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ambitionsource · 3 years

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hi can we get some zaley friendship headcanons whenever you're free? ☺️

im not the best at headcanons just bc of the way my brain functions but im gonna do my best for you, sunny my friend. let’s go zay and riley let’s go!

thrift shop buddies!! one of the most common ways that they hang out is definitely going thrifting. considering they arguably have the two most eclectic wardrobes on the show, this makes sense. esp i fully believe they’re the perfect people to thrift shop with where they encourage each other to try on everything, even if it seems outlandish (and sometimes even more in those moments). that’s the only way to really get some good finds! and i feel like, beyond S1, when they wear items for performances in the show that are clearly unique / seem thrifted, it’s more than 50% likely the other helped them pick it out at some point

on this note, i think that they both have really good senses of what looks good on the other bc they spend this time together, probably better than anyone else (yes, including their significant others. not that that’s hard, since both of their significant others have notoriously bland fashion). like even when theyre not out together i can totally imagine them seeing something and being like “oh this is so riley / zay” and getting it for each other. they know each other’s sizes and have like an ongoing swap credit system gfJSKHJDLFH

riley and zay usually run performance by the other person before they perform them for the class / at an audition. like they find a specific time (usually during breakout sessions during class) to get in front of the other person and run them through their concept + do a run-through for them. they just really appreciate the other’s perspective, especially since they tend to complement each other -- zay is able to identify places where riley could heighten things or add some flair or just like... assert her talent more lmao, whereas riley helps zay pull back on some of his more overwhelming instincts when necessary or find the moments to truly lean in emotionally rather than blowing us out of the water the whole time

if we could actually Watch the show, i guarantee 9/10 times when riley or zay is performing, we would cut to the other enjoying the performance. like theyre always bobbing their head along and truly feelin the other’s performances. excellent vibes luv!

i also think they harmonize well with each other, which is why its kind of a shame they dont do more performances together within the context of assignments (as for why, couldn’t tell you... it might just be a weird psychological thing of like i have These people i perform with when it matters and these who are just for fun... like maybe zay and riley tend to see each other as easygoing comfortable duet partners and thats why they try not to overdo putting pressure on it). but yeah they absolutely have days where they just hang out in one of the rehearsal studios and play around on the piano and try to find ways to harmonize on their favorite songs. this is some of the best singing riley ever does, bc its so low stakes and fun

i also think that honestly, zay really helps strengthen riley’s vocals over the time they’re friends -- especially early on. riley is someone with good raw talent but she’s never thought about honing it seriously prior to joining aaa, whereas zay has been on a career mindset since he was little. so he is good at teaching her like small technique things or helping her expand her range and she really values that esp bc hes so selfless about giving it, but it doesnt come off naggy or unnecessary like maya’s advice often does

sometimes it can be hard for them to find songs they both wanna sing though bc their music taste is so different. i think they have like three small categories where their favorites overlap -- select big names (sza, chloe x halle), jazz / old-time crooners (frank sinatra, nina simone, and the like), and select musical theater. but i think this is mainly on zay, bc he’s much more picky about music than riley who will give anything a listen without much nudging. as we know zay likes to pick on his friends’ music taste (like charlie and harry styles / 1d) and i don’t think riley would escape this affectionate teasing. they exchange song recs and riley gives him like her usual piano ballad-y sara bareilles tswift rachael yamagata energy and shes like oh yes, another piano ballad and hes like STOP!!! JUST LISTEEEENNNN GFSJKLHJFDSKLHKDLFH

that said though, they’re definitely go-to friends when it comes to like checking out a new local artist or coffeeshop open mic nights. this is probably a typical zay / riley / yindra outing

zay doesn’t spend a ton of time watching tv bc “he has better things to do with his time,” but riley and zay are definitely the type to watch a show together. like not always Together, but they’ll try to keep up with each other so that they can talk about it (and riley has to try really hard not to keep binging and get way ahead of zay). theyre good at this bc they can have really intense and opinionated conversations about it but in a way where its like safe and neither of them feel like theyre actually being judged / are stupid if they disagree (something thats not common for riley, and zay usually is trying to discuss media with super strong personalities who aren’t great at Debating).

in general, though, they tend to agree on favorite characters / relationships. for example, they both hate rachel berry -- which always gets maya and farkle extremely heated if they’re around. i can only imagine why...

they’re also definitely safe-space vent people for each other. they don’t use the privilege all that often bc i think both of them try to like keep their cool and not get hung up about things, but if they really just have to pop off about something they know they can go to the other person and they’ll actually Listen and keep it under wraps rather than either spilling it to everyone else and/or immediately trying to problem solve rather than just listening to the Emotions. and it’s helpful bc for the most part, their friends don’t actually really overlap that much, so they don’t really like harbor the emotions the other person unloads on them or let it affect their dynamics with other people? like riley can talk about dasher and zay can talk about yingel without it having any ripple consequences bc theyre different circles.

for example, i can totally see riley talking to zay about how she feels like -- at first -- asher doesn’t really like her and won’t really let her in and like he doesn’t want her to join the friend group (even tho that isn’t really true). like she can’t talk to dylan about it bc she’s not going to put him in that position and she’s not foolish enough to think that’s a good idea, she can’t talk to lucas about it bc he like doesn’t get stuff like that gFJKHGLFJSDLH and also he has such a set impression of asher it would be hard for him to understand it from her perspective. zay has none of that, so hes a good person to listen to her nerves about it.

the only times this gets kind of complicated / janky is in the midst of zay x charlie stuff where riley is kind of unintentionally (or, sometimes, intentionally) in the middle. like, zay trusts her not to go telling charlie what he says about him, but he knows they’re good friends too, and its an awkward position to put her in. but still, i think when zay is really hurt or frustrated he’ll snap sometimes and just vent out all his anger about charlie to riley in one foul swoop, and she’ll just absorb it like a sponge without judgment and then not bring it up again. but you can also see little ways where this puts pressure on their friendship, like how when he was drunk in 304 zay expressed resentment towards the fact that riley also talks to charlie and sometimes he feels like she puts him first, even though that isn’t true. it’s just..... a very very complicated (and interesting, if emotional) situation with that trio.

that being said, when things are Good, i think that zay feels comfortable talking about his significant others (including charlie) with riley. he doesn’t really get too Detailed about anything personal or anything, but they definitely discussed charlie in s2 in the small window of time where riley knew and zc wasn’t actively imploding LMAO. on the flip side, riley doesn’t really talk to zay about her relationships, but only bc her relationship is lucas GJFSKLJHLKDJHFLDSH. like anyone else she’d be like okay sure this is fine but she knows zay finds lucas annoying 65% of the time and talking about him in a romantic context grosses him out so she respects that LMAOOOO. hysterical

in general, if they’re gonna hang out, they usually go to either a local coffee shop they like (like svorskis) or each other’s houses. its kind of a relief to have a person they can just take anywhere and have around their parents with no trouble at all, considering both of them are used to having a boyfriend who cant be seen in their house (for different reasons). and theyre comfortable enough that like i think when they hang out at their houses, they just spread out in the living area of both bc theyre not hiding anything, its like very lowkey and comfortable

that being said, riley doesnt spend much time in zay’s usual studio at school. most people don’t, its a place zay now likes to be alone (and it feels weird with someone else being there who isnt charlie)

as for how they come off to their families, the babineauxs love riley. jada has met her a couple of times and thinks she’s super sweet + zay could afford to learn a thing or two from her like how to chill the fuck out (cue zay going shut the fuck up). donna is excited that zay has another friend who isn’t batshit intense about stuff like maya / farkle, she figures yindra has the diva best friend role covered and zay needs more friends like nigel and riley to ground him. she’s right about this.

cory likes zay, but he also does have some prejudices from the teaching perspective about how zay doesn’t pay attention in class half the time and blows off his assignments -- but this isn’t partially because cory isn’t a great teacher and his assignments suck. so the feeling is mutual, tho zay gets along better with cory in a neutral, polite sense than say, asher and dylan, where it’s like guerilla psychological warfare. topanga has no opinion about zay bc riley doesn’t introduce her friends to her (wisely).

they’re still very common lunch buddies. essentially when riley isn’t eating with the techies (which is only when lucas is there usually) or bothering lucas in the booth once a week, she’s with zay (which usually also means nigel, yindra, and farkle, though not always)

ultimately, i think that when someone asks riley who her best friend is, her mind will always jump to zay first. not even because theyre necessarily the closest at any given time, but because he really was her first life raft at aaa and he extended that kindness to her in a moment where she was so used to being brushed aside, talked over, ridiculed -- and you don’t forget that. it stays with you. so when she thinks about her Best Friend, speed round answer, he will always come to mind first. i think she greatly admires his skillful balance of confidence and compassion, his sarcastic sense of humor, the way he gets so passionate about dance and music and how these elements come together, and his inarguable kindness that is at his core and so fundamental to everything he does (even when his more known reputation is a bit more barbed and witty).

on the flip side, i think riley came into zay’s life at the exact moment he needed it. we know he felt isolated in s1, and even though i think he thinks of nigel and yindra as his first-to-mind best friends, riley was a breath of fresh air who allowed him to be himself with someone who wasnt going to judge him on past decisions or impressions. just like he gave her the chance to define herself in his eyes with his extension of company on that first day, she does the same for him by not making assumptions about him and learning who he is on their terms. i think she’s also just a really great, measured system of support -- she’s not busting his balls or keeping him in check like yindra and nigel do (except when its really needed, like 304), but she isn’t as in awe / romanticized with him like charlie. i think he appreciates that he can go to her for an honest perspective, but she’ll take the care to deliver that honesty in a gentle way. it’s like, he’s tough enough to take a hit, but sometimes its nice to know you have someone who will be kind with you even then.

that’s what is at the core of their friendship overall. kindness.

-- Maggie

#amarakaran #ask and you shall receive #zay x riley #riley matthews #zay babineaux #aaa supplementaries #love them... i do

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hollyhomburg · 5 years

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Call me Yours Pt.4

(Ot7 x Reader) (Hybrid Au!) (Blind! Reader)

Summary: You never would have imagined that more love was hidden right next door, just over your garden fence.

Pairings: (Human! Hoseok) x (Human! Reader) x (Wolf hybrid! Namjoon) x (Dog hybrid! Seokjin) x (Cat hybrid! Yoongi) x (Tiger hybrid! Taehyung) x (Bunny hybrid! Jungkook) x (Cat hybrid! Jimin)

W/c: 8.6k

Tags/Warnings: Implied hybrid abuse, mentions of hybrid heats, oral, brief sexual content, in heat! Jimin, Sub! yoongi, Dom! Seokjin, slow burn,

Note: The poem briefly referenced in this is typewriter series 2091 by tyler knott gregson, i hope you guys enjoy this chapter thats way way way too long. what even am i trying to do anymore with this series. next part won't be for a while (cuz im going to try to get some other things from different series out in the next few weeks.)

- It’s kind of a lazy day, you’re in between work assignments and Seokjin is on the phone talking with someone about the possibility of a collab. Namjoon and Yoongi are upstairs (you’d heard muted moans coming from Yoongi’s room though- and though initially you’d had half a mind to join them- you realized that you where a little not in the mood after hovering by the door for a few seconds.)

- So you’d made yourself a cup of tea and put your cellphone in the pocket of your fuzzy cardigan and been intent on listening to the news on your back porch with only the company of the birds so as to not disturb Seokjin. It’s a sunny afternoon.

- You can tell from the warmth and the little bit of light you can see that it’s going to be a nice day. The muted shape of the bird feeder hanging, aware of it from the flick of movement that can only be a bird, Fast and quick- it flits across your small field of vision, and you feel your brain relax a little always hungry for any bit of visual stimulation that it can get.

- You hear something shift- someone more likely, the shlick of fabric against the wood of the stairs. You know the listless sound of hybrids enough to not be startled. “Taehyung?” you guess out loud.

- “Nah it’s me” Jimin answers, and you hear the sound of something furry hitting wood, probably his tail flopping in a light flick, and then the scratch and of a pencil on paper. A bird chirps at you from the birdfeeder as if suddenly startled/ “Where you waiting for Yoongi?”

- “Kind of” he says, and you can hear the pout in his voice as you take your seat at the glass table, wrapping the blanket more firmly around your shoulders. Jimin offers no more explanation for his appearance, but you don’t ask after it. “Will the news bother you? I’m trying to find a quiet place to listen because Seokjin is on the phone.”

- “It won’t- you can play it.” You click on your phone and set it on the table, kicking your feet up on the opposite chair, the drone of your favorite newscaster voice soft and quiet against the melody of the birds and Jimin’s scratching. The first segment ends, and then the next ends too. Your teacup ended.

- You can still dimly hear Seokjin’s laughter as he talks to the person on the phone- you think it was some other cooking YouTuber who has a fox hybrid partner that wants to start some kind of cooking show with Seokjin. So you stay outside, content to listen to the birds and puzzle along your own thoughts. That and the sound of Jimin’s pencil scratching along a pad of paper.

- “What are you working on?” you ask about a half an hour after you first sat down. The scratching stops at your question. “I’m ugh- just drawing Namjoon’s garden- since it’s so pretty, and because Jungkook and him aren’t working in it and like moving stuff around yet.”

- “Oh can I see it?” “Uhm- sure?” Jimin says, not really sure what you mean, but he brings his sketchbook over regardless, he’s nearly done anyway, he takes a second to darken up the spot by the fence that’s in early morning shadow. The hedge a muted dark shape.

- Your fingers glide over the paper feeling where the divots are in it- the oblong shape of a leaf; there is something gorgeous about the careful pattern of strokes. You feel under the paper too- trying to feel the parts that must be the most heavily shaded.

- “You know I can’t really tell when things are beautiful from a visual standpoint but this- it seems really nice.” Jimin is so thankful that you can’t see his blush (and then instantly feels guilty for feeling thankful for your blindness) but really- he doesn’t show his drawings to like anyone yet, it’s still a new thing that he’s exploring. He takes his sketchbook back from you after a moment stuttering out a thank you.

- Hoseok only sees the sketches because Jimin has the unfortunate habit of leaving his papers around in Hoseok’s spare room. He keeps his sketchbook (the first thing he’d ever asked for from Hoseok) shoved in a drawer in the spare room back home and closed with a large rubber band when he’s not drawing in it. He’s only had the book for a few months but already he’s almost completely filled it up.

- He’s sketched everything, the moonlight shifting through Hoseok’s kitchen and the reading nook, Hoseok’s favorite mug that he uses every morning, the blue and yellow polka dots sketched in painful detail.

- The line of the buildings that Jimin can see from the roof- a full panorama of the city limits. Their front door and the old empty window boxes (Now full of pansies from Namjoon), the sleeping face of Taehyung- his cheek pressed to a pillow mouth almost open. Jungkook’s ears laced through his curly hair as his back is turned to Jimin as he plays his video games.

- The line of Hoseok’s legs and arms slung over the leg of the couch, his sharp nose and equally as jagged jaw, his eyelashes cushioned against his high cheekbones. The curl of his hair against his forehead and endlessly Hoseok's delicate lips. the downturn curve of his brow as Hoseok sleeps.

- Jimin doesn’t draw any of them when they’re awake, doesn’t ask them to sit for a portrait. He isn’t confident enough about his skills to show anyone, at least not yet (and maybe not ever). Jimin noses along the edge of your shoulder and it’s a testament to how use to affection from hybrids you are that you don't even shift when he begins to cuddle up against your back.

- “I could… draw you? If you want?” Jimin mumbles against your scapula, cheeks warm, fingering his pencil in his hands. You lean back in your chair, “sure just let me like- start a new podcast or something.” You flick on a podcast and lean back in your chair.

- “Turn your face a little bit to the left” Jimin says, so that he can sketch your profile better. and you do, but a little too far, so he gets up and moved it himself, his fingers gentle as he moves your chin into position. You pretend you’re not blushing, and Jimin, for once, decides to pretend too and not tease you (though you’re certain if it was Yoongi he would- but you don’t blame him- Yoongi is so fun to rile up).

- The podcast starts with the usual intro and Jimin sketches. Not for the first time- Jimin wishes he’d had Hoseok buy him some colored pencils so that he could get the shade of your eyes right. Like thin clouds on a summer day. Your face isn’t so sever like Hoseok’s, but there is something quietly beautiful about the slope of your cheeks and the curl of your hair against your chin and shoulder.

- Jimin makes a line and then instantly erases it- wrong wrong wrong- for the adorable curve of your nose that Jimin wants to immortalize because it’s just that- adorable- so adorable he could almost kiss it. Though he’s certainly not the only one in his house that wishes it.

- The first podcast ends and the second one startup. Jimin’s foot brushes yours where it’s propped up as Jimin dots his pencil in the spots that you have beauty marks. “Y/n I’m all Fin- oh Jimin! That looks gorgeous!” Jimin has never blushed or moved faster in his whole life. Closing his book with a sharp thump and hugging it to his chest and turning away from Jin in the doorway. Cheeks absolutely flaming, he stands so quick that he almost knocks over the chair he was sitting in.

- “u-uhm thank you Jin- I should-”Luckily at that moment, Yoongi pops up behind Jin, his hair all wet and a little spikey. The smile he gives Jimin is so wide and gummy that Seokjin runs his fingers through his hair at the nape, not that Yoongi pays him any mind in the wake of seeing park Jimin in the morning- he’s nearly as starry-eyed as Jungkook is when he looks at Namjoon. “Hey Minnie! Ready for that movie?” he asks.

- At that same moment that Jungkook and Tae call Namjoon’s name from over the garden fence, Then appear after a moment. Jungkook stumbling half-asleep into Taehyung shoulder. with his sunhat in one hand, Tae smiles down at him, hugging Jungkook to his side to keep him up straight, his puffy cheeks proudly on display.

- Yoongi and Jimin disappear inside of your house while Seokjin still stands behind you, Namjoon replaces them in the doorway, stopping to press a kiss to Seokjin’s lips and then to yours. Namjoon gives you both a dimply smile, wordless fondness in his eyes and joins the Youngers in the garden, not before the other two have both hugged you in greeting of course.

- Jungkook stumbles when he hugs you, putting his full weight you’re your arms, murmuring “slept so weird last night- still feel half asleep,” making you giggle, his tail twitching a little then falling flaccid as he starts to list in your arms making you giggle when Seokjin steps in to keep both of you upright.

- “Why don’t you dose in the sun then bunny” Seokjin says, concerned because Jungkook nearly just fell asleep on his feet and he definitely shouldn’t be handling a pair of clippers today. The older skims his fingers across Jungkook’s built shoulders, Jungkook leans into the touch, happy to be doted on.

- “I’m sure I could find you a blanket” Seokjin plies as Taehyung scent marks along your neck, and gives a wide purr in hello, Both of you oblivious to the way that Jungkook’s heart jumps at the affection of his hyung. He blushes and looks up, remembering the other day when they all piled happy onto a blanket and Seokjin’s chest had been pressed to his back, Namjoon to his front, and Jungkook had felt snuggled down and closed up in the best way. “oh” Jungkook plays with his fingers, “please hyung.”

- The blanket is sent for and retrieved. Hoseok is at work- he’d already sent you a voice message- telling you that the others might be over a little late- they’d all stayed up watching some movie marathon last night- Jungkook was intent on showing Taehyung and Jimin the entire collection of Avengers movies- despite the fact that neither of them are as into the movies as the youngest is.

- And you find that the early morning coolness has faded by the time Seokjin has returned to hand over a thick knit blanket to Jungkook, which he fluffs out on the grass, and promptly curls up on. the straw hat over his eyes to give him some darkness (not to mind that he’ll wake up in about 50 minutes feeling too hot and listless and in need of cooling off- for now he’s glad for he leisurely heat)

- Tae is content to help Namjoon and talk to him about planting, and what new things he’s planning on getting from the garden centre in the next few weeks once the summer starts in full swing and the last cold day has passed. Somehow you end up listening to a podcast in the kitchen, moving around Seokjin while you fold some laundry and he washes some dishes and chats to you about the collab. you help him with some wording on a contract that he wants to set up, and before you know it it’s well into the afternoon.

- Hoseok is going to be back from work sooner than later, it’s an early day, and it’s become enough of a habit for him to come hang around after work with his hybrids at your place, that Seokjin finds you fussing with a brush and your hair, and instantly takes it from you- as he always does, tugging it through your hair.

- The sound of Jimin’s giggles (and a movie that he and Yoongi are definitely not watching) in your living room filtering through along with the shrieks of Taehyung and Jungkook in the garden. And the unmistakable sound of the hose hitting the side of the wall- it is a pretty warm day outside. You’re not surprised that they got out the hose.

- “My skin is so dry from the change of seasons I really need to go get some facemasks” you whine patting at your face (and the many dry spots) sat at the kitchen table. Jin’s feet propped up on your lap.

- Yoongi steps into the kitchen depositing the now empty bowl of popcorn into the sink before he leans over the table to tilt your face this way and that. “Yeah you do” he scoffs, mirthful. His hands cupping your cheeks tenderly and squishing them in a little, you pout making it more comical and Yoongi grins, “Don’t tease- you won’t like it when I’m looking like the loch ness monster in a few weeks.”

- “Did someone say face masks?” Jimin says, hovering by the bottom of the stairs, his ears perked up. Making both Seokjin and Yoongi look up at him. His eyes are wide cheeks pink.

- “Yeah my skin is so dry” you whine, tilting your head into Yoongi’s side. Jimin comes to rub along him too. And Seokjin finds himself besotted by how snuggled down and protective Yoongi looks, with each of you under each arm, he catches Seokjin’s look, his eyes glassy and thankful. the resounding purr vibrates against your cheek.

- “I love facemasks,” Jimin says, voice vibrating around a purr in answer to Yoongi's, launching into a discussion of the various kinds and- “oh my god the ones from nature republic are like so much better than the etude house ones and the skin food ones are okay but don’t get the chemical peel ones.”

- Taehyung and Jungkook stumble through the door, yelping when Seokjin immediately pulls them under each arm, Jungkook crumbling instantly when the elder starts scent marking him.

- Taehyung relaxes a little uneasily- still tense and tired from what? Seokjin doesn't know. Eventually listing his weight into Seokjin’s shoulder, pliant and a little uneasy as Seokjin's hand slides down his back to his waist Seokjin nuzzles at his neck in hello.

- “Needy” Jungkook says, a little bratty, smiling something small and delicate. “Oh shush” Seokjin says, words strangled by the whine in his throat. “Like you don’t get twice as bad on the daily. Like you weren’t worse earlier”

- “Oh,” Taehyung catches the scene behind them, you and Jimin snuggled down by Yoongi, talking about going on a shopping trip sometime soon. “Yeah- they’re cute, now snuggle me because I am also cute” Seokjin whines. Taehyung and Jungkook are only too quick to oblige him.

- It’s only then that Seokjin realizes that Taehyung is actually complexly covered in mud, even some of it on his shirt and not on his pants, but mostly dry, when some of it cracks and falls onto the floor. Jungkook is a little less muddy.

- “Jesus Christ Taehyung. You need a fucking shower,” Taehyung extricates himself from the indignant Seokjin, who turns to continue chopping the salad that he’d started to work on, for an early dinner, the heavy ceramic blue bowl half full of shaved carrot and tomatoes.

- “Take off your shirt too! I don’t want your tracking mud around the house.” he says as Namjoon comes inside to see where his two helpers have gone, as Jimin and Yoongi recede back into the living room. There is already the understanding that Taehyung will help Seokjin cook dinner for all of them when he gets out like usual, Jungkook is leaning in the doorway of your bedroom- talking to you or Namjoon- who probably slipped in there to get something.

- Taehyung smiles at Seokjin as he starts to move to the now unoccupied dinner table. “Okay hyung” he says, and starts stripping. Seokjin tries not to be flustered at the immediate drop of Taehyung’s pants revealing his impossibly small boxers, stuttering out a few words before Taehyung smiles up at him, something about his heavy stare learned from Jimin and his endless flirting- but less self aware.

- “Don’t worry hyung I’ll keep my boxers on” he laughs as Seokjin splutters and rolls his eyes, and goes back to cutting tomatoes as his face also resembles a tomato. dear lord this boy would be the death of him. Next door, Seokjin can hear the car door slam, Hoseok must have just gotten home from work.

- Taehyung turns to walk to the shower upstairs- not to the one in your bedroom, and and Seokjin drops the bowl.

- It shatters against the tile floor loudly, lettuce and glass glaze mixing, sending shards this way and that and tomatoes rolling. But Seokjin almost misses it- especially when it narrowly misses his feet.

- Standing in the middle of a cacophony of shards is the least of his issues right now because Taehyung- Taehyung’s back- Seokjin feels like he can’t breathe.

- Taehyung’s back is… for lack of a better word… mutilated.

- There are probably 4 or 5 vertical stripes of scar tissue crises crossing across his back. Old and healed a light pink, but gruesome nonetheless- erupting the tan skin of his back and puckering the line of a shoulder inward, curving along the edge of a shoulder blade. Even as he turns startled and rushes over. More worried about Seokjin’s feet then at whatever had been done to him.

- Even as Taehyung stoops to pick up the back and starts picking up the careful, Seokjin can see them cresting over the tops of his shoulders. As bad as Namjoon’s or maybe a little worse, Seokjin is not one to weigh one pain against the other.

- Hoseok chooses that moment to appear at your back stoop- looking a little tired from work and a little warn, his black button-down rumpled and pushed up at the elbows, his tie missing. He makes eye contact with Seokjin “are you okay? I thought I heard a crash.”

