#i just realized i forgot to schedule the ones i already had so UMMM

[surrerafics]

The narrative….

Andy and Robert constantly argue about unresolved issues within their marriage because they don’t practice communication. Their pride and egos get in the way of that. They’re both stubborn, hardworking and strong-minded first responders. They often replace communication for sex for the tension rising in their marriage which has made matters worse. Andy has a lot of decisions to make concerning her marriage and a new unexpected surprise that has popped up to make matters even more complicated than they already were. Now that Andy is furious with her husband about causing Maya to lose her job she’s not so sure she really knows her husband at all. Decisions! Decisions!

ROBERT AND ANDY AT HOME IN BED -DAY

Andy- okayyy it’s not Carinas French toast but it’s the only thing I know how to make for breakfast.

Robert- It looks amazingggg. (Kissing Andy) then pulls her in for more.

Andy- Maya asked me to step in for her for the week.

Robert- step in?

Andy- As acting captain.

Robert- Doesn’t the department usually send a sub for bereavement leave?

Andy- well, due to COVID and stuff they said that one of the lieutenants could do it so she asked me!

(Robert becomes silent) and you’ve gone all quiet.

Robert- No, no, no(kisses Andy) it’s good. I’m happy for you!

Andy- yeah?!

Robert- Yes! You were made for this!

Andy- plus, it couldn’t hurt to be sleeping with the boss right?!

Robert-No special treatment just like when I was your captain.

Andy- well maybe a little special treatment! (Puts hand under the covers playing with his….em hem!)

(Andy’s POV)

Station 19- Night

Locker Room

Robert comes in while Andy is changing

Robert- Andy I have more experience than you. Decades more. It’s just.. Andy interrupts Robert.

Andy- Are you trying to help yourself here?

Robert- Can I finish? I have years under my belt. Okay. And I’m not using them on the job so I guess I thought I could use them to help you. Help you didn’t ask for I get it. *sighing* come on. I just need you to understand where I’m coming from.

Andy- look, I get that you hate being a probie. I hate you being a probie.

Robert- hey, hey. We found a common ground. Let’s just end this another way.

Andy- No, Robert we need to talk about this.

Robert: You’re only Captain for another shift and then Bishop comes back. Then this won’t be a problem anymore.

Andy: yeah, except I’ll still be your lieutenant and hopefully soon, one day after that a captain for real.

Robert: Not hopefully. you will.

Andy: Well, then this is a problem we need to solve.

Robert: well, is it a problem we need to solve tonight?

Andy: I guess not.

Robert gets up to finish taking out the trash and leaves the locker room as Andy looks complexed.

(Andy and Roberts POV)

The SULLIVAN’s Home - Bedroom- NIGHT

Later that night after work.

Andy tries to make an attempt to have the same conversation about him undermining her authority at work in the locker room.

Andy: Baby, *sighing* why do you have an issue with titles and your wife ranking higher than you?

Robert: babe, I thought we weren’t gonna try and solve this problem tonight?

Andy: I know but…. (Robert interrupts Andy by grabbing her and begins kissing her passionately and deep)

He begins to undress her while still kissing her passionately and seductively. Andy falls weak to her husbands advances and gives in. They move over to their bed and they begin to become intimate throughout the night.

A Few Weeks LATER….

Station 19- Day

Andy is in the beanery scoffing down sugary cereal with her hands when suddenly she was hit with a sudden feeling of nausea and started for the ladies room, while met with Travis on his way to the beanery.

Travis to Andy as they run into each other asks Andy if she’s okay.

Travis- oops! Sorry Herrera. Hey, you feeling okay?

Andy- it’s okay. Uumm, yeah! Just got to run to the ladies locker room for something.

Travis looks confused.

Ben and Robert are in the turnout room having a conversation while organizing gear and equipment.

Robert- You know being demoted was no ones fault but my own, but this is hard being a probie. I feel as though all my hard working years as a firefighter has gone to waste. I feel useless now.

Ben- Ey, look man I know it isn’t easy and hearing that you can work your way up seems like dead hope to you, but you’re not useless and despite what you might be feeling you are a great asset to,19. I mean you did help run it before.

Robert- You know I find myself reminiscing about my days back in Montana and how I miss the weather and my days there as Captain. You know I moved there after my wife Claire died.

Ben- Sounds like you’re missing Montana a lot. You thinking of going back there? Maybe a little getaway for you and the Mrs?

Robert- Nah, man haven’t given it much thought,to return there anytime soon but it has crossed my mind a time or two.

The fire alarm sounds. People stuck inside a burning house. Robert, Ben and the team rush to the location. Upon arriving Captain Bishop orders the team to get in for search and rescue inside the burning house. Everyone has been safely rescued except a neighbor realizes and informs Captain Bishop that a little boy is missing and that he could still be stuck inside. The team finds him with 3rd degree burns inside of a closet. Upon bringing him out the commander in chief orders Captain Bishop to wait for an aid truck to come and transport the little boy to Greys-Sloan Hospital, but Bishop goes against the Chiefs orders and orders her team to put him on the fire truck to the hospital instead. Now, Bishops job could be in jeopardy.

Andy and Sullivan were called into the chief commissioner’s office. After speaking with them he asked Sullivan to stay as Herrera walked out. Herrera stood by the door to listen in on the conversation.

Chief- Sullivan. Hold on a minute.(Herrera walks out)Have a seat. You appointed Bishop? What’s your take?

Sullivan- She’s a good captain sir. I basically raised her up myself.

Chief- But she’s gotten cocky. I’ve been hearing things. Taking her team to protests. Defying cops on the scene.

Sullivan-Well, those things are separate conversations…

Chief- But there both indicative of Bishop acting outside the balance of the Seattle Fire department. Ummm…. Your record…

Robert- yea Sir, I know I made mistakes. But I’m clean , sober, strong

Chief- we can’t afford anymore bad press for our first responders

Robert- No, we can’t. This team stood behind me when my job was on the line. They have my back and I have theirs. I can get this house in order sir. You do not want these fire fighters talking to the press saying that FD values protocol over their kids lives. You need someone who can reunite them and that someone is me. Plus with me you get a Battalion chief for the price of a Captain.

Andy hears what Sullivan says outside the door and walks away enraged.

The SULLIVAN’s home- Day

Maya’s Wedding Day

Andy walks into hers and Roberts bedroom and throws the covers on their bed after sleeping on the couch.

Robert- You really didn’t have to sleep on the couch you know.

Andy-The only reason I slept here and not at Maya’s is because it’s her wedding day and I don’t want her to know what you did. Not today.

Robert- What I did was save your job Andy!

Andy- This is not a discussion! This is not a discussion! Because today I am a maiden of honor and if we have a discussion I will say some things that are very very not maiden like or honorable!

Robert- This is absurd.

Andy- You don’t get to tell me what’s absurd. (Walks away …. Be there by 5!) slams door!

Two weeks later….

Andy is talking to Dean in the locker room area.

Dean- what’s up , kiddo? You okay? You look …

Andy- I know. I don’t look my best these days. I don’t feel like myself. I’m questioning everything including my marriage and if marrying Robert was such a great idea. I mean sure I married the man I love but I also married the man I love for the sake of my Dad having the opportunity to walk his only daughter down the aisle and give her away before his cancer took control which, in turn he didn’t die of but died saving his family. But after what ROBERT did… I’m, I’m just not… I don’t know what I’m trying to say.

(Robert overhears their conversation outside of the lockers.)

Dean-I’m probably not the best person to talk about this too. I’m not an expert or anything but it appears you two have issues communicating. My only advice is maybe seek therapy and talk it out. Maybe alone , then with Sullivan. My advice? Contact Dr. Diane Lewis and schedule a session with her. We all know she’s really good. I wish you both the best.

Andy- Maybe you’re right. I’ll sleep on it.

After Dean leaves and Robert slipped away so that Dean and Andy wouldn’t know what he had just heard between them. Robert looks really down and depressed because he has no one and the entire team, including his wife aren’t really talking to him.

A SUDDEN REVELATION

Suddenly Andy holds her stomach and runs off to the ladies locker room and pukes in the toilet. Afterwards, she brushes her teeth and swishes with mouthwash to get the nasty taste out of her mouth over the sink. Andy looks at herself and whispers under her breath, “Oh, no! I can’t be! Andy suddenly realized with everything that had been going on in her life from her family secrets, the loss of her dad and best friend to the underlying unresolved issues in her marriage that a few times she forgot to take her birth control pills. There have been plenty of times Andy and Robert were intimate without using any form of protection. Andy looks at her phone to check her app that keeps track of her monthly cycles and realized she was already a few weeks late! Andy hurries out to the nearest pharmacy to purchase a pregnancy test and heads back to the station.

POSITIVE RESULTS!

After taking two separate tests Andy discovers her worst fear of being pregnant! She is anything but thrilled about it as she never really saw herself being a mother or a wife of that matter. Also, with her marriage on the rocks she’s just not sure what her next steps are.

Takes phone out to schedule an appointment with Dr. Diane Lewis.

ANDY’S THERAPY SESSION WITH DR. DIANE LEWIS.

Dr Diane’s Lewis’s office- DAY

Dr. Diane- Welcome Andy.

Andy- HI. thank you for clearing your schedule to see me today.

Dr. Diane- Well, you seemed a bit distraught and troubled when I listened back to your voicemail. You seemed desperate. So, what seems to be your problem?

Andy- (blurts out) I’m not so sure marrying my husband was such a great idea!

Dr. Diane.- Why do you say that? It’s okay. You can say it. It’s strictly confidential.

Andy- I won’t go into details. Ever since Robert was demoted he hasn’t been himself. He thinks I’m ashamed of him because he was demoted to a probie. We don’t communicate. We substitute conversation for good sex to ease the tension of our unresolved issues. He did something to cause someone close to me lose her position just so he can climb back up to battalion chief as if that title defines him.. it’s … DR DIANE INTERRUPTS ANDY….

Dr. Diane- for someone who didn’t want to say too much you just said a mouthful.

Andy- maybe you were right. Maybe I’m with my husband cause he’s like a father figure or someone who could fill my fathers shoes as Battalion chief.

Dr. Diane- Do you love him? Are you in love with your husband?

Andy- I do love my husband and in love but as of late I’m questioning everything. All we do is work, argue and have good sex. That’s a recipe for a disastrous marriage. And, and I’m afraid I won’t be a good mom or end up just like my mother who, had postpartum depression, never wanted to be a mother or married. She only wanted to fight fires. (Andy touches her stomach)

Dr Diane- you’re afraid you won’t be a good mom? Are you expecting?

Andy- (hesitantly) yes. I just found out two days ago.

Dr. Diane- And let me guess. You’re not thrilled about it? Have you told your husband?

Andy- Not exactly. I haven’t told him yet. I realized when I found out my mother was alive and learning why she abandoned me and my father I realized I’m just like her. I was once proposed to by jack before meeting Robert and I remember distinctly telling him I didn’t want to be married or have a family. That I didn’t want something separate because the firehouse was my family and fighting fires and making captain was all that mattered to me. It’s like I’m mirroring my mothers life reincarnated. I never wanted any of this. Yet I’m afraid for him because I’m all my husband has.

Dr DIANE- Let me ask you this. Do you want to save your marriage or get out? Is it worth fighting for? How badly do you want this marriage?

Andy- I love my husband. There isn’t a doubt. I only regret how rushed our marriage was as we really didn’t get to do the dating phase to learn how to deal with each other’s past. I honestly wish we could have a do-over but right now I don’t have the energy to even speak with him. I’m pretty stubborn.

