#lalo salamanca x you

[mandowifey]

Do you have any funny head canons for Lalo? Not even funny per se but just weird shit he might do?

Nora I'm gonna smooch you.

Lalo 'Eduardo' Salamanca - Funny Headcannons

Warnings: General NSFW talk, Lalo needs his own warning tbh. Dark humor! Morbid humor! a lot of implied psychological manipulation. Cartel boy does Cartel shit. You know how it goes.

Lalo has a lot of strange and somewhat funny quirks.

First and foremost, the fact that he refuses to sleep longer than an hour or two at a time is wild. You need your sleep, which he does understand, but he also can't sit still so you often wake up in an empty bed.

He'd have your sleep schedule memorized, though. Knows about when you get tired, when you wake up, the times you stir to go to the bathroom, etc. Of course, he doesn't tell you that, but you find it uncanny that he can anticipate when you need to lay down or when to have breakfast ready in the morning.

Another weird thing Lalo does is zoning out. Sometimes, you can talk to him, and he's empty eyed, staring at the window, motionless. It's uncanny to you because you have no idea what's going on inside his head. But then he'd blink, and the light would return to him and he'd smile at you and encourage you to continue talking.

The guy has a thing about pushing peoples buttons.

He just... he craves being a menace - mostly because no one can really do anything to stop him. Lalo often smiles or grins when someone is getting worked up/flustered when he's prodding at their nerves.

Unfortunately, that means you catch the receiving end of it too.

Lalo can't help it! He loves watching you get riled up and red-faced. He thinks you shouting is adorable, and the hard, angry fucking afterwards is sublime. Lalo sports your claw marks like trophies, calls you his little wild cat.

Another thing he does that's weird is mirroring. Lalo is good at adapting and charming folks, sometimes he mirrors you to get what he wants.

Not in the mood for sex? Well, that's okay! How about we lay in bed and laugh? What's this? His hand is between your legs while he cracks jokes in your ear. Weird, guess you changed your mind.

Not a weird HC but he's intentionally withdrawn.

He keeps a lot of stuff to himself, making it difficult to discern if he's really upset or not.

Another weird thing is he likes to watch you shower.

He'd sit on the sink or lean against it, while pulling the door open to watch you quietly. Sometimes it seems like he's admiring you and others he looks almost angry.

You know he see's you as a weakness.

He's protective, always thinking 10 steps ahead.

You are his, after all.

Lalo is a gift giver. He likes to buy you stuff you mention off handedly. It's eerie sometimes because he gets you things you didn't realize you even wanted.

Like he's bringing home a dress you glanced at while shopping with him, and now there it is, in your hands. Meanwhile, he's smiling ear to ear and kissing your head, asking if you like it and watching your reaction.

Lalo is weird in the sense he's not extremely physical. The guy is similar to a cat. He'll pat your back, ruffle your hair or tap your chin, but he doesn't do many hugs or kisses. Even when you two are alone.

Though he would definitely not mind you laying against him, asleep, while he watched the fire pit and let his thoughts wander.

However, when the mood strikes him?

Lord he's on you.

Mouth on yours, devouring you, kissing and biting. Can't keep his hands off of you, groping and squeezing and just all over you.

Lalo isn't super weird, but he has those little mannerisms you find charming!

[sardonic-the-writer]

LALO SALAMANCA HEADCANONS ☆

• Lalo is a big thigh guy

• Girl, boy, thin, chubby, or litteraly anything else. Doesn't matter. He absolutely loves your thighs

• If you'd give him permission he'd one hundered percent constantly be laying his head on them—more often than not with a smug smirk on his face

• Come to think of it though he'd love most everything about you. Lalo might be a cold blooded cartel kingpin, but he's not someone that puts others down for no reason

• So if he says something about you, he means it

• Loves it when you mess with his hair. Probably encourages you to do it, humming lowly as you scratch your fingers against his scalp soothingly

• Caught you twirling his gray streak around your finger once and got the widest grin, finding it adorable

• "Ahh amor me vas a matar con tu encanto algun dia."

