#i lost three of my best friends on several bad faith accusations!

[lokebrenna]

i don’t know!! i don’t know where to put this sadness! i don’t know where to put this anger! i can’t talk to anyone involved! i can’t ask for answers! i can’t!

[know-the-way]

I know it’s really stupid of me but I was kind of hoping for a redemption arc for Faustus. 😅😢

It’s not stupid, not at all! It’s natural to want to see the best in people, particularly when you believe they can be better than what they are now, so it’s completely understandable.

And, ya know, if the show gets picked up - he may have one yet still, we don’t know!

To me, this season really highlighted what the purpose of Faustus’ character is supposed to be, imo. Thinking of episode 4, we’re shown three different levels of corruption through three different characters.

The first is Harvey. Pure, sweet, golden boy Harvey is revealed to have some deep-seeded hatred of witches. Does he have any reason to hate witches? Well, let’s check - he lost a brother, got manipulated, controlled, and lied to by his first love, and has been in an endless cycle of extreme danger for the past year of his life. I think it’s fair to say we all understand that prejudice is not okay, but is it equally understandable why Harvey has some hang-ups about magic and witches? I personally think it is. (Not to the point of joining a literal witch hunt or angrily accusing your distressed best friend of killing your dad at her 17th birthday party 🙃, but understandable nonetheless.)

I personally think the intention with Harvey’s character being a cadet in Blackwood’s army was to demonstrate how, even when we believe someone to be morally good and just, they can become someone else when they endure pain and that pain is never properly addressed.

Did Sabrina apologize to Harvey for everything that happened between them? Yes. But did she repeat the same troublesome behaviors in different ways after that? Also yes. She didn’t demonstrate change in her actions, and a loootttt more happened with Harvey and the witch world in a negative way beyond his relationship with Sabrina, so the mistrust he feels isn’t entirely unjustified.

Then - “oh wow, oh my God, my second love has also hid being a witch from me, can I catch a fucking break here? Why should I ever trust another witch in my life?”

Answer: because they are humans, none being wholly good or bad, and they love you.

Roz talks to Harvey, tells him she believes he’s good, and demonstrably proves her own “goodness” by sacrificing herself to save others at Dr. C’s. Roz shows Harvey that she means what she says and her feelings for him are real - that she is a scared, broken human like him, just trying to do her best with what life has given her. Hence, when the moment of truth comes - Harvey remembers his humanity and proves his own “goodness” by saving her. But if Roz had never spoken to him, never acknowledged what he’d been through and that his feelings were valid... if no one had ever truly cared about his pain? It seems apparent that Harvey would have continued down a very dark path.

Which brings us to...

Mary. Mary has been literally murdered, had her identity hijacked by a demoness, her fiancé is dead, she doesn’t remember several months of her life, and her previous favorite student is a witch who has seemingly performed magic more than once on her.

Mary has every right to fear witches at this point. She has had zero trustworthy interactions with the witch world and from her perspective - her entire life has been stolen and no one cares. No one checks in on Mary, no one validates her pain, and as a result - no one in the witch world seems to have any compassion, humanity, or kindness in them. Enter the Pilgrims of the Night, who recognize her pain and fear without even knowing her, acknowledge it, and offer her solace in their congregation on the basis that her experience with witches is shared by the Reverend Lovecraft and his flock.

They prove themselves to her when the advice the Reverend/Faustus gives her (“let the dark in”) saves her life. My God, someone finally seems to care if she lives or dies!

People who care about others are good, so the church and the reverend’s mission must be good, too. Therefore, she is absolutely invested in whatever is asked of her and will blindly follow their lead in order to protect others from experiencing what she has. To me, Mary in the perverted universe represented the crossroads of corruption - where you truly believe what you’re doing is the right thing, even if it hurts others because those “others” have hurt you... and they will surely hurt again if you don’t stop them.

However, I think if Mary was finally told the truth - the full truth - and Lilith herself apologized for being the first piece in the puzzle... along with all the other witches... AND they showed that they actually cared about her well-being... Mary could find her way back through forgiveness. Or, at the very least, she could understand and process everything so that she could find a way to heal that doesn’t involve persecuting others.

And now, there’s Faustus. We aren’t entirely clear on Faustus’ history altogether, but we do know he’s had many experiences of being slighted by the churches of darkness (despite following the rules to a T).

He was rebuked by Edward for wanting to marry Zelda after mentoring him for who knows how many years, lost the office of high priest to him, and when he finally gets the title - here comes Edward’s self-righteous brat to fuck him over again. There he is trying to carry out the Dark Lord’s request to get Sabrina to sign her name in the Book of the Beast, even though she insults their doctrines and faith at every turn, and the coven and academy he’s had working like a well-oiled machine for the past 16 years is being slowly ripped apart. Why is the Dark Lord allowing this? Why is he having to endure a meddlesome child’s antics? Why is he not being rewarded for doing exactly as he’s been asked and returning the Church of Night to stability after Edward nearly destroyed it altogether? Like hello Dark Lord, can you throw me a fucking bone here?

Small victories - he finally secures Zelda’s hand in marriage and an audience with the anti-pope. This is what his life should’ve looked like two centuries ago, but no matter. He’s correcting it all now and by Satan, nothing is going to stop him this time.

But then...

Oh cool, Sabrina is here to intervene again and has presented the text of his old rival for consideration along with his (clearly superior) manifesto. What’s that, you say? Oh, she’s also gonna crash my wedding, accuse me of murder, and spread claims about my manifesto without having even read it? Wow, ahaha, sounds hilarious... except why am I not laughing?

He arrives in Rome and gets an inkling that the Dark Lord may finally be taking action about this heretical little monster because he’s offered the title of anti-pope by the unholy high council themselves. Finally, some appreciation! He just needs to hang on a little longer, eliminate these small meddlesome threats, and soon he will reside over a peaceful kingdom far removed from anymore mortal nonsense.

Oh, for fuck’s sake, what do you mean Sabrina convinces the council he’s unfit to be anti-pope? This is bullshit, man! You know what? Fuck this place, I’m gonna make my own damn church and ensure no other headstrong witches like Sabrina Buzzkill Spellman can ruin it. That’ll finally return things to ord- MY WIFE KEPT MY OWN CHILD A SECRET FROM ME?! WHAT THE FUCK?! Alright, that’s it, The Spellmans are clearly here to poison others (ironic foreshadowing) - time to wash my hands of them completely, I am so over thi- what’s that? The Dark Lord’s here? GOOD. About time this asshole showed up to set people straight and remind them that the values of his unholy church, which Faustus has exemplified perfectly, must be respected.

You mean for me to bow down to whom now? The halfbreed brat who has been directly and willfully wreaking havoc on the congregation he’s patiently and painstakingly lead back to greatness? Are you fucking serious, m8? No. Absolutely not. No. I’m getting out of here, and since I won’t have the little twat poison anyone else, I will literally poison them instead. Be free, sheep!

It’s up until this point that I believe Faustus was still mostly at the crossroads stage, same as Mary. He believed everything he was doing was the right thing, based on the teachings from the religion he devoted his entire life to, and that he’d be rewarded for serving the Dark Lord so faithfully - until the Dark Lord proved several times in succession that his religion was all a lie. That three+ centuries worth of groveling and abiding and waiting has meant absolutely nothing.

So now we have the Eldritch terrors. Beings more powerful than the oldest gods. He spends 15 years isolated in a time bubble purifying himself, devoting everything to them, and won’t it be so glorious when they welcome him into his ranks? He’s set them free now, after all, they owe it to him.

But doing the same action over and over and expecting a different result is what? The definition of insanity, friends. Of course the Eldritch terrors reject him, too... of course Sabrina gains their attention and veneration instead... of course he should have tried to seize their power for himself a long time ago... so, fuck it all, he’ll do that now. There is no right and wrong, there is no observed justice - if there was, he would have been rightfully recognized for all the time, effort, and pain he’s endured only to receive nothing in return.* No one ever acknowledged his pain... no one ever even considered it. Over time, that takes its toll.

(*Clearly, I mean this to be from Faustus’ perspective and not my own.)

Of course, he has inflicted more than his fair share of pain himself and I am of the personal belief he needed to pay for that, but... equally imagine being hurt over and over and watching those who did it walk away, not only without reprimand, but with the belief that they were right and just to do it? Could it slowly drain on one’s soul to watch the rules apply to some and not others? Debatable, I suppose, but I personally think yes.

So... I say all of this only to point out that there is still potential to acknowledge his pain. And thus, there is imo still potential to understand, communicate properly (I am very interested in any conversations he and Sabrina may have had during their training - I know he said she took a vow of silence, but clearly some talking occurred for Sabrina to learn so much about the void from him), grow, and finally - for him to be given the chance to repair everything he had a hand in breaking. It wouldn’t be an easy or painless task to get to that point, and no one would be faulted for not trusting him to do so, but I think there is potential for it. If they get picked up and they want to finally allow the characters some time to reflect and process shit, they could include Faustus in that.

[ask-iamnotanalicorn]

Previous: The Nightmare Moon Timeline

The Tirek’s Reign Timeline

After Nightmare Moon’s return and battle for the throne, Princess Celestia and her protégée, Princess Cadence, subdued the maddened alicorn and managed to imprison her. Celestia had no time to celebrate not having to re-banish her sister for another thousand years; she went into a deep study, searching for the missing key that would activate the Elements of Harmony and free Luna of the poison darkening her mind and feeding on her ancient wrath. Princess Cadence and her husband Shining Armor took over running the throne of Equestria, giving the sisters time to find a solution and reconciliation. She is a wise and fair leader, despite her youth, and the uneasy country began to settle.

But with Celestia so distracted and Cadence not yet trained in monitoring the ancient dungeon of Tartarus, Tirek made his escape unnoticed. He was more cautious now than in his last quest to steal Equestria’s magic: the theft of a few ponies’ magic here, the emptying of a lonely hamlet there. Rumors of a magical plague and a strange monkey-horse creature who ate magic were all Cadence and Shining Armor had to go on, and they and the Royal Service were baffled by this creature or affliction that struck and then vanished again and again. Panic began to spread through Canterlot as more and more ponies on the outskirts of the city reported their magic stolen.

By the time word of a magical plague and centaur sightings reached Celestia, the only pony present who would recognize the significance, it was too late. Tirek had gained enough magic to come into the open and make his attack. First Cadence and her husband and guards fell, unprepared for what they faced. With Cadence’s alicorn magic combined with the many ponies’ he had stolen, Tirek defeated Celestia in spite of her best efforts. And lastly, ignoring her spitting invectives, he drained Nightmare Moon, as well.

With such potent magic flowing through him, Tirek’s lust for more power grew worse than ever before. He set out to steal the magic of every pony and magical creature in Equestria - and there were none who could hope to stop him. 

----

In the town of Featherhorn, there lived a young stallion with his parents, brother, and sister. He was a perfectly normal pony... or he would have been, were it not for the wings and horn he was born with. He got on alright - he had a few good friends and a supportive family, a love for his work and a faith that sustained him – but there were a number in the town who disapproved of him. He was the butt of many jokes and accusations, and often distrust. And the cultists who carried on in town caused trouble and made things worse for him, since he got the blame. He found it more and more tempting to stay out on the road, plying his trade and absorbing the confusion of strangers better than he could take the dislike of his own neighbors.

One day while the stallion was home, the town received word that a monster was coming. The monster had stolen the magic of the princesses, and now he was a giant, rampaging across the land and stealing the magic of every pony he found. He would soon be upon their town, and there was little time to flee - for who could run faster than this massive monster? Were they all doomed to lose their magic, and worse, their marks?

There was a small chance: a system of caves where they could hide, deep enough that the monster might not find them. But there was not enough time to get all the townsponies out, especially the sick and old; they could already hear the creature’s thundering hoofsteps on the horizon. If only they could distract it somehow, or slow it down... but who could hope to even do that much with a monster so powerful?

Nopony expected the young stallion, the alicorn imposter, to speak up:

“What if he believed there was another alicorn?”

The plan was dangerous. He would need help; handicapped in both flight and unicorn magic, he wouldn’t be able to fool the monster for long on his own. Few were willing - and of those who were, only a small number had the abilities that were needed. In the end, it was the stallion’s own brother and mother who helped him craft the final bits of his plan.

