#i know that whales will dump a character as soon as a new better one comes out

[menstits]

agreed. i play a lot of gachas, and genshin is BY FAR the most easy to save primos with. it was the first gacha with a guaranteed pity system(i think hi3 also had it at first but it wasnt as well known internationally), to the point that gachas like fgo had to add their own (wich is still way worse than genshin) of course, its still gacha, and still bad, but games like cr and arknights who get sold as "having a better system" really dont have it, nor do they have a guaranteed pity in the first place.

The other two gachas i was big into before genshin were love live school idol festival and cookie run ovenbreak back in the day, and both of them were WAY more predatory than genshin imo like purely in terms of how the game itself and the gacha worked. Love live was evil because no matter how much you pulled you weren't really guaranteed anything above SR rarity which was insane in retrospect like i legit played that game for like two years without getting a single UR card, while cookie run was like. The sort of game that becomes completely unplayable unless you have the most recently released character because that's how bad the powercreep was. The thing about genshin is that technically you ARE able to get through the entirety of the storyline and exploration using only the characters they give you (traveler, kaeya, lisa, amber, xiangling, noelle, barbara, collei... That's quite a few at this point). Does anyone actually play like that? Pretty much only masochistic gamer youtubers tend to do that but still it IS technically an option for someone who doesn't give a single shit about collecting characters or fighting and mainly cares about exploring. I absolutely would still NOT recommend the game to someone who has a history of gacha addiction or who has a tendency to develop addictions in general because ofc it's inherently a bit evil by virtue of being a gacha but tbh that goes for any gacha on god's green earth

[hotcheri]

Always Something There to Remind Me (a Jen/Khalil Black Lightning fanfic)

by hotcheri © 2021

DISCLAIMER: I own none of the Black Lightning characters. They solely belong to DC Comics and the CW Network. This is just my take on what could have happened after the show ended.

Prologue

Khalil's POV

They were meditating when TC crept into Khalil's mindscape like a thief in the night.

Well, at least, Khalil was meditating. He loved to empty his mind of all thoughts and focus on his breathing, relishing the mental stillness and the sense of peace he didn't have in his normal life.

Painkiller sat to the side of the mental dojo like he always did whenever Khalil was centering himself, a mocking sneer twisting his lips up as Khalil tried to ignore the rage that was baking off his mind twin like a rabid fever.

Painkiller was always angry, and the people he was mostly enraged at were the Pierces. Jen, to be exact. They lived in Painkiller's head rent free, and since Khalil shared the same mind as him, and almost all of his thoughts, the image of Jen was never far from Khalil. Pain in the ass Jen, who also happened to be Khalil's first love. What a mind fuck to love someone with all your heart while part of you needed to kill her and was in pure agony every second she was alive. Khalil didn't need anyone to tell him about mind fucks, having Painkiller relentlessly prowling through his mind was more than enough.

Every time TC appeared in Khalil's mindscape, Painkiller leapt up from his seat and started pacing back and forth in a tight little line like a tiger stalking its prey, hands clasped behind his back, nostrils flared, glaring at TC as if he wanted nothing more than to boot him out of his head after savaging him a little.

Too bad it's our head, and I'm trying to hear what he has to say.

The thought flitted through Khalil's mind grimly, and he sucked in a breath before opening his eyes and gazing at TC, who kept shooting quick little fearful glances at Painkiller. Khalil knew how he felt. Until he had started working actively with Painkiller, forcing the duality in his brain to coexist, he'd been terrified of him too.

"Uh, hi guys," TC started, his voice trembling as he looked around for exit points even though all he had to do was break the connection with the chip in Khalil's brain if he wanted to leave. Khalil supposed when someone entered a room and found themselves face to face with Painkiller, even if it was a virtual reality room, that person could get very scared very fast. In cases like that, logic was the first thing to escape.

Khalil liked the kid, had liked him even before he had locked Painkiller behind a firewall in his head and had shown Jen how to coax Khalil out of the safe space he'd created in his mind. Khalil knew without a doubt that the Pierces, especially Anissa, would have taken him out after Jen had blasted him with lightning to ward off Painkiller's attack on her family as he tried to complete the kill directive, because that's exactly what he would have done.

But TC had done the inconceivable. He'd managed to read Khalil's real thoughts, thoughts that had somehow filtered through the Painkiller operating system as soon as he set eyes on Jen. Thoughts that he must have been hiding way down in his secret heart, feelings that must have survived the A.S.A. mindwipe that transformed him into a lean, mean, biological weapon. As he lay prone on the table in Gambi's work station, on the verge of unconsciousness, his sharp ears had listened as TC, a total stranger, had his back.

"Hey. Who's Jen?" TC had interrupted the post fight argument, glancing around at the faces of people he didn't know.

Impatiently, with the touch of heat that Khalil loved and had missed with a sudden depth of emotion he hadn't felt since he was just track star Khalil, and not two warring parts of a government weapon whole, Jen replied, "That's me."

"He loves you."

And Jen's suddenly shaky, tear-filled voice had whispered, "How do you know that?"

TC's answer had been simple. "He told me."

Yeah, TC was good people. And even though the reunion between Khalil and Jen hadn't lasted, even though it had been bittersweet and doomed to fail with a painful, brusque ending, for a short, sweet time, he had been happy again.

But there was no use in thinking about that, no use in brooding over something he couldn't fix. With Painkiller in his head, being with Jen wasn't an option.

Painkiller was the first to talk, stepping forward as TC gave Khalil a half-hearted wave. "Oh, you must be crazy bringin' your ass here," he growled out in his distorted, angry voice.

TC took an involuntary step back, wringing his hands. Khalil could feel the fear in the kid increase as Painkiller stopped inches from his face, glowering down at him.

Raising a hand, Khalil talked to Painkiller like a patient parent calming down a tantrum throwing toddler. "I invited him," he lied, not caring that Painkiller would know that he hadn't.

Sharing his mind with a psychopathic, heartless killer sucked all the time, and keeping secrets was nearly impossible. Painkiller knew he was claustrophobic, that he loved trains, and that he thought about the one that got away daily. But when it came to people Khalil cared for, he didn't give a fuck if Painkiller knew he was lying to protect them from his rage. TC was a friend, and he wasn't going to let Painkiller's angry ass intimidate him.

"Don't think I won't kick your ass, too," Painkiller growled. Khalil fixed him with a steady look. He'd won more fights against Painkiller, especially after his return after a year long silence, and Painkiller knew it. After a few seconds, Painkiller sucked his teeth and resumed scowling at TC.

Spreading his arms out placatingly, TC asked, "What if I come with good and great news?"

A curious expression darted across Painkiller's face. Khalil caught it and grinned to himself. Psychotic or not, everyone liked the idea of good news.

"Speak," Painkiller ground out.

Swallowing nervously, TC said, "Tobias Whale is dead."

Okay, that was unexpected, and so was the rush of relief that coursed through Khalil's body, relaxing muscles that had been tense ever since he had started working for Tobias. Even though the A.S.A. mindwipe had taken all his memories and locked them away, they had been retrieved as soon as TC had put the firewall in his head, and so too had the underlying current of fear that always pulsed whenever he thought of Tobias.

And now his former boss, the man who had ripped out his spine and dumped him on the church steps when he was done with him, the evil torturer who had been responsible for leading Khalil over to the dark side was finally dead. Closing his eyes, Khalil sent up a prayer of thanks to a God he no longer strictly believed in.

Even after becoming Agent Odell's  chief asset, Khalil still harbored thoughts that Tobias would come to him, eager to finish what he had started, wanting revenge for Syonide's death, the attempted robbery at the club before Khalil and Jen became runaways, and every single other thing he'd done that had pissed Tobias off. He'd reluctantly come to believe that a showdown with Tobias was inevitable, and even though his road to atonement had led him to Akashic Valley and a new life, he always knew that Tobias would eventually come for him. It was in his nature. But now this piece of good news had been thrown into his lap and Khalil took a moment to bask in gratitude.