Dr. Diane- seems you’re carrying the burdens of your mother and the burdens of your husband. You’re worried about abandoning your baby and becoming like your mother. And you’re afraid of what possibly leaving your marriage behind due to what it may do to him. Andy, that is a quite a heavy load for one person to carry. I think it’s time you had another meeting with your mom and express these concerns to her so that you may get closure and more clarity on what it is you need to do concerning your life’s decisions.

Later as Andy leaves Dr. Diane’s office she heads back to the Station as she recognizes a familiar face…. Her Mother’s Elena. Andy looks taken a back.

Elena- Hello Mi hija .

Andy- What, what are you doing here? It’s really weird as I was thinking of calling you anyway.

Elena- you were? I, I just wanted to see how you were.

Andy- actually, not good. We need to talk. Let’s take a walk.

Scene intercuts to Robert packing a bag and highlights on his phone that he’s just purchased a ticket to Montana.

Andy and her mom Elena are sitting on a park bench discussing some very pressing matters that’s concerning Andy and the decisions she needs to make about her marriage and the growing little being inside of her.

Elena- what’s wrong Andrea?

Andy- I’m pregnant. Just found out a couple of days ago, my marriage is in shambles and my husband doesn’t know I’m pregnant yet.

Elena- you should be estactic!

Andy- yeah but I’m not.

Elena-why, why mija?

Andy- Because I’m just like you!! I never wanted to be married or become a mother! I guess the apple didn’t fall too far from the tree after all!

Elena- Then why did you marry him, Andy? Do you even love him?

Andy- Robert asked me to be his wife because he loves me and is in love with me, but we knew my Dad didn’t have long before his cancer would take its course on him so Robert and I got married really fast so that he could walk me down the aisle as one last memory of me and my Dad giving me away to Robert. And….yes I love him but I’m afraid I’m mirroring your life with my dad, who would suffer from mental illness, postpartum depression and won’t be able to bond with our child and leave them. What if I’m like you in that aspect? What if I inherited those same traits? but lately all we do is argue and have sex. We don’t communicate. We bump heads a lot. And his recent actions have me questioning if we should even remain married.

Elena- Andrea, considering the mistakes I’ve made what I’m about to say may not carry much weight to you but, from what your aunt Theresa has said about your husband he’s a really loving, caring and kind man and that he takes good care of you. If this is true, don’t make a permanent decision on temporary emotions or doubts. I know I don’t deserve to be in your life and I have no one to blame but myself, but you don’t have to be like me. You are not me. You have a loving heart and you need your husband. You need each other. And that baby you two made out of love need their parents just as much. I know I never said I was sorry but I am sorry nena for my selfish acts and leaving my child. You may not believe me but there were times of regret. Think this through. Talk to your husband. You don’t want to realize you made the wrong decisions and carry around regrets. It will haunt you Nena. It’s haunted me.

THE NARRATIVE

Andy thinks long and hard about what her mother shared with her and decides after their talk to pick up her phone and call her husband but he doesn’t answer and it goes straight to voicemail. Andy leaves a voicemail, then texts him so that he could get back to her sooner rather than later. Andy hasn’t been staying at home with Robert due to the marital issues they’ve been dealing with and has been couch hopping at Maya’s and at Deans. Meanwhile, Sullivan is on a plane to Montana to get away and clear his head. He feels alone at Station 19 and after hearing his wife’s thoughts and concerns about if marrying him was a mistake it broke his heart as he is afraid of losing the only good thing he has in his life and that’s his wife Andy. He couldn’t bare the thought of hearing his wife say to him that she wants a divorce. So, he packed up a bag and headed to Montana. Robert has no one in his life, no other family members that he’s close to or aware of. His only family is his wife. It’s two days later and Robert is on a plane and Any realizes her husband hasn’t returned any of her calls or messages and hurries on to the Station to see if he was there or to ask if anyone else has seen him. This was hers and Roberts day off so she couldn’t imagine why he wasn’t answering his phone. Andy runs into Vic and Travis and asks if they had seen her husband or if he had been by the station. They haven’t seen or heard from him. Vic asks Andy if everything is okay because she looked a bit flushed and frantic. Well, it’s been over 12 hours since I last contacted him and he hasn’t replied to any of my messages. Ben walks into the lobby where Andy, Vic and Travis are and asks what’s going on? Vic tells him how Andy is looking for Robert because he isn’t answering any of her messages and it’s been well over twelve hours since she contacted him with no avail. Andy asks Ben if he’s seen or heard from him and if he thought he’d have any idea where he would be or any strange behaviors with him. Ben tells Andy they had a brief conversation a few days ago and he seemed down in the dumps. Says he’s found himself reminiscing of his old life back in Montana back when he was Captain there. I asked him if he thought of taking the Mrs. well, you there for a little getaway and he said he hadn’t given that part much thought. Andy listens and softly says to the team that she had to go home and check into something and to please let her know anything if they hear anything from Robert.

ANDY DRIVES UP TO THEIR HOME.

Andy arrives at their home and quickly runs upstairs to their bedroom seeking Robert but he isn’t there and in their bedroom she finds his drawers open and begin looking though his old things to see if she can find any clues to where he could be. She soon finds old photos of him as a captain in MONTANA and spotted this photo of and a beautiful stow away cabin he would often resort to during get always or vacations Andy decided it was time for her to take a road trip to Montana to find her husband. In the back of her mind she’s thinking he may relapse because of everything that has transpired in their marriage and at work. Andy calls the station to tell them she’s gonna have to take off for a few more days to take care of a pressing matter and to please cover for her two two shifts. Andy packs a bag, hops in her car and heads for Montana. Before driving off, Andy takes the baby sonograms and places them in her cars glove compartment, takes a deep breath and starts for the road. The drive from Seattle to Montana is about a 10-12 hour drive. Andrea has been driving now for the past 5 hours straight. She’s tired and sleepy so she stops at a nice hotel for a nights stay and will pick up tomorrow and finish her trip to Montana. She grabs the sonogram from her gloves company, stares at it and takes it inside with her as she checks in to a room. She calls Robert one last time still with no avail of reaching him. She sent him another text and no reply still. So Andy settles in, takes a shower and climbs into bed with her baby sonogram on the night stand propped up next to her, while placing her hands on her now growing belly. Still in shock and hasn’t processed the reality that’s she’s pregnant. Andy is watching the tv but soon finds the tv is watching her as she soon dozed off.

THE NARRATIVE….

(Andy’s POV)

Andy is back on the road the next day headed for Montana and as she’s driving her mind wonders back to when she found out she was pregnant a few days ago and how Carina did a sonogram on her to see how the baby is and how far along she was. The baby’s heartbeat is fast and healthy. Andy begin to become emotional of the thought that a little being was growing inside of her. She had fears and all kinds of concerns because this pregnancy wasn’t planned and considering she’s never really wanted to become a mother just like her mom. Carina tells Andy she is about 6 in a half weeks along which shocked Andy but quickly explained her increasing appetite the past several weeks. Carina congrats her and Sullivan on their new addition and tells Andy to come back in six weeks for another check up on her and the baby. Andy comes back into her thoughts and stares at the sonogram in her right hand while the other hand is on the steering wheel. Andy has been driving a few hours now and should reach the address of the cabin she suspects her husband is staying at in about another hour and stops for gas and a nearby gas station and grabs a sandwich inside the store and a drink to carry her over till she arrives at the cabin. To keep from falling asleep Andy turns the radio up to keep her alert. Meanwhile, intercut to Robert settling in and laying up in his bed staring at pictures of him and Andy in happier times. He looks so lonely and broken and feels he no longer has anyone. Not even his wife whom he is so in love with. He puts the pictures down and breaks his thoughts of his wife to take a shower. He takes a nice long hot shower to release some stress and just stands under the shower allowing the water to fall off his head down his back. Meanwhile, Andy finally arrives at the cabin and quickly glances at the picture of the cabin she found in her husbands things back home in Seattle. Andy pauses for a moment before getting out of her car to approach the door, meanwhile, Robert is stepping out of the shower, drying off and wrapping his towel around his waist. Robert walks into the bedroom and suddenly hears a knock on the door. He grabs a shirt to throw on and sweats. He has no clue who it could be because no one would know him there except the owner who knew Sullivan back when he worked as captain back in the day in Montana. Robert creeps to the door to see who it is but it’s too dark too tell, so he cautiously opens the door to find a petite, fair-skinned and soft-spoken little lady standing before him, a little lady he calls his wife. It’s Andrea Herrera Sullivan. Robert has the the biggest , most shocking expression on his face to find his wife standing before him. Andy says hi to her husband and asks can she come in and he steps aside to let her in. Robert asks Andy what was she doing there and most importantly how did she find him?

Robert: Babe, what are you doing here? How did you find me?

Andy- That isn’t important right now. We need to talk.

Robert- I can’t live without you and if you came here to tell me you want a divorce I really can’t handle that right now.

Andy- What? A divorce? What makes you say that?

Robert- Andy, I overheard you talking with Dean in the lockers a few days ago. You’re doubting your decision to marry me. I panicked and took off. I have no one else. Everyone hates me and I just feel, that maybe I just don’t belong there anymore. I needed to come back to the one place I use to escape to when I was here and missing Claire —-this cabin.

(Andy grabs Roberts face and kisses him to assure him that everything is gonna be okay.)

Andy- baby, I’m sorry I didn’t listen to you when you tried to explain to me about Maya’s position. I soon learned it wasn’t what I thought and that there were other parts of the conversation you had with the chief commissioner I missed because when I heard you offer up to be battalion chief at the expense of Maya being relieved of her duties I instantly assumed the worse and questioned if this marriage was a mistake. I had a therapy session with Dr. Diane Lewis and my mom and they made me realize some things. That I shouldn’t make a permanent decision on temporary emotions or misunderstandings. I had time to think about it and I realized I had a lot of thinking to do and decisions to make and I knew I couldn’t make those decisions without my husband and the father of my child. Robert’s expression upon hearing the news was priceless. He asked, Are you….? Andy replies, yes! Robert is in shock! Are you serious? He asked. I’m gonna be a father?! Andy says yes! How far along are you? I’m about six in a half weeks along. (Shows Robert the sonogram)Robert exclaims, “this explains your sudden increase in appetite and your appetite for more sex! He picks Andy up and swings her around in excitement and they kiss! He asks Andy, “Does this mean we’re not getting a divorce?” Andy replies, “No, but if we want our marriage to strive and survive I suggest we continue having counseling and learning how to communicate and respect each other at home and in the work place and now as parents. I know having tough conversations are hard but we must if we want this marriage to have a fighting chance. Do you agree on this that our marriage does need work and to seek counseling? Robert, I’ll do anything to keep from losing my wife and baby. I’m sorry for undermining your authority. I was just so use to being in charge and lost my confidence after being demoted to probie. Andy replies, I understand that it was hard and I know you’re on your way back up, so hang in there. I love you, babe. Andy responds,” I love you too baby.

Robert- How do you feel about the pregnancy?

Andy- well, I’m nervous and I feel a bit uncertain.

Robert- uncertain? Why?

Andy- because we only briefly spoke about having a family and with everything going on in both our lives where we weren’t able to catch a break the conversation was never continued. Baby, I was afraid of ending up like my mother. I honestly never wanted to become a mother or a wife of that matter just like my mom, I had fears of having mental illnesses like her or not able to bond with our baby and abandoned her or him. But who would’ve thought that the most unlikely person in my mom would be the one person who gave me hope in my marriage?

