#i know it would be a lalo sweep

[jesseweneedtocock]

haven’t used this blog in a while. found a poll in my drafts called ‘cousins night hotness ranking’ for the salamancas. serious posts for serious shows

[nanabrainrot]

I Live and I Lose

Based on an ask about the reaction of HMMC at Lalo’s passing.

Summary: Devote a lifetime to a man and have it vanish in a day.

Warnings! Suicidal thoughts, abusive relationship dynamic. 

ANGST Husband!Lalo/Wife!Reader

WC: 1411

A smile on the face and a ringing of the ears. It was like running to freedom on hot coals and then shattered glass barefoot for a mile. It was like the adrenaline rush of skydiving and the pain of falling into a field of cacti. It was like you were yourself again but not.

When you were younger and he died then, you would have jumped for joy. Cry tears of liquid gold and spring into the local creek, giggling and kicking like a girl again. But after twenty-four years? After two decades what use was rejoicing?

The look on his face is all grim and depressed, a symptom of the sincerity of his news: “Lalo died – passed away. We’ll bring you back to his hacienda after we bury him.” The beginning of the marriage was so painful, the two years locked away until you hit twenty were scorching and agonizing. The one-bedroom ranch and the little kitchen always seemed so hot; it was a cute cottage looking back but then it felt like a prison cell.

In the backseat of a car, you only say the same thing always said: “Yes,” “No,” or “Okay.” There is no point in negotiating with his cousins, their serious faces plastered in something different than indifference. The muscles are tense in Marco and Leonel, meaning they were putting on a brave face. Salamanca blood was like no other blood and to see it spilt or know it was gone forever was a grim experience that was expected given the line of work but not commonplace. They do look sad, you think. They never really do anything other than bored.

To think the kindness extended to you was not a comfort. In twenty-four years, you were known by your first name. Your whole identity diluted to “Lalo’s wife,” every talent and aspiration wrung like a rag by him and yet it hurt with everything that he wasn’t there. The resentment faded, somewhere along the fifth year, when papa’s farm was bustling and green and he looked content only because you looked content.

Happiness is a choice, surely. You can still smell him. The stupid house that is his but isn’t his that you no less slaved over because it was for him at the end of the day. The ludicrous concept of scrubbing counters with vinegar, cleaning the toilet, mopping the floor, sweeping the hallway, washing and folding and drying and steaming his expensive clothes that he got to choose and painstakingly wearing a sundress day after day – it feels like being thirsty and your first drink of water is piss.

You don’t hate Lalo. You don’t think there’s a point; hatred is a choice too.

What did you get from hating him now, after all was said and done? The Salamancas could have shot you like a dog, Lalo’s dumb and deaf wife who was one ring away from being an in-home maid, chef, and slut. But Marco and Leonel stared at you, back on the sofa, with your wide eyes unmoving. Blinking slowly. Open. Shut. Slowly. Dark for a moment. Open again. There he is, Marco, dark eyes and the fuzz on his chin with that harsh brow. Shut. Slowly. Dark for a moment. Oh, Leonel, with his sharp jaw and tense lips.

Shut.

Slowly.

Dark for a moment.

Eduardo. That day, back in June so many years ago, was like hell on earth. It was like stepping into a biohazardous chamber and being patient zero with a disease that would never leave you. But he was your husband. He got more handsome with age, something that made you thankful you didn’t jump into a ravine when you were young, because he looked and acted so mean when you were 18. That boyish immature cruelty that all teenagers had when he married you to lock you up as if he were buying a backyard bred puppy to keep on a chain all day.

Open. Slowly. No tears, but an, “Okay.” Marco and Leonel seem to understand you more than anyone. More than Tuco or Hector could, who were just as harsh in their own ways. At least Tuco had so much emotion you could see pity in his face. Hector might just slap your shoulder in that comforting old man way. But they saw the world as you did: wordlessly.

You wondered often if they didn’t speak by choice or it was squeezed out of them like Lalo did to you.

But the backseat is a different feeling, a new one. Lalo makes you sit front seat, hand tight on your thigh with a vice grip. Sometimes he would rub his thumb consolingly, like petting a pup. The first few times he took you for a ride it felt like being cornered, stuck in the moving mass of metal that he loved so much. Cried the first few car rides, around age 19, twenty-three years ago. There’s no hand on you, for once.

“Leonel, Marco,” you murmur, from the back. It hurts. It hurts in the heart, in the head, at the thigh, and in the hands. It feels like withdrawal, like Tuco when he was younger when he showed up at the hacienda with his head all in sorts. Twitchy. Like you need something that’s bad for you.

“What now?” it cracks, your voice. Ah, sounding like a wounded dog. A whining one expecting to be hit. Marco’s eyes tilt to you in the rearview, without pity that you can detect, but acknowledgement. Silence. Wrong crowd to ask, you thought. Wringing the manicured hands that still say “LALO” and the huge ring that feels like it’s burning your skin. What now?

After twenty-four years, he had denied you an education, socialization, companionship, autonomy, and opportunity and you fucking miss him. Because he loved you. He loved you in the wrong way, in a harsh way, but undeniably there was something like love. Why else would he keep you if he didn’t love you?

He could have swapped you out for a newer model, like one of the girls at Eladio’s parties, but no. Even as a gray or two popped up, even as the little crow lines formed at the eye or a little line between the brows, he stayed. He loved you so much he locked you up? Locked you away for two years away from anyone? Loved you so much he wrung any other words from you that weren’t “yes” or “no” or “okay.” To be seen and not heard for longer than some lifetimes made your stomach churn.

You miss him. You want him right now.

You want his hands on your thigh, the sureness of his movements. He wrung every ounce of self-confidence from you and had the nerve to not be bulletproof in the process; it occurs you aren’t bulletproof either. One bullet should be enough, some people survive attempts though you wonder about. It would suck to lose your mandible or be bound to a bed like Hector.

Oh.

“Marco, can you drive to see Hector? At the Casa Tranquila?”

 It’s so miserable. To be here, or be alive. It’s grim, almost aggravating these old people lived past fourty meanwhile Lalo has to be buried. Aggravating you had to live to fourty. It’s depressing, miserable, horrid, detestable, but human. Hector’s face, old with age, all white hairs and freckles with his lips doing that pursing, screwed up in misery as he rings that bell, pathetic and hurt. Lalo died. Tuco is in jail. Marco and Leonel don’t speak. The last one who visits him is the silent wife of his dead nephew, the girl who never spoke who grew into a woman who never spoke. But today, you don’t doodle.

Your watery little eyes blinking. You never fucking knew what to say, other than you and those silent boys telling him Lalo died. It’s agonizing, the feeling of loss. A nephew, a cousin, and husband. A quiet feeling.

“Tio Hector?” you murmur, feeling stupid, “can I take care of you away from Casa Tranquila? Go through this together?”

 It’s a feeling, grim and soul-crushing. The dark, dimly lit room with the television with some telenovela on. His skinny body in the chair and your frame sunken into the chairs, staring, but together. The moments alone, without him, without Hector, drive a sinking feeling in your belly. This is okay for now. Just for the moment.

- 

AUTHOR NOTES: In Breaking Bad, Tuco is the one caring for Hector but before Tuco gets out of jail HMMC cares for him because she knows Lalo loved him. She also secretly misses the dependence and feeling of being ‘needed’ so to say. She never got to go to school and never had a job so it’s difficult for her to be able to get back out there. Her reaction is initially conflicting but also the urge to end it because she has no idea where to go from there. But Hector in his chair comes to mind so in Breaking Bad, she likely would make a cameo taking care of Hector. Her dream is to go to school so she can work at Casa Tranquila but getting the papers are too much. Her and Tuco help with Hector and it’s kind of sweet brotherly dynamic he has with her <3 

[loadednachosao3]

so, i know that WBWH is losing currently in your poll (i had such a hard time picking between the 3 options. I love them all equally!), but hear me out... WBWH Lacho Valentine's Day in that universe

oh anon you are COOKING... I definitely want to continue it regardless of the poll because it's dear to me (and I just finished rereading it to refresh my bad memory ass of wtf I wrote), so that's a definite possibility in the future!! Lalo would sweep Nacho off his unwilling feet, what a dickhead romantic

[maxwell-grant]

So, thoughts on Better Call Saul last season ?

....................................................................................

..............Okay, so

I'm still not having an easy time dealing with the fact that this show is over. I started watching Breaking Bad with my mom circa 2013, right as the 5th season was ending, and soon afterwards we'd started watching Better Call Saul together when it first began airing in 2014. I quite literally grew up with this show from adolescence to adulthood, it just always being there, something me and her would look up to every year or so. There's really nothing else out there that's comparable to this, in terms of my experience with it.

My first school assignment with video (pretty much the first time I ever filmed a project of any kind) was me doing a parody of that "That's why I fight for you Albuquerque!" commercial, and that was way before Better Call Saul began airing. This character's just been a part of my life for so long, I moved through homes 4 times and even then, there was always looking forward to watching Better Call Saul on the couch with her with every year or so. It was just always there, and it never felt like it was gonna leave.

I know I'm being dramatic but, man, it really feels like the end of an era to me, because it is. Just, 9, almost 10 years, coming to an end.

I guess I don't have as much to say now as I did last post considering I've been reblogging BCS posts and dropping thoughts in the notes but, here goes:

Oh man was I scared when Lalo Salamanca crashed through the laundromat's rooftop, killed Gus and proceeded to take over Los Pollos Hermanos as well as the franchise with his own vlogging spin-off. I was a little unsure that Lalo could carry his own show but, Tony Dalton really made it work, and Cocina de Lalo really sweeped the Emmies this year so, can't argue with results, y'know. I know the fanbase was kinda mixed on the Hamlin & Salamanca Graveyard Smash episode but it definitely felt like a major step-up as far as LGBT representation in this universe.

Anyway, rest in piece king. Besides getting a ghost boyfriend, you ended up ruining like 4 relationships and causing your lawyer to go off the deep end so badly he ended up creating the world's most pathetic monster that would eventually bring down Gus for good so, congrats Lalo Salamanca for winning the cartel war purely by dicking around.

I'm glad that Giancarlo won that TV Icon award apparently based almost entirely on his performance in that wine bar scene because, Jesus, talk about an all-timer way for us to say goodbye to Gus. I'm glad that they never showed Gus again, that was the perfect note for the character to leave us forever on. Again, victory has to be bittersweet, and he has to get the choice to walk away from this, only he doesn't really get a choice.

Giancarlo's ability to wordlessly convey volumes of inner turmoil was so good, I love so much about Gus' presentation and how non-verbal it is in the moments where it matters most. Also love that they somehow worked in a way for Gus and Lalo to Villain Monologue at each other prior, 10/10.

I kinda missed Jonathan Banks this season, but Mike was such a fixture in the early seasons of the show (and back then, the only part that interested me, I was a little too young and restless to stay awake for much of the lawyer business in Seasons 1-3) that, I get why he had to take a backseat. Dearly loved all of the Mike scenes in this season as well. Also, still miss Michael Mando, and if anything is gonna get me to rewatch this show (and it's far from just one thing), it's gonna be getting to see Michael Mando as Nacho again and really appreciate the character and all he brought to it.

I wasn't actually looking forward that much to seeing Walt and Jesse again because I was kinda afraid that, with BCS already kind of being seen as living in Breaking Bad's shadow, that it was gonna be this whole thing and, honestly I was fine with them not showing up at all. I thought the RV scene was neat and didn't think much besides that.

