#i love this idea and I’m really excited about it but I can’t lose money

[babybluebex]

long lost love: after | joseph quinn x fem!reader

summary: part two of two! eight years after you break up with joseph, you reunite with him, and you grapple with the decision of if you want to get back with him and become a household name like him, or if you want to lose him again. pairing: joseph quinn x fem!reader (rpf - don't like, don't read) tags: accusations of infidelity, lovesick joey, wes makes several appearances AGAIN, mentions of smut (but no actual smut lol sorry), brief mention of vomit author's note: thank you for your patience with this fic! i don't deserve y'all, and i love y'all so much!! thanks for reading this fic, and i hope you enjoy the end!

“Oh my god, babe,” your coworker started, leaning over to wipe down a table. She was young, a girl named Anna that was still in uni, and you liked her a lot, enough that you called her your work-sister. Yes, you were doing what you had to do; roles had washed up, and you needed to pay the bills somehow, so you were waiting tables at a little restaurant in the heart of London. It was a hellish job and you hated it, but you had no other choice.

After your short stint on the sitcom right out of LAMDA, you had auditioned and sent in tape after tape, but nothing really came to fruition. You weren’t as lucky as other people were, and you sometimes thought about going to uni proper so that you could get a meaningful degree and get a real job and give up on the whole acting thing, but you couldn’t possibly do that to yourself. Your pride was too strong and, after Joe, you were determined not to sabotage your own life again. You didn’t date, and you continued to send in tapes. “You’ll never guess who just walked in.” 

“Is it Kate and William?” you chuckled, wiping the bread crumbs from your own table. “No, wait— It’s Meg and Harry.”

“No,” Anna laughed. “Do you watch Stranger Things?” 

You shrugged. “I mean, I watched the first season,” you said. “I know the fourth one just came out.” 

“Yeah, well, Steve and Eddie from Stranger Things just walked in,” Anna said. She could barely contain her excitement, and you rolled your eyes as you laughed. “Will you take that table from me? I can’t serve them, I’m too nervous.” 

“Sure,” you said; it was a slow lunch hour, and a table meant money. Especially if these guys were on a Netflix show. “But you’re taking my next table that comes in.” 

“Deal,” Anna said. 

You smiled at her as you tightened your apron around your middle, and you approached the only filled table in the whole place. Two men occupied it, one facing you and the other facing away. The one facing you, you recognized— He was Steve, you remembered from when you watched the first season. With his head of good hair, it was impossible to mistake him, but you had no idea what his name was. The other guy— well, you couldn’t make him out too well, not from the back of his head. “Hi there, gents,” you welcomed them, smiling first at “Steve” and then turning your attention to the other man. “Welcome to—“ 

You dropped your pen, your breath sticking in your chest. Joseph. It was Joseph. He looked equally as shocked to see you, dark eyes big and wide, his cheeks pale, and tears started to well in your eyes. “Oh my God,” you whispered. You couldn’t breathe, your heart ramming inside your chest. It was actually him. He was here.

“I actually get that a lot,” “Steve” laughed. 

“Oh my… Wow,” Joseph said, a grin crossing his face. “H-How are you, how have you been?” 

“I’m fine,” you told Joseph, and he stood up to envelop you in a hug. You threw your arms around his neck and hugged him back, hand on the nape of his neck, appreciating how eight years could change a person. He smelled different, felt different against your body, he even seemed to carry himself differently. His hair looked darker, he had a bit of stubble on his chin, he had small wrinkles next to his eyes— but he still had his beautiful brown eyes, the same ones that had drawn you in, back all those years ago. “I’ve been fine, how are you?” 

“Yeah, I’m good,” Joseph said with a breathy chuckle. “It’s been— What? Eight years? Time flies, huh?” 

“Definitely,” you agreed. You couldn’t believe it. Right in front of you was your biggest regret, smiling at you and staring you in the face, and you could only manage to be cordial. You wanted to be childish, to break down at his feet and beg for him to take you back, but all you managed to say was, “Sorry for not keeping in touch.” 

“Oh, it’s—” Joseph said, and he dismissively waved his hand around.”Right after Dickensian happened, I had to change my phone number, so it’s probably my fault.” 

“Crazed fan?” you asked and laughed, and Joseph pulled a face, his eyes wide and eyebrows raised as he gnawed on his lip. 

“You’d be surprised,” he said. “Here, actually, I’ve had to change my number again since Stranger Things aired, let me give you my new number.”

“You’re blowing through phone numbers,” you chuckled. “That many crazed fans?”

“Well, this time I changed it because my old number was linked to my Hinge account,” Joseph said with an embarrassed flush in his cheeks, and your heart skipped. Had he been using dating apps? Jesus, even the thought made you ill. You hadn’t dated anybody since him, and you wondered how prolific he had been in the wake of his success, but then you stopped that line of thought. It was your fault he was single in the first place. “And I didn’t want people to find that account so… I changed it.” 

“Smart,” you nodded. “Yeah, I don’t have my phone on me right now— against the rules— so just, umm—”

“Give me your number,” Joseph said quickly. “I’ll text you instead.” He gave you a crooked smile, the same crooked smile that he had given you that first day, when he still had his braces on, and it made your heart melt. You were a little glad that the onus was on Joseph to contact you instead of the other way around; you never would have texted him, too afraid of messing everything up again. “I’m not in London for very much longer, but maybe we could grab a drink before I head to Santa Monica.”

“Yeah, for sure,” you said. Joseph handed you his phone, open to a new contact card, and you quickly typed in your name and number, then hesitated before adding a small heart after your name. That would tell him what he needed to know without actually saying it, you hoped. “I’d like that a lot. Oh, how’s Wes?”

“Wes is doing good,” Joseph told you, pocketing his phone swiftly. “He and Liam got married a few years ago, in 2018.”

“Oh my God!” you exclaimed. “Oh, good for them! I remember Wes telling me all about how he thought Liam was ‘the one’ when they first started dating.” 

“Yeah, yeah,” Joseph laughed. “They’re still obsessed with each other, it makes me sick.” 

“They always were a little into PDA,” you smiled, reminiscing on movie nights with the pair. “But they were cute.” 

“You know…” Joseph started. “I was going to grab drinks with Wes tonight, but I’m sure he wouldn’t mind if you joined. He was just talking about you the other day, wondering what was going on and everything.” 

“Yeah,” you said quickly. “I’d actually love that, I’ve been wondering how he is too. I haven’t been able to find him on social media. Or you either, for that matter.” 

“Yeah, I had Twitter for a bit, but I gave up on it,” Joseph admitted. “I just… I don’t know, I think I’m too old for that sorta stuff. I don’t know how it works or anything; I have an Instagram but my mate runs it for me, and only because Netflix basically forced me to get it. I don’t even know the password to it.” He laughed, and so did you, and you caught “Steve” out of the corner of your eye, suddenly remembering that he was there too. “Oh, fuck, sorry, where are my manners? Y/N, this is Joe Keery, he plays Steve. Joe, this is Y/N, she’s my… Well, it’s a long story, but we went to LAMDA together.” 

Wow. What a way to simplify your relationship. Although, you suppose it was easier than explaining “We used to date and then she broke up with me because she thought I cheated, which I didn’t, but she knows that now”. Long story, indeed. “We were pretty much best mates,” you added. “But after we graduated, we just… Drifted apart.” 

“What a shame too,” Joseph mumbled, then, before you could react, added, “I’ll text you about tonight, yeah? Time and place and all.” 

“Alright,” you said. “I’m looking forward to it.” 

You ended up introducing Anna to Joe and Joseph, telling her that they were good people and would tip her well, and you excused yourself to the server alley. Your hands were shaking as you sat down on a cardboard box and buried your head in your hands, and you tried to control your breathing. Joseph. No longer was he the awkward, blond, braces-and-glasses thing that he had been— he had matured nicely, luckily seemingly keeping his sense of humor that you adored, and you sniffled as you extracted your phone. You saw a text from an unknown number that just said “Joey” with a heart, and you frowned it away as you went to Instagram and typed in his name. Sure enough, his account was the first one to pop up, only one post so far, of a heavily made-up Joseph. He wore a long wig, giving the camera his best Blue Steel look, looking more serious and deadly than you had ever seen him before. Apparently, according to Anna, this was Eddie. 

Before you could do any more research into Eddie or Joseph, a new text came through from the same unknown number, Joey’s number. Wes and I are meeting at Soho House at 8 o’clock, he texted. I’ll be there a few minutes early, to make sure that you can get in.

You had heard of the exclusive Soho House before, although you had never been in it, and your heart skipped. Joseph had definitely moved up in the world. Cool, you answered back. I can’t wait. 

Wes says he’s excited to see you, Joseph told you. It’s been a while, huh?

Yeah, for sure, you answered. And you stopped, debating what to say next. Should you apologize?  Would he even know what you were apologizing for? Maybe you should wait to apologize and explain yourself in person. But Wes would be there, you wouldn’t be able to say exactly what you wanted. You wished that you could be alone with Joseph and talk, but you would take drinks. You would take anything that he decided to give you. 

You went home after your shift and instantly started to fret as you got dressed. Would it be awkward? Would you even enjoy the drinks with your old lover and friend? Or was tonight bound to be a disaster? You decided to try to look at it with as much positivity as you could— if he was inviting you out for drinks, he couldn’t hate you that much, right? Maybe he had forgiven you. Maybe he was still in love with you. 

No. Put that thought away. He was not in love with you. He had been dating since you, and probably had had girlfriends since you. He probably had a girlfriend now. He was the ultimate full package, kind and thoughtful and smart and funny and handsome and interesting, he was everything, girls should swoon over him. He should be absolutely rolling in women; there was no way that he still had feelings for you. 

When you arrived at Soho House, you saw him sitting outside instantly. He was looking as handsome as ever, smoking a cigarette and sipping on a drink in a short tumbler, and he took your breath away in a brown suit. God, had he grown even more handsome in your years apart? It didn’t feel real. “Joe!” you grinned as you approached him, and he smiled back at you, putting his cigarette out in an ashtray. 

“Hello!” he crooned, opening his arms for you. In an instant, almost as if you were drawn magnetically, you fell into his arms, hugging him tightly and pressing your head into his neck to smell his warm and earthy cologne. Joseph rubbed your back as he hugged you, just the same way he always used to, and, when you pulled away from the hug, Joseph gave you a warm, blushed smile. “Well, darling, you look stunning.” 

“Thank you,” you laughed breathlessly. “Says you! You— Fuck, you grew up! You look so good!” 

“Aw, well,” Joseph shrugged bashfully, tugging at the thin silver chain around his neck. “I mean, a lot can change in eight years.” 

“True,” you said. “But… A lot can stay the same… I’m sorry.” 

“What for?” Joseph asked, his eyebrows furrowing. 

“I…” you started. “For… You know what for. Don’t make me say it. It was humiliating enough the first time around.” 

“Let’s not have this talk here,” Joseph said softly. “Just come home with me later, we can talk there.” 

“Okay,” you agreed softly. “Can I just ask one thing?” Joseph nodded, and you carefully took his hands in yours, pressing your palms against his. You were scared to even ask, knowing that he would reject you, but you kept your resolve. “I know I hurt you. I know you probably want nothing to do with me, but… Please, if there’s any part of you that doesn’t hate me, just tell me. You are the best thing I’ve ever had in my life and I ruined it, and—”

Before you could say more, Joseph leaned down and pressed his lips to yours. It was quick, you could hardly call it a kiss, but your heart pounded in your chest like it did with your first kiss with Joe, all those years ago. You sighed and laced your fingers with Joe’s as he broke the kiss, and you started, “Does that mean—”

“Yes,” Joe whispered. “I never stopped loving you, sweetheart. You hurt me, but I never let you go.”

“Okay,” you said softly. “Good. Umm… Let’s go. Is Wes inside?” 

“Yeah,” Joe said. “He won’t stop talking about you.” With a hand on your back, he led you inside the exclusive club. You felt lightheaded even walking beside him again, and you couldn’t help the grin that covered your face when you saw Wes. He looked exactly the same, and you hugged him tightly. Wes’s arms were just as tight around you as he laughed, and he said, “Well, well, if it isn’t Miss Y/N. It’s been a while.”

“Yeah,” you shrugged. “Sorry.”

Joe helped you sit down on one of the tall stools, his hand still on your back, and he kissed your hair as he mumbled something about going to the restroom, and he slipped away as Wes showed you his hand and the gleaming silver band. “Liam and I got hitched,” Wes smiled as you squealed in excitement. 

“Oh, Wes, I’m so happy for you!” you told him. 

Wes hesitated for a second, looking over his shoulder at Joe retreating as he showed restraint that you didn’t remember him having, and he finally said, “Joe will never tell you, but you really did a number on him.”

“I know I did,” you cringed. 

“No, like,” Wes started. “He was going to ask you to marry him. He had the ring in his sock drawer and everything. When you broke up with him, I came home to find him on the floor, sobbing. He cried so hard he threw up. He was inconsolable for weeks. Didn’t do anything other than go to work and lay in bed. He was depressed, love. I thought he’d be like that forever.”

A ring. Marriage. The thought that you had ruined that made you sick. You rubbed the hem of your shirt between your fingers as you nodded at your lap, and you mumbled, “What got him out of that?” 

“Honestly?” Wes asked. “I don’t think he ever got out of it. I think working helps him, but he didn’t figure that out for a while. He did Dickensian, then didn’t work again for, like, a year, and he got really bad. He still really only works and goes home. I had to twist his arm to even get him to agree to this. ”

“Is it really your place to be telling me this?” you asked, halfway-jokingly, and Wes smiled. 

“It’s definitely not,” Wes said humorlessly. “But you deserve to know how he reacted when you broke up with him. It ruined him. He deserves better than that, and if you’re going to hurt him again, then don’t even bother.” 

“What makes you think that we’re gonna get back together?” you asked. “He wants nothing to do with me.” 

“That’s not what that kiss outside said,” Wes shrugged. “Just… Don’t let him down. Like I said, he’s been hurt enough by you.” 

You felt thoroughly shaken by that, but you nodded and righted yourself as Joe came back to the table, resting his hand on your shoulder. “What do you want to drink?” he asked. “I’ll get it for you.” 

“Oh, umm,” you started. “I can get it. Sit down, visit with Wes, I’ll be right back…” Quickly, before he could ask questions, you stood up and made your way to the bar. You needed a second alone to absorb everything Wes had just told you, but Joe had his own idea, taking the back of your shirt in a gentle grip and following you to the bar. 

“Tell me what’s wrong,” Joe said firmly. 

“Nothing,” you told him. “Everything’s fine.”

“Did Wes say something?” Joe asked. 

“No,” you insisted. “I just… This was a bad idea, all of this was a terrible… I’m going home.” 

“No, wait,” Joe said quickly. “Talk to me, darling, tell me what’s wrong.” 

“I’m not your darling,” you said quickly, edging past him towards the door. “Not anymore, I fucked that up so long ago—”

“You didn’t fuck anything up,” Joe told you, following you once again, out onto the street. 

“We could have been married by now, Joe!” you exclaimed. “We could’ve had kids by now! We could have had entirely different lives, the lives we always wanted, if it weren’t for me and-and my— I was an idiot, I was stupid and I thought I saw the signs and—”

“Hey, easy,” Joe said softly, shushing you as he pulled you into his arms. “You’re right, our lives could be completely different, but you weren’t the only one in the breakup. I could have tried to explain myself, I could have done a million things to keep you, but I didn’t, and I’ve fucking regretted it every day since then. You were the best thing that’s ever happened to me, and, if I could, I’d snap my fingers and have everything change, but I can’t do that. All I can do is beg you, please, come back to me.”

“But I did so wrong by you,” you whimpered. “Why do you still want me?” 

“Because I love you,” Joe told you. “I’ve loved you since I met you, and every morning, I wake up without you next to me and it fucking hurts. I want this to stop hurting. Please.” His eyes were big and wet, pleading and begging with every inch of himself, and you sniffled as you pressed your hand to his cheek. 

“Joey,” you said on shaky breaths. “I want you back too, but I can’t… I’ll just hurt you again.” 

“How are you sure?” Joe asked. “You don’t know that. Maybe we needed the few years apart to find ourselves, so when we came back together, we’d be more mature and… Darling, please. What do you need me to do? Get on my knees? I’ll do whatever you need me to. I just need you back in my life, please.” 

“Baby, please,” you sighed. “Stop begging. I’m… It’s such a terrible idea. How the actual fuck are we supposed to go back to being together like nothing happened? I’ll always feel guilty about the things I did to you.”

“But you don’t need to be,” Joe said. “You made the best decision you could have with the information you had. If I had the same evidence, I would have done the same. My girl, please.” 

You squeezed your eyes shut as your tears fell, and you mumbled, “Everything in me is telling me not to do this, but… I’ll do it. Maybe we can do a trial run, a few weeks together casually, and if that works, we can… We can be together fully.” 

“I’ll take it,” Joe said quickly. He nodded quickly, putting his hands on your waist, and he said, “I leave London the day after tomorrow for the MTV Awards, but-but, yes, a trial run would be amazing.” 

“MTV?” you asked, furrowing your eyebrows. “Were you nominated for something?” 

“Well, no,” Joe started. “But me and a few other guys from Stranger Things are presenting an award.”

“My famous actor,” you chuckled lightly, knocking his chin playfully with your knuckle, and Joe flushed. “I’m proud of you.” 

“Thank you, darling,” Joe said softly. “I’ve always dreamed of hearing you say that.”

The rest of the night went by better than you expected. Joe convinced you to go back inside Soho House with Wes, and the three of you threw back drinks and laughed like old times. It felt like no time had passed, all of the same old jokes coming back to you and making you laugh as hard as the first time, all of the “Remember when Joe…” or “Do you still…”, and Joe’s hand rested on your thigh all night, inching further and further up as the night went on. Eventually, as his thumb rubbed your inner thigh about half past eleven, you sighed and put down your glass. “Well, gents,” you said. “This has been just lovely, but I need to get going. I open at work tomorrow, which means I’ve gotta wake up early.” 

“No!” Wes sighed. “Don’t leave!” 

“I have to!” you giggled, pulling your purse around your body. “Bye, Wessy, it was so nice to see you!” 

“Wait,” Wes said, standing up and drawing you into a tight hug. You smiled into his shoulder as he embraced you, and, when he pulled away, he said, “Okay, now you can go.” 

“Alright,” you chuckled. Then, you turned to Joe, unsure of how to depart, and he stood up too. 

