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zenosanalytic · 5 years

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Great Beasts of Legend: Centaurs, Sirens and Chimaera: The Greeks and th...

I know I’ve posted this lecture by Dr. Jeremy McInerney before, but I was watching it again(third time; really love this one uwu) and at 41:55 he starts a discussion of a boundaries-based reading of Centaurs(good target for that given the melding/muddying of boundary btw animal and man Centaurs represent[1]), beginning with the Herakles, Deianira, Nessos Myth that I feel he doesn’t quite hit though he makes/brings up other great points and it made me want to write a short little thing about why this myth, specifically, is really open to such a reading:

Ok so the basic outline: Herakles and Deianira are traveling, they come to the river Evinos where Nessos[2], the Centaur, is selling his services as a living ferry(ppl sit on him and he carries them across). Herakles, of course, decides to swim across and pays Nessos to carry Deianira across. While doing so, Nessos attempts to rape her, Deianira calls for help, and Herakles whips out his bow and arrows dipped in Hydra’s blood, and shoots Nessos dead. As he dies but before Herakles reaches them, Nessos tells Deianira to take a vial of his blood(sometimes blood mixed with his semen). The story splits interestingly here, so remember this point for later. Years down the road, Herakles is off in some part of Greece partying in celebration of yet another city he’s plundered, and he sends a train of new slaves taken from said city-plundering back home, along with a messenger with an off-hand request to Deianira that she send his favorite cloak along cuz he plans to keep partying for quite a long while. This is another point of ambiguity in the story and its retellings so remember it, too. She steeps his cloak in water mixed with the vial of Nessos’s blood, sends it along and, while the poison doesnt kill Herakles cuz he’s part god and Hydra’s poisonous blood isn’t powerful enough to do that, it DOES cause him such enormous, unending pain that he builds his own funeral pyre and burns himself alive, apotheosizing into a god in the process.

So, regarding Boundaries:

Nessos, obvsl, is a physical manifestation of the close and ever-present boundary between humans and beasts; btw self-control and indulgence; btw “civilized” behavior and “uncivilized”, as discussed above, and particularly of the threat of rape Greek men present to Greek women.

This story involves a River, a physical boundary

Rivers are ALSO what separate the world of the living from the world of the dead to the Greeks, and this is a story ABOUT TWO DEATHS, both tied directly TO a River(one taking place in it, during the act of crossing it; the other a long-term effect of that event[but also Herakles’s hubris, though most versions, being written for men, don’t emphasize that totally obvs aspect of it]).

Not only that, it’s LITERALLY the story of Herakles’s apotheosis: of how he comes to finally transcend the boundary between God and Mortal which he has straddled his whole life.

Herakles is celebrating the sack of a city, ie, his violation&destruction of the Boundaries defining said city, when he dies. Greek cities are often protected by female divinities(Athena usually), so it’s yet another symbol of rape.

So Split 1: In most versions, the reason Nessos gives for why she should take his blood is that it is a powerful love potion that will ensure Herakles remains faithful to her if his eye ever strays. BUT, also in most versions, this is a lie and he’s secretly trying to poison Herakles, though how would he know Herakles’ arrows are poisoned with Hydra-blood? I remember reading a version where he presents it to her AS POISON, explaining about the Hydra, but I cant find any mention of it online, so maybe my brain’s just making it up(or maybe this was the Hercules TV Show version X|).

Split 2: BUT BUT, while in most version Deianira sends the cloak out of desperation to keep him faithful(and of course there’s a particular slave girl in the train she’s warned about just so all of this can be EXTRA the fault of women, rather than Herakles for being a giant asshole like he always is), in other versions she sends it OUT OF VENGEANCE, TO FUCK HIM UP because Herakles is being a giant asshole, wrecking up Greece, partying as much as he likes, flaunting his rapes and his victims in her face(this is VERY RELEVANT given the nature of other versions of this story), and leaving her to run his household alone while ordering her around like she’s a slave rather than his Wife.

These are mutually exclusive: she cannot be both seeking to punish him, and trying, in anguished desperation, to keep him faithful to her[3].

Herakles in this story, as is ALWAYS THE CASE IN ALL HIS STORIES, is flaunting the boundaries of Proper Behavior, in this case those defining a happy and successful marriage(IE Hera’s Domain; which you’d THINK would be kind of relevant, given the deep narrative connection between Hera and Herakles and her quickness to anger regarding marriage violations, yet it somehow perennially goes unmentioned), and getting punished for it.

Now here’s an ADDED kicker. There’s a version of this story were Herakles initiates the conflict. one day he visits the house of Deianira’s father, Dexamenus, and while a guest, rapes her. Dexamenus can’t fight Herakles, of course, but he demands by the gods and tradition that Herakles marry Deianira to “repair” the injury(WE LIVE IN HELL!), and Herakles agrees. After he leaves to prepare for the wedding, a local Centaur, Eurytion(name meaning “Widely Honored”) visits Dexamenus and proposes to marry Deianira himeself(you know: without the whole BEING HER RAPIST thing), and Dexamenus complies. Herakles arrives a few days later, kills Eurytion, and sees that their marriage is carried out. Presumably in this version, the blood poisoning the cloak would be Eurytion’s.

What I’ve tried to get across here is that, among other things, there are readings of this myth were Herakles is the bad guy and Deianira the agent of divine punishment, if not the actual Protagonist. And those readings suggest certain ideas we would be prone to consider “modern” about the agency of women, consent, personal and social boundaries, morality, Greek ~Heroic Masculinity~, and yes even Centaurs, might not have been so alien and “anachronistic” to the ancient Greek mind as we tend to think.