Painkiller's reaction was the polar opposite of Khalil's restrained joy. Anger blazed onto his face and his brow creased as he listened to TC give Khalil the best news he'd heard in a while.

Sounding like a petulant child after being asked if he had McDonald's money, Painkiller groaned. "Damn. I wanted to kill him." He fisted both hands into his unruly curls and glowering up at the ceiling. "That's not good news." Turning to Khalil, his voice turned wheedling. "Let me kick his ass just a little."

With a quick glance towards Painkiller, TC cleared his throat before dropping his bombshell. "I've isolated the system code for the kill order. I can free you."

TC backed away till his back was against the wall, as far as he could get from a snarling Painkiller. When he got furious, Painkiller acted just like a wolf ready to attack. Luckily, Khalil had him on a mental leash. Ignoring him, Khalil focused his attention on TC.

"TC, what is your other news?"

Khalil let out a shaky breath, a glimmer of hope blooming in his chest.

At last.

"Good." Both TC and Khalil turned to face Painkiller, who had a look on his face so unnatural that Khalil didn't immediately recognize it. He looked like a doomed man seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. Is he...is he happy? "Let's do it."

"But there's a catch," TC started slowly, plucking nervously at his sleeve as his eyes slid from Khalil to Painkiller and back again. Khalil sighed, motioning to TC to continue. There was always a catch and he knew that better than anybody, but for a second he had allowed himself to believe that getting rid of the kill order that brought such pain to both Painkiller and him, finally being freed from the chains that the A.S.A had wound around his body and in his mind, was ripe for the taking, with no blowback. "It's linked to everything you know and love about the whole Pierce family. If you break the kill order, you won't remember the Pierces at all."

The breath went out of Khalil all at once, leaving him feeling weak and boneless. He was glad he was sitting down, because if he had been standing when TC spoke, the strength would have ran out of his legs. And even though this was all in his mind, his physical body had stopped breathing for a second, and he felt his heart skip a beat.

This wasn't a catch, it was a fucking dilemma. There had to be another way.

Chewing on his bottom lip, Khalil found himself thinking about the technology he and Painkiller had found in Maya's safe house. Surely there was something there that would help isolate the kill switch without messing with his memories more than they'd already been messed with? Because this alternative that TC was suggesting... it wasn't fair. After leaving Freeland to keep Jen and her family safe and away from him, hell, after saving Anissa's wife from kidnappers, after everything that had happened in Khalil's life to get him to this point in time, losing the only good memories he had left just plain wrong.

"So what?" Painkiller asked, his top lip turned up into a snarl. Whether he was oblivious to the wave of emotion Khalil was weathering, or if he just didn't care, Khalil didn't know. Painkiller knew what he wanted. He was tired of the agony that came with not fulfilling the kill order. "They're pains in the ass anyway!"

In a chillingly calm voice that brooked no argument, Khalil stared evenly at Painkiller and said, "Shut up and sit your black ass down." Shocked into obedience, Painkiller sank down to the floor as Khalil looked at TC, a pleading tone in his voice. "TC, there's got to be another way around."

"There's none." Khalil could hear the despair in TC's voice, and he knew he was telling the truth. Of course he was. "I've checked and I've double checked."

Painkiller was still silent, and Khalil turned to look at him. "Damn!" He clenched his fist so hard that the veins in his arm popped out, but he took no notice. "You won't stop, will you? Sooner or later you're going to kill Jen and the rest of the Pierces."

Nodding sagely, like he had been the one meditating, Painkiller said, "Best believe. But I'm not nobody's puppy." He pointed at Khalil, his face stern and absolutely serious. "Cut the damn cord."

The muscles in Khalil's jaw worked as he stood up, turning his back on TC and Painkiller so that they couldn't see the emotions playing across his face. He wanted to be free of the kill code more than anything, needed Painkiller to be at rest so that he could figure out a way to become whole again. But the cost- losing Jen again- was it just too great?

Khalil closed his eyes, and suddenly, he was back on the Pierce's roof with Jen after Painkiller had broken free of the firewall for a couple of nasty minutes to wrap his hands around Jen's neck. He could feel everything in that moment, the wind brushing lightly against his face, the shingles of the roof under his sneakers, the terrified look Jen shot him before schooling her features into a coolness Khalil had never seen on her face. Both looks hit him like a ton of bricks.

She was scared of him.

Painkiller had shown her his true colors and had, once again, pushed someone he loved away from him. And what she had said had chilled him to the core, a sudden lump rising in his throat, and tears smarting in his eyes as she let him go.

"I can't love a weapon that's pointed at my family, even if it does have a soul." Her shoulders hunched pitifully as she wrapped her arms around her legs, all at once seeming far younger than her years. "See you around, Khalil."

He took one last look at her, her curly hair brushing past her chin, her eyes chilly and flinty in the dusk as she turned away from him, blinking away tears of her own. "No. You won't," he said, and with that, he had exited Jen's life.

Some things you can't go back to. The way Jen had ended things between them still hurt, and the realization that he wasn't going to be able to salvage things with her caused him pain that was almost physical, but if TC was able to isolate the kill code and erase his memories of her, the pain would go. All the pain would disappear, and his fresh start in Akashic Valley would be just that, a fresh start.

Behind him, TC started to say, "If you need more time, I can-," but by now, Khalil's mind was made up. There was no other choice.

"I always known I'd give my life for that girl." Khalil heaved a sad sigh, running a hand over his face as he turned to look at a nervous TC and an impassive Painkiller. Painkiller smirked, knowing what decision Khalil had made, and in that moment, Khalil hated him, the A.S.A., Odell- everyone who had gotten him into this situation. Especially himself. "Never thought I'd have to forget her." A nod towards TC. "Do it."

TC nodded dumbly, just as another thought flitted into Khalil's mind. If TC was able to isolate the kill code and erase some of his memories, wasn't it possible that he could remove his very worst memory?

Before he left Freeland for good after shooting Odell and letting Black Lightning deal with the evil son of a bitch however he saw fit, Khalil took a detour to the cemetery, picking a bunch of blooming flowers from the ramshackle garden of Mrs. Sutton, the Payne's old landlady. Khalil didn't think she would mind, she had loved Nichelle Payne dearly.

Once at the cemetery, he had laid the flowers on his mother's grave, sat down with his back resting against her tombstone and cried a little. Nobody had been around to see him; Freeland residents weren't crazy about going to the graveyard at nighttime.

"I shot the guy who made me kill you, ma," he'd whispered, his words blown away by the breeze as the tears blurred his vision. "I know you always said vengeance never pays, but I had to do it. I'm sorry, ma. I love you, and I'm so, so sorry."

Nichelle Payne had raised him to be the best in whatever he did, and what had he done in return? Snapped her neck, and the best excuse he could come up with was he'd just been following orders. The knowledge weighed heavily on his soul, and he knew that he would pay for it in time. Everything comes due. But if TC could somehow make him forget...

"I can try," TC said doubtfully, and Khalil raised his eyes from his clenched fists, remembering where he was through the sadness that engulfed his soul.

"No." Khalil shook his head, resigning himself to reality. "It's part of who I am, and I need to find redemption for it, or a way to live with myself."

TC opened his mouth and hesitated before shyly asking, "Do you want to- I mean, I could give you Jen's number and you could talk to her one last time?"

Painkiller groaned, storming around the circumference of the dojo angrily. "Can we fucking do this already? No more flashbacks, no phone calls- get this kill order the fuck out of my head!"

"Our head," Khalil reminded him. "And right now, I'm in charge." He bit his lip, wrestling with himself. Saying goodbye to Jen wouldn't make things better, it would just bring home the truth that he would never see his first girlfriend again, and even if by some weird coincidence he did, he wouldn't know her. It was stupid. They already said their goodbyes on the Pierce roof, what would he gain from this? "What's her number?"