“I’ll walk you outside,” Joe said. “Have to make sure my woman gets home safe.” 

“Your woman?” you scoffed. 

“Won’t have anyone touch my woman,” Joe mumbled, grabbing his suit jacket from the back of the seat and tossing it over his shoulders. You smiled as he put a hand on your back and led you outside, the city bustling now, and, once you were outside, you hugged Joe tightly, hand on the nape of his neck. 

“Thank you, Joey,” you said. “Maybe we can see each other again before you leave for Santa Monica.” 

“Come home with me,” Joe said quickly. “Please?” 

“Cheeky bloke,” you grinned. “S’that all you want from me? Just a little fuck?” 

“No!” Joe huffed. “I mean, yes. I mean…” He laughed a little, and he said, “Are you drunk?” 

“A little,” you admitted. 

“Me too,” Joe cringed. “This is a terrible idea, isn’t it? I should let you go home and go to work tomorrow, and we can save this for when I come back.” 

“Or,” you started, then lowered your voice, tangling your finger in the silver chain around his neck. “You can take me home, we don’t fuck, but we can do all of that other stuff anyway.” 

“I could do with a cuddle or two,” Joe mumbled, rubbing his jaw with his hand, jokingly thoughtful. “But you have work tomorrow.” 

“So I’ll call in sick,” you said. “We can spend all day together tomorrow, catching up and everything.” 

“That sounds tempting,” Joe said. “Can we fuck tomorrow, when we’re both sober?” 

“Yes,” you told him. “Now, call a cab, and take me home.” 

It was the same flat that Joe and Wes used to live in. You still remembered your way around and all of the motions you used to go through, setting your purse on the dining table and toeing off your shoes at the door— it even smelled the same as it used to, laundry soap and cigarettes, and you giggled as Joe led you into his bedroom. The things in it had changed, a different bed frame and different photographs and different curtains, but the bed felt the same as you laid on your back, looking up at the same ceiling that you used to. Everything was so different, but so similar, and you watched as Joe shrugged out of his suit jacket and let it crumple to the floor as he went for his belt. At least that hadn’t changed. Your messy little Joey. 

“Joey?” you whispered, and Joe looked at you with big eyes, waiting for you to say more. You wanted to tell him that you loved him, that you had never stopped loving him, that you would always love him, but all that came out was, “You said something about cuddles?” 

“I did,” Joe said softly. “Let me get undressed, love.” 

You sat up and moved over to meet him by the closet door, and you nudged his hands away in favor of your own hands undoing his belt. “Let me…” you mumbled, feeling the buckle loosen, and it fell away in an instant. Joe sighed, his hand coming up to cradle the back of your head, and he pressed his lips to your forehead as you tugged his belt out of the loops. 

“I missed you,” Joe whispered, and you frowned. 

“I’m so sorry, Joey,” you told him. “I was so stupid, I should have just listened to you.”

“It’s okay,” Joe told you. “At least you came back to me.” 

“I love you,” you whispered, and Joe smoothed down your hair gently. 

“I love you so much,” Joe mumbled. His hand fell from your hair and went to the bottom of your shirt, and he tugged it up and off. You undressed each other with gentle love, stealing kisses and stepping back towards the bed, and you cuddled close into Joe’s warm chest as he laid down next to you. He was left only in his boxers, you in your panties, and his arm went around you, squeezing you for a moment. “Oh, my girl… I never thought I’d get to hold you again.” 

“I’m right here,” you told him, gently kissing his chest. “I’ll never leave again.”

The night passed with comfort, bundled up in Joe’s safe arms. He fell asleep quickly, just like he always used to, and you slept well in his grip. You only woke up at around 7 in the morning, with your phone going off across the room, and you groaned and wiped sleepily at your eyes. Joe was still holding you in a death grip in his sleep, and you pried yourself out of his arms and carefully crossed the room to retrieve your buzzing phone. Your mum was calling. Oh God. 

You slipped out of the bedroom, carefully shutting the door behind you, before you answered the phone. “Hey, Mum,” you said, wrapping your arms around yourself. It was cold, especially with your level of undress, and you went to the small laundry room to try to find a shirt or something. “Why’re you calling me so early?” 

“I was looking at the news as I had my coffee,” your mum began, and you flipped up a t-shirt that was sitting in the dryer. It smelled clean, like Joe, and unwrinkled, and you slipped it up over your head as your mum spoke. “And I saw an interesting article.”

“Oh, yeah?” you asked absently. 

“Yes,” your mum said. “It was a series of pictures of you and that Joseph boy on the street, snogging away without a care in the world.”

“What?” you said sharply. “Where did you see this? Send it to me! There’s a news article about us?” 

“I thought that you and Joseph broke up years ago,” your mum said. You were fully awake now, setting her on speakerphone as you went to Google and searched up Joseph’s name. Just as your mother said, there was a news article, some ratty gossip mag, your picture splayed across the front of the website: WHO IS STRANGER THINGS’S EDDIE DATING? It was a paparazzi picture from last night, of you and Joseph at nightfall, kissing and smiling, and your heart fell deep into your stomach. “Are you back together?” 

“Umm, it’s complicated,” you answered. You could hardly even register the hangover in your skull with the rapid panic of your heartbeat, and you went back into the bedroom to find Joe now awake, squinting as he looked at his phone screen without his contacts in. “Kinda? It-It’s hard to explain.” 

“Did you see—” Joe started to ask, and you frowned as you nodded. “Shit, darling, I didn’t think—”

“Well, explain it,” your mum told you. “Tell me what’s going on.”

You sighed. “Joe and I are back together,” you said. “But he’s leaving the country tomorrow and won’t be back for a while, so it’s a lot more… Casual, than I think either of us want it to be.” 

“But I thought he cheated on you?” your mum asked.

“I can call my publicist and see what we can do about getting this removed,” Joe started. “Do you want me to do that?” 

You felt sick. Everyone talking to you at once, the upset in your chest, an odd feeling of betrayal— it was too much. “Joe, stop, please,” you said quickly. “No, Mum, Joe didn’t cheat on me. I thought he did, but he didn’t. I-I have to go and sort this out, I’m sorry. Bye.” You hung up the phone and sighed, and you sank down onto the bed and covered your face with your hands. 

“Darling?” Joe asked. “What can I do?” 

“I didn’t even think that there would be paparazzi,” you admitted. “I’m so stupid, of course there were paparazzi around…”

“Stop, love, don’t do that,” Joe said quickly. “I should have warned you that it was a possibility. I didn’t think about how… I’m still getting used to being a celebrity, I’m afraid.” 

“Oh, God,” you mumbled. “Maybe we shouldn’t do this. This might be more than I’m cut out for.” 

“No, what?” Joe asked. “Darling, no, don’t say that. Just because we were outed by a trashy website doesn’t mean that we shouldn’t be together. I-I think we were made for each other, don’t let this little thing discourage you.” 

“It’s not a little thing, though!” you said, your voice wavering. “It-It’s a big thing! I was okay living in anonymity, but this is— I was fine not being well known, but you— You’re the most talked-about guy on the planet right now! I’m not sure I’m meant to be Joseph Quinn’s girlfriend, maybe it was good that we broke up before you got super famous.” 

“What do you mean?” Joe asked. He looked hurt, like a little puppy, and he said, “Do you not want this?” 

“I want this more than anything!” you said. “But I’ve only ever had a handful of acting jobs before, I’m a fucking server for God’s sake, I don’t think I’m ready to give that up! Right now, my options are to date you and lose my anonymity, or keep it but lose you!”

Joe sighed, shaking his head. “Well, love, I can’t make that decision for you,” he said. “What do you think is best?” 

You sniffled. “I don’t want to lose you again,” you whimpered. “But I… I don’t know.”

Joe was quiet, and he took your hand in his, rubbing his thumb across your palm, and he finally said, “Let me make some calls and see what I can do about getting those pictures taken down.”

“No,” you sniffled. “Leave them up. I want everyone to know that you’re the man I love. I’m not ashamed of that.” 

Joe nodded quickly. “Darling,” he started. “I don’t want to leave tomorrow if you’re this upset.” 

“I’m not upset,” you told him. “Not anymore. It’s not something that either of us can control, so why bother being upset about it? Or at least I can try to believe that… I don’t want you to leave either.” 

“What if I don’t leave?” Joe asked. “What if I cancelled and stayed here with you?”

“No, you can’t cancel the day before,” you said softly. “I wish there was some way I could… I don’t know, go with you. So that we didn’t have to leave each other right now.” 

Joe’s eyes lit up, and he said, “Actually… There might be a way. When I was first asked to present the award, they asked if I had a date, and I said no, but I wonder if it’s too late to say yes.” 

“The day before?” you cringed. “They’d have to shuffle around so much shit. And so would you. And I don’t have a dress or anything to wear, and I’m awful at doing my makeup—”

“Let me call my team,” Joe asked. “I wonder if Fabio can put something together for you, and my makeup artist might be able to… Don’t count this out, let me call my manager and see what we can do.”

Whether Joe had a silver tongue or what, you had no idea, but, by the time you had called into work to ask for the day (and next few ones) off, you were officially a guest at the MTV Awards. He had managed to secure you a spot— “you may not be sitting next to us, but you’ll be there”— and he was calling his stylist as you slipped out of the flat to go back to yours to pack. You couldn’t remember the last time you had done something spontaneous like this, and your heart thumped when you returned to Joe’s flat, luggage in hand. He was still in his boxers, although now he wore a t-shirt, and he smiled and opened his arms to you. “Tell me I’m the best boyfriend ever,” he said.

“Why?” you asked. 

“My stylist, Fabio, said that he got permission from Valentino to loan him a dress for you last minute,” Joe told you, and you gasped. “I’m wearing Valentino, and now, so are you. I still have to call my makeup artist and see if she can do anything for us, but, baby—“

You jumped forward and hugged Joe tightly, laughing and smiling along with him. It felt like a dream, and you could hardly believe your luck as you pressed your lips to Joe’s. You got to kiss him again. You got to hug him again. You were the luckiest girly in the world. He sighed as he kissed you, gentle and loving, and his lips parted from yours all too soon for your liking. “Let me make more calls,” he whispered, his eyes intensely watching you. You didn’t feel small or inferior under his gaze, only loved, and he kissed your forehead before he parted from the hug. “See what I can do for you.” 

“I love you,” you told him, and Joe’s ears tinged pink as he blushed. “You’re amazing.” 

“I love you too,” Joe said. “I… Maybe I shouldn’t tell you this, but I was… I was in a bad place when you left me. It was… I didn’t eat. I hardly slept. I could only think about how badly I had fucked up.” 

“Stop,” you said, shaking your head. “You did nothing wrong at all. You’re literally the least guilty person in this situation, you did nothing at all, and I was… I’m the one who should be apologizing to you. And I will, for as long as you want me to. I didn’t listen to you or let you speak when it happened, and you were right to, like, cut me off and out and shit, I would have done the same, and you’re remarkable for forgiving me and wanting me back, and then bending over backwards to help me so I can wreck your plans. I don’t deserve you.” 

Joe stepped back close to you, and he wrapped his arms around you and touched his nose against yours. “All I’ve ever wanted is you,” he told you. “And now I have you again.” 

You thought about what Wes had told you, how Joe was so close to proposing all those years ago, and you whispered, “Did you… Keep it?” 

“Keep what?” Joe asked. 

“The ring,” you said, and you swallowed thickly. “Do you still have it?” 

Joe nodded slowly. “I always thought that, one day, I’d have you back to wear it,” he said. “Do you want to see it?” 

“I’d like to wear it this weekend,” you told him, your heart beating up in your throat and nearly choking you. “If that’s okay with you.”

“That’s…” Joe started,, and he scoffed and smiled that movie-star smile. “That’s more than okay. I’d love nothing more. Let me go get it, a-and if you end up hating it, we can find a new one for you.”

“I’m sure I’ll love it,” you told him, and Joe nearly tripped on himself as he hurried out of the living room and back into his bedroom. You followed him, albeit at a slower pace, and you leaned against the doorframe as you watched him rummage in his closet. He checked the topmost shelf, pushing his hand all the way back to the wall, and he finally closed his fingers around a small box, dragging it out of its hiding spot. The velvet on the outside of the box was a little dusty from eight years in his closet, and he blew on it and gave you a sheepish grin as he handed you the box. 

You cracked it open and was met face to face with a silver diamond ring, not gaudy but big enough for it to be obvious that a large chunk of money went into purchasing it. Your mouth fell open, and you gasped softly at the sight of it, and you frowned instantly. “Joe—”

“Oh, you hate it,” he whispered. “It’s too big, isn’t it? I can get you something smaller.”

“No, no, I love it,” you said quickly. “It’s just… You kept it this whole time?”

“I told you,” Joe said. “I always thought that you’d come back and want to wear it.” 

“Well, you were right,” you chuckled. “Put it on me, darling?” 

Joe stepped forward, and he took the ring box from your hand and carefully lifted the ring from its velvet home. He took your hand in his and carefully slid the ring onto your finger, and you held it out for both of you to admire. “What kinda ring is this?” you asked. “A promise ring, or… More?”

“It’s whatever you want it to be,” Joe told you. 

“Can I be honest?” you asked, and Joe nodded, and you finally let your thick throat win, and you began to cry. “The thought of you being with any other girls makes me sick. I get so jealous a-and I know it’s not healthy, but I need to be your only one.”

“Have you dated since me?” Joe asked, and you shook your head. “I told you that I’ve been on dating apps, but it… I was chasing something like what you gave me, and I could only find your kind of love with you. I don’t want anybody else’s love, just yours. So… This ring?” 

“I’d marry you in an instant,” you told him, pressing your hands to his cheeks. “My sweet, amazing Joe.”

You helped Joe finish packing that day as he finished his phone calls, securing a makeup artist for you the next night, and he didn’t answer his publicist’s hounding for a response to the articles. Your flight left early in the morning for Santa Monica, and you spent every second with Joe. It felt nice to be surrounded by him again, and, before you slept that night, you gave him a kiss and bundled up in his arms. 

The day felt like a whirlwind. You barely had a second to breathe, and you followed Joe blindly the entire time, holding his hand and letting him take you wherever he needed to. It was good to be able to blindly trust someone again, especially after spending so long apart from each other; the fact that you were able to slip right back into that meant the world to you. Finally, you reached the hotel where preparations were being made for the awards show, and you met Joe’s favorite stylist, Fabio. Fabio was kind and silly, joking all the time and making you feel right at home, and he dressed you in a dark brown dress that complimented Joe’s suit. You smiled, watching your lover get dressed and get confused by the long scarf-like accessory attached to the shirt, and you held him close as his publicist nearly demanded to take pictures by the large window. He buried a kiss in your styled hair, and you grinned as you presented the ring to the camera. It felt special to be able to share your love with everyone now, and, as you held Joe’s hand as you approached the red carpet later that night, you felt like your heart would burst. 

You had to run the gauntlet of photographers and interviewers before you could go inside and escape the sunshine, and Joe held you firmly, cringing in the sunlight but smiling at you. You were very aware of the photographers calling your name, only knowing it because of the most last-minute change to the guest list, and you grinned as best as you could with your professionally-done makeup and soft lipstick smile. Your heart was lodged anxiously in your throat for the entire time (which was really only maybe 5 minutes, but felt like hours), and you sighed as Joe approached the first woman with a microphone. You tried to step away from the camera, to give him the limelight and let the focus be on him, but his arm snaked around your middle and kept you close to him. 

“Mister Joe Quinn!” The interviewer smiled as he approached. “What a sight you are! How’s your night so far?” 

“Oh, God, bless you,” Joe chuckled. “I-It’s alright. Stressful, but good.” 

“And who is this?” she asked, and Joe looked at you with his gaze playful, a look you recognized, even years on.

“This is my wife,” Joe said, and you laughed, squeezing your eyes shut. 

The interviewer grinned at you. “You’re married to the most desired man in the world right now,” she said. “How’s it feel?” 

You stammered over your words as you spoke, acutely aware that whatever you said would be broadcast all over the world. Your few roles had the same effect, but this was something different. “I-I can hardly believe it,” you said. “When I first met Joey, we were kids, and he wasn’t… Watching him grow and mature and become what he’s always dreamt of being, it’s rewarding. I love this cheeky bloke, and I couldn’t be more proud of him.”

“And what do you think of Eddie?” she asked. “Did you like him?”

If you were lying already… “Well, someone didn’t warn me about the ending,” you chuckled. “And that would have been nice.” 

“I told you you’d cry,” Joe scoffed. 

“Well…” you sighed, and you smiled at the interviewer. “I loved Eddie. He’s my favorite thing Joe’s ever done.” 

“So, Joe,” the interviewer said. “What’s next for you?” 

Joe shrugged, pouting his lips. “I’m not too worried about what comes next,” he said. “I’m gonna sit in this sun and bask for a while.” 

You leaned in and softly whispered, “You deserve it.” Joe looked at you with a small smile, and he kissed your cheek softly. 

“Alright, well, you’ve got a long night, so don’t let me keep you too long,” the interviewer said. “It was nice to meet you.”

“You too, love,” Joe said kindly, and you smiled and waved at her as you stepped forward towards the next well-dressed interviewer and camera. 

“Wife?” you mumbled through a smile, and Joe nodded. 

“I’m off the market,” Joe shrugged. “Is that so bad?” 

“Not at all,” you said. “I like you being off the market.” 

“Good,” Joe said. “I like you being off the market.”

“My man,” you hummed, and you leaned forward and kissed him. “Thank you. For absolutely everything.” 

“Thank you for giving me someone to give everything to,” Joe said. “I love you.” 

“I love you too.”

-

taglist: @corrodedarchiv, @faeriemunson14, @steddieloverrr, @wordscomehither, @harley1608, @ellolovely22, @birdysaturne, @freakymunson, @miserybeans, @3rd-conchord

[hyunnows]

SHATTERED PUZZLES | 10

“a rude and arrogant patient with no identification wakes up from a year-long coma and develops temporary amnesia. Assigned to you, a volunteer who’s not going to put up with his attitude, you’re both in for a rough ride.”

PAIRING(s) | Hyunjin x reader, ft Minho x reader

THEMES | fluff, angst, a slight love triangle (i gotta stop with the skz love triangles–), amnesia!Hyunjin, Doctor!Chan, Rude!Hyunjin, car accident, trauma

WORD COUNT | 2.7k+

RATING | pg13

NOTE | ... well hello there. i know its been a while, and im so sorry for that. im still not really back yet, since i havent gotten into any sort of writing schedule or anything. but i wanted to finish this part up for you guys since i felt you deserved it. i also want to say thank you for all the support while ive been away, and hello to all my new followers and new readers for this series! i cant believe ive been working on this since i was 15 T^T its crazy to think ill be 18 in december... really thank you guys, all of you, im grateful for those who are new around here and those who have been with me since the beginning! please enjoy and have a great day/night!