But then that Kim &Jesse scene happened and suddenly I remembered that, oh yeah, I fucking love Jesse Pinkman and he's one of my favorite characters ever, and here he is interacting with another of my favorite characters ever, and oh God Aaron Paul's doing such an amazing job at playing S1 goofball Jesse, this can't be easy, and oh this scene is so incredibly meaningful and of course they're gonna have Jesse Pinkman deliver bullshit monologues about Baby Jesus and his idiot friends while completely unaware of the massive weight of the narrative ready to pounce on him from behind, and of course it's Kim who has to pass the torch to him.

I was of the opinion that El Camino wasn't really something that had to exist but, nobody in their right minds would complain about getting another hour plus of Aaron Paul as Jesse Pinkman, completely on his own, getting to claw for a set-in-stone freedom one last time. That said, I deeply love this being the last we ever get to see of Jesse Pinkman. This kind of fleeting glimpse into what he was, what we first knew him as, his innocence and humor here heavy with the weight of everything that's going to happen to him.

Crushing but strangely liberating at once, to see Jesse like this and to know for sure that, at the very end, away from his parents and Saul Goodman and Walter White and those fucking nazis, he will finally find his freedom and walk away with the closest this universe can give you in regards to a happy ending, just as Kim did.

(By Breaking Bad Irony)

And on the OTHER hand, I deeply loved that Walter White's final scene was a microcosm not just of the fly episode (which in itself was a deeply significant microcosm of the show), but also of his entire character and role in Saul Goodman's life. He shows up, makes mountains out of molehills, desperately tries to fix problems while making them infinitely worse, acts like a pedantic arrogant jackass the entire time, complains about his chronic inability to make decent life choices, and then just casually devastates the only person around him he can still bully, before leaving others to deal with the noise.

I love that, compared to his guns-blazing semi-redemption at the end of Breaking Bad and the bittersweet flashback at El Camino, to Better Call Saul, there is nothing redeemable about Walter and his lifetime of regrets, there is only the fallout of all he destroyed. In the end, Saul Goodman's big shot was just Worse Chuck, and nobody has anything but contempt for his name here. Rest in shit Heisenberg, nobody even dignifies you with your cool made-up name anymore.

We absolutely had to get a Chuck flashback and, in an episode heavy with the idea of regrets and time machines, of course this was gonna be Jimmy's. Maybe the one chance he ever had, to turn things around with Chuck, the one time Chuck ever reached out to him for a change, maybe the one time Chuck could have changed if only a little, and so could Jimmy.

Chuck is rightfully remembered as such a pain in the ass and even one of the reasons people disliked the show, and the current response to him always seemed to be 50/50 between "Chuck was a monster that ruined every chance his brother had at being good" and "Chuck was right about literally everything that Jimmy was and would be" but, I liked that his final scene just punctuates what an awful, awful tragedy it was for the both of them to turn out like this, that they both could and should have done so many things differently, that they both deserved better than to destroy each other like they did. That, more so than Walter or Howard, Chuck is Jimmy's biggest regret and the one he'd been dying to confess the most to.

If the running idea across most posts I've written or reblogged about this show is that Better Call Saul is a ghost story, there was really no other way this show could have possibly ended without the exorcism of it's greatest, most pervasive and dangerous ghost: Saul Goodman. And maybe Saul Goodman's never really gonna be banished for good, the prison mates will surely never let their hero die (and isn't that what Jimmy wanted Saul to be? A hero, the guy with the slingshot?), but we know better, and more importantly, Kim knows better. There's only one person who still knows Jimmy McGill, and it's the only person that matters, because this was a love story.

There was really no other way this could have possibly ended for Jimmy and Kim and, I love that in the end, the poster boy for dodging the law and it's consequences, the character who made a living out of slipping away scott-free, the King of Getting Away With It, was the ONLY major character in this world who ended up facing legal consequences for what he did.

Just, fucking Saul Goodman being the only major character in this universe who goes to jail and stays there, and of his own volition no less. They couldn't kill him, and they couldn't let him go free, he had to get a unique fate and that was it. They let him "win" and get 7 years, show that he very much could have just gotten away with it, but he didn't, because he changed, because he had to prove he'd changed, because it had to mean something.

Man am I glad that I just happened to download a couple of songs off the BCS soundtrack a few days prior to watching this, because when that final smoking scene started playing the track "Shared Smoke" that also played in the smoking scene in the first episode, I was SO glad to be able to recognize it.

I hope they don't do more spin-offs but, I would absolutely watch anything these people did. They made so much of what seemed like such an unworkable premise it's nothing short of magic.

It was a love story, first and foremost. It was also a ghost story. It was a crime drama. It was a lawyer show. It was a comedy. It was a horror show. It was a story about people becoming the worst versions of themselves. It was about the best versions of ourselves coming through at the last minute. It was a downfall and a redemption. It was the beginning of a legend and the end of an era. It was everything that could have possibly been expected of it and it was a million other things it had no right to be. It was a FUCKING SPIN-OFF and it held a grip on our souls and it's gonna be greatly missed.

Would have still liked to see Huell one last time though. Hope he's doing fine in Louisiana.

[tinylilvalery]

This could be why Mike and Jimmy are so close at the start of BrBa. We know Mike answers to Gus above all, but BCS has shown us that there is some modicum of care Mike has for Jimmy, even though Mike always keeps him at an arms length (although he tends to do that with anyone he can't imprint his son onto). In fact, I'd even say that in BCS at least, Mike even is somewhat protective of Jimmy cos even tho Mike wants to act gruff, he's still a human and is actually quite sympathetic to Jimmy.

My point is this: Mike had been having his men keep an eye on Kim and Jimmy to make sure they were okay. However, Lalo makes that call which Mike hears, and not to Mike's fault, he misread it as Lalo promising an attack on Gus. He pulled all his men and put the resources to Gus, including the men that were watching over Kim and Jimmy. Men that could have updated Mike on Lalo's location. As a result of the misdirect, Mike couldn't be there like last time to keep a scope on Lalo from the building over. Mike got outplayed, and he's going to kick himself for it.

I can see Mike blaming himself for this. Cos it's not just the death of someone Mike doesn't know. It's an extremely close call to Jimmy - and we all have seen how affected Jimmy is with witnessing violence and death. He will be so fucked up after this. I was wondering how we bridged between Mike barely hanging around Jimmy currently in BCS, vs at the start of BrBa where he's Jimmy's personal private investigator, who spends a lot of his time just chilling in Jimmy's office doing sudoku. Maybe he feels bad that he slipped up and decides to personally keep an eye on Jimmy. I've seen people say Lalo is going to die in BCS, which confused me considering the "Lalo didn't send you? No Lalo?" (BrBa), but it makes sense now. Even if Lalo does die in BCS, why the fuck would Jimmy believe that unless he personally witnessed it? He was told Lalo was dead before, only for Lalo to seemingly sweep in like the unkillable grim reaper himself. Maybe Jimmy doesn't believe Lalo is dead and wants Mike around to feel safe, and maybe Mike, who had slipped up before, felt bad enough to be there.

[scottymcgeesterwrites]

Music Without Lyrics

I’m going to make a sweeping generalization here and I don’t care.  All of ya’ll were fucking brutal and unforgiving when it came to music tastes. 

If you were someone like me who did not have conventional music tastes while being in middle school, high school, or even college, people shat on you. They made sure you knew you were fucking weird.  My high school biology teacher told us that we are very sensitive about our sense of taste, smell, and hearing because they are closely tied to our emotions. People tend to feel very strongly about them because we associate them with fond memories. The smell of your grandmother’s cooking, the oldies music your uncle listened to, the taste of a Coke with sugar cane on a hot summer day.  While people will ceaselessly argue about pineapple on pizza, I personally experienced fiercer arguments over what is considered “good music”. I always had a need to hide my taste in music from the world for the longest time. I grew up loving movie scores, aka - soundtracks. I came from a time when if I wanted to listen to a piece of music from a movie or video game again, like the end credits, I got my TalkBoy out and recorded the music on a cassette tape through the TV speaker. You couldn’t just find your favorite song on YouTube or Spotify and listen to it endlessly on repeat with the click of a button. I had to fucking rewind that shit. And if someone, like my mom, interrupted the recording then I cursed out loud and recorded from the top again. The artists I grew up with were John Williams, Danny Elfman, Elmer Bernstein, Lalo Schifrin, John Barry, David Arnold, John Powell, Koji Kondo - most of whom sound alien to you. I never once had an interest in Linkin Park, My Chemical Romance, Backstreet Boys, Fall Out Boy, or literally anything that everyone else I knew listened to at the time.  To this day, I still don’t quite understand why I became that way. I was always a movie fan, even before I could form a proper sentence. It’s possible that I associated many fond memories with movie soundtracks. You know how people can recite the entire dialogue to their favorite movie? I could also recite the music that played throughout the entire movie in my head. I have strong memories of when I became fascinated with film scores. They were particularly strong during long car rides. My parents had a van with a TV in the middle that could play VHS tapes. I would constantly rewind the end credits to Batman, Star Wars, Jurassic Park, James Bond, etc. so that I could listen to the music again. Listening to soundtracks was what fueled my imagination to write stories. As the music went along, so did an impromptu story in my head. I’d imagine a fight scene or romantic moment or mysterious murder. Oftentimes, the stories I wrote ended up being similar to the movie whose score I was listening to, but overall that was how I got serious about writing. A single track from a movie score could take me through a million emotions, as it depicted a scene that was happy one moment and then sad the next as someone gets shot on screen after a kiss and you think everything is going to be all right for the characters. I think because I grew up with a strong attachment to instrumental music, I thought it sounded cheesy, maybe even wrong on some level, to sing about your emotions with words. There were many other nuanced emotions I found with instrumental music that made me feel more alive than with the pop songs at the time. To me, anything else with vocals and lyrics was a “pop song”. Everyone argued about whether rock was dead and this and that and the other thing. It was all Greek to me. Whenever I heard popular music my friends listened to, I cringed and tuned out. It really turned me off. Maybe on some level I thought it was not artistic to be so obvious about your feelings? I have no idea. I was just not into it for the longest damn time. Sometimes when a song had a banger instrumental opening I would be like “Oh man this is great”, but then the person started singing and I’d be immediately turned off like “Okay, you killed it. Shut up.” My own mother found that strange and annoying. This one time when I was a kid, after buying me yet another movie soundtrack on CD, she said, “Why don’t you listen to normal music? Maybe music with words?” It’s important to note that it wasn’t like I was shouting “Turn off that racket!” whenever someone turned on a rap song or rock song or pop song. There was music with lyrics that I did listen to once and a while, though rarely. The first band that I could bear listening to was Franz Ferdinand, back when I was in high school. They still remain my favorite band. For some reason, I have no inclination to skip any of their songs and can bear listening to an entire album. I hated it when I would like one song in an album but then hated literally every other song the band ever made. That wasn’t the case with Franz Ferdinand. 

