‘n—” he tried to greet through a wide-mouthed yawn. “Excuse me, welcome in! Oh, hey Seungkwan.”

Seungkwan answered with a grunt and headed straight for the refrigerated coffee section, choosing the largest can.

“Uh dude, you good? You look like—”

“Like I haven’t slept all night? I am aware,” He immediately opened his coffee and took a long gulp of the beverage in hopes of feeling even a little better. When it did nothing after 30 seconds, he frowned at the concerned cashier. “Vernon, I will not be paying for this drink, because it is clearly defective. Coffee is supposed to fix everything.” 

“Is this about your audition today?” Vernon asked, eyebrows furrowed. “Your monologue sounded really solid last night though. Your audition songs were great too. You totally got this in the bag!” 

“It’s not just about the audition, sweet Vernon,” Seungkwan sighed. “It’s about who I’m going to see at the audition. I still don’t know what the fuck I’m going to do.”

“Oh yeah, you are probably going to see them later.” For the past week, all Seungkwan could talk about was the theater tech sophomore that he had met at the theater department’s welcome party. They had sat beside Seungkwan and had helped him through all the fast-paced drinking games, and even took some of his shots when he kept losing. Surely, this was what love felt like.

That was what Seungkwan hoped anyway, because whatever it was made him feel all warm and tingly inside (or it could have just been the alcohol). Nevertheless, he had made big plans to confess to his crush as soon as possible. His dilemma for the past several days was merely a matter of how it would be done. “Not probably! I know for a fact that they will be there, because they told me that they couldn’t wait to see me,” Seungkwan let out a wail and slumped over the counter. “They’re the sweetest, most beautiful person to ever walk the earth and I just want to tell them that I would actually jump off a bridge for them. Why is that so difficult?” 

Vernon nodded sympathetically as he always did. “I mean, if you’re not ready today, maybe you could wait?”

“Wait?! No offense babe, but last time I checked, waiting didn’t get you anywhere,” Seungkwan said,  patting his roommate’s arm. Vernon cringed as he was forced to remember his own romantic blunder from the past week. “Clearly, we are both in major need of help. That Woozi guy’s show didn’t do anything for us! Also, we still haven’t heard from that Miss Soju character and it’s been what? Two days? If she’s such an expert, she would know that love is time sensitive!” 

“Ugh, I know. I keep refreshing The Front’s website just to see if she’s posted it yet.” Vernon sighed forlornly, which was a common punctuation to his sentences lately. “It’s getting me really antsy. What if she doesn’t even choose to answer our emails this time?” 

Seungkwan quickly covered the other freshman’s mouth. “Don’t say that! The universe manifests what we say will happen. We should ask for divine intervention instead.” He cleared his throat in preparation and threw his hands up to the sky. “O Eros, god of love, please shine your blessings down upon my and Vernonie’s love lives for we are but two humble, clueless freshmen in need of romantic guidance. Send down two of your swiftest, sharpest arrows, so that those that we desire may hear your soft whispers—”

Ding. The sound of the entrance bell rang once more, stopping Seungkwan’s prayer short, much to his irritation. “Is this a bad time?” the new customer, an ethereally handsome blonde, asked amusedly. He strode into the store and grabbed two spicy tuna triangle kimbab’s before approaching the counter. 

“Jeonghan hyung!” 

“Ah, Vernon!” Jeonghan smiled. “I didn’t know you worked here. You should come by my and Cheol’s apartment again soon, that was fun!”

“Hyung, this is my roommate that I told you about-- Seungkwan. And Seungkwan, this is Seungcheol hyung’s roommate,” Vernon said all while ringing up Jeonghan’s food. On the side, Seungkwan bowed sheepishly after unfreezing from his previous pose. “How’s your morning going? You wake up pretty early!” 

Jeonghan laughed heartily, shaking his head. “Oh no, I just finished an all-night stream. I just came by to get a snack before heading to bed. Seems like you two have been having a fun morning, though. Do you two always start your day off by praying to the ancient Greek god of desire?” 

Seungkwan flushed a deep pink. “Uh no, it was more like a cry of desperation. Vernon and I are having a pretty tough time confessing to our crushes, so I figured we should just try out anything that might help us. Nothing else seems to be working…” 

“Wait, that’s so cute,” Jeonghan cooed. 

“Would you be able to give us some advice, hyung?” Vernon asked. He didn’t know anything about the senior’s love life, but he did give off the vibe of someone who would know… a lot. 

Jeonghan’s eyes twinkled dangerously, a lazy smirk on his lips. “I mean, I could go talk to your little crushes for you, if you’d like. I’m sure I could get some sort of response out of them.”

One look at Jeonghan had Vernon and Seungkwan shaking their heads vehemently.

“No, we’re good.”

“Yeah, no thanks.” 

“Mm, good call.” Jeonghan took his food from the counter, and winked at the two boys. “I really wish I could help you both more, but I’m sure you’ll get what you’re waiting for soon! Today, if you want it enough.” 

There was something in the way that the senior stated those words that made Seungkwan believe him without a question. It wasn’t a naive suggestion or an optimistic prediction; Jeonghan spoke like it was the truth plainly written on the walls. He finally felt a long-awaited wave exhaustion wash over his anxieties, softening them until they fizzled away alongside the ebbing foam. All that was left behind were grains of sand. Suddenly, Seungkwan yawned,  and he wanted nothing more than to curl up in his twin bed at the dorms. 

“Well, I should be heading off to bed! Looks like you should be too, Seungkwan,” Jeonghan said, suppressing his own yawn. The freshman nodded in agreement. He definitely needed to rest up— this was going to be a big day, after all. 

“Say hi to Cheol hyung for me when you get home!” Vernon said. 

Jeonghan hummed thoughtfully as he made his way back to the entrance of the store. “I will if he’s there! He didn’t come home last night.” He turned to leave the boys with one last sleepy smile, seeming to laugh at something only he knew. 

“At least one of us is doing something right.” 

“Jihoon, why can’t I get this right?” 

“I’m sorry! This just sounds nothing like you,” Jihoon shrugged. It had been a rather busy morning, but things slowed down as it approached noon, giving him the chance to look at Joohyun’s fourth draft of responses.  “I’ve never heard you say stuff like ‘rad’ or ‘hella’... Like are you aware that you sound like a skater from the late 90’s?” 

“That’s because the reference I’ve been using is from 1997!” Joohyun huffed in frustration. She was already backspacing albeit with a little more force than necessary. “I wasn’t even born in ‘97!” 

“Exactly, so stop trying to write like that. What if you tried to—” 

“Eat my ass, Hong!” The sound of the kitchen door slamming open interrupted Jihoon’s (probably unhelpful) suggestion, and the two best friends watched as Bongseon stormed out of the cafe in a familiar rage. Luckily, there were no customers to witness it this time. 

Instinctively, they looked to the kitchen door, where Joshua stood with a resigned smile on his full lips. “Oops,” he said, scratching at the back of his neck apologetically. “Guess it was too soon to joke about our last break. Sorry about that, Jihoon. I’ll try to call in the head baker early to finish up the rest of the pastries for today.” 

He walked over to where they sat and plopped himself across from Joohyun. She offered Joshua a look of sympathy, but he responded by twisting his face up in a dumb expression, reassuring her that he was just fine. Still,  she couldn’t help feeling worried for both of her friends. No matter how many times Bongseon and Joshua broke it off and no matter how much Joohyun joked about it, she knew that their strong feelings for each other meant that it hurt a little every time they got into a fight. At least, that’s what she gathered from the various nights she spent soothing Bongseon while the girl cried into a toilet bowl, soju bottle still in hand. 

“It’s okay, Josh, you probably don’t have to worry too much. Knowing her, she’ll probably be back in 30 minutes to make up with you and then Jihoon will have to find someone to take over your shift,” Joohyun piped up. “But please take it back to your apartment this time, because I don’t make enough money to have every surface of my apartment sanitized again.” 

Joshua let out an easy laugh, as though he were not a man in deep shit. “Thank you, Joo. You always know what to say to make me feel better,” he sighed. “I should probably go after her. I’ll be back soon, Jihoon!” 

She waited for him to disappear out the door before turning to her best friend. “Wow, that’s gotta be a new record for them, right? I didn’t even know they got back together until this morning.” Joohyun was surprised to find that Jihoon had been silently staring at her for a good minute now. “...Why are you looking at me?” 

“What you said to Joshua,” Jihoon simply replied. 

“Oh, I was only joking about the sanitation thing. I just walked in on them once in the kitchen—“

“No I mean, how you said it. Maybe that’s how you should be writing your responses.” Jihoon grinned, watching as Joohyun gave him that look again, the one where she looks at him like he’s speaking from a third head. But he knew that this was going to be another Jihoon Genius moment, which seemed to be happening more frequently lately, much to his satisfaction. “Like you’re talking to one of your friends. I mean, it made Josh feel better, right?”

Joohyun’s eyebrows scrunched together and she mulled the idea over. Without another word to Jihoon, she began to slowly type on her laptop, gradually tapping faster and faster as she gained momentum. Her best friend giddily returned to his place behind the counter to tend to the customers that just walked in. He knew that once she got into a groove, there was no hope of stopping her. 

An hour later, Joohyun finally pushed away her laptop and waited for Jihoon to finish wiping down a table before calling him over. For some reason, she was anxious to show him the final product and even when he already sat besie her, she hesitated for a beat. Usually, her writing was professional and objective, always ending with a declarative period. She had spent years perfecting her reporting style so that when she presented the facts, that’s all they were. This, however, felt personal, like it was a part of her. And even though Jihoon probably knew her even better than herself sometimes, there was something so vulnerable about showing someone a side of her that she had only just discovered. 

And yet, she was curious to know— desperate to know: was it any good? 

“Well?” Joohyun watched for Jihoon’s reaction closely, both impatient and terrified to hear his thoughts. 

“Joohyun, this...” Jihoon started slowly. She braced for impact. “This is it. I think you’ve found Miss Soju’s voice.”

She exhaled. “R-really?”

“Yes, really. You answered the questions so thoughtfully, so you know it’s not just some generic bullshit you found on the internet. Plus, it was fun to read, like I think I’d read this even if I didn’t send a letter in,” Jihoon gushed, all while skimming over the words again. He turned to smile brightly at her, reminding Joohyun of a much younger Jihoon back in their elementary school days. “Most importantly though, it’s so you.”

Joohyun returned the smile, just as brightly. Warmth bloomed in her chest and across her cheeks. “Thanks, Jihoon, I don’t know what I would do without you.”

“Honestly, me neither,” Jihoon laughed.

“Um, can I ask you one more thing though?” Joohyun scrolled down to the last two entries, both of which asked for advice on how to make things official with a guy they’ve been talking to. The two letters were extremely similar in detail, but had been sent from two different emails and two different signatures. At first, she thought that maybe her judgement was muddled by her lack of sleep, and as the day went on, she figured her inability to recognize any nuance between the two letters was thanks her lack of experience. 

There was just something about the way they had described the boy. She knew that  intelligent, funny, kind-hearted, and unbelievably handsome were pretty generic adjectives. But what were the odds for both letters to also mention his infectious laugh and deep, dark eyes? “Do you think these two are from the same person? I’m trying to go for a confession theme for this article, so I included them both, but I’m afraid they’re too similar.” 

Jihoon read them over a couple of times, then shrugged. “They do sound pretty similar, but a lot of people go through that sort of thing. Also, so many people describe their crushes like that, but let’s be real, most of them end up being fuckboys. So trust me, both those people probably need your help. I mean, what’s the harm in publishing both, right?” 

“Yeah, I guess you’re right,” Joohyun bit her lip, needing every ounce of reassurance she could get from her best friend. She read over her writing once, twice, thrice more. This was it. No more edits and no more excuses. Her finger hovered over the mousepad. “Okay, I”m going to send it in for approval now. Jihoon, you are about to witness me publish my first article for The Front.” 

Joohyun took a deep breath and clicked. Finally.

[ohwereusingourmadeupnames]

Just Crash, It’s Our Time Now 

Pairing: Peter Parker/Tony Stark  Notes: I’m here for all the au’s, y’all. Warnings: there’s a little handjob action, but not much else.  Word Count: ~12k Summary: 

Peter Parker is a med school student with very little time on his hands. He’s set up on a blind date by Nat and it’s fucking awful. Good thing he caught eyes with the cute bartender who’s quick on his feet and steps in when Peter need s it the most. 

Doctor!Peter, Bartender&Teacher!Tony 

There is lots of cuteness & some dodgeball action - hope you enjoy! 

Read it on AO3 here - 

“Hey dude, get the fuck out of the way!”

Peter took a step to the right just in time – the bike rushing by barely missing him. Pulling his AirPod from his ear, he blinked a few times to reorient himself. It was his own fault; he knew listening to his textbook on the way back to his apartment wasn’t the safest option. Especially in a place like New York. Despite being there for almost four years, Peter wasn’t anywhere close to being used to how fast everything moved.

His little hometown in Colorado didn’t have near the amount of people running by him, let alone the pace of the never sleeping city.

The reading expectations in his Clinical Oncology class didn’t seem to be possible – there were 5 chapters to cover before the next cohort meeting in a couple of days. Between his last ever class of medical school and the rotation that went with it, there wasn’t too much time for anything else.

Luckily, Peter’s plan for the rest of the night consisted of sitting on his couch, eating way too much food, and finishing his readings – the time truly bound to be incredibly magical. Regardless – this was the life Peter chose for himself. It was way too late in the game to find himself too bored with it all to actually get to the finish line. He’d put a lot of his life on hold to make sure he succeeded in the goals he set out for himself all that time ago.

There were people his age settling down and having families, enjoying the best time of their lives. Peter tried not to feel jealous, he really did. He loved where his life was headed and couldn’t imagine doing anything else – yet, he wanted other things, too. Simple things like warmth, a person to call his own, hell – a man to share his bed with on a consistent occasion.

Maybe one day.

The rest of the walk went quickly – Peter now on his toes, keeping himself completely in the moment. He escaped tragedy once – the probability of missing it again not nearly as high. His rotation in the ER proved that random accidents and pedestrian collisions were some of the main issues in the city – he treated enough road rash to know. Brushing the thought aside, Peter felt a breath of relief leave his lungs – his apartment finally in sight.

Stopping at the door, Peter keyed in the code to get into his building, grabbed his mail, and trudged up to his fifth-floor apartment. The key sliding into the lock brought a smile to his face and kicking off his shoes when he finally got the door open – that was the best feeling of the day.

Luxury did not last long – less than a minute later, there was a knock on the door. There were only four people in the world who knew the entry code to get into his building – and he wondered briefly which one of them it could be. Sighing, Peter dropped his backpack and shrugged out of his hoodie before even thinking about answering the door. Truthfully, he wanted to retreat into his room to strip out of the scrubs he’d been in for more hours than he cared to admit – but he couldn’t, not when one of his friends was out there waiting for him. Peter pulled the door open and smiled – the flash of Nat’s red hair making his heart feel a little warmer. Suddenly, the knock didn’t seem like such a bad thing after all.