- You and Namjoon come rushing to see about the crash, Seokjin flinches when the door opens, and slams into it’s casing, tail jumping. “What’s wrong? Oh Hobie! I didn’t realize you got back” you ask, as Hoseok makes a noise in the back of his throat and starts helping Tae pick up the shards, taking one look at Tae, then Seokjin and understanding.

- Hoseok waves Tae back, since Hoseok is the only one with shoes. Dumping the remnants into the wastebasket. As Yoongi gets the broom from the closet appeared to question after the sound as well. If Taehyung is intimidated or uncomfortable with everyone being able to see his back he doesn't show it. he holds Seokjin's stare, the same tiredness from earlier returning to his eyes.

- “What- what happened to you?” Seokjin lets out the words a near hiss. Taehyung looks up at Seokjin under his fringe, but doesn’t answer. The words are directed at Hoseok anyway, A little accusatory. But Hoseok’s eyes get this far away look in them, his jaw tensing he shakes his head at Seokjin.

- Seokjin knows that Hoseok couldn’t have done this- Taehyung’s only lived with Hoseok for a few months and these marks are years old at least- and some even look older than others- which means this was more than one event- and Seokjin’s thoughts are rushing over each other angry like a river building into a tidal wave of anger, a growl bubbling with is throat.

- Taehyung wraps his arms around Seokjin’s mid-drifts, and folds his shoulders thighs and small, lets Seokjin’s hand lace through his cinnamon hair and hold him close. Hoseok leans back against your kitchen table half of the bowl in his hands, watching Seokjin and Taehyung with half-lidded eyes. Sighing and holding Seokjin’s gaze.

- By your side, Namjoon’s eyes are dark, your hand twined with his but his arms are still stiff. Yoongi’s hands brush down his arms in passing to the wastebasket, soothing away the memories there. No one but Seokjin catches it.

- But Seokjin still feels- angry, angry that soft, gentle and quiet Taehyung would have been subject to this kind of hurt, that people still treat hybrids like this in this day and age. Seokjin’s hands are shaking, even as he smooths down Tae’s back and skimming over the marks lightly. Anger licking up the walls of his chest. He can tell his scent must be making the other hybrids in the room agitated by how Tae’s tail hangs and Yoongi’s puffs up like he can’t control it.

- “They use to use whip on the elephants. And on us when we misbehaved-“ Seokjin blanches. Thinking about that- about how deep the marks look. “I tried to run away once- the ringmaster didn’t like that.” Is the only explanation he gives.

- “t-there's scar cream in my room” Seokjin definitely does not say that it’s for Namjoon- he’s not sure that any of them have seen him without the sleeves on. Though it’s summer soon, so they’ll probably find out sooner or later.

- “Do you want to take a bath and I can put some on your back?” Seokjin has to swallow through the thickness- through shining eyes, he turns to Hoseok. “If that’s okay.” Hoseok nods, “we’ll finish dinner” he says the same moment Yoongi says “I’ll re-make the salad.”

- Taehyung looks a little put-upon and little unsure, but Hoseok’s nod is enough to reassure him that he can accept Seokjin’s affection. Tae eyes are wide and a little glassy as he looks up at the elder. He looks so so small and so unsure and Seokjin wants to wrap him in a million blankets and put Taehyung where no one can ever hurt his delicate mushy cookie soul again.

- You stand just inside the door of your bathroom, setting down two plush towels on the double sink counter, as Seokjin starts the tap. “I’ll get Namjoon and Jungkook to help cook too You guys take your time.” you say. Seokjin can already tell that you’re going to ask Hobi exactly what went on when he leaves- because as sharp as you are you’ve probably put two and two together but you still like to ask and know for sure.

- The warm air starts to turn Tae’s cheeks pink. “hyung” he says, eyes lidded, “hyung this is so nice,” “hush,” Seokjin says, hand fluttering across Taehyung's hip. The bath is hazy and warm and Seokjin leaves for a few minutes taking Taehyung’s clothes and putting them in the washing machine.

- Jungkook brings by a fresh pair of clothes for Tae from his house without much preamble. Taehyung and Seokjin come out of your room all snuggly and clean from the bath (that Seokjin may have put a vanilla scented bath bomb in for good measure).

- Namjoon and Yoongi are prepared to smother Tae and lav him with all of the attention they can after he gets out, Yoongi grooming him and Namjoon lining himself snugly along Tae’s back. But Tae doesn’t look scared, or hurt, or any version of upset, only all happy and soft, the purring quickly sounds up. Yoongi returns it as does Namjoon with a contented rumble.

- It’s strange for Seokjin to have nothing to do in his own kitchen, but you and Hoseok move around each other like you’ve cooked together before, even though Seokjin knows you haven't. laughing and bumping each other with your hips by accident and then on purpose. You almost send Hoseok flying and Jimin laughs and throws himself on your shoulder, and hugging you sideways.

- And Seokjin just Sits for a bit, as you get dinner ready, watching his dance of the new and the old, and feels like the luckiest hybrid in the whole city, maybe the whole world.

- (the old- Yoongi nosing into the back of your hair Namjoon smiling at you and running out to his grab a little rosemary. And you, oh, endlessly you. Your hair that’s come undone a little bit, the way you carefully run the tips of your fingers along the edge of a cutting board, around a tomato, things you never used to do until Seokjin came and built himself into your heart like a trellis or like a fine tree, every small leaf a different moment of sweet loving,

- It seems silly that you never used to cook- all those years ago, Seokjin and you in your kitchen that had felt so so big back then with just the two of you in it, and now seems too small with the eight of you.

- Who would have known that one day it would be full like this. Full of Hoseok’s little side to side movements arguing with Yoongi about what to play out of the portable speaker that you’d gotten him for his birthday, “come on hyung you can’t even dance to this song at least give me something I can shake my booty too”

- “What booty?” Jimin teases, raising an eyebrow as he blatantly stares at Hoseok’s behind, and makes Namjoon and Jungkook erupt into giggles, and Yoongi send this little half smirk half toothy grin over his shoulder at Jimin.

- He remembers you saying back then that you weren’t much of a cook and oh, if that you could see you now- Seokjin thinks they’d be very very impressed)

- (And the many new things- Jimin’s tail getting all fuzzy when he smells the rosemary and makes him aggressively rub at his nose, and Hoseok’s wide laugh at Jimin’s bushy tail, his mouth making a heart shape as Hoseok smiles as Jimin complains it makes his nose feel all prickly.

- Making Taehyung and Jungkook smell it only to have the same reaction. Jungkook’s bunny ears tied behind his head with a bright green scrunchie so they don’t fall in his face. His nose twitching with the smell as he recoils and sneezes, making Hoseok coo at him. Carrying 2 chairs at a time and grinning at Namjoon’s protest “I’m a strong bunny hyung” showcasing those adorable teeth.

- Seokjin sits Until Jungkook and Namjoon enlist his help in getting the tables set up outside. Since you definitely don’t have enough room to fit everyone on the kitchen table or the patio table- they need to be combined to fit all 8 of you.

- And there is something comedic about the amount of food on the table (let's be honest- half of it came from pre-prepared packages that where Hoseok’s staple) because how could they eat so much but Seokjin knows there will barely be any leftovers.

- Seokjin sits between you and Taehyung and holds your hand the entire time. While Jimin and Yoongi cuddle up on either side of the table. And you and Hoseok sit close, your legs brushing as you ask him about work and he tells you about the printer that exploded on the third floor today.

- The aftermath, Hoseok washing the dishes, and you sitting on the counter next to them while Jimin dashes around making a game of putting them away with Taehyung. Hoseok’s soapy hand on your knee whenever you say something he loves (ie. Every sentence) his hand brushing yours when he passes you a plate and lingering when he does so.

- Every second more domestic than the last, their lives twining with yours weaving their way like vines or maybe like threads in a tapestry- so close and snug that it seems like it would be impossible to untangle them now.

- Eventually Jimin brings up the idea about the face masks again, and You promise you’ll take him the next free day you have. You, Seokjin, Namjoon, and Jimin go on a trip downtown later that week to the shopping district where skincare shops line both sides of the streets and Jimin can spend forever debating each of them with you and he buys a fair amount with his own money and you buy more than a few too.

- Jimin buys a lot for Hoseok, Taehyung, and Jungkook to try too because they’re in his words “crusty ass bitches that don’t know a thing about skin care” to which Namjoon flicks his cheek and says “stop talking like you’re an American high school student” which makes Jimin whine and say “really it’s your fault for making me watch mean girls and translating for me hyung- how did you even learn English so quick-”.

- Namjoon trails along behind plopping the ones that smell like foods into your basket when he thinks you aren’t looking. He’s always been fond of the ones that smell like honey.

- You end up having a skin care facemask night with everyone (Taehyung too- though he shrivels his nose at the chemical smell of the masks and says that his skin is fine thank you very much).

- Hoseok’s careful fingers pressing down the edges of your mask against your neck where he sits next to you on the couch, His Hand slick with the serum, giggling as you cry “oh it’s so wet- it’s gonna slide off- help- Hobi help” Yoongi throws popcorn into Taehyung and Jungkook mouths, missing as often as he gets it in. Jungkook jumping up quickly to catch one that went far too high, powerful thighs straining against his pants.

- the mask on your face almost does slide off much to the delight of both Hoseok and Jimin, who giggle on either side of you while Seokjin ties up your hair better to keep it out of the way and then moves to pull Jungkook into his lap on the floor.

- Next to you Jimin fidgets closer, unable to find a spot that’s comfortable. Yoongi too can’t seem to keep his eyes off of the other hybrid (though that’s nothing new- it is particularly bad that day he straight up throws popcorn into Namjoon’s hair making him whine about getting the literal butter in his hair.)

- “oh my god I remember why we don’t do this.” You laugh. As Jimin tucks a lock behind your ear. Lifting his hand to his face. “Oh this smells good!” he licks his fingers. “And tastes good too!”

- Seokjin snorts. rolling his eyes “Only you would think that tastes good.” Having recently discovered Jimin’s favorite habit of dunking French fries in milkshakes last week at a drive-in diner that Hoseok had taken both of them too late night (‘sue me it tastes good hyung you just have to try it’ ‘Jimin my taste buds are delicate and sensitive and I am not sullying them with that concoction’

- ‘Would you do it for a kiss?’ Seokjin spluttering, as Jimin leans forward and presses his strawberry and salt flavored lips to Jin’s and oh- he’s not sure if it’s the cat hybrid that tastes so good or if it’s the combination but he lick’s it out of his mouth regardless)

- Jimin licks the stuff that’s on his fingers. As Hoseok checks the package, “It is all natural and edible- so I don’t think you’re going to poison yourself.” he finishes what’s on his hand and licks at the edge on the mask and what’s on your skin, licking up the Coolum of your neck, laving wide flat strokes of his tongue.

- You squeak at the sudden affection- though you’ve seen the hybrids mock groom each other to know that this is kind of what this, Yoongi’s done it to you enough times, though the resounding purrs and rough tongue laving at your throat give you little cause to push Jimin away, he sounds happy.

- You straighten one moment going rip rod straight, before your body turns to Jelly under Jimin’s mouth, and his lips that occasionally drag against your skin and leave with a smacking sound- you hadn’t realized how plush and puffy they where. There is no mercy under Jimin’s mouth, your own lips parted, breath escaping you like you’d just run up a flight of stairs as he licks harder.

- He licks up to the corner of your jaw and then down again switching to the other side, nosing along the place where you know your scent gland is (or at least wherever it exists on hybrids)

- You knew humans had some sort of natural accumulation of it on their necks, Seokjin and Namjoon have taken in a deep breath at the corner of your neck time enough. Jimin noses along that line, purr increasing with volume before he bites down.

- It’s half gentle, and with nowhere near enough force to actually hurt only ache, and it still makes you let out A small noise- half whimper and half surprised squeak. Every hybrid turns, Taehyung drops a facemask rapper when he sees what’s happening on the couch.

- Jimin half in your lap caging you in, and your absolutely wrecked expression, neck shining, and Jimin looking equally as flustered, with Hoseok’s hand in the back of his hair, forcefully pulling his head away from your neck.

- An instinct, some rudimentary part of Hoseok that felt possessive- Jesus Christ- Jimin was his own hybrid and he was worried about you because-because- “Jimin you need to ask consent before you bite someone.”

- Seokjin barks a laugh, and below him between his legs, Jungkook smiles, the sentence is a funny sentence, and of course Seokjin would think its funny.

- “Sorry hyung” he murmurs, Jimin’s eyes are cracked and as hazy as yours are looking at you with a hot gaze, Hoseok gulps- Jimin looks like he wants to eat you “sorry Y/n-ah” instead of releasing Jimin’s hair outright. Hoseok loosens his grip running his hand down Jimin’s neck and onto his back in a long stroke trying to calm him down.

- Jimin chirps and wiggles. Carefully moving from your lap to Hoseok’s. No matter the fact that he’d started on your opposite side (and eventually settles in between you two for the duration of the movie).

- Seokjin leans over from the other chair and flicks Jimin’s forehead. “Bratt” Jimin’s pout Is lethal. “I said I was sorry.” No one wants to say-” but neither of you look it” but they let it slide. Yoongi setting up the computer, next to him, you put your hand on Hoseok’s arm the contact startles him, his hand grabbing at yours before it lets it go. “It’s okay really.” Is the faint blush there because you’re embarrassed? Or is it there for an entirely other reason?

- They spend the entire movie night like that. Jimin sat sideways across Hoseok’s lap, hugging one of his arms close to his chest his nose in Hoseok’s necks. Your and Hoseok’s hands sitting an inch away While Seokjin and Jungkook relocate to your other side, taking Jimin’s spot.

- When they get home that night, closing the back door and filing into the kitchen, Jungkook immediately going to get carrot juice from the fridge. Hoseok sighs and turns to Jimin, Jimin folds himself into his owner’s arms, rubbing his face into Hoseok’s soft sweatshirt and hugging one of his arms. All in all- it’s not as needy as Jimin gets sometimes- but it’s still- this level of affection is a tiny bit out of character.

- “Jiminie- you sure you’re okay? First the thing with Y/n and then you snuggled me like the whole time babe” Jimin’s forehead is warm against Hoseok’s exposed throat. And when the hybrid pulls back his cheeks are flushed pink. Had he been like this the whole night? Had Hoseok not noticed under the dim light in your living room? Was Jimin getting sick? Hoseok inwardly curses at himself- what kind of owner was he letting his hybrid gets sick and not doing anything about it.

- “Just feel like- super supper needy today.” Jimin supplies, his words slurry, and half asleep- but it is nearing midnight, thank god Hoseok doesn’t have to work tomorrow. “Okay if you say so-“ Hoseok starts to take a step away, to get a glass of water and go up to bed- but the yowl Jimin lets out is so pitiful that Hoseok and his other hybrids freeze and turn to a suddenly very tearful Jimin. Hoseok practically throws the glass on the table and envelops his hybrid in his arms. Shocked at the sudden onset of actual real tears rolling down Jimin’s cheeks.

- “Minnie-baby what’s wrong?” Hoseok is at a loss “I j-just- I saw you walking away and it made me so upset- I’m being so irrational- and” suddenly, Taehyung steps behind Jimin, tilting the others neck all the way to the side, and giving a hard sniff. “You’re in heat- or about to be” the hybrid says, voice deep and assured. No way around it.

- “Oh Jiminie-“ Taehyung folds himself harshly along the back line of Jimin so that he’s caged in between Hoseok’s chest. And Jimin instantly looks more aware of his surroundings but no less apprehensive, looking up at Hoseok imploringly bottom lip quivering.

- It’s not like Hoseok had been completely unaware that this could happen, he knew that prior to and during Jimin’s time at the adoption facility that he’d been mandated to be on suppressors, after he’d started to be healthy enough to have actual heats, Jimin had wanted to go off of them almost immediately when he’d been adopted by Hoseok (as they’d made him vomit most mornings, and made him grumpy and irritable the other half of the time.)

- Honestly Hoseok hadn’t seen the point in keeping Jimin on them- it’s not like birth control is exactly necessary when you can’t get pregnant. And Hoseok had agreed to let Jimin stop taking the pills instantly (it shouldn’t really have been Hoseok’s decision in the first place- it was up to Jimin what he wanted to do with his body)

- Hoseok remembers saying that and the way that Jimin had looked up at Hoseok, Awestruck and thankful, and later confessed that it was when Jimin realized that Hoseok was going to treat him like an actual human being.

- And then the doctors visit to discuss a few weeks of lower dosage pills to ease Jimin off of being on suppressants for the better part of his life. What to expect from the first few heats that he’d have- a little more intense, and probably only a few times a year.

- Hoseok had stuttered and blushed when the doctor had straight up insinuated that Hoseok would help Jimin through them, but then again- that was in the first week knowing Jimin and it had felt strange to agree to that. And now…Hoseok can’t imagine letting Jimin go through it alone.

- and it’s not like Jimin hasn’t pulled Hoseok into bed before either, like they haven't been intimate, though that part of their relationship is new, Taehyung and Jungkook have too.

- Jimin’s hands are fisted in the front of Hoseok’s shirt, his knuckles brushing against the skin of Hoseok’s chest. Jimin squeaks then crumples further into Hoseok almost needing to be held up with how his legs are starting to shake.

- He doesn’t even want to ask what Taehyung’s large hands are doing, or what’s making the tiger hybrid look like that, languid and predatory, the smile quirking his lips as Jimin huffs a sigh into Hoseok’s neck. “you smell so good Minnie” Taehyung purrs. “It’s okay Minnie we’ve got you-you're gonna be okay” Jungkook sidles over, leaning to nibble on Jimin’s ear, making the hybrid collapse further his knees all jelly and no muscle.

- His body feels small and hot against Hoseok’s, and when Taehyung’s arm flexes he can feel Jimin’s hips jump against him. “Poor Jimin” Jungkook says, hands smoothing over the elders shoulder. “Let us take care of you.”

- It’s totally totally weird that Hoseok hasn’t come over by midday the following Saturday, you mill about in the kitchen after waffles, wondering where they could be. Jin puts the extra waffle mix away scolding himself for feeling forlorn. it’s not like he’d invited them over, but he’d gotten so used to the other hybrids from the house next door turning up that he’d started to make extra of every meal as a precaution.

- Yoongi himself is the most agitated out of the bunch, pacing in front of the door and then extending his track to the living room not stopping no matter how much Seokjin tells them to quit it. Namjoon too, is a little flustered, his ears standing to attention.

- Something strange and heady scent tickling at his nose, just not close enough to really figure out what it was sets him on edge. The wolf hybrid is Seokjin’s shadow, not letting him get more than a few feet away before he starts whining. “What’s gotten into you Joon” Seokjin asks, when he gets up suddenly and is immediately pulled back to Namjoon’s side. Namjoon flushes, and lets Seokjin get up for real this time, murmuring out a “sorry.”

- You try your best to go about your day as you normally would as does everyone else baring Yoongi. You check your phone and find your voice message unanswered. It’s not until just before lunchtime that a very ruffled looking Jungkook comes knocking at your back door.

- “Hey Jungkoo-” Seokjin says as he opens the door- voice dying in his throat when the scent on Jungkook hits him with full force, Seokjin is only dimly aware of Yoongi full on tripping and Namjoon sitting straight up and growling. Jungkook blushes, somehow, abashed. Namjoon can’t stop staring at the ring of hickeys and full on bite marks that encircle Jungkook’s neck like a collar, the dark two circles from canines on his neck nestled in the semi-circles.

- Jungkook’s bunny tail twitches. “Hey hyung- I-I’m not here to hang out- just, Hoseok though I should tell you, Jimin went into heat last night so you might not see us for a few days. Hoseok wanted to come over but he was uhm- too occupied.”

- Jungkook’s cheeks are absolutely flaming by the time he finishes the sentence and Seokjin blushes too, Yoongi’s tail is bushy and full as Jungkook quickly leaves again, Yoongi makes to follow almost instantly blocked by Seokjin.

- “No.” Seokjin says, and Yoongi’s spine shivers, “you gotta- heats are something you gotta ask about Yoongi- you can't” and logically Yoongi knows- knows that he can’t go over hand help Jimin through it the thought of sultry Jiminie, and the smell that clung to Jungkook, two parts liquid temptation and one part peaches and creamy Jimin softness.

- Just thinking about smelling that from the source and not just Jungkook who was drenched has Yoongi thinking with his instincts and not with his head, that's the only real reason why he got up to follow, his alphas voice cut through that tension like a knife and suddenly Yoongi’s focus is razor sharp.

- he looks up at Seokjin already looking strung out, “please” Yoongi’s fists on Seokjin’s forearms around you his chest heaving, reaching to pull you close too as Namjoon runs a hand down his back. “Please- I need- I need all of you.” his pupils are wide and glassy. Leaning his head over to nestle in your neck, trying to drown Jimin’s scent out with yours, and groans shifting listlessly.

- Hand gripping your waist and sliding down to your ass, his favorite part of you, groaning into your mouth when he squeezing and feels it’s weight, prompting as Yoongi lifts you up and puts you on the table. He starts to kiss along your jaw, the same place Jimin kissed yesterday, biting down like he would have, but a little harder. Yoongi trembles. Thoughts of the other cat aren’t completely out of his head until Seokjin tugs his tail and Namjoon nibbles on his ear, all the while you start stuttering out heavy breaths and slide your palms down Yoongi’s chest and he sucks hickey after hickey onto your throat.

- “There now” Seokjin growls, Yoongi’s heady scent mixing with the leftover remnants of Jungkook’s visit. As intoxicating as it is dangerous for Seokjin’s self control. “let us get your mind off this kitten.”

- “Mmmnot a kitten” Yoongi mumbles,”Seokjin laughs diminutively, the shame and arousal in equal parts licks hot down Yoongi’s spine, “right now you are.”

- Saturday is a mess of clothes on the floor, sighed names pressed against skin, and marks sucked, claiming, mine mine mine. Jimin is chanting that when Jungkook finally stumbles back into the bedroom. Both him and Hoseok a mess of sweat, saliva, and other bodily fluids. Taehyung is passed out on the bed, bite marks littering his neck as well and his hips, But Hoseok does a good enough job of holding Jimin through an orgasm. Teeth gritting as his hips cante upward.

- Jimin’s eyes are almost black, his cheeks red and his blonde hair curling against his forehead. Though Jimin’s only just come, he whines and holds out his arms for Jungkook- the only one of them who truly has enough stamina to compete with Jimin’s heats.

- “Smell like alpha” he murmurs into Jungkook’s neck biting over a mark he made, as Hoseok pulls out and falls back onto his heels, “Want alpha and Yoongi- want them all- please Kookie- please-”

- And then your house, clothes on the floor and the blankets from your bed too. Seokjin’s legs languidly spread and bare, length brushing his navel, leaning back to watch and bark orders, As Namjoon whispers straight filth in Yoongi’s ear, and holds his arms down and to his sides. A strip of fabric tied around his eyes making him blind to the movement of your mouth between his thighs a mystery, sucking hickeys and hollowing out your cheeks around him to make his hips twitch and his chest heave.

- Seokjin makes a tisking sound, standing, to hold Yoongi’s hips down. “not yet- you still have a long while to go” Seokjin warns, Yoongi whines, looking strung out and already half wrecked. He can feel you smirk around him as his orgasm backs off from the threshold of tipping over.

- Seokjin takes a moment to wipe away the drool on Yoongi’s chin. “color?” he asks, always caring, always making sure the members of his pack are okay, even as he gasps around the sudden but slight intrusion of Namjoon’s fingers, and you continue mouthing along Yoongi’s length, not sucking, just teasing.

- “Green green green” he chants, tongue licking at his lips obscenely. Even as Seokjin leans forward to kiss him and gives you to go ahead to continue, a soft touch on the back of your head guiding you. It is hours before you let Yoongi cum, doing so with the taste of you on his tongue, spilling into you with a shout as Namjoon moves behind him.

- The four of you don’t actually see Jimin and the others again until Sunday night- the whole weekend gone by and the light hanging hazy in the afternoon when Hoseok finally calls sounding tired and a little bit embarrassed but you’re none the less happy to have him over, a little endeared that he felt the need to check and make sure it was still okay.

- All of them are hickeyed and sated and shy, but they’re too happy to see each other. Jungkook curling up near Namjoon and laughing punch drunk while Taehyung shadows a stumbly Jimin who looks like he hasn’t slept a wink all weekend, making sure he doesn’t trip over the steps or his own tail.

- The first thing Jimin says when he steps onto your back lawn is “need to cuddle, Yoongi and Y/n, now.” It’s pouty and an order, and he points a finger at Namjoon and Seokjin and says that they’re next- prompting giggles because of course cuddles are a threat. Tae cracks a boxy smile and goes to beg sweets off of Seokjin (which always works- because Seokjin’s soft spot is fluffy tiger hybrids who are so hungry that they eat whole boxes of girl scout cookies in one sitting)

- Jimin ends up tugging both you and Yoongi back over to Hoseok’s side onto Hoseok’s hammock, where the redhead doses in the sunlight, an arm over his eyes, his wet hair curling against his forehead after a much-needed shower. He grunts when Jimin chirps in hello, and suddenly sits when Yoongi helps you onto the hammock and Hoseok realizes that oh- you’re going to come on too, the swaying ness startling you a little.

- The hammock isn’t exactly big enough for four people but you make it work by having Jimin sit in between Yoongi’s legs. Jimin holds the other around his midriff his tail flicking this way and that. content to nuzzle into each other.

- The hammock also doesn’t allow for any distance- every time Hoseok tries to inch back and give you space, gravity pulls him right back snug against your side, and eventually he gives up, settling with his side up against yours, he’s too sleepy to roll back to the other side as exhaustion starts to truly settle in.

