#i mean i literally blocked my aunt and uncle and refused to speak to them for the stupidest reason imagineable

[pollenallergie]

ignore everything i said back in late may/early june. i was hypomanic and, consequently, unreasonably angry for most of that time. 👍👍👍

[drwcn]

I loved your fem lwj take on things. How would thibgs go if WWX was the lady? Other than ppl assuming she stood up for the Wens bcs she jad feelings for WN ( and that Yuan was hers)

Heyyy friend, I think I’ve seen a couple of girl!wwx fics floating around in ao3 so i certainly won’t be the first :P.

Also I completely misread your ask initially, I thought you were asking me what I think would happen if A-Yuan was WWX’s kid, and I was like oh?? But then I realize wait... I can make it worse.  

Today, I decided that my mortal soul doesn’t matter, so here we go. Let’s see how accursed I can make this idea: 

[1]

It started with Jiang Cheng. Jiang Wanyin had set out for the Burial Mount with the explicit goal of throttling speaking with Wei Wuxian, but what greeted him at the entrance of the “Demon Subduing Palace” — more of a cave than anything really — was not his martial sister, but Wen Ning. Well, what had once been Wen Ning.

Black veins ran across his pale, ashen face, down his equally ashen neck , and into the major veins beneath his clavicles covered by the collars of his black threadbare robes. Lifeless eyes, white as his skin, stared into a void the living could not see. There were talismans littering his body, and Jiang Cheng knew that when he spoke to this fierce corpse, he was not speaking to the young Wen boy, but to his mistress who controlled him with her demonic cultivation. 

Wei Wuxian refused to face him. Refused him explanation. Refused him closure.

“Er-jie!” Jiang Cheng screamed into the stony expressionless face of Wen Qionglin. “If you continue to protect them, then I can’t protect you!!” 

There was no response. 

Suddenly, just as Jiang Cheng was about to kick and fight his way into the cave, Wen Ning thrusted out his right fist, and in his grasp was a piece of purple silk. Jiang Cheng unfolded the silk, vaguely recognizing that it had been cut from someone’s robe, and saw what was wrapped within was a slip of parchment.

割袍断义*, the paper read. Tell the world that I, Wei Wuxian, first disciple of Yunmeng Jiang has forever defected (Note: 割袍断义- to rip one's robe as a sign of repudiating a sworn brotherhood (idiom)).

With this, there was nothing left to say. Hurt and furious, Jiang Wanyin threw the piece of parchment onto the dirt ground, grinded his heel down on it, and left the Burial Mount without ever having drawn Sandu. 

Inside the cave, Wen Qing held Wei Wuxian’s hand. “Why won’t you just tell him? He’s your brother; he can help you, you can —” 

Wei Wuxian’s mile long stare seemed to be gazing at something — someone — very far away. Slowly, she placed her other palm over her belly, which horrifically was already starting to round out. “Nobody can help me now, Qing-jie.”

“I can,” said Wen Qing, blunt as ever. “I can make it go away, if you want.”

“No.” A droplet of tear escaped pass long lashes. “No.” 

[2] 

It continued with Jiang Cheng.

On a snowy night, the first winter after Wei Wuxian escaped with the Wen remnants to the Burial Mount, Jiang Cheng was rudely awakened from his slumber by a less-than-stealthy intruder breaking and entering into his bed chamber.

Zidian whipped through the air, lighting the room with her eerie violet glow, before the intruder could think to take one more step. It was a man, judging from his silhouette colliding against the wall and the pained groan he made in response. The very next second, the tail of Zidian coiled tightly around his neck and dragged him across the floor towards beneath Jiang Cheng’s waiting foot. 

The Sect Master of Yunmeng Jiang summoned Sandu, ready to deliver the final strike, but just as his blade sailed towards the intruder’s chest, a pale arm jutted upwards, blocking Sandu’s descent and revealing a pale hand holding a … a... 

Even in the dark, Jiang Cheng immediately recognized the mahogany comb. 

“Jiang — ! Zongzhu —!” The man croaked out urgently, throat still stomped on by Jiang Cheng’s foot. It was - it was Wen Ning?!

Jiang Cheng looked him over. He was pale, yes, but his eyes appeared human. His hair was brushed and haphazardly done up in a farmer’s top knot. He was wearing farmer’s clothing too, probably more inconspicuous for travel than his Ghost General getup.  

“Jiang-zongzhu! P—please!!”

No, impossible. 

“Wei — Wei-guniang—”

Jiang Cheng lifted his foot and dragged Wen Ning up in a split second. “What’s wrong with Wei Wuxian?!”  Wen Ning coughed and shook his head desperately. “No time to explain. My sister asked me to fetch you. Please, you have to come! Wei-guniang’s life is in danger! If you won’t come, I’ll...I’ll have to go to Gusu, and I don’t know if - if -” 

Jiang Cheng followed Wen Ning. 