“Nat – how the hell are you?” Peter questioned, his arms opening to pull her into a hug. He gave her a tight squeeze, a sigh leaving his lips. Maybe it had been too long since he last saw people outside the norm – having Nat so close made that pretty easy to see.

“Peter Parker – you’ve been holed up here too long,” Nat exclaimed, her hands gripping his shoulders tightly. “I’m fine by the way, thanks for asking.” Her fingers dug in when she pressed forward to place a kiss to his cheek. “I’m here to force you to be social. Don’t try and argue.”

With wide eyes, Peter watched her brush by him, a mischievous grin on her face. Peter loved the fuck out of Nat – they’d been friends since undergrad at Colorado State. Growing up with someone sealed a sort of bond, he figured. What he didn’t love was her inability to stop fucking around with his personal life. Her many attempts to set him up were always terrible and always ended very badly – especially for him. Regardless, Peter already knew he’d go along with her plans. He always did. Though her taste was goddamn awful, he liked knowing that Nat had his best interest at heart – that she cared about him enough to want to see him happy.

Closing the door, Peter turned and pressed his back against it, a curious look in his eye. “Well, who is it this time? And, honestly, where do you keep getting these guys? Sure, I like older guys – but that doesn’t mean everyone qualifies,” Peter gestured with his hands the entire time he spoke, the habit one he’d never been able to break.

He laughed out right at the slightest hint of red on Nat’s cheeks, her eyes peeking out from under her long dark lashes – chagrin written into her facial expression.

“I swear – every time I think it’s going to be perfect. I think you’re just picky,” Nat answered back, her shoulders shrugging. “I think you’ll actually like this one, though. I met him when I pretended to be a secretary in a law office. When I served the guy I was actually there for, Eli and I got to talking – and he seems right up your alley. Smart, cute – older.” She slapped a hand to his cheek softly – “give it a chance, maybe? For me?”

Peter shook his head, a hand coming to press against his forehead in mock frustration. There were so many unaccounted-for variables in his life – it was difficult to explain that he wasn’t really looking for just anyone. There needed to be a connection and a certain level of understanding right off the bat – he didn’t have time to waste.

May always told him to go with his gut and most of the time, his gut didn’t want anything to do with the dating scene at all. His priorities were so different than most people’s – Peter needed someone to match that with their own uniqueness. How to get that across, though – he hadn’t figured that out. So, he smiled at her, surrender evident in his expression. “I always give it a chance. I’ll do that this time, too.”

The hug he got from her almost made up for the disaster he would eventually find out she was sending him into.

Instead of stepping into the Adidas joggers that were calling his name from the edge of the bed, Peter pulled a pair of jeans on – his body not used to the rigidity of the fabric after camping in scrubs for most of his life lately. He did a couple squats to get them stretched out, then slipped on a blue t-shirt and a jean jacket over that. The little bar she told him to head to looked pretty casual when he Googled the place – so he tried to take in what little comfort he could from the clothes on his body. He took one last look in the mirror before backing out of his room. If he didn’t get his ass in gear, he’d never leave the house. The couch called to him, the pull almost enough to keep him there. The look of disappointment he’d see in Nat’s eyes kept him walking, though – the date couldn’t be that bad.

Life always had a way of proving him wrong, though.

The bar wasn’t too far from his apartment, so he stepped out on foot. The night was really nice – it was closing in on May in New York City, so the temperature was perfect. There weren’t many clouds in the sky, either – the view absolutely stunning. Sucking in a deep breath, Peter told himself to focus on just enjoying the evening and whatever came from it. No use being nervous when there was nothing at stake. That thought brought a grin to his face – there weren’t a lot of things in his life that didn’t come with costly consequences. A little break in that monotony would probably help with the run-down feeling – at least, he hoped that was the case.

Walking into the bar, Peter was surprised to instantly feel comfortable. There were a good number of tables scattered around the space – each one thankfully within a decent distance of the other and not crowded together. The bar was wood, stained a dark brown, the accent of it matching all of the tables and chairs. He smiled at the high-backed chairs butted up to the bar top – he hated the places that didn’t provide proper back support. Peter climbed into one of them at the corner of the bar and knew he might make this a regular place. Comfort was of the utmost importance when the idea of being drunk came to pass – he couldn’t count the amount of times he’d fallen off of chairs in under grad. Being conscious of his terrible drinking habits brought down the embarrassing encounters – he at least looked like he could handle his liquor.

A coaster was placed down in front of him – the fingers he just barely managed to catch a glance at long and covered in ink, the knuckles dusted with the slightest bit of hair. Intrigued, Peter glanced up and instantly felt a blush overtake his cheeks. The bartender was striking – his angular jaw and well-kept facial hair demanded his eyes attention at first glance. Letting his eyes roam, Peter noticed the man’s heterochromia – the brown flecks in whiskey smooth eyes making his breath catch a bit. The man’s dark hair was a little on the longer side, the style of it seemingly unkempt – yet, probably done so on purpose. Peter felt his tongue slip out against his lower lip – the skin there suddenly dry as the desert. Even the elegant brow he quirked in Peter’s direction made him feel a little crazy.

“What can I get you?” Peter heard – his gaze finally trailing away, eyes focusing on the liquor on the shelf behind the gorgeous man. The last time he drank alcohol, it came from a red solo cup that was dipped into a cooler filled with fruit and various high-proof alcohols – he couldn’t remember a single drink to save his life. The man must’ve caught on to that because he spoke again – “do you like Sprite?” Peter couldn’t help but smile at that, his head nodding.

“I do. Anything lime,” Peter finally uttered, his brain slowly but surely starting to catch up to the here and now.

The older man nodded, a determined look on his face. “I’ve got just the thing, then,” he mumbled, a bit of his tongue sticking out as he grabbed a couple of bottles, his hands pouring like it was second nature. The man was slipping a drink before him a couple of minutes later, a fresh lime pressed against the rim of the glass and a couple actually in the drink. “Vodka-Sprite with lime – lots of it,” the words accompanied by a wink. He leaned forward on his arms, the smell of whiskey and cedarwood invading Peter’s senses.

As subtly as he could, Peter drew in a deep breath – the smell even better the more he pulled it in. He wrapped his fingers around the glass and brought it to his lips, Peter’s eyes catching the bartender’s over the rim of the glass. The kick of lime right off the bat made the drink more than tolerable – the nail polish remover taste of the vodka delightfully masked. He took a couple more sips before even thinking to acknowledge the unspoken question. It felt nice to have those eyes on him – so he took in a little bit longer.

“You’re pretty good. You can’t taste the booze in there at all. Thank you, handsome stranger,” Peter said, a saucy grin on his face. It didn’t make a lot of sense, this ruthless flirting – he didn’t partake in it often, if ever at all. Yet, he couldn’t keep the smile off his face or the blush from invading his cheeks – and there wasn’t even the ability to blame the booze. His fingers played with the little stir stick in the drink in hopes of calming himself down, the smile on his face was way too big.

In the way he ducked his head, Peter missed the big grin spread across the man’s face, his eyes twinkling in the low overhead light. “That’s usually the objective. Glad to have been of service, equally gorgeous customer.” The smile on his face that time was hard to miss, and Peter found himself leaning on the bar – desperate to get a little bit closer.

Peter would have been happy to continue flirting with the bartender – his hopes of being stood up increasing by the second. It seemed like he was destined to be thwarted all day long, though – a man about twenty years older than him was looking in his direction. Nat must have shown the guy his picture. Taking one last peek at the gorgeous human behind the bar, Peter collected himself and turned in his seat, a painted-on smile sliding across his cheeks.

“Are you Peter?” his date for the night asked, a hand coming between them. “I’m Eli.”

Peter took the hand offered to him, the palm against his a little sweaty in his grasp. “I am, yeah. Nice to meet you, Eli,” he gave him a brief smile and settled back into his chair. Whiskey barrel eyes caught his, the bartender smirking at him. Rolling his own, Peter stuck out his tongue and tried to focus.

----

It’d been a pretty average day for Tony – the weekend was finally upon them, he’d finished all of his grading for the week, and his shifts at the bar were the best for tips. He assumed the rest of the day would remain as such, too. There weren’t a lot of interesting things happening in his life at the moment – though, he didn’t really mind. Tony was a self-proclaimed opportunist – there wasn’t a lot of seeking out, but he wasn’t opposed to whatever came his way. So far, his robotic adventures and never-ending entertainment at the bar felt like more than enough.

Then, he walked in. For whatever reason, Tony looked up when the door opened – he’d been pretty idle at the bar, anyway. A quick glance was the intention, but what he found there stopped him in his tracks. The guy was young – right in the age range where he could be anywhere between 20 and 30. The jean jacket sitting on his shoulders made his mouth water, the tone of it meshing so well with tawny looks and pale skin. And boy – that skin. Tony figured it went on for miles, never ending amounts of it covering those long limbs. Blinking, Tony got his bearings – the last thing he needed was to be caught out staring at someone.

He felt a little more himself when the guy sat down at the bar, his hands were moving over the counter, the wash rag dragging back and forth over the surface. The key was to never go idle – an idle mind was never good for anyone. When the man spoke, his attractiveness quotient went up a couple of notches, Tony enamored by the pitch of his voice, the way he looked around and took everything in. When the opportunity to show off a little showed itself, Tony snatched it up and set about making one of his personal favorite drinks. He was more of a whiskey straight kind of guy, but where mixed drinks were involved, vodka soda was always a hit.

The roll of satisfaction washing over him brought a smile to his face – Tony couldn’t keep his eyes away while the other took tentative sips, the look on his face never straying from curious. Then, that very voice was calling him a handsome stranger – oh how he wanted to combust right on the spot. Instead, he kept the smile on his face and hoped the look in his eye was unreadable. Not for the first time, Tony felt grateful that direct access into his brain was unavailable. The guy leaning in his direction pushed the thoughts he was trying to hold back into overdrive – his neck flushing just slightly.

The universe always had a way of making things right, though – a man around Tony’s own age walked in and took the seat next to the cutie he hoped to find out more about. Shrugging, he clenched the glass he pulled from further down the bar in his hand. Their eyes met for a brief second; uncertainty evident in the younger man’s eyes. Despite knowing the guy was on a date, Tony felt obligated to keep an eye on him. Everyone needed a wing man, every now and again.

Tony got swept in a wave of people at the other end of the bar, so he only caught small glances of the cute brunette and his date – and the tension he felt from the get-go didn’t seem to be going anywhere. While the older man was leaning closer, the other was pressing into the back of his chair, a grimace on his face. Tilting his head, he caught the man’s eye again – a roll of them evident a second later. A soft chuckle escaped his chest, he got to witness lots of dates gone wrong, but this one seemed to take the cake. Softening his features, Tony tried to display as much empathy as he could – he felt bad for the guy. Though, there was also a part of him that felt a little excited by the failure of it. That greedy, greedy part of him.

There was a pretty decent ebb and flow of people for the next thirty minutes or so – Tony always kept count of the people sitting around his area. He learned early on that keeping ahead of the tide made his job a little easier – anticipation of people’s needs was like a game to him. One he’d gotten pretty good at, he liked to think, anyway. The shatter of a glass pulled him from his thoughts – the guy he’d been catching eyes with all night was off his chair, a sour look on his face. Tony watched closely as the guy mouthed ‘help me’ at him, a pleading look in his eye. Whatever the fuck caused that glass to be dropped, it seemed the guy didn’t want any part of it, anymore.

Thinking on his feet, Tony pulled his phone out, keeping it on the counter out of sight. He quickly typed in the number of the bar, watching with satisfaction as the phone on the other side of the room started to ring. Attempting to stroll that direction casually, Tony shot a look over to the other man, his right eye closing in a quick wink. More than anything, he hoped he could go along with whatever Tony came up with on the spot. Grabbing it, he answered the phone with the typical spiel – “Lefty’s, this is Tony.” He nodded a bit, let it seem like someone was talking – then took the portable over to the brunette.

“I believe this is for you,” Tony said boldly, his hand thrusting the phone at him. There was a curious head tilt in his direction, then the man was taking the phone and pressing it to his ear. Tony held his breath, the thought that maybe he was being a little crazy rushing through him at the last minute. Thankfully, the guy was nodding his head – those gorgeous doe eyes opening wide, the look one Tony thought he might enjoy seeing from above him and below him – all the ways, really. Biting down on the side of his tongue, Tony let the pain force him back to the reality where he currently stood, watching the scene playout.

“Okay, MJ – I’ll be right there.” The guy finally spoke into the phone, a determined look crossing his face. Tony wanted to run his thumb across the little lines that appeared on the brunette’s forehead. His mind rushed with so many thoughts – the anxiety of what he did and what would happen next closing in on him a little. In the many times he’d worked in this bar, Tony never did anything like this. He pretended to be someone’s boyfriend once, but that was for someone he actually knew. This person was a random stranger – a hot one, he had to admit – yet, still a stranger.

He watched him slam down a few bills and make a halfhearted excuse to the guy who was looking at him with a mixture of irritation and empathy – it made Tony want to laugh in his face. Moving around the bar, Tony went to work on getting the glass picked up and by the time he looked up again, the spot the men were sitting was empty. It smarted a little, not getting to flirt a little more, maybe see where it could have gone. Yet, he felt good about it, too. He obviously helped someone out of a tight spot. What more could a person ask for? Laughing at himself, Tony finished his clean up and took his spot back behind the bar.

Not even twenty minutes later, the brunette was back, a soft smile on his face. He took the same place against the bar, his elbows pressing into it. “Hey,” he began, his fingers tapping against those gorgeously rosy cheeks. “Thanks for that. I don’t think I could have made it another minute without busting a glass over his head. You’re too kind. I’m Peter, by the way,” the man – Peter – concluded. He didn’t stick out a hand to shake, or anything like that, he simply leaned against his hands and looked Tony up and down. It would have been unsettling, if he didn’t appreciate the human doing the looking. Try as he might, he couldn’t find it in him to be too goddamn upset about it.

“You’re very welcome. Bartender code, or whatever,” Tony replied, his tone just shy of being smooth. Long fingers ran through his hair, the gentle tug of it somewhat grounding. “Peter. That’s fitting for you. Cute but smart and classy. I’m Tony – rugged and roguish, right?” His mouth started to spread into a smile on its own accord, the stretch of his lips tensile before he even finished speaking.

As if the guy couldn’t get any more attractive, Tony heard him laugh fully for the first time. The sound was elegant, from the pit of Peter’s stomach. His head tilted back a little, the length of his neck on display – the pale skin there begging to be touched, kissed, caressed with barely there pressure. Brown eyes were quickly overtaken by a dilating pupil. He crushed the side of his tongue with his teeth again, Tony struggling to keep his composure. To keep his hands busy, he went about making Peter the same drink as before, his fingers idly brushing lime to the lip of the glass.

“Right – absolutely right. I would also add handsome, but I’m pretty sure I brought that to the table earlier. I also love your hair, the salt and pepper at the temples – A+.” Tony sucked in a breath, his fingers moving to slip into the hair by his ears. A quick tug and he was smirking in the other’s direction, Peter’s eyes still firmly on him.