Robert- God and life has a way surprising us. Robert screams, “I’M GONNA BE A FATHER”!!!!

Andy and Sullivan kiss and put on some music and Salsa dance together! 💃🏻🕺🏾

Days later Robert and Andy return to Seattle to tell the team they are expecting a baby and that Andy is nearly two months pregnant! Instantly, Maya claims godmother and Ben as the baby’s Godfather! Vic, Travis and the team plan for a baby shower. The Sullivan’s tells the gang to chill for a bit as the baby shower is a long ways off, but he understood everyone’s excitement to have another firehouse baby in the station and a playmate for little Pru! With all of the excitement Andy runs to the restrooms to puke! Morning sickness has been rough on her lately. I guess that’s typically how it is during the first trimester. Robert runs behind her to check on her. Oddly enough after Andy puked she asked her husband for pickles and bananas over vanilla ice cream!🤮 Clearly, his wife’s weird ravings are through the roof. The Sullivan’s are tired after a very long road trip back to Seattle and are headed home but before that Robert stops by a supermarket to get his wife all of the foods she was craving and then they headed home. Once they arrived home they went upstairs and Robert ran him and the Mrs. a hot bubble bath to sit and relax. Andy sat in front of him in the tub while Robert rubbed both his hands on his wife’s growing belly. He whispers to Andy, “We made this baby in love from our love” and I already love him or her so much. Robert takes Andy’s hand and kisses it and then kisses her neck. Andy, I know. We made a lot of love. A baby was sure to pop up at some point. Under her breath she whispers,”I love you, baby.”

THE NARRATIVE….

7 in a half months later Andy is at work on desk and phone duty while the team Ben and Carina is out on a call for an elderly woman whose blood sugar dropped and fainted as her eldest daughter found her lying on the floor unconscious when she called for aid-car and Robert, Dean, Vic and Travis are on the other side of town putting out a building fire for a local business. Intercut back to Andy at the Station 19 was answering a,phone call at the front desk when she said, “uh-oh! The person on the other line was calling for her to answer, but couldn’t because her water broke! Another worker behind her took the phone and hung it up and Called for the aid car to transport Andy to Grey-Sloan Hospital. On the radio they alerted the team that Andy went into labor and her Husband Robert heard it, panicked and rushed to Grey-Sloan Hospital to be with his wife! Luckily, the team was already on they’re way back after completing their duties. With Carina being Andy’s physician and gynecologist she rushed to the hospital as quickly as she could! Robert arrives in a panic asking what room his wife was in and rushed to be with her! He was the only one that could be in the room with her during labor. He rushed by her side as he entered into the room and said, “Baby, “I’m here”! Are you okay?! How far apart are the contractions?! Right now every 5to 6 mins. I had just had one before you burst in the room! Robert took his wife’s hand and kissed her lips and her forehead. Carina comes into the room ready to check Andy to see how many centimeters she is. Carina checks Andy and she is about 6 centimeters so not too long before baby is born! As Andy attempts to say something a contraction hits and Robert tells her to breath it out slowly. Carina says I’ll be back to check you in an hour and that in the meantime she should try to rest during that time. Robert ask Andy if there was anything she needed and she asked for a cup of ice chips because her mouth was dry. Andy was a soldier and didn’t want an epidural but wanted to give birth naturally. So, Robert went and got her a cup of ice chips. Meanwhile, the station 19 crew were all out in the lobby awaiting to hear the birth of Robert and Andy’s baby and what they’re having because they agreed early in the pregnancy that they didn’t want to know the gender and to be surprised. At their baby shower the crew threw for Andy they all bought baby neutral items and loads of diapers of different sizes and phases of the babies growth. They were set for life! The team caught Robert headed back up to Andy’s room and asked how she was doing. Robert replied, My wife is a trooper and is doing well! She didn’t even want to have an epidural! I’ll keep you all posted. The baby should be born tonight as Andy Is at 6 centimeters now! Robert yells , “I gotta go”! Don’t wanna miss a thing! Robert heads back to Andy’s room and shocked to see Carina back so soon with a couple of nurses. Andy Is progressing so fast towards birth. I guess the Pitocin sped up the contractions because She was now at 8 centimeters dialated! Robert quickly washes his hands and puts on his scrubs and rushes back in to help his wife bring they’re child into the world. Only two more centimeters to go and it’s push time! 30 minutes later Andy is pushing for the 3rd time and they hear they baby cry! Sullivan is over the moon and so proud of his wife! Carina announces , “IT’S A GIRL”!!! Weighing in at 6LBS 10 ounces and 21” long! She’s gonna be tall like her father! Welcome to the STATION 19 world baby “TAINA ANDREA HERRERA SULLIVAN”!! Robert is given the honor of cutting the umbilical cord of his new baby daughter! 5 minutes after their daughters birth Robert burst out to the lobby to shout, “ITS A GIRL”!! To the crew! Baby and Andy are doing well. She came in weighing 6 lbs 10 ounces and 21 inches long! We named her TAINA ANDREA HERRERA SULLIVAN!! You can hear 19 ooohing and ahhhing over the beautiful name they chose for their baby daughter! Congratulations to the new parents!

The End

BABY SULLIVAN-COMING SOON!

[flowerpowell]

Unexpected (Drake x MC)

PART FIVE

A/N: Another chapter within two/three days? Who is she? I reallyyy hope I can update this series frequently but life’s kinda busy so we’ll see how I’ll do. I hope you’ll enjoy it! Feedback is always very appreciated! Characters belong to Pixelberry.

Rating: PG

Word count: 1811

Tagging: @gardeningourmet​ @delightfullypinkglitter​ @hopefulmoonobject​ @akrenich​ @blackcatkita​ @cora-nova @client-327​ @desiree---1986​ @jlpplays1​ @dcbbw​ @kingliam2019​ @the-soot-sprite​ @mskaneko​ @thequeenofcronuts​ @dr-ethanjramsey​ @missameliep​ @maxattack-powell​ @badchoicesposts​ @mymandrake​ @butindeed​ @burnsoslow​ @annekebbphotography​ @alesana45​ @addictedtodrakefanfic​ @walkerduchess​ @ao719​ @texaskitten30​ @lodberg​ @cordonianroyalty​ @emichelle​ @siriusxxvideos​ @i-bloody-love-drake-walker​ @samihatuli​ @choices-lurker​ @i-miss-trr​ @of-course-went-to-hartfeld @nikkis1983​ @innerpostmentality​ @msjr0119​ @bascmve01​ @mind-reader1​ @edgiestwinter​ @drakesensworld​ @queenjilian​ @princessleac1​ @saivilo​ ♥

“Ummm,” Riley hesitated, “could you repeat the name of that drink again because I don’t think I heard it right?”

“I didn’t ask for a drink, I asked you to marry me,” Drake repeated slightly embarrassed he had to ask her again.

“Right. Okay, bye,” she turned and started walking away. Drake grabbed her arm and lead her to a table in the back of the bar.

“Didn’t you hear what I just said?”

“I did and I decided to ignore it. It’s clearly a joke,” she shrugged.

Oh boy, this is embarrassing. I hate Liam.

“It’s not, listen--”

“Drake, listen,” she took his hand and he frowned. “I hate to break it to you, but I kinda hate you. I don’t know if you’re saying this because of a stupid bet you made or because you are drunk but I will never marry you, okay?”

Drake took his hand from her and rolled his eyes.

“Jeez, I’m not asking you to marry me for real! I don’t even like you. I am forced to do it.”

“You’re forced to marry me? Are you drunk? Because if you are, I am not serving you any whiskey tonight.”

“I am not!” he sighed. “Let me explain, ‘kay?”

“Yeah?”

“My sister and her husband went missing some time ago and they’re cosidered to be dead.”

“I’ve heard about that and I’m really sorry. I met them once and they seemed to be great people,” Riley smiled at him reassuringly, still confused what his point was.

“Now Bartie, their son, needs someone to take care of him. I had a deal with Bartie’s grandfather that we would take care of him in turns but he just filed for a full custody. He is an awful man and I can’t let him take Bartie, especially that his new wife is a witch. So I need to win the custody case somehow,” he finished and looked at Riley. She seemed unimpressed.

“Umm, okay. Good luck! Go for it? I still don’t understand why you asked me to marry you?”

“Because it’s gonna be nearly impossible to win the case when I’m unmarried.”

“Ohh, I get it now. Ugh, that sucks,” Riley nodded and patted him on the back.

“So... what do you say?”

“Well, I am very sorry for you, like, very sorry, but no way. I’m not marrying a guy I hate, no offence. I wish you all the best but I’m not doing that.”

“This is going to be a fake marriage! Liam, the King, will annul it a few weeks later, I promise! It’s just so I can take Bartie. This is what my sister would want. Trust me, it’s far from an ideal situation for me too.”

“Listen, I’m sorry but no. Find someone else who can pretend to be your wife but that’s not gonna be me.” Riley stood up, ready to end the conversation when Drake spoke again.

“Why are you here?”

She turned to him, confused. “Hmm?”

“Why are you here, in Cordonia? I saw your CV, you’re from the U.S., you have a college degree, you  had a job, what are you doing here, working in a bar in a small European country?”

“I don’t see how’s that any of your business?” Riley answered calmly but Drake could see she tensed.

“It is, it’s my bar after all,” he raised an eyebrow and she sat back down.

“Change of plans,” she shrugged, “there’s no story. It’s just a dream I had and I decided to go for it.”

“Dream? To work in a Cordonian bar?”

“Well, no, I mean, kinda...”

“Well?” He asked and she sighed.

“I always wanted to have my own place. Restaurant, cafeteria, bar, whatever. My grandma was a great cook and she left me all her handwritten receipe books. I always dreamed of opening my place and serve everything she taught me. America is full of places like this so I wanted to try Europe and... that’s kind of how I found an American bar in Cordonia. It also helps that I’m far away from my overprotective parents,” she laughed but it didn’t reach her eyes.

“So you came here to take over my bar?”

“No! No!” her eyes widened, “I just wanted to gain more experience. Find out more about Cordonian cuisine. Find places without many restaurants,” she explained as Drake remained silent. He was thinking about something and Riley was chewing her lower lip wondering if she said something that would make Drake fire her. Finally, after a minute or two, he finally spoke.

“Okay.”

“Okay?” She was confused. Was he firing her or...?

“Okay. I’ll give you the bar, it’s gonna belong to you and you can do whatever you want with it if you agree to fake-marry me.”

Riley’s eyes widened in shock. “What?”

“You heard me. This bar for a few months of pretending we’re married.”

“You’re crazy,” she murmured. At that moment, all her dreams seemed more real than ever. She almost heard her grandma’s voice to take the chance. But was it worth it if she had to pretend to be in love with a man she hated so much? He was good looking, yes, but too annoying. Would she have to kiss him on their fake wedding ceremony? Ugh, she hoped no. Would they--

“You’re drooling,” Drake interrupted her thinking.

“I am not!” She said but instinctively wiped her mouth.

“So... what’s the verdict?”

She looked around the bar, a place that could be hers in just one word, all of her dreams coming true (after she would survive her nightmare) and she thought that maybe it wouldn’t be so bad. She could always make his life so miserable that he would divorce her sooner. And if that wouldn’t work, she could always kill him, right?