Whenever someone asked me what music I liked, I said, “Oh I like a little bit of everything”. In reality, I was sweating my balls off hoping they wouldn’t grill me about band names or band members. I dared not say “classical” for fear of being labeled as boring. I knew a couple kids who listened to classical music and they were endlessly made fun of. I didn’t want to be seen as “prep”. I just wanted to be me. People didn’t get film scores like I did, and they immediately assumed it was akin to “classical music”. It’s much more difficult to describe than just that. It was extremely alienating growing up with even the nerds thinking you are weird because of your music tastes (all the nerds in my time were listening to stuff like Coheed and Cambria). Soundtracks are difficult to classify, even film scores in general. You can’t really call film score or movie soundtracks a genre because they can encompass an infinite range of genres. John Williams is often cited as the most popular and legendary film composer, but he strictly does orchestra work. As much as I love John Williams, I’m not always in the mood to listen to Star Wars or Indiana Jones. There is so much more to listen to! There are the progressive rock undertones of Nobuo Uematsu’s scores to Final Fantasy video games. John Powell’s drum and bass tracks that were popular in early 2000′s action movies. The early 60′s jazz tunes to popular spy shows and films like James Bond, Peter Gunn, and Mission: Impossible. Danny Elfman’s creepy music for a darkened theater. A score could have a hip-hop/pop-ish beat for the movie’s opening titles but then have a track further down that sounds full-on metal (see Powell’s The Italian Job), and I equally loved both. So it was virtually impossible to try and explain what music I liked.  Simply put, once someone started singing, then I cringed and died a little on the inside. For the most part, at least. I shied away from talking about music with people because everyone reacted so violently and pompously about it. I will never forget reactions people had to me finding out about a piece of popular music I did like. I once listened to the Tomb Raider score and then the album. Usually a movie releases two CDs - the score (which features the instrumentals) and the album (which features popular music that was either featured in the movie or that the movie was inspired by). I asked someone if they heard of “Where’s Your Head At?” by Basement Jaxx. They looked at me with utter disgust, like I had just vomited everywhere on the floor, and said, “That song is sooooo old! That was like three years ago!” We were in middle school, mind you. I hated that people treated life as if they were 80 years old. Calm down. You were probably still hugging a binkie when this song came out. Or the time someone said I was living under a rock for not knowing who Mumford & Sons were.  Or being told “What the fuck is wrong with you?” when I didn’t know who Kings of Leon were. Or the looks I got when I didn’t know who Chester Bennington was and why everyone mourned him.

Music was (and might still be, I don’t know what the kids say these days) closely tied to your lot in life in school. People made sweeping judgments across the board about what kind of person you were based on what music you liked, and they said it to your face. One time at my old job someone asked me what music I liked. I was still in that phase of being deathly afraid to share the truth, so I said, “Classic rock.” He nodded his head and then said things like he knew the kind of person I was and that he liked classic rock too and that we should hang out sometime and I instantly regretted my little white lie like, “Oh God, why did I say that?” Everyone treats everything with an absolute certainty. I don’t fucking know, man! I think some classic rocks are great, and others I don’t care about. 

A long time ago, this one girl I met told new friends to make her a CD with songs that meant something to them or described their life. Something like that. I wanted to impress her. I was on the verge of admitting my total love for film scores, but then I panicked. “I don’t want her to think I’m a loser, or that I’m boring,” I thought. “But I should also show her the truth. But how much of the truth? Maybe just 50 percent. No, wait, 70 percent?” I overthought my choices and created what was probably the worst fucking playlist I ever made that ended up not being anywhere close to how I wanted to express myself. She never mentioned it after I handed it to her, and I dared never to bring it up.

The anxiety over sharing music tastes was that real for me.

Then somewhere down the line, I don’t really know when exactly, I stopped caring. In fact, the last time someone ever asked me what music I listened to, I told the truth. He said, “Oh nice! I listen to music soundtracks too.” 

I beamed. Really??? A fellow music soundtrack lover??? I said, “Oh cool! Which ones?”

“Hans Zimmer!”

Ugh.  UGH.

Okay. 

So. 

I have a thing about Hans Zimmer. When you tell me that your favorite film music composer is Hans Zimmer I instantly know you haven’t really listened to film music. 

I don’t hate the guy. He’s perfectly humble and nice. But I hate how he dominated the industry and everything nowadays has to sound like Inception with motifs that are like three or four notes long repeating over and over. And people call it profound. Hans Zimmer is basically the modern art of music. Not that there’s anything wrong with that, as Seinfeld would say, but...you know...Eh.

Later that day, I was pissing in the urinal and thought about that interaction and laughed my ass off.

I did the thing too! I judged someone based on their taste in music! I can never really be happy, can I? Anyway.  I’d like to rescind the previous CD I made for that girl years ago. It doesn’t really matter now, but after years of being afraid to share my tastes in music I feel like I should be free once and for all. Like any good movie soundtrack, there really should be two CDs - the album and the score. So I will follow that format. As I alluded to before, these music with vocals are the only popular songs I ever really liked in my whole life. I was still afraid to share them with people because I’d be afraid of judgmental responses like “Oh that’s SO overrated!” or “Oh so your an X kinda guy. I see.” But these songs with lyrics did speak to me, deep in what I believed in and what I felt. And the following pieces of music scores really tugged at me.

Eddie Francisco - The Album

The Fallen - Franz Ferdinand Then The Morning Comes - Smash Mouth Walkin’ on the Sun - Smash Mouth You Get What You Give - New Radicals 99 Red Balloons - Goldfinger Get It Right the First Time - Billy Joel Summer Wind - Frank Sinatra Beyond the Sea - Bobby Darin Wake Up - Rage Against the Machine Madder - Groove Armada You Could Have it So Much Better - Franz Ferdinand You Know My Name - Chris Cornell Live and Let Die - Paul McCartney and Wings Wake Up, Get Up, Get Out There - Lyn Inaizumi Uptown Funk - Mark Ronson ft. Bruno Mars Sinnerman - Nina Simone Scenes from an Italian Restaurant - Billy Joel The Boys of Summer - Don Henley With The Stars and Us (Hoshi to Bokura to) - Lyn Inaizumi

Eddie Francisco - The Score The Entertainer - Scott Joplin Lupin the Third - Yuji Ohno Main Title - Lalo Schifrin (Dirty Harry) Playing House - John Powell (Mr. and Mrs. Smith) Looking for “Job” - Danny Elfman (Mission: Impossible) Pudding Brains - Murray Gold (Doctor Who Series 8) William Tell Overture (Finale) - Gioachino Rossini  Hog Chase Pt. 1 and Pt. 2 - John Powell (Paycheck) Bull Run - John Powell (Knight and Day) On Her Majesty’s Secret Service - John Barry (On Her Majesty’s Secret Service) Back to Mi6 - Hans Zimmer (No Time to Die) Backseat Driver - David Arnold (Tomorrow Never Dies) Iced Inc. - David Arnold (Die Another Day) The New Plan - John Powell (The Italian Job) Tunnel Run - John Powell (The Italian Job) Bim Bam Smash - John Powell (The Bourne Supremacy) The James Bond Theme (End Titles) - David Arnold (The World is Not Enough) Epilogue - Justin Hurwitz (La La Land)  The End - Justin Hurwitz (La La Land) Mia and Sebastian’s Theme (Celesta) - Justin Hurwitz (La La Land)

[momestuck]

Let’s read Hiveswap Friendsim - volume 15!

Just to clear up a misconception - this is Hiveswap Friendsim, not to be confused with Hiveswap proper, which is a point and click adventure game spinoff of Homestuck, of which so far only one volume has been released. So Friendsim is basically a spinoff of a spinoff!

The characters in Friendsim are apparently set to feature in Hiveswap volume 2, although the actual events of Friendsim may not have happened exactly as portrayed. It’s impressionistic, or something.

I suspect this explanation may be more confusing than clarifying.

This volume is called Of Creatives, Conventional and Otherwise.

Charun looks like some kinda gardener, and Wanshi evidently has a book (the title of which seems to be ‘DIARY [of a] CULLABLE WIGGLER’).

Charun

Charun is by Kieran Miranda, who previously wrote Azdaja (the DBZ guy) and Stelsa (Tyzias’s gf with the pink coat).

The protag begins this arc by questioning their entire character trait!

They’re having a day in due to depression.

Unfortunately, we can’t sleep for long. Someone is crawling about in our ceiling!

...or not in our ceiling, but in the edge of our room, anyway. We poke our head out of some kind of telescope- or camera-hole. And meet...

This person! Pizzicato strings (hey I know some music words). This piece is actually by Toby Fox, of Undertale fame, who also did music for Tegiri, Lynera and Galekh. Huh.

The protagonist grumpily asks if they’re here to move in or something, and Charun says some words at last.

It turns out they were here to take this strange lens thing. But now they’re stuck.

The narration uses ‘they’ pronouns, which we haven’t seen since Cirava, so that’s nice :)

Their quirk is speaking very slowly, with lots of pauses, marked by ‘..’ - just two dots - on either side.

Apparently the reason they want it is ..............................art.

We get our first choice. Interesting or weird? I’m inclined to be nice. Let’s say interesting. Kind of damning with faint praise there though, I guess.

Charun picks up on our like... noncommittal use of ‘interesting’. They say...

And that’s pretty much shot our chances of friendship.

Well, let’s be more engaged. Sounds weird, ya weirdo, etc.? Engaged.

‘Haha.. yeah..’ is about what we get for that.

There’s a dig at the format.

Instead, our choice is...

Mmmm.

Let’s go with... two dots?

They’re apparently too tired to lug this lens back down the tower. We get another set of options (guessing .. vs .... was a fakeout)

Let’s carry it! I want to see what they do with it.

We make our way out, and get the long shot of our watchtower again.

Charun, it turns out, lives in a cave just down the road from our watchtower. We get a very detailed background.

Back to back, the difference between this background - lineart, cel-shaded - and the previous one - painted, kind of impressionistic - is striking.

Notably, there seems to be a troll back there, looking out from over a pile of stuff. Also is that like... bug thingy Charun’s lusus?

Charun inquires as to our opinion of their art. We flounder.

Charun calls us on having no idea what we’re talking about. But this prompts the protag to decide this would be a great time to learn how to make art.

We get some wisdom... “All art.. is dicking around..” True words.

But apparently we’re overthinking it. Our second attempt...

Soon enough, they decide to join in. We collaborate...

I’ve seen that episode of The Get Down.

Our results seem to be worth it.

The narrator celebrates.

I’m actually kind of put in mind of some words by Porpentine here.

Build the shittiest thing possible. Build out of trash because all i have is trash. Trash materials, trash bodies, trash brain syndrome. Build in the gaps between storms of chronic pain. Build inside the storms.

And this masterpiece created...

Well I guess we go for a joyride? That seems entirely unrelated to what happened in the episode, but what do you know.

So now let’s propose finding some more portable trash, I guess. Which is another colourful background...

Apparently the background artist for this episode is Phil Gibson. This is a river which is accumulating a pile of rubbish on the bank.

After extracting a promise not to share this secret location, we get to work.

They get us to install instaGram.. uh...

PincerSpam. We check out their aesthetic...

Apparently they’re friends with Cirava. That’s cool :)

At that point, we stumble on some familiar faces in a cave. Awkward segue, but what ho.

What sort of lethal shenanigans are these two up to today? Apparently their quarry is expected to be somewhere in this dump. Uh-oh... hope it’s not our new dear friend Charun.

Charun, meanwhile, has found some kind of gadget with a satellite dish. The protag figures it probably belongs to whoever Azdaja and Konyyl are tracking, and Charun asks us to distract them while they run away with it. Before we can refuse, they’re off.

And that’s that. Meanwhile, Azdaja and Konyyl seem to be tending blackromwards so... yeah. That’s a thing.

Wanshi

Now for a very small troll. Wanshi is written by Lalo Hunt, who wrote Tagora, Tyzias and Galekh. Really likes to write the nerds, huh.

We decide to spontaneously pop down to the library.

The narrator makes the same observation as me about the shelves...

It turns out this shoe is on a troll, hiding inside this shelf to read ‘Scribblejournal of a Cullable Wiggler’. Guess they changed ‘Diary’ to ‘Scribblejournal’ during production at some point.

