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katiecomma · 5 years

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Tag Game!

I was tagged by @tilliwriteapine - THANK YOU!!! THIS IS SO GREAT!!! And I had WAY too much fun learning about you!

1. What was the last movie you watched in theaters? Birds of Prey

2. What’s your favorite game to play? Magic the Gathering - I’ve been playing for about 20 years, and the last time I counted, we have about 50,000 cards or so.

3. Chocolate or vanilla? Vanilla for ice cream, but chocolate for cake.

4. What’s the last show you binge-watched? Star Trek DS9

5. Do you have any pets? Two chihuahua rescues - my little pupple boys Loki and Larry

6. What’s your favorite fairy tale? Gah! I don’t know if I could pick a favourite fairy tale...

7. Who’s your favorite superhero? Nightwing is my boy. I love him too much.

8. Who’s you favorite Disney Princess? Ariel or Jasmine - hard tie - OH WAIT!!! SHURI’S A DISNEY PRINCESS TECHNICALLY ISN’T SHE?! Cause then: Shuri 110% no question. I love Shuri SOOO MUCH.

9. Where’s the first place you’re going to go after the social distancing is over? Out for lunch with my husband. Just a nice simple date with some good food I didn’t have to cook myself.

10. Cookies or Cake? CAKE

+ 10 questions

1. which show could you watch over and over? X-Files up to S7

2. favourite song lyric? Hooboy. What a super tough question! AH! “Cause when I’m with you, you’re the crescendo to that melody, that melody I love” from Everyday is a Holiday with You by Esthero

3. favourite season of your favourite tv show? X-Files - S6 - Come ON Arcadia, Bad Blood... EPIC SEASON.

4. what never fails to make you smile/happy? Chatting with my friends online - you know who you are!

5. how are you doing with all that’s going on in the world (virus, having to do social distancing, etc)? Turns out this is kinda the way I live my life on a regular basis... all of my BEST friends are online friends... And I’m never more happy than when I’m snuggly in my office writing something. So... I’ve actually been pretty ok. I get frustrated with people who just won’t LISTEN... like the guys are work who were all talking about going out and getting tanked on St Patrick’s Day... I just wish people understood. But generally I’m ok.

6. we all love new music to listen to, name an artist that is underrated/you think people should check out? The Zolas - AAAAHHHH I LOVE THEM - Also repping Canadian content... but I love them SOOO much... they are my current favourite band, which is saying a lot considering they took the crown from the Foo Fighters. Just LISTEN to Escape Artist and tell me it doesn’t speak to your SOUL!!!

7. tv show or movie? TV Show - I love getting attached to the characters and following them through long term development.

8. favourite holiday? Christmas - there’s just something about the season... and this little bright light of happiness in the darkest of seasons.

9. a song that describes you? Honestly the song that makes me think MOST of my mental state and where I’m at right now.. is a song from my teen years: The Middle by Jimmy Eat World - whenever I hear that song I think he’s speaking directly to me EVERY TIME... and it wasn’t as meaningful when I was a teen, but it gets me now... every time.

10. describe your tumblr in three words? Fandom Dumpster Fire

+5 questions

1. What is your favorite hobby? Writing

2. What is your favorite book? Or/and a really good book you’ve read recently? The Raven Cycle by Maggie Stievfater has quickly climbed to the top of my extensive list of favourite books. I love the characters soo much, and her writing is just so lyrical and poetic and amazing. Specifically The Dream Thieves is my favourite book in the series... because it’s Ronan’s book... and I feel like that reckless, careless boy has a place in all of us.

3. What is your favorite Ship that will never happen (Or hasn’t happened yet)? DUDE!!! McDanno should have happened. 100% McDanno should be canon... the queerbaiting is OUT OF THIS WORLD insane... and I just.. can’t... Probably number 2 is Sterek... and the reason that one hurts so much is just because the actors fully endorsed it in that stupid TV Guide video... “Sterek all the way.”... and I just... that hurts.

