#i just thought it'd be funnier to present it this way

[precuremusictournament]

Mascot Milk/Mimino Kurumi/Milky Rose MINIPOLL!

For comparison:

Milk・Miracle・Milky Legend

Everyone Must Listen To Milk Miracle Milky Legend. Everyone Must Vote For Milk Miracle Milky Legend. You Agree.

[fatuismooches]

(About the Dottore sugar tax)

I like to imagine that some members of the Fatui are very discreet in handing out the sweets.

Oh, one of their comrades is getting a scolding and it looks like it's escalating? Quick! Sneak a sweet nearby that the Lord Harbinger could spot easily!

And what happens is that mid-rant, the segment would glance just a little to the side behind the researcher and he sees - what the fuck?? Why is there a Charcoal-Baked Ajilenakh Cake on the desk??? How? When???

And he just gets so confused that he kinda momentarily short-circuits

The Fatui can't keep using the sweets tactics too often tho, they might accidentally pavlov their lord into hating sweets if he keeps receiving them when he's angry!

It happened with Omega already, he scowled at the Fatui Skirmisher and demanded if the agent thought of him as a dog that could be placated with a mere treat. Yeah that guy is dead now.

And of course the segments start to get suspicious by the sixth incident of receiving a sweet out of nowhere.

Zandik is baffled, because somehow everyone and their damn mother knows he has a sweet tooth and he is convinced that Pantalone has something to do with it (probably the ninth trying to gain his favour for a new gadget to sell)

Reader: sweating in the background.

Wait no I got pavlov's experiment mixed up: It would be more accurate to say that since Dottore keeps receiving sweets when he's angry - he starts to subconsciously expect sweets when he's frustrated. Which is even funnier because imagine how confused he'd be. He's stressing about failed results, why is he salivating???

OH MY GOSH... THIS IS LIKE THE FUNNIEST AND CUTEST THING EVER AHH!! When you work for someone such as Il Dottore, it is important to stick together with your fellow co-workers. Because you never know what will happen. And also, you don't really want to be carrying your new friend's dead body to the experimentation room. So it's important to look out for each other every now and then. This includes distracting the Harbinger's attention in any way possible from the target of his assault. Even if it means sneaking sweets into the lab. Yes, it is truly terrifying work, but it is necessary, especially when you were so kind to bestow this protection upon them.

THE WHOLE ASS CHARCOAL CAKE IS WHAT MAKES ME DIE... 😭 Was he really so caught up in his ranting that he didn't notice it? Actually, never mind that, how did they know he likes sweets, much less prefers Sumerian sweets compared to any other nation? All the agents have the exact same poker face, betraying absolutely nothing, for their lives are genuinely on the line right now. It was all riding on this Charcoal-Baked Ajilenakh Cake. Yes, this was 100% serious.

Ugh... if i was a regular agent think i'd rather die than present the OMEGA segment of all a piece of candy. The courage it'd take is insane. But oops. The other agents knew from that day they needed to be more careful with their tactics... yes, they have to add this to the handbook now. 😭 I imagine, the method begins to be used sparsely because the segments are not going to let their reputation be dumbed down to the guys who can be won over by mere sweets. Nope, not happening, they should be feared! Not known to the Fatui as being a sweets lover! So subduing the segments with sweets only happens on very violent days. Or if you happen to be in the room, you'll happily take the sweets offered by the agents and share them with the segment to make him calm down.

EBWKBEWEW DOTTORE BLAMING PANTALONE FOR ALL HIS PROBLEMS!! 😭 ah he would, despite how smart he is, it just completely slips his mind that you could have done this as well. Oh well! You just hope he doesn't find out! *nervous sweating intensifies*

Teehee him stressing not only over his failed results but his sudden urge to devour some sweets... it's really annoying for him though, usually, he ignores his growling stomach for a long time but, the taste of sweets is just haunting him and his tastebuds.