When the monster came upon the pony town, ready to further engorge himself with pony magic, the brown stallion appeared in the sky. He flew with confidence, bolstered by the carefully-directed winds of his expert flyer mother. His horn blazed with gold and silver light, bright as a star, aided by his magically gifted brother. And the monster believed the facade, and hungered only for more alicorn magic.

The chase lasted an hour, carefully-aimed magically bolts reflected through Sales’ horn by Pitch Black, skillful dodges aided by Pitch Forward. They had no hope of continuing the charade indefinitely, but that hour was enough; the townsponies were able to escape, hiding deep where the power-mad centaur wouldn’t find them. When at last the centaur swatted Salespitch from the sky and drained the magic from his injured body, the monster was enraged to taste such a miniscule amount. Black and Forward attempted a rescue, and were drained as well, their weakened bodies falling beside the unconscious Salespitch. 

When the monster turned back to his initial target and found the town empty of all ponies - what’s more, he could not detect pony magic anywhere nearby - his wrath burned the town to cinders. But when he returned to find the ponies who had tricked him, in order to punish them further, their bodies had vanished. 

Eventually, the monster left, continuing his rampage across the landscape. In a hollow of a tree, Pitch Black waited with the unconscious body of his mother and the severely injured body of his brother, the three of them blessedly undetectable now that they lacked their magic. But Black did not need his cutie mark to remember his driving purpose: to be there at the zero hour, when those he cared for needed him most.

The townsponies found them eventually; the father and daughter were overjoyed to find them alive. But Sales would not waken, though the best healers in the town mended his wounds. Badly injured and drained of magic, he slipped into a coma. Only alicorn-level healing magic might stand a chance of healing him, but that was lost to the monster.

But the town had been humbled. The one many of them had scorned the most – the pony who so hated being mistaken for something he was not – had taken up the very trait that caused him such trouble in order to give everything for the sake of those who despised him. The townsponies of Featherhorn vowed to protect him until he could be healed, and to keep away the members of his cult should they reappear to take advantage of his comatose state. And should he waken, they would treat him with the respect a hero deserved.

The monster still rampages. None in this group of refugees can hope to defeat him. But they have a refuge where they can stay safe until the nightmare has passed - and but for three of them, every pony and zebra has their magic. Perhaps one day, their fallen few will regain their magic, and the princesses will rise again. 

But for now, they wait. And they guard their fallen hero.

-----

Fun Facts About The Tirek Timeline/Art:

- Yup, you guys just got a pretty close parallel to the mysterious Tirek Incident. It obviously didn’t go down quite like this in the comic timeline, but some of the important bits are in there. We’ll eventually find out what happened. I so wanted to avoid too many spoilers, but the story wouldn’t make sense without SOME of them, so... merry early Christmas, I guess XD

- And yes, I did consider letting Sales die in this timeline. But I just can’t kill off my boy. I also snuck in the meaning behind Black’s cutie mark, I’m curious to know what ya’ll think :D

- When Tirek sucked the magic out of Nightmare Moon, he unwittingly drained out the corrupting magic that was so heavily influencing Luna and fueling her rage and paranoia. Additionally, Luna got to see her sister lose her magic while fighting to protect her from Tirek. They reconcile over this event and join with Cadence to search for the missing Elements of Harmony.

- The Crystal Empire will come around because it has to, but Sombra bides his time a bit more when he realizes there’s a GIANT MAGIC-SUCKING CENTAUR hoarding the collective magic of the entire nation of Equestria, and it has bomb-blaster beams that can level towns.

- Meanwhile, a certain race of bug-ponies are infiltrating the Crystal Empire, seeking safety from the magic-eating centaur who is just TRASHING the place for fun now that he’s got so much power to chuck around. Plus there are rumors that this kingdom was once RUN on love, and Chrysalis really wants to figure that out. There’s a whole ‘nother story in there, I’m certain, and it probably involves a few specific changelings making friends with a few crystal ponies and learning about giving love. Maybe this time, without several humiliating defeats via pony love shockwaves and weaponized rainbows to harden her pride, Chrysalis might actually be willing to give it a try herself.

- This is a timeline where the princesses DO find ponies who can wield the Elements of Harmony. Ironically, Twilight was drained of magic along with the rest of Canterlot, but her studies in magic theory and history lead her to studying ancient texts about the Elements, and one thing leads to another until the princesses meet her. Also, Twilight is a bit better at making friends in this universe since she wasn’t constantly distracted with trying to please Celestia (not that I blame Celestia for the canon events, I mean look what could have been avoided in THIS timeline!). They don’t have the special Super Power-Up box and keys, but I like to think the initial power burst of the reactivated Elements does the job on Tirek as well as it was meant to on Nightmare Moon.

- No, Luna does not get the bad magic back when her magic is restored along with everyone else’s. The Elements don’t play that game, that stuff is burned. She and Celestia go back to ruling Equestria together once this is all over while Cadance works on connecting with the newly liberated Crystal Empire and their changeling allies.

- Honestly, I didn’t expect it, but this is one of my favorite of the art pieces in regards to composition and color. I just really like how the color turned out, and the magic glows. I was rather happy to find I could duplicate the effect of Tirek’s magic illustration from the show without too much trouble. :D I also borrowed a lot of tones directly from a screenshot of the show scene. It’s really nice when art things come together!

Next Week: Discorded

[nannyfeline]

Star Trek: Deep Space Nine Essential (to me) Episodes (+Garak)

I’m starting a rewatch of Deep Space Nine, but I’ve already seen it all the way through three times, so this time I’m focusing on just the “essential” episodes (plus the Garak-heavy ones).

This is a consolidated list of the episodes I’m watching so I don’t have to keep cross-referencing six other lists whenever I go to choose the next episode to watch. I’m putting this here for me to use, feel free to use it as a guide if you like or ignore it completely. 

Season 1

Episodes 1 and 2 – Emissary: The first episode.

Episode 3 – Past Prologue: Bajoran terrorists are a thing. Garak is introduced. He makes a pass at Bashir.

Episode 13 – Battle Lines: Space pope goes to space.

Episode 19 – Duet: Cardassians and Bajorans (but not Garak).

Episode 20 – In the Hands of Prophets: Nurse Ratched is Vedek Winn and she bad.

Season 2

Episodes 1, 2, and 3: The show becomes reasonably good. There’s an attempted coup on Bajor, and the station is “abandoned.” 

Episode 5 – Cardassians: Sets up some Cardassian background and has lots of Garak. Also Bashir.

Episode 7 – Rules of Acquisition: I mean, I guess. The Dominion gets mentioned, so sure, whatever.

Episode 14 – Whispers: O’Brien thinks everyone has been replaced by pod people.

Episode 18 – Profit and Loss: Quark, Cardassians, and Garak.

Episodes 20 and 21 – The Maquis: Yeah, sure. It sets them up. They’re important in other series.

Episode 22 – The Wire: GARAK! AND BASHIR!

Episode 26 – The Jem’Hadar: They’re important.

Season 3

Episodes 1 and 2 – The Search: Dominion stuff. Eddington is introduced.

Episode 3 – The House of Quark: Quark and a Klingon get married.

Episode 5 – Second Skin: Cardassians gaslight Kira.

Episode 7 – Civil Defense: Those old Cardassian safety measures on Terok Nor sure are tricky.

Episode 9 – Defiant: Riker and the Maquis. Or is it???

Episodes 11 and 12 – Past Tense: Sisko, Dax, and Bashir are transported back in time to approximately right now (2024, actually), and things are basically fucked but honestly not that different than real life in 2020. (In 1995, it seemed like we would never get to this point. 25 years later, and boy were we wrong. This one is important for understanding some memes, but it honestly may be depressing and triggering here in the summer of 2020.)

Episode 15 – Destiny: Sisko being the Emissary and also talking to Cardassians.

Episode 16 – Prophet Motive: This may be my imagination, but it looks like there could be foreshadowing for “Doctor Bashir, I Presume.” I don’t know, I haven’t rewatched it, yet. I honestly doubt they were thinking that far ahead. I’ll update after I’ve seen it.

Episode 18 – Distant Voices: Bashir is under telepathic attack. Reddit says it’s a good Garak ep.

Episodes 20 and 21 – Improbable Cause and The Die is Cast: Snap, Garak is doing some shady shit. It’s a tough watch if you want to keep Garak in the good guy column. Cardassians attack the Dominion.

Episode 22 – Explorers: Could be more “Doctor Bashir, I Presume” foreshadowing, but probably not. I’ll see.

Episode 26 – The Adversary: Founder infiltrates the Defiant.

Season 4

Episodes 1 and 2 – The Way of the Warrior: Klingons go to war and Worf joins the cast.

Episode 4 – Hippocratic Oath: Bashir’s such a grown up now! Love it! Making big boy choices wrt the Jem’Hadar.

Episode 5 – Indiscretion: Okay, sure, I mean, if you’ve never seen the show, I guess this one is important. It introduces Ziyal. She’s a terrible character, but whatever.

Episode 7 – Starship Down: Fighting the Dominion.

Episode 8 – Little Green Men: THIS IS THE BEST EPISODE! Quark, Rom, and Nog are transported back to 1947 Roswell, New Mexico, and this is the episode that makes me also sort of ship Quark/Odo.

Episode 10 – Our Man Bashir: Bashir and Garak are playing a 1960s James Bond holonovel and have to save the crew when a transporter accident causes their patterns to become integrated with the program. It’s dumb and fun.

Episodes 11 and 12 – Homefront and Paradise Lost: Starfleet violating civil rights a bit to root out Changelings.

Episode 14 – Return to Grace: Cardassians gonna Cardass, I guess.

Episode 22 – For the Cause: Garak and Ziyal become friends.

Episode 23 – To the Death: Sisko and the Dominion work together for a common goal. And we get WEYOUN!

Episode 25 – Body Parts: Quark thinks he’s going to die, so he starts selling off his body parts. Reddit says it’s a good Garak ep, though.

Episode 26 – Broken Link: Odo needs the Founders, uh-oh.

Season 5

Episode 1 – Apocalypse Rising: Whoops, there’s a Klingon Changeling, now.

Episode 6 – Trials and Tribble-ations: Set during TOS “The Trouble with Tribbles.”

Episode 8 – Things Past: Several of the kids, including Garak, are astral projecting to the Cardassian occupation.

Episode 9 – The Ascent: I don’t know, Odo and Quark are hanging out, I guess?

Episode 13 – For the Uniform: Eddington is back.

Episodes 14 and 15 – In Purgatory’s Shadow and By Inferno’s Light: The Dominion’s a’comin’.

Episode 16 – Doctor Bashir, I Presume: Julian’s secret’s out. (My favorite Bashir/O’Brien interaction is in this episode.)

Episode 24 – Empok Nor: O’Brien, Nog, and Garak are scavenging on Empok Nor, sister station of Terok Nor. Spoopy.

Episode 25 – In the Cards: A dumb Jake/Nog fetch quest episode, but Kai Winn meets Weyoun, so… 🤷‍♂️

Episode 26 – Call to Arms: Okay, there’s definitely a war on now.

Season 6

Episode 1 – A Time to Stand: They a’fightin’.

Episode 2 – Rocks and Shoals: Hey, look, the kids are stranded with some Jem’Hadar.

Episode 4 – Behind the Lines: Occupied DS9.

Episodes 5 and 6: Favor the Bold and Sacrifice of Angels: Retaking DS9.

Episode 11 – Waltz: Now Sisko and Dukat are stranded.

Episode 18 – Inquisition: Bashir is accused of being a spy, because why not. Section 31 is introduced.

Episode 19 – In the Pale Moonlight: Lol Sisko is a fascist. Garak helps.

Episode 26 – Tears of the Prophets: The Federation goes on offense.

Season 7

Episode 1 – Image in the Sand: Things just keep going, you know?

Episode 2 – Shadows and Symbols: I’m going to give this one a miss, personally, but it introduces Ezri.

Episode 3 – Afterimage: Poor Garak.

Episode 6 – Treachery, Faith, and the Great River: Weyouns Weyouning.

Episode 8 – The Siege of AR-558: Fightin’.

Episode 9 – Covenant: Dukat is bonkers.

Episode 16 – Inter Arma Enim Silent Leges: Bashir and Section 31.

Episodes 17 through 19: Probably should watch these. Beginning of the end.