- Yoongi and Jimin are wrapped close enough in their little world that Hoseok is offered the rare pleasure of being able to look at you without being scrutinized by anyone. He falls asleep looking your hair is a little frizzy against the green fabric, and he murmurs to you half asleep, his eyes fluttering closed.

- Sore in more ways than one, he falls asleep easily, dimly aware of something soft tickling his cheek, and warm breath against his neck as he falls back asleep. He’s unsure when he wakes- or how much time has passed, all he knows is that when he opens his eyes, you’re the only two on the hammock, and his back yard is quiet and shadowed only the top of his roof yellow.

- It’s a little chilly without the sun but you make up for it with your head nestled close to Hoseok’s chest, forehead up against his soft cotton shirt, his arm around you and his other hand resting close to yours, your legs and feet in between his, Hoseok wonders if you can hear his heart pounding through his cotton tee-shirt, wonders if you can feel how he stiffens when he realizes how close you two are.

- In your time knowing each other- you’ve very rarely been totally alone and never for any long amount of time. Hoseok wants to reach out, hold you closer, but doesn’t know if you want him too. You haven’t- neither of you have ever broached knowing where this is headed, and suddenly the weight of that- feels like its going to pierce through the bottom of the hammock and toss both of you away from each other and onto the ground.

- Before Hoseok can do anything- whether it be pull you closer or push you farther away, you turn onto your back, and yawn, eyes fluttering awake, “Yoongi?” you ask, though you can tell by how it’s shifting that there is only one other person on the hammock with you, “they must have gone inside” Hoseok says, his low and sleep roughed. You mumble something and turn back towards him, returning your head to the position it was before.

- Hoseok decides you can definitely hear his heartbeat when you ask, “you okay?” “Yeah it’s just-” and maybe its because Hoseok is half asleep and you are too that he feels like he can say these things. “Do you ever wonder what kind of hybrid you’d be if you were one?”

- You nod against his sternum, “I’d be a cat definitely, you?” you ask, voice lilting and mirthful in a way that makes Hoseok’s chest light, his fingers play along your sides a little, making you shift in ticklishness, moving closer to him and he stops it after a moment.

- “Fox probably- though Tae called me a chipmunk the other day when i put too much popcorn in my mouth” you huff a quiet laugh at that, make a humming noise, eyes close again and lapse back into a comfortable silence. “Do you ever think this would be easier if we were hybrids?”

- “What do you mean?” you ask. Hope curling up at the edge of your mind.

- “I think it would be easier, if we were hybrids and could uhm- smell each other like them, like Jimin and Yoongi, and Jimin and Tae. That night when we came home from your house Tae just like- instantly knew what was wrong with Jimin and now that I’m thinking it, this would just be easier if we were like that too,” he sighs out the last word into your hair.

- Hoseok bites his lip, unsure for a moment before he breathes out, “They never have to guess what the other one is feeling. ”

- His hand pulling you a little more snug against him, you push back and rejection stings him for a moment before your hand finding the bottom of his jaw to skim across it- wow his jaw is a sharp you realize, you can feel the way his jaw tenses and rolls- not unlike the same movement you’ve felt Namjoon make when he’s concentrating,

- Hoseok is- Hoseok is absolutely glowing with this feeling in his chest, all his wanting hazy and unfocused but present as he sighs against your fingertips and feels your warmth around him, the only He thinks of that poem that Namjoon showed Hoseok on his phone last week- paint me in the soft focus fog of your tenderness, pull me from myself,

- You pause for a moment, muddling over Hoseok’s words, waking up a bit and thinking on his words through your haze of dreams, Hoseok is not a dream, he is solid and warm and soft, his arms around you, the embrace new but not foreign. You only start things so many times before you begin to recognize the pattern.

- “You don’t have to guess, I think we both know, and I think we’ve both known where this is headed for a while” you breath out, your breath tickling across Hoseok’s lips, his parting too, the hammock sways under you has Hoseok leans up on his elbow to hover over you a little and stare down.

- The moment is interrupted by the sudden appearance of Jungkook coming over to his side of the fence to get some more lemon thyme out of his garden as Hoseok leans forward, tilting up at the last moment to kiss your forehead a fleeting touch. “Oh you’re awake!” he cries flashing Hoseok that smile as he hops over. Your eyelids fluttering as Hoseok sighs and leans back, his hand still entwined with yours.

- “Dinner's almost ready and Seokjin’s making like- a super large amount of garlic bread Cuz like we all didn’t eat enough this weekend and he showed me how to do it and you gotta tell me if it’s any better than his Cuz we’re having a competition and-“ his foot thumps against the ground in excitement for food and he starts to walk away and then looks back when he realizes that neither of you are following him. “Well what are you waiting for?”

- Hoseok makes a strangled noise in the back of his throat then gets off the hammock, helping you off of it after a moment. Steadying you when you stumble with a hand on your waist.

- Jungkook talks a mile a minute as you file onto your side to find the others already set up for dinner. Jimin sitting to the side looking fidgety, sipping at some lemonade. Taehyung is quick to tell you that he stood up too fast and nearly fell over and has therefore had been banned from dinner preparations by Namjoon and Jin.

- Namjoon actually growls at him when he makes to stand and help carry the food onto the tables. Yoongi wonders out loud if they’ll ever all get used to these family dinners, making Hoseok laugh.

- And if anyone notices your and Hobi’s hands are linked at the Pinky on the way over and under the table throughout the entire dinner, no one says a thing.

(Please comment and reblog! Likes are nice, but they do little to support content creators!)

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2021ssajka · 3 years

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IVY PANGILINAN

https://www.ivypangilinan.com/

i have been following Ivy Pangilinan’s work for a while now. She lives in the Philippines and maybe that is why I gravitate to her work.

I usually am very critical in abstract work like this. Often times it becomes too cloudy, gray, dirty and aggressive. colors often mix too much in abstract work resulting in grayish color that I do not enjoy.

In Pangilinan’s work, there is a right balance of “muddyness”. Her pencil marks reminds of me of the graffiti works in Metro Manila walls. The layering of her colors reminds me of peeled poster flyers all around the city. There is a right amount of swampy greyish green color when she mixes her color that reminds me of the stained Metro Manila walls due to the polluted busy streets (especially in EDSA highway) especially in the rainy seasons of June-September when these streets flood.

There is something that attracts me to her work. It’s possible we have similar upbringings living in the Philippines. There is a nostalgic feeling in her work for me. It feels familiar and warm. I also like her use of noise and gritty texture in her photographs which is also present in the Philippine architecture that gives the nostalgic feeling in her work. I also like how she incorporates her worn handwriting in her work. It feels more personal as if these are her journal entries. I enjoy this as a graphic designer as well and a person who journals a lot. I have always wanted to incorporate my handwriting in my work too.

There is a youthful energy in her work, that could be mistaken to be made by a young child filling in blobs of colors and scribbling in pencil.

This youthful energy can also address the filipino traits that we are known for. Filipinos are hospitable, polite, and always happy even through the tough times- and this is applies to my family as well, thats probably why I am always bubbly. This also shows in my work are we have somewhat similar color choices of bright and saturated hues.

Growing up in the tropical country of the Philippines, I always associated it as this bright and sunny place even if we do have monsoons and hurricanes during the rainy season. Maybe this is because I have so many good memories there that I mostly only remember the good times.

I have always mentioned that I see through a “yellow filter” because my memories of the Philippines are always bright and sunny even though we have a rainy season for almost half of the year when most of the country floods and many people are affected. I think it is a super power of the Filipinos to be able to get right back up right away, because these floods never really crushes that Filipino spirit, they are always ready to get all the pieces back together and get right back on with life- proving that they are very optimistic

I still have this “yellow filter” today, no literally. I wear glasses and i have this blue light filter applied on it, and its literally just a yellow filter on my glasses.

I had a big family in the Philippines. I literally grew up with my cousins and aunts/uncles right next door, and I always remember having the most fun childhood because I get to play with my cousins every single day. my favorite memory of us is when we would color/journal together (but also play house, pretend cooking, and play with dolls) thats probably why I enjoy paintings to much, because it has always reminded me of the good times with my cousins, and now that I am away from them, this a way where I could relive that moment and feel good alone.

I think Ivy Pangilinan’s (and Heather Days) work pushed me to explore pastels, crayons and other materials because it opens that childhood memories of mine. That is the main reason why I love pastels because it is the adult version of crayons.

when did we stop being able to play with these materials or toys? how come we need an adult version of things we enjoyed as a child?

Art materials are not something accessible to everyone in the Philippines. The materials there are so expensive that it is very impractical to keep art making as a hobby. I remember when I was young, My mom or aunt surprised me with a 48 crayon box when I passed an entrance exam in a Catholic school near us. I remember loving that box and filling in coloring books whenever I had the chance.

As I grew up, I remember my cousins always having a variety of colors in their collection. I would always borrow their cool shades when we would play, one time I remember stealing this “lemon yellow” shade of light yellow with a hint of green because I loved that color so much. I'm not sure if I eventually gave it back, maybe not (lol).

It was not till my mom moved to America to find a job, when she would always send us “balikbayan box” filled with all sorts of stuff she bought for us from here. I remember she got me a Crayola box with 140 colors and I protected that with my whole life. I loved it so much because it had neon, and glitter crayons and none of my cousins had that and they would borrow from me instead. That's when my fascination with colors began.

It is my goal to be a successful artist, and I will go back to the Philippines and provide art supplies to the children in need.

--------------- I also relate to Ivy’s connection with intuitive painting. The Philippines is a Religious Catholic country (influenced by the Spanyards when they colonized us for 300 years). We are taught to believe in something we could not see. It is very internal and spiritual. At a very young age I was told to listen to my conscience because this is God speaking to me. So I am very connected to my inner dialogue, and this is how I navigate through my emotions- and this applies to my art making as well.

Art is a very spiritual act for me. This does not only serve as a vehicle for expression but also a space to practice my faith. I am not a religious person and I am currently trying to unlearn the Catholic practices I was taught when I was young (going to a Catholic school), and I am now in a journey of finding my own idea of who God is, and one way I explore that is through art, writing and mediating.

I yearn for peace when I am creating art, and it is the calm, silence and the intimacy where I find God present. He is present when I feel content.

------

I also like how she shows her process. I gravitate towards her window because I remember my sister having one just like that when she had her room in the attic. I would always look at that window and peep at what's happening outside.

Seeing her process makes me think of what could have happened if I stayed in the Philippines. I have a feeling that I may not be able to pursue art and do something “practical” instead. Art really won’t be enough for me to have a financially stable career. Pursuing art there is a privilege, only for people who has the means and could afford the materials. It was never really a real option for me in the past, even though my mom supported me in my talents. It was only when I moved to America when I truly had a chance to pursue my passion.

I have this fantasy of having a studio in the Philippines and eventually retire there. We have a terrace in the front of our ancestral home and I have always imagined myself working outdoors and having a mini garden there. I would love to go travel around the Philippines and apply those sceneries and new memories in my work.

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klaus-is-the-real-number-1 · 5 years

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Goody Two Shoes (Number Five x reader)

ASK:Hello! I really enjoy your writing and I was wondering if you could do a Five x reader where the reader is easily embarrassed and Five knows that and constantly teases her but even after all that she is doubtful that he likes her? Thanks again!

Thank you so much to the actual angel who requested this ur forever in my heart n should 100% hmu when u see this, hope this is what you had in mind!!! stay fresh my dudes!! (also im british but were going to pretend that five and you are both 16 in high school. idk how the system works so i hope this is ok!)(ALSO ALL OF THE UMBRELLA ACADEMY ARE 16 AS WELL AND IN HIGH SCHOOL)

A/N: woow i did not expect it to be this long, do apologise for the angst but i hope it gets better lol, love you all have a nice day and yet again thanku to the angel who recommended this i think i went a bit off but hope its a bit like what you wanted!!

warnings: swearing, fives a bit dodgy but it gets better i swear, angst, fluff eventually, probably pretty long.

words: 2246

The Hargreeves were an unusual bunch, they were all so different yet you could see that deep down they all cared for on another. Klaus was your best friend, even though you knew all the Hargreeves, you could always be found with Klaus. You and Klaus would often go shopping, have sleepovers and keep up to date with the recent gossip around school; as sad as it sounds Klaus was really your only friend and you hardly got to hang round with him at school, school was a whole other issue on it’s own. Even though you were the same age as Klaus, and the rest of the Hargreeves children, your high school pushed you up a few grades so you were sitting your final year, your intellectual ability was far above average, even being in your final year you were scoring 100% on all the exams. You had no one in your lessons that you knew, well no thats not quite right, you had Five.

Five. Five was a funny issue, just like you he had been pushed up to his final year and you were in constant competition with him, he was always nit picking at everything you do and knew exactly what buttons to press to get you angry and even upset. But for some reason, you liked him. You liked him a lot, no matter how angry or upset you got with him you just couldn’t help it, in a way he helped you achieve much more because for every snide comment he made to you, you’d just go and smash the next test that came up.

You were currently sat with Klaus in his room, it was raining heavily outside, you were painting his nails for him as he rants about everything thats upset him this week. You were only half listening to him, concentrating on holding his hand still and humming every now and again.

“You know who else has been annoying me this week? Five.” He states waving his free hand around. “He wont stop asking me when you’re next going to be round, he keeps saying things like ‘Klaus, when is y/n coming round?’ and I’ve been hearing this all week, if I didn’t know any better I think he’d be trying to steal you from me.”

“I seriously doubt that.” you say with a slight chuckle, you couldn’t even imagine Five wanting you to be around, Klaus was probably just saying this to make you feel better about your small crush on him. Klaus knew all about your crush on his brother, to say he disapproved would be an understatement. He just didn’t get it.

“Honestly y/n, I don’t get what you see in him, he teases you all the time, and too be fair he’s so fucking annoying.” You look up and laugh, he gave you a weak smile looking down at his nails that were almost done, appreciating the black glitter polish you brought with you. He was about to speak again until a voice spoke up from the door.

“I thought I could feel myself losing brain cells, but of course it’s just because you two are in here together.” It was Five, he was leaning against the door frame, a smirk evident on his face. “Y/n, you haven’t been answering any questions in class recently, I hope it wasn’t because you stuttered that one time, or maybe it was more than once. To be honest, I can’t quite remember but it was still funny either way.”

That had hit a nerve, you were always so nervous to answer questions in class even though you knew it was the right answer, it was just something that happens. Feeling your face get red from his words, he continued.

“Oh I tell you what was funny,” He stepped closer into Klaus’ room, an evil glint in his eyes. “that one time that senior asked if you had a spare pen and when you went to give him one you spilt your water on him, ha!” Klaus knew all about that story, the senior is question was fairly attractive and you really didn’t mean to, you couldn’t apologise enough to them no matter how many times they said it was fine. Your eyes begin to burn, you hated how easily embarrassed you could get, you just couldn’t help it.

“Just fuck off Five, stop being awful to her just because you fancy y/n!” Klaus said almost impulsively, covering his mouth. Now Five was the one with a red face, but not out of embarrassment, out of anger. You could see him getting angry with Klaus. Klaus would never fail to mention how Five said things he’d regret when he was angry.

“I’d rather chew my own foot.” You felt your chest getting tight, his words hurt and now you could really feel your eyes stinging.

“Sorry, I didn’t realise I was that repulsive.” You say with a quite voice, you didn’t understand how one persons words could hurt so much. You got told often by others how pretty and beautiful you are, but non of them compliments mattered to you because they weren’t from the person you wanted them from. “I’m going home.” You quickly grab your bag from the floor and push past Five, you glance at him through tears, his face looked almost regretful, but it couldn’t be.

“Y/N wait!” You heard klaus shout but you were already half way down the stairs. “Five, what the fuck!” You heard steps chasing after you. It was pouring outside, and it was at least a 30 minuet walk back to your house, but you didn’t care.

“Y/n, you can’t walk home in this.” Klaus almost begged with you.

“Please just let me go, Klaus.” You step out the front door not giving him a chance to respond.

The rain was soothing on your hot face, you couldn’t hear the rain fall on the ground though, the thumping in your ears drowned everything out, you couldn’t believe Five, he’d never gone that far before.

‘shit.’ Five mumbled to himself once he heard the front door slam, he didn’t mean to say that, he was so angry at Klaus for telling Y/N his secret, he didn’t know what to do. He knew he was always a bit too harsh on y/n, he just didn’t know how to handle his feelings for them. He’d never met anyone who could challenge him and win, y/n was the only person who beat him on any tests you had in school, the only person who could distract him enough to completely forget the world around him.

“Five!” he could hear Klaus getting closer to him. “What the fuck? why do you have to be such a dick all the time! You always ask when Y/N is coming over then you go and upset her, every time, you say you fancy her and go do shit like that every damn time, you won’t have any chance with her if you keep going.” Klaus was angry, really angry. “And you know what Five? I hope you don’t get with her, she’s my best friend and she deserves better.”

Five knew what he meant, he could see that. She did deserve better than him. Five just looked down, clenched his fists and disappeared. A flash of blue and he was gone. Klaus almost wanted to scream, y/n was the best person he’s ever met, it’s almost as if he can’t have anything to himself in this house. Klaus slammed his door, hard, he was done with Five, always asking how to win y/n over and then completely ignores any advice he gives and he gives good advice. He told him everything from her favourite music to her favourite plants and trinkets.

It was now Monday, you and Klaus had been face-timing almost all weekend as you always do, he hadn’t mentioned anything about Five and you were grateful. You were waiting for Klaus just outside the Academy, it was a sunny day so you knew during all the breaks you and Klaus would probably be outside basking in the sun. You heard the door open and you look up expectantly.

“Hey y/n.” It was Five, he was in a crisp suit as he was always. His eyes burnt into yours.

“Oh, is Klaus almost ready?” You ask, keeping eye contact with him, not letting him intimidate you.

He goes to speak but gets interrupted by Klaus, you smile at him wearing a leather skirt and a crop top and dark eyeliner. He graciously links arms with you and pulls you off, you spare a look at Five behind you and you see him with clenched fists walk back into their mansion of a home. You and Klaus talk about his new fascination on one of the senior boys in a few of your classes, Dave, you and Dave occasionally talk in classes and Klaus practically begs you to get his number for him. You would try and do it for Klaus but you didn’t know if Dave liked boys or not but despite the facts, Klaus still begged you to get his number.

Once you get to school, you and Klaus head to your locker, the entire time he wouldn’t stop talking about Dave, you notice a small piece of paper thats slightly crumpled. In small, seemingly rushed writing, was ‘y/n x’.

“Recognise this writing?” You ask Klaus. He looks at you cheekily, without a second thought he snatched it from you.

“Hmm, I wonder what it says?” He says sarcastically as he opens it to read it aloud, reaching well above you so you couldn’t reach it. “y/n, sit with me in physics? -A x” He paused. “Who’s A? Wait, isn’t it that senior you spilt water over? Wait y/n!” He excitably garbs your arm, hitting it many times. “He sits next to Dave! y/n you’ve got to sit next to him, not just for you, but for me.”

You grabbed the note and shove it into your pocket, you just sigh and agree, if you weren’t going to do it for yourself, you’d do it for Klaus and his weird obsession with Dave.

You say your goodbyes as you make your way to physics, you felt nervous, you usually don’t sit with anyone and just get your head down to get your work done. As you walk into the lesson you see him sat in his seat, you smile and go to sit next to him.

“Nice to see you got my note.” He beams, he was cute, but not Five cute. You couldn’t wrap your head around how he acted this morning when Klaus practically dragged you away from him. He looked almost sad when you didn’t respond. Speaking of the devil, Five walked into the class, calculating eyes scanning the room until they land on you, his eyes then move to the boy next to you causing his eyebrows to furrow. You’ve never moved seats since you started the class. You turned to the boy next to you and started a conversation about the assignment thats due in soon, you hear a chair behind you scrape. The chair where you’d usually sit, a quick glance confirmed that it was Five, you did what any reasonable person would do and completely ignore him, all lesson. You feel his eyes in the back of your head all lesson, only to get worse when the boy next to you leant over and whispered a joke into your ear too make you laugh, and it did.

Five couldn’t believe it, y/n shamelessly flirting right in front of him. He filled with anger every time he’d look at her, when they’d touch legs, give each other little looks but the worst moment was watching him lean over and whisper something into y/n’s ear and she laughed. Y/n laugh was almost like heaven, soft and quiet, Five desperately wanted to be the one making y/n laugh.

You had two periods free, you began your walk to the schools library, as you do every Monday, you’d pick a book that you haven’t read and begin to make an attempt at it and even though you hated to admit it, it was your favourite part about Mondays. But suddenly, you were pulled to the side and in a flash of blue you were gone, and just like that you were stood in a room in front of the very person who said he’d ‘rather chew his own foot’ than be with you, the person who has continuously tried to put you down since you first met him, your crush, Five.

“What. The. Fuck. Five!” You say angrily at him, you repeat the phrase, pushing him away from you when you said it. All he did was look at the floor. “You can’t just teleport me whenever you want, honestly, if you’ve genuinely just brought me here to have a go please just leave me be honestly. What the fuck.” You emphasise the last words.

“Let me explain, please?” You just crossed your arms at him, waiting for whatever response he could give you. He just sighed before continuing “I’ve been an asshole to you, I know I have, it’s just,” He paused, looking at you, “You might not believe me when I say this, but I like you, y/n” You saw the vulnerability in his eyes. “And I don’t expect you to forgive me right away, but please let me make it up to you, everything that I’ve done. I promise I’ll do anything.” You looked at him, and you saw the real him, all his cards out on the table. You let your arms drop and look down.

“Promise?” you say sticking your pinky finger out, childish, but he knew that you took them very seriously.

“Promise.” Five said as he interlocked your pinky fingers. You smile, hoping he does keep his promise.

Six months later, Five had kept his promise. You were sat on his bed finishing off work before your finals, soft music was playing in the background. You quietly hummed to the tune of the song, Five was laying his head on your shoulder, lazily watching you neatly write out equations.

“Wheres Klaus?” He asks as you set your notes to one side.

“He’s on a date with Dave.” You lean into Fives arms, he just hummed in response.

He pulled you down onto the bed and wrapped his arms around you, you listen to his heartbeat, the soothing beat sounding like music to your ears. You feel him press a kiss to your forehead, you were glad he kept his promise and made up for everything that he’s done. Five slowly gained your trust by just sitting with you in lessons to start with, then to dates at Griddys, picknicks, meals out and eventually you saying yes to being his girlfriend. It took Klaus a while to accept your new relationship but he eventually came around to it, especially since you got him Dave’s number. You were happy with Five, you close your eyes and get even closer too him, just as you fall asleep you hear him whisper.

“y/n I think I’m in love with you”

#the umbrella academy #the umbrella academy imagine #the umbrella academy x reader #Number 5 #Number 5 x reader #Five hargreeves #Five hargreeves x reader #Five #Five x reader #Number 5 imagine #tua #tua five #tua x reader #requested #i yet again hate this but i hope yall like it #thank u to the angel who requested this #luv u all stay fresh #my works

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ursoself-satisfying · 5 years

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My Sweet Lord (ch2)

hes a lil young here for when how old hes supposed to be when this stry takes place but its hard to find a non adorable n giggly gif of him lol

Chapter 2 - I’m On Fire

Priest!Joe Mazzello x F!Reader, NSFW, ~3.5k words

My Sweet Lord masterlist

A/N: go listen to holy ghost by modern baseball while u read too cus its rly good,,, anyway this one is a lil dif!!! its a lil bg on the town a lil scene setting n its all about joe now!!!

special thanks given in this post!! you can find whole accompanying laylists there as well not just single associated songs!!!

Warning(s): sex, religious guilt, some scary images, mentions of ejaculate, uuhhh body horror,,,, i think thats it besides maybe kinda disrespecting ur elders lol ???

Father Mazzello had been distracted, to say the least. His newest regular was different, in the simplest terms, and drew his attention in the most tantalizing ways. See, the Oranges was a retiree town in the middle of nowhere, a Bermuda Triangle of the American Midwest. People arrive and they never leave, usually because they die. It was a bit ironic but very fitting to him that the epitome of classic American ideals, though contrasting, collided with ancient human instinct to create this town where the elderly are unequivocally cared for by the young, who remain the bones of the town and keep everything running. You could live and die in the Oranges without ever even leaving them.

The Father had always thought the name was deceiving. “The Oranges” sounded like a small suburb in the wet, hot, muggy parts of Florida, not an old folks zone in middle America. There was some part of him that would always dislike living in a town named “The Oranges”. Maybe it was the priestly side of him, feeling dishonest in their presentation when confronted with their reality, meaning they did not and never have grown oranges there. Maybe it was the sunny signposts standing crookedly beside the worn yellow houses, paint peeling and fences fading, showcasing the poor upkeep of people’s own homes.

He was too harsh, though, because a town, he knew, was not its structures but rather its people, its community. The Oranges had no shortage of smiles, even if they mostly consisted of secondary sets of dentures. That’s what made her smile so different. It was real. Of course, that wasn’t the only reason she stood out, no, it was also her legs, her thighs leading up to her hips, two very real hips, and a waist that would fit so well in his hands and then up a little further where his hands could perfectly cup-

The pencil snapped with a shock and the man blinked at his scribbles, unintelligible now that he’s been broken from his stupor. The lead tip of his pencil rolled in a curved line off his journal then off his desk and he watched it tiredly before glancing at the clock. It was nearly 1 a.m. The clergyman sat back and huffed, taking a moment to assess himself.