• If anyone were to ever ask Lalo the thing he loves in life the most, he'd hold up two fingers and immediately respond with "my car and my partner" without hesitating once

• Preferably both at the same time if he's honest. Ideally while turning his non-bouncing car into a bouncing car—if you know what I mean

• Yeah he's a little sleazy. But he'd do anything for you, only asking for your genuine feelings in return

[nanabrainrot]

Have you got any possessive Lalo headcanons?

BOOYYY DOO IIIII

Lalo Possessive Headcanons

warnings! misogynistic tones, inferred coerced marriage, and him being toxic <3

- this man is actually disgusting w/ how possessive he is.

- he actually rarely lets you out alone, maybe he’ll let you in the backyard alone but you CANNOT go in public without multiple chaperones

- buys u clothes but only clothes he thinks are cute on u; u haven’t been clothes shopping in ages but seem to always have a new outfit; you’re lucky he’s on the stylish side but he seems to prefer long, maxi dresses so you basically only wear that and a pair of little black wedges he loves

- his love language is physical touch and no he will not let you be not touching him at any moment you’re together. if it’s one of the rare occassions you get to meet anyone, he’s got his arm around you or toting you on his arm. You have to sit on his lap without argument or he’ll just make you sit in the car in silence until he’s done. Don’t even bother arguing.

- Your chaperones don’t make eye contact with you and never speak beyond grunts because of the short fuse Lalo has with you

- He has killed like probably 4 chaperones who he felt were eying you weird and definitely mutilated random people who looked at you so cute right

- you are always on business with him. he’s not leaving you home alone. he has to know where you are and he’d rather know you’re safe by having you locked away

- you got married like a month after knowing him because he was so absurdly obsessed and any man who tried to court you after you met him just randomly would be found dead and you knew he was going to continue unless you just gave up and married him

- but, sweetly, he did tattoo his ring on after you got married to show his commitment and devotion <3

- he expected you to also get tattoos dedicated to him. he’d brand you if it hurt less but it would probably hurt the dynamic so fine he won’t ugh.

tl;dr he’s possessive to a very unhealthy point. he’s very much a “women should be seen and not heard” man at heart and will only deal with submissive women. oh you aren’t? he’ll whip you into shape dw :) just be a good dolled up quiet wife at home and he’ll be the best worst husband ever <333

[monkeybebop]

They are in love guys, I promise

Nacho’s just waiting for Lalo to stfu

[thirdsonofeve]

when nacho was dropping lalo off in bad choice road he asked if he should wait with him TWICE despite being obviously desperate to get rid of him, and then asked "wHaT aBoUt MaRcO aNd LeOnEl?" when lalo decided they were going back to abq like buddy im really sorry but the most you were gonna get was awkward eye sex they're not gonna bend you over the hood of your javelin

[bachaboska]

Nacho Varga is ready to sell his body and soul to whoever will keep his father safe. Lalo doesn't know how to love somebody without owning them.

Thank you @stellasapiente for being lovely and listen to me venting about this project.

[night-ambit]

POV you're in a happy relationship!

[cinematicgf]

✧.*࿐⤞ navigation. ♡

.•⁀➷ welcome to my masterlist<3

~

∘* ✧･ﾟ ➳ all works are 18+ unless stated otherwise, minors DNI under any circumstances please

∘* ✧･ﾟ ➳ inbox: currently open for requests!!

∘* ✧･ﾟ ➳ abt me<3

~

  ♡=fluff  ✦=smut ✧= mature themes

Joel Miller

After Hours-

 ∘* ✧･ﾟ ➼ 18+ ♡✧✦ dom dbf!joel x f!reader

Million Dollar Man

∘* ✧･ﾟ ➼ 18+ ♡✧✦ drabble about a handjob with joel and f!reader

Breaking the Girl

∘* ✧･ﾟ ➼ 18+ ✧✦ dom boyfriends boss joel x f!reader

Suck my Kiss (Breaking the Girl pt. ll)

∘* ✧･ﾟ ➼ coming soon (dom boyfriends boss joel x f!reader)

Javier Pena

Te deseo, cariño

∘* ✧･ﾟ ➼ ♡✧ javier pena (narcos) x call girl!reader

Din Djarin

∘* ✧･ﾟ ➼ coming soon

Lalo Salamanca

∘* ✧･ﾟ ➼ coming soon

~

18+ Drabbles

the righteous and the wicked ✦

dom raider!joel x f!reader (oral, m receiving)

soul to squeeze ✦

dbf!joel x f!reader (oral, f receiving)

[el-michoacano]

It's supposed to be romantic to cook together, isn't it?

