#i know hes a completely flat cardboard character who exists to be projected on but damn at least get his age right

[creeperthescamp]

martin septim is at the very least 45 years old. he can't be 34-44 years old cos uriel VII was absolutely not sucking and fucking when he was imprisoned in oblivion by jagar tharn. at least he wouldn't be sucking and fucking any mortals capable of pregnancy. im pretty sure there's a lore book that says that being imprisoned in oblivion took a pretty big toll on uriel's life and personality so I think it's quite unlikely he continued to suck and fuck after the simulacrum and he was well into his fifties at that point anyway. also uriel's legit kids are all in their fifties by the time they get got at the beginning of oblivion. martin is old. he is not a twink. give him some grey hairs.

[edorazzi]

some thoughts on the Felix Thing™:

(as a warning ahead of time, i am going to be very rude about astruc. i don’t talk about him on this blog any more if i can help it because i’m just not interested in inviting that kind of drama, but i can’t really discuss my thoughts about the felix situation without being transparent in this area too. i also apologise to anyone on mobile because i’m pretty sure read-mores still open on the dash there and this is a CHUNK of messy writing)

- all we know currently is that It’s Happening, but without more than a brief plot synopsis it’s impossible to tell any more. where on earth did this come from? whose idea was it? the Who’s Responsible question is really baffling me.

- option 1: it was astruc’s call. he’s notoriously petty when it comes to the fandom and known for putting little things into episodes which purposely degrade characters/ships and undo development from other writers (e.g. admitting to adding the final scene of Despair Bear in which chloé totally rejects all her positive character development because she ‘just can’t stand being nice’). this considered, i absolutely would not put it past him to introduce felix to the cast with the sole purpose of framing him as an irredeemable villain, just because he still hasn’t gotten over the PV fandom existing.

- however, lots of people have been pointing out that astruc specifically said felix would never be in the show. that was literally the one thing he held over the heads of PV fans - that no matter how much we enjoyed the old project, it was over and done with and we’d never be seeing its characters among the canon cast. he was intensely smug about it. adding felix to the show completely scuppers this stance, so why would he choose to do it? has he decided the satisfaction of tearing him apart in canon is greater? has he finally completely lost it? i’m not sure.

- then we come to option 2: it’s zag’s call. this is what i hope. we know zag is fond of the PV (and likely had a big hand in creating it) and eager to appeal to fans, so i’d definitely believe he would pick up on felix’s long-lasting popularity and jump on the idea of adding him to the show as one of adrien’s relatives. VLD did it with sven as a little shout-out to old fans and it was great! we’ve also already had a little PV easter egg in the form of a dvd in alya’s home, which did make me hopeful that the show was open to referencing it more than once. maybe this is that hope fulfilled in an amazing way! maybe!!!

- a good chunk of me is still deeply suspicious of felix getting into the cast because i’m sure astruc would have had to give the OK (and why would he have agreed to it unless he’s got something unpleasant in mind?), but i remember how much of an obvious fight he put up against chloé getting a miraculous and joining the team, even flat-out stating at one point that she wouldn’t have one, and that still happened. this tempts me towards thinking that if zag really wants something for the show then astruc can’t do much to stop it, and that might be the case with felix, if we’re lucky.

- i really want to know who the writers are for this episode, too. zag and his team are most frequently found in the credits of Adrien Episodes (which it sounds like this is going to be, given felix is a relative), which tend to be the episodes that contain actual character-building, plot progression and give the stagnant show formula a little shake. astruc’s usual episodes are just 20 minutes of marinette with a few backup characters as cardboard cutouts/praise machines. it’s conceivable he’d want to be lead writer just to do as much damage to felix as possible if he has to appear, but he might just duck out of the episode altogether as he’s prone to doing whenever it has to be about adrien. that would be a blessing.

- at any rate, i just generally think it’s really goddamn unfair that we have to be so suspicious about this. if this is supposed to be a nice shout-out to a long-lasting group of fans then it’s unfair that we have to wait months completely uncertain of whether we’re being blessed or made fun of, just because astruc has been such a goddamn tool about this topic for literally years. his reputation is so sour by now that we automatically assume he’s out to get us when this could be intended as something amazing - like fuck, man. that’s sad.

- ANYWAY. in terms of the actual episode itself, i’m excited for it either way. we’re going to see felix! he’s going to have a character model and a voice and a place in the canon universe! even if astruc does his absolute best to rip his character to shreds he can’t do worse than lila and chloé, and even they have their groups of fans because their insecurities are clear and sometimes they’re just so awful it’s funny. i’d gladly accept felix as my little brat cat, if only to piss astruc off by actually enjoying what’s put out as the New Established Canon.

- however, if it IS a better writer handling it (help me mr zag ur my only ho), i want to have faith they’ll draw more from felix’s source material as someone who’s completely socially maladjusted - maybe gabriel is actually the softer side of the family? - and needs adrien to drag him out of his shell. i gather from the synopsis that he’ll manage to piss off alya, rose and juleka, but just because that sounds like a villainous thing to do doesn’t mean felix himself will be a villain (i mean i’m sure he will if astruc has anything to do with it, but just looking from all possible angles--). marinette’s pissed people off to the point of akumatization before and she’s our resident in-house angel!

- i also have to consider wayhem in Gorizilla - this episode was clearly written in two halves, and he was set up by astruc to, essentially, illustrate why marinette’s “stalker tendencies” were completely fine because adrien’s other fans could get so much worse. in the latter half of the episode wayhem is redeemed extremely effectively and actually ends up better than marinette (if you’re making it a contest) in understanding why his approach made adrien uncomfortable and having the confidence to apologise. he was a character set up for failure who got saved at the last minute when (it seems) another writer took the reins, so maybe there’s hope in that for felix too.

