#i just worry my huge employment gap is going to hurt me

[liesyousoldme]

i applied for 3 jobs today :)

[heyitmelexie]

Hot Drinks

Marcus Moreno x GN!Reader

Word count: 2020 Warnings: mention of masturbation Rating: 18+

A/N: Day 16 for @honeymandos​ December Writing Challenge!

The work itself doesn’t have a lot to do with hot drinks, I got a little carried away with the story but hot drinks are definitely a part of it!

Hope you enjoy!

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“I’ll go!” you hear Missy call after knocking on their front door.

Just a second later the door opens, revealing her in a festive sweater and pyjama pants. She beams up at you before wrapping her arms around your middle to hug you tightly.

You giggle and press a kiss to the crown of her head, then wrap your arms around her as well, returning the hug.

“I’m happy to see you too, little Miss Moreno” you say, making her giggle. She then lets go of you and you both go inside the house.

Marcus stands in the kitchen and the smell of hot chocolate reaches your nose. It smells amazing, rich chocolate combined with caramel and cinammon.

“Hmm, that smells wonderful, Marcus” you say as you make your way over to where he stands and wrap your arms around him from behind. He looks over his shoulder and smiles at you.

“Yeah? I hope it tastes as good as it smells, then.” You press a kiss to his shoulder and watch him for a bit.

Marcus and you had met just after his wife died. He needed a nanny to watch over Missy when he was at work and you fit all of his requirements.

Missy and him were a little hesitant at first, the loss still fresh, they were trying to process everything. But after a while they got used to your presence and Missy started to love you as if you’ve always been a part of her life. Marcus was grateful for everything you’ve helped him with.

Over time you started to see Marcus as more than your employer and it had worried you. You were scared to ruin the relationship you had with him and Missy, there was no way you could ever replace her and you certainly didn’t want them to feel like you tried to do that.

But Missy noticed the way you looked at her father, the lingering glances and longing stares. So one day she had decided to confront you.

“You like him, don’t you?” You looked at her in slight confusion.

“Of course I do, you know that. Just like I like you” you had said, making her roll her eyes but a soft smile appeared on her face.

“No. I mean that you love him. I notice how you stare at him all the time and watch him when he isn’t looking. I might be a kid but I’m not dumb.” She giggled and you had felt your face heat up, lowering your gaze.

“Well, maybe…”

“If there is anyone I would want my dad to be with, it’s you” she had said, making you look at her with wide eyes.

“Are you sure? But I don’t want you to think-“

“We all know that no one can replace my mom. And I know that’s not what you want. But I wouldn’t mind you as a parent. You basically already are.” She came around the dining table and hugged you tightly. Tears sprung to your eyes and you hugged her back, relieved that the relationship with her wouldn’t be ruined if you dated her father.

Her approval was all you needed but you still had to figure out if Marcus felt the same about you.

And oh boy, how you found out.

Just a few days later you came back late in the evening because you had forgotten something, it was around 9pm. Missy was already asleep and you heard the shower run. You had gone upstairs to Marcus’ office. He allowed you to use it for when you needed to do some Uni work and that evening you had forgotten your laptop on his desk.

You grabbed it and went back into the hallway. Upon passing the bathroom door you heard a strange sound and at first you thought he was hurt. But as you heard the sound again you noticed he wasn’t in pain. In fact, he sounded like he felt pleasure.

Marcus moaned and grunted, you heard the sloshing of the water and the slapping of his fist against his pelvic bone in a steady rhythm. He was pleasuring himself and there you stood, eavesdropping. Your whole body was in flames and you went to leave but another sound caused you to freeze in shock.

He moaned your name. Not just once, you heard how his hand quickened and his grunts got lower. Your name tumbled from his lips like a prayer and suddenly the slapping sound stopped. A dark groan left his lips as he came all over the shower wall and he moaned your name a last time, a satisfied sound.

You were trembling. The sounds he made had turned you on more than anything ever had before but it left you aching for him. This had just made you want him even more.

When you heard the shower turn off you quickly went downstairs and then left the house. You didn’t want to confront him like this, even though your mind had screamed at you to burst into this bathroom to give him what he so desperately seemed to want. But you needed to tell him how you felt in a more… modest situation.

The day after was his weekly day off. If he was needed on that day he would have to leave but other than that he used it to spend time with Missy. And since you knew how relaxed he was on these days you thought this was the best opportunity to tell him.

He was surprised to see you as he opened the door but didn’t mind having you over. Actually, he was happy to see you.

Missy was still sleeping, it was only 9am when you arrived and you knew it was now or never.

“Marcus, I need to talk to you” you had said before sitting down on the sofa next to him. He had looked at you in confusion.

“Did I do anything?” You shook your hand no at him and took his hand in yours.

“There is something I need you to know as it influences our daily interactions and distracts me in a way.” He furrowed his brow and you gave him a small smile.

You gave his hand a gentle squeeze and took a deep breath.

“I’ve fallen in love with you, Marcus and I don’t want to hide it any longer.”

His mouth fell open and he just stared at you, not a single sound coming from him. This had made you nervous, scared he would reject you and never want to see you again.

“I don’t want this to be awkward between us, but it feels good that this is finally off my chest. Missy is like a daughter to me and she knows how I feel about you. She’s fine with it. I just… wanted to tell you and see how you feel. Obviously, if you don’t feel the same then that’s totally fine, but I don’t want to ruin what we have, you two mean so much to me…”

He put a hand to your cheek and turned your head so you would look at him.

“You have no idea how long I’ve waited to finally tell you this but I was such a coward. I was afraid. Afraid you would reject me because I’m your employer and I’m so much older-“

“Marcus, the age gap doesn’t bother me at all. I’ve fallen in love with you, not your age” you had said, a gentle smile on your lips. That seemed to relax him a little and he nodded.

“I’ve fallen in love with you too. The way you take care of me and Missy, how much Missy loves you. You’re so caring and gentle and so… so good. With you I finally feel right again. I know she would want me to move on, to have someone who loves me and who is good with Missy. And you are this person. You made me feel again. You made me remember how it feels to love someone so deeply it makes my heart clench every time I look at them. Every time I look at you.”

You had felt your eyes water and butterflies erupt in your stomach with such force you thought you’d start vibrating.

He loved you too. He actually loved you too.

The smile you had smiled hurt your cheeks,  but you didn’t care because the man you loved felt the same about you.

You took his face into your hands and gently kissed him, surprising him but he quickly recovered and wrapped his arms around you. The kiss you two shared warmed your whole body like a bonfire on a cold night, it made your toes tingle and your mind fuzzy with love.

However, this moment didn’t last long as it was interrupted by a loud cough. As you broke apart and turned your heads into the direction of that sound you saw Missy standing at the bottom of the stairs. She looked at you with a huge grin on her face, basically beaming.

“About damn time, you lovesick fools!” she had said, making the both of you laugh before she ran and jumped onto you.

That was just a few months ago and nothing much has changed except for the fact that you’re almost living with them. You spend many nights at their house, in his bed, in his arms. You kiss and make love, it feels as if it had always been like that. It feels right.

“Missy can you please choose a movie? The hot chocolate is almost done” Marcus says, turning a little to look at his daughter. She nods and runs into the living room to decide what she wants to watch tonight.

Marcus then fully turns in your arms and leans down to gently kiss you. You hum against his lips and put your hands on his chest. When he breaks away he leans his forehead against yours and looks into your eyes, smiling.

“Hello beautiful” he rasps, making you shudder.

“Hi there handsome” you giggle and gently pat his chest.

“I hope your exam went well today?” he asks before turning around to finish the hot drinks.

“Yeah it was good, not as bad as I feared it would be. I’m so glad this semester is finally over for me though and I can relax for some weeks” you hum, gently running your hands up and down his back.

“I can imagine.” You smile and take your mug from him as well as the bowl of popcorn. The two of you walk into the living room where Missy already sits in her bean bag and waits for the two of you.

Marcus hands her the mug and then puts his on the table, you do the same and then you sit on the sofa, snuggling into his side. He puts his arm around you and then starts the movie.

Halfway through the movie he looks down at you, a gentle smile on his face as he sees the remains of the whipped cream on the corner of your mouth. He wipes it away with his thumb, making you look at him. You flash him a soft smile and press a kiss to his lips.

“Move in with us, love” he suddenly says and you blink at him, unsure if you just heard him right.

“Move… in with you? Like, for real?” He nods and gently caresses your cheek.

For a moment you don’t know how to respond to that. The question was so out of nowhere.

“I… I mean I basically already live here so… of course. I would love that, Marcus” you finally respond and he flashes you the biggest and softest smile you have ever seen.

He gently kisses your lips, then your nose and lastly your forehead. You close your eyes and hum quietly.

“I love you so much, Marcus” you whisper against his lips.

You feel him smile against yours and open your eyes to look at him again.

“I love you too, mi amor.”

--------------------------

@absurdthirst​ @tangledlove27​ @kandomeresbitch @mrschiltoncat​

[uncloseted]

Is quitting a job after only working for 9 months a big red flag for future employers? I don't think I'm very good at the job I'm doing and I'm not getting the hours I want. I think I would do better at a different job and could use my degree towards something different. But I'm worried if I don't wait over a year it's going to be hard to get a new job

Quitting a job after 9 months isn't great, but if you're going to do it, now is the time. A lot of people are changing jobs as a result of the pandemic, a lot of workplaces are under-staffed, and a lot of people have gaps in their resumes as a result of the pandemic, so I think there's more understanding on the part of recruiters/hiring personnel than there used to be. The market is "candidate driven" right now, which means that job seekers hold more power than employers. As of July, 95% of workers were considering changing jobs and 92% were willing to switch industries. Many employers are becoming accepting of short periods of employment- as many as 32% of employers now expect job-hopping, and 70% of Millennials quit their job within two years.

First and foremost, my advice is to search for a new job while you already have a job. It looks better to be "exploring your options" for a new position instead of being unemployed after only 9 months. If you're "exploring your options", you can say that you feel under-utilized in your current position or are looking for opportunities for growth. That makes you seem thoughtful and intentional instead of like you're unreliable or flighty. Make sure you have an explanation planned in the event that you're asked why you're leaving your current position. This can be as simple as, "It's a tough decision to leave my current company, but there's no room for me to grow my skills. I want to move to a company where I can take my skills to the next level" or even "I'm just so interested in this role that it seemed worth leaving my current position for it."

Leaving a job before a year is up is also something that becomes less acceptable the more you do it. The first time, it's not a huge deal, especially if you're a recent graduate, but if you have a pattern of accepting jobs and then quickly leaving them, employers may be concerned that you'll do the same to them. If you do leave your current position, you kind of need to stay at your next job for at least a year or two to avoid being perceived as a "job hopper" (the exception to this is if you work as a contractor, where it's expected).

Emotionally, I also think it's easier to apply for jobs when you already have the security of a job. Coping with unemployment can be difficult, even when you chose it for yourself. And the process of finding a new position can be longer and more difficult than many people expect. It's important to have financial security during your job search regardless of how long it takes. To make that process go quicker, make sure your resume is optimized for ATS (applicant tracking systems- the software that throws out resumes before a person actually sees them) and ask any connections you have for job recommendations.

How big of a deal "job hopping" is also depends on what your current job is and the situation your current company is in. For example, in small industries, people are more likely to talk, and so you want to make sure you aren't burning bridges by leaving your currently company. If you can, you want to make sure you're not leaving your current company in a bind by exiting. Wrap up any projects or initiatives you've been working on or create a training/overview guide for the employee that replaces you. If you do good work and leave the company on a high note, people will remember that about you and you're less likely to hurt your reputation in the industry by leaving. It also depends on current norms in your field- some fields really value "loyalty" to the company, while others don't see turnover as such a big deal.

Lastly, I would consider talking to your current boss about ways to improve your current job. Could you get different hours? Is there another position you could move into that better suits your skill set? Are there additional projects or responsibilities you could take on that you would enjoy more? Sometimes, making those small changes ends up being enough. Doing this can also help you fill any skills gaps you may have between your current job and the job that you want, so that you're a more competitive candidate when you do eventually move to a different company.

[theanimesideblog]

Could I request Francis Forever by Mitski with any hero of your choice + civilian s/o? 👉👈

Ms. Joke x Civilian!GN!Reader: Francis Forever Prompt Playlist Event A/N: ofc!!! y’all knew i had to go with my WIFE. also this is before she’s a teacher. also also: sorry these are taking longer than expected. i went a little overboard on some of them

You were Ms. Joke’s assistant, and an amazing one at that. You always wanted to be in the hero world, but never had the stomach for fighting. Working from the sidelines was more preferable for you. Truth be told, you could work at any hero agency you wanted. Hell, you could work for any of the top heroes if you wanted; any of them would be happy to have you. You choose to stay with Joke, though. You had met most of the top heroes at one point or another, and you didn’t care for most of them. None of them could come close to Joke.