“It’s natural, too,” Tony avowed, one of his eyebrows quirking to match the grin on his face. “Thanks, though. Your curls aren’t half bad, either.” As he said it, Tony used every ounce of control within him not to reach out and touch – the length would be so easy to run his fingers through. He didn’t have any clue where all these thoughts were coming from – he was usually pretty good at keeping himself and the job separate. Being a teacher, he knew how important it was to keep perspective in the proper position – yet, he liked the guys smile and how his mouth looked making words. What could he do?

Besides, it seemed to be mutual – Peter’s cheeks were a beet red, eyes now squinty from the force of the muscular contraction of his face muscles to continue the beaming smile. Peter took the drink when Tony passed it to him, his lips wrapping around the lip without a second thought. “I usually keep it a little shorter, it’s easier to just roll out of bed and get going. I just – haven’t had time to get it cut. I just might agree with you, though. They do make me look nice.” Peter let his pointer finger trace the lip of the glass while he spoke, the motion just as distracting as the words slipping from beautiful lips.

Taking a look over his shoulder, Tony noticed the bar was on the emptier side. Lucky for him. He pressed both of his hands flat on the counter below him and let some of his weight shift forward – the space between himself and Peter narrowing down ever so slightly. From this angle, Tony could see a few freckles littering the other’s cheeks – the youthfulness of the beauty marks making him look so very young for a second. There seemed to be a direct map of the constellation clusters across the skin – the intrigue of it adding to the attraction.

“What keeps you so busy? Not that I’m not all for roll out of bed and get going. That’s my usual most of the time. I think you would look nice regardless of what you did with your hair,” Tony offered, a hand motioning in the direction of Peter’s face. “You’ve got all of that going on.”

It felt natural – the conversation they were having. Tony wasn’t the most sociable person. He didn’t shy away from it, or anything like that, there were just personal limits. Effort was applied long enough to engage and respond – then, he’d inconspicuously retreat. As the man slinging the drinks, it felt pretty easy to fit into the woodwork when he wanted to. The back and forth Tony felt compelled to have with this guy was already way more than usual – a thing of interest in and of itself.

“I’m in med school. In the process of getting my MD so I can get into oncological research. It’s my last semester, so its been a little hectic.” Just the thought of the man’s commitment made him look stressed, the small black circles under his eyes making a lot more sense now. “And thanks – that’s quite the compliment coming from you.” Peter stopped for a second, his bottom lip between his teeth. “Do you get off soon? I’ve got to buy you a drink or food or something for being an absolute life saver.”

The sound of the door opening had Tony looking over his shoulder, a slight frown forming on his brow when people sat down at the far side of the bar. Glancing down, he noticed there were only 20 minutes until 8 – his whole face lighting up. Things were turning out a lot better than he originally expected. “I’m off in twenty, actually. Let me get those guys over there started on a tab and then I’m all yours,” Tony responded, jittery excitement zapping along his skin – the feeling of it so very foreign and so exquisitely nice.

Tony didn’t move until he saw Peter nod, a matching smile on those delicately pale cheeks. Turning, the older man suddenly desperate to be done with his work, Tony finished up without another thought. When Clint came in to cover the next shift, Tony greeted him briefly and escaped before he could get roped into anything else.

Joining Peter on the other side of the bar, he rested a hand against the man’s chair – catching his attention without scaring the piss out of him.

“Ready whenever you are.”  

----

Sitting in the same seat from before, Peter couldn’t believe the events of the last half an hour. Peter knew the date was doomed about a minute into it when Eli described Nat as his “hot friend”. There wasn’t a chance in hell – they hadn’t even started talking and Peter could already tell more misogynistic comments like that would come from the man’s mouth. There wasn’t any predicting how much worse it got, though. It’d been a long time since he was propositioned so quickly – and frankly, so out of the blue. They went from discussing Peter’s job to Eli wanting to take him home and get into his pants. What type of people was Nat surrounding herself with? And more importantly – why did she think this guy would be good for him?

The dam broke when the man tried to lay his hands on him. Their chairs were pushed close together, so he did the only thing he could think of – he dropped the drink from his fingers and stood up, the resounding smash of the glass breaking reassuring, hopefully a way out. Thankfully, he got the attention of the cute bartender and within a minute, he was back in front of them, a phone in his hand.

For a moment, Peter didn’t understand – his eyebrow quirking. The person he now knew as Tony looked at him, seemingly willing him to just go with the flow. He couldn’t even remember what came out of his mouth, but all of the sudden, he was free – Peter making his excuses and getting the fuck out of there as quickly as he could.

He almost continued his walk home, the adrenaline in his body telling him to keep listening to the flight reflex – the urge to go right there. Yet – it’d be pretty shitty of him if he didn’t at least thank the gorgeous man behind the bar for coming in clutch, so he walked across the street and lounged in the little café there – the view of the bar perfect.

Thankfully, Eli wasn’t stupid enough to wait around and he left about ten minutes later. Despite not being anywhere near him, Peter let out a caught-up breath – his entire chest felt tight since he made his narrow escape. Giving it another couple minutes to make sure the man didn’t return, Peter pulled out his phone and dialed Nat’s number, many not nice things sitting on the tip of his tongue.

When she did pick up, Peter didn’t give her a chance to reply to his nonexistent greeting – he simply barreled ahead and started talking. “You’re officially banned from setting me up. That guy was an absolute douche, Nat! He didn’t even make it a whole hour before he tried to start feeling me up. No more, okay? No more.” Peter stopped then, his chest heaving a little bit. “That shit was awful. If you’re my friend, you won’t do it again.”

“Shit, Pete – I’m so sorry! I didn’t know. He seemed okay. Older the way you enjoy them. I just – well, I’m not very good at this setting up thing.” Nat broke off, a chuckle in the back of her throat sounding across the line. “It won’t happen again, I promise.”

He kept her on the line for a couple more minutes, the conversation gentling before they hung up. She was only trying to help, he understood that. Nat had been trying to help since they first met all that time ago. At least he got her to admit that she was bad at it. And maybe, she’d actually listen to his plea and ease up the meddling. For all it was worth, Peter didn’t feel dissatisfied – a part of him couldn’t understand why she felt so adamant about it to begin with. Either way, he put his foot down and wouldn’t budge. Sparing her feelings wasn’t worth having to deal with shitty people, no matter how much he hated thinking about hurting her in any way at all.

Shaking his head, Peter pocketed his phone and left the café, his feet carrying him back across the street. The bar didn’t look any different, although the place next to his seat from before was blessedly empty. He walked back over to that same spot and leaned against the bar – the bartender’s attention already on him. Hell – most people’s attention was probably on him. The dramatic exit didn’t go unnoticed, Peter felt pretty sure about that. Crowd watching was one of the best parts of being in a bar and he provided some of the night’s entertainment.

Throughout the exchange with Tony, Peter felt more and more glad that he didn’t just skip out. Not only was the older man extremely good-looking, he came with a biting wit and interesting conversational style. It felt like the ultimate tease, waiting to hear what the guy was going to say next. The flirting came naturally, too. For whatever reason, there was an innate feeling of trust alive and well in Peter’s chest – the man’s actions speaking so loudly to the part of him that was so selective and choosy. It took a particular type of person to simply help a stranger – to provide aid for no other reason other than the fact that someone was in need.

Peter recognized that trait within himself, too – that similarity between them probably the most important one he could think of. Which is why he let himself invite Tony out and why he felt comfortable enough to actually see where the night could lead him. He watched with an unfamiliar feeling in his chest and a soft smile on his face – Tony worked diligently and efficiently. The man was good with the customers, too. He had a natural charm that Peter wanted to learn more about – wanted to see how it felt to be used in his direction.

So lost in his thoughts, the older man’s words had him jumping, a sharp blush hitting his cheeks almost instantly. Looking sheepish, Peter slid a hand through his hair, a small smile slipping across his lips. “I’m ready right now. I hope you don’t mind walking – the place I’m thinking is right around the corner,” Peter got himself back together quickly, his composure something he’d been working on since being around patients. People needed a poker face from someone delivering shitty news to them – someone had to give them hope.

Shaking the thought away, Peter felt his smile grow wider – Tony was leading them out of the bar without another word.

A little more relaxed, Peter took a second to notice the air outside, the temperature moderate, less stuffy than the enclosure of the bar packed full of people. He took a deep breath, his eyes slipping shut for a second. The sound of Tony’s voice wasn’t surprising this time, the warm tone of it slipping over him pleasant, comforting. “I’m glad to be out of there, the late Friday night gig is too crazy,” Tony spoke softly but clear, like he was used to talking in front of people – the confidence in his presentation present, out in the open.

He smiled in response and started walking, Tony moving to join him, keeping up effortlessly.

Boldly, Peter grabbed Tony’s elbow at the end of the sidewalk, the man trying to continue walking straight when they needed to turn. “I’m taking you somewhere, remember?” Peter questioned, his voice on the right side of teasing.

Tony didn’t answer, he simply nodded and followed his lead, absolutely no resistance in the arm still settled in Peter’s grip. It took more effort than it should have to drop Tony’s arm – but he kept up the contact in their closeness, each step caused the older man’s shoulder to brush against his own.

“So, is bartending your full-time gig? You’ve got excellent taste in your drink suggestions – but something tells me there’s more to you.” They’d been walking for a minute or two in silence, the lack of conversation surprisingly comfortable despite not really knowing one another. The start of the conversation wasn’t forced, Peter was just curious – interested in finding out more about his handsome hero.

The longer they walked, the more it seemed like Tony was leaning into him, so Peter let it happen – his fingers brushed against Tony’s whenever he could reach them. Neither gave into the temptation to hold hands – the tease of not knowing, of the journey of finding out more – that was the game at the moment. Peter bit his bottom lip, his head turning ever so slightly. It wouldn’t do to give away just how enamored he was, not yet, anyway.

“It’s not. I actually teach high school physics. Over at Midtown Science and Tech. I’ve got a Master’s in Mechatronics Engineering, so I use it building robots with my students and talking about gas laws and thermodynamics. It’s great,” Tony didn’t sound like he was joking, either – his eyes were vivid, the brightness in them genuine.

Peter would have never pegged the guy as a teacher, but now that he knew – it made sense. The immediate way he rushed in to help, to provide support – that’s what teachers did, every day, for all the students they came into contact with. If it weren’t for the eyes watching his every move and the rather hungry look Tony couldn’t seem to hide – he might have questioned the man’s interest. He couldn’t, though – coffee-colored eyes trailed over him like they wanted to undress him one article of clothing by the next. The gaze was intense and sent little shocks of excitement all around.

“My initial thought did not stray anywhere near teacher. I can see it, though. I bet you’re the teacher that everyone likes, too. You’re teaching thermodynamics, so you’re dealing with smart kids. I’d go so far as to say that you’re the nerdy hot teacher everyone’s lusting after.” Peter blushed at that, the thought of his younger self walking into his own AP Physics class to see Tony standing there – he would have crushed on him for sure. He could honestly say he might be there already, anyway. Tony’s snort in response had him blushing harder, his face so warm from the flush of blood pressing against his cheeks.

“I try not to think about it, Pete. Makes the job a little easier, you know?”

And he did know – perfectly well. There’d been just as many legal and ethics classes throughout his med school journey to understand that concept intimately. Better for him, anyway. He wanted Tony’s attention on him. With each second that past, the want for it only increased – that thought substantial in and of itself.

It took a couple more minutes to end up outside Del Mar’s – his favorite bodega in the city. Rotations at the hospital didn’t pay well, and for a few months during his first year navigating the inability to carry more than one job, Peter had to be very, very smart about his money. It didn’t take a genius to understand that good food at a cheap price couldn’t be beat – so he kept Del Mar’s on his always list and went there as often as his wallet allowed him. By that point, the owner knew who he was, how he liked his sandwich, and would usually slip him a discount. Besides – it was one of the best meals in this part of Queen’s.

Tony spoke up when he saw the sign, a look of recognition on his face. “I love Del Mar’s. The number four with extra pickles got me through finals week last semester.” His face was pulled into a light grin, the man’s arm already extending to open the door, holding it for Peter. “Nice choice. I’ll gladly take this as a thank you meal,” Tony shot him a wink, the look making Peter’s head swim slightly. How the hell did someone make that look so good?

----

The coincidence of being led to one of his favorite bodegas wasn’t missed – Tony didn’t really know what to do with it, but he noticed. He also noticed how much they touched throughout the walk from the bar. Tony wasn’t very good about being inconspicuous unless he was trying to, and he certainly wasn’t trying to in this instance. The fact that Peter reciprocated, pushed himself into Tony’s space – that spoke volumes, too. Watching him walk through the door, Tony also knew how much he wanted to get to know Peter – in all the ways that were possible.

It didn’t take them long to get situated with their sandwiches, Mr. Del Mar recognized them both and set his son to making their food. Peter’s added “can you squish down the bread?” made Tony turn his head, a laugh leaving his lips.

“Squish down the bread? Only you,” Tony mumbled, the words probably not even loud enough for the other man to hear him. It felt good, though – the easy camaraderie between them just as nice as the sight of the beautiful man before him. He felt an elbow in his side and a head leaning in close, like he was trying to whisper in Tony’s ear.

“Don’t knock it before you try it.” Peter hummed, the gust of his breath sending an army of gooseflesh rushing along his skin.

Tony worked hard to hold the groan that threatened to escape him down – Del Mar surely didn’t need to hear anything like that coming from his mouth. When their sandwiches were ready, Tony made a hasty retreat – Peter thankfully following behind him. The night air broke up the last of the noise and the ability to breath made his head a little clearer. What a fucking rush.

“Do you trust me?” Peter asked, his head tilted in question. His grip on the sandwich bag made Tony happy that they were dangling from his hand, not clenched in the other’s fist. Without thought, Tony knew the answer.

“Yeah, I do, actually. What did you have in mind?” Tony asked, his senses on alert and running on overdrive from all the conflicting things coursing through him.

Peter didn’t verbally answer, instead, he turned around and started to walk down the sidewalk again. The unpredictability of the arresting man only increased his interest and he followed along – no worries or cares in the world. They didn’t walk for very long, Peter stopped them in front of a building fire escape, a roguish grin on his face. Tony’s eyes were glued to the flash of skin that appeared when Peter jumped to grab the folded-up ladder – the movement smooth, like Peter was an athlete in another life.

They climbed the stairs quickly, the stability of them surprisingly sturdy. Peter kept their sandwiches out to the side the entire time, the care he was taking with them so, so endearing. Tony could picture that same care being applied to Peter’s patients and immediately knew the man would be a good doctor – no other details needed. When they eventually settled on the roof – Tony let out a low whistle, the view of the night’s sky a little weakening. He couldn’t remember the last time he looked up and saw such clarity. “Pete, this view is ridiculous,” Tony gasped out, the awe evident in his voice.