- anyway, above all, i checked the notes of my previous post and the amount of people reacting with “OH MY GOD!!!” or “AAAAAH!!!!” and various other happy things made me realise just how much of a positive effect this episode could have on the fandom if it’s done right. it’s not (entirely) about felix as a character - it’s about our little corner of fandom being recognised and taken seriously, and the confirmation that, after all this time, we were right not to let astruc bully us out of enjoying something we love.

- if it does turn out to be a whole episode making fun of PV fans, however, that crosses the line of absolutely unforgivable. astruc will have straight-up nuked any popularity he has left among fans. i don’t want to believe that’s the case, but i will be staying appropriately wary for as long as it takes to get some confirmation on what this episode is intended to be.  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[ssnakey-b]

Square-Enix announces FFVIII remaster. I wish I could be excited about it.

Me desperately trying to convince myself that I'm happy we got some acknowledgement of the 20th anniversary.

So Square-Enix just announced that Final Fantasy VIII is getting a remaster and first things first, in case you haven’t seen it yet, here it is:

Many of us FF8 fans are of course very excited about this announcement and even though I made sure not to set my expectations too high when I first heard the rumours, I too was happy to learn that Square-Enix was acknowledging the 20th anniversary of our favourite game, and that it was finally getting some recognition outside of crossovers and the occasional cameo or reference.

But then, I watched the trailer again and as the euphoria of the original announcement faded, I started noticing some things I was less than impressed by, and within an hour, I came to the realization that... I just plain don’t like the direction where this thing is going.

Let’s look at the characters one by one and let’s immediately address the elephant in the room:

Squall’s stupid Dissidia face. This was an immediate disappointment. At least they stuck to his original outfit, I suppose, but man, I cannot comprehend this decision. Why? Why can’t they leave the original design alone? Everyone loves that design, even the people who hate Squall. And why mess with the character’s design in a product that’s made solely as fanservice for long time fans?! Why must Dissidia replace every. Goddamn. Thing whether the fans like it or not?!

That’s actually a joke I made to myself. “Man, can you imagine if at E3 they announced that they’d just replace Squall’s model with the Dissidia one! HA HA HA!” and I actually didn’t even bring it up in the Discord because I didn’t want to be obnoxious with yet more bashing of Squall’s Dissidia redesign. And yet, here we are, they actually fucking did it. They actually just took the original FF8 and fucked it up by putting Dissidia Squall in it. Guess I am justified in my bashing (and I do like the Dissidia games a lot, make no mistake, I just can’t stand that stupid and pointless redesign of Squall).

And it’s not just that it’s different, and it’s not just because it’s blatantly a recycled asset that’s been retooled slightly, it really does look terrible to me. I really don’t like his overly thin face, his overly soft features, and the fact that he generally looks like he’s 14. Yes, I know he’s a teenager, but he’ still not THIS young, and his original design really gave you the impression that it was someone who trained to be a professional fighter, as opposed to a shoujo manga character.

The hair also looks off. It looks less like hair and more like a plastic helmet or something.

And I know people made jokes about how spiky it was in the original game due to the technical limitations of the time, but it still looked good in my opinion, and it was designed in such a way that it actually looked like his biggest bangs rested naturally on his ears. Here his hair just makes weird solid spikes because... I don’t know, he’s related to Phoenix Wright, now? I used to joke that Squall must be the type of guy who spends hours making it look like he spends no time on his looks, but here it really looks like the dude is just slathering his hair in gel to create these spikes and make them fashionable.

And speaking of the bangs, I have no idea why they thought making the ones on the sides of his head all curvy was a good idea. To me, it just looks like armpit hair, or really unkempt sideburns. I’m just amazed by how not a single strand of hair on that model wants to obey the laws of physics.

These changes are especially jarring to me considering they apparently haven’t touched the CGI cutscenes, making it blatant that it’s not what he’s supposed to look like. So at least it’s creating inconsistencies that didn’t exist in the original game, so that’s a bonus.

Also, looking at the folds on his jacket, they... really don’t look good. Looking back at the original model, they really knew how to work with the limitations of the time, so the folds are more understated, yet at the same time, there was more of a contrast with the rest of the jacket, making it again look more real in spite of the lower resolution.

Oh and it looks like they gave him skinny legs like in Dissidia because Heaven forbid that a professional mercenary looks like received para-military training.

Next on the list is Quistis and she does look a lot better than Squall. I especially like how serious she looks. All business all the time. But again, the hair is where it falters. It looks weirdly... poofy, for lack of a better word, compared to her original self and much like Squall’s jacket, the texture of it feels far less sharp than originally, especially when you look at where the bangs meet the pulled back part of her hair. It really feels like there should be a bigger contrast in the shading to highlight the shape of it and give it more volume.

Again, compare with the original, which had a much sharper contrast between the shadows and the highlights, and so made it look a lot more voluminous and lively. Also notice that there was more shading on the original model, giving it a more defined shape. And much like with Squall, the hair gives me that weird impression of just being clipped on and not actually connected to the head, which wasn’t a problem with the older models. This will continue to be a trend, but more on that later.

The same goes for the clothes. Again, in spite of being lower resolution, you can see folds and you can easily imagine the texture of it, but in this trailer, everything is completely smooth and flat. It really takes away from the personality this outfit shows.

Then, there’s Linoa, and she too I’m pretty sure is based off her Dissidia design, though there’s a bigger chance they actually made a new model seeing how Dissidia NT models have a much higher polycount than the PSP games. Now, I actually liked her Dissidia redesign. It wasn’t quite the same as in the original game, but I liked how they made her look more mature and even a bit curvier, which makes sense since it’s set after the events of each character’s game.

So even though the rounder face seems a bit odd in the original game, I can could have been happy with it and besides, there seemed to be quite a few differences between her CGI model and her battle model in FF8 anyway, so I’m not gonna complain about it looking a bit different. But then, once again, there’s the hair...