“Well, Mr Walker, you got yourself a deal.”

~~~~

The wedding was scheduled for a week after their conversation. Drake said he would handle everything and they hadn’t seen each other since that day. The only people who knew that the marriage was going to be fake was Drake, Riley and Liam.

Maxwell got nearly a heart attack when he was informed about Drake’s wedding but he was happy for his friend. Olivia didn’t believe Drake was actually getting married and she tried to start a bet that Drake was only joking. Madeleine and Barthelemy were clearly not happy about it but they congratulated him and promised to come to the wedding. Drake noticed how Madeleine whispered something to Kiara, angrily gesticulating, and he was proud that he ruined her plan, whatever it was.

“It’s a bit strange, I’ve never seen you with her. In fact, it’s strange she’s not here with you today,” Madeleine smiled at him when she approached him with Kiara beside her.

“She’s not interested in being around Nobles. Besides, she’s getting ready for the wedding.”

“And, as I presume, moving, right?” she asked sweetly and Drake almost spit out his drink. He had completely forgotten they would have to live together.

“Yes, we’ll be living in my cabin. She loved it there ever since she first visited me, the day we met,” he answered not even having to lie too much.

“Hmpf,” was all Madeleine said before abruptly walking away, Kiara sending one last glare towards Drake.

He quickly pulled out his phone and messaged Riley, “I hope you’re all packed to move into my cabin. Don’t worry, the guest room is ready”

The answer came a few seconds later:

“I’m not moving to your dumpster. I’ll stay in the bar.”

Drake rolled his eyes as he typed, “Everything is clean and neatly organized just for you. Besides, that’s a part of our deal.”

He smiled at the reply that came five seconds later. “I hate you.”

~~~~

“Ugh,” Riley groaned, throwing her phone on the table. She forgot she’d have to actually live with Drake under one roof.

“Whoaa, someone’s in a bad mood! What happened?” the bartender asked but she just shook her head.

“Nothing. I need to pack my stuff, I’ll be moving out of our apartement tomorrow.”

“What? Why? Are you going back to America?”

“Worse,” she sighed, “I’m getting married.”

“Now, whaaat?!” her friend asked and she realized she never really told him anything.

“Yeah, to Drake. I’m sorry I forgot to mention it to--”

“Now HOLD UP. The last time we talked about him you hated him. I knew you were lying! I knew you liked him! I saw it in your eyes, I knew it!”

“Umm, yeah. I was totally lying,” I was totally not lying. I hate Drake even more now.

“Good catch, R! I’m sure your wedding day will be beautiful and your wedding night even better,” he winked at her and she felt sick.

“Please stop, I’m going to throw up.”

“No way!!!”

“What?” She was confused now.

“Now I get it! The wedding so soon, you feeling sick... You’re pregnant, oh my gosh!!!”

“No, please, no!!! I am not, listen--” her eyes widened in horror as her friend hugged her.

“It’s okay, I won’t tell anyone! I’m so happy for you, girl! I’ll help you with moving out, you probably shouldn’t be carrying these heavy boxes by yourself now.”

“Seriously, it’s not like that, I--”

“Josh!!!” The bartender called out seeing the manager walking out of his office. “Riley is getting married! And she has a little bun in the oven,” he added quietly as the manager’s eyes went wide.

“I was aware of your marriage to Drake but I had no idea you two were already expecting. My sincere congratulations, to both of you.”

“Wait, no, I am not pregnant!”

“It’s okay, you can still work here until you don’t feel like it anymore,” Josh patted her on the back and left the bar before Riley could say anything else.

“Why does no one believe me?” she asked but her friend was already behind the bar making a drink. A few minutes later she got a message from Drake.

“Why is your manager congratulating me on having a baby? Am I missing something?”

She sighed as she typed, “It’s a long story.”

“Anyway. The wedding’s tomorrow at 6. Don’t be late.”

She sighed again as she shoved her phone back to the bag.  She now wasn’t sure if she just made the biggest mistake of her life or not but it was too late to back out now.

The die was cast.

[harryfreakinstyles2]

Torn (Part 4) H.S

Harry's body relaxes in the seat across from me and it makes my heart feel like it could burst in my chest.

"So, since we are friends now," I say beyond excited that I get to ask him all the questions I have been dying to know the answers to.

"Let's get to know each other." I say with a smile and his eyes widen. "How long have you been in America?" I ask him genuinely wanting to know the answer.

I rest my elbows on the table and lean forward waiting for his answer. His smile widens across his face making his deep dimples appear, and I feel like I can't breathe. This just friends thing is going to be harder than I thought if he continues to look at me like that.

"I've been here for a little over four years now. I got a scholarship to go to school here and I kind of fell in love with the area and decided to stay after I graduated this past December."

I'm slightly surprised that he came here on scholarship, but why wouldn't he. Of course, he's smart. But what surprises me more is that he already graduated. I assumed he was still in school as well.

"Oh, you already graduated? I didn't know that!" I respond genuinely surprised.

"There are a lot of things you don't know about me." Harry says with a smirk and winks at me.

I roll my eyes at him and I try not to smile as I avoid the playful smirk he is giving me that seems to be stuck on his face today. I ignore the spark it ignites in my stomach and continue with my questions.

"So what's your degree in then?" I ask continuing the conversation.

"Business management. I would like to own or run a hotel or restaurant or something like that someday." He tells me still making too much eye contact and making me shift in my seat.

"Wow! That's cool!" I say annoyed that he is not only smart and drop dead gorgeous but he also has plans for his life. "How old are you?" I blurt our on accident.

"Twenty three, but enough about me. Tell me something about you." He says copying my position and leaning towards me with his elbows on the table and he mocks me by placing his hands under his chin with a cheeky smile. He is good I will give him that.

We are closer than two friends should be while casually talking but I can't get myself to pull away even though I know I should.

"Ummm." I stutter for a minute not being able to process my thoughts when he is so close to me. "Well, I am twenty one. I will graduate in May with my degree in English. I'd like to work for a publishing company or something along those lines for a bit or maybe become an English teacher I haven't really decided yet." I say faster than normal. I keep having to look down every few seconds because his stare keeps making me flustered.

"Hmmm a teacher huh?" Is all he says in response.

His tone sounds sarcastic and his face is hard to read and I can't tell if he means it as a joke or what. Does he think I can't be a teacher? But I am already on edge "You don't even know me," I snap defensively while leaning back in my chair.

"What? Why did you say that?" He questions me in a serious tone, catching me off guard. He's staring me down and I realize he's waiting for me to answer.

"I don't know. You sounded like you were mocking me," I say my tone sharp.

"I don't know you well, yet. But I'm trying to. I want to." He states. "I was not making fun of you. I was just joking around." He looks at me with pleading eyes. "I wish you would lighten up a little. You are so serious." He says softly and I can tell by his voice that he is being sincere even though his words piss me off I try to push my irritation aside.

"Sorry. Really." I say leaning down to meet his eyes slightly thrown by his quick change in mood. "I didn't mean to snap at you. Just a habit I guess."

Lightning flashes outside the window followed by a rolling thunder distracting both of us from our conversation. I know I need to head home before the storm hits and it is getting close to my dinner plans with Julie.

"I need to head home." I sigh grabbing my backpack and car keys not wanting to leave just yet despite the change in mood.

"Okay." Is all he says in response his eyes focused on the table.

I can feel a shift and there is an uncomfortable tension between us. I get up from the table and start making my way towards the door when I realize he has nothing else to say. A weird wave of sadness hits me at his simple response wishing he would ask me to stay longer.

"Wait," I feel his now familiar warm hand wrap around my arm stopping me before I reach the door. I turn to face him not sure what to expect but happy the conversation will not end the way I thought it was going to.

"I'll see you again soon, yeah?" He asks with a soft smile. He says it like it's a question that he needs me to confirm as he searches my eyes. And just like that, everything feels okay again.

"See you soon." I confirm with a smile and walk out the door.

*

I arrive back home just as the rain starts, making me run for the front door. Rushing inside I drop my stuff on the kitchen counter and find Julie watching tv on the couch.

"Did you get the stuff for dinner?" I ask her. We have a tradition since we moved into our apartment together last year where every other Saturday she buys the groceries and I make dinner. Then we spend the evening watching Greys Anatomy on the couch together. It gives us a chance to catch up no matter how crazy our schedules get.

"Yeah, it's all in the fridge. Did you get a lot of studying done?" She says making casual conversation without looking away from the tv.

"Uhhh yeah," I say shrugging my shoulders even though she is not looking at me. The guilt comes back but this time I know I deserve it as I choose to not tell her about Harry showing up at the coffee shop and continue the conversation. "Was this all you had planned for today?" I say gesturing to her current spot on the couch hoping to get a reaction out of her.

"Basically, I was supposed to hang out with Harry but he got called into work." She responds still not looking away from the tv and I feel panicked.

I am so thrown off by her answer that I can't think of a response. Did he tell her that he had to work so he could come see me? Is she making it up? Why would she make that up? He said he told her they were done. But why would she lie about having plans with him? Why did he lie. I have no idea what the hell is going on anymore and it is starting to give me a headache.

"Hey, I was thinking we could have a movie night here tomorrow. Is that okay with you?" Julie asks me bringing my attention back to the present as she gets off the couch and joins me in the kitchen.

"Uhh yeah sure sounds good to me," I say not really paying attention.

"Awesome! I'll text everyone. Does 8 o'clock sound good to you?" Julie asks while already typing away on her phone.

"Perfect." I agree.

The evening drags on without much conversation. Julie stays on the couch while I make dinner in the kitchen replaying my conversation with Harry over and over again. One of them is lying and I can't figure out who or more importantly why. After dinner we watch one episode of Grey's and I head to my room for the rest of the night not wanting to have forced conversation with Julie any longer. I don't like how weird things feel between us now. I know it's only me. I'm so used to being able to talk to Julie about anything.

I pass out around 11 o'clock which is early for me but the last two days have been so draining I need the sleep and as soon as my head hits the pillow I am gone.

I wake the next morning still conflicted and debating whether having Harry around is worth all this confusion and the headache that follows. I know it won't end well but I am not sure that I can stay away from him. The morning and afternoon hours blur together as I stay in bed watching tv all day, my usual Sunday routine lately.

I finally look at the clock on my nightstand telling me it's now six thirty in the evening and I have been in bed all day. My stomach grumbles reminding me I haven't had anything to eat since eleven this morning so I force myself out of bed and slip on some jeans and grab my favorite hoodie. The weather outside my window is as gloomy as yesterday the clouds are covering the whole sky, and it has been raining on and off all day adding to my own gloomy mood.

I walk out of the bedroom and find Jules in the living room bringing pillows and blankets from her bedroom to the couch.

"What are you doing?" I ask her confused.

"Bringing out extra pillows and blankets for tonight." She says looking at me like I am an idiot.

"Oh crap! I forgot about that. Did you pick a movie?" I have been so in my head I forgot about her stupid movie night here tonight. I feel like I don't have the energy or mental capacity to deal with anyone. Perfect.

"No I can't decide so I'm just going to pick two and let everyone vote." She says while still arranging pillows on the couch and floor.

"Alright, well I am going to grab some food I will be back soon. Do you need anything while I am out?" I ask her secretly hoping she will say no.

"No I'm good, I bought popcorn and some candy when I was at the store yesterday and Maya and Tabs are bringing some snacks too." She tells me.

"Okay well, I'll be back." I say while grabbing my keys and heading for the front door.

"Okay see you later." She says with a smile.

As I walk to my car I sigh with relief at being alone again even if it is only for a short while.