Wanshi’s theme has soft piano music. It’s titled ‘idk man you name it i’m tired’. Oh, that James Roach and his wacky song names!

We decide to butt in on her reading.

On realising how young Wanshi is, the protagonist muses that they’ve managed to befriend a few other kids, and we get a very interesting bit of narration...

So our protagonist dreams about the failure branches? Given the connection between dreams, death and the Furthest Ring, that fits.

Since she’s a Jadeblood, she’d likely know Bronya, right. I’m very curious about this brain room. Let’s go there first.

Her quirk, apart from the little bookending []s, is capital Ws and lowercase everything else. She’s five and a half sweeps old, which is almost the age of the Homestuck cast when we first encounter them (so she’s about 12 in human terms).

We wonder why she’s wandering outside the caverns. She explains...

We make our way to the brain room. She asks us what a ‘brain’ is - because of course Trolls say ‘thinkpan’.

Considering that there’s no reason for Alternian and English to be the same, I kind of half suspect Doc Scratch has just been fucking with us all this time.

Unfortunately, we can’t enter the thinkpan room, and there’s a scary looking guard there. So we move on. Apparently the reason she was escaping was to go to ‘beastcon’.

Oh god have we found a troll furry.

Apparently she writes ‘soldier purrbeasts’ fanfic. Hmm... not sure what that is. It could be this series of YA books?

We hear what the Jades have been saying about us.

Aww.

I’m not sure what it is we know, except for occasionally being able to give out fairly good relationship advice, but who knows? Our reputation precedes us.

She asks us to take her to the con.

I want to see this con. We make a hurried escape from the library as the guard approaches.

Of course the anime nerds would go.

We head off, guided by Gorgle Maps, and Wanshi excitedly observes the world outside the brooding caverns.

Alas, on the way to the con, we find a dead troll.

For once, we’re with someone who isn’t utterly desensitised to brutal violence.

Indeed...

Indeed.

She shakes it off relatively soon, and we reach the con.

Honestly I’m not exactly sure what this is a parody of, if anything specific. ‘Anime con and renaissance faire’ indeed.

Apparently the attractions include cholerbear riding and a... ‘coslay competition’. Which is entirely different, we soon learn, to ‘cosplay’. We consider calling Bronya to pick her up, when...

a rampaging bear interrupts the conversation.

Whoops. Not exactly a place for kids. We throw her in a bush and... grab a katana? That’s just lying around? Yeah good luck with that...

We fucking stab a bear with a katana to protect a small child we met less than an hour ago. Alternia must be getting to us.

Unfortunately, sheer guts doesn’t save us. We get crushed under the bear.

That’s one way to go out, huh. Well, I guess Wanshi learned way more about death than she bargained on.

OK, side branches. First, asking if Bronya is around instead of taking her to see the brain room.

Snitches get stitches.

Well, the kind you get from running, anyhow. Wanshi’s out.

OK, now to actually befriend her and survive the process. We’ll pretend to take her to the con instead of actually going.

The narrator tries to figure out how to refuse her request.

We narrowly escape from the guard - which Wanshi terms ‘bonding hijinks’ - and take her on a roundabout route home. She gets to enjoy the sights.

The protag is so endeared that they decide to take her to see their crashed spaceship. This reminds them that Vikare exists and they haven’t texted in ages.

I guess Vikare isn’t just forgettable to the readers!

Anyway, after pocketing a few of the remaining bits, Wanshi asks us to get a move on to get her to the con.

So we fess up.

She’s not pleased.

We have a slump. There’s an allusion to that ‘bitch of an Earth’ line that didn’t quite make it from ‘popular Tumblr post’ to ‘meme’.

Though she’s still pissed, she appreciates our honesty. Some Social Commentary...

At that point, we get some texts from Tegiri and Polypa, respectively telling us to come to the con and stay far away. Seems the whole cholerbear incident does happen in both branches this time.

This, at least, cheers Wanshi up a bit.

Anyway, though she didn’t get the chance to make friends at the con, she’s got us. We get invited to RP with her...

...as cats.

She’d get on well with Nepeta, huh.

We learn a little about Soldier Purrbeasts.

So...

Warriors is a series of novels  published by HarperCollins.

It is written by authors Kate Cary, Cherith Baldry, and Tui Sutherland, with the plot developed by editor Victoria Holmes, who collectively use the pseudonym Erin Hunter. The series follows the adventures of four, later five, clans of wild cats—ThunderClan, ShadowClan, WindClan, RiverClan, and SkyClan, who will not be introduced into the territories until "A Vision of Shadows" —in their forest and lake homes, who look up to StarClan, the spirits of their warriors ancestors, who guide the four clans. They also follow the warrior code, a set of rules established in order to keep the clans as civil factions.

...sounds like I was write to guess it was a parody of this franchise?

The narrator kind of struggles to get it.

But with some prodding from Wanshi, we purple up our prose and find our way to suitably overblown dialogue. Even if it’s ‘not really a starcaste approach’.

Eventually, we get back to the Jade caverns, and find Lynera at a full five knives.

Luckily, our presence calms her down somewhat - as low as two knives! But before we can leave them to sort things out, Wanshi has a gift...

That says ‘Soldiers’. So yeah, definitely a parody of Warriors. These books were first released around 2003, roughly contemporary with books like Mortal Engines, The Edge Chronicles, Artemis Fowl, Alex Rider, and Maximum Ride. Given that, I’m honestly surprised I never read them! Maybe it was more of an American thing.

And like that, we’ve made a friend. uwu

We’re in the endgame now. Expecting I’ll finish this... probably not tomorrow, but likely Friday.

[eduardomadrigxl-blog]

                                            introducing: Eduardo Madrigal, The Aesthete

“Does such a thing as 'the fatal flaw,' that showy dark crack running down the middle of a life, exist outside literature? I used to think it didn't. Now I think it does. And I think that mine is this: a morbid longing for the picturesque at all costs.” - The Secret History

Character information and possible connections under the cut:

                                                              About 

Name: Eduardo Antonio Madrigal but as is the case with many Mexican families, he’s always gone by the traditional nickname for boys Eduardo, “Lalo”. He usually tells friends to call him this instead.

Zodiac: Taurus

Gender: Male

Orientation: Bisexual, Biromantic

History: Lalo is an only child and second generation Mexican-American. His grandparents were migrant farmworker and his father is a Brown Beret who participated in protecting Chicanx students in the Los Angeles school walkouts. Lalo grew up in the Valley, moving to the bay area to attend the California College of the Arts in early adulthood and did some traveling before returning to San Francisco to take up residence in the mission district and a teaching position at a local community college. He regularly exhibits work at a friend’s gallery in Haight-Ashbury. 

Lalo is patient, generous (willing to take the shirt off his back to help another, something he learned from his parents’ own compasionate natures), hardworking, insightful, creative, and a hopeless romantic.

He can also be insecure and jealous, clingy, volatile, and anxious.

He has been diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder, depression, and anxiety.

                                                  Possible Connections

the one that got away: so for this one, I’d ideally prefer for it to be a fellow artist or someone he might have studied with in art school and been entangled with romantically or maybe had a one-sided crush on?? this person may be a former fp or the wildcard !!

the fp: this one really depends on chemistry but i want to add it anyway. the FP is Lalo’s Favorite Person. As someone with BPD, an FP is someone you unconditionally adore (for me, it’s my sister) but a drawback is people with BPD often end up giving this person complete control of their happiness - a lot of pressure for the FP and volatile feelings for the person with BPD- (I see Lalo struggling with feeling abandoned or like he’s bothering his FP so much that they will in fact, get tired of him). It’s an aspect of my own disorder that I struggle with myself and as I was plotting out Lalo’s application, I felt that it’s something he probably struggles with as well. If you have any questions about BPD or FPs, I’d be more than happy to link you to some of my favorite blogs or explanations of this. 

the wildcard: a hurricane in lalo’s life, sweeping him from his isolation and dragging him (sometimes kicking and screaming) into new adventures or at least more socializing. 

the muse: i feel like this sounds romantic but nah,  it’s romance optional (meaning that this may be an idealized, one-sided hazy crush on lalo’s side, depending on chemistry) or a friendship/whatever. mostly it’s someone lalo finds fascinating and aesthetically pleasing and finds himself inspired by. maybe a fellow artist???

**the sibling he never had: ok so this is probably the one i most want out of the list??? lalo is p. terrible at self care so this would be someone who is looking out for him, and vice-versa. so maybe this is the friend that knows to drop by and check in on him when he hasn’t surfaced from his studio in a few days, or that he feels comfortable enough with to call or drop by anytime with dinner for two (he’s a better cook than he gives himself credit for!! and if this person likes mexican food, wow just you wait). and ideally this relationship would have a lot of them teasing each other but also fussing and yeah lmk if you think these two might be good friends for each other. maybe a neighbor??

                        this person could also be: the fp, the wildcard, or even the one that got away !!

the protégé: this is what it sounds like. the promising student, or the most obnoxious of them, or both. i can kind of see a relationship that’s like a fond but sometimes snarky older brother and the witty, eager to impress younger sibling (though this person can be older than lalo, not a problem).

i’ll be making a connection page soon with more ideas soon but yeah lmk if something catches your fancy and thank you if you read all of this ^^ 

[erstwhile25]

Skin of the Teeth Part 3: Danger Lurks

“I’ll tell you this Gerrad…” said the minute Lalafel called Laloquer “...wherever you go, you have the distinct habit of picking up strays.  Mangy ones at that.”

“I seem t’remember a rather mangy bunch haulin themselves from the sea once, they didn't do too bad fer themselves.” Kail gently laid the last of the wounded in the hold. A small girl no heavier than a sack of potatoes, her blonde hair tinged a dirty scarlet by a head wound, and the remnant of someone’s shirt bound tightly about her left eye and the back of her skull.  By some small mercy she was unconscious and elicited only the occasional whimper, but that seemed to be where the world’s mercy ended.  If Kail was any judge, she'd lose the eye before the day was out.

Laloquer gave a disdainful sniff as he walked among the other wounded, scribbling down notes for triage in chalk on a piece of slate. “I don't remember much of them to be honest, I find it best to look ever towards the future, leave the past where it belongs...in the past.”

“How very practical of ye.” Said Kail, dry as the Thanland sands “While yer peeking at the future, think ye could make sure this lot has one?”

Kail hadn't met many folks that could twirl their mustache and not look like utter fools, but Lalo was among their number.  The Lalafel’s pomp was rivaled only by the care that he lavished upon his immaculately waxed and trimmed facial hair. “Put your worries at ease, under my care their survival is all but assured.”

Norah nudged the small doctor aside none too gently as she bustled past with a bucket of sea water and a rag. “A little less talk perhaps and a little more action then?  They will applaud for you when they are standing upright I'm sure.”

If Norah noticed Lalo’s scathing look of reproach, she didn't let onto it, rather she knelt by the girl to begin the business of cleaning and redressing her wounds.  Kail watched Lalo stalk off to begin his work, then crouched next to Norah, remaining tactfully silent as she mopped dried blood from the child’s forehead.

“I'm not apologizing to him, these people need help.”  She uttered under her breath.  Kail gave a small smile, slipping a folded sack under the girl’s head for support,  

“He likes Gridania rosés, I'll introduce ye t’my supplier...ye don't have t’apologize, jest pour.”  

Norah nodded, her face a stony mask of a duty unfinished, Kail could see she was forcing herself to keep looking at the girl.  He laid his hand on hers, despite the blood and filthy water, giving it a slight squeeze.  She looked up and though there was no smile on her face she seemed to come out of whatever torturous spiral she had been putting herself through.  “We’re getting them out of here.” She said horsely, it was a deceleration of fact, and there was no moving her on the matter.