[[MORE]]

You smiled thinking of her, before your heart constricted.

Today was your day off, which is just what you needed after Joke decided to gush all about Aizawa and his students to you. Over the years of working for her, you developed a huge crush on the Pro. Hearing her talk about someone else that way hurt, but you couldn’t say anything. It would be out of line.

You turned and tossed in your bed last night thinking of her words. By the time you knew it, the sun had risen and you hadn’t gotten a wink of sleep. You decided going on a walk might help you get sleepy or clear your mind. You would take either at this point.

You had wandered around the town, ending up on a tree-lined street. The road was empty. You found yourself thankful to be alone. The trees overhead cast the road in a beautiful light, making the whole place seem magical. You smiled and found yourself distracted.

You looked up at the gaps of sunlight, and immediately your heart clenched. The light was as bright as Joke’s smile. God, you had it bad if sunlight reminded you of her. You shook your head and hurried down the street.

~*~

“(Y/N)! You’re here!” Joke said as you entered the agency. You smiled at her.

“Always at 9. What’s up?” You asked, walking over to your desk.

“I got offered a job at Ketsubutsu Academy High School.” She said. You gasped, faking happiness. You didn’t want her to leave.

“That’s great! Are you going to take the job?” You asked, sitting down. She sat on the edge of your desk.

“I think so. I haven’t made any decisions though.” She said. “But don’t worry. I’ve already come up with a few job opportunities for you after I leave!”

“I’m your assistant, Emi. Not the other way around.” You said. She snorted and handed you a file.

“Yeah, yeah, I know, but you’re my hero for handling everything while you worked here. I don’t know what I would do without you! Which is why I’m really going to miss you,” She said. You looked up at her and sadly smiled.

“I’m going to miss you too.” You said.

“Hey, no reason to be sad! I’m always a phone call away! If our schedules line up, we can meet on the weekends or during breaks!! You can’t get rid of me that easily!” Joke said. You laughed.

“I wouldn’t dream of getting rid of you,” You said, looking down at the file. “What made you decide to become a teacher?”

“Aizawa actually-” You gripped the file tighter- “talked me into it. All he does is talk about his students. Plus, I think it’s time I take a small break from the hero scene and work on something smaller. Make some room for the new guys, ya know?” She said. You nodded as you opened the file.

Skimming through the jobs, you noticed quite a few higher-level jobs, as well as some assistant positions for high-ranking heroes. What caught your eye was the job at Ketsubutsu, despite you being under-qualified for the position.

“What’s this one on here for?” You asked, point to the job. She smiled nervously and looked out the window.

“I pulled some strings to see if you could get a job there. Truth be told, I don’t want to leave you.” She said. You felt a slight blush rush to your cheeks. “I also found that Hawks was looking for an assistant. That’s a great position! I’m sure you’ll go far under him. But take your time and look. No pressure.”

“I don’t need to look. If you’re going to Ketsubutsu, I’m going too.” You said. Joke’s eyes widened.

“Really! Oh gosh- wait, I don’t even know if I’m going yet. Don’t commit to anything, okay? I’ll let you know if I take the job.” She said. You chuckled at her.

“I don’t want to ever lea-” The phone rang, cutting you off. You smiled sheepishly at her before answering it.

“Ms. Joke’s office. How can I help you?” You said.

“It’s Easerhead. Can you put Joke on the phone?” He said. You frowned. How rude of him to not even tell you what he needed. Still, you knew Joke didn’t need a reason to pick up the phone if he was on the end.

“Of course. Please hold.” You said, before pressing the ‘hold’ button.

“It’s Easerhead.” You said. Joke’s eyes lit up.

“Oh! Let’s pick this up, okay?” Joke said as she went into her office. You nodded, redirecting the call to her phone.

You buried your face in your hands and groaned.

~*~

It wasn’t often that you got to walk around with Joke in civilian clothing. She asked you to come with her as a friend to pick out a dress for the charity event she and other heroes had to attend. She often complained that she had no style and begged for your guidance. Of course, you would have given it to her, regardless.

The only issue was that she kept talking about Aizawa. He was also to attend the event, and the two of them had even been paired up to be speakers. Joke was so nervous of messing up, especially next to him. She never said it, but you could tell she was using jokes to cover up her true feelings- again. You endured it for her sake.

“How many more stores, (Y/N)?” She asked, leaning on you. You smiled at her.

“Last one. I’m sure we’ll find a dress here,” You said, amused at her attitude. She could go on a three-day stakeout and still crack jokes, but an hour of shopping took her out.

“I hope so.” She said as the two of you walked into the shop.

It only took Joke five minutes to find a dress she absolutely adored. You were almost run over when she came bounding towards you with it.

“(Y/N)!! Look at this dress!!” She said, holding it up against her body.

It was sleek and black, with a few groups of sparkles here and there. The dress had a long slit on one side and had no sleeves. You blushed a little when you thought of her muscles in that dress. She was your employer! How could you think like that?

You shook your head and smiled at her, wondering where she got this energy from. “Let’s go try it on.” You said.

She ran ahead and was already in the changing room by the time you got there. You sat down on a chair and waited for her to finish. You were thankful to sit down after walking around for so long. Unfortunately, you didn’t get to rest for long until Joke peaked her head out of the changing room.

“Could you zip me up, please?” She asked. You nodded before standing up and walking over to her. She turned around and moved her hair back. You zipped her dress up and stepped back.

“Give me a spin.” You said. Joke turned around and smiled at you. Your eyes widened as the dress’s sparkles seemed to dance, even in the lackluster store lighting.

“You’re gorgeous,” You said, breathless. Joke smiled.

“Thank you.” She said, pushing a piece of hair back. “I know it’s a bit different from what I usually wear, but I had to match Aizawa since we’ll be paired up.” Your heart dropped. “Can you take a picture for me?”

You nodded, watching as she went into the dressing room to grab her phone. You took it from her, your hands shaking slightly. You took a deep breath to steady your hands, but Joke noticed.

“Hey, are you okay?” She asked.

“Yeah. I’m just... tired. It’s been a long day.” You said. Joke frowned.

“(Y/N)-“

“I swear, I’m okay.” You said.

“I’ll pay for the dress. Why don’t you head home?” She said.

“But we need to get you accessories.” You said. She shook her head, taking her phone from you.

“We have time. You need to rest, okay?” She said.

“You sure?”

“Of course. Get some rest.” She said. “Don’t worry about me. Take care of yourself first for once.”

~*~

You had off the next day, but you realized you had forgotten some paperwork you meant to take home for the weekend. So, despite Joke always telling you not to come into work on your off days, you went into the agency.

You walked into the office, only to see Joke and Easerhead talking. You stopped like a deer in headlights. You fully intended to turn away before either saw you, but Joke caught your eye.

“(Y/N)! What are you doing here? You should rest!” She said. Easerhead turned to look at you. Despite disliking the guy for catching Joke’s eye, up close he looked kind of scary.

“I forgot some paperwork. I’ll be quick.” You said, avoiding their eyes. “I’m sorry for interrupting.”

“Don’t be. I’d rather not be alone with Joke.” Aizawa said. You looked up in shock.

“What? She’s one of my favorite people to be around.” You said. Joke smiled brightly at you.

“Good for you. You can take her.” Aizawa said.

“Awww, c’mon! We know you’re just flustered since you’re planning on marrying me!” Joke said. Aizawa groaned. How could she like someone that didn’t want to be around her?!

“No thanks. I’d rather stay single forever.” Aizawa said. “Anyway, I got what I came for. I’m leaving.”

“Bye, Easerhead! Love you!” Joke called out as he left the office. You also choked on your own spit when she said that. You quickly composed yourself and went towards your desk. You couldn’t keep watching Joke fall head over heels for someone you could never compete with. It was getting too painful. Even now, you wanted to scream.

“(Y/N)!! Wait! How are you feeling?” Joke asked.

“Fine.” You said, reaching for the files you needed. Joke placed her hand on yours. You looked up to see her serious face. Your breath caught in your throat. The only time you ever saw her frown was after a serious villain attack.

“What’s really been bothering you?” She asked.

“Nothing.” You said, moving your hand away. How could she act so foolishly? Didn’t she notice how you practically fell over yourself when you were around her?

“(Y/N). Please tell me. I care about you.” She said. You balled your fists.

“If you really cared about me, then you wouldn’t have flirted with Aizawa right in front of me!” You said louder than you meant. You covered your mouth. It wasn’t her fault she liked Aizawa.

“I’m sorry. That was out of line.” You said, walking away.

“Wait! What do you mean?” Joke said. You let out a dry laugh and turned to face her.

“You’re kidding me. You really don’t know?” You asked. She shook her head. You covered your face and let out a whimper.

“God, Emi! I’m upset that I’m not the best for you.” You said.

“What do you mean? You’re the best assistant in the world! I think every Pro knows that!” She said.

“I don’t need the world to see that I’ve been the best I can be! God, when I’m with you, I just- I don’t know what to do. I don’t know where to put my hands, I don’t... I don’t think I can do this anymore!” You said.

“(Y/N), please-“

“I can’t. I don’t think I can stand to be where you don’t see me! I’m in love with you, Emi! I have for years! You’ve never noticed! You think other assistants go help their pros shop as friends or help them move on the weekends or watch movies together? I do it because I love you!” You said, moving your hands away from your eyes.

Emi stared at you, eyes wide and mouth agape.

“I just thought we were friends.” She said. You wanted to scream at her, but you knew it wasn’t right.

“If that’s what you want, then that’s fine. I understand.” You said before leaving.

~*~

You ended up walking around after storming out. Going home seemed like a waste since you knew you would just end up crying. That wall of emotions wasn’t something you were ready to face.

You had liked Emi for so long, and you never imagined your confession going that way. It was awful. You felt so embarrassed and hurt. A part of you regretted being so harsh with her. You knew Emi often struggled to understand how people felt towards her, and yet you still yelled at her. You felt like a real, well, joke.

You kicked a rock, watching as it flew maybe a centimeter before hitting the ground. Somehow, it felt satisfying. You kicked it again, following it. Kicking the rock required no mental effort, but it made you focus on the rock instead of your emotions. After a few minutes of kicking the rock, you realized just how far you were from home.

The original plan was just to circle the vicinity of your home so you wouldn’t have to walk so far back to your home. You frowned, realizing you should start walking back towards your home. That’s when a raindrop fell onto your nose. You looked up to see dark clouds circling the area. Great! You were so distracted by Emi that you had forgotten to watch the forecast or even look up at the sky.

Another raindrop fell, and then another, and then another. Before you knew it, the rain had finally begun to pour. You whined before running back to your home, eager to get out of the rain. This was just the cherry on top of the mud pie that was your life.

By the time you got back to your block, you were drenched and tried. Thankfully, the sidewalk to your home was covered with trees that provided you some relief from the rain. You wondered if these trees could protect you from your emotions as easily.

You turned the corner into your house, only to see Emi knocking at your door. She turned to see you, gasping.

“(Y/N)! Quick, get under my umbrella! You’re soaking!” She said, running to shield you. You wanted to push her away, but you felt too cold to shun her body heat. You huffed and looked away.

“Thanks.” You mumbled.

“Of course. Let’s get you inside.” She said, leading you towards your front door. “I’ll get towels to dry you off, alright?” You nodded as you unlocked and opened your front door.

Emi shook out her umbrella and then followed you inside. She took off her shoes as quickly as possible before running to your bathroom. She returned with arms full of towels.

“Thanks.” You mumbled as you dried yourself off.

“Of course. I’m sorry to come to your house on such short notice, but I wanted to apologize to you.” She said. You hid your face with the towel to hide the blush of embarrassment.

“You don’t have to apologize for not liking me,” You said, moving the towel so you could see her.

“Well, the thing is, I do like you. I was surprised you felt the same way, and I didn’t know how to react when I realized you had to endure so much of me fake flirting with Easerhead. I’m sorry, (Y/N). If it’s okay, I’d like to take you on a date,” Emi said.

“Wait, seriously? I thought you liked Easerhead!” You said. She chuckled and rubbed the back of her neck.