4. If you could spend the day with any living celebrity, who would it be? Dave Grohl. I love him. And I think it would be a fucking BLAST to hang out with him.

5. The best worst movie you’ve ever seen. A movie that you know objectively is trash but you can’t help but really enjoy it. Centre Stage... I will watch that movie on repeat until the day I die. The acting in it is atrocious... the writing even worse... and yet... yet...

Questions by @tilliwriteapine

1. If/when you read, do you prefer an eReader or an actual physical book? Physical book - I find with an ereader that there are too few words per page... and constantly flipping pages at the speed I read it.. distracting to me. That might sound like a weird reason... but it pulls me out of the story and I can’t stand for that.

2. Favorite movie? A River Runs Through It. I love it so much. We just rewatched it the other day and when... *gets choked up* Robert Redford delivered the last line at the end... I just... *gets more choked up* I cried my face off... tears streaming down my face... It is. SOOOO GOOOD.

3. What does a normal day look for you? Get up, walk dogs, go to work, daydream while doing my mundane job (that I actually really enjoy because I’m good at it and it makes me proud), come home and write, sleep and then wake up to do it all over again.

Three questions of my own devising... if you’ve been tagged by me, answer these ones too!!! And then add three of your own when you do yours. Plus tag ALL the people!

1. Have you ever watched a show and/or movie for ONE character? If yes, WHO?!

2. What is your ULTIMATE concert (musicians/bands from ANY period alive or dead)?

3. Book that you were forced to read in school that you hated the most.

I am tagging... Hmmmm @frozenmemories1987 @orianess @lavendersblues @thethistlegirl @deltajackdalton @bgharison @bands-space-and-monsters-oh-my @two-of-swords-621 @12percentplan @mutatedsilverunicorn

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incarnateirony · 6 years

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Standom Perspective: The GA’s viewing experience.

So, it’s no secret that stan twitter has a hard time discerning where their perspective ends in relation to a broad wash of the general audience. It is one thing to point out that the majority of the audience aren’t single character stans, the majority of the audience are not meta authors/readers, and the majority of the audience aren’t “woke,” but it’s another thing to really carve out what that means before people start yelling about “reasons the show will fail/is failing,” which generally miss the mark already like the recent claims of failing ratings. [1] [2] - and that’s just the recent ones. We’re not gonna touch on how long people have erroneously been citing ratings-death every year, though ironically source 1 touches on the same issue I’ve been talking about in my #ratings tag.

But the real point is - how does the GA react when not actually sculpted by occupants of stan twitter?

I’ve almost accidentally run an observational experiment without realizing it, with the recent streams of SPN by Sonalii Castillo, the actress from The Outpost that I’ve gotten to watch SPN. Make no mistake: Sonalii and I are friends, but I have gone out of my way to not sculpt her vision as much as humanly possible. In fact, it’s to the point I answer “it’s complicated,” or a few episode citations to rewatch when she asks me things that have a very Destiel-esque answer to them, like the “living life in reverse” or Amara finding Dean via Cas when Amara couldn’t find him herself. Answering these from my perspective would automatically paint a Destiel lens, so instead I’ll just direct source a related quote from an episode and/or tell her to watch it and draw her own interpretation.

She’s also point-blank asked me about the nature of Dean and Cas, what point it ends at audience and what point it begins in the show while she’s catching up and hearing about it passingly through people’s fleeting squii tweets. Even that, I’ve tried to leave simply at “it’s complicated, just enjoy it as you see it.” as best I can.

That said, I’ve been doing backflips to avoid heavily impacting her experience, but still catch questions, so I’d like to address some of this beneath a cut to really scale what a GA experience is like for someone coming in with no real extended knowledge of the series or production, and someone who watches on what we WOULD call a “casual viewership” level - and why ratings screeching, yelling about continuity failures causing nonexistent ratings-death, or whatever else simply does NOT match what happens in the GA.