That's what Lalo thinks, anyway. You get to guide your querido's hands, or you can cuddle up against their back while they work. It's sweet! He's so excited to try it with Nacho!

Unfortunately, Nacho isn't a chef. He's not even a cook. He's a smart guy, but he has no gift for cooking, and after he manages to slice his fingers during messy chopping and burn water instead of boiling it- How is that even possible?- Lalo is forced to give up.

It's a good thing he enjoys cooking, or he'd be really disappointed.

He'll just have to make sure Nacho pays him back for cooking once they've had a chance to calm down. Might be hard with his fingers bandaged up, though. Might have to use his mouth. Lalo's not complaining!

[extraterrestrial-chihuahua]

i gave into my repressed catholic school feelings yall

I wrote a whole backstory for the Salamanca family and made it a Lalo/reader fic

I'm so sorry - anyways here's the first part/ first act I guess

[bonkwosher]

Overall Masterlist

Knives Out/Glass Onion

Benoit Blanc ◾Drunk Benoit Blanc Headcanons ◾Being Benoit Blanc's Assistant Headcanons ◾Benoit Apologizes For Being A Bad Partner (Angst?) ◾Comforting Benoit Blanc After A Near Death Experience (Angst?)

Wednesday

Eugene Ottinger (Platonic) ◾Being Eugene's First Friend/Defending Eugene Headcanons

Breaking Bad/Better Call Saul

Lalo Salamanca x Reader x Nacho Varga (Poly!!!!) ◾First Meeting Lalo & Nacho Headcanons Series: ◾Enemy Within Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3

Gus Fring ◾Gus Fring Being Jealous/Possessive Headcanons

Pedro Pascal Characters

Joel Miller ~ The Last of Us ◾Tess is jealous/Being Bill & Frank's kid -> Joel loves you ◾Drunk!Joel Miller x GN!Reader Headcanons ◾ "More Than Friends" Joel Miller x GN!Reader ▪ Sarah finds out about your relationship (Pre-outbreak) ◾Jealous/Protective Joel Miller x GN!Reader

Resident Evil Franchise

Wesker ◾Wesker x Short!GN!Reader Headcanons ◾Wesker x GN!Reader w/ a High-Pitched Voice Headcanons

Leon Kennedy ◾Leon x GN!Reader w/ a High-Pitched Voice Headcanons

Jurassic Park/World

Alan Grant ◾Reader Gets Hurt at Isla Sorna (Jurassic Park 3) ◾Angry Alan Confesses Love to Best Friend!Reader (Jurassic Park)

[reztruck]

Set during Dedicado a Max, Lalo likes to play restaurant manager out of boredom. Nacho comes in with a cartel errand. Everything leads to another.

[sardonic-the-writer]

Hai! I was wondering if you take requests for Lalo? If you do I was thinking a Lalo x reader x Saul 👀 in the situation where Saul went out to the desert and Lalo met Kim for the first time surprised that Saul could pull someone like her. In this case Lalo gets to intervene with the reader? 😈

i kept this gender neutral since i didn't see myself being able to write feminine reader right now. sorry! hope you still like it :]

You weren't supposed to be here.

You weren't supposed to be imitating a lawyer on the case of Jorge De Guzman. You weren't supposed to be in this chair right now, leg nervously bouncing subconsciously.

You especially weren't supposed to be talking to Lalo Salamanca.

He hadn't said a word since the guard had brought him in. Only eyeballing you as he sat down with a gaze you couldn't read even if you wanted. Really, the only audible sound that had been made was the sound of the heavy metal door locking shut from behind the two of you.

