#i love them however i know in my heart those two old motherfuckers cant get along for more than an hour at a time

[lesbiten]

god ford is so bad at just. having other people. friends and family. he sees his brother for the first time in 30 years and proceeds to punch him and then demand he leaves as soon as possible. Bro

[cassyapper]

OKAY IVE ACTUALLY PLAYED TWO SESSIONS SINCE MY LAST POST SO IM GONNA COMBINE THEM HERE SORRY FOR THE LENGTH BUT,,IVE COME SO FAR I DONT WANNA STOP NOW

this is gonna be very messy cause i WILL be jumping back and forth as things come back to mind so uhh pls enjoy this absolute ramble <3

anyway. i continued playing omori and boy do i have some Thoughts

so first session; i went through the pyre(something i forgot the full name sob) forest/sprout mole village/sweetheart’s castle in one go and let me TELL YOU. DOING THAT WAS FUCKING INSANE I WENT NUTS holy shit.

so anyway.

pyre forest!!!! the lil race against the big spider coming after u for disturbing the smaller spiders mechanic was very fun i had a lot of fun figuring out the best routes to take. i know normally mechanics like that lead to ppl getting frustrated cause u have to keep retrying but i had a lot of fun!!!! sum annoyance but good natured type, th kind that just makes u try harder u know? i just enjoyed it JKFN;FN; candles in the foggy forest....now That is an aesthetic

the rare bear scared the fuckin shit out of me i remember it didn’t attack me straight away so i was like “aw (:” but then when i press x on him it takes me to a BATTLE SCREEN AND SUDDEN THAT MF IS TERRIFYING I WAS LIKE WHWHWHWHWKJDNJ. very funny i honestly wished i recorded my reaction

also omori is afraid of drowning...................................i am breathing heavily. i think whatever happened to mari is related to at least one of the things omori is scared of. so either heights, spiders, or drowning it seems. spiders doesnt seem super likely as a contributor to her death, and while falling from a height is more realistic, such a senseless way of dying doesnt seem to rlly fit ? with the vibe i get from the kiddos in the real world. which makes me think maybe drowning/otherwise suffocating is how she died...but we’ll see. also due to the forgotten library part, we know omori explicitly feared spiders/drowning before mari died so it’s also probable im jus talking out my ass here but still,,,,thoughts

also this motherfucker?

literally fucking terrifying. IT’S BODY IS MADE OF SUCC’D SPROUT MOLES...i still have no idea what exactly it was doing to them but jesus h christ!!!! evil and fucked up. do not feel bad for curbstomping it

sprout mole village!!!! very cute, im v excited to send that one dude his brother’s care package. i like how, when theyre not lost, sprout moles can be real endearing lil guys,,,theyre not my fav lil enemies but (:

also for some reason omori is the first game ive played where i really care about getting achievements ? so i literally did the back and forth on my save file just to get all the season sprout mole achievements JKDJFJ;. i ended up sticking w spring tho before moving on for real cause spring is my fav season irl (:

also i felt SO BAD for cutting down that one sprout mole’s chistmas tree he was just trying to celebrate but i wanted to see that present and coincidentally becoming a christmas ruiner was an achievement so all’s fair in love and war i suppose

ALSO. th fuckin plant monster thing under the scientist sprout mole’s room. major little shop of horror vibes from the design, absolutely adored it!!!!! originally i did  just cut the wire holding the piano over it, ending it in one go, but i was very curious abt it so i reloaded a save file to actually fight it and

i know it only spread that gas to make the kiddos happy cause being happy reduces attack i think ? it decreases attack/defense but seeing the kiddos smile so much was nice (:

however

omori...sunny....son boy.........u good ?

and now. sweetheart

the way the sprout moles completely adore and depend on sweetheart gives me such awful evil vibes and combined with such a luxurious background was fucking incredible

sweetheart herself, speaking of. bitch (sorta affectionately, certainly not derogatory)

i talked to every sprout mole in the audience before taking my seat and i literally dont know why. even when i picked up the pattern of where the unique dialogue could be found (usually the sprout moles farthest right) i still talked to all of them......just in case ? i have no idea. i dont know why i did that. i feel it’s important that i note it tho

LMAO SO WHEN SPROUT MOLE MIKE DID THE MINUTE OF SILENCE FOR YE OLD SPROUT MOLE

I LITERALLY FELT SO FUCKING BAD LMAO I WAS LIKE OH MY GOD NO!!!!!! I DID THAT!!! I KILLED HIM!!! OH MY GOD!!! I WONDER HOW AWKWARD OMORI KEL HERO AND AUBREY FELT IN THE AUDIENCE HOLY SHIT THEY HAD FRONT ROW SEATS TO SPROUT MOLE MIKE’S MOURNING!!! MY GOD FJKFN;;

also sprout mole mike describing 3′7″ inches as ”towering” was the FUNNIEST shit i have ever seen. also i have to wonder, since sweetheart made up the whole show of sweetheart’s quest for hearts in the first place, if she was seriously down to marry a sprout mole if one suited her fancy. jus v funny to me honestly. SPEAKING of sweetheart’s dating patterns I NOTICED THOSE FEM SKELETONS IN THE DUNGEON!!!!! BI SWEETHEART!!!! SHE’S JUST AS DOWN FOR GIRLS AS SHE IS BOYS

i know TECHNICALLY not everyone is in the dungeon for failing to be a good enough suitor but STILL...COME ON. THIS WAS BEFORE WE KNEW THAT. SWEETHEART BI I WILL DIE ON THIS HILL

anyway

when the lights when out and lightning struck the third contestant, i knew Immediately something was gonna go down. and when the mustache sprout mole was like “oh yes!! u!! in the striped pjs!! u absolute beast ur perfect!!!” i KNEW hero had just been selected as the replacement i was goign completely fucking nuts i was like OH MY GODNFNG; HIS HEART IS ALREADY TAKEN BY MARI!!!!!!! STOP

i ended up taking so many screenshots during this part cause i was going feral so here take a glance just cause i love, uh, hero

OUR HERO IN SHINING ARMOR DJLBH;KFJB

also GOD FUCKING DAMMIT IM SHORTER THAN HERO

hero shaking on the stage when he was introduced...oh my HEART....IM SO FOND FOR THIS BOY WTF!!!!! DKJDN;N

this is not really NEWS to me since it’s implied hero is tall but like come ON..... sorry just every time i find out a character is explicitly taller than me i need to huff about it, moving on,

HERO FUCKS

sorry i just have so many screenshorts during this aprt cause i was going fucking crazy but

literally terrifying! sweetheart bathes in that shit!! christ!

is blood good for ur skin? i imagine, so long as like...gore isnt in it and it’s solely blood it cant be BAD necessarily......but good ? regardless very fucked up. besides the fact that well, uh, BLOOD, blood is also sticky as hell. ur telling me sweetheart willinglhy bathed in that shit? disgusting. at least thin it out

anyway I HAD SO MUCH FUN DOING THE PUZZLES AT SWEETHEART’S CASTLE....FROM THE DUNGEONS TO THE KITCHENS TO THE BALLROOM TO THE LIBRARY TO THE GARDENS JUST EVERYTHING!!!! IT WAS SO FUN I ENJOYED FIGURING IT OUT SO MUCH IT WAS LITERALLY DELIGHTFUL...I LOVE THIS GAME SO MUCH THE GAMEPLAY IS SO FUCKING EPIC I LITERALLY HAVE SO MUJCH FUN.......OH MY GOD I JUST. INCREIDBLE!!!! FUCK

also the lil sir maximus bit.........i honestly felt really awful over having to kill them ): i think i even tried running once but it wouldnt let me...it hurt man ): they were just a family....

um but anyway,

i think it was rlly sweet how aubrey protested to the wedding cause she was worried abt sweetheart,,,like i cant rlly explain it idk how to put it into words,,like sweetheart is clearly not mentally well and having an episode, and aubrey being the only one to say “hey what ur doing is self-destructive and isolating” just mmmh. she cares a lot,,,and *i* care aubrey

also sweetheart’s battle theme fucking SLAPPED...SO GODDAMN HARD IM STILL QUAKING OVER IT....FUCKING BANGER YO!!!!!! INCREDIBLE

ah but alas

BASIL........I NOTICED THAT IT WAS HIS GHOST/SHADOW DURING THE EXIT FROM OTHERWORLD AS WELL BUT JUST FUCK

im so worried about basil ):

and it being so obvious that none of the others can see...........them asking omori if he’s okay.....oh my god. i go nuts

and then...the forgotten library part

i literally cried, again, oh my fucking god

these kids loved each other so much they ADORED the time they spent with each other and im QUAKING to know WHAT HAPPENED TO MARI......HOW DID THE FALLOUT GO. I NEED TO KNOW I NEED TO KNOW I NEED TO KNOW

i know there are multiple endings to this game and on god i am not QUITTING until i get the happiest ending there is for these kids im literally a goddamn fuckign mess oh my god