Episodes 20 through 24: Getting there.

Episodes 25 and 26 – What You Leave Behind: The finale.

[hellsbovnd-archive]

dossier.

individual lf rp posts will be made for each character. this is simply an alternate dossier created for ease of access. i guess you can reblog this if you want, but more useful info is on the individual lf rp posts. last updated: 09/14/2019

check out my plot wishlist too!

Leonnaux Altoix  — The Hidden Ace

status: active (main); open for rp, in-game preferred server: balmung (crystal dc) connections: alizarine  «INK» (@alizarinefc), ebonguard - no legacy (@ebonguardls)

For all practical purposes a ghost, this Elezen only appears on public records as far back as three summers ago. It’s likely, then, that he’s chosen to live under an assumed name. He tends to use his appearance to his advantage, passing himself off as a Wildwood whenever it suits his interests—which, given the discrimination that Duskwights face, is more often than not.

He first stepped into the public’s eye as a small-time journalist—and, unbeknownst to all but those closest to him, the proprietor of The Cloak & Dagger (under the alias “Crow”). He is passionate about magicks and has a demonstrated talent for alchemy beyond what one may expect of a man who’s only twenty and one summers old. Shortly after founding The Cloak & Dagger, he retired from journalism to pursue academia full-time.

looking for: business contacts (academic/criminal), a mentor (tradecraft, magic), fellow shroud-born Duskwights links: full bio | tag | lf rp

Percival Rigel  — The Chief Mourner

status: semi-active; open for rp, tumblr preferred server: balmung (crystal dc)

Born to Ala Mhigans fleeing to Thanalan during the Mad King’s reign, Percival’s parents did everything in their power to ensure that her lifetime was one of opportunity rather than one of endless strife. Although her parents died in her teenage years at the hands of Amalj’aa bandits, their work for a trading company taught Percival all she needed to know about running a business—and brought her closer to the woman she would eventually marry, Ilyia Rigel.

However, their happiness was not to last; Iliya died during the Calamity. She was left in full their trading company, and while it is certainly in capable hands, Percival no longer finds any joy in running it and outsources this responsibility wherever possible. Now, at thirty and two summers, Percival finds herself called to horizons beyond the walls of Ul'dah.

looking for: business contacts (mercantile), rogues, fellow ala mhigans? links: full bio | tag | lf rp

Wren Leyland  — The Roundtable Rival

status: semi-active; open for rp, no preference server: balmung (crystal dc)

Where many would benefit from being tight-lipped about their pasts, Wren allows herself to be an open book—that is, if you don’t mind the fact that the story will change just about every time you ask. As a travelling bard, music follows Wren wherever she goes. All that’s really certain about her is that she’s not from around here, and that she’s rarely seen without her violin.

Bursting full of energy, Wren might strike others as a little strange. Those that do, however, would be well-advised to keep their opinions to herself; she has been barred entry from several taverns for inciting one too many brawls, and she has a mean streak when drunk. That said, keeping quiet might not do much good, since it’s just as likely that she’ll pick a fight for the thrill of it.

looking for: rivals, travelling companions, music enthusiasts links: full bio | tag | lf rp

Rosemund Blackthorne — The Final Heir

status: active; open for rp, no preference server: balmung (crystal dc)

Rosemund Blackthorne, born Rosemund de Valieroix, is an Ishgardian Elezen of 34 summers. The head of a house regarded as low nobility, Rosemund quickly plunged his house into debt. Rumors circulated about the family after Rosemund's father was tried for heresy by being thrown from Witchdrop, and in an effort to maintain the House Valieroix's outward social status, he tried to appeal to his peers with lavish gifts, which of course they accepted without giving him what he sought in return.

While the House's good name was cleared along with his father's post-mortem, Rosemund's faith in the church never recovered. Resolving that he could not stand by and watch a broken system prosper, Rosemund took up the sword of the Dark Knight in secret. Since then, he's wielded it to defend those who have no means to defend themselves—namely once-accused heretics and those of low social status, who despite Ishgard's various reforms, still face no shortage of discrimination from above.

looking for: fellow ishgardians, temple knights, noblemen, dark knights, heretics, fine wine and good spirits links: full bio | tag | lf rp

Janos jen Renata — The Imperial Nuisance

status: active; open for rp, in-game preferred server: balmung (crystal dc) 

The third of four sons, Janos has high expectations pushed onto him from a young age. His family name often preceding him (his two older brothers being officers in the military and his father being a high-ranking engineer), it might take a moment to realize that Janos himself is the family's black sheep. Having failed to even get into the Magitek Academy despite having a passion for working with machines and magitek, Janos instead became an Architectus in the military in order to serve his country and make his family proud.

Unfortunately, bad luck and poor judgement led to trouble following in his wake. Where his siblings are marked as loyal and accomplished, Janos himself is marked as negligent at best, and in six years of service, he failed to earn a single promotion or any recognition for his work whatsoever. He was continually reassigned, never working for too long on any one project and occasionally being moved to different posts altogether, and eventually was relegated to simple maintenance work. Now, as a result of circumstances unknown even to him, he's found himself in Eorzea: lost, homeless, and scared—but thankfully not alone.

looking for: fellow Garleans (loyalty optional), fellow engineers, business contacts (magitek component salvagers/etc) links: full bio | tag | lf rp

OOC Information

tracking: #hellsbovnd discord: emet-selch wears prada#5086 main blog: @penvmbral free company: @alizarinefc linkshell: @ebonguardls discord servers: FOR THE SKY (Ishgardian RP Community); COR AUT MORS (Garlean RP Community) pronouns: they/them timezone: NA, active during EST evenings/late nights preferences: med/heavy mature rp, generally lore-strict. 18+ players only. character and plot-driven. looking for: general plot-focused connections/friends! linkshell + discord communities!! i’m not really interested in being recruited to fcs because i happily lead my own but i’ll come hang out if you want company owo

please note that as an extremely goal-oriented rper, i do not enjoy jumping into interactions blind. please make sure that you have a character profile (carrd or tumblr posts only please; do not link me rpc wikis) and some plot hooks ready, and please come with an idea of which of my characters you’d like to interact with as well as which hooks, if any, you are interested in.

please also be aware that as i don’t like to jump into interactions blind, this does mean that i will expect to be able to actually plot out an interaction between our characters, such as the circumstances of meeting and the end-goal for the interaction (which should be more than “intro rp/makes a friend”).

if you are unwilling or unable to do this then i am going to have to pass. sorry!

In-game RP [ ✔ ] Discord RP [ DEPENDS... USUALLY NO ] Tumblr RP [ ✔ ]

unabridged ooc info here.

[darksiders-scenarios]

Masterlist

I don’t always write but when I do, most of them shall be found here. 

When are my followers’ birthdays?

Dear Darksiders Fandom

~SCENARIOS~

Horsemen/ Angels post coitus (calm after the do)

Reader slapping War's ass

Upfront (Strife x Reader)

Horsemen supporting their S/O to clean their appartment

Horsemen not caring for their S/O (distressing) 

Death dealing with his S/O's first kill

Horsemen's S/O singing for them 

Bathing with the Horsemen

My take on the fight between the Archon and Death

Death's son and Azrael's daughter courting?? (pfft)

Death and War lost in the White City 

Death dealing with Dust liking Strife more than him.

Strife is accused of stealing your hot chocolate. He sets out to clear his name.

Humans referring to Death as Thanatos. 

Horsemen relaxing with their S/O

Horsemen's S/O taking a hit for them

Horsemen and characters dealing with hiccups (hehe)

Death dealing with an S/O agitated by trivial things.

War with a sweet-toothed S/O

Strife and Death (Angsty Wangtsy) 

Angsty Strife

Horsemen dealing with the death of their s/o mother.

Horsemen bonding with pregnant mum s/o

Horsemen taking care of a pregnant, grieving mother 

Horsemen with a Badass pregnant mother (V2)

Death and Strife dealing with reader in labour

Proud big brother Death gushing over baby brother War

I have a Theory. (Death x Reader)

One More Ride (War x Reader)

Death and the Stalker

Dinner with Strife 

Death is an Asshole (Strife & Death)

War receiving Chaoseater for the first time

Cuddling War for the first time

Death's Dental Service for an S/O with a tooth problem.

Horsemen, Azrael & Ezgati encountering the cuddlefish

Horsemen with a *sighs* shot S/O

Death encountering a 4 years old human child (Part 1)  

Death with a female child- Part 2

Office AU short 

He is Innocent (Death and Karn)

Horsemen & Azrael caring for a sick S/O

S/O requesting Horsemen to finish them

Death with a sick S/O

Horsemen and their S/O reunion after three years

Death/ War witnessing their S/O getting abused by their family member

Cuddling with Death

Strife with a tired S/O

Horsemen, Azrael and Karn coming across a severely injured human 

Horsemen, Azrael & Damsel asking their S/O about trying to have kids 

Strife/ Fury with an S/O with selective mutism 

War and S/O with selective mutism

Death and S/O with selective mutism

Death comfort scenario for S/O who’s feeling down

Horsemen comfort scenarios for s/o with drug addict brothers.

Horsemen, Uriel and Azrael’s child informing them they want to transition

S/O comforting Horsemen

Horsemen, Draven, Azrael & Samael proposing to their S/O

Horsemen, Azrael and Samael dealing with a suicidal S/O

Secret Genius Strife??

Horsemen catching their depressive S/O humming 

Horsemen accidentally hurting their S/O in a fit of anger

Horsemen dealing with a hyper kitten

Horsemen, Azrael and Samael finding out their S/O is self-harming

Death supporting his S/O suffering from exam stress

S/O assuming Death + War are cheating on them. 

Death’s S/O coming across their old home post-apocalypse.

War’s thoughts on Death’s S/O getting the upper hand in a sparring match.

War’s Reaction to Uriel and her S/O

How will Uriel get along with War’s SO?

Horsemen encountering a doll-sized S/O (part 1 + part 2) 

War, Death and Azrael dealing with S/O unexplained insomnia

Horsemen dealing with S/O with low confidence and self-esteem

Horsemen protecting S/O after the restoration of humanity  (part 1 + part 2)

Horsemen dealing with tongue twisters and riddles (part one + part two)

Horsemen and Azrael dealing with newborn rabbits (part one).

Comforting S/O following one of their deaths (part 2)

S/O introducing Lilith to their parents (part one) 

Horsemen+ Samael reactions (part two)

Horsemen and Samael with an S/O who was exactly like them personality wise

War’s reaction to S/O almost dying in battle 

Death comforting S/O after an argument with their parents (my first debut yayz!)

-

~REACTIONS~

Horsemen reacting to their shy s/o dressing up nicely for them

War's first time doing the do, siblings instruct (I’m serious)

Azrael reading Harry Potter

Horsemaster reaction from a cheek kiss

Horsemen reacting to their vampire S/O

Horsemen, Alya, Azrael and Muria with a dragonborn S/O

Death reacting to a mini reaper on Halloween.

Angels' reactions to an S/O who preens their feathers

Everyone's reactions to a polyamorous S/O

Horsemen's reactions to an S/O mothering them

Death's reaction to a fan's man-crush  

Horsemen's reactions to posing for a painting (French)

Horsemen, Lilith and Alya towards an S/O with a teleporter

Horsemen reacting to Greek Mythology

Horsemen, Azrael, Vulgrim's reactions to s/o with tetrachromacy

Angels learning that their S/O is a White Witch

Angels with newborn angels Part 1 + Part 2

Angels’ reactions to S/O caring for wounded birds

Horsemen/ Angels' reactions to s/o revealing they've done some immoral things 

Horsemen/ human reactions to being flirted at

Angels and Vulgrim reacting to their painted portrait

Horsemen's reactions to being painted on a canvas

Horsemen's S/O dabbling in the dark arts

Horsemen hearing their non-verbal S/O speaking for the first time

Introducing Horsemen to Pancakes

Horsemen, Karn, Ulthane, Uriel, Samael & Azrael with a werewolf S/O

Horsemen's reactions to a sincere compliment

Horsemen's reactions to their steeds vanishing

Horsemen, Angels and Samael meeting S/O’s baby sibling 

Strife attempts to cheer s/o with bad puns

Horsemen, Samael and Azrael reactions to bands/ songs about them 

Horsemen's reactions to their human companion vlogging them

Horsemen’s reactions to a sarcastic S/O

Death and Draven’s reaction to an S/O with a tendency towards collecting any animals 

Horsemen’s reaction S/O with a large number of siblings

Horsemen, Azrael and Samael’s reactions to War and Uriel’s relationship

Horsemen, Azrael and Samael reaction to a usually unafraid S/O with a fear of simple things

Horsemen experiencing kissing for the first time

-

~HEADCANONS~

Personalities that attract Horsemen

Horsemen as the four humours/ temperaments

Hairstyles that attract Horsemen 

Horsemen/ Pride month

Angels as Pigeons/ Doves

Horsemen/ Angels surfing...

