#i like the contrast to cal's softness/tenderness

[timeguardians]

"Grasp" ( Jack for Rose )

Send "Grasp" to grasp my muse's jaw and force them to look your muse in the eye

There is a palpable THUD in the cavity of her chest. It resounds with incredible resolve as his calloused and charcoal ladened fingers snare about her jaw. One that achingly reminds the heiress that she is still very much alive. Being alive also unfortunately meant being present in her bleak reality.

Forbidden, Rose's pulse races. How was it, that standing near Cal Hockley never felt like anything more than a death sentence, and in stark contrast, Dawson ELECTRIFIED? Every nerve seemed to crave his proximity. Fire threatened to ignite deep in the pit of her stomach.

Wide cerulean orbs BETRAY Rose. Her lashes blink frenzily at first, before caving to give him a directed glance. Surely, the artist would get a glimpse of pupils rife with unbridled DESIRE.

Jack's touch, though forcefully commanding, is far more tender than Hockley's had ever deigned to venture. "I-- I can't--" A tumultous quiver invades all the syllable of her two words.

Her body language, however, sends an entirely DIFFERENT message. She melts back against the wall, her jaw tipping to lean into the graces of his touch. "Don't look at me like that!!!!" She commands, trying to fumble for her shattering restraint. "Like you WANT me, because you can't!" She vocally protests, as if saying the words would be powerful enough an argument to dissuade him.

Those moony, magnificent eyes of Jack's were far too great a TEMPTATION. To drowned in their warm, ethereal waters would be a WELCOME distraction. An unwavering distraction at that. If he kept it up, she just might crumble. Crumble into a million pieces and each one wishing to place an unacceptable kiss to the graces of his far-too soft lips. Her cheeks singe with the unuttered yearning. It is far too much for her to bear. Briefly sinking her teeth into the cushion of her lower-lip does nothing to HELP.

"Well?" She swallows. "Are you going to unhand me, Mr. Dawson?!" She rattles in the form of an unabided order. Yet, in TRUTH, she NEVER wishes for Jack to remove his hands. Any contact with him, even in FRUSTRATION is far too short.

@vegalores

[empressofkalumina]

And would like to do it again.

[capricornus-rex]

Hi!:) I wanted to know if I can request something with Cal Kestis where he and the reader have a make out sesh? I’m really in the mood for that passionate kiss you know hahaha. Thank you, love your writing🥰❤️

Hello there~! You came at the right time when I was about to finish “Flying Lessons” 😃 I hope I gave your request justice, I was kinda worried while writing it hahaha 😭😅 I did my best, I hope you like it!

“Flying Lessons” (3 - End)

Cal Kestis x Reader

Summary: You and Cal make Greez fulfill a promise that he has made—teaching the pair of you to pilot a real ship.

Part 1 | Previous: Part 2 | Masterlist

3 of 3

That same night, when everyone else have retired for today, you couldn’t catch a wink of sleep for some reason. You guessed it had something to do with the flying. You carefully snuck out of bed and quietly left the Mantis, little did you know that Cal had awakened the moment you left the bed.

You took the trail that circled Maz’s castle and leads to the back, in the direction of the forest clearing. Cal followed the humming streak of colored light through the darkness—you’ve made a torch out of your own lightsaber. In the middle of your walk, you stopped, lowered your lightsaber and glanced over your shoulder.

“I know you’re out there… Cal.”

He appeared from behind the wall, admitting defeat as he stepped away from his hiding spot with his hands raised in mid-air.

“Alright, you got me. I see nothing gets past you,”

He walked up to your side, standing close to the light.

“What are you doing here in the middle of the night anyway?” he added.

“I can’t sleep for some reason,”

“And you figured that going to the clearing where the ships are would solve that?”

“Just a feeling,” you shrug your shoulders with a smug look. “Look, are you coming with me or are you gonna snitch on me to Maz in the middle of the night?”

Cal took the first option and walked with you through the forest. To prove it, he even took out his own lightsaber and used it for light. The two of you partially took off the tarp, revealing only the shuttle that Cal piloted.

“Do you know how it opens from the outside?”

“I have an inkling,” Cal marched to the ship and searched the entry ramp for a button or lever. His fingertips accidentally pressed against a button causing the entry ramp to open. “And I think I’ve found it!”

The two of you stepped into the cramped shuttle. In the midst of the silence, so many memories start to flash before your eyes. Unlike earlier, you finally have the chance to examine the inside of the cockpit. BD-1 even hopped out of Cal’s shoulder just to scan anything he could find, the little droid trilled and chirped—almost like in a song—after scanning five things in the cockpit in full succession.

“Yeah? Good work scanning there, buddy,” Cal affirmed as he let his little droid buddy check out the rest of the cockpit.

“I still can’t believe we flew these,” you thought out loud.

Standing between the pilot and co-pilot seat, you let your fingers sink into the leather upholstery as you looked into the moon shining behind the castle through the windshield. Cal walked up to the co-pilot seat, the slightest movement made the axle of the swivel creak.

“Wanna give it a spin?” Cal asked out of the blue.

You turn to him and shot him a bewildered look. He shoots back a laidback look and a shrug—his whole body language screamed the casual and clueless “What?”

It was one of those moments where Cal just suddenly unfolds another fragment of his personality right in front of you, the crazy ideas were only a bonus.

“Come on, I got your back,” he reassured you.

“Promise?”

“I promise,”

Cal took and sat the co-pilot seat, he started pressing the buttons in the same pattern as Greez did earlier. He quizzically surveyed the cockpit.

“We need to turn on the auxiliary power if we want to make this thing go,”

You spot a lever on the side of the ship just behind the pilot’s seat.

“Do you think this is it?”

“Yeah, could you give it a pull?”

You cranked the lever down, the ship hummed to life and lights flickered on and off until colors danced and stayed on the screens. The sound was loud enough for alarm the animals hiding in the woods, what more if it alerted the security droids that Maz has patrolling her castle for protection. A few minutes later, Cal observed the screens and pressed a few more buttons.

“Okay, we’re up and running,”

You returned to the pilot seat and watch Cal as he was indulging himself in prepping the ship for takeoff, but the fun was cut short when BD-1—who was perched on the dashboard by the windshield—spotted a reprogrammed HURID-327 droid approaching the clearing.

“Cal, look,” you spoke in a deep hush, trying to keep your voice only within his earshot.

You ducked your heads low as the droid turned its cyclops eye left and right while shining a light through its lens. When the droid finally set its sights on the ship with the running engine, your caution levels rose.

“It’s coming here…” Cal mumbled, without a second to spare, he grabbed you by the wrist and dragged you to the door leading to the passenger hold. “Come on!”

BD-1 hopped onto Cal’s shoulder, he slammed the button to open the door with his free hand and the two of you scrambled through the narrow hallways, looking for someplace to hide. From the distance, the sound of the entry ramp made your mixed anxiety and excitement through the roof.

You couldn’t control the giggle that you’ve been suppressing, “We are so screwed!”

Cal had the short-lived luxury to glance over his shoulder, put his finger against his lip to shush you but not even he could repress the laugh coming on from him. Boots skidded against the slick floor, Cal vanished into one of the rooms—with you still dragging along—and hid in a nook in one of the passenger quarters. Squeezing into such a tight space, he and you are practically mere inches with each other while BD-1 managed to blend in with the fixtures inside the quarters. You bite your lip to contain your laughter, listening for the droid scouting the premises.

The tall, hulking droid searched the cockpit—nothing.

Its footsteps got louder as it entered the area past the cockpit, the sound made you tense up, your eyes were blankly searching the space as you listen for the droid’s presence; Cal kept his gaze on you, the thin rays of light spilling through the spaces in your hiding spot made him see your eyes twinkle.

The droid was standing in the middle of the hallway and examined it in the same way it did in the clearing and cockpit. It bellowed what ought to be its own sound of “Hmph” and then its footsteps began to recede.

“Do you think it’s gone?” Cal uttered in a nearly-silent whisper, his breath blowing the thin fringes of your hair.

You chuckled and gently brought your hand to his mouth, continuing to listen for the droid. Its exit was confirmed when you heard the entry ramp shut. You slowly lowered your hand from his lips.

“I think he is now,” you uttered, peeking through the little cracks and spaces that gave you a pinprick-view of the hallway outside. You invited him to shimmy out of the hiding space.

Finally, you afforded the moment of finally releasing the repressed laughter that built up while you were in hiding. The both of you exchanged smiling glances at one another while peeking by the door frame of the passenger quarters.

“Whoa, that was way too close!” you exclaimed. When you turn your attention to Cal, you only noticed now that puppy-eyed gaze of his. “What?”

In that split second, he gently cups your jaw and reels himself in to you, contrast to how he pressed his lips to yours—gentle and tender. Cal definitely got you while your guard was down.

The spur of the moment made whatever remaining energy you have ebb into nothing; your arms clung onto his shoulder as his hands secured your waist, you returned his kisses but with every passing minute he was turning up his intensity. Your heart skipped a beat when you felt him dipping his tongue in your mouth, feeling for your tongue and with that, he managed to trigger something.

“This is really happening, is it?” you whispered.

“You don’t want to?”