His hand had wandered to the crux of his black slacks and he groaned at the hardness beneath the cloth. His groan was unintentional but a needed release as he couldn’t “release” how he really wanted to. His thoughts were clouded with this girl- this girl- He barely knew her name and here he was, fantasizing about her simply because she was the only eligible woman he’d laid his eyes on in nearly a year, or probably more accurately over a year.

‘Why should that even matter to you?’ He asked himself. ‘Why should it matter that she’s eligible? She’s probably not. She probably has a boyfriend, or a girlfriend, even.’ Joe couldn’t help but groan again at the thought of her, pressed against someone else all the ways he wanted her to press against him.

‘Stop it!’ Some voice in the back of his mind hissed. ‘You’re a priest! It doesn’t matter if she’s unavailable! You’re the one who’s unavailable! You took an oath! You made a covenant with the Lord!’ If Joe were a man to curse, this is when he would curse. Instead, he simply moaned in compliance and gave into his conscience, sighing and giving his erection one last squeeze before sliding his hand back up his body, resting it on his open journal. He ripped out the page he’d been working on, the one describing his ‘newest parishioner’ in exquisite detail. No one would ever see that. No one could ever know he experienced such temporal thoughts. He was a priest, after all, he had to set a good example.

He spent the next twenty minutes in a headspace he despised, the one he used to eradicate the want that grew between his legs. It was images of the women in the first row of the church with teeth yellow and denture line visible, their smiles wide and slippery. The men in the back few pews have spots on their balding heads that are sometimes protruding and have hairs only growing there and somehow nowhere else. Joe focused on that, on the lumps and aches they vocalized, on the scratching of their smoke warped voices and the pores like pools on their noses. He thought of the way the hands of the mass shook when they went to place money in the collection basket, the yellow of their nails and the chipped polish on the manicured claws. Their skin was saggy and discolored and their hair is matted and fake and he thinks about what they must look like under their musty Sunday clothes-

He’s soft again, his pants no longer straining and he breathes a sigh of relief, maybe a quiet thanks to God. The priest does his best not to let his mind wander as he lets his feet carry him to his bed where he disrobes, definitely not drifting to imagine how her eager hands would feel pulling his trousers down, nails scraping down his thighs- Joe forced himself to turn the mental image of her tight knuckles to one of chapped and wrinkled ones to keep himself calm. As much as he dislikes subjecting himself to these thoughts, he tells himself he does it for the Lord. The Lord will keep him strong in these times of weakness, he tells himself, in these hours of temptation. He slid into his bed in briefs and an undershirt, letting the softness of his sheets smooth over his skin as it envelopes him and he’s whisked away into a few hours of much-needed rest and revelation.

Your hands had never been softer. It was the only definable thought in Joe’s head when you pushed up his thin shirt. The fabric bunched up over his stomach and you lowered your head to lick a long, wet stripe up from the happy trail disappearing down his shorts.

You were naked, straddling him, hips and thighs curved and soft and outlined by the moonlight that shone in from the cracks in the curtains behind you. The luminescence bounces off the soft tufts of your hair that bunched when your nose hit the bottom of his shirt and you kissed the middle space of his chest reverently. Joe was so wrapped in this moment that he asked no questions. His mind was muddled with lust and want. If you met his needy gaze, you would physically see the fog you caused in his brain, shown in the glazed over eyes that tracked your every move. It was like looking in the windows of a rocking teenager’s car, all steam, and sex behind them.

Your hips ground unconsciously on his crotch where his arousal was obvious and painful and he couldn't keep in his moan. The contact was too much for his near virginal state to handle. Your body, luscious and young and soft, and so easily defiled. It was so sinful. It caused a fire to burn within his loins, reigniting one that had long been a dormant pile of ashes before you came along. Every sway of your breasts as you rose your body slightly from his was another match stricken and thrown to maintain this burn.

Every clench of your thighs around his waist was kindle to feed it. Your undeniable silhouette was gasoline, your ass weighing on his lap was logs and paper, probably journal pages he’s written and hidden of you, but the way you looked down at him, the way your eyes fluttered and your lashes fell, the way your mouth puckered and curled and glistened, that was the first page of the book to burn. One by one, page by page, you would rid him of his religion, strip him of belief until all that existed was you.

And he was fine with that.

Again, Joe felt the contact of your soft pussy pressing over his aching cock and his hand instinctively reached for your hair, tangling his fingers in your locks while his other five went to squeeze at your thigh. Every desperate touch from him was a message; ‘You’re gorgeous,’ ‘please touch me,’ ‘I need you.’ He was practically tracing the letters into your leg as his hand slid down to your knee then back up to your waist. He was still laying down while you were straddling him and grinding against him, occasionally letting your hands wander, pushing up his shirt and licking the skin you could reach without stretching. You had leaned forward to suck at his neck and the holy man about died and ascended to heaven when he felt your tits on his chest and your lips on his neck simultaneously. Your nipples were hard, enough so he felt them drag over his exposed skin when you arched your back and left bruises at his jaw.

Being so focused on your lips, Joe had lost track of your hands. His were on your ass, groping and kneading with silent adoration, but yours had moved from mussing his hair to tugging at his briefs. The man gasped when your hips left his and then, with a swift and sudden motion, his underwear was yanked down and you giggled. Joe, however, did not giggle. The exposure was shocking and the cold was unwelcome, making his cock twitch and sending a shiver up his spine. It was in this moment that Joe finally took in your image, the bite of the cold shaking him from his focus on just how you felt.

All his other senses were hazy and the man of the Lord was overwhelmed. You were glowing. Your hair was feathered and voluptuous. Your skin was velveteen and your body belonged in a temple, deserving of an altar and endless worship. He would have sworn he witnessed a halo form around you as well, a golden line connecting one shoulder to the other in a shining arch. Your smile was soft and distracting, but his gaze persisted down your body full of admiration and curiosity. Your chest was supple and your stomach plush, just like your hips and thighs, all there for him to appreciate.

He sat up to improve his view, allowing himself to be in much closer proximity to you, able now to bask in your scent, sweet and innocent. Then he laid his larger hands on your breasts for the first time. He was almost worried the metal of his rings would surprise you, being cold on your hot skin, but you had no reaction. Kneading with slow gentle movements, he slid his thumb just barely over your nipples, hard and sensitive for him.

Somewhere in the back of his throat, a question was lost, a search for approval that got stuck on its way out, but it didn’t seem to matter as your constant blissful smile was encouraging enough. He didn’t question any of it.

Quiet hums vibrated in your throat and your half-lidded gaze motivated the priest to feel more of your body, squeezing at your waist and ass again and leaning forward to drop unpracticed kisses to the valley of your chest. You laced your fingers in the back of his hair, cradling his skull and holding him to your skin, but when his thumb brushed over your clit, you stopped him. His wrist was caught in your grip in a quick and unexpected move that stopped him from further touching you.

His breath hitched, fearing he’d done something wrong with the way your eyes bore into him, cutting through the silence and bringing him to the reality of what you were doing. Joe felt like he could only inhale, nothing coming out when he tried to push his breath away. He swallowed dryly and your expression softened ever so slightly, dropping his hand to instead wrap your digits around his cock and maneuver it to swipe between your folds. The wetness gathered in your sex and on his tip made for easy entry as you lowered yourself slowly, lashes fluttering and mouth falling open. The man choked on a protest but swallowed it with a moan when his head was sheathed in you, warm and tight and ideal.

Joe couldn't focus on anything. It was all happening so fast for him, a blur of skin and sweat. You bounced on him expertly and he fell limp at your abilities, a sputtering mess as your buoyant tits mesmerized him. Your hot, heavy breaths rained down on him and showered him with increased want, but he was unable to act upon it, struck dumb by a higher force, and that force was the look you gave him, accompanied by a breathy sigh and a smile when you settled fully on his shaft. He hadn’t realized but he had been holding his breath as you rose slid down him again, audibly slick and aroused. At that moment, the world vanished from around him, all fuzz and static, and all he knew was you and the way you felt, sleeved around him perfectly, undulating and flexing with an ever subtle thrust of his, impulsive and quick, needy and natural.

Your speed increased suddenly though, and the priest, barely holding on as it was, couldn’t contain himself. Speaking in tongues of love, he groped at you, searching for an anchor to his physical form as an ethereal feeling washed over him, his orgasm imminent and monumental. It was an out of body experience for the servant of the Lord, greater than any religious bliss he’d yet to experience. He could see himself beneath you, his face contorted as yours glowed with elation and he came inside you. He could feel you pulsing around him and heavenly choirs invaded his ears, the stimulation shrouding him in your presence.

What occurred next was warped and surreal. He was still inside you, coming down but still hard and you were still smiling but the air turned sinister and smelled suddenly not of your scent but of sulfur and lavender. You turned into a shadow over him, no longer a source of light, but rather the opposite; a source of darkness. That’s when your skin began to slip from its place on your skull. Melting like wax, he thought, but his comparison was wrong, so wrong because there were no hot drips hitting his stomach and your hands didn’t begin to pool at his bellybutton. No, instead your soft hands turned to leather and the familiar spots of discoloration and sun exposure began to blossom across your shoulders and chest. He could see your veins, one by one, rise up on your skin on your straining legs. Your breasts sagged and your stomach folded over. Your smile went wider as your lips thinned and eye crinkled, every line on your face growing deeper until he felt the first wisps of your fading white hair fall on his legs. Your nails began to dig into his lower stomach as they grew and then he fell the first few cold objects hit his heated skin. One by one, two by two, teeth, rotted black and yellow, bounced off his chest when you leaned forward.

Joe wanted to scream. He wanted to cry. Maybe he was already, he couldn't tell. By now he assumed his vocal chord had been removed sometime in the night because, still, nothing came out. He tried, he forced all the air in his lungs out his tense lips like a coastal storm blowing in. He was the winds and the waves and the crashing sounds of ocean on rock and sand as he struggled to break free from the growing weight of the body still on top of him, still around him; shaking, twisting, tears streaming down his red face. You were death holding him down, boney legged and saggy skinned, every part of you being pulled with more strength every second towards your home in hell. He didn’t know what to do with his hands so they flailed at his sides as yours slid up his body with the same disturbing gummy, black smile looming over him and all he wanted at that moment was for it all to stop and disappear.

The sweat on his forehead rolled down the sides of his face and collided with the tears that were apparently seeping down his cheeks as well. The tears were hot and the sweat was cold and Joe’s entire face felt numb and damp, and it was. His whole body was. His undershirt was soaked through and his neck shiny and dotted with perspiration. He shot up out of bed, sitting upright with wide eyes as he shook as he frantically assessed his surroundings. The desk was still messy, his journal still out, the lamp was off, the window closed and the door locked. Fear still seeped through his bloodstream and ran from his face to his toes. It was electric emotion that coursed through his body, one that he couldn’t shake and that left his hair standing on end. It was deep beneath is skin, a nestled sense of discomfort. No amount of his unconscious physical shakes could rid himself of it.

He rocked back and forth on his bed for a while, the images of his dream never leaving his head, haunting him like some cliche victorian ghost. His tremors subsided but he wouldn’t be going back to sleep that not, not after that. The drastic shift had gouged a wedge in his heart, one that was now filled with questions and doubts, second thoughts. The fire in his loins burned brighter and hotter and blacker, smoke rising from it in dangerous, polluting amounts.

Upon the onset of further physical discomfort in the form of a cold patch on his briefs, he opted to spend the rest of his night in the shower, not only washing the shameful premature ejaculate from his underwear, but also his dream from his body, the dream he could only assume was a punishment for his earlier sinful thoughts. On one hand, he was washing her touch away, her soft, sweet, innocent touch that couldn’t be wrong, but on the other hand, the abomination that she’d been warped into left a film over him that didn’t seem to wash off.

Joe believed in signs and symbols. He believed that God spoke to you in natural ways, every day. The advertisement on the bus next to you at that red light this morning or the constant re-emergence of one specific suggestion throughout your day, seeing the same person everywhere you went, it was a message from God. “There are no such things as accidents or coincidences,” he preaches, “everything here God has preordained. It is predestined and meant to be.” He thought of her, meeting her and her timing. “Trust that this is the Lord’s will.”

This must be a sign. He thought of all the examples of prophetic dreams in the Bible, all the times the Lord has used this outlet to speak to his servants. Joseph, Jacob, Daniel, Solomon, Nebuchadnezzar- But what did it mean this time? The object of his unsanctioned affection decaying on top of his, immediately post-coitus. It scared him, the implications of it, but it also scared him that he had the dream at all, if he was honest. It was intense. Not only was it erotic, but also scarring. What did it mean for him and his faith? Part of him wanted to brush it aside and ignore any allusions his subconscious was trying to get to him. He wanted to, for once, turn to science to deny the religious answers to his issue, telling himself it was just a projection of some kind of worry, but that would mean he would have to admit to himself he was worried about her, around her, because of her. He would have to acknowledge the effect she had on him and he didn’t want to. He wouldn’t give in to this moment of weakness, so instead he scrubbed his soiled underpants at three in the morning and tried to wash the nightmare from his mind with Shout and bar shampoo, ignoring the heavy dread building in his chest as the hours counted down to Sunday morning, when he would face his congregation of elders and one woman he couldn’t ban from his mind if he wanted to.

He fell asleep at approximately 4:30 in the morning, face flat on the side of his tub, one hand caked in dried soap and the other clinging desperately to his still clearly stained boxer briefs. He didn’t dream this time, and for the first time he was ever aware of it, he was grateful he didn’t.

#she has a voice!!!#bohemian rhapsody #queen #borhap #bohrhap #joe mazzello #not queen #nut #joe mazzello x reader #priest fic #priest kink #priest! joe mazzello #priest!au #priest #fanfic #reader insert

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nomorevanillabeanicecream · 4 years

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no more vanilla bean ice cream

they were out of vanilla bean ice cream, they had vanilla, french vanilla, sweet cream vanilla and cheesecake vanilla, but not vanilla bean, when did everyone all of a sudden get into vanilla bean, everyone was a pig they could not care less about the bean in the vanilla or not, but now apparently everyone was into vanilla bean ice cream because last week there was a full row of umpqua vanilla bean ice cream and now there was none

so I’m waiting in line at safeway with my subpar vanilla ice cream after I had gone on a much needed quarantine run right after spending two hours texting my friend and she was telling me about how google owns all the data in the world and not only has enough data to know me better than myself, but since they know everyone else’s data too, they know my friends data so they know me in context, the whole thing was very depressing so depressing i didnt even want to use a period in my writing anymore because what the fuck was the point of punctuation anyway in this world, i would still be nice and use commas, just to give my fingers a break and be able to get a thought in or so.

i guess i could also accommodate for paragraphs break at visually appropriate times, it didn't matter if it was contextually appropriate or not, i was going to drop a paragraph break because i know people like paragraphs, charles dickens and dostoevsky and jane austen and leo tolstoy never made paragraph breaks that's why no one ever read their books, people just say they read them to seem smart but they never really read them they just knew it was the right thing to say that they were literary geniuses because their books were so long, see people like to lie and say they know the work of a great author even though they only read a few quotes by them, but that was enough to say good and bad things about writers without ever knowing what the hell they did, few understand the theory of relativity but everyone calls einstein a genius.

the thing about quarantine was that at this point i had gotten used to seeing very few people in my life and i was enjoying it so whenever i had to go to the supermarket i had to see all these people and boy were they gross, maybe i would not have seen them as so gross if had gotten my vanilla bean ice cream but i had not so, they were gross, they were all getting so fat, and fat in like weird ways, not like fat on the sides like the michelin tire guy or a cute belly like the pillsbury dough boy or like that kinda funny superfat like homer simpson or peter griffin they were just gross fat, like it looked like they had just been eating garbage and watching netflix fat, like this one guy seemed like if you got a pillowcase filled it up with hot lard and then poked two pool cues on the bottom of it, this other lady looked like a minifridge emptied into a potato sack.

the asses were the worst part, it was kinda hot so everyone was wearing shorts and it was not appropriate when they wear shorts always have that like red line right under the shorts and it does not look that great, the oddest one was the skinny ass but with fat legs, i did not get that one, the person would have no ass mass at all but then the legs were super fat i did not understand what they were doing to get their bodies to look this way, a lot of people were also walking around with wedgies, a lot of people were also walking around in pajamas covered in animal hair and it was gross, its like you have nowhere to go, you are all complaining about not having the right to go out, so when you do go out why not maybe spruce things up, honour life, honour your fellow human, no, screw that we are all going to behave like the whole entire public sphere is a big ass pijama party,

the whole facemask thing, wait before, i start talking about the facemask thing, everytime i start a new paragraph, google is trying to force me into capitalizing the first letter, it doesn't even ask me if i want to capitalize it, it just goes ahead and does it, google is such an presumptuous douche sometimes, now when i write in gmail, it autocompletes all my sentences, great so we can all sound like robots, and it does it like automatically, so i ending having to erase the lame sentence it wrote, i mean i would have probably come up with something similar or exactly the same too, after all there are only so many ways to say goodbye, but id like to think it was my idea, these engineers had no savoir faire, just so you know, so now i hope that everytime you start to read a new paragraph you imagine me hitting the backspace button to delete their fascist capital letters, and its frustrating because im really trying to write as fast as i can, i bet you can tell

see it happened again, and its not that i just have to hit the delete, i have to get my mouse and put my cursor there so it like detects its not just on mistake i am trying to delete their smartass capital letter, so yeah to the facemask thing, the whole facemask thing was pretty dumb, i mean if the facemask was the windshield to the coronavirus i didnt get how casual people were being about, they would just pull it right down under their noise, oh great now you have all your coronavirus on your nostrils, what the hell, i didnt get it, im pretty sure noone in that safeway store had coronavirus, and it was coronavirus not covid19, what is it about us having to find dandy little names for things, it was the coronavirus and thats that, so yeah we were all carrying about these facemasks that if they were really protecting us from the coronavirus lingering in the air then we were being flagrantly irresponsible in our use, but deep down we all felt it wasnt, but we just had to wear one because it was the rule, but we all knew noone in the store had coronavirus

it may sound weird, but i think you know when someone has coronavirus, its like you can just tell, you know like other things you can just tell about a person, i remember i once went up to san francisco about a month ago, and i saw this guy on the muni line headed to the bayview that for sure had coronavirus, he wasnt coughing or anything, but i saw him and i knew he definitely had coronavirus, it wasnt because he was black or chinese or anything, this isnt like a hidden racist joke, i could just tell, i freaked out , and i havent gone up to the city since then, and then, lo and behold they announced that a muni driver got the corona and that the bayview district had the most corona cases in the cities, see sometimes you can just tell

im pretty sure that day i even had the corona on me, i mean i didnt get it, but im pretty sure it landed on my hand, but i washed it before i touched any of my mucous parts, but it was there with me, i dont think it was from the guy on the bus thought, i think it landed from this other guy, i went to a deli to buy water, bananas, coca cola and chocolate and this guy was kinda drunk and talking real loud and coming real close and i could feel the air get really moist when he passed by me and my hand was exposed and i know that at that moment some of it got on my hand, but i didnt panic, i knew i couldnt lose my cool, i had to just play it smooth, and wait till i could get to the studio and wash my hand and everything else, i was really thorough i walked the whole way back to the studio with my hand outstretched so it wouldnt touch my jacket or anything, i could feel it was there, it was for sure there, but i played it cool and washed it and nothing happen, but i was that close

and thats why you have to wash your hands because you could be that close too to having coronavirus, so see im not that crazy, that the reason they recommend us all to wash our hands, because at some point it could be that close to you, and if you don't wash your hand before your touch your eye, boom you got coronavirus, crazy to think that you too could have had coronavirus on you, and you could have, but now i think there isnt that much coronavirus on things anywhere, i think the coronavirus is like hiding or something, i think the coronavirus are like finding their niches and stuff, like if you ask me i think the coronavirus right now is probably somewhere where the sun dont shine, i bet it like flew to a a dirty dive bar that was totally shut down windows boarded and everything, but its there just chilling on the sticky counter, waiting to come back in the summer, i also think it might be at like some nasty to-go food place, like there is this wing place open till midnite around my house, i bet there is a little coronavirus there, but only a little bit, and its like one of the lazy ones, so i dont think it feels like jumping on anyone

at work i have to tell the staff how to wash their hands, i tell them they have to wash on top of their hand, palm of their hand, each finger, in between fingers, under the finger nails, and up to the elbow, but i mean if they have coronavirus, and their touching my food, i think its going to get on the to go box anyway, but its the rules so i play along, i even translated the rules, and told them to sign a paper, the paper also said that they had to wear a facemask, its not like they have multiple facemasks, i mean we are going to give them a few, but its up to them to wash it, one guy asked me if he could use the same one for a few days, i told him no, but i mean even if he washes his facemask before work and then lets say he puts it in his pocket, what if his jacket has corona but his facemask doesnt, itd be a real shame if his corona jacket infected his noncorona facemask, but i saw him and i dont think he had corona anyway

im repeating the same point and the rant is losing steam, so i gotta ramp it back up, or maybe no, maybe its not all just about ranting, maybe i should tell you some good things, like ill tell you about my run, the day was so nice, it was bright and sunny, and thats really all i gotta say, the point that i have more to say about right now is that i feel like im writing like that kid from catcher in the rye, that kid was a real case, i cant say i disliked the kid, but i wouldnt hang out with him, i mean in general i wouldnt be hanging out with high schoolers, but i might hang out with him after he grows up, i think we were all like that kid at some point, and the ones that arent, are soul dead and just go to work and drink craft beer and probably become those engineers without savoir faire that figure out the code to finish my email sentences

but i also feel that i am writing likes james joyce in ulysses, those are two books that i read from cover to cover ulysses and catcher in the rye, all it takes is a good fucked up guy to write something honest and you can get me to finish it, james joyce was all about stream of consciousness, crazy to think that ulysses is regularly named the best book of the century, and it wasnt even that bad of a century for books, it was a crazy book, and it was daring and new to just expose how he felt a person thought, and i mean it was pretty smart, because that is how we think, we jump around and we get nervous and self conscious and horny and we think in simple letters, and our memories associate things weirdly, i mean dante was the best writer of all the time, but i dont know anyone that thinks inside their brain in metered stanzas, if there was such a person, i dont know if id like to meet him, it would be a lot to handle good novels have taught me a lot, they've confused me too, but overall taught me things, see life is a grey thing, like there arent absolute values,

for us human beings, its easy to think of things as black and white, good and bad, yes or no, but thats not how it goes, there is a lot of grey area, and thats why i guess i liked ulysses, see the whole book is about this guy that is roaming around dublin, while he knows his wife is cheating on him, the last chapter is a stream of consciousness from his wifes mind, in which she just goes through her mind thinking about her past lovers and this guy she is cheating on her husband with, and ultimately she feels bad and when her husband climbs back into bed with her, shes like thinking oh there he is again, old leopold, but hes my leopold and she i guess kinda does admit to loving him, life hurts like that sometimes, a woman can still love you but cheat on you, a man can do it too, anyone can cheat on you, but still love you, anyone can hurt you and still love you, its a rough reality, remember i wrote an essay on this book, and the teacher said that i should save it and give it to the woman i marry it was so good, i didnt save it so i guess that wont ever happen, i cant even remember what i said, probably something about forgiveness and the abstract beauty of love, i was only twenty, i could have said anything

i wish i could remember what i wrote though, nowadays a lot of people are walking around with fear of intimacy issues, they are scared to open up to people, you know a lot of people are saying that they have intimacy issues, so i wanted to figure out more, i looked it up on wikipedia and it said there were four types of people, normal people that love themselves and can share intimacy with others, people that think themselves unworthy of intimacy but seek it, people that are scared of being intimate with others out of fear of rejection, and people that have self worth but think others are undeserving of intimacy, i think the whole thing probably comes from parental stuff, that's always the freudian way of looking at things, its kind of a shame because i think people really do like laying in bed and talking comfortably with someone after a wild fuck, when i wrote the essay i didnt have intimacy issues, but i might now, i dont know, and even if i did i dont know what type of of person i am, i guess sometimes people do say some stupid things, and stupid things out of a naked person are the worst kind of stupid things, whatever its wikipedia, anyone could have written, just like the original science study it supposedly based on,

ok this all getting too gooey and it lost its sharp vibe, i think that we were on a roll, when we were on the coronavirus landing places part, but then i get too serious and stuff, i do still want to talk about books i like, you know like thats one of the favorite things english teachers like to do, they like to analyze all the references that an authour made to other books, normally its the bible or the odyssey or some other greek or roman classic, like ulysses was modeled after the odyssey, i remember the teacher always talked about that, ive never read the odyssey or the iliad, ive heard they are great books, but i try not to say it myself, i do say that homer was a great poet though, but i never read his stuff, i mean ive read the first line, but i dont know the whole story or anything, i guess we are all hypocrites at some point or another, i do know however that ulysses was in one of dantes circles of hell, because he was advisor to deceit, the deceit of having that big horse full of soldiers go into to troy, so he ended up in hell, talking about hell that was another book they loved to reference, the bible, the bible doesnt see things grey, they see it black or white, this morning i woke up at four in the morning, and i couldnt get back to bed, so i pulled to a random spot and started reading proverbs, they make it seem so simple, this is good, that is is bad, i wish it were that simple, it used to be that simple like that when i was little kid, maybe it still is but, i just refuse to see it that way

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vampiriaunderworld · 4 years

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Steps to become your true aesthetic self. I will answer all of them and then you can try.

I am working on truly becoming myself. And that is my goal for 2020.

