#i just.. feel bad. its hard to explain | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

the-kipsabian · 9 months

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#why is it that every time i come off from a voice chat with ppl who genuinely want to spend that time with me i feel like everyone hates me #like. idk. my brain is very broken #i just feel like i dont really have friends. like i know i do. but also.. do i?#its. complicated. i feel like whining. sorry #im gonna make dinner and try to get back to writing i really wanted to finish this fic tonight mmmm #i just.. feel bad. its hard to explain #and no nobody did anything its me. its all me. it has and always will be me. yay #night is an absolute mess on main

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puppyeared · 6 months

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i feel like. theres designing a character with certain themes and motifs in mind, and then theres making a gijinka for the water bottle on my nightstand

#me when im the only person on the bus wearing a mask: i should make a furry plaguesona #its hard to explain bc. most of the time i try NOT to give my characters a 'strong' theme like making their whole design around #one thing like apples or even broad stuff like baking or cottagecore.. idk if its partly for flexibility or because i cant imagine them #making it their whole personality. not bc i find it cringe or overblown but more like ive learned to associate design with character depth #i had a cutesy uwu persona for most of highschool because i thought it would make me more. likeable? easy to remember? since #memorable character designs are easy to recognize. and one way of doing that is simplifying it with a theme or symbol so you form an #association. but since im a real person its exhausting keeping up that appearance all the time and denying myself things when they dont #fit my 'aesthetic' or 'theme.' i think ive grown past that bc i just collect stuff because i think it looks cool and dont let myself dwell #on how it might 'fit' with my image. but i cant help feeling bad doing it to my own characters bc it feels like im making them too one #dimensional. despite knowing that theyre not real and design alone doesnt reflect depth i cant help feeling like its wrong #despite that i love seeing motifs because it feels like it reflects the characters soul and paradoxically gives them depth. it makes them #interesting to look at too and honestly its pretty fun combining things that fall under a similar category when designing #i struggle find a balance between those two things #actually this reminds me of noelles christmas theme.. i dont remember her saying anything abt liking christmas despite a lot of #her design and character tying back to it. it makes me wonder if she would have feelings about that or doesnt think abt it too hard #or if its like a matching family shirts situation and shes just going along with it??#maybe i should just do whatever i want with my character designs since theyre not real and im thinking abt it too hard #although. this probably has something to do with deep seated identity issues huh #yapping #oc talk #oc

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ultra-raging-ghost · 2 months

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Richas is trying to help bad convey his feelings and bads like post-reset social ineptness is showing because hes like "yeah i wanted to have a full day with her because she asked because she was upset" which is so fucking real. actually might need to make a whole separate post about how bad thinks because i understand it really hard

#qsmp #liveblogging #not to project onto q!bad but. that fucking guy had autism.#i understand him. I understand him. i understand his way of thinking and his feelings. i understand i wish i could just reach #through the screen and explain it in plain words to him and give him the solution #but hes trying to work through normal people feelings and emotions on his own and while its hard to see its necessary....#just sitting here gripping my chair thinking 'you had to do this... let him do it... its a necessary part of a autistic persons development #'its done like that on purpose and its really good rep.. let him roleplay it'

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madame-mongoose · 5 months

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I wish mental health services were more easily accessible and certain mental illnesses weren't still demonized in the field

#still pursuing a bpd diagnosis #but a lot of the specialists im seeing online are all like #have you been victimized abused or manipulated by someone with bpd?#and im like :(#ough im not ready to have ANOTHER heavily stigmatized mental illness #but despite that i still do hope i get diagnosed #i think it would explain a lot #and really help me work through my issues #before it gets to that tipping point #it already has come close multiple times just this year alone #i just... idk #i want to be better i want to get better #i dont want to hurt people anymore. i dont want to hurt myself anymore #it sucjs it really does #sorry for vent posting again #i just dont have anywhere else to go #and i dont feel comfortable talking to people about this stuff usually #everyone tells me i can talk to them but.. idk. its hard to do that. so many things can go wrong. i dont like talking about myself #i like for people to have a certain image of me. prefer people not to worry themselves over me #it brings bad feelings and associations sometimes #which if i have bpd can be thhe cause of that i suppose. just makes me feel insecure? ig? guilty? makes me feel like a bad person #when people try to get me to take care of myself. even if its a good thing #idk im just rambling #nobody take this in a bad way or feel discouraged in fact dont pay any mind to this #im just spitballing #will probably delete later #monnie rambles

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hecksupremechips · 11 days

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Just the way Shin Tsukimi’s “mask off” moment is him becoming increasingly frustrated to the point of having a nervous breakdown where all he can do is laugh maniacally because he’s so done with everyone acting so incompetent and not seeing things “as they are” (aka how he sees them) is just. Mwah chefs kiss hes just like me fr 😰