Okay, first of. Sonalii Castillo is a bean. I adore her. And not in that hero-worship actress way, but on that “we hold long discussions every day and I know who she is as a person and what she aspires to be” way. So let it be said if any of my wording about her paints a knee-jerk bad reaction in someone’s head, to ask for clarification before going off on the woke-brigade or stan-mob effect on or about her, as I may be clarifying badly and I do not necessarily speak for her, as much as attempt to illustrate a general perspective about her that I may need to refine.

First: about the person, about who she is, what her viewpoint is, and her general standing in the GA. So first,

About the viewer.

She’s an (until-now indie) actress, writer, producer, but has never had an enduring role and never really watches shows THIS LONG. Most of her personal writing and producing is in the area of 20 minute shorts where everything is a quick pile drive of as much as you can accomplish in as little time possible. She knew next to nothing about Supernatural when I dragged her in, as ten years ago she applied for a certain female role we would all know and recognize, but got declined because she -- frankly -- didn’t meet the racial profiling needed. There was an ax to grind and I had to lighten that from her and she eventually caved as on a friendly level she heard me constantly talking about Supernatural with other people, and curiosity got the better of her.

Speaking OF racial profiling, she struggles in the industry. She’s technically afro-latina, but does not identify with the afro-side, to the dismay of some african-american fans of hers. She was raised in the dominican republic -- which is also why I cite cultural impact since they’re a little less progressive over there about LGBT than even in the US (no discrimination protections, far lower/latent same-sex marriage support rate, but same-sex marriage was legalized when the DR was bound under the American Convention on Human Rights), so I actually greatly treasure what is, for her, culturally an accepting mind she’s still willing to grow with. She released an interview recently where she cited that once she got to America, the black teens didn’t know what to do with her because she was too latina, but the latina people thought she was too black, but she was raised in latinx culture, so TLDR, she identifies latinx even if not all latinx people accepted her as such in the US, especially after a brief time in France adding other stuff to her journey. She actually commented that, from her perspective, the racial divide actually seems worse in America; that it could be wrong, but nobody in France or the DR looked at her skin color, and now she’s running into stonewalls of it everywhere. Too latina to be black or white but too black to be latina and too anything to be anything that fits anyone else’s mold they want for her.

Now - Sonalii Castillo is super-duper straight. She is accepting of queer people, she knows about me and Shea and engages us regularly about our relationship, that it “isn’t for her,” but she will never EVER judge anyone for who they love or are attracted to. But she is still enough -- perhaps culturally due to where she was raised, then moved to over time -- in the straight-bin she feels like being straight is “under-rated” in our modern society. She is on the defensive-straighty spectrum, but again, culturally, I understand why and I more choose to let watching me and Shea deal with life become a passive form of education rather than trying to aggressively indoctrinate her because frankly, that will go a hell of a lot further and she has a good soul and I’ve seen her start to gain awareness of things.

That being said, she is ALL UP on wanting to monkey climb all three of our boys and a lot of her fangirling centers around their visual imagery as much as anything else, although she’s definitely not an emotional brick and is able to empathize with clearly illustrated trauma and pain. She is not a single character stan. She loves all three, for different reasons, and often talks about their strength as a unit and how they compliment each other when reviewing events; she feels for all of them, and sometimes feels bad for not even realizing she should have been feeling for some of them in certain ways that had slipped her mind.

And, realistically, this is still representative of a large wash of our audience with a racial bend to it (since America IS primarily white, for better or worse -- mostly worse.)

I disclaimer this all to really give you a view of what a GA member may look like. Not all GA will be writer-producers, but oddly, her style of writing-producing actually has ramifications that make her miss very large swathes of seasons-long story arcing until she comes scrapping up like “Wait... so, wait. Okay, did that mean-” which... well, the GA will do too. She is often taken aback remembering certain traumas or dangling plot ends WEREN’T handled or WERE still out there, because she’s not out there to meta these episodes. She’s out there to experience the ride. The shock and horror on her when the Michael flashbacks started kicking up in season 13′s finale are extremely telling, dividing the line between the meta community and the GA.