“It’s a joke. I don’t like him at all, and he clearly doesn’t like me. I’m just trying to get him to laugh. I’m sorry that feels so silly now,” She said. You smiled and reached out to take her hand.

“It’s fine. Really. Maybe you can make it up by flirting with me more often.” You said. Emi smiled and squeezed your hand.

“Oh, definitely. We have to make up for lost time. So about that date?” She said.

“I’d love to go on a date with you.” You said.

[theycalledmebonni]

On Wednesdays We Wear Pink

Coming out of addiction and that kind of life and trying to reenter society is like trying to get a seat at the mean girls table. You literally feel like you have completely forgotten how to function around “normal” people and in a way you have.

I remember when my husband first exposed me to that kind of life and all of a sudden I was spending days awake with people who had been using drugs for the larger portions of their lives but at the very least for years and as they would all sit around and talk about when they did this drug or that drug for the first time or the time that they all got high and did [blank] or their time in jail. I sat and played candy crush like i was some kind of wall hanging.

Once my husband said, “No wonder no one likes you, you don’t ever talk to anyone you just sit there.” I looked him dead in the face and asked what he expected me to talk to them about. How was i going to join in? The flow of conversation would undoubtedly be impeded when an exchange like this happened:

“Yeah so that one time when I was shooting up heroin in the bathroom of the McDonalds and then the cops came in to serve my VOP warrant, you know what I mean about that feeling...”

and I come back with. “Yeah, one when I was on a mission trip with my church teaching vacation bible school to kids in low income housing i was really afraid that i was gonna get caught kissing this guy from the sister church when we went kayaking. Crazy times.”

seriously. no.

 I didn’t talk because I had nothing in common to talk to them about. I had never experienced those things.

But something weird happens when you spend time in that life. You start to assimilate.

You ever heard that tale about putting the frog in boiling water? So it goes that if you drop a frog into boiling water, the frog will immediately jump out. BUT, if you put the frog in regular water and then you start to heat it to boiling the frog will literally stay there and be boiled to death because it just adjusts to the temperature of the water.. The same thing kinda happens.

The longer you stay in the trap the more you start to feel removed from your life before or from the “normal” society. The more you feel like you don’t belong there or anywhere. You have lost relationships and you have lost friends and now you realize that it’s hard to reconnect because some may not know why you fell off, or some have gone on with their life and they have families and responsibilities and you are ashamed. Or they know what you have been doing and they don’t want that around their kids etc. Or you know the only time that you really miss your old life is at 3am when you can’t sleep for the dope that you did earlier and your ole man is taking apart a 1987 truck and you are left alone with your thoughts and you can’t message them then because regular people are effing asleep. 

You change until you don’t even think that you belong back in that “normal” life.

But then, a miracle. You decide that you don’t want to stay there anymore and you will not give drugs another second of your time and you start to want to get back to pre-world war Z life and so you start to try to reconnect.

and you find that you have the same problem. you find it hard to talk to your non-drug life friends because they want to talk about their investments and their job and you are like...”yeah, so see this vein here, this is my driving vein. Funny thing, the only time that the ole man could hit me there is when i was driving the car coming back from a dope run” and the look at you like you have snakes crawling out of your head and they are uncomfortable and you are uncomfortable and you want to crawl back into a hole.

addiction makes people uncomfortable because they don’t know how to react and I know this because I was once that person. I have apologized to someone once because i saw them physically become uncomfortable when i made some old drug life reference.

Let this serve as a PSA to “normal” society. Ranking right up with stopping the drugs is trying to get back into society. Trust me when I tell you that it is probaby the single biggest issue that we face. Because it causes in us all of the feelings that we escaped by using. We worry about being misunderstood, we worry when applying for a job because what f they ask why there is a huge gap in our employment? what if they want to go into detail about any kind of legal history, what if we are stunted in going forward because we are looked at and judged by a past that we are wanting and trying so hard to leave behind. what if we try to talk to our old friends and they don’t want to talk to us. What if they just think that we ghosted them and it wasn’t that we didn’t want to talk to them it was that we didn’t want you to see us strung out, we didn’t want you to know that we were like that. What if we have damaged relationships so bad that they can’t be repaired. What if your kid points out our tract marks and asked about them..or our scars from cutting. What if you invite us over and someone starts to talk bad about addicts. What if they ask us what we have been doing or what job we have and we can say nothing because life didn’t go like we planned and no we don’t own a car or a home we are struggling to work at Burger King and pay off our court costs?

We want our lives back. We want YOU back. We want US and our lives back. We are TRYING...please understand. Please understand that we are happy for you. Please understand that you don’t have to feel bad that you are where you are and we are where we are because we are alive and we are trying and we want to make it. If we try to message you on facebook or buy your new baby a gift please let us. We have literally felt like the scourge of society and our families for a long, long time. We have literally felt hated and rejected by everyone even ourselves and now we are clean and we are just trying to get our life back so hard. if its hard for you to talk to us because you don’t understand what we have been through or because we hurt you please TELL US. i would rather you say eff you than just say nothing. If you don’t want the gift because you think it was bought with drug money or will come from a drug house say that or let us send it and throw it away because it took A LOT for us to even write you. and being able to enjoy little things like seeing people we loved when we were happy be happy makes us feel like somebody again.

If you know someone trying to get their life back from abuse or addiction or mental illness or incarceration; GAS THEM UP. We are trying. We go to bed not thinking of the progress we made that day but of all the ways that we still didnt measure up that day.

and if you are reading this and you are like me struggling to get back on track and to join the land of the living again. I see you.

Great job staying clean today.

Great job using one less time today.

Great job calling your mom today.

Great job putting in that job application even though you are scared of rejection today.

Great job not hurting yourself today.

Great job showering today.

Great job. I am so proud of you and whether you wear pink or not you are welcome at my table and in my circle anytime and every time. Because I’ve been where you were and i’ve been where you want to be. 

And on Wednesdays...we all make it.

[elevenhoursinfront-blog]

1st September 2017

Friday! The end of week 3. We totally got this - only 10 more to go! We need to really start planning our East Coast trip but Mel is doing it as we speak (type? read?) so I'm waiting for tips and tricks from her before we book anything. We're unsure whether we want to hire a camper van and drive down ourselves or to get a Bus pass and book hostel accommodation. It's going to be fairly expensive either way but so worth it! We got up and ready for work. We allow ourselves an extra half an hour lay-in because we don't need to make lunch. Shame that we both woke up at 0535 naturally... What a pain in the behind! We had to jump into B3 today which is not our normal van. We go in B2. The B3 is for the sea farm workers but they've finished. The van itself drives better and has much more power, and a radio! But the backpackers have made it quite a state. Broken glass bottles everywhere, beer cans, packets of food and bottles of what not all over the floor. The smell was a mix between seafood and sick. We all couldn't wait to get into work to get out of the van. We got out of the puke machine and saw that there were only 5 trailers left to do because we done so many yesterday. A trailer is carries heaps of banana branches on and we can do about 8 trailers in one hour. We would have all 5 done in one hour easily. We can't be cleaning for nearly two hours because there isn't that much to do. Hopefully we'll get sent home early! We did end up finishing the bananas by 0830 and there was loads of bananas left. Tristan said we had enough for the order so we had to throw away the rest! What!?  Throw perfectly good bananas away? I'm not having that. I hate wastage. One of the Chinese girls ended up crying because we had to throw out loads - I have no idea why she cried, but maybe she's sensitive, more so than me (which I thought was impossible). We all boxed up the bananas and put them aside to take home. We're allowed one box a week to take which is great. You can only take the ones that can't be sold though, so the ones that are too big, too small, have weird marks on or have 3 bananas in one skin. It's all cosmetic. I took my box into the plant room and sprayed it with a spray that makes them ripen quicker. Mine should be ready in about 4-5 days. I have 16kg of bananas so I'll let anyone have some. We're not going to be able to eat them all. It's dangerous. I put my box next to our bag in the break area and went back to work. Time to clean. We done all the cleaning that we need to do around our area by 0900. Tristan came around and sent most people home. He didn't send Steve or I home and we had to stay until 1040. Why? Why? Why? I was the only girl left out of all the backpackers which was rubbish. Luckily, Maggie was still in. Maggie is a local girl that's married to one of the lads - Matt, that works in the shed. She's only just started working there but Matt has worked there for 4 years. Maggie is an Aboriginal girl, 23 years old and lives here with Matt. The rest of her family are still in PNG (Papua New Guinea). It must be really difficult being Aboriginal because they're so unbelievably racist. It's really big in Queensland to only call them by the 'N' word and treat them like rubbish. I hate it. Aboriginal history (and present) is actually very sad. There are massive gaps between aboriginal people and Non-Aboriginal people in things like education, housing, health and employment. In 2012, the life expectancy of an aboriginal person was about 10 years less than a Non-Aboriginal person. There are loads of people out there that are trying to help change the way aboriginal people are viewed, but Australia is very far behind in the 21st century. Aboriginal people weren't allowed the right to vote, weren't allowed citizenship rights and they were also not counted in the census. Things have changed over time and things are still changing. Hopefully, in years to come, they will be viewed differently. After all, there's a vote happening at the moment about allowing same sex marriage. It's all over the radio and TV except they are saying "We don't want same sex marriage. Vote NO!". Fingers crossed Australia changes for the better soon. I spent the next couple of hours with Maggie talking about her life and mine. We ran out of jobs in the shed so we were sent outside to pick up all the rubbish on the floor. I like being outside so I wasn't bothered. I also hate litter so if anyone has to pick it up, I'd rather just do it. After that, we had to clean all the sinks and the freezer. Tristan said to do these jobs very slowly... Which was easier said than done. There were two of us and we were bored as anything. Mind you, it was very nice being able to move around and not do the same job over and over. Maggie invited me out on the weekend to Wallaman waterfalls with a few of the work girls for a swim and a BBQ. It did sound really good but I had planned on having a lay in and a relaxing weekend doing nothing. I had my heart set on it. The girls would be heading off at 0900 tomorrow morning and I just couldn't be bothered. I would need to go and buy BBQ food too which I wouldn't necessarily need normally. Lucia was going too and she grates on me. The weather for tomorrow is meant to be raining too which would make the trip rubbish. We told Tristan at 1000 that we had finished everything. He gave us a knife each and we had to sit on the box machine and scratch all the glue off the rollers. The rollers were metal and it's just where the finished boxes are moved down on. It was the worst job in the entire world because of the noise it made. We were scratching metal on metal. It was like pulling nails down a chalk board. I had goose bumps the whole time. I've even got them again now thinking about it. I decided that I was finished by 1030. We just sat there chatting away. Tristan was chatting, too. He even let us go 5 minutes early which was nice. Steve came over and asked what I was doing because he had finished his cleaning jobs. He had a go at getting the glue off the rollers but I took the knife off him. I couldn't deal with the noise any longer. Steve had loads of jobs to do, including going out and washing the tractors. The bell went and home we went. Weekend time! I carried my box of bananas and put them outside of my room. Hopefully by next week, they will be ripe enough to eat. I was thinking at work earlier, that the bananas we cut and packed on our first week, will now be in stores being sold! What a weird thought. Steve was told what to look out for on the bananas to know when they're from our farm, but he forgot. I jumped into the shower and got dressed. I had some strawberries and yoghurt to eat for lunch, even though it wasn't even 1100. At around 1200, Betty put on the group that they were going over the park to play cricket if anyone wanted to join. We have a big Facebook messenger group for everyone here at the hostel which is really useful. Steve and I got dressed and joined everyone for cricket. We got to the park and we ended up playing rounders. There were 11 of us and two of the lads were captains. Now, I have never felt my heart drop so much in my life. I realised that they were picking names, not anonymously. I literally stood there and said to myself "Nobody is going to pick the big girl for their team". I was gutted. I was stood there, last to be put on a  team, as expected. I was also offered to the other team which really, really hurt my feelings. It's a very school thing to do and feel but I had never been picked last like that before. It actually was one of the most embarrassing things I have ever felt in my life. I got over it and we started playing. We batted first and got to 20. We decided to retire after that and change over. The other team got to about 7. We changed teams again and then played another game. We batted second and fielded first. I was the bowler which was quite fun to be fair. I caught a few people out which was fun, as did Steve. We were on the same team both times. When we were batting, Steve and I were the last two remaining in and we had to get the whole way round to continue. We were knackered by the end of it. We all laid down on the grass, knackered as anything. A few people kept asking me why I was so red and sweaty. We are all very aware that I am unfit and haven't been able to do exercise or gym since we were home. I don't know why they ask questions when they know the answer to it? Clearly, I'm unfit. Steve went off with the lads to play football and I laid in the sun. Some went off to Annie's Kitchen to get food but I wasn't hungry.  The lads came back over and said it was too hot to do anything. They were all sweating. Steve and I left to walk back as I was still quite sad about what happened earlier, as silly as it seems. We got back to the hostel and I went into my room and cried. I don't know why it upset me so much but I was hugely embarrassed. Steve laid with me and said I was being silly. He told me not to worry and we'll be home soon so I can go back to Slimming World. 