I run through a drive-thru and back with about fifteen minutes to spare before everyone is supposed to come over. I rush into the apartment past the kitchen and Julie's room hoping she doesn't see me. And then head straight through the living room and into my room. I change out of my jeans and into some comfy yoga pants deciding to keep my hoodie on because I don't care to make to much effort in my appearance today. I finish the rest of my food in a hurry and decide to freshen up my make up a little so I don't look like complete crap when everyone comes over. Just as I finish up I hear an array of voices enter the house. Walking out of my room and into the kitchen I find Julie with Maya, Tabs, Dylan, and Sam all talking over each other loudly. Maya is pouring chips into bowls, Julie is putting popcorn into the microwave and of course, Dylan is loading the wine and beer into the fridge. I smile at my crazy group of friends even in my exhausted state.

"Is Emily coming?" I ask the whole group while taking a seat on the empty bar stool next to Sam.

"No she had to work tonight." Tabitha informs me while stealing a chip from Maya's bowl.

"Awe alright," I say disappointed because we haven't had a chance to catch up in a few weeks. "I'm gonna grab a blanket from my room really quick, will someone get me a bowl of popcorn please!" I say as sweetly as I can as I am leaving the kitchen.

I make my way back to my room and grab a blanket and pillow, and my phone from my nightstand before hearing the group make their way into the living room. I take a deep breathe already exhausted and walk back out.

Julie, Maya, Dylan, and Sam are all squished together on the couch and Tabitha took the chair which means I am stuck on the floor alone which I am actually okay with because it means I can watch the movie and relax without distractions. Just as I am getting comfortable on the floor I hear a loud knock at the door. Everyone sits not moving and then looks at me. Everyone is here already so I have no idea who it could be.

"Don't worry everyone, I'll get." I say sarcastically groaning as I get back up off the floor and they all smile trying not to laugh at my dramatic response.

I make my way to the door and open it not sure who to expect but definitely not him.

My mouth drops open stunned, "Harry?!" I whisper yell so everyone in the living room can't hear me.

[dylan-ohbrien]

Dress

Pairing: Dylan O’Brien x Reader Wordcount: 5,850 Warnings: SMUT & language  A/N: Ummm.....surprise? Merry Christmas? Happy New Year? hahah. So as a lot of you probably know, I’ve been kind of MIA lately. I’ve just had a lot going on in my personal life with school and family stuff just taking up all my time and energy and making me just feel really shitty. Because of that, I’ve just really lacked inspiration. While most of my stress was due to school and life, part of it was because of Taylor Swift dropping a new album and tour, however, that also helped give me a little inspiration to write a little something. On her new album reputation, she has a song called dress, which I will link below. Every time I listen to it I’m like I need to write a Dylan fic based off this...so I did! I know it’s not the next part of APTCH, I’m sad about that to, I’m hoping I can get something going with that again soon. Until then, I hope you like this! And I have to thank @ninja-stiles for proofing this really quick for me! 

LISTEN TO DRESS HERE

“I just don’t want it to make me look slutty, it’s my family’s Christmas Eve party, not a frat party or something.” I sighed running my hands down the black fabric hugging my body, smoothing it out then adjusted the sleeves so they hung off my shoulders evenly as I looked at myself in the mirror.

“Will you stop?! I’m sure it looks amazing now come out, so I can see!” Madelyn practically yelled through the dressing room. I sighed and fixed my hair a little bit before walking out to show her the dress.

“Well?” I said after she was silent for a minute.

“If he didn’t want you before, he will now. You look fucking hot.” She came up to me and walked around me once, I could feel myself blushing.

“Really? It’s not slutty?” I asked for reassurance.

“No, not at all. It’s sexy but in a very classy way, although once he sees you in it, you won’t be wearing it much longer.” Madelyn winked.

“I guess this is the one then.” I said giving myself one last check in the mirror before going back into the dressing room to change back into my clothes.

I changed into the clothes I had been wearing earlier and headed back out to meet Madelyn by the registers where she was already in line to check out. I held the dress out and looked at it again, making sure it was really the one I wanted.

“Trust me Y/N, it’s perfect. Although you could honestly wear sweatpants and a hoodie, and he would drool over you.” She winked, and I laughed, nudging her arm playfully. “I’m serious. You two think no one else notices the way you look at each other but we all see it.” Madelyn said, and I could feel my cheeks turn red with embarrassment, if only she knew the half of it. Over the last couple years, the last few months especially, the sexual tension, pining and anticipation just kept growing, at least I felt like they did. Hopefully buying this dress would finally give me enough courage to make a move or encourage him to make a move.

“Well I guess we’ll find out how perfect it is tomorrow night.” I shrugged and walked up to the register to pay for the dress that would hopefully change things. 

***

Christmas music was blasting in the main house so loudly that I could hear it in the guest house where I lived. I could have moved out and found my own apartment but living in the guest house was basically like having my own house, living room, kitchen, two bedrooms and two bathrooms, laundry room, deck, patio, private driveway, garage, and entrance, it was better than any apartment I could ever afford. The only problem what how close it was to my parents’ house, although at times it was nice, most of the time I wished it was a little further away. Especially when it came to their parties. My job required me to be up early most mornings, even weekends and their parties with loud music almost every other weekend got in the way of my sleep schedule. Luckily this was one night I was okay with how close my house was to theirs and that I had lots of time off from work.

As I finished getting myself ready I sent a quick text to the one person I was hoping to see to make sure he was still coming. After hitting send I set my phone down and finished applying my makeup and curling my hair, letting the curls fall loosely down my back. Just as I finished my phone dinged and a smile grew on my face as I read the message.

Wouldn’t miss it for the world. See you soon! :)

I felt my stomach do flips with the confirmation that he would be there. “Okay, it’s fine. This is what you always wanted. You can do this.” I said looking at myself in the mirror. “This is your chance to finally make a move.” I took a deep breath and tried to calm the butterflies flying around furiously. “You are a nice, funny, sexy, bad ass woman, when you see him just tell him how you feel.” I stared at myself in the mirror for a minute after I finished my little pep talk before I went out to get my dress and shoes on.

By the time I was ready and brave enough to make my way to the party it had already been going on for forty-five minutes. With one last look in the mirror I made my way over to the main house where the party was in full swing.

As I walked into the party I was quickly greeted by old family friends that I hadn’t seen since the last Christmas party. My confidence started rising as a few of them continued to compliment me, although it may have been more about the dress, but it still made me feel good. I made my way to the kitchen to get myself a glass of wine but was quickly pulled aside causing me to stumble slightly.

“I have a present for you.” Madelyn said and pulled a small gift bag out from behind her back.

“What?” I looked at her confused. “I thought we weren’t doing gifts until tomorrow night.” I said as she shoved the bag in my face.

“I know, we aren’t but I think you may need this one.” She said with a raised eyebrow and urged me to take the gift. I took it and pulled the tissue paper out from the top and looked inside, my eyes widening immediately.

“Maddie!!” I said a little louder than I meant to.

“What? I just want to make sure you two have the best time possible tonight.” She smirked at me and I shook my head.

“I appreciate you...looking out for me in that way but if anything happens, I hope we won’t be needing...this.” I said pulling out the small box containing the his and hers finger vibrators and wiggling it before sticking it back in the bag. “But I don’t think anything is going to happen, I haven’t even seen him here yet and I’ll probably end up chickening out.”

“Oh, don’t be like that! You look amazing, I don’t think you’re going to have to find the courage because I think he may finally make a move for you.” I sighed hoping Maddie was right. “Now, go get that wine I know you were heading for and I’ll go stick this outside your door.” She winked, taking the bag back and sauntered off. I laughed softly to myself and headed back towards the kitchen again.

I poured myself a glass of pinot and immediately took a sip then poured a little bit more before heading back out into the crowd of people. I made small talk with a few people while trying to make my way over to the fireplace where there were slightly less people around. When I finally made it, I leaned against it and took another sip of my wine taking a glance around the room to see if he had arrived yet but if he had I didn’t see him. My search was cut short when my mother’s boss came up and started talking to me about where I saw myself in ten years, something I had never even thought about nor wanted to think about in that moment. During the conversation I took a sip of my wine and used that moment to take another glance around when my eyes finally landed on him and our eyes locked. The second I saw him the butterflies in my stomach were back, he smiled that adorable smile of his and I smiled back before remembering I was having a conversation with someone else.

“Oh my gosh, I totally forgot, my mom asked me to check on the uh...the catering. Will you excuse me?” I said quickly with a smile then casually walked away. I could feel my heart beating faster as I got closer to him, the butterflies in my stomach fluttering more until I reached him, and his arms quickly wrapped around me in a hug. “I’m really glad you could make it, Dylan.” I said softly just before we pulled back from the hug.

“Yeah, of course, I wouldn’t miss it for the world.” He smiled then stepped back slightly. “You uh...you look…” My heart froze when he paused. It was too much, I knew the dress would have been too much, I looked like a slut.

“Mads said it wasn’t too much but I think it looks kind of slu-” Before I could finish Dylan spoke again.

“I think you look beautiful.” As the words left his lips I could feel my cheeks getting warm, a hit of pink starting to grow on them.

“Really?” I asked, hoping the redness of my cheeks wasn’t noticeable in the dimly lit room.

“Yeah,” he said rubbing the back of his neck, “I mean you always look beautiful, you just look...extra beautiful tonight.” He chuckled softly, I couldn’t help but smile at how bashful he seemed to be.

“Thank you,” I replied, “you look really...extra handsome tonight, yourself.” I told him, pushing the hair that had fallen in my face behind my ear realizing that my wording could have been better which made Dylan chuckle. “Can I uh...get you a drink or something?” I asked.

“No, I think I’m good.” He said, holding up a glass of whiskey and once again I felt my cheeks redden, “but thank you.” He finished.

“Oh duh, sorry.” I laughed trying to hide my embarrassment that I was being so awkward and not myself.

“It’s okay, I appreciate the offer.” He smiled at me and something about that smile helped me to relax and I nodded. I sipped my wine and he sipped his whiskey while one of us thought of something else to say.

“So, are you excited for your family to all get in tomorrow?” I asked, knowing that his family was all coming to California for Christmas this year.

“Yeah!” Dylan said excitedly, “They’re going to be in town until after the new year, so it’ll be fun, I’m looking forward to it. Then I start promo from The Death Cure…” After that we started talking like we always did, no awkwardness, no nervousness, just the comfortable conversation that we always had, the moments that continuously made me fall for him more. “Hey...is there somewhere quieter we could go?” He asked suddenly which caught me slightly off guard.

“Uh sure...It should be quieter back there.” I told him and lead him towards the dining room near the back of the house. “Is... everything okay?” I asked when we walked inside.

“Yeah, everything's great. I just...I wanted to give you something.” He said pulling out a small box from his jacket pocket.

“You and Mads just really can’t wait until tomorrow, can you?” I laughed.

“Well I have something to give you tomorrow too but...I wanted to do this tonight when it was just us.” Dylan handed me the box and I took it, unwrapping it to reveal a jewelry box. I looked up at him, curious as to what he could have gotten me. I opened the box to reveal a gold bar held by a chain on both sides and written in the middle of the bar was a date.