MARI SHWOING UP IN THE LIBRARY AT ONE POINT AND LEADING OMORI...........IM LTIERALLY GOIGN INSANE OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD HE LOVED HIS SISTER SO MUCH HE’S SO CLEARLY LOST WITHOUT HER I CANT FUCKING DO IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I NEED TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENED. I NEED TO KNOW I NEED TO KNOW I NEED TO KNOW

GOD

okay sorry i just. ive said ti before but the grief in this game is so real and palpable and it aches, it aches so bad. also the white egret orchids in the library...i see u

but regardless.... session two real world electric boogaloo

LOVE that kel is like “so i need to run errands but u wanna come with me right? of course u do!” like fuck i rlly do. kel is just so delightful i would literally do anything to spend time with him

ALSO i noticed u can just refuse to open the door both times kel’s knocked now and it makes me wonder....if u could choose to ignore kel ? and then venture out urself or just ? i wonder what would even happen if u chose to not open the door. im CERTAINLY not doing it myself at the very least not this playthrough but i am curious...i bet that’s how u get a bad ending, by not talking w kel

but anyway....

aubrey and her gang not saying anything in the pizza parlor........i jus think abt that is all

ALSO!! pet rocks!!!!!!!!! LOVE this lil thing it’s so cute. jus rock paper scissors it babey

speaking of lil bits, love all the mini quests in the real world...it’s just rlly fun and builds up this cute lil town........it also makes me think that whatever happened to mari cant have been anything except an accident, bc no one comments on what a tragedy it was to omori. like if it was murder, there’s no way such a horrific situation wouldnt engulf the town for a bit and sweep over it for weeks at least, but that just doesnt seem to have happened. this is def me reading too into it tho;; point is neighbors nice (: also i got the seashell necklace and i go apeshit

ALSO......THE FUCKING...........CHURCH. I VISITED WITH KEL ON A COMPLETE WHIM CAUSE I WAS CURIOUS IF THE PASTOR WOULD TALK MORE ABT AUBREY BUT NO. INSTEAD HE TALKS ABT THE WEIRD VIBE FORM THE GRAVEYARD HE’S GETTING!!! AND THE DUDE WHO CHILLS IN THE GRAVEYARD SAYS SHIT ABT THE SPIRITS GETTING READY FOR SOMEONE TO JOIN THEM!!!! BITCH WAHT THE FUCK

THERE’S NOF UCKING WAY THIS ISNT ABOUT BASIL. THERE IS NO!!! WAY!!!! I SWEAR ON GOD IF BASIL DIES I WILL LOSE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ESP CAUSE THERE IS LITERALLY NO OTHER WAY HE COULD DIE EXCEPT SUICIDE THAT’S WHAT IT HAS BEEN IMPLYING OVER AND OVER I GO NUTS I GO APESHIT NO NO NO NO!!!!!!!!!!!!

FUCK

OKAY SORRY I JUST. HHHHHHHHHHH

baby has acquired baby

kel’s family is rlly cute,,,,v heartwarming. i trust them

i do worry abt like...the stark difference between recognizing kel’s accomplishments and hero’s...i just idk. i just keep thinking abt that bit in kel’s story abt hero’s depression when his parents focused on hero and ignored him, and i just. kel’s family is good People but i worry if kel has a good support system...i jus........): i am watching

ahh THE BASIL MISSING PART MADE MY HEART LITERALLY FUCKING DROP..I WAS SO FUCKING PANICKED I WAS LIKE OH MY GOD THIS IS IT BASIL IS DEAD

THANKFULLY HE WASNT BUT HOLY GOD HOW THAT WHOLE SITUATION PANNED OUT MADE ME GO NUTS!!!!!!! BASIL...AUBREY...HER GANG.......FUCK OH M YOGD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD

THANK G O D I SNOOPED AROUND KEL’S HOUSE BEFORE LEAVING I WOULD HAVE H A T E D TO FIGHT THEM ALL AT ONCE IM GLAD I WAS ABLE TO JUST PEPPER SPRAY THEM JESUS CHRIST

oh my god kim like asking for aubrey all concerned before deciding to trust her and leaving.....kim i diagnose u with lesbain

the whole fucking. basil almost drowning scene. i seriously feel like ive changed like as a person over it. i am thinking . i am thinking. i am only evee thinking about mari and how omori just loved her so much and how the thought of her gave him strength. th pic of her ghost holding omori’s hand in the water made me cry

MMMM BUT. HERO!!!

I DIE I DIE I DIE HE’S SO PRETTY FUCK ALSO HIM PICKING UP BASIL WOOOOOOOO THIS IS WHAT IVE BEEN WAITING FOR THAT’S WHAT IT’S ALL ABOUT YEAHHHHHHHH

god i feel so bad about leaving aubrey tho. shes so clearly not okay and she so clearly did not mean to push basil in and oh my GOD I JUST...PLEASE....PLEASE CAN WE JUST TLAK TO HER I NEED TO TLAK TO HER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I NEED TO FUCK

the ghosts of omori and aubrey on the swings made me cry out like i had been physically assaulted

AHH BUT THEN TAKING BASIL HOME AND WHILE HE’S IN HIS BED HE JUST SAYS “oh sunny...there’s not way out of this...is there?” I LITERALLY GO BUCKWILD APESHIT INSANE STUPDI!!!!!! BASIL YOURE PUTTING UP A LOT OF ALARMING FLAGS HERE!!! PLEASE DO NOT FUCKING DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!

FUCK. CHRIST. HELL. SHIT. THIS GAME IS DRIVING ME FUCKING CRAZY

GOD

oh my god but the day ending with hero and kel sleeping over at omori’s house...im kdnd im jkdim im not uhm okay THEY BUILT A BLANKET FORT PLEASE..I LOVE THEM

goddd hero going into the piano room....playing sum........and then asking omori abt the song he and mari used to play on violin...and then THE TITLE SCREEN MUSIC STARTS PLAYING....HI. HI HELLO HI YOU CANT FUCKIGN DO THAT HI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FUCK YOUFBJFGJNGN;EJNE; IM GOIGN NUTS

also the name omori comes from the piano.............interesting...i wonder why sunny likes being called omori in the dreamscape...

god but omori not having a srs hallucination cause he’s w his friends and he feels safe...im gonna sob

However. i did glance into the bathroom mirror. AND INSTEAD OF THE EYE MF IT’S A DISTORTED AS HELL GHOST MARI???IM SO FUCKIGN SCARED. IM SO SCARED. WHAT THE FUCK. WHAT THE FUCK? CREEPY AS HELL!!!

ohh my god this GAME

so finally i ended up in whitespace again. do NOT like that omori is completely alone in the world!!! what the FUCK!!!!!!!! I AM SO SCARED AT ALL TIMES. im literally about to go play sum more tho after dinner so i will see what happens. god i jsut......this game is so fucking good it has me by the balls dude. SO glad i decided to play it bruh

anyway thanks for reading all of this if u did, it’s an absolute monster ik and ur a real one

[kadywicker]

endgame Thots spoilers ahead...................................

.......................

..............................

so honestly i think the quote that best sums this up is thor’s quote about stopping trying to be what’s expected and just being who he is. i’m aware that characters are written and ultimately the writer controls what happens BUT i think that perfectly sums up the difference between character arcs & in character actions.

everyone is complaining about thor and steves arcs and it’s like..... arc wise yes thor shouldve been king & steve shouldve acclimated to the future. but arcs are ALSO written and most of the time characters are forced into situations and it’s a completed character arc bc it rhymes/it’s poetic/it completes a cycle. BUT that is not the same thing as a character doing something in character. steve WANTED to go back and live with peggy. thor WANTED to explore the universe away from duty. maybe they didnt complete specific arcs that everyone expected but... they’re being who they are. in contrast to that you have tony who WANTED to stay with his family but chose to sacrifice himself & this completed his character arc beautifully. but those two kinds of ends for characters are not at odds with each other and one is not automatically bad writing bc the other one exists.

that being SAID here’s some more general thoughts

thors appearance was p bad im gonna be honest that was like. the one uncomfortable thing to watch

i literally sat there bawling and hiccuping when tony died like..... im an iron man stan now and im so fucking sad what the FUCK

the whole theater lost their collective minds when carol showed up & then at the end when t’challa showed up which just shows you where everyone is

but the MOST applause was when steve used the hammer. my hands hurt from clapping. everyone was screaming.

whats the deal w peter??? like he went back to school & in homecoming all his old classmates are there like did his entire class get snapped fhasdfsdf

a bitch was crying about scott and cassie what the fuck

MORGAN????????????