Maybe if he asks you, you can make some that lasts a few days... because at this rate, he expects to be thinking about sweets for a while with how poorly his experiments are going.

[finnitesimal]

you reblogged that old ask about pissa ever going anywhere with their relationships and i've had some thoughts about this topic and it's probably gonna become a little bit of a rant so no pressure answering or even reading it's your askbox of course. so firsts things first jusr as you said the the answer to that task missa would definitely have to be more present on the server for this to not fall flat and feel very surface level. that being said the ender king stuff that's been going on with phil could potentially be a catalyst for things to move forward but personally i don't know if i like this idea 100%. while it is crucial to phil's character because well it's his lore! i presonally wouldn't like missa to become just an extension to him and a plot device for his story. i'd love missa to have more developement on his own or with other people first because as you said yourself a lot of the times when he's on the server him and phil barely leave each other's side.

the thing with phil ignoring missa's feelings in a way is that it could be easily attributed to him being a repressed old bird, which well, he totally is. and the threat of the ender king constantly looming over him and his loved ones definitely doesn't help with opening up to people these days. but that's where a lot of developement could happen for him and he's already been talking more to his eggs so hopefully he can exchange that trust and honesty to missa soon. and if it takes the ender king to do it then so be it i have more faith in missa being open about things on his own accord than this guy.

honestly i think i saw a post similar to what i'm going to say but i really hope the prison kiss will push some unspoken boundary between them that makes them perhaps question some things or move forward. i'm personally any type of pissa enjoyer but i just hope they can confront each other at some point and talk about how they feel. there's a lot of potential for a very sweet story here it would be a shame if nothing ever happened with it. i know it's probably wishful thinking but hey i can dream.

also we don't really know how the server is going to look and to what extent it's going to be reset but it could be a good chance for them to hang out more if let's say some bases get yeeted or they need to gather resources. or even if the bases are untouched it feels like a good moment for less active members to join since there's been a little bit of pause. what i'm saying is missa please log on more it's really crucial to this.

WOOHOO

i do agree that Missa should get to write his own lore whether it coincides with Phil's or not, he doesn't seem to be into scripting interactions with the others he's more likely to just start playing a bit and then bouncing off that for his cubito's story (spreen's betrayal and him leaving roier's house for it, kidnapping by wolves, being in love with phil, fortnite cheese putting him in prison) overall there's no evidence missa's gonna be involved in the ender king plot in canon unless he and Phil have talked about it

definitely think having a lot of new untouched space could take most of the pressure out of just walking around and seeing everything expand so quickly and being worried about building somewhere someone might have already claimed or on someone else's grounds

canon romantic pissa is still up in the air but ccphil and missa are most definitely aware that they're playing into a traditional romantic love story, theyre gonna have to decide if it'd be better or funnier to keep pivoting around the subject and drive everyone on the island insane or to get the ball FUCKING rolling

I'm going to Have Faith that he will log on more. I'm going to Hope and Pray. Calacaland will prevail

[bossbutch]

umineko chapter 4 (2/2)

the fantasy action sequences have gotten significantly more tolerable because they've gotten significantly funnier. also i've gotten ahead of bryn's more detailed readalong!

the scene where Krauss is fighting a goat man and virgilia is comparing their Numerical Power Levels but there's all these arbitrary multipliers ( and goat's power level goes way down when he talks about his family and being a week away from retirement etc etc) is mwah chef's kiss

the Reveal of kasumi reading the definition of uu-uu in the grimoire is my favorite moment so far. god damn. eva-beatrice being all star wars emperor "let the hate flow through you" was also pretty funny.

so battler isn't asumu's son! and he learns this through his own red truth? which i think removes "perspective" from the red truth, right? because from his point of view he's her son, just like from beato's point of view shannon is nonhuman. whether he's kyrie's kid or there's a *third* wife i'm not sure. it'd be fucked up if it's a/nother beato.

so we end with a big blue vs red sequence where battler says what he thinks has happened, which lambda says is mostly wrong but is a good "check your theories" speed bump.