Peter nodded, his eyes alight – mile long legs carried him until the younger man plopped down against the raised edge, his back pressing against it. “I know – it’s probably my favorite in the city. A couple of years ago, I was still living with a roommate. One that liked to have loud sex pretty much all the time. I don’t think he ever went to class. Anyway – I was studying for an Immunology final and couldn’t focus, so I came for a sandwich. On my wanderings while eating, I noticed the stairs were down on the fire escape, so I sort of just – climbed them. When I got up here, I felt the first sense of peace since coming to the city. I come up here all the time now,” Peter finished with a shrug, his hands already fumbling with the bag.

Tony plopped himself down next to the other and relaxed back, the view even better from this angle. He took the sandwich when Peter handed it to him, his soft smile growing a little bit. Their fingers brushed in the hand off, the delicate brush of skin to skin so fucking powerful. Sucking in a breath, he fiddled with the paper covering his sandwich to distract himself for a second. “It’s nice – being so close to the sky. The clarity up here makes the world look a little different. Thanks for sharing it,” Tony finally murmured, his shoulder shifting until it pressed against Peter’s side briefly.

The man’s blush was the only answer he got.

They made idle chatter while they ate, Tony talking about his latest robotics project – the group of kids on the team some of his best yet. Peter listened so adamantly, his head nodding every now and again while he chomped down on his flattened sandwich. In turn, Peter told Tony more about med school, about how he hoped to find a lab that would let him get lost in groundbreaking research. It was fascinating, to watch someone so empowered talk about their desires. Tony found himself hanging on every word, his sandwich long gone by the time they resurfaced from the conversation.

There weren’t a lot of times when Tony felt like he was standing near someone who could keep up with him. It wasn’t cocky, either – he understood how his brain worked and knew there were few people like him roaming the world. And without trying, he walked into someone exactly like him. Peter wanted to use his brain for good – he wanted to help people. There was something to be said for a person like that. Regardless of the man’s bad luck with his date earlier in the evening, Tony couldn’t deny how happy it made him – the way everything worked out.

They chatted for a little while longer, neither man in any hurry to be anywhere or part from the other. It was Peter’s “I should probably head home,” that brought Tony out of the daze he’d been in since sitting down next to the younger man. Glancing at his watch, he noticed that it was approaching midnight. The last few hours flew by – it didn’t seem nearly as late as it actually was. It took him a minute to nod, Tony wanting to soak up this moment just a little longer. Tony got up and dusted his hands and jeans off before holding a hand down for Peter to grab.

Long arms wrapped around his shoulders, the tug of Tony’s grip pulling Peter from the ground and up onto his feet. He thought for a second that he made Peter lose his balance – but then the arms around him tightened and the other’s face was pressing into the length of his neck. Tony let his own arms embrace Peter around the waist, his grip tightening to bring their bodies closer together. A soft nose brushed against his collar bone and under his chin – the touch innocent and tender. His arms squeezed on their own accord, the hold on Peter getting a little cozier.

The next thing Tony knew, lips were caressing his cheek, the barely there kiss fleeting and absolutely perfect. “Thanks for tonight, Tony.”

Tony pressed the side of his head against Peter’s and kept him there, the clutch of his arms the only thing he could think of to response with. There wasn’t anything to say. He helped because he could – there weren’t any other motives. The end result, well – that was just a happy accident. Turning his head, Tony slipped his nose into Peter’s hair, lips glancing against his head.

They parted ways at the bottom of the stairs, Peter grabbing Tony’s phone from his hand before he could even think to ask for his number. Later, when he finally let himself look, he grinned at the new name in his contacts – ‘Peter Parker’. It had a nice ring to it and totally fit the man attached to it. He sent off a quick text to make sure the younger man had his number and went about his way – the walk home one of the most peaceful ones he’d experienced in a long time.

Things stayed pretty casual between them for a while after that. It felt easy to simply chat about things that happened throughout the day – Peter did a good job describing the nicer parts of his job and strayed away from the heavier stuff. There were sometimes descriptions of co-worker drama, or the stupidity of professors waiting for him when Tony got a chance to take a look at his phone.

The rest of the day always went a little quicker when he got to have a couple exchanges with the man, his own stories about failing students and the many times one of his student’s grandmother passed away in attempts to get out of assignments. The uncomplicated way Tony could just be with Peter kept him from being bored and feeling an iota of loneliness.

They occasional met for low key dates, Peter’s schedule was so hectic, they usually ended up in one of their apartments eating take out and watching whatever they found interesting on Hulu. Tony helped Peter study on the night’s when the other was too exhausted to do much of anything – and they necked on the couch like teenagers when the doctor in training had more energy to spare or had the next day off.

It felt good to be restrained – getting to know Peter made the anticipation for the physical shit to come thrum with life, each little detail like a small secret to add to the growing list Tony kept in the back of his mind. In forty years of life, Tony hadn’t ever had a relationship like this – one that took the time to grow and evolve, to actually be nurtured before shit became too complicated.

So, it made sense – how uncomplicated their first encounter turned out to be. A little while into things, Peter introduced him to one of his hobbies. There weren’t many things Peter devoted his time to, so Tony was excited to hear all about the dodgeball team the younger man put together with a few of his coworkers. The invite to his game later that weekend was immediately accepted – Tony couldn’t wait to see Peter in action. In their time together, Tony wasn’t any closer to understanding the mystery of one Peter Parker – and he liked it that way.

The most surprising thing about it ended up being just how much Tony liked the sight of Peter in a cut off blue shirt with a Rambo style headband tied around his head. The muscles of his arms were trim, a little on the thin side, though the definition of each muscle was absolutely there. The black-out under his eyes brought a new dimension to the look – Tony suddenly so very taken by the whole situation. A twitch in his pants told him just how taken he really was, the jeans he was excited to wear suddenly a lot tighter – a lot more uncomfortable.

The feeling didn’t ease, either. Peter played dodgeball the same way he did everything – knowledgably, intensely, and with his tongue peeking out of the corner of his mouth. Every time he threw the ball, the muscles in Pete’s arms tensed, the definition becoming even more refined. The celebratory high fives and fist pumps took home the gold, though – Tony never wanted to lose the image of pure excitement on Peter’s face. He hoped that it might come in handy a little later on.

Tony forgot about the heat for a little while – the man so into the game, he didn’t know how loud he was cheering until the person next to him shot a look. Smirking, Tony shot out of his seat the next time Peter got someone out, his hands clapping together loudly. “Way to go, Petey!” Tony exclaimed, his eyes trained on the lady next to him.

It got a little better when Peter’s eyes caught his from across the court, a small smile on his face. In the end, Peter’s team ended up winning and Tony pissed that lady off a whole lot more than he initially set out to – which he wasn’t all that mad about.

The energized Peter that slammed into his arms a little while later was something new. There was sweat still clinging to his brow and a little bit of the black-out still smudged under his eyes – that much was recognizable. The simmering look that sat right at the surface, that was something Tony didn’t recognize. It became rather clear what it was, though – Peter’s lips caressing his in the next moment directive enough. Tony thrust his hands into the other’s sweaty locks and pulled him closer, his head tilting ever so slightly to fix the angle, to deepen the kiss.

A round of cheers was the only thing that brought them out of the passionate embrace. Tony looked over Peter’s shoulder to see the rest of the team approaching them. Peter rested his head on Tony’s chest, the huff of a sigh evidenced in the warm gust of air leaking through his shirt to grace his skin. Peter turned and introduced him to everyone, the collective welcoming him with open arms. They’d been keeping things on the low, just to have some time enjoying the thing between them while it was still just that – between them. It felt good, though – to be acknowledge by Peter as someone important to him.

All bets were off the second they walked into Tony’s apartment, however. Peter ripped off his shirt without a second thought – his arms pulling Tony in until their lips were on each other, the other’s tongue insistent, searching – yearning for Tony. Overwhelmed for a second, Tony focused on the lips on his first. He returned the kiss with equal measure. His hands joined the party next, desperate palms finally getting to press against smooth skin, the feel of it so goddamn soft. A moan ripped from Tony’s throat, effectively breaking the kiss. Peter didn’t miss a beat, he tugged at the hem of Tony’s shirt until the offensive article of clothing was on the floor, joining his own.

Tony couldn’t stand the distance between them and closed it, his being eager to be sealed at the lips with Peter again. He let his hands wrap around the man’s lower back, hands slipping under the damp waistband of Peter’s shorts – fingertips brushing against the round globes of flesh there. Tony pushed his hands as far as they could go, eager palms filling with the fullness of Peter’s cheeks. Their lips stayed busy, the hum of approval on his lips enough to know the other didn’t mind his wandering hands.

They made it as far as the couch before Tony got impatient and pushed Peter down onto it. His hands worked to take off shoes, socks, and shorts – the man on the couch cushions now encased in only his spandex boxer briefs, the black a solid contrast to the pale flesh underneath. Tony made quick work of his own get up until he was as equally undressed as Peter.

A palm pressed down on the bulge in his underwear, the damp spot causing his eyes to slam shut – the bite of his teeth in his bottom lip stopping a moan from shooting from his lips. Looking up, Tony had to catch his breath – Peter followed suit, his hand gripped himself over top of the fabric keeping him clothed. This time, the moan fell straight from his lips – their eyes connecting as the sound radiated around the otherwise quiet room.

Taking that leap, Tony kicked out of his underwear before joining Peter on the couch, his eager fingers already working to pull the sexy black fabric from the younger man’s skin. As he pulled them down, Tony pressed his fingertips into muscled thigs, across ticklish knees, and down over hairy shins – the soft fur on top of Peter’s feet brushing his skin tantalizingly. Now naked, Tony took his time to stare down at the beautiful body spread out before him – the lengthy limbs covered in unmarred skin, his cock nestled in the v of his thighs, the flesh thick and the head already glistening with want.

“Fucking finally,” Peter gasped out when Tony pressed in and gave them the first taste of fully naked flesh on flesh. Tony tucked his head into the gap of Peter’s neck – his chuckle quickly turning into a moan vibrated into the skin. Peter’s impatience reared its head, the younger man’s hips pressing against him – the fluid he so steadily leaked smearing on Tony’s cock, his pubes, even the skin of his stomach.

Tony pressed a swift kiss to Peter’s neck, his hips dropping and finally pressing their lengths together. “Fuck,” Tony babbled, his head moving until he could see Peter, their eyes catching, gaze hot. “I’m not going to last long,” he admitted, the feeling of heat creeping from his toes, up his legs, and into the middle of his core was persistent – it’d been a long time since someone this beautiful graced his bed. And it felt like forever since he’d been wanting Peter. The touch of his skin made him feel crazy – absolutely out of his head.

Desperate to distract himself, Tony sealed his lips over Peter’s, the kiss hard and oh so sloppy.

“Touch me, please. I want your hands on me – on us. Please, baby. Please – “ Peter panted out, his head turning to the side to catch some air. The usually pale skin was covered in a flush – the blood rushing in all different directions making his skin a rosy color and completely covered in sweat. It was beautiful – Peter was beautiful, in all the ways – all the personifications of it, too.

Unwilling to anything other than comply, Tony wiggled his hand down between their chests, fingers wrapping around the both of them – their lengths clenched in his grip in the most perfect of ways. The slippery nature of Peter’s slick made the pass of his hand over the sensitive skin of both their cocks deliciously sweet – the glide smooth, hypnotic. The combined keens and whimpers leaving both men’s lips played as the soundtrack of their coupling – Peter’s repeated ‘yes, yes, yes’ just about enough to push Tony over the edge right then and there.

The shooting wave of heat increased when Peter added his pumping hips to the mix. Tony’s hand was already stroking them with quick wrist movements, his wrist turning a little bit the closer he got to the tip – the drips of glorious precum from both their cocks a steady lubricant and delectably succulent. “I’m close, I’m close,” Peter babbled, his hand slipping between them to join Tony’s in the tight squeeze around their cocks.

The tangling of their fingers increased the pressure and the subtle lift of Peter’s hips was too much – too fucking delectable to hang onto any longer.

“Oh, god – Tony!” Peter shouted first – his cum striping both their stomachs, each pulse of it warm – succulent.

Tony bit into his lip, the pain mixing perfectly with the pleasure – the combination enough to barrel the orgasm right out of him. “Pete, baby… fuck – “ Tony added to the mess lingering between them, the stickiness on his hands and chest pulling a shudder from him. The lingering aftereffects of his orgasm blanked out everything but the rise and fall of Pete’s chest against his own.

----

The very next morning, Peter woke to the press of lips against the side of his head and a hand tangling in his curls, the touch light. “I’ve got to get to work, Pete. There’s a key on the counter by the coffee machine. Lock up when you leave – and keep it. See you later,” Tony’s voice was light, the man’s obvious attempt at not waking Peter up for good. He was thankful – the pull of his heavy eyes was already trying to tug him back under.

Reaching up, Peter grabbed Tony’s cheeks and pulled him down until they were kissing. His lips felt a little raw from the night before, the burn from Tony’s mustache and goatee luscious – the right side of painfully delectable. When he pulled back, Peter let their noses brush for a second, the gesture intimate. He felt a little more tied to the other man now – the physicality between them enough to cement a lot of things. It felt odd, to have waited so long. Yet, the outcome felt better than any other sexual experience he ever shared with someone. And they hadn’t even fucked yet.

“I’ll see you later. Have a good day at work, Mr. Stark.” Peter chuckled at the look of surprise on Tony’s face. Then, he smirked, Tony’s hand coming up to brush against the hair on his chin. Peter saw that gesture enough to know that was Tony’s thinking pose. Grinning, Peter used a sleepy hand to gesture him out the door. “Go, go. Don’t be late for class.”

Peter felt another kiss pressed to his head, then the smell of Tony’s cologne retreated – the thought dissatisfying for about a second. Snuggling back into the pillow, he quickly forgot about any sort of disappointment he might have felt trying to bubble up.

A couple hours later, Peter woke up to his phone buzzing on the nightstand. He grabbed it, his sleepy eyes checking out the screen. Seeing Tony’s name had him waking up a little more thoroughly, the sleepiness drifting away as he swiped his thumb across the screen to answer the call. “Tony – everything okay? Free period isn’t until after lunch, right?” Peter spoke worriedly, his body now completely upright – the cobwebs of sleep now completely gone.

“Hey, Pete. Sorry to wake you up, baby. I left my file folder on the kitchen table and I have a test next period – which the copies of are in that folder. Would it be possible for you to bring it to me? I wouldn’t ask, but if I postpone this test, we’ll be a whole week behind – we’re too close to AP exams for that.” Tony’s tone of voice didn’t broker any arguments – Peter knew he wouldn’t be asking if it wasn’t absolutely necessary. Grinning at the thought, he started to climb out of bed.

“It would be possible. How much time do I have? I can just leave for my rounds when I’m finished,” Peter replied, his feet hitting the cold floor for the first time that day – a sigh leaving his lips at the feeling.

He could hear some rustling, then a door opening and shutting. “My next class is in an hour. I’ve got robotics doing a write up today. I’ll owe you, Pete.” Tony’s voice dropped an octave with that last bit – Peter imagining that the man’s eyebrows rose and fell with the words, too.