Painkiller actually growled at this and stomped off somewhere. Khalil could still feel him burning in his mind, but it looked like he had opted out of being a part of Khalil's final goodbye. Not that Khalil minded in the least. Before Painkiller, his relationship with Jen had been special. He didn't want his insane mind twin tainting the very last moment he would have with her.

Courteously, TC severed the connection with Khalil's brain chip, promising to return when the phone call was over and start the process. Khalil stared down at his phone and punched in Jen's number before he could lose his cool. Meditation seemed like a lifetime away, it was all he could do to keep his heart from galloping away like a war horse.

Jen's phone rang once, twice, three times, and Khalil was just about to hit the end button when suddenly-

"Hi." Jen's bold, brash voice was in his ear, and Khalil forgot to breathe. The background noise was filled with laughter and music, a noise that Khalil associated with family time, even though he was never fortunate enough to have enjoyed family time with his mother working two jobs, his father in jail, and his brother running the streets with the 100. "You know you're calling from a- Anissa, stop!" Khalil closed his eyes, savoring the sound of Jen's hearty giggles as someone- Anissa, probably- tickled her or something similar. "You're calling from a private number, who is this?"

A male chuckle sounded, and Khalil recognized Gambi's voice sounding from the distance. "Probably a scam, hang up before they get all your info."

Same old Gambi, trusting nobody. A wistful smile turned up Khalil's lips, but he still couldn't come up with a thing to say. It was like all his thought circuits were down, and he wondered if Painkiller had something to do with it.

"Helloooo? Who is this?" Jen's voice turned speculative, and she gave a derisive snort. "This better not be TC playing with me again, how many times do I have to tell you I'm not going to prom wit' you?"

"I'm literally right here," TC protested in the background.

And Khalil found that he couldn't bring himself to say anything, let alone goodbye. He wasn't great with goodbyes, anyway, so who was he fooling? "Uh, sorry," he muttered. Why had he thought this would be a good idea again? "Wrong number."

In the few seconds it took for him to press the end call button, Jen's voice sharpened with recognition and she exclaimed, "Wait, that sounds a little like-."

Call ended blinked up at him from his phone screen as his pulse jumped in his throat. Safe getaway. Of course, he'd ended the call before Jen could say his name, or even more hurtful, the name of somebody else.

But fuck, hearing her voice was bittersweet.

"You hung up?" TC was back in his head, eyes gleaming with relief that Painkiller wasn't around.

Nodding, Khalil strove to keep his face blank and impassive. "Yeah. I'd rather remember her the way she was on that phone, happy, carefree, pain in the ass J."

She sounded happy and normal, like the old her, before the 100 had kidnapped her and she had discovered she had powers. She sounded like the Queen of Garfield. By coming back into her life even for a few seconds, he might jeopardize that happiness, and if there's one thing he wanted her to be after the events of the past few years, it was at peace and she wasn't going to find it with him.

"But you didn't get to say goodbye."

Pity was written all across TC's face, and once again, Khalil felt the wave of sadness engulf him. Did it ever stop? Even with his memories of Jen gone, would he really be at peace?

"I didn't need to." Khalil stopped, his shoulders slumped, and came to stand next to TC, who was still looking at him with that sympathetic look on his face. "TC..."

Looking up at him, TC said, "Yeah?"

"Don't tell her."

TC let out a dramatic gasp that made Khalil crack a smile, even though he had never felt less like smiling. "What? But I was just about to-?"

"No." Khalil shook his head resolutely. "Let her live her life." TC opened his mouth to protest, but Khalil talked over him. It was the only way. "You told me she lost the guy she was seeing, and she's already lost so much. Just- let her think what she's been thinking, that I left Freeland to live my life." He started pacing like Painkiller sometimes did, back and forth, his arms behind his back as he spoke. It felt like atoning for his sins. "I poisoned her. I almost killed her."

Interrupting, his voice utterly horrified, TC exclaimed, "That was Painkiller, not you!"

"Yeah, but don't you get it? He's in me, so even if I know that I'm not the one doing the poisoning, everyone else thinks it, because he's in my head wanting to kill all the time." Khalil stopped pacing and turned to TC, his face serious. "With the kill code gone, we can co-exist without the anger and rage that drives Painkiller. I came here for a fresh start and removing the memories of the Pierces will give me that." To show that he meant business, he clapped his hands together. "Let's do this. How's it gonna work?"

Getting back to business removed the pity from TC's face, and Khalil was glad. Seeing that look on his normally cheery friends face and knowing it was directed at him made him feel like even more of a shitty person.

Tapping his chin, Khalil asked, "So I won't remember that they're metas as well?"

"You'll forget about them. Anything related to them, too."

TC's eyes started to flash green as he went over the logistics of changing Khalil's life.

"No, you'll remember that, you'll know about Black Lightning, Thunder and Lightning, you just won't know their identities. You won't remember they're Pierces."

Nodding, Khalil said, "Got it." Actually, it sounded confusing to him, but he would cross that bridge when he came to it. "But if I want to reinstate my memories, can't I just come to you and-."

TC laughed as Khalil made a casual popping noise with his tongue in his cheek. "No. You won't even know that your memories are gone."

"And you're sure they'll stay gone."

This was the most important part. What ifs ran through Khalil's mind with the speed of a Formula One car. If he somehow ran into the Pierce sisters on vacation. If he helped someone from a mugger and it turned out to be Doctor Pierce? If Black Lightning ended up in Akashic Valley like Anissa had and they ran into each other?

Shifting from one foot to the other, TC said, "Um, 90% sure."

"90?" Khalil asked incredulously.

TC shrugged. "That's an A."

"I used to get straight A's in school," Khalil said musingly. "And then Odell dropped a few Master's degrees into my head, but that happened after I stopped caring about grades." TC gave him a confused, yet concerned look, and Khalil said, "Let's get rid of these memories."

A few minutes later, Khalil was lying on an operating table, a brain scanner that looked like a crown on his head. Philky just happened to have one lying around, which was pure Philky, and after TC had uploaded his program into the lab's computer, he'd told Khalil's master of tech exactly what to do. Donald was on standby in case something went wrong medically. And Painkiller? He was still in the dojo, and Khalil could feel the excitement thrumming through him. Khalil didn't blame him; he was excited too.

A high-pitched whine started up, and Khalil felt a pinprick of electricity tickle his forehead as the process started. TC had warned him about this.

What TC hadn't warned him about was, as the memories left, they replayed in his head, almost like a flashback reel.

Khalil saw himself on the Pierce roof with Jen, giving her a chaste, shy kiss as she agreed to be his girlfriend.

He saw himself stealing into Garfield High and meeting up with Jen by the lockers after enduring more abuse from Tobias, knowing that she was the only person he could really talk to despite what had gone down between them. Sitting down in silence, not needing to say a word because their connection was that powerful.

He saw them running away together, Jen using her lightning powers in front of him for the first time and blasting the 100 hoodlums. How he'd kissed her later on and it had been electric, and the hottest kiss he'd ever had.

He saw himself (the memories were blurry around the edges, soon they'd be gone but so would the kill code, it was for the best but it hurt, TC didn't say it would hurt this much) sitting next to Jen in his special place, his private place, his favorite place, the abandoned subway car, eating ramen and reminiscing on how he had asked her to be his girlfriend, and he had been so shy when he gave her the necklace, something that had caught his eye in Freeland's jewelry store and he'd saved up for two months to buy it for her, a necklace he was giving to her for the second time because he loved her, and he'd lost her once and wasn't about to let her go again and...

The memories faded as Khalil's mind cycled through the deepest, darkest levels of consciousness, and there was only darkness, and finally, blissfully, peace.

(See more on ao3 or wattpad!)

[kitkatopinions]

Jaune for the character ask?

I honestly love this kid, but he is a problematic boy, so I’m looking forward to this!