Series M.list | SKZ M.list | Taglist

It’s been about three weeks since Hyunjin was betrothed to Yuna. The two have grown closer, but not as their parents believe. Now, she’s become more of a sister, and Hyunjin her brother. 

She shares her crush on the shopkeeper she’s so fond of, asking for advice and tips. In turn, she gives Hyunjin the same—as well as tricks to keep his hair healthy. He likes having her as a friend. 

In between their normal chatter and hanging out, they scheme. Researching legal documents, checking to see if there’s any way they can get out of marrying each other. It’s tiring work, but love is a powerful driving force. 

“Do you know of any close family members that might be willing to take your spot?” Yuna raises her brow at Hyunjin. “I mean, I know I have a cousin or two that wouldn’t mind being in an arranged marriage for a few years. If you have someone to take your spot, then I think that they’ll let us off the hook.”

“That’s a good idea, except for the fact that I don’t know any of my family. The only family in my memories are my parents, and Minho I guess, but he’s not blood.” The blond frowns, sighing. Why did he have to be born to money hungry control freaks?

Yuna purses her lips, “I’ll have someone look into your family and see if you have any candidates. Until then, we have to just hang in there, I guess.”

——

“I’m dying.” You whine, hanging off the couch dramatically.

Minho and Chan shake their heads. “You’re not dying [Y/N],” the younger sighs, “I know it's hard, but you’re both safer this way.”

You know what he’s saying is true, but…

It's been over a month and a half since you were ripped away from Hyunjin, and you’ve thought of him every moment since then. You just want to see him--just be in his presence again. Unfortunately, you know that's not possible. At least, not according to Minho’s information on the blond.

So, while you may not be literally dying, you most definitely feel like you are.

And so when a particular idea pops in your head, you decide you have nothing left to lose, and voice it out.

“Let’s kidnap Hyunjin.”

----

“Yuna! Yuna! Where are you?” Hyunjin scrambles around, excitement all over his face as he races to find her. He’d been up since the crack of dawn, brainstorming ways to get out of their arrangement, and he finally came up with something. Now if only he could find her--

“Hyunjin? What? It’s early as hell,” she yawns, glancing at her phone and shoving the digital numbers in his face, giving him a good look at the time. 8:40 am. “What do you want?”

“They can’t force us to get married if one of us is already married.” He grins, panting slightly from the running around he’d done. Luckily, it isn’t odd for a fiancé to sleep over--or else the entire Hwang staff would be giving him a weird look all day.

Yuna curls a brow. “What do you mean? You want to run away and marry [Y/N] to get out of this?” She yawns a bit towards the end, rubbing her tired eyes with confusion.

His face is covered in shock for a moment before he picks up his jaw and shakes his head. “No, I love her, but she’s not ready to marry me yet. I barely confessed the day we were brought here.” He scoffs at the idea that he’d rush your relationship, which she rolls her eyes at. “You should marry Jay.”

Yuna flushes at the idea, mouth turning into a circle in surprise. Hyunjin knows she wants to marry the boy--she’s talked about it almost every day since they met, after all. “I-I don’t know… what if he doesn’t want to?”

Now it's Hyunjin’s turn to roll his eyes. “He wants to, trust me. I’ve seen the way he looks at you through the shop windows. He’s probably written his vows to you already,” he chuckles, his words making the girl redder than ever, which earns him a shove from her small hands. “Just ask him. If you two get married before our wedding, they won’t be able to force us together.”

Pursing her lips, she sighs. “Fine, I’ll ask.” Her agreement makes the blond cheer in satisfaction.

“Thank you Yuna!”

“Yeah yeah,” she waves him off, stepping back into her room and closing the door, “Let me get back to bed now.” Hyunjin apologizes and waltzes back down the hall to his room, and she can’t help but shake her head at his antics. “Weirdo.”

----

“You want to do what?” Chan all but yells, eyes wide in confusion. Sure, he’d heard a lot of crazy things pertaining to Hyunjin’s situation but you want to kidnap him? That’s a bit too much for the Australian to handle. “[Y/N] you know that’s illegal, right?”

You shrug. “Let's kidnap him. They kidnapped me already. Plus, Minho has pretty much done this before.” Your reasons just make the doctor sigh. “What? I can’t just sit around and do nothing anymore.”

Chan sees where you’re coming from, he really does, but as a doctor, he’s not sure he can condone this idea of yours. “But [Y/N], there’s no way you’re getting through their security and getting back here with Hyunjin safely. By the way, you could be arrested for kidnapping too. And you don’t have the money to get out of it.”

All of his stupid, logical reasoning makes you groan and roll your eyes. You know Chan likes to play by the rules—you usually do too—but for once, you just want him to support you and your bad idea. “Whatever, I don’t care! With or without you Chan, I’m gonna get Hyunjin back. I know he’s miserable, just like I am,” you frown, arms crossed loosely over your chest. “He deserves to be free, no matter who his parents are.”

As you strut away from the living room, Minho can’t help but stare at you in wonder. All this time, he’s known you cared for Hyunjin. What shocks him though, is that you seem to be the only person that can rival Minho’s love for his friend. ‘I can’t believe I’m going this again,’ he sighs, standing to follow you to your room so you can start discussing plans to break Hyunjin out. With the bright smile you give him when he agrees to your idea, he knows why it was so easy for him to fall for you. “So, what’re you thinking?”

Chan is completely flabbergasted, as well as disappointed, with Minho’s reaction. Sure, he knows Minho’s in love with you--everyone knows--but to go along with kidnapping Hyunjin? That sounds like more than love. It's insane. But then again, Chan also knows how much Minho cares about the younger boy, and how much he misses hanging out with him freely. “You guys are ridiculous, you know that, right?”

You glare at the Australian, but you can tell with the way he sounds stressed that he’s about to give into whatever plan you throw at him. 

And so, you begin explaining your master plan to the two boys. 

It wasn’t anything complicated. You would go as Minho’s date for the upcoming gala, disguised as one of their rich guests. While the two of you worked to find Hyunjin, Chan would pretend to be a security guard, and make a safe escape route. This was the base at least. You had also hoped to bring Han, Jeongin, and Seungmin along, have them act as caterers (if they agreed) and keep attention away from Minho, Hyunjin, and yourself as much as possible. Then, Minho would excuse himself, drive one of his cars around the side, and they would all slip out unnoticed.

So here you were, dressed all fancy, surrounded by about a hundred other guests. They’re all too busy trying to either get to Mr. or Mrs. Hwang to notice you, but you feel as if all their eyes are on you, judging you, picking you apart, and getting ready to notify the security of your suspicious presence. 

It makes you shuffle forward a bit faster, and you bump against someone’s shoulder on accident. “I am so sorry--”

“Don’t worry about…” her eyes lock with yours within seconds, “What ar--”

You hold your finger vertically against your lips, telling her--Hyunjin’s arranged partner (who Minho warned you about and who was well aware of how you looked due to the social media pictures of you Hyunjin had shoved in her face)--‘don’t say anything’ and reconnect to Minho’s arm. Minho, who’d seen the whole thing, gives you a curt nod for not going off script.

Striding to the buffet table, you spot Jeongin in your peripheral vision, keeping the attention off of you. He seems to be doing a great job, considering all the older women were by him, gushing over the “adorable young waiter” less than discreetly. You’d seen his fiancée, now where was Hyunjin?

“I’m gonna go look around upstairs, you keep an eye out down here, yeah?” Minho leans down to whisper to you, looking at you for agreement. 

You squeeze his arm and shake your head, “No Minho, everyone’s gonna know I don’t belong here if they see me without you.”

He sighs, stopping the two of you in your tracks. “Nobody’s going to know [Y/N], as long as you don’t do anything to attract attention, you’ll be fine. Just walk around and smile at people.”

You’re about to argue why that isn’t true when he slips out of your hold and walks off--meaning it would look too odd if you were to speed walk back up to him. ‘Damn you’, you think, before turning towards the art wall and deciding that would be a good place to start. 

----

You were wrong. 

As it turns out, the art wall isn’t actually just a small hallway with lovely paintings on the wall and a statue or two on display. It was an entire gallery bigger than your apartment by a landslide. You couldn’t help but be amazed at the family’s collection of fine pieces--but damn it if this wasn’t inconvenient to your search. You’re about 15 minutes into the gallery and still no sign of Hyunjin. You’re beginning to get cold feet about this plan and getting ready to call the whole thing off when a mess of blond hair and dark roots catch your eye. He’s admiring a painting, two bodyguards beside him, one on either side. 

You want to run up to him, hold him so close you’re practically in his skin, his warmth all around you. 

But you can’t, otherwise, all your planning, arranging, and sneaking around would go to waste. You dial Minho’s number and tell him the situation, and he’s by your side within minutes. He smoothly makes his way to Hyunjin, you trailing close behind and listening as Minho tells the guards something to get them to leave. 

“Hyunjin, I brought someone with me,” Minho smiles, catching the younger male’s attention. Stepping aside to make you visible, Hyunjin’s jaw drops and Minho has to catch his glass out of his hands to keep him from shattering it on the floor. “Say hi.”

You can see his eyes get watery, his lip trembling as he takes a step towards you before he stops himself. “What are you doing here? It’s dangerous for you [Y/N].”

Despite his words, you can’t help but melt at the way he sounds saying your name. “We’re getting you out” you whisper, staring into his glistening eyes. “We couldn’t just leave you here.”

“How? My clothes have trackers, there’s guards everywhere-- I don’t think you guys are getting out of here with me,” he frowns, grabbing his clothes to the light flickering in the seams. “I’m stuck here.”

“We know about the guards and everything. We weren’t prepared for the trackers, though,” your brows curl in worry as you look at Minho.

He mentions that he has extra clothes, then moves on to explain the plan to Hyunjin. He seems worried, but at this point, he’ll do anything to get out of his parent’s hold. With a sigh, he asks, “Do you know when Chan will be ready?”

“I was actually about to check,” Minho states, calling the doctor up quickly. He mumbles into the phone, hand covering his face, making it hard enough not only for bystanders and strangers to hear, but difficult for Hyunjin and yourself as well. However, the nod that's accompanied by the movement of his chin let you know enough. “He’s ready whenever you are,” he gives Hyunjin a look, before gesturing to a particularly broad-shouldered security guard standing by a door off to the side of the gallery with “SECURITY” written in bold print on it. 

You begin tugging the blond towards the Australian, suddenly remember you’re all on borrowed time, and that the guards assigned to stay by Hyunjin could return at any moment. Upon this reminder, Hyunjin begins rushing towards the door as discreetly as possible, and Minho decides now is as good a time as ever to excuse himself as the getaway driver. 

“Hey man,” Chan greets quietly, swiftly opening the door to the security room and ushering the two of you inside. Hyunjin nods, glancing around in confusion and paranoia. Upon seeing the younger male’s fright, Chan calms his fears, “Don’t worry about the cameras seeing us. I know a guy who fixed that for us.”

Han’s voice comes out muffled from Chan’s headset, making Hyunjin and your own eyes widen. You knew he had some interest in computers, but you didn’t think he actually had any knowledge to help with something like this. At least now you know how he never seems to get viruses from downloading so much questionable software (he would really do anything to get free streaming services). “Yeah I covered for you guys, but you only have like 5 minutes left before the cameras start capturing live footage again. In other words, hurry up please.” 

You all begin moving through the route, which is incredibly clear. The security room connects to dozens of other security rooms through hidden hallways. You suppose it only makes sense, considering just how rich the Hwangs are, for them to have such an intricate hidden system within the walls of their household. 

Within 3 minutes, you three make it out the back door, where Minho is quietly pulling up, undetected. Hyunjin had removed his shirt during the walk, and ditched his shoes when you guys left the first security room, only needing to change his lower half’s garments now. He hops into the back, quickly replacing his own clothes with those Minho had given to him, ridding himself of the trackers. You hop in the back soon after beside him, Chan and Jeongin piling in soon after with the elder taking the passenger seat and Jeongin squishing himself beside you, barely buckling in when Minho steps on the gas.

“Alright, cams coming on in three… two… one-” just as Han’s voice finishes the count down from Chan’s phone, Hyunjin’s phone goes off with alerts, which are quickly followed by a spam of phone calls that make him throw his phone out of the window in fear as Minho begins speeding down the road towards your side of town.

Hearts pumping with adrenaline, you and the blond face each other simultaneously, tearing up immediately as you lean in to embrace each other’s lips for the first time in far too long. His forehead presses against yours as tears run down his cheeks, his hands caressing and wiping your face. “I missed you so much.”

Your bottom lip trembles, and you lean into his neck, arms wrapping around him to pull Hyunjin close to you, afraid he might disappear if you let go, “I missed you more.”

He lets out a painful laugh, squeezing you tighter to him, and shaking his head as if to gently disagree with you. He can’t fathom you missing him any more than he missed you. “I love you.”

A wistful sigh escapes you, a choked sob following not long after, “I love you too.”

The three boys glance back at you, each of them wearing a soft smile. However, Chan found it difficult to see only joy in Minho’s eyes after hearing your proclamations. He doesn’t mention it though, allowing you all a moment of peace.

----

After arriving at Jisung, Jeongin, and–at this point–Minho’s apartment and settling in, one question plague’s your minds.

“So…” Jisung begins, “What now?”

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[mari-lair]

What’s your opinion on the newest chapter bc that ending caught me tf off guard (if ykyk)

I love this chapter it’s so cool! I like that Mitsuba is helping Kou, and that Hanako the leader of the ghosts, was scared of the middle schooler’s haunted house. I also appreciate that everyone was together instead of the usual mitsukou/hananene split up. (They did split up by the end of the chapter again...but I’ll take what I can get.)

This part was nice too.

I wasn’t expecting it, but it makes sense Mitsuba wants to push Kou to be with Nene considering this is his mentality recently.

MY AWFUL TRIO IS HERE TOO!

Aoi has a herbs tea stand! LOOK AT HER! I forgot there are more people in the gardening club besides her uiyguyg

AND AKANE USED A HEART IN HIS SPEECH BUBBLE?? This boy really is down bad, he gets rejected when he already knows Aoi likes him back but he keep looking at the bright side (he is so genuinely happy thinking about how cute she is when she’s shy. He is adorable.)

He cried a river when he was rejected what a loser, and Aoi is so blushy when she turns him down, she looks almost troubled?? Is she angry she can’t bring herself to agree? Is she troubled she already agreed to go with Teru? Idk but she is adorable. They are so stupid, they make my heart melt.

SPEAKING OF TERU, I love how he happily (threatened) invited Aoi on a date while confident Akane will be there. My bars are very low I am absolutely counting this as a terukaneaoi date LET’S GOO

Love how Aoi is scared and nervous but the idea Akane will be there too calm her down. She had fun the last time they hung out as a trio so I am excited!

(I won’t be surprised if the broadcasting club scheming makes it so they end up not having this tour, but my disappointment will be immeasurable.)

Teru was amazing this chapter on his own too, look at this bastard. He got an ego.

Not that I can blame him, any 17 year old would reach this conclusion when their class consistently worship him as a prince and made A WHOLE SUCCESSFUL VENUE?? WITH MERCHANDISE TOO?? HELP?? He is so chill about it “oh I was surprised when they suggested” BUT NO PROTESTS? Akane is right, he is a shameless guy.

(I wonder if Teru gets money out of it...? Since they are selling his image/’brand’. I hope he does. Can you imagine Teru  telling his dad “oh yeah, half of my fortune comes from exorcism, half comes from my venue.” )

And hey, Tiara and kunishide are here!  That’s nice, love to see them again! :D

You know who else is here? Sousuke’s mom! THE QUEEN IS HERE! LET HER THROUGH!!! I DID NOT EXPECT TO EVER SEE HER AGAIN, MY BELOVED!

I’m interested in how Mitsuba will deal with a ‘mom’ he never had. He no longer seems obsessed with Sousuke, the manga itself treats Sousuke as a thing of the past (Kou even fully accepted his death in chapter 74) so her presence is BIG.

I wonder if the mom will be able to see Mitsuba, and bring more info on Sousuke, or explore both her and Mitsuba’s characters. Mitsuba does feel like he has no ‘family’ after all. And Sousuke’s mom, who lost her son and husband, also has no family, but unlike Mitsuba, she used to have. Add in Mitsuba’s relationship with his own identity and I am definitively intrigued by what her role in this arc will be.

The ending caught me off guard too, I thought the broadcasting club wanted to control time not destroy it, even if it does make sense, considering their end goal is every yorishiro's destruction.

And this part made me realize we never saw Natsuhiko bleed before, and it explains how he consistently gets out of dangerous or tricky situations that while not deadly for an immortal would have been very hard to escape if his power was merely 'durability'.

He can’t lose, even a supernatural’s ‘victory’ where he gets eaten will result in them being corroded from the inside out. Since Natsuhiko can’t die, blood loss isn’t a problem either, he is a neverending poison machine. Love that for him.

[alloutofgoddesses]

Percy Jackson TV thoughts -

Season 1, Episode 3

(I’m a book reader and I’m not holding back book spoilers)

The attic is show creaky

And apparently so is Percy

Walker is doing an incredible job portraying Percy’s “I hate everything” attitude

The craziest line reading it’s so stilted thank you Timm Sharp. Also condescending which is very Gabe

That’s awkward as hell why would you gather all the “good candidates”

BLACKJACK HIIIIIII BLACKJACK

Grover you’re killing me

That backpacks full of apples and tin cans you can’t fool me Underwood

Percy is SO FUNNY HELP

“Don’t mix ‘em up” Luke I know I can’t trust you stop being witty

THERE THEY ARE

Annabeth saying goodbye to Thalia… I’m losing it she’s just a BABY

I shouldn’t laugh but I think Thalia would so we’re good

Percy. She’s always in charge.