FUCKING MORGAN OH MY GOD THAT POOR SWEET BABY. SHE WAS SO CUTE AND ILOVE HE R RR R AND TONY IS SUCH A GOOD DAD? HELLO? 

the scene where all the mcu ladies go to beat up thanos healed my gay heart and idc if its pandering i want it

HOWEVER the promised gay rep was THE stupidest thing ive ever seen in my life like i get that disney sucks but dont promise smth amazing and build it up and then have it be some random fucking man at a group therapy session

loki................... he just straight up left hfasdofsfd is he okay out there

VALKYRIE GOD I AM. SO FUCKING GAY YOU GUYS. HER HAIR? MAAM??? 

also im a bit confused on the time travel thing? they said it wouldnt affect their present if they went to the past & established that its different timelines. but then.... how did steve end up old in the future? i mean this isnt a major gripe though ANY show dealing w time travel literally always has time travel plot holes so if i see u guys saying this means its bad writing im gonna lose my mind. time travel is impossible for a reason (unless its to the future but even then its bc of time dilation) and its gonna end up w plot holes when ur trying to write a show w it

am i the only one that got the “blue meanie” reference? tony said it about nebula and my obscure knowledge from being a misguided 12 year old obsessed w the beatles. came in handy. blue meanies were the villains in the beatles movie yellow submarine. theyre these motherfuckers.

I LOVE YOU 3000...............

i never cared abt clint or natasha but wow that shit hurted 

literally the entire funeral scene was the worst thing that ever happened to me i sat there sobbing so hard my throat started hurting

i am iron man...................... u sure fucking are man :(

SAM. GOT. THE SHIELD. SAMS CAPTAIN AMERICA BITCHES WHAT THE FUUUUUUUUUUCK HELLO????? IM SO HAPPY. I WAS HOPING FOR THAT

bucky looked pretty for his 3 seconds of screentime 

im as much of a st*cky fan as anyone else but did you guys truly think disney was gonna do that like....... if u think the movie sucks and is bad writing bc ur ship isnt canon u r gonna have a real bad time watching just about anything. i get being upset abt queerbaiting bc there was a bit of that wrt cast interviews and writer interviews but in the actual movies like...... it wasnt gonna happen idk what u guys expected :/ 

also fanfiction still exists u cant let canon stop u from having ur own imagination like u can literally write WHATEVER u want. half the fandom still writes 2012 avengers fics where they all live in the same tower. its fine. its okay. the actual movies arent the be all end all u can choose ur own adventure

HE WENT FOR THE HEAD

tony & peter hugging was so much for me and im so fucking sad right now yall. and peter telling him goodbye. ouch! he looked up to tony even if that was misguided at times 

also i didnt care abt tony and pepper either and here i am. caring. endgame truly just made me Care. 

gamora is BACK & her being her past self and missing is just fodder for quill/gamora fanfiction i cannot WAIT to see the next guardians movie and watch them fall in love again. 

i love nebula so goddamn much what the fuck. daughter. 

i personally dont care for steve/peggy and in my own personal headcanons and preferences im gonna do away w that whole...... thing bc i dont personally like it but it still isnt really bad writing imo & guys hes been in love w peggy from the start that cant be shocking now

SAMBUCKY RISE...........

on your LEFT everyone also lost their minds on that one i think thats when they started losing it and then when tchalla showed up the screams went even louder and i think everyone was just screaming for 2 minutes

i know i already said it but I LOVE YOU 3000. FUUUUCK ME

pepper as iron man was sooo fucking good she better take up the mantle like ooooh fuck. oh my god. that was amazing and i love her sm

okay okay i think that sums it up im done now but anyway endgame is good & most of the ppl complaining are just the type of ppl that like to Hate Absolutely Everything bc its edgy and cool to be like that. go see it. form ur own opinion. dont feel obligated to follow the masses (at least on tumblr. everyone else seems to love it lmfao but theyre not pressured by this website to act like everything is Bad and Terrible) & be bitter about it. like what you like and take out what you dont like it is That Simple. its a good movie

[vanogla]

got any vanogla headcanons? idc if its in au or not all i know is that I Need Vanogla Content Or I'll Die.

aw fuck don’t die i need every vanogla fan alive if i want to grow my empire 

ah jeez, this list is going to be a friggin’ mess so it’ll be under a cut-

general headcanons

here’s my base for hcs when i watch their videos. please remember that these are merely headcanons and may not be true!

*Evan’s only mean to David when Tyler is around; when they’re alone they laugh literally every other sentence and make harmless jokes and its all feel good banter 👍

*they’re both awkward in public and avoid PDA; if u ask them abt their (established) relationship they’ll be very tight-lipped abt it（・θ・）

*its not a headcanon that they’re both born in the same year :) you may have noticed that i draw Evan’s height in line with David’s caterpillar eyebrows so that’s my height diff hc :D

*imo Evan never uses pet names or terms of endearments with David, he’s not comfortable with it, and the furthest he’ll go is “babe”. David comes up with the shittiest, most obnoxious nicknames for Evan as much as possible to make up for it tho, and he’s not afraid to embarrass Evan in public with them xD however the only legit terms of endearment David uses are “dear” and “darling” cuz he’s an old man at heart

*this one is a rather unpopular one but i can never see Evan casually calling daithi “David” instead of “Nogla”. I know its like a relationship milestone to call him by his first name, but i cant see it happening unless its for a joke (e.g David Blaine from one of the vids) so imo daithi will forever be “Nogla” to Evan. (However if it’s AU im completely 100% all for it yes)

*Evan isn’t as smart as David thinks he is (tbh David puts him on a pedestal), and Evan doesn’t actually think David is stupid or dim (shown when he calls David “smurt” when he gives a good idea). i fuckin love it when they discuss solutions to the game together because they’re so quiet and serious in those moments :>

*surprisingly Evan overthinks more than David does; he’s actually a doubtful guy. David’s generally more impulsive than Evan, but he can form a black-or-white opinion depending on the facts he’s given. Evan on the other hand will stay in the grey area- he’ll find some way to balance out both sides (unless it’s morally wrong then hell no- he’s def picking a side)

*idk how to explain this one but i really love the way they say each other’s names. I noticed in some videos that David will keep calling “Evan” multiple times to get his attention and same goes for Evan repeating “Nogla” a buncha times to show or tell David something- and i just find it really cute and dorky.. if i could i would compile all of these moments together (Ｔ▽Ｔ)

*just sayin’: when they call each other ‘owl’ and ‘lobster’ it sounds flirty as fuck

*this is sappy but i definitely think that Evan is 100% himself when he’s with David. With David, he doesnt have to be the coolass-motherfucker-with-awesome-one-liners, and instead he openly giggles and asks for help/affection without having to filter himself to sound cool (i think this can be seen in some of their videos as well). although he isn’t as comfortable with David when other ppl are around, when they’re on their own Evan can always count on David to be encouraging, supportive and playing along with Evan’s jokes so that’s why Evan is so comfortable with David ( ´ ▽ ` )

*fuckin hell they’ll always come back together; whether as friends or lovers they could never permanently cut each other out of their lives because their lives are so entwined with each other- David having Evan in his thumbnails/in the title, Evan laughing at David’s shenanigans are the highlight of his videos- and no matter how harsh they seem with each other they’ll always bounce back in the end :’)

*i think that they have a closer relationship than casual viewers of the crew think, and so they are forever a memorable aspect of each others lives (ye, theyre my OTP and BrOTP ヽ( ´¬`)ノ) 

*despite all’a this, i dont think they need each other, of course they can be independent and go their separate ways. but i just know for a fact that sooner or later they’re gonna see something that reminds them of the other and the memories will remind them of good times ^_^

*err i have like, 1 solid nsfw one and that is neither of them like penetration so they rarely do it. Its not because i have anything against anal, its because i don’t see either of them as people who enjoy being penetrated. Generally I don’t see them as a pair who’d have sex often anyway (^_^;) -however when they do they’d be laughing so much thru it ◎▼◎ (ill be posting a list for this veryverysoon! [update: here it is])

additional headcanons

here’s some of my indulgent hcs ^_^ here’s where the good stuffs at, cuz the general hcs don’t necessarily apply to these ones:

*David pining is my favourite thing ever like he’ll write a lot of songs abt Evan and he’ll post them and say that it’s not for anyone in particular but its a fucking lie because he literally has only one person on his mind when he writes it and sings it but he’ll never tell anyone and he sure as hell won’t tell Evan

*Evan pining is also v good yes :’) He’s fuckin scared that David’ll know that he has a soft spot for the Irish prick so he hides it with jabs and insults. but sometimes his fondness slips thru and his laugh comes out a lot warmer than he’d intended and his eyes linger on David and for a split second it feels like he knows, he fucking knows and yeah it scares him so in the end both of them think their feelings are unrequited woohoo

*i have a love/hate relationship with whipped!Evan cuz it feels like i stripped him of his personality but its the only way i can get him to shower David with affection so Welp he’s staying for the fluff

*whipped!Evan snippets: Evan longingly gazing at David like David would disappear the moment he blinks + Evan being bold and chasing after David because ‘you’re a part of this mess, we’re in this together whether you like it or not’ will really fuck me up

*Evan isn’t as giggly in some of my AUs. i like playing around with his GTA or Gmod-roleplaying personality so he can get pretty closed-off depending on the au. most of the time when he’s in this character, David will be the lighthearted and cheeky one to balance it out c:

*i love to treat David well but i also love to wreck him so cynical!David or insecure!David are some of my fav angst hcs cuz both’ll make him very very frustrated lol

*following the last point, David’s usually the one to fall in love first, but he’s also the one to doubt their relationship- so he’s hesitant of commitment and he’ll say stupid shit just to see if Evan will stay with him despite his flaws. 