I had another shower and made us some lunch, late lunch. We made scrambled egg, with spinach (of course) in a wrap which was actually really delicious. Everyone was getting showered to go to the entertainment room to drink for the night. I sat on the bed after my shower and I felt dead. We were both too tired to do anything. I ended up falling asleep until around 2000. I told Steve that I wasn't going to be able to get up and go drink. He agreed and turned the light out for me. I was gone for the rest of the night.

[jimlingss]

Heartbreak Insurance

Words: 10.9k Genre: FLUFF.

Read more at Service Series

Cr.

Ring Ri-

He bursts into a bright huge grin, despite not being seen. “Thank you for calling Heartbreak Insurance. My name is Jimin! How may I help you today?”

There’s a long silence over the phone until there’s a slight sniffle and the woman on the other line explodes into a hysterical sob. “HUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGHH...nnn..nnn-” It’s a type of uncontrollable bawling howl that makes your snot drip inside your mouth .

“I’ll connect you to our customer services~ Please don’t hang up the line. One moment please!” Jimin moves the phone handset into his other hand while he presses some buttons, successfully transferring her over a second later.

The average person falls in love 4 to 7 times before marriage and 40% to 50% of all marriages end in divorce. 85% of all relationships end with a breakup. Don’t just be a statistic!

At Heartbreak Insurance, we are committed to be there when you need it most. Affordable and comprehensible solutions to meet your needs today! With our Heartbreak Insurance, you can find a plan that fits your needs. We cover and care for you in your most vulnerable times, offering paid time off, therapy sessions and care packages.

Because heartbreak is pain too.

Jimin smiles happily, feet propped up on his small wooden footstool tucked away in the corner. “I’ll never get tired of watching that commercial.”

Yuri walking past, snorts with laughter. “Do you not have a life?”

“Hey! Is that a way to talk to your boss-”

“You’re not my boss anymore~” She snickers before walking off with her coffee.

He shoots her a look before he sits up straight, cracks his knuckles and gets back to work.

Park Jimin, fresh out of high school spontaneously picked a job from the newspaper. Unbeknownst to him, he found an absolute passion at the call center, picking up the phone and counselling whoever was on the other side. There was just something about being able to talk to someone and make their lives so much better that was appealing to him. Jimin didn’t have to even try that hard, simply sitting at his desk but every night he went to bed, his heart swelled with the thought of being able to help so many people.

Naturally with his passion, he went up and up in the ranks from employee of the month to the manager and somehow, now he ran his own complete department. Call it what you will but Jimin is the jack of all trades, from picking up calls, counselling to filing paperwork - he can do it all. When he worked at one unit for too long, he asked to move to another and before he realized, he knew how to do everything in the company. But Jimin didn’t feel content with climbing the ladder to the corporate offices, feeling like he was unable to really get in and get his hands dirty. He couldn’t help people like he wanted so he adamantly refused.  

The bosses felt bad that Jimin was such a fantastic worker but had no desire in moving up. Thus, they let him do as he pleases and pays him well as their most valuable employee, though he insists they don’t have to. Jimin now owns the biggest cubicle, sitting in the corner of the office floor, running his own department as the jack of all trades and widely known in the company as the saint.

Ring Ri-

“Thank you for calling Heartbreak Insurance. My name is Jimin! How may I help you today?”

There’s a slight clearing of the throat on the other side of the line and he waits patiently. “Hi. I’d like to file in a report?”

He smiles. “I can certainly help you with that today! What’s your name?”

“Y/N. Y/N L/N.”

“Great. Miss Y/N.” He sandwiches the handset of the phone between his shoulder and ear, head leaned over to one side as his fingers begin to type your name in the system. “Just give me a moment here….” But when Jimin pulls up your file, it’s completely empty. “Oh. I believe you’re not registered with us? Is this your first time?”

“Yes...I think it’s part of my employment insurance benefits provided by the company I work at….”

“Oh, well. I’m glad you called us up then! It’s great that you’re taking advantage of something that’s available to you.” Jimin chirps out with a grin. “I can get you registered then! It’ll be really quick.”

“That would be great.”

You tell him your company name, the numbers on your paperwork, your date of birth and some other things to fill in the gaps. “Great, great. And what can I register in for you today, Miss Y/N?”

“Heartbreak. I need time off from work.” Your voice sounds mundane, nonchalant like you’re ordering a coffee and Jimin frowns for a second.

“Oh.” He responds a second after. “Yes, we can do that immediately. I only need to ask you a few questions to know if you qualify. You can share as much as you’re willing to and you can refuse to answer any questions, so please don’t worry. I just need your confirmation to these terms. Are you willing to share some details?”

“Yes, I don’t mind.”

“Great.” Jimin begins typing up a new report. “And how long did your relationship last?”

There’s a bit of a silence, but he waits patiently. “It was never an official relationship.”

There’s a tiny scrunch that makes its way between Jimin’s brows but it disappears just as fast as it shows up. He understands that there are all sorts of relationships out there, all kinds of love but he’s still unsure of what box to check off on the forum. “If you don’t mind me asking, did you have any sexual relationship with this person?”

“No. It was sort of one sided.” You respond casually.

“Okay, thanks for letting me know.” Jimin checks off the unrequited love box. “Would you like to disclose this person’s name? It’s for our documentation process so you don’t have to worry about them ever knowing.”

“Uh..well...I’d rather not.”

“Alright.” Jimin fills out what he can on the form. “And how long have you been in this relationship for? Can you try to assign a time period since you’ve loved this person?”

“We’ve been friends for five years.” There’s a slight pause and you begin to stutter. “I-I guess for that amount of time.”

Jimin hums. “Can you please give me any details on the relationship? Any at all that you’re willing to share.”

You begin to break out into a sweat on the other side of the telephone, fidgeting nervously. “W-Well, we’ve been friends for five years and…. he’s getting married. Yeah, he’s getting married and it hurts me a lot. Terrible. I can’t stand having to go to work. I-I need time off.”

“Huh.” Jimin lets out accidently as he’s typing in your words but realizing it sounds rude, he quickly covers up. “Well, we’re just onto the last part here, Miss Y/N. If you could please describe to me your symptoms or how you’re just feeling in general.”

“Sad.” You deadpan before retracing your words. “Heartbroken, I mean. I just can’t get out of bed.”

“Well then. That sounds terrible Miss.” Jimin’s frown deepens as he stops momentarily, tapping a finger on his chin.

“Yup.”

“Anything else you’re feeling?”

“Just…...sad.”

Jimin clears his throat awkwardly, turning to the small rubric tacked on one side of his cubicle wall. It’s an outline that shows how severe one’s heartbreak may be depending on their symptoms but nowhere does Jimin see ‘just sad’.

“I’m going to read out a list of things and you can tell me if you feel them or not.” He says and you answer with an ‘alright’. “Are you unable to sleep? Do you have a case of insomnia?”

“Yes.”

“Do you feel physical pain, like headaches, chest pressures or a tightness in your throat?”

“Yes.”

“Do you have a lack of appetite or an increased appetite with an upset stomach?”

“Yes.”

“Are you experiencing a lack of concentration?” Jimin leans back in his chair, tapping his pen on the desk, unsettled.

“Yup.”

“Are you exhausted? And does it feel like you’re experiencing grief?”

“Yes.” You answer casually.

Jimin almost scoffs but keeps it in. “So you’re experiencing all the symptoms?”

You laugh anxiously. “It seems so.”

“Last question.” He sits up straighter in his desk chair. “Are you having difficulty going to the bathroom?”  

There’s a bit of a pause before you answer. “Yes.”

Jimin grins. “Well, thank you for your time Miss Y/N. I’ll run by your application and I’ll give you a call as soon as possible to inform you of your qualifications and your paid time off. Thank you for calling our services and I’ll speak to you again in a few days.”

“That sounds great.” You take a sigh of relief. “Bye.”

“Goodbye.” He smiles before setting the phone down.

After a moment of silence and him staring at his cubicle wall, Jimin bursts into laughter which makes several coworkers turn their heads in concern before they return back to their normal activities. It was needless to say that Jimin had been without break for a while, making the phone call seem hilarious to him. But what tickles his funny bone is that you checked off every single symptom that is usually only evident in divorced couples who have been together for decades. Aside from the nervousness in your voice and your stiff, emotionless answers, excrement has nothing to do with heartbreak - yet you still answered ‘yes’.

Jimin’s worked years at the company and with enough clients to reach triple digits. He’s had his fair share of liars but never in his life has he come across such a terrible one.

He can bet his life that you’re committing fraud.

//

“I’m going to reject this client.” Jimin pops his head into Chad’s office.

“Wait! Wait!” He calls out before Jimin’s gone too far and he steps backwards, entering the room.

“What?”

“You’re going to reject a client?” Chad stands up and walks to him, taking the file from his hand. “What’s wrong with her?”

Chad is the floor manager, handling all the big matters in the office but since Jimin is the head of his own department, they’re more so coworkers of the same status than boss and worker. In order to avoid power struggles and keep their friendship, they agreed to run big issues by each other before making final decisions.

“I think she’s trying to commit fraud.” Jimin shakes his head with a smile and a soft sigh.

“Do you have any evidence?” Chad frowns, flipping the one page of your profile before he meets Jimin’s probing eyes. “Hey, I know you’ve worked here for a hell of a long time, longer than any of us but we both know what happened the last time Wheein denied someone services when they were actually heartbroken. We got into a hell of a lot of trouble.”

“It’s just...a feeling, okay?” Jimin relaxes. “Call it my intuition but I can just tell she’s lying.”

“We’re going to need a lot more evidence than just your intuition.” Chad smiles handing back the files. “If you want I can take care of this client for you.”

“No. I’m good.” Jimin takes it back. He’s not one to give up on anything, that’s just who he is, especially when it comes to his work.

“Hey, relax man.” Chad grins. “Don’t quote me on this but….you know...you should just give it to her.”

“What?” He twists his face up in disgust as if someone insulted his mother. “When she might be lying? That’s fraud! Stealing from the company!”

Chad plops back in his swivel chair, propping his feet up before he takes a good look at his friend. “You take work way too seriously. It’s just one client, it won’t hurt the company that badly. When was the last time you had a break?”

Jimin decides to ignore the last question as he leaves, not being able to help the little smile that forms on his lips when the man yawns tiredly. “You’re a terrible manager.”

“Hey! I said don’t quote me on it! I never said anything!”

Unlike the other workers in the company that would let it go by, Jimin can’t help but feel like it goes against all his morals.

Thus with a crack of his knuckles, he decides to do some research. He scavenges all your social media platforms from twitter, instagram to facebook. He even goes as far as creating a fake account to follow your snapchat. At some point, Jimin wants to smash his head against the wall at how you’ve privated almost everything but luckily, your friends aren’t so thorough. He finds out where you went to school and with the information you’ve given him, where you work.

It turns out that one of your closest friends are engaged and recently the bride had a bachelorette party. The marriage is set in exactly a month.

He scrolls through all the available photos, finding it a bit strange to place a face to the voice he heard over a phone. In the three hours that pass while stalking you online, Jimin finally realizes how creepy he’s being and lifts himself out of his perfect cubicle and saunters off to the Special Investigations Unit Department.

“Hey Yuri-”

“Can’t talk, no time.” She answers, handset supported between her ear and shoulder as she’s typing away. After a second, she pushes a button on the phone. “Hey, I’m so sorry to keep you waiting-”

Jimin takes a look around at how swamped the department is, checking up on every single client and questioning each of them politely. He realizes that it’s nearing Valentine’s Day and they usually have a spike of callers, especially fakers who call in. “Can you give me a second, please?” Yuri smiles before pushing another button on the dial pad. She swivels her head around and scowls at Jimin. “What do you want?”

“Just...I have a client that might be committing fr-”

“Might?” She sighs, rubbing each side of her temples. “Jimin, please. I know you care about this but I have ten clients that are committing fraud and I have a shit ton of paperwork to fill out. I’ve been working late every single day-”

Yuri’s about to burst into tears so Jimin takes a step back. “Okay, okay. I’ll handle this on my own. Just….keep working hard.”