My top three ships for the character

Jaune/Ren is my new favorite Jaune and Ren ship. This is really recent, but the more I think about this ship, the more that I like it. They’re tender, they compliment each other, but they still can challenge each other... I just think they’d be really healthy and cute. Jaune/Neptune is my next favorite ship for him. I headcanon that Neptune had a crush on him in V2 (I also headcanon that all his flirting with girls was a front, though, that he put on to ‘be cool.’) But yeah, Jaune is dorky and cringe, but he learns and grows and turns into this strong leader and kinda a heroic figure, and Neptune puts on a ‘super cool’ act, but has his dorky moments and is an academic, who’s clearly a follower and I think he’d start to admire Jaune. And then, Jaune/Pyrrha as a ship has a lot of problems, and I don’t think it’s an ‘end game’ ship (I mean, she’s dead in canon, but if I was writing a fanfiction where they were in a relationship and she didn’t die, I’d have them break up.) But I do think they could be cute for a stretch with some great interactions and they looked good together. They’re a ‘start-dating-love-each-other-break-up-still-love-each-other’ ship and I’d have loved to see it.

My three least favorite ships for the character

Jaune/Penny is pretty bad because he’s killed her and whether or not she wanted him to, it still soured the ship for me. Jaune/Emerald and Jaune/Mercury are tied here for the next spot because contributing to the death of someone’s ‘might’ve been something’ best friend is gonna be a permanent mark against the ship imo. But the very worst Jaune ship I’ve seen is Jaune/Cardin. Cardin’s a bully and an abusive jerk and Jaune deserves way way better. I can’t see Cardin ever shaping up, and I feel like if they met now that Jaune’s older and has changed and grown so much, Jaune would just view him with an amused sort of contempt.

My biggest criticism for the character

The RWBY writers spent too much time framing him like the main character and giving him way more character growth and strong, emotional scenes than the actual main character. Jaune is a great support character, he thrives as the team-medic, Ruby’s best friend, support and back up where it’s needed. I’m not saying none of Jaune’s character beats should’ve existed - his storyline is one of the stronger storylines in the show - but this is supposed to be Team RWBY and specifically Ruby Rose��s story. They’re supposed to be the four main characters and yet all of them are constantly taking a backseat. Jaune isn’t the only offender in stealing tons of time and the emotional character beats that should go to Team RWBY, but he is the most frequent offender. I love love love Jaune, but I’d love him more if I wasn’t sitting here shaking my head at how the writers apparently can’t write a compelling story about four main woman heroes and instead have to give the most emotional moments of the finale to Jaune while dumping all of the mains out of it (one of them isn’t even in the finale at all!)

My favorite thing about the character

Jaune’s growth is just... Good. One of the best character journeys in RWBY imo. He starts out a gangly teen leagues behind everyone else who doesn’t understand his team, can’t stand up for himself, is throwing himself at girls in a desperate attempt at making himself feel better about his massive insecurities, refusing help from the people who care about him because he has this idea in his head that he has to do it all himself. But you can tell there’s a lot of potential and he cares so much. ”I’m tired of being the loveable idiot stuck in the tree, while his friends fight for their lives,” he says. Then he opens himself up, starts to learn, starts to improve, starts to stand up for himself, starts to get to know his team more. And I wish we’d seen more of that sprinkled here and there throughout the first three seasons (although of course I don’t want the extra focus if Ruby doesn’t grow too!)  But he’s still not keeping up in fights, still struggling at times and needing reassurance, and now going through the pain and grief of losing his best friend and almost-girlfriend. He lashes out, he’s aggressive, but he’s also much closer and softer to his remaining best friends, becoming the much needed family they’re both lacking, while being a great friend to Ruby. Then he becomes a huntsman, and while there are cringe moments and frustrating writing during V7 and V8 just like there are for almost every character, he still has some great moments. I actually love that everyone else didn’t want to take a mission of helping a bunch of kids get from point A to point B and Jaune did, because Jaune was just happy to take a mission as a hunter. I love that when Jaune was reasoning with Winter in V8 and accepting ‘if you go into that whale to get your friend, I can’t wait for you all, you might die’ and he understood that and didn’t try to argue it! He definitely lost some braincells in season 8, don’t get me wrong, but dang, I do love that consistent growth. It’s a shame Ruby didn’t get the same treatment.

A headcanon I have about them

I headcanon that Jaune was raised mostly by his sisters and that his parents were always working, and he had a lot of successful, high-achieving, talented siblings who were all a lot older than him and took care of him, so he wasn’t neglected at all. But he did grow up with an element of isolation and loneliness, not because he was ever really alone, but because he was always alone in his experiences. He was always the baby, always the only one struggling, his sisters always only able to come at his problems from the perspective of ‘I went through that ten years ago’ if at all, and Jaune always felt not even second best, but eigth best and I’m just realizing that that last one probably came from Ron Weasley omg. But I also think his parents loved him and tried to communicate that to him. But they really struggled with Jaune because things never came easy to him the way they did for the others and he was a sensitive kid a lot different than his dad (who I just decided did the whole toxic ‘I want a son to play baseball with because I can’t do that with a daughter and now my only son isn’t good at sports and idk how to talk to him because he’s sensitive and not manly’ thing.) So yeah, that’s part of the reason why Jaune struggled so much when he first got to school.

What I would change about them if I was making a re-write

Honestly, just reducing his role a bit and increasing Ruby’s role makes him so much better. No more being the only person who’s allowed to express grief, no more ‘Ruby is unconscious while Jaune gets to weep over Weiss’s wounded form and unlock his power while she’s out for the count.’ No more ‘Jaune’s the leader with the map and the special emphasis in the V4 opening, Ruby acts like his support character.’ No more ‘he’s the only one who can ever resolve issues and mediate and comes up with most of the plans.’ No more ‘Jaune is the one who gets the finale big moments with Penny despite not even really talking to Penny and he gets the climatic end and he goes on the special spirt Island void place with the mains to get extra attention. Jaune gets to thrive as a central support character.

What I I think of their character allusion and what (if anything) I would change about it

Okay, right off the bat, I’ve got a big problem with Jaune’s allusion. A. I already think there’s a bit of a weird lack of line in what they’ll make a character allusion, but I think ‘a meme’ and ‘an actual historical figure’ should’ve been where they drew that line. And B. Jaune  he started the series in a place of toxic masculinity, which feels weird when it’s a real life person regarded as a feminist icon. So I would definitely for sure just change his whole allusion. I’ve been thinking about maybe Lucy Pevensie from Narnia? Older siblings, no one believes (in) Jaune, but he proves himself soon enough, Jaune winds up following what’s basically a god (Oz,) Jaune is the healer (juice of the fire flower,) and he comes into his own as a brave and valiant leader, but recognizes the authority of others, struggles with jealousy and feeling unprepared, but his pure heart drives him... Increase his devotion to Ozpin and add one or two of the classic Ruby gimmicks would make this pretty easily done.

So there are my answers to the Jaune asks!

[popculturebuffet]

Ducktales 87 Reviews: Aqua Ducks (CACC P3) or Launchpad and Doofus: Kings Of Atlantis

My look at the Catch as Cash Can 4-Parter commissioned by @weirdkev27​ enters it’s worst chapter as Scrooge heads under the sea with Launchpad, Gyro and for some reason Doofus, and find the lost city of Atlantis has become a trash dump for a bunch of asshole frog people who enslave them to pick up their trash. But Launchpad rides a Dolphin so like episode it at least has.. something... if not much Horrors and the full review await you under the cut. 