Knowing he could be showered and ready in less than half an hour, Peter stood up and made his way to the front room. If he was going to take the damn thing, he needed to make sure he knew what it was. The folder was easy to spot – the bulkiness of it a Tonyism, the lack of organization stupidly endearing. “Blue folder, right?”

“Blue folder. Pete, you’re the best. Thank you.” Tony sounded sincere, like Peter was really doing him a solid. He had to admit, being appreciated for the little things wasn’t the worst. The whole being in a relationship wasn’t the worst, either, if he were being honest with himself.

He pulled his bottom lip between his teeth before answering, the need to damper his smile there – despite the fact that it was quickly becoming difficult to do so. “It’s the least I can do. I’ll shoot you a text and let you know when I get to Midtown. Go back and keep your kids in order.” Tony chuckled on the other side of the phone and Peter joined him, the action making him feel light – floaty.

Kicking himself into gear, Peter stripped off the sleep pants he borrowed from Tony and stepped into the shower – this stall much bigger than the one in his tiny apartment. He indulged a little, washing his skin and hair with Tony’s body wash and shampoo – smelling like him for the rest of the day sounded pretty nice. Especially during rotations, one sniff and the soothing reminder of Tony and the comfort he brought would make it all better.

It felt nice to luxuriate in the first sleep over moment, too. Every breath that picked up the distinct Tony Stark scent would be a reminder of their time together, of the way Tony pulled pleasure from him like it was what he’d been made to do.

A little bit of forethought meant Peter had an extra pair of scrubs in the backpack he brought with him to the game the day before – so he slipped them on, the light blue pair one of his favorite sets. Letting his hair dry a little, Peter put a piece of bread in Tony’s high-tech toaster and ate it sitting on the counter – the fancy strawberry jelly in the fridge some of the best he’d ever had. Licking his fingers, Peter cleaned up after himself and finished getting ready.

His heart pounded double time for the first couple seconds after picking up the house key. It was solid black and matched with Tony’s sleek aesthetic – and it fit perfectly on his carabiner, the sight of it making his breath hitch. No matter how sleepy Peter was that morning, he understood the immensity of the gesture. Tony was letting him into his life in a more permanent manner. Though they’d been inseparable for a few months now, they never talked about it. He should have known Tony would find a subtle way to get his point across.

After forcing himself to pocket the key, Peter grabbed the file folder, pressing it into his backpack with the rest of his study material. He took another look around the room, a warm feeling washing over him – though he’d been here more than a few times, it felt a little different now. He’d probably never be able to look at the couch without thinking about the way Tony stroked him off, the way he came so hard because of the man. Wetting his lips, Peter backed out of the room and exited the house, his shiny key fitting into the lock easily.

Midtown was only a ten-minute walk from Tony’s house – the very adult decision to live close was beneficial and cut down on the amount of effort Peter needed to put forth to get there. Lots of time, he told himself – lots of time. There weren’t too many people out at this time of the morning, so he got to be a little leisurely about it. His entire body felt buoyant, lighter than air – and he knew it was because of Tony and the way things were slowly starting to knit together for them. He was about to walk into the man’s school for fucks sake!

Pulling out his phone, Peter sent off a quick text.

Peter Parker [10:40AM]: I’m here – what’s next?

Tony Stark [10:42AM]: You need to check in at the office. Stacy at the front desk knows to look out for you. She’ll direct you back to my classroom. Tony Stark [10:42AM]: Thanks again, Pete.

Smiling, Peter walking in through the front doors and right into the office, the place thankfully not a complicated maze. Stacy was a nice older woman who wore bright red lipstick and smiled widely. She looked at him for a couple extra seconds when he handed over his ID – a knowing sort of glimmer in her eyes. For the first time, Peter thought that maybe Tony did not have anyone bring him things like this – especially a younger person like himself. He just smiled and let her give him directions to the science hall – she told him that Tony’s door would be recognizable.

And it was – it so was. There was a 2D robot plastered to the door, the cutout surrounded by science quotes and a cute handmade Stark Industries sign – the man telling Peter that his robotics team deemed themselves that during one of their competitions a few years ago. He knocked on the door lightly, his head peeking through the window for a second – his eyes widening when he noticed a whole lot of eyes looking over at him. Tony caught his eye and smiled – the look grateful and excited and happy all at once.

Peter took a step back when Tony opened the door and stepped out – the anti-slam mechanism on the door making it shut slowly. Tony’s arm wrapped around him and tugged him into a one arm hug – his lips pressing against Peter’s cheek. “Thanks for coming. I was so wrapped up in you and us and how fucking happy I am that I totally forgot. You’re a lifesaver.” Tony’s smile was soft, his eyes a bit gooey – his happiness radiating.

He slipped one of the straps off his shoulders and brought the backpack around, his fingers working the zippers easily. “I’m liking the sound of that. And I’m happy to help. I like being able to see where you work. Mr. Stark has a new meaning for me now,” Peter replied coyly. Handing over the folder, Tony let his fingers linger on Peter’s skin for a moment, the two sharing a look – the soft smile on Pete’s lips reflected right back at him.

A noise had Peter looking up – his eyes widening when he saw a couple of the students from the front row pressed up against the door, watching their interaction. “I think we’ve got an audience,” Peter whispered, his hand coming to the side of his mouth to make it look a little sneakier. He felt Tony’s snort against his cheek, the gust of air warm.

“Sneaky shits can’t mind their own business.” Tony murmured back, his free hand reaching up to rest on the soft skin of Peter’s cheek. “You and I will be the gossip of the school for the next few weeks, so we might as well give them something to talk about.” Peter got what he meant about a second before Tony’s lips touched his own – his eyes slipping shut at the touch, regardless. The kiss was soft and chaste, barely there – yet one of the best they’d shared yet.

“I’ll see you tonight?” Tony asked pulling back, his hands once again in his own space – the toasty warmth on Peter’s skin the only reminder of the touch being there.

Peter nodded, his hand reaching out to brush along Tony’s lip – the slightest bit of shiny spit lingering there. “I’ll see you tonight. I’ll be done with my shift around 8.” He shouldered his backpack, preparing himself to leave. “Text me when you’re done for the day.” Peter shot him a wink and took another step back – the distance between them just enough for Tony to break from the haze of their connection and step back into the classroom.

He was about to walk away when he heard a voice through the wall – “Mr. Stark, was that your boyfriend?”

His stomach clenched; ears peeled to hear the response.

“Yeah, it was. Now stop gawking over how cute he is and let’s get back to thermodynamic equilibrium.”

Grinning, Peter hoped this floaty feeling of being so in love would never leave.  

[thefangirlslair]

PERPETUAL WINTER (A Sasusaku Fanfiction) Special Chapter

Note: Hi everyone! I'm back to give you the special chapter for Perpetual Winter, set as a flashback that will show how and why they broke up in the first place. I couldn't believe this is nearly 12k words, wow. Thank you to everyone who reviewed, followed and favorited on ffnet, and also who are waiting for the next parts to come. I love you all! Please leave a comment, like and enjoy. 💕  also, I really wish i could have written this in first POV, in Sasuke’s, but it would’ve been more painful. Besides, this was too hard to write. Forgive me!!

PS. I hope this would be enough for you until I write the part 2 and 3. It's all too angsty in my head, so sorry in advance to everyone. Don't expect a happy ending in this mini-series. Lol. So I've decided to write an alternate version which will be have a happy ending. I will post it at the same time with the final part/part 3. Please bear with me. Hugs! Xoxo

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Excerpt: She just buried her face on his clothed chest, murmuring his name on her sleep. Sasuke felt her arm wrapped around his waist and her leg lifted to his hip. His heart ached.

'It hurts. It hurts so much. Please.'

With a kiss on her forehead, a face buried against her neck as his eyes gathered moisture, a pair of arms wrapped around her tight as if embedding her to him — Sasuke lets go.

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Sasusaku Pairing (11,799 words) 

A Poor Attempt at Writing Fics

SasuSaku Edition VIII

Perpetual Winter Special Chapter

7 years ago

"You don't have to do this, Sasuke."

The melancholy and heartbreak behind his mother's words are heard that he almost choked. He can't look at her eyes, at both of his parents' eyes, because they'll know he's weak. He's crippled by the death of his one and only brother, the weight of his new responsibilities as the heir, and the inevitable impending doom of his relationship with Sakura.

He's absolutely terrified.

It's been a week since they buried Itachi, gone too soon because he chose to be the martyr, as he always do.

'Did', Sasuke corrected in his mind. 'The bastard.'

He gave a long sigh, still with his eyes glued on the table. He never saw the sympathy from his mother's eyes, as well as the concern on his father's.

It was a long week for him. It almost felt like years. He had been running on autopilot since then. How can you function when a big part of yourself died? The part of him where Itachi occupied, and will always occupy, is now a giant void in his being. He felt hollow. Numb. Dead.

The only moments he felt he's somehow a real person, alive and breathing, is when Sakura's holding his hand, whispering love and patience, loving him in tenderness and compassion.

Memories of her voice coming through his phone when he called her that night of Itachi's incident pierces his heart. He remembered his barely coherent words of disbelief and agony tumbling from his blubbering mouth; the echo of his voice saying 'He's gone, Sakura. He's gone. Itachi's gone' as if saying it will make it less real; and the reassurance he felt when she said that he needs to hold on because she's coming to him.

She's the only anchor he's got right now and the thought of letting her go because of his newly acquired burdens is so painful already. He felt his chest tighten. He's scared as shit, not knowing what to do. He knows that he has to do this, to do what Itachi would've done.

But there's a voice inside his head and his heart saying, 'But you're no martyr, asshole. You're not Itachi. You're Sasuke and you're a selfish prick. What the fuck are you doing?'

His father's voice echoed through the empty living room as he spoke, getting Sasuke out of his reminiscing, "I don't want to force you into something you don't want to do. But you're right.. I need you. I can never trust anyone else other than you to take care of this, Sasuke."

"But he's still just a kid. He's just 19 for god's sake, Fugaku! He has his dreams to take," Mikoto retorted. Her eyes are welling up with tears, Sasuke knows this even if he doesn't see it. He can hear it from her voice and it makes him ache on the inside.

"He's not gonna be 19 forever, Mikoto," Fugaku answered back. "I gave him a choice on this matter, and he's decided."

Mikoto cried, "Don't you think it's too soon? I just buried my first-born just barely a week ago and now we're discussing how you're gonna ruin my youngest's life just like you did with Itachi?!"

The way her voice cracked when she said his brother's name broke his heart. She's still grieving, probably forever, and here they are talking about Sasuke's suicide.

His mother turned to him and said, "Sasuke, you can say no to all of this. I don't want you living your life like Itachi used to. I don't want you missing out on the world you still have to experience." She's all-out crying now, her tears streaming down her face. Sasuke is trembling from fighting the urge to look at her face.

"Sasuke," she whispered brokenly. "Please."

Fugaku just turned his gaze away from his wife and son. He didn't want to do this either. He saw how this changed Itachi's life, how his eldest son slowly deteriorated before his eyes because of the responsibilities he had to carry as the heir of their company. But he heard no complaints from him — always a smile on his face saying "Don't worry, father. I made my choice, and I choose our family." As much as it made him proud, it also made him feel regretful and guilty. Itachi never experienced the life he always wanted, and for that, Fugaku will always blame himself. Now his youngest son is going to do the same thing, and he's here yet again to see it all unfold.

Conflicted as he is, Sasuke has decided. He will continue what Itachi started. He will take on the role of the new heir and take over the company. He'll take care of it, as much as Itachi did for these past years.

It will cost him a lot, too much, but he will do it for the memory of his dead brother. He will take on the role of the martyr he never was, and take on the life his mother fought so hard not to taint him.

"I'll do it," he finally whispered to his parents. He took a deep breath and faced them for the first time since they started talking. "For Itachi."

The living room of the Uchiha household that night witnessed fear, pain and heartbreak — Fugaku's fear over the effects of all these on Sasuke, Mikoto's pain over the decision of her only living son, and Sasuke's heartbreak over the course of action he's gonna take after this night.

Tonight will be the last night.. and he had never been more scared in his life.

--

Sasuke went up to Sakura's apartment right after his talk with his parents. Walking around the city towards her place felt like a lifetime ago when he finally reached her door.

He didn't need to knock. After almost 2 years of being together, they both have a key to their place — he to her apartment, and she to his house and room. Sasuke inserted the key to her door and silently opened it.

Sakura's one-bedroom apartment is slightly dimmed. The short hallway that leads to her small living room with a sofa and a flat-screen tv is silent as he closed the door.

As soon as her scent hit his nose, he was flooded by memories from when they were friends til they became lovers — the two of them playing chess on the living room floor with, of course, her always beating him in every intense game; them watching horror movies while sitting on her couch and eating whatever he cooked for them; both of them with Naruto on the small veranda, talking and bickering until dawn; him kissing her on the cheek for the first time on her doorstep before he left her place, her looking up at him with those damned eyes of hers; them never making it on her bedroom after a huge argument that ended up with them having sex against the wall right beside her front door. Sasuke turned to look at it and remembered how hot and intense that was, and it only made his heart constrict more.

He wished this was only another silly argument that will inevitably end up with them tangled on each other, breathing each other's breath, and the same intense emotions running through their systems as they come high and come together.

Because that's the only way for Uchiha Sasuke and Haruno Sakura — they might fly to another place, leave for another planet, escape to another universe — but they always come back to where they belong.

Together. With each other.

His feet dragged him further into her apartment where he feels more at home with than his own house. Almost two years of being in Sakura's arms, basking every day in her love and support, really does that to anyone. Even the toughest of men can become a puddle just by letting your gaze linger too long on her. That's how powerful she is.

He stopped when he reached the slightly opened door of her bedroom. Sasuke always chastises her with her lack of regards for her safety but with the heaviness of his heart at the moment, he can't seem to care about it. All he wants right now is to see her and sleep this nightmare off. He opened the door silently and he saw her.

With her comforter up to her chin, he couldn't see what she's wearing. But knowing her, she might be wearing one of his old high school tshirts that she stole from him. She likes to flaunt it to him whenever he's there for sleepovers, and he's always there to make sure she gets the attention she deserves.

She's sleeping now, her pink hair in a messy knot at the top of her hair and her green irises currently hidden by her closed lids with those curled eyelashes. Her mouth is slightly opened and a soft snore can be heard where he stood by the doorway. His eyes soften at the scene.

Normal. Nothing new. Constant.

But it never fails to make him feel like it's the most extraordinary sight to see.. only for him though. Only for him.

But this will all stop after this night. He will never be able to see this scene ever again and it eats Sasuke on the inside. He fought the choked sound that threatened to come out of his mouth as realization hits.

'Why did you fucking agree to this fucked up shit, you dumbass? Why did you have to bring this upon her? Upon the both of you?'

As if sensing the turmoil in his whole being, Sakura shifted in her sleep. Her brows met and she let out a soft grunt as she turned to her side. A few moments later, her breathing went back to an even tempo and Sasuke knew she went back to sleep. He let out a pained breath.

Sasuke gently closed her door and approached her side of the bed. He slowly knelt on the floor facing her, his hand traveling from the soft mattress to her cheek. He traced her jaw with his finger gently, afraid that she might finally wake up.