STEP ONE / DEFINE YOURSELF

First discover or re-discover who YOU are. Here’s some questions for thought. Reflect or write down your answers.

What do you like?

Alot of mythical things, spirituality, horror, witchcraft, creepy things, art, music, creative writing, fanfiction, styling my hair, paranormal, knowing the unknown.

What do you dislike?

People that bring me down, people making fun of my insecuries, being alone, being ignored, boring people, toxic people, people underestimating me.

Describe your personality.

My friend would say I am all cupcakes and rainbow and I am😂. I like all types of weird things and dark things😏. I am a really caring and very intuitive, empathic. I present myself as confident cause I am. I can be an introvert and an extrovert depending on my mood.

What do you love about yourself?

I love my hair, body, skin, mind, heart and soul.

What does your ideal day look like?

I switch my style up all the time. Its to dark clothing, cute, hippy, lazy. So I really don't have an ideal look.

List five unique things about yourself.

I can tell when someone is lying even if they cover it up real quick. I present my self uniquely and confident. I'm pretty mythical and I feel like that's pretty unique about me. I'm not afraid to try different things, how I express myself creatively, and my hair😂

How do you want people feel around you?

I want people to feel some type of comfort. I want them to feel like I'm there big sister. I want them to smile and feel happy around me. I want them to have a change of mood when around me.

List some words / quotes you love.

The only person that can change your life if you

You know yourself best

Don't let anyone knock down you temple, keep your head up high and strong and you are made of armor no one can draw a sword in you

Normal people scare me

Be as weird you can be, normal is boring

STEP TWO / INSPIRATIONS

My aesthetic and who I am is largely influenced by a collection of inspiring materials and persons. Who are your inspirations? Consider:

Fictional characters

Damon Salvatore

Derek hale

Bonnet Bennett

Harley Quinn

Klaus mikealson

Personalities

Fashion icons

Ideal lifestyles

Mythical, horror school life, me being friends with all the slashers and supernatural beings, and me going on mission to solve mysterious etc.

Wardrobes

It has to be cute, dark, pretty, hippy, chill and a art how kind of style. I really love dark lip sticks so I will have a collection of that. Different colors weaves and braiding hair will be in my wardrobe. Colored palletes, plaids, rings, fake tattoo stickers(I think thats what its called), dark nail polishes, hair clips and pretty hair ties. And on the side if I really want to get in tuned with my mythical self I would keep fangs, elf ears, flower crowns, crystals, colored eye contacts etc.

STEP THREE / MOOD BOARD

Curating a mood board is my favourite way to see what I like and want clearly. I like to use pinterest and make a private board for re-evaluating my ‘aesthetic’. Some ideas of what to pin:

Go through your ‘things you like’ list and pin accordingly.

Imagine your ideal lifestyle - how you want to spend your mornings, trips you want to take, hobbies you want to try etc

How does your ideal home / bedroom look?

It would be vintage styles house living it a fairy forest, where there's very bright sunny morning. There would be different fruit tres around me and a beautiful flower garden. My bedroom will have a fairy, vampire, gods and goddess, spiritually theme to it. Big matress wuth fluffy blankets on the bed and big Duffy and fluffy pillow. My whole bet soul be violet, red and black color to it.

What clothes and outfits are you drawn to?

I do have a cute look to me but mysterious at the same time. But I am drawn to the grunge, art hoe kinda look.

Pin scenes from films and tv shows that inspire

Art & quotes that make you feel how you always want to feel

Images with colours that speak to your soul

Red. I see the color as loveable, caring feeling but also dark and mysterious.

& voila, you are looking at a visual representation of you!

STEP FOUR / CURATE

Now, you are in touch with what you like & why and how you want to live your life! The key to a cohesive and strong aesthetic is being able to curate. To curate means to select, organise and present. We have selected our visual inspiration and now we organise.

Start unpinning things that don’t belong. Maybe you pinned a lot of images of outfits you like but there is that one outfit that doesn’t belong. Maybe your pinterest board is very consistent with colours, but there’s that one pin that doesn’t fit in your colour scheme. This doesn’t mean your aesthetic limits you, but simply you are learning how to present your interests and loves in a way that is organised and cohesive. Try finding the same idea in a different image that does belong.

This process will help you truly understand your aesthetic. Soon you’ll see consistent colours, consistent patterns, consistent content that you like.

STEP FIVE / PRESENT

In real life: Now let this curation phase spill into all aspects of your life. Let it inspire you to achieve the bedroom you want, to donate the uninspiring clothes you own. You’ve just outlined what makes you happy and what makes you feel like your best self - so let that take over. Its ok to want to reinvent yourself to the person you want to be - but don’t forget our first step ‘the definition of you’! Be your biggest inspiration.

Digitally: I thought I also better talk about your aesthetic on Instagram, as this is something I asked about a lot.

Take a read of my blog post ‘5 Tips for a Cohesive Instagram Feed’. This has some great tips for how to present your aesthetic on Instagram.

Be yourself online. Remember your personality, what makes you unique. Also consider how you want people to feel when they look at your images & read your words. I know this sounds ultra cheesy, but when I really discovered the importance of this and started to show more of my inner self online - that’s when I was happiest, my instagram was growing and I felt so much more confidence.

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thecloserkin · 5 years

Text

fic rec: Dante’s Stars by Pretani

fandom: A Series of Unfortunate Events

pairing: Violet Baudelaire/Klaus Baudelaire

word count: 94k, complete

Is it canon: Yes

Is it explicit: Yes

Is it endgame: Yes

Is it shippable: I’m fucking crying it’s so beautiful

Bottom line: The one and only Violet/Klaus epic, read it and bawl your eyes out (def read the warnings first tho)

It’s a canon-divergence AU where the Baudelaires stage their own deaths to escape Count Olaf. In canon the three Baudelaire orphans—inventor Violet, bookworm Klaus, and baby Sunny—are hounded from guardian to guardian by cartoonish villain Olaf, who will stop at nothing to get his hands on their fortune. Olaf murders or incapacitates every single adult who spares two seconds of sympathy for these kids, leaving a wide swathe of destruction in his wake. In this fic the Baudelaires have decided to wipe the slate clean and assume new identities.

I have mentioned in the past how salty I am about the Baudelaires’ characters being sidelined for Snicket the narrator, Olaf the villain, and/or sundry other bit-players (in the Netflix show the Henchperson of Indeterminate Gender p much steals every scene they’re in). In canon we’re not really privy to the kids’ inner lives. This fic avoids that pitfall by sticking with tightly focused third-person Violet and Klaus POVs.

The thing this fic does really well is instill a pervasive sense of dread/paranoia which is remarkable because for the first 25% absolutely nothing ominous happens. The orphans get taken in by a slightly addled, very nice old lady and they just … live in her house. For free. While she cooks for them. And every morning Violet and Klaus hook up in her barn.

Ok back up so the ship they’re passengers on goes down in a storm, all hands lost, the Baudelaires are presumed drowned with the rest. Which is positively providential. The first event of any import to occur is that Klaus swipes some cash from a dead man’s wallet. Violet has ethical qualms but Klaus quashes them by pointing out that Sunny’s starving:

”I’d do anything for her,” he said. “Even become a thief or a murderer.”

Then his dark eyes found Violet’s. “I’d do it for you, too.”

So on the one hand I think this is rather extra. I mean, what possible use could a dead man have had for that money? Money that could put actual food in Sunny’s stomach. The Baudelaires are keenly aware that justice does not equal unquestioning obedience to authority and I think their exposure to a raft of tyrannical and unjust authority figures has hammered that home. They’re down with bending the rules because they know the rules are never even-handedly applied anyway (ie. the show trial at Hotel Denouement, the farcical final exam at Prufrock Academy). On the other hand I remember how uneasy they felt about stealing Hal’s keys in Hostile Hospital, and that was barely a misdemeanor! A friend of mine astutely pointed out how Violet is always trying to behave in any given situation the way their parents would have wished, whereas Klaus takes a pragmatic approach: do whatever keeps his sisters safe. And that is a very interesting contrast and one I want to see explored further.

They get on a train. Things that happen: Klaus notices when Violet is down in the dumps or angry or upset or in this case, wistfully jealous of other people who lead “normal” lives, bustling all around them. He’s not in love with her yet but noticing is the first step. Violet atm is super focused on being the elder sister, the adult in the room, the One In Charge. They get off the train and as soon as they blow into town Violet gets catcalled and propositioned. One of the themes of this fic is the horrendous baseline level of violence against women, some of it normalized and casual like the catcalling. The Big Bad Villain of the piece is literally a guy who’s murdered multiple girlfriends on account of them fridging his ass, since he appears to think that women owe him sex. And this man’s driving ambition is to add Violet to his list of conquests.

So often, men treated her as little more than an object … Klaus was different. He saw her, the woman she was inside.

HOW COULD SHE NOT FALL FOR HIM?? Is there another man she could learn to trust enough to fall in love with? However I’m getting ahead of the story. Klaus is still in the phase where he’s awakening to his attraction to Violet:

She was mother and sister, soft skin and tender strength, and he hid his face in her neck. Like a child, she rocked him gently, cradling his head.

I have to protect her, even if it’s from myself.

He couldn’t take this, his brave, beautiful sister, so near … the knowledge of what those men wanted to do to her. I”ll kill them … And what he wanted …

God but it kills me, Klaus thinking that his attraction to Violet is as noxious as those vile men and their rapacious stares. Klaus himself otoh is president of the Violet Baudelaire Fan Club. The contrast could not be more marked. Look at him building her up when she’s about ready to to give up on picking a lock because she’s lost her hair ribbon:

”I’m done, Klaus. I don’t have anything else to give”. ”Vi … “ he was pleading, willing her to believe in herself again, because he did. “You’re a brilliant inventor,” he told her. “It’s who you are. Nothing can take that away. You don’t need your ribbon.”

The unwarranted parallel that he draws between himself and a bunch of sexual predators is the source of so much angst and pining:

Is that what I am? A pervert?

She’ll blame herself for this

Well, well, well, if it isn’t ye olde I’m-Leaving-Her-For-Her-Own-Good-Lest-My-Perverted-Attraction-To-Her-Despoil-Her-Innocence. I am absolute trash for it every time, film at 11.

”I love you, Vi … I’m in love with you.” He said it like he was confessing to a crime, and she wanted to scream, to laugh and cry all at once.

THEIR LOVE IS A CRIME!!! Could these babies be more pure??

They’d always had an extraordinary connection. It was the reason for their seamless partnership, their ability to support one another … But now, the bond that had kept them alive was killing him. How could anything ever be right again?

”Vi, I’m sorry … I want to be your brother, but I can’t … I want to be more than that … I don’t know what to do.” ”Kiss me,” she said, “and be both.”

THATS IT THATS A WRAP I CAN NOW DIE HAPPY. That “kiss me and be both” is PERFECTION.

And she knew she’d never willingly give herself to anyone but him.

she’d loved him even then. Who could tell when they had crossed the line? It was already too late.

cross the line what line??? they were made for each other.

”You know, we missed the sunrise,” he said, nose to nose with his sister.

Violet and Klaus carve an extra hour out of their morning to go make out in the barn. I shit you not these kids spend a whole month without progressing past first base because Klaus doesn’t want to “pressure” Violet into anything she’s not ready for. Violet, for her part, is beginning to suspect there’s something wrong with her person; why hasn’t he even tried to take her top off? Thank you #Patriarchy for teaching us that desirability is the measure of a woman’s worth. God they are so thirsty. This bitch almost fell over the first time he touched her tits:

“Vi,” he spoke into her hair, voice breaking. “Tell me you don’t want this. Tell me to —“ But she only titled her head, to meet his mouth in a feverish kiss.

So Klaus and Sunny are having a snow fight and Violet tugs her glove off to tousle his hair and it’s THE SEXIEST THING I’VE EVER SEEN BYE. True story after I read this fic I legitimately thought that “Vi” was a pet name Klaus called her by in canon, and when I finally finished the books much much later and realized that it wasn’t—well, it should have been.

There is a fairy tale about a princess who disguises herself in the skin of a donkey to escape the attentions of her lecherous father the king. Violet and Sunny discuss it. Violet points out that rape is wrong because rape is rape, because it is coercive, not because it’s incest. I love it when fic highlights the fairytale parallels to the Baudelaires’ situation, and I feel like Donkeyskin was such a spot-on choice because it’s all about surviving sexual assault and learning to make oneself vulnerable again afterwards? Klaus is the prince who sees through her disguise and falls head over heels in love with her CHANGE MY MIND. On the subject of happily ever after:

”Is that what you think I want? A fairytale? A walk down the aisle in a white dress?" He felt a lump forming in his throat. "Most girls think about those things, don't they?" "I don't," she told him. "I prefer not to. And as for children…well…I love them. That's why I don't want any of my own … how selfish would I be, to bring another little life into this? Another hostage they could use against us. Imagine how awful it would be if…" She shook her head. "No children… not ever. I couldn't protect them." And she turned to him with a soft look. "It's no sacrifice, Klaus. Not for me. I've already been through a… a wedding, you know." He felt her shudder, and she averted her eyes. "I won't be sorry if I never see another wedding dress again."

My dudes, when you have children each and every one of them is a hostage to fortune because of course they are. Also, Violet’s traumatized by the whole idea of being a bride, after going through the wringer of her fake wedding to Olaf. Olaf put Sunny in a cage to compel her compliance, and that’s what the Big Bad in this fic does too. He says things like “You’re a sick little bitch, aren’t you? Spreading your legs for your own brother” which turns their beautiful relationship into this ugly depraved thing to be ashamed of. I mean, this guy was literally a voyeur who would watch them from his hidey-hole while they were being intimate?? My god I would feel so unclean. And the worst part is, he overheard them calling each other by their real names not their aliases, so now he knows who they are and since the Baudelaires are still on the lamb this is bad. It gets pretty dark pretty fast.

“He won't want you anymore! No one's gonna want you when we're done!"

So he kidnaps and rapes Violet. Klaus and Sunny rescue her, dispatch the villain (Klaus’s earlier “I’d do anything” for his sisters, including becoming “a thief or a murderer,” acquires sudden resonance), and that’s when fucking Count Olaf shows up!!!! These kids just cannot catch a break. Turns out the Big Bad was actually working for Count Olaf all along. Olaf’s plan is still the same plan from The Bad Beginning where he plotted to steal the Baudelaire fortune by marrying Violet. Since Count Olaf has never in his life paid a henchman a salary, he was keeping the Big Bad sweet by promising to let him ravish Violet first. Let the full enormity of that sink in. Oh wait a minute Olaf isalso bent on knocking Violet up asap so the union can’t be dissolved on non-consummation grounds, or somesuch:

"You look at me as if I were a usurper, boy, about to steal something of yours. Tell me…" He gestured at Violet. "Is she yours?"

Why would you do this to me??????? This is so, so painful. Olaf uses an electric cattle prod on Klaus and makes Violet watch??? It’s ok though the Baudelaires prevail in the end, and emerge from the bloodstained ordeal as the family they are. My kink will forever be Violet and Klaus praising each other’s bravery and resourcefulness. They! Are! So! Proud! and! Supportive! Of! Each! Other! This line from earlier in the fic gets me every time:

I’ve failed them. This was his greatest fear, worse than death or any torment fate could devise. In his head, he imagined the struggle, saw his girls beaten and shot, felt each blow and bullet as if his own body were the target instead.

Klaus Baudelaire laying down his own body between the world and his sisters is really the only thing I care about:

And then her gaze fell to the marred canvas of his body.

I bet his back is a mess of burn marks ugh. Four weeks after Violet’s discharged from the hospital (practical Violet made sure to get the green light from the medical professionals) they finally have sex again, which is a relief—after the rape they were both hesitant to initiate sex because she thought she was damaged goods and he thought she wanted space? Silly kids. Oh and and here they are being mistaken by strangers for a pair of lovebirds:

One of the women sighed dreamily. "Did you ever see a more likely pair of turtledoves?" "Of course not," Mr. Poe sputtered, dabbing his brow with a handkerchief. "The very idea!" And he excused himself hurriedly, to make some phone calls. "Don't be silly," said the other. "They're siblings. Haven't you heard? … They're the Baudelaire orphans." "Well, I daresay," the first one went on, "anyone would've taken them for sweethearts."

I CANNOT WITH THESE TWO

The Baudelaires finally, finally come into their fortune free and clear. They put on their parents’ wedding rings and move to Canada. A cat (!!!) leaves baby Beatrice II in a basket outside their front door, and that completes their family. Nobody deserves good things more than these kids, and this fic ends exactly where it ought, describing “a rural life of moral simplicity.”

I read this fic years ago and it was w i l d rereading it again, thanks for coming along for the ride. If anyone wants to scream/cry about this fic in particular, or Violet and Klaus in general, feel free to send me an ask or message me ANYTIME

#fic rec #asoue #violet x klaus #Baudelairecest

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dwightkschrute · 5 years

Photo

In 2014 and 2015 I did a my year in review kind of thing where I, of course, reviewed it and accompanied it with a picture from that month. I somehow forgot to post 2016 (until now) and forgot to do it at all for 2017 but unfortunately, I am back with a really disappointing year. I was debating not putting myself through the legit pain of “reviewing” this year but I think of how I love going through my 2009-2010 posts and seeing how much I’ve grown so this is for you, successful and cooler future me.

2016 and 2017 were amazing but 2018 was my most promising year. My boyfriend and I were going to move in, I was going to start my dream job; everything was perfect. It definitely started out as one of the best years of my life! Then exactly halfway through the year everything changed and I was left having to pick up the pieces and completely restart, making it one of the worst years of my life.

I started January in Mexico, which was the best, but my family and I got home early in the month. I had quit my job the month before so I dedicated the entirety of this month to job hunting. Our friend (my bf’s bff who became mine and my brother’s bff early on)’s dad got a boat so it was like we got a boat too because despite the cold, we lived on it. (My boyfriend couldn’t go on the trip with us, which he was super bummed about (and that we had to spend like 10 days apart which was killer then), so he was the one to pick us up at the airport and he greeted me with a bouquet of flowers. Out of the many gifts/gestures he gave me, that was one of my favorites.)

February I started my amazing new job so life was back to 40 hour work weeks and not having much time for much else. I was always attached to the hip to my bf so almost every day after work entailed going out with him or having dinner with my family or his. That was my month. My favorite part of every February is Valentine’s Day and this one was as amazing as the rest. I don’t even have enough space (of the allotted space I give myself for each entry at least!) to describe that day. (My bf at our Valentine’s Day dinner. We finished our long day at this restaurant (so, so cool, once popular with Old Hollywood stars) on Hollywood Blvd and it was dreamy and romantic and amazing.) Oh man, I don’t have a lot of interesting things to say about March. Oh, my parents got Influenza (A/B/idk tbh), so it was two weeks of my brother, bf, and I taking care of them. My dad has a serious chronic disease so it was especially dangerous for him so it was a stressful time. Once we weren’t in hazmat suits anymore (no but really, we were gloved and double masked around them and kept them quarantined), I’d be at work or with my bf. I also started to get close with a co-worker, who I quickly became close friends with! (My bf’s two huskies. I’ve just loved that picture since I took it! I’ve never been loved by a dog more than the one in the back of this pic. Not even by my own! He has a special place in my heart.)

April was barbecues at my house or my bf’s, trying every brewery and bar around, hikes, bike rides, beach visits, baseball games, boat rides, late night cooking and baking. It was lots and lots of love and happiness and I would give absolutely anything to go back to those days. (My brother and bf grilling on Easter. This was a familiar scene, I have so many pictures of this exact scenario, yet looking at it just now made me so emotional! Stop! They’re just grilling!) May was so exciting! Very first day I got a new car! I was so happy! It was long overdue because my finicky, expensive Volkswagen had to go and I’d fallen in love with the new Honda Civic (I’ll admit I have basic taste but I don’t care!) so I finally bit the bullet and did it. This month my bf and I, after a long time of “oh wouldn’t it be nice!”, bit the bullet as well and decided to finally get serious about finding a place together. So the apartment search started, but we soon realized our home, Orange County, was super expensive. My bf, in that “ha ha jk but I’m down if you are” way, suggested we pick up and move to Oregon and I immediately agreed. It just felt right and despite us being the most careful and non-spontaneous people ever, we decided to do it! So we began to research, look for apartments but most importantly, jobs. (My car the day I took it home!)

Uhhhhhh, well, June hurts to think about! We went to visit Portland, where we decided we’d want to live because that’s where the jobs were, on a quick trip since it was strictly “business.” Portland was everything I imagined and more. We loved it and I think we loved playing house in our airbnb more than anything about the city. Back in LAX we came to the easy conclusion that though we lived Portland, that’d require a lot and for our first time moving out we’d like to stay close to home and above anything else, we just wanted to live together as soon as possible. We immediately started to look for places in LA, we spent the month apartment hunting, and towards the end of it, decided on one we really liked, one he begged me to please say yes to so we can move in already. I was so, so, so happy this month but what made me happier was seeing my bf, I swear, even happier than me. I seriously felt unstoppable and was beyond excited for our future. (I had a lot of Portland pictures to choose from but my bf and I liked this one because it reminded us of Always Sunny for some reason.)

In July, everything changed. To start, I left my job. I thought, new chapter in my life, new job coming, I’ll live really far, I should leave now. So I did. My last day was an emotional day because I loved my job so much and every single person I worked with. That very same day, my bf and I broke up. For unrelated reasons to my last day, to our moving in, to our relationship, etc. We had an amazing, amazing relationship but he has a lot of demons and issues/insecurities he has to deal with and conquer, and though I was aware and was there for him and would continue to be by his side no matter what, he decided that this was a battle he had to handle by himself and I figure before he got into a more committed situation. It didn’t have to happen, though. I hadn’t talked about the specifics of the breakup on my blog so sorry for changing the mood of the post, but yeah, July happened and it felt like my world stopped. Really regret quitting my job now, huh? I was hit by two huge losses and changes right at the same time. (I took this on my friend’s boat 20 tequila shots in, drunk and sad as fuck. Not to get fake deep but how sad. Literally on a boat, beautiful sunset, would rather die.)

August was a blur and I’m still not convinced I didn’t just dream it. God, alright, here we go, the rest of the year is a mess so get ready. I fell into a deep depression fast. It also didn’t help that my dad had to start getting radiation/infusions for his illness shortly after the breakup. I couldn’t believe how much my life had changed. I started dating someone else and then I dated another guy shortly after. I wanted to replace and/or forget and I really thought that’d be the solution. I was miserable when I was with them. I took absolutely any opportunity to get really drunk or high, and the opportunity came often so I spent most of my days desperately trying to not feel anything. The only time I’d feel okay was when I was extremely high and I couldn’t even think. Since I had a lot of savings for my out of state move, I had a lot of money to blow, which I did. I realized I even liked the feeling of the temporary “high” of spending a lot and receiving the stuff. I’d hang out with any friend who offered (out of boredom? loneliness?) and even ended up on a mess of a Vegas trip. Worst month ever. Maybe. (Here’s a positive! I like that bathing suit and my tiddie looks so round!)

When September came I realized two months had passed and all I had done was be a huge depressed mess. I no joke forgot about work. I just straight up forgot. I started to look for a new job, which hurt me so bad because I had to face the fact that it wouldn’t be my Cool LA Dream Job anymore. I stopped dating. Most importantly, I completely stopped drinking and smoking because it’d almost always make me sadder but also it scared me that I had no self control nor did I care. I saw a whole lot of my close friends and they, along with my immediate family, kept me afloat this month because time felt like it was going so fast. I couldn’t believe that at a blink of an eye it was night again and then a new day. Time had no mercy for me, please let me hold on. (Me at a baseball game. Tbh I’m looking at this thinking, did this really happen?)

October started out nice because my best friend of years, who I unfortunately had a falling out with three years ago, reached out to me. I’ll always give her all of the credit for doing that. I can’t begin to explain what this meant to me. It was a nice, bright shine of light that managed to shine through the dark clouds. Having my best friend is exactly what I needed. I’m a big believer in the universe acting in mysterious ways and though I had grown disappointed in its little surprise for me lately, this was the kind I always appreciate. I spent a good part of that month with her, catching up and doing things just like we did back then. It was like nothing had changed. That’s all I remember about this month, and a super fun Halloween! That day was probably one of the best days in months. (My best friend Rylee and me the first time seeing each other in 3 years. We’ve had our blogs for 8-9 years so please follow her for quality content)

November was rough. I was frustrated because surely things should had been better by then. I was still feeling so low, I was going to job interviews to no avail, I “relapsed” and had a high/drunk off my ass on a boat messy moment.. To make matters worse, I accidentally drove up on a cement divider in a parking lot and my airbags deploy, which is so expensive to fix, so my car was out of commission for a month. Then I got so sick and I rarely ever get a small cold. I seriously felt like I was cursed, even the smallest thing felt like an insult towards me. The one good thing is that since July I had been forcing myself to go to the gym five times a week. My mom said exercising was the only thing that’d help her feel that sweet release of seretonin, endorphins, dopamine, and all that good stuff when she was depressed so, though I enjoyed going to the gym before, I did it just for that reason alone. It worked and as another result I got like pretty fucking fit. Revenge body, you’re one of the few good things in my life right now. (I literally had no idea what to choose so I said fine, here’s a pic of the scene of the crime. Whatever.)

In December I turned 26. Which I hate, naturally. I went to a million more job interviews. I’m seriously so embarrassed to admit that but whatever, it’s the truth. (I have a degree, experience, and an awesome cover letter..I’ll keep blaming the curse!) What kept me sane was that we had different family members visiting from the very beginning of the month. Playing with an energetic, adorable baby kept me distracted and happy. Having so much company around also distracted me (slightly, but it helped!) from the fact that the holidays and my birthday would be quite different now. I’m one of those annoying Christmas lovers, usually at least. This year everything just happened and I didn’t care. But I survived December! (I don’t care. This is the appropriate representation of 2018 and how I feel at the end of it.)