So no Seaweed Brain and Wisegirl? Rick when I find you

Percy you could’ve put them in your bag and left the box

The way Grover’s hair is styled to cover the horns more when they’re in the mortal world… hairdressers I love you

Can I have the full consensus song please I think it would actually be helpful

Also Grover being a 24 year old dealing with squabbling twelve year olds… Gods speed dude

Annabeth is so perfect. Like. She’s so annoying. It’s spot on. Annabeth is annoying in the books

SCREAM ALECTO!!! They hired the perfect actress for these lines

I get the plot reasons but if you had time to pick up anything WHY THE SHOES AND NOT THE BAG WITH MONEY IN IT PERCY

Please tell me they’re getting rid of the idea that demigods can’t use technology. I always thought it was dumb

Oh no Uncle Ferdinand…

Absolutely laying the tracks for Percy telling the gods to do better by their kids *chef’s kiss*

SO YOU FOLLOW IT? Grover you’re better than this

Hey. If the cyclops next season have those talons. I’m gonna be SO SCARED the whole time

MEEEDDDUUUUSSSSAAAAA!!!! I desperately want to cosplay this

I love the changes already

Percy… that beautiful fatal flaw

I mean yeah you’re mom is almost always right but still be on guard little man

Annabeth. I can’t wait for you to loosen up. She’s wound as right as a violin string.

*cheers from the crowd* I am fully on Medusa’s side btw. No matter what she was a victim of the god’s whims.

Annabeth my little baby you gotta think about multiple perspectives

The little milkshakes on the side. Does Medusa just wait for people to come along to feed or did she smell Percy from a couple miles away and really quickly whip stuff up

Thank god the box is being left behind

THE BASEMENT REALLY GUYS. There had to have been a back door

A MAIL CARRIER? What did a mail carrier do Medusa

I love that the snakes aren’t standing up like a lot of Medusa artworks portray… they’re noodles they wouldn’t be at attention all the time

Oh now THAT’S INSPIRED. Nkt as iconic as the reflective surface of an iPod though

Who’s gonna remind them there’s still one more. Also does this mean she’s a broken statue forever or since she’s a monster she’s reincarnating in Tartarus? I have so many questions

Oh Uncle Ferdinand. I’m glad Grover got to have an emotional moment that he wasn’t afforded in the book

Hell yeah good job Grover. Sometimes you Do have to be a little mean to get past some stuff.

Oh so we get the “I am impertinent” line verbatim but not SEAWEED BRAIN AND WISE GIRL

Percy I’m obsessed with you

Now who could this be

GAH LOOK AT HIM… he looks just a tad angry though lol

So does he have express straight to the throne room since he’s Hermes or did they change the placement of the elevator

AAAAAHHHHHH I need more immediately

Preview for next ep

Why are they splashing him

SHE’S ON THE BUS?!?!?!

Very excited for the arch… I’ve been there and I will be honest I only remember some of the museum stuff at the bottom and how claustrophobic the top is so I’m excited to hopefully jog my memory

[auromelt]

what do you think amazaki’s relationship would be like after the events of the movie (both platonically/romantically) and do you have headcanons? i’d love to hear them

sooooo excited to answer this!! i’m doing this on mobile so the formatting will probably be shit but my laptop is being serviced at the moment so well… and i’m really happy you differentiated platonic and romantic szam because i have different thoughts for both sides! i’m also gonna be using their first names because they feel like family to me today. anyways this post is long so…

generally i think they’re not getting any less toxic with each other lol. in the movie, kohei gave me the vibe of someone who’s been betrayed and used for his money by people he cared about or maybe considered his friends in the years he spent without ryo, which resulted in him becoming mistrustful of people and sealing himself away from creating bonds (which is preposterous to people like fujio because hello? this whole series is about forming bonds. get it together kohei!). so while kohei is doing his whole isolation from humanity bit, ryo enters as someone he used to know and used to know him. but that him is dead now, right? kohei isn’t the same as he was when they were 8 and ryo was his friend who shared promises and sodas with him. that kohei is sooooo dead. except he’s not. and ryo’s devotion and mental illness managed to wake that side of him back up from its slumber. this sets the scene for ryo being something like an exception to kohei, because ryo genuinely cares about him beyond his name and the depths of his pockets, he’s a person from a simpler time in kohei’s life, and despite everything kohei has said, he still harbours affection for that boy. and now ryo is crying like a baby on the floor in front of everyone they somewhat know after losing the goddamn fight and getting stabbed, and kohei isn’t even really angry. (did ryo ever get his hand stitched up btw? go to the hospital bruh)

now i have two ways this next part can go. let’s start with the idea that they actually do end up staying with each other and then my second idea that they don’t

onto present day, let’s talk about what i think about their relationship post movie, after crying on the floor like a baby, ryo makes up with kohei and they somewhat restore their friendship. but like i said earlier, ryo is an exception to his wah wah i hate people and friends are a waste of time schtick. plus he beat up or bribed almost everyone in the cast so nobody would even want to be his friend anyway? so basically ryo is his only friend and because of ryo’s nature, kohei is also his only friend, not because ryo can’t make other friends, i envision him as being quite popular actually with his strength and his awkward babygirlness that has charmed the masses, anyways its not because theres a shortage of people who want to be friends with ryo but rather there’s a shortage of people who ryo wants to be friends with (he’s got a list and it’s just kohei’s name on a sheet of paper). anyways, as i was saying ryo is literally all kohei has at this point, and stupid saboten but nobody wants to be friends w him, so hes probably really insecure and possessive over ryo. ryo could leave him at any moment (he wouldn’t. they’re for lifers in ryo’s head) and kohei can’t have that happening, not when ryo is basically the only person on earth who loves him and who he cares about at all. that’s his tether to his humanity. he needs ryo with him no matter what. and because ryo is mentally ill and has attachment issues, he indulges and fuels kohei’s possessiveness and allows it to grow and grow until their worlds literally just center each other.

like i’m sorry but i can’t see their relationship ever being healthy. this is batshit insane amagai kohei and devoted guard dog suzaki ryo we’re talking about.

in my second scenario, they split. kohei is actually kinda pissed about what ryo did in the final arc and drops his ass. he learns absolutely nothing in the fight. of course, this is kinda disputed by the final scene where he calls ryo his friend and they’re still clearly together. though in my head, as a suzaki ryo worshipper, i think it might actually be possible for him to break the chain and get out of his terrible situation. as much as i like my szam, they’re awful for each other and it’s far more detrimental to ryo than it is for kohei, they have an awful power imbalance and kohei didn’t treat ryo well. of course, kohei is mid without ryo’s aid, in a fight against a badly injured tsukasa he almost died real bad, so i doubt he’d let the only person who still ate from his hand after oya n the others cornered them in the gym go. ryo would probably be punished for losing and ryo, being ryo, would take it quietly and suffer for the rest of his life.

isn’t that depressing.

ANYWAYS with all that out of the way, let’s dive into my headcanons. i’ll start with the romantic ones because i love my doomed yaoi like that and then write a list of stuff that can be either romantic or platonic because i believe you can’t actually have a romantic relationship without a platonic one.

romantic szam (some 🔞)

kohei is a proud lover. everytime he speaks to someone about ryo he refers to him as my boyfriend, my lover, etc. ryo is wayyyy more reserved than that and barely talks to people, so you’ll have to glean how much he likes kohei from his body language

kohei is jealous as fuck their relationship is like the “you’re the most jealous man i know” “you know other men?” post (y’all watch cherry magic) his stomach starts hurting when ryo so much as looks at another person. ryo could beat a guy up and he’d be like “you should’ve touched him less while punching him.”

kohei says i love you first and ryo cries. ryo is too awkward to say it even though he’s basically been in love with kohei for a whole decade now. talk about slow burn. kohei gets embarrassed when ryo cries and leaves the room awkwardly.

power bottom kohei. what can i say. what can i say. what can i say. (ryo definitely cries during the first 5 times too)

ryo is dense as hell. kohei could be hinting at wanting to go somewhere on a date or do something together and ryo wouldn’t get it unless kohei is literally shouting it into his face. and secretly ryo likes the way kohei’s face gets all blushy and embarrassed when he’s yelling at him.

there is something wrong with them and nobody ever understands how they work or are together at all and kohei hates the doubt and judgement but ryo’s kinda just like eh… idgaf.

i mentioned earlier that i see kohei as pretty insecure, man. if he could leash ryo and keep him with him forever and ever he absolutely would. but unfortunately ryo has this thing called “a life” and he has to “live it” so they can’t always be togther. kohei is well aware that he’s treated ryo like crap and that ryo could very easily just find someone else and leave (no he couldn’t that boy stockholmed himself) and nooooo way. he spends all his time apart from ryo thinking about how ryo could be meting someone better than him rn. of course, ryo doesn’t want or care about anyone else.

okayyy when they start dating, oya definitely hears about it from jamuo and tsukasa’s kinda grossed out by it but at the same time it makes sense.

kohei’s family obviously disapproves of whatever they got going on but that’s a problem for future kohei

platonic szam (could be romantic)

they’re on first name basis, and outside his family, ryo is the only one who is allowed to call him kohei (and meeee :3)

i like to imagine kohei keeps an extra set of everything at his house for ryo’s usage. a towel, a toothbrush, a pillow, etc. only ryo can use these things, and only ryo stays over anyway. the amagai house is probably creepy as shit.

anything ryo wants, if it’s in kohei’s power, ryo will get. kohei doesn’t know how to be normal about showering his only friend with gifts and doing things for him. of course, ryo is a very simple guy and doesn’t actually ever ask for anything.

ryo likes tacky cheap items like ugly t-shirts and $1 socks and kohei obviously only wears branded shit bc he’s. well he’s kohei. but when they walk past a store selling those irritating matching friendship/couple shirts he drags ryo in and buys a set for them and then spends the whole trip back complaining about how itchy the material is and that he “can’t believe you convinced me to buy this ugly ass shit”

kohei tries really hard to make up for the shit he put ryo through even though ryo is absolutely nonchalant about it like “kocchan it doesn’t matter?” but kohei is like NO. I WILL MAKE IT UP TO YOU. and then he doesn’t and the cycle repeats

anyways thanks for reading if anyone even made it this far 🤠 resident amazaki shipper OUT.

[mama-mystery]

Hello my lovely Librarians! I realize it got pretty quiet for no reason around here and I’ve honestly been trying to figure out how to write this update, because it’s a pretty heavy life update. But, I want to be transparent with all of you, because getting to write my weird fiction around here and hang out with all of you is deeply meaningful to me. This community, the one here at the Unrequited Library, and the broader kink community, is near and dear to my heart.

If you’re not into the heavy life updates, also feel free to skip this one. We’re going to hit some CW content in it, including death, infertility, politics, transgender issues… the works, really.

Where we last left off…

I got very excited for Mayternity this year and laid out an exciting plan of events, including stories, streams, and a World of Horror mod. However, as I’m sure folks noticed, about 2 weeks into the schedule I got off-track. 3 weeks into the schedule, and I was very far behind.

What I wasn’t saying out loud was that a close family friend had very unexpectedly passed away and my uncle was diagnosed with terminal brain cancer in the same week. I had also, at the literal same time, got a new job to replace the one I had lost at Threshold Games.

The new job was very exciting and needed; my partner and I wanted to move into our own place and attempt to set down roots again. We have been staying with friends for the last year and while we are very, very, very, very thankful for their help, we also did not wish to continue to stick ourselves in their home.

A very large amount had suddenly shifted in my life, both bad and good, but all of it very much sucked my attention away from here and anything I was doing creatively. I tried to look up and be hopeful while all of this was going on, but I’ll be honest, the sudden whiplash of change was hard to go through. There were days where I felt like I was just trodding slowly through mud. Missing story deadlines just made me feel worse.

It’s been a long year

For many reasons, the last year has been very hard for me to go through. I keep counting my blessings that I am supported by a wonderful partner and caring, patient friends, because I do not think I could do any of what I do without them in my life.

Leaving Texas, as I’ve said before, was a very important thing for me and my partner to do. As the Governor and Congress of that state has continued to make it a priority to pass laws against people like me, things slowly became more dangerous. Only a few months before we moved, a transgender woman was assaulted at the Target where my partner and I bought our groceries. That’s just a taste of what things were getting like.

Leaving the state, however, came with some pretty severe stipulations which I don’t think I’ve explained out loud before. While my partner and I were very successful in saving money and you Librarians were very kind in helping us out via DeviantArt and Twitch, the other half of the moving funds were what little savings I had left after COVID. We bought as big of a shipping container as we could, we loaded it up with what we could fit, and we left 75% of our stuff behind. No way we could take everything.

We fled. And while we were on the road up from the south, we noticed we were not the only cars driving northward with LGBTQIA+ or transgender stickers and a trunk full of stuff. Apparently we weren’t the only ones with this idea. Thinking of that is still heartbreaking to me.

Losing the rest of my savings meant we’ve been starting from scratch since last year. Again, I cannot thank my friends enough for letting us stay with them during this time; without their assistance, my partner and I could not have afforded our own place. Losing my job was, as you could guess, a significant blow. We were already running on an empty tank, and losing our source of stability was tough. My partner is disabled and can’t work, so everything rides on me maintaining my job in an industry that’s notoriously unstable.

Grief is wicked, and heavy

Losing my savings also meant something else that I’ve been quiet about until right now: I don’t know if I can have the chance to start my own family anymore. It may now be financially impossible.

For a long time, I tried to keep an open mind about starting a family. I wanted to see how I felt, and if I could push myself up to the task. I didn’t want to say no to having kids, but I also didn’t want to say yes. I wanted to make sure I could provide a great life for a kid if I had one, after all. I wanted to be able to set down roots, save up funds for adoption, find a nice community, get a house… you know, basic life goals.

When we fled from Texas, all of that went out the door. None of those things are possible in a community that is actively antagonistic against myself and my partner. I would never, ever want a child of mine to be a target for hate.

I have been grieving the potential loss of my dreams. I have to face the fact that I’m older, my time is starting to get shorter to do things like this, and I don’t know if I have the runway left. I want to try and I will try, but I know that it will be nothing short of an uphill battle. It may not end with the ending I desire. I may never be an actual mom… I’ll just play one on the internet.

All of this together with the recent death and caretaking has made writing pregnancy/belly content extremely hard. It’s something I normally love to write and create, but it just feels like all of my energy has been stolen. That I’m writing a dream I’ll never be able to have. There’s a name for all this, of course: Infertility grief.

I can definitely confirm it sucks. Especially when one of your pieces of happiness is being a broodmother of a kitsune. I know my eagerness to do this stuff will return, but it’s going to take some time.

But it’s not all bad

I can’t end this update on gloom though. While this year and particularly May and June were hard, July has been getting a little easier. My partner and I recently moved into our own place - a small townhouse in Connecticut - and we picked up our dog from her foster parents. (More thanks to our friends who watched our dog for the last year when we couldn’t have her!) We’re starting to set down our roots again.

I’m no longer living with many other roommates too, which means I have privacy again. I haven’t been doing as many photos or visual content for the last year because I wanted to respect the other people around me, but having our own place means I have more freedom to create kink.

I’ve also been working closely with a specifically trained therapist over the past few months too, and am going to continue doing that. She’s been helping me work through all of this, as hard as it has been, and I’m thankful I have access to great healthcare up here in Connecticut. It’s much, much better than what I was finding in Texas. Having that level of support in this period of time is so very, very important.

Finally… the big update that my partner is really excited about… I was approved to get breast augmentation this year and my insurance covers it. 😈 IT IS TIME!!!!! I’ll definitely have more updates to share on that in the future, and I’m gonna talk about how the process works, but I am so very excited!

Annnndddd double finally… because I somehow went this entire update without mentioning SizeCon… the SizeCon staff’s still been doing things in the background. A TON of things. COMPLICATED THINGS, even. I didn’t exactly STOP working on any of that stuff during all of this, and they’ve definitely been busting their butts.

Yes, there will be an announcement coming from SizeCon soon. Yes, you should be excited. It’s quite… big? Big’s a good way to put it.

So what about Mayternity and Unrequited Library Season 2? What about my subscription?

With all of that now said, let’s get down to the important stuff: the content. What am I gonna do about the content?

While we’re off schedule, half of Season 2 is written and the World of Horror mod is mostly done, it just needs two final art adjustments and some additional QA time that I haven’t gotten to do yet. There’s no way I’m going to leave this stuff on the floor.

But, here’s the thing, I can’t guarantee a good publishing schedule for a subscription going forward, at least for a bit. If that changes how you want to support the Library, I completely understand and I encourage you to change your subscription plan.

I’m going to slowly wheel out the Mayternity and Season 2 content as I can, under our normal Library Rules: Subscribers will have first access to the story for two weeks. After that, it goes into the public folder and on Swell Tales.

When the Season wraps up, the stories will be available for a period of time to everyone before being thrown back into the Restricted Section and given to subscribers.

Again, thank you for all of your patience during the last few months, and I apologize for the silence. I’m going to continue to work on myself and better myself, so you can have the best possible broodmother back in the Library, ready to go on an adventure at the drop of a switch. <3

~Mystery

[merv606]

Speaking of "I'll try and pull out sweetheart.. Oops, your tight juicy [👀] wouldn't let me..!" makes me think of Terry lying to Daniel that he's wearing a condom or taking it off when he's got Daniel in doggy and drooling into the pillows, too over stimulated to notice Terry taking it off and going back inside raw.

Got to love the (wrong) hot idea of Terry “blaming” Daniel for the reason Terry came inside him - “you just felt too good/tight around me baby.”

He’d probably follow up with - “I know you liked it.”

Also can we take a minute to appreciate that Daniel telling Terry something and Terry saying I call bullshit you liked it is CANON! What a time to be alive lol

This idea has crossed my mind many times and it wars with my near unshakeable head canon that Terry would just flat out tell him “I take you bare” - and that he would never wear a condom inside his Danny boy - always prefers to come inside him too.

When Daniel complains about cleanup - maybe Terry has him bent over something five minutes before they’re supposed to be at some charity thing Terry’s company is putting off - who can blame Terry - Daniel looks so good in his fitted suit ….. then he pulls out - unless he’s in the mood to hear Daniel bitching about Terry leaking out of him all night (and some nights he does - just smirking 😏 as Daniel rants, shifting around in his chair) - and if he complains enough well, he’ll get another load inside in the bathroom …. (It’s the game they play). Terry had gotten good and knowing the real complaining and the fake complaining - if he really was in a mood and tried it - he’d lose his 🍆.

But back to the Stealthing thing.

Terry rolling on the condom and then getting into position behind him, would he push in first then after a few thrusts pretend to slip out on accident and remove it before pushing back in - or would he peel it off as soon as he was in position behind him - out of sight - wanting to be bare the minute he’s inside.

I can see him though, if it’s the wearing it for the first few thrusts before peeling it off then pushing inside bare now, saying stuff like:

“Feel so good - so warm and tight - so fucking wet for me. Like I knew you would be.”