“Alright.” She sharply inhales a breath before picking up the handset again. “My deepest apologizes for keeping you busy-”

As he walks away, he takes a look at your profile once more and decides that he must take it into his own hands and commence his own investigations.

//

It’s not creepy! It’s not creepy at all! And you most definitely aren’t stalking or doing anything illegal right now!

Jimin repeats it to himself as he slowly drives up the curb of the road, watching through the windshield as you walk into a coffee shop to order your usual morning brew. He holds up his binoculars and observes as you stand in line impatiently tapping your foot. You look tired but exactly like the rest of the customers in the store at nine am. Not at all like a person gone through half a decade of unrequited love and a severe broken heart.

It’s hard to pinpoint it exactly since everyone deals with love differently and no one really shows it outside on their skin but something just tells him that you’re lying.

The car suddenly blares with a ringing sound, a bluetooth connection from his phone and he nearly pops his eyes out with the binoculars. He sighs before accepting the call on his GPS. “What is it Taehyung?”

“What are you doing?~” His voice chimes over the speakers in the car.

“My job.”

“So you’re working?” He sighs. “And I was going to ask you to come over~”

Jimin scoffs, holding up the binoculars once more to watch you ordering. “Just because you got fired from your job, does not mean I don’t have mine.”

“But you’re always working.” Taehyung complains. “When was the last time you actually took a break? Do you even get days off? Isn’t this like a violation of your labour rights? Do you even have a union?”

“Shut up!” Jimin calls out before he puts down the binoculars and fires up his car again, following as you walk all the way to your office building. “I’m doing an investigation, okay? You’re just freeloading off of your girlfriend and living at her apartment. Shouldn’t you find a job?”

“Hey! I’m trying my best, okay?” He laughs. “Call me when you’re off if you don’t end up dying at your desk. Bye loser.”

Jimin hangs up as he parks his car, seeing you enter the office doors with a smile. A smile that definitely does not belong to a heartbroken victim but something he wishes he could see for a bit longer.

//

It’s strange. In the past two days, it feels like someone’s been watching you. Maybe you’ve been especially nervous and paranoid after the phone call to the insurance company but you can’t help but break a sweat, like someone’s heated gaze is pinned on your back. With an exhausted sigh at the end of the work day, it suddenly becomes apparent to you - the black car on the curb on the road.

One knock. Two knocks.

You’re lightly tapping at the window of the car where the driver is and he slowly moves the newspaper away from his face. You wonder how he can even read it when it’s pitch black inside and it’s so close to his face. It’s almost comical how he lowers enough for you to barely see his eyes and he pushes the button, the window rolling down only two centimeters.

He doesn’t say anything. “Um excuse me. You’re parking in an employee-only spot and it doesn’t seem like you’re dropping anyone off.”

“Oh.” Is all he says. “Sorry.”

He rolls up the windows again and grabs some sunglasses from the passenger seat, slipping them on before he moves the newspaper away. From the lampposts outside, you can barely see how he waves at you before driving off.

Strange.

//

When you’re ordering your morning coffee a day later, the black car shows up on the curb of the road. You wonder if it’s paranoid of you to suspect that it’s the same exact one from last night.

You’re sipping on your morning brew, staring at it while standing on the sidewalk; the driver’s face is still pressed up into a newspaper. It’s much easier to see when it’s bright outside and you swear every so often, he’s peeking out at you. Your mind runs wild if you should knock on his window and ask if he’s a stalker when suddenly, a parking control officer strolls up his way.

He glances at the parking meter before sighing, taking out his notepad and scribbling something on it. With one motion, he rips it off and sticks it onto the black car. “No! Wait! Wait! I’m in the car!” The driver practically jumps out of his black vehicle, nearly stumbling on the sidewalk.

His voice is strangely familiar, gentle and comforting.

“Doesn’t matter.” The spiteful parking control officer spits at him, tucking the ticket securely under the window wipers. “Can’t just sit there and not pay the fee.”

The man groans to the sky as the officer walks away and he while his eyes travel away from the ticket, it sticks towards you. He freezes - every single muscle stopping as if he were a statue, trying to lose your attention or make himself invisible simply by praying. But your eyes are pinned on his and you make your move.

Two slow strides and you lean in closely. “Sorry but do I know you?”

You’re almost stunned as he is.

He’s cute.

Too adorable that it’s not even real and you suddenly have an urge to squish his cheeks together. He has a messy mop of blonde hair, a black sweater with sleeves too long, covering his fingers. He has round features, doe eyes looking on in surprise and pillow lips naturally tinted pink. But his combat boots and jeans give off a more manly vibe contrasting his soft aura.

He smiles tensely, eyes crinkling into half moons as he runs a hand through his hair; an action that you believe is his nervous habit. “Actually, I spoke to you on the phone.”

You manage to snap out of it and focus at this issue at hand. “Excuse me?” You frown.

He digs in his jeans and passes you a business card. “I’m Jimin from Heartbreak Insurance….I just wanted to discuss with you further about...uh...your application and do a cross-check. Yes...that’s what I’m here for.” He laughs and nods, as if to himself.

“You couldn’t call me for that?”

“Well….uh….at Heartbreak Insurance, we like to meet face to face with our clients since it’s our policy to be...um...involved.” He swallows hard and you question why he’s sweating when it’s not that hot outside. “Do you have some time?”

You glance at your watch, not really bothering to be punctual with work. “Sure.”

//

Jimin is tapping his foot relentlessly, rubbing together his clammy palms under the table. He’s thankful that he brought some of his paperwork along so he could fake something rather than nothing at all. After he sips on his drink and sets it down, he quickly glances at you, realizing that you’re staring at him to begin.

He curses to himself why you’re even more beautiful in real life.

“So…” He swallows hard, lying straight through his teeth. “It looks like you qualify.”

“Great.”

“We’ll get started as quickly as possible.” He shifts uncomfortably before meeting your eyes. “In heartbreak, withdrawal is something common but not very healthy. Is there anyone we can reach out to in order to help you?”

You smile. “No, not really. Um….he’s in the same circle of my friends so I haven’t really told anyone. It’s not something I can share with anyone.”

How convenient, Jimin thinks to himself with a slight hum. Insurance fraud isn’t something that you’d want to share with others anyway. “Well that’s understandable. Try your best to still leave the house often and hang out with them though. Another thing our insurance company recommends is disconnecting from social media for a while. It’s important to leave a gap so there’s no relapse in feelings.”

“Duly noted.” You say emotionlessly.

Jimin almost sighs but he keeps it inside, realizing it would be rude.

He’s worked with hundreds of clients before; most of them were just a complete mess in sobs or you could at least tell something was off by the way they slowly spoke, their untamed hair or their slightly smudged makeup. Some were in complete denial, buried deep in grief but never has he encountered someone who completely didn’t care, answering like they were watching paint dry and their middle school teacher was quizzing them on the alphabet.

Jimin can bet his entire life that you’re a liar.

“Well…” He smiles cutely. “What we offer are care packages which have food, cosmetics like bath bombs, features to encourage physical activity and just care items. In order to modify your care package, I’m just going to ask you a few questions.”

“Alright.” You answer, feeling a bit of excitement over the idea of having a special package for you every morning.

“Do you have any hobbies? Is there anything you like to do?” He waits for your answer, pen on paper.

“I like spa days.” You grin and he hopes you don’t notice how he’s stopped breathing temporarily. “I like watching movies and I’m….a big fan of fancy restaurants.” There’s a slight pause and you tip your head to the side. “Um...Jimin?”

He snaps out of it with an ‘oh’. “Sorry about that.” He quickly scribbles down the things you’ve said. He asks a few more questions and finds it exceptionally difficult to not give away what he knows about you through his stalking - like the bagel you ate yesterday or how you’ve recently been promoted thanks to your friends’ congratulation posts.

“Great.” He nods his head. “And it looks like you qualify for three weeks of paid time off. Therapy sessions will be twice a week for five weeks.” He smiles.

“Wait.” You shoot your hand out, grabbing onto his arm so he doesn’t get up and leave. Jimin’s eyes immediately drop to the place where you’re holding him. “How much paid time off do I get?”

“Th-three weeks.” He stutters.

“Three weeks..” You murmur and he’s let go. You try to suppress your grin as the both of you make your way to the door. “Great!”

“Yes. I’ll be talking to you again very soon to check up on your condition.” He lifts his hand and takes yours, holding onto it as you give it a good shake.

“Great. I’ll see you again Jimin.”

“Oh...you definitely will.” He mutters and you tilt your head, not being able to hear but it doesn’t matter when you’re trying your best to hold in your excitement.

The both of you look down to where you’re still shaking hands while wondering when the other person will pull away. To outsiders, it looks like an awkward handshake but to Jimin, he just hopes you won’t notice how his cheeks are heating up bright pink. It especially doesn’t help when a sudden giggle bubbles through your lips, half from the awkwardness and half from the exhilaration running through your veins.

Jimin pulls away with a soft smile and you’re still grinning from ear to ear. “Bye.”

“Bye.”

And the two of you part ways.

//

Jimin’s set up his cubicle to perfection, a second home of sorts. He has two pictures in frames, one of his family and one of his friends, seven guys in total jumping up at the same time. He has two pen holders, filled with different pencils and highlighters, pens and even a few markers. His two drawers are neatly organized with files and he has a row of sticky note reminders lining his monitor screen. He has the heartbreak symptom rubric on one side of the wall with a poster of the logo and motto. Everything’s precisely organized to his liking, cozy like his dream paradise. Other than that, he has a small fake plant in the corner given to him by his mother.

Jimin laughs hysterically at his desk.

Some coworkers shoot him an odd look before returning, realizing that it’s just his daily hysterical burst. “You really need a break dude.” Yuri mumbles with a coffee in her hand, quickly walking back to her desk before Jimin can retort.

“Fancy restaurant? Spa days? Movies?” He scoffs to his cubicle walls. “What hobbies.” He laughs again before he scoffs again. “This is not a vacation package!”

He hates how he’s only realized it now, sitting at his desk undisturbed. He hates even more that when meeting you face to face, he’s completely captured under your spell.

But you’re still a terrible liar.

Unfortunately for him, he can’t investigate you further when his cover has been completely blown and he’s already promised your care package. He has absolutely no choice but to follow through with the insurance plan.

Nonetheless, Jimin refuses to accept defeat.

//

It’s incredible.

The care package arrived at your doorstep in the morning, a cute packaged box with a handwritten note from Jimin saying ‘take care of yourself’. It was wrapped in a cute bow and you couldn’t help but wonder if he did it himself. You took your time unraveling the brown parchment wrap and when you finally managed to open it, it was full of restaurant coupons and vouchers, theater tickets, a hiking pamphlet, a gift card to a spa retreat and bath bombs.

You treat yourself to a home treatment spay day, sitting in one of the nicest and hottest baths you’ve had your entire life, a scented candle by your side, a face mask and your bath bomb fizzing in the water but most importantly, a bottle of wine in your hand that came with the package; drinking straight from it without a glass. You are truly living the luxurious life.

You fall victim to your guilty pleasures, watching an entire season of reality television before you finish the wine bottle and crash out on your couch. It’s past noon by the time you wake up. You end up rolling around your house in your pajamas the entire day, living out your dreams of being a complete couch potato. But not for long.

Knock. Knock.

The moment you crack the door open, a bright grin greets you. “Jimin?”

“Good evening, Miss Y/N.” He smiles and you widen the door.

“Good evening. Is there something wrong?”

“I just came to check up on you! See if everything’s been going well and we’re meeting all your needs. It’s a sort of check-up to see if there are any problems.” Jimin lies with a bright beam. It isn’t part of his job description at all. It’s not like you know that though. “Can I come in?”

“Sure.” You step back and he slips off his shoes. “And everything’s been going well. Really the packages have helped a lot.”

“That’s good.” Jimin takes a good look at your surroundings, noticing the sprawled out blankets and pillows, the finished wine bottle on the table and the television still on. You don’t notice his suspicious scrutiny but you’re rather a bit flustered at how he’s suddenly standing in your living room and you’re a mess in your pajamas. You hadn’t even combed your hair.

“Sorry. I’m a mess, aren’t I?”

“No.” When Jimin turns to face you again, he can’t help but think it’s adorable that your hair is literally sticking upwards as if you got electrocuted. “It’s cute.” After a second of staring at your baffled expression, he quickly snaps out of it. He clears his throat awkwardly, catching the restaurant tickets discarded on the kitchen counter. “Ahem...I mean...um...have you eaten yet, Miss Y/N?”