#yttd #shin tsukimi #like guys you just cant comprehend the ways in which we are the same guy #in the good ways and the bad ways #cuz like god this is exactly how id feel in the same situation literally exactly #it IS how i feel constantly and its an infuriating experience when its like #it feels like you hold the inherent truth like you see something no one else can and you try so fucking hard to explain it #you dumb it down as much as possible but no one will listen to you even though youre trying your best and so you just lose it #and you just sit on your high chair all alone cuz why bother talking when youre clearly the only competent one here #and its so real because shin is like. justified for the most part! he DOES know shit that no one else does!#no one can see how dangerous sara is or how stupid it is to put all this blind trust in her and he doesnt get that it makes no logical sense #but to everyone else sara is just a nice smart girl who wants to help so why wouldnt they trust her?#and hes just so like stuck in his ways about it and believes it so strongly and why wouldnt he? he knows the statistics #and he knows he himself is weak its all hes ever believed about himself #god like. that scene just means so much to me lol i relate so hard it hurts #and its hard to know when youre justified in your beliefs and when youre talking nonsense it all feels the same #and you dont WANT to be an ass you want to understand truly but you literally cant comprehend being that stupid #im so glad this character exists man

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citrlet · 8 months

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i'm sorry i'm being annoying about my trip but look at the view from my room in d.c.

#im just literally in awe #i never get to travel so this to me is... idk how yo explain it #just WAIT til i get to go to europe my mind is gonna explode #does it make sense though that i am loving it i also feel a little melancholic?#like im already thinking i miss it before ive even left #i have a bad habit of doing that its a little hard for me to enjoy the moment when im just dreading the end #anyhoo ill shut up we gotta find dinner im shaking

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ch0cocrave · 13 days

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oi i have seen adults obsess over things like poppy playtime, amanda the adventurer, and i've seen a lot of adults in object show communities SO I PROMISE UR FINE!!! DKFJGKSDFHG

...

BUT IT'S WEIRD.

#and the reactions you give just make me feel stupid T^T/ not in a bad way but still #its just egghhhhhh from here -_-#I might just keep it to myself honestly #I just rlly like it but its hard to like EXPLAIN it y-know??

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dennisboobs · 9 months

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do you guys ever sit and remember that dennis takes a mental health day is an episode that exists

#ada speaks #i think i could probably recite the entire one sided phone conversation he has with daisy by heart and i havent seen the ep in months #i don't know how to explain it but #from what little ive read of ross' writing it feels like. when you click onto a fanfic and you feel immediate deep trust of the author #like it just clicks #the cookbook characterization specifically. is like.#i would put my life in your hands #and im sure we will get more eps by him and i really hope that continues because i think its been a very long time since the shows had #writers that i feel Get the characters in a way that feels effortless rather than. overcompensating.#like you can smell that writer's signature no matter how hard they try to cover it up with jokes and subversions #which isnt always a bad thing and im sure if we do get more maloney eps i'll pick up on his writers quirks too #but it doesn't feel like he's trying to copy anyone/pull from old eps it feels like he has a good grasp on things which makes it feel fresh #i find that long running shows hit a point where episodes start to feel less cohesive and more like. segmented short films #but if you have a really good group of writers and they find their groove its like. yeah. ok.#i think season 3 is a good study because marder and rosell's influence is all over the entire season #later seasons you can literally just. Feel which eps they worked on because its got a completely different vibe from the rest of the season #16 still suffers from that segmentation but #i think all the first time sunny writers (and nina's first solo ep) were all absolutely fuckin bangers and they've got a good team in there #anyway. characterization of dennis flipflops a lot. but the rest of the gang arguably gets it worse at times #i think megan's dee is the absolute worst aside from conor galvin's #and i understand wanting to write her as a girlfailure who is just. horrible. but.#ok. comparing self help book dee to ross' cookbook dee. i dont even have to say anything do i.#she's like. The Woman. in the self help book. and i fucking could not stand it. ross' dee is so perfect though #and his frank. MAN.#EVERYONE FUCKING RUINS FRANK.#i think marder and rosell's frank is a lot of fun because hes clearly based on marder's dad and acts believably #a lot of writers struggle to capture his. frank-ness.#he's sort of suffered from like. bland pervy senile old man writing for a long time #and ross brought back him actually being a competent businessman #IM OUT OF TAGS IM SHUTTING UP

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celticbotanart · 4 months

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I'm feeling a lot better from the probably-covid, but I'm still feeling very "off", hence the lack of updates; on the other hand, I took this time I was sick/recovering to do some personal stuff, the new OCs on the making I mentioned a while ago, I'm very hyperfixated atm. I hope I can share stuff about them on Patreon soon~

