#i just wanted y'all to know my struggle

[lordisitmine]

me: I wrote a lot this week! I'm gonna take this evening off and watch a movie. I know, I'll watch Nimona! I still haven't seen it!

me, two hours later: *crying*

the writing goblin that lives in my head: mother... mother we have Ideas for Fics....

me, still sobbing: no... my wips..... i have to finish my-

the goblin: NO WIPS. ONLY BALLISTER AND AMBROSIUS

[ticklepinions]

I promise you that you will not get arrested for changing your mind y'all. You can GROW and and rethink some of your past actions! Its normal, it happens. Easier said than done but you really don't need to publicly shame yourself for thinking a certain way. I get how internet culture has us overexplaining literally anything we do but you owe no one but yourself justification. It's okay to breathe and say yeah that probably wasn't a great way to think, change and move on 😭

Its so easy to go down the rabbit hole and turn a growing moment to a "I'm a horrible no good human being that deserves the worst things imaginable". Not saying that you're exempt from taking responsibility for your actions if they harmed other people but there are other ways of going about it that don't involve beating yourself up.

There's a post going around and I'm not gonna speak on it, but some people who really aren't the target audience are taking the brunt of it all and rethinking themselves as a human and I'm there like oh! That post really wasn't calling you out but okay! That's okay. We realized we need to change some things but it doesn't mean you're a terrible human. And these are literal sweethearts who keep to themselves panicking cause they thought they did something wrong. TRUST me the people that particular post is calling out is not about you. The fact that you're self reflecting is a huge sign you're not like that i promise you. Be kinder to yourselves y'all

[kris-mage-fics]

Thanks for the tag @phenanthreneblue!

1. How many works do you have on AO3? Eight 2. What's your total AO3 word count? 7,656. So far I've only published short little one-shots. 3. What fandoms do you write for? Shepherds of Haven, Scarlet Hollow, and Ebon Light. 4. Top five fics by kudos 1. Had it Been Anyone Else (Ebon Light, it's Haron angst hours lol, spoilers for the end of the game on Ernol's route) 2. A New Room (Ebon Light, Haron fluff, spoilers for the end of the game) 3. Fog (Scarlet Hollow, Tabitha angst, no real spoilers) 4. An Unlikely Engagement (Shepherds of Haven, Kyrahlise/Blade, very, very minor spoiler for Chapter 8) 5. The Best Proof of Love is Trust (Shepherds of Haven, spoilers for Chapter 3 which is in the public demo) It doesn't escape me that they are almost in publication order 5. Do you respond to comments? Always! Though sometimes it takes me a while to do so. I rarely get them so it isn't that hard to respond to them. 6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? Absolutely Had it Been Anyone Else! It's literally pure angst. Though when I write for Tabitha it always ends up angsty too, so Fog and The Secret of the Greenhouse aren't exactly sunshine and roses. 7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? Some may disagree, but I think The Best Proof of Love is Trust has a very happy ending! 8. Do you get hate on fics? Not so far.

9. Do you write smut? No? Yes? I've written some, but haven't published any. Smut is hard for me to write because I visualize everything, and there's a lot to visualize in a smut scene compared to a scene without much action. So it's exhausting to write. Also I suspect it's harder to keep sustained enough interest to write a full scene because I'm on the asexual spectrum. It's not something I'm opposed to, it's just harder than other writing for me. That said, there is a sex scene I really want to write, but it probably won't be very sexy, lol! 10. Craziest crossover? Haven't written any. 11. Have you ever had a fic stolen? Not as far as I know. 12. Have you ever had a fic translated? Nope. 13. Have you ever co-written a fic before? No, but it would be foolish to say it'll never happen. ;) 14. All time favourite ship? I could make a tier list, but I don't have a favorite anymore than I have a favorite food or tea or board game, lol! 15. What's a wip you want to finish but doubt you ever will? I started a fic that's a newspaper article on Kyrahlise. It's written as a hit piece on the Hero of Haven, trying to imply she's actually a bad person. The reporter interviewed people in Ashtown who know her, but reading between the lines you figure out they didn't dig up anything and are just overly skeptical of a Diminished woman who quickly gained some fame and power. I planned to end it with a little segment from the perspective of someone Kyrah used to know, where they figure out she's now the Hero everyone won't shut up about. I still like the idea, I just doubt I'll ever finish it.