How many nights has he done this? How many nights has he soaked in his reality that Sakura is there with him, all loving and soft and true? How many nights did he spend just looking at her sleeping face, praying to a god he doesn't believe in anymore that she will stay by his side forever?

He pulled away his hand, folded it on the mattress together with his other hand and laid his chin on them, boring his dark eyes onto her face. He can hear the faint sound of her clock ticking, as if reminding him that this is the last time.. that there is no time. But he paid no heed to it because right at this moment, there is still the two of them in this four-cornered room where they made love for the first time; where she first laid her guards down for him to see underneath her pinks and greens; where he first thought he can never love anyone as much as he loves Haruno Sakura.

They still exist at this moment, and he will treasure every single second left.

He stood up and went to the other side of the bed to pull off his sweater and his pants, leaving him in his black tshirt and boxers. He gently lifted her comforter and slipped in beside her at her back. His arm went under her neck to wrap around her shoulders, and the other on around her waist to pull her closer to him. He held on to her as tight as his wide-shut eyes. Sasuke inhaled deep and smelled regret, longing and love.

He felt her move. Her hands softly caressed the arm on her waist and gently squeezed. Her gestures only made Sasuke more desperate to hold her so he tightened his grip on her, only to loosen it a bit for he felt her moving around to face him.

Sasuke never saw her lids reveal those orbs he already miss, and he never demanded it. He thought it's for the best, for he knows his strong façade will crumble once he sees those eyes of hers. They have always been his weakness. She will always be.

She just buried her face on his clothed chest, murmuring his name on her sleep. Sasuke felt her arm wrapped around his waist and her leg lifted to his hip. His heart ached.

'It hurts. It hurts so much. Please.'

With a kiss on her forehead, a face buried against her neck as his eyes gathered moisture, a pair of arms wrapped around her tight as if embedding her to him — Sasuke lets go.

--

'"Let's break up. I don't want this anymore. I don't want you anymore, Sakura."

Words I don't even mean came out of my mouth. I don't know what I'm doing. What is happening to me?

I saw her face then, and I wish I never did. She looked so devastated, her tears silently rolling down her cheeks while her eyes spoke a million things.

Wait! I don't mean them! Don't cry! Please! I love you!

I desperately wanted to scream these words out loud, but all I do was just stare blankly at her. I don't see my face but I know it's in that cold expression I show everyone except her. Never to her. She's everything to me. I love her. I love her so much.

Her voice came ringing into my ear, utterly devoid of life and the Sakura-ness of her tone. "I hate you."

I saw her spit those three words and I braced myself for the pain but nothing came. All I felt was cold detachment and I wanted to punch my face to feel something. What the fuck is wrong with me?!

Sakura turned around and ran away from me. I will my legs to move, to follow her, to chase her and never let her go. But my damn self just continues to stand there and follow her retreating form with my blank eyes.

Until I heard a loud screech, and then colliding sounds of metal to flesh. Then, a scrunch. I followed the sound with my gaze, and found Sakura on the road, her blood spilling beneath her head. It's pooling underneath her small form and the pink cashmere sweater, my favorite, that she wore for me absorbing the crimson liquid of her life.

I screamed inside, but still, my feet won't move. I continue to watch as she struggles to breathe, as she cranes her neck to the sky to take a breath to her lungs.

Sakura! Sakura! Sakura!

I don't know what the fuck is happening. This never meant to happen. I never wanted this. I don't want this. Please. Please. Please. Someone!

People with blurred faces started to crowd over her dying form in the middle of the road. They're all staring at her, watching her slowly die. Some even took pictures and some even scoffed as if it's a joke. Can't they fucking call an ambulance?! Help her!

A figure from the car that hit her emerged from the dark. The headlights of the car illuminated the scene, and made the face of the driver unrecognizable. Then he spoke, using a voice that sounds so fucking familiar.

"You killed her."

The crowd opened up and the dark figure stepped forward to crouch beside Sakura's now dead body. I can finally see the gruesome scene — her eyes are open revealing green eyes now dull without light in them, her mouth slightly opened as blood came out.

The headlights now illuminated the driver's face and the sight made me tremble from within.

The driver is me.

I killed her.

"You killed her, Sasuke," the man who is me beside Sakura told me again. He reached out to lift her head for me to see her dead face clearly. He looked at me as well and I wanted to scream. I wanted to look away but I can't.

Please. Make it stop.

I killed her.

"You killed her!", he shouted out. Anger, frustration, pain — all in those three words. "You killed her, you fucking coward!"

Then the blurred faces of the crowd slowly turned to me one by one, revealing their faces that made me want to die.

They're all Sakura, bloodied cheeks and lifeless eyes and all that she isn't supposed to be. And one by one, they chanted the same thing.

"You killed me."

"You killed me."

"You killed me."

"You killed me."

"You killed me."

It never stops. In my head, it never stopped. It all started on a whisper and now they're all shouting it to the heavens and I'm desperately gasping for air and I killed her and I killed her and I killed her and I wanted to die.

I want to die.

Someone. Please.

Sakura!'

--

"Sasuke!"

Sasuke woke up with a gasp, his hand automatically reached out to his chest as if trying to hold his beating heart. His eyes are wild and frantic, his skin bathing in cold sweat that made his t-shirt cling to them. He felt hands running over his chest and arms, and he heard soothing noises beside him. His eyes, filled with quiet dread, found her awakened form leaning over him and wearing his white high school t-shirt with those eyes showing concern and support.

'You're alive,' he said in his thoughts. He didn't know he said it outloud when he heard Sakura answer.

"It's just a dream, Sasuke-kun," her soft voice found its way to him, somehow calming his frantic heartbeat. Her hand is now on top of his chest, the other brushing his hair away from his sweaty face.

"Y-you.. you died," Sasuke stammered under his breath, his eyes roaming all over her face, checking for some speck of blood or evidence of her tears. His fingers found her cheek, slowly traced them as his eyes do the same.

He continued with his voice slowly becoming softer and softer, "I saw you.. you ran a-.. you ran away from me and then t-the car hit you and it was because of me and I ki-.."

He stopped abruptly. His hand fell away from her face and Sasuke looked at her, eyes wide open reflecting horror and pain. He opened his mouth to speak but they won't come out.

'I killed you,' he wanted to say, but he got choked up with the words and now he's seriously trying hard to breathe. He's gasping for air again, still looking at Sakura, and he can see how she tried to calm him down and let him breathe. He can't hear anything other than his heart beating too loudly against his chest as if trying to get out.

Sasuke suddenly found himself being lifted by Sakura, still trying to calm him down. He's now sitting on the bed, and she's kneeling on it facing him, running her hands over him as she slays his demons down.

"I'm here," he heard her murmur under her breath. "I'm here, Sasuke-kun. It was just a dream. I'm here. I'm not going anywhere."

He's now sagged against her, his terrifying nightmare finally taken its toll on him that it made him feel like he's made of jelly. His head is now cradled by Sakura against her chest, making him hear the pounding of her heart, and letting him know she's alive.

That lone fact made Sasuke's heart constrict, and made him release a quite breath of relief. His arms found their way around her small figure, tighten them and crushed her against him for him to feel her more.. to really know that she's there and not dead.

A whimper came out of his mouth because of too much emotion, but he smothered them by pushing his face against her neck. Sasuke breathes her in and thinks 'she's alive she's alive she's alive' as her scent and warmth greeted him back. He felt her own face on his hair, soothing words still spilling from her lips.

"I got you, Sasuke-kun," she says. "I got you. I got you. It's okay, I got you."

It's all not enough for Sasuke so he pulled his head away from her creamy neck and faced her. He saw her green irises and her pink lips and he loves her, so he grabbed her head and kissed her hard on her mouth.

Sasuke is still gripped by fear and the hard pounding of his heart says it all. It won't go away even as he roughly kissed her, drowning himself in the pleasure of hearing her quiet moans and tasting her delicious tongue. He pushed her down the bed and leaned over her. His hands found her knees and spread them wide open, only to grind himself against her. They moaned together.

But the image of her dead form bathing in her own blood is still vivid on his head, so he kissed her harder with his trembling hands running all over her body. His hand found his way under his old thin shirt she was wearing and grasped her breast, while his other hand is tightly wrapped around the hair on her nape. His lips are now on her neck, biting and sucking and kissing, and her moans and grunts are now loud and needy.

Sasuke left her neck to push up her worn shirt, only to place his hot mouth on her aching breast. He thoroughly sucked her hardened peak, earning him a low moan of pleasure, and in his frantic state he still felt his dick hardened in response. He moaned in return and continued his assault on the other as his hand traveled down to her panties and inside them.

He almost growled when he found her already wet and ready for him. Sasuke removed his lips from her chest and looked at her face. She's panting and biting her lip hard, her hands both wound around his neck. Her eyes stare back up at him hidden in half-closed lids, her mouth agape. His long fingers found its way inside her and he heard her gasp of surprise but later turned into a mumbled version of his name as his fingers picked up its pace.

"Sasuke-kun," Sasuke heard her voice laced with desire and lust that he couldn't help but kiss her for it, and he almost came right then and there when his tongue entered her warm mouth. His fingers abruptly pulled out from her and tugged her panties off, almost ripping it in half in his aggression. He heard her gasp in pain for a second but he paid it no mind. All he could think about at the moment was being inside of her.

He tugged his boxers down, not even taking it off completely. In his mind, if he's not inside her in the next second, the nightmare is gonna get her and he's gonna lose her for real and he couldn't take that. Being deep within her, that's the only thing that will ensure his fears of being far away from her.

Sasuke gave his hard member a few pumps before he slowly put on his tip against her clit to rub several times, and finally went down to enter her. His eyes almost rolled at the back of his head because she's gripping him tightly inside her and he couldn't help but curse aloud.

"Fuck," he panted against her neck. His tongue darted out to lick her skin coated in her own sweat and his saliva. Sasuke inhaled deeply as he pulled out completely before slamming into her again.

He's afraid he might see her with dead eyes and her mouth full of blood so he kept her face on her neck, never even thinking for a moment that he's now fucking her like a madman. Her cries of both pain and pleasure reverberates around her room, her hands desperately hanging onto his clothed back, clawing at his shirt for support. Her slender legs are tightly wrapped around his hips as he's gripping her thighs while he pushed in and out of her fast and hard. He couldn't hear a thing except his own mind.

'Don't go. Stay with me. Don't leave me.'

He didn't even hear himself whimpering throughout.

He closed his eyes tightly and focused on ramming into her, desperate and almost out of breath but he continued plunging into her, until he felt her hands holding his head to face her.

Sasuke stopped his movements as they both looked into each other, both panting and flushed, still joined as one. Her green eyes roamed his face, searching for something he can't tell. "Hey," she whispered.

His breath comes in puffs hitting her mouth and vice versa. He can feel her hot breath on his face and he badly wanted to look down to admire her opened mouth but her wide eyes are slowly sucking him in. He couldn't let him self look away even with his blurred vision.

Sakura kissed him gently on the lips, brushing them together once, and then pecked him again. "It's alright. You're here. We're here, Sasuke-kun."

Then he felt her fingers wipe away his damp cheeks. Not from sweat, but from his tears.

It's been a week after Itachi's funeral, and he never cried since. He never cried in front of anyone that time, not even Sakura. He let it all out once he got the chance to enter Itachi's room after the service, and he cried himself to sleep on his dead brother's bed.

And now, his tears silently rolled down his cheeks. Looking at her now, he sees it all — her in a white lab coat as he picks her up from work, her in a white wedding dress as she walks down the aisle, her in a white apron as she cooks for him and their future children.

All these possibilities, all these dreams; it hasn't even begun and now it's all ending. He remembers his responsibilities now as an heir, and remembers the promise he made for his parents and Itachi.

'Itachi was supposed to marry someone from our business partner clan when he turns 25. Unfortunately, the incident happened and now we're left with another decision to make,' he remembered his father explain. 'So we came up to an agreement to let you focus on your training first, as Itachi did, and then wed you to their daughter.'

He remembers the numbness that gripped him when his father's words sank in. He said yes and nodded like a robot throughout, steeled his heart and reminded himself that this is not for him but for his brother.

This is why he decided to make this last night with her memorable. He simply just wanted to lie down with her on her bed where they first made love, and hold her as she sleeps. He said to himself that he will be content with the memories, and that he is thankful for the chance to love her and to be loved back by her.

Sasuke is still looking at her with his eyes still shedding tear after tear. He'd rather lose her like that than lose her like he lost her in his nightmare. He'd rather lose her by letting her go than lose her by death.

Sakura's hands held his face between them and let her thumb graze his lips, fingers the valley of his nose and cheeks as she wipes away his tears.

"I'm sorry," Sasuke whispered to her. He found confusion on her irises and he continued, "I'm sorry for everything."

'I'm sorry for letting you go, Sakura.'

She continued to look at him. She stared long, but with soft eyes. Then she shook her head, "No."

She said it with so much strength and conviction he will never ever have and it took his breath away. She proceeded, "We are going through this together. We'll make it." Then she smiled at him, soft and tender. "You have to try harder than that, Sasuke-kun. You can't get rid of me that easy."

He knows that she's thinking about his dream. She knows him too much that even if he doesn't speak out loud, she knows what he's thinking. Right now, Sasuke knows Sakura is thinking he was so shook by his dream about her dying by his hands that he wants to get away from her to protect her. It's Sasuke's nature to bring it all upon himself, and then blame his own as well. Add that to the previous death of his brother, Sakura would think it's about Itachi. And he would like to be alone, as he always does.

Sasuke thought of telling her the things he has to do — the company, the training, the marriage in 6 years to a person he still doesn't know about. He thought of telling her the truth — that he already let her go, let them both go, let their futures go. It's inevitable, and by breaking up with her now, it will spare them both of the pain and heartbreak they might face if they continue this.

He let go. He really did. No matter how much it pained him, he decided to. He uncurled his fingers one by one around the person he's held onto tightly for so long.

But those eyes.. those powerful eyes of hers. They know. They know what he's trying to do and they won't let him. He can see the fire within her orbs, her determination to stay with him burning in her emeralds.

'I can't, Itachi. Give me more time,' he pleaded his brother. Before he came tonight in her place, he's decided that this will be their last night. But now he selfishly chose himself, his happiness, for once.

'Give me this one, aniki.'

And so Sasuke once again wrapped his fingers around his person, and held on for dear life for he knows it's not gonna be easy.

Still inside her, he softly pressed his mouth against hers, a polar opposite of the way he ravaged her lips earlier. His lips curled around hers, silently acquiesced with her statement. He gently pulled himself out of her, then slowly went back in.

He shivered in the way she called his name in pleasure, her teeth clamping on his shoulder and her nails dragging his shirt off him. He did the same to her when he's free of the cloth, and kissed her again.

They slowly built their pace; gentle and sweet at first, but then as they fill themselves with emotions, hers with understanding and him with trepidation about his current predicament, it turned into a wild frenzy of fear, lust and love. She's scratching and he's biting and she's moaning and he's grunting and they're both desperate, trying to give each other the solace they need.