To her actual viewing response, let me say a few things. These have actually been live streamed to the public. She comes scrapping to the audience watching her looking for answers often. If they’re outright spoilers, nobody answers. If they’re basic questions like why X effect did Z thing, people will explain. But by and large, it’s mostly reactionary effects.

Sonalii Castillo is a brilliant woman. She isn’t dumb. But she watches the show as it comes. She doesn’t sit here psycho-analyzing every motion for purity, she doesn’t break apart every potential plot hole or retcon. In fact, she hasn’t mentioned, noticed, or asked -- be it to me personally or the folks on the livestream -- about a single damn one. In fact, she has more questions about consistent canon elements confusing her than what the stan/meta community has declared as plotholes, sometimes accurately and sometimes not.

And that part is my biggest point to really make.

She didn’t flinch about Cas not seeing the demons; she didn’t even ask. She didn’t dig into any of the S6-7 plot holes or anything in Taxi Driver or ANY of that. Because your average viewer? DOESN’T NOTICE, MUCH LESS GIVE A SHIT.

I know that’s hard for stan twitter to wrap their skulls around, but it’s a simple fact. THEY DON’T GIVE A SHIT. That’s why it hasn’t hurt ratings before, that’s why (beyond it very obviously NOT tallying as mid-episode tune-out) it’s not the cause for any decline this year, and it never-ever will be. In the stuff I linked above to adjacent conversations, there’s any number of reasonable explanations, including: the decline is NOT as dramatic as people act like, it’s negligible and can have other explanations including Wayward axing, bad promotion, or a bad finale.

Speaking of the bad S13 finale, her hot take on it? She considered the finale epic still. To the side she told me, yes, the wires were terrible, and you could see that it was awful, but it was forgivable. Maybe that *is* her indie side showing and being more understanding, I’m willing to even argue that point, but odds are, not THAT many people are going to perma-grudge the show over the wires as much go “what the fuck?” and see if they fixed it later. A few might. That’s the great thing about a GA. It’s diverse.

Some arbitrary potential plothole isn’t going to ruin the show for the GA. Hell, bad wires isn’t going to ruin it for most of the GA. Anything you consider a character oversight for your personal favorite is not going to ruin it for the GA. Your character stanning point may even resonate with portions of the GA that do think like you do, but it is not enough to actually cause a widespread pandemic among the GA just because Cas was tied to a chair, or didn’t see demons, or Michael Dean isn’t Dean enough for you, or a camera blurred on Sam’s face in a few scenes.

Most won’t even fucking notice, much less care. Because the storytelling and cinematography and everything else is doing what it’s supposed to -- largely engaging the audience, and the audience is just as likely to have confusion “wait, what?” on actual canon-solid events that they have to doublecheck and negotiate backwards with information from six years ago as they are any brief “wtf?” momentary questionable plot events. And if they can negotiate those events with histories-old canon-solid events they can negotiate it with adjacent, subtextual, or even reasonable headcanoned reasons that they don’t even bring into question -- because why would they? They don’t have stan twitter in their fucking ear.

On a secondary point: Destiel

So here’s the fun thing about Sonalii and Destiel. Sonalii, on her own, while I bibbity bobbity bounce and dodge answering questions like that, has pretty much fulfilled what I’ve said about the GA. Or at least the straight GA. She sees things, she questions it, but she’s not entirely “sold” on it; she’s made comments that if it happened that’d be neat, she still squiis over “Awww, Cas loves Dean,” but she’s not out here 100% sold on DeanCas or shipping it or reading into it. Welcome to your aggressively straight female GA take on DeanCas. They see it, they occasionally coo about it, but they’re not sold on it as a standing product and are willing to consider other explanations or just not take it to heart until it happens, but they wouldn’t go fucking postal if/when it happens and wouldn’t be surprised, either.

This, of course, is different than if we were addressing viewership from queer-lensed viewers with a different origin than her, which accounts for 1/3 of the modern US population in our target demo (and 1-in-2 for our upcoming younger demo tilting into the bracket) [3], not counting highly receptive allies but people who tick onto the Kinsey scale in some degree.