Previously on Ducktales: 

Now that’s out of the way where we.. ah yes 

I remembered this episode for being bad the first time around, if not many details, but HOPE my dread was unjustified and this was a hidden gem.. I was wrong. While the last episode in this four parter, utterly classic moment aside, was a mess, it was a FUN mess that had Peter Cullen, Donald Duck, a robotic whale, robotic ice cream trucks, and an utterly stupid wannabe noble prize winner. It was So bad it was decent. This.. is just not very good and there’s no sense dragging it out let’s get into why.  We open with Launchpad in his helicopter and i’m HAPPY to finally get to see him in this four parter. He’s been gone for the first two parts, if justifably since he wasn’t needed for either of them, but just like Donald when he’s missing on the reboot, it’s still nice to have him back. And as you can tell unlike Beakly, I LIKE 87 Launchpad quite a bit. He’s friendly, means well, is a skilled if crash prone pilot and has a seriously deep problem with insecurity that, as someone whose frequently self doubting or self defeating himself, I can relate. He’s one of the more fleshed out characters of the reboot and there’s good reason he was the one to carry over to the spinoff and got bumped up to one of the main trio there. I do still like the reboot version, who while made even dumber but is still very likeable.  But yeah he’s taking Scrooge to see Gyro, whose built the salvage vehicle Scrooge was going to ask him about last time and is working on some balloon devices to send the money back up with Doofus.. whose.. there for some reason. No really none is given and he could’ve easily been the boys, but Russi Taylor must’ve wanted a justified day off or something because their just.. absent. And while Launchpad being absent made some sense, again he wasn’t needed story or character wise and I respect both Ducktales tendency to swap out, if not the reboot’s tendency to forget Donald in season 1 and Beakly for the series as a whole, though this season is doing slightly better with her. But the boys have been with this bet from day one, been invaluable in the first episode for helping scrooge and are reliable and useful.. and are just at home because shut up and replaced with a far more obnoxious character.  Yeah Doofus isn’t great. He’s sweet, I’ll give him that and he DOES come in handy this episode.. but he doesn’t really do anything the boys or webby couldn’t do. He’s just around to tell three jokes: Either he’s dumb, he’s annoying to the cast, or 

He adds nothing, takes up space and is only useful this episode because the plot was catered to make him that way. He’s just one long meanspirited fat shaming joke coupled with a few dum dum jokes. I can see why Frank and Matt couldn’t stand him and made the reboot version into an utter human nightmare. At least his horrible goblin of a reboot version is INTRESTING and a good antagonist for the boys, and his worst aspects are now tempered by the great dynamic of giving him Boyd as a brother. This one is just.. bad. 

As for Gyro, he’s alright, likeable enough and interesting. The reboot one’s good in his own right, even if it took a while for them to find the right balance of likeable and jackass, and both are decent enough. Not as much to say there so with all my opinions out of the way we can get this terrible episode into gear.  Our crew, which STILL includes Doofus for some reason seriously...

I mean that there’s no reason to take him along by Gyro or anybody and he does nothing but annoy scrooge with his sardines and peanut butter and communication with dolphins  while Scrooge makes mean spirited fat jokes. 

Picture jokes aside.. yeah Scrooge is just as likeable this episode as he’s a mean dickhead to pretty much everybody, and that’s the WORST kind of comics story in my opinion so I do not like it here. While Launchpad can be dum, doofus is genuinely annoying and Gyro does screw up majorly in a second, all three are well meaning and want to help Scrooge while he’s a dick. And while this is the episodes point as he underestimates and mocks them only for them to save the day, we’ll get to that, and then thanks them at the end, it doesn’t make it fun or pleasant to WATCH him constantly berate everyone. It’s like watching later seasons rick and morty, and just as tiring. 

Anyways back to the plot, uuuuuurrrruugugguhhhhh, they descend into the Marinara trench with Scrooge being elated at going deeper than anyone and i’ts pretty much the only time he feels well written the whole episode. But Gyro spoils the mood by revealing he didn’t do proper testing on the Gold Digger, the subs name for.. some reason.. even though it’s not an excavation vehicle but whatever At least it’s not robot in the family’s gold digger. But a small malfunction aside it works, though still man you were TOLD this needed to go under extreme pressure. you had ONE job and could’ve told scrooge it might not be ready and let him decide. Not having the time is understandable but not telling Scrooge when the pressure’s this high is not. 

This ends up going nowhere however as they soon run into literal Frogmen, a decent pun, and the joys of froggy men ruined both by lazy feeling designs and the fact their really annoying. Their voices are okay, as they drag our heroes to see their leader but we soon find out their schtick: Their mad because humans keep dumping shit in their ocean. 

This isn’t a bad motivator, it’s been used for superhero/supervillian depending on the time of day Namor at marvel for decades for good reason and it’s not bad to tell kids not to pollute.. but it hurts your message when the person telling you this decides to solve this issue by extreme and loathsome methods that make them come across as an ass. Namor attacks cities, has killed hundreds and currently is trying to ban people from the ocean despite many depending on it. These guys are enslaving people they have no idea if they’ve done anything or not, instead of at the very least ransoming them to get better treatment or interrogating them. Nope they just put them to work hauling rocks and tires for them to use in the ruins of atlantis. Oh and the ruins of Atlantis is their junkyard so that’s a thing and will be important in the next part. That concept.. is actually pretty neat and I think was in the barks story this was based off.. yeah while I don't’ remember the story well he too had a story where merpeople kidnapped scrooge and the boys, it was different than this but only slightly more tolerable and not one of his better stories. Moving on. 

Point is creative idea aside i’ts just a boring, unpleasant watch as our heroes are trapped in an air pocket after a days work, and their guard is just your standard sneering jackass villain. Outside of the Atlantis as a junkyard concept there’s nothing new here even for the time it was made. Secret society captures and enslaves our hero’s was a common trope as far back as the 40′s. This is just tedious and played out. It’s why this review has less jokes and more be banging my head against the wall in text form: it’s just not Funny mockable. Sure scrooge is a dick, but it’s not in a way that’s easy to make fun of. Sure Doofus befriends a dolphin via sardine bribes but hta’ts more sad it’s the only way he can make friends than anything. It’s just plodding, tedious and bad. 

But yeah our heroes are stranded without their helmets but Scrooge, not trusting the other three because again dick, had them distract the guards next shift.. though really he has no high ground when not much earlier his loudly mentoining they hadn’t taken their helmets got them taken away. But he makes a break for the Gold Digger, only for the assholes of the sea to throw out their trump card: A giant sea monster named Glubzilla because this episode can’t just let a good monster design sit and has to give it a dumb name. The Gold Digger is destroyed and our heroes stranded.. instead of you know.. studying the thing to make more of them or forcing gyro to make more out of their junk to attack the surface? Seriously these guys suck at being vengeful atlantians. You have a super genius and a giant sea monster! Attack! Gah this episode hurts my think pan. 

So Scrooge is seperate and left to slowly drown for the rest of the episode while the rest of the team comes up with a plan. Doofus brings up some soda Gyro made earlier I forgot to mention, and Gyro comes up with the idea to FLOAT Atlantis to the top and escape with not only scrooge’s fortune but any other treasure they’ve gotten. He just needs rubber, which Doofus’ dolphin friend provides and was shown to be good at earlier.. and was scared off by one of the guards despite you know.. making the job go faster. It doesn’t mean Doofus works less it just means one part of his job gets done quicker so you can have him do more. You can’t even get forced manual labor right you assholes. These guys make NAMOR tolerable by comparison and he spent most of his time with the x-men trying to bang Cyclops girlfriend with no regards to her being in a relationship because “Well their not married doesn’t count”.. which olds no water when he STILL has hit on Sue Richards for what will be 80 years next year with no regards for Reed. Point is Namor’s a dick and these guys are somehow worse. At least Namor is competent. Gah.. let’s move on.  Point is gyro can get things going, and has everything he needs now he just needs to smear it on the coral to finish it off and send Atlantis up and a reluctant and annoyed Launchpad is elected to ride Doofus’ dolphin. What follows is Launchpad riding a dolphin which is awesome.. but like most of this episode it’s made obnoxious by the padding of the sequence. Launchpad howeve ris able to lead Globzilla away when he shows up and eventually beats the thing as it holds Atlantis down by tickling it.. which was actually a good joke good job episode you told one!. Our heroes escape, Scrooge is saved from drowning, and in one more actually good gag the Frogs boo scrooge for taking away their trash.. before realizing he’s taking away pretty much all their trash and cheer him.  So the day’s saved, Scrooge apologizes as mentioned and we’re in the final stretch of this four parter. Thank god this is over. 