“Aye.” Said Kail, he took a breath preparing himself for the argument coming. “Ye sure ye want t’go with Baroth and the others?  No one would call ye a coward iffin ye stayed.”

Norah frowned at him, and yanked her hand from his, flinging the rag forcefully in the bucket.  “They wouldn't have to, I would damn myself as a coward if I didn't.  They are my countrymen, and I won't abandon them.”

“We wouldn't be abandoning them, we’re coming back fer them.”

“Would you trust Baroth to get them to those islands?”

He threw his hands wide, and his voice took on a sharper edge “Funny ye should mention that, I don't trust him, not with their lives, nor yers fer that matter.”

“I can handle him, so trust me.”  She gently reached out and brought his hands together and between them  “Please.”

He didn't answer right away, he didn't particularly care to, some part of him rankled that these weak, dirty, frightened people had more of a hold on her than he did.  It told him it would be easier to simply slit the throats of Baroth and company then leave without a glance behind them. They would still be saving the wounded, those on the beach could take care of themselves.  They would be finishing the job within their contractual obligation.  Who was to judge them for not being able to stretch further?

“Kail?” Norah’s voice dragged him out of that small corner of his mind.  He was made aware of a pain in his cheek, where he had bitten the inside.  The iron taste of blood was on his tongue.  Norah’s face was knit both in concern and discernment. “You...went somewhere else on me.”

“I'm fine, I'll see how they’re doing on gettin the boats ready fer the trip back.”

He released her hands, and made for the stairs to the deck before he could change his mind on the matter.  All the way up he could feel her eyes on him.  

A few of Baroth’s men were huffing away in a fireman’s line to get goods from the hold onto the first of the boats.  They were struggling to keep up with Noyra, who tossed barrels and packages from below with the steady and inevitable chug of a steam engine.  Baroth leaned against the railing off to the side, his eyes were fixed upon those back on the shores.  Kail perched himself off to the side of the man, producing his flask, and finally giving in to the yearning of his guts for a drink.  

The sweet burn was a welcome one, and while it didn't drown out all the noise within and without, it dulled them to a low buzz he could manage.

“That...is the look of a man who’s been fighting with the wife.” Kail took another sip to try and drown out the smug undertones in Baroth’s voice.  He kept his eyes to the shore, and let a hefty silence roll though before he trusted himself enough to answer the man.

“Yer half right, which is about yer speed.”

“...Fuck you.”

Kail found himself smirking, clearing the air tended to have that effect.  He didn't have to look at the gruff highlander to feel the man’s pale blue eyes on him, scrutinizing him like a rider would a bought horse.  “Why are you here Limsan?”

First paramour, then pirate, then Limsan, Kail was starting to wonder if the man actually knew his damned name.  Finally glancing over to eye Baroth in return, Kail said “Came out t’make sure ye left my ship like ye got on it, quickly, painlessly, and quietly.”

Baroth shook his head, waving a hand towards the shore. “No.  I mean why are you here, helping us?  I've given it some thought...and Taltov wasn't paying you much, at least not enough to warrant all this trouble.  Clearly you’re not a supporter of the cause.”

“Ye’ve a roundabout way of asking why I ent twisted the knife in yer guts yet.”

Baroth winced as if he had been slapped, and in the instant of his embarrassment Kail could see he wasn't as old or as experienced as he made out to others.  His scowling bearded face was a front, a sham, a glamour he enacted so that those who followed him wouldn't be let on to the inconvenient fact that he wasn't cut out for command.  Kail accidentally found himself respecting the man a little for it, and wondered if he would have done anything different in the Mhigan’s position.

“ That was spoken in haste...and unfair of me.” Baroth finally said.  

Reminding himself that it had also been an attempt to steal the Rook, Kail offered the man his flask nonetheless.  Everyone had their turn playing the fool after all.  Baroth frowned for a moment, looking like the flask might bite him, then after consideration finally took the old and dented vessel.  As he sipped from it, Kail finally spoke up.

“This ent a ship oh fools, and we know how t’read more than the tides.  Varis is fresh to the throne, and it don't matter iffin yer a captain or emperor, first thing ye do is make sure those under ye know who’s in charge.  Fer Varis?  That means puttin down the rebellions in Ala Mhigo and Doma, an returnin the Empire t’the expansion days.  It suits me fine t’help ye stick pins in his royal Nibs’ arse, cause I don't like our prospects in a Garlean controlled Eorzea.”

“So that’s all this is…” said a very stony faced Baroth, as he took another sip from the flask. “Looking after your prospects.”

“No…” Said Kail as he reached over and snatched his flask back “But that’s all yer gettin.”

He capped the flask and stowed it back into his vest, ignoring the souring look from Baroth.  The first boat was almost finished loading, Noyra was climbing her way up the hold netting with the last barrel on her shoulder.  Kail made his way over, and while the Roe towered over him and outweighed him by well over a two hundred stone, he leaned over and made the mummery of helping her back onto the deck.  Noyra gave him a wide grin once she was back on her feet, then gave him a thump on the shoulder that would have brought him to his knees if he wasn't ready for it.  

It was during this exchange, with the eyes of the deck upon them, that they talked.  They spoke without voice.

It had started after Noyra’s throat injury, by some twisted blessing, a stroke meant to end her life had only taken her voice.  She had recovered well enough, she had always been a strong healer, but never again would Noyra be able to utter another word.  It was Laloquer who had come up with the solution.  Working together he and Noyra came up with a system of speech that used the entire body, not just the mouth and tongue.  After all, he had argued, the mouth and the tounge were the most superfical parts of language anyhow.  The most profound signals came from the eyes, the set of your feet, and the cant of your head.

It wasn't perfect, the more complex the word or concept, the more movements it needed, and there were still yet more words that Lalo and Noyra needed to assign.  Still, it was quick, efficient, and it allowed the survivors of the Howling Sin to do something few knew how to do.  To have a private conversation while the rest of the world looked on.

What's your measure of his men? Said Kail with a flick of his fingers, his eyes cautiously flicking towards the handful of armed fellows they had allowed Baroth.

They are strong, hardy, and tested. She replied with a sweep of her hand down the front of her clothes, that to anyone else, looked like she was dusting herself off.  But they don't respect him, and hardly know one another.

He nodded, and hooked his thumbs into his belt. I think they’ll leave peacefully, but be ready for the worst.

With a slight nod of her head she brushed past him to the long boat.  

He joined Baroth again at the railing, offering the man a brief smile.  “That’s the last of what we can offer ye lot.  Wish it could be more but…”

“Wish in one hand..” muttered Baroth.

“That's the long and short oh it aye…”  Kail reached over, offering the man his tattooed hand.  For a moment it looked like Baroth would shake it, but then everything went to hell.  

There was a sudden pop that echoed out over the bay from the beach, for a moment Kail was worried someone had been shot, but when he looked back to the forest line he saw what it was.  In the beginning grey of the dawn horizon, a lone red flare was arcing into the sky.  The kind of flare used to signal airships.  Kail flicked his eyes towards Baroth, and there must have been some sort of accusation burning there, because the highlander quickly rose both his hands in the air.

“That...that’s not us, none of my boys brought flares….why would they?”

Kail gave it a moment’s thought before nodding and placing a hand on Baroth’s shoulder.  “I believe ye.”

Then, quick as blinking, Kail sank a fist right into the middle of the man.  Baroth sank to his knees with a wheezing hiss, the air driven from his lungs as surely as if sucked away by a bellows.  Kail didn't give him a chance to recover, hooking an arm under the man chest and twisting, he hurled him neatly over his hip, and into the waiting waters below.

To their credit, the two of Baroth’s men nearest to the scuffle already had their swords out by the time he hit the water, but it took less time than that for Noyra to walk right up behind them and smash their skulls together.  As she deposited their unconscious forms into the loaded longboat, what remained of the Resistance on the Rook looked at each other, unsure as to their next course of action.  When the rest of the Rook’s crew simultaneously drew their weapons and pointed the mass of blades and barrels towards the Resistance members, their confusion dried up.

“Get off my ship.” Said Kail plainly and without malice.  “Get yer people t’safety best ye can.  We’ll take care oh our end.”

One of the Resistance apparently hadn't made the line the day they were handing out smarts, he sputtered as a cutlass nudged him towards the long boat  “What about the other boats?  There’s only one ready to launch.”

“Best ye get on it then, cause it ain’t stayin long.”  Said Kail as he drew one of his long curved daggers and began sawing at one of the securing lines.  Those on the long boat grasped his meaning and scrambled to grab for purchase.  With a whip crack snap the securing line parted and the long boat, cargo and all, plunged for the waters below.  There was a terrific splash as it hit the water, and miraculously didn't shatter upon impact, a testament to Limsan ship building.

Two of the Resistance members hadn't been quick enough and were thrown into the waters during the landing, when they surfaced coughing and sputtering, they had Baroth in between them.  As soon as Baroth had enough air in his lungs, he began hurling curses about treacherous pirates and the woman slattern enough to bare them.  Kail was only half listening however, there was a sudden dull whine in the air, distorted by the sea water and the echoing qualities of the bay.  

Shoving aside confused crew he forced his way across the deck to the bowsprit, where he began scanning the horizon with his spy glass.  It didn't take long to spot it, nothing had an outline quite like a Garlean gunship.  From the sound of her cerulean engines she was still a ways off, but she was faster than any sea bound ship to be sure, and now she had the scent of the Rook.  Kail spat a curse as he snapped his spyglass shut, glancing behind him to see the entirety of the crew looking at him.

Isral spoke up from among their number “R’haji?  What do we do?”

Kail looked about at the expectant multitude of faces, among their number was Norah, and he wondered how much of that exchange she had seen.  He supposed he should have been glad she hadn't dove over the side after the Resistance, yet there was something in her expression of shock...was it blame?  Resentment?  He didn't have time to discern, the others were still waiting for an answer.  So he gave it.

“Get this ship turned about ye scabrous currs! We’re runnin!”

[myeonkais]

myeonkais 2020 fic wrap up & commentary

title: i get to love you (kaisoo) word count: 345 date posted: 01/13/2020 summary: Jongin smiles, wide and stupid and very much whipped for this man.

commentary: my first kaisoo day fic! grabe, nawala sa isip ko na 2020 ko isinulat ‘to lmao. sobrang tagal na pala??? anyway, this was one of my rare english drabbles na isinulat ko under 30 minutes. (writing in english isn’t really my ~thing—mas expressive akong magsulat pag taglish lmao kaya bihira ‘to). i’m really fond of writing kaisoo in domestic situations like this, dala na rin ng pangungulila kay kyungsoo (lol). actually, i’m not even sure if this was an au or a canon fic. gusto ko tuloy ng tinapay haha!

a line/part i loved: 

“You baked bread? Why?”

“Because I wanted to,” Kyungsoo replies with a smile. He passes a slice of bread back to Jongin before breaking a small piece of his own. “Be careful, it’s still a bit hot.” 

title: yours to keep (kaisoo) word count: 347 date posted: 01/25/2020 summary: Jongin considers the question, considers what it would mean to spend the rest of his life bound to this man before him.

commentary: aahh, this kaisoo x brooklyn 99 au!! I LOVE THIS VERSE SO MUCH!!! isa itong self-indulgent, shameless even, fic na isinulat ko after kong i-rewatch ang S05E04 (HallovVeen) episode ng b99. ang vivid ng fic na ‘to sa ‘kin. ksoo as amy, jongin as jake?? jusko #weakness!! may isa pa akong ficlet na set sa kaisoo b99 na ‘to...baka next year ko na lang i-post :-)

a line/part i loved:

It's not the most romantic of proposals. It's said over coffee at 4am in a deserted diner after a long night of undercover mission gone wrong. Kyungsoo's got a bloody nose and Jongin's missing the beloved badge on his jacket. There's no ring, no getting down on one knee.