So... what happened to her caramel strands? You know, the signature part of her looks? If you look veeeeery closely during the video, there’s what might be a couple very faded strands, but the fact that I’m not sure should tell you everything you need to know, as they’re pretty much gone. And overall, the modeling just isn’t very good and much like with Squall, her bangs just look weird, overly stiff and spiky. Unlike with the original model, it feels like it was cut out that way like cardboard or something rather than naturally following the shape of her head.

One positive I’ll give it is that we can clearly see the two rings on her necklace, and I’ll give them bonus points if there’s only one before Squall hands her his ring.

On to Selphie.

...

She actually looks fine and is definitely the one who comes out the best from this whole thing. No complaints there, even though we don’t get to see much of her. Even her wristband/bracelet thing is more detailed, which will come in very handy for fan art.

Next is Zell. Now, I’ve seen people mention/complain that they gave him a babyface, but I actually don’t mind that. Zell’s whole deal is that he’s trying to act tough and dangerous even though he’s clearly a loving mama’s boy, so it fits in that he’d look more youthful and innocent. Hell, one could even argue it explains why he wanted to get a face tattoo. No, I have far more of an issue with everyone else having baby faces as well.

And last but not least, we have Irvine. Now face-ise, I don’t have much of a problem with it, looks pretty good. The bangs are a little weird and again give me that cardboard/wood cutout feel, but still, doesn’t look bad.

What does look bad is Irvine’s shotgun:

The barrels look weird, right? Well that’s because as you may have noticed, the texture for the holes isn’t aligned with the 3D model. That’s also why you can see a bit of wood texture on one of the cannons. And you can’t see it very well on this screenshot, but the chamber also has mismatching textures.

That’s right, in the trailer announcing a remaster that's supposed to celebrate the 20th anniversary of the game, a product whose only purpose is to make the game look better, they felt comfortable showing us graphical issues that weren’t present in the original game.

Now sure, this will probably be fixed by the time the remaster gets released (at least I hope it will) but I cannot stress this enough, the one thing this remaster is supposed to do is make the game look better and the big announcement trailer cannot even promise us decent texturing.

It also says a lot about the different treatment of fandoms that on the same day, FF7 fans get more insight on an awesome remake of a game that’s already been ported to pretty much every current system in existence, has had multiple sequels, spin-offs and adaptations and constantly gets referenced in other games, with all the love and care that one should expect from a major AAA project but for FF8 fans, proper texture mapping is too much to ask.

It just boggles my mind that a major publisher would create a trailer blatantly showing broken graphics, but to do so for a remaster is just incomprehensible to me.

And speaking of the textures, this leads me to my main issue with these models, which is that they just plain don’t look good. Final Fantasy VIII had a really strong visual identity and compared to the rest of the games, it looked extremely realistic, to the point that even the more recent games that do go for a more realistic feel, like XIII or XV, still have a more overtly fantasy feel. And FFVIII pulled off that realistic style amazingly well. Even though it was made using technology that wasn’t anywhere near as advanced as what we have to day, they still felt like flesh and bone people, and that made them that much more relatable.

But here, that strong identity has been completely neutered. Everything looks way too soft and clean. The textures have no definition to them and are overly smooth; they look airbrushed. And look, I’m not gonna pretend that the characters in the original looked gritty or anything, they were still pretty boys and girls, but they were believable pretty boys and girls. There was still something about them that made it feels like they could be people you’d meet in the streets. Here, their uncannily smooth and featureless skin looks like plastic. They look like action figures.

These models not only look bland and boring IMO, but they just do not fit with the style of FF8, which is going to be especially jarring considering they apparently don’t intend to upgrade the backgrounds. Hell, these models don’t even fit with one-another, as Squall and Linoa really don’t look like they belong with the rest of the team, IMO.

To really ram home how badly this remaster fails to understand FFVIII’s aesthetic, just look at this comparison, which just made me go “Urgh!” when I saw it. Just look Squall and Quistis don’t fit in with this environment. See how especially out of place Squall looks. Behold how stiff and awkward his hair is. Marvel at his collar made of crumbled up tissue paper! Admire how his once intense expression now looks bland and boring! Behold how what few folds left on Quistis’ overly smooth outfits no longer follow the shape of her body! Gaze in wonder at how lifeless these soulless mannequins look.

It’s just so sad and what makes it worse is that just a few months ago, we had the FF8 Mobius event which gave us an HD version of Squall and Ultimecia and that looked amazing! Now obviously a full game with that look wasn’t gonna happen, but I really would have hoped that they’d at least use it as a guideline for the direction to take the art in. Instead, all we get for the 20th anniversary is a remaster that can’t even promise to look as good as the original.

It’s just so sad, and some people are already defending it by saying that we should be happy we got anything at all, or that we shouldn’t be “ungrateful” about it. No! We shouldn’t be content with mediocrity just because it’s better than nothing, especially when I’m not convinced it is. It’s a terribly apathetic to have, and I’m pretty sure it’s the exact sort of attitude AAA companies want to cultivate: be happy with what you get because you ain’t getting anything else.

As for being ungrateful, that’s just laughable. They’re not giving us a present, people, it’s a re-release of a 20 year-old game and as far as I can tell, all they’re doing is change the 3D models, and we’re still gonna have to pay for it. It’s a glorified mod and yet it barely competes with fan-made ones.

Add to this how quickly slapped together the trailer blatantly was, using what is hopefully an early build of the remaster and being half made of CGI footage despite the fact that they don’t appear to have done anything new to it, and it really doesn’t give me the vibe of something made with love.

Honestly, I used to think I was gonna buy it either way, partly because I still wanted to see how it was, partly because I wanted to support Square-Enix but honestly, seeing how this is shaping up, I don’t want to support this any more. I already bought the game on PS1 and PC, why should I buy it a third time in a worse-looking version?