So here we have a GA that doesn’t ask about plotholes, reads it through their respective interpretational lenses, glosses the surface quality as their minds parse it, and fill in the gaps with headcanons they don’t even realize are headcanons and just absorb as truths until something challenges it in active-canon to make them go “what?” - because the GA isn’t out here refining the exact border of canon, subtext, or headcanon. They are naturally negotiating the story as it unfolds, without interference. Now, if the queer-receptive-but-very-straight-lensed woman is going “awwwwww Cas and Dean” but “I’m still not sold,” but also “I mean, I see it though,” when people ask her or is even out here actively asking questions like what is going on with it, what do you think that means for our increasingly queer identifying audience as well?

Well, Jan, it means exactly what I’ve been saying it means. Don’t believe me? Check all the queerfolk that pour into twitter and tumblr after binge watching 12-13 seasons that are like “Wait, this is something people argue about? I thought this was just a thing???” and are utterly confused that it’s even in debate.

This of course says nothing for the aggressively-straight-lensed GA that are not receptive to LGBT or queer content. But the fact that we also see active outcry about “pandering” does tell us that they see it; they register it; they just simply want to dismiss it. It’s worth minding that 33% of the US is still opposed to same-sex marriage. Some are more passive in their homophobia than “FUCK THE QUEERS,” but it’s still a phobic tilt in society. Some of the same people opposed to it still endorse that they swear they love queer people, and you know -- I have a gay friend or whatever -- and may even try to be “progressively okay with” queer content so where exactly that 33% shifts down to is hard to say. It’s worth mentioning that every census in fandom has had a minimum 72% approval rate for Destiel, with something like 11%~ hard-against and the remaining being in neutral “Eh, no specific feelings on it.” 28% is not exactly far from the mark of 33% and to estimate 1-in-9-or-10 people in the US being giant cantankerous wankers about queer people still isn’t exactly way off the mark either, with like 6-or-7 in 10 being increasingly accepting and others floating in the middle, unsure how to feel, what to think, or what to do. Sonalii would be in that remaining central bracket, but tilts towards the supportive spectrum (I suppose #7 in the 6-or-7) and unshockingly, is in the “I see it/it’s cute/I’m just not sold/maybe it’s just a super weird bromance until it happens/it’s just not for me/so I’ll wait and see if it happens”) Given, those aren’t my hardest, most cross-checked numbers, but it’s basic observation skills.

That is a far cry from there being a majority of antis in the GA. But rather, like I’ve said, a heavy dose of support. The wide majority of queer identifying people in the fandometric supported Destiel. [4] Now, as queer is not a borg and we are not mandated to all like the same things, unsurprisingly, not all queer people liked Destiel. And that’s fine. Again, because we’re not a borg. But it was a remarkable minority. And someone is free to not like it, but flagging around an “i’m queer and don’t like it” card also doesn’t make you an auto-winner in a Destiel shut-down-argument when the vast majority of LGBT fans do. You’re entitled to your opinion. It just isn’t the only opinion, it is not more important than the next person’s opinion, and while “appeal to numbers” is itself a logical fallacy, if this were taken to a basic vote, yes, the LGBT community would come out with support for Destiel. And, by most censuses, the straight community would come out riding a VERY narrow line between support, or “I wouldn’t have a problem with it/I kinda see it/it’s just not 100% yet/meh” with only a minority screaming about how awful it is.

Let’s really double back to the census.

According to the census, the loudest screamers actually weren’t our antis. The loudest screamers were:

Male, Straight [5]

Conservative [6]

40+, especially 60+ [7]

Not all were all-of-the-above on the list, some only ticked a few of the boxes, but some also filled all the metaphorical boxes by basic vector overlap.