She knows something is wrong but she kept going, still giving him all the love she could give in this time of desolation because of Itachi's death.

He knows something is wrong but he kept going, still giving her all the love still left in him in this time of desperation because of Itachi's death.

They both know something is wrong. But they both know that there will always be something right — this.

He went harder and faster, and her moans went louder and stronger. His hands spread her thighs wider, and her hands grabbed and pushed his ass deeper. His endless black found her bright green, and both panted through their open mouths.

"I love you," she whispered to him, heartfelt and true. Her words traveled all the way to his veins and he knows it's too late because he's in too deep. He was in deep the first time he ever saw her face.

In the midst of their tryst, she cried out her release and Sasuke bathed in the image of her underneath him, moaning in ecstasy with her eyes closed and her mouth wide open. He stored it in his mind for him to remember when everything is over.

He followed shortly after, his climax hitting him hard, making him out of breath and nearly delirious with pleasure. He buried his face on her neck and he felt her hands run over his mane.

He is aware that this might be the last time he's gonna be able to say it back, even though his original plan of breaking up with her tonight has changed. He's aware he's being selfish, but that's the only thing he's good at. He's not even good at loving her.

He's good at being selfish enough to stay with her for as long as he can.

And so he pulled away from her neck and looked down on her, finding that she's already peering up at him. She never asks for an answer whenever she says those three words because she already knows that he does. But tonight, he says it back, as truthful and as painful as it is.

"I love you, Sakura."

She smiled. Sasuke doesn't know if he wants that smile or not.

—

Days turned to weeks; weeks turned to months. It has been almost 6 months after Itachi's death, and it also has been that long since he made love to Sakura.

Don't get him wrong. They still have sex occassionally. But whenever they do it, which is seldom compare to before when they do it like rabbits, it always feel so rushed, angry and desperate. No more lazy morning sex or rare romantic nights after a dinner date.

Sasuke even forgot their second year anniversary, which obviously made Sakura down, but he knows that she gave him the benefit of the doubt. After all, Itachi's death was 2 weeks before their anniversary. The wound was still fresh not just for Sasuke, but to all of them as well.

It all just came spiraling down after that. Sasuke dropped out of the university completely to focus on training for the company. His dream of becoming a lawyer was locked away at the back of his head and the bottom of his heart, never to see the light of day again. His father wanted him to see how the company works first before he studies business officially.

He rarely see Sakura anymore. She calls him everyday, but he doesn't pick up often. Sometimes it's because he's busy on his training, but most of the time, he doesn't accept the call in purpose. He doesn't want to hear her voice sounding so achingly sad. He knows he will crumble and go see her and they run away together where nobody could find them.

Sasuke knows he's hurting her. He barely take her out to a spontaneous lunch date or a surprise movie night-out. When they do see each other, it's almost awkward that he could taste it in his mouth. He couldn't even look at her in the eyes for more than five seconds and not look away. When they touch each other, it takes all of his control not to flinch. When they have sex, it's all a blur of pained green eyes and dead black ones.

The guilt is eating him from the inside, and his outside nonchalance for their dying relationship is eating her.

Sometimes, he wishes that she takes the initiative and leave his sorry ass because he knows he's not strong enough to leave her. Sasuke tried it once, and look where that got him — still holding onto her and watch as she slowly deteriorates in front of his very eyes.

He knows.

He knows it's only a matter of time. But his selfish self still wants her, even if that means breaking her; ruining her. Because if she's not there with him, what is he? Who is he? So he holds on to her — leaving bruises on her soul and splattering crimson streaks of guilt on his own being. He knows he's going to hell.

He might as well be there already.

—

At the eve of his 20th birthday, he finally met the family of the girl he's supposed to marry when he reaches 25. And surprise, surprise — the Uzumaki's.

He's been friends with Naruto since he was young and the Uchiha's has always been good friends with the blond's family. Mikoto and Kushina were classmates since high school and throughout college while Fugaku and Minato have been rivals just as long. Plus the fact that their family is one of their business partners, he should've known.

His dark eyes found red behind slim black frames, and Karin Uzumaki nodded in understanding.

Before this said dinner, they met beforehand to talk privately. Thanks to his loudmouth of a best friend, Naruto told him that he overheard his parents talking to Minato and Kushina about the said merger. The issue of a wedding made Naruto choke on his ramen and immediately called Sasuke. At first, Naruto thought about his own wedding. He's bethrothed to someone but he still yet to know. Sasuke heard the relief, as well as the concern, on his best friend's voice.

Sasuke already knew who she was, of course, being Naruto's only sibling that's only a year younger. But he never really paid any attention to her, except when there are business and family gatherings. He knows her as loud as her brother, but could be tightlipped and calm as her parents.

They talked about this upcoming wedding and what they thought of it. Sasuke informed her that he's involved with Sakura for almost 3 years now. He learned that she's single and has never dated nor been in love with someone.

Sasuke was asked why did he agree on this and he said the truth about Itachi. Karin, in response, said that she only wants what's best for their company.

"Besides," she added. "I don't have anyone else. Might as well just marry you instead of being alone. Plus, you're not hideous."

"Hn."

"What does your girl says about all this, by the way? She must've been an extraordinary one to keep up with your stony face all the time."

He didn't answer. Besides, Sakura knows nothing about all this. She's aware of his new role as heir and his responsibilities that comes along with it, but not this arranged marriage shit. He couldn't tell her.

Sasuke was taken back to their current dinner when he heard Karin clear her throat. He looked at her and she glared back, obviously annoyed by his daydreaming.

"Pardon?" Fugaku sternly asked. He seemed to be surprised by whatever Karin previously said.

Kushina also seemed to be perplexed. She looked at Minato briefly then turned to Karin and asked, "You both want to what?"

Even before Karin turned white, Sasuke rescued her by saying, "We both want to postpone the engagement."

At the corner of his eye, Sasuke saw Naruto look back and forth towards the two parties and silently slurped his water.

"Sasuke," his father coldly looked at him. He continued to be unfazed. "You cannot. We already prepared for the announcement next month. You can't just decide about these things without informing us."

"I did not say cancel. I only said postpone," he bit back just as coldly while looking directly at Fugaku. His father's eyes flashed for a second, surprised again by his tone. He continued, "Karin and I would be the ones getting married. It's our wedding, therefore, it's our shots."

Karin immediately added, "We just don't want to rush it. The wedding will be in 5 years time, anyway. Don't you think it's a bit weird to be engaged for that whole five years?" Karin looked at Sasuke for a brief moment then said, "We want to be engaged on the year of the wedding. Then you can announce it to everyone."

Minato thought about it for a while, then he smiled. "I understand." He turned to Fugaku and Mikoto then, "Let's give this one to the kids. Marriage is not an easy chore. They could get engaged in the year they're gonna marry. No big deal."

Sasuke noted with the way Kushina glared at Minato when he used the word 'chore' for marriage. Apparently, Minato shares the same thoughts with Mikoto. They're both against arranged marriage because they both experienced the same thing. Yes, it all turned out well for them since they grew to love Kushina and Fugaku. But nothing is certain, especially to any relationship. It would be hard as hell, and as parents, they don't want their children to suffer.

Kushina rubbed her temple by then and released a heavy sigh. She looked fondly at Mikoto and say, "We both have stubborn children, my friend. We might as well agree on their terms."

Mikoto saw her husband ready to retort but she put a hand on his arm and smiled at her friend, "I understand, Kushina. Of course. We'll support them." She looked at Karin to smile at her, then at Sasuke to give him her supportive glance. Sasuke can clearly see that his mother was relieved because of their decision.

On the way home that night, minutes before the clock strikes midnight for his birthday, the Uchiha's were silent throughout the ride home. Sasuke can still feel the dark aura surrounding his father. Fugaku was not impressed by his display of authority. Sasuke couldn't give two shits. He just wants to go home.

They finally reached their home and entered it. Sasuke continuously walked towards the stairs to his room when Fugaku's voice pierced through the silence.

"When will you tell Haruno that you're supposed to marry someone else?"

Sasuke stilled at the cold query, his fists automatically balled into fists as he fight for self-control to talk back at his father aggressively. He didn't see the clenched hand of his mother on Fugaku's arm.

He controlled his breathing and quietly said without looking back, "Sakura." He turned his head sideways, still not looking at them. "Her name is Sakura."

Fugaku ignored the way his son's seething voice. He continued to pry, "You should've cut your ties with her a long time ago. You're only making this harder for the both of you."

'Don't you think I don't know that?!' Sasuke wanted to scream aloud. 'Don't you think this isn't painful enough?! Don't you think I'm slowly killing her?'

But his father couldn't hear his silent pleas unlike Sakura, "You're gonna marry Karin Uzumaki. You should stop seeing her by now."

Fugaku was relentless, and Sasuke knows he got this from him. He's been living all his life jealous of Itachi because his aniki got all his good traits from their mother. He was gentle and would've been so, so good to his future family. Meanwhile there's him, sucking all the hard traits from their father. His competitive streak, arrogant way of speaking, harsh words — it's all Fugaku. And suddenly, he feels so exhausted.

Fugaku was still talking about the consequences of his actions and Mikoto was still trying to stop him when they both saw Sasuke looking back at them. The sight nearly made them nervous.

Moonlight comes in, illuminating the eerily cold and empty house. They saw their son with his head looking back at them, dressed in all-black like someone just died again. His dark eyes were hollow and Mikoto put her hand on her chest, feeling her beating heart aching for her son. Then he whispered.

"I love her."

It was soft and quiet, but his parents knew it was solid and true. It was in the crack in his voice, the shake in his hands on the banister, and the vulnerability in his eyes. They continued to look at him as the clock struck 12.

That awake Sasuke in his stupor and the walls on his eyes were seen again. Mikoto tried not to cry and Fugaku stood still, feeling like an asshole.

"But don't fret, father," he coldly stated, turning his head back to continue walking up the stairs. He took one, two, three steps; then he stopped for a second jusy to say, "I'm keeping my promise."

Mikoto and Fugaku Uchiha watched as their son dissapeared upstairs to his room, the first day of his 20th year looking bleak and weary as the first splatter of heavy rain was heard in their household.

—

It was the first snowfall of winter, he'll remember once he's bereft with only his remorse to keep him company.

Months passed by and they could feel the upcoming winter. Autumn leaves were long forgotten and frigid air came howling for a few weeks now. Sasuke feels restless. He feels something is coming up apart from the winter he's starting to hate ever since his brother's passing. Something gnaws at his gut and he couldn't focus.

He was driving towards Sakura's apartment, picking her up for their dinner. It's been almost 3 weeks since they last saw each other and Sakura finally convinced him to have dinner together. He booked a reservation in a classy restaurant in autopilot, already dreading the upcoming reunion.

"I miss you," she simply said through the phone. Sasuke bit back words such as 'I miss you, too' and 'Forgive me' and 'I love you'; only to utter a cold and detached, "Aa." He didn't get a reply after that, but he thought he heard a faint sniff on the other line before it went dead.

When he got to her apartment, he simply honked the horn of his car. It's been too long since he had been inside her place, knowing that there are too many vivid memories living inside it. He couldn't risk being in there. He knows he won't make it out alive.

A few moments later, Sakura emerged from the white door of her flat. And just like it always did to Sasuke, it all happened in slow motion. 'What a fucking cliché,' he thought.

Wrapped in a plain black sweater and red coat, lean legs in faded jeans, feet in her favorite sneakers — she looked beautiful. Even with those dark circles under her green eyes, she looked absolutely stunning to Sasuke.

Every step she takes as she makes her way to his car made his heart squeeze itself. He wanted to bury himself in her, to live inside her bones and just stay there so he could escape this reality. This is his reality now — no more dream, no more Itachi; and pretty soon, no more Sakura.

'It hurts,' Sasuke thought. 'It hurts, aniki.'

It has been a habit of his since Itachi was gone. He talks to him in his head. Sometimes, he could pretend enough that his brother answers him back. Tonight, Itachi's as silent as a dead can be.

Sakura finally reached the passenger door and slipped inside the car. She turned to face him, her face litting up and her mouth curling upwards. She shyly greeted him, "Hi."

Sasuke continued to stare, his eyes roaming around her face. He noted the slight pink of her cheeks, and he knows it's not just from the cold. There was an urge to smirk, but he fought it. She could just sit there and do nothing, and Sasuke would still be more of a mess than he already was.

After a while, he mumbled back. "Hi."

She smiled then, and slowly leaned towards him. She brushed her lips on his once, then pecked him lightly. Sakura brought her hands up and cradled his face, "You look thin. Are you eating well?"

Sasuke only nodded in response, not trusting his own voice not to crack under pressure. He could smell her — peaches and cream. He could see her — pinks and greens. He could taste her — mint and home.

'I missed you so much.'

He pulled away, making her hands drop. He couldn't look at her face. He knows she have that fake smile ready for him when he hurts her. Sasuke had already seen it a hundred times for the past year.

"I'm fine," he said. "Put your seatbelt on. We're gonna be late."

Sasuke didn't hear a response, and he didn't wait for any. He just started the engine and started to drive away for the 20-minute journey to the restaurant.

The awkwardness and the tension is palpable in the confines of his car. It took all of his control not to groan out of frustration. He just focused on the road, but Sakura is making it a hard time when he knows her gears running on her head.

Three minutes in and she cracked the silence.

"How's your training, Sasuke-kun?," she inquired. "I hope they're not exhausting you too much."

Sasuke wanted to say that it already took too much of him and now he feels bereft. But as the coward that he is, of course he can't say that.

"It's fine," he answered, his tone clipped and straightforward. "I'm okay."

He could see her nodding her head through his peripheral, "That's good. Is it hard? I know you can handle it, but I hope you're getting rest. I don't want you getting sick."

Her sweet and thoughtful tone made him grind his teeth. Instead of making his heart flutter, it made his gut churn that he wants to vomit right there and then. He doesn't know why but he feels sick. Something is coming up, he can feel it. It's like a flu that you know is coming but you couldn't do shit about it. It made him absolutely nervous.

Because of this, he answered in his usual response, that he rarely use with Sakura: "Aa."

Sasuke felt her look towards him at that. His heart spiked up because of nerves. He knows she's assessing the situation. She's always been good at that. 'Damn it,' Sasuke thought to himself.

"Sasuke-kun, is everything okay?," she asked.

'No. Nothing has ever been okay for a long time. It's all falling apart and I'm terrified of what's to come. I don't know what to do.'

Sasuke forced himself to sigh and look as if exasperated with her question to cover his true emotions and thoughts, "I'm fine, Sakura." He gave emphasis on words to carry more weight and to prove to her, and to himself, that he's really okay. He focused on driving. 15 minutes more and they will arrive.

It's the longest 15 minutes of his life. The tension he feels is suffocating.

Sakura is as relentless as him so he should've known that wouldn't budge her because she talked back, "Obviously there's something wrong. You could always tell me, Sasuke-kun. You know that."

This slight nagging of hers was slowly getting on his nerves so he blurted out, "Jesus, Sakura, I said I'm fine. Okay?"