Of course, he’s going harder and faster now, knowing that there is nothing between him - that it’s Daniel he feels wrapped so snug around his cock - no barriers.

Anyway - whatevery he does, it’s after they’ve come and he’s pulling out, cock as wet with cum as Daniel’s hole.

“I think it broke baby,”

“What?”

“The condom. I think it broke.”

Now if it is KK Daniel he assures Daniel he’s clean and does a test to prove it to him as well - if it is KK Daniel - Terry was his first.

But he would use that to later convince Daniel to just forge the things -

In ABO KK Daniel well then it’s Daniel asking, panicked, “what am I going to do?” He’s not on birth control - can’t spare the money with trying to keep the business afloat.

Terry corrects him - “what WE will do is see if it took and if it did I’m going to take such good care of you and the pup, Danny. Don’t you worry your head about that.”

That was Terry’s MO after all - make Daniel into his little house omega - always pupped up.

In CK well - he assures Daniel he’s clean and he assumes Daniel is as well considering he had slept with no one but Amanda during their marriage - Daniel admitting that to Terry. He was both nervous yet excited to finally be exploring his feelings for the older man. Now that him and Amanda are done, he’s the first person who Daniel has slept with but fair is fair - they both get tested and after that well no need for condoms then is there?

“I think you liked me coming deep inside you? Didn’t you?”

And he did - cue Daniel’s creampie kink 😈

Terry gets some new arsenal for his dirty talk - calling him, “my little cum slut,” or “act so prim and proper but you just want it raw don’t you?”

Always asking Daniel because he wants him to admit to it - “do you want me to come inside you baby? Fill up this needy little pussy like it needs?”

If it’s ABO CK - it’s probably Daniel not really thinking he can get pregnant now at his age - but low and behold, one morning, sleeping in Terry’s arms he wakes up, bolting to the bathroom, just making it in time.

Terry wakes up - he always does when Daniel isn’t near - and grabs something from the drawer - handing it to him - a pregnancy test.

“You can’t be serious? Terry I’m too old it’s probably something I ate ….”

“Humour me,” he says as he takes it out of the package - although he already knows what it’s going to tell them - that Terry will have his legacy and now Daniel is never getting away from him - they’ll be tied together forever by that little miracle growing deep and safe inside Daniel.

“Why do you even have that?” He asks, taking it just to prove Terry wrong - there is no way he’s pregnant / they’re both too old.

Terry doesn’t tell him it’s because he can smell he’s pupped up - he knew it within a week of him taking Daniel bare.

Terry is the one smirking and Daniel shocked when the test tells them Terry is about to be a first time father and Daniel again.

Now - there’s also the ABO trope of Terry poking holes in the condom ……..

[strangeterrain]

Interview with Anthony Green retrieved from DecoyMusic.com (February 2005) (x) Anthony Green of Circa Survive by Kazy Brown

Put your audience’s conscious at ease and tell us your feeling about Saosin? I love that band. That first album and the music will forever be etched in my mind. It will sit in my memory as meaning so much to me. It was hard to explaining to them that I wanted different things than them. But, I had to do it. I had to do it for myself and for them. They deserve the best. Cove is an amazing singer. I’ve met him, spoken with him and he’s an amazing talent. They’re going to be huge. I’ve heard people say that Cove is “ripping me off”, but I couldn’t disagree more. He doesn’t rip me off. He does his own thing. He loves my style, but his talent is bigger than anything I could have dreamed up. And as long as the band is doing things for the right reasons then I believe they can accomplish anything. As long as the music speaks for itself and nothing else then Cove will be going places. He is a whole-hearted human being. I believe in them.

What goes through your head when an audience member requests, “Seven Years” or any song from the Saosin?

I’m honored. I’m sincerely thankful. They’re into my music. I can’t believe it sometimes.

What do the other members of Circa Survive think of that?

They’re all down. They know what’s up. We’re all very tight as friends. We all know what the deal is. We know why we are where we are. And we all respect it. Those guys will never try to boost my ego. That stuff was phenomenal and I was stoked to be a part of it. I wanted to go in a different place; they wanted to go their way. I love them.

Have you spoken to the old members of This Day Forward? What do they think of Circa Survive?

They’re really proud. They all have their own thing. We have mutual respect. Contrary to popular belief everything is extremely positive.

There were audience members singing songs that haven’t been released tonight. They had obviously downloaded leaked songs. How much does that bother you?

I don’t mind at all. Period. I’m not at the point where I’ve ever made any money from this. But whether I have or not isn’t the point. The point is- I love looking behind me and knowing how important this is. If the audience recognizing this commitment, then I don’t give a shit. As long as they love my passion as much as I do, I don’t mind.

What is it like going from a headlining act to an opening act? It must be exciting, right?

It’s strange, but in the greatest way. There are so many new faces out there that make me feel warm and accepted. Whether they like it or not I’m going to jump into them and I hope they’re ready for it.

Is the singer of Circa Survive a completely foreign person to you?

I don’t know him, never met him. I’ve heard a lot about him and seen pictures, but I’ve never met him. In-between songs I’m a confused little boy, but equally excited. When we play- I’m shut off. I have no idea who that guy is. I’d love to speak to him, though.

Tell me a little bit about working with Brian McTernan?

Oh. The best experience ever. We spent three months writing and record ourselves in our basement in Philadelphia. And that is all we did. We came into the Brian’s studio fully prepared. The second we got there he was experimenting with the sound. Initially we were very attached to our original writing, which made it strange. But the second we got working we gave in immediately to his ideas. He is a genius and we are utterly grateful to have spent the time with him.

Growing up how important was it for you to write your feelings down and express them musically? What do you attribute to who you are today?

Growing up I was in local bands, but always had self esteem problems. I had issues with who I was and who I wanted to be. What I wanted to be was a good person. Someone who cares about other people and cared about himself. And as I grew up I didn’t like whom I was. I was losing touch with who I was and what it took to be the person I wanted to be. I knew that the best way to make my family and myself proud was to be the best singer I could possibly be. Because that’s all I wanted to do. And now, my parents are very proud of me. The best part is- they’re proud of me because they know I’m happy. When I was with Saosin and in California I was calling them every week telling them how big this thing was and how happy it all made me. Deep down, the music was fun, but I wasn’t really into the whole screaming and singing thing. At least I hadn't been since I was a sixteen listing to Closure, Shai Halud and Quicksand. But as I got older I started listing to Paul Simon, Dredge and Bjork. That stuff hit me in a deeper place because of its sincerity. When I examined the elements that represented integrity in music I looked into myself. The thing that makes me the person I am today is my family. They showed me peace, spirituality and love.

When you listen to music what is more important to you- music or lyrics?

Lyrics. Honestly. Only because I write so much and have such a deep appreciation for it. Music initially grabs me, but lyrics draw me in. I pick a part every line of every song and analyze it. It’s important to become critical aware of lyrics often times because lyrics are so overlooked.

What do you think of your fans? Saosin, Circa Survive and otherwise?

I love anyone who is into the music. When people take it a step too far by getting into the fashion and personality, that's when I shut off. I have a difficult time embracing fans that love the side effects more than the actual music. Listen to music, not artists. Let the art speak for itself.

What happens if this album hits #1 and goes straight to TRL?

I don’t think it will ever happen, whether it does or not I’m stoked. I love doing this. As long as I’m doing this and the fans enjoy what I’m doing then I’m happy. If things did get big I certainly wouldn’t want to abandon playing small venues. I love reaching out and feeling a connection. That's important. Me physically connecting with an audience is important. It makes me realize that this is real and equally important to them as it is to me. That’s all it’s about.

Anthony, I can’t thank you enough. It was a complete pleasure.

Thank you. This is one of the better interviews I’ve done. I had a great time. Circa Survive loves Decoy.

[wistfulcynic]

i’ve had a few messages about my deleting-OFMD-fics comments in some reblog tags and... thank you. Truly. It’s appreciated. But. Real talk. 

this year has been terrible for me. One of the worst of my life. In February i lost a beloved cat to a condition that was sudden and intensely stressful and which i still carry a lot of guilt about, like i should have done more done better maybe i could have saved him. A few months ago my favourite uncle passed away. The cost of living crisis in the UK has hit me hard and i have no safety net as i am self-employed. i’ll almost certainly have to choose between heat and food at some point this winter, it’s likely i’ll lose my house in a year when my fixed interest rate expires and my mortgage payments rise, and my shower now is leaking through the living room ceiling so not only does that need to be fixed with money i don’t have but also i can only shower every three days or so to keep things as dry as possible. i’m working more hours to try to stay on top of higher bills and expenses which not only means i have less free time but is very mentally draining. Everything feels dark and cold and damp and mouldy and hopeless and it’s not going to get better but there’s also no help to be had because everyone else is in the same situation, many worse. 

fanfic for me has always been a happy place, where i can do something i love and which i actually am fucking good at and then share that thing with people who enjoy it. But currently with my mental health in the state it’s in, writing is harder than it once was. It’s harder to get in the headspace i need for it. And then when i push through regardless and produce something i love and am excited to share and no one wants to read it. Well. Sorry but i’m not gonna.  

and yes, i know what they say. Write for yourself. Numbers don’t matter. Blah blah. That’s as may be, but while i write for myself i post for other people and if there are no other people then i won’t post. In any other year i could perhaps have been more pragmatic about this but right now i can’t. The self care i need right now is to stop being so upset about the numbers on my fics and the only way i can do that is to stop writing them. 

i’m not going to delete the finished ones. i will probably finish the ghost story--honestly whoever left a comment on AO3 just now you likely saved that fic. i was on the fence about it as it’s mostly written, you have convinced me to carry on. Lighthouse Coffee is dead, but i doubt it’ll be much mourned. The fake dating fic i started, the other ideas i had just aren’t going to get finished.

sometimes you just have to accept that something doesn’t work even when you really, really want it to. That’s me and OFMD fic writing right now. i wanted it to happen. i tried to make it happen. It’s not going to happen. So i’m going to stop trying.  

thanks for caring though, anons ❤️. It’s a small thing that’s actually very big and i appreciate you for it. 

[abigail-nicole]

tgcf liveread, part 4

archiving my live-reading of Heaven Official's Blessing, the best danmei and one of the most enjoyable novels I ever read, officially translated and available legally now from Seven Seas publishing, featuring Fearless Zen Himbo Xie Lian and Sexy Angry Calamity Everyone Is Afraid Of Hua Cheng. this finishes out book 1 and starts book 2

originally live-tweeted on 3/29/2020

Is actually adorable that the heavenly officials are like “we respect that you’re friends with hua cheng”

baby Xie Lian loves swings.....adorable....

Sad? Try jumping into the first well you see

Oh no going to see his parents graves!?????? I’m dying a little

QI RONG YOU DISRESPECT MOM XIE????????? HES GONNA KILL YOU

Oh my god THIS is where we end book one ??????? NIGHTMARE

Thank god I’m not actually waiting for a chapter & can jump into book two immediately!

BOOK TWO :

IS THIS GONNA BE ANOTHER MDZS LEVEL FLASHBACK MY TINY HEART DOESN’T WANT THAT

Xie Lian, With some Dramatic Timing,

I often read books really fast bc dramatic tension makes me nervous & i need to know what’s going to happen. Because getting too invested in a thing with a sad ending kills me!! So a spoiler that a story has a sweet happy ending INCREASES MY ENJOYMENT OF A BOOK

Young Qi Rong more annoying than green ghost qi rong

any time someone has one eye covered in gonna jump in screaming WE KNOW WHO HAS ONLY ONE EYE

WAIT AFTER THIS WHOLE SCENE THERES JUST THAT ONE PARAGRAPH i mean i know well get more later but ummmmmnmm FEELINGS MUCH

Xie Lian, stand up comedian

I read this passage to my spouse who was shocked & said “I THOUGHT THIS WAS A ROMANCE NOVEL” and then I said “OH SO ROMANCE NOVELS CAN’T HAVE BIG THOUGHTS ABOUT THE STATE OF THE WORLD?”

and continued “JUST BECAUSE MOST NOVELS THAT ENGAGE WITH PHILOSOPHICAL IDEAS HAVE HETEROSEXUAL ROMANCE DOESNT MEAN THAT CANT HAPPEN WITH HOMOSEXUAL ROMANCE TOO”

I’m sorry I said Xie Lian was a himbo

just kidding the inability to see outside of moral imperatives is the mark of a himbo. also I love & appreciate himbos

These flashbacks are really illustrating Xie Lian’s character growth over 800 years. That’s some Good Writing

A ONE EYED CHILD WHO KEPT A SHRINE TO XIE LIAN???? YOU SAY????

My tiny heart clenches up

Xie Lian to Hua Cheng: yeah when I was young & stupid I once told someone to keep living for me hahahaha isnt that dumb

Hua Cheng: (four side eye emojis)

Watching Xie Lian lose control and realize how powerless he is ..... that’s rough, buddy

When i call heroes “dumb babies” and say there are only Villains and Dumb Babies..... this is exactly what i mean

The Hero is The Fool pass it on

I hate reading scenes where things systematically go to shit in every single way ........ reading with one eye closed, turning pages hurriedly, like waiting for the monster to pop out in a scary movie....

READING WITH ONE EYE CLOSED AHHHHHH TOO MUCH TRAGEDY. Closing doors to refugees struggling who need help & punishing them for seeking aid? TOO MUCH LIKE REAL LIFE

This is Too Real For 2020

Dumb Baby

Growing up is rough

Book 2; in conclusion,

WHITE CLOTHED CALAMITY APPEARS

yes the refugee killing was too real for 2020 & then a plague appeared

their first fight together omg and he’s like...... you should get a scimitar.....a cute one.....

ghklcdukbj ffl lolololol i was NOT expecting this land of the tender scene

NOW THERE’S A PANDEMIC IN THE NOVEL???? THIS IS TOO REAL

THANK GOD IM DONE WITH BOOK TWO

I’m so excited to be done with book two i’m gonna make myself some nice tea. Then read some Older Wiser Less Upset Xie Lian. As a treat

I’ve never been so happy to have Qi Rong back

Ling Wen deserves BETTER

ID PRAY TO YOU

I would PAY MONEY to watch “The Red Demon Burnt The Temples of Thirty-Three Gods And Not Even The Heavens Could Do Shit”

“Wait this wasn’t as gay as this in real life.......well.....okay maybe it actually was”

THREE THOUSAND!!!!! I JUST SCREAMED TO MY EMPTY LIVING ROOM

but oh honey you know that’s going to make your boyfriend uncomfortable i know you wanna piss off all the heavenly officials but

Pei Ming is like I DON’T NEED A PLAY TO TELL ME WHEN FLIRTING IS HAPPENING I CAN SPOT FLIRTING BETTER THAN ANYONE

He just wants to be debt free and has a side gig: Xie Lian is the God of Millennials

Grudge Fetus and Xie Lian's Cross Dressing (second for this novel) Exorcism continued in next part!

[televinita]

Ten Random Books From My Physical TBR

Now that I’m high on data and achievement, and have determined that I own approximately 340 books of at least 100 pages (non-reference) that I haven’t read, I went looking for posts about this topic and ended up on a book tag where one of the questions was “why haven’t you read your unread books yet?”

So I thought I’d spin a random number generator to spotlight some of mine, and perhaps delineate why they’re still waiting.

1. Don't Stop Believin’: The Unofficial Guide to Glee (2010)

OK, I said no reference, but I'm not counting this as reference because this is actually a book I'd like to read cover to cover. It just has to be when I'm a) back in Glee mode and b) specifically interested in Glee season 1 and ready to read in-depth summaries of every episode in addition to basic background on the show. Like I did with my X-Files guides back in the day. (yes of course i still have them)

2. Assateague Deer - B.F. Beebe (1965)

I can’t even link this to Goodreads, it’s so obscure and forgotten. But basically, it’s a slender vintage children’s wildlife novel and I haven’t read it because while vintage animal books make up a massive chunk of my TBR, I am rarely actually in the mood for one. But when I am, they’re always heart-exploding wholesome and wonderful. These are the kind books I fell in love with at 14 and having a giant collection of them reminds me of my beautiful high school library.

3. Before Goodbye - Mimi Cross (2016)

Random solid-looking YA contemporary. I’ve only had it 2 years, practically a baby. It’s also 400 pages so I am saving it for when I really want to lose myself in a teen romance shadowed by grief recovery (and I guess with a music focus of some kind?)

4. Adam of the Road - Elizabeth Janet Gray (1942)

THROWBACK. I got this in college during one of my very first splurges with my Own Money, buying a box of random dog books on eBay. At the time, I was excited about any dog book and it sparkled with future potential; now that I have a zillion, I don’t know if I’ll be that interested in this 13th century setting and I’m pretty close to going “read it or heave it” by the end of the year.

5. A Horse of Her Own - Selma Hudnut (1963)

One of my several zillion vintage horse books, which like all of them, is waiting for me to be in the right mood for that. But it’s so cute and sweet-looking that just seeing the cover makes me smile.

6. The Girl Across the Way - Ann Huston (1968)

“Lacey is lonely and unhappy in her city apartment, until she meets the cat -- and the girl -- across the way.”  one of a zillion skinny Scholastic paperbacks that I never feel much urge to read or weed, because each one takes up so little space and I like having a pack of them to know that I could, because they’re 45-minute pick-me-ups. That said, this is probably a read-and-release book unless the cat portion is super compelling, but I have no idea where this one is at the moment.

7. Ring of Bright Water - Maxwell Gavin (1960)

OTTERS!! But I have to be in the right mood for wildlife nonfiction as much as fiction. One day I will read this classic, not least because I just learned there are actually 2 sequels oops.

8. Say That Again - N. Gemini Sasson (2015)

A self-published-lookin’ dog book for adults that I think is probably going to be too cheesy for me despite its wonderful cover -- I bought it from a bag sale in 2021 fully intending to read and release -- which is why I can’t get myself to start it. But I also haven’t quite been able to make myself let it go unread because I can’t get it from a library, and I want to know just in case I do end up enjoying it.

9. Time of Our Lives - Emily Wibberly & Austin Siegemund-Broka (2020)

Right after I bought this at the dollar store, a friend gave it a thumbs-down for casual sex and emotional cheating and that torpedoed my interest. But I can’t let it go because it’s just. Such a pretty book. And the premise of a college-tour road trip is just so appealing. What if it’s enjoyable anyway.