It made you nervous. This whole situation made you nervous. You hadn't seen Jimmy for the past two days, and all you had to go on was a name.

Eduardo Salamanca.

Just hearing about him from Jimmy made you grit your teeth with nerves. You weren't into law like he was, instead opting for a much different profession, but you were pretty sure being offered to pick up seven million in cash for someone currently lying his ass off to get out of jail wasn't typical client/lawyer behavior.

"Uh. Hi."

He just kept staring at you. Expression unmoving.

"So, er, I'm not a lawyer. If you couldn't already tell." You tapped your fingers against your opposite arm in a way to comfort yourself. Something that Lalo picked up on and stored away for later. Not that you would notice his flitting gaze.

"I just want to know where you sent Jimmy. Saul. Mr. McGill. Whoever you know him as."

His eyes were one of the most beautiful things you had ever seen. Jimmy's was a cool blue, often reminding you of the calm sea crashing against a sandy shore. You swore you felt like you were drowning every time you looked into them. But Lalo's were much different. Striking. A deep brown, with a few flecks of what could only be described as a honey like color in them. They were as enticing as anything you had ever seen before, while still reminding you of the situation you were in.

"I have no knowledge of what you speak of."

God, even his voice was soft with a bit of bite to it.

You swallowed uncomfortably.

"Please, excuse my french, but cut the bullshit. I know who you are. Really are. Certantly not some 'De Guzman'." Your fingers formed quotes in the air at the last part. Albeit a bit shaken. "I just want to know where you sent my Jimmy. I don't have any other boons to crave with you."

Lalo clenched his jaw. If Saul—er, Jimmy—had been in the room with them at that moment, the lawyer would have a new hole smack dab in the middle of his forhead to spit gum from. Who was he to share that information with some random person? For all Lalo knew you had been picked up randomly off the streets to come and deliver this message.

But he restrained himself. That hypothetical situation didn't seem likely the longer he sat with you. You were already visibly uncomfortable. No need to increase that. It gained him nothing. Besides, it was something else you said that had caught his rapt attention.

"Your Jimmy." Lalo leaned forward, one eyebrow higher on his face than the other with curiosity. He placed his elbows firmly on the table and rested his chin on the top of his folded hands. It wasn't a question—it was a statement. Repeating your own words back for you.

"Did I say that?" You stumbled through your words now. "I mean, I wouldn't nessicarily say he's my Jimmy. I mean, he's everyone's Jimmy. Howard's, Kim's, that guy from the coffee shop—"

Words died in your throat as you realized the man across from you was no longer listening. Instead he had leaned back a significant amount, clearly getting comfortable, in his own goddamn handcuffs, as he laughed.

"Wow! Just wow. He managed to pull you?" A bright smile had since overtaken his face, as well as a hearty chuckle every now and then. "¡Querido Dios! No pensé que tuviera la capacidad de ir tras tal belleza. Moi bein."

With a clearing of your throat you brought his baby browns snapping back to your face. Not the best feeling if you were being honest.

"I feel like I'm missing something here."

"Ah. You wouldn't get it." He waved you off still smiling. It reminded you of the way you would be excluded from a group of your so called friends back in your school days, clearly being the outsider out of all of them amongst inside jokes and playful banter. You pushed that away, not eager to imagine Lalo as a pimple faced teenager mocking you. You couldn't decide if that would make him scarier or not at this point.

"Oh-kay then." Your voice drew each syllable out unnaturally. Lalo started to drift again, seemingly losing motivation in this conversation. He was interested in whether you would scramble to keep his attention or not. How much you really cared for Saul slash Jimmy. He wasn't disappointed when you quickly picked up your speech again.

"Listen I don't really think you or I want me to be here right now. So if you could just tell me where Jimmy is I'll go and it'll be like this never happened. I swear. Besides me and you—" Your hands gestured back and forth over the metal table, pointing to each of you individually. "—can legally keep this a secret without getting in trouble. On account of, uh, law stuff."