“Dyl…” I said softly, my thumb running over the engraving of the date before looking up at him, “is this…”

“It’s the date we met.” He said, finishing my sentence for me. I quickly pulled it out of the box and started trying to work the clasp around my neck. “Here let me help you.” Dylan said, quickly taking the chain from me and stepping around behind me. I pulled my hair off to the side, so it was out of the way while he hooked the chain around my neck. When it was done I let my hair go and Dylan walked around to look at me again. “Do you like it?” He asked, and I could tell that he was a little nervous about it. I looked up at him, my eyes locking in on his, a smile spread across my face.

“It’s absolutely perfect, Dylan.” I glanced back down at it then back up at him, but before I could say anything else the space between us was closing, our eyes lock on one another once more until our lips connected. The second they touched electricity shot through me, like nothing I had ever felt before. Pulling away slowly my eyes stayed closed as I took in the feeling of what had just happened. “Wow…” was all I could manage to say.

“I’ve wanted to do that for so long.” He said which finally caused me to open my eyes, I licked my lips, a small smile breaking through.

“Me too,” I laughed, “so, so long.” I reached up, playing with the necklace again. “I was just always afraid you didn’t feel the same way and I didn’t want to make anything weird between us.” I confessed looking back up at Dylan.

“I always felt that way too, I didn’t think you felt the same way about me but I just...I couldn’t keep it in anymore. That date…It’s not just the day we met to me, it’s the day I knew I’d met the girl I wanted to spend every day with. I know it’s insane, but I think that day, the moment I first talked to you, I fell in love with you.” As Dylan spoke I had to keep myself from wrapping my arms around him and kissing him before he finished talking. Instead of doing that, I controlled myself and waited until he finished.

“I think that day I knew I fell in love with you too.” I smiled and finally leaned up and kissed him, wrapping my arms around his neck. “I did. I do. I love you. Oh my god, that feels so good to say, to finally admit. I love you.” Dylan chuckled which made me laugh, both of us smiling like idiots as he kissed me again and again, little pecks each time then a more passionate kiss.

“I’m sorry it took me so long to tell you.” He said placing his hands on my cheeks, looking directly into my eyes. I quickly shook my head.

“I’m sorry I never said anything.” I replied, feeling the same way he did. Suddenly, I was feeling more comfortable than ever and got a boost of confidence, I kissed him again, deeper and more passionately than any of the previous kisses. “I want to give you something now.” I told him, pulling away, a smirk on my lips.

“You don’t have to do that, Y/N.” He said, but I took his hand in mine and lead him out of the dining room and through the house until we were stopped by my mom.

“And just where are you two headed off to, it’s still early.” My mom said looking between the two of us.

“Seriously, mom? I made my appearance, I talked to your boss and co-workers, we just wanted to go watch a movie.” I said, hoping she wouldn’t make me stay and talk to more people who would just ask me where I thought I would be in the next few years.

She looked between us again then back to me, “alright, I know I can’t make you stay, but everyone just loves getting to see how much you’ve grown and accomplished.” I rolled my eyes and heard Dylan chuckle softly behind me and I glared back at him, he just smiled and squeezed my hand. “But you’re right, go...watch your movie.” She smiled then waved us off.

“Thanks, mom.” I said with a small smile then started leading Dylan back out of the house again. “I swear, sometimes she doesn’t get that I’m 26.” I shook my head slightly with a sigh.

“I think it’s cute,” Dylan said turning me around and pulling me into his arms once we got to my door. I rolled my eyes once again.

“You wouldn’t think it was so cute if it was happening to you.” I told him, then reached down next to him and picked up the little gift mad Madelyn had left there. “Come on.” I turned back around and opened my door, leading Dylan in, then shutting and locking the door behind him.

“What’s that?” He asked pointing to the bag.

“Oh,” I laughed and tossed it on the table, “just a stupid gift Mads thought we might need.” I said then noticed the confused expression on Dylan’s face. “It’s nothing, Madelyn just knew...that I liked you and had it in her mind that something might happen between us tonight because I bought this dress that would hopefully catch your attention.” I said not even realizing that I was rambling until I saw Dylan had raised his eyebrows curiously.

“You bought this dress to try and catch my attention?” He asked, walking closer to me and placing his hands on my hips.

I bit my bottom lip and looked up at him, “I... only bought this dress in the hopes that you would...take it off…” I slid my hands up his chest slowly until I clasped them around his neck.

“I would be lying if I said you didn’t catch my eye in that dress, you look amazing in it.” He said pulling me in closer to him, “but I wouldn’t mind taking it off you either.” He said softly, leaning in to kiss me deeply, that same electric shock from earlier still running through me as our lips touched.

“Come on,” I whispered against his lips when the kiss broke only for a short moment to take a breath. I started walking backwards as we kissed, pulling Dylan with me towards my bedroom.

I don’t know what came over me, how I suddenly felt that I could be so confident and forward with Dylan, maybe it was the reassurance that he’s always liked me as much as I had liked him, but something in me changed. When we reached the bedroom I finally broke the kiss and turned around, walking away from Dylan to light a few candles throughout my room. As I lit the last one I felt Dylan walk up behind me, his arms sliding around my waist, his breath hot on my neck.

“Are you sure about this?” He asked, his voice soft and sincere as his lips brushed against my skin. I nodded, my eyes closed as he kissed my neck gently sending tingles through my body.

“I’m sure.” I reassured him vocally. “I’ve wanted this...us for so long.” I said while I turned around in his arms to look up at him. “Are you sure?” I asked him, hoping he wasn’t asking me because he was doubting it.

“I’ve never been more sure of something.” He smiled then pulled me into a deep kiss, our arms twisting around each other as we both placed our hands on each other’s cheeks. Our bodies were pressed together, the kiss getting more passionate by the second, our tongues mingling as our lips parted letting the passion between us grow.

Dylan slowly slid his hands down my cheeks, his fingers lightly trailing along the sensitive skin of my neck, down my shoulders and arms until he reached my hips, giving them a small squeeze. His hands then made their way around my back and slowly up to between my shoulder blades where my dress started. His fingers fumbled slightly trying to grasp the zipper of my dress but once he did he slowly pulled it down, the dress becoming looser on my body until the zipper stopped. Dylan softly ran his fingers up my back, the lightest touch making me skin feel like it was on fire, he reached my arms where the straps of the dress lay and gently pushed it down my body leaving my top half complete bare, the kiss we shared slow and passionate as the fabric was removed from my body. I stepped out of the dress and Dylan broke the kiss and stepped back to remove his shirt. Normally standing in front of a man half naked would make me feel exposed and self-conscious, but I didn’t feel that with Dylan, even as he took a moment to look at me. He smiled and reached out for my hands, taking them in his.

“You’re stunning.” He said softly making a blush form on my cheeks.

“Thank you,” I said simply as he pulled me back towards him and gently laid me back on the bed. “You’re not too bad yourself.” I winked, smirking up at him after my eyes traveled over his body, really noticing how much he had buffed up over the last year.

Dylan chuckled and crawled onto the bed, hovering over me for a moment before I reached up and pulled him back down to me, connecting our lips, sending a feeling through my body that I didn’t think I would ever get tired of. His body lowered slowly, our skin touching, electricity running through me, his hands pressed down on the pillow on either side of my head, my hands weaving through his hair at the back of his head. I could feel the heat between my legs already starting to grow as the kiss intensified and I didn’t know how much longer I could hold back from needing him completely. My hands traveled down his chest, fingers grazing over the toned muscles on his abdomen until I reached the top of his pants, unbuttoning them as quickly as I could and pushing them down, leaving us both only in our underwear. Dylan kicked off his pants, the kiss breaking as he did. He took this moment to then attach his lips to my neck, kissing lightly at the sensitive skin beneath my ear, causing soft moans to escape my lips. He began to slowly trail his lips down my neck and along my collarbone, sucking at the skin, I was sure he was leaving marks, but I didn’t care. He kissed down between my breasts, his hands now moving to connect with mine, lacing our fingers together as he left his mark all over my body, continuing to kiss further down.

My breathing was already starting to pick up in the anticipation of what would happen next. When his lips reached the edge of my underwear he looked up at me and our eyes locked, it was all I could do to smile down at him. With that, he unlinked our fingers and swiftly pulled my underwear down my legs, tossing it off the bed with the rest of our clothes. At this point I could almost feel my hand shaking from anticipation and Dylan must have been able to sense it because he took my hands in his, once again linking our fingers before his mouth picked up where he left off, placing soft kisses just above my wet folds. He placed a few soft, kisses around where I needed him the most then once again unlinked our hands and placed his long fingers grazing over my thighs, spreading my legs open just slightly, just enough to give him better access. And with that, he slowly licked up my slit, causing me to gasp deeply as his tongue grazed my clit. That was all the reassurance he needed to continue. He used one hand to spread my lips open, exposing my clit to him more, his lips quickly wrapped around the sensitive nub, sucking lightly at it while slowly sliding his fingers through the wetness that has pooled between my legs. My heart was pounding in my chest as Dylan slowly slid a finger into me, pumping it a few times while licking slowly between my lips before adding a second. When he added the second finger he started pumping them faster, his tongue moving faster as well. My hands found their way into his hair, gripping it tightly, holding him in place, not wanting the feeling of him between my legs to end. His slight scruff against my sensitive skin gave me a sensation I’d never felt before, a sensation I never knew I would like, but I did.

“Dyl…” I moaned which only made him go faster. He hummed between my legs just before he added a third finger to my hot core, my walls right around him. “F..Fuck Dylan.” I groaned, my hips starting to buck into his mouth involuntarily.

“Come on, Y/N,” He said, the vibrations of his voice sending chills through me as he continued his work on me. He curled his finger inside me, hitting my spot immediately and with a few more thrusts of his fingers my walls began to contract around him, my back arched, my toes curled, and a loud moan escaped me as my orgasm coursed through my body. I had never felt an orgasm as powerful as that, it felt as though my whole body was tingling, all my nerve endings on fire.

As I started to come down from my orgasm, Dylan continued to lick up my juices and each time his tongue would run over my clit my body would shake at the feeling. When he finally pulled his fingers out, he slowly licked my wetness off them before coming back up and kissing me deeply. The taste of myself on his lips only turned me on more. I moaned softly against his lips, smiling as we kissed, my body slowly starting to relax from the pleasure it had just experienced. I rested a hand softly on his cheek as he did the same to me, his thumb gently rubbing my cheek, my other hand running down his body to his member pressing against my bare center. As I reached it I noticed how hard he already was and gently rubbed my hand against him, causing a groan to come from deep in his chest. After a moment I pulled my hand away which caused Dylan to break the kiss and looked down at me, but I just smirked up and him and placed both hands on his chest, pushing him back until his was on his back. I rolled over on top of him, my legs straddling his hips.

“I want to make you feel as good as you made me feel.” I told him just before leaning down and connecting our lips, my hands still resting on his chest, his member pressing against my thigh. I kissed him deeply, his hands finding their way to my hair, I rolled my hips against his member, still covered by the thin material of his briefs, the friction giving us both pleasure.

After feeling his member only start to get harder I broke the kiss and sat up, sliding down his body to pull off the fabric concealing his member. As I pulled it down his hard cock sprung free and I bit my lip, taking in the size. I had a feeling he was well endowed, but he was even more so than I thought. Dylan watched my every move, his eyes never leaving me as I took his cock into my hand and pumped it a few times before I leaned down and licked the precum off his tip. At that point his eyes fluttered shut and I smiled knowing that I was the one who was about to give him pleasure. I licked his tip again, looking up at his face through my eyelashes before licking my lips and sliding him into my mouth slowly. I didn’t take him in all the way at first, I slid my mouth down half way before coming back up slowly and sucking at his tip. I removed him from my mouth completely and licked up the underside of his cock from the base to his tip then took him into my mouth again, this time lowering my mouth onto him until he hit the back of my throat. I started bobbing my head up and down, slowly at first and moving my hand in time at the base of his cock, filling in the space I couldn’t fit in my mouth. A constant string of moans and profanities were falling from Dylan’s lips, his hand reaching down and griping my hair tightly trying to guide my head at the pace he wanted.