Also let me lay to rest the whole “it was all Cas fans that showed up to the survey so that’s why it was high Destiel” myth by dropping this. [8]

Let’s all be amazed that straight old conservative [read as: 89% white] guys don’t like the Destiel content. It came down to about 31% of straight-identifying men. Or, roughly, a cap of 10.3% of our demographic by general US demographics and known SPN male/female ratio outside of fandom centers. And possibly as low as 7.75% or LESS within target demo. Also unsurprising to us, straight-identifying women are more receptive to the content in regards to queer male content, because, IDK, just a shot in the dark here -- they don’t feel threatened by it to their own identity or some concept of “moral standard”; let’s not pretend we don’t 100% know conservative white dudes are totes okay with lesbians but gay men, that’s where they draw the line, because logic.

The rest are numbers that, unsurprisingly, tilt in female conservative, with a tiny overlap from bro-onlies that are the antis we know and love-to-hate.

Yes, the census has declared it isn’t 100% scientific. That’s just an outright responsible thing to declare. But it ran IP-checked individuality testing, it circulated across numerous platforms, and it resonates with every other online demo report we have today on modern trends, from hashtags to google search frequency, to even the imdb data an anti tried to break out on me only to admit it matched my point and not theirs, and yet they doubled down saying that didn’t prove anything either. Also cuz logic.

This census, partnered with other matching trends, external polls, and basic industry awareness, is as close as we will get to a scientific breakdown of our demographic, especially since they went to exorbitant lengths to break down everything from age, gender, politics, favorite character and whatever else to view them by percentile response we can scale into the surrounding US population or general show demographic by their independently displayed percentiles. Because 500 hard conservatives, not even minding libertarians or moderates in their own pool? Is a pretty damn big test group on its own. And you can view their percentile findings independently. And shock-and-awe, when scaled into all of our other information, it still adds up to everything we see.

And that’s another thing to keep in mind in the red/blue demo divide. Not all red is the same. Not all blue is the same. Not all reds are raging homophobes, some are voting red on fiscal opinion (though this administration is thinning that line), some are phobic-coded but not outright hateful or vindictive about it as much as they are learning. Libertarian tends to count as red in a basic census that only gives you one or the other. It’s a form of conservatism. Moderates tend to still identify more red than blue, or at least did a few years ago, this last presidency seems to be shifting that into moderates identifying blue. But go figure, our last red vs blue census for SPN that was a reliable polling source and not some poll on a rando website that ran for a few days with some basic bitch “What’s your favorite TV show” questions ... was a few years ago.

This really isn’t hard.

TLDR takeaways:

GA doesn’t give a shit about your declared plotholes

GA doesn’t give a shit about your character stanning

GA by and large recognizes Destiel in some capacity, with conservative old dudes hating it, a bundle of neutrals passively spotting/sighting/supporting it, and a whole lot of queers and allies yelling that they love it

You literally just have to watch people watch the show without intervening and filling their head with your horse shit to witness this

Also she completely independently raged when she realized Wayward Sisters was a spinoff that got axed and is like, WHY THE HELL WHAT WHY WOULDNT THEY IT WAS AMAZING WTF WHYYYYY so that’s a thing.

And that’s the tea.

#supernatural #demographics #casual viewers #general audience #ratings #and a little bit of #destiel #but mostly how arbitrary stan twitter is

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thecinephale · 6 years

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Best Movies of 2018

My favorite movies of the year were rough around the edges. Ambitious, personal works that were messy and real. There were a lot of big films this year that I personally didn't like that much (or at all), but I really love this list of films and I hope you check them out.

Still need to See: Bird Box, Border, Cold War, Custody, Dark River, I Am Not a Witch, On the Basis of Sex, Spider-Man: Into the Spiderverse, Summer '93, The Third Murder, Tyrel, Unsane, Where Hands Touch, Where is Kyra?