Just Kyungsoo asking, casual and awkward, if he wants to get married.

title: sakanasabi (chanbaek) word count: 599 date posted: 01/28/2020 summary: Kung hindi lang siya d̶u̶w̶a̶g̶ lasing, inamin na niya ang katotohanang matagal na niyang kinikimkim.

commentary: sa totoo lang, natatawa ako kasi hindi ko maalala na isinulat ko ang fic na ‘to! as in ngayong habang gumagawa ako ng wrap up eme ko lang natuklasan ang existence nito! this is probably one of those fics na isinulat ko for a writing exercise...hay i really can’t remember. may potential ‘to na maging multi-chaptered fic kaso ilag ako sa pagsusulat ng medyo angsty ngayon (fragile ka sis???) a line/part i loved:

Fighting the urge to vomit, Chanyeol inhales deeply. Baekhyun’s pillow smells of him and his fruity shampoo. The familiar scent calms him down and Chanyeol hates himself for that too. He hates Baekhyun for making him feel this way and he hates himself for falling so hard for somebody he’ll never be able to confess his love for. Suddenly everything is too overwhelming for him that he spills the contents of his stomach all over Baekhyun’s bed.

title: four out of five (kaisoo) word count: 862 date posted: 02/07/2020 summary: Kasi hello, you think na ang David ni Michelangelo ang epitome ng perfect male body? Nuh-uh. Syempre, the Lord disagreed kasi he could do so much better kaya on January 14, 1994, the year of our Lord, pinanganak ang tumalo kay David.

Si Jongin Kim.

commentary: taena, this fic!!! shameless crack na naman ito thanks sa pag-“i really love D.O” ng jungen! hanggang ngayon natatawa pa rin ako sa fic na ‘to kasi ang kalat niya in a way? napaka-vivid nito for me, lalo na sa second part ng fic. himala ngang hindi umabot ‘to sa 10k lmao. tapos ‘yung hint ng top!ksoo sa dulo...hmmm parang interesting i-explore….

a line/part i loved:

"For this I want you to concentrate on the placement of the shadows and how the muscles bunch and flex differently in this position," Kyungsoo says, standing even closer now. He sweeps his hand in front of Jongin as he speaks, using technical, anatomical terms to describe Jongin's legs and thighs, his cock, thick and soft against his belly. "Take a good long look at these thighs, guys. You may never see a more perfect representation of the human body than this."

"Kyungsoo," Baekhyun, one of his older students, chides him. "Ang kalat kalat!"

title: missed connections (surene) word count: 309 date posted: 03/11/2020 summary: Things change and little girls grow up.

commentary: probably quickest fic i’ve ever written this year. i remember writing this habang nakapila ako sa burger king para umorder, at natapos ko paglabas ko with my takeout. less than 10 minutes siguro? hindi ko rin alam kung ba’t ito ang isinulat ko—napakalayo kasi sa prompt na missed connections—pero i was craving for an unexpected angsty fic...at isang kasal na naman ang ginawa ko haha. surene will always have a special place in my shipper heart, bilang sila lang ang gusto kong kpop het ship lol (and i ship junmyeon and joohyun with other people, as in lol ba’t may pag-e-explain ka ghorl??). memorable sa ‘kin ‘to kasi ito ang isa sa fics na pinost ko sa aking public twitter at nabasa ng ibang tao na hindi aware sa aking stan twt persona lmao

a line/part i loved:

Joohyun's hand clamped down on his arm and shook slightly. "C'mon, this is what you've always been waiting for, right?" Junmyeon said.

She turned to him and smiled sadly. "I always thought it was going to be you."

Junmyeon looked away for a moment before looking at her again. "Yeah...well..."

"I knew it wasn't going to happen. Never had a vision of it but I hoped back then."

"You were only a girl then and—" Junmyeon touched her cheek. "I lost my chance."

title: stupid motherfucking shitposter (chanbaek) word count: 2116 date posted: 03/11/2020 summary: Binibiro lang nina Jongdae si Baekhyun na siya ang unang sisikat sa barkada, a harmless joke na nagsimula pa noong freshman year.

But they didn't expect na magkakatotoo ito dahil sa isang viral Facebook post of this (shit)poster, Chanyeol Park.

commentary: ito ang second attempt ko sa tweet fic eme, and as expected, sobrang fail niya haha! special sa ‘kin ang fic na ‘to dahil ito ang first exo fic na isinulat ko. july 2019 pa nakatambak ang chapter 1 nito sa google docs ko (haha) at nagkalakas loob lang akong i-post dahil sa panghihinayang. ewan, i’m not a funny person talaga pero pag binabasa ko ‘tong fic na ‘to, parang naniniwala ako na kaya ko pala magpatawa somehow? also the background stories for chanbaek here...hahaha shet talaga gusto ko na ulit ‘to ituloy! sa 2021, promise!

a line/part i loved:

Nanginginig ang mga kamay ni Baekhyun while scrolling down the comments. Sumakit ang ulo niya sa ilang judgemental comments about this modus ("mag-ingat kayo kahit cute yan may tendency maging manyak!!"), halos maduwal sa "shet ang adorable ng meet cute niyo pakasal kayo pls!!!"

at tumaas ang dalawang kilay sa comments ng "fangirls" of this Chanyeol Park:

"DADDY!!! BAKET!!!!" with brokenhearted emojis

"sana all makasandal sa balikat ni Chanyeol AKO NA LANG ANAKAN MO CHANYEOL PLS" 

"SHET CHANYEOL PARK DADDIEST TALAGA FROM BS STAT MANOK NAMEN YAN!!"

Then he saw the comments from people he knew personally. Mga bastos na mga ka-college at ex classmates na nagmention sa kanya:

Si @Baekhyun Byun ba 'to? OMG bat kayo magkasama, Yeol?

Yeol basta tandaan mo na kapag nakasandal sayo si Baekhyun parang nakasandal na rin sayo buong mundo ko.

title: everything under the stars (chanbaek) word count: 2866 date posted: 03/11/2020 summary: chanbaek high school au wherein astronomy club pres si chanyeol at may crush sa kanya ang drama club president na si baekhyun.

since required na sumali sa two clubs ang club presidents, naisipan ni baek na mag-apply sa club ni yeol.

kaso ayaw tanggapin ni chanyeol ang application form.

commentary: aaaahhhh unang chanbaek high school au ko ito!!! at ang nag-iisang tweet fic na natapos ko!!! i super love this fic ;.; sobrang fluffy lang niya at tuwang-tuwa ako sa characterization ni baekhyun dito. ang nakakatawa pa, on the spot ang pagsusulat ko nito sa twitter, as in nagre-research ako about sa astronomy eme habang inu-update ko ang thread in real time! inabot ata ako ng six hours sa pagsusulat nito pero sobrang worth it. this never fails to warm my heart talaga. ang wholesome lang talaga ng high school love stories...minsan haha!

a line/part i loved:

The taller took a deep breath, eyes darting everywhere except Baekhyun. "I have insomnia. And counting stars help me sleep better at night."

Baekhyun was about to open his mouth, his cheeks flushed, as he stared up at Chanyeol.

That was intimate. Unexpected. What did he do to deserve such information? Baka naman nagbibiro lang si Chanyeol.

"Ah, so ‘di ka nagbibilang ng sheep?"

Chanyeol rolled his eyes, but his mouth twitched up in a smile. "Mas lalo akong di makakatulog sa kahahanap ng tupa niyan."

title: kiss it better (kaisoo) word count: 204 date posted: 03/21/2020 summary: "Well, well, looks like someone's cranky today."

"Shut up," Jongin mutters as he nudges him with his hip. Kyungsoo scoots over to make room for him and he settles in next to him. "Your little pet bit me."

commentary: ito ang pinakamaikling fic na isinulat ko this year, at ang unang fic na isinulat ko noong nagsisimula pa lang ang ECQ. taena, ang tagal tagal na pala?? anyway, another domestic fluff from kaisoo na naisip ko thanks to that ksoo & meokmul photo na nakita ko sa tl. wala lang. gusto ko lang magsulat ng kaisoo landian kasi nakakamiss huhuhu :(

a line/part i loved:

"Your little pet bit me."

"Meokmul?"

"What other little pet do you have?" He grins and rests his head on Jongin's shoulder.

"You."

title: single bed (seho) word count: 1595 date posted: 03/23/2020 summary: 

“Beds are made for sleeping and sex only, you know."

Napalunok na lang si Junmyeon. Sehun and bed and sex all in one sentence was a bit too much for his overworked brain to handle. Again, that’s his hottest roommate casually talking about sex. His roommate na crush niya ever since lumipat siya sa condo na ‘to. Junmyeon shifted the Calculus lecture binder on his lap as subtly as he could.

Putangina.

commentary: not to be me pero isa ‘to sa favorite fics ko this year haha! this january lang ako nahilig sa pagbabasa ng seho fics at sa totoo lang, 500-word drabble lang dapat ito!! kaso biglang nag-ig live ang seho putek kaya naging triple ang word count. isa sa na-discover ko sa sarili ko because of this: i like reading/writing junmyeon pining over sehun?? ewan, iba ang pull sa ‘kin ng fics pag ganito ang setup nila haha. nag-enjoy akong isulat ‘to sa POV ni junmyeon, lalo na ‘yung internal struggle niya. isa sa dahilan kung bakit favorite ko ito ay ang back story ni kyungsoo bilang phone sex operator hahaha! bigla ko na lang naisip ‘yan habang nagta-type ako at tawang-tawa na naman ako sa sarili ko. i’m fucking hilarious sometimes lmao

a line/part i loved:

He couldn’t forget the first time he’d heard Kyungsoo in “action”. Isang gabi, nakasalubong niya si Kyungsoo na naglalalakad papunta sa kusina, suot nito ang mamahaling headset, dini-describe kung paano niya kakainin ang “delicious pussy” ng kliyente niya na nasa kabilang linya habang iniinit ang Chickenjoy takeout sa microwave. May bonus pang mga ungol na sobrang filthy, at mga yes baby masarap ba? Yes you like that? pang sinasabi ito, at nagawa pang ngitian si Junmyeon in between moans bago bumalik sa kwarto niya.

title: exercise in self-restraint (chanbaek) word count: 12,984 (part 1 of 5) date posted: 04/15/2020 summary: (sinta 'verse part 2)

Three months (92 days to be exact, and yes, Baekhyun's counting) na silang magjowa ni Chanyeol pero bakit gano'n, nasa "friends are like jowas you don't fuck" stage pa rin sila?