But anyway, even if you think that particular part of my little argument here is total Bunk, I hope I’ve managed to get across that Deianira and the Cloak is a myth Absolutely LOUSY with the theme of Boundaries, what they mean, what it means to Cross them, and the Consequences for which you Cross, when, how, and plain just choosing to cross them in the first place. It’s a really great example for him to suggest for this particular topic, and it really inspired me quite a lot today, and I just wish there was a lecture online where he developed it further uwu

[1]And not only that, but of course owning horses was a common sign of aristocratic status, and trading horses a common aristocratic activity(this is one way you know Hesiod’s claims of poverty are a put-on; his family breeds and sells horses). I feel like it’s pretty well understood that Centaurs are in someway a commentary and meditation upon the nature of Greek masculinity, on the capacity for violent cruelty and wanton appetite Greeks inculcated men into beside all the talk of civilized society, but I also feel it’s less well understood how open they also are to a similar reading regarding the appetites and barbaric capacities specifically of the upper classes of Greek society.

[2]In some versions Nessos and Herakles actually have a history, and the whole incident is Nessos’s attempt at vengeance. There is another story, where Herakles visits a centaur who is his friend named Pholos, and a gang of nearby Centaurs(I like to think they were Rowdy Teens myself u_u) smell the wine they’re drinking and crash the party to share some. Herakles, being Herakles, of course immediately begins killing them for the perceived insult, which inevitably leads NOT ONLY to Pholos dying(cuz Herakles isn’t careful and shoots him too, or in other vers bcuz he refuses to so much as retrieve his arrows from the bodies due to concerns with “pollution” from the corpses, and Pholos cuts himself on one of the arrows), but ALSO the poisoning, and eventual death, of Chiron, who was one of Pholos’s neighbors and who Herakles accidentally knicked while wildly chasing down and shooting the interlopers. Nessos is one of these Centaur teens, and the only centaur in the whole situation to survive (:T

[3]Which, btw, the whole “faithful” thing doesnt make much sense(even though it pops up regularly in Greek Myth), because her “competitor” in these versions is a slave. These next sentences are going to be gross and awful, but in the society which told these stories male slave-owners already had unrestricted sexual access to their slaves and, beyond that, I’ve never read a single example in Greek or Roman sources of a slave being legitimized and married as a wife(which doesnt mean such examples dont exist; I’m an amateur). So the idea that a slave could threaten Deianira’s position as Herakles’s wife seems very dubious to me(as does the general trope of slave women as threats to wives in Greek stories). Again: this is all super-awful, but it’s something complicating the traditional presentation of the myth, which is rarely addressed because most academics writing for a general audience are super-loath to deal with classical slavery as the awful, body and soul crushing institution which it was.

#Penn Museum #Dr. Jeremy McInerney #cw: rape #cw: slavery #Classical Greece #Centaurs #Boundaries #Myth Analysis #Mythic Themes #Agency #Female Protagonists #analytic posts #Critical Analysis #zA Opinions #Video #Youtube

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killapunk · 5 years

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the weirdest, NO, evilest, person i have every worked for

no real names are used in this piece. i refer to other weirdos and freaks throughout, sorry its a long read (i didnt intend for this) but its one of those things ya gotta settle into and believe me its a wild ride. this saga covers over three years of drama btw.

tw: mental health mentioned (inc panic attacks), chronic illness mentioned and mild sex references

i am going to single out jess. shes more evil than a weirdo but weirdo nonetheless. pete is a secondary weirdo in this saga.

i work in retail for a long time. a fashion store to be precise. i started out in one store but transferred when i started studying at uni and remained there for the majority of the retail career. during my time there i had three managers, the longest one, who is also a fucking weirdo was pete. now before i worked with pete, before he transferred to our store. i didnt like pete when i started working with him, he annoyed the fuck outta me. but my life circumstances changed and my mental health issues got very bad AND i was diagnosed with cfs so i had to disclose it w him. turns out… he was fucking mental too, very understanding, super chill. we liked the same shit. great boss. 11/10 every time.

he would be my reference for every job ever…

…but. he started gettin involved w jess. now to jess. the main character in this piece.

jess had started at the company around the same time as me and we were always on the same level until the last year or so. jess was a bit older than the average age of staff at the store (17-20) and was 23 when this drama started. she had a college diploma, went onto do something semi-successful but related to her HND. but blew all her money, moved back into her parents and started working at the store part time and then onto full time. she was like…the perfect retail girl? small, cute, slim, bubbly… always looked cool in her uniform. customers loved the fuck out of her.

jess had a bf when i first started and pete had a longstanding gf. jess and her bf ended things abt 4 or 5 months before pete and his gf. but i remember they started gettin cushy around about this time. im not sure if its cos im v sympathetic towards pete (a true kind soul who i hold v dearly in my heart) but even tho youd be thinking ‘boss abuses his power’ …jess was and still is fuckin manipulative and he has longstanding mental health issues and i just think she sorta got the ball rollin’. pete and his gf didn’t seem on good terms, i dunno the full story but it seemed like they should have broken a long time before the did.

i think the fortnight before pete and his gf broke up they were spotted hanging out together near where she lived. it was this hush hush thing that everyone giggled abt cos there was at the time talk they were fuckin. when it got out, after his breakup jess said she was ‘just being a friend’ cos he was ‘going through a tough time’.

jess got promoted to keyholder even though she didnt really (at the time) have the skills or confidence to be a keyholder. and then she started to try and fuckin control the work. back during this time, everyone who worked at the store, minus literally 3 people, had worked for the company for at least a year. the store ran very well, we were always in profit. nothing went wrong. but. she started changing processes because it 'made things easier when she was opening’. like. she made everyone tally the amount of people they served in the fitting room in one box and tally the amount of things people left behind so she could make a sales chart. idk if that’s normal in other stores but like? it was just nuts and impossible to do.we always put deliveries away out the package but not folded in a particular way. she made everyone tag and (where relevant) hang items bc she had to pick everything in the morning.

she became friends w most of the girls, including one of the supervisors. they ruled the workplace. it was a total gossip mill. she gaslit the fuck outta people. one already less-popular girl at work ended up quitting cos she kept blaming her for fuck ups, she kept getting write ups and it was impating her mental health. she spun people against her. less popular girl spoke up and called her a bully and jess acted all defensive and said she wasn’t a bully bc shed been bullied before? jess continued to fuck up the workplace. next she turned on two people in her own clique. one tbh, i think she was jealous of bc jess had always wanted to be a teacher and this gal was training to be one. the other girl was v like jess, just not a bitch… strongwilled, liked control. anyway, drama got to the point where they had to quit. waay too much drama for this textpost. at this point others started to notice n work became hostile. jess moved her girlgang clique to one of the original clique girls, a different supervisor and the other two full time staff members.