Lalo wanted to laugh. It was amusing to him, this whole situation. Clearly you were someone of interest in his play now. Just another card in the deck he had happened to be delt. And an interesting one too if his assumption about that ring on your finger was right. Which was something you had probably forgotten to remove before coming to visit him. The idea of you being in his line of work crossed his mind before it was shattered with a chuckle. You wouldn't last a day.

"Alright. I'll tell you where he is."

You brightened.

"Right after I get my seven million."

And there it was.

"I can't do that, you sent Jimmy to get it." He watched as you grew more upset, just shrugging with an unbothered smile in response. Your expression didn't change in the slightest even as he offered a shrug of his shoulders and a chippy apology.

"Hey! We're done!" That was all Lalo responded to your distress with, standing up and stretching as much as he could. Words of urgency attacked him from behind as he wandered over to the door and rapped on it. But Lalo couldn't be bothered. You were now a card in his hand, yes, but he would have to set you aside for another time.

"Hey. Listen." He turned around as the guard who had escorted him there opened the large large door, facing you. "I'm sure he'll come back. He's got a mouth on him after all. Managed to escape my cousins wrath, and that's a talent on its own." Handcuffs clicked loudly as they were succumbed around his wrists. Lalo temporarily stopped facing you to look over at the guard, telling him to ease up in spanish.

"But. On the off chance the guy doesn't turn up, feel free to call me anytime azúcar."

A wink was just barely tossed your way before Lalo was gone. The only evidence he had even been in the room a strong smell of cologne and pepper. You thought for a minute about how he manged to smell like that while rotting in jail but quickly shook your head to rid yourself of the thought.

That certantly wasn't how you thought today would go. But based on the flush in your cheeks and dryness of your mouth, you didn't have room to complain.

[nanabrainrot]

HMMC drabble or thoughts on someone insulting Lalo's wife and calling her dumb/needy or something and Lalo gets angry bc only he's allowed to call her his pet and his sweet dumb girl

yesss ive been slacking with hmmc i need to create a prompt list to be able to have a steady queue with it bc i luvvv lalo i luv u lalo

Idiotic Audacity

Lalo hates when his wife gets involved - even in conversation. Even in passing.

ToxicoHusband!Lalo/Wife!Reader

WC: 1138

Warnings! gun violence and murder, undertones of machismo misogyny

“You got a wife?” the guy started casually, but the mention was enough to make Nacho tense. Enough to make Lalo pause, as he counted the money in his hands. He didn’t look up, but his nostrils flared from what he could see.

“What’s it to you?” Lalo countered in a voice devoid of interest, though the wording betrayed him: he didn’t like when you were talked about. Perceived. Acknowledged. The fact some guy thought you were a talking point over a deal almost made his spit come up. It made him want to hawk a loogie in his eye. 

“Your ring finger. It’s inked,” he replied, leaning into his chair. It’s a statement, like the weather being nice or the color of his shirt. A pause, before the next bill is flicked as he counts it.

“Yeah.”

“I don’t know any other members who actually have a wife,” he kept going. Nacho palmed his forehead, watching the scene unfold. He never really pressed Lalo about his relationship to his wife. She rarely made eye contact with him, avoided touching him like the plague, and almost used Lalo as a tin can connected by string to the rest of the world; like you were a girl still stuck playing treehouse with a childish telephone. 

“Well I do,” Lalo scoffed as he continued to flick through the bills before reaching for a rubber band.

“Your girl okay with it?” the man continues, head lulling back on the chair to watch the ceiling. Like he was bored. Bored talking about the wife of one of the most dangerous men south and now north of the border. The vein in his forehead twitched.

“Girl? She’s not a girl, she’s my wife,” Lalo huffed. The bills flicked again, a stack of paper crisp and without any hints of wear. Perfect.

“Girl, wife? What’s the difference? She’s a girl you married then, it’s the same -” “It’s not the same. She hasn’t been a girl since she was 17. She’s a woman, she’s a wife. Drop it, pendejo,” Lalo warned with a dense voice as he flicked through the bills with eyes that didn’t glance up.