10. Gray Dawn - Albert Payson Terhune (1927)

Hero collie book! (1 of at least ten by him in my collection) TBH, I have only read one APT novel in the last 15-20 years, and that was 9 years ago at this point, and while I did love that one I’m slightly worried I won’t still love his sensationalist writing style as much as I did in adolescence, when the two my library had were EVERYTHING to me and I could only dream of getting my hands on more. And yet, I continue to collect them at every opportunity, just in case I get bitten by the “gotta read em all” bug if I ever do.

I didn’t set this up as an interesting tag, I realize, but if anyone clicked through here, would you like to do this as well? It can be physical or Kindle or Goodreads shelves, take your pick. I’M NOSY. And I like book talk.

[borahae-777]

The Truth Untold -- Chapter 24: I Buried My Voice For You

Pairing: Taehyung x Jungkook, Yoongi x Jimin

Word Count: Fic in progress, 220k so far. 3k-5k per chapter

Chapter Summary:

This is the end of BTS then.

What is wrong with RM? Why would he allow this to happen?

I wonder what the guys think of their fearless leader being a pervert.

BigHit needs to cut their contract, there must be a morality clause.

Absolutely disgusting.

Warnings: Eventual Smut, BDSM, 18+, MxM

Taehyung is backstage talking to Bon-Hwa, trying to get to know the man a bit better. Namjoon felt it was a good idea for him to be spotted at a concert watching them and Taehyung can’t help but thank him over and over for what he’s doing. He’s got such a kind smile that he has immediately put everyone at ease.

“Bonhwa-ssi, I don’t know how to thank you enough for everything you’re doing for us. I know you’re sticking your neck out for strangers.”

“Namjoon-ah loves you all so much. He talks about you enough that it feels like I know you all already. I am more than happy to fight for what’s right, consequences be damned. I’m excited to watch you all perform, I’ve got the best seat in the house!”

“I know the point of you being here is to photograph you looking a bit mesmerized watching Namjoon-hyung, but do you have any plans for what comes next?”

“We do actually, this one was my idea and I’m a bit proud of its brilliance. I’m on the board of a charity here in Seoul. We’re having an auction in a few days, attendees can bid on our board members. Winners get a night out with whoever they’ve bid on. There are conduct rules of course, but it’s a fun way to raise money. Namjoon is going to bid on me until he wins. It’s going to look like he’s a jealous lover who refuses to let anyone have me. Once this all comes out, records will show he’s donated to the charity for years and was just showing his support.”

“Wow, that’s a great idea. It helps that you’ve known each other since childhood, you have so much to back up the friendship to the media. Is that going to be the big finale?”

“Yes, Dae-Hyun will finish presenting all of his evidence after the event and we’ll see if our relationship shows up in the media. I can’t wait to humiliate some bigots.”

“Please let us repay you in some way. We don’t just owe you one, we owe you several.”

“Be happy Taehyung-ssi. That’s all I want from you.”

Taehyung launches forward and hugs the other man, unable to contain himself. He will find a way to pay this debt. He makes a mental note to ask Namjoon-hyung what he can do. Maybe he can do something to help Bon-Hwa’s family financially. He pulls back from the hug when he hears the final call to the stage and flashes a big smile before running off.

This is the first time they’re performing Fake Love live and he’s going to do his best not to stare at Jungkook the entire time. He’s preparing himself for the insane crowd reaction when he lifts his shirt during the chorus. What he really wants is the moment they’re pressed together to last the entire performance.

Taehyung walks out onto the stage and feels the head rush of passion that hits every time. The bright lights, the screams of the crowd, the pounding of the music through his bones. He loses himself completely and finds himself easily focusing on the crowd instead of Jungkook. The song plays on and out of the corner of his eye he watches his hand go to the hem of his shirt and suddenly the audience erupts. He can’t keep the grin off his face, that’s his man.

They run off stage, elated. Everyone is jumping all over each other and cheering. He watches Namjoon run to Bon-Hwa and throw his arms around his neck, clutching tight. He knows they’re just barely in view from the side of the stage on purpose and he hopes there are cameras snapping. He looks over to Jimin and Yoongi, Jimin is jumping up and down and screeching happily at Yoongi. The elder is smiling back, but it’s not genuine. Does Jimin even notice?

********

Everyone is out celebrating a successful performance, shutting down a restaurant to accommodate the members and the entire staff. Bon-Hwa and Dae-Hyun are in a corner conspiring, Namjoon and Jin are toasting giant glasses of beer, Jungkook and Taehyung are talking quietly, Hobi is showing a staffer one of the moves from the routine. Everyone is full of joy. Jimin is scanning the room and finally lands on Yoongi’s face right next to him.

He’s staring down into his whiskey glass, a numb look on his face. His eyes are empty, seeing something that isn’t there. He’s been off for weeks, but no matter what Jimin tries, he can’t get through to him. This has been such a big accomplishment for them, this album is about to explode and the debut of Fake Love went so well. Why can’t Yoongi seem to enjoy it? If he really thinks about it, things have been wrong ever since Namjoon set his plan into motion. Is that what’s bothering him?

Jimin reaches out and fluffs a hand through Yoongi’s hair, but he doesn’t even flinch. No part of him is present and there is a pit in Jimin’s stomach. He has no idea what to do, how to help. He feels completely useless, like he’s letting down someone he loves. Maybe Taehyung can shed some light on the situation, he deals with depression and anxiety regularly.

He looks over to where his soulmate is snuggled up talking to Jungkook and changes his mind, he’s finally calmer and settled. The last thing he needs is someone trying to lean on him. All Jimin can do is keep trying to get through. He knows Yoongi isn’t sleeping. The few nights he does come back to the dorm and lets Jimin sleep with him, he stays awake staring at the ceiling. Once he thinks Jimin has fallen asleep, soft sobs fall from his lips so quietly that they can barely be heard.

He’s tried everything to get through to Yoongi. Romantic gestures, surprises, private dinners, easy nights at home with no pressure, allowing him his space. Nothing works. He won’t open up no matter what Jimin tries. He seems so far away and it’s starting to bleed over into Jimin a bit. He can feel himself withdrawing into himself little by little with time.

What if they can’t find their way back to each other?

********

Several nights pass and Namjoon finds himself dressed as discreetly as possible walking into the banquet hall. He’s wearing an all-black suit with sunglasses, hoping to blend in. His bodyguards are dressed similarly, but spread throughout the room as if they’re other guests. A key part of this step is to make it look like he doesn’t want to be recognized as bidding on Bon-Hwa at the auction.

As the night goes on, no one has recognized him yet and he’s put in some small bids on other participants to make it seem as if he’s just here for the charity. He looks at his program and can see that Bon-Hwa is coming up next. Dae-Hyun has a friend in the audience who is tasked with driving up Namjoon’s bid just in case it doesn’t seem as if winning isn’t important to him.

He sees his friend step out on stage and they immediately lock eyes, Bon-Hwa winking as he walks down the small runway. He’s dressed in a navy suit with a rose in the pocket and several women start to bid on him fervently. Namjoon raises his paddle quietly and the auctioneer nods at him, accepting his bid. Several other numbers are raised into the air and before he realizes it, Bon-Hwa has become the most popular participant of the night.

I’m so proud of him, but shit, I need to make sure I win this.

Namjoon continues to raise his paddle, wincing a bit at how high the price is when he’s finally declared the winner. He nods to the crowd as they applaud his victory and he puts his number face down on the table, standing up to leave. His job here is done. He takes care of settling his bid and leaves the banquet hall, hearing the clicks of a camera as he walks to the car waiting for him.

********

A week goes by and the media is quiet. Jungkook worries that the plan hasn’t worked out the way they thought, what if no one buys that Namjoon and Bon-Hwa are a couple? Everything they’ve done could be explained away and it’s only been a handful of incidents. He’s frantically refreshing Dispatch’s home page, like he has been all week. Watching it is only stressing him out, so he goes into the dorm’s kitchen to make a cup of tea. He places his phone on the counter and starts boiling water when he hears a yelp from down the hall.

Hobi comes running into the room asking where everyone else is. He’s waving his phone in the air and babbling incoherently. Jungkook is worried that something is wrong and shushes him, grabbing his phone from his hand to look at what’s going on.

RM of BTS revealed to be gay. Click here to learn about his lover and their affair.

“Oh my god! Hobi-hyung! It worked!”

“Read the article, Kookie!”

Jungkook clicks the link and scans the extensive article, seeing the photos of Namjoon and Bon-Hwa on their getaway vacation. There are snaps of them looking intimate and touchy, pictures of them having dinners here in Seoul, a sweet photo of them wrapped in each other’s arms at the Fake Love debut, one of Namjoon with his paddle in the air at Bon-Hwa’s auction.

The reporter doesn’t name their source, but lays out the evidence clearly. The receipt from their hotel, the desperation in Namjoon’s auction bidding, countless instances of them holding hands or tucking hair behind each other’s ears, trips to visit their families together. It’s all so thorough that Jungkook would believe it completely if he didn’t know any better. They almost did too good of a job selling it.

He shoves Hobi’s phone back at him and grabs his hand, pulling him down the hall to frantically knock on doors. The only ones home turn out to be Taehyung and Namjoon and the pair bursts into their room shrieking at the same time. All they manage to do is scare the other two with their fervor.

“Hoseok-ah, Jungkookie, deep breaths. What’s going on?”

“Namjoon-hyung, the article came out on Dispatch! You’ve been outed!”

He expects Namjoon to look at least a little scared, but instead his face breaks out into a huge grin as he grabs his phone and pulls up the website. He whoops and cheers at each new thing he sees, dancing around the room like a fool. Jungkook is shocked at the reaction.

“Hyung, are you okay?”

“Don’t you see. Kookie? Everything is going perfectly. We’ve got them! We did it! I have some calls to make.”

He watches Namjoon run from the room, phone clutched in his hand and a spring in his step. He walks over to where Taehyung and Hobi are bent over their phones together, chattering at different parts of the article and debunking them. He smiles warmly and sits on the floor in front of them, watching the look on his boyfriend’s face. Taehyung is the least anxious he’s seen him in a long time and he would do anything to keep things this way.

********

Yoongi is sitting on the roof breathing in the crisp spring air. He’s missed sitting up here, the cold weather consistently turning him away. There’s also a bit of reassurance in the idea that if he’s here, Jimin or Taehyung could find him if they really needed to. It’s the illusion of being alone with a safety net. His head is spinning, he wonders if anyone else has seen the Dispatch article yet. He imagines they have, at the very least Bang must have called someone to alert them.

He read through the article in his studio, but started to have trouble pulling air into his chest and came up to the roof to get some fresh air. His panic attacks are more or less controlled now, but it doesn’t mean they don’t try to take him down. They always will. The article was exactly what they all expected it to be, but Yoongi had made the mistake of looking at the comments.

This is the end of BTS then.

What is wrong with RM? Why would he allow this to happen?

I wonder what the guys think of their fearless leader being a pervert.

BigHit needs to cut their contract, there must be a morality clause.

Absolutely disgusting.

There were supportive comments as well, but those didn’t reach Yoongi the same way. The people full of venom and disdain voiced some of the worries that he’s had ever since he realized he had feelings for Jimin. He was sure that he was sick. He’s ashamed now to see his similarities to these cruel people.

If this is how people feel, he and Jimin can never come out. He’s dreamed of showing Jimin off to the world, making it clear that his love belongs to Yoongi. He thinks most of ARMY would accept them, he sees all of their shipping videos, but there would be some who would abandon them. He’s sure of it. He knows Jungkook and Taehyung dream of a day when they can be open and free as well, but all this has shown him is that that’s impossible.

He’ll have to marry a woman someday to keep up appearances, won’t he? No, no, there’s no way he’s ever promising himself to anyone but Jimin. He may never be able to show his love to the public, but he can bear the brunt of bucking societal norms to the point of not having a family life. It’s uncommon, but much more acceptable. He can’t stomach people throwing vitriol at him just because he dared to fall in love.

He keeps thinking of Namjoon, is he reading these comments? Are they cutting him this deeply? Is he regretting his choices now? Yoongi may have reassured Taehyung about all of this, but he doesn’t know if he believes his own words. Taehyung has been coming to him regularly and they’ve been unpacking his anxiety. It keeps Yoongi busy and distracted enough that his own darkness gets pushed back a bit. All he wants is to feel better, to grasp joy again.

Every time this happens, there’s no schedule. It ends when it ends. What if it takes months? He can’t do that to Jimin, he can see the sadness when their eyes meet. He knows the other man can feel him pull away. He’s watching Jimin try to lean into him, try to reattach and he just can’t feel it. It’s as if someone injected his soul with an anesthetic, he is numb from the inside out.

Maybe he needs to give Jimin some space, release him from the cage of dealing with Yoongi’s issues. Let him off the hook, if you will. No one should have to put up with this.

[broomswept-thoughts]

Feeling really stressed, kinda hungry, don’t know what to do... Kinda want chips. Maybe I’ll eat olives? Feeling stressed, stomach hurty. Feeling really stressed actually about the Vandebilt interview, and I can’t stop thinking about it. Ugh, stomach hurty. Stomach hurty. I’m really anxious about the interview, like I loved talking with Raymond about his experiences at the school, it sounds like such a great and awesome school and I get the Good Vibes from it (to be fair, I’ve always felt good vibes from Vanderbilt since I went to the very first informational session two years ago. Actually three years ago, when I got rejected from their summer MSTP program). I really love the mentorship aspect, and how the classes seem to be so focused on ensuring that everyone gets a quality education without shreking them overtime with stress that can be prevented. I really like how genuine and supportive the school and curriculum and admin and just people in general seem, and it feels just like Vassar in that sense. Like yes, Vassar has its faults, but the feeling that people genuinely care (even if they might be disconnected, etc.) and that people are there to learn because they’re interested in learning, is something that I really admire a lot.

But while I’m super happy that Vanderbilt seems like a school that would be a good fit for me and my personality, I’m now at this stage of “oh shit, better not fuck it up! I’m getting expectations, so I better not fuck it up!!!” feeling. Like I really want to get in now, more than I felt about Emory at least, and maybe Mount Sinai. I mean, it’s not like I have interview invites from any other schools (which is also, in itself, something that makes me want to freak out and lose my shit entirely but), but also I just really love how it’s like a Super Pass Fail school too. Like clinicals being P/F? That’s kinda amazing AF, like I love that. The only school right now that I would really consider (within the schools that I applied that are around the Vanderbilt calibre or lower) that I would go to even if clinicals weren’t P/F (which is basically everywhere) and if preclinicals were graded too, would be UCLA just because the research is exactly what I want, the location is great, and it has a lot of clinical opportunities in the nearby vicinity that I’m very intrigued by. Damn, what a decision if I had the chance to choose between these two schools. But for now? Really not an option in mind. And this is also why second look day is a thing too. Anywhooo.

I guess a part of why I’m also very very excited/ anxious about getting in is the possibility of being able to quit this job early. I really hate being in this lab so much. I feel sick with the idea of staying here for longer than I have to; I gave myself May at latest, but if I, by some actual miracle, got into Vanderbilt’s MSTP program, then I would genuinely consider leaving in March (to give myself 3 more months of a break and go to Japan for an extended period of time). Of course, the biggest caveat would be the stupid lease, but I would try to probably negotiate to leave or at least paying a lower amount. And worst case scenario, I would have to just pay the full price, which would be ass but I would take that into account in considering how much to save I guess. And I guess I would save like a manic lol, but also I have money saved that I just never used  for med school apps. So there’s that, at least, which would cover maybe 2 months of rent? I just really really really hate this job with a burning passion, so if I can leave earlier, I’ll be happier. And I would love to be accepted as soon as possible, and get out. I just can’t, I really want to leave pretty badly, I’m so done with this work environment.

But anywho, that’s the best best best case scenario. Leaving this lab in March after being accepted in December? Literally a godsend, I would faint from relief. And I would be able to withdraw my application from at least several schools too, which would feel reaaaal nice. Only several though, like I would keep the ones that I want to stay around for location reasons, at least (like UMass and Rochester probably). But I would def take out UCinncinati and UAB... yep. And anyway, this is the best case scenario. More likely that I would either get an acceptance late (February, maybe even off of a waitlist in April or May) or just straight rejected too. So there’s that.

I mean, in the beautiful world where I am presuming I would be accepted somewhere, the worst case scenario would be getting in somewhere in June and starting somewhere right away. So the worst case scenario would still involve me being in lab but leaving before August probably. I would hate that, because it would mean I wouldn’t be able to go back to Japan? But I would still leave lab before August, thankfully. Which, in any case, would be less than a year. So thank fuck for that.

But anyway, I’m in general just kinda stressed for the interview in the sense that, I really, really, really want to get into Vanderbilt. I could totally see myself being there, and also being happy as a medical and MSTP student there too. It feels like a good fit, and it makes me scared af to think of being absolutely devastated if I don’t get in. Like whew, that would be some major disappointment times. But I guess if that happens, then I’ll just eat yummy food, cry, and then rinse and go back to work lol. Maybe I’ll have another interview or something by that point too, idk. It’s just a weird, stressful time to have no other interviews and truly living life on the edge in a way that I simply do not want lol. It makes me extremely nervous and afraid of wtf is going to happen.

Gosh darn. I just want to be accepted and then get tf out. I’m so done with this place. I just feel anxiety and upset and frustration and trepidation and just bad feelings. I know this upcoming week won’t be as bad, but I’m still kind of really not okay with how I’m living my life as it is now. Sigh...

Anywho, no one from this lab has also been accepted into Vanderbilt so ig that may be a first. A few have gotten into UCSF though, so that’s kinda wild ngl. But tbh, no one has really gone anywhere like the tippy top level places recently (which is fine, not to knock on the postbacs), but I wonder if it’s because mentoring has been straight trash as of late. Who knows. I want to succeed, I don’t care. But I know it’s because, not this lab, but the previous experiences I’ve had prior that will be helping me through because goddaaaaaamn I’m not even going to deal with this place longer than I have to or more closely that I have to. Jeez.

Anyway... my first order of business is to do the best that I can in the interview. Thankfully, it sounds like it’ll be more chill and just a conversation... So hopefully I can just be a chill person, be interested in what the other person has to say and just enjoy having someone who is also probably interested in me too! So we love that, semi-requited love time. I think that’ll be nice, honestly. I’ll brush up on the research that I wrote about, my why medicine and why MD/PhD essays, and make an outline of what I’ll say for the biggest questions (which are those plus why Vanderbilt). When I have those down and done, I think the rest will be more relaxed and just an interesting conversation to have. I feel like I’ve been trained by conversations from Trevor as well as with Tammy and Quey on just wack and deep conversations, so I think if I’m relaxed and don’t overthink it, it’ll be more fun than horrible, judgement time. I think it can and should be more interesting, because I’ll finally be able to understand the school in a way that I can’t get from constantly scouring reddit and r/premed and sdn. So it’ll be really valuable and good info that I can glean too.