Final Thoughts: I hated it.. it was boring, the villians were dumb, have been done better before and were a chore to watch, it was filled with padding, Scrooge and Doofus were obnoxious, It wasn’t good and I dont’ want to ever watch it again and wouldn’t have if I wasn’t paid to. I remembered it being bad.. it was worse. If you think there’s a worse episode of the original ducktales, feel free to force me to watch it, because I genuinely don’t think this thing can be topped, just give me a pm or an ask asking to commission it and we can set one up, it’s only 5 dollars for one episode, 15 for a movie, and for a bunch of episodes at once i’ts 5 dollars off your total order. Next time we finish this daunting but rewarding, both in money and in knowledge, quest. Until then, wear a mask, check your house for Gary Busey and hopefully i’ll see you again.  

[hollyoaksloversx]

Suspicious Minds...

Rounding up a week in Hollyoaks (8th-12th July 2019)

James and Harry’s relationship hit a serious rough patch this week as James continued to struggle with his own jealousy. Keen to keep Harry out of prison, and knowing that Sadie held the key, Ste tricked her into returning to the village, telling her that Harry was dying. Although annoyed at being lied to, it looked like Sadie might just agree to act as Harry’s alibi, until Liam found out that she was back and threatened her safety if she didn’t scarper. James soon worked out what was happening and confronted Liam over his involvement with Sadie in front of Jesse, Courtney and Grace. Deducing that Liam must have been involved in the hit and run, James demanded that Liam explain himself, but Liam simply admitted that, whilst he had bribed Sadie, he had only done it to ensure Harry was sent down. With Liam’s story sounding convincing, doubt over Harry’s innocence continued to creep into James’ mind. After an argument about the situation, Harry announced that their relationship was over, telling James he couldn’t be with someone who didn’t trust him.  

Meanwhile, Jonny and Stuart set Ste up on a date with Jed, a fellow member of their far right group. However, Ste and Jed struggled to find any common ground and Ste soon made his excuses to leave when he received a text from Harry. To complicate matters even further, Harry told Ste that he still had feelings for him and the pair almost kissed. Sadly for ‘Starry’ fans, a reunion was not to be, and Harry decided he wanted to be with James, and even told him about the kiss so that they could completely start a fresh. James agreed to put the past behind them, and Harry’s day got even better when Sadie finally agreed to act as an alibi. However, James got a touch of the green eyed monster when Harry insisted on meeting with Sadie alone, and spiked his drink to prevent him leaving the flat...

The following morning, Harry was in a terrible state, and whilst James tried to brush it off as him simply having too much to drink, Marnie wasn’t so sure. After searching through the bin, Marnie discovered a discarded packet of tablets, and confronted James over his actions. It turns out that this isn’t the first time James has taken to drugging people...

Elsewhere, Peri and Yasmine were down in the dumps over not being able to afford a holiday abroad. Luckily for them, Tom was on hand to help, and invited the pair, along with Prince and Romeo to meet with him to discuss an idea he’d had for a new business. The foursome were intrigued as they headed off for the meeting, but they were quickly left dismayed when they discovered that Tom’s business idea was a kids Summer camp! As if his mates’ lack of enthusiasm wasn’t bad enough, Tom had to contend with Prince and Romeo snipping at each other, with each refusing to be involved if the other was. The following day, a fight broke out between the lads outside Price Slice, resulting in the Summer displays being broken. As inflatables burst and sunglasses fell to the floor, Walter and Martine surveyed the damage to their tat stock and suggested that Prince and Romeo work in the shop over the Summer in order to pay for the damages. However, the lads soon discovered that they couldn’t hack Walter’s authoritarian ways and decided that ‘Tom’s Turtles’ maybe wasn’t such a bad way to earn a crust after all!

In other news this week, Mercedes and Liam continued their affair but were horrified to realise that someone was onto them - Grace! Goldie tried to get closer to Joel by offering to help prepare for the ‘Hollyoaks in bloom’ competition and finally, Maxine turned into the ultimate bridezilla as she prepared for her wedding. 

5 Things We Learned This Week:

1. Actor on holiday? Need an excuse for their character’s absence? How about sending them to Bible camp? Breda seemed to have a whale of a time there this week! 

2. James likes to live life on edge. What sort of person makes pancakes in a business suit?

3. A 4 poster bed can fix everything. And it’s definitely going to prove Sylver’s love for Mercedes and ensure she never cheats again. Erm...

4. Some people just cannot be taken seriously. Poor Tom. Not one of his mates seemed interested in his kids Summer camp idea and he soon demonstrated that he had absolutely no authority over his new employees. To be fair, I struggle to take Tom seriously as a grown up, too. He’ll always be that little boy who played with his Max Mission doll...

5. Hollyoaks residents have finally worked out that lurking in the alleyway of doom is dangerous. Now, they lurk behind a newspaper to eavesdrop. See Liam Donovan and Tom Cunningham.

This Week’s Cast:

Bobby, Breda, Brody, Cleo, Courtney, Damon, Goldie, Grace, Harry, Jack, James, Jesse, Joel, Jonny, Liam, Marnie, Martine, Maxine, Mercedes, Mitchell, Peri, Prince, Romeo, Sadie, Sienna, Ste, Stuart, Sylver, Tom, Tony, Walter and Yasmine.

Blasts From The Past:

Amy Barnes, Lily Drinkwell, Harley Frater, Mac Nightingale, Frankie Osbourne.

[ileolai]

I’m a bit nervous about posting this, because it’s a big nerdy splurge about Doctor Who, and why it is so very important to me, and there is quite personal stuff in it that I have never posted publicly, but. It’s a little over a day out from the finale, and I can’t not talk about something that totally consumed me for seven years.

When I say personal stuff, I mean stuff like suicidal ideation and mental illness, so there’s a content warning.

I wish Steven Moffat, and everyone else who has poured their lovely hearts into making this show, could know what it has done for me.

I've found it somewhat difficult to pinpoint what my favourite episode of Moffat era Who should be. It puzzled me for quite a while. Not because there are no tremendously stellar episodes that stand above all the rest -- there are quite a few of those to pick over. In terms of actual writing skill, narrative cohesion, magnificent direction and all that pretentious stuff, it would have to be Heaven Sent. I could watch that episode over and over again until the heat death of the Universe. 

But I think my actual favourite episode, the one nearest and dearest to my little anarchist care bear heart, has to be The Beast Below. The one with the whale that was technically more up in space than it was below. I realize fandom consensus does not consider it the pinnacle of Moffat’s storytelling, but I don’t care. The ideas in that episode, and it is so full of lovely ideas, are what made me sit up and start paying attention to the potential this show had. 

Specifically, what got me was what it said about child abuse and neglect as an essential cog in the machine of fascism, or something. Which I had never, in my whole entire life, seen so earnestly articulated on TV before-- in a children’s television show-- with a goddamn whale. I can pinpoint that as the exact moment this show snatched me and hurled me, screaming, into fandom.

[Later, A Christmas Carol would draw big red underlines and exclamation points all around these ideas... that's my other favourite episode. But The Beast Below did it first and hooked me.] 

There’s more to it besides that, though. This is the deeply personal emotional context stuff.