For speed, they travelled by sword, but even so, dawn was breaking by the time they arrived. The crowd of Burial Mount’s villagers huddling anxiously outside of the Demon Subduing Palace parted for them upon their arrival. Jiang Cheng took a moment to gather himself and square his shoulders. Whatever it was; he was ready.  

He was wrong. None of the dozens of scenario he had agonized over on the flight here could have prepared him for what awaited him inside. 

Wen Qing, pale and drenched in sweat, was near complete spiritual collapse, and without Wen Qing’s spiritual energy sustaining her, the single tenuous thread by which Wei Wuxian’s life hung on would have undoubtedly snapped under the toil and devastation her body had been put through. 

There was so much blood, so, so much blood everywhere, and amidst the blood, there was a baby. 

Fuck. 

Jiang Cheng transfused his sister half of his total spiritual reserve over the course of a day, while an exhausted but unrelenting Wen Qing worked diligently under blood-soaked sheets. 

Then at dusk, when the storm finally passed, Jiang Cheng sat at the mouth of the cave with a tiny, perfect little human — a girl, a niece! —  in his arms and cursed Lan Wangji’s name. 

Wen Qing was extremely clear with them: 孩子要是留在这里，养不活。

If the newborn was left to be raised at the Burial Mount, she would not live. And so, because parting was inevitable from the start, Wei Wuxian adamantly refused to hold or nurse the child. Her child. 

I can’t. If I do, I won’t be able to let her go. Those dark eyes burned with more than just the delirium of her childbed fever. For once, Jiang Cheng could not find it in himself to argue.

Thus, he took his niece home and named her Jiang Yan 江曕. The name was not his doing. His foolish, misguided, stubborn sister had stroked her daughter’s soft, baby cheek and whispered it to her as a farewell gift. 

Yan - to be bathed in daylight. In the end, when given a choice, Wei Wuxian still opted for her child to walk on broad sunny road. 

It made Jiang Cheng wonder why, then, she would choose the dark twisted path for herself instead. 

[3] 

It ended with Jiang Cheng. 

The truth was simple: Jiang Wanyin killed his shijie Wei Wuxian. He did. He meant to. 

He killed her. But that did not mean he wanted her dead. 

In one day, he had lost both of his sisters, leaving two orphans in their wake. Jiang Cheng could not ignore the cruel irony of their fate: one’s father murdered by his aunt, and other’s mother murdered by her uncle. 

This was the kind of tragedy fairytales were made of, and if there were anything left in him to shed tears over it, he would.  Standing amongst Nevernight’s carnage, he could not dredge up even a single drop of tear.  

Jiang Cheng didn’t know how he could return home to Lotus Pier to face that cherub face, always so happy, so sweet, so utterly untainted by the world. She had her mother’s smile. Yan'er was starting to learn how to speak. Her first words were da-da. 

Da-da. Die-die. Father. 

He was standing beside her father now. 

Lan Wangji. Devastated. Destroyed. …Deceived.

Jiang Cheng hated him so much, so fucking much that for one insane second, he thought about telling Lan Wangji the truth just to see what would happen. Maybe he would run Jiang Cheng through with his Bichen - that would be a relief now, wouldn’t it? - or maybe he would jump after Wei Wuxian. 

Truly, if he knew, he would. Jump, that is. Jiang Cheng was almost entirely sure. Oh the utter melodrama that would inspire indeed!  

But then... 

Wei Ying birthed you a daughter, a lovely, perfect, blessed little girl, and she carried that secret to her grave. I may be damned by my actions, but you, who have done nothing for her and taken everything, why should you deserve something as sacred as the truth?

Jiang Cheng turned away. 

He was acutely aware that one day Jiang Yan may very well be the literal death of him. After all — 杀母之仇不共戴天 — one cannot tolerate living under the same sky as the murderer of one’s mother. 

Be that as it may, he would raise Jiang Yan well, just as he promised. Unlike his sister, he would not break his word. Jiang Yan was of Lotus Pier, of Yunmeng, like her mother and grandfather before her. That for him, was enough. 

Jiang Cheng clutched Sandu and gripped Zidian. Whatever his fate, he already made peace with it, and the rest was inconsequential. 

One day, he may die, but today he lives, and so as long as he lives, Jiang Yan and all of Yunmeng Jiang will be protected . So as long as he lives, they will flourish. 

[...and in between]

On the streets of Yiling, Lan Wangji tilted his head inquisitively at Wei Wuxian and the little boy at her side and asked, “This child, he...” 

In response, Wei Wuxian patted her chest in a self-declarative kind of way and announced, “Oh this child, I birthed him!” 

He stared at her in shell-shocked silence, his mind racing with panicked thoughts of but that’s impossible — that was just once — even if — the boy is too old to be —

“怎么，蓝湛，不要我们娘儿俩了？” What, Lan Zhan, you don’t want the child and I?