pete obv didn’t listen to people coming to him, as store manager being like… hey… there’s this major clique problem and he’d be like ‘nah everyone is just friends, jess is a bit insecure but yno things are good, people quit, its just retail. fuck it.’ jess accused everyone who didn’t get on w her as being a terrible person. those legit words. like. if someone said it was a shame x, y or z left shed rebut, nah they were shit at their job, they were a shit person. honestly. EVERYONE. was a bad person. even the nicest people in the world were the worst person, the worst at the job. she was a good person, she liked the good people. she HAD BEEN BULLIED AND WOULD NEVER BULLY. she threw the anxiety word around a lot.

once we had a staff night out and i got left alone with jess and pete at the end of the night in this terrible lil bar as i waited for someone to pick me up. this is a good point to mention jess was always weirdly jealous cos i was close to pete. fucking ridic considering he was 14 years older than me and you know my fucking boss??? this night, i was sitting right next to pete, we were both drinking, jess wasn’t (cos she likes to be in control, she even said it), he had his arm around me and was whispering something into my ear that was such a non-thing i don’t even remember. she got her phone out, started texting. he excused himself and when he returned he sat beside her. it was fucking nuts. i couldn’t believe my eyes. we had to basically carry pete out of the bar. jess said to me she was gonna drive him home cos it was on the way to hers (spoiler! it was not!). myself and pete did the open the next day. he came in wearing the same clothes. i mean, he could have just passed out and had to rush to work when he woke up. but. this guy went out a lot. he never repeated an outfit. i think jess took advantage of a very drunk him. similarly, on another night out, jess promised to drive someone home. said person got too drunk and thew up. jess refused to take them home and called them embarrassing, she gave the space in her car to pete.

i had a major bad evening shift at work concerning another staff member, kaylee. a gal who just rubbed me up the wrong way, and who didn’t like me. ill never know why but it was just one of those things where anytime i was on shift w her she would nitpick and bitch about me and just… make me feel not v good. she was possibly the laziest and rudest person i had ever worked with but someone got away with it?

i used her as a way to talk to pete about the general problems in the store (jess). and…it was fuckin surreal. i told him abt kaylee. i told him i thought jess was controlling but kinda laid off a bit like ‘i get she thinks shes doing it for good’ etc. i padded it out w a few other rly petty issues abt the store. i was actually really upset, kinda numb from life to properly let out my emotions. and then. he started cry on me. like this full-on grown man having a panic attack in front of me when i was 19, fucked on diazepam i should have never been prescribed. to this day i visualise it. me and pete were v close at this point, and like, he didn’t mention jess too much – asked me about the other girl and other issues when i came to him. we spoke about personal shit, all but jess. i kinda wonder if he didn’t have the panic attack if i would have told him his under the radar relationship w her was not on?

and then. pete sold me out in the name of jess. idk the full ins and outta everything but he had to confront the drama once and for all cos our figures were so low so he decided to blame it all on kaylee. from my understanding of the situ from a lot of ‘he said she said’ bs, pete had this big meeting w kaylee. was like. 1. do ur job right and 2. stop being rude and unapproachable. the thing is, although kaylee is rude shes one of these ppl who most ppl really liked, not in a jess/regina george theyre scared of you way but…like they thought she was a tv character and she was funny and honest. so i think she confronted some obvious allies, and jess told her, according to another staff member, that i complained about her. after hearing this i obvious went to pete and tbh, acted pretty dramatic (cos if you haven’t fucking learned already THIS STORE WAS FULL OF DRAMA QUEENS). as soon as i heard, i started texting him angrily on his day off. i remember folding something in the fitting rooms and he came up to give me a hug and i was like ‘HOW FUCKING DARE YOU TELL OTHER PEOPLE MY BUSINESS’. i confronted jess, in a lighter tone, cos i obv told pete (half) what i felt about her. jess played the fucking innocent role. like, she said something along the lines of ‘we’re both close to pete n he was so worried that when me, you and kaylee did those shifts together that something would go wrong. so he told me to keep an eye on things and that’s all i told kaylee cos she wasn’t sure why she was being targeted when so many people in this store are treating people badly. i didn’t say you reported her or anything, honestly!!!!’ queue more bs.

after this, jess didn’t bother with me but was never explicit about hating me. if there was a convo going on and i tried to join in she scolded at me for being nosey. if i was unwell (i have cfs) shed moan ‘jokingly’ that i always had to be ill. i think she ripped on me once cos i said i was late for a hand-in at uni.

her next real victim, however, was jack, my best friend in store and our supervisor. jack was getting fucked over in his supervisor role bc pete would schedule jess for anything managerial. jess started a rumour that pete didn’t trust jack bc jack fucked it at a meeting w the other stores (semi true but fucking up a meeting isn’t the end of the world). like. anything jack would be, jess would be on him. by this point 50% of the staff that were around at the start of the story HAD LEFT. jess had driven people out and had the new ones all up her arse.

pete quit. it was sudden.

not long later, facebook popped up with a fuckin ‘pete is in a relationship with jess’ status and pete has never spoken to me again. i left shortly after that, although our new manager was lovely i felt like i was working for jess.

jack ended up GETTING DEMOTED, by petes replacement who had no idea what a shitstorm she was getting herself into. the new manager PROMOTED jess and demoted jack bc she was doing all the supervisor jobs whilst jack was only doing midshifts. he didnt get shafted to the lowest pay and was instead given the title ‘trainer and authorised opener/closer’ whilst still doing the same fucking job. he transferred out, cos that shit is fucking degrading and within, like two months he was put back up his rightful position. yay for my forever work bestie. I

feel like this has been going on for too long now. i think this doesn’t do her justice. like…i cant believe someone who is NOW 26 and who got what she wanted after manipulating a mentally ill man caused so much drama and pain and tension in a fucking clothes store.