—or: tigang na ang Baekhyun Byun. as in.

commentary: TANGINA HANGGANG NGAYON TAWANG-TAWA PA RIN AKO SA SARILI KO NA GINAWA KO ANG FIC NA ‘TO...AT HINDI PA SIYA TAPOS!!! na-explain ko na ‘to sa notes sa ao3 pero grabe sa pagka-self indulgent talaga ng fic na ‘to. sobrang kalat??? i didn’t know i had it in me??? cheka!! pero seryoso, sobrang nag-enjoy ako sa pagsusulat nito (until now!!!) kasi challenge para sa ‘kin ang magsulat ng m/m explicit scenes. hindi ako nag-fade to black!!! hahaha but no seriously, napaka-importante ng sinta ‘verse sa buhay ko bilang exo fic writer at ayun nga, hindi ko sila mapakawalan kaya ikukulong ko sila sa isang makamundong part ng ‘verse na ‘to. naka-outline na sa ‘kin ang buong fic na ‘to, kailangan ko lang ng lakas ng loob para ituloy ang pagsusulat haha. sobrang kalat niya...at ako talaga si jongdae sa fic na ‘to lol. another thing: puro inside joke naming magkaka-barkada ang laman ng fic na ‘to kaya yari ako kung mabasa man nng isa sa kanila ‘to hahahaha

a line/part i loved:

“Bakit ba ito ang topic natin?" Umupo na si Baekhyun sa tabi ni Jongdae, tuluyan na niyang nakalimutan ang sakit ng legs niya sa sobrang panic at kahihiyan. "We're here to talk about the Bali trip, right? Wala sa agenda natin ang sex life ko so tumahimik ka dyan!" 

"Seryoso ba? Kahit chupa wala?" 

"Jongdae Kim oh my god iiwanan na kita talaga!" 

"Sorry na! This is a lot to take in pota ka!" Jongdae stared at him in disbelief, and shook his head. "As in no action at all? Imposibleng walang chupaa—" 

"Jongdae!" Puta, sana magkaroon ng butas sa sahig na kinauupuan ni Jongdae at lamunin na siya nito ASAP. Hindi na kinakaya ni Baekhyun ang interrogation na 'to. 

"Sorry na! Fine! Wala man lang… snorkelling na naganap sa loob ng three months?"

title: tulak ng bibig, kabig ng dibdib (chanbaek) word count: 995 date posted: 04/28/2020 summary: 

“Alam mo feeling ko may crush sa ‘yo si Chanyeol,” bulong sa kanya ni Junmyeon sabay siko sa tagiliran niya.

“Huh? Pinagsasabi mo dyan?” inis na sagot ni Baekhyun habang hinahalughog ang backpack niya.

“Ang manhid mo naman, Baek. Obvious kaya.”

Oops, teka lang. Freshman si Chanyeol. Graduating na si Baekhyun.

Hindi magwo-work ang kung anumang iniisip ni Junmyeon.

commentary: may thing talaga ako sa fics na mas matanda si baekhyun kesa kay chanyeol—as in taon ang gap nila ha, hindi kagaya sa tunay na buhay na ilang buwan lang. anyway, i really like the outcome of this fic. simpleng kilig, sakto lang ang narration, at tama lang ang length. i guess sinulat ko ‘to noong na-realize kong dapat i-apply ko na ang “write less” sa buhay ko? i tend to over narrate my stories sometimes kasi gusto kong ma-overcome ang weakness ko sa narration bilang writer. pero kaya ayun, sinasanay ko ang sarili ko na magsulat ng fics less than 1k words eme

a line/part i loved:

Yes, nagkakausap naman sila paminsan-minsan kapag nagkakasalubong sa campus, and yes, hindi na nagbu-blush si Chanyeol sa meetings na ‘to. He’s become more confident around Baekhyun, which made him a bit sad kasi nage-enjoy siya sa pink cheeks ni Chanyeol at pagkabulol nito sa conversations nila. Oo na, impressed na si Baekhyun sa talino at wisdom ng lalaki at—

Oops, teka lang. Uulitin lang niya, freshman si Chanyeol. Graduating na si Baekhyun.

Hindi magwo-work ang kung anumang iniisip ni Junmyeon.

title: fall on me (chanbaek) word count: 6123 date posted: 05/06/2020 summary: “Amin-amin din kasi. Malay mo may chance.” Binato pa siya ni Yixing ng basang tissue to justify his point.

“Baka nga may malaking chance,” gatong ng kupal na si Sehun Oh.

It’s not like the thought never crossed his mind. Sa apat na taon nilang magkasama sa apartment na ‘to, ilang beses na ring naging marupok si Chanyeol sa idea na aaminin siya kay Baekhyun. Pero worth it nga ba aminin ito? O dapat makuntento na lang siya sa kung anong meron sila?

commentary: my first baekhyun day fic! a college au na set in uplb na naman haha (kailan ba ako mauumay??). this was an easy story to write; natapos ko ata 'to in one sitting? tsaka gusto ko ito kasi first time kong magsulat ng fic in chanyeol's pov. medyo challenging for me na hanapin ang "boses" ni chanyeol pero napagtagumpayan ko naman. napaka-vivid din sa 'kin ng fic na 'to, especially the confession part. ALL THE FLUFF TALAGA MGA MHIE PARA LABANAN ANG INIS SA GOBYERNO HAHAHA

a line/part i loved:

“Wait lang, there’s something on your face.”

Chanyeol instinctively reached for his cheek, akmang pupunasan ang naiwang wasabi or teriyaki sauce or whatever. “Huh? Saan?”

The next thing Chanyeol knew, Baekhyun fisted his hand on his shirt and tugged him down for a kiss. It was firm and waaay too fast, just a smack of lips, and then he patted Chanyeol’s chest before stepping back a little.

His mind went blank.

“Uh...it was me,” Baekhyun mumbled shyly, loud enough para marinig ni Chanyeol

.Chanyeol blinked a few times, trying to process what the just happened. “W-what?”

title: di na babalik (chanbaek) word count: 3355 (incomplete) date posted: 06/01/2020 summary: Ten years ago tinawanan lang ni Chanyeol ang kantiyaw sa kanya ni Sehun noon: wag jowain ang ka-barkada kasi pag nagbreak, awkward na umattend sa reunions. Ngayong nasa 10th year high school reunion na sila, 'di na makatawa si Chanyeol. Salamat talaga sa isang tanong ng ex niyang si Baekhyun Byun.

commentary: ito 'yung tweet fic na bunga ng aking sunday morning writing exercises last april. medyo hango sa tunay na buhay (haha lagi naman) at angsty siguro 'to? this is one of the rare fics na walang outline and such. as in on the spot ako nagsusulat pagkagising ko ng sunday ng umaga. binasa ko ito ulit ngayon-ngayon lang at...aray, medyo masakit nga. i really want to continue this 'verse kahit medyo masakit siya.

a line/part i loved:

Baekhyun has this fond smile on his lips, and Chanyeol wonders kung anong version ng nangyari ang binibisita nito ngayon sa utak niya. A happy memory, he supposes. Bihira niyang makita ang ngiting 'yon kay Baekhyun.

title: smile for the camera (chanbaek) word count: 670 date posted: 06/11/2020 summary: Chanyeol knew the famous idol Baekhyun Byun had been picturing something more glamorous than this. If he did, then they hired the wrong photographer for the job.

commentary: another on the spot twitter drabble! kasalanan 'to ng yours mv at tirtir photoshoot ni baek haha! meet cute emeru. tuwang-tuwa rin ako rito dahil ang bilis ko siyang naisulat-less than an hour ata?  

a line/part i loved:

Gustong ipakita ni Chanyeol Park ang ibang side ni Baekhyun Byun sa mundo. He wanted to show the real man behind the mysterious image: the man who loves to stay at home and play online games during his time off, who loves children and advocates for their education, who was still a normal person behind the bright lights and sold out dome concerts.

title: wala nang hihilingin (chanbaek) word count: 6122 (sinta 'verse fic) date posted: 06/14/2020 summary: It’s been nine months since Chanyeol told him na may plano na siyang magpropose soon. Nine months since tinapangan ni Baekhyun ang sarili at sumagot siyang leaning towards yes siya if ever totohanin nga ni Chanyeol ‘yon. Nine months na siyang naghihintay pero wala pa ring proposal. Ni anino ng singsing wala siyang nakita.

commentary: my first 614 day fic! aahh i'm so in love with this fic :( aside from wedding vows, i like writing wedding proposals talaga. iba nga lang sa fic na 'to dahil napaka-chaotic ng proposal! this fic started with an image, actually. 'yung part na kumakanta si baek ng halo ni tita beyonce! sinusulat ko pa lang 'yung sinta, paano na lang ako kung wala ka? nasa isip ko na 'yon. at hindi niya ako nilubayan hanggang hindi ko nagagawa ang fic na 'to. nadagdagan pa ang inspiration ko after rewatching The Office! that jim & pam moment talaga...sobrang TV history huhuh. anyway!!! outlining this fic was really fun kasi aliw na aliw akong pahirapan si baek dito lmao. sobrang special talaga sa 'kin ng sinta 'verse at ang dami ko pang pwedeng ikuwento tungkol sa unibersong ito. next year, meron pang kasunod. promise 'yan haha!

a line/part i loved:

honestly, i really love the proposal part kasi na-achieve ko ang chaos na gusto ko haha! pero kung very specific part, ito:

“So...nasan na ba ako? Ayun.” Huminga muna siya nang malalim bago nagpatuloy. “You’re my best friend in the whole wide world and I could never be with anyone else. I’ve known this since we were 19. I wanted to be the one to ask you but--“

“Mahal kita,” bulalas ni Baekhyun. He couldn’t help it. Aatakihin na siya sa puso. He could feel it. “Fuck, baby I’m sorry!” pahabol niya. “Sorry go na tatahimik na a--”

“Baekhyun,” Chanyeol interrupted, strained, with a pointed glance at the box. Agad na tinikom ni Baekhyun ang bibig, but god, ang puso niya bibigay na anytime.

“Ang point ko lang, I mean it when I say could never be with anyone else, Baek. ikaw lang ang tanging nakikita kong kasama ko sa dulo.”

When their eyes met, Chanyeol’s were soft. Trusting. Full of love. Chanyeol’s eyes were shining, full of unshed tears, at sure si Baekhyun na parehas na silang walang makita dahil sa mga luhang ‘to.

title: atin ang gabi (chanbaek) word count: 18.442 date posted: 08/09/2020; entry for #NaritoKami2020 Fic Fest summary: Before Sunrise AU - dala ng lungkot, alak, at pagka-bigo sa pag-ibig, humingi ng isang pabor si baekhyun sa lalaking hiniraman niya ng powerbank sa 7-11.ang pabor? samahan at makipagkuwentuhan sa kanya buong magdamag. loko-loko lang ang papatol sa ganyang pabor.sakto, loko-loko't kalahati si chanyeol park.

commentary: where do i even begin?? sa totoo lang ang dami kong gustong sabihin sa fic na 'to kulang pa 'tong commentary na 'to hahaha. i might even write a whole blogpost about this..but who knows?

ito ang pinakapaborito kong fic this year. as in. the moment i saw this prompt, ang sabi ko sa sarili ko, "mare dapat makuha mo 'yan OR ELSE!!!" i have a ~thing for film AUs, kaya nang makita kong may nagsumbit nito-NA RICHARD LINKLATER FILM PA OMG-hindi na tumigil ang utak ko sa pag-iisip. i love everything about this fic so much. mula sa back stories ng chanbaek, hanggang sa batuhan nila ng linya... i'd like to think i did a great job in writing this. sinigurado kong maganda at natural lang ang dialogues nila rito dahil isa 'yon sa essence ng Before Trilogy, eh. gusto ko rin sanang gawing buong araw silang magkasama kaso i thought mas may emotional impact kung bitin ang oras nila.