“I never said that,”

Cal pulled away, but he never let go of you, he sat on the cot and pulled you in so you sit on his lap. Your fingers comb through his hair bottom up, subsequently his hands found their way to your chest—expertly undoing the buttons of your shirt while alternately suckling onto your lower lip and prodding his tongue to meet with yours. The open center of your shirt revealed the groove between your breasts and your stomach, he brushed your shirt off of your shoulder; finally, he got better access to your weak spot.

He started by nuzzling his lips in the corner between the base of your neck and shoulder. Naturally, you tilt your neck just a tad bit upward, granting him more spots for him to play with. It didn’t take long until he started suckling on you in the neck, he’d even add little bites into his kisses that produced little moans and sharp gasps from you.

“Am I going too rough?” he whispered.

“No…” you mewled.

His hands then wandered downward, his thumb ran across the curve of your breast, passing your waist and tummy, and then clutching on your thighs—his fingers dug into them, squeezing the soft, creamy flesh, he nudged you in some more and you felt his hard-on brush against your crotch.

It was your turn. Simply enough, your thumb and index finger found the zipper of his jumpsuit—it smoothly glided as you pulled it downwards until the top of his clothing was split in the middle, a little ray of moonlight illuminated the tiny beads of sweat riddling his pale, freckled chest. You let your finger glide over his collarbone, spreading the drops of sweat, feeling the bump of his Adam’s apple, climbing his jaw until you nestled his chin under it, and then your eyes wandered and met with his gaze.

This is one of the few occasions that you get to study his facial features: his freckles, his scars, and—your personal favorite—his eyes.

The moonlight paled in comparison to the shine of the jade eyes staring fondly right back at you. A wholesome smiled greeted his stare. No word was spoken, you and he communicated through smiling glances to which only the pair of you could only understand.

You voluntarily inched closer to him—once again closing the inches worth of space that separated you—and you plant your lips on his jaw, you felt the slight turn of his neck as he anticipates your kiss to reach his lips. You made him want more: tenderly kissing his scar starting from the base of his neck going upwards, then to his jaw, and finally his chin. You slowly hoist your face level to his but stopped when his managed to peck a kiss on the tip of your nose.

You felt his playful grin and you shot back a playful smirk.

He tightened his hold around your waist and slowly he lays down on the cot with you.

Resting your head on top of his chest, you felt the warmth radiating through his skin and his heart was pounding really fast. He played with your hair—stroking your scalp from up and then down, repeating the pattern until you drifted to sleep. He kissed you good night on the forehead before he fell asleep himself.

[ladyloggy]

Cal x MC: Jealousy.

Cal had been injured in the fight against the minotaur, but when they had successfully rescued Donny, Marian had bandaged him up as best she could. Cal was quieter than normal, but Marian put that down to the injury that he had acquired on the trip to Persephone. Before they found Donny, the couple had danced together whilst Nik and Alex had shared a dance, but when Marian had gone to the bar to get another drink, Nik had come over and bought it for her.

Marian suddenly realised what was causing Cal to be so quiet and decided to tease him about it to take his mind off his injuries.

"I wonder if that human buys all of his co-workers drinks..." She pondered outloud, laughing to herself quietly as Cal's face turned stony. "He and that mortal woman seemed to be dancing rather closely, maybe I'll take him up on his offer next time..."

He growled, backing her into the wall. Marian kept Cal's gaze, a smirk on her lips.

"I didn't know you were so jealous." She taunted.

Her words were barely over a whisper, but she knew he could hear them, if the angry snarl was anything to go by.

"I'm not jealous, 'Rian. Sayin' I'm jealous implies that I should be jealous of somebody else - I'm not jealous, baby, because you're mine." Cal's beautiful face was replaced with one of rage, and Marian knew to how to stoke the fire.

"But that human, the hunter, I swear on the moon herself - he wanted me." She drawled, dragging her own hand across the curve of her hips, down lower to her thighs.

"He is in the other room, Marian. I'll make you moan so hard he'll hear it - and it'll put him in his place."

Cal's lips were on her in an instant, but the usual tender and loving kiss was replaced by a primal feeling, one that Marian herself knew well enough. She had felt the fury shoot through her veins like molten lead when another, unmated female flirted with what was hers. Cal always found it amusing that she would kiss him right there, pinned against his piano or the bar and delight in the treatment she gave him to claim her stakes over him, relishing on her hot mouth on his body as she bit love bites into his skin. But now, it was his turn - his mouth would be all over her, teasing her most intimate region as she had teased his and Marian was excited for the marks her mate would leave on her body.

Cal was still devouring her, one hand pinning her wrists above her head on the wall whilst the other trailed up and down her skin underneath the dress she was wearing to accompany the group to find Donny. Her legs had turned to liquid, and if not held up by her mate, then Marian was sure she would have crumpled to the floor.

"What about the girl?" She asked, slightly breathless as Cal focused on her neck.

"What about her?" Cal demanded, with a squeeze of her ass.

"Do you like her?"

Of course Marian knew the answer, but she wanted to see how far she could push her mate. She did not expect Cal to unzip the garment in one quick movement and push her onto the bed, before he pinned her beneath him, still fully clothed. Words were not needed for Marian to know what was coming next, and with a perfected rhythm, her lacy underwear was discarded on the floor.

"Spread those legs for me, chere, I'm thirsty." The gentle growl had Marian complying before her mind could process what had been asked of her, and dutifully she obeyed. "Good girl."

Marian cried out as Cal kissed up her inner thighs, large hands parting her legs wide. His soft hair and rough stubble in contrast felt like heaven, and Marian couldn't prevent herself from the loud moan that escaped her as her mate devoured her in a new sense.

"Cal! Baby, oh!"

"Mmm, darlin'. Marian felt Cal smirk as her hips bucked wildly and she clenched with another cry.

Marian closed her eyes and fisted the bedsheets as she writhed under the power of her mate. She moaned as he inserted a finger, and then another and then-. She was close, a sobbing, moaning mess, pleading to her lover to carry on.

But he stopped.

"Cal!" She whined, looking up to see that he mate had stood up, and was pulling his shirt over his head. His muscles rippled and Marian couldn't help but crawl to him, to place open mouthed kisses to the scars that the Minotaur had left on him and to playfully nudge the bulge that had now made an appearance with her nose.

"You can repay the favour another time, darlin'. Take that bra off for me, chere, and then get on your hands and knees."

Marian once again obeyed as Cal removed his boxers. She glanced behind her as Cal rolled on a condom and wiggled her ass at him playfully, biting her lip as he smacked her ass lightly. Cal knelt behind her, hands settling on her hips as he entered her and quickly found a forceful rhythm. Marian loved this position, because she truly felt connected to the man she was devoted to on the level that that they were bonded on - the wolves. Even though Marian quickly let go due to Cal's earlier actions, his punishing pace never stopped.

Marian screamed.

White flashed before her eyes and all she could focus on was the wild desire that threatened to bubble over the surface of where she had it locked away. Cal still hadn't slowed, fingers gripped hard enough to leave memories on her skin the following morning and it wasn't until Marian finally succumbed and her limbs collapsed from underneath her that she shouted out the name of her mate, who faltered and fell on top of her, breathing heavy like he had been on a hunt. He placed a soft, sweaty kiss to Marian's back, and gently stroked her hair as his lips found hers once more as she rolled onto her back.

"Obviously you weren't jealous then." She muttered and Cal this time uttered a playful growl.

"I told you, baby. Not jealous." He nipped at her lip and had nuzzled into Marian just as there was a pounding on the door.

"Are you two done in there?"

Cal grimaced as Nik's voice penetrated the silence, but got up dutifully, throwing the discarded condom in the bin before throwing on some jeans and a fresh shirt. He turned to Marian apologetically, before passing her some new clothes.

"Come with me?"

"Always."

[a-year-of-musicals]

Day 101/365 - Waitress

By Sara Bareilles

Waitress Jenna is an expert pie baker at Joe’s Diner in the Deep South, who often breaks down her problems by seeing them like pie ingredients (What’s Inside). When breaking a situation down to its ingredients she is interrupted by Cal, her boss, and she begins another day at the diner along with Becky, a sassy and tough waitress, and Dawn, an anxious yet lovable waitress (Opening Up). On this particular day, Jenna is distracted by her potential unwanted pregnancy; she ducks into the bathroom to take a test, revealing that she has an unloving relationship with her husband, Earl, and that this potential pregnancy was the result of a drunken night. She is displeased to find that the test is positive (The Negative). As her shift continues, Earl visits the diner, and slates Jenna’s low-paying job, suggesting that he may make her resign soon and give up her passion for baking. Jenna decides not to tell him about the pregnancy, and finds comfort in baking her crazy experimental pies. She remembers her late mother, who, like Jenna, was trapped in an unhappy marriage and escaped through baking with her daughter (What Baking Can Do).

Jenna goes for a physical examination, where in the waiting room she is greeted and taunted by fellow pregnant women (Club Knocked Up). She meets her new OB/GYN, the young and handsome Dr. Jim Pomatter, filling in for the woman who had been Jenna’s doctor since birth. Jenna is uncomfortable with this change, and bluntly tells Dr. Pomatter that she does not want her baby. She gives him the pie she had made specially for her old doctor, and while he initially refuses the gift, having cut sugar, he indulges himself in the pie when she leaves, clearly falling in love with the confection (Pomatter Pie).