I don’t think it’ll be bad, it’s just always scary before the interview/ presentation/ performance. But I’m genuinely excited for the interview and learning more about Vanderbilt. I’m really, really excited, honestly, and I think that the excitement and anxiety are kinda glomping together into one so that makes it slightly unpleasant? But also I want to keep the good vibes and expectations for at least an interesting first interview going forward.

Worst case scenario, the interview is an absolute disaster, I can’t talk, the interviewers’ expressions are :/ or like :( or >:( (idk how tf but still), and I get rejected right away in December. It is what it is, I’ll wait around for other interviews if I may get any, and continue doing what I’ve been doing for the past year plus and just tolerating my workplace. I can also look into other jobs (!) that will excite me and bring me some peace in comparison to this hellscape. Always good and nice to look forward to the end of my time here with the added bonus of having money. I might not be insured for a few months, but I’ll make the most of the insurance that I *do* have and so that’s why I’ll stay until January at the very earliest (and honestly for a bit longer just to get my finances in check and collect my sweet sweet stipend moneys). February would be the absolute earliest I would/ could leave, I think, since I currently have enough for just 2 months worth of rent in my med school savings for apps. This will also be a very happy problem to have too lol. And also I need to be in the country at least long enough to attend 2nd visit day (or I guess the 1st visit day bc no interviews in person lol). So on the off chance that I only get into Vanderbilt, then I would really like to still visit Nashville and check out the area. I’d have no other options lol, but it would still be very important for me to go. And hopefully it would be in March, and that’s why the actual realistically earliest time I would leave lab/ for Japan is in March I think. Which would give me maybe 2.5 months to be in Japan. Which isn’t that bad, I could actually celebrate my birthday in Japan and be there in the spring for the first time in my living memory. Wow, that would be so beautiful, I would love to do that. I’ve never actually celebrated my birthday in Japan before, I. Yes, that would be so lovely, I would love that so so so much. Anywho, that’s the dream, to get into a place, be able to finish viewing the school, and be in Japan by April. That would be the serious dream. And then maybe be in Japan for as long as I possibly can before I have to pack up and move to wherever (Nashville, if I’m going there) in maybe the 1st or 2nd week of June. Speedrun through seeing my friends, preparing to move, all that jazz, potentially sneak in a visit to New York, and then jumping off to who knows where. And then starting my lifetime journey of a MD/PhD in June. Holyyyy shitaki.

Now, this is basically my dream plan on the off chance that I get in (and only get in) to Vanderbilt, which I seriously woul dhave 10000000% no problem with at all. If I got into another school or whatnot, then. This would be very different. For example, if said school started in August or did XYZ, whatever, then it would be different. Of course, not something I can control or predict, even less than with Vanderbilt. But also just another potential wrench into this plan. But I would love love LOVE to go back to Japan in the spring, that would be an absolute dream. I want to celebrate my birthday with oomama, I would want that so much. And I would want to see the cherry blossoms in Japan. I think I’d cry. I would want that so much.

Maybe even if a different school had 2nd look day or whatever in April, I would choose to miss it if I’m in Japan. Like this opportunity to be there is just too precious to me, unless it was like to Harvard or UCLA or something, i would just say yolo, I’m either A) not going and/or b) def doing it remote, please and thanks. Honestly, if I get into Vanderbilt, a lot lot LOT of things would feel easier and I can just chillax. But yeah, that’s kind of a big ask lol. Because I’m asking to get accepted ASAP and set up my life ASAP too. I can dream lol.

But yeah, I mean. If I can go back to Japan even in May, then that would be lovely. Maybe if I get rejected from Vanderbilt but accepted to a place that starts in August, I could leave in May like I had planned anyway. It would still be earlier than when I started, yes, but I’m not going to care much at that point because I have my reasons and they’re valid and this job isn’t a contracted position for 2 years. I have done ENOUGH. They’ll manage or figure something out, and I shall very leave lol.

I just want to 1. get into a MD/PhD program and 2. take time off to not be hell-bent on applications and being stressed and pressured and strained to the max by this lab that can’t manage itself. And ideally 3. go back to Japan. These are what I’m looking for! And I want to get into Vanderbilt so much. If it’s meant to be, it’s meant to be and if not, then that’s that. I can’t predict if I’ll be accepted in the first wave or even at all, but it sure would be nice... Sigh. I just feel the sinking preemptive feeling of a waitlist, or a rejection. I’m just so used to having seen those for undergrad, and I’m kinda scared of that sadness and disappointment. But no one will know anything until the very end, at least. Maybe I’ll just be waitlisted in December, I can take that. Or rejected, which will be sad but maybe it’ll mean that something else will come up, or I’m meant to focus more on my work or clinical volunteering or whatnot, or just not concern myself with Vanderbilt anymore. It will be okay. Things and life will continue to happen, even if they are very not what I have planned or have originally wanted, and it shall all be okay. And worrying about that now won’t help me at all either. When I should be going to sleep now anyway.

What else is on my mind? I just want to go to Vanderbilt a lot, it’s sky-rocketed to be one of my top choices, especially now that I’ve gotten an interview and it feels more real. I’m anticipating for next Thursday (aaa it’s next Thursday). I want to read up on more of the time restricted feeding paper and just study more papers and stuff so I will be in absolute tip top shape intellectually. :) And maybe some podcasts! That’d be pretty awesome. I want to be SUBMERGED in science this Halloween lmfao. And practice a bit more, record myself and get around to actually doing that, and just make sure I know enough that I can say and be exactly who I want to portray myself, which is someone who is kind, thoughtful, reflective, and also just a dumb nerd who likes learning about science and about people’s stories very much! These are what make me me, and what I feel happiest about my personality and who I am. These are traits that I’m proud of, and even if I’m not the most unique or special person to exist, I think I’m someone that can help make the world a better place, and I think the resources and communities at Vanderbilt can really help me to achieve that and find insights that will nuance and broaden what I can do to help people through human connection and medicine. Ayyooo that’s a pretty solid sentence lmfao. But it’s also how I genuinely feel. And I want to go through with that, because I feel this strongly and I want them to know who I am, and why I would be good for their school and also for the other students, current and future ones, at Vanderbilt too. It sounds rich to say that I can make people or schools *better* through my own sheer existence, but I think I can definitely bring up reflections, points, and personality that can influence people to think in different ways too. And the same for myself. So anywho, tldr, I’m excited for my interview, and there are some things I want to brush up on as well as just immerse myself in, but hopefully this chill week will give me the time to prep for that in the way that will satisfy me. And I think it will go okay, if not well. :) I hope also my passion for astrocytes can make an appearance; I hope one of the faculty people they choose will be someone who does astrocyte stuff, that would make me so happy haha.

[sluttywonwoo]

the bet || j.ww x reader

Summary: you help your boyfriend’s best friend win a bet against your better judgement

Warnings: swearing, lil bit of jealousy, light smut (18+) 

Word Count: 2.8k

A/N: originally posted on my tom holland fic account ( @wazzupmrstark )

Masterlist

“Hey, can I ask a huge favor?”

You hoisted yourself up from your beach towel onto your elbows and pulled down your sunglasses to glare at the boy in front of you. You narrowed your eyes at him in suspicion. What could Kim Mingyu possibly want from you?

“What is it?”

He ran a hand through his still-wet hair awkwardly. “Um, the boys and I are about to play a game of volleyball, and we’ve bet some money on it…”

“Okay?”

“And, well, it’s me and Hansol against Wonwoo, Soonyoung, and Seungkwan. Wonwoo’s their best player and I was wondering if you could distract him? So that we have a better chance of winning?”

“Distract him… how?” you asked, not fully understanding.

“You know… whatever it is you do that drives Wonwoo crazy. He’s your boyfriend, I’m sure you know how to wind him up.”

“You mean you want me to get him hard during your game?”

Mingyu nearly choked at that. “Um, I mean pretty much, yeah. Just do something that will throw him off his game.”

“So you want me to help you guys cheat?”

“It’s not technically cheating.”

“I think your definition of cheating is much looser than mine.”

“So is that a no?” he asked.

You thought about it for a second. “Is there anything in it for me?”

“We’ll give you a cut of the winnings.”

You found yourself grinning. “How much did you guys bet?”

“Two hundred if they win, three hundred if we win. Basically whoever’s on the losing team has to cough up a hundred bucks.”

“Jeez, I can’t believe Wonwoo is risking that much on a stupid game.”

“Are you upset?”

“No, it’s his money he can do whatever he wants with it. I just think he’s a dumbass.”

“Not arguing with that.”

“Do you need me to remind you that you’re betting the same amount?”

“Fair enough,” he chuckled. “So you’ll do it? For a hundred?”

“Yeah, you’ve got yourself a deal.”

“Pleasure doing business.” Mingyu smirked and held out his hand for you to shake. You rolled your eyes at the formality but shook his hand anyway, just as Wonwoo came up to the both of you and clapped Mingyu on the shoulder.

“What are my best mate and my best girl talking about?” he asked, leaning down to kiss you.

“I wanted to go swimming, but Mingyu said you guys are about to play volleyball?” You piped up before Mingyu could say anything. Maybe you should’ve felt guiltier than you did about lying to your boyfriend and for what you were about to do, but hey, a hundred dollars was a hundred dollars . And if everything went according to plan, you’d be getting some good dick too. A win win.

Wonwoo frowned a little bit. “Oh yeah, sorry. Wanna play, love?” he offered. “There’s still some room on Mingyu’s team.”

You made a face. “What about your team? Can’t you make one of your other team members switch?”

He winced. “I love you, y/n, but you’re shit at sports.”

Any trace of remorse left over what you’d agreed to do dissolved in that moment. He fucking deserved what he was about to get.

“The stupid game is that important to you? Asshole,” you scoffed, and put your sunglasses back on before laying back down on the towel.

“Y/n,” Wonwoo whined, and crouched down next to you. “I-”

“Go play your fucking game.”

He stood back up, but lingered for a moment. You could tell he felt bad, but you weren’t having it. “Wanna go swimming after?” he asked in a quiet voice.

“Sure, whatever.”

You could tell he’d walked away when the shadow over you disappeared. You weren’t going to lie to yourself, you were a little pissed about the comment he’d made. Were you shit at sports? Yes, definitely, but could he have at least pretended to love you enough to be on the same team as you? Also yes. He should’ve known you were going to say no anyway.

While you were still fuming you hadn’t even realized the boys had started the game. Not even a minute in and you were already slacking on your end of the bet. You propped yourself back up for a moment to watch. You could see why Mingyu had asked for your help. Wonwoo and his team were dominating so far, and you couldn’t help but admire how fit your boyfriend looked as he served the ball to the other side of the court. You licked your lips absentmindedly, ready to pull him back to the car right fucking then.

You forced yourself to stop watching the game stood up from your towel, brushed yourself off, and began walking towards the water. You made sure to pull your bikini bottoms as far up your ass as you could in the process just to get Wonwoo’s attention as you walked past the volleyball net. Sure, you’d agreed to go swimming with him after the match, but you’d never promised to wait for him.

As you made your way down to the shore, you noted that not only Wonwoo’s head turned to watch you walk, but all five of the boys cast their attention away from the game and towards you. You glanced behind your shoulder for a second, and caught Mingyu’s smirk. He took advantage of Wonwoo’s lapse in concentration to spike the ball back over to their side and score a point.

You heard some yelling and protestation, but pretended to ignore it and continued to wade into the water.

It was warmer than you thought it would be, and deeper. There was a steep drop a few feet in that you might have tripped over if you weren’t careful. You only ended up staying in the ocean for a few minutes; Wonwoo couldn’t really get distracted by you if your whole body was submerged underwater. You weren’t there to swim around anyway, just to get your bathing suit wet so it would stick to your body.

You’d worn one that didn’t have pads in it so you knew that once you got out of the water the whole beach would be able to see your nipples poking through the fabric. You didn’t have a problem with that. Wonwoo might.

While you were down there you got your hair wet too, just for good measure. Might as well pull out all the stops since a hundred dollars were on the line.

You weren’t sure what the score was by the time you made your way back up to your towel, but you didn’t make an effort to ask. What you did know, though, was that Wonwoo was getting frustrated. Even from where you were you could see that his jaw was clenched and his brows were furrowed.

The opposing team seemed to be doing just fine though, and you stopped to watch them high-five each other after Mingyu scored another point by slamming the ball over the net onto Wonwoo side of the court.

“Damn, nice one, Gyu!” you called out from where you were standing, giving him a big smile and thumbs up. It was sort of dorky, not to mention a cheap shot, but if you knew Wonwoo as well as you thought you did, it’d be the perfect thing to rile him up.

“Thanks, y/n!” he shouted back and winked, ignoring the weird look Hansol gave him. “It’s about time you started rooting for the winning team!”

You struggled not to laugh when you looked back over to the other side of the court and saw all three boys scowling at Mingyu. You didn’t even know why he needed you in the first place, he knew how to push their buttons so well already.

Wonwoo’s fists were clenched now, and he looked this close to tackling his best friend to the ground. The two of you weren’t even flirting with each other, not really, but Wonwoo was the most competitive person you knew and it wasn’t always the best color on him. For you to be cheering for the team that he’s not on, and for that team to be winning- there was no doubt in your mind that he was royally pissed. Not to mention, that you just so happened to be cheering for his attractive best friend who may or may not have mentioned having sex dreams about you once or twice in passing.

It was good, but it wasn’t enough. Soonyoung made some offhand comment about how close the scores were so you knew you needed to keep going. You turned your attention away from the game again and lowered yourself down on your stomach on top of your towel and casually undid the strings of your bikini top to “sunbathe”.

If anyone asked it was so you didn’t get tan lines on your back, it was something that a lot of women did. In reality, however, you didn’t give a shit about tan lines, you just wanted to see how Wonwoo would react.

You pulled out your book to read while you tanned, tuning back into the game every once and a while to see how it was going. You could hear Soonyoung and Seungkwan yelling at Wonwoo to ‘pay attention’ or ‘snap the fuck out of it’ and smiled to yourself, excited for what was to come.

After several more minutes, your bathing suit was almost dry and you were starting to fall asleep on your towel. The volleyball game was taking way longer than you anticipated and you just wanted Mingyu and Hansol to win already. You didn’t have any other ideas to distract your boyfriend so you hoped they could pull it off.

Then, what you would call a fucking miracle happened. You were still nearly dozing off on top of your book when a pink Frisbee landed on the sand right in front of your face.

“Sorry about that!” called the voice of its owner and you squinted to see him jogging over to you. A few of his friends weren’t far behind and they all congregated in a little group in front of your towel. They looked to be about your age, maybe a little older. “Sorry to wake you up,” the ringleader apologized again, but smiled like he wasn’t really that sorry.

You propped yourself up on your elbows, one hand holding your loose bikini to your chest, while the other handed the Frisbee back to smiling guy. “No worries, I didn’t mean to fall asleep anyway.”

“What’s your name?” Ringleader asked. “I’m Jeonghan, and these are some of my fraternity brothers.”

Of course. You should’ve guessed. They were all jacked, tan, and had an air of privilege about them that you couldn’t miss. They were objectively cute, sure, but nothing in comparison to your boyfriend playing volleyball behind you. Not to mention their pack mentality freaked you out a little.

“I’m y/n,” you said and held your free hand out to them to shake, still keeping your other hand on your bikini top so you wouldn’t flash them. “Are you guys on a holiday break or something?”

“Yeah, just trying to make the most out of our last few days.”

“You from around here?” another boy asked, not being subtle at all in the way he was eyeing you.

“No, we just took a little day trip,” you explained and cleared your throat, wondering how long they’d stick around and when Wonwoo was going to come over and dick you down out of jealousy.

“We?” Ringlea- Jeonghan asked, cocking his head to the side. “Are you here with your friends?”

“Her boyfriend, actually,” Wonwoo piped up calmly from behind you. You looked back and saw him standing a few feet behind your towel with his arms crossed. He could be annoying, but fuck if he didn’t have good timing.

“Oh-uh, well I was nice to meet you.” Jeonghan mumbled abruptly and nodded to his friends to get back to their Frisbee game. They were gone before you could even say goodbye back.

“Attracting all sorts of attention today, aren’t you, love?” Wonwoo sneered and knelt down beside you.

His words went straight to the heat between your legs and you turned over onto your back to get a better look at him. “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” you lied, daring him to challenge you.

“I think you do, y/n,” he continued. The way he whispered your name sent a shiver down your spine. “I mean, you’re practically naked in front of the whole beach right now.”

“I’m wearing a swimsuit.”

“You know what I mean. And all for what? To make me jealous? So I’d fuck you? Because you could’ve just asked, baby.”

You whimpered, but didn’t say anything and leaned up to kiss him, desperately wanting to feel his lips against yours. He leaned in too, but stopped just short of your mouth, pulling back a bit to look into your eyes. “I could just pull your bikini bottoms to the side, no one will notice.”

You moaned softly, wanting nothing more than for him to do exactly that. You weren’t even sure if you could wait to get home at this point, you wanted him inside of you now. He put a hand on each knee and spread your legs apart, whistling in awe at the wet spot on your bathing suit. You felt your face heat up in embarrassment. “I haven’t even touched you and you’re already this wet.”

“All because of you,” you panted, reaching out for him, but he pulled back.

“You know all of your teasing made me lose the game, right? I couldn’t focus because I was so distracted.” You nodded. “I was so fucking hard the whole match because of what you were doing”

And then your dumbass had to open your big mouth. “So Mingyu told you?”

Wonwoo pulled back, and gave you a confused look, clearly caught off guard. “Told me what?”

“Y/n, that was incredible, you were perfect!” Mingyu exclaimed as he ran up to you and Wonwoo, holding out a hundred dollar bill to you.

You winced as you took it, wishing you hadn’t said anything.

“Y/n, what the fuck?” Wonwoo demanded, even more frustrated than he had been a minute ago. “What were you incredible at?”

“Fucking distracting you, dude. I asked her if she’d be in on the bet with me for a cut of the winnings since you guys had more team members.”

Your boyfriend glared at you. “Is that true?”

“I mean, it’s just a game… and I thought it’d be fun,” you said quietly.

“That’s what you guys were talking about earlier, wasn’t it?”

“Yeah, she didn’t need any convincing she was totally down-”

“Mingyu,” you interrupted, pinching the bridge of your nose, “please, if you have any mercy for my pussy please shut the fuck up.”