Also I started one where it's written like the reports from one of the people sent to spy on Blade. Thing is the spy knows Blade, so they see him falling for Kyrahlise and are like, "wtf?!? is she enchanting him? is he actually in love? omg he's so bad at this! wow, it looks like she actually likes him too!" Also they think Kyrah is super sus because a lot of the things she does don't make sense and aren't explained. (Full disclosure: this idea was heavily inspired by a conversation other people had on the ShoH patreon.) 16. What are your writing strengths? Dialogue and banter, always knowing where my characters are in a scene and what they are doing (the upside of the visualization thing), sweet/cute moments, and angst when I'm in the right mood. 17. What are your writing weaknesses? Finishing, lol! Editing, it's hard for me to let go of trying to be 'perfect'. I'll get really stuck on a sentence or paragraph and obsessively revise it even though it's fine, just because I think it can be better. I know it's not healthy or sustainable, and I'm working on it. (I can point to a particular sentence in a fic that I literally spent hours on!) Action! It's the same visualization problem I have with writing smut, it's a lot to keep in my head and it quickly wears me out. Getting the right voice for a lot of characters. My writing tends to be introspective and verbose, which doesn't work for everyone. So it's a struggle to find a balance between the character's voice and my natural writing style. 18. Thoughts on dialogue in another language? I think it's great, for other people to write! I'm pretty terrible at languages, and don't trust myself to get it right without consulting someone who knows that language. Given a lot of what I write for is fantasy with made up languages, that's not going to happen. 19. First fandom you wrote in? Ebon Light, in fact it's the reason I even tried writing in the first place! 20. Favorite fic you've written? I think it's a three way tie between: The Secret of the Greenhouse -- I think I did a good job getting some creepy vibes in such a short piece. It doesn't align with canon at all, but in my opinion it's my best Scarlet Hollow fic. The Best Proof of Love is Trust -- I feel like I succeeded at my goal of showing just how much thought Kyrahlise put into a big choice in Chapter 3, as well as some of her character and past. Had it Been Anyone Else -- I had the sudden need to break Haron's heart. I seem to have accomplished the mission since 100% of the comments mention it being either sad or heartbreaking.

Ngl, I don't know who to tag on this one. Because besides Phen, and one other person, I think most people I know only have one work on ao3, or none. So open tagging it is! If you see this and want to join in, consider yourself tagged, whether you are a mutual or not!

[typewriting-robin]

I want to post more WIPs about my OCs (see about page) but I'm perpetually nervous and would rather post them here to a03 and I'm curious about reader interest.

Here's what I've got:

Ellis/older Robin: rated E (warnings include age gaps, PTSD, past abusive relationships)

Alfons/yandere Robin: dove is dying oh no (warnings include dubcon, blood, knife play, physical assault)

Jude/sweet Robin: rated T (warnings include Jude basically being his asshole self)

[sylvies-kablooie]

does anyone from the sylki side of tumblr plan of watching agatha all along and reblogging spoilers?

just need to know what terms to mute if so 🙏

[crescentfool]

ezekiel moon for @darknicjen!

[bunnihearted]

.

[bikananjarrus]

to the people who regularly put together those amazing web weaving posts, you have my undying love and affection <333 truly in awe of the parallels y'all weave together

[birlwrites]

WELCOME BACK BIRL!!!!! i've missed seeing you on my dash!! i really love when you answer asks, i feel like it helps make your bcu feel so much more full and i love reading what you have to say <3<3

THANK YOU!!!! yeah i really needed the break afjslghsdkjf, i was stressing myself out so much with trying to grind out fic and stay on top of my inbox and i was also just like, exhausted from work, and tbh i was getting worried that if i kept trying to force myself to Create Content™ i'd burn out and not want to work on any of my stories anymore

so!! took a break from asks, took a break from ttdl (which was actually more just to finish lachrimae, but i do think that having an Unplanned Hiatus was good for me bc it reminded me that this is not my job and i can hit the pause button whenever i want ajfslhkhgkjsdf), got some breathing room, and then today i felt ready to be back so! here i am!

[cosmic-ships]

Boy, did I ever not sleep well....

[sailor-aviator]

.