*lowkey hero/villain au: the way bad-guy-David taunts good-guy-Evan with “little owl” or “little bird” or “plucking/ruffling yer feathers” is like, h o l y shit yes. (And don’t tell me you cant imagine Evan yelling “YOU’RE GOING DOWN” xD)

*for one of my soulmate aus, they’re not soulmates. they’re just two people who fell in love and decided to stay together despite the fact that they’re not “meant to be” cuz they feel like their relationship is valid, even if it doesn’t match up to society’s expectations. another one is that they are soulmates, but despite knowing that they’re supposed to be the perfect complement to each other, their personalities are incompatible as fuck and honestly it’s a mess of misunderstandings hahaha.

*that nsfw hc mentioned previously does not apply to most of my AUs by the way- ngl there’s a lot of sexual tension in my AUs ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Aye that pree much sums up my main headcanons (ﾉ*ﾟｰﾟ)ﾉ 

ive got a few more headcanons for cop au but that’ll come out another day on another post xD also i have a lot of hcs for other aus that ive never fully developed, perhaps ill post those someday as well lol

also sorry for the wait, i hope ye enjoyed despite this being late (::)

holy shit im so obsessed with these two i spent 4 hours typing+editing this fuck

[crash-course-in-chaos]

My favourite gayboy Elves to walk Middle-Earth

Silmarillion Rants: No.1 The Forbidden Gayboys

That's right Maedhros and Fingon. I swear to gods Tolkien must have adored Romeo and Juliet because god DAMN is there some Romeo and Juliet forbidden love bullshit in the Silmarillion. Mainly with Beren and Lúthien but I’ll get to them another day. But right now I want to rant about these two dorks with a blood feud literally singing to find each other at the peaks of Thangorodrim right above the Enemy’s lair.

So without going into too much detail into how Maedhros ended up chained to the top of the Mountains of Tyranny....ok no let’s talk about it actually because he is an IDIOT but an excusable idiot. Our boy Maedhros, after Papa Fëanor gets wrecked by Gothmog in the Battle-under-Stars, gets offered a peace treaty by a servant of Morgoth who essentially says “Hey man, Morgoth here, just wanted to give you a Silmaril because you beat my armies so darn good, meet me here and its yours.” Then Maedhros, Chief Idiot of all the sons of Feanor (ok maybe not, but for now he is) convinces his brothers that its a good idea, except they are going to outsmart Morgoth by bringing more people than were agreed on. Then they get to the meeting place. It was at that moment he knew. He had fucked up. Morgoth had sent EVEN MORE force, and also a Balrog or two for good measure. So long story short, Maedhros for reasons unknown, possibly wasn't thinking straight cos his Dad just died, his brothers weren't thinking straight either, thought he could trust and outwit Morgoth based on that trust. Woops I guess. So that's how you get taken hostage, all your comrades killed (except your brothers, and their parties who all retreated) and chained by one hand to the top of the Enemy’s big bad mountain, just in case anyone was wondering.

So now that you’ve found yourself stuck at the top of Thangorodrim like Maedhros, what do you do? A. Wriggle out of it. B. Wait for Morgoth to get bored and kill you or set you free. C. Hang there in torment while your brothers are downstairs not doing much at all to rescue you. The answer is C. Luckily for Maedhros, a beautiful bean named Fingon arrived with HIS daddy, Fingolfin, after they were all forced to traverse the barren icy hell to the north thanks to Fëanor and sons. Despite this feud between Fëanor’s sons and Fingolfin however, precious Fingon goes “I’m getting tired of the bullshit between us all guys, can’t we all just get along we have a big bad guy to fight, not each other. Oh wait my old friend Maedhros, whom I was friends with before Morgoth was sprouting bullshit among our people way back in Valinor is on top of that mountain above the Enemy stronghold?? Hold that thought about war guys I’ll be right back, try not to kill each other....again.” And so by the good grace of Fingon’s mighty heart and love for his ‘friend’ Maedhros, the hero Maedhros needs but not the one he deserves appears on Tharongorodrim. Not being able to see or find a way because of all the smoke and haze spewing from the mountain, this motherfucking SAP of an Elf sits there, pulls out a harp, and starts singing an old AF song from way back when Fëanor and Fingolfin were cool(ish), back when the Noldor were one people more importantly though, back when these two god damn lovebirds were living a HAPPY life.

Before I keep going I feel like I really need to stress how much of a bean Fingon is. He has just come across a frozen HELL which he walked on for however many years I honestly cant remember, regardless he crossed the Grinding Ice because Feanor and his sons (aka, Maedhros) did a bit of kinslaying and then jumped in some boats saying they would send them back over, but then BURNED THE BOATS WHICH THE NOLDOR THEY LEFT BEHIND COULD SEE. So Fingon gets to Hithlum, after this long dreadful march, arrives to a battlefield essentially, where the people who fucked his people over are living, gets there hears that one of the guys who fucked him over is being tortured on the biggest and baddest mountain in Middle-Earth at this stage, and goes I need to risk my life by potentially diving into the hands of the enemy to save him. Once he gets there he sits down and plays a song and starts singing to him. Now, if that is not GOD DAMN LOVE I don't know what is.

So my boy Fingon eventually gets a response to his beautiful song from the good old days, and Maedhros is singing back to him. And it is beautiful and sad at the same time but also full of hope and I have some emotions. But he gets up there to a point where he can see his long lost lover Maedhros but can’t actually get to him to help him down. Realising this Fingon starts weeping (I would cry too if I couldn't reach that sweet elf booty) and Maedhros begs Fingon to kill him with his bow. In what they think are the final moments with Maedhros begging his ancient friend to end his misery, Fingon calls upon Manwë to guide his arrow as swift and true as he can as well as asking for pity upon the Noldor. Manwë then heeds his prayer and does one of the only commendable things he ever does in my opinion because he has a tiny bit of pity left for the Noldor (Manwë gets on my nerves but that's a rant for another day) and sends Thorondor, King of Eagles, basically at the speed of light to stop Fingon and instead carry him up to Maedhros, which would have been a much better prayer anyway, but what are Elves if not absolute drama queens. So now our lovers are united, but Fingon soon realizes that he can’t free Maedhros from the stone, to which Maedhros still being a drama queen goes “Just kill me with your knife please babe I can’t live anymore” I assure you those are the exact words as written by Tolkien. Fingon just goes dude shut the fuck up, and hacks off his hand by which he was bound instead. And with that they go back down, Fingon is renowned as a hero for saving his true love from the top of a mountain in the heart of Enemy territory, and Maedhros in his love and gratitude for Fingon revokes any right he had to kingship of the Noldor and passes it to Fingon, by which they reunite the Noldor and end the feud between the two branches. At least for a while because the other six sons of Fëanor aren’t too impressed.

This post has already become too long and there is so much more to be said about these two as individuals but for now I will wrap it up with their separation in the fifth battle of the First Age, Nirnaeth Arnoeidiad. My own personally headcanon here is that Fingon was distraught when Maedhros’s host was late to battle which is why Fingon’s host took such heavy losses at the beginning of the battle under the gates of Angband, due to the worry of Fingon for Maedhros. But I can imagine the relief on Fingon’s heart when he heard the trumpets of Maedhros coming to his aid. Even more so I think about the horror Fingon would have felt in witnessing after his host and the host of Maedhros being separated by Glaurung, the betrayal of the Easterlings who turned on the host of Maedhros, with such force that the entire host was scattered. Soon after, Fingon was separated from Turgon and Hurìn, and I think he would have fought out of hatred and desperation in not knowing the fate of Maedhros. While everyone around him died, and he was left alone fighting off Gothmog, I can’t help but think Maedhros was on his mind as he was finally slain by Gothmog after being ambushed from behind by a second Balrog.

SO IN SUMMARY, Fingon son of Fingolfon is the most precious god damn bean to walk Middle-Earth and is such a god damn sap full of love and forgiveness and he did not deserve to die alone at the hands of Gothmog. Who incidentally is kind of the reason he had to save Maedhros and become King of the Noldor in the first place, because Gothmog killed Fëanor….regardless Maedhros did not deserve Fingon and Fingon did not deserve to die.

[deadgwen]

IT IS A HAPPY 17TH BIRTHDAY TO THE BEST GOAT

@fucshias  @jiilys  MY LOVE GOATY. MY MOST BEAUTIFUL GOAT. MY SUN. MY STARS. MY BEAUTIFUL HOOVED CREATURE OF GOD. I HAVE ARRIVED TO SAY SOME IMPORTANT THINGS BUT FIRSTLY I LOVE YOU I LOVE I LOVE YOU U R READING THIS POST RIGHT NOW DUE TO A VERY IMPORTANT REASON AND THIS IMPORTANT REASON IS THAT

*CHOKES BACK TEARS*

IT IS UR BIRTHDAY.