fucking horrid. im reading this completely exhausted and so i cant say much but i just feel like these people are always the ones who come out on top, and its so fucked up. im really sorry you had to deal with so many unpleasant people, and your friend as well.

i swear mediocrity and asskissing is what gets you anywhere in this world, and manipulative cunts like this jess woman take full advantage of that. it’s pretty scary, honestly. amazing how far drama can go, huh. this is why i have trust issues.

i still hope she gets her ass kicked by life, though. there has to be some sort of karmic justice somewhere

i also feel like i should say that there’s always going to be people who won’t like you for some reason. even if you don’t do anything wrong and even though everyone else thinks they’re great. no idea why this happens, but all i can say is there’s really nothing you can do. so FUCK EM (in the most metaphorical sense as they don’t deserve you giving them the time of day)

#manipulation #story sharing #submission

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what-ever-happened-to-chip · 3 years

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Detective Rinoa

Squally better fucking gather info together with Camp B or I will kill him. I won’t be the only one pulling weight in this.

Detective Rinoa is on it.

First things first need to dress for the occasion. I find my best biker shorts, my tightest tank top (might need to use my womanly charm for info), my apple watch, three pens, my pocket journal and a short sleeve cargo vest for all my accessories.

For protection I bring along Angelo and pepper spray. Plus my shooting star blaster edge. Hair tie on and I am set.

I make a list of all the people with possible info. Christian obviously, J, Tidus, Noah. Also Jenn and Yuna with questions marks after their names. Those two I doubt have any info but maybe since Jenn was dead she’ll remember something. Also I am suspicious of what Natsu was yelling about. Darn if only we had just a little more time together with Camp B I coulda got more info. Maybe they separated us for that reason.

Yuna I put down cause I don’t think she personally had any information but she hung with Eli a

lot and he knows something. Or at least pretends to know.

They shut off any way of talking to B. Our phones don’t work trying to call or text them. We obv can’t send letters. I even tried like hacking the system and using email or facebook when I really wanted to talk to Zidane but no that was all blocked. I just don’t get it. When we were in San Diego we were still able to talk to each other just not live together. Now they have us completely separated! Like we been with these people thousands of years and outta nowhere BOOM! Separated. They claim its cause we got “too rowdy” but we were like that forever so something musta changed.

I bet Ulquiorra knows something about all this spirt stuff but not like I’ll be able to get anything out of him. Or maybe I can? He does have a weak spot for attractive woman. I add him to my list and check myself if the mirror. Yea you got it girl.

okay who to start with? Christian I probably get most info outt a but I am not in the modd for his cryptic speech pattern right now. So no I wait on that.

Me and Jenn are friends so I decided to knock her out quick. Okay Rinoa you got this. I whistle Angelo along and head towards her room.

“Knock knock its me girl!:

“Rinoa!” She runs up and hugs me. She's so cute. I love her.

“Isn’t this so shitty ! Its like I finally getta be back with Aiden and then they take us apart again ! How could they be so cruel? She pouts and sits on her bed.

I have been trying the last hundred years to get her to dump that creep but no she's wayyyy into his flaming ass. He;s like a literal monster and fucking killed her! Jenn. Sweet, innocent Jenn! But she doesn’t listen to reason just with her heart. I admire that in ways but just wish her heart was head over heels for not such a piece of shit as a person. Gray warned me if Aiden found out about what i was doing he would send me straight to hell. He’s not gonna do shit he's a pussy and so what if he does. He doesn’t have shit on me and even if he does that just proves to Jenn he is a fucking monster. Whatever. Fuck Him.

“I know girl this is so fucked up!! Least we’re on the same camp side!!”

“Yea totally and I guess besides Aiden and Namine I am not really friends with any of them.”

“Oh you have more friends then that!!” I tried to think who wasn’t a dirt bag piece of shit on that side of the camp. They definitely had wayyyy more then we did.

“I mean I guess Marcus is like sorta my friend but it always seems like hes making fun of me.” Jenn looked upset at this and began messing with her nails.

You could always tell how anxious she was by how long her nails were. They were like stubs now. It was probably hanging with Aiden. He’s so stressful for her.

“Yea I feel you girl him and that slut Lana just walk around like they are better then everyone and pretend they are like this power couple when aha- yea no.” (word from narrator. She said the last part with a scoff and a very pronounced “aha: in about the bitchest way you can imagine it)

“Yea she like hung out in here other day and it was just weeeirdddd.”

“That is weird why was she in here?”

“I don’t even know she was like asking me about how I feel about Aiden having Harry suck his dick, which I thought was super weird she was thinking about that. Like is she trying to imagine Aiden’s penis or something.” Jenn paused to grab her box of nail polish outta side table drawer. “Anyhow I told her its like fine cause Harrys so weird its like who cares about him.”

“Totally girl.” My nails needed some color too. I searched through her colours till I found a really lovely silver.

While we both painted our nails and updated each other on our feelings about the newest bachelorette. I felt like Todd should totally get with Kaitlyn but Jenn felt Winston was the better match. Todd was just so cute. Okay now that thats all settled I needed info.

“Hey so like before we got split up Natsu yelled something about you being like a dark thing or like idk what?”

“Yea I don’t know what he was saying it was just like weird and its like how can I be that? Doesn;t make any sense to me”

Rats no info.

“Yea I wouldn’t worry about it Natsus an idiot and probably just misheard something.”

“Yeah, your probably right.” Jenn looked a bit worried though.

Well this wasn’t getting me anywhere I should go see Yuna next just to get both the easy ones outta the way.

“Hey girl I gotta go, I am trying to figure out whats going on in this camp. Somethigns fishy and I am going to find out what. Maybe if I do they won’t have us spilt up as much.”

“Okay yea, good luck to you! I know you can figure it out!” Jenn flashed her teethy grin at me. She lead me to door gave me a big hug and sent me on my way.

Okay next stop stonerville

I tried her room but she wasn’t in there. Fuck hopefully she didn’t go anywhere I guess if she did I could just go to someone else on list. I saw Neji down the hall “Hey Neji have you seen Yuna?’