game 1: • stake deaths being shot and then staked after death seems guaranteed • yeah, no magic for The First Set of Murders • Eva and hideyoshi: killed by kanon, door locked through Device X. when 'he' "discovered" the bodies he had ample time to draw the circle • kanon faked 'his' death, so beato can't say in red it was homicide. then he killed the last 3 and natsuhi. beato says "i guarantee the identity of all unidentified corpses" but if he Wasn't a corpse that wouldn't apply. game 2: • "from the time maria received the key to when rosa unsealed it the next day it passed through no one's hands" = rosa took the key before we saw her taking it? though idk if she actually Killed the first six she was definitely involved • if kanon is A Beatrice then 'him' fighting her goons over jessica can metaphorically be kanon having trouble deciding whether to kill her or not. occam's razor says if there's no body and A Violent Kanon shows up later then fake kanon was real kanon game 3: • the only mystery i think Matters is who killed nanjo. he recognized the killer and begged for his life, maybe he knew what their plan was? but i don't know who did it. beato seems to imply that the killer took the identity of a dead person (other than kinzo, kanon, jessica, battler, or eva). • i guess "how did george leave the guest house" is worth solving but i haven't thought about it much game 4: • "all those present at the family conference acknowledge the presence of kinzo" yeah it's his house. his body is there. he's still metaphorically present and genji and shannon? and associates are carrying out his wishes if shannon and kanon aren't "real humans" it provides space for two Persons X but is also means the cousins can fall in love and make and break promises to objects/ideals/whatever. battler's direct narrative describes kanon as "a slender boy" who can manipulate a wheelbarrow so if kanon isn't present as a person (and not part of an existing member of the 18 or nothing) i'm calling bullshit battler's sin that beato wants an apology for was breaking his promise to come back for shannon. is episode 2 Suit Beato derived from shannon? every beato is derived from trauma, so her breaking the mirror is a metaphor for Some Other Traumatic Event magic metaphors: "beato prime", who was captured and abused by kanon and is almost certainly dead, had a child with him, beato 2. one of the two of them imagine magic genji (ronovo), magic kumasawa (virilia if she isn't beato 1) and gaap, for the same reason maria made sakutaro, To Cope. and the seven sisters and the bunnies are personified weapons. but what are lambda and bernie representing? they might just represent their goals ("battler denies beato/ finding the emotional truth" and "battler tries but is never successful because he lacks love" ) and either way beato doesn't get closure. i think beato will "win" but her real goal is not to kill everybody and take them to heaven but rather to get some catharsis from battler for what his family has done to her/ all the beatos. alternatively the other witches exist for no reason other than adding yuri

[herogers]

You're on what?

Team Present fill for @stevetonygames Bingo square: Dating app | 685w

Again this was meant to be a drabble but I keep getting carriedAWAY anyway enjoy this funny lil fic

“Where’s your phone?” Tony asks, flopping down on the couch next to Steve.

Steve shrugs, sipping his drink “I don’t know, think I left it in the kitchen somewhere, why?”

Tony rolls his eyes “I still need those photos you haven’t sent me, can I just go get it?”

“Sure, you know the password.” 

Tony makes his way to the kitchen and finds Steve’s phone next to the coffee machine.

He puts in the passcode and searches Steve’s phone for the photos app, and as he swipes an unfamiliar icon catches his eye. His brow raises as it doesn’t look like your typical game app, not that cap ever bothers to download anything that wont aid him in work or art. Curiosity gets the best of him and he opens the app, his heart drops and confusion rises. “What the actual fuck?” he mutters, barely feeling his lips move in the shock that overtakes him. 

He sees a profile, a dating profile Steve’s dating profile. His eyes roar with fire as he scrolls through it.

He marches to the lounge and is met with a smile from Steve, 

“Wipe that smile off your face, Rogers. What the hell is this?” His voice frantic, frustration rushing so fast through him he barely notices Sam snickering on the other side of the couch. 