*SCREAMING*

OK OKI DOKI BEFORE I START: I AM NOT ACTUALLY HERE BUT DO NOT BE D I S E N H E AR T E N E D BC I JUST DONT HAVE WIFI BUT I PROMISE U SOMEWHERE OUT THERE I AM SULKING AND FIGHTING A WALL AND ALSO SETTING OFF FIREWORKS BC !!!!!!!!!!!!! ITS UR FUCKING DAY AND IM SORRY I COULD NOT WISH U BUT I LOVE U SO SO SO SO SO SO SO MUCH I AM HERE W/ U IN SPIRIT

ALRIGHT ALRIGHT ALRIGHT TURN THE FUCK UP HAPPY FUCKING BIRTHDAY TO MY LOVE HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO U UR EXCELLENT AND I LOVE YOU AND ALSO WHAT THE FUCK BINCH HOW ARE U SEVENTEEN TODAY U ASSHOLE (COPYRIGHT U KNOW WHO) WHO ALLOWED U TO BE LIKE THIS AND ALSO I LOVE YOU. AND ALSO I CANT BELIEVE UVE DONE THIS. UR LITERALLY SEVENTEEN TODAY I AM NOT ALRIGHT AND I NEED U TO HOLD ME BECAUSE I AM GOING TO COME OVER AND FOR THE SOLE PURPOSE OF BEING A DRAMATIC BITCH I WILL FAINT IN UR ARMS I AM 100% NOT ALRIGHT

like,,,, HONESTLY u are so. fucking. great. WHERE DO I EVEN START. 

FIRST AND FOREMOST I WANNA SAY I AM SO FUCKING EXCITED FOR THIS FOR UR BDAY I LOVE YOU GOATY I AM SO PUMPED THAT UR SO OLD ITS RIDICULOUS @ ME FUCK OFF ALRIGHT BUT. JUST. I LOVE I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU AND HAPPY BIRTHDAY U GOAT UR BEYOND INCREDIBLE

UR OFFICIALLY A DANCING QUEEN UR YOUNG AND SWEET. ONLY. *SMASHES OPEN MY WINDOW AT 12 MIDNIGHT* SEVENTEEEEEEEEEEEEEN

SO OH MY GOD. I AM CURRENTLY YELLING BECAUSE??????????? LIKE???????????????? YOU'RE SEVENTEEN??????? HOW DID WE EVEN COME TO THIS POINT ITS INSANE LIKE HOW THE FUCK ARE YOU SEVENTEEN WE'RE ALL JUST STILL TINY SMOLS WHERE ARE U GOING WHY ARE U GROWING OLDER STOP IT PLS ALRITE I DO NOT LIKE. MY PRECIOUS GOAT SUNSHINE WHO IS A PROFESSIONAL PAJAMA CONSULTANT A REAL SOLID BUSINESSWOMAN WHO DRIVES AND SHIT AND COULD PROBABLY RUN ME OVER AND IS 6'3 SO IF U WOULD SIT ON ME I WOULD MOST CERTAINLY DIE UR OFFICIALLY A DANCING QUEEN AND I AM CRYING

but in all seriousness I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU i am FOREVER AND EVER glad that i met u LIKE I FUCKIN HATE U GODMDAN FUCKIBG GOAT MAKING ME REBLOG THIGNS FUCK YUO FUCK O FF but like????? apart from that UR FUCKING BEYOND FABULOUS and i have decided to compile a list of reasons why u are unbelievably great and have earned ur title of being a dancing queen/brilliant goat/actual love of my life. bc u are excellent. AND IT MUST BE WRITTEN OUT HERE SOMEWHERE THAT I LOVE YOU. 

OK OK OK SO HERE WE GO BINCHES. PREPARE URSELF. THIS IS GONNA BE SUPER LENGTHY BECAUSE I LOVE YOU A LOT AND I AM GONNA DO A 'ON THE JELLICOE ROAD' WORTHY REVIEW OF U BUT LIKE A SHITTIER VERSION SO U BETTER FUNKIN BUCKLE UP BITCH

LEZGO:

IS OBVIOSULY FABULOUS

IS A REAL LIFE GIRAFFE 

WE ARE BLESSED TO HAVE ONE ROAM OUT OF CAPTIVITY LIKE............. WE ARE STRONGLY BLESSED

I CANNOT STRESS ENOUGH

CLAIMS TO HAVE 'barely any leg but a huge torso' and interpret this how u want bUT i just wanna say u r the most fucked up giraffe ever ok what the fuck WHO HURT YOU

apparently dis binch owns a bunny AND NEVER TOLD ME SHE DID

owns a problematic rabbit bc it pees everywhere

said problematic rabbit likes to pee everywhere so much its ridiculous it has no respect for the value of items of modern society and thus in my opinion should be sent to COURT

@ rabbit U NASTY OK PLS GET UR PRIORITIES SORTED???? THIS HAS BEEN A MOTHERFUCKING PSA THANK U (CAROLINE I AM TRUSTING YOU TO SHOW THIS ON UR PHONE TO THE GODDAMN BUNNY I NEED IT TO KNOW)

is 100% excellent at looking after drunk people ALRITE literally THIS WOMAN IS A SAINT who has saved REAL LIVES tbh where would that poor child from your old intermediate be if u hadn't SAVED HIS ENTIRE LIFE from all that tequila he would DEAD thats fuKCIN RIGHT U DESERVE ALL THE MEDALS A TRUE HERO AMONG NEW ZEALANDERS. A NATIONAL ICON. SO BRAVE I AM SO PROUD I LOVE YOU ALWAYS

AND ALSO PULLING DRUNK MAKING OUT PEOPLE OFF EACH OTHER I JUST WANT U TO KNOW THAT UR EFFORTS ARE SO VERY RECOGNIZED BECAUSE ONE TIME I DID THAT AND I GOT PUNCHED IN THE THROAT I THOUGHT I DIED BECAUSE I SAW JESUS BUT IT WASNT ACTUALLY JESUS IT WAS JUST A POSTER TAPED TO A FRIDGE I WAS SCAMMED

her own mum has called the police on her and was 100% ready for some quality fun family jailtime

ALSO ONE TIME GOATY ACCIDENTALLY FUCKED UP SOMEONES REAR MIRROR AND THE VICTIMS OF THE INCIDENT DID NOT GIVE HALF A FUCK HOWEVER, HER MOTHER GOATY REPORTED SEVERAL FUCKS TO THE POLICE AND FILED AN ACCIDENT REPORT AND THAT WAS THE DAY MY GOATY BECAME A DARK CRIMINAL

*OMINOUS MUSIC*

I AM STILL WAITING FOR THE DAY I WALK MY BUTT INTO COURT AGAINST UR MUM COVERED HEAD TO ASS IN $3 PLASTIC BRACELETS BACKED BY UR UNEXPECTEDLY KLEPTOMANIAC SISTER AND A BASKET OF STOLEN WOMANS DAYS AND ALONG WITH BLING BLING JIMMY WE WILL RESTORE THE RIGHTEOUSNESS AND LACK OF CONSCIENCE ON THIS LOVELY EARTH

ALRIGHT ALRIGHT ENOUGHT ABOUT UR MUM LIKE ACTUALLY ALL UR FAMILY MEMBERS ARE DIFFERENT LEVELS OF WILD AND..... I AM AFRAID

OK OK IT MUST BE SAID CAROLINE HAS THE MOST AMAIZNG VOICE ????? EVER

like i love her voice sm SO FUCKING MUCH I TELL U i have never heard anything like it and i want caroline to like read me books for hours AND HOURS AND NARRATE MY WHOLE ENTIRE LIFE because i love how unusually deep and shadowy her voice sounds like deep flowing river water or smth like i LOVE IT SO MUCH it. Is.So. Strange BUT I LOVE IT IT IS THE COOLEST GODDAMN THING THROW A BUCKET AT ME I LOVE YOU

HAS A VIDEO OF HERSELF DOING THE ICE BUCKET CHALLENGE AND I KNOW I HAVE PRAISED IT FOR TWO YEARS IN A ROW ALREADY LIKE @ ME PLZ CHILL BUT i will not i will NEVER it is solid entertainment a+++ QUALITY I AM LAUGHIGN IM LAUGHING I AM LAUGHING FOREVER those beautiful hops of pain across ur backyard ARE THE LAST THINGS I WANT TO SEE BEFORE GOD TAKES ME FROM THIS EARTH

WRONGFULLY FRAMED ME FOR HAVING SHIT DICK TENDENCIES AND THEN YELLED AT ME AND CALLED ME A GARAGE WHAT A BINCH I AM IN LOVE

loves yellow flowers AND ALL THE FLOWERS AND HEAVY ROSES AND IS A FULL OUT FLOWER HOE