Back at the diner, word has spread of Jenna’s pregnancy to Joe, the ill-tempered owner of the diner and a difficult regular customer, and he suggests that she enter a local pie contest with a high reward. Becky and Dawn also present Jenna with a gift of a baby book, complete with a spot for a letter to the baby, but Jenna is less than enthusiastic toward the book as she is still not looking forward to motherhood. Attention turns to Dawn, who has never had a boyfriend before and has recently begun filling out an online dating profile. Dawn’s profile soon yields a response, and she sets a five-minute date for the following night, clearly nervous but excited for the encounter (When He Sees Me).

After the working day has ended, Jenna runs into Dr. Pomatter at the bus stop. She tells him about her unhappy marriage, happy to be coming home on a night when Earl is out drinking with friends, and Dr. Pomatter heavily compliments her pie, telling her that he is intrigued by her compassion and resilience (It Only Takes a Taste). Jenna arrives home to find Earl, who tells her that he was fired. Already in a sour mood, his temper rises as he tells Jenna to make more money, and his anger almost turns physical until Jenna stops him by telling him that she is pregnant. Earl immediately calms down, though remains angry that she kept this from him, and makes her promise to never love the baby more than him (You Will Still Be Mine). At the diner the next day, Jenna reveals to Dawn and Becky that she plans on entering the pie contest and using the winnings to leave Earl and start a new life with the baby. She also helps a nervous Dawn prepare for her date by making her a special pie to give to her date and Becky does Dawn's makeup. The three waitresses discuss their attainable dreams of better lives (A Soft Place to Land).

The next day, an odd man named Ogie arrives at the diner looking for Dawn, who reveals that he was the blind date, both of whom having very different ideas of how the date went. Dawn begs Ogie to leave her alone, but he refuses, insistent on getting to know her better (Never Ever Getting Rid Of Me). Dawn continues trying to get him to leave until Ogie reveals that he has taken part in American Revolution reenactments, which Dawn has done as well, and the two start to realise just how much they have in common. Meanwhile, Jenna has noticed she has started bleeding, and she calls Dr. Pomatter, who tells her to come in at 7 AM the next morning. She does so, but is irritated when he writes it off as a common symptom of pregnancy, confronting him for calling her over before both of their typical work days over such a small detail. The encounter ultimately results in her impulsively kissing him, and they both frantically think over the situation. Ultimately, they both conclude that they could use a break from their frustrating lives, and they have sex in Dr. Pomatter's office (Bad Idea).

After her visit with Dr. Pomatter, Jenna arrives at the diner for work to discover Becky and Cal having sex behind the counter. Jenna confronts Becky on the immorality of their affair, but Becky, aware of Jenna’s affair, defends herself, claiming that Jenna’s actions are no more moral simply because of her worse home situation (I Didn’t Plan It). Jenna and Dr. Pomatter continue their affair over the next few weeks, as do Becky and Cal, and Dawn and Ogie’s relationship progresses as well (Bad Idea Reprise). Jenna’s relationship with Dr. Pomatter, which has become known to many people, including Dr. Pomatter’s nurse and Joe, comes to a brief halt when Dr. Pomatter is out of town and does not show up to one of their appointments. When he shows up to the next one, Jenna confronts him over their failure to communicate and considers if the whole affair is a mistake, but they both reassure one another of their importance in a world where neither of them is truly valued (You Matter To Me). Jenna begins writing a mental note to her baby, inspired by the happiness that Dr. Pomatter has instilled in her.

Several months have passed and Jenna’s pregnancy has progressed. Dawn and Ogie are married, in a ceremony complete with catering from Jenna and an impromptu poem from Ogie (I Love You Like a Table). At the reception, Jenna asks Cal if, in spite of his affair, he is truly happy, and he responds that he is “happy enough.” Joe also shares a dance with Jenna and, in a rare tender moment for him, expresses his sincere hope and faith in her (Take it From an Old Man). Jenna’s happiness is interrupted by Earl’s sudden arrival, and he drags her away from the reception and back to their home, where he reveals that he has found the money that she has been stashing away to save up for the pie contest. When he asks what she has been saving the money for, Jenna meekly tells him that the money is for the baby, and that she was saving up to buy the baby a new crib. Earl leaves and takes the money (Dear Baby) When he leaves, Jenna breaks down, lamenting her long-lost control over her own life (She Used To Be Mine).

Soon afterward, Jenna goes into labour. She is visited briefly in the hospital by Joe, who is about to have surgery in the same hospital, and who, knowing he is dying, gives her an envelope which he tells her to open once she has had the baby. The presence of Earl, Becky and Dawn, and even Dr. Pomatter’s wife, makes the delivery room incredibly crowded, and Jenna eventually grows so stressed that she cries out. The stage goes silent and dark, until suddenly the cries of the newborn baby are heard. Jenna names the baby girl “Lulu,” and falls in love with her immediately. Earl, disappointed that the baby is a girl, tells her to make good on her promise not to love Lulu more than him, but Jenna bluntly tells him that she hasn’t loved him in years and wants a divorce. When he reacts poorly, Becky escorts him out of the hospital, and she and Dawn give Jenna space so she can have a moment with Dr. Pomatter. While he would like to continue their relationship forever, Jenna tells him it would complicate things too much and, refusing anymore to be simply "happy enough," she ends the affair. Still, she thanks him for the positive impact he had on her life during her pregnancy, and in lieu of a homemade pie, gives him a moon pie as a final gift. Jenna reflects on how her outlook has changed with the presence of Lulu in her life (Everything Changes).

As she leaves the hospital, Jenna remembers the note from Joe, and she opens it to read that he has left her the diner, asking her to name a pie after him. Some two years later, it is business as usual at the diner, now called “Lulu’s Pies,” and Jenna, now the owner and head chef, is content, her life finally turned around (Opening Up Finale).

I think this is a story that is relatable and realistic. I like that it contrasts the roles of Earl and Dr. Pomatter to show that Jenna is worthy of kind love, despite her situation. I also like how Jenna continues to focus on her baking ambitions even when she has Lulu, and that Joe was generous enough to help Jenna fulfil her dream and provide for Lulu. I also like how she ends things with Dr. Pomatter sensibly but thanks him for how he has helped her. A lovely little story!

Favourite Songs: The Negative, When He Sees Me, It Only Takes A Taste, A Soft Place To Land, I Love You Like A Table, Take It From An Old Man, Everything Changes and Lulu’s Pie Song

Favourite Character: Jenna

She navigates her way through, stands up for herself and follows her heart. She maintains her independence and is polite, kind and ambitious. She really does make the best out of a bad situation and appreciates the memories she has made.

[white-noise-fiction]

The Hills

AU: Based on The Hills by The Weeknd 

A/n: Boi have I been having those Calum feels lately. It seems like no amount of fanfiction can quench my thirst, so I just made some myself. Honestly, I’m so proud of this. Also, this story isn’t verbatim to the song, cause I don’t think I could handle fuckboy Cal js xx

Calum’s hand was gripped around the steering wheel of his foreign sports car as he drove through the streets of the gated community you lived in. Fog sat inches above the ground,  becoming transparent under the headlights of his car. He always drove slowly when he came to see you. Nobody was outside to see due to the fact that it was usually past midnight when you two would link up, but that didn’t make it look any less suspicious.

He had to see you tonight. Pictures weren't enough and the risk was low. No paparazzi following him around, and your actor boyfriend was in New York filming his new movie. You could see the bright light from his car through the window of your condo. Your hands began to sweat in anticipation as you gave yourself a thorough once over in the mirror. Your hair was straightened and parted through the middle, just the way he liked it. You didn't have any makeup on, but he never paid mind to that. He seemed to prefer it actually. But the real show stopper was your lingerie. Your bra was sheer and black but had small floral embroidering over the cups. You also had on a matching G-string that had the same embroidering on the front. You never had to dress loud to go all out for him. He was a simple man after all.

You spritzed on a bit of perfume before sliding your silk robe over your body, tying it the draw in a loose knot. You trotted downstairs as the doorbell sounded through your home. Calum stood on the other side of the door with his hands in the pockets of his leather jacket. He looked over his shoulder to make sure nobody was around. Sure, he was technically single. But an affair was an affair, and he didn't want anyone to know what you were doing with him behind closed doors.

You made your way to the door, able to see his moonlit face through the lightly frosted glass. He had a smug smile on his face as the two of you made eye contact. You chewed on your lower lip gently as you unlocked the door and pulled it open. He trailed his tongue across his own lips as he looked you over. The smirk on his face said it all.

“Damn, baby,” he said, sucking in a breath. “You look gorgeous. Even better than the pictures.” He said as you took his hand, pulling him into your living room.

“You've yet to see it all.” You giggle softly, still holding his hand in your own. Moments like this showed that this wasn't just sex for either of you. It was intimate and loving even though neither of you dared to call it that. You didn't want to complicate it, and he didn't want to cross any lines ironically enough.

You lead him upstairs to your bedroom, letting him kick the door closed behind himself. “Go sit, get comfy.” You said while gesturing to your king sized bed. It was all made up and ready to be ruined. He obliged without saying a word. He sat down at the foot of the bed and shook his leather jacket off onto the floor as you closed the sheer curtains over your windows, leaving your room dimly lit by whatever moonlight managed to seep in.

“I missed you.” You said lowly while untying the knot on your robe and letting it drop to the plush carpet as you strut towards him like a supermodel on a runway.