[deliriuxe]

I feel like I make people excited for things I'm just not able to live up to. I make too many promises and plans for things that I think in my head should be no problem following through on, only to then not be able to even come close to reaching that seemingly simple goal and disappointing everyone I hyped up, along with myself.

This is more relevant to my activity on my main blog than here (honestly this blog feels more like an escape from the responsibilities I've made on my other blogs), but for personal reasons I don't feel comfortable enough to talk about it there. Maybe one day, but not now.

For the many of you who likely don't know... I was a part of a collaborative AU/AM known as AccidentVerse: the one with the fusions of outcodes like Vantablack (nightmare!ink) and Silence (dream!error). It was a relatively popular au at the time and I was the official artist for it.

I broke off from the team for reasons that I currently don't have it in me to go into any meaningful detail about (I'm still working through therapy to fully understand what happened to me when I was a part of that group; I'm sure it'll come with time), but one thing I'm now coming to terms with after 3 whole years... is that I constantly felt the need to justify my existence online through my work. I believe I had that issue even before I joined AV, but working for that team certainly made it much, much worse.

I was very young at the time, and I didn't have a whole lot going for me in the vast new social circle I was introduced to (like with any socially awkward 13 year old kid), so my only source of value was through the art that I made for AccidentVerse. And everyone loved it. Everyone I met was amazed at the skill I had for being at such a young age. I was valued, essentially put on a pedestal...

...as long as I was working.

Long story short, it burnt me out. This mindset still carries through to today, where I feel as though I have to maintain my prominence in the UTMV community by continuously working and pumping out new content, because... who would I be if I didn't? It was what I was good at, it was the reason I was so valued by the AV admins in the first place... because without that, I would've been nothing to them.

...

...Working on AV today, after adopting it as the sole owner... it's a struggle. I toil desperately for an ounce of motivation for a project that I just cannot seem to find. Don't get me wrong, I love AV. I love the characters dearly... but I'm starting to question if focusing on AccidentVerse is even healthy for me, with all the trauma I've gained from the people I worked under.

I just... I don't know. All I have is a half finished fic for AV that I practically have had to force myself to work on for the better part of 6 months, even if I genuinely hold some passion for the ideas in it.

I'll remind myself to not make as many promises going forward.

[tunemyart]

When Liz Donnelly told Alex Cabot, “You want to be a crusader for victim’s rights, go work for social services. Your job is to prosecute crime.”

In season three.

[saltyfilmmajor]

he's hot for teacher

[skelettflickan]

a very sincere and heartfelt rant

my life has improved so much since i got a dog..... it’s done more for my mental health than any amount of therapy ever has. she’s a tricky little dog with many issues (we’re working on them, some have improved a lot!), but we help each other as best we can. i used to have crippling social phobia, but because i wanted HER to be well socialized and have friends, i made sure to meet lots of dogs and their owners, and we both got new friends, and eventually, interacting with people didn’t fill me with anxiety anymore. it’s nice to be able to enjoy spending time with friends without the constant fear that they secretly hate me. i don’t think i’m depressed at all anymore? the only thing standing in my way now is the lack of energy, i still get tired way too easily. but i guess that’s normal if you’ve been depressed like half your life? i hope my energy levels will increase with time, although i don’t think i’ll ever be able to work full time if i’m being honest (on account of the autism, not being able to filter sensory input tends to make you tired). don’t think i’ve mentioned being autistic on here before, but i only got diagnosed a few years ago. explains a lot about my childhood tho lol. i’m thinking about switching fields to something other than illustration, freelancing is way too stressful. so i’m trying an internship at a school (teaching is something i’ve actually thought about doing), and it’s going pretty well. if i feel like it’s a sustainable career path energy-wise i might go down that road.

anyway, i’m actually enjoying life nowadays, something that used to feel impossible, and i’m so so grateful for my little puppy that made it all possible

[tvrningout]

just a small reminder that even though i'm writing and rambling on the dash, i have been pretty low spoons this week. i'm trying to bounce back, especially bc there are things i owe and people i need to touch base with, but if i move at a snail's pace, i need y'all to know it's not bc of you. my energy -- social and physical at this point -- is just wonky rn. if i'm following you, i wanna interact and i want our muses to be pals and i'm mentally smooching you and your writing always <3