You follow his line of sight. “Oh. No.” Some nervous laughter bubbles through your lips. “I think it’s kind of strange to go to a restaurant by yourself. I already called them up and they don’t do take out.”

“Right.” He narrows his eyes, lifting a brow. “You can’t really reach out to anyone in your circumstances. However, it’s not really healthy to be cooped up alone inside your apartment when you’re going through heartbreak.”

“Uh huh.”

Jimin spots an opportunity and grabs it without thinking much. There’s a slight pause before he jumps. “Do you want to go together then?”

“What?” You frown, exasperated at his odd proposition. You wonder if you misheard or you’re losing your mind. “I mean, pardon?”

He grins perfectly, eyes crinkling and he clears his throat, speaking in the professional tone that you heard over the phone. “A typical reaction to heartbreak is isolation and a part of the fundamental beliefs of our Heartbreak Insurance company is that our clients be part of our family. We are committed to helping you move forward from this difficult time and be there when you need it most. It is only natural that I would love to have dinner with you, Miss Y/N - especially since you have no one else to assist you during this time.”

“Of course, if you’re too uncomfortable with the idea, you can refuse me or…” He leans in and you wonder if it’s a smirk that you see but after a blink, it’s gone. “..you’re not actually going through a heartbreak at all.”

“N-no. That sounds great.” You stiffly laugh, stuttering slightly. His words are swirling around your head, making you dizzy.

“Great.” He grins. “Then you should go get ready. Don’t worry and take your time. Dress up a little and pamper yourself. I’ll be here if you need me.”

“Great.”

“Great.”

He nods and waves you off while you slowly walk backwards before swiveling on your heel and making your way into your room. Jimin smirks to himself as you disappear, knowing he’s got you right in the palm of his hand.

//

Or not.

Because with you in that knee-length, red cocktail dress and black heels, a beige trench coat with your hair up, Jimin’s sure he’s been casted under your spell again. He’s just thankful that he’s still in his white dress shirt and work pants, so it doesn’t look like he’s your chauffeur.

“Is everything okay?” You frown, leaning in to whisper and sweeping a strand of hair away from your face. You wonder if you got too dressed up but Jimin told you to and he was strongly adamant about it. Was it too weird? What were you even doing having dinner with your insurance agent?

“No. It’s not weird at all.” Jimin sits back, forcefully peeling his eyes away from you to stick onto the menu. “Whoever broke your heart would be so regretful if they saw you right now.”

A pink flush blooms across your cheeks and you mumble a quiet ‘thanks’. Jimin’s eyes flicker upwards and he manages to catch your appearance. He nibbles on his bottom lip to stop his lips spreading into a grin and he forces a nonchalant expression as he flips the menu.

Jimin shakes his head as the both of you wait for the food to arrive, realizing that he’s not on a date with you and needs to get down to the bottom of things as soon as possible. “It might be difficult for you to speak about it but it’s good to get things off of your chest once and for all. If you’re not uncomfortable Miss Y/N, can you tell me about him?”

“Him? Oh, right. Well….” You anxiously laugh, taking a sip of your drink to quench your dry throat and buy some time. He waits patiently for you to answer. “Um. We’ve been friends for five years and I liked him alot but now he’s getting married.”

“But that can’t be just it.” He presses on. “Don’t you feel like you’re physically hurt? Doesn’t your mind feel numb?”

You shrug while nodding thoughtfully, not really knowing what to say. “I guess.” You laugh again before quickly switching the subject. “But if you don’t mind me asking, if it’s too much of a personal question, have you ever been heartbroken?”

Jimin sighs, leaning back on his chair. “Honestly...never.”

“Oh.” His answer piques your curiosity. “Then what got you working at the insurance company?”

There’s a flicker in his eyes as if you’ve touched his deepest passion and Jimin tries his best to not explode off on a tangent. It’s not everyday that he gets to share what he loves doing most. “I just really love being able to help people. I don’t even need to do much, just sitting at my desk and talking to people on the phone but to know how many people I do help in a day, it’s really fulfilling.”

You nod, smiling as he continues going off about his work. Usually you would’ve gotten bored, someone going off on their job but unlike the others, Jimin has no complaints and instead his gestures are erratic as he tells you stories that make your stomach ache with laughter. He’s so earnest and sweet that you can’t help but melt a little in your seat.

“Would you like the dessert menu?” The waitress swings by, interrupting your story of the time the tires of your car came off on the highway.

“Sure.” Jimin flashes his soft smile and the waitress clears the table, promising to come back a moment later.

You frown. “Wait. I don’t think the voucher includes dessert.”

“Don’t worry, it’s on me.” He reassures you, thanking the waitress as she approaches and hands the smaller menu. “Is there anything you would like...Miss Y/N?” Jimin realizes he might’ve overstepped his boundaries, getting too comfortable with you. This isn’t a date. But somehow he’s completely forgotten about investigating your heartbreak further.

You giggle and Jimin blinks twice. “You really don’t need to call me Miss. And I’ll have whatever.”

“Okay..” He nods, still gazing at you and you wonder if anything’s wrong. “Great.”

“Great.” You laugh at the awkward tension and he looks down again at the menu.

Cute.

The both of you think together.

//

With your stomach full, tongue sweet with the dessert you shared with Jimin and the drive back to your house calm and smooth with the soft radio swirling in the background, you can’t help but get lulled to sleep. When Jimin stops at a red light, wondering why you’re so quiet and turning to you, he grins. Your head is bobbing up and down with closed eyes, out cold and completely unconscious.

A quick glance at the street lights and noting it’s still bright red, he carefully shifts over to you and gently moves your head to rest comfortably against the window. You take a soft sigh of relief, shifting a bit more and he smiles.

As he pulls up in the parking lot to your apartment complex, he’s hit with the dilemma of waking you up. “Y/N?” He calls out your name softly but you don’t stir. With any of his friends, he would have the pleasure of screaming out suddenly and scaring them awake or he would mischievously honk the horn, making them jump. But with you, he doesn’t even have the nerve to nudge you. He doesn’t know why.

So instead, Jimin sits in his car and every so often, glances at your sleeping face. He finally steals the chance to marvel in all your features and he can’t help the smile that takes his lips.

It’s only when there’s ambulance sirens in the distance that disturbs your dreams do you finally open your eyes. “Oh my god. What time is it?” You look around, stretching and a bit confused. “Why didn’t you wake me up? How long were you waiting?”

Jimin smiles. “It’s fine. Rise and shine, Y/N.” He gets out of his car and you rub your eyes once before stumbling after him.

“You don’t need to bring me up.”

“I don’t mind.” He steals another glance at your sleepy form. “Trust me.”

Your head is downcasted, standing outside your apartment door with Jimin in front of you and his hands in his pockets. “I had a really great night tonight.” You purse your lips, trying to hide your smile but ultimately failing. You’re still embarrassed about falling asleep in his car but more so at the way he’s staring at you with softened eyes.

“I’m glad.” He murmurs out before clearing his throat, scratching the back of his neck nervously. There’s a slight silence that fills the air but not an awkward or a tense one. Jimin drops his arm and his eyes slowly travel down to your rose stained lips. Naturally, your own eyes move to his and you wonder what it feels like to have his lips pressed on yours. And for one moment, as he leans closer, you really think he’s going to kis-

“I mean- of course! At Heartbreak Insurance, our clients should be able to reach out to us at any time.”

“Oh. Yeah. I mean great!” You can’t help but feel a bit hurt at how he called you his client. “That’s a great policy you guys have.”

“Yeah. It’s great.” He laughs stiffly. “I’ll see you around Y/N. Have a good night.”

//

Jimin screams, spinning around in his chair and this time his co-workers don’t even glance at him. He doesn’t understand why every time he’s with you, he always gets carried away. He’s suppose to be doing his job! He’s suppose to catch you in your lies and make you admit that you’re committing fraud.

He grabs his coat and stomps out of the building before anyone can even realize.

Knock. Knock.

“Jimin?” You widen the door, scanning him from top to bottom in his athletic attire. “What are you doing here?” He’s in a gray short sleeved hoodie with knee-length black shorts and sneakers but you can’t help but ogle at his muscles. You wonder where they came from and if he’s had them this entire time, just hidden underneath all the clothing.  

“Exercise is a great method to start moving onto a new path.” He smiles sweetly despite the disgusting word of ‘exercise’ that leaves his mouth. You blink hard at his attractive appearance, trying to say something.

But all you manage with your dropped jaw is “what?”.

“C’mon, let’s go exercise.”

“I...I don’t exercise.” You laugh quietly but he makes no change in his expression.

“It’s part of your therapy and the care package!” It really isn’t. “It’s not good for you to mope around in your house when you’re heartbroken…...unless-”

“Nope. Alright. Fine!” You feel like smashing your head against the wall but then he might think you’ve gone insane. It’s not like that would be a lie though. You really do feel like you’re going crazy.

A soft sigh leaves your lips before you perk up with a stiff smile. “Exercise sounds great!”

//

Exercise is the worst.

You’re in leggings, sneakers and a tracksuit jacket with your hair pulled in a ponytail but you’re sure you look like a mess. Huffing and puffing with sweat dripping down the sides of your face, you’re barely managing to run alongside Jimin who’s still smiling and staring up at the bright sky.

“Isn’t it such a nice day today?”

“How are you so fuc- athletic?” You’re too tired to filter out the curse words. If you didn’t try so hard, you would’ve already collapsed onto the ground and sworn at him using your entire extensive vocabulary.

“I like to work out in my spare time.” Jimin grins, turning to you and the kid has the audacity to start running backwards in front of you. “Tired already, Y/N?” He teases mockingly.

He’s jogging at this point, still grinning and when you try to speak, you break out into a huge cough, lungs squeezing. “I-I...I don’t fucking exercise, okay?”  

Jimin laughs, a bell like sound that makes you roll your eyes and you notice an elderly couple passing the both of you. The embarrassment and shame makes you push a bit harder. “But exercise is so great for a broken heart.” Jimin says, returning back to his position beside you as the both of you continue. “Tell me, are you feeling better these days?”

“I feel the same.” You spit out at him, too exhausted to think.

“Oh?” He lifts a brow. “Are you still having trouble sleeping at night? Can’t eat? Having headaches? Lack of concentration?” Jimin grins. “You can’t use the toilet?”

“I..I..” You slow down and he matches your pace. “I feel better, okay? Better.”

“Have you contacted him recently?”

“Who?” You frown, wiping away your sweat as you speed up.

“The guy who made you heartbroken.”

“Oh. Umm..” You break out into another wheeze as you pound your chest. “Ca-can we not- not talk about this...here?!”

“Why not?” He smiles sweetly and you give him a look of horror, unable to speak when you’re gasping for air.

WHY NOT? WHY NOT?! IS HE SERIOUSLY ASKING YOU WHY NOT?!

You halt all together, bending downwards to catch your breath with hands on your knees. Jimin stops too with a small giggle but the break only lasts a good ten seconds before he takes your hand and pulls you along. “C’mon Y/N. Exercise is great!”

It’s right then and there with Jimin holding your hand, your heart rate suddenly shooting up ten folds and your eyes transfixed on the gesture that you accidentally trip on the crack of the pavement. But as you begin to tumble forward and a soft gasp leaves your lips, Jimin pulls you towards him. Instead of the ground, you land straight into his arms in an embrace.

“Are you okay?” He says in a half breathless laugh.

You peer up through your eyelashes, still startled but surprised at how effortless it was for him to save you. “Yeah. I’m okay.” You cough out, standing on your feet.

Jimin blinks, wondering how you’re so much prettier up close.

“Do you need me to carry you?” He teases and you scoff. Trying to hide your burning cheeks, you start running again. “Hey! Wait up!” Jimin giggles out as he catches up to you. He returns by your side, stealing a quick glance and grinning from ear to ear at your embarrassment.

//

It’s going all wrong. You’re suppose to have a relaxing time with your paid-time off and your delicious care packages. You’re suppose to catch up on reality TV and live life as the bum you’ve always wanted to. But low and behold, Jimin makes you go on a run every single morning with him. Sometimes he asks you a bunch of questions, sometimes he just laughs at your lack of athleticism and sometimes it’s just silent as you enjoy the fresh morning air.

You’ll only admit that it’s sort of nice.

There are even days where the both of you go out to dinner together and day by day, he asks you less and less questions about your ‘previous relationship’.