IS DESPICABLE TEEN WOLF GARBAGE LIKE.... ive been scrolling through our fanmails AND MY HEART HUR T S G O A T Y hOld mE we were sO Y O U N  G and like no lie i shit u not 80% oF THE FUCKING MESSAGES ARE U YELLING 'STYDIA IS GONNA HAPPEN THIS SEASON' AND 'OH MY GOD DID U SEE THAT STYDIA SCENE' AND DECLARATIONS OF LOVE FOR LYDIA MARTIN AND THE OTHER 20% IS U ASKIN ME IF IVE SEEN THE NEW TEEN WOLF I LOVE IT I LOVE YOU I AM SORRY TEEN WOLF KEEPS DISAPPOINTING US BOTH BUT STDYIA IS. DEFINIETELY. GONNA. HAPPEN. THIS. SEASON. IT HAS TO OR I WILL FUKIN FITE ALRIGHT GIVE US STYDIA OR GIVE US DEATH I LOVE UR TEEN WOLF LOVIBG ASS

anyway caroline is an utterly excellent person

if u were an ncea paper i would grade u with excellence

*FINGER GUNS*

like ?????deals with my stupid yelling ALL THE TIME

whenever i had a problem and went to my goaty she was so very understanding and patient AND DID NOT CALL ME A DUMBASS WHEN I DESERVED TO BE DECKED

TOLD ME THE TRU DEFINTION OF THE PHRASE 'SHOT'

TWO YEARS OF UTTER CONFUSION. ERASED FROM MY LIFE. PERMANENTLY.

MY SKIN?? CLEARED . MY FUTURE BILLS ??? PAID MY HUSBAND MARRIED MY STATUE FOR CAROLINE FULLY ERECTED

ok but like i can never say this enough goaty IS SO NICE TO TALK TO PLETAHE TALK TO ME FORVER SHE IS FABULOUS??? it blows my mind constantly that someone this incredible and special walks along this earth NONE OF US DESERVE THE GOAT

also ???? WHAT IN THE FUCK HOW HAVE I NOT MENTIONED THIS YET CAROLINE IS THE BEST WRITER I HAVE EVER SEEN IN MY LIFE SHE IS SO TALENTED EVERY TIME I READ ONE OF HER FICS I END UP THINKING ABOUT IT AFTERWARDS FOR 958495894 YEARS ALRIGHT THEY FUCK ME UP THEY WAY SHE HANDLES WORDS FUCKS ME UP HOW CAN YOUT TAKE FUCKING LETTERS AND THEN SHOVE THEM UP MY ASS LIKE THIS I AM NOT ALRIGHT I AM NOT ALRIGHT I AM NOT ALRIGHT I am Not Strong Enough For This

i am not even kidding ok THE WAY U HANDLE WORDS IS IN.FUCKING.CREDIBLE whenever u use them its like?? u turned them into something precious and all your writing have this feel to it like as if im holding a delicate bouqet of a thousand yellow flowers like im holding a butterfly in my hands like im holding a box of eggs and i am scared shitless to drop it bC MY DAD WILL PERSONALLY CRUCIFY ME

I AM AWFUL AT DESCRIPTIONS BUT I HOPE U SEE WHAT I MEAN. LIKE. IT IS SO *SCREAMS* MINBLOWING DECK ME WITH ALL UR WORDS EVER

I AM ONE HUNDRED FUCKING PERCENT NEVER OKAY WITH ANYTHING YOU WRITE IT HURTS SO GOOD AND I LOVE IT

ok ok this hoe right here has written THREE fics with a dedication for me at the beginning and like.............. ..... do u ever just cri

i have 'the glorious everywhere' printed out and FUCKING PINNED TO MY WALL WHERE I CAN SEE IT FROM ALL CORNERS OF MY ROOM ALWAYS back in my apartment in russia like it is legitimately the best thing. i love everything about this piece it should be adapted into a novel or a short film like PULL SOME FIFTY SHADES OF GREY SHIT W/ IT OK the imagery and REALNESS of this fic gets to me all the time and im crying im crying im crying I ABSOLUTELY ADORE IT PLS @ CAROLINE WHY ARE U SO TALENT

ALRIGHT ALRIGHT ALRIGHT LOOK AT THIS BULLSHIT FUCKIG I THINK ABOUT THIS FIC EVERY SINGLE DAY WHEN I WAKE UP FUCKING LOOK ' You see her hair dripping down her head and spinning out over the seats in the back and lighting them on fire. You see her pale skin and electric veins as she puts her hand out the window and tries to catch the sky and stuff it up her sleeve. You hear her voice, “Just drive James, you’ll know where we’re going when we get there.”  

REALLY I AM NOT FUCKIGN Okay CALL AN AMBULANCE CALL IT NOW I AM UNWELL I AM SICK I AM DYING FUK ME RITE UP

i am fully convinced this is the greatest thing thats ever been written.like. How. the. FUCK. tbh i want this paragraph ENTIRELY TATTOOED ON MY ASS I AM ZCRYING @ CAROLINE YOU HAVE THE MOST BEAUTIFUL BRAIN AND I AM SO VERY GLAD THAT IT EXISTS

i will not go into depth abt yelling about ur fics bc tbh i think u Know but I JUST WANNA SAY 'oh darling i have coloured blood (that i stole from you)' is the most iconic piece of literature to this day ever the and i zcri all the time because you are a goddamn bloody genius and you shine in colours beyond my comprehension and i love you so so so incredibly much

MY LOVE IS SO FUCKING TALENTED I AM YELLING I AM YELLING I AM YELLING

DOESN'T EAT FRIED SPERM

writes the BEST emails in history

UR SO LOVELY U GIVE ME SO MANY BEAUTIFUL SPELLING ERRORS FOR ME TO WHOLEHEARTEDLY ENJOY I AM GIGGLING *GIGGLES* IT BRINGS ME SO MUCH JOY WHEN U FUCK THINGS UP

tbh it is how fried chair came to life like it was actually in one of your first fanmails to me u said that two years ago and to this day it remains the Most Iconic Thing Ever

STRONG SUPPORTER OF WEETBIX

LOVES WEETBIX

FOUGHT TIGERS AND LIONS FOR HER FAMILY AND WAS SAVED BY WEETBIX AND WEETBIX ALONE 

ACTUALLY HAD A THING CALLED ‘WEETBIX DISCOURSE’ ON HER BLOG LIKE IT WAS ACTUALLY A THING THAT HAPPENED A REAL THING THAT OCCURED AND WAS PASSIONATELY ARGUED ABOUT AND I HAVE SEEN THINGS THAT CANNOT BE UNSEEN

RIGHTFULLY SO BC WEETBIX >>>>> JONAH GRIGGS I AM SORRY IT IS THE RULES

FUCK THE H8RS

like ??? is hilarious af QUEEN OF HUMOUR AND MAKING ME SNORT MY GODDAMN CHOCLATE MILK LIKE CAN U NOT BE SO EXCEPTIONAL U HO HAVE SOME CONSIDERATION U LIL BITCH but YES a++ top notch QUALITY storytelling skills in both fic writing and tequila struggles I APPRECIATE IT TO DEATH

ok ok ok also the most beautiful person ever??? LIKE ???????????????? BITCH WHAT THE FUCK ??????????????????????????????????????????????? WHO ALLOWED U

THE MOST PERFECT HAIR. ur hair is like waves of a golden ocean cascading from ur hEAD AND IT IS SO MAGICALLY FITTING B/C U R AN ETHEREAL BEING AND THE FACT THAT U HAVE AN ENTIRE WILD SEA RAGING ON UR HEAD JUST PROVES TO ME THAT U ARE A GOD AMONG MORTALS. UR HAIR IS SO PRETTY OK OK OKAY FUCK ME UP. STRAIGHT UP GORGEOUS. SO SOFT TOO AND SO SHINY AND IT FITS U SO WELL I AM FOREVER SCREAMING

THE MOST ANGEL FACE. GOATYS FACE LOOKS LIKE GOD OR WHOEVER THE FUCK WAS RESPONSIBLE CARVED IT OUT OF ROSE PETALS AND MARBLE LIKE. IT. IS. TRULY. THE MOST GORGEOUS THING ur face is softer than clouds tbh AND UR SMILE SAVES MY LIFE ITS BRIGHTER THAN THE ENTIRE UNIVERSE CONDENSED AND SOMETIMES WHEN I SEE UR SELFIES I HAVE TO GO GET LASER EYE SURGERY BECAUSE I HAVE BEEN B L I N D E D

U R SO UNCONSIDERATE TO MY FRAGILE HEALTH HOW DARE YOU

SO. GODDAMN GORGEOUS SLAY MY ENTIRE LIFE I BEG U ID PAY U TO SIT ON ME WITH UR HUGE BONES AND SLOWLY CRUSH ME INTO AN ENDLESS DEATH I HAVE $4 LEFT OVER FROM MY LIFE SAVINGS DO IT BAE

has the best taste in music omg WHAT A BLESSING WE LIKE THE SAME SONGS AND IT ACTUALLY KIND OF SCARES ME B/C IT FEELS LIKE WE ARE THE SAME PERSON AND THIS DOES NOT HELP MY CONSTANT STATE OF EXISTENTIAL CRISIS