Look, I really wanted to get excited for this. I really wanted to celebrate some new official FF8 content with everyone, but I can only judge it from what I’m seeing, and what I’m seeing is an unfitting art direction, recycled assets and mismatched textures. I just cannot bring myself to cheer on something that really doesn’t seem

So unless they really show us stuff that blows me away before release, I think I’ll stick with the PC version (or maybe the PS1 version on emulators if I’m feeling REALLY nostalgic), even if there is no good reason why it should still be doing such a better job of improving the game’s graphics than an official remaster. Oh and by the way, let us not forget that this is something that console players don’t get the luxury to do since FF8 was infamously not ported to modern consoles, unlike all the other ones. So if you play on consoles and want to play the original without the remastered graphics, fuck you, I guess.

Yep, still the best looking guy here.

[the-desolated-quill]

Robot Of Sherwood - Doctor Who blog

(SPOILER WARNING: The following is an in-depth critical analysis. If you haven’t seen this episode yet, you may want to before reading this review)

When the Doctor exited the TARDIS and bumped into Robin Hood, who greets him with a cheeky wink before the opening credits, I started to shift uncomfortably in my seat. Mark Gatiss, why do you keep doing this to yourself? You know this kind of light hearted fluff doesn’t suit you. You specialise in the dark and the macabre. The Unquiet Dead and The Crimson Horror are probably your best episodes, and that’s because they play to your strengths. This... I’m sorry, but this is just sad.

Clara wants to meet Robin Hood, but the Doctor is adamant that Robin Hood doesn’t exist, so he takes Clara to Sherwood Forest to prove his point (again, it’s like Into The Dalek. He takes Clara to Nottingham not to make her happy, but to prove he’s right. I really like this more arrogant and stubborn side of him a lot) only to find that Robin Hood and his band of Merry Men are in fact real after all. Or are they...?

To be honest, I kind of half wish they followed through with the idea that Robin Hood really was a robot because that at least may have justified why he’s such an awful caricature. Tom Riley has a decent stab at it, but the character is so one note and so wafer thin that it’s damn near impossible to form any sort of emotional attachment to him. Why should I care about him or his desire to be reunited with Maid Marion? (who is basically handed to Robin Hood as a prize at the end for good behaviour). Some could argue that this was deliberate to keep up the pretence that he might be a robot, but that doesn’t work because once you learn he is in fact the real Robin Hood, he’s still a flat, one dimensional cardboard cutout. And the less said about his so called ‘bantering,’ the better. I’ve had dentist appointments that were funnier than this.

The Sheriff Of Nottingham has the same problem. Ben Miller tries his best, but there’s nothing he can really do because the character is so flimsy. Why is he working with the robots? What’s his motivation behind wanting more power than he already has? And if he’s just a pawn of the robots, how is he able to control them? (On a second viewing, I learnt that the Sheriff is actually a cyborg. This was an explanation that I completely missed the first time around because it was so rushed and I couldn’t hear it because of the sword fight and Murray Gold’s obnoxiously loud swashbuckler theme crashing and banging away in the background. Plus it doesn’t really address what I was saying. In fact it just raises further questions. Why did the robots upgrade the Sheriff? And why give him control over them?).

The robots themselves look kind of cool, I guess. But... robots trying to repair their spaceship using human resources so that they can get to the Promised Land? Isn’t this the exact same premise as Deep Breath? Did they think we wouldn’t notice?

But for me the biggest reason why Robot Of Sherwood doesn’t work (and it pains me to say this) is the Doctor. Now don’t get me wrong. I like Peter Capaldi. I think he’s a great actor, but I think it’s fair to say he can only really do certain types of comedy. The reason Into The Dalek worked so much better as an introduction to Twelve than Deep Breath did was because the story and humour was tailor fitted to suit Capaldi’s talents. Whimsy and goofy just doesn’t suit him. Deep Breath made that painfully obvious. He was miles better at the dry quips and dark sarcasm in Into The Dalek. So it baffles me why we’ve suddenly gone back to whimsy, goofy territory again. Take a look at the opening fight with Robin Hood where the Doctor brandishes a spoon. Now if it was David Tennant or Matt Smith doing that, it could have worked, but with Peter Capaldi, the whole thing just felt really cringeworthy. And I’m not saying it’s because Capaldi is a bad actor or he’s not funny. It’s just not the right material for him. It just doesn’t work with this particular Doctor. Same goes for the gag where he accidentally tells one of the Merry Men he’s only got six months to live. I could see Matt Smith making that work, but when Peter Capaldi does it, it just comes off as spiteful.

I suppose that’s really my main gripe with Robot Of Sherwood, apart from everything else. It feels like its been written for a completely different Doctor. Nowhere is this more apparent than in the scene where the Doctor, Clara and Robin Hood get captured and locked in a cell, and the Doctor and Robin start squabbling like children. This is by far the worst scene in the episode because the Doctor’s behaviour and attitude toward Robin Hood doesn’t make any sense. The only way his behaviour could possibly be justified is if he was motivated by jealousy. Except that’s not who this Doctor is. He has no romantic interest in Clara whatsoever, so that can’t be the reason for his jealousy, and you can’t even put it down to the Doctor being jealous of her hero worshipping Robin because he knows she hero worships him too and wishes she wouldn’t. It just doesn’t work with this Doctor at all.

Speaking of which, this is the third episode in a row where the story revolves around sticking the Doctor under a microscope. Deep Breath was about questioning whether the Doctor is the same man as before, Into The Dalek was about the Doctor’s hatred of the Daleks, and now Robot Of Sherwood is about whether or not the Doctor is a hero (and in case you didn’t pick up on all that, Robin Hood handily explains it all to you at the end because the writers clearly think we’re fucking idiots). I can see what they’re trying to do. The Doctor doubts whether or not he’s a good person and is projecting those doubts onto Robin Hood. This prevents him from seeing Robin as a real man and forces him to conclude that Robin must be a fake working for the enemy. I get it. The problem is in order to make it work, Mark Gatiss has to make the Doctor look like a complete and utter moron. The Sheriff spells it out all too plainly near the end. Why would the robots design an enemy to fight them? It’s just all so bloody obvious, there’s no way the Doctor wouldn’t pick up on that. I’ve got no problem with the Doctor being suspicious of the whole setup, but not if it comes at the expense of his own characterisation.