“Hey.” You turn to him, the both of you in line at a coffee shop after your morning run. After a week, you’re sweating much less but your endurance is still lacking compared to Jimin’s.

“There’s a wedding rehearsal dinner coming up in a few days.” You shift uncomfortably on your feet. “Do you want to be my plus one?”

A month ago, you would’ve never had the audacity to ask Jimin, especially since he’s your insurance agent. But somewhere along the way, you became well acquainted with him and even friends. You didn’t have anyone coming with you either and if Jimin came along, he might finally lay his questions to rest.

It’s killing two birds with one stone.  

Jimin blinks at you before he erupts in a sweet smile that still makes him look handsome even if he’s sweaty. You’re a bit jealous. “I’d love to.”

“Great.”

“Great.” He answers back with a whisper before the both order your drinks. From the corner of your eye, you think you see him glance and grin at you. But then again, it might be your eyes playing tricks.

//

“You’ve been leaving your cubicle a lot these days, huh?” Yuri looks over his cubicle wall, leaning on it while sipping on her coffee. “Did you get a girlfriend?”

“No.” Jimin scoffs. “I’m working.”

“Uh huh.” She lifts her brow. “I see you smiling a lot these days.”

“I’m investigating a client.” He states, flipping through a file folder.

Yuri sighs. “Are you actually? When was the last time you even caught a break?”

“I love my job.”

“Doesn’t mean you don’t need time off.” She peers over, looking at the paperwork. “But who’s the client? You can transfer them over to our department if you need investigating. We’re not so busy anymor-”

“No.” He answers quickly, cutting her off of her sentence. Jimin clears his throat and tucks it all away in his drawer. “I got it handled. Thanks though.”

“Well alright-”

The conversation is cut short when the phone rings again.

Ring Ring-

Jimin beams as he picks up the handset. “Thank you for calling Heartbreak Insurance. My name is Jimin! How may I help you today?”

Yuri rolls her eyes and waves, making her way back to the desk. As she leaves, her words whirl around his mind. It takes less than a second for him to realize that he’s been with you for weeks and he’s completely forgotten about making you admit your fraud. Unbeknownst to him, he begins smiling as he remembers you in your cow pajamas looking sleepy and frightened at the same time when he mentions ‘exercise’. Now when he knocks at your door, you’re already dressed and grumbling under your breath as you lock up the door.

Jimin wonders if he should head over to catch dinner with you, maybe bring over some coffee too. He suddenly wants to see you again, so badly that he thinks he might die if he doesn’t. It’s an odd feeling and he can’t exactly pinpoint why-

“Hello?” The shaking voice over the phone repeats. “Is anyone there?”

“I am so sorry!” Jimin apologizes profusely, bowing his head to the cubicle walls. “Can you please repeat everything you just said?”

//

You might pass out.

“Are you okay?” He leans in close, his cologne traveling up your nose and making you even more dizzy. “You’re really pale Y/N.”

“I’m fine.” You manage, taking your water and downing the whole entire glass as Jimin watches in amusement.

His hair is swept up, styled in a way that reveals his forehead just a bit. He’s in dress shoes, linen pants and a cotton button-down blue shirt, rolled all the way up to his elbows and hugging his arms just right. He smiles softly at your bewildered expression but the moment you turn away, his smile becomes a smirk.

He takes the opportunity to gawk at you from head to toe, curled hair pulled in an updo and the tea-length dress in a fresh mint hue. He dares say that you’re even more beautiful than the bride.

“So is that him?” Jimin takes the opportunity to lean in close to you, gazing at your instant flustered appearance. When you turn to him, your face and his are a mere few centimeters away. His eyes flicker to your pink tinted lips before he glances up at the groom, sitting up at the front table.

“Oh. Um. Yeah.” You swallow hard, trying to listen to the toasts going around.

“You had feelings for that guy?” He says out of disbelief.

You frown. “Why?”

Jimin scoffs quietly. “Well obviously because you’re so much better than he is. You’re gorgeous, smart and pretty amazing.”  

You can’t help but grin, rolling your eyes at the same time. Was he trying to flirt with you?

“Then who do you think I’m good for?” You ask him with the raise of your eyebrows.

Me?

Jimin can’t manage the words so instead he points to the elderly man sitting at the bride’s family table. You follow his finger before you bust out in a giggle, some people turning around to look at you. After you quiet down, you lightly punch his arm and he gives you a sheepish grin.

“You liked him for five years?” Jimin asks you after the toasts are finished and the dinner is served, the both of you whispering really quietly.

“Something like that.”

“Oh~ I see.” He nods thoughtfully. “And your friend is marrying him and she didn’t know about your unrequited love? Did she meet him after you met him or before?”

You fidget nervously, wondering why he keeps interrogating you. “Can we not talk about this?”

He sighs, aware that you’re always avoiding the topic. He’s had enough of your evasiveness and needs to get down to his job. He and his feelings have been too carried away lately.

“No. Let’s talk about it.” He smiles but this time you can’t find anything cute about it. “How did you feel when they announced their wedding?”

You sigh, shooting him a sharp look but he raises his brows. “Well?”

“Why do you keep asking me these questions?”

“I need to know.”

“Why?”

“Because it’s obvious that you’re-”

“Y/N?” The bride interrupts your conversation, her happy beam making both you and Jimin smile. “And who is this?” She looks at Jimin and you laugh nervously. It’s not like you can say he’s your insurance provider and he’s definitely not your boyfriend.

“He’s...he’s….a friend.” You settle for that, nodding to yourself.

“Oh. Nice to meet you.” She shakes hands with Jimin. “Will you be attending the wedding?”

“Umm..”

“He might.” You answer for him with a stiff smile. Just then the groom approaches and Jimin takes note of how your eyes don’t shake and your voice doesn’t tremble when you talk to him. You’re completely normal to him, nothing out of the ordinary and definitely not like you loved him or had a five year unrequited crush.

“Well I’ll see you around Jimin.” The bride smiles and the groom nods his head in agreeance. You blush when your friend winks at you before sauntering off to greet the next table.

When you turn to Jimin, he grabs your arm. “What?”

“You never loved him.” He states in a deadpan.

You freeze.

There’s not even a twinge of nervousness and anxiety that swirls in your stomach, like you imagined there would be. All you can wonder is- “Is that the only thing that’s concerned you this entire time?” It feels like a punch to the gut.

He didn’t come with you today because he wanted to but because he wanted to know the truth. You can’t believe you let yourself forget that and let your feelings get involved. You grit your teeth together as his expression is unchanged, the both of your eyes probing each others in a cold battle.

You release a short exhale and a scoff. “We are not talking about this here.”

//

The rest of the rehearsal dinner is full of two fake smiles, yours and Jimin’s. Between the both of you, there is nothing but silence and the drive home is dead. He stares straight ahead at the road and you force your eyes shut while facing the window. The radio doesn’t even play.

The door of your apartment slams shut and you turn around to face him. He’s the one that speaks first. “You lied and committed fraud.”

“That’s right.” You say in a mocking tone. “Congratulations on figuring it out. Would you like an award?”

“You’re a terrible liar.”

“You’re a terrible person.” You want to curse him in much worse ways but you can’t bring yourself to. You’re already trying to hold back your tears. “You only got close to me to fucking figure it out!”

“It’s my job.” He frowns, voice trembling unwillingly.

“Your job to have dinner with me multiple times a week?! Your job to go running with me every morning?! Your job to follow me around?!” You shout at him, throwing the empty care package box at him. “That’s right, I’ve never been heartbroken in my life! And I was fucking sick and tired of working! I was just looking for some paid time off! Is that what you want to hear?!”

“Y/N.”

“Get out.” You point to the door. “Get me fired or throw me in jail, I don’t even give a damn! Just get out of my face. Don’t come back.”

He grabs your wrist when you try to push him out the door. “Listen to me. I-.I...those things that I did aren’t part of my job description. You could get me fired, Y/N.”

“I don’t care! Just GO AWAY.” You struggle against his strength and he finally lets go.

“I care about you.” He confesses. “A lot.”

“Just go away.” You finally push him out the door, slamming it shut in his face.

“I want to be with you.” He murmurs to the wood and he’s met with complete silence.

Jimin stands there lost for minutes before he finally turns on his heels and walks away.

He feels a tightness in his throat, utterly exhausted as he drags his legs around to Chad’s office. Jimin barely peeks his head in through the door. “You were right, by the way.”

“What?” He looks up from his computer. “Oh. Dude. You look awful, did something happen?”

“Nothing.” Jimin brushes him off with a sigh. “The client I told you about a few weeks back. She’s not committing fraud. Just continue with her paid time off and insurance packages.”

“Well alright.” He smiles, typing away on his keyboard. “That’s good. Hey Jimin, if-”

When he lifts his head up, Jimin’s gone.

//

Ring Ring. Ring Ring. Ring Ring-

“Thank you for calling Heartbreak Insurance.” He sighs, finding it utterly difficult to sound chirpy. “My name is Jimin…....how may I help you today?”

“I’m sorry...what was that? Can you repeat it one more time?” He rubs the side of his forehead, finding it exceptionally difficult to concentrate. He wonders if it’s because he skipped out on his exercise and his breakfast. He just couldn’t get out of bed or take a jog alone. Food doesn’t seem that appealing either.

“Are you alright?” Yuri frowns as Jimin hangs up the phone. As she takes a sip of her coffee, she scans his odd disheveled appearance. It looks like he didn’t get any sleep last night.

“I feel….terrible.”

“Wow.” She hums. “I think this is the first ever for Park Jimin on a work day. What’s wrong? Shoot.”

“I don’t really want to talk about it.” He pounds his chest, trying to alleviate the pressure.

Yuri sighs, hanging her head to one side. “We both know that things are better when you talk about them.” Just then her eyes catch the piece of paper tacked onto his wall and she casually takes another sip of her brew. “Did you sleep last night?”

“Not really. I just couldn’t fall asleep.” Jimin sighs. “I tried drinking warm milk and flipping my pillow and all that jazz but I couldn’t. I only managed to pass out for an hour.”

She points to him. “Did you eat anything yet?”

“Don’t really feel like it.” He frowns in pain. “My stomach kind of hurts.”

“It seems like you’re exhausted and can’t concentrate either.” She hums. “Do you have any pain anywhere else?”

“I have a headache right now. And my chest and throat feel kind of tight, like there’s something heavy on it.” Jimin wearily looks over at her. “I think I’m just having a bad day.”

Yuri smiles, finally peeling her eyes away from the symptom rubric. “Dude. Either you’re heartbroken or you came down with a nasty case of lovesickness.”

“What?” Jimin laughs. “That’s impossible. No.”

She shakes her head and sets down her coffee, grabbing his coat and pulling his chair back. “I’ve been waiting to do this ever since I joined the company. Park Jimin, you need to go home. With your strong work ethic in the past few years of working in this company, you’ll get five paid weeks off. We’ll be sending you care packages and we’ll be able to modify them since we already know your hobbies. Therapy sessions are twice a week. Please reach out to people around you to help during this time.”

“Wait. Wait.” Jimin protests as he’s being yanked upwards, his jacket shoved in his arms and hauled off to the elevators.

“I’ll notify Chad.” Yuri smiles. “And if any of us sees you at work, we’ll kick you out. Heartbreak is real pain too and you need time to heal.” She presses the elevator button and the doors open. “Don’t be such a lovesick puppy. See you in five weeks, Jimin.”

Yuri shoves him in and the doors close. “Wait! No! That’s impossible!”

But by then, he’s talking to the steel doors and his precious cubicle walls are far from his reach.

//

Jimin is utterly sad and lost. It’s almost comical how he’s dealt with heartbreak so closely and listed the symptoms hundreds of times but he couldn’t detect it within himself. But he still refuses to believe it’s true.

He flips through channels on his television and wanders around his apartment like a haunting ghost, wondering what to do with himself. When the telephone rings, he races like a trained dog to pick it up. “Thank you for calling Heartbre-” Wait.

Then the world comes crashing down when he realizes he’s not at work. And the only person that answers back is an automated message, a scam call on winning plane tickets.

Jimin ends up waiting by the door everyday for his care package, opening it up with enthusiasm. He marvels at how great the company really is and how authentic and how careful they are. It’s almost like Christmas morning; he reads the details of all the coupons, tickets and vouchers. He reads the pamphlets like they’re novels and stares at the gift cards until they’re imprinted in his mind. It’s only on the third day does Jimin realize how pathetic he’s living.