HAS THE BEST TASTE IN BOOKS and adores skam as much as i do AND LOVES CHRIS/EVA AS MUCH AS IDO AND WROTE A FIC FOR THEM AND THE SNIPPET FROM IT ????? MY SOUL. GONE.

so tol and will never stop accusing me of being smol but listen up aight. imma FUCK YOU UP. REAL GOOD. ONE DAY. WHEN I CAN AFFORD TO BUY A LADDER. UNTIL THEN SLEEP WITH ONE EYE OPEN BINCH BC I AM COMING TO GET U

and is also the smartiest smart to ever smart LOOK AT MY U GO WITH UR EXCELLENCE ENDORSEMENT when i buy that ladder I WILL CLIMB IT AND HOVER AROUND UR HEAD LOTS SO I CAN ABSORB UR POWERS AND ALSO BREATHE THE FRESH AIR UP THERE WHICH IS NOT AVAILABLE TO GROUNDED PEASANTS SUCH AS ME

AND IS THE BEST COOKIE THE LOVE OF MY LIFE LIKE IF THIS ISNT ENOUGH TO CONVINCE ANYONE THAT CAROLINE IS BEYOND EXCEPTIONAL FOR OUR GALAXY THEN THEY CAN FUCK OFF PLS OK

like honestly,,, MY LOVE I COULD GO ON FOR YEARS AND YEARS AND CENTURIES UNTIL MY TEETH FALL OUT AND I GROW SENILE WITH MY LOVE BUT THE POINT OF THIS HOT STEAMING LAME MESS IS THAT I LOVE YOU TO BLOODY PIECES UR SO F U C K I N G INCREDIBLE I AM SO GLAD I MET YOU AND THAT YOU TAlk TO ME AND WE EMAIL EACH OTHER AND I AM BLESSED THAT YOU EVEN THINK OF ME AND THAT FREID CHAIR LOVES ME AND THAT U R MY GOAT BC UR MY ONLY GOAT AND UR THE BEST ONE THERE IS NO SHADE @ ALL OTHER GOATS BUT LIKE. IM SORRY I CANNOT TELL A LIE

IT IS THE COLD HARD TRUTH. 

and like??? i did a /search/deadgwen ON @jiilys BC I WANTED TO LOOK AT ALL OUR OLD STUFFS FROM 2015 and I Regret it I Regret it So Much theres a selfie from like when i was 14 and an idiot still on Ur blog and I look like an actual tragedy I Want to Die  we have known each other for so long its RIDICULOUS UR STILL AS AMAZING AS U WERE BACK THEN AND I AM MORE OR LESS CURED OF MY CONDITION OF BEING AN EMBARASSING DIPSHIT AND ITS CRAZY HOW MUCH YOUNGER WE WERE THEN LIKE UM WTF BUT UR STILL AS BEAUTIFUL AND 9384930X TIMES MORE AND I STILL LOVE U BC UR PERFECT AS EVER AND THAT IS WHAT MATTERS

NOW. I WAS GONNA MAKE YOU A PRESENT LIKE I REALLY DID BAE I TRIED SO MUCH SHIT ITS HORRIBLE BC LIKE ??? I WANTED TO MAKE YOU A PRESENTATION ON UR GOAT SUPERIORTY LIKE I DID LAST YEAR EXCEPT Like i am a fucking asshole™(COPYRIGHT JONAH GRIGGS THE MAN TEH MYTH THE LEGEND) who cannot do shit FOR SHIT it turned out so Awful and i cANNOT GRAPHIC BABE I TRIED TO MAKE YOU THIS EDIT AND THEN I REALIZED IT WAS Bad AND FOUGHT MYSELF FOR SIX HOURS AND I CANNOT WRITE AND YOU DESERVE ALL THE GIFTS EVER BUT I AM TRULY AWFUL

*ZCRIES*

I KNOW IM  LAME AND MY ONLY TALENT IS YELLING FOR HOURS ON END I WISH I COULD HAVE MADE YOU SOMETHING REALLY COOL BC ITS UR SEVENTEETH AND 17 IS THE BEST NUMBER AND UR LOVELY AND I LOVE YOU SO PLEASE FORGIVE ME BAE FOR BEING AN ACTUAL GARAGE ASSHOLE (COPYRIGHT JONAH GRIGGS THE EXPERIENCE) SHIT DICK 100% TERRIBLE DICKFLUTE OKAY I LOVE YOU AND I CAN NEVER IMAGINE WHAT I WOULD BE WITHOUT YOU IN MY LIFE AND I HOPE YOU HAVE A REALLY REALLY REALLY GOOD YEAR LIKE FUCK SHIT UP BAE UR GONNA BE IN YEAR 13 ITS ALL GONNA BE SO AWFUL AND WE WILL ALL DIE aND WERE SO O L D JESUS CHRIST IF HEART ATTACKS DONT TAKE US OUT NCEA LEVEL 3 WILL BUT I HOPE THIS WILL BE A SUPER GOOD YEAR FOR U IN REGARDS OF EVERYTHING BECAUSE U DESERVE IT U DESERVE IT U DESERVE IT I HOPE THINGS WILL LEAD UP TO U GETTING THAT APARTMENT IN NEW YORK AND ALL THE HIGH HEELS THAT U WILL WEAR AND ALL THE YELLOW FLOWERS THAT U WILL BUY AND UR CAREER AS A LIFECHANGING LITERARY GENIUS OK OK I LOVE YOU HAPPY BIRTHDAY BABE

ok ok ok but. 

ONE MORE THING.

LISTEN.

THE FUCKING

*CLECNHES JAW*

REBLOG FIASCO

*FLINGS MY ASS INTO THE SUN*

WHEN IT IS GOOD AND DAYLIGHT. U HAVE UNTIL THEN. LIKE I KNOW THIS IS UR BIRTHDAY WISH AND I LOVE YOU BUT FUCK OFF HWO COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME I FUCKING TRUSTED YOU I FUCKING FUCK JUST FUCK YOU FUCKING DICK i will RIOT 

OKAY BABE ITS MIDNIGHT AND ILL BE UP IN ABOUT SIX HOURS AND LIKE. ANYTHING. ANYTHING ELSE FOR UR BIRTHDAY WISH OK BABE IM GONNA FUCKING DIE THIS IS IT THIS THE END I WILL GO DOWN SWEARING PROFUSELY WITH A HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE AND U WILL BE WATCHING AND LAUGHI G ANF @OFFICALTALL FUCK YU FUCKDUCKUD CUDCKUD DNUSJNDJF FUCK U @GOATY FUCK. UFCN WHERE IS UR HOOF WHY ARE U NOT FEELIN THE TEMPERATURE ITS EBOLA ITS GOATBOLA I WONT MAKE IT UNTIL DAWN I WONT SEE THE SUNLIGHT GOATY I CANT *FAKE CRYING SOUNDS* I WILL DIE. IT WILL HAPPEN. AND I WANT IT TO BE KNOWN THAT U ARE THE BITCH THAT KILLED ME. *MORE FAKE ZCRYING SOUNDS* I MUST SEND MESSAGES TO ALL MY DEAREST KIND FRIENDS WHO HAVE NEVER FUCKED ME LIKE THIS ALRIGHT *FAKE COUGHING* TELL THEM THAT I *MORE FAKE COUGHOGN* LOVE THEM *THROWS KETCHUP PACKET EVERYWHERE WHILE UR NOT LOOKING AND BUSY BEING WORRIED ABOUT MY HEALTH* AND I WILL REMEMBER THEM EVEN IN DEATH

ANYWAY HERE IS MY WILL:

WHAT U GET:

nothing

u get nothing

bINCH

zero. zip. nada

0 potato 4 u

U CAN HAVE THE SALT FROM MY KITCHEN SO U WILL BE PERPETUALLY REMINDED OF MY LAST EMOTIONS TOWARDS THIS LIFE

maybe like the one half a potato that was randomly in my drIVEWAY THAT ONE TIME 

M A Y B E

WHAT GOOD KIND LOVING FRIENDS, SUCH AS MILS AND FRIED CHAIR AND ELLIE AND OTHER ASSORTED PEOPLES WHICH I SHALL ADDRESS IN CLAUSE 4.20 OF THE TERMS AND CONDITIONS OF MY WILL, GET:

actually mils is a hoe and can choke but u r the evil here rn aND FOR THE PURPOSES OF THIS ARGUMENT WE WILL PRETEND THAT I LIKE MILS

ANYWAY. REALLY GOOD THINGS I OWN

I HAVE SOME SOCKS I DONT WANT U GUYS CAN HAVE THEM

AND LIKE

MY DUVET

SEE GOATY THESE ARE THE KIND OF HEART TOUCHING POST DEATH GIFTS U MISS OUT ON WHEN U MURDER ME IN COLD BLOOD

ALSO NO TOUCHING MY MANGOES THAT I BOUGHT TWO DAYS AGO BECAUSE I STILL WANT TO EAT THEM AND IF ANYONE EVEN BREATHES IN THEIR GENERAL DIRECTION I WILL BEAT THEM UNCONSCIOUS WITH A TELEPHONE THIS IS A T H R E A T