“I missed you too, babygirl. Especially those lips.” He murmured, grabbing you by the forearm as you got closer. “So pretty.” His eyes were half-lidded, but still focused. You could see the passion in them, and it almost made you forget how wrong this was. His hands slid down your sides, resting at your hips. He gently presses the pads of his thumbs down in the area, leaning in to connect your lips.

They slid across each other, trying to satisfy your needs. Your mouths were open and you felt so hungry. So greedy. You couldn't get enough of him. You placed your hands down on his broad shoulders as his hands found themselves on your ass, squeezing and kneading in a way that made you weak in the knees. Soft moans and the occasional sound of your teeth clashing made your head fuzzy. He overwhelmed your senses, but you still wanted more. You needed more.

You trailed one of your hands farther up his back, letting them tangle themselves into his dark hair. You tugged gently on the thick stands, causing a deep grunt to fall from his lips. Calum was extremely submissive and you loved it.

“Fuck,” He mumbled, moving from your lips to your jawline. He left hot wet open-mouthed kisses down your neck, onto your shoulder. “So sexy.” He cooed, pinching your ass particularly hard. A small whimper left your lips, and it only seemed to encourage him. “Tell me what you want, Y/n.” His voice was deep and smooth.

“I want you.” You breathed out. Your eyes had fluttered shut at this point. He hummed and slowly trailed his hands up your back. He unclipped your bra and you shook your shoulders, letting it fall down to the floor. But before he could do anything else you dropped down to you knees, much to his surprise. You untied the laces to his black on black converse before sliding them off his feet. You looked up at him while going to unbutton his jeans. Calum brushed some of your hair away from your face to get a better view of what was about to take place.

He lifted his hips up a bit to let you drag his jeans and boxers down in one steady tug. He pulled his own shirt off, now being fully exposed to your gaze. Your mouth watered at the sight of his cock. A small bubble of cloudy-clear precum oozed out the slit. You wrapped your hand around his shaft, squeezing gingerly. A small gasp left his lips he looked down at you. “Please.” He whined. He needed you to do something.

You wasted no time sliding him into your mouth. The sensation of a confined hot wet space around the tip of his dick made him shudder. Calum ran his fingers through the length of your hair, pushing his hips toward your mouth. You allowed him to hold the back of your head, pushing you all the way down his length. You were determined to please him.

“Oh, Y/n,” Calum whimpers out as you hollow your cheeks to create suction. You start breathing through your nose to make sure you don't get too dizzy. There was a lot going on after all. He guided your head up and down his dick, panting softly. Small sounds of gagging and slurping leave your lips as you quicken your pace. He gripped your hair tightly, tilting his head down to look at you.

“God, you look so fucking beautiful when you're sucking my dick.” He murmurs, gazing into your eyes with his deep brown ones. They were barely open and his cheeks had a soft pink tinge to them that reminded you of the flowers your boyfriend had sent you this morning. Something about that just added gasoline to your fire.

“Shit babe, stop.” He groaned, letting go of your hair. You pulled back with a soft pop, licking the excess saliva from your swollen lips. “Christ, that's hot.” He commented, patting the bed for you to get on. You did as he requested, getting up and laying down in the center of the bed. Calum hovered over you, holding himself up in a planking position. He leant in, leaving tender kisses down your neck, trailing his smooth lips down your collarbones and abdomen until he reached your panties. He looked up at you through his lashes, waiting to your consent. Even though he was pretty sure you wouldn’t deny him, he liked to make sure you were still on board every step of the way.

“Yeah, keep going.” You mumbled, nodding your head slightly.

He immediately looped his fingers into the thin waistband of your panties, tugging them downwards. You lifted your hips up to aid him in undressing you. He tossed them down to the floor before running his large hands up your inner thighs. Your skin was warm and soft as kashmir under his slightly calloused hands. The contrast had your legs trembling. You’d never been so wet and in your life. Calum slid his hands to your knees, gently pulling them apart. He was close enough for you to feel the heat of his breath when he let out a huff. “You’re so fucking wet, Y/n.” Even in the dimly lit room, he could see the effects he had on your body. You were glistening, dripping, aching for him.

He slowly ran his index finger down your folds, causing you to gasp at the sudden stimulation. That smirk from earlier had now made it’s comeback as he wantonly pushed his finger inside you. You couldn’t help but curl your toes at the sensation. He was finally just where you’d wanted him all night; with his head between your legs. He leaned in, pressing his full lips to your clit. He left a small kiss as he began to pump his finger in and out. Calum pressed his tongue down against it, almost sending you over the edge with just one motion. Something about sex with Calum was so intoxicating. It was like he could get you off better and faster than any other man. You felt like a mess underneath him. Your eyes closed tight and your hair spiraled out above your pillows. He curled his finger in an upward motion, starting to flick his tongue back and forth over your sensitive clit.

You groaned under your breath while trying to resist the urge to close your legs. Your hands reached down to graze through his short hair, tugging at what you could grasp. He moaned softly as you pushed his head down to your pussy. You wanted him in a way that almost felt animalistic. Your face was flushed and your palms were sweaty. Calum wrapped his lips around your clit, starting to gently suck. You couldn’t stop yourself from closing your legs as if it would keep all the pleasure inside. You were coming undone, and that was exactly what he wanted. “Oh, fuck,” You whimpered, letting go of his hair to slide your hands up to your breasts. “Calum, I’m gonna cum.” You warned, trying to get him to stop. You weren't ready to cum so soon. Especially since he hadn't let you finish him off earlier. It made you feel selfish to get off more than him, even though he insisted that it was okay every time you mentioned it. He hummed but didn’t stop. He actually sped up his movements, as if he heard you but didn’t care what you’d said. “Cal!” You squealed, closing the sheets into your fists. He used his spare hand to hold your hips down as you began to tense. He added a second finger pumping them roughly, anticipating your orgasm. You couldn’t even hold back anymore as he curled his fingers against your g-spot. You came with a loud gasp, letting your legs fall limp on either side of his body. He lapped up his reward like it was the last time he'd ever have the chance to, pulling away with a smile on his glistening lips.

“So good, baby. So good.” He cooed as you spread your limbs across the bed in an attempt to calm yourself. “I can work with this,” He chuckled, lining up to you. You were in no position to do any work this time. Usually, you would ride, but your orgasm made you feel weighted. “Ready?” He asked, to which you nodded,

“Ready as I’ll ever be.” You said, sucking in a deep breath as he began to push inside of you. Your eyes seemed to roll farther back into your head with each inch. A warm tingling sensation was all you felt in your legs as Calum began to thrust his hips into yours. He let out a low grunt as he leaned down, skimming his lips across your ear. It sent butterflies through your stomach, hearing him moan for you. His breath was hot but sent goosebumps across the area regardless. You wrapped your arms around his body, holding him close as if this was the last time your paths would ever cross.

“Y/n, baby.” He groaned, starting to go harder. You felt too good for him to hold himself back. He furrowed his thick eyebrows, feeling sweat start to form on his forehead. You instinctively wrapped your legs around his waist, allowing him to fuck you deeper into the sheets. Your nails raked down his golden brown flesh, making him hiss. “Fuck!” He growls, letting his eyes flutter shut.

Calum let his teeth sink into his lower lip as your hands trailed up his back, into his damp hair. You tugged it slightly, causing him to open his eyes to look down at you. Your eyes met his and for a sliver of a second, you thought he might've said something. His lips formed words but your ears couldn't pick it up.

“Fuck, I love you, Y/n.” He groaned. It was almost as if he'd become emotional. His face showcased his distress, but that could easily have been from his approaching orgasm.

“I- I,” you stutter, having your words cut off. You felt like your brain was short circuiting. Your climax dropped on you like a ton of bricks and left you able to do nothing more bit scream his name. Your eyes were shut tightly as you felt him spill into you with a heavy sigh. But much to your surprise, he didn't fall into the bed next to you like he always did.

When you opened eyes, you could see Calum pulling on his boxers, followed by his jeans. You couldn't read the expression on his face, but you could tell it was less than satisfied.

“Baby, what's wrong?” You asked, sitting up.

He ignored you, sliding his feet into his shoes before pulling on his shirt. You scurried off the bed and grabbed your robe, pulling it on and tying the ribbon closed. He grabbed his jacket and walked out your room, and of course, you followed him like a lost puppy.

“Calum, please!” You said, easing your voice at him for the first time. He stops in the middle of the hallway, turning to face you.

“Y/n, I can't keep doing this.” His voice trembled as if he were gonna cry, but his eyes were angry. “If you don't love me, I can't do this anymore.” He said firmly.

“Cal,” you sigh deeply. “I do love you, but you know I can't commit to this.” You mumble. He stood still and silent for a moment, and you couldn't tell if he was gonna say anything else or not.

“Leave him, y/n. You know I'm better for you. He doesn't fucking love you. He loves the idea of you.” Those words left an ache in your chest. He was right, but you still didn't know what to say.

“I can't just do that, Cal.” You mumbled, looking down at your feet.

“Fine. Why don't you go and write another little love song that we all know isn't about him.” He hisses, stomping down the stairs and into the living room. You run after him but by the time you get to the door, he's outside. You trail after him only to bet met with bright lights and people rapidly firing questions at you.