No. Sorry Mark Gatiss. This really isn’t good enough. You were in the League Of Gentlemen, for God’s sake! Write something better!

[phancystuff]

Trying to Remember How it Feels (To Have a Heartbeat) 1/7

Pairing: Dan/ Phil (Phan) Summary: Dan moves into a new apartment in London and, though it’s a step up from his old apartment, his landlord gives him strange warnings while he’s touring the place-- something about the last renters leaving because of ghost sightings. But, Dan doesn’t believe in the supernatural. He quickly changes his tune when he meets Phil Lester, the ghost haunting his apartment. Well, if haunting means quickly becoming the best friend he’s ever had. (Title from Harry Styles’ song Two Ghosts) Notes: This is the first part of my Spooky Week Special! This fic is almost 100% already written and I plan on updating it every day until Halloween. Please note that, although this fic has the warning of major character death, it is not in any way graphic. Tags/ Warnings: ghost au, Halloween, major character death (obv. it’s a ghost au lol), depictions of panic attacks, angst, fluff, HAPPY ENDING, mentions of suicide (it happens in a movie they watch)

Read it on A03 Completed fic masterlist here

Dan woke up that morning in a mood, which is never a good thing when you’re supposed to do something particularly adult-y. Something like tour a new apartment because the one you’re currently living in is literally falling apart at the seams and your neighbors drill ridiculous DIY projects at all hours of the day. Dan’s YouTube channel had been doing pretty well lately, too, and he could finally afford a better apartment. He had made it hard on himself in the beginning by refusing to get a roommate, but he liked his space. It didn’t matter, anyway, it was finally time for him to move up in the world and trade his current hamster cage for a slightly bigger one. And yet, there Dan was, the morning of an apartment tour, on his third coffee, and still feeling like someone had hit him over the head and shoulders while he was sleeping. Sickly sweet Starbucks lattes weren’t even touching his exhaustion; it was that serious. So maybe that’s why, later when Dan was touring this potential apartment, he couldn’t be bothered with the stupid things that were coming out of the landlord’s mouth.

The white, middle aged man, who had introduced himself as Paul, had just closed the door to the master bedroom and was leading Dan to the kitchen when he glanced back at Dan. “Yeah, I just want to give you full, fair warning. The last renters left because they kept seeing a ghost.”

“You don’t say?” Dan hid his eye roll, answering uninterestedly. He didn’t know what the landlord was playing at, but ghosts didn’t exist and this was a nice apartment. He couldn’t be scared away from it. It was an old building, but it had recently been renovated and featured new, shiny appliances. The space wasn’t huge, but it would work perfectly for a 26 year old, single YouTuber. It had a great view of the city and an elevator to aid in the moving process.

“Yeah, ghosts! I mean, I never saw any ghosts, but I do get a weird feeling when I walk around here.” Paul rambled on and Dan leaned against the kitchen counter, staring at him. “From what I hear, the last landlord that owned this property didn’t carefully inspect the place and it ended in some poor bloke dying. Not really sure how; it was back in 2010. But, obviously, everything’s ship shape now.” The man trailed off, gazing around at nothing in particular.

“Uh huh,” Dan answered politely, but distractedly, crouching down to look at the controls on the impressive-looking stove. He wasn’t really listening.

“Oh, yeah! The stove is new and state-of-the-art--” as the landlord barreled into more information about the admittedly nice stove, Dan totally forgot about the weirdo’s ghost comments.

***

A week later, Dan was moving into his new apartment. He had spent a few days weighing his options, but had ultimately decided to apply for the flat that Paul had showed him. The application had been accepted quickly and now Dan was staring at his new home with a large, heavy cardboard box in his arms. Thankfully, his parents and younger brother were kind enough to give up their Saturday to help Dan out. They were hoping to get it all done in a day. Dan glanced back toward the street and felt overwhelmed by all of the boxes, furniture, and stuff in the moving van. As he made trip after trip from moving van to apartment, he felt increasingly thankful for the elevator in the building.

Dan, his parents, and younger brother were in and out of the apartment all morning with boxes and furniture. “Fuck, Dan, when did you get so much shit?” Alex collapsed on the sofa that the four of them had finally fit it into the far corner of the lounge. He glared at Dan, who just rolled his eyes at his moody teenaged brother. Dan couldn’t really say much; he was moody too when he was sixteen. Dan was just glad that he didn’t start his YouTube channel until later in his life. Less cringe-worthy stuff on the internet, that way.

“Sorry Lexy,” Dan put emphasis on his little brother’s childhood nickname, “How about you let me know what I don’t need and I’ll bin it. Would that make you happy?”

Alex puffed out a breath, “Yeah, start with the shoes. You have enough to make the average girl jealous.”

Dan crossed his arms, “sexist little punk.”

“Self-absorbed twat.”

“Wanker.”

“Assho--”

“Boys! Enough.” Their mum suddenly appeared at the opening to the lounge, looking at her offspring disappointedly. “Daniel, you’re 26, you should know better.” Dan looked down at his toes, feeling more remorseful that he was 26 and was still being disciplined by his mum. Alex just looked smug, until their mum turned to him and crossed her arms. “Alex, Daniel is your older brother and he needed our help today. So don’t complain. We’re family, we help each other. That’s what family does.” Alex rolled his eyes in response.

Dan collapsed next to Alex, letting a sigh escape his lips. “Thanks for helping me, you guys. Even though some of us are annoying little pillocks who should be locked in a room until their bodies are no longer being ravaged by hormones--” he looked pointedly at Alex-- “I really appreciate the help.”