So, here is something you may or may not know about the nerd creature that is me. I was quite homeless at the time The Beast Below aired. And I had nothing -- literally nothing, you see. I was in a totally unfamiliar city in a fairly unfamiliar country, post-psychotic break, post-marriage-engagement breakdown, and I was more alone than I'd ever been -- and I'd been your standard lonely friendless geek my whole life, being Autistic, and what have you. I had just escaped an incredibly abusive, toxic group of people upon realization they were not so much a group of friends, but a cult. Yes, an actual cult! I was in one of those. I was also very, very ill with an immune disorder. And the only member of my family who ever accepted me, the only one actually still talking to me after I gave my narcissistic rage monster mother the finger, had just died of cancer.  This had all occurred across the space of, oh... one year? Almost entirely within 2009, leading into 2010. I was a wreck. And if you piled all this nonsense on a fictional character all at once, I'd probably say you were being gratuitous and change the channel. I was too miserable to even know how miserable I was-- just sort of wandering around in a dissociated haze, surviving entirely by the instincts of my autonomic nervous system. A good friend of mine described it to me later as ''you were sort of frozen'', and she was right. So. I downloaded the space whale episode over a wi-fi connection, illegally, on an ancient computer, in a library [haha how appropriate is that?] because I quite liked all the other Doctor Whos I had seen before, and this new writer fella had done Press Gang, a fond highlight of my otherwise wretched childhood. 

I watched Amy Pond and the Doctor cavorting around dystopian space Britain, having casual conversations about the nature of fascism, in a show marketed to 10 year olds. My sad little eyes pressed right up to the computer screen, irradiating my retinas, and I whispered: ''I've waited 20 years for My Show, and someone finally wrote it. It even has a mad ginger immigrant in it, and she's me. The Universe made this just for me.''

It also had a whale, and the whale was in space. 

And that is how I was propelled into my seven year character arc, my precious nerds. Because this show, from series 5 onwards, has done more for me than anything else on the planet. And I don't care how ridiculous it sounds to attribute my self-actualization to a goofy TV show about loveable alien miscreants saving space whales, because it's true. It took a while, but I learned what I actually value and what actually properly matters to me through this show. Or rather, I re-learned it, because I'd become so lost chasing approval and moulding myself to other people's perceptions to withstand their abuse, I didn't know what I was anymore. 

This show, and this goddamn fandom, helped me pull all the chopped up little bits of me back together more than any therapy or self-help nonsense I had tried. I went back to university and got serious about doing actual work, in part, because ''we're all just stories in the end... make it a good one.'' kept looping in my brain. It made me determined that my life could never be summed up with a single sentence like: ''He was sad and boring, and he wasted away in his apartment -- achieving nothing, leaving no trace''. 

[I still don’t get out much, to be honest. But I’m trying. At the very least, my epic marathon through 500 wildly divergent university degrees says something, yes? Maybe I can set the official record for ‘’the world’s most reluctant to graduate student’’.] 

Anyway. This show, this fandom... gave me so much. It gave me my voice as a creator of things, as a writer, and an analyzer, and it gave me people like me, real and fictional, people I didn’t even know existed anywhere. 

And you know…. this is heavy stuff again-- but it honestly gave me the motivation to get through to another weekend sometimes, when I was apathetic enough and in enough physical pain to contemplate not doing that. It really did. I didn't want to miss an episode of Doctor bloody Who, arthritis and schizophrenia and poverty be damned, and that kept me here. There were points, where one of the few things that restrained me from taking a decisive dose of Oxycontin, was River Song's storyline. I'm serious. And as shameful as that probably is, it's still better than being dead, and not getting to watch Doctor Who anymore. 

Cuz Doctor Who had a whale in it, right? A great big pink whale filled with benevolent intentions, and it was in space, and everybody hugged at the end, on top of the whale, after overthrowing the government! Moffat Who came out of the gate telling ten year olds ‘’OVERTHROW THE GOVERNMENT’’! I needed that with all my aching nerd heart. The Universe made it for me.

And then they put queer characters in it, and mentally ill characters, and abuse survivors, like me, and it valued them, and it valued children. And then there was River Song, and hugs, and self acceptance, and found families, and sparkles all around, and Bill Potts. And a big Jungian tapestry of meta and mythology. Just for me. There was nothing else on TV like it.

So now here we are, the eve of the final episode of series 10, which I have slobbered and fawned over almost as much as series 5, the one that grabbed me. And... I’m kind of terrified, to be honest. Because all the connections I made here, are so tied up in this show, and talking about this show, and picking apart this specific era of the show... I’m afraid I won't have anything to talk about anymore? and I'll drift apart from my friends, and…. never have something quite like this lovely little hive of internet debauchery and meta and space whales ever again. 

That actually scares me so much. Some of you have been here nearly a whole seven years, longer than almost anyone else in my life, apart from my husband, and I am grateful the vast and mysterious machinations of the Universe dumped us all together in the seething hell-pit of fandom. Those of you who have not yet run screaming into the night from my 957 daily posts about Doctor Who... you don't know how much you have helped me, and brighten my day, just by existing.

Yes, even Proton, who is old, and frequently incorrect, and a cyborg. And Elisi, who speaks utter nonsense that confuses my head. Really. I know my primary method of interacting with people is emphatically, and tactlessly, listing every single way they are wrong about things, but I do occassionally have actual emotions like ‘’appreciation’’. 

Do not worry, though. This audaciously out-of-character display of sincerity will now be deleted from your memory. 

Gone? Good. 

So it's been seven wonderful transformative years for me, and the Doctor Who they made just for lil gay anarchist crazy pants care-bear me is ending forever soon. I mean... there will always be Doctor Who, and it will always be Doctor Who, of course. It will be there at the heat death of the Universe, while I’m still salivating over the utter perfection of Heaven Sent. And a sentient gas cloud in a jar will be running it, or something-- because the show has gained its own level of quasi-sentience, furiously transcended all sensible laws of television, and refuses to die.

But the Moffat era came into my life right when I needed it, and it changed me, and I can’t imagine any other era can be that personal to me. It won’t be my Doctor Who anymore. 

Steven Moffat doesn’t know I exist, and yet, has tormented my televisual experiences since I could barely even comprehend television. I have him to thank for two glorious book-ends to my childhood and adolescence: Press Gang, and Doctor Who. Thank you so much, Moffat, you scheming Scottish bastard. Thank you for everything. 

I don’t think I would be the sort of person I am now without this damn show, it’s fandom, and its unapologetic, space whale flavoured idealism. I honestly just wouldn’t be.

[ahoyshippers]