#botanic panic #Im feeling very freaking tired still and very depersonalized-ish which is such an atomic-bad combo ugh.#being hyperfixated is helping me but also kinda getting in the way it's hard to explain #its like I blinked and 2 weeks passed by and we're about to enter March and ????? how #I feel I woke up from anesthesia like the time loss thing #I feel just like that rn

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the-kipsabian · 6 months

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if i got a redo of the kip/oc feud this year im not kidding that would fix a huge part of me

the bad blood existing is still so obviously there, kip especially has never let go after the loss at battle of the belts. its been mostly off screen but its so obvious, from constantly taunting oc but also giving him his flowers and just playing the mind games on twitter by talking about his title matches and dont make me remind you about "love you long time, sweetest clementine" thing

he needs the closure. i need that feud. everyone wants to see oc in a worthy rivalry instead of random title defenses. we all fucking win, just

they could tell another such an amazing story if they were just given the chance to do so

#i have so many feelings and i dont know where to put them #again i dont want to fantasy book myself into a corner where im just sad when i dont get what i want but. yeah #this would fix me. so fucking badly. i know its ridiculous but fuck man its true #theres history there already. they dont have to continue where they left off but there are building blocks to elaborate from #im just. yeah. its hard to explain im really bad with words today but please. gimme this #box thoughts #sorry im emotional

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puppyeared · 6 months

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for like 3 weeks i was wondering why i was sleeping so much and felt listless. and just now I managed to email 3 people and responded to a month old message in the span of an hour because I got back to TAKING MY FUCKIN MEDS..........

#MOTHER FFFFUCKER #to be fair. my doc said I could stop taking them while im on break since i wouldnt need to be constantly pumped on stimulants #im not sure if it was a side effect but i managed to take like 3 different naps in one day and STILL managed to sleep thru the whole night #at least 2 days into my break. the weird thing is i didnt feel more or less rested afterwards. but mentally i think im in a good place rn #to really put the level of awakeness im at rn i feel weirdly confident i could start one piece. also bc of that sick new opening it BANGS #the song is really good and im in love with the animation style. did some digging and it seems one of the lead animators is masato mori #but i could be wrong. it seems he also did some work on mp100 which could explain a lot lol.. he uses smear frames really well to convey #consistent movement and fluidity!!! someone else might have done color design but it works really really well esp with odas style!!#just love the overall vibe and aesthetic and id really love to study it and incorporate a bit of it into my art.. especially the thick #outlines which i think helps to separate characters and objects on screen. though i have to say the style is definitely more suited to #animation bc of the simpleness and smears. maybe that will help me explore shapes and perspective when i draw... i wanna get better #at drawing poses and angles but i have a hard time wrapping my head around space and using perspective guide lines NGHHHH #i wonder if it has to do with my dogshit ability to judge distance. not depth perception but like. judge how far smth is in metres etc #im also wearing an N95 for the first couple weeks back bc of the wave. absolutely NO BODY is wearing a mask its so fucking over #where im sitting ive heard 5 different people coughing probably not into their elbows!!! and im just. head in my fucking hands #there was a kid sitting a couple seats away in class coughing as he pleases and i wanted to grab him in a chokehold so badly. PLEASEE #ive been annoying my family by asking them to mask up and reminding them to bring masks when they go out and showing them news articles #but at least its working bc we ordered some KN95s and my mom is at least taking me seriously so. please dont be afraid to speak up abt your #health. take care of yourself and others however u can!! wear that mask indoors at your maskless friends house!!! stay home when u can!!#im wearing a surgical mask at home too bc my parents have '''a dry throat cough''' and they are so bad at coughing into their sleeves #also im pretty sure dry throat isnt transmissible bc my brother started coughing too so.. i also tested negative but they havent tested yet #im also not a doctor but i have to keep reminding ppl whenever i can that covid and flu work differently. covid is new and too recent to #have nearly as much research done on it. it seems its also compounding so instead of building immunity it weakens the body and spreads to #to other systems which might explain brain fog and muscle weakness. i remember someone early in the pandemic got infected and it messed up #their smell/taste receptors so bad that they cant eat most foods and that stays in the front of my mind when i think abt covid. christ #yapping

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fivepebsi · 5 months

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the music in ddlc rlly is soooo crazy good. like the way the Creepy music in act 2 is mostly just fucked up versions of the regular tracks. like slightly sped up or the drums missing. or the main melody blown out. and even in the regular tracks theres some dissonance in the melodies to give u that slighttt uneasy feeling. so crazy cool