“Well, of course you need help, it’s not like you can afford movers on a YouTuber’s salary.” Alex snipped, shoving his shoulder against Dan.

Their mum looked between them with exasperation, throwing her hands up. “I give up! Brothers! So nasty to each other!” She turned around, exiting the flat to get more boxes. Alex giggled.

Dan looked at him unbelievingly. “Did you really just giggle?”

Alex met his stare with furrowed brows, “No, I didn’t fucking giggle. Why would I giggle? The only funny thing here is your career path.” Alex shoved himself off the couch, “come on, you lazy fuck. You aren’t gonna pass all the work off on us.”

“Will you stop being such a prick?” Dan also pushed himself off the couch, already forgetting about the giggle that he had very clearly heard. Instead, he was thinking about offering to order pizza for everyone so they could have a much-deserved lunch break.

***

Later that night, Dan worked in his new bedroom, making his bed and unloading the boxes that had been haphazardly stacked about. The whole process of bringing in his stuff had taken the better part of the day and then his family stuck around to help Dan start to unpack. They didn’t really get far with it, before Dan was insisting that he could handle the unpacking part and that his family had done enough for him. Of course, Alex had made a relieved sassy comment that Dan had ignored and Dan’s mum checked and double-checked that Dan was ok to do it alone. Dan’s dad suggested going out to dinner and everyone had been more than happy to comply.

His family left long ago and Dan was alone in the apartment. It seemed so big and empty. Every footstep seemed to echo. Dan hated new places. It would get better when his stuff was unpacked and arranged. Until then, Dan just blasted some Vampire Weekend and rifled around in the boxes marked ‘bedroom.’ Whenever Dan moved somewhere new, he set his bedroom up first. The bed was the most important thing, especially since it was pushing 10:00 PM and Dan had gotten up disgustingly early that morning. After the bed was made, Dan went through the process of setting up his computer. Connecting to the internet was blessedly easy, but that was because the internet provider had already been in a couple days ago to install the router and ethernet jacks. Dan had stressed to them how important it was to get everything sorted and they had complied.

Fixing up his bedroom also included building his video background, which was always one of his favorite spaces to decorate. Of course, the iconic butt chair was there. He hung fairy lights around his bed frame and delicately put various knick knacks on display on his bedside table. Posters were hung, clothes were folded and stuffed into his chest of drawers, books were fitted into his new bookshelf, bedsheets were smoothed down, and slowly the boxes disappeared. Dan broke them down and slid them in the hallway, promising himself to take care of the pile rather than trip on it for the next two weeks. Before Dan knew it, it was 1:30 AM and he was crashing, quickly.

Dan silenced Ezra Koenig and tore off his clothes, changing into soft pajama bottoms. He lay down on his bed, groaning at the feeling of his aching body sinking into a blessedly comfy memory foam mattress. Dan had paid a small fortune for the bed, but it had been so worth it. He slept like a baby in it. Dan got out his phone, checking his social media accounts for any important updates. He reblogged some fanart on tumblr, watched some of his friends new YouTube videos, and liked some tweets. Dan himself tweeted, ‘of course the first thing i set up in the new flat is my bed. it’s where all the magic happens and by magic i mean sleep.’ Dan spent a few minutes replying with sassy comments to fans, before feeling his eyelids start to drift closed.

“Ugh, the lights. Gotta get the lights.” Dan murmured to himself, forcing his eyes open. He rolled to the left, aiming to get out of the bed, when the lights were suddenly off. Dan perked his head up, looking around in the room that had just been plunged in darkness. He couldn’t see a thing. He groaned, thinking about how he would already have to contact the landlord about electricity problems. “Stupid faulty electricity,” Dan pressed the palms of his hands into his eyes. “Whatever, it can wait until morning.” Dan pushed the bedcovers down, wiggling under them. They were barely over his body when sleep overtook him.  

Dan slept late and when his eyes finally cracked open, the sun was obnoxiously brightening the room. Dan put ‘dark curtains’ on his mental shopping list and pushed the covers off his body. He lay there for a second, observing the ceiling (and praising the lack of cracks in it).

Moments later, his feet touched the floor and he remembered the electricity the previous night. Curious, Dan pushed himself out of bed and padded over to the light switch on the wall. He flicked it experimentally and watched the overhead lights come on and off, on and off. They were working perfectly. There must have been a brief, scarily coincidental, power outage the previous night.

Dan went into the kitchen and made a coffee and popped some toast into the toaster, thanking both his past self for packing some food to sustain him as he moved in, and his mother for unpacking the food immediately. Dan got out his phone as he waited for his breakfast and sent a quick text to his mum. ‘Bless you for unpacking my food.’ She sent him a heart emoji without hesitation and asked him about his first night. He made light conversation about unpacking and sleeping, but quickly said goodbye to her in favor of breakfast.

Dan opened up the notes app in his iPhone, looking at the list of video ideas he had going. Although he had tons of unpacking to do, he was due for a new video soon. He didn’t want to spend a lot of time with a script or with editing, so he figured it was time for another video in his “Quick and Dirty with Dan” series. For these videos, he would essentially set up a camera and rant/ philosophize about a subject for five minutes. He only edited out the “um’s.” They were fun. People cared about his opinions on things, surprisingly. Dan composed a quick tweet: ‘any requests for a quick n dirty?’ and he watched the responses flood in. Of course, plenty of his fans suggested lewd things, inspired by the name of the series. Several tweets said ‘Donald Trump’ and there was no way that Dan was going to fall down that hole. Dan scrolled through his replies, munching on a bite of buttered toast. One tweet jumped out at him and he thumbed the text, liking it. ‘Talk about your experience with/ opinion about the supernatural! Like ghosts, not the show lolol.’ Immediately, Dan recalled the weird conversation he had with Paul the landlord about the ghost that apparently haunted this apartment. It would be a perfect story to include in his video.