Growing Family Montage

OK, so back story time. I'm on some good medication that is giving me some interesting dreams. Very vivid and they are playing out like movies. I am also slightly obsessed with Supernatural (like most of you sinners on this site) and I had a dream that played out like a movie montage, with music and scene changes and seeing the characters speaking with out hearing them and all! it was awesome and i felt like sharing, I also apologize if this sucks, this will be my first written post with any substance, but maybe this will give the the confidence i need to start writing fan fiction. The montage will be playing to Welcome to the Black Parade by My Chemical Romance. Lyrics are written out and the actions of the characters are in ( parentheses ). Enjoy. Ps I would listen to the song after reading and imagine everything playing out. ******** Girl reader X Dean X Sam X and Cas ******** INTRO: You have joined the boys a few months back. And as the new additions on Team Free Will, you kick ass. during your ass kicking, you and Sam hit it off (obviously cause Dean and Cas are an item.... Duh). Life with the guys is great, you and Sam always side together and shut Dean down when he argues that the Harry Potter movies are better then the books. You love showing Cas all of the fandom(s) you belong to and forcing him to watch your favorite movies and TV shows since he doesn't sleep, you also give him a wider view of music that he has been limited to. Dean hates that last part. You and Dean bicker over your taste of music, while you do like the classics that Dean cant get enough of, you have a special place in your heart for your "emo music". But by Chuck, one day you will make him show some respect for Panic at the Disco, 30 Seconds to Mars, My Chemical Romance, etc. Sam is head over heels for you. After many months full of love Cas makes both of you aware that you are carrying the next Winchester inside of you. The bunker becomes the home no one thought it could be, the guys are thrilled, Sam for being a father, Uncle Dean cant wait to teach him/her all sorts of skills for being a bad ass, and Cas has sworn to be his/her guardian angel. The following months seem to fly by, the baby has a bunker across the hall from you and Sam. The two of you want to keep the gender a surprise. Y'all paint the nursery walls with wardings, and it actually looks nice, very artsy. Sam and Cas go over board during baby shopping, buying EVERYTHING in bulk. Life is good. For so long smiles come easy and laughter echos down the bunker halls. Home Sweet Home. "Check this out, there have been five deaths in the past two weeks in Seattle. The vics are found drained of all blood and are dumped in ally ways." Sam says during breakfast " If its a nest the vampires are being very sloppy, we may have a rouge one running around" Sam looks at Dean with a questioning look on his face. "Cas and I can check it out Sam, its a days drive, we stake the vamp, will be back in five days tops." Dean says with a knowing smile on his face. Cas just nods his head. "Oh no! Sam you are going" you say waddling in the dining area. You feel like a beached whale and a turtle could beat you in a race at your top speed. You take a seat next to him and catch your breath. "You have been cooped up here with me for so long and you are too stressed. Get out there kill you a vamp or two and get some energy out. If I could right now you can bet your ass I would be packing my bag now." Sam tries to argue but you hold up your hand. " The fat lady has spoken, you are going. Dean make sure he leaves with you." you say to the older Winchester. Dean just laughs and shakes his head. " Y/N what if the baby comes while we are gone? Its too close to the due date for me to be running out and going hunting." Sam says almost pleading. "I don't want anything to happen to the two of you." You grab Sam's hand " Babe, all I can do at this point is sleep, eat, piss, repeat. Literally. I don't even have the energy to make it though a movie or book with out falling asleep. Please, for me, get out there kill some vamps in a very gruesome way so that you can come home with a story so I can live vicariously through you. You need this, and I need this. The baby wont be here for another two weeks. and if anything happens I will call. We also have an angel on our side." you turn and smile at Cas. "I will fly in if anything happens Sam, you have my word" Cas says. you turn back to Sam. "I love you, you are going and you are going to enjoy it damn it!" you finish with a laugh. An hour later the guys are loading up Baby and will be leaving soon. You made sandwiches for the road and promised Dean your famous homemade apple pie if he can get them back safely in four days instead of five. "Challenge accepted!" Dean says giving you a hug, he steps back and rubs your large tummy "Stay in there a bit longer Little Bad Ass, Uncle Dean will be back soon, You be good to your mother." As if responding to his words the baby kicks his hand. Dean smiles from ear to ear. He is going to be a great Uncle. Cas comes and places his hand on you tummy. "The child is eager to arrive. Healthy at the moment. It is happy as always." he smiles, removes his hand from your stomach and places it on your head. You feel a cooling sensation flow through your body. Chills run up your arms. You sigh in relief, he sensed your back aches and tense muscles. Using his grace he eased your aches. "Thank you Cas." you say with a sigh and pull him in for a hug. You love his awkward hugs. Sam pulls you in for a kiss, it is long and soft. "Last chance to change your mind, I could stay" he says in between kisses. "Not a chance Winchester, you are going" you say taking a step back holding his hand. He raises your hand and kisses it. "I love you, we will be back soon" with that he leans down taking your belly in his hands and kisses it all over " Daddy will be home soon" the little one kicks for his father too. Sam rises and kisses you once more. then they are off. Off saving people and killing things, the good old family business. A few hours have passed, the bunker is quiet and you find yourself in the kitchen eating Dean's "secret" ice cream stash. Rubbing your tummy you start to sing your favorite song in a soft almost lullaby voice. knowing the only one who can hear you is you child. When I was a young boy My father took me into the city To see a marching band He said, "Son, when you grow up Would you be the savior of the broken The beaten and the damned?" (Cut to a view of the boys driving in Baby, Dean at the wheel, Sam shotgun, Cas in the back, they are talking casually) He said, "Will you defeat them Your demons, and all the non-believers The plans that they have made?" (Dean says something that makes Sam smile, he is relaxing) "Because one day I'll leave you A phantom to lead you in the summer To join the black parade." (cuts back to you in the bunker, humming the lines again, eating spoon fulls of rocky road) (When I was a young boy) (My father took me into the city) (To see a marching band) (He said, "Son, when you grow up) (Would you be the savior of the broken) (The beaten and the damned?") Suddenly you feel a wet sensation trickle down your legs You look down at the pool building at your feet, you feel faint, you drop the spoon and brace yourself against the counter. You mouth "holy shit!" [ MUSIC KICKS IN] Sometimes I get the feeling she's watching over me And other times I feel like I should go (You scramble for your phone, it fumbles in your hands as you dial the number) And through it all, the rise and fall, the bodies in the streets And when you're gone, we want you all to know (You put the phone to your ear, and you walk as fast as you can to your room) We'll carry on ( Cut to Sam: he answers the phone, his smile turns to a look of shock) We'll carry on And though you're dead and gone believe me (Dean glance over at Sam with concern) Your memory will carry on We'll carry on (Sam turns to Dean and mouths "Y/N's water broke") And in my heart I can't contain it (Sam doesnt even have to turn to see that Cas is already gone) A world that sends you reeling from decimated dreams (you are changing into clean clothes when you turn to see Cas in your door way) Your misery and hate will kill us all So paint it black and take it back (He grabs your already packed bags and leads you to the garage) Let's shout it loud and clear Defiant to the end we hear the call (seated in the car you wince at your first contraction, Cas holds your hand as he speeds off to the hospital) To carry on (cuts to you bursting through the hospital doors, your face shows you are in pain) We'll carry on And though you're dead and gone believe me (nurses put you in a wheel chair, take your bag and rush you behind large double doors) Your memory will carry on We'll carry on (Cas is stopped my a nurse from entering behind you, he stands and watches you disappear around a corner) And though you're broken and defeated (Cas pulls out his phone and takes a seat) Your weary widow marches (Sam is on the other line, worry showing on his face) On and on we carry through the fears ( you are in the hospital bed, white knuckling the sheets balled up in your hands) Oh, oh, oh Disappointed faces of your peers ( Sam is running fingers through his hair, feet tapping, he is so nervous) Oh, oh, oh Take a look at me cause I could not care at all (Dean looks over at his brother, he has a smile on his face) Do or die, you'll never make me (Sam and Dean crash through the entry doors to the hospital in a full sprint) Because the world will never take my heart Go and try, you'll never break me (Sam reaches the counter and you see him speaking to the nurse) We want it all, we wanna play this part (he turns and runs down the hall, not even looking back for Dean and Cas) I won't explain or say I'm sorry ( Cas grabs Dean's hand and they take a seat in the waiting room) I'm unashamed, I'm gonna show my scars (Sam runs into your room, you smile as he grabs your hand and kisses you forehead) Give a cheer for all the broken Listen here, because it's who we are (you are covered in sweat, and cry out in pain, still holding Sams hand) I'm just a man, I'm not a hero Just a boy, who had to sing this song (nurses and the Dr, surround you, you push) I'm just a man, I'm not a hero (Sam kisses your hand, brushes your hair our of your face) I don't care (you are panting, red faced) We'll carry on (Throwing your head back you cry out) We'll carry on (Sam looks at the Dr with a huge smile on his face) And though you're dead and gone believe me Your memory will carry on We'll carry on (You too look at the Dr, the bundle in his hands, you start to cry tears of joy) And though you're broken and defeated Your weary widow marches (A nurse hands you a clean baby swaddled in a blanket) Do or die, you'll never make me (Sam enters the waiting room with a smile on his face and red rimed eyes still shimmering with tears) Because the world will never take my heart Go and try, you'll never break me (Dean strides over to him and pulls him into a big hug) We want it all, we wanna play this part (We'll carry on!) Do or die, you'll never make me (Your boys enter your room, they are ecstatic when they see you holding the baby wrapped in a light pink blanket) Because the world will never take my heart Go and try, you'll never break me (Sam takes his daughter into his arms and everyone gathers around her) We want it all, we wanna play this part (this small room filled with the love of a family) Carry On