“Oh, did you know about this? You didn’t think to tell me?”

“Wow wow wow, hey, Tony what’s going on?” Steve says getting up from the couch.

He shoves the phone at Steve’s chest “Why don’t you tell me?”

Steve frowns, taking the phone. “You're the one who told me to get into social media,”

Tony looks at him bewildered “To look at art, communicate to share, not to fuck around!" He says, hands flying through the air as he rants. "It took you so long to even kiss me now- ha, now you're advertising yourself to any asshole within a ten mile radius? And you think that was my idea?"

"What? Tony I-"

"Okay, alright my fun's over now." They get interrupted by Sam who still has tears of laughter lingering in his eyes. 

"I set up the profile for him." He confesses with a grin.

Tony raises his eyebrow, still not amused. "What are you two the dudebros of the Avengers now?"

"Tony it's nothing like that at all, come on," Sam assures

"I'll admit I took this too far, but I did it to mess with cap, I thought eventually he'd pick up on what the app's about.. what I didn't count on though was you finding out, which just made it funnier, I'm sorry it just did." He starts laughing again.

Tony blushes his anger diffusing as it is quickly replaced by embarrassment.

 "Cap m'sorry man, it was a dating app I set you up on, I thought it'd be a harmless prank on you but getting you in trouble," he looks at Tony with a smirk "Wasn't part of the plan." 

Steve turns to glare at Sam "I'm getting you back for this."

"Understood." Sam pats Steve's shoulder. "I'll leave you both to it." He says before running off, hardly fighting that grin. Definitely going to tell Bucky all about his oh so hilarious prank.

Steve turns back to Tony and quirks his eyebrow up. "So, am I out of the dog house now?" 

At this point Tony's pink cheeks have turned red. "I uh.." He chuckles lightly, looking down. "Guess I jumped the gun a little there."

Steve smiles and steps towards him, wrapping his arms around his waist. "For the record, even though we haven't officially talked about it. I still consider myself yours Tony." 

That took the breath out of him.

"I have for a while." He murmurs. 

Tony bites his lip and looks up at him. “Really?” He asks quietly. 

Steve pulls his body closer and presses a tender kiss to his lips. “I’m all yours Tony, if you’ll have me.”

Tony grins and wraps his arms around his neck “Duh.” he whispers against his lips, kissing him again. “Now delete that fucking app.”

[deusvervewrites]

I put far too much effort but I went through every AU and made a list of every single AU I think Izuku would know how to tie a tie in, with a few that he doesn't because I thought I could write something funny about it. (Honestly if you don't "answer" this ask just so you don't have to tag 42 AUs I completely understand.)