He’s still moping around, unable to eat or sleep well without thinking about you. But the push he needs is when he receives a piece of paper with your phone number and Yuri’s handwriting on the back, reading ‘call her already!’.

Knock. Knock. Knock. Knock.

“Jimin?!” You scowl at him before the tension between your brows loosen, scanning him from head to toe. “What are you doing here and why are you in your pajamas?! Have you even slept?!”

He doesn’t respond, simply gazing at you while he holds up a piece of paper. You squint, trying to read the text. “Eyewitness testimony?”

“It’s for my insurance. If possible, filing witness papers makes the jobs easier. I know.”

“What are you even talking about?” You ask more out of concern than anger.

“I need your signature at the bottom.” He tilts his lips up in a lifeless smile. “Since you’re my only witness.”

“Witness to what?” You sigh, letting go of the door and no longer frowning.

“My heartbreak.” He whimpers out.

“Your heartbreak? What?” You peek your head out the door, looking to see if there was a camera crew or if this was some sort of prank. After realizing that Jimin is practically sulking outside your apartment door in his pajamas, dark circles under his eyes and chaotic hair, you let him inside. “You need to tell me what’s going on.”

“Everything I did for you...it’s not part of my job description.” He admits, looking exasperated and going off on a quick tangent in one breath. “Insurance fraud isn’t even that big of a deal. I just…I went through all that shit because I like you. And this is the worst thing that’s ever happened to me.”

“What?” You’re smiling at this point, watching his rather calm outburst.

“You.” He scratches his hair, losing his mind. “I know one of the worst things that you can do is go back to the one that broke their heart and continue your interaction with them. But I can’t eat or sleep or do anything without thinking about you. And it hurts me so bad because-”

“Because?” You egg him on, smirking and raising your eyebrow.

He scoffs, finally breathing normally. “Are you seriously teasing me right now when I’m pouring my heart and soul out to you?!”

You grin. “Just tell me.”

“I like you. And I miss you and I want to be with you.” He rambles on. “And I have no idea what I’m going to do when you reject me and they kicked me out from work and I have nowhere to go-”

“Who said I was going to reject you?”

“Wait...you’re not?”

You can’t hide your smile, blushing bright pink from embarrassment. “No. Are you kidding me?”

You laugh and he slowly starts smiling. “I’ll admit, you’re a bit of a workaholic but you’re the sweetest and cutest and handsomest person I’ve ever met. You kind of drive me insane.” With your teeth sunk in your bottom lip nervously, you take a step forward to wrap your arms around his abdomen, giving him a tight squeeze. “And I missed you too.”  

He takes a sigh of relief while laughing and returning your embrace. “Oh thank god. You’re making me go crazy! I think I’m going to get a heart attack.”

You giggle, pressing your ear to his chest and listening to his heartbeat sporadically pumping. “I hate that you make me exercise.” You murmur after a moment of silence.

“Girl, we’re gonna be doing that a lot more.” He whispers.

You groan and he laughs again. You try to pull away from him but his hands are clasped behind your back, keeping you still. “Hey…” He hums. “Can I kiss-”

Before he can finish, you’ve already pressed your lips to his soft ones in a sweet kiss. He pouts as you pull away. “You didn’t even let me finish!” With your mischievous smile, this time he’s the one that kisses you again and again. After several, he frowns and murmurs against your lips. “Wait...does this mean I’m committing fraud too since I’m not heartbro- ow! What was that for?”

“Are you seriously going to talk about work right now?”

Jimin grins before clearing his throat, speaking in a professional tone that you remember listening to the first time over the phone. He grins, greasy words rolling off his tongue and this time no cubicle wall has to witness it when you’re standing in front of him.

“Welcome to Heartbreak Insurance. My name is Jimin and Miss Y/N just healed my heart.”

[brashspeak-blog]

The intersectionality of the hoodwinking of women; or, scones and tea won’t fix this and I’m raging.

*trigger warning: I use the word rape a lot in this, and directly reference a few of its associated brutalities. Please be kind to yourself, and don’t read this if you’re not up to it. You are more important than my rant.

 Also, just as a caveat, you need to put the jam on before the cream, you animals. 

 Women. We are 3D sacks of awe. Our laughter is the thing men fear the most, so...apparently we are that powerful. I mean, we’re most afraid that men will hurt us, but then, (spoiler alert) that’s kind of what I’m leading up to. It is the working knowledge of this stark difference in fear of the other, that has put me in a stroppy mood today. 

I love the idea of International Women’s day. I’ve been a nice thing to sit here in my knickers, drink tea and scroll through all the things people are posting on the socials about how inspiring the women in their lives are. I love the articles detailing women’s role in history, our progress to date and what may be on the near horizon. There is so much cause for celebration, and I am immensely proud that I get to be amongst the fold of a group of humans who do not seek revenge, but rather equality. I mean, feminism actually makes things better for men. We seek to redress toxic masculinity, we care deeply about men and how the current state of things that make “being a man” near untenable. As feminists, we simply want everyone to be happy. I mean, what’s good for the goose is good for the gander.

It is troubling, however, that even after packaging feminism as being good for men, and despite all the whistles, self-defence classes, opting to get an Uber home even when “home” is only one suburb away, there are some things that just wont stop. Men keep hurting us. 

I’m going to dive straight into the deep end and get to the point. Women are not doing bad things to themselves, nor are rapes accidents. We don’t trip and fall into a rape. Sexual violence is intentional, and in every single case, someone/s is doing it to us. Here in Australia, a place largely considered to be one of the safer corners of the world, we have a shocking epidemic of rape. SBS reported that “Australia has one of the highest rates of reported sexual assault in the world, at almost 92 people per 100,000 of the population, according to the United Nations”. SBS states in no uncertain terms that we are at more than double the global average for reported sexual assault. The key word there, in case you missed it, was the word reported. These are the numbers we can, hand on heart, say we actually know about. 

Based on numbers collected by the ABS in 2016, “one in five women (18% or 1.7 million) have now experienced sexual violence” in Australia. If you have not been sexually assaulted, don’t worry, it might still happen. If you have, you don’t need to worry either… it might happen again, because let’s face it, it’s not exactly the chicken pox.

How many women do you know? Is it five or more? Have any of them been sexually assaulted? If you’re shaking your head or if you’re unsure, either you have never had an honest conversation with a woman, or, none of them trust you. 

 Sit with that for a moment. 

At this point in things, it is important to note that I did not write that last bit just for men. If you are a woman and you don’t know of another woman who has been sexually assaulted, then maybe…. you’re not a safe woman. Make sure you consider that as a possibility. 

Now young lady, you seem a bit fixated in the violence? what’s up with that? Cool, you there in the back raise a very strong point, and I thank you for your candour. Let’s move swiftly over to a more palatable topic, let’s have a chat about….art.

Let’s start with music. Below is an excerpt from my master’s thesis on women in the music industry, steel yourself for some dry academic writing, but it is relevant: 

 …female songwriters are far less visible than performing artists, and the numbers show it. Within APRAs member base of 85, 000 Australian musicians, “20% of songwriters in this category are women”. What this tells us, is that out of just one sub-category, that is contemporary popular music, while 20% are of songwriters are women, within the larger music industry women are still less likely to be booked or included in a festival line-up than their male peers. When drilling the numbers down further, out of the entire APRA membership, “the gender divide between registered APRA members was on the most drastic across (an) entire analysis- only about one in five APRAH members are women” (McCormack, 2018). While this may “seem low, it was a 3.8% increase” (McCormack, 2018) from 2017. 

The statistics of most interest are the numbers associated with sub-categories within the music industry. Continuing with songwriters as an example, “APRA outlines the genres where women are under-represented and over-represented” (McCormack, 2018), with their numbers showing “only 7% of jingle writers in the industry are women” and within that 7%, “53% of children’s music writers are women”. From this statistic alone, it shows women are under-represented song writing as whole, but for roles culturally associated with women’s roles within society, that being child orientated content, women are over-represented.

Commenting on the Australian music industry, and the Skipping a Beat report, The Workplace Gender Equality Agency concluded that “women are not only confronted with a glass ceiling, but also glass walls, where women congregate in occupations and sectors where the majority of employees are women”. Meaning, that women are more likely to find employment as song writers if they write for children rather than for their own peers. 

Conversely, within a study by Dr Smith of the Annenberg Institute of Inclusion found that “nine male songwriters… have been responsible for almost one-fifth of the top songs in the last six years” (Sisario, 2018), that being from 2012-2018 in the Billboard Hot 100 in North America. In addition, figures pulled from APRA are important, not only because “APRAH AMCOS help artists get paid for their work” (McCormack, 2018), but also because of their “member base is a huge sample (over 85,000 registered members)” (McCormack, 2018). From that alone “we can reasonably assume that it’s a fairly accurate reflection of the large gender gap between songwriters in Australia” (McCormack, 2018). However, it’s not just the numbers pulled from APRA membership base that provide evidence of the continuing severe gender gaps within the Australian, and international, music industry. Going further afield, when looking at the nominees selected for both Australian and international awards ceremonies, top 100 count downs and radio playlists, a clear gender gap emerges across the broad field of music industry related occupations. 

Skipping a Beat found that “female artists received significantly fewer industry awards than their male peers, with only 20 female artists out of 367 musicians featured in the Triple J’s Hottest 100” (Workplace Gender Equality Agency, 2018), further to that “only 11 out of 75 inductees into the ARIA Hall of Fame” (Workplace Gender Equality Agency, 2018) have been women to date. Internationally speaking, the figures are no better for women. When looking to the most prestigious accolades within the international music industry, “of the 899 individuals who have been nominated for the last six Grammy ceremonies, 90.7 % were men, and 9.3% were women” (Sisario, 2018). From these numbers and studies conducted on gender disparities within the Australian and international music industries, a trickle-down effect is becoming all the clearer.

For Australian top radio playlists, women’s representation does not appear to be any better off when compared to those played globally. In 2018’s Tripe J Hottest 100, which happens to be the world biggest democratic song count down, of the 100 songs voted in, “37 song…were from artists with at least one woman” (McCormack, 2018). Further to that, only “twenty-four of those were by acts where at least half of its members are women” (McCormack, 2018). Interestingly, “none of those songs scored enough to make it to the top 10” (McCormack, 2018). What this tells us is that women consistently represent 20-30% of the Australian and International radio play lists, despite seeing an increase in artist royalty registrations and some festival line-ups. Data available from Spotify Australia solidifies this, by revealing that of the top 100 songs played from Australian IP addresses, “21 female artists” (McCormack, 2018) make the cut, and “none of them are in the top 10” (McCormack, 2018). What is not clear is if these female artists are Australian or internationally based, however, what is clear is that it is entirely irrelevant where a female artist is from or based, her visibility within the music industry appears to be capped at 20-30%. 

 Do you know what I’m thinking? I’m reckoning that perhaps there is a wedge that exists in this world. Imagine this wedge is a door stopper (if you will), and at one end there sits a small inequality, starting with small transgressions that grows fatter and bigger until it carried such weight it can stop the full force of a swinging door. 

Call this wedge a tap on the bum at a pub. Call it an uncomfortable vibe from the guy who is walking just a tad too close to you in the dark. Call it the stranger who puts his hand on the inside of your leg while you’re drunk and asks if you want another. Call it the moment you realise that in this instance it’s safest to play dead and wait for it to stop. Call it Ryan Adams, call it Bowie, call it John Lennon, call it Picasso, call it the local sleaze everyone just rolls their eyes at. Call it a lack of representation in film, art, music, politics, writing. Call it the silencing of women. 

Call it a wedge where we excuse shitty behaviour, because “no harm no foul”, and watch as we all spin in confusion when an 11-year-old girl is forced to deliver a baby conceived by rape, or when another girl gets murdered 100 metres from her fucking tram stop, or another on her way home from her own god damn comedy show. 

We must be seen. We must be heard. Our rage must be contended with. Our time and what we do with it must be acknowledge and treated equally. We are 52% of the population, how is it we have to fight so damn hard to just.fucking.see.ourselves. 

There is a link between what some may excuse as a small annoyance and an overall systematic silencing of women. The silencing of our music, our voices, our contributions to history and culture, and the total erasure of our lives must end. Once you’re on that wedge, it doesn’t take long to move from end to the other. We all must acknowledge this link; our lives depend on it. 

But you know, it’s not all doom and gloom, and on a more personal note, I’m not always raging. So now that I’ve gotten this shit off my chest, I’m going to pour a fresh cold beer down my gob, because beer was invented by us females and by fuck, I’m going to celebrate women today. See you at the show.