Jesus if you’ve read all of this.. I’m sorry you had to read about the mess of my year but really more like the mess that is ME. Yknow those like “people my age I went to HS with vs me” memes? I seriously went from being that bitch with a good paying job, brand new car, a serious, great relationship with a promising future together (Like. We would color coordinate outfits! LMAO. We would have dinners with both of our families together. We were obsessed with each other. You’d roll your eyes if you saw any of this. I can’t get over how perfect we were, it’s hilarious what happened to us.) and then at the blink of an eye I went to not having absolutely any of that, casually dating (something I’d NEVER done) anyone who resembled my ex and sadly and drunkenly puking off the side of a pier. Who is she? I don’t know, I got whiplash. (Queen of parentheses and side notes, I know. But another thing about me is... I’ve never been affected by people leaving my life. I’m used to it. I’ve never been anywhere as affected as I was when my ex and I broke up. This isn’t normal for me, my ENTJ/Capricorn ass doesn’t know what this feeling is.)

Please curse that has been put on me, release me. Whoever is attacking my voodoo doll, calm down! Please! I’ve gone through enough sadness and loss. If 2019 is even slightly as bad, I’m going to be like that pigeon I reblogged the other day that’s like “fuck this I’m just going to sit here.” I can’t even make a cute but corny, hopeful “hope 2019 is great!” comment. I’m literally begging you...pleading you... I don’t believe in karma but after all of this shit, I better have something much better in stock for me. “Good things are coming!” I fucking hope so. Like, I’ll be even more annoying right now and say that it’s not fair that I didn’t get to have the future I was about to have. I don’t care about any cliche you may have for me. One door closes, everything happens for a reason, God has a plan, etc. No. Why did all of this have to happen? What can be better than the future I was going to have? I felt so unlucky. It all feels like a nightmare and I’m just waiting to feel whole again. Oh shit I got really intense. I know I’ll get over it and life will be good again eventually but for now, I am still so mad. I would have never in a million years guessed this is how my 2018 would go.

So fine, I’ve accepted things now, so now I’m impatient and say please prove me wrong, 2019. I’m THREATENING you to be amazing!

#2018 #OMFG MESSSSS of a year..#and i acted so embarrassingly sigh but that was 2018

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shawol9196 · 6 years

Text

Teacher AU 10/?

“I had a nice time, Minho. I appreciate it.” Minho reaches out for Kibum’s hand, mostly for the sake of just holding it a little longer. “I did too. I’d love a second date, but I’ll leave that up to you. I’ll treat, but you pick, if you want it.”

((This ch was inspired by & finished almost on time for @lockandminkey!! happy birthday!!!)

They hold hands all the way back to the apartment. Though he was obviously nervous at the pottery studio, Kibum seems much more relaxed now, letting Minho hold him closer to him. When they get out of the elevator for their floor, there’s a familiar face.

“Well hello, Sunny! Enjoying some...company?” Minho exclaims.

She turns to face them, eyes narrowing. “You didn’t see me here, Choi.”

They walk past her as Siwon opens the door.

“Oh hello, Minho!” he says.

“Hey, Siwon! This is my new roommate, Kibum, the one I was telling you about.”

Siwon nods at Kibum and Kibum waves back.

“Well, we have to be going,” Sunny says quickly. “Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do, you two.”

Minho turns to Kibum and whispers “That list is a lot shorter than you’d think.”

Sunny smacks his arm and they all laugh. Siwon and Sunny get into the elevator as Minho finishes opening the door.

“I guess you weren’t kidding about the two of them.” Kibum says, taking off his shoes.

“Siwon and I have lived next to each other for four years and it’s always been this way. I’m just glad Sunny realized that it was me next door. I’ve heard some things I’d rather not repeat.”

Kibum laughs and walks towards his bedroom door but stops just short.

“I had a nice time, Minho. I appreciate it.”

Minho reaches out for Kibum’s hand, mostly for the sake of just holding it a little longer.

“I did too. I’d love a second date, but I’ll leave that up to you. I’ll treat, but you pick, if you want it.”

“What about next Sunday?”

“Works for me. You may have to come wake me up if you want to do something early though.”

Kibum laughs softly, squeezing Minho’s hand. Minho brings Kibum’s hand up, softly kissing his knuckles.

“Sleep well, Kibum.”

Kibum mumbles a “you too” in amongst his blushing and quickly moves into his room. Minho walks to his own, pulling out his message laden phone.

Chat: The College OGs + Kyuhyun

Suho: Sunny just texted me saying that you and Kibum are holding hands, Minho, pls confirm

Minho: Why do you trust Sunny’s commentary?

Suho: Because I’m desperate

Changmin: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) did you hold anything else ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Minho: -_-

Kyuhyun: yeah he held back his feelings probably

Suho: holding back your feelings will get you nowhere surprise him with a rose petal laden bed and champagne

Kyuhyun: I’m not saying you have to go that far but thats far more romantic than anything Chang has ever done for me

Changmin: HEY Changmin: i guess that’s fair

Suho: so why were you holding hands were you on a date or something?

Minho: maybe

Suho: AND YOU DIDN’T TELL ME?

Kyuhyun: you should’ve asked suho first that way you could stick to his script

Minho: and have you all following us? No thanks!

Changmin: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) how’d it go ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Minho: well, I think. It could’ve gone better but it was a first for both of us so

Suho: Did you at least get a kiss at the end? Changmin: or some d?

Minho: We literally just got back, so no.

Kyuhyun: no kiss or no d

Minho: I kissed his hand

Changmin: what kind of Victorian bullshit is that?

Suho: Oh god that’s peak romance I’m so proud of you even though that’s not how I had this plotted out but I’ll let it slide this once

Minho sighs, silencing his phone. Regardless of what the others thought of the date, it was enough for him. Sleep comes quicker than expected, setting in between thoughts of Kibum’s blushing cheeks.

Dreams Team luckily goes by without a hitch; though he keeps replaying the image of Kibum’s blushing face in his mind, he’s able to put it aside enough to focus on today’s softball game. The friendly competition between his and Donghae’s combine group versus Hyukjae and the newest counselor Yunho -- another teacher from the school that Changmin teaches at -- is just enough to lift the atmosphere without getting ugly. When the game ends, Donghae and Hyukjae walk part of the way home with him.

“So I heard you went on a date last night?” Hyukjae teases, elbowing Minho in the side.

“Word travels that fast?”

“Oh please, Suho is practically at the point of sending out a daily newsletter.”

“With fan fiction included!” Donghae adds.

Minho sighs. As much as he cares for Kibum, the heavy involvement and annoyance of his friends is beginning to make the whole thing off-putting. Hyukjae touches his shoulder as they stop to wait for the crosswalk.

“I’m sure it must be incredibly annoying. I promise that I’ll try to keep it all contained, at least on my end, and I’ll try to put in a word to get the others to calm down. When we started dating, it was stressful enough without so many watching eyes. I can’t imagine how gross it must be for you.”

“Thanks, I appreciate it.”

Donghae bumps his other shoulder, reaching for a hug.

“Just think. If things work out you two can get married and build a house with two gates around it to keep Suho from moving in with you.”

All three of them laugh and when the crosswalk light is illuminated they part ways. Minho walks a little quicker the rest of the way home, eager to see Kibum. Sunny is once again leaving Siwon’s apartment when he reaches the hallway and though she shoots him a warning look he ignores her.

“Kibum I’m ho-”

The words are cut off by the sight of Kibum standing in the living room, tears running down his cheeks. Minho walks over to him as Kibum tries his best to clean up his tears.

“What’s wrong? What happened?”

“It’s...it’s nothing...nothing I’m fine.”

Minho holds up a hand to Kibum’s cheek.

“Kibum, this isn’t nothing...I respect if you don’t want to talk about it, but please don’t lie to me...”

Kibum takes a deep breath and attempts a smile.

“I’m just having a bad day is all. No need to worry.”

Given how much trust Kibum has put into him by moving in and being honest in the past, Minho doesn’t push the issue. Kibum reaches up and takes Minho’s hand off his cheek but continues to hold it for a moment. Minho moves towards him a half-step, pulling him into a quick hug. He’s surprised to realize he’s kissing the top of Kibum’s forehead. When he pulls away he’s surprised to see the blush on Kibum’s tear stained cheeks.

“I obviously need to shower first, but when I’m done I’m here if you need to talk to me, alright?”

“Alright.”

Minho goes into his room, heaving a sigh before grabbing his phone out of his back pocket.

Chat: The College OGs + Kyuhyun

Minho: So uhh what’s a good way to figure out how to comfort someone without directly asking them?

Kyuhyun: are you asking for you or for a friend

Suho: ??? Is it for Kibum ???

Changmin: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) body language is always good ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Minho: If I tell you guys the scenario do you guys promise on Changmin’s dick to be chill about it?

Kyuhyun: well hell how serious is this?

Suho: why do i have to promise on that?

Changmin: you know damn well the only thing you love more than minho’s love life is dick so just promise so we can get some juicy deets

Minho: -_-

Suho: ok we promise please tell me you’re trying to comfort Kibum

Minho: Ok I just came home from DT and Kibum was crying when I came in the apt and he said that everything’s okay he’s just having a rough day. I gave him a hug because I know that’s what makes me feel better but he didn’t really respond to it much so I know that’s not his comfort style so how do I figure it out because I know he won’t tell me on his own. He stresses out everytime I pay for things for him, so I know it’s probably not gifts. Tips?

Kyuhyun: take him out somewhere; if he seems excited to just chill together, it’s probably time. Pick up his responsibilities a time or two; if he seems super appreciative it’s probably service. Say those nice things like they teach you to in kindergarten teacher training; if he likes it it’s probably words.

Changmin: when did you become a expert in love languages

Suho: when he started dating you and you wouldn’t talk about feelings, ya ding dong.

Minho: thanks guys

Chat: Third Wheelin’ Forever

Donghae: hey!! U said ur boyfriend likes art right?? There’s a sidewalk art thingy downtown this weekend!! Hyuk said u could borrow our car if u want 2 go!

Minho: thanks, that’s perfect! I’ll let you know if we’ll take you up on that

Donghae: it’s from 10-6 tomorrow

With a mind full of ideas, Minho finally gets in the shower.

“So where are we going?” Kibum asks as Minho drives the car out of the parking garage.

“The nice side of downtown. Technically we could take the buses there, but it’d be a two hour ride each way rather than ten minutes so that’s why I opted for the car.”

“Are you a safe driver?”

“I mean, at this point it doesn’t matter because you’re already my passenger, but yes. I may be gay but luckily I can also drive.”

Kibum’s quiet the rest of the ride. When Minho asked him if he wanted to go out that morning, he hadn’t divulged where they were going. It may be greedy, keeping it secret, but he wanted to see what Kibum’s face would be when they got there. The drive is quick, though it takes them quite a while to park. There’s a fair number of people at the festival even though it’s a Sunday. When they finally get up to the entrance, Kibum perks up.

“Oh it’s an art festival??”

“Yeah. Donghae told me about it. You seemed down yesterday so I thought it might be nice to get you out and about and this seemed perfect.”

Their teacher I.D.s get them in free and Minho’s heart skips a beat when Kibum takes his hand and pulls him along.

“I haven’t been to an art festival since I graduated. I could never find the time or put up the money to go.”

“I’ve been to a few of the school art competitions to support old students of mine but I haven’t been to a proper art event since I graduated high school.”

“Well, luckily you have me to guide you around.”

Kibum reaches up and kisses Minho’s cheek. They both stand there for a moment, looking surprisedly at each other, before turning away with blushing cheeks.

“So...left or right?” Minho asks after a moment, gesturing at the fork in front of them.

“Uhh...left.”

They walk around the festival most of the day. Though he’s never particularly had an interest in art, Minho does his best to keep up with Kibum’s explanations and learn the terminology he repeats most often. They snack on little samples and small plates most of the day; they even buy a few tiny prints from some of the artists for their apartment. By the time the festival closes at 6 they’re both pleasantly tired. Minho drives them back to their apartment; Hyukjae had said they could return the car keys the next day as they were out on a date. When they get in, they both plop down on the little loveseat in the living room. Kibum once again takes Minho’s hand.

“Thanks for taking me out, Minho. It was really nice and I really appreciate it.”

“Oh, no problem. Like I said, you just seemed like you could use a little something to lift your spirits.”

“Sorry about kissing your cheek earlier, I should’ve asked I don’t know what came over me. I-”

“Kibum,” Minho cuts him off softly, cupping his cheek. “There’s no need to be sorry. I...it was nice. I...I liked it.”

Minho feels butterflies in his stomach when Kibum gives him that shy smile. He finds himself mindlessly stroking Kibum’s cheek with his thumb. As they start glancing at each other’s lips and leaning closer and closer, his heart feels like it might beat out of his chest. Before he can finish closing the distance they’re interrupted by the sound of someone beating at the door followed by the sound of keys in the lock. They separate just as Donghae and Hyukjae come barreling in through the door with duffle bags.

“Sorry to crash your party but you weren’t answering your phone and long story short we’re crashing with you for a week because our apartment is unsafe.”

#tau #tau writing #writing #minho #kibum #there's Important Things coming #megan i promise they kiss eventually i just gotta slow burn it out

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zealoptics · 7 years

Video

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Zeal Optics Ambassador Spotlight: Andre Hamm

Catch up with Costa Rican Freeskier Andre Hamm and hear what keeps him from letting the grass grow underfoot in our spotlight below!

Background – where'd you grow up, inspirations in life, on the mountains, career highlights, etc.

I was born and bred at the foothills of the Rocky Mountains in Boulder, Colorado to a Costa Rican mother and an American father. Growing up, I would spend a month every year in Costa Rica, hanging out with family and exploring beaches. The rest of the time I would spend at home, working my way through school and playing whatever sports I was signed up for that season. I started out playing soccer and lacrosse, but later found that I enjoyed the outdoor aspect and challenges of extreme sports more. Skiing was a way that I could spend time with friends and express myself more freely than in any other sport I had practiced. I skied around the mountain a lot when I was younger but as soon as I started watching guys like Bobby Brown in the X Games and in the Poor Boyz movies every year, I knew I would be spending a lot of time in the air. My competition career started at around 14 when I joined the park team at Winter Park Resort. I started out at the local competitions in the Colorado area, but as my talent and dedication grew I made my way into the bigger competitions. By this time it was 2014. I was about to finish high school, Slopestyle had just been in the Olympics for the first time in Russia, and I was a freshly naturalized citizen of the beautiful country of Costa Rica. I was faced with an opportunity that many people never come by, and although it was daunting and distant, I decided to take it. To pursue this dream, I moved to Salt Lake City to sporadically attend a college class and train in Park City. Since then, I have spent most of my time and energy skiing and training in hopes of representing Costa Rica during the 2018 Winter olympics in South Korea.

What are you into other than skiing?

Lately, I’ve been getting really into surfing. I love being out on the water and the feeling of gliding on a wave, it’s a whole new way for me to get out and enjoy the elements. I recently returned from a three week trip to Costa Rica where I got to surf a lot. I finally think I’m getting the hang of it! Photography has also been really interesting to me lately because of all the cool places I’ve gotten to go to. It’s been a lot of fun capturing all of the incredible landscapes and good times. Besides these two things, I enjoy biking, camping, climbing, kayaking, playing the guitar, the occasional calculus problem, and of course, spending quality time with family and friends.

What motivates you?

Like many talented athletes, I didn’t start out being great at skiing. I loved the sport, and only after dedicating a lot of time to it did I start to get better. Now, I have done tricks (and survived falls) that I never imagined I would! The most rewarding feeling for me in skiing is landing a new trick or putting down a really solid comp run. What keeps me motivated is knowing that I have the ability to be a better skier, and all that is left is for me to go and do it.

What do you think makes your approach to being a skier differ from others?

There are a lot of different approaches to skiing these days. Some people are really serious and train really hard, while others just go out and ski and have fun everyday. My approach is somewhere in the middle. I’m really motivated to do well and make the Olympics so I definitely have a training mindset, but at the same time skiing has always been about having fun for me. I don’t want it to get to a point where it seems like a job or an obligation. Basically, I go out everyday with an intention to do my best and push myself, but in a lighthearted way. I don’t beat myself up if I’m having a bad day or I can’t get a new trick I’m working on.

How’d you get into skiing and what is it that continues to get you excited?

My parents first taught me how to ski when I was four years old, at a sledding hill near my house. From then on I’d go up most weekends during the winter to my condo in Winter Park, my friends were always up there so it was a really fun time. When I started High School, I began going to all the ski movie premieres in the area. I would get tickets as soon as they were available and I was always in line to get posters signed by the pros that were there. By the 3rd or 4th premiere, a few of them started to recognize me because I would be at all of them. Those movies got me really excited to start pushing myself and to actually get out on the snow and huck tricks. These days, what keeps me going is the community of friends and skiers out there pushing the sport.There are so many guys and gals just doing insane stuff and pushing content that I really wanna go ski, join the fun and show everyone what I can do. ** **

What are your favorite places to ‘work’? People to travel with? Why?

My favorite place to ‘work’ has got to be at Winter Park, Colorado. It’s my home mountain, it’s got great vibes and my family has a house right at the base! However, I spend a lot of time skiing at Keystone, Breckenridge and Park City. I like to ski at many different areas so I can get used to riding all types of jumps and rails. With all the competing I do, I travel a ton during the year. I’m normally traveling with different people all the time, but one of my favorite people to go on ski trips with, is one of my ski coaches Ryan Wyble. He’s always really stoked on checking out the local areas on top of skiing, so we always see some really cool stuff while we’re around the world.

What are some of your accomplishments that you're most proud of?

Last year in September, I won a pair of competitions in Argentina and got enough points to get into World Cups for this year. It wasn’t the hardest competition I had ever done but getting into World Cups was the first step towards qualifying for the Olympics, so I’m really excited I was able to do that.

What are a few things that most people don't know about you?

Hmm these are hard to think of. This one time when I was a baby, my family was hanging out at a beach in Costa Rica and my grandma was watching me while my parents went out for a swim. Then this monkey came down from the trees and tried to take me away but my grandma stopped it. I often think about what my life would be like if the monkey got me and I grew up as Tarzan.

What's next for you as far as trips, goals, etc.?

Right now my biggest goal is making the Olympics. I’ve got a really busy summer and fall full of skiing and training to make sure I can do my best at the next World Cups. This summer I’ll be working as a counselor at Windells ski camp at Mt. Hood, Oregon. I’ll get to ski basically everyday there so I’ll have lots of chances to work on some new tricks. After that, there’s a World Cup in New Zealand at the end of August, from this point on every World Cup count so I have to hit them all. Then I’ll probably go to Australia and take advantage of the park there to get some more training in. I’ll probably do one more training camp in October in New Zealand or Switzerland before the season gets started here in the U.S. It’s a hard life I know, but someone has to live it.

Two sentence description of your approach to life?

Try hard and laugh more. Pura Vida.

Why are you down with Zeal Optics?

What I really like about Zeal Optics is that there not just another optics company. They make great shades and goggles, but they also have a huge focus on social and environmental issues. I love how all the glasses are plant based and that there are even some biodegradable ones! I think it’s really important for companies to integrate sustainability into their business model, so I’m really glad to be on their team.

What are your favorite sunglasses and why?

My favorite has to be the Drifters. They are great for sunny ski days, biking, and all sorts of activities. Every time I put them on I think “woah, thats cool.”

Follow Andre’s journey @andrehamm

#Andre Hamm #ZealOptics #Athletes #Explore More #Pura Vida #WeAreAllZeal #ThroughOurLenses #Skiing #Costa Rica #Ambassador #Spotlight

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thehooliganhangoutspot · 7 years

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Sunny. I think you're really good in the "imagines field". Do you have anymore? They're great.