By the time you realize what was happening, Calum had turned grabbed your hand, standing in front of you to block you from the camera. “You can't deny it anymore, Y/n.” Your heart sank into the pit of your stomach and you thought you were gonna vomit as the paparazzi kept taking pictures from the driveway. You reached behind yourself to open the door, letting Calum follow you inside. You leant against the cold glass, looking as if you'd seen a ghost. This could ruin your career, your whole life.

“Baby,” Calum said, placing his hands on either side of your face. “Just let him go… it's that simple. We're gonna be okay.” He coaxed, leaning in. You nodded your head as he said these words, letting him kiss you.

“I love you.” He whispered lips still against yours.

“I love you too.” You whimper.

[annie-waters247]

Just a little fanfiction for my fellow Maven/Mare shippers. Maybe don’t read if you aren’t comfortable with adult scenes :) Also there are spoilers for those not up to date. Enjoy :)

I sit beside Maven’s bed where he lay as cold and motionless as stone. The Whispers Cal found after months of relentless searching have done everything they can for him, but it took almost too much of his energy. I don’t know whether he’ll survive, or if it even worked. The things Elara did to his mind seem almost irreversible. The thought of the dead Queen sends cold shivers down my weakened spine. I can still feel her inside my mind, even though it’s been several months, like a ghost, a constant reminder of her torment.

I look at Maven, lying there so peacefully. His raven coloured hair so unkempt it’s grown messy curls similar to that of his older brother’s. The underside of his ice blue eyes that have burned themselves into my memory so vividly are more pronounced than ever, as are his pale cheeks and jaw. His reign and the crushing loneliness he must feel have certainly scratched away the hard surface of the boy King I remember. He no longer looks like a tyrant King, merely a boy whose mother alienated him and warped him into a monster who was incapable of loving anyone. 

 Except for me. 

 The memories crash over me like an aggressive wave that forces me to hold my chest in an attempt to keep from drowning. I yearn for those moments when Maven would look past my eyes and into my confused soul as if he, like no other, understood my pain, which I now realise he did, more than I could ever comprehend. I can still feel his blazing warmth, so familiar, as he caressed me in a way even Cal never has. I miss his kind eyes, and his slightly arrogant, lopsided grin that used to infuriate me so. I miss the Maven I fell in love with. The Maven that was my closest friend and future husband.

 I hope to whatever force that controls this world that this works. 

 I almost can’t believe the chances when I see those impossibly long lashes flutter and his right hand which is closest to me twitch ever so slightly. 

“Maven?” I’m afraid to do anything but whisper, because I can’t shake the feeling that my hopes are about to be crushed. 

 I take a breath.

 I clutch my chest tighter. 

 His eyes open all the way as he turns to face me. There is a stark contrast between blue and red that makes his appearance appear even more vulnerable. He runs a shaking hand through his flyaway locks. My breath catches in my throat for no real reason. 

 Then he speaks.

 “Mare?” His voice brings conflicting emotions. Part of me wants to run from this room faster than I ever have before. And yet apart of me wants to never leave just so I can hopefully hear that voice one more time. 

 “It’s me, Maven” I breathe. 

A smile splits across his face and completely shifts his appearance. I’m forced to take another breath.

 “Where’s Tib?” he sounds unsure of himself, as though the words feel foreign on his tongue, or perhaps it’s the genuine tone that feels foreign. 

 “Tib?”

 “My brother, Tiberias” it’s been months since I have heard anything but contempt and bitterness in his tone, especially when it comes to talking about Cal. 

 “He just went to get you some water and clean clothes for when you woke up”.  

He stares at me wide eyed, with so much innocence. I don’t know what to believe, it wouldn’t be the first time he has tricked me this way. 

 “What do you remember?” from the way he looks at me, eyes boring into my very soul, Maven knows exactly what I mean by the question. He doesn’t answer for a long while, long enough that I almost believe that he won’t speak at all. A crease appears between his dark eyebrows suddenly. He looks pained beyond comprehension as the memories flood his mind so violently, I can see them crash like waves behind his eyes. Eyes that have suddenly darkened to a deep, stormy blue. He says only one word, and yet that one word holds so much emotion that it leaves a very prominent lump in my throat. 

 “Everything”. 

 I give him time to decide whether he feels comfortable saying anymore. He breathes in heavily, dragging air into his corrupted lungs, as his long, pale fingers rake obsessively through his hair and even occasionally tug on the messy ends. 

 “Everything is so clear now. I not only remember loving Tib, I feel it, deep in my soul. I feel it blossoming like a forgotten memory. When mother took away my love for my brother I thought I would never feel it’s presence again. But I feel it stronger than ever. And for my father too. I remember now my admiration for him and the deep bond we shared before mother took that away from me too. I remember -” he goes silent suddenly, as though the words have choked him somehow. Tears begin to stream down his eyes with ferocity and his face loses all remaining colour. 

 “Maven?” instinctively I move closer to him and without thinking I place a hand on his. “What’s the matter?” I stammer though I can guess what his next words are. 

“It’s all my fault Mare. All my fault. I KILLED MY OWN FATHER!” his voices raises with self hatred and disgust.

 “Maven you did nothing, it was your mother. It was Elara” without realising my hands have ventured to his wet cheeks. 

 “I stood idly by while the Queen whispered her way into my brother’s mind and forced him to decapitate our father with his own sword!” he is almost shrieking in distress. Just now I realise he has his strong, warm hands bound around my upper arms. I would feel nervous but his fire bands are safely stored away. 

“Maven that was all Elara. She warped your mind into something unrecognisable and forced you to forget your love for everyone and everything you ever cared about. You cannot blame yourself!”.

 Maven’s stare suddenly becomes so intense I feel as though I’m being pulled inside out, and yet somehow I don’t mind the feeling. His grip around my arms tightens slightly and he suddenly feels much closer than before. 

 “She couldn’t erase my love for everything” is all he says as his eyes suddenly become smoldering. I can feel them ferociously burning down all the barriers I have maintained for so long, even with Cal and my family. “My love for you was the only thing that remained untouched and pure. It was the only real thing I have felt in a very long time. She couldn’t take away my burning desire for you, no matter how hard she tried. And now that I am finally myself again, I feel that desire burning holes into my very soul in an attempt to get closer to you”. 

 I can’t remember the last time I took a breath, or the last time my heart beat this fast. It’s as though it’s a prisoner in my own chest, and it’s throwing itself against my ribs in an attempt to break through in order to be closer to Maven’s.  

“Maven” mere breaths are all I can manage once again as even my lungs to try to escape my body. His fingers begin to trail further up my arm, towards my neck as he traces the ’M’ permanently marked on my body.

 “I’m sorry about all of the torment I have caused you” I’ve never heard his voice so tender and sorrowful, or felt such gentle hands on my body. 

“Thankyou” is all I can manage to whisper from deceased lungs. His hands are on my face now, running from my temple to my chin, tracing intricate designs into my flesh. His hands then venture into my hair, taking handfuls into greedy but delicate fingers. His hands run through my hair as though it is the most precious and beautiful of silks. The whole time he stares into my frightened eyes, trying to convince me of something. I can’t help my uncertainty. I’m unsure if I’m dealing with the Prince I fell in love with, or the King who broke my heart and destroyed mine and Cal’s souls. 

 I still remember that day at the Palace, when I saw the Maven I thought I knew bleed away to reveal the empty shell underneath that harboured nothing but a monster. On that day I thought I had lost the Prince I loved forever, and yet here he sits now, caressing me in a way I was certain I had forgotten, looking at me in a way I hadn’t realised until now I missed. 

 Without knowing why, a smile stretches across my face, and pulls at my scars, but I don’t care. I’ve finally received the missing part of my soul, and I plan to utilise my new cherished gift. 

 Whatever Maven now sees in my face must please him because that lopsided smile that I have missed so dearly is finally in it’s rightful place on his incomprehensibly handsome features once again. His fingers move from my hair to my lips where they trace the outline of my huge grin. His eyes light up beyond anything I have ever seen. I can’t believe I had forgotten how beautiful his features were when not corrupted by bitterness. He leans in close, his breath tickling my face with warmth. He again takes my face in his capable hands, his soft thumbs tracing lines into my cheeks which have grown red from embarrassment. No one has ever held me this way, not Even Cal who until now, I thought was the love of my life. I recognise now the naivety of a young girl seeking comfort with another when her heart has been broken by her true love. He is so close that all I would have to do is tilt my head ever so slightly and our lips would touch. 

Suddenly my whole body feels as though it’s on fire. 

His grin becomes mischievous as he bypasses my lips and approaches my left ear. Although he has the facade of calmness I can feel his hammering heart against my chest. All I can feel is his hands, one still on my cheek, and the other travelling agonisingly slowly down my neck. His breath feels hot now, and I can hear him swallow. His lips graze my cheek as they open ever so slightly to say something. 

 I take a breath. 

 “I remember loving you more than anyone in this horrible, corrupt world has ever loved anyone or anything. And I will continue to love you, even if you no longer feel the same, until my last dying breath”. 