Films I didn't prioritize because someone involved has behaved in a way that makes me uninterested in their work: The Ballad of Buster Scruggs, Can You Ever Forgive Me?, The Death of Stalin, The House That Jack Built, A Simple Favor

Really Liked: -Annihilation (dir. Alex Garland) -Blockers (dir. Kay Cannon) -Crazy Rich Asians (dir. Jon Chu) -Destroyer (dir. Karyn Kusama) -Let the Sunshine In (dir. Claire Denis) -Mary Poppins Returns (dir. Rob Marshall) -Mission: Impossible - Fallout (dir. Christopher McQuarrie) -The Rider (dir. Chloé Zhao) -Private Life (dir. Tamara Jenkins) -Skate Kitchen (dir. Crystal Moselle) -We the Animals (dir. Jeremiah Zagar) -You Were Never Really Here (dir. Lynne Ramsay)

Really Really Liked: -Eighth Grade (dir. Bo Burnham) -Happy as Lazzaro (dir. Alice Rohrwacher) -Leave No Trace (dir. Debra Granik) -Love, Simon (dir. Greg Berlanti) -Mary Queen of Scots (dir. Josie Rourke) -Nancy (dir. Christina Choe) -On Body and Soul (dir. Ildikó Enyedi) -Tully (dir. Jason Reitman)

Loved:

10. Black Panther (dir. Ryan Coogler)

Finally. Proof that Hollywood doesn’t have to choose between style, substance, and entertainment. Black Panther was the biggest film of the year and also one of the best. With stunning cinematography by Rachel Morrison, inspired costumes by Ruth E. Carter, and an album of the year worthy soundtrack by Kendrick Lamar, Ryan Coogler has broken through the Marvel machine to make something truly special. And like all the best superhero movies the supporting cast is incredible, Letitia Wright being the obvious standout, along with moral foils Michael B. Jordan and Lupita Nyong'o. This is everything I want from big budget filmmaking and it's such an exciting relief to be reminded that it's possible.

9. The Tale (dir. Jennifer Fox)

The Hollywood Reporter recently published an article about the 16-year-old girl who inspired Woody Allen's Manhattan. The woman, reflecting on her time with the director and known child molester, is unsure how to frame their time together. She was underage and knowing what she knows now about Allen, their affair feels different. But at the time she was in love. Reading this article, I felt overwhelming gratitude for filmmaker Jennifer Fox and The Tale, a painful and important movie about her own teenage love affair, about her own rape. Fox's vulnerability and skill not only make this a great movie, but a truly life-changing experience. There is one moment in particular that uses cinema in a way I've never seen before. This is by no means an easy film to watch, but it's really worthwhile if you can handle it.

8. Dirty Computer (dir. Janelle Monáe & others)

This "emotion picture" available to watch on YouTube strikes such a moving balance between pure joy, harsh reality, and cautious hope. Its very existence is a sign that its optimism is not misplaced. Musicians have become some of our greatest auteurs with voices and stories Hollywood would otherwise ignore. Janelle Monáe along with Chuck Lightning, Emma Westenberg, Alan Ferguson, and Lacey Duke created a film that is at once a sci-fi epic, a visual album, a public coming out, a celebration of queerness/Blackness/femaleness, and an ode to everybody different. This year was bleak and nothing brought me more comfort than this movie, this album, and obsessing over Monáe and star Tessa Thompson's relationship.

7. Good Manners (dir. Juliana Rojas, Marco Dutra)

Come for the lesbian werewolf musical fairy tale genre mashup, stay for the complicated explorations of race, class, and parenthood. This movie is overflowing with so many ideas, cinematically and thematically, it's thrilling to watch it all fit together. It's so rare to watch a movie and have literally no idea where it's going and I will cherish the experience of my first viewing (I literally SCREAMED at one moment in a crowded theatre, seriously) while also hungrily rewatching to unpack everything that's going on. I can't promise it will all work for you, but I can promise you won't be bored.