When his toast was eaten and cup of coffee was drained, Dan tottered back to his bedroom, maneuvering around boxes. Dan made his bed and changed into his signature black outfit. He set up his camera and lighting equipment and sat down in his chair, checking the viewfinder to make sure that his video background looked agreeable. Dan pressed record, speaking his regular greeting of “Hello internet!” and barreling into the topic of the supernatural.

Three or four hours later, the video was being uploaded onto YouTube. Dan’s more scripted videos took much longer to create, which was why he really liked this series. Dan left the video to do its thing and went to unpack the kitchen, blasting Britney Spears and singing along badly. “Toxic” came on and Dan picked up a wooden spoon, holding it to his mouth and purring out the first words of the song, “baby, can’t you see?” He danced around the kitchen. About halfway through the song, Dan noticed that he was hearing double. There was another voice under Britney’s that wasn’t his own. It wasn’t a particularly good voice, either. It missed some of the notes entirely. Dan furrowed his brow and picked up his phone, checking that Spotify hadn’t accidentally given him a weird, cover version of the song. It hadn’t. Dan paused it and silence enveloped the kitchen. He pressed play again and the song was back to normal, Britney back to her sensual self. Dan felt a little unnerved, thinking about the electricity and the weird mystery voice. He considered exploring the apartment a little, checking closets and corners for possible squatters. In the end, he didn’t do anything of the sort, laughing at himself instead. He needed to get the place set up, then maybe Dan wouldn’t feel so jumpy.

Dan paused Britney and checked the status of his video. He was surprised to find that it had already uploaded successfully. He was impressed with the internet speed. He scrolled through YouTube comments, liking a few clever ones. He rarely replied to YouTube comments, unless one was especially funny. He didn’t find any funny ones, but did notice quite a few that looked exactly identical.

‘Umm wtf ghost at 1:33??????’

‘YOU BETTER BELIEVE IN GHOST STORIES, DANIEL, YOU’RE IN ONE!!!11! 1:33’

‘1:33 Ghost. Ghost. Ghost.’

‘Seriously, what the fuck is that at 1:33??’

Dan rolled his eyes at the comments. These weren’t new on the world of YouTube. People loved creepy things and once one person commented a timestamp and a ghost sighting, it was like a disease. Dan clicked the timestamp on one of the comments, fully expecting a shadow or stuffed animal falling over.

Instead, Dan felt like his heart stopped.

He paused the video. He suddenly felt hot, heat prickling across every inch of his skin. In the video, in the dark doorway of his bedroom, there was an unmistakable figure. A man. He was barely a glimmer, but, boy, was he there.

Dan stared at the screen, wondering if his eyes were playing tricks on him. There was literally no fucking reasonable explanation for what he was seeing. Dan tried to rationalize it, but was coming up with nothing. Zip. Zilch. Nada. Instead, he was thinking about the landlord’s comments, the mysterious giggle that he thought was Alex, the electricity problem, the strange voice he heard while singing “Toxic.” Dan started shaking. He was afraid to play the video and watch what the figure would do. But he had to. Curiosity ate at him. Slowly, shakily, Dan pressed play and watched the entryway. The man looked up at Dan in the video. Dan blanched at the man’s pale skin, dark hair, and piercing eyes. He didn’t look unfriendly, watching Dan with curiosity. In the video, Dan was saying something about “the idea of ghosts scaring the diddly heck out of him,” and Dan saw the ghost’s mouth quirk up in a smile, before he was simply phasing out of frame.

Dan paused the video and released a breath that he had been holding.

“Sorry for intruding on your video.” Dan screamed, actually screamed, jerking violently in his chair. It pitched back and he crashed to the floor. The room echoed with the sound of the loud crash and Dan felt momentarily dazed. He stared up at the ceiling, wondering if someone had slipped him hallucinogenic drugs without him knowing. Alex would probably get a kick out of doing something like that. Suddenly, a figure came into Dan’s view, looking at Dan upside down. It was the figure from the video. The ghost? The hallucination? Dan’s eyes widened at the man. He looked… concerned. “Oh dear, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to frighten you. Are you all right?” Dan noticed the voice had a Northern tinge, and now was really not the time to notice such a fucking stupid detail.

“Me? I-I-- well, I-I. Are y-you? Ghost? Who, who, who are you?” Dan stuttered pathetically, trembling all over. He felt cold and hot at the same time. He wondered briefly if he had a fever. Maybe he hadn’t woken up yet and this was a dream.

The figure covered his translucent face in equally translucent hands. “Oh god, I’ve really muffed this up. Of course you would be frightened.” He removed his hands from his face and stared down at Dan. “Won’t you get up? We could go to the lounge? I’ll introduce myself properly!”

Dan just lay there, trembling. He blinked his eyes over and over, willing the ghost to disappear. He wasn’t awake. He was asleep. This was a dream. He pinched himself. It didn’t work. He slapped himself in the face. Nothing happened.

“Hey! Don’t hit yourself!” Dan jumped again. He stared into a pair of ghosts eyes a moment longer and decided that he should at least pick himself off the floor. He did so, probing the back of his head and wincing at the tender spot that was definitely bruised. Methodically, he picked the chair up off the ground and tucked it under the desk, trying to breathe evenly. It was a losing battle. Finally, Dan snapped, and the floodgates opened. He began breathing harder, the unmistakable feeling of panic sweeping over his body. He felt lightheaded and numb. Dan sat down on the floor, hard, breath coming faster and faster. He pushed himself against the wall of his bedroom, trying to get as far away from the ghost as possible. His breath wheezed out of him, specks of spit flying out of his mouth. Dan pressed his head in between his knees as he lost feeling in his fingers. He didn’t feel real. He was terrified. What was happening to him?  “Hey, hey, now. It’s ok. God, I’m so sorry, Dan. It’s ok. Breathe. Slowly, slowly now.” Dan knew that the voice was coming from the object of his fears, but it was good advice. He tried his best to take it, trying to control his lungs. He used every trick he had learned throughout his life of living with anxiety. He imagined that his lungs had legs and were running away and he imagined himself running after them, catching them in his hands. He listened to the soothing repetition of “it’s ok, shh, slowly now” coming from the mouth of the fucking ghost across from him. Dan picked up his heavy hands and brought them up to his own neck, dragging his fingers along the sensitive skin there. Anything to ground him. Anything to make him feel real again. Minutes later, Dan’s breathing began to slow. He focused hard on forcing it to stay slow. “There ya go, good. I’m not a bad guy. I couldn’t hurt a fly, I promise.”