REALLY? wow you're such a sweetie. I always thought mine sucked lmao. I mean like i dont know if you've read any of my super old ones but here they are. These were all requested imagines (Sorry, some are long) and VERY explicit. HOPE U ENJOY! Moonshine #1I looked at my clock and the time was 5:00am, "what the hell why isnt bruno back yet. He told me he'd be back by 9:00 and ive been waiting all night for him." Tonight was supposed to be the night we out to eat and go to the movies, now im home alone again by myself. I start to doze off when i hear a loud knock at the front door *knock knock knock* i run downstairs to see who it is and when i open the door i see Bruno standing there in a daze, he smelt like alcohol and couldnt stand up straight. "Bruno where the hell have you been ive been waiting for you all night. And you smell like alcohol why the hell do you smell like that, have you been drinking? huh? have you.." Without saying anything bruno pinned me against the wall got closer to me and lifted me up. I could feel hi warm breath on my neck. He started to talk but in a whisper, "You thought i forgot our special night?" he said trailing his tongue down my neck to my breast. He started to squeeze my thighs harder as he held me up. I pushed away from him and he released me from his warm grip. Bruno you know i dont like having sex with you when your drunk because your too rough" i say trying to hold back that i really wanted to have sex tonight. "Baby you know i like it rough any other time" he says carrying me back up the stairs. We make it to the bed room and he throws me on the bed. "I got something good for you tonight bae" he says unbuckling his belt and pants. He got on top of me, opened my legs and entered himself inside of me softly. While he gently rubbed his hands up and down my chest. He leaned over me and sucked my breast. Then he turned me over and entered from the back. "Ohhhhh Bruno uhhhh bae dont stop" He kept going harder and harder until i lost my breath. Then he started to pull my hair which yanked my head back then he kissed my neck again. "Say my name, say it!!! say it!" I stated to hesitate then i started to scream,"Bruno....Bruno....Brunooo!!!" He finally stopped and rolled over. He was breathing so hard. We started to cuddle and he reached over and smacked my ass hard. "Bruno you are so damn drunk out of your mind, What the hell were you drinking anyway?" Bruno smiled at me and whispered in my ear, "I was drinking Moonshine"=============================================================================Runaway Baby #2He told me he loved me, he promised he'd never let me go, until i walked in on him and some bitch named Natalie in our bed. Next thing i know im running down the stairs of his mansion balling tears. He came after me with a bed sheet wrapped around him, " Lea please baby shes nothing to me, im sorry" i slapped him and responded, "You dont care about me because if you did this wouldn't have been your third time cheating on me. Little did he know Natalie was in the other room listening and stacking her pockets with the little money next to the dresser. I saw her doing it but i didnt say anything because it would serve him right. I tried to walk out the front door but he moved in front of me and said, "Please dont runaway from me baby" i stopped and looked him in the eyes, " Bruno, all you do is play me anyway, you put your charms and spells on me and try to make me stay and i know that im not the only one you want to be with because your nothing but a hoe" I finally made it all the way out the house, looking back at bruno. Hoping this was the last time he put his spell on me.=============================================================================Young Girls #3Damn, here i am. I finally made it to L.A, got my first paycheck from my own labor and work. its my first time hearing my own song on the radio and im ready to chill with my crew and act a fool all night. I call up the band and jump in the shower and grab my freshest outfit and my black fedora. We finally met up at the bar and we have lotssss of drinks and i mean lots, Im out of it and i see this beautiful young woman walk up to me. "Hi" i say in a drunk voice, "Whats your name?" she sits and responds, "Heelin, my names Heelin" i grab my 30th drink, "Hi Heeelin, your beautiful, how old are you baby?" She chuckled and said, "19" i stand up"ohhh really, well im not usually into young girls, i need a real woman to hold me down" she started to walk away. Im 25 and i dont know if this sounds right or not, but im ready to fuck whoever wherever right now. I grab her arm before she makes her way back to her booth with her girls. I grab her close and say, "Meet me in the bathroom"=============================================================================Locked Out Of Heaven #4There i was, with her in my bedroom, i wasn't sure if i wanted to get my virginity taken yet, just because im a man doesn't mean that im ready for this. She put her hand on my chest and started licking up and down my neck. She laid me down softly on the bed and got on top. Whispered in my ear that this was gonna be the best night of my life. She stroked and thrusted and jerked me so good that i thought i was gonna pass out, it was something ive never felt before. Something she could only give me, no other woman could. I felt locked out of this life and this pleasure that i just took in the moment as much as i could. It almost felt like i was locked out of a beautiful heaven. She made my first time so worth it.=============================================================================Treasure #5She stood there like an angel in that blue dress. The ballroom was beautiful and i had my eye on her all night. Phil pushed me toward her with a grin saying, "Go get your girl" i looked at him puzzled and acted like i didnt know what he was talking about. I didnt want him to know that i was staring at her. When Phil left for the bathroom i walked over to her. She wasnt even looking my way or noticed that i was even walking towards her. I said, "Excuse me miss, but i just had to tell you that you look like a shinning star, matter of fact, you look like treasure, and it looks like i found you" she looked at me and did a cute little sexy laugh and said, "Thats so corny but charming at the same time" I smiled back at her and said, "You wanna go somewhere more loose after this, Maybe for a drink or something, i do wanna get to know you better" she grabbed her purse and said, "sure, how about now, its boring here anyway"=============================================================================When I Was Your Man #6I dont know why i did what i did to her. I was so stupid, she was the love of my life and sex took over my relationship, thats all i wanted was sex from another woman. I was so selfish and i didnt even think about how she would feel in the end. I tried to tell her so many times that i was sorry but she just wouldnt take it. I wrote her this love song so that she really knew i was sorry and i hope she hears it. But i doubt she will pay attention. Its all my fault and i cant deny it. Now i have to live with it, and with someone who i dont love because they were nothing but a booty call.============================================================================The Plane Ride #7He grabbed my hand and lead me to his plane. He had one of his own and it was big and beautiful. He sat me down in one of the comfortable seats in the back and started to kiss all over me. His soft lips trickled from my lips to my breast, they were so warm. Then I started to feel something wet go the same route. I opened my eyes to see him trail his tongue all over me while he exhaled deeply. He looked at me and said in his beautiful raspy voice "I dont want you to move okay, I want to be the one who brings you the pleasure. Just sit back and let me do all the work" he laid me back in the chair and clicked this special button on the side that made the chair vibrate at different speeds, he chose the highest one. As I felt my whole body vibrate I felt his fingers slip off my pants then my panties. He made a V with his fingers and put it on my vagina to open it up and separate the lips. He then took his pointer finger and rubbed it on my clit then sucked hard, it was rub and tease then suck, rub and tease then suck in that order repeatedly until he stopped and put his while mouth on it and just kept it there. I could feel my swollen clit vibrating itself inside his mouth. As soon as he slid his tongue in me all the way as if it was a penis I reached orgasm. And screamed out his name. As soon as he was finished I could see him reaching for a "call" button to call his personal pilot. A couple minutes later I heard foot steps come up the plane's stairs and someone sat down. I couldn't see the person and the person couldn't see us. It was like a secret way he came from. I began to feel the plane take off, higher and higher then it dropped down, then it did a double drop the went up higher then dropped down again it was as if the plane was doing stunts or something. Bruno looked at me with those big beautiful brown eyes and he said "Hold onto the seat okay" he took out his penis and inserted it in my dripping wet vagina. He bent down and started kissing my neck again. When he inserted it in and bent down close to me he held me closer with his hands under my ass. This made my swollen clit rub on the top of his penis while he thrusted in me. As he thrusted fast as he could inside me the plane was moving up and down and dropping suddenly which made it like he was going up and down but he wasn't, he was doing him while the plane was doing the other part. He kept going and going then climaxed and pulled out and started jerking while he threw his hand on my vagina and started rubbing.==============================================================================The Plane Ride/Gorilla he deleted scenes part 2 #8"Wow!" Bruno says after pulling his hand away from my warm vagina. "That was great baby! I never had anything like that before" I look at him with a half smile and groan, "I love you Bruno". He comes close to me and and whispers softly in my ear, "Tonight, I want you to meet me in the empty parking lot down the street from the Pussy Cat Strip Joint, be there at exactly 11:00am". I nodded my head yes and smiled then kissed him deeply. I went back to my house and jumped in the shower and watched a little t.v to waste time. At exactly 10:40 I heard my doorbell ring. There was a small red box outside my door with my name on it, I didn't see anyone out there so I didn't know where it came from or who brought it. I brought the box inside and opened it to see a note inside with red laced panties and bra and stockings. The note read "Here's a little outfit for you now put it on and come meet me so I can show you what to do." I slipped on the sexy outfit and put a huge long jacket on over it and began to walk to the location. I finally come to the lot and see a Cadillac in the distance with fog in the windows. I'm guessing that was him. I walked to the car and knocked on the car door. The door automatically opened and a hand grabbed mine and slipped me in. I'll admit it, I was a little creeped out but was relived when I saw Bruno. He didn't hesitate to start grinding right away. He grabbed me hard and ripped my coat open and rubbed his erect penis on my side. He started rubbing my back while he pulled my bra down. He then reached for a cup that was next to him and took an ice cube in his mouth and sucked on it for a minute then spit it back in the cup. He put his cold mouth on my nipples to make them hard and he rubbed my breast while he did it. He slipped his hand down my panties and played with my clit while he sucked my hard nipples. He whispered in my ear "Yessss let big daddy take care of you and make your pussy feel so good, ohhhh baby you feel so good" when I started to moan he took his pinky finger and slid it in me....once....twice....three times....before I know it its ten times. "You want bigger huh baby you what bigger?" He says sliding two of his thick fingers inside me which made out a huge gasp from me. "OH MY GOSH" I screamed! He then put me on my side and pulled my panties all the way down and inserted himself in my ass. "Shhhhh baby, dont scream! You don't want anyone to hear us" he says thrusting inside me. "Ohhh Bruno!! Oh Bruno!!!" I say holding his strong arm that's wrapped around my waist. "Say I'm daddy" Bruno says while trying to grab my nipple again in his mouth. "WHOS DADDY?" he says taking his penis out my ass and beginning to spank me. "You! You Bruno!" I say screaming. "I'm what?" He said rubbing my clit vigorously. "Your daddy Bruno!!!!!!" I say as I feel cum running down my side. "Oh yea girl, you know who he is!" He says kissing me and turning on his radio and lighting a cigarette.==========================================================================The Room #9Twist, turn, shake wiggle... I could feel my body moving and wrapping around the thin pole provided. Its like I couldn't keep my ass in place, it shook by itself with one movement and that's what the audience liked about me. That's why they came. I recognized all of my customers, or "fans" as I like to call them. I recognized every single one of them but this newbie in the audience, his big brown eyes looked through my soul and his style was something I wasn't used to everyday. A brown fedora with shades and a jacket and slacks. Who is this guy? I ask myself. My mind starts to drift away from him and I eventually finish my dance and have to get off of the stage. Backstage I go into my private makeup room and start to take off my makeup and clothes when I hear a soft knock on the door. I hesitate to say come in because well, nobody ever comes in here but the manager and he barely does. I finally say come in and here comes that odd looking fan again, he had a confused look on his face with a smile. "umm, hi... I just wanted to say that I really enjoyed your performance, I was hoping to have some private time with you. The man says. He was really cute and i didn't want to turn him down. I usually have men pay for "private sessions" but i actually wanted him and i let him get it free. He sat there waiting for a response from me. "yes" i said smiling and standing up. "Look, um i have to tell you that i kinda like it rough but i don't want to hurt you." He says walking closer to my body. "Oooohh my favorite" i say giving him a kiss on his neck. I dont know what that kiss on his neck did to him but he automatically was turned on. He kissed me back deeply and un did my sparkle bra to expose my big hard nipples. "Oh baby" he said grabbing his boner. "You got gumdrops" he said smiling. I started laughing hard because he sounded so crazy, and what he compared them to omg! He reaches over to my cup of water and reaches in and pulls out a ice cube. He puts the ice cube in his mouth and sucks on it. He then spits the ice cube out and pulls my panties down while he puts his cold mouth on my nipples which makes me moan so loud. The licking on my nipples with his cold mouth keeps them erect. When he sees I'm satisfied he takes another ice cube out of the cup and sucks on it and spits it out once again. He then trails his cold tongue down to my clit and plays with it a little. The mix of the flicking of his tongue and the coldness of his mouth makes me get filled with heat and coldness at the same exact time. I've never in my life felt anything like this. He then slides his tongue down to my vagina hole and sticks his tongue in and out of me like a penis would. He goes faster and faster and faster and stops right when I'm about to climax and then starts again just to tease me. I finally orgasm and when he hears the loud squeal of my voice when he hit my G spot he looks up at me and smiles. He raises up and pulls his dick out of his pants. I look at it in shock, its so big! He doesn't hesitate to slam it into me hard and fast. He grabs my hands and holds them down on the table i was laying on and whispers in my ear "i like it deep baby" he then went deeper and deeper and deeper in me until i thought that his nut sack was going inside me too. He didn't stop until his belly skin touched mine. It hurt so bad but i liked it for some weird reason. He then snatched out heard and started pumping in me with no rhythm. It was just everywhere. He kept going and going and going until he abruptly stops and flips me around hard on my stomach. "Hold onto the table baby because this is gonna be rough" he puts his hand under my stomach to prop me up and position me the way he wanted me. He put the head of his penis on top of my ass and slapped it with it. Smack smack smack! Goes the large head on my ass. He sure loved teasing. He then put his penis in my ass and grabbed my hair, a nice fistful of it and slammed into me so hard that i started yelling in pleasure. After a couple minutes all i could hear is clapping, his penis going so hard inside my ass that it sounded like we were getting an applause. He went and went and slammed and slammed until he came. I could feel the warm cum squirting in my ass. I turned around and saw a whole pool of sweat on him. He was going in so hard he was exhausted and i was too. He grabs his pants and puts them on. "Thank you so much i needed that" he says zipping up his pants. I was so shocked at what i felt that i just had to ask who he was. "who are you" i asked. "Bruno" he said smiling while he walked out of the door.===============================(RANDOM IMAGINE #10) I met her in a coffee shop weeks ago. She was the prettiest! Such a gorgeous face and attitude. Although she was some years older than me I still felt the connection deep inside. She slipped me her number after our long meet up and I was scared to call her. I thought that me being younger would make her feel some type of way. I could see in her eyes that something like that didnt matter. I saw how she admired me and cared for me even though I hadn't known her for a long while. I sit there on my couch staring at the number on the white paper. I pick up the phone confident....hesitate...suck it up then I begin to dial the number. I hear silence......then a bright soft beautiful voice comes on the phone. "Hello" it says. "Hi...its Bruno, sorry I called you so late and unexpectedly but its just....i want to see you again. I know that you seemed uncomfortable with our first meet but." She then cuts me off. "no. Baby that's not it. I was nervous that's all. I just didn't know if you'd be interested in the things that I like personally" she says in a raspy sexy voice. "what do you mean the things you like personally?" I say holding the phone closer to my face making it red. "Nevermind it...." She says in a soft voice. "no.no.please I would like for you to be open with me." "Okay, Bruno. The thing is that I haven't had a man in a while now and when I first saw you.....ummmm.....i hate to come on so strong with saying this but ......i was automatically attracted to you and I needed you at that moment." She says fast yet sensual. "Well what do you mean by that" I say confused. "*sigh* come to my place babe and Ill show you what I mean, 780 Denten drive NOW" the phone then hangs up. I'm so nervous to see what she has planned. I put on my clothes and favorite hat and I head out. I finally arrive to her place to see the door open all the way. Its dark EVERYWHERE. I barely see the red rose peddles spilled beautifully down the hallway that lead up the stairs to a bed covered in silk sheets, candles around it and a bucket of ice near the bed and her....laying there with handcuffs on strapped to the headboard and lace all over her. I look at her in shock. She then looks into my eyes deeply "I see you could make it Bruno. I wanted you to come by to see what I was PERSONALLY into, come here baby....take care of me Bruno, make me your bitch" i hesitate to do what she wants me to but then again i remember how much i admired her at our first meet. "Start with the ice cubes baby. They're snapped specially for my liking, when you see them i think you'll know what to do with them and how to make them work." She says smiling. I walk over to the bucket of ice cubes that are shaped into thick drumsticks. I grab one. As soon as i grab one she opens her legs fast. I get between her legs and take her lace panties off. I take the ice and slowly put the tip in her. I look up at her biting her lip and moaning. I stop because I think its hurting her. "DONT STOP BABY, PUT IT DEEPER" she says screaming. "Don't be shy Bruno!" She continues on talking to me. I stick the ice deeper, in and out and in and out. The more I push it the more it comes out slippery from her. "Taste it baby" she says lifting her head up. I put the ice around my lips slowly then I stick it in my mouth and taste it. The coldness from the ice and her natural beautiful taste make me feel so good. Before I knew it I got harder and harder. I couldn't hold myself back anymore so I climbed on top of her and stuck my penis in her as far as it could go. I wanted it to surprise her and kinda hurt since I knew that's kinda how she liked stuff. I rode inside her harder and harder and deeper and deeper until her cum ran down to my legs. She was the best I ever had and the wettest. She showed me she was done with a huge moan. She started running my backs and I laid down to the side while breathing hard. She smiled and held my chest and said "I bet you wouldn't ever believe that a 40 year old could take something like that huh?" "Well....i guess love has no number" I say kissing her lips. ========================(RANDOM IMAGINE #11) I love my baby! She's been there with me for years l. We've always talked about our future and children. She's always mentioned our future and how well things will be. But it was odd to me that she never mentioned sex when talking about the children. Her not talking about it made me suspicious. It made me think that she was unable to have them or maybe she wanted to adopt. One day while we were in bed about to go to sleep the thought came to me. I leaned over and asked her "Baby, what do you think about us having babies soon" she looked at me with a blank stare after I said it. I continued "Babe please tell me how you feel about it.....are you.....able to?" I say holding her hand "what do you mean ABLE TO?" she says looking confused. "I mean like...we've never talked about what we'd HAVE to do to have the babies" she looked at me with a blank stare and said "OH NO...baby! No. I'm able to, its just that I was always scared about the sex part." I look at her with a lifeless stare "But why baby?" "Well Bruno, the thing is that I've never had sex before and the thought of it was just always scary and I didn't know if it would hurt or not" she said holding my hand with a tight grip. "Don't worry sweetie, ill make you comfortable when I do it." I say smiling at her. "Okay then" she says smiling back. I pull her shirt over her head and slip her pajama bottoms off. I pull out my hard penis, she looks at it and closes her eyes. I rub it on her thigh and she gasps"its okay, its not even in yet" I say with a small laugh. I rub the tip on her clit slowly up and down "Ooooohhh that feels so good" she says throwing her head back. "See, I told you" I say holding her breasts in my hand and squeezing softly. I stop the teasing and I stick it in slowly. "uhhhhhhhhhhhh brunoooo" she says in a slow whisper. Her warm voice on my ear makes me stiffen up and go a little faster. With each stroke she cries out and screams my name. My strokes are long and deep and get faster then slower then faster then slower. The teasing with her body and biting her nipples as I do it sends sweaty down my neck. I start to feel scratches all over my back and my hair getting pulled its such a good feeling to me and her at the same time. We go and go and go until her warm juices surround my waist and stomach. She came so hard. I'm sure this first time of hers would be something that she would remember for a lifetime. =======================(RANDOM IMAGINE #12) This summer may have been the best yet. Such beautiful weather and gorgeous skies. Its nothing like the outdoor s. Especially when you spend it with someone you love. I looked over at her to see her looking up at the clouds blankly. Only if she knew what I felt, only if I knew she felt the same way. She caught me looking into her eyes the other day while we were on our daily coffee day out. After years of an awesome friendship with her and having the excitement of someone liking everything you like naturally shouldn't be messed up or turned awkward by the secret love and feelings you have for that person. I just wanna kiss her and hug her oh my goodness I know I'll never find anot- "Bruno, do you think you could drop me off at the house" she says cutting off my thoughts. "Yes, of course" I say while perking up. I realized this would be my chance to tell her how I felt. We walk up to the coffee shop's driveway and we jump in my all blue Cadi. The whole way to her house I tried to think out what I was gonna say. Minutes pass and we end up at her house. "Thanks Bruno, see ya later bro. Are we still on for coffee tomorrow"? She says stepping out of the car. " of course girl, you already know" I say screaming as she walked to her front door and reached for her keys. "What a scary ass" I say to myself. I talked all that shit about what I felt and what I was gonna do, look now. I say laughing to myself before pulling off. "WAIT" I say pushing the break. "I gotta do this" *screams* "(YOUR NAME) come here girl" I didn't know what I was doing or what part of me gave me the courage to call her back but it was taking me over. (YOUR NAME) Walked over to the car and leaned on the open window. "Yes Bruno"? " Look (YOUR NAME) I've been holding this in for a long while now, I just wanted to let you know that.......I'm in love with you and I just can't help it, I mean like I didn't want this to mess up our friendship AT ALL its just th- "Bruno, I've felt the same exact way about you. Its just that I was scared of the same thing you were scared of" she says cutting me off once again. "(YOUR NAME) "ARE YOU SERIOUS" I say giggling. "Oh wow, well that sure as hell took alotttttt off my shoulders" I say still nervously giggling. "I love you Bruno, so much" she started to give me googly eyes and she started to lick and bite her soft lips. "Why don't you come show me how much you love me" I say spreading my legs looking at her. "Maybeeee I will" She said walking to the side allowing me to pull up in the drive way. Before I could even make it completely into the driveway she swung the car door open on my side and hopped on my lap. Closed the door and started to unbutton my pants. I felt her warm hands rub my penis while her other hand pulled my pants down halfway. She then lifted her skirt and ripped a hole in her panties on the crotch part, grabbed me and shoved me inside her. My fantasy came to life finally. She was so damn wet. She had enough cum for the both of us. It was dripping non stop. So much that it was on her thighs. She demanded I'd grab and rub her ass and thigh s ad she rode me back and forth making the car shake. I stopped the rubbing and lifted off her shirt. While she was rocking back and forth I was able to catch her breast in my mouth over and over again. She was gushy, we could go all night but her body made me tap out eventually. From that day on we agreed that our new dates wouldn't just be coffee related.

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jazmienblank-blog · 7 years

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His toy 2p america x reader

It was three in the morning by the time you had left your best friends house, you turned and waved saying goodbye and walked down the street headed home, you had needed someone tonight not fully knowing exactly why, you just felt...off. The need for assurance from anyone that everything was okay, nothing was wrong. Laughing at yourself, "you worry to much (y/n) everything's fine"

The feeling of final peace and safety quickly was eliminated when you felt an unusual presence, it was like being watched, like someone was examining and remembering every detail about you, it made your skin crawl. frantically you looked all around, heart pounding, eyes scanning your surroundings, no one was to be found. Trying to calm any of your pounding nerves was impossible, instead you turned and bounded for home.

Time skip --------

You woke up,stretching and yawning, it was a perfect day outside, sunny, warm and clear. smiling you got out of bed and went down stairs, in the kitchen you started a pot of coffee and some toast. "nothings gonna go wrong today, its beautiful out, and everything has just been my imagination, that's all" just as you finished your thought the doorbell rang. you opened the door expecting it to be either the mail man or your best friend, however, it was neither,there was no one there, you stepped out just to double check when you kicked something on the ground, it was a small box, wrapped in (f/c) paper and a black bow, you picked it up and read the tag {from your best friend, don't open till midnight tonight} giggling you wondered what it could be, it wasn't your birthday, no where near your friendaversary, but you decided to let the mystery play out.

After setting the box on the table in the living room, you finished your coffee ate your toast and started your day, and it was a long day; grocery shopping, clothes shopping, animal walking, visiting the seniors, the gym....who are you kidding oh you don't work out though you didn't need to you were gorgeous, you visited your parental(s), by the time you got home it was about 8, the anticipation for the present was to much, so you cleaned EVERYTHING, made dinner, watched a couple movies, even a couple comedy's which kept causing you to choke on your own spit, and finally it was midnight.

You shrieked with joy as you turned the tv off and grabbed the box that was left sitting on your table. you wasted no time in ripping every piece of paper off of the once (f/c) box,now left sitting in front of you was a box from a fancy pet store that was a few blocks away, you were confused at first and a little angry not to mention freaked out, but then thought maybe its just a left over box thing, from when your friend bought a collar for their dog, so you shook it off and opened the box, you stared at the object, inside was a black collar with a silver bone shaped tag that read (y/n). after a few minutes you shook your head and started laughing, it all made sense you were being pranked. "alright wheres the cameras? haha very funny" you picked up the collar at the same time you reached for the phone to dial your friend, "Hello? (y/n)? its past midnight what do you want?"

"Haha very funny, with the dog collar idea; what did I do to deserve this prank?" you twirled the collar in your hands.

"What the hell are you talking about? I didn't send you a collar. " You paused a second, if it had been your friend, they would have owned up to it. You decided to turned the tag around to find an engraving saying -Property of Al. - you gawked at the neckband, falling silent as your friend called for you, when you said nothing they hung up, it was silent, for a few minutes, but broken when a rough husky voice broke through you frightened concentration "How do you like your new jewelry babe?"

You jumped up off the couch and without thinking threw the box at the strange man in your house, it hit him in the chest before falling to the ground "really doll? a box? Yeah, cause that's gonna fuck'n hurt me right?" He chuckled as he took is sunglasses off and stared at you. he was shaggy but handsome and scary, he had brown eyes, that if you stared at them to long seemed to turn black and suck you into an abyss, auburn hair, and he was tan from the look of it slim or toned and muscular, it was hard to tell under his big airman jacket.

"w-who are you?" you gulped before straightening up and trying to put on a brave face "How'd you get in my house, a-and how do you know my name?"

He chuckled and smirk before replying, "Tisk tisk dollface so many questions." He slowly started walking towards you, naturally you stepped back but it didn't help, his strides were much larger, "Take that braveness off your face, it doesn't suit you, you're much cuter when scared, and even sexier when helpless." He pinned you to wall and continued to stare at you "I've been watching you babe, we don't have girls like you where I'm from, they're to strong, its hard to control them, but you, your small and frail, taking you should be no problem. You're just my type to (h/l) (h/c) hair, (e/c) eyes full of fear, (s/c) skin, you're almost perfect, I'm gonna change that, you'll have scars from me everywhere , how bout it dollface?"

With a smirk the stranger whom you could only assumes name was Al.- due to the collar,- leaned in slowly, grabbing your chin to steal a kiss from you "Oh hell no!" out of no where you instincts kicked in, balling your hand into a fist you hit Al. Directly in his well....no no square "AH! you stupid bitch!" he fell to the floor both hands trying to sooth his man parts. you wasted no time in fleeing, running upstairs and into your room, locking the door behind you, you even took the desk chair and placed it under the knob, gasping you realized you stupidly left your phone in the living room, so you grabbed a small dagger which always stayed under the bed and ran into your bathroom, shutting and locking that door behind you as well.

You sat in your shower, trying to be the furthest away from the door as possible, everything was silent except for your breathing and beating heart, you listened for the expected pounding on your door, but nothing... it felt like minutes then hours, just sitting and waiting for whatever was gonna happen, maybe he left? did he give up? your breath of relief came to soon, when you heard a soft knock on the door "Babe? come on don't hide from me, im not done with you yet, and your gonna pay for what you did doll." How did he get through the first door without making a noise!? You screamed as the bathroom door was knocked down with ease "There you are, you're gonna regret what you did bitch, but I know exactly how i'll get my revenge" freezing you almost forgot the knife in your hand, you stood up just as Al. reached you, closing your eyes you thrust the knife straight at his chest, but it was stopped, you opened your eyes, and they filled with fear,he had grabbed your wrist just before impact. Al. pulled you to him "Nice try, keep your eyes open next time dumb ass, ....and i'll take that"

"Just let me go leave me alone!" You hit him and kicked him over and over but it was no use, "Ssshhhh, hush dollface." He flung you to the ground before grabbing your hair you winced in pain as he dragged you to your bed. Picking you up, only by your hair, you screamed slightly, it felt like your whole head of hair was gonna fall out, he brought you close to his face, using his other hand to grab your chin to look at him, "Mm now all thats left is to find that pretty little stash of your's" He smirked as he threw you onto the bed and started searching your room - what could he possibly be looking for?....oh no!- just as you finished your thought Al. chuckled and pulled out a black box from inside your closet, he opened it to find exactly what he was looking for, ropes, cuffs, paddles, everything, Your body went cold with fear.

Al. pulled out the ropes and cuffs from the box, "Lucky for you I'm not really to into everything else, however I do love these items, and how'd I know you had them? like I said I've been watching you babe." You had no idea how to feel, your only instinct was to run, and you did, you bolted from your bed, tears streaming down your eyes, you were so close, but sadly stopped just in front of the door, he grabbed your neck and pulled you, your back was to him, you could feel his hot breath on your neck as he spoke, "Where ya going doll? I'm just getting started." he growled before biting down hard on your neck and drawing blood, his teeth felt like dirty needles and you couldn't help but scream. The pain was so distracting you had no idea he had cuffed your hands behind your back, only noticing when he walked you to the bed and pushed you down face first.

He stood above you, pleased with his catch, pulling a pocket knife out of his pocket he placed it on your skin, just underneath the bottom of your shirt,holding up your hands he ripped up, you gasped slightly, but bit your lip, tears forming in your eyes once again, your back was cold, then all a sudden warm, a gash in the middle of your spine started to bleed, " Don't worry dollface you won't die." He finished cutting the rest of your shirt exposing your breasts to cold air, Al. Smirked and got on the bed and leaned over you from behind, taking both breasts into his hands, toying with your nipples, twisting and pulling them between his fingers as he dipped down and licked the wound on your back, the warmth of your being in his mouth only made his growing erection hurt inside his pants, you shuddered but showed no emotion, you only felt disgusted with yourself, almost enjoying the feeling of what he was doing, but you made no sounds.

One of his hands slipped down,caressing every one of your curves as he made his way to your womanhood. He slid his finger between your folds, teasing your clit the most, twirling his finger around it and softly pinching it, you groaned in your throat, fighting every urge to moan. You gasped/moaned when he slid his fingers inside you, it hurt at first but subsided after awhile, you tried to ignore it but he kept speeding up, curling his fingers and using his thumb to rub your clit, it was all to much,you felt a knot starting to form in your stomach - no no it can't be please no!- all of a sudden he stopped and sat up licking his lips and fingers clean "You taste so sweet babe." He looked down at your shorts in disappointment, "We can't have these on now can we? " Just as he reached for his knife you started kicking at him, you didn't want to give up, you knew all hope was probably lost, but not yet, not till he had you, and like hell you were gonna make that easy. He grit his teeth and hissed when you kicked his knees and made him drop his knife, "Alright bitch, looks like its gonna be the hard way!" Al. grabbed both your ankles, no doubt bruising them as he turned you around in on swift motion leaving you on your back. Having no time to react before he had ropes around your ankles and was tying your legs to the bed posts, you tried moving, flailing around on the bed, but you knew it was over.