 That sentence is my undoing. My entire being unravels as I collapse into his arms which have now moved to my waist. In a fiery moment our lips crash together. Softly at first, however the intensity quickly increases as our hands trace intricate designs over our entire bodies. He comes up for air only to bury himself in my neck, where he draws trails up and down my throat. I run my fingers through his unbelievably soft curls, reveling in the feel of him against me, being buried in an inferno of heat that I don’t mind at all. He pulls away just far enough to look me in the eye. There is a smile there that I’ve never seen before. A smile reserved just for me. I lean into him and whisper ever so quietly, almost afraid to say the words: 

 “I am in with love you Maven Calore”. If it were even possible his grin brightens further, and he places his lips softly against mine again, relishing in the feeling of everything in the world finally falling into place. At Least that’s what it feels like for me anyway. Again his kiss deepens until I’ve lost all available breath. His arms tighten around me as he lowers me onto the bed and places himself above me. His lips meet mine again as we both laugh out of joy. I never thought I would hear that sound again and it fills me with such undiluted pleasure that tears began to fall from my eyes without my permission. 

 Maven freezes above me, his whole body tensing. Afraid of what I had done to elicit this reaction, I open my eyes slowly, so slowly I hope he won’t notice. His deep blue eyes which have immensely hardened, are staring down at me with such intensity that I quiver in fear and attempt to slip away from underneath him. The heat is suddenly too much for me as I realise it’s fueled by anger. As I attempt to wriggle away from his smoldering heat, his arms harden around me, caging me in with not only his strength, but his stare. His soft, yet callused hands cup my face with desperation, as his own tears stain his cheeks. Instantaneously I realise the rage behind his stormy eyes isn’t directed at me, but himself. I just now realise that the tears are still creating delicate lines down my face, and I only notice because Maven is trailing their progress with determined eyes, his fingertips brushing them away softly.  

Then he speaks.

“I’m so sorry” his whole body trembles as he quickly breaks down in my arms. 

“Oh god, I’m so sorry Mare, I’m so fucking stupid” he’s raking one of his quaking hands through his hair as he rolls off me and back onto the bed beside me. “Why did I ever think it would be okay, after everything I have done to you, to lay hands on your beautiful body or feel your warmth against me ever again? Why did I ever think for even a second that you would allow me into your wonderful, gorgeous mind ever again? The mere thought of my touch has brought tears to your eyes. I’m so fucking thick”. His whole body is shaking with his sobs. “I love you so much Mare” his voice crumbles consistently throughout that sentence. “I’m so…. God I’m so fucking sorry. Please… please forgive me Mare”. 

 When I realise the misunderstanding that has just occurred, I burst out laughing. I clap my hand over my mouth but I fail to stifle my grin. Maven stares at me like I’m an insane person as I climb on top of him and cradle his head with my hands. 

 “They were tears of happiness you dork!” I’m attempting and failing to be sensitive but that look of shock on his face is far too adorable to not laugh erratically. “I quite literally told you I’m in love with you not three minutes ago Maven… and I meant it” my voice grows softer along with my eyes. 

 The look of relief that washes over his entire body within seconds has me grinning like a complete idiot again. I’m surprised the smile he plasters on his face hasn’t split it in half, it’s so huge. 

Without another moment of hesitation his lips crash against mine as he pulls me to him on the bed. All pretense of softness and being gentle is replaced by a hunger, a desperation, that consumes us both from the inside out. His mouth ravishes mine, as though he wishes to eat me whole, and I’m consumed by his fire, my veins turning to a liquid inferno. 

 His hands venture down my body with a tormentingly slow pace, like he’s trying to commit every line and crevice of my body to memory. An impatience devours me and I push my body as close to his as I can get, which leaves him groaning into my mouth. 

 “You feel so good Mare, my god” he breathes against my lips. My hands begin to wander as they venture up Maven’s shirt, my fingers caressing his toned chest and stomach, until I grow restless and rip his shirt in half, wanting to see his beautifully imperfect skin. 

 “Fuck Mare” his groans have become intensely audible, which is only fueling my desire. His hands are now venturing up my shirt and into territory rarely explored before. His fingertips trace hesitant lines across my chest, and my breasts covered by a modest cream coloured bra. 

 Now it’s my turn to moan uncontrollably. 

 In a moment of blinding passion he tears my shirt and bra off at the same time and now we are connected, skin to skin. The heat from his chest is almost burning me, and I don’t mind at all. His mouth traces a ferocious line down my throat and onto my chest. Kissing areas of my body that have never been kissed before. 

He stops for a moment and looks at me, smiling devilishly through his long lashes. Then he continues his journey, creating beautiful designs down my stomach with his tongue, until my moans become almost loud enough for everyone down the hallway to hear us. I clap a hand over my mouth in an attempt to hide my pleasure and fail. I can hear him moaning my name against the skin of my stomach, causing my body to quake with longing. His fingers hook into the waistband of my jeans and begin to take them off, achingly slow, teasing me. Now in between his own groans and kisses he’s telling me how much he loves me and how he has missed me. I moan loudly out of frustration and craving and he laughs. 

He suddenly stops and looks up at me, grinning wickedly. He crawls back up my body, until his face is above mine again, mere centimeters away. He presses his cheek to mine. He takes a breath, taking me in. 

 “I’m so inlove with you Mare Barrow. And I want you to remember that every second of every day, forever. And I especially want you to remember that during every second of this moment we are about to share.Whenever you think of me, my hands on your body, my mouth on yours, our minds entwined, I want you to remember that every move I make, I make because I’m irrevocably in love with you. Remember my aching hunger for you and your breathtaking mind, remember my desperation to be close to you. Remember everything. I don’t want you to ever forget this feeling, because I certainly won’t, not for the rest of my days”. 

 Those words dissolve my already dwindling resolve, and I grab his face with intense yearning as our lips crash together once again and both sets of our pants meet the floor. Now there are truly no barriers between us. I become overwhelmed by all of the emotions I’m feeling at this present moment, my desires crashing over me like relentless waves. His hands cradle my face again, his grip hungry and yet gentle, his eyes never closing, and never leaving my face as his body moves against mine slowly. An uncontrollable moan escapes both of our mouths as we are consumed by a feeling neither of us has felt before, a feeling of unity, of becoming one. Tears of happiness stream from both of our eyes again as we smile lovingly against each others mouths, and our rhythm begins to sync and move together; our bodies fitting together like puzzle pieces. His body begins to move faster against mine, his fire again consuming me until there’s nothing left, but immeasurable love and longing. 

 All I am capable of thinking in this moment, is that after so long of feeling lost and broken, I finally feel whole again. 

I finally feel free.

[samaahmedesigns]

I interpreted the assignment, “Force”, by thinking about the opposite of force - softness - and the memories of force, what force leaves behind, for example imprints. The dictionary defines an imprint as “a mark made by pressing something onto a softer substance so that its outline is reproduced.” 

In this series, I re-contextualized that definition to think about, not only the outline, but the physical presence and essence of something - in this case, other people and their bodies - that is reproduced or left behind. 

One of the times that I become most aware of my, and others’ bodies, is when I am traveling and when I am in an unfamiliar place. That feeling of momentum, disruption, and even alienation, is a really rich area that I explore in my work, but the medium of photography is new for me. This medium offered me a new vantage point to think critically about these ideas, by being able to capture these ephemeral moments. 

I took all of these photographs during reading week, when I traveled to the Bay Area in California. Throughout my time in the US, just over a week, I was very aware of my physical body and the space that it occupies. I was thinking about this particularly in reference to the political context, and the aftermath of the travel ban, and this administration’s rhetoric of bodies that are labeled as foreign, unwanted, or hostile. As a contrast to that, I was able to find these examples of bodies, their softness, and their anonymity, in a very tranquil and depoliticized sort of way. 

The first photograph shows the imprint on the back and seat cushions of seats on a train. I took this when I was in California, riding the Cal Train from San Jose to San Francisco. These imprints made me think about how many people before me had sat on these seats, it made me think about where they were going and where they had been, and about the literal force of their bodies creating this semi-permanent distortion to the topography of the seat.

The second photograph shows thousands of footprints on the shoreline at the Presidio, which is a park adjacent to the Golden Gate Bridge, in San Francisco. While I was walking down the beach, I noticed many footprints, paw prints, and bicycle tracks marked in the sand. The beach looked like it was covered in mini craters, and the scene looks like it could be in outer-space if not for the bridge in the background grounding the view. 

In the sparseness of this photo, these imprints - particularly their scale and abundance - reminded me of how this space is used, how many people and animals pass by everyday, and the soft way in which their presence is captured in the landscape. I also thought about the fleetingness of these imprints, especially by the water, where the waves wash them away as the tide changes. These imprints make me rethink this empty beach as a crowded one. 

The third photograph, which I actually think is the most interesting photograph, was taken while I was flying back to Toronto. While the plane was on the ground the window looked clear, but when we had taken off and the altitude increased and the temperature decreased, I was able to see condensation, water droplets, and streaks that were left when someone was cleaning the exterior of the windows. What was quite beautiful about these streaks was their symmetry, and how they captured the intentionality of the movement of a cloth being rubbed on a window.

I thought that this particular imprint was quite interesting, and also profound in a way, because when you are flying, you don’t think about the person who cleaned the outside of the plane. You are thinking about the pilot, the flight attendants, the people sitting close to you, the journey from A to B, but what about the people who make sure that the plane is clean, tidy, and in working order? We don’t think about the people who make the journey comfortable, or the space “presentable”, for us as customers. This side was revealed to me, by sheer coincidence, and it made me think about what we take for granted in general, the hidden work in our day to day lives, and the effort that goes uncredited. 