Jealous Horsemen

Lilith HC 

Horsemen's curse

Death reacting to his s/o being injured

War and Reader acknowledging their mutual attraction 

Real reason why Abaddon hates mankind

Crowfather but without the crow

[Tag yourself] How do you like your coffee?

Metal song styles for the Horsemen

Death's journal

Gifs for Horsemen as parents

DAVE

Movie genres for Horsemen, Azrael and Beamboi

The Five

Draven headcanons 

Saying that you like traveling with Death

Sports for Horsemen, Vulgrim and Azrael

Jamearah Platonic/ romantic Headcanons

Death's Face  

Ecanos' painted portrait!! <3

Ecanos and Ezgati's professions

Azraowl by @speaker-of-the-black-hand <3

Horsemen with their S/O after a heartbreak

Protective and Possessive Horsemen

Death and his S/O with twins

How Horsemen confess their feelings

Some Strife Gunslinging HC?

Valus has Selective Mutism

Ecanos [part 2]

Ecanos Headcanons 

Ezgati Headcanons

Horsemen dealing with a sick S/O

Headcanons for Archon Lucien and War 

Drunk headcanons for 3 dead lords; Phariseer, Judicator, Basileus 

Drunk Headcanons for Uriel, Vulgrim, Azrael and Draven 

Human procreating with non-human species

Physical affection in Nephilim Culture - (kissing) + (handholding) 

If angels, demons or nephilims sought a different lifestyle; faith, religion or migration. 

Horsemen’s S/O character type, class, battle/weapon, magic style, role and other features 

If horsemen played musical instruments 

‘Opposite attracts’ partners for the horsemen

Horsemen finding out their S/O is a duchess by birthright 

Horsemen as stress responders 

Horsemen, Azrael and Samael marriage visual markers 

Little details about S/O that horsemen like (personality, behaviour, appearance)

-

~FLUFFS~

Archon Fluff (meh)

Crowfather fluff

War

Strife

Sum Death fluffs ;)

Cuddling Death while sleeping

Horsemen, Azrael and Karn cuddling with S/O

Muria

Alya

Nathaniel

-

~BEING A PARENT WILL INVOLVE...~

War

Death

Fury

Strife

Nathaniel

Abaddon

Muria

Azrael 

Samael and Lilith

-

~HAVING A CRUSH ON YOU WILL INVOLVE...~

Alya 

Nathaniel 

Horsemaster

-

~WAYS TO MAKE __ HAPPY~

Uriel

Azrael

Fury

Strife

Death

-

~WAYS TO ANNOY ___~

Uriel

Azrael 

Death

War

-

~KIDDIES~

Nathaniel

Uriel

Azrael

Ezgati [Bonus Unca’ Ecanos]

-

~HOLIDAY SPECIALS~

Fury's wearing a- 

Nathaniel Mystery Surprise [part 1]  

How characters react to being kissed on New Year.

Christmas blues

Christmas with the Horsemen

-

~ADVICE/ SUGGESTIONS/ OTHERS (be warned, they suck) ~

Writing an autistic character

Writing Fury 

Which Horseman will I date/ be best friends with

-

~WHAT MY FOLLOWERS WROTE <3

@woodland-princen - Vulgrim reaction's to an S/O with questionable culinary skills

@infernallightofdarkness wrote: Epic insults for @askthedarksidersfam ’Gordon Ramsay and Death having a roasting battle.' 

@ohmygillygoshoppler wrote: Azrael’s Midnight Snack

@apocalypticentaurs wrote: Azrael and War’s reaction to S/O not wanting to leave Eden 

@cogsandcherryblossoms wrote: War’s S/O coming across their old home post-apocalypse. (scroll down) 

@never-enough-darksiders wrote: scenarios of HM’s reactions to a sarcastic S/O (part two) 

-

~REDIRECT THE BEEMZ~

https://darksiders-scenarios.tumblr.com/post/170847725556/fades-into-the-cringe-abyss

https://darksiders-scenarios.tumblr.com/post/172004767321

https://darksiders-scenarios.tumblr.com/post/170774198851

https://darksiders-scenarios.tumblr.com/post/170277297696/a-s-d-f-a-s-d-a-s-d-f

https://darksiders-scenarios.tumblr.com/post/170202191096/i-dare

https://darksiders-scenarios.tumblr.com/post/168957566291/i-should-stop

https://darksiders-scenarios.tumblr.com/post/168852464546/christmas-gift-from-the-twit

https://darksiders-scenarios.tumblr.com/post/168571603196/worrying

https://darksiders-scenarios.tumblr.com/post/168432167091

https://darksiders-scenarios.tumblr.com/post/168009171756/did-they-send-me-beamboi-when-i-asked-for-cakes

https://darksiders-scenarios.tumblr.com/post/167587592781/im-a-twit

https://darksiders-scenarios.tumblr.com/post/167487786536/ohmygillygoshoppler-darksiders-scenarios

https://darksiders-scenarios.tumblr.com/post/167734095826/askthedarksidersfam-darksiders-scenarios

https://darksiders-scenarios.tumblr.com/post/166354324171/immolation-intensifies

https://darksiders-scenarios.tumblr.com/post/166780035201/hehehe

https://darksiders-scenarios.tumblr.com/post/164370356511/when-you-have-free-time-at-work

[overlord-of-sarcasm]

I don’t know when I lost my faith. 

Could it have been when I was sixteen, and I was throwing up in a public bathroom because my ‘best friend’ had raped me, and my mother walked in, asked what was going on with me, why am I acting weird/etc, and I told her, and she told me to get over it?

Could it have been when, literally three months after that, a different ‘best friend’ tried to rape me, and I didn’t eat for two weeks, and my mother told me that I looked great and should keep doing whatever it was that I was doing? I wasn’t even at all chubby to begin with.

Could it have been when I was sixteen, and in my community college class, where I couldn’t get away from the guy who kept trying to take me home, and, no matter who I told, either no one believed the ‘stupid blonde girl’ or told me to be flattered?

Could it have been when I was sixteen, and at a water park with a friend, and seven guys surrounded me and tried to rip my top off?

Could it have been when I was seventeen, at the student life center in my community college, and three strangers + one friend of mine cornered me to try to force me to do a porn shot with them, and my friend tried to pretend nothing was happening?

Could it have been when I was seventeen, and, after a year of complaining about and dealing with the eczema on my hands that was so bad that I couldn’t bend my fingers anymore, my mother finally took me to the doctor to get treatment, and accused me of not telling her when the doc asked her why she waited so long to take me in?

Could it have been when I was seventeen, and I was in church class, asking questions that my teacher didn’t like, so he told me I was going to hell?

Could it have been when I was eighteen, and started having seizures, but I didn’t know it at the time (eyes rolling into the back of my head, sometimes some generalized shaking, and both during and after, 7/10 times my legs won’t cooperate and I can’t support myself), and the only people who even pretended to care were my coworkers, my Bio 112 classmates, and my philosophy professor?

Could it have been when I was eighteen and it got so bad that I collapsed/had a seizure in a haunted house (shut it down lol) and my mother, once I told her, just got mad at me for ‘allowing it to happen’? I have no control over this.

I know it wasn’t when I had a seizure/ episode in the middle of my philosophy classes, and my prof, who had an epileptic student in a previous semester, begged me (plus a few other students, so it wouldn’t be just me and him) to stay so I wasn’t driving right after the seizure.

But could it have been when I was eighteen and I was at work and I had a fit/episode/seizure that was so bad that I was out of commission for several minutes, and my manager had to force me to sit down, and I had already given up on telling my mother, cause I knew she didn’t give a damn and would probably just be mad?

Could it have been a few months ago, at nineteen, the first day moving into my new house (alone), with the roomies moving in two days later, when I came home from Walmart to find one of the old (male) tenants eating dinner there, and I panicked and went to a church thing, where I magically ran into one girl who I knew, and told her, and she found a friend of hers who was willing to have me over at her house for a few hours, then helped me to barricade the door so Jack couldn’t come back in that night? (seriously, what the fuck, Jack?)

Could it have been a few months ago, at nineteen, when I totaled my car after the first home college football game of the season (I know I shouldn’t drive with seizures, but I didn’t know that they were seizures at this point) and a truck full of boys saw me laying on my steering wheel trying to move, and, instead of trying to help, or even at least seeing if I was ok, did a Chinese Fire Drill around their car before driving off? (I will admit to laughing at this later, but still, not cool)

Could it have been the night of the accident, when I had to call a friend to tell him that I wouldn’t be able to drive to go help with the Hurricane Harvey clean up efforts in Houston the next day anymore, and it didn’t even occur to me to tell him why, because, at this point, I was so used to looking after myself that I didn’t even consider the fact that he was a paramedic, and could probably help me if I needed it?  I about cried in relief when he told me to park my car, which had overheated after not even a full mile, and wait for him to come pick me up.  Then, literally less than two minutes after he had gotten there, I had my first of several fainting spells, and he immediately recommended that I go to a doctor, but told me that I had the choice.

Could it have been the night after this, when I went to the store with my roommates, and a guy forgot his drivers liscence at the register, and I offered to run it out and see if I saw anyone who looked like him, and I went to the parking lot to search.  I looked absolutely horrible, I was stiff, and sore, and exhausted, and I just wanted to sleep, but I didn’t look like I belonged on the streets.  I saw a guy who looked like the guy in the ID pic getting into a truck, and when I tried to talk to him, he assumed I was homeless and told me that he didn’t have any money. (His face as I explained the situation was priceless, though)

Could it have been two weeks after the accident, when, after I had passed out no less than seven times, I finally went to an on-campus (super cheap) clinic, where they told me that this actually seemed super serious, and tried to load me up in an ambulance to take me to a hospital for tests, and I had to call my mother to ask for her permission/opinion, and she said that there was no reason that I should need to be seen, and essentially told the docs to screw themselves?

Could it be when I was picked up by my same paramedic friend (Matthew), and he told me that I really needed to go to a doc, and I wanted to, but I would need to use my parents insurance, and my mom already said no, that I didn’t need to go to a real doc, and he told me to call her so he could talk to her, and she said “You may be a paramedic, but I’m her mother, and have been her mother for 19 years. Exactly how long have you been a paramedic? My point exactly.  I’m also old, and so I know what I am talking about.” Then hung up, and he looked at me, and told me that I needed to see a doc, but understands that my mother disagrees, and gave me what was essentially a standing offer for a ride to the hospital if I needed it, and tried to help as much as possible, but couldn’t really do anything further?

Could it have been two weeks ago, when I was working (ushering at a football game) and I had an episode/fit, and couldn’t stand up, and my supervisor (great guy, I go to church with him and his kids) saw and made me sit down, and called the medics, and they took a few readings, then tried to get me to stand up, where I nearly fell on my face, making them get a wheelchair? They took me to the medic bay, where I had no less than 5 EMTs and 1 nurse telling me that these things that I’d been experiencing for the last 1.5+ years were seizures, and that I might have epilepsy, and they tried to put me into an ambulance (again), but I told them I couldn't afford it.  Their response was that, if it really was epilepsy, I really couldn’t afford not to.  So I tried to find someone to take me to the hospital, but no one answered, or they were busy. Finally, I called Matthew up again.  He picked me up, and wouldn’t let me call my mom. (lol) The EMTs made sure that they would be able to handle it if I passed out in his car, and off we went to a hospital. Matthew made me wait until after I’d already given blood and urine samples and was in a hospital room before calling my mom to tell her. I know that I lost my faith in her when she informed her crying teenage daughter who was in a fucking HOSPITAL BED that there were cheaper ways of trying to get attention.