“Yes she was in the living room watching tv and smoking weed with a ton of people.”

“Thanks!” He seems less angry lately which is nice cause he was getting pretty flippin weird with all his hubris yelling.

I walked into living room and Neji wasn’t joking there was like 10 people in here. I spotted Yuna squeezed on couch next to Lana and Naruto. Gippal lay sprawled on the couch with his legs on all of them. Such a lazy fuck couldn’t sit up for people. Um Rude!

I didn’t want to talk to her here and have everyone yelling their opinions at once. So annoying. Once I received more information I would relay it to rest of camp but not yet.

“Rin No Na! What it be what it do?” Jesse yelled. He would be kinda cute if he wasn’t so obnoxious.

“I am fine, no don’t move over I am not staying.” I looked at tv they were all watching the hangover. I did want to watch it with them but I’ve seen it like 5 times and my mission was important. I sat on coffee table facing Yuna “Psst hey Yuna can we go somewhere to talk’

“WHAT YA GUYS GONNA TALK ABOUT?” Naruto yelled. Great just fucking great now everyones gonna start yelling other annoying things.

“I bet its period stuff.” Natsu yelled

“No I bet its woman stuff” Naruto yelled

“Periods are woman stuff you dumb fuck” Sasuke yelled

“Shut up all of you its none of your fucking business!.”

Some mumbles and a few more yells how we were gonna have sex and scissor each other. Everyone is so moronic here, it's sooo aggravating.

“Yea of course Rinoa!” Yuna squeezed herself outta the couch with the grunts from Gippal. He better not vomit on the fucking couch again that was so fucking gross and disgusting.

I guided Yuna to my room which was the safest room to talk. No one ever came here except Zidane but he was with other camp so I am safe.

“Oh I love what you’ve done with the room!” Yuna smiled and sat on the end of bed . She just sat there smiling. I wonder how her face isn’t stuck in that position from how much she does it. I dug around in my desk until I found my one hitter and a lil bit of weed. I didn’t smoke much so this was probably months old but whatever it will do. I hand the packed pipe to Yuna whose face lights up at it “Oh thank you Rinoa this is so thoughtful!” She takes down the whole bowl in one huge hit. Packing it again with her own personal stash. She hands it towards me but I wave it off. Have to keep my brain clear.

“So whats going on? Is everything okay?” Yuna asked. Okay good the weed didn’t make her retarded. This stuff wasn’t that strong so that probably helped, also her tolerance I bet is wayyy too high for this cheap stuff to effect her much.

“Yeah I am fine, everything is good with me. I am just, well I been thinking about all that stuff that happened before they split us up, like about the darks spirits, I was wondering if you knew anything about that?”

“Oh yes it was such a terrible thing that happened to Jonis dear daughter, I am so furious with Gray and how it all happened. Just so Gray could oh I don’t even know what he wanted out of it which makes me even more mad! “ Yuna huffed a little after all this, its probably from the weed and she didn’t take a single breathe while talking but I liked to believe it was from the extra pounds she carried around with her. Ha chunky Yuna huffing away. Okay Rinoa focus

I didn’t really care about all the stuff with Jonis daughter but I needed Yuna to stay on my side so I said “yea that was so fucked up of Gray, Just cause hes sad and miserable doesn’t mean he needs to bring everyone to his level.” I scoffed and Yuna nodded in approval “So yea anyhow about dark spirits you know anything?”

“Its a horrible place. I don’t know a lot but I know a little bit.” Yuna drank some water and continued “So usually souls are sent to their worlds version of the after life”

Rinoa interrupted “- so its like hell?”

“No I mean hell still exists in some worlds but their soul is still intact for lack of a better term. It can still be retrieved and brought back.”

“Ok so this place is like totally different from other afterworlds, its like its own entity?”

“Precisely! Its its own separate place! I am not sure where it came from or how long its been around, Elis I know speculates it formed when the worlds collided, yet I know Aiden was there before that so I don’t believe that is true. Christian told me once its always been around, and after Eli heard about that, he speculated that the reason the worlds collided had to do with this place. I am not sure about any of that. What I do know is the place consists of dark magic and dark beings dwell there. Any soul who steps into that place becomes tainted. So what happened with Lily is because she was killed with dark magic she was tainted and had to be sent there. No other afterlife could handle such a dark being without becoming dark themselves. I don’t exactly know how it all works though.” Yuna looked down seemingly flustered with it all

I pondered on this for a while. She gave me a lot more information then I could have hoped for.

“So its pretty much the worst place in the universe? No wonder Aiden is so fucked up!”

“Yes it is, Eli told me once anyone who goes there becomes tainted in a way, incomplete rather. Like they aren’t all together human anymore. He couldn’t tell me how or why. He also said anyone who goes their becomes trapped but Aiden is intact and he has his soul still, so Eli must be wrong about that. Or perhaps thats what usually happens and Aiden somehow beat the system? I don’t know its all so horrible I don’t like to think about it!” Yuna took the liberty to pack herself another bowl to smoke.

“Hmm so if thats the case and J was there and also got out there must be some way.”

“Yes they must be! Ya know I can feel souls with my summoner ability and I have always sensed J’s soul be off. Like it just feels wrong but now that I know he was in that place, thats probably why it feels that way!”

“Yea and thats why spirits don't seem to want anything to do with him and let him get away with so much shit because they don’t want him around. He probably terrifies them!”

I began jotting down things in my journal and Yuna finished off her bowl.

“Hey Yuna no offense but I gotta go. I need to figure out more about all this and I have quite a few more people to talk to!”

“Oh of course I will leave you, if you need anything more I will be in living room!”

“Okay yea thanks” Just before she left room I thought of one more thing “Hey real quick so I am gonna talk to Noah, Tidus, J , Ulquiorra and Christian , know anyone else in Camp A that would know something?”

Yuna pondered for a second “Perhaps try Sasuke? He seems to know a lot about everything. Oh and try Jet! He was an old commander so perhaps he knows something from his time in charge.”