AOYMBA: All Might + 19 new siblings Bakugou Izuku: Mitsuki refused to let him not know Batfam: Alfred taught him Blue Sky: Hana taught him CTG: He learned to earn more XP Chaos for All: Nedzu taught him Childhood Friends: Mitsuki or Bakugou. Cleaner: Kaina had to learn it from the HPSC and decided to teach him for some bonding. Clone for One: Legitimate Businessman Midoriya Hisashi doesn't even bother with ties, and is in fact encouraging Izuku to not wear one at all. Early Meeting: All Might again. Equivalent Exchange: He actually doesn't know how to tie a tie, but he can rearrange the tie with his quirk so it's perfectly tied. Exciting New Problems: Learns it to spite his dad, who has also no idea how to tie a tie despite being 200 years old. Gentle Whisper: Gentle taught him. Grandfather for One: Hisashi taught him. HPSC President: He probably would here just to appear more professional, but it'd be so funny if he didn't. Hustle and Bust: The more professional you look, the easier it is to hustle. Inhumans: I think it'd be funnier if Cathleen doesn't know how to tie a tie so neither does Izuku. Inko/Cathleen/Kaina: Kaina again. KEM: Mitsuki or Bakugou again. Little Mouse: Nedzu again. Longshot: Kaina again. Mahoudoriya: Mascot teaches him, cause the Mascot understands the importance of presentation. Midoriya Shoto: Natsuo teaches him. Midoriya Yo: Yo teaches him. MPMS: Ashido and/or Kirishima teaches him. Neighborhood Vampire: You know what? Toga taught him in middle school to help him be Normal. Protégé Swap: Nighteye teaches him. Psychic Stockpile: He reads the nearest mind to help tie it most of the time. Quasar: Toshinori teaches him. Relocated: The Yukiyamas teach him. SLC: All Might again. Secret Rat Society: Nedzu again. Singularity: Nana teaches him. Star Spangled: If Cathleen knows she teaches him. Tamama no Mom: Tamamo no Mae teaches him. Thorns: He can use a tie to kill a maximum of 3 people at once with 12 ways, but he can not properly tie it. Toontown: He can use his quirk to get a wacky tie as part of a gag, but he himself cannot tie one. Vampire Lord: Thank god he has minions to teach him, Toga again. Wonder Duo: Mitsuki or Bakugou again. Yakuza Inko: Important to look the part. Yakuza Princess Eri: Eri either teaches him, or he learns under Eri's orders. Yami: Yami teaches him.

To be fair I generally stopped tagging my 'list of X aus' asks

I am going to say that Yami has never seen a tie before on account of being an ancient spirit

[random-kido]

About to go to bed bed but I got more stupid thought in brain

Specifically thinking of that one panel where krok says something along the lines of not trusting starscream to tell him his own name and I get that that's just him saying that everyone knows that starscream is in no way worth trusting even without having tomeet him, however I think it'd be even funnier if they had met and did know eachother, but prewar

I want them to have been college roommates that just fucking hated eachother. How did a science major and a history major end up rooming? I don't know but they each think the other is insufferable.

And sure part of the reason krok doesn't trust starscream has something to do with rhe whole constantly trying to usurp their leader throughout the war thing but I think it'd be funnier if it was mostly due to rhe fact that starscream kept stealing his shit when they were roomies. Kroks still holding a grudge

Starscream thinks krok, when he remembers him anyway, is annoying at worst because he always had something to complain about, had something up at too high a volume, or left things were they weren't supposed to be for longer than was reasonable. Not to mention kroks pet. He wonders how it's doing.

Theyd get along long enough to read through eachothers papers for typos but not long enough to not go a full day without wanting to strangle eachother. They wouldn't switch out though. They'd grown too acclimated to eachothers bullshit and tge petty arguements over the course of their classes to go live with anyone else at that point. Plus there was an unspoken challenge to see who'd give first

I don't think there'd ever be any true camaraderie built between them throughout the years even when things got tougher but I do like to think that sometimes late into tge nights they mightve sat together maybe to speak, to be in silence to study, to read. To simply exist around another.

It's never comfortable, but it's comfort.

But once they're out of that room it's gone.

Any previous feelings of security from nights long forgotten have vanished and all that's remembered are the bitter days and petty nonsense arguements that hold no true consequence in the present, other than in the form of excuses.

Forgotten are amendments, if any they tried to make, that may have changed they way they were perceived in eachothers memory

I think it's funny that one holds his old hatred strong with new oil to throw into the flames while the other can't be bothered to remember him

[lokis-army-77]

Okay so I saw this concept done before with Gil as reader's dad but I think it'd be WAY funnier with Phastos: reader is Phastos' best friend/family member (through Ben or something) and he finds out they are dating Druig (but neither of them know they know each other until the classic reveal *Kill Bill sirens go off* 😂). It'd be like the "I'm sorry what are we watching" vibes except WAY more incredulous. Love your Druig fics, thanks for feeding us so well 😘🖤

Do You Know Each Other?

Druig x Reader

Word Count: 2625

The reader is friends with Phastos, whom they know as Phil. What happens when they bring their boyfriend Druig to meet their best friend and his family?