“What’s wrong with asking about some girl?” 

“There’s everything wrong with it, you don’t chat about a man’s wife, especially not mine,” he snarled, smacking the bills down on the adjacent table with a hard face: his nostrils flared, eyes wide, and chest tight. The conspicuous nature of the tattooed band usually confirmed him married but he hated the inevitable questions. The fact anyone but him acknowledged you was enough to piss him off; rarely did people see you. Even rarer did they speak to you. Never did they speak of you. 

“Okay, I’ll quit bothering you about some dumb broad and we can get to -”

The next words never come. To is the last word. The firing of a gun forces the room into silence as Nacho stares at the scene: his jaw is clean off and the force of the bullet busting through his cranium left a big splatter on the wall behind him. The wall several feet away. Lalo treads near the body with his wild eyes, that hazy mind without rhyme or reason as he seethed with rage: Lalo kicks the body, toes of his loafer cracking at the skeleton in the corpse. The crack of his shins breaking and body shuffling, limp and lame, at the force of his kicks until Lalo slams the heel of his foot into the body’s chest and forces it back to the floor. Nacho is frozen, listening to Lalo as he fires more shots into the body, “Don’t-”

Shot.

“Call-”

Shot.

“Her-”

Shot.

“Stupid.”

Nacho stands there as Lalo pulls back to reality, tucking his gun back in his pants and breathing hot uneven breaths as he paced in circles with his hands behind his head. Eyes closed. Breathing steadier, steadier, as the minutes of silence passed in the warehouse. Before Lalo leaves, he gestures to the mess to Nacho and sits in the car only after grabbing the wads of uncounted cash. His head in his hands, Lalo is like a child whose secret, most precious toy was discovered. His insurmountable and impossible desire to keep you unknown to the world like a precious painting mounted only for his eyes always seemed to triumph his senses. Nacho rustles the garbage bags in the back of the Monte Carlo and does not ask why he is being dropped off when he is. He just watches the screen in silence as Amber and Jo tentatively try to match the pieces of the puzzle; he can still see the red and hear the gunshot.

-

“So why does he call you stupid? You’re not stupid to him, he doesn’t know you like I know you. He knows I’m married so why does he call you stupid?”

You hum, slicing the steak on his plate before sliding it across the counter before rounding it to sit by him. He’s still annoyed by his audacity and strangely, at the idea that someone insulted you. To say your marriage was devoid of moments of Lalo saying hurtful things would be wrong; a good portion of it was Lalo asking if you were dumb or confirming if you were dumb. His nickname for you most days was “dummy.” Your little face screws in concern, watching him tentatively as he bit into the steak. Watching. He sometimes nitpicked the seasoning of it, depending on how long you left it to marinate as he was gone. But he didn’t. He chewed on the meat, seared to a warm brown, and nestled next to some greens. He drinks until the beer is gone and brushes his teeth with you. Showers with you, silent. Still brooding. You never talk much, so the sound of the evening is the dripping of the faucet and running water in the shower, and rustling of bristles of your toothbrushes. The sound of mouthwash hitting porcelain. The sound of the fan whistling into the nest of blankets you crocheted on the king bed. The hum of the air conditioner. 

The rustling of him getting into bed with you, the cord of the lamp switching off, and his breath in your ear. The sensation of his hands pulling you closer to him and fiddling with the fabric of your nightgown (satiny and flowy; easy access). He mumbles into your hair as you start to doze off, your humming into his forearm, “I know you’re smart… you dumb girl…”  The last sound of the evening is this: “I think you’re smart too, baby.”

You press your head into his bicep as he spoons you, hand still rustling with the nightgown. You were smart enough to only address him with sweet words, when the rage wore off.

[monkeybebop]

I love Lacho, wish gay people were real sigh…

[stationwriter]

You met a new person who might be useful to Lalo, and you might have helped broker some sort of deal.

AN: Denial is a river in Egypt. Contents include a little bit of gross blood stuff and some feelings? Lalo with feelings? Weird.