“Okay yea i put them down, thanks see you around! “ Yuna waved and headed out

No way in hell was I talking to either one of them. Especially if I didn’t have to. Wasn’t in the mood to get groped and deal with the biggest asshole in camp. No thank you.

Next stop Noah!

I found him in his room laying in the dark with his covers up. He looked briefly at me when I entered but turned around to continue staring at his wall.

I took the liberty to let myself in. I slid out a chair and opened the blinds up so I could see. He looked like shit.

“Hey I know you probably don’t want to talk about this but I need to know about the dark spirit place or whatever its called.” I paused looking at him “Its important.” I added

No response. I couldn’t wait for him to get over whatever this was.

“Noah, I need to know, help me out here”

“Why would you wanna know about that place?” He said it in a whisper

“I, no we, as a camp need to know!” This came out a lot more harsh then I meant it too. Whatever. Usually the guy was so dumb you asked him anything and he replied. No filters. But now when I need him to talk hes understanding what silence means? What the fuck. Where's lady luck and why isn’t she on my side?

“No you don’t need to know, you think you need to know but it won’t help anything, it won’t change anything. It will just bring pain and destruction.

I was geting so annoyed at his inability to just answer a fucking question I blew up.

“OMG are you mansplaining to me? I know what is good and bad for me to know. Fuck right off Noah. I can handle myself, I can handle this, I am not a moron.”

He sat up slightly at this and sighed “ No you can’t handle this, you or anyone else in camp that isn’t already involved in this doesn’t need to be. Theres no reason for anyone to know anymore then you guys already do. Now please leave me I am not in the mood.”

I wanted to freak out at him, yet I realized that would get me nowhere. ;”Fine be that way, go fuck yourself Noah!” I slammed his door as hard as I could manage . I sat in the hallway and cried for a little bit. Why can’t I know? He obviously told Joni or else she wouldn’t have had him kill her kid. Or maybe he's the only one that takes orders from Joni. She's such a junkie cunt I bet even if she was here she wouldn’t give me any answers either. Just yell about needing more booze and making stupid inside jokes with jesse that no one else finds funny. They are the worst set of twins I have ever fucking met .

This was pointless. I went to my room and screamed in my pillow for a few minutes. When I was done my throat hurt and Angelo looked worried.

Sign this whole thing was stupid why did I even try it? No I have to keep going. I decided to go see Tidus when he actually took his meds he was pretty cool and we hung out. When he was off them though it was fucking annoying as shit. Lately he seemed normal so lets hope for the best. I can’t have two let downs in a row.

I found him in his room lifting weights, his room looked mostly clean which was a good indicator on his saneness. “35, 36, 37,-”

“Hey Tidus its me can I come in?”

“Oh yea Rinoa let me just finish these reps. 38, 39- I waited till he counted to 50 and set the weight down before speaking

“Hey so I gonna cut right to the chase, your a spirit and everything so I wonder if you know anything about all this dark spirit stuff they were talking about?”

He was drinking out of his water but stopped after i said dark spirit and his face fell. Oh he totally knows something.

“Umm no I don’t umm sorry,” He faced away from me and I saw in his mirror him muttering to himself.

“I know you know something Tidus, just tell me I can take it.” He fidgeted around picking up random objects then setting them down.

“I mean well I wanna tell you but I am not suppose to talk about it”

“What? Who says you cant talk about it?” Now I was super curious a secret dark spirit place that he was banned from talking about. Oh this was juicy.

I heard people out the door talking and heard my name so my ears perked up, it sounded like Jesse and Yuna

“You were talking to Rinoa? Egh talking to her is like I have an itch on the roof of my mouth that only a shotgun can scratch.” Jesse said loudly

“Oh shes not that bad!” Yuna replied

What a fucking asshole, I made a mental note to go chew him out after this but I didn’t want to wreck my flow I had going here.

Tidus looked at me sympathetically and I waited till they passed by before talking again

Tidus spoke first tho “Hey don’t mind Jesse he’s just an asshole”

“Uh Yea duh I know that and why would I be bothered by what a lonely wannabe says about me?” My eyes challeneged him to say something stupid. Wisely he changed topics

“Well um what you been up to today?

“Well I been trying to get people to tell me about the dark spirit place.”

He looked uncomfortable and said “Uh huh I see, why is it you wanna know so bad?”

“Because I, or well camp, has the right to know about this, I mean like shouldn’t we do something about it or like go save people from it.”

“You can’t get rid of it that's not how it works, its like saying your gonna blow up hell, its not possible. ANd saving people, why would we have to do that? No one we know is there so that just be a suicide mission.” He shook his head and drank down the rest of his water. Going to refill it in the water jug he had in his room he added “Even if we did have someone to save, we couldn't. It would just be a waste of lifes and resources!”

“Well Lily got there why wouldn’t we go save her?”

“You know why Rinoa, she doesn’t matter to camp, she's just a kid with no powers.”

“Omg why didn’t I think of that!” If someone that camp needed or cared about went there we would have to go save them and have to go there! I refrained from saying this out loud though so no one could hear my scheme and block it. Tidus just assumed I didn’t realize Lily was useless which I mean duh, I let him think that though. Makes things easier.

“Yea I mean maybe she would have powers later but she was only in camp like an hour and I mean like Yuna liked her and- He started rambling about how great Yuna was and I spaced out. Who should I get killed though? It would have to be Noah killing them and use his weird demon thing inside him to do it, can’t be a gun, no pretty sure it have to be Virgo inside him. Hmm who to kill though? My first thought after what Jesse said was him but no he was immortal that wouldn’t work. I don’t know if immortality worked against this but I didn’t want to risk it. Only have one go at this. Hmmm maybe Aerith? She was important plus easy to kill plus Sasuke would go insane and make people go save her with him. Yes, Aerith would be perfect. I almost think Jenn would be funnier to fuck with Aiden but shes useless, so the commanders might not let us go and then Aiden probably just convince himself she never existed and we all would just move on in our lives. Wait, Aerith is a spirit though, that might safeguard her. Not sure but once again don’t wanna risk it. Fuck who then?