#ddlc #in general ddlc is soooo good at that slight uncanny feeling that gets me SO BAD #the way the characters are drawn is justttt on that line of anime/realism that makes it super freaky when like. their eyes move. etc #and stuff like posters changing and text jumbling and stuff just …. ohhh so good #its such a specific type of scary catered specifically to me to make me tear up wvery time i think abt it #SCARYYYY!!!!!!!#its hard to explain if u dont find it creepy 😭#its not like Ooohhh theyre evillll now ! theyre evil now and they swear and bloooodd!!!#its the knowledge that theyre being changed beyond their control. the way theyre sentient but Not Quite. the constant rewriting of events #the use of poetry in it is soooo good too. how it shows all their personalities and how they warp over time #love this gameeee. so cool

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bulletsfrank · 10 months

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me when running away from everyone makes me end up all alone:

#i dont have any irl friends anymore theyre all gone with my old discord and its been too long to go back #i lost myself over the summer in ways i can never explain.. i dont know where i am if im being honest #drinking is worsening it all #i feel so insane.. genuinely.. i cant stop getting into my own head and letting it all happen #its just me and teddy #im too scared to leave the house for longer than a few hours anymore #i cant handle people looking at .e #me. i cant handle talking. i cant handle daily tasks of anything. even these days moving feels too hard #i keep finding myself face down floating in the river #and when i turn my body over #my face isnt rotten #it isnt bloated at all.#... its just me and i look young and like i died two minutes ago #then i snap out and im making dinner #and im someone else. somewhere else forever #im so alone but id rather it right now. no one knows how bad it is. intentionally. i never tell anyone #because what would they do?#the only thing i ever learned was to run away and hide. i cant stop thinking i need to keep doing it #i just want everyone to be rid of me so i keep running and running and running

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gochujangst · 11 days

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Wish you could complain about your struggles with splatoon (especially since I now struggle with motor function) without some sweat telling you in your ear that you're bad at the game . I've been playing for 9 years.

#jang rambles #splatoon #you cannot tell me 'skill issue' you would not have survived when i was 13 in the s rank lobbies #disability stuff #surprise! its just ableism #idk splatoon is a very personal and dear thing to me. me struggling with my disability on a game that i have loved for years REALLY hurts #kinda makes me want to cry. this game is a major part of my identity. me faltering and struggling with my hands hurts so bad #its hard to explain. it feels embarrassing to explain.#my body isn't the same as it used to be and i want it back

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ozymoron · 15 days

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starting to think this website is bad for my mental health.....

#⚠️#personal #everytime i come on here and read a post thats discourse its like entering a boss battle against my ocd #like fuck! not again!!#i dont know the answer and my brains yelling at me if i dont reblog fast enough im a bad person and i cant scroll by either causr thatll #make me a bad person whos ignoring what seems to be an obvious problem and now im FUCKED!!!#yeah maybe i could just unfollow discourse people but theyre half the people i follow and also some of my mutuals and like #its not like i dont care about issues its just hard to engage with anything on here when my own mind keeps yelling at me im a horrible #person for not reblogging whatever new queer discourse post has appeared on my dash #its exhausting!#i wish spaces online were more ocd friendly! but they never will be! cause social media thrives off reactionary aggressive shit like #''reblog this or youre a TERRIBLE PERSON'' and even when the op isnt saying that and is like calmly explaining things or at least from what #i can gather from their tone over the internet which is hard to judge that voice is still in my head like people on here will label you a #shitty person for not reblogging certain posts and that scares me and my ocd so bad!#i do care its just hard to want to engage with anything when everyones so angry all the time #yeah people can be justified in that anger but still for people like me who struggle with moral ocd its hard #ive been considering jsut not reblogging discourse but i want to show solidarity with people this discourse is about #i want to show i care cause i do its just hard like #i feel like half the shit i reblog on here is a compulsion #yeah maybe i should spend less time on here but even when im trying to do that i still scroll on my dash for maybe like 5 minutes and ive #already been hit with like 20 different discourse posts #i jsut came on here for gotham fan content idk man

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echidnana · 18 days

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random but one thing we love about american girl dolls is that they aren't super skinny. like how most other dolls like barbie dolls have an impossible body type but ag dolls just sort of feel Normal

#hard to explain? like idk dolls for children having super 'idealized' bodies doesnt feel great #because the point of the dolls is thats what a child will sort of aspire to be or want to be #like the whole point of the main barbie line is like. a figure for girls to look up to #so that figure being incredibly skinny and having a perfect face and all that feels. bad #but ag dolls feel much more like a companion #like as a kid we did look up to those girls! even when we were slightly older than them!#but they were ultimately attainable and felt more like a really cool friend #idk just been thinking about how ag had a very positive impact on us and barbie was always very #superficial i guess #and its sort of sad looking at ag now and seeing how... commercialized it feels? like it feels like theyre barbie-fying it idk #(obvs ag isnt a perfect company and is still a business but its def our favorite doll brand)#confluence.txt

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