“Wei— Wei Ying—” 

Then of course, she had laughed, and Lan Wangji thought no more of it. 

Just a joke. A silly joke. 

In time, he would come to realize his mistake. 

~~~

[A/N]: I’m not even a little bit sorry. 

[pro-bee]

What random Ziva headcanons fo you have? Like just little quirks or traits

Oh man, Anon, this is a loaded question!

I have so many, but now that I have to actually put them down, I can’t think of them, lol.

OK, I’m fascinated by Ziva’s backstory, so here are some of those:

- This maybe isn’t so much head canon as just extrapolating actual canon, but to me it’s obvious Ziva was very close with Ari, to the point that she was completely blindsided by his betrayal the way she was not at all by her father’s. I can’t remember if I posted this already, or if I wrote it in a fic, but because of the rather significant age difference between her and her brother, in my head, she saw Ari as kind of her protector. She worshipped him the way girls do their big brothers. When her parents would fight, Ari would be the one who would show up and take her for a drive, just so that she could get out of the house. Sometimes they’d talk, sometimes they wouldn’t say a word. She felt like Ari was the only one who really understood her.

- (I have a lot of Ari/Ziva feelings. Don’t get me wrong, he was a fucking sociopath, but the thing is, that while that may be true, that wasn’t the person Ziva experienced. So she knows, logically, that he was a bad person, but that doesn’t negate how she felt with her brother. It’s like the Ari she grew up with and the Ari she discovered in the Kill Ari arc are two different people in her mind.)

- Because the show never talked about Ziva’s mother, I actually had a head canon for awhile that Ziva’s mother either committed suicide, or essentially died of a broken heart after Sister!Tali died. (E.g. actually let her health slide, or had some sort of illness and refused treatment.) I know the real reason they never talked about Ziva’s mother is because the writers didn’t think of her until Season 10, but it’s also curious that Ziva would repeatedly reference her siblings, who both died in horrific circumstances, even her brother who of anyone you’d think she’d want to push away, and her grandparents and aunts and uncles, but she never spoke of her mother. (I think “Safe Harbour” is the first time she reveals her mother died? And there’s the one episode where she tells Gibbs her mother never told her the truth about Eli.) It’s like she blocked her mom out of her memory. But then Tony says in PPF that Ziva’s mom was killed in Amman, so there goes that idea. 

- So, my new head canon, sort of, is that Ziva’s mother was, like, a journalist or something, I don’t know -- something that would have had her leaving Ziva and Tali more as they hit their teenage years, leaving Ziva to feel even more alone and like she was on her own, which is how Eli’s attention and approval came to mean even more to her, despite the fact that he was away so much as well. Like, you all know I hate Eli and think he was a garbage person (if he were real, of course), but the flashbacks in Season 10/11 show that Ziva was close with him as a young girl, at least until he left the family when she was 12? 13?, even though she’s also said he was never present when he was home, and she was always seeking that spotlight, literally and figuratively speaking. (Whoo boy, that was a sentence.) Anyway, I can see teenage Ziva, who’s probably mad at both of her parents just under the surface (at Eli for leaving, and at her mother for letting him leave), who is going through normal teenage things, and then as she gets older, her mother is away more and more, and it’s already a contentious relationship, and then Eli redirects his attention to her now that she’s almost grown up and is more useful to him... It’s no wonder she falls under his thumb, even considering their own issues.

- ANYWAY I forgot where I was going with this. But, yeah, Ziva’s mom having some sort of job that would make her travel, would explain how she ended up somewhere outside of the country, by herself, where she was killed. 

- So I’m now pretending Ziva was like 16 when her mom died. (I used to think she was in her early 20s, not long before she joined NCIS.) And she took it upon herself to be the “strong one” for Tali. Her whole family praised her for keeping it together and setting a good example for her sister. On the inside, she was broken, but didn’t even know it.

- HA SORRY DIDN’T MEAN TO MAKE YOU ALL CRY.

- I think I said this in a fic, but I also have a head canon that Ziva’s mom loved American/English culture, which is why Ziva did have some exposure to American movies and loved English Lit, and why she said she wanted to travel to America in her “I Will” list as a kid. (This was also a point of contention between her parents.)

- Despite the harsh circumstances, Ziva actually loved her early time in the military, because for the first time in what felt like ages, she felt like she had a group of peers who could kind of understand what she was going through, and she could relax and be herself a little bit, without the family pressure weighing on her. (Of course, that was until she joined the family business, as it were.)

- I really didn’t mean for this to be heavy lmao. I was starting off like “Ziva still loves to dance!” and now I’m like “let’s explore her psyche lmao”

- I’m gonna end this here because this got too long lol

Keep ‘em coming! LOL I can probably think of more if I am given, like, a specific prompt of something. Like “Ziva + ?”