What is also interesting about this is photograph is that the medium that was used to create the imprint - in this case, the streaks that were created by a wash cloth - was softer than the plexiglass on which the imprint was left. This is different from the other two imprints. 

These imprints all revealed something new about the space that they were located, and they evoked questions of memory, temporality, existence, and absence. There is something ghostly and haunting about these photos, but there is also something very intimate, very tender, that is shared here. Each of these photos make me feel less alone, more connected, and more implicated in the lives of others. This series also made me think more about the force that I exert, and the ways in which I leave marks, imprints, or traces of myself in the world.

© Samaa Ahmed

[idornaseminary]

Chapter One-Hundred Twenty-Three: Calix and Beatrice

“You’re so red!”

Ryker’s big grin beamed at Calix, the rapturous laughter of his younger brother muffled by the the mercurial two-way mirror that rested in Calix’s lap.

“Shut it,” Calix huffed, looking down at the fiery redness of his skin that glistened in the late evening sunshine and painfully contrasted the white printed shirt. His wand grazed the soft skin of his elbow, a cooling tendril of mist washing the rubor from the surface, the fair skin beneath tanned a rare gold. “You know I don’t take to the heat well.”

“Well?” Ryker scoffed, “You simply can’t handle the sun at all! You never could. I hope you enjoyed the trip more than your skin did.”

Calix smiled softly, looking over his shoulder towards the eclectic house, the inhabitants within saying their last goodbyes and dishing out their last hugs.

“Yeah, I had a great time, Ry,” Calix said, picking up the two-way mirror and showing his brother the cerulean-blue waters, lapping lazily at the rocks by his feet. “I mean, how could you not like this place?”

Ryker made some ridiculous passing comment on Calix’s Rudolph-like appearance when Calix lifted the mirror, the boy’s laughter drifting into nothingness as Calix thought back on his trip to Samoa, his attentive mind meandering.

Since his prickly conversation with Lanuola the day before, the witch had grown cagey in his presence. She still showed him kindness, especially when Beatrice was close by, but Calix knew she was trying to assess him, without making her interrogation more obvious than her blatant questioning had revealed. She, and Keise, wanted Beatrice to be happy and Calix, after a lot of thought, accepted that, even if he felt constantly pressed for information.

“Fucking hell, Cal,” Ryker gushed, but he quickly blanched as Cassandra’s sharp shriek of disapproval hissed from the other room. Ryker shouted out an apology, turning away from the mirror for a second.

“Has it been like that all the time?” he asked, as he turned back again.

“Pretty much. I’ve been surfing every day and relaxing every evening until the sun goes down,” Calix said, rotating the mirror, “It’s a magical place. That said, it’s no Ireland, but it’s a place you wouldn’t mind living in.”

“You’ve been surfing!”

Calix chuckled, nodding his head and pointing towards the canary-yellow surfboard embedded in the sand not far from the cluster of earthen-gold rocks where he sat.

He had not expected to enjoy the sport, Calix’s passions being academic and logical, and he was worried he would make a fool of himself. But, Mahana had insisted, practically threatened to drag Calix into the water, and Calix - initially scared of the colossal man - was glad he had. By the end of the few days, Calix was able to stand up on the board and enjoy the exhilarating, adrenaline-fuelled thrill of catching a good break.

Mahana had taught him well and Calix was going to truly miss the giant; he had gone above and beyond the call of a father’s duty to his daughter’s boyfriend. Perhaps he could see Lanuola’s pensiveness or Keise’s agitation, or maybe it was simply his nature, but he made Calix feel welcome.

“So, when are you coming home?”

“Jesus, Ryker,” Calix chuffed, answering the question for the millionth time, “Today! I’m literally just waiting on Beatrice and we’re going to apparate home.”

Twirling his thumbs, Ryker looked away from the mirror: “Sorry. I’m just excited to see you again.”

“I know,” Calix said, his heart plummeting to his feet as guilt dragged it downwards. “We’ll be there within the hour, okay?”

“Okay. Promise?”

“Cross my heart, buddy. And, Ryker?”

“Yeah?”

“When we arrive, please be cool.”

Beatrice sighed softly as she glanced around her bright yellow bedroom, double checking that she hadn’t left anything behind or brought anything extra that she didn’t need. Keise sat on her queen sized bed, her short tan legs hanging over the foot, swinging back and forth like twin pendulums. “So lemme just make sure I’m getting this right. Cedwyn’s gone for good, and you think Cal could be the one?” she asked bluntly, watching her sister babble senselessly to herself under her breath.

Letting out a soft sigh, Beatrice shrugged and pulled out her black fur cloak, draping it over her purse, having decided to leave her duffle at home with the onset of winter. “Well, I don’t know if he’s ‘The One,’ but I dunno, I do see a future with him,” she admitted, ducking into the shared bathroom between her and her sister’s rooms to grab the little clear plastic bag of toiletries.

“And you didn’t with Cedwyn?” Keise asked, braiding her thick mane of wild wavy hair back in a cattail plaid.

Beatrice huffed and set her hand on her torn skinny jean clad hip, tugging her black halter tank top down over her chunky leather belt. “Kiki, why do you hate Calix so much?”

“I don’t hate him.”

“But you don’t like him.”

“I don’t like the fact that he just wants to take you away,” she admitted flatly, casting her gaze down at her lap. A tense moment of silence passed between the two as the Welsh witch weighed the words carefully in her mind, a gentle smile curling onto her lips.

“Kiki, you know I’m always gonna come back, right?” she asked, sitting down beside her younger sister, wrapping a protective arm around her shoulders which she was proud to see her sister didn’t immediately shake off.

Keise smiled sadly and leaned in, resting her head on Beatrice’s suede clad shoulder, careful to keep her hair away from falling and getting caught on the zipper jacket. “I mean, I hope you do, but you spend so much time away from here, I’m worried I’m gonna lose you. Cedwyn at least was prepared to buy a summer home down the road so you could visit. Calix...I’m just worried that he’s going to keep you away like your dad did,” she said, stroking the worn daisy sheets on her sister’s bed.

Beatrice sighed and stood up, pulling Keise with her, enveloping her in a tight hug which was eagerly returned with a few tears shed between the two women as the reality of another goodbye set in. “I will always come home to you.” A soft knock on the door hanging ajar brought their attention back to the present as Lanuola sauntered into the room with a sad smile on her plump pink lips, her hair draw up into a tight bun as she adjusted her labcoat over a professional grey silk dress.

“It’s time to get going, Teuila. Don’t want to keep Calix waiting too much longer or he might start to fry under the sun,” she teased, though the joy refused to reach her despair filled irises, her hands clasped neatly in front of her.

Beatrice nodded and picked up her purse and her cloak, the soft warm fabric feeling heavy and unnecessary in the aggressive humidity. She leaned down and pressed a tender kiss to Keise’s forehead, waving goodbye as the younger witch sank back down onto the bed as her mother and sister walked out of the house once again. Swallowing tightly, Beatrice hung onto her mother’s arm, needing the extra strength with each step she took away from her childhood home, heading out to the beach where Calix sat in wait.

Lanuola sighed softly and patted her daughter’s hand, tenderly peeling it off her elbow as they reached the Irishman, holding it out to him. “If you ever get tired of working for my ex-husband and want to expand your knowledge about tropical magical maladies and more herbal ways of healing, there’s a spot waiting for you at my hospital,” she said with a kind smile, taking a small step back which caused her to sink into the sand.

Hearing voices, Calix placed the two-way mirror in his pocket and swung his legs off the rock formation, landing on the soft sand, his white over-shirt transfiguring into a soot-black, woolen coat, the small birds on the fabric taking live flight behind him as they peeled off.

He winked at Beatrice, the spectacle for her amusement, and took her delicate hand in his. He looked towards her mother, small tears pricking at the corners of her eyes. This was as hard for her as leaving Ryker was for him: “Lanuola, someday I might take you up on that offer. Who knows, my area is magical bugs - the tropics always have interesting critters. And thank you so much for everything you did over the last few days. I had a wonderful time.”

“Thank you for taking such good care of my daughter,” she said, smiling fondly as Beatrice tugged her cloak on over her jacket in preparation for the icy temperatures that surely awaited them. “I’ll see you soon, darling,” she added, watching as the younger woman took his hand in preparation to disapperate.

“Bye, mom!” Beatrice called seconds before a loud crack filled the place where she once stood, the only imprint of their presence left a barely discernable divot in the soft white sand.

I’ll always take care of your daughter. Don’t think anything less than that.

The air crackled viciously as Calix disappeared, with Beatrice pulled tightly to his chest, and apparated on Appletower Row. The thin layer of Samoan warmth that came with them vanished into the dense, cold-morning fog, the ever-changing orange sky casting a glorious glow over the quiet row of houses, the imperturbable facades staring down at him again.

Home once more.

He rubbed Beatrice’s arm quickly, building up heat, and pecked her whitening cheek: “You okay, love? I know it’s a bit chilly.”

She giggled and nodded, releasing her white knuckle grip on his shirt, inhaling the clean, crisp air fiercely trying to cut through her cloak to no avail. “I’m alright, darling,” she said looking down the cobblestone road at the grand homes that towered over them like great stone guardians watching over their inhabitants. “Which one is yours?” she asked her hot breath clouding in the frosty atmosphere.