Could it have been five days ago, when I had a seizure while riding my bike, and barely had enough control to jerk my bike right, into an empty parking lot, rather than left, into oncoming traffic, where I crashed and laid for what felt like an eternity, trying to regain control of my body enough to finish the two mile ride back home, and no one so much as sent a second glance my way?

But could it have been three nights ago, when I went country dancing at a bar with a group of friends the night after I stayed up all night studying, when I had a seizure while dancing, and managed to stagger and collapse against a wall, rather than in the middle of the dance floor, and, due to both these factors, ended up laying near the wall waiting for my friends to be ready to leave before someone informed the management of the girl who was passed out on the floor? They got my friends, and I had to be carried out by two of my (large) male friends.  I think it was when someone congratulated my friends on getting the obviously underage girl so drunk and my friends had to tell the guy that I was sick, and he didn’t even apologize, more so than the fact that I had a seizure at a bar in the first place.

Could it have been, just maybe, the fact that, as a female, I always carrying a visible weapon to deter the possible predators, and I know that, no matter what happens to me, I will always do my best to beat the living shit out of anyone who so much as dares to attempt to sexually assault someone else, and yet I still fear what will happen when that day comes? Will I be punished, for defending a girl? Or will I be punished, for ‘embarrassing a man by helping him out’? Will someone else stand up for me the next time? Cause I know that I’ve almost always been entirely on my own before. I don’t want to place my trust in someone, only for them to be the one who attacks me.  Again.

[robininthelabyrinth]

Fic: We’ll All Go Together When We Go (ao3) - chapter 3 Fandom: Flash, Legends Pairing: Barry Allen/Mick Rory, Leonard Snart & Mick Rory

Summary: Doomworld takes some time to fix. Barry and Mick use that time to find each other.

(written for @flashwaveweek 2017 for Day 2: Mythology. two more to go!)

——————————————————————————

Stories, Len has found, are how mankind makes sense of the universe.

Call it mythology, legend, faith, novel, it doesn’t matter.

If you’re lost and alone and afraid, the first thing you do is come up with a story. An explanation, a justification, even nothing more than a distraction – but a story.

Len’s had a lot of time to think of stories of late, and of his role in them.

There’s a million stories in every second, a million roles – but not all of them fit. Some don’t fit you, some don’t fit your circumstances, and some fit once but you’ve outgrown them.

Option One: The White Knight. Not exactly a role Len’s comfortable with, to be sure, but once he could see it – he who was misled and abandoned to the cruelties of fate, rushing back with the surety of justice at his side, rescuing he whom he loves most from those that torment him.

But that story doesn’t fit, because the person being rescued is supposed to be goddamn grateful about it, happy to be home, happy to be together again, happy to be free of his chains. He isn’t supposed to run away to try to rescue them.

He isn’t supposed to run away.

Option Two: The Villain. Hungry and selfish and proud, a villain amongst his own black-hearted kind. Going to rule the world one day, and reap the benefits of power. It’s a story someone else could fill, and several someones that Len can think of already have.

That doesn’t fit Len either. Len hates torture, hates pain, hates oppression; he even hates power, the bureaucracy and the boredom of it. All he’s ever wanted was his freedom. All he’s ever wanted –

The only thing he’s ever wanted were people, and those people want nothing to do with him.

It’s supposed to be you and me against the world; not me and the world against you!

Option Three: the Trickster. Now that’s a role Len was born to play – the knife in the back that you don’t know is coming, player of the long game, the cunning scheme, the questioner, he who disrupts. Len’s played that role before, and he’ll play it again if he can.

But he’s not playing it now.

Sure, he’s got a few games in mind, a few schemes, but it all means nothing, ashes and dust in his hands, because the victory has gone away without him.

Besides, the Trickster is best used as an ally – and who in their right mind would ally him now?

Option Four: The Fool.

Ah, yes, the fool.

He who thought he knew what he was doing.

He who thought he could handle himself the way he always has.

He who never realized he was underwater, played by deeper games than he, surrounded by villains to whose depths he will never plunge.

Yes, the Fool might fit.

“Are you even listening?” Darhk snaps at him.

“Why listen when you’re talking?” Len replies automatically. “I can just read the prepared notes and learn the same thing.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“He means you’re a boring old fart that’s too stuck in his ways to ever ad-lib anything,” Merlyn drawls.

“Didn’t think he was supposed to be back-talking so much anymore,” Eobard says, shooting Len a glare of his own. “Found the Spear yet, spymaster?”

Terrible stabbing pains in Len’s head.

Not as bad as what his dad used to do, when Len was smaller and far less hard-hearted than he is now.

“If I had found it,” Len drawls, nice and slow and disdainful, “do you think we’d be sitting around here in a conference room?”

A question, rhetorical, meaning nothing. Not a lie; that’s important. The Conversion hates lies.

“I still say entrusting a thief with a retrieval mission seems like a mistake,” Darhk says.

Len doesn’t say anything. He doesn’t need to.

“Are you saying there’s something wrong with my Conversion?” Merlyn asks, his voice nearly as cold as Len can get.

“No,” Darhk says.

“Because if you want to go back to that magical brainwashing that breaks so easily, I’m more than happy to retract my services –”

“That’s not necessary,” Eobard interjects before Darhk and Merlyn can get into another fight. Merlyn hates leaving his home – he doesn’t trust his family not to do something stupid in an attempt to get out – and Darhk hates the fact that only Merlyn’s Conversions are sufficient to really establish loyalty.

Oliver Queen’s silent, vacant-eyed presence at Merlyn’s shoulder is a sign of that.

“Perhaps we should move on to the mining of additional ore from Nanda Parbat,” Darhk is saying, giving Merlyn a scathing look. “The destruction of the Lazarus pits cannot be complete.”

“Agreed,” Merlyn says, returning the look.

“Why don’t you guys do that,” Len drawls. “In that case, you won’t need lil old me, since I don’t give a damn about magic.”

Or living forever, for that matter.

“Yes, yes,” Eobard says, waving a hand. “You can go. And give us an update as soon as you hear something new about the Spear!”

“Of course,” Len agrees, ignoring the pounding in his brain. The Conversion loves orders, loves obeying; submission feels good, resistance bad. It’s a pretty straightforward brainwashing system.

In this case, Len reminds himself that there’s just no updates to give.

The headache quietens.

Not his fault no one’s uncovered the Spear from where Len’s hidden it away.

Len’s dancing a fine line with what he’s doing, but he refuses – he refuses – to be as mindless a Convert as the rest of them. Ever since he found out what they did to him…

Oh, yes. Len’s very much the Fool here.

Stupid to ever get involved with the assholes in the Legion.

But he’s not going to be stupid enough to let them catch Mick.

He goes back to his office.

“I want an update,” he says. He’s got plenty of underlings, now. He hates most of them.

“Nothing new on the Spear,” Rosa Dillon drawls. Her lover, Scudder, is in the Compound, awaiting Conversion that is delayed only by Len’s insistence that he needs information Scudder has, a lie if there ever was one; she hates everyone and everything very nearly as much as Len does, and that makes them work well together.

She doesn’t know for sure if Len’s done anything with the Spear, but she knew him before. That’s enough to make her voice go sarcastic.

“What a surprise,” Len replies bitingly. “Priority 2?”

He means priority one, of course, but appearances must be kept.

“Mick Rory’s doing fine,” she says, a little more sympathy creeping into her voice.

Len doesn’t bother hiding his exhale of relief. Not anymore.

Mick’s joined up with the Resistance, but they don’t trust him, they don’t value him; there’s always the risk of sacrifice.

It’s a sacrifice that Len will not let them make.

“Any more specific updates?” he asks.

Rose shrugs. “The Resistance’s newest movements are on your desk. Nothing too big – mostly spreading Better World stories.”

Ah, the Better World; the idea that this world is wrong, and that they all lived in a different world once, a world with superheroes and people who tried to do the right thing.

A world Len knows very well exists – or at least existed.

Funny how these things turn into mythology so quickly.

Humanity and its stories.

“- and it looks like Rory’s shacked up with him for good, now –”

“Hold up,” Len says. “What’s this about Mick shacking up with someone?”

“Thought that’d get your attention back,” Rosa says with a smirk. “He’s hooked with Eobard’s favorite target practice.”

“Barry Allen,” Len says. The name sits strangely on his tongue. He doesn’t remember him, never knew him, only ever met the Flash, but he knows now what he never had a chance to learn then. Or maybe he did learn it, in that blanked-out future that he never had and that led Mick so far beyond his reach, that future they shared and that Len doesn't remember.

Barry Allen.

Not really Mick’s usual type, from what he remembers; but then again, what does Len know? He knew Allen only briefly, as a hero with a bleeding heart, easily distracted and fawn-new at his chosen career. Maybe Mick likes that, now, or maybe Barry Allen’s grown up a little.

He wonders what story Barry Allen, hero and Flash, is living now.

He wonders, perhaps, if Mick is happy now.

Away from Len’s side, where he belongs –

But happy.

Some things in life are a tradeoff.

“Some people are questioning it,” Rosa says. “Questioning Allen. Rory’s role by your side doesn’t make him too popular with the common folk, and that’s bringing Allen down.”

Len hums and nods. “Start spreading counter-narrative,” he instructs. “Some romantic thing where Mick gave up everything for love.”

“That won’t help you find him,” she observes.

“I’ll worry about finding Mick when I need him,” Len says, and dismisses her.

Barry Allen.

Maybe he’s the quiet hand that’s been supporting Mick in his time with the Resistance, ignoring the accusations of the Legends that Mick rescued and the suspicions of his allies. Maybe he’s been helping keep Mick safe.

Mick could use a hand to guide him. A shoulder to support him.

Someone he can help, and who he will accept help from in return.

If it can’t be Len, well, why not Barry Allen?

Maybe this hero will live up to the billing.

But Barry Allen, he’s also the one Eobard has it out for, the one he torments every month; a living symbol of the Resistance, yes, but one slowly cracking under the strain.

Mick can help with that.

Maybe that’s how they met.

(Is Len jealous? He considers this question, as he always does when Mick finds an new love, but no; his instincts remain the same. His concern is for Mick as a friend and partner; he does not want to have him himself in any romantic sense. He wants him to be safe and happy, and he wants whoever Mick is with to respect Mick as much as he deserves.)

Len doesn’t have any power to interfere with Eobard’s punishments for Barry.

Maybe there’s something else he can do.

There’s one thing he knows he can do.

Len contemplates the high-tech laser that’s been sitting on his desk as a useless paperweight for the last few days. He’s been too scared to use it – his mind’s the only thing he’s got left, and even that’s already been affected by Conversion.

His brain hurts to even think about defying Conversion, but his scientists assure him that the machine will work as intended, carve out what needs to be carved out – and what’s a little brain damage between friends?

He’ll probably lose his hands, damaging his fine motor control. He might lose his quickness of thought, aphasia and interrupted thought and executive dysfunction.

Mick needs to be in safe hands before Len can risk it.

Allen might be those hands.

Maybe.

He can’t be sure, though. Not yet.

Something to keep an eye on.

Len closes his eyes.

Falling asleep is easier than it’s ever been before.

“This isn’t the story you were meant to have,” the man all in white, with the shining point of infinity in his eyes and the green stone upon his chest, says to Len.

“I know,” Len says. “I’m working on it. I need to know the right time.”

“There will never be a right time.”

“Either step up and take action,” Len says crossly, “or leave it to me like you said you would.”

“You are the author here,” the man agrees. “You are the music maker.”

“The dreamer of dreams,” Len agrees.

And then he wakes up.

World-losers and world-forsakers, on whom the pale moon gleams, yet we are the movers and shakers of the world for ever, it seems.

World-forsaker - yeah that sounds right, but not yet.

Not yet.

Soon enough, though, Len thinks to himself. Soon enough.

The next time he sees the man in white, he’s asleep in his own bed, Mick curled up beside him as warmth and security both, the world restored.

“Well done,” the man says, the Spear in his hands as promised; his reward for keeping Len's mind intact from Conversion and his duty pursuant to their agreement. He'll take it away and hide it amongst dreams so that anyone trying what the Legion tried will have a hell of a time to find it.

Len's good with that.

“I’m not done yet,” Len says, and thinks about the sort of stories you can tell, of a supervillain and a superhero, the sort of narrative that will make people accept it as a fact of existence, that will make people root for it; something that will make the tabloids cheer and the more solemn newspapers speak glowingly.