Dan looked up at the ghost who had crouched down in front of Dan’s crumpled form. He would have looked like a completely normal guy, if not for the see-through skin and the slightly hovering body. This was the first time Dan was getting a good look at him and he was surprised, to say the least. The man in front of him was more like a boy. He had long, black hair that was cut into a style resembling cool 2007 emo myspace kids. Interestingly enough, he was sporting a worn, blue shirt and grey sweatpants. He had piercing blue eyes.  “You’re a ghost.” Dan’s voice was shaky and monotone. He felt exhausted. Dan realized that his face was wet with tears. When he had a panic attack, he often couldn’t tell the difference between hyperventilating and sobbing. It all blended into one disastrous experience.  

The figure looked embarrassed and Dan thought he saw the ghost’s face turn red. “I am a ghost. I’m sorry.” The ghost scratched at the back of his head. “Dan, I feel terribly. I should have realized that you would have reacted like this. I accidentally drove the last renters out and I never even purposefully revealed myself to them. God, I’m just an idiot. I just couldn’t believe that you were a YouTuber and I got so excited to see the camera and--”

“--Ok, ok. It’s, um, ok, I guess.” Dan cut the ghost off. He blew out a shaky breath. “How do you, um, know my name?”

The ghost looked embarrassed again. “Oh, I heard your family call you Dan. That sounds so creepy. Sheesh,” he refused to meet Dan’s eyes. “I wish I could leave you alone forever, but I-- uh-- am kinda tethered to this place. Can’t leave.”

Dan nodded slowly, deciding that, if this was happening and this was reality, he might as well be cordial. “Oh. Well, do you have a name?”

Phil clapped his hand over his face and Dan couldn’t help but jump a little, body still on edge. “I’m really cocking this up. Yes of course I have a name, I’m so rude. Phil Lester, at your service!” Phil stuck his hand out at Dan who just stared at it. Phil slowly retracted it, “sorry, habit.” The ghost coughed, “sorry.”

“Right. Um.” Dan chewed his lip and stared at Phil with wide eyes. What was the proper etiquette when it came to ghosts? He couldn’t offer Phil some tea and cakes, for chrissakes. Dan suddenly remembered something Phil had said only seconds before. “You know YouTube? How?”

Phil smiled a sad smile and crossed his legs. He looked like a monk who had achieved enlightenment with his hovering. “I had a channel back in the day. I had a lot of fun with it.” Phil stared at his legs, picking at the fabric covering his knee.  

“Oh! Wow, you were a YouTuber?” Dan couldn’t hide his disbelief. What were the odds that the ghost tethered to his new apartment had also been a YouTube when he was alive? Dan wasn’t even going to dwell on how weird that sentence was. “What was your username?”

Phil met his eyes and smiled shyly, “oh, um, it was amazingphil.” Dan raised his eyebrows. “I know, I know. I made it in 2006.”

“That’s fair; everyone had quirky usernames back in the day.” Dan remembered his first youtube channel name and was briefly thankful that he never made a single video on it. He couldn’t imagine what kind of professional life he could have with a name like ‘danisnotonfire.’

“Yeah, I guess. But mine was particularly silly, huh?”

“Not as bad as danisnotonfire,” Dan said, laughing a little.

“That’s your channel name?!”

“Oh no, no. But it was the account I made when I was 16. I never used it to make videos, thank god.” Silence followed Dan’s comment and he was struck by the sudden realization that he was having a fucking conversation with a ghost. “Hey-- did you turn off the lights last night?” Dan tilted his head to the side slightly and Phil looked abashed.

“Um, ah, yeah. You had just worked so hard and looked so comfy. I just flicked them off for you, it wasn’t hard.” Phil cleared his throat, “electricity is one those things that I can manipulate.”

Dan hummed to himself. “So you were watching me last night?”

Phil’s eyes widened. “Sorry! Sorry! Bad habit! I don’t see many people. It’s just nice to--” He cut himself off. “I think it’s about time for me to leave you alone. You need some space,” Phil nodded to himself, “I need to get out of your space.”

“Phil! Phil, wait! I still have--” and then the ghost was gone, as quick as he had appeared. “--questions.” Dan finished lamely.

Dan looked around his bedroom, almost surprised to find that it hadn’t changed; only Dan’s perception of it had. Everything was too bright and crystal clear, like he had been swimming underwater with his eyes open until that moment. Dan shakily got up off the floor and made his way to the bed, collapsing on it. He didn’t bother to put on different clothes or get under the covers. So, a ghost was haunting his new apartment. What was he supposed to do about that? Let the landlord know? The landlord already knew; he had bloody warned Dan. Tell his parents? His subscribers? Well, his subscribers had already seen it. Curious, Dan pulled his phone out of his back pocket and scrolled through his replies on Twitter. The ghost was literally the only thing that any of them were talking about. Dan checked the views on his video and his mouth dropped open. It was almost to one million views, which was pretty normal for him, but it always took a couple of days for the views to add up to a million. His video was going viral. Dan locked his phone and placed it on the bedside table. What was he supposed to do about this? He began to drift asleep, the exhaustion of his panic attack weighing him down into the mattress. Phil had been a YouTuber when he was alive; maybe Dan would ask him his opinion. Before Dan could consider how odd of a concept it was, he was asleep.

Chapter two