I HOPE UR TAKING NOTES AND I HOPE U FEEL GOOD ABOUT BEING A 6′3 KILLER BECAUSE UR AN ASSHOLE ™LIKE UR ASSHOLIER™ THAN THE REAL ASSHOLE THAT IS JONAH GRIGGS™ THE LABEL™ (COPYRIGHT JONAH GRIGGS™ THE ANT MURDERING HOT PIECE OF ASS™) BUT I WILL DIE FOR U MY GOAT *strokes ur pretty face* BC IT IS UR BIRTHDAY WISH FOR ME TO SUFFER AND I LOVE YOU AND I WOULD DO ANYTHING FOR U THEREFORE . DESPITE THIS SICKNESS *FLAILS* I. WILL. BE. BRAVE. I WILL REBLOG THOSE TWENTY POSTS I WILL FLATLINE BY THE THIRD POST AND MY BLOOD WILL BE ON UR HANDS *CAREFULLY ARRANGES MY STUNT GOAT IN POSITION* AND I WILL BE YELLING CURSES AT YOU IN THE TAGS BUT I WILL DIE IN THE NAME OF HONOUR I WILL GO DOWN AS A GOAT NEVER HAS BEFORE 

BUT LIKE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I LOVE YOU AND I I LOVE YOU AND I LOVE YOU AND I LOVE YOU AND I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU SO SO SO SO SO SO SO MUCH YOU ARE ABSOLUTELY FANTASTIC I AM SO HAPPY U EXIST. HAVE THE BOMBEST ASS 17TH BIRTHDAY BABE I HOPE UR PARTY IS LIT AND HAVE FUN GETTING DRUNK AND HAVING ALL THE BANTS AND LAFFS AND ALSO I WILL SEND U THE AWAITED EMAIL IN A FEW HOURS WHEN MY INTERENT IS BACK ON  BECAUSE IT IS A CONTINUATION OF THIS BULLSHIT WITH SOME STRUCTURED DISCUSSION AKA WHAT THE FUCK DO U HAVE AGAINST SMIRNOFF ICE how is it not HARDCORE enough for u IT IS LITERALLY FLAVOURED VODKA DOES IT NOT KNOCK OUT UR 6′3 ASS OR WHAT EXCUSE ME 

ANYWAY IN CONCLUSION.

HAPPY. SEVENTEENTH. BIRTHDAY. MY. CHUM.

*BLOWS U A KISS*

*PUTS ON TWO FÜR COATS TO REMAIN UNDETECTED* 

*STEALS ALL UR WEETBIX AND RUNS AWAY TO ALASKA NEVER TO BE SEEN AGAIN*

*still replies ur emails tho cuz i love u bitch y u do dis to me*

[barrybadgerblog-blog]

Foldin Clothes and Stay(in) Gold: The Many Faces of Rap Craft Part II

Run the Jewels.

Squeezed in before the end of the year, RTJ has made another classic. A time capsule of pain, politics and passion of being a lout.

It is not the album I wanted them to make. But, like the Dark Knight it is the album we deserve.

After two jaw crushing, noodle twisting albums of punishing suckas,explaining how fucked up the system is and then leaving everybody fucked, punched and verbally devastated, where could the nastiest dream team go? I was hoping they would continue going down the road they were going; burning buildings, grinning at their jokes with a glock to your dog. 

After listening to it a bunch of times I realized RTJ3 is like driving all over NYC.

It’s 5 am pitch black, your headlights and the giant mug of coffee you have in the cupholder are your only companions. You’re driving to the parkway before you hit real New York traffic and you need something to put you in the proper mindset to get there. Anger, paranoia and frenzy (”Talk to Me” - Best line is El-P’s “My dick’s got a Michelin star, I'm on par with the best ever took the gig”), is the mental cocktail already mixed for you. 

Slowly, the lanes are narrowing, drivers are cutting you off more and the driving world you knew before changes into a new animal (”Legend Has It”). Your heart starts beating, you see reflective signs everywhere, but, one more confusing than the next. The blare of horns, screeching tires and your beating heart surrounds you (”Call Ticketron”). Pulsating, whizzing and banging. 

Then, it starts to slow down. You've hit Jamaica and it's a grimy but it breathes a charming breath all its own ("Bumaye”). But you're close to your destination and you've been in this jungle long enough to feel like you can handle it. A sudden confidence and pleasure in understanding the area and mental space you need for it ("Stay Gold”). It just feels so good. As insane as it might have been it is a huge accomplishment like you “can’t stop high fiving” for having conquered this beast of a place. 

“Don’t Get Captured” - The ride stops. It is a completely different album. More menacing, covered in haunting synths and more focused on violence and not the fantasy, cartoonish violence that RTJ normally does. It is the violence of today: brutality, injustice and death. 

“Thieves” plays. Are these the same guys? Was I dropped onto a graveyard with ghosts and zombies surrounding me? Darkness envelops you and someone shouts “Fuck Don Lemon!” and you agree. “2100″ plays and you are still stuck in the doom like slowly sinking in lava like Gollum. This is the world we know now. 

It’s complex and it’s hard to listen to (you can take that statement however you’d like). Still is even after running the album over and over again.

“Hey Mama” touches on the stress of being the RTJ of today. Especially with Killer Mike’s story about his mom. Could you imagine yelling and cursing at your mom they way he sounds?? I can’t. I can’t even imagine what holidays are like for the Killer Mike family. "Everbody Stay Calm" is a paradox of song that has a pretty chill simple beat but as the crew spits you just can’t shake the feeling that someone is behind you. They boys never raise their voice either they just create ambiance through their words (CRAFT BITCHES).

“Thursday in the Danger Room” is the heart rip that I didn’t see coming. Death has always been a topic but not like this. How do legends grieve? It’s a searing and incredibly honest song. Anyone can mourn or be weak - even titans. The finisher "A Report to the Shareholders" blares and midway through the song changes again. Like the devils on your shoulder the message is clear- Kill your Masters. Figurative (or not) it's a strong clear message. Don't let up don't become a victim. Be golden.

The wild part is that I should’ve seen it coming. The opener “Down” is viking funeral. El-P and Killer Mike talk about their past lives and what could’ve been. They say their goodbyes to their worst days and drug dealing and let it go.

Run the Jewels is rap, it’s hip hop, it’s rage and it’s passion to the nth power. This is what distinguishes them from any other group. This album we find the rage focused and what’s more,  it’s still fucking awesome. 

A- 

These albums are great examples of what I would describe as "craft". When you see old heads or those guys who say rap is bad or better in the 90s or 80s or whatever period, you give them these albums and say what do you want? It's all here you just have to be open to it. 

-JarvTarv

Side Note- This is one of my favorites of the year so I will include all my favorite lines here

Down-  We don't talk a lot about it, we just pop it off a lot/ I'm high, man, I'm a cosmonaut/ Scream, "Fuck 'em," 'til they lop our bloody noggins off

Talk to Me - What, me worry? Nah, buddy, I've lost before, so what? You don't get it, I'm dirt, motherfucker, I can't be crushed (2nd fave after the Michelin dick line)

Legend Has It - Every new record's my dick in a box

Call Ticketron - Kids cook s'mores off the crotch of our targets/ Kumbaya bitch

Hey Kids (Bumaye) -  Word architect, when I arch the tech, I'll part ya' neck

Stay Gold - (this whole song is filled with good shit like the cant stop high fiving joke and doing the wop on you hoes line buttt)  We're the crooks, we'll run the jux and kidnap mom from jazzercise/ Get Stockholm syndrome when she get home, mom's like, "I like those fuckin' guys."./ Thanks for the ransom handsome, let Mom know the guys loved her pumpkin pie

Don't Get Captured-  Hello from a Little Shop of Horrors/ Ski mask like a Phantom of the Opera

Thieves! (Screamed the Ghost) -  Fears been law for so long that rage feels like therapy

2100 - You defeat the devil when you hold onto hope

Panther Like a Panther (Miracle Mix) - (much like Love Again RTJ always throws out a fun song that like has nothing to do with the rest of the album and isn’t as well made as the others and this is definitely the one. It also throws you out of the atmosphere but recovers quickly)- That whole beginning section- God forgive me

Everybody Stay Calm - Presidential suite, got a fuck boy jealous/ I'm the Nelson Mandela of Atlanta dope sellers

Oh Mama-  You running out of ways to go fuck yourself, I will innovate

Thursday in the Danger Room -  Like how do you look in the eyes of a friend and not cry when you know that they're dying?/ How do you feel 'bout yourself when you know that sometimes you had wished they were gone?/Not because you didn't love 'em but just because you felt too weak to be strong

A Report to the Shareholders / Kill Your Masters -  You talk clean and bomb hospitals/ So I speak with the foulest mouth possible