Len’s time in Doomworld learning PR isn’t going to go entirely to waste.

After all, there might be some people who don't think superheroes ought to be with supervillains. People who might criticize, who might judge, who might pressure - people who might be inclined to interfere.

If Mick wants Barry, and Barry wants Mick, then Len’s certainly not going to let some story get in the way.

Not while he’s here to tell another.

[the-foxwolf]

The Nature of Storytelling: Why We Have Superheroes

This article is intended for everyone. Not just people who read comics or books or play card games. What I am addressing in this article is the question of: why we have superheroes. Why do we, as a species, have stories of superheroes? To my knowledge, every single culture on Earth has a story about some great individual, or group of individuals, that has made significant changes in their world in the name of a greater good. But what makes this such a ubiquitous concept? Why do humans have stories of superheroes?

Gather `Round. It’s Storytelling Time!

Let’s take a look at a group of characters from my fandoms. Marvel Comics, DC Comics, and Magic: The Gathering. These aren’t all my fandoms, but they’re the one I feel will resonate most with the reader due to the character’s popularity. I would include RWBY or Overwatch but so brevity’s sake, I’ll try and keep it shorter.

Captain America: Sam Wilson

Sam is a powerful voice for minorities in the comics. He wears the shield and he fights for what he thinks is right. But in his fight he discovers the dark side of The United States of America no one really wants to look at or remember. An imperfect judicial system. Shady politicians. Parasitic business people. Flawed penal system.

For each shady politician he exposes, another gets voted in. Every time he crushes a business whose practices are illegal and unethical, it creates a power vacuum that only empowers other parasitic business people. When he looks the U.S. Court system and hopes that he can trust in it. When his friend, Rage, is wrongfully arrested for theft, Sam trusts that the courts will execute justice and let Rage go free.

But Rage is a black man accused of a crime in a jury that wasn’t representative of the local jurisdiction.

Rage never stood a chance.

The prosecutor obliterated him. Rage couldn’t afford a lawyer and was assigned a public defender. But as is too often the case, the defender was so overworked, too spread thin, that he spent less than three hours reviewing the case before going to trial. Even with overwhelming evidence to his innocence, Rage was still found guilty. This is an awful reality that we see all too often. What does this about your judicial system?

When Rage was put in jail he was thrown in superpower prison. In General Population. That’s the same as putting a cop in general population. And exactly what you don’t want to hear, but what you expect, happened. A group of super criminals beat Rage into a pulp. They left him comatose with little chance of survival. What does this say about our penal system?

How does Sam respond when he watches his faith in the U.S. Justice System crumble? He gives up the shield. Sam is embarrassed to wear the flag and shield of his nation. No longer would be fight in the name of a nation he didn’t believe in, that he didn’t trust.

Sam came to realize that fighting the symptoms isn’t going to work. It will become a perpetual cycle. He realized that he needed to treat the disease. The people needed educating. They needed hope. They needed to be spurred into action. And it looks like it’s working. Slowly. But people in New York, in the comics, are starting to accept that they can’t rely on Sam to protect or fight for them. That they have to do their part.

Sam is showing us the ugly side of America. He is showing us that we can’t sit around and hope things work out. Sam Wilson teaches us that we need to treat the disease of this nation, not its symptoms, as a group- without relying and hoping on someone else. That we have to stand up and make the changes from the very bottom of the ladder.

Captain America: Steve Rogers

Captain America became an agent of Hydra because the Red Skull rewrote reality with the Cosmic Cube. Steve became Hydra’s ultimate weapon who was then handed to the United States to let him manipulate it from within. Direct the military towards non-critical targets. To destroy evidence about major operations. Provide Hydra with intel. And who would doubt him? He’s Captain America!

But you know what really stands out? Steve Rogers never changed. His history was rewritten, yes. But Steve remained exactly the same person he has always been. A man who fights for justice, for truth, for peace, for the greater good.

“What? But he’s Hydra!” You might say.

I respond with: “True Hydra, not Red Skull’s Hydra and not Hitler’s Hydra, was originally meant to bring peace to the world.”

Steve believes in what Hydra used to stand for. A unified planet where ALL its people would be protected by a single government whose interests would solely be on the people. In application, yes, this is pretty much impractical. But the point is that Steve wanted that world. He wanted that peace. Steve Rogers has always fought for ideals and for values. Even when he wasn’t a member of Hydra, Steve fought for “truth” and “justice” and “peace”. He fought for what he thought was right. Now he still does the same. He is still fighting for “truth” and “justice” and “peace”. Nothing about the character is different. All he wants is to help the world be a better place. His tactics are different, yes. But his end goal is the same.

The fact that he’s fighting for Hydra puts many people at an uproar. But why? Because we’ve been taught that the world is an “us” versus “them” environment. It’s led us to believe that anyone who takes a different approach or point of view to us is evil. But that’s simply not true. It is that very thought process that is the cause of war and strife all over the world.

In his stories, Steve tries to teach the reader to stop being a mindless sheep. He tries to tell us to open our eyes and think about the world we live in, beyond what we’re told to believe in. Steven Rogers is teaching us that we must never accept something as truth without thinking and researching about it first.

Not just in his story, but in his comic as a whole. People who don’t read his comics hear he’s joined Hydra and what do they do? Clamor and shout about how Marvel has ruined an American Icon about how they have made Steve a Nazi. How many of those people clamoring and shouting, what percentage, have actually gone to their local comic book store and purchased even one Captain America: Steve Rogers comic book?

That. Is. The. Problem. Too many people in America watch a television ad, or see a Tumblr post, and they latch onto it, thinking it to be truth. How many people will go out and research a politician or a political issue before forming an opinion?

I am not saying that I want Hydra’s dream of a tranquil totalitarian regime to come true. I am saying that the function of all of Steve’s stories right now is serving the idea that we need to question what we are told, that we need to research before we speak. Personally, I hope all of Hydra is taken down and that the world, and S.H.I.E.L.D. learn their lesson. I’m not saying I agree with Hydra or it’s goals. All I’m saying is that Marvel, and Steve, are trying to teach us to research before we speak and question what we accept.

Wonder Woman: Princess Diana

Geez I have so much to say about this. Wonder Woman has been amazing.

Recently, Diana had to deal with a major identity crisis. It was so bad, she lost her powers and was admitted into a psychiatric hospital. Do you know how much that means to me? WONDER WOMAN. DEALT. WITH. MENTAL. HEALTH. ISSUES. !!!!!!!!!!!!! Reread that again and again. This woman, so powerful, so beautiful, so strong, so determined... she fell ill to mental illness. What am I trying to say?

Even the most powerful of people can fall victim to mental illness

It’s okay if you admit you are mentally ill. It’s gonna be alright

Mental illness is real problem that ANYONE can deal with

It’s not something that “weak people” deal with

I, who suffer from Severe Depressive Disorder- I who have to take a handful of pills a day just to keep myself sane- look at Diana and realize that it’s okay to be sick. That anyone can get sick. That anyone can endure.

What else can Diana teach us? That women can be powerful. Look at her.

She’s beautiful. She’s sexy. She’s wise. She’s strong. She’s courageous. She stands her ground against gods. She stands her ground against gods.

Here’s the kicker.

Diana does all this without losing her identity as a woman. Not only is she a warrior. She’s a woman too. Diana teaches us that women can be powerful and not lose their femininity.

Aquaman: Arthur Curry

Aquaman has the BEST storytelling I have EVER seen in ANY comic book. EVER. The character development. The story progression. The high stakes. Everything. Aquaman is my favorite character in all of fantasy. Arthur Curry is by far the coolest character ever.

What does Aquaman have to teach me? That I have to stand my ground.

I literally can’t even begin to give you a rundown on the kind of crap he’s had to deal with. I’m serious. On a daily basis, Arthur is saving the world. Let me tell you some of what he has to deal with.

Rebels in Atlantis, wanting to overthrow him

Warmongers on the surface, looking for Atlantian tech

Countries of the world, wanting to nuke Atlantis out of fear

Factions in Atlantis, wanting to flood the world out of fear

Atlantian leadership telling him he can’t marry Mera

The jokes and disrespect many people in the world have for him

The jokes and disrespect many of the Justice League have for him

These are just some of the crap Arthur has to deal with on a daily basis.

Arthur, as King of Atlantis, has to make hard decisions every day. Every. Day. Every single decision he makes can be difference between total annihilation of Atlantis or of the entire surface world. How many decisions do you think the King of Atlantis has to make in a single day?

Try to imagine what that weight is like. One second of hesitation. One moment of anger or frustration. Even one misplaced word or mistake could ruin everything. Arthur teaches me that I have to stand my ground against the weight of the world. Even when EVERYONE wants me to fail, I have to stand and endure. Arthur teaches me that I must have control over my temper. That I have to think before I act. That every choice in my life affects everyone around me, not just myself.

Arthur is literally fighting the entire world at once. And he can’t flinch. He can’t even blink or the world will swallow him up. And you want to know what’s BEST about all of this?

Arthur Curry fights against all of this oppression and his powers can’t help.

Read it again, and read it carefully. Arthur can give Superman bruises, bounce bullets of his flesh, mind manipulate krakens and leviathans, take on the Shaggy Man (A MAJORLY powerful villain that usually takes the whole Justice League to defeat) on his own. And yet... all of that power means nothing when he has to endure against the stress of every day life.

Yes, Arthur is a super hero. But the greatest challenges he faces aren’t ones he has to solve with his fists. They are the ones he must defeat with nothing more than sheer force of will and careful thought.

What an inspiration. What a...wow.

Nissa Revane

Look at Nissa. She’s beautiful. Powerful. And a real butt kicker even without her magic. But you know what else she is? She’s shy. She’s an introvert. She’s quiet. She’s loving. She’s considerate. Nissa is so much love wrapped up in a quiet little package. She doesn’t want thanks. She doesn’t want a reward. All Nissa wants to do is protect the life of every plane because she loves life so dearly that she is willing to break free of her comfort zone, leave to far away strange places, and selflessly and thanklessly help people.

There is nothing in it for her other than to take the time to learn a little more about herself. She’s amazing. Her heart is so big. Yet, she’s fought and defeated eldritch gods, dragon gods, and political tyrants. Never did she want anything in return. She just wanted to help. 

Nissa is still shy. She’s still an introvert. She’s still happy to be in the background. And that’s okay. It’s okay to be an introvert. There is nothing wrong with that.

Wow. What an inspiration. Not only for introverts everywhere. But even for everyone else. If someone as timid as Nissa was able to break out of her comfort zone to do what is right, how could we not choose to do that same?

Gideon Jura

Gideon teaches us that no matter how hard or painful your past has been, you can never give in to the anger inside. Gideon fought for his life, daily, on the streets when he was orphaned at 6 years old. In prison, he fought for survival every day. When he planeswalked away from Theros, he was thrown into a foreign and unfamiliar world. He was alone and afraid on a world he knew nothing about. Gideon lost his mother at 6 and his father walked out on him before he was born. His friends died because of a bad decision he made. The love of his life was nearly executed because he chose to fight for a cause he didn’t fully believe in.

Gideon has suffered so much. And I haven’t even gone into detail on any of this. But what do we learn from him?

Never give up. Never let the anger and the hate destroy you. Even if you think you have every right to do so. Even if the darkness threatens to engulf you. You have to fight. You have to stand back up. And you can always stand back up when you’ve been knocked down.

Humans have been telling stories since even before we had language. Why? Because we need something to look up to. We create these characters who suffer from very real problems but end up enduring or we talk about the amazing feats of real people around us. But at the end of the day, storytelling is critical to the human condition.

Humans NEED storytelling.

I know things are hard for you sometimes. Or even all the time. But listen to me. Listen closely. You. Can. Endure.

You. Can. Endure.

You. Can. Endure.

You. Can. Endure.

YOU. WILL. ENDURE.

But you can’t give up. Look to our storytelling for beacons of hope if you must. No one I mentioned in this article uses their powers to fight against the real problems they deal with. Sam’s fighting prowess won’t fix the American government, courts, or penal system. Steve’s super soldier serum can’t help him teach people to take possession over their own lives. Diana’s powers can’t prevent her from falling to mental illness or help her recover. Arthur’s powers won’t help him make the decisions he needs to make and hold on in the tidal wave of stress those choices bring. Nissa’s powers have nothing to do with her going about spreading love in her own quiet way. Gideon’s powers and fighting skills won’t help him keep his darkness at bay.