“I’m the one all the way near the bottom, sweetheart,” Calix explained, pointing excitedly down the cobblestone road towards the evergreens that hugged his home and poked above the thick fog.

“Come on, my brother is dying to meet you!” Calix chuckled, a light spring in his step as he walked, taking Beatrice’s bag from her. “And don’t mind anyone who stares. The Irish like to stare. Especially at Galens.”

“Why’s that, my love?” she asked with a grin, following him down the road at a brisk pace, keeping the fur lined cloth taut against her jacket, protecting the delicate suede beneath from the light flurries that swirled about the air.

The two young men Calix had met when he first arrived home came towards them as they walked, their impertinent eyes following Beatrice and Calix as they rushed by. Calix smiled and nodded but continued walking. He was in no mood to speak empty pleasantries with them.

“Appletower is full of old-world pure-bloods,” Calix explained quietly, looking over his shoulder as the men stared unapologetically at their newest piece of gossip, “And, unfortunately, brother doesn’t sit well with their mindset.”

He rushed to the iron gate of his house, the glacial bite of the north wind harsh against his face, and shuffled towards the door.

Before he could knock, the red door swung open and Ryker appeared in the doorway, wearing a Christmas jumper and a huge grin: “Cal!”

He threw himself ferociously at his brother, wrapping his arms around him and unintentionally tugging Beatrice into the welcoming embrace too.

“Heya, buddy!” Calix shouted, wrapping his free arm around his brother and pulling him close.

Beatrice let out a small yelp as she was thrown hastily in between the two wizards like the filling in an ice cream sandwich, equally as sweet and cold in the brisk winter air. She chuckled and opened her arms, wrapping one around Calix’s waist and the other around his brother’s, fully embracing the delightful moment. “Nice to meet you, Ryker!” she said, grinning up at the easily excited boy she was unexpectedly pressed against.

Ryker jumped back into the house as Calix lifted him easily off the ground, the younger boy’s sock-covered feet wet and cold from the damp path. Ryker smiled brightly at Calix before looking at Beatrice properly for the first time.

His mouth fell open.

His eyes widened.  

“Woah… Holy fu...”

“Ryker,” Calix snapped, a cautionary warning not worth ignoring seeping into his chattering voice, “This is Beatrice. Be cool.”

At first glance, she would have easily mistaken Ryker for a younger version of Calix with the same dark wavy hair and bright grey eyes. He, however, unlike his older brother seemed more lanky and had a gauntness about him that made her wonder what specifically it was that put everybody on Appletower Row off.

He seems nice enough. Why is it people are wary of him and the rest of Calix’s family?

Swallowing tightly and pushing the questions back into the dark depths of her mind, Beatrice put on a bright, cheerful smile as they stepped out of the blustery winter wind and into the warm house, closing the door on the harsh world outside. “I mean, you don’t have to be cool, but ya know, just...cool?” she said, laughing nervously. “It’s wonderful to finally put a face to the name after all this time.”

“Yeah, it’s nice to meet you too,” Ryker agreed quietly, offering to take Beatrice’s coat. As he helped Beatrice slip the black fur from her shoulders, Ryker looked to his brother and mouthed: ‘She’s fucking hot!’

Calix shook his head and gave him a warning glance. He’s right though. “Is Cass home?” He asked, pulling off his own coat and hanging it in the hall.

“Yeah,” Ryker beamed, “Cass! They’re here!”

Beatrice chuckled and walked into the homey living room, admiring the exposed wooden beams in the walls and the ceiling as she approached the roaring fireplace, wanting to get a better look at the row of enchanted black and white photographs on the mantelpiece. It was a arranged quite like a timeline it seemed, a visual reminder of happier days long past though space still remained at the very end for the wonderful moments sure to come.

Minding the wrought iron gate sat at the edge of the slate hearth, Beatrice took a step closer, and admired an image of a handsome man she presumed was in his early forties standing beside a large Hebridean Black dragon whose tail was wrapped protectively around the man’s feet though he appeared perfectly at ease beside the beast.

Perhaps this is his father. I wonder if I’ll get to meet him.

“Cass! Come on!”

“Ryker, calm down, I’m coming,” Cassandra laughed, fixing her dark, wavy hair into a tight bun as she stepped from the kitchen into the sitting room. She sighed happily when she saw Calix, standing by the sparkling and starry Christmas tree, the faint light highlighting his golden-red skin.

“Welcome home, Cal,” she said, turning towards the young witch by the fire, a genuine smile of delight on her face. “And, my dear, you must be Beatrice, am I right? Cassandra’s my name.”

She opened up her arms and beckoned her guest, her brother’s girlfriend, towards her wide embrace, the importance of the day not lost on her.

Turning her back on the row of framed pictures and focusing her attention on the entirely stunning woman before her, Beatrice offered a polite smile and stepped forward into the welcoming hug. She shoved the slightly awkward feelings given life by a flock of nervous butterflies as Cassandra stood a good foot taller than herself in flats, forcing the Samoan Welsh witch to rest her head on her hostess’ chest as they embraced.

“You have a lovely home. I don’t know if I’ve ever felt this at ease anywhere before,” she said as they pulled apart, allowing her the chance to get a good look at the Greek goddess who stood before Beatrice claiming to be a relation to Calix. It wasn’t a stretch of the imagination to see the family resemblance, in fact is was as plain as if it were carved into stone. “And thank you so much for hosting me. It’s a true joy to be here and meet all of you,” Beatrice added, glancing at the staircase behind the woman in the hall. “If you don’t mind my asking, will your parents be joining us later for dinner or are they away?”

“Just mom, she should be down soon. But, please, don’t be so formal, sweetie, any friend of Calix’s is welcome here anytime,” Cassandra winked, glancing towards the couch where Ryker had driven Calix backwards, the boys locked in a laughter-wracked wrestle, “And, between you and me, if you ever need help getting your way with him or sorting him out, just give me a shout. He can be a handful, but we’ll break that.”

Beatrice raised an eyebrow, her ruby red lips curling into a curious smirk as she followed the woman’s gaze over towards the two brothers play-fighting on the couch. She opened her mouth, ready to say, ‘I don’t think I really need help in that department, but I appreciate the offer,’ before she thought better of it. “Thanks, Cass. So, Cal’s told me that you work with dragons. What’s that gotta be like?” she asked, peeling off her suede jacket as she went to sit down on the green corduroy loveseat beneath the large bay window overlooking the backyard.

“It can be challenging from time to time. Never work with children and dragons, you know,” Cassandra said, pleasantly surprised and impressed with the young witch. On first impression, Cassandra thought her a pretty little soul. Her brother had picked well. “But, I love it. There’s something exhilarating about working with dragons, something so naturally primitive and feral. Though, they’re easier to work with than those two.”

Shaking her head, she barked at Ryker, his arm locked around Calix’s neck, and scolded Calix for encouraging his younger brother, the tumbling boys hurtling towards the floor.

“Sorry, would you look at them. Like toddlers.”

Beatrice couldn’t help but laugh at the siblings’ wild antics, suddenly struck by the thought that she wished her own family was a little more like that. She let out a happy sigh and crossed her legs, draping one smoothly over the other as she made herself at home on the couch. This was what a home was supposed to feel like. “I don’t mind. It’s fun to watch, and then they tire each other out,” she added with a sly wink at Calix.

“Tire each other out?” Calix winked playfully, ignoring Cassandra’s disapproval and ruffling his brother’s hair wildly, “Nah, I think we’ve got pretty good stamina, huh, Ry?”

The boys hollered with laughter, slowly trying to stand on their shaky feet as a weak voice called from the doorway.

“Cal? Is that you?”

Calix looked towards the door, the whisper sending heavy shudders down his spine, his ageing mother sliding into the room, black rings of worry beneath her eyes and a worrisome shake to her shoulders.

“Oh, my Calix, you’re home.”

Uncrossing her legs and sitting up straight, Beatrice swallowed tightly, very aware of her all too casual attire for meeting his parents for the first time. I mean, he did meet your mother in a pair of khaki shorts and a Tommy Bahama button up. She delicately placed her hands in her lap, the finer points of etiquette her paternal grandmother Eira drilled into her brain from the time she was able to sit still resurfacing at an alarming rate. Though the rapid pace her heart thundered away at could also have had something to do with the frail woman standing in the doorway of the living room dressed in a simple black cotton gown, reminding Beatrice all too much of a grim reaper.

“Hi, mom,” Calix said softly, taking her skeleton-gaunt hands in his and delicately kissing her papery cheek, the colour long replaced by perpetual pallor. “I want you…”

“Cal, who’s the woman in my house?”

Calix squeezed his mother’s hands gently, his contact setting her restless and panicky eyes, wandering around the room: “Mom, that’s Beatrice. Remember, I told you about her before I left? She’s my girlfriend. She’s going to be spending Christmas with us.”

“Bea... yes, yes, I remember,” Lorelei Galen whispered, a painful lilt to her feeble voice as she reached for Cassandra’s hand, “I remember, I remember. But, I think I’ll go lie down, Cal. I don’t think I look my best for introductions. Your sister and I missed you so much.”

A sickening knot formed in Calix’s stomach as Ryker’s presence was ignored once again. He watched as his mother, guided by Cassandra, shuffled out of the room, repeatedly asking her daughter who the strange young woman in her house was.