“And shes so caring and pretty and- “

“Tidus shut up I am trying to think”

He stopped talking and made a face at me. “You coulda said that nicer”

“Yea okay I am sorry, whatever, “

“What are you thinking about anyhow?” Tidus inquired.

Was it safe to tell him? Probably and I would need help with this so bing bing hes the winner! I decided to ease into it though and gauge him out. If he seemed hesitant I would have to find someone new to ask

“I was just thinking how shitty it would be if someone from camp was killed and sent there.”

“Oh yea that would be horrible we wouldn’t see them ever again!”

“I mean never again?” I asked as innocently as I could manage “I mean Aiden got out of there didn’t he?”

“Yea I mean yea but he has Christian helping him when Christian still had access to virgo or well access to his powers”

So thats how it happened hmmm

“Well couldn’t he access them again?” I inquired

“No cause Virgo is in Noah.”

“What about J? He got taken out too?

“Yea I don’t know how that worked I only just found that out today, I assumine G accessed the igndaemoni stone. I heard that has to do with it” “ I also hear- all of a sudden Tidus’s face just stopped moving

“What the hell?” I asked and just as I did I saw J walk into the room. Oh so he paused time. What an asshole

“J what the fuck!!!! I was so close!!” I pouted and waved my notebook around and my pen flew out of my hand as I flayed around

“A little too close” His nasally voice said. God his voice was so fucking annoying

“Lets go to kitchen to talk” I followed him in there and noticed quite a few people in there all paused

“Stop while your ahead Trist me on this.”

“Omg you fucking too-- omg look at grays face!!”

His face looked like he was just about to sneeze. Contored and retarded looking.

J let out his shrill laugh while Rinoa laughed like she was actually saying the words heehee

“Wait Wait look at Lana!” Her face looked like it was turning both ways and her hand was in her butt cheek.

“Omg”

Rinoa and J continued to point out others with dumb expressions on each letting out their different but equally annoying laughs.

J wiped a tear from his eye “Oh that rich thats just great.”

I decided to try again “So J what the fuck why did you pause everyone.”

“For my own safety that's why!” He yelled back. God did he not know how to get his voice at a reasonable level

“You’re safety from what ?”

J looked around like a paranoid drunk. “Just trust me bitch, you don’t want to go down this path.” J himsellf knew hardly anything about this, he had to take a class in it at the spirit university but he fell asleep half way through and skipped the next two classes and the final class he was so lost on the exam he decided to get drunk in the bathroom and have G make sure he got a passing score. What he did know though was that Ulqiorra would kill him if Rinoa started some shit up. Partly why they let Harry and him spy on everyone was for security reasons and as long as everyone behaved themselves, at least a little, they were allowed to continue being camp security.

“DON’T CALL ME A BITCH!” Rinoa stormed, proving J’s point in her screams of rage if she classified as a bitch or not.

After her yells subsided with some throw ins of “clay piece of fuck,” “get new friends” “your an fucking asshole” she sat down and crossed her arms and started pouting.

“I don’t see why I can’t just know, I am not gonna do anything with it I just want to know”

“No you definitely want to do something and I can’t risk you knowing too much and fucking things up for me.”

“For you what the fuck do you mean?”

Shit J thought didn’t need to add that last part “I just mean me as like everyone in camp its won’t be good and Ulquiorras gonna flip out if you unite everyone in some doomed mission.”

Rinoas face contorted but then twisted into a devious smile. “Okay fine I won’t do anything” She said as innocent as she could manage.

J stared at her with a look of disbelieve but he also was just about to go to Milwaukee with Paine, Yuna and Gippal and he really wanted to get to that. Distancing himself from harry has really done wonders for his social life. He gets to hang out with Gipplal, GIPPAL! His dreams were coming true.

As J daydreamed about his perfect day with Gippal and how maybe they could break off from the other two and get ice cream and Gippal would get some in his beard and J would slowly wipe it off for him-- Rinoa was thinking of how to get j out of camp so she can continue getting answers. “So can you unpause it, I get it okay?”

“Yea Yea fine,” J took out a device in his pocket and hit the button. Everyone instantly started moving.

“What where did you guys come from?” Gray asked

“WE BEEN IN HERE FUCK OFF” J replied and left to go find his new friends.

“Yea lay off the dope its making you stupid.” Rinoa shot back at him

“I don’t recall you guys being in here either” Lana stated

“Whatever you guys are all dumb then” Rinoa flipped her hair and walked out of the room, forgetting about Tidus for the moment and headed back to her room

In Tidus’s room he was quite shocked by Rinoa disappearing and was terrified he had hallucinated the whole conversation “Oh no Oh no, she was here, wasn’t she? No nonononono! “ Tidus yelled and began searching around his room for her. Looking under his bed and in his closet for obvious places but then under books and his lamp thinking maybe she somehow shrunk. Moving on from schizo boy we head back to Rinoa.

“Okay I just have to find a way to get J to leave. hmmm “ Rinoa mindlessly pet Angelo while brainstorming. Suddenly Yuna walked in.

“Hey Rinoa is was lovely talking to you earlier, I hope you figure out what your looking for!”

“Yea yea I am trying to think now so can you like leave?’

“Oh okay yea no I can’t stay I am going to milwaukee with some friends!” As yuna turned to leave Rinoa yelled for her to stop

“Wait who are you going with?” Rinoa asked, she had to get J to go with them somehow.

“Oh um Paine, Gippal and J”

Rinoa jumped up and ran and hugged Yuna “OMG I could kiss you thats fantastic! Don’t let me keep you go go” Rinoa shooed out the very confused Yuna.

“Okay Angelo we are back on track!” Rinoa jumped for joy grabbed her notepad and ran to go find TIdus.

-- And that finishes Part 1 of this story-- I will either finish it or can have Rinoa explain how rest of it went when I see ya tomorrow! Probably do the latter so we can move on with plot!