Don’t look at these characters and dismiss them as mere fanciful stories. They’re so much more.

As someone who has been to the darkest brink of Depression, who’s stood at the edge of suicide... I can tell you that you can endure. I will not promise you that your life will get better soon. Or that it will be easy. But I will promise you that you can make it through whatever it is that’s hurting you.

I know some of you read this and say “Pssh. Not me. You don’t understand what I’m going through.” Stop it. I know because I have found myself saying the same thing. This isn’t the end. it doesn’t matter how dark you think things are. It doesn’t. I have stood at the brink of suicide and stared at the depths of hell. And it was terrifying. It was so awful. But I survived. I endured. I came back. No. It wasn’t easy. It took months and patience and steely will to crawl out of it. Even now, 5 years later, I still have to deal with my Depression every so often. But I know I can beat it. I defeated it at it worst, so I know I can endure it when it pokes its ugly head out.  Let me promise you something. A truth that will stand despite ANY argument you can make.

You. Will. Endure.

I only tag blogs for my articles that I feel merit doing so. If any of you find this practice in any way improper, let me know. I use this judiciously and only for my biggest works, so I hope it is no mistake of mine to do so. Let me know if you feel otherwise. I am tagging the Vorthos blogs I know, my biggest fans, and most of the people I follow. If you would like for me to only tag you in my “Magic Only” Premiere Articles, please PM me and I can make sure to adapt my lists.

@askkrenko @confused-phyrexian @actualborossoldier @vorthosthewillis @gatewatch-central @sarkhan-vol@sheoldredsecrets @vorthosjay @flavoracle @kytheon-hero-of-akros @chelsea-beleren-vess @hopelessly-vorthosian @magic–the–memeing @mtgfan @the-gitgud-toad @jori-en-ruin-diver @yawgmoth-lord-of-sin@bobstropajo @obi-one-drop @odric-master-swagtician @zomburai @klarel25 @brandnewera @celestialtyrant @animar-smol-of-elephants @dovinbanned @commandtower-solring-go @hereitsallalright @gryffns-nest@ecurps @iamafireplace @randomtmbl555 @mazes-end @augur-of-colas @formalcasual

[daydreaminginwonderland-blog]

The HELL year.

First off sorry about my typing, I can not use my hands very well anymore. A little about me and what has happened in the last year.

I was loving life, I loved my job, and I felt like I was becoming a responsible adult. Saving up money to move out, or buy a new vehicle. Then one day, my whole life changed forever. 

When I was driving my left leg went numb and felt like 28374283 lbs. Severe pain shot up through my body, and I had to throw up. I managed to park and drag myself into the building. I was sent to the hospital right away. 

At the time, they checked me to make sure my spinal cord was not compressed. Likely it was not! Then the ER doctor came in and said, “You have cyst field with spinal fluid on your spine.” Then they just sent me home, later I found out they were called Tarlov Cyst.

After that day I ignored what happened and tried to go back to working 12 hour days. I fought through faint spells, severe headaches, eye problems, and the inability to walk right. 

Then about three days later, I was told by my manager it may be best if I go home, (since my eyes were bright red from the pain). That is the last time I worked the job I loved.

About a week later my right leg started to have the same symptoms as my left one. I was barely able to walk, some days my mom had to drag me around the house, or I would use a walker. I ended up in the ER numerous times, and all I have to say is they always treated me like SHIT. They even accused me of being a druggie (which believe I am not).

Over time, with still no answers after seeing neurosurgeons and neurologists 3 to 4 times a week. Which their responses were, “It is all in your head.” “You just have to live with it for the rest of your life.” “You are making it up.” I felt so frustrated and started to believe what they were saying. But then I found out about a surgeon in Texas who specializes in tarlov cyst, next thing you know i am on a plane to meet him. 

After meeting him he said everything was happening because the cyst were on my nerves coming out of the spinal cord. He offered to perform surgery on me. It was no simple surgery, he would cost my back open, break my sacrum, and drain the cyst. I had no other option, it felt nice to have a real diagnosis. 

For months I fought with my insurance to pay for the surgery, but they would not. Which turned out to be a MIRACLE. towards the end of the summer in 2016, I started having the symptoms throughout my whole body! Which meant it was not the cyst causing this. There goes my diagnosis…. 

Over the course of months until about 2 months ago, I kept getting worse and worse. Some symptoms being: terrible vision, involuntary twitching (i threw things.. Bladder and digestive problems, severe pain throughout my whole body, fatigue, ect… more and more symptoms developed and many got way more severe. I even started to have seizures that are not dedicated by an EEG.

With this going on a started to see more neurologist (who was the rudest person I have ever met), rheumatologist, and my family practice doctor. Everyone just kept passing me back and forth since they had no idea what is wrong. You would not believe the things they have said to me. 

I have had an EMG, EEG, EKG, spinal tap and numerous blood work, and no one could figure it out. In the spinal tap there was a small amount of the lyme disease bacteria, BUT they said there wasn’t enough to care. IF IT SHOWS UP THAT MEANS ITS IN MY BODY!!! 

I was lost, alone (all my so called friends ditched me when i got sick), they said I was to out of the way to pick up, since I can’t drive. They said I could only hang out with them if i drove myself… Like WTF. i have seizures randomly… Great people. No one other than my mom and dad supports me and pushes me to make it through.

I guess I shouldn’t say no one, I go to a support group for chronic illness, and every single person in the group helps me more than they can imagine. 

I even lost my faith at one point. I asked God why am i going through this?! I am not strong enough?! I prayed and prayed, but nothing. My paster came over and helped me realize God is doing everything to help me, I have to fight this out with the Devil. He is the cause and I cannot do it without God by my side. 

Other than faith, my animals keep me going and pushing myself. I cannot imagine how they would be without me, same with my parents.

Yes, i have thought about killing myself, i know i cannot do it, and won’t. if you were going through what I am going through you would think this way too. 

FAITH, FAMILY, ANIMALS <3 are what keep me alive.

My dad ended up hearing about a Nurse Practitioner who specializes in Chronic Lyme Disease. We decided to go and meet her, I mean what do I have to loose. The moment she saw me she would not let me leave until I was fully evaluated for how bad i was, other than just drawing blood that day. I have so many symptoms and when I showed her my list, she was the FIRST doctor out of 25+ who didn’t think i was crazy. These symptoms fall in the categories of all autoimmune diseases as well which makes it frustrating. 

After evaluating me she started me on treatment, even without the blood results back yet, she knew I had it and the 2 co infections of babesia and bartenalla. A couple weeks later the results came back positive. I was happy to have a diagnosis, but scared at the same time, because the main medical field does not believe in chronic lyme disease and its co infections. 

MAYO HOSPITAL REJECTED ME 2 TIMES! ONE TIME SAYING I WAS TO COMPLEX….. 

I have been on the treatment for about 2 months, I have gotten insanely worse. Which I was told would happen. I just hope we didn’t start to late, because of the medical field throwing me around. If we started it to late, I can develop ALS, MS, LUPUS, ECT….

I have told doctors that i felt like I was going to die….. They do NOTHING! Is that even legal?! If treatment doesn’t work, or its to late, i do believe I will die. 

Another shitty thing is I have to eat gluten, dairy, soy, sugar, and corn free. Yeah.. i eat nothing. 

My days look like: Wake up take meds, eat, go back to sleep, wake up, meds, go to sleep, wake up meds, go to sleep, and wake up, meds, goodnight. 

I take probably 30 pills a day. 

Some days I cannot even lift my finger I am so fatigued. 

I am writing this because I am alone. No “friends care” I have sent them links to help them understand, they do not read them. There is a walk for lyme disease, and a “friend” said no to it for no reason..

I even had someone say…” I BRAG ABOUT HOW PERFECT MY LIFE IS…”

WTF HAHAHA. 

So yeah this is my life now. Alone, sick, and fighting my body. 

It is trying to destroy itself.

I am being tortured by my own body. 

[randomisemily]

No one said it was going to be easy, but no one said it was going to be this hard either.

When I was sixteen, I wanted to take classes to become a caregiver for people with all kinds of disabilities. I always scored well at the intro class, all my friends were doing it and it generally interested me. Throughout the next school year, I faced a few challenges, but the biggest came around May, when I started my five weeks internship at a local group home for people with physical disabilities.  It did not go well. At the time, I felt like it was my mentor’s fault. So I did the drastical thing and changed schools, tried the same program there. This time, the program was even more challenging. And on top of that - most of my classmates were either immature or hostile. In April, I did my internship. And failed yet again. For similar reasons. For the rest of the year, I had given up. Failed most of my classes simply because I knew by failing my internship, I had failed my year so why try and make “the best of it” anymore?

I felt so lost and it felt like I had waisted two years. I had realized that I wasn’t a social person, I was and still am introverted. And I wasn’t happy about that at all. Who doesn’t like to socialize? But I accepted my faith. I had to. I had to finish high school. So I researched what I wanted to do instead. And ended up at a new school, yet again, but in a entirely different program: graphic design.

During those two last years of high school, I also faced some major challenges. Math, for one thing. I had already struggled with it before, so I knew it was a weakness but it felt like math was a lot harder in this new program than it has ever been before. Nevertheless, I liked all the other classes, made some friends and generally had a good time. The last few months were extremely busy, but even when I kept on failing math, I did prove myself. I was a good graphic designer and graduaded proudly.

The world of graphic designers is a lot different from the world of caregivers. Graphic designers are not the biggest socializers in general unless we do it online, and we’re all both headstrong on what we think is ‘right’ or ‘the good way’. And we’re all creative. It took me those two years to realize that I was finally in the right place.

So, around that same time, alll my friends were getting their drivers permits, some of them already had their license. I wasn’t ready. I seemed dissinterested in their journeys and several stories of learning how to drive. But in reality, I was just scared. Traffic scared me. And the act of learning how to drive, did too. But right after I graduated high school, I also met my boyfriend. He was about to finish college (he’s not that much older than me, remember that it took me two years longer to finish high school). And he had a car and basically drove me around everywhere. In the beginning, it’s only kind of natural. He picked me up to go on dates, just like any gentlemen would. But after a year, I decided to no longer procrastinate and face my fears. I took my theory test and passed. But by that time, I had also finished my first year of college.

So circling back to school. After high school, I decided to try and go to college. The thing is: a high school diploma in graphic design doesn’t get you anywhere. Not really. Our teachers encouraged to continue our graphic design education in college. Many of us did and so did I. At least, I started a Communications program.

I liked it and made new friends. But it was harder than expected. At the end of the year, I had failed several classes and I spent my summer studying to retake those exams. Looking back, I still feel like it wasn’t that big of a deal. I was confident. I liked the program and knew I could do it. It might take me a little more time, but I figured I had time.

That’s also how I felt about driving. I was busy with school. And besides, I didn’t need to drive when I was still in school. A perfect excuse to procrastinate as long as possible. Facing my fears? Ha ha. Nah, I didn’t need to.

Time passed by and I was used to both having my boyfriend driving me everywhere and having no time in the summer. I continued to fail classes in the summer. Though most of the classes weren’t ‘impossible’ to pass, one class did slowly seem to be: French. I hated to language and the prof. I often avoided going to the class, though that was an awful idea (you don’t say, right?). The prof was very big on attendance.

The Bachelor program is actually supposed to take three years. Many students fail graduate in that amount of time and obviously, I didn’t either. I was upset but I wasn’t suprised. However, after failing to graduate after year four, I started to lose all hope and self-esteem. The confidence I had gained after graduating high school, I gradually lost during that fourth year.

I’ve never been one to compare myself to others but at that time, I was 23 going on 24 and it started to hit me that I didn’t have a college degree yet, I even didn’t have a license yet. While some of my friends were getting engaged. And some acquintences were having babies. You know those Facebook posts, right? Every new baby photo, my heart would sink.

Eventhough I kept failing French, I was inspired by my thesis. I worked on it for months, sometimes until 2 AM. And as a graphic designer, I made sure that even the layout of the thesis was flawless.