This was written with a female in mind for possible future fics, but there is no specific gender mentioned. There is also no Y/N or name for the reader mentioned.

Warnings: Angst and fluff, that's it.

A/N: Sorry this took so long to get to, I have been sick 3 times in the past like 30 days.

Masterlist

Being home on vacation isn’t what most people think to do when they go on vacation, but to me it was. My job consisted of traveling all over Latin America, excavating and studying many of the ancient civilizations throughout the region. Coming home has been a sort of luxury since I landed a job in the Amazon almost four years ago. Shortly after getting the call that I received the job, I ended up selling my home and almost anything that wouldn’t serve a purpose in my extended stay in South America. That is why I am currently standing outside of my best friend’s house with a stuffed suitcase and a bag full of presents.

I stepped up to the dark wooden door and knocked. Within seconds I heard the sound of running feet, which put a smile on my face. The door swung open and standing there in the doorway was Jack.

“Oh my, I thought a little boy lived here, but all I see is a handsome young man. Tell me, what happened to my Jack?”

“It’s still me, I’m just older.” He said as he shot forward and engulfed my waist in a tight hug.

“Wow, you could have fooled me. You look so grown up now since the last time I saw you.” I returned the hug as soon as I placed my things on the ground. “Now, I know your father wouldn’t have let you open the door if he didn’t know it was me. Where is he?” I asked, kneeling down to be eye level with Jack.

“Um, I think he’s in the kitchen.”

“Okay then, why don’t you take me to him?” Jack nodded and helped me bring my things into the home. Once my bags were set in the living room, Jack took my hand and tugged me along into the kitchen where my best friend was standing, facing away from us chopping up some carrots. “Honey, I’m home,” I laughed out, opening my arms wide and shaking my hands to exaggerate my entrance.

“It’s about time, Jack wouldn’t stop asking when you would be here. Was driving me up the wall.” He stopped what he was doing and turned to face me and Jack with a wide smile.

“Oh Phil, he was only excited to see his favorite Godmother, I can’t blame him.” I smiled and moved around the counter to give Phil a tight hug. He placed the knife on the countertop and embraced me as well.

“It’s been too long since you’ve visited. I was beginning to worry that you had forgotten us.” He squeezed me tightly once more before letting go.

“It’s only been a year and we’ve video called a few times when I had the signal to do so,” I said as I backed away. Phil went back to preparing the food for dinner and Jack was nowhere to be seen.

“Well, that’s saying something when you used to be attached to me at the hip before you moved off. I used to think I would never have any time to myself, now it feels like centuries pass before you come to visit again.”

“You do know that you can come and visit me too, right? I’m sure my boyfriend could find a place since he is basically the leader of the village. The village I live in has plenty of room for the whole family to come. I also know Jack would love to help me go digging.” I informed him as I leaned back onto the counter.

“Speaking of this mysterious boyfriend, when will he be here? I thought he was going to arrive with you, or is he even real? You’ve never mentioned a name or anything at all about him other than the fact that he runs this village.”

“Oh, he had some important things to do in the city outside of the village. His flight was a few hours after mine, so he will probably be here for dinner. And He does exist, he’s just nervous meeting everyone. He knows that you three are the closest thing to family for me since mom died. As for his name, I’ll tell you when he gets here.” I laughed as I pushed myself away from the counter.

“So the mystery persists.” I heard him chuckle as I walked to the living room to pick up my bags.

I shook my head as I thought, he has no idea the reason why I have kept most things about him a secret from them. The main, and honestly only, reason being, Druig was an immortal being who had mind-control powers. I never felt it was my place to talk about him to Phil, on the off chance he wouldn’t approve of my being with a 7000 plus year old Eternal. With the Avengers and all, I know how people can react to others with special abilities and whatnot.

Walking upstairs with a full bag of presents and a suitcase wasn’t the hardest thing in the world to do, but add a ringing phone and an eight-year-old running up and down the same stairs, well let's just say, it’s not a fun time.