6. Shirkers (dir. Sandi Tan)

As a teenager Sandi Tan made a feature film with her friends and an enigmatic mentor. Imagined as the start of a Singapore New Wave, their dreams were crushed when the mentor vanished with the film reels. Now decades later, Tan's documentary recalls the experience… with the help of the recovered reels. Part memoir/part mystery/part lost cinema classic, Shirkers is about youthful creativity, exploitation, and so much more. Ultimately this is a portrait of an art form. Within its 95 minutes it encapsulates everything movies can do and everything movies take. It's currently streaming on Netflix and a must-watch for anyone who makes movies or cares about how they're made.

5. Widows (dir. Steve McQueen)

Like a Michael Mann movie if Michael Mann cared about things other than digital cameras, Steve McQueen's cold and stellar heist movie lacks subtlety in all the best ways. Led by Viola Davis this candidate for greatest movie cast ever of all time ever does not disappoint. Everybody is so, so good, and it's thrilling to watch this kind of 1970s American genre film through a point of view that doesn't belong to white men. There's a lot to unpack here, with character, plot, and theme, and I've only seen it once, but that was enough to know that this is a capital G Great movie.

4. The Miseducation of Cameron Post (dir. Desiree Akhavan)

Not every queer person has gone to conversion therapy, but I'd guess most of us have doubted our feelings and our identities. What could have easily been a more serious But I'm a Cheerleader instead finds its own purpose, its own humor, and ultimately exists as a still relevant portrayal of the gaslighting we continue to face for just being ourselves. Chloë Grace Moretz gives one of the best performances of the year as the equal parts cool and vulnerable Cameron and my love for writer/director Desiree Akhavan knows no bounds. NOTE: Sasha Lane plays a character who is disabled and Forrest Goodluck plays a character who is Two-Spirit despite not being so themselves. Considering how good the film is otherwise I dream of a version with a supporting cast who understand the experience of their characters.

3. If Beale Street Could Talk (dir. Barry Jenkins)

Like the masterpiece of a novel it's based on, Barry Jenkins third film is an overwhelming tribute to life in the face of despair. Instead of offering hope, instead of suggesting that being Black in America will someday be easier, Beale Street shows how love, romantic and familial, can provide temporary escape and a reason for being. The entire cast is incredible and gorgeous. Every frame is lush, the score is beautiful, and the moments of joy are as moving as the moments of pain. We are so lucky to be alive while Barry Jenkins is making movies.

2. Shoplifters (dir. Hirokazu Kore-Eda)

I went into Kore-Eda's Palme d'Or winning tribute to chosen family ready to feel grateful for my own chosen family. The friends, mentors, beauticians(!), doctors(!!) who have loved and supported me and made me feel like I wasn't alone these past few years. That happened. But what surprised me was how much it made me appreciate my biological family as well. Like the houses in my favorite TV show of the year, Pose, the makeshift family of Shoplifters ends up being like any other. There are clashing personalities, there are frustrations, there are fights. But more than anything there is care, there is self-sacrifice, there is love. Community is not defined by perfection. Family is not defined by perfection. Kore-Eda has spent much of his career asking the question, "What is family?" and this film provides the least and most satisfying answers.

1. In Between (dir. Maysaloun Hamoud)

I loved my favorite movie of the year so deeply that a one paragraph pitch just won't do. Fortunately, the best site on the entire online, Autostraddle, had me write a gushy review. Read it here or if you're already convinced watch In Between free on Kanopy and then read it: https://www.autostraddle.com/in-between-review-the-super-gay-super-feminist-film-no-ones-talking-about-444114/

Television!

Extremely honorable mentions like how is there so much good TV these all deserve to be in the top ten: BoJack Horseman (S5), High Maintenance (S2), Insecure (S3), Jane the Virgin (S4), Random Acts of Flyness (S1), Sharp Objects, Supergirl (S4), Take My Wife (S2)

10. Killing Eve (S1) 9. Atlanta (S2) 8. The Good Place (S2/3) 7. The Americans (S6) 6. The Bisexual (S1) 5. ACS: The Assassination of Gianni Versace 4. Queen Sugar (S3) 3. Crazy Ex-Girlfriend (S3/S4) 2. Vida (S1) 1. Pose (S1)

3 notes · View notes