Anyone who heard that would hear the slight irritation from it, as well as the frustration and exhaustion. He was gripping the steering wheel too hard and his jaw was clenched too tight as he heard her gasp in surprise from his lash out.

He briefly looked at her and saw her looking down at her lap and biting her lip. It's a habit of hers when she feels insecure and afraid.

'Great job, asshole,' he thought inwardly. 'You managed to get her fears back with just a few words. Keep this up and she might leave you after this. As she should.'

Sasuke ran his hand through his hair, his eyes still digging holes on the road. He exhaled slowly and softly said, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to do that." He knows it wasn't enough but he kept going. "I'm just tired, that's all. Forgive me."

It took her a few moments to recover but she looked at him and smiled lightly. She then said, "I understand. Of course. I'm sorry, too."

They continued the heavy silence until they reached their destination. Sasuke has always been a silent person, but he almost cursed the deafening silence at that moment that he could feel the words at the back of his throat.

--

The dinner was all a blur to Sasuke. They did small talk throughout the course, too casual for lovers of almost 3 years. There was no intimacy that always prevails in any of their activity, whether it's drinking coffee together or making love or holding hands. It made him remember that he already forgot when was the last time they had sex, let alone be asleep on the same bed and cuddling like bears like they used to.

They only talked about their current activities; him with his company training and her with her subjects at the university. He misses the times they spend together when they both have free period, when they were classmates at literature with Kakashi as their professor that blatantly call them out for doing practically eye-sex from both ends of the room, and when they both roll their eyes at Naruto for dragging them to his favorite ramen place at lunch.

They also talked about their parents and his cat, Colonel Mustard, and the weather and her new potted plant on her windowsill and a ton of other insignificant things. Sasuke felt that she was itching to talk about more important things but he always stray from those topics. He can see her disappointment every time.

Next thing he knew, they were exiting the restaurant and walking towards the parking lot. The air was a lot more colder than it was before they went inside the establishment. Winter was almost there.

Sasuke saw Sakura lick her lips multiple times throughout dinner, and it means she's nervous about something. It didn't help his already frayed nerves. It made him more weary of what this night still entails.

They got inside his car and he drove back to her apartment to drop her off. He can still feel her fidget beside him and he couldn't shake his bad feeling anymore. He asked, "What is it?"

"Huh?", she said, startled. He looked back at her for a few seconds and answered back.

"You're nervous about something. Tell me."

Sakura was silent for like forever. She was never like this. She has always been frank with her thoughts and feelings. So this behavior of hers started to irritate him and Sasuke prepared to berate her when she dropped a news.

"I got into Harvard," she whispered quietly.

His mind went blank for a moment after she said that. All he could process was few words.

Harvard.

America.

Far away.

Without him.

She continued to talk softly, "I was approached by Professor Shizune. You remember her? She's a former apprentice of Tsunade Senju, the one I was telling you about that's kind of a legend herself? Ms. Shizune apparently told Tsunade about me and Tsunade emailed me, saying I should apply for Harvard. She's currently teaching there. Shizune told me I should go."

She looked at him then, "I tried, and then last week I got the acceptance letter. I don't know what to do. I didn't tell you right away because I know you have so much on your plate already. I'm sorry, Sasuke-kun."

'She did it,' he said to himself. 'She's getting her dream. She always talk about that Tsunade and how much she could learn from her. She finally made it.'

He was proud, but the small, ugly and selfish part of him was slowly rearing its head.

'She's leaving you. She's finally leaving you.'

They stopped at a red light, then Sasuke faced her. "Why are you saying sorry? It's okay."

His words are soft and true, but his face and eyes say something else. He forced himself to smile, "Congratulations."

The light turned green and he stepped on the gas. He didn't dare look at her again. He couldn't breathe, and she said something that made even his heartbeat halt.

"I'm not going."

Sasuke whipped his head towards her, "What? Why?"

She looked at him intently and said, "I'm happy here at Tokyo. I'm enjoying my classes and I learn a lot. It's fine for me. It's more than enough."

They both know it's not true. She has always been an ambitious one and she will push her limits to get where she wants. Aside from that, she rarely has friends. Sasuke and Naruto have been with her since high school, and then there was her childhood friend back in Kyoto. Now that Sasuke dropped out of the university, he's sure she's always alone, with only the occassional Naruto when their free time match.

Lastly, they're both aware that if she wants to be the best in the medicine field, she must be in the best curriculum. Harvard is practically knocking at her doorstep right now. All she must do is open the door.

Sasuke knows what she said is true. But he also knows that a big part of her staying here in Japan is sitting just a few inches from her.

Him.

He looked away from her then, suddenly angry and frustrated and hurt at once. He doesn't even know to whom. Maybe with her, maybe with the world.

Definitely with himself.

'All you do is hold her back,' his own self seethes. 'What else are you good at, asshole?'

Sasuke is gripped with so much anger at her words thay he gritted his teeth so hard they can both hear it. All he could say was, "No."

"Sasuke-kun?"

"You will go. You have to."

"I don't want to."

"Yes, you do. I know you."

She flinched at that, "Don't you think it's my decision to make? I decided to stay, and that's that."

Sasuke noted the slightly angry tone in her voice and it only fueled him to go harder, "C'mon, Sak. We both know you have nothing left here."

Her voice was incredulous when she answered back, "What?!"

He scoffed, "Seriously? You have no other friends aside from Naruto and I. You're a shut-in. You don't even have a family with you."

Sakura gasped at that. He's aware of what he said and he wanted to take it back, but he was too busy being angry at everything at the moment.

"Stop the car," she silently asked.

He pretended not to hear a thing until she literally shouted, "I said stop the fucking car!"

Sasuke abruptly swerved towards the side of the road and slammed on the brakes. They were both almost throwned forward if not because of their seatbelts.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?", Sakura asked him, her voice shaking from too much emotion. Disbelief, pain, rage — Sasuke can taste it in his mouth.

He looked at her sideways, "What is wrong with me? No, Sak. What the fuck is wrong with you? You're giving up your dream!"

"I'm not giving up anything!," she screamed at him. Her eyes are wild and her breath comes in heavy.

"Oh, really? We both know Harvard is the best thing for you. Don't deny it to yourself. If you don't go now, you might not get another chance."

"I don't care! I want to stay here!"

"And do what? You're almost bored with your classes. You're always by yourself because you're too absorbed with me that you couldn't even try to talk and befriend anyone else. You're alone even in your own place because you live with too much memories of your dead parents in your old house and you couldn't take it."

"Oh you did not just say that," she sputtered. Sakura's eyes are wide with disbelief with his words. "You did not just tell me I should go because I couldn't live with my dead parents' memories. You should know how it feels to lose a loved one."

Sasuke regretted those last words. She's right, he should know what it feels like to lose a part of yourself. This argument is getting out of hand and he feels so fucking tired.

He sighed then looked at her, "What do you want me to say then? Don't leave me? That you shouldn't go? That I want you to stay? That I need you?"

"Yes," she said, her voice strong and her eyes determined at him. She nodded her head, "Yes. Tell me to stay. Tell me you need me."

Sasuke stared at her face, that face that he grew to love ever since he laid his eyes on her; that face that he first wants to see every morning for the rest of his life; the same face that he wants to stare at every night.

'This is your chance,' his thoughts suddenly said. 'You can end this now. Right here. Don't torture both of you further than you already did.'

He swallowed his real thoughts, most of them saying those things she wanted him to say. He doesn't want her to go. He doesn't want to let her go.

But his inner thoughts are right.. it is time.

Sasuke hardened his resolve and stiffly said, "No. I don't need you, Sakura."

'Yes, I do.'

Sakura shook her head, "Yes, you do."

He looked away to face his front again, "No, I don't. You think I need someone who makes me worried every damn day? Someone who's annoying like you?"

Sasuke looked back at her and added, "It only makes me tired."

Sakura took a pained gasp, his words slowly making their way to her heart. Her voice was cracked when she asked him, "You're tired of me?"

'No. Never.'

"Yes. I'm tired of this. I'm tired of us."

She blinked, her eyes still wide but dry. Green met his black for long moments until she asked him the question that will free them of this monumental fucked-up relationship, "Are you.. are you breaking up with me?"

Sasuke sighed, still looking at her straight in the eyes. He hoped she wouldn't notice how hard he was gripping the steering wheel. He had to do this.

"Yes, Sakura. I'm breaking up with you."

'No. Don't leave me.'

The silence after those words penetrate the small confines of his vehicle. Both Sasuke and Sakura stared at each other — black with cold indifference and green with shocked detachment.

Sasuke couldn't look at her anymore so he went back to facing the front of the car. He feels numb. A few minutes passed and he decided to drive her back home.

"Let's go. Let me take you home," he muttered under his breath.

The moment he pushed the gas pedal was when he heard the unclasping of her seatbelt and the opening of the passenger door.

He immediately slammed on the brake and quickly looked back at Sakura, just in time to see her get out of his car and closed the car door a little too hard.

"Sakura!", he shouted at her. He got out of his car and strode towards Sakura who is still busy walking away from him with brisk steps. His long legs reached her and he turned her around to face him.

"What the fuck was that?! You could've been hurt! What the fuck were you thinking?!", Sasuke literally screamed at her face. He's gripping her arms tightly and he noticed her shaking form.

"Too late," she whispered. Her breaths come in puffs and he noticed that it's visible now. He then realized that it was snowing. Winter is here.

Her eyes looked up and found his. Sasuke fought back a gasp to see her eyes without their usual light. It's all hard and cold.. just like his. And then she added, "I'm already hurt."

He wanted to pull her in his arms and embrace her, to embed himself into her or her to him, and never be apart. He wanted to warm her up with his mouth, his hands, his breath. He wanted to kiss her.

'You broke up with her remember?'

"Get your hands off me," she quietly asked him. "Please."

He flinched, "C'mon, Sak. Let me get you h-"

"And stop calling me that," she coldly asked. She pushed away his hands and turned around to walk away from him.

It was snowing and he couldn't let her walk all the way to her apartment, no matter how close it may be. It's only a 10-minute drive, 20 if by feet.

"Sakura," he called out.

She turned around so suddenly that it almost surprised him, "Don't."

They stood at the side of the road, with the sky crying snow around them, facing each other. Sakura remained calm and her eyes still dry. Meanwhile, Sasuke remained glued to the spot as the love of his life slowly break before his eyes.

"I should've known," she started. Her eyes are focused on him, never wavering. "I knew something wasn't right. Nothing's ever the same since your brother was gone."

Sasuke swallowed when she mentioned Itachi. Does she know? Does she know his awaited fate?

She continued, "And I know I should've confronted you for it. But instead, I fed your appetite. I felt it when you look at me, when you touch me, when you kiss me. You needed me, Sasuke. You need me."

'Of course, I do.'

Her eyes blinked and her voice wavered, "And I'm selfish enough to be happy when I'm needed.. and I'm sorry." Her green orbs watered then, "I'm sorry for using that to feed my own need."

Sasuke choked as he shook his head no, "Sakura, please. You don't.. you don't have to say sorry. I- it's me.. it's my fault. It's not you."

She laughed without humor when she heard that. She's still looking at him as she humorlessly let out chuckles, "What a fucking cliché." Then a teardrop fell from her. And then another. Then another one.

Sasuke felt like dying at that moment. All the crying he saw from her was never like this one. She looks so broken now, her mouth shaking from the cold and from her tears.

"I was tired too, Sasuke. I endured for a year. I swallowed the hurt when you forgot our second anniversary. I swallowed my pride at the restaurant where you stood me up on my birthday. I swallowed the pain when you left on your birthday without telling me."

Sasuke remembers it all. He will never forget their anniversary or her birthday or their tradition when it's his turn. It's just that he's too guilty about being with her and still delaying the impending doom of their relationship to actually be with her. He decided to deprive himself of his own happiness because he doesn't deserve it.. doesn't deserve her. He's just a coward to face it.

Her tears are slowly rolling down her cheeks, like the snow falling down on them. "I endured them all, knowing that you're still in grief, and you probably will be for a long time. I know the feeling." She took a deep breath and exhaled, still crying. "But never, not once, did I ever think about giving you up. Never."

His eyes blurred and he fought the tears that threatened to come. He swallowed hard and breathe deeply to control his emotions. Sasuke wanted to look away, but he couldn't.

"I deserve better. I know that," she nodded to herself. "But I still wanted you despite that.. because I love you." She licked her lips and took a step forward to him.

Sasuke watched as she made her way to him, her hands shaking and her eyes straight up looking at him. When she's in front of him with only a few inches between them, she spoke.

"So you don't get to break up with me, Sasuke," her voice strong and laced with genuine resolve. "I break up with you."

Her eyes are hard but still leaking angry and pained tears, "I break up with you."

Sasuke knows he deserved her hate, but he never thought it would be as painful as this. He didn't say a thing, just continued to stare down at her shaking form, praying to anyone to end this fucking nightmare.

Sakura's green eyes dimmed down and turned soft as she stares up at him. His heart skipped a beat.

"I wish you happiness, Sasuke."

—

Mikoto was drinking water from the kitchen when she suddenly heard a noise coming from the living room. She was startled for a second, but she put her glass down and tightened her robe. It was late at night and Sasuke must have come back. She made her way to their living room, only the moonlight provides little light in their house.

When she peered from the hallway, she saw Sasuke standing in the middle of the room with his back on her. He was deathly still looking out the great window of their living room. She silently and slowly approached him, then put her hand on his back.

"Sasuke?"

Her eyes went wide when her son looked back at her. Sasuke was crying.

"Kaa-san," he muttered, his voice little and broken.

She gasped then, her son calling her that term that he hasn't used since he was 13. She looked up at him and knew immediately what happened. Her heart ached for them.

A tear fell from his eyes as he looked at his mother, "She called me Sasuke." His eyes continued to shed tears as he said, "He never calls me just Sasuke."

Fugaku was at the top of the stairs and saw his wife and son in their living room. He heard the noise earlier and decided to check what it was. He saw and heard his now only living son slowly die in front of his mother. His heart clenched painfully.

Mikoto's eyes gathered moisture and she fought the tears as she watched her son look down at his hand and put it against his chest.

"Kaa-san," Sasuke called her again.

Mikoto swallowed before she answered, "Yes, Sasuke?"

Sasuke clenched his hand on his chest and gripped it tight, "It hurts." His dark eyes, still continuously shedding salty tears, found her own, "It hurts so much. Can you make it stop?"

His mother couldn't fight away her tears any longer. His face contorted in pain as she gathered him in her arms as they fell on the floor, with his head buried against his mother's shoulder.

"Please, kaa-san. Please. Make it stop."

Sasuke's wretched sobs reverberate around the silent Uchiha house, muffled by his own mother's cries. His father slowly made back his way to their room to silently cry alone.

Outside, the first snow of the winter falls, in sync with the tears from their eyes.

--

~fin~

(A/N: As you noticed, I made Karin and Naruto siblings, if you’re a bit confused about that. Hope you liked it and made you feel some things, no matter what those may be. Lol. See you soon!)

part 1 | part 2