“Fuck Y/N,” he groaned, his hips starting to buck slightly, his cock sliding into my mouth further causing me to gag slightly, but I didn’t mind. I kept it up, moving my lips up and down his shaft faster, my free hand gently squeezing at his balls, this put him closer to the edge. His cock started twitching in my mouth making me want to work at him faster. I hollowed out my cheeks, sucking at his cock, licking at his tip each time I reached it and before I knew it Dylan’s cock twitched, his hips thrust forward, and he was groaning as his orgasm rocked through him. He came in my mouth and I took it all, swallowing it and licking each drop from his tip. As Dylan finished I sucked the tip of his cock then let it fall from my mouth. His chest was falling and rising quickly as he tried to catch his breath. “Y/N,” He breathed as I crawled up and laid down next to him, my head resting on the pillow, I laughed softly.

“Hmm?” I asked, a smile across my lips. I lightly started tracing small patterns over his chest waiting for his reply.

“You’re amazing.” He chuckled lightly and turned his head to look at me. “But we’re not done yet, baby.” He said again, probably noticing how relaxed I looked laying there. He rolled over on top of me making me giggle softly when he started placing kisses all over my face.

“Well I would hope not.” I said through giggles and wrapped my arms around his neck, my hands draping down his back.

Our lips connected, this kiss feeling different than the others, it was as though all our feelings for each other were being expressed in such a simple action, the kiss was passionate, sensual, and slow. Dylan adjusted his body over mine, making sure it wasn’t putting too much of his weight on me, holding himself up with one arm while his other hand rested gently on my cheek. The kiss continued becoming more passionate, our breathing was picking up, I could feel his cock growing harder against my core which was getting wetter by the second. His hand that rested on my cheek traveled down between our bodies so he could guide his member where we both needed it to be. He ran the tip over my clit a few times, small moans sounding in my throat before he finally, slowly slid himself in to me. As he slid into me we broke the kiss and Dylan rested his forehead against mine, both of us taking in the feeling of each other, the feeling of our bodies molding together. My eyes closed, and my mouth fell open, my walls stretching around him until he had completely entered me. We stayed like that for a moment, Dylan letting me adjust to him before he slowly slid out of me and back in. With each movement small breathy moans fell from my lips and once we’d set a good pace Dylan started kissing me again, my hands running up through his hair from his back and back down. As he picked up his pace he started breathing harder, small grunt escaping him, but our lips never parted. I could feel the sensation building inside of me already, my tight walls around his cock creating a pleasure unlike anything I’d ever experienced.

“Dylan...” I moaned softly against his lips which only encouraged him to move faster.

“You feel so good, Y/N.” He whispered, his nose brushing against mine when the kiss broke from a moment.

My nails scratched down his back, pulling him closer to me, needing to feel every inch of him on me. I brought my knees up, wrapping my legs around his waist, giving him a better angle which gave us both more pleasure with each moment. Sweat was starting to form across both of our bodies, the sounds of our heavy breathing and moans were the only sounds to fill the room, besides the faintest sound of Christmas music still playing in the main house. Dylan started thrusting faster, and the new angle caused him to hit my sweet spot each time, I knew it was only a matter of seconds before I was coming undone around him.

“Dylan...Dyl…” I moaned, my legs wrapping tighter around him, my fingers gripping tightly at his hair.

“Come on, baby...I’m...close too...c..come on.” He groaned and started thrust harder, each time getting a littler sloppier with his motions.

A few more thrusts and my walls clamped around his cock as my orgasm began to rush through my body, the feeling of my walls tightening around him sending him over the edge as well. My back arched into him, my knuckles turning white as my grip on his hair got tighter, my legs holding him as close to me as possible until they started to shake from pleasure, I moaned loudly, trying not to scream even though I knew it wouldn’t be heard by anyone but us. Dylan made hard slow thrusts as his cock twitched inside of me, spilling his warm cum, giving me a whole new pleasure, his groans mixing with the sound of my pleasure. He continued to thrust slowly into me as we both rode out our orgasms until he rolled over to the side, both of us panting trying to relax our bodies.

“That...was…” Dylan started to speak, panting between each word.

“Incredible…” I finished the sentence for him which made us both laugh.

I rolled over on to my side and Dylan did the same, facing each other now we gazed into each other’s eyes. I couldn’t help but smile as he brushed the sweat soaked hair from my face and behind my ear. I reached up and took his hand, lacing our finger together, scooting just a little bit closer to him so I didn’t have to stretch as far to kiss him.

“I’m really glad I bought that dress.” I laughed.

“I’m really glad I got the balls to finally tell you how I felt. And that you bought that dress.” He winked and leaned in to kiss me again. “I love you, Y/N.” He said softly.

“I love you too, Dylan.”

[sarahjane0886]

Fall Apart

"All she ever needed was someone to hold her close together when she's about to fall apart." ~So cheating on this one. I had a rough day at work and in my extremely minimally limited love life. And right now this is all I want. So since I can't have it since I'm trapped in a hotel room alone...I'm writing it. I pulled into the driveway of my house and just rested my head on the steering wheel. The tears that had fallen down my cheeks the whole way home, started to drip onto my knees. Frustrated with myself and the world, I growled loudly at no one in particular. I was spent and just didn't even want to move from the car but at the same time, just want to curl up in bed and just sob out whatever emotion I was feeling. After what felt like forever, I decided I couldn't sit in the driveway any longer. I dragged my body in the house only to be met by my ecstatically jumping puppies who were waiting to go out. I groaned at having to wait on them but then thanked the heavens that I had finally moved into a house that had a backyard. "Come on babies." I said corralling Duke and Daisy outside. They bolted through the screen door like they hadn't been outside in months. I decided against curling up on the sofa and went outside with them. They were thrilled I came and brought me their toys and chased my feet every which way. After I wore them down, we all headed in and I fed them their dinner. "Okay you two, you're both fed, now it's momma's turn except momma isn't in the mood for anything." I murmured as I looked through the cupboards for something quick and easy. I knew with the dancing schedule I was on, I needed to eat but my emotional levels were also screaming just go curl up. Figure it out later. Daisy barked at me quickly almost as if she knew what was going on in my brain. "Fine. I'll eat." I said as I settled on pretzels and hummus with a smoothie. Not the healthiest of meals but hey, it works. I dropped into the corner of the sofa and both puppies immediately curled up with me. Duke on one side, Daisy on the other. Neither were beggers thank goodness because I wouldn't be able to stand those faces however I knew it wasn't smart either. "Fuck! Val!" I yelped realizing that I forgot to text my boyfriend. I groaned and eased myself up off the couch. Duke and Daisy lazily followed along behind me almost as if they knew I was beat and that I shouldn't be left alone. I found my phone in my bag that I had dropped to the floor upon entering the house and headed back to the couch. I groaned as I realized I had 2 missed calls and 5 missed texts. Now this may sound like a crazy boyfriend but he knew the state I left work in and he had asked me to let him know I made it home so he was probably worried. Rather than text him, I decided to call him. "Sharna May, did you make it home alright?" His voice echoed in the phone. "You're not hurt are you??" "I'm fine babe, I'm fine. I'm sorry." I said softly in the phone. His voice and concern brought tears to my eyes.

"It's okay. I was just worried. How are you?" He asked his voice calming down immensely. "I....I'm fine." I said as tears clogged my throat. This whole ordeal was stupid. Work ideas, work things, they were just that, just work. I needed to learn to leave those things at work and stop letting them get to me. "You're lying." He said almost immediately. He could read me like a book. He always had been able to even before we got together. "I'm not, I'm fine. I just need sleep." "That last sentence is probably true but that doesn't mean that you're okay." "Valentin." "Sharna May. Why don't I come over?" He said softly. "Because you aren't done with practice. You promised Shai you'd come over. You have interviews at 8 am tomorrow. And you are supposed to call Laurie."  I said. At rehearsal he had tried the same thing, the second he had noticed I was feeling down, he offered. I however being the girlfriend that I was, knew his schedule and told him to go take care of things. "I mean, I do. But you're more important." He said softly and I could have nearly cursed out loud as my eyes filled with tears for what felt like the five hundredth time that day. "Babe." I muttered trying to get it together. Why couldn't I control myself today? "Uh huh. No babe tonight. Okay distraction, what are the puppies doing?" He asked knowing that I was over crying at the moment and wanting to distract me. "Sitting in my lap. Daisy is watching me like a hawk and Duke is tucked into me. Daisy made sure I ate and they both made me play with them outside." I said as my fingers took turns at petting them both. "And what did you pick for dinner my love?" "Val, not that I don't appreciate this right now but don't you have to rehearse?" "No we just wrapped. We finished the last number rather quickly and Mandy decided to let us go." He said and I heard his car start in the background. "Oh." I said as the tears came back.

"Babe....dinner." He said softly at first and then remembering the distraction. "Ummm....hummus....pretzels and a smoothie." I wait for the argument about how that isn't a decent meal but it doesn't come. "What kind of smoothie?" "One of the green ones you hate." I say with a tiny giggle. Considering his brushes with health kicks, I couldn't grasp why he hated my favorite green smoothie. "Feet babe it tastes like feet." He said laughing. I heard his car shut off then and was confused. There was no way that he was to Maks's and Petas house already, no matter how simple traffic was. "Delicious feet then." I giggle but then hear the door click. Duke and Daisy hear it as well and bolt off my lap towards the intruder. Some watch dogs they are, running right into trouble.  "Hey you two, are you taking care of momma for me?" I hear a familiar voice say not only through the phone but from the hallway. "Valentin." I say softly as I hang up on my boyfriend. He appears in the doorway holding Daisy while Duke chases around his legs. "Come here." He says putting Daisy down and moving toward me. He settles next to me on the couch and reaches for me. I let him pull me into him but still fight all the emotions in me.

"Shai and Maks and Laurie and..." I trail off. "You are more important. I'm gonna shower only because I feel like I smell. Then I'm gonna take you to bed and I'm gonna hold you okay?" He says with such quite conviction that my eyes fill with tears again. He wipes them easily.  " And you can do as much of this as you need." "I love you." "I love you too. Five minutes and I'm yours all clean." He says leaning to press a kiss to my nose. He let's go and goes to the bathroom. Daisy follows him. She's become his shadow since we started dating while Duke has remained glued to me. I decide to at least go throw him a sandwich together and grab a different smoothie as well. One he actually likes. Once I get up to the bedroom I settle on my side of the bed. I lay the food on what has become his end table and Duke curls into me enjoying his solo pets for the time being. Val comes out of the shower and walks towards me. He holds out his hands and tugs me into a standing position once I've grasped his fingers. From there he proceeds to undress me, not in a sexual way but just in a I'm taking care of you way. My tears start to slip down my cheeks again. He pulls off my leggings and they pulls my top off. Neither were very sweaty since I did minimal work today. Then he grabs one of his shirts I always sleep in and slips it over my head. He undoes my bra and gets rid of that as well. Once I'm fully in comfy sleep clothes, he pulls back the covers and climbs in before pulling me in next to him. He tucks me into him, my face pressed into his chest, our legs tangling together. My arm is over his waist while his hand holds it as well. His other arm is around my shoulders, his fingers already stroking my hair. His lips press into my scalp and that does it. The stress of the day, petty, small, silly, whatever it is comes tumbling out in the form of sobs. Hard, gasping sobs. "It's okay princess, I got you, it's okay." He says from time to time. "I don't even know...." I manage to choke out. It's the truth. Nothing extreme has happened, minor things have but nothing to warrant this meltdown. "It doesn't matter, all that matters is that you do want you need too and I'll just hold you tight in the meantime." Something about the simplicity of that hits me in the core and the tears come harder and faster. Eventually they die down, and I realize the truth in his words. It's not always what you're crying about, sometimes the important part is knowing that you have someone there to hold you close when you're falling apart. **thats a wrap. Legit my therapy session for the night. I need held but can't. So I'm holding myself with these words. Hope you guys love it. Extra words and likes will be extra appreciated tonight. 😘 xoxo

[dangerouslyclosetothesurface]

Saturday

Yesterday I was looking at the map and I decided I wanted to bike to Pescadero. Two reasons for this: I wanted bread. Also, I wanted to test my gearing and setup.