His face went scarlet and he shut his mouth without further comment.

“So that’s it?” Wonwoo asked, obviously not ready to drop the subject yet. “You’re just gonna sell out your own boyfriend that easy?”

“You said you didn’t want to be on a team with me!”

“Don’t turn this around on me! You’re the one who helped them cheat!”

“Oh I don’t know if I’d call it cheating,” Mingyu interjected again.

“Shut up, Mingyu!” you and Wonwoo both shouted.

“Look, I’m sorry,” Mingyu said quietly. “If I had known it was going to be this big of a deal I wouldn’t have asked her. I just thought I was being clever, that it’d be a fun way to beat you guys, but I’m sorry I went too far.”

Wonwoo sighed and ran a hand through his wet curls. “It’s fine. I’m sorry I overreacted.”

“So… we’re good?” Mingyu asked, holding out a hand to help Wonwoo up.

“Yeah, we’re good. Next time, though, we’re playing fair.”

“Deal.”

“Y/n, you still want to go swimming, love?” Wonwoo asked, turning back to you.

“We’re not- we’re not going home?” Despite everything you were still incredibly horny, and you’d been patiently waiting for Wonwoo to rail you for what felt like hours now.

“Not yet,” he said and helped you to your feet. “Let’s make the most of our beach day.”

“I think the rest of us are going to find an ice cream shop,” Mingyu added. “Winners are buying. Do either of you want anything?”

“No thanks, we’ll hang out here by ourselves for a while.” Wonwoo answered for the both of you.

He wrapped an arm around your waist as you walked down to the water together and you relaxed, enjoying the feeling of his warm skin on yours. Only once you were out of Mingyu’s earshot did he lean down and whisper “your ass is going to be seven shades of red for that little stunt once we get home,” in your ear. Now it was your turn to be distracted.

lmk what you thought; i always appreciate feedback)

wonwoo tags: @wonw00t 

shoot me an ask if you’d like to be added to my taglist

[hongism]

05 - j.wooyoung + lingerie (18+)

» j.wooyoung x gn!reader » 18+ dni if minor, nsfw/pwp » language, feminization, lap dancing, strip tease, bratty wooyoung, manual stimulation, grinding, cum eating, dirty talk, finger sucking » wc 3.3k » link to masterlist

you’ve almost come to the conclusion that tonight was a complete and utter waste of time when your eyes pause in their subtle search across the room. it’s fast, and you almost miss him because of how quickly you’re surveying the club, but you have to backtrack at the sight of the pink head of hair. it’s not too out of the ordinary — not for a club like this one at least, and frankly, the face connected to the stark hair entrances you more than the hair does. the friend at your side seems to notice where your gaze keeps lingering, elbow careening into your ribs seconds later.

“like what you see over there?” she giggles, most likely amused by how you jolt and startle with the contact.

“he’s pretty,” you mutter back as you strain your neck a little to catch sight of the rest of him. he’s not up on a stage with the other dancers, not wrapped around a pole or anything like that, so you can’t get a full and clear view of what he’s wearing.

“he doesn’t perform with the others, i hear. solo performer, and only does private shows.”

sure, there’s a stack of money set aside for this particular reason, but that doesn’t mean you’re going to cave and spend it all on this one man.

you aren’t.

it’s not going to stop you from getting up and going over there to get a better look at him.

“i’ll be back,” you mutter, picking up your wallet and drink with the same hand. you’re hoping it won’t look obvious to your friend, but the laugh that follows your movements is telling enough.

“have fun!”

you step through the crowd of couches that are mostly full of older men and women, apologizing each time you cross in front of them and accidentally block their view of the dancers. your target hasn’t moved, still lingering near the bar with a drink set in front of him as he also indulges in the sight of the dancers on stage. you’re almost fooled into believing that he’s simply a client here and not actually a worker, but there’s a certain sway to his hips and head against the music thumping through the club that says otherwise. he moves his body too well even with subtle and small movements. elbows propped up on the bar counter behind him, a lollipop dangling from his fingertips and periodically going up to catch on his tongue, and that pretty pink hair bouncing with each movement he makes. you’re enticed in an instant.

the obscenity of his outfit doesn’t help one bit either. and perhaps obscenity is a bit too strong a word to describe it, but your brain goes to static and white noise the more you see of him, and it’s easy to see why that is. a sheer lavender crop top that does nothing to hide the lace bralette underneath, along with a pretty plaid skirt that tapers his waist almost too well, belts and buckles hanging from both sides and jingling when he sways his hips in time with the music. the further down your eyes go, the more overwhelmed you get because he’s got fishnets (of course) that lead to chunky black combat boots. he looks simultaneously quite out of place here while also seeming like there’s no other logical place for him to be. your steps towards him falter a little; it’s no wonder that he doesn’t have anyone at his side right now. he’d outshine them without even trying, and the air around him feels a bit untouchable as well like he’s too good for anyone’s presence except his own and the bartender behind him. the thought to turn around and return to your friend like a dog with its tail between its legs crosses your mind. that’s all it does though because as you shift to act on that thought, sharp eyes snap over to meet yours across the bar counter.

opposite ends of the spectrum, separated by at least ten barstools if not more, plenty of other people in front of him to look at, yet the dancer cranes his head in your direction and makes eye contact. 

your tongue darts out to wet your lower lip, an act more out of nerves than meant to be seductive in the slightest. 

there’s no direct invitation to go further towards him. really all he does is incline his head slightly, and you take it as a cue to step around the barstools and walk over to where he’s tapping his chunky boot against the floor.

“hi.”

you startle upon hearing his clear tone, although you aren’t wholly sure why that’s the case. 

“hello,” you greet in return. you keep your glass caught firmly between your fingers as you sit in the barstool beside him. he looks even prettier in this light — with blinking up at him from where you sit and the neon lights cascading over his face and hair. there’s a stunning beauty mark under his eye, and another on his lower lip under the sheen of pink lip gloss. something sparkles under his eyes and in the inner corners, what you can only assume to be eyeshadow and glitter. 

“i caught your eye, huh?”

there’s a twinge of embarrassment that shoots through your body, and you duck your chin to your chest, clearing your throat as quietly as you can like it’ll dispel the nerves accompanied by the feeling. 

“cute,” the man continues. his sweet tone is almost like honey, or some syrup that tastes like it could be too much after a certain point. “wanna buy my time then?”

the offer comes so quickly that you’re a bit shocked. all these people in the club and yet not one has approached him? or accepted his offer? it seems far too unbelievable.

“you’re not gonna ask me anything first? my name, my age, anything like that?”

he laughs for the first time tonight, and you think you’ll grow to love that sound by the end of it. the lollipop pushes back between his lips only for him to make a show of how he swirls his tongue around the ball of candy. when he pulls it back out, it springs free with a lewd pop in its wake.

“you’re the first one tonight who’s stopped me to ask that. most just jump straight to it. i’m wooyoung. and you?”

“y/n.”

“hmm, it’ll sound prettier coming from my lips later.”

your brain buffers and hits a wall. you lose whatever thought was lingering in your mind, and wooyoung has the audacity to flash a grin and send a wink your way.

“you’re in luck tonight, y/n. i only start taking clients at ten o’clock, and it’s two minutes past ten right now.” a strobe of neon red flashes over his face, illuminating his eyes in a way that makes your heart jump in your chest. “assuming you want me, that is,” he adds through a stretched grin, and you wouldn’t dream of denying him the pleasure of hearing your affirmation.

“yes, i’d like that quite a bit.”

wooyoung leads you off to the side of the club, where the hallway of private rooms begins, and he wastes no time in bringing you into the nearest unlocked one. you’ve got your wallet still clasped between nervous hands, but your drink was long forgotten on the bar counter you found wooyoung at. it’s fairly standard for this type of room, nothing to gawk at or make note of aside from the metal pole that stretches up to the ceiling. you’re certain your attention will be firmly planted on wooyoung throughout the entirety of your stay here, so you aren’t worried much about making yourself at home.

the dancer seems keen on the same as well, or at least he’s excited to get started. knowing how much money you’ve got in your wallet, you can’t blame him for the excitement. he turns to face you after shutting and locking the door, skirt billowing around his thighs a little. you think you see a flash of lace underneath, tucked under the fishnets, but that could very well be merely a wistful thought and nothing else. 

“lay down,” he demands, motioning to the short round table right in front of the couches.

“um…” you blink from the white surface to wooyoung’s serious expression. 

“what? never had a lap dance before?” he quirks a brow and flashes another dastardly grin, and you hate the way your stomach flips over at the sight of it.

“not one where i’ve had to lay down, no.” 

wooyoung huffs out a laugh and pops his lollipop back into his mouth. he steps around your awkward, still form to put one of his feet up on the pristine white surface. the boot releases a hollow noise when it hits the table.

“oh, you’ll love it, i promise. now come on, on your back, legs relaxed. i’ll make it worth your while. and your money too, we hope.” 

wooyoung’s little tilt to his chin and the soft bats of his lashes are what convince you to do as told. you slip your shoes off next to the couch and tuck your wallet away in one of them lest wooyoung has the bright idea to make off with all your belongings. then you scramble over the slick surface to lay flat atop it, eyeing wooyoung as he hums and steps up fully on the table over you. his feet straddle your body, right in the gap between your hands and hips, and he pushes that stupid lollipop back between his lips.

“here are my rules, y/n. no touching, no kissing on the lips, no marking, and no demands. you’re here for a show, so i’ll give you one. and maybe i’ll use you to get off a little too? what do you say?”

you suck your lower lip between your teeth, contemplating his words and rolling them over in your mind a bit.

“and if i say no?”

“then i’ll give you a simple lap dance, and that’ll be that. and don’t worry. if i cum… i’ll clean up after myself. you don’t have to do any work really, if you don’t want to.”

“if i don’t want to?” you echo your question.

“how do you feel about sucking my fingers?”

your dumb and stuttered blinking are answer enough for him, and wooyoung leans over to the couch, balancing on one foot as he stretches to reach for something on the cushions. the position give you a far too direct view straight up his skirt. you get confirmation that you did indeed spot lace — a matching set with his pink bralette it seems on top of that.

the music that begins to thump through the speaks is foreign to you, not a song you’ve ever heard before, but the beat is sultry enough for you to understand why wooyoung would play this.

and truly, when he starts to move above you, you fully understand the appeal of this angle. getting to watch the way his skirt sways and teases what’s underneath as his cropped top flutters with his winding movements — it’s a heady feeling being under him and seeing this unfold over you.

wooyoung does his job, and he does it well in only a few swaying moves that promise more to come. if you had to make a comparison, you’d say it’s like watching art in motion, an exhibit where the artist shows you each stroke and twist of his brush. that’s wooyoung now, with the showcase of how he stretches his arms to the ceiling and brings them down the front of his body. the dim lighting in the room does nothing to make the mood less than what it is — pure seduction at its finest, and wooyoung is quickly bringing you down that pit of lust with him. you only know that’s where he’s headed as well because of how his skirt begins to tent a little as time goes on, evidence to how turned on he is by merely dancing to the music. he hasn’t gotten down far enough to even have physical contact with you, but with the way he’s moving now, you aren’t sure he’ll even get that far either.

he does go lower as the song shifts, beat still unfamiliar against your ears, but you’re barely hearing the music beyond how the bass thumps through your veins. as his knees settle on either side of you, close to your waist now and closing in just enough to squeeze you with a hair of pressure, his hands move up under the fabric of his top. they press higher and higher, catching on the hem and tugging as he reaches his neck. your eyes burn like you haven’t blinked in ages, and to be frank, you most likely haven’t because the grip wooyoung has on your focus currently occupies every fiber of your being.

wooyoung works the shirt off, tossing the sheer material over to the side. the look of his tanned skin with blush pink lace overtop clinging to him like a vice under the low lights: it’s sin in its purest form. and that sin only amplifies as he draws his hands down to the waistband of his skirt. he teases and pulls at the material, still lost somewhere between his mind and the music. one of his hands works back up his chest and throat, and when he reaches his mouth, he pulls the lollipop stick out to reveal a now empty stick that is also promptly tossed in the same direction his shirt went. 

“aren’t i pretty, y/n?” he asks all of a sudden. he’s not looking at you, not with the way his eyelids are barely shut, but it captures all your attention nonetheless. “pretty and feminine, hm? some people think i don’t dance as well as the girls out on the stages. but i’m just as pretty as them, aren’t i?”

“more,” you exhale without thinking.

“more,” he echoes back to you with an airy giggle to accompany it. his hands go to the side of his skirt, grabbing onto something on the left, and two seconds later he’s pulling away the entire strip of fabric in one swift movement. you inhale so sharply it stings your nostrils and aches in your chest, and wooyoung takes that as the opportune moment to roll his hips down against your abdomen. it’s not meant for your please, not in the slightest, but you still feel the coil of arousal in your gut snap and pull at itself as he repeats the motion and rubs his barely concealed erection against your stomach. “i’m always prettier than them, y/n.”

wooyoung’s eyes snap open at last, and he drops his skirt to the side before sitting up on his knees over you. the position is nothing if not lewd with how close to your face he is like this. you don’t have much time to think about it because he’s tugging the band of his fishnets down as well, shoes still caught on his feet so there’s no way they’ll go all the way off, but that doesn’t seem to be his intention anyway.

no, wooyoung just tugs them low enough to go under his knees, then he’s back to sitting on his heels and splaying his thighs to the side. the whole thing is a show: each piece of clothing, each drag of his hands, and every word from his lips. 

it continues with him pressing his hand against your chin, then teasing your lower lip with his middle and pointer fingers.

“you know… people always call me a brat. a bratty little bitch, to be specific. they aren’t wrong, of course. but they mean it as an insult whereas i take it as a compliment.” you suck wooyoung’s fingers between your lips and let him explore your mouth with the pads of them. he makes a show of stretching the insides of your cheeks, stabbing against them and watching your skin bulge under the pressure, then he’s pinching your tongue and scraping his nails over the top of it. it tickles in a pleasurable way, the kind that makes your stomach knot up and tense with lust. “i think i’m prettiest when i cum though. and that’s not something i let a lot of people see. they always get handsy even after i tell them not to. think that because i’m all subby and docile, they can break my rules.”

you watch in something of a daze as wooyoung reaches his other hand down to the lace lingerie clinging to his cock. he grips hard enough for you to see the harsh outline of his member, strained and stretching the fabric like it’s about to break. his slow rolls and sways of his hips continue even as he fucks into the palm of his own hand. you don’t think you could move or touch him even if you wanted to right now. each limb feels like it weighs ten tons.

“call me pretty again, y/n. a pretty little brat, yeah?” 

you can’t very well do that with his hand halfway down your throat like it is now, but it doesn’t stop you from trying. all that comes out are muffled moans caught on wooyoung’s fingers. he laughs, throwing his head back as the sound permeates the air, and you were right. you love the sound even more now when he’s a bit breathless and hoarse from arousal, hips canting against your abdomen still as he pushes himself closer to the edge.

“gonna cum, y/n, and make a pretty mess of myself. pay good attention to me please. i want you to see every second of it.” his eyes blaze with unbridled desire as he rubs over his panties a few more times. teeth sink into his lower lip, his nose scrunches up, eyes fighting to stay open and stay on yours without blinking. then he hits his high. it’s beautiful the way he falls apart over you, how his hips stutter and give a few jerky thrusts until his whole body goes still on top of yours. you think you have to agree with him too; this is the prettiest he’s looked all night in your eyes. 

it lasts either ten seconds or ten minutes — you have no concept of time right now, too enamored with the man above you and every movement he makes.

when he does come down, there are stars in his eyes and a sheen on his brow that trickles down the side of his face to his chin. he pulls his hand out of your mouth, but you can’t even bring yourself to close it as you watch him tuck the same hand into his underwear and scoop the stain of translucent white cum out. 

“taste for me?”

you manage a shaky nod, letting wooyoung return his hand to your lips, and when he cups your mouth gently, you poke your tongue out to lap the cum off his palm. 

“hm, now wasn’t that good? better than promised, in fact?”

“y-yeah,” you exhale, finally finding your voice after god knows how long of shocked and aroused silence. wooyoung grins. he leans over you, all but bare chest pressing to your clothed one, and you can feel the heat radiating off his skin with ease. his face hovers over yours. you can see his eyes clearer than ever.

“how about we go again then?”

[daddy-suguru]

Ok definitely Toji + phone sex too?!??!! (omg i rly hope he gets a hot VA in the animation i would give up five years' worth of birthday wishes for that to happen 😭)

I’m ready but I’m not. I’m going to lose my shit when I see him animated. I need to see that thickness in action, from the thighs, to the arms, and to the big daddy dick energy pleaseeeeeeeeeeeee I’m thirstyyy 😫

I tried to talk myself out of this idea but I couldn’t something about this makes my brain go brr ….more on toji being a sugar baby and fucking women for money….idek why I’m obsessed with sugar baby toji

✑ tags: toji is fucking another women while watching you play with yourself, toji is yearning for you, masturbation, sugar baby!toji, phone sex

Toji made up a lie about wanting to record the women paying him for his cock. But really he has been face timing you. Where you have your phone between your legs so he can watch you play with his pretty pussy that is waiting for him.

He normally didn’t like to stick around but his mind always drifted to you throughout the day. And it stuff like this, you playing with your pussy so he can get off while he stuffs another women’s cunt always got him coming back for more. To see what other exciting memories he could make with you.

This is filthy, hell you’re filthy, his dirty little fucking whore that is waiting for him even though he is coming home covered in another women’s cum. The confidence in your body and how much he loves it preventing you from getting jealousy.

He hates how much you’re right, that he is getting so pussy whipped that he needs to see your finger slipping past your cute wet lips to be able to even get off.

He so badly wants to hear you moaning instead but he knows he needs to keep his phone one mute. Focusing on the way your hips buck as you start to play with your clit. He knows your moaning his name anyway, he’s hear you cry, moan, groan, whimper and whine his name so many times that he could recall it anyway perfectly in his head.

He has memorized every part of you and it’s never enough until he has his head between your lips. Getting off on how good your feeling because of him. And how he was taking care of you.

He couldn’t even pretend that this other women’s pussy is yours because it can’t even compare. If it wasn’t for the way he could see your hole quivering as white cream spills he sure as hell wouldn’t be cumming.

It is because of that same sight of your cum dripping pussy, that Toji is still hard, after cumming, when he gets his money and walks out of the motel she rented a room at, rushing to your apartment.

m.list