By the time I reached the second floor my phone had stopped ringing. So I took my things to the guest bedroom and fished the phone from my back pocket. Turning it on I noticed it was Druig who had called. Tapping on the screen I pressed on his contact name and the phone began to ring.

“Hey,” I greeted when he picked up. “Sorry I missed your call a minute ago, my hands were full and I was climbing up the stairs.”

“It’s okay sweetheart, I just wanted to call and tell you that the plane just landed. I should be there in an hour and a half or maybe two, traffic seems to be a nightmare.” He informed me.

“Okay, that's great, dinner will be done around then, so you’ll be right on time. You still have the address right?”

“I do, don’t worry. I love you, I’ll see you in a bit.” I smiled at what he said.

“I love you too. Be safe.” With that, he hung up and I was left to my own devices.

Quietly I set my suitcase down in the corner of the room and then started to sift through the presents I had brought. Jack, being a child, was receiving most of the gifts, but there were a few for both Phil and Ben. I stopped separating presents when I heard a soft knock on the door and in came Jack.

“Ooo, are these for me?” He asked excitedly.

“Yes, some of them are but you can only have them after dinner okay?”

“Okay,” he huffed disappointedly. “Will you come downstairs and play with me? I wanna show you the new toys I got for Christmas.”

“Sure thing kiddo, lead the way.” I smiled as he took my hand for the second time this afternoon and led me to his bedroom.

After an hour and a half of playing, we were finally called to dinner. We were met by Ben coming through the garage door, home from work.

“Ben, it’s so good to see you, I’d been wondering where you were.” I greeted him with a hug.

“It’s good to see you too.” He laughed. “I was just getting in a little overtime at the office.” I watched as he set his things down on a bench next to the door and then went in search of a hug from his son.

Phil handed me five plates and I began to set the table while he made the final touches to the chicken alfredo. I sat in my seat, leaving an open one for Druig to my right, and waited for the others. After a few minutes, Phil, Ben, and Jack all gathered at the table, taking their seats. One by one we all began to fill our plates with food from the pot in the center of the table.

“So,” started Ben, “How has life been in the Amazon, anything interesting happening with your dig sites?”

“Uh, it’s going pretty good. We have a site where we have found what we think to be some of the oldest burials in South America, but I don’t think that is a topic for the dinner table. I-” I was cut off by the doorbell ringing. My eyes lit up as I quickly pushed my seat back and stood to my feet. “That must be him, I’ll get it.” I made my way through the kitchen, down the hall, and to the front door as fast as I could.

As I opened the door, I saw Druig standing there and when he noticed it was I who opened the door, his lips grew into a big smile. He dropped his things on the porch and I went into his arms.

“It’s only been maybe ten hours since I saw you but god did I miss you,” he said as he gave me a passionate kiss on the lips. I kissed him back with a smile on my face.

When I pulled back I just looked at him. “I’m glad you made it here in one piece. Here, we can take your stuff into the living room, we can take them upstairs after dinner.” I reached down and grabbed his suitcase with one hand and his hand in the other.

“I’m kind of nervous to meet your friends.” He said looking down at our intertwined hands.

“Don’t be, I love you so I know they will too.” I tried to comfort him. “Come on, let's introduce you before dinner gets cold.” I pulled on his hand and led him into the kitchen. Phil was sitting with his back to us so Ben and Jack were the first to see us as we walked through the threshold. “Guys, I’d like you to meet my boyfriend, Druig.” I said with a big smile on my face.

Ben smiled and waved, as did Jack when I introduced them by name. Phil had yet to turn around even when I tapped on his shoulder to indicate who he was.

“Hey everyone, it’s nice to finally put faces to names. I’ve been told a lot about you all.” Druig said and I led him over to our seats opposite Jack and Ben.