At the end of May that year, it was time to defend the thesis. A presentation followed by a Q&A with two profs. I thought it was going to be a breeze. It was not. Why? I was wrongfully accused of plagiarism by my profs. Right when they uttered the words that would possibly destroy everything, I felt tears on my cheeks.

During that same meeting, I was able to convince my profs that I wrote it all. The ironic thing was that, one of the profs mentioned he couldn’t believe I had written this one chapter of the thesis because it was “too good”. As if I wasn’t trying to get my Bachelor’s degree, right? That particular chapter was the only chapter I had written all by myself, I hadn’t even used quotes.

Even though I received a good grade, I’ll never forget that day. And it’s really easy to think: why me?

But I was still failing French, which lead to having to take another year of college classes, including an four month long internship. But before the new year started, I wanted to take another shot at trying to get my license. My learner’s permit was almost expiring and that would come with some serious complications.

But after a total of three failed attempts at the exam, I sort of just gave up. I’ve had it. Let that damn permit expire, I thought.

And so I moved on to my, hopefully, last year at college. I actually went to my French classes this time. Paid attention. Did all the work and more. I had a tutor. But I quickly realized I was way too far behind. I knew it. My parents knew it. My tutor knew it and obviously my prof knew it as well. But I kept my head up and went to the exam with all the confidence I could gather.

I obviously knew it was my own fault, letting it get this bad. But I also felt like I had done a lot of improving, ready to try and achieve the impossible.

That January, the results were in. You can guess it. I failed. Badly.

It was a really stupid idea to go on a trip that weekend, but that’s what my boyfriend and I wanted to do. After that trip and many heartburns, I came back home trying to tell my friends and family I was going to drop out of college. I was done. I wanted to earn money. I wanted to get my driver’s license, yet again. But most of all, I wanted to go back in time.

My parents and siblings encouraged me to go through with it. I was almost there and all I could do is try. I knew they were right but I had also lost all confidence. This was the same feeling like when I failed my caregiver’s program back in high school. But this time it was twice as strong because I was ready to move on, do adult things. Live an adult life.

After a few long days, I decided to go to the internship I had gotten earlier that year. The internship turned out the be a great experience, unlike my other internships.

Four months flew by and I gradually realized I was worthy of being in this college program. But French, what to do with French? During my internship I went to French class and tried to do everything right, yet again. My life during those months was mostly about my internship and studying French. But no one was complaining, not even my boyfriend. He knew I was doing good.

In September, I finally graduaded college. I didn’t thank God, I didn’t thank my profs. I thanked my family. And I thanked myself. College is where I learned what te word “ perseverance” really entails.

So I graduated college. But I still didn’t have a license. I pocrastinated yet again. Luckily, this time, it was only after a month that I had enough. I took, may I add, very costly, driving lessons. And I also looked for a job.

Which brings us to today. I had recently signed my first labor contract and I’m starting at the end of the month. And I finally feel like I am ready to take my driving exam for the fourth time. So I did today. And I failed.

So here we are. After everything. I’m 25 and I finally have a college degree. And a job. But I still can’t drive a car to my job. Nope. So I keep thinking:

I knew becoming an adult was going to be hard. No one said it was going to be easy. But did anyone warn me about how hard it was going to be? And if they did, why didn’t I listen?

[maizehartwig]

Text Your Ex Back Example Texts Unbelievable Useful Tips

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How To Get My Ex Back Quora

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My Ex Wants Me Back After 3 Months

[jewishphilosophyplace]

Substance & Tactics at JVP (Response to Mira Sucharov)

  Mira Sucharov is one of the best writers in North America on the left about the contemporary politics in and about Israel and Palestine. Having moved off from a liberal Zionist (2 State Solution) point of political view, she responded sharply to an initiative pushed by Jewish Voice for Peace (JVP) called “Deadly Exchange.” The initiative accuses American Jewish institutions for directly aiding and abetting violence against people of color in this country by sponsoring junkets involving U.S. police and their counterparts in Israel. Many, including this blog, were startled to see in an initiative video mapping out the red lines connecting a nefarious white Jewish cabal colluding against black and Palestinians lives, and accused JVP of slipping into anti-Semitism. For her part, Mira penned an op-ed here at Ha’aretz English pointing out that neither JVP nor the leaders of the initiative have provided any information about the content of these police-professional exchanges or any other evidence to make stick incendiary claims that these exchanges have any substantive connection with the ongoing reality of police brutality in the United States. (Note: it is my practice at the blog to refer to those I consider friends by their first name.) As fallout, Mira, who’s politics are probably now more in alignment with JVP than not, has been accused of trading in racism and the racist erasure of Jews of color. The back and forth has been vicious, and encouraged by supporters and leadership of JVP, particularly on social media.

In an exchange on FB, Mira wanted to suss out my views about Jewish Voice for Peace, an organization about which I have been consistently and bitterly critical for some years now.  Mira, who has herself come in for a considerable amount of abuse from JVP, suggests that it is possible to separate [1] matters especially of radical ideological and political principle from [2] the tactics of self-righteous posturing and moral bullying that many of come to identify with the organization.  Ideally, this analytic distinction should be possible. But my own sense is that while these two “things” might indeed be distinct, they tend to congeal in practice. An extreme political stance lends itself almost inevitable to zero-sum political tactics. Conversely, the lack of that zero-sum stance among self-professed radicals suggests that such posturing obscures more pragmatic political wiggle room under the surface of the radical appearance.

Mira asked, “ So I guess I’d ask (in light of my subthread above — or maybe that was in the previous post — about trying to separate policy from tactics) is what do you have against JVP — is it a difference of values/beliefs/opinion on Israel-Palestine? Or is it a dislike of their tactics?”

I wrote back to say that my criticism of JVP has always concerned the following:

[1] Starting with the substance of the world-view, I’m a liberal Zionist, or a progressive Zionist. (I don’t really care about the label). JVP used to be agnostic about Zionism, but JVP has largely turned itself into an anti-Zionist organization. That’s their right to stake out whatever political position, but it puts them at the margin of and in stark oppositional relations within the Jewish political mini-verse. Of note, however, is the special animus that liberal/progressive Zionists have attracted on the anti-Zionist and now intersectional left. It’s one thing to attack rightwing Zionists who make an easy target, whereas liberal/progressive Zionists hold out a vision which to liberals and leftists might in some way recognize as semi-palatable. You see this animating contempt for liberal Zionists on display at places like Mondoweiss and Electronic Intifadah.

[2] JVP has increasingly resorted to the tactics and language of “targeting” these people. This was the language used by organization leadership to characterize “actions” taken to disrupt a LGBT contingent, including a group of queer orthodox Jewish youth marching at an Israel Day parade in New York. It’s reflected in the abuse heaped on A Wider Bridge, a group of American Jewish LGBT creating bridges with the LGBT community in Israel, the support of JVP for expelling the three marchers at the Dyke March parade in Chicago, and the cyberbulling of Mira in the wake of  a critical piece that she wrote about a JVP initiative that come dangerously close to and slip into anti-Semitism. Compare in contrast the Jewish activist IfNotNow, whose actions never fall into these kinds of traps, and who always punch up in their political actions. The tactics out in the world and online at FB and Twitter by JVP are bullying tactics increasingly and consistently directed at liberal Zionists.

[3] JVP is non-transparent. Not really a peace movement, JVP is a Jewish voice for Palestine, i.e. a Jewish movement doing Palestine advocacy.  In good faith, there is no reason why re-branding JVP as such should preclude its members from arguing the claim that [1] Palestinian interests do not contradict Jewish  interests and in fact coincide and are coequal, that no interest can ever be secured at the expense of another, but that [2] given the asymmetrical nature of the relationship, Palestinian rights and interests enjoy a distinct priority and privilege. Alas, the group’s mission statement on its website is more or less vanilla with an ambiguous, even subtle support of a Palestinian right of return to 1948 Israel. But signing on to the PACBI BDS call means that JVP has committed itself to an unambigious call for RoR, which by most projections would transform Israel into Palestine and Jews into a minority ethnic-religious community. That’s a perfectly coherent notion about which one can argue this way or that. But what rights would such a minority Jewish community would enjoy, especially if the roots of that community are envisioned as “essentially” settler-colonial, and now “white supremacist? Would Jews in such a compact have a public-political interest or a liberal-private one, perhaps simply “religious,” or not even that. The Palestinian cause as taken up on the anti-Zionist left is a social justice movement, not a peace if peace means bridging genuine differences between two opposing sides in a conflict whose resolution requires meeting the interests of both parties. About any of these questions, there is no public transparency at JVP.  If all Zionism means to them is settler colonialism and now white supremacy, they should say so. If members are of mixed mind, then the organization is incoherent about a fundamental ideological point.

[4] The attacks against liberal Zionists and perceived enemies from the liberal-left are an index to an affective pressure at JVP that tends towards anger bordering onto and slipping into hatred, not constructive engagement. From  a more mainstream perspective in the Jewish community, JVP is coming increasingly to resemble a sectarian movement, which in the history of religion, tend towards violent rhetoric. This mood sits at and appeals to the temper of rage and self-righteous fury with the established order, and the desire to rip up and restructure it down to the bitter root. On the other hand, one should not fail to observe that JVP is not just tapping into the mood out there on the intersectional left. JVP is now itself an intersectional Jewish movement. JVP has now brought intersectionality as an internal Jewish question/dynamic to the fore, and with it all the anger and rage that goes into that expressive style as queer Jewish radicals and JOC’s go after the white Jewish and liberal mainstream on matters of substance including but not limited to Israel and Palestine. This is relatively new territory and needs to be addressed carefully, no matter where one stands on the issues. On the basis of limited experience, however, I think I can say with some confidence that JVP does not own a monopoly on questions of common concern regarding social justice, economic inequality, peace and justice in Israel and Palestine, Black Lives, LGBT rights, Islamophhobia and Jewish-Muslim outreach. What  JVP brings to these complex phenomena is the politics of purity, moral posturing, and boundary policing that has engulfed large segments of the radical and intersectional left.

[5] Lost on no one is that the politics of identity and the genuine urgency of creating safe and inclusive spaces is double-edged. JVP claims to oppose anti-Semitism, but they don’t really. When they tag anti-Semitism, there is an almost reactive tendency not to give an inch, immediately and in the next breath to blame its spread on Israel while insisting that people allegedly hyping the problem are responsible for either the problem or for the problem going unchecked. JVP is quick to justify expressions and actions on the anti-Zionist fringe and now intersectional left that exclude Jewish people on the basis of narrow litmus tests regarding Israel and Zionism that work to separate “good Jews” from “bad Jews,” the very same thing about which people complain regarding demands placed upon BLM activists or Muslims as a class. There’s a lot of anti-Jewish rage out there on the anti-Zionist and intersectional left. Had JVP had the courage to stand up to it and work to create bridges, they’d have won a lot more respect in the Jewish community. The fact that they don’t speaks volumes. They now actively contribute to making Jews unsafe

In short, I see the impetus behind Mira’s initial query about splitting off the question about substance and tactics. But I think there is a point where form and content, style and substance meet or resonate. I would submit that the bullying tactical mode at JVP is an index reflecting something seriously wrong with the substance of the political platform and vision, which, in relation to Israel and Palestine, is one that would rejects the principles of self-determination and mutual recognition for two peoples. Several friends and colleagues have observed online that JVP is not the movement that it once was when they joined up, a long time ago, already, when the group first formed. Others who have been sympathetic are losing or have lost sympathy over the course of the last several months or so. There was once upon a time when JVP was agnostic about BDS that allowed for a more free form of give and take. JVP changed when it drank the BDS Kool Aid. The tactics have simply followed suit, reflecting an extreme political orientation premised as it is on the eradication of Zionism.

Regarding the future of Israel and Palestine and the end of Zionism, there is no clear vision, not from the right, left, or center. In power for so many years, the center right in Israel is no closer to its goal of “managing the conflict” with the Palestinian people, while the center left remains hapless and the far left even more so. Or the country is reeling towards some kind of violent, apocalyptic break, a new Nakba, or the country is simply slouching toward a one-state entity with a Palestinian majority. Any such one-state future will have been the work of the Jewish right in Israel, intent on occupying territories, not of the anti-Zionist left, which offers little prescriptive vision moving forward or effective capacity to mobilize politically moving forward.

The truth of the matter is that people who in this country care deeply and consistently about Israel and/or Palestine are very few in number.

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