may ilang parts pa akong dinelete rito kasi feeling ko ang haba na niya. (don't worry i'll share it soon!) kahit light angst lang 'to, may certain weight kang mararamdaman after reading it? ewan, ganyan ang pakiramdam ko pag binabasa ko 'to. tsaka grabe pinag-isipan kong mabuti kung may smut ba 'to o kahit kiss lang. i almost added a kiss here kaso upon re-reading the fic...it kinda didn't feel right? i thought them sharing a kiss would shatter the illusion, na baka hindi na sila maka-move on sa isa't isa at hindi na nila ma-achieve ang dapat nilang i-achieve. ako lang siguro 'to hahaha pero one thing's for sure: THIS IS A HAPPILY EVER AFTER!!! sila hanggang dulo haha! i just wish more people could read this fic huhu.

a line/part i loved:

Chanyeol paused for a long moment bago nagpatuloy. “Sobrang nakakatawa ng pagiging idealistic ko noong teenager ako. Feeling ko kasalanan ‘to ng media na kino-consume natin, eh. Books, movies, songs would always make love out to be this all consuming, burning, passionate thing. Sige, that person makes you feel like you’re on fire all the time, that he or she consumes you, but at the end of the day...are you even friends? Let’s be real here, pag tapos na sa honeymoon stage, pag naupos na ‘yung apoy ng pag-ibig sa simula ng relasyon, ano na? You gotta like the person you end up with in the end. Love won’t save everything.”

title: ‘pag nandiyan (kaisoo) word count: 15,962 date posted: 08/19/2020; entry for Tahanadhana Ficfest 2020 summary:  four times na may nagtanong sa cafe owner na si junmyeon kung ano ba talagang relationship status ng mga barista niyang sina jongin at kyungsoo, plus that one time na napuno na si junmyeon sa landian/katangahan ng dalawa.

commentary: magkasabay kong isinulat ang atin ang gabi at 'pag nandiyan kaya lurks na lurks ako kung alin ba dapat ang uunahin. 15k worth of pure fluff, landian, at katangahan isumbong niyo nga 'yan sa HR!!! not gonna lie, sobrang nag-enjoy ako sa pagbuo ng kaisoo barista 'verse na 'to. may naka-outline na ngang side story ang chanbaek dito eh...hahaha! si sehun ang favorite character ko sa fic na 'to kasi siya talaga ang representation ng frustration ng readers haha! gigil na gigil si kuya eh, ang cute!

'yun lang, a part of me wished na mas inayos ko ang execution ng ilang scenes sa fic na 'to? lalo na sa parts nina junmyeon at joohyun. i would rewrite it if i could. overall, this is a cute, fluffy fic written in a slightly weird 4+1 fic haha!

a line/part i loved:

"Birthday ni Chanyeol today," paliwanag niya kahit hindi naman hinihingi ni Jongin. "Ayoko namang sungitan 'yung tao on his special day. I'm not that mean."

Jongin remained quiet beside him, so he added, "Besides, I don't date people younger than me. Chanyeol just turned...20 today, ano. Ekis tayo dyan."

From the corner of his eye, he saw Jongin's mouth twitched to a smile. "So may chance," sabi nito, halos pabulong.

"Huh?" He glanced at Jongin sidelong, eye catching on the strong lines of his neck, the prominent bulge of his Adam's apple. The streets weren't that well-lit, and frankly, his eyesight was pretty shitty, but for some reason, kitang-kita niya ngayon si Jongin. "Anong sabi mo?" Jongin then returned his gaze.

"Sabi ko, may chance," he said, clearer this time. With intent. Ayan na naman siya.

title: laging naroon ka (sechen) word count:  2664 date posted: 09/22/2020 summary: sa kalagitnaan ng kasal ng mga kabarkada niya, biglang nagkrisis si jongdae dahil parehas silang umattend ng kanyang what could have been na si sehun.

commentary: sa totoo lang, wala sa plano ko na magsulat ng isang sechen fic. i've only read a handful of sechen fics (mostly in english pa) at nag-aalangan talaga ako magsulat ng fic for a rarepair. kaso my jaya discography binge happened; ilang beses kong pinaulit-ulit ang laging naroon ka at ang daming nagpapakasal sa social media bago ko isulat 'to kaya rito ko na nilabas ang mga damdamin ko haha! i really like how this turned out. maikli lang pero hnngghh gusto ko pa ng isang sechen fic tuloy! masaya rin ako na may naka-appreciate ng munting fic na 'to. i'm planning to write another jaya-inspired fic soon so...hehe kita-kits na lang ;)

a line/part i loved: 

He was a complete fool to think the hurt he'd felt years ago made him immune to this handsome man with a nice smile and soulful eyes. Wala pa ring pinagbago. Nandoon pa rin ang kabog sa dibdib, ang kilig—nakakainis! Sehun only got more gorgeous as he aged. His sense of style was still impeccable. Bagay sa kanya ang mas mahabang buhok at tumambok pa ang mga pisngi nito. Pigil na pigil si Jongdae na magnakaw ng kurot.

title: para sa ‘yo (ang mga salita) (chanbaek) word count:  26,144 date posted: 12/09/2020 summary: ito na ata ang pinakamalaking dagok sa writing career ng best-selling at award-winning crime fiction writer na si Baekhyun Byun. mayroon lamang siyang pitong buwan para tapusin ang huling nobela ng kanyang series. bawal na extension, nasagad na niya ang pasensya ng kanyang publishers. tapos bat' gano'n, bakit napakalandi ng bago niyang editor na si Chanyeol Park?!

commentary: my biggest and most personal (lol) fic yet. 35k ang target word count ko for this one kaso i had to delete a huge chunk last september kasi...nag-iba ang takbo ng utak ko. bigla na lang akong naumay magsulat ng romance at fluff? tsaka wala pa akong nababasang writer-editor au fic na nakaka-relate ako kaya isinulat ko na. sa totoo lang, ginawa kong therapy ang fic na 'to habang tinatapos ko ang isang manuscript ko (na surprise!!! hindi ko pa rin tapos until now!!!). it's weird for me na magsulat ng isang bagay na hindi umiikot sa romance, pero later on, na-enjoy ko rin. okay din pala magsulat ng character-centric fics na side lang ang romance.

also, in a very me fashion, nag-insert na naman ako ng kuwento sa loob ng isang kuwento. mini-quarantine project ko ang kuwento nina eli at calix! an outline exists--at surprise, hindi connected sa mga kasong nabanggit sa fic haha! crime/thriller pa rin ang totoong kuwento pero malayo sa book titles commentary: na nabanggit sa fic. in short, umandar na naman ang pagka-plotter ko sa fic na 'to. outline kung outline, plano kung plano. ang difference lang from my previous BY Paraluman Fest entry, hindi ko na isinulat ang buong fic sa notebook bago i-type. katamad kasi hahaha.share ko lang din, i wasn't expecting na may magbabasa at makaka-appreciate ng fic na 'to. ang seryoso kasi niya for my taste. hindi rin nakakakilig or whatsoever. sobrang layo sa previous BYFP entry ko na puro landian lang ang ganap. kaya sobrang tuwa ko sa mga nag-iwan ng comments sa ao3, nag-qrt ng BY tweet, at sa lahat ng nagtweet na nagustuhan nila ang kwentong ito. grabe, iyak ako nang iyak. lalo na do'n sa mga nagcomment na nakaka-relate sila sa struggles ni baekhyun as a writer. feeling ko hindi ako nag-iisa! so maraming maraming salamat sa nagbasa ng fic na 'to! grabe dami ko pang ebas for this fic pero sa isang blogpost ko na lang siguro ilalagay. hay, ang puso ko talaga para rito <3

a line/part i loved: sa totoo lang, madami! 'yung buong kaganapan sa MIBF ang pinaka kasi an author's dream come true 'yon cheka hahaha! pero kung lines.... ito talaga:

“Sila lang ang minahal ko nang ganito. Mahal na mahal ko sila.”

“Alam ko, Baekhyun.”

“Natatakot ako…” Baekhyun hated the way his voice cracked. “Natatakot ako na baka...baka hindi na ako magmahal nang ganito ulit. Na baka...naiibigay ko na kina Eli at Calix ang lahat ng pagmamahal na kaya kong ibigay. Takot ako na...shit, Chanyeol.” Napaupo siya sa sofa at doon niya nakita ang concerned na tingin sa kanya ng editor. “What if pangit na lahat ng mga isulat ko after nito? What if makapagsulat nga ako ng bago pero sina Eli at Calix pa rin ang hahanap-hanapin ko? Ng ibang tao? What if...hanggang dito na lang ang pangarap ko? Ito lang naman ang ginusto ko sa buhay, eh. Ang magsulat at mabasa ng tao ang mga salita ko. Ito siguro ang problema pag nakuha mo nang maaga ang pinapangarap mo. Pag madaling nakuha, madali ring mawawala.” Tuluyan nang bumuhos ang luha ni Baekhyun. “Ayoko pa magmove on sa kanila, Chanyeol. Hindi ko kaya.”

title: #QuarantineTimez with Nini’s Home (kaisoo) word count:  12,770 date posted: 04/27/2020 summary: Sa kalagitnaan ng Enhanced Community Quarantine, hindi inaasahan ni Kyungsoo na magkakaroon siya ng "quarantine crush" sa isang viral Youtuber na kailanman ay hindi nagpakita ng mukha.

commentary:  ito ang tanging non-fic fest entry fic ko na himalang maraming nagbasa. hanggang ngayon shookt pa rin ako na umabot sa 700+ hits ito sa ao3 haha kklk?? anyway, skl ang inspo ng fic na 'to. gaya ni ksoo sa fic, noong start ng quarantine ko lang nadiscover ang Nino's Home Youtube channel. at gaya rin niya, na-weirduhan ako sa antics ni Nino...at sige na nga, aliw na aliw ako sa subtitles niyang nangungupal lmao. ewan ko na, nagulat na lang ako sa sarili ko na may outline na ako for a kaisoo fic?? it took me two days of outlining and actual writing bago ko natapos 'to. at tawang-tawa ako kasi sobrang crack fic dapat nito! the nininail was a last addition kasi may nag-RT sa TL ko ng video compilation ni jongin talking about his cute nail..eh ang cute nga kaya dinagdag ko na. wala akong intensyon na gawing cliffhanger ang ending...it just sort of happened? feeling ko nga standalone fic 'to kaso habang binabasa ko siya, nabitin na rin ako lmao. hanggang not!fic na lang ang kinaya ko for the continuation kasi dami ko nang sinusulat ngayon lol. but with or without the not!fic, okay siyang kwento for me. nakakatawa, nakakilig hay :)

a line/part i loved:

gustung-gusto ko 'yung IG dm convo nina baek at ksoo rito kasi totoo nga naman, COVID-19 CAN'T STOP THE HAROT!!! also 'yung nagreply si Nini kay pengwing sa Youtube comments!!! ang kilig ko po!!!

Nasanay na si Kyungsoo na makaramdam ng kaunting lungkot after ng conference calls nila. As much as he loved having his alone time, nakaka-miss din pala ang makasalamuha ng ibang tao. Sa short supermarket trips at lobby guards na nga lang siya nakakaranas ng actual human interaction this quarantine period. He didn’t realize how much he used to count on minor interactions, like ‘yung pangungulit sa kanya ni Jongdae sa cubicle niya araw-araw, or ‘yung quick lunch meetings niya with Baekhyun kapag napapadpad ng Makati ang best friend. Kahit nga face to face meetings with their boss na usually kinakatakutan niya, hinahanap-hanap na niya ngayon.

OVERALL:

# of fics written: 21 # of fandoms: 2 (exo & red velvet) published word count: 133,095

favorite fic: atin ang gabi (chanbaek) longest fic: para sa ‘yo (ang mga salita) (chanbaek) shortest fic: kiss it better (kaisoo) most kudos: #QuaratineTimez with Nini’s Home (kaisoo)