That's when I heard Phil’s fork clattered onto his plate. I snapped my head in his direction, his face was contorted into a mixture of surprise, disbelief, maybe a tiny bit of anger. His eyes bore into Druig, who was on the other side of me and when I turned to look at Druig, he was also staring in disbelief at Phil.

“You- You two know each other.” He sputtered out after a length of awkward silence.

“Uh, yeah?” I let out a confused sound. “Phil, were you not listening when I introduced him as my boyfriend?”

“Oh I was listening, I just wasn’t expecting it to be him.” He pointed an accusatory finger past me at Druig. I just sat there confused, looking back and forth between the two men.

“You say that like you know him.” I paused. “Do you know each other?” I looked to Druig for answers.

“Eh, yes.” Was all he said.

“How?” I almost shouted in surprise.

Druig fiddled with the tablecloth for a second before starting, his accent seemingly thicker as he talked. “Well you know how I’m,” he paused and looked at Ben and Jack before looking at Phil, who nodded, which confused me even more. “You know how I’m an Eternal right? Well Phil, or as I know him, Phastos, is one too. We were sent to Earth together, I’ve told you about him, remember?”

“Jack cover your ears,” I ordered, and once he did I let out the longest string of expletives ever, after that Ben took Jack out of the room. I took a breath to calm down a bit. “First off,” I turned to Phil, or Phastos, “you lied to me. We’ve been friends going on almost ten years? And you never once thought to tell me that you're Eternal? I feel like that’s something your best friend should be informed about.”

“I’m sorry, I only tell people on a need to know and when we first met, I didn’t think you needed to know and then our friendship grew and I just never thought about it,” Phastos explained.

“So you just forgot to mention that you have magical abilities and you have lived, basically forever? Don’t you think that’s an important thing to mention?” I questioned. Druig, not having to be a mind reader, sensed how upset I was and stood to his feet, bringing me up with him.

“Come on Sweetheart, I think you need to calm down,” he said as he directed me out of the kitchen then let me lead us to our shared room upstairs, leaving Phastos alone at the table.

When we made it into the room, Druig sat on the bed and brought me down beside him. One of his arms was wrapped around my back and was rubbing circles there as his other hand repeatedly smoothed down my hair.

“Just breath,” he whispered as I took time to process what had just happened.

“Why wouldn’t he tell me any of that? We’ve been friends forever and he never told me this integral piece of information.” I huffed out. “You even told me, like, two weeks into us knowing one another? I want to know why it took ‘this’,” I waved my hands in a wide gesture, “for me to be told, and not even from him.” I buried my head deep into Druig’s shoulder.

“Well I can’t answer for Phastos, but I can say that he probably had his reasons. He has made a stable life for himself in the world and society. Many people don’t take well to learning that people near them are different. I told you early on because I don’t have to hide who I am from society. We live in the Amazon, I run what is essentially a commune. There was no reason for me not to tell you, you would have found out eventually since I use my powers very obviously.”

I nodded as I listened, understanding what he was trying to explain. “I get it, but it hurts that he never told me.”

“I know it does, baby.” He leaned down and gave me a small nudge with his forehead. I looked up at him and he instantly gave me a kiss. I smiled into it and kept smiling as we removed our lips from one another. “Now are you feeling calmer? Ready to go back downstairs and talk?”

“I guess so,” I sighed out as I stood to my feet, Druig’s hand in mine. “Thank you, this isn’t exactly how I imagined this going.”

“It’s nothing, just one of the perks that come with being in a relationship with yours truly.” He laughed as I elbowed him in the side. “Okay, fine. You’re welcome. At least now you know that Phastos and I will somewhat get along, no need to worry about absolutely heating each other like I know you were thinking when you mentioned meeting your friends.”

“Yeah, you’re right, but from the stories you have told me when you all lived together, I’m not too sure I believe that,” I said skeptically as I opened the bedroom door.

“What’s that supposed to mean?

“Nothing.” I blurted out as I quickly bolted from the room and down the stairs, laughing as I went.