Before COVID blew up, I was planning to bikecamp to LA this year for bike anniversary (mid-May; it’s flex.), and get ice cream (bike anniversary always calls for an ice cream ride) at McConnell’s in Santa Barbara on the way, and visit my OG bicycle mentor Muneeb. SF to LA is a mandatory ride that many people I know, some of whom are not even that into cycling, have done. Also I was inspired by Matt Reyes doing the ride in 6 days on 47x17 and 47x19. (I know my strength and I would do it on a lower gear.) But now that dream is dead.

Gear setup: - gangster with 47x19, wide bars - I put a patch kit and CO2 kit in a tiny seatpost bag. - I used my Tunitas bum bag to hold my water bottle, a battery pack with iPhone cable, wallet, an old tube for bungee in case I needed to tie something to my bike, a strap from Box Dog Bikes (similar purpose), a sharpie (to deface things), and my phone while I was riding. - I wore some Rapha bib shorts that Ariel gave me (thank you forever Ariel) plus a Montiel sports bra, and my Underarmour hoodie. I don’t bother with jersey anymore. Fuck it. I want the all-over tan. Also wore some Spoke Easy socks which I really like, Heavy Pedal gloves, and my Adidas running shoes which I got many years ago from the boys youth section.

Pre-ride: - Moisturizer, sunscreen, kale salad with meal-prepped beans and corn and bell pepper and three flour tortillas I fried lightly and melted horseradish cheese (yo I love this horseradish cheese) on. - Light stretching in my lobby, then roll out at 7:57 according to Strava

didn’t take many photos

Ride: Strava - By now I know the deal to get onto Highway 1. Slightly difficult Skyline bit that is between Fort Funston and Olympic Club, and then slightly more difficult two block stretch that goes from Valero gas station to the water tower thing. Then the terrifying (I hate descents, ok) descent on which I have to make a left on Crenshaw and get on Palmetto, which I always overshoot because I’m busy being terrified. This time I paid attention. I wasn’t terrified. Because I got my skids back and spinny ratio makes me feel invincible. - After this I went through Pacifica, then fixiecoasted down into Pacifica State Beach, then up that narrow winding bit to Devil’s Slide. - During the tunnel my music cut out so I just turned off my headphones and talked to myself the rest of the way. Flats are good for unwinding. - Then Half Moon Bay, then those three climbs that I did with not too much difficulty. Did some more fixiecoasting down the backs of those climbs. Passed by a fair number of cyclists going the other way and waved at them. - Got to Pescadero an hour ahead of schedule and thus bread was not open. Did not want to wait around so I just refilled my water bottle (ugh the water tasted like metal) and turned back around. - Climbs going back were not so bad. One in particular was a bit long, and the ground texture was bumpy. Descents were nice because I fixiecoasted them, plus I reveled.in the fact that I had climbed that same stretch just hours prior. Good job, self. Pat on the back for you. Got really comfortable with fixiecoasting (footbrake at the ready but rarely used). (Not a super useful skill but it is fun.) - I read that people don’t recommend LA to SF because it isn’t as enjoyable to ride on the inside of Highway 1. I would just like to say I disagree with this. I thought it was equally enjoyable. I liked looking at the plants. HAHAHAH. I didn’t take any photos (duh, I was busy riding) but there was a fabulous display of different lupines and Erigeron glaucus and I even saw a Sisrynchium bellum! I have never seen that in the wild. Also some Sambucus, some Eriophyllum, and some Castilleja. And a lot of poison oak. LOL. Thickets of it. Damn. Be careful y’all. - Seeing as I didn’t get any bread, I instead stopped at Dunkin Donuts in Half Moon Bay and picked up a few of my favorites. Then I ate 3.5 of the 4 donuts after realizing that I had no carrying capacity. I saved the remaining .5 for... - The last climb (and in my opinion, the only major climb), Skyline (the reverse of the descent that terrifies me). I misremembered it as four blocks. I think it is more. I lost count because I was focusing on 1) keeping my shoulders relaxed and 2) believing in myself. HAHAHAHA. Also I forgot to stop and eat the last half donut because I was so relieved the climb was over that I just kept going. - Made it the rest of the way home; super easy. Google Maps says it is like 47.5 miles each way, so I was trying to add some distance to make it an even 100 but my GPS messed up so I didn’t know how many miles I had gone. I think I only hit 98, but that’s fine. It was really annoying to try to add miles in the city because everyone was everywhere.

Post-ride: - Got home, showered, ate the same kale with beans and whatnot (that is all I eat these days), and the last .5 donut. Also drank a bunch of non-metallic water.

What I thought about on this ride: - This was a test ride, but it was also useful in being a means of catharsis for my life and the past week. I thought a lot about what I want out of my life, and who I want to be. I think that in life, my main objective is to feel capable. I know what I can do and what my limits are, and now I’m gonna try and push those limits a bit. Widen my comfort zone, little by little. It’s not about being comfortable with everything, so much as it is about knowing that I could reach a level of comfort with anything. So this ride is about me getting comfortable with the fact that I can do it. (...by doing it. HAHAHA) I’ve already done this ride, with Conrad last September, on Emily’s Bianchi. But I’ve not done it brakeless (btw first century on the gangster! yay little gangster), and I wanted to test my mental fortitude for if i were to ride to LA on this setup. Now i know the gearing is right (at least for this stretch), and I’ve also gained confidence, so that’s good. - During the three nontrivial climbs, I thought about 1) relaxing my shoulders, 2) all the people who love and support me and would be cheering me on at that moment, and 3) all the people (the same people) who inspire me to do this. Not just to ride, but to live life, and take advantage of that opportunity. I hope that I can return the favor and inspire them in the same way. I often source my motivation and power from anger, or self-flagellation, or other negative emotions. It’s not ineffective, but I am trying to make the shift towards more positive and self-empowering thinking. Also I made a mental list of powerful women that have influenced me and that I hold in high regard. Thank you for being my role models. (There are also powerful influential inspirational men in my life; thank you also, but I did not make a mental list of y’all during this ride.) - I biked past a lot of beauty (California, and Highway 1 especially, is known for that) and I thought about edges. In ecology, edges are the most productive in biodiversity and growth and resources. I think in life that is also true. When you have a collaboration between people, or a fusion between genres, that’s kinda like an edge. You get the best of both worlds, and something magical can thrive in that intersection. The result is greater than the sum of its parts. I look forward to one day being part of some sort of collab, once I have better defined myself and determined what I bring to the table. - What else did I think about: ummm. Mostly just loose/disorganized thoughts about life and people around me and work and how I can be more focused, and how things do get easier if you put in the work and the time, and how when I am biking I carry with me the people who support me, always. I hold you in my heart. lol.

[mylifeasitcomes]

Not been my day

Today has not been my day at all. Everything is just nonstop. Today started with a 0620ish phone call from the hubby saying he forgot his badge for the shipyard. Most people would think, 'then he should go home and get it'..but thats the problem, if he goes home to get it he will end up not having parking. Parking on this base is HORRIBLE!! So, i got up and got 3 kids up and out the door in five mins to take it to him...my four year old is NOT a morning person..he whined all the way from his bed to base and back. So much fun. By the time we got back from base it was time for us to normally wake up, so it was time for me to get everyone ready for the day. Lol....trying to get kids who are pissed that they got woke up dress isnt easy. Plus, breakfast and all the stuff together...but somehow i got the older 2 out the door in time for the bus. Back inside to try and get the monster i call andrew ready and off to school....he makes the other two look easy. Got him to school at on time while i was rushing and trying not to pull out my hair. From the moment he goes to school at 9am i have 2.5 hours to finish anything i need to do before i have to pick him up...... I head straight to the car dealership, because i got a call them yestersay and said we have your title here for your new car (theo got a new car)...i said ok. I head down there they told me to take it to town hall (our dmv) and they will send it off to the state...get to town hall, they say 'why do you have this? The dealership is supposed to send this off.' ....the lady calls the dealership and loses it on them for over 10 mins that they are not do their jobs right. It was pretty funny honestly. Unlucky for me i had to drive all the way back to the dealership. Now normally that wouldnt be a problem, but the dealership is across the state line in New Hampshire and then all the way across town. It really isnt that far, but with the bridge construction it doesnt make it easy or fast to get there. And i am on a time schedule. But anyways, i get back to the dealership, and they are now wanting me to pay the processing fee to submit it....ummm NO! I already paid that when i bought the car, i am not paying it again because yall messed up. So, i got to basically fight back and forth with them. I did win that fight and they will be submitting it on their own dime. Head back home, its 1030. I got stuck by the bridge going up to let a boat pass so by the time i got back to Maine it was almost 11. That basically cancelled all my plans that i had for my 2.5 hrs alone. I didnt even go home, i just stopped and said hello to my friends for a few mins to pass the time till i had to pick up drew at 11:30. I get drew, he has a melt down because i wont buy him McDonalds for lunch.... i am going to lose my hair..... we get home and as i am making his lunch i am putting dishes in the dishwasher, only to realize that the water is not draining from the sink...crap. turn the garbage disposal on water comes flying out of the sink and hits me in the face. Ewww. Call maintenance, they cant be here till 2. So. I cant do the dishes and i cant use the sink...well this sucks. Make a few phone calls, apply for an apartment in our next location. Write some big checks that make me want to cry. Forget to eat (it still in the microwave and it 1630 right now). Call the submarine and leave a message for theo to grab some paperwork for me for the apartment application. (No he wont call back, and he probably wont get the message either) do some Laundry. And realize its early release day at school, crap gotta go to the bus stop. Get the older 2 from the bus (drew is playing minecraft on ps4)...... maintenance finally shows up. I take all the trash to the curb... plus a ton of extra stuff we are getting rid of. While carrying a mattress to the curb, i rolled my ankle. (Yup, the one almost broke) so now i cant walk right. I walk inside and the maintenance guy has taken over my whole kitchen, there is stuff everywhere. And the drain snake is so loud i cant even hear the kids without yelling. They cant get it to work, so they will have to come back...but left the mess and tools all over my kitchen. No, i am not cleaning that crap up. Its now almost 5, and i cant use my kitchen because maintenance is still here, so i cant make dinner. My ankle is killing me. Theo actually did just call me back surprisingly, so i will get the paperwork i need. So thats a plus i guess.