Al. stood up off the bed and started to undress himself, "You know doll this could have gone a lot smoother, you could have just let me take you, but no you had to fight didn't you? Well to bad babe, im gonna make you mine whether you like it or not." He spit in his hand and started stroking his long hard member as he crawled back onto the bed,grinning down at you, he wasted no time at taring your shorts off then placing himself at you entrance, seeing you like this, weak, vulnerable, pathetic it only made him want you more. He grabbed your thighs from underneath and slightly pulled you to him, before thrusting into you, your eyes shut anticipating pain but it never came, "Well well, looks like someones been enjoying themselves after all."

You couldn't and didn't want to believe it, but your body was right, you hated him, but you loved this kind of treatment to an extent. As you were lost in your thought Al. pulled out all the way and slammed back in, and you broke. Moaning loud as your back arched, he smirked and repeated the process slow at first, but faster and rougher with each thrust, "No! Stop it! Aah!" you groaned behind grit teeth. He leaned down and stuck one of your buds in his mouth, sucking first then biting, harder and harder till your moans turned into screams, it was exhilarating to him, it drove him to be animalistic to you, gripping your thighs as he thrust into you.

You cried out in pain and pleasure as you felt a knot forming again, there was no stopping it. With one more thrust you came hard, shivering and panting as tears streamed down your eyes, "Now you're mine dollface." He chuckled as he pushed deep inside you and came, he pulled out and stood up, walking over to his pants he pulled out the collar from the pocket, grabbing your hair to keep you still he snapped it on, "Now everyone will know you're mine and not to touch you. Trust me, where we're going, be glad I found you first" he laughed and smirked as you lost consciousness.

#imagine #2pamerica #hetalia #america #non/con #2pamericaimagine #hotbabe #imagines

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vitalmindandbody · 7 years

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10 Simple-minded Ways To Heal A Broken Heart

I cant do this anymore.

The terms still reverberating in your ears, ricochetting around until they land like a punch in the gut. Youre instantly transported to a new world, one you didnt know existed before this moment. A world-wide and life without your beloved.

It doesnt feel real. You pinch yourself to wake up from this nightmare, but youre still here, still revolving from this declaration, this revocation of love.

Warm snaps stream down your face until you begin to sob, that terrifying uncontrollable sobbing that leaves you gasping for air. You want to hide away, cry yourself to sleep, and somehow magically feel better tomorrow.

Weve all been here. Or some modification of it. Weve all had our centers cracked and stomped on. Weve all diverted over every moment of our relations in our headings and wondered, What could I have done differently?

But we are now transported into a macrocosm where the love we seemed is grasped away from the americans and dont know what to do with ourselves other than suffers and sorrow our loss.

I recently read a work that briefly touched upon anguish and its advice mostly amounted to go out with your lovers as far as possible. WTF? Thats it? Thats how Im going to heal my mettle? Most of my lovers are scattered in all regions of the world. Becoming out with them every night isnt even a viable option.

How on globe do you turn off those kinds of impressions? What happens to affection lost? How do you mend a broken heart? I decided to investigate how to mend my own shattered heart.

In previous breakups, Ive simply idly fallen into my personal motifs of desire lost. For me, I exclaim, I stay in bed, watch bad tv, chew cookie dough, and hide away from the people who love me. I mainly dont DO anything. I sit and wait.

Because time heals all winds, right? Or does it? If occasion is a construct of our attentions, do “weve been” have to wait for the occur of period, something illusory to mend ourselves? Can we speed up the process of healing our wraps? How much is impossible to ensure our healing through our wars and blueprints?

So, instead of blindly falling into my decorations, I started to ask myself some questions about my habits. Im looking at my structures with enjoying interest, playing with them a little bit, realise what is actually acting me and determining what patterns are there exclusively because of economy, because my memory, form, and nerve are too tired for anything but pattern. And heres what Ive learned

1. Lean Into Sensation

Essentially, everything we know as physical beings comes down to sensation that we name good or bad. When I began to lean into the wizard in my body, requesting what it had to tell me, thoughts began to transform. I asked where the ache lives in my torso. I closed my eyes and supposed symbolizing my excitement. I described what it felt like in writing, how I had to remind myself to breathe and how fascinating the absence of a act- breath and love feels so heavy.

I examined the tightening in my chest, trying not to label it good or bad, just simply as superstar. Human tolerating is predominantly an expression of the results of labeling event as good or bad and right or wrong.

The thing about perception is, its ever changing. It doesnt stay forever. When we change our perspective of know-how merely being a temporary district of existence, it takes service charges out of it, simply through the simple-minded number of observation. In my own experience, the sensation itself tend to change faster the closer I look at it.

By noticing how heavy the fact that there is breath felt, I began to fill my lungs with slower, deeper breaths and learnt my entire being become a bit lighter.

2. Frankie Says Relax

Remember those t-shirts from the 80 s from Frankie goes to Hollywood? Passes out those guys had a good idea.

While this might seem a little bit self-contradictory to simply discovering perception, this practice of tightening your body has slightly different merits. We support so much better tension in our mass on a daily basis, and its even more amplified in times of high-pitched stress.

Make a practice of checking each part of your mas for tension. I like to start out lying down on my back and closing my gazes like I would for savasana. Take a couple of deep sighs, then try to contract and tense up every single muscle in your organization at once. Hold this for got a couple of seconds, then liberate the tension in your whole mas. Repeat a couple of times. I find it helpful to see the comparison in how my person tones between the tension and the relaxation.

Then take it further by slowly checking each part of your form from leader to toe. Tense up an individual muscle group for a moment, then exhaust it. Crinkle your forehead, and handout. Squeeze your eyes tight, and handout. Clench your jaw, and handout. Press your tongue to the ceiling of your opening, then make it hang loose in your mouth.

You get the picture. We all know we view so much friction and stress in our shoulders and backs, but also pay attention to the little neighbourhoods. Tightening the smallest muscle radicals, particularly in my appearance, often prepare the most difficult difference in how I seem afterwards.

3. Move It

Rest is important in mending a middle. But I often situate too much emphasis on it. Yes, I need to take care of myself with sleep and the blessing of stillness. But I now believe it is equally important to move your torso very. The medium of shift isnt important. Just move.

On day one I went to a yin yoga class. While technically moving my body, the needs of the of yin yoga are much less than read a spin class. Yin allowed me to extend my form while still allowing me to appear introverted and my existence internalized which was all I could handle.

On day two I croaked for a four mile walk in the common. I remained my headphones on and didnt talk to anyone, but extended my legs and got plenty of oxygen into my lungs.

This movement is facilitating me hinder some momentum and vigour for other aspects of “peoples lives” I dont want to placed on hold while my centre heals.

4. Reach For A Better Feeling Thought

This one can feel a bit tricky. For starters, the thought of exuberance can feel so far removed from where you are right now. So, start where you are.

If you are depressed, what next best happen can you contact for? Depression is experiencing hopeless, disheartened, retiring. There isnt even any energy around depression. Happiness and desire can feel like a world away from depression.

Can you reach for something that seems slightly better than this powerless desperation? Perhaps hope? Or wrath or storm? Most passions have more vitality behind them than hollow. While temper isnt a situate you want to stay in, it can also stimulus some movement.

What if every day you worked towards an spirit merely one step in future directions you wish to move? Take a look at the Emotional Guidance System scale I formed from Ask and it is Given below. Moving up by one spirit a daylight will put you in a pretty good region in not so long a time.

There is something else to watch out for here. In the midst of my profound bereavement, I have minutes of genuine laugh when I hear something funny. The first few meters it happened, I immediately experienced guilty.

It was as if my feeling good in any way was a disloyalty to my broken heart. My mentality was telling me that if I feel good, its as if I didnt appreciate such relationships as much as I felt I did. Well, that is hogwash. That is my hurt ego talking. My relationship mean and still signifies “the worlds” to me. Tell me be really clear on this point…

If youre having a hard time contacting for a better sensitive conception, try some visualizations. Stay away from thinks about your relationship and cherish. They are very charged topics, so start somewhere easy.

Close your eyes, thought the sentiments of the warm sunlight on your look, and cool breeze on bare shoulders. Dream the flavor of your favorite dinner on your tongue. Dream your abs hurting after a good belly laugh. Improve on this feeling with knowledge from our lives you can draw from. What in your life is full of ease and joy?

5. Surround Yourself With Reminders Of Truth, Beauty, And Love

I have a tattoo on my left forearm that enunciates Love Inspired by a blog upright called the Beauty of the Ellipsis, it serves as a reminder that ardour isnt a finished thinking. It is always in motion, ever deriving. Adoration for myself, my family, your best friend, and those Ive lost.

I have a maple seed necklace to remind me that in every moment Im planting the seeds of my future. I have prisms hanging from my windows for an extra perforate of coloring and rainbows on sunny epoches. I am gradually building a jungle in my house. I fill empty spaces with plants that remind me of life and vitality even on the grayest of days.

Fill your encircles and life with little bits that remind you of what you know to be true, beautiful, and joyful. These neednt be grandiose or expensive, just simply concepts that reverberate with you. Here are some ideas to get you started.

Flowers from Traders Joes. Pinterest board filled with beauty. Follow an inspiring Instagram or Tumblr account. Make or find a mantra. Use Canva to build and print out invigorating paraphrases to embellish your room. Croak for a step and find the perfect stone to bring home. Find a brand-new favorite aroma and spread it around your mansion liberally. Buy new stationary. Treat yourself to a book from Etsy. Draw portrait or stimulating mentions with sidewalk chalk in your vicinity. Find a neighbourhood neighbourhood to make a coffee or tea mug. Alternately, find one that impresses your imagination at Society6. Create an altar or sacred cavity and crowd it with crystals, palo santo, and offerings. Spend day with children. Find reminders of your truism and joy.

These may seem to be insignificant things that are only on the surface, but I find the more I border myself with items that experience whimsical and magical in some small-scale acces, the more Im able to remind myself of how I want to feel in each time. They help me choose to feel glee and magical when I might otherwise choose grief.

6. Self-Care Saturday( Or any era. Or every day !)

We can be quite penalize to ourselves in times of conflict and stress, so take some time to really take care of yourself in some way.

Were all busy and charged with the responsibility, but if you dont take care of yourself first, the main responsibilities can begin to suffer as a result. Im more focused and productive when Ive taken care of my necessities first. I attend to my responsibilities in a bigger and better behavior when my goblet is full , not empty.

Theres a lot of area for reading here as to what self-care consider this to be for each person. While technically, all the suggestions in this article are a species of self-care, I miss “youve got to” block off some time specifically for self-care, mining deeper into what that means for you.

Maybe its taking a long, palatial shower and spending duration pampering yourself with tinctures for your skin that move you feel radiant. It might be spending a duo hours in live animals shelter fondling with puppies and kittens. Perhaps its planning a hot stone rub. Maybe its nourishing your form with vibrant healthy food youve cooked yourself. It might be taking a couple hours to read a book thats been sitting on your nightstand for months.

Tailor your self-care and rotate it into a weekly or even daily ritual.

7. Invest in Yourself

Im willing to bet everyone has something new theyd like to try if merely they had the time, coin, or excuse.

Here is your allow stumble to try that something new.

Did you want to pick up knitting, or perhaps learn to play the guitar? Maybe memorized some bayonet abilities to hoist your prepare? Rock climbing, sky diving, paint, memorizing another language, the possibilities are interminable. You can find a class on just about whatever it is you like online these days.

As progenies, we try brand-new occasions all the time. Its how we discover and change at an exceptional charge. But this slows down as we grow up and our visual field becomes smaller as we narrow down our athletic field. So expand your compass, invest in yourself in some way, and learn something new.

The cognitive requirements of memorizing something new are also welcome to serve as a great pattern of distraction when you need a distraction. Perhaps youll be brought to an end picking up a brand-new hobby, check off another carton on your pail listing, or have a good story to tell.

8. The F wordForgiveness

Ahh, a big creepy one! The topic of forgiveness can be a fiction in itself. Perhaps there is a requirement forgive the actions of your ex, or maybe forgive yourself for your own. Or a combination of both.

We dont always like to forgive people for actions we deem incorrect or unkind because it can feel like we are giving them a free pass. But Ive became aware that maintaining onto exasperation and resentment is always worse. Its a tremendous force suck and you cant find joyful as the same duration “you think youre” feeling justified in your fury. So, I select my own gaiety over my resentment.

Its a choice to make over and over again. Its not easy to forgive in one large-hearted sweeping action. It generally happens in increments. Its helpful to practice radical rapport, vividly dreaming how it feels to be the person who did you wrong. You know most people are essentially doing the best they can with the information they have at each minute. It becomes easier to suppose why they did what they did when you put yourself in their shoes. You begin to feel more empathy for them.

You recognize that the indignation youre accommodating acts no one. And you gradually begin to let it go, piece by piece.

Because forgiveness is not for them, its for YOU.

9. Afford what you wish to receive

I was walking around, detecting like no one loves me, which is totally and completely untrue, but when youre heartbroken, your subconsciou does all kinds of irrational thoughts. I received a pal of mine berth about writing a note of encouragement to a pal, and I wished to be that friend with every fiber of my being. I wanted to open up my mailbox and receive letters of cherish, a validation of the adoration that exists for me.

I expected myself what could I do to feel that adoration? I decided to Pay what I wished to RECEIVE. I started writing words of encouragement and love to pals and strangers alike. All I had to do was write what I wanted to hear, for myself. It was that easy.

This did two things for me.

One, the brain doesnt is the difference between handing, receiving, or even witnessing magnanimity. When you perform an act of kindness, the pleasure and rewards cores light up, releasing feel good chemicals as if you were the recipient, which some psychologists have dubbed the helpers high.

Two, it demo me that we live in a macrocosm of abundance. I dont is a requirement to accumulation away love and kindness to keep it. It actually thrives when I open it away. Its generative. And often, when you demonstrate adore and kindness away, others are inspired to mirror your enjoy and kindness back to you as well as fee it forward to others.

We cannot presume to understand the dominance of the extent of what a few kind words can do for someone and its ripple effect on the world. Win win triumph!

10. Investigate Your Own Patterns

This is by no means a complete list. Merely recommendations of the start of opportunities for your own healing. The biggest occasion you can do for yourself is to get curious, examine your own personal decorations in its own experience of sorrow, and doubt each one.

Hold each one up as they sound and question Does this suffice me?

If the answer is truly yes, keep it. If the answer is no, try something new or the opposite of that first inclination. Play with the brand-new reaction, see if that one provides you better, prepares you feel better both in the present and the long term.

And most important, be gentle with yourself. There are epoch to push your borders, to peruse, and to experiment. But i still have a meter for rest and a is necessary to give. Dedicate yourself the grace to know you are where you need to be when you need to be.

Know that you wont always feel like your centre has been rent out of your chest. Lessen the distance between a shattered heart and a mended middle by experimenting with these alternatives to your motifs. One day youll open your middle again and feel the rushing of falling in love. Youll look into attentions that truly see you and reflect your feeling back to you. And youll be ready for large-scale ardour because youve already done their efforts to heal your middle.

The post 10 Simple-minded Ways To Heal A Broken Heart appeared first on vitalmindandbody.com.

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wellmeaningshutin · 7 years

Text

Short Story #23: Emails.

Written: 1/17/2017

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

Subject: Hello!

Hey there! I saw your post about wanting somebody to talk to, whats up? Should I tell you a little bit about myself? I’ve never done this before. I used to live in the states and I mostly talked to people face to face, I was kind of popular, but out here its so lonely. I decided to study abroad and its great, I’m learning so much about biology! Its just so lonely here, I don’t know anybody, so I thought I’d reach out to you, you seem like a neat guy!

I have a lot of interests, mainly biology (duh), but I don’t want to talk about that much. I spend most of my time in class or studying, and its like when my dad would come home from work (he was a plummer, may he rest in peace) and would refuse to fix our sinks or toilets, insisting that he didn’t want to work at home. I never understood that but I guess I’m feeling the same way with school! Was that too much to say? Anyways, my other interests are jazz (like you), and I mostly listen to a lot of Ornette Coleman, but I’m also very interested in American football (go Eagles!), the mafia (Godfather!), and well plenty of things. Maybe you can expose me to new interests, maybe that’s asking too much…

It said online that you’re from Hanoi, what’s it like there? Is it different from here? Where is it? What kind of jazz do you like? I can’t wait to get to know you!

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

Subject: Re: Hello!

Hello.

It must be lonely in a foreign country, where are you currently? Biology sounds interesting, its a shame you don’t want to talk about it, but I understand.

Your dad sounds like an interesting man, don’t worry about saying too much, its fine. Its fine.

Hm, it seems we don’t have much in common except for jazz. To answer your question I mostly listen to a lot of Mingus, Charlie Parker, Miles Davis, standard stuff. I’m more interested in playing, and although I’m alright with an upright bass I can go crazy on the piano. I could send you some audio files of me playing if you want.

If you’re curious about Hanoi you can just spend a couple minutes looking it up online.

Why is your name SwimMark, but none of your interests are relating to swimming? Also, are you 29? If so, then why are you in college so late?

If you want to know any of my other, non-jazz, interests here they are:

Bird watching, natural disasters, programming, and horror movies.

Till we speak again.

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

Subject: Re: Re: Hello!

Yeah its super lonely, I’m in Denmark and I’ve been freezing my balls off! Is that too crass? Tell me if I’m being to crass, some people here don’t like the way I speak but I’m a city boy at heart! I would tell you the college, but I’d like to get to know you first! Plus, I guess its not really important anyways, like it would be like saying my address or explaining my house, its just the place where I live, eat, shit, and study. Tell me if I’m too crass. And I guess you didn’t ask about my college, but I’ll leave that there just in case you were curious.

My dad was an interesting man, even more than I made him sound! He was a plummer mostly to pay the bills, but he had a side hobby of making model trains sets, the ones with the little towns around them, but he didn’t do it because he was interested in trains themselves, he was a cowboy at heart. He’d build these little western towns, with saloons, horses, indians, all of it, and would usually stage these little dramas, it was neat to see when I was a kid. Sometimes he would have a little plastic woman, tied up in twine, on the tracks and the train would come and hit her, but sometimes when he did this he would pull her off in just the nick of time. Another time he had this bridge constructed and had a train run over it, but he had fire crackers at the base that sent the whole thing crashing down into the little model town below it. Sometimes he would wear a sheriff’s badge when he built his towns, but sometimes, when he was in a dastardly mood, he would usually resort to those antics I described, he was a neat man.

Wow, I didn’t know you played! That sounds super neat, I would love it if you sent me over some of your solos! I haven’t listened to those other artists, and honestly I have only listened to a single Coleman record, it was one that my mom would put on when dad would disappear into his train room. I don’t really listen to jazz other than that, and, honestly, I can’t even remember the name of the album. It was white and he was holding a saxophone I think. I’m sorry for lying, I hope that doesn’t give you a bad impression of me!

I looked up Hanoi, it looks beautiful!

And on the swim mark thing, its… I probably should have explained that in the first email, but its just weird to bring up. Its actually my brothers old email, he was significantly older than me, we were 9 years apart, but he was always a role model in my life. He got a scholarship for water polo, and he was unstoppable! But, unfortunately, sadly, he was killed by a drunk driver some time ago (may you rest in peace Mark). I started using his email when I found a post it note of his that had the password, it was like a coping thing. I mostly just use it when I’m dealing with strangers online, I know its weird, its pathetic. Please don’t think bad of me!!!

Wow, those are neat interests, what are your favorite horror films? I once saw Missed Connections, but the story was to gross for me, I didn’t like watching it. Horror is a little scary for me, but I could try some other movies if you have recommendations!

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Hello!

Wow, Denmark, that seems nice.

Your dad sounds like an interesting man, don’t worry about saying too much, its fine. Its fine.

I’ll attach an audio file of a piano solo I did last night, check it out. Don’t feel bad about not listening to much jazz, its no problem.

Hanoi is beautiful.

Its a shame about your brother, I do not judge.

Missed Connections was pretty silly, if you couldn’t watch it then I wouldn’t really recommend anything else. Don’t feel obligated to like a genre.

Check out that audio file I attached.

Till we speak again.

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Hello!

Denmark IS nice, but man is it cold and lonely. Are you fine with me being crass? You didn’t mention anything about it so you must be fine, right? Honestly, I kind of get bullied here, I’m not actually that happy here. Like its a nice country and all, looks great, but I don’t know… Its hard to fit in sometimes, and I just keep saying the wrong things. I guess thats also why I used my brother’s email for this pen pal thing, like it made me feel not as much of a loser. He was the cool one, not me. I didn’t really have any friends back in the states… that’s another reason why I had to get a pen pal. I know I know, I’m pathetic! I’m sorry that I keep lying but its hard for me! I was worrying that if I was myself then I’d just get rejected again, please don’t think negatively towards me because of this, I’m just a lonely soul.

I’ll listen to that solo tonight! Thanks for being so cool about me lying about jazz, at least I’ll be willing to get into the subject! I’ll try to listen to your song when I’m studying, I remember in grade school one of my teachers would play classical music to help us study better, so I imagine it would be like the same thing, right?

I won’t try horror movies then, thanks for the heads up! What other movies do you like, I know I said this before but I really love mafia movies, I love the way how they live so freely and don’t take shit from anybody. Have you ever seen mob flicks? I imagine they might not be too popular outside of the states. I also really like the suits too, and their manliness, like why don’t people wear suits all the time anymore, what happened to that? What happened to that old era of masculinity, like I feel like sometimes I was born in the wrong generation.

What is your family like? I’d love to learn more about you, its great that we’re becoming friends!

Till we speak again, haha!

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

Subject: Fuck you!

What’d you do to my computer asshole! I have to type this shit out in the library! Did you change the password to my brothers email? I thought we were friends you cock sucker!

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

Subject: Hello from Cali!

Hey there, I saw your post online and you seemed like an interesting person! Let me tell you a little bit about myself!

I live in California over in the states, its always bright and sunny here and I’m right by the beach! However, I do like to go on trips and I’m kind of a nut for hiking! I also like to go out and pick berries, and I’ve been to all sorts of different farms that have different berries, and I put jam on almost anything. Yeah, I’m a little weird :) If we become friends I can send you jams through the mail if you’re interested! I also sometimes sing, but not in front of people! I’m a little shy about those things, but in general I’m a pretty out going person! I decided to try to do this pen pal thing because I wanted to know what its like in different parts of the world, what’s Vietnam like?

I hope you choose to respond so we can get to know each other, I hope we become good friends, Mark.

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

Subject: What did you do?

Seriously, what the fuck did you do to my computer? What were those images? Honestly I don’t care about my laptop being broken, or even about my brother’s email, I just want to know what’s happening. Every time I close my eyes I see those things. Its hard to sleep. Every time I can sleep its just constant nightmares. My hair and nails are falling out, I keep getting random nosebleeds, why did you do this to me? What’s happening? What was that noise?

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

Subject: What did you do?

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

Subject: Hello from Hanoi!

Wow, California sounds nice!

I would love some sunlight, but its been raining here a lot.

I love the outdoors too, I often swim, but I also love exploring the jungle. I’ve taken a lot of photographs of the hiking trails around here, would you be interested in seeing them? I could send them to you, it would be no problem.

Vietnam is beautiful, I don’t know if it would compare to the states though. Maybe we could compare photographs.

I would love it if you sent me jam sometimes, I’m always willing to try neat foods.

Till we speak again.

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

Subject: Re: Hello from Hanoi!

Its a shame that its so gloomy over there, but if it makes you feel better there are a lot of overcast days out here on the coast too! It’s a shame its gotta rain though, but sometimes that’s a nice thing, you always have to look at the bright side. At least, that’s my philosophy! What are your personal philosophies? I also believe that people shouldn’t burn bridges, and that its always important to explore!

Honestly, I do live on the beach but I really don’t swim as often as I’d like to, the beach is mostly cold over here :( It’s neat that you have jungle right by you, that sounds so exotic! All we got are “foothills”, I know they sound so lame! They can actually be quite nice, and when they’re not enough we have mountains, which are beautiful no matter where you are in the world. I would love to see those pictures you have of the jungle! Maybe we could compare ours? I don’t really have any of my own, I’ve always felt like if I wanted the view I should go out and see it in person, but I can’t do that with jungles.

I won’t send jam for a little while though, I still gotta know you better! You’re a quiet one, but that’s okay. I have a son who is pretty introverted too, but I’ll probably break that shell eventually. I’ve been told by friends before that I can be chatty, so I’ll try not to write too much until you’re ready for that :)

What are your other interests, do you have any neat stories? I’d love to get to know you better. If you need help breaking the ice I can start with a story of my own:

One time, when I was about 14 or 15, I was hiking with a couple of my friends and we decided to go off trail because we thought there was a swimming hole nearby. I bet you know where this story is going to go! We never found the hole, instead we were wandering around in the woods for hours until we realized we were lost. We tried to retrace our steps, but we only went in circles, and we thought about calling for help, but one of my friends had to meet her boyfriend later that night and would allow it. Aren’t teenagers dumb? Anyways, she rushes off in a random direction and we had no choice but to follow her, and the whole time we are worried that we’re going to die, or that a bear would get us, but after a couple of minutes of walking guess where we ended up? At the swimming hole we were looking for! There was an older couple there, swimming nude, but after embarrassments they helped us find our way back to the trail, they were so nice! Even though the experience was scary at the time, it gave me a sort of thrill. Now I hike all the time!

I can’t wait to see your pictures!

#Well Meaning Shut In #Free Write #Short Story #Writers on Tumblr #Getting Better #Eh

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