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cow3survivor · 3 years

Text

Episode 1 Pt. 1: “Playing A Game With A Fresh Slate” - Jessica

JESSICA

chamomile

JABARI

So im a little slow with names to start but everyone seems chill and nice to be around. I hope I can find some like-minded people here

JESSICA

Hello hello hello, it is Jessica here with a confessional. I don't know a single soul in this game except for Silver and we are not even on the same tribe. I also barely know him so it's basically like I'm playing a game with a fresh slate! It's nice because I feel like I used to have a Reputation with a capital R and sometimes that made it difficult to play the way I wanted (which is chaotically but in a cute way). But since no one knows me... I can use whatever strategy I want and hopefully they don't see it coming. I am tied for the oldest person here. Everyone is college aged (or even HIGH SCHOOL aged? Didn't know people still did that) so I do not know what we are going to talk about. My only interests are taxes and coffee, things that kids these days know nothing about! Also I am only allowed one teenager friend without it being weird and that person is Zach so I will just vote out the rest of the teenagers in this cast. The tribe wants to play pictionary later so I am going to join that and wow them all with my art skills. All right that's it, that's my confessional for this round. I probably won't even need to write any more until merge because I will be immune every round :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) I am manifesting that it will happen

CLOUD

my tribe is seeming kinda dry</3 but thats okay im here to be insane and annoying not to win

SHANE

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1IyGBdqi4OzsqrfedJim18OWhn-K1A5Lp/view?usp=sharing

PENNINO

I'm coming into this game with the mentality of "you need to write a vl everyday, a confessional every day and communicate with everyone every day. I don't think I know anyone on my tribe apart from Nicole and Silver, who I am looking forward to possibly work with. I'm the youngest as always. Jabari seems worried about the image he gives off. Nash looks like that chatty archetype, someone you can go to vent to. Mikey was pretty excited to not be the youngest. Jake seems like a pretty nice guy. His first ORG, and with 15 orgs under my belt, I think I actually can help, but he loves survivor so he must know the strategies. I think I know jones from other ORGs, but she wasn't very active today. Or maybe I just wasn't awake for it. Jennet seems like a cool person I'd like to talk to. Same goes for Lindsay. As for Brookesia, I couldn't help but notice that Ethan reminds me of someone, I just don't know why. No thoughts on Daisy, Lovelis, Sam, or Shane. Jessica is giving me a strange vibe. She's gonna get to swap/merge, and in those later days, I think she has the possibility to become a villain. Or maybe that's gonna be me hehehehe. Cloud spoke in ITALIAN in their Intro Video and I'M EXCITED CAUSE MAYBE THEYRE ITALIAN. Madison is someone I know from another ORG and great person, may not get to even meet her, she may get booted out pre-swap. Everyone knows Sammy, may be considered as a liability and I do too. I'm hella scared of him, but I just hope Brookesia sees the threat before I'm on a tribe with him. And then there's Pete. Ughhhhhh whyyyyyy. Bitch you can't make that show up on my screen at 2 am and expect me not too have nightmares. May be just all for show and he may be voted out first. For now, let's just try to make friends. I could just go to Jake or Silver. I don't know yet, I still have to talk with everyone

NICOLE

So? This is overwhelming a bit. I haven’t played survivor in almost a year and really didn’t think I’d be playing any more games. Yet, here I am! And it’s very weird, because I like everyone so far on a surface level which means I might be the weakest member of the tribe? I don’t think that’s how that works. I’ve been talking to Jake a bit, Lindsay a bit, Pennino a bit, then I love Nash and Jones. Jennet and I were active at different times I think so I haven’t gotten to speak to them yet but I have watched them play Toy Story! And Jabari was really nice but we talked about the weather and the weather only so uh..we are gonna have to talk more. In a big game like this you have to have the personality and active time to move forward so, I’m trying to show people I have that. It’s just real hard to do so, and also Silver...he is hard to keep up with. I’ve been hosting him for the past month and I just find it difficult to find an in to align with him on, not really trying to align with him honestly. But I feel like I’d probably do good at pretending to align with him, which is all that matters right? In terms of the other tribe...kisses all of them. Sammy? Love of my life. Daisy? Love of all our lives. Like, these are super likable people! So it’s a little worrisome to have big personalities over there, I really hope they don’t eat each other before a swap can happen. Especially Madison and Daisy, both of them have a tendency to uh...stick with the men...and vote out the women. So I’m really hoping history doesn’t repeat because I’d love to work with both of them! I feel like I’m solid if I can find a way to keep communication constant this round and show I can help out. I feel like rallying the girls and the theys this round may be an opportunity. I feel bad because Silver is doing all this and I know sammy is a graphic designer LOL Speaking of he should be working on my book cover not this game...anyway I’m gonna go back to sleep for an hour before work but I hope this tribe shows an inact soon because I’m starting to feel like the weakest link 😳

PETE

so right off the bat i’m really vibing with Ethan we immediately found our shared love for Bowser & Roadhog as our gay dads aw ♡ also talked to sammy since we have a little history but we’re cool i really think it’ll go well this time around at least i hope

(a little later)

IM SO HDDJ NICOLE IS HERE SHES GONNA KILL MEEEEEEEEEE IM DELETING BYE

LINDSAY

i recorded this very late so im sorry if its a mess:

https://drive.google.com/file/d/17C9vr8lGOFOx02Dg1_RrnYf4FznoVcYY/view?usp=sharing

Also to add one pennino immediately started interrogating me about people i didnt like and is generally not giving me great vibes like dude. chill it down on the aggression. you gotta make a connection w people before you start doing shit like that and we definitely didn't have one yet. obviously i vagued him (while giving him just a little bit of tea so it wasnt intensely obv i was vaguing) but dude... dont do that shit. we ain't even know if we goin' to tribal yet what the fuck.

ETHAN

Charan's Hot Confessional Questions for Leafy (Charan is my diary room buddy <3) :dance: 1. You've had the evening to get to meet your new tribemates! Who are you connecting with? Who are you struggling to connect with? How did the Tribe VC go? I feel like I am getting my foot in the door with most of them, so rather than saying who I am connecting super well with, I will say Kiki is the only one who I haven't had a conversation with. They got back from work right after everything happened, and I was already asleep, and they have not messaged me back yet today. The tribe vc was fun! I love vcs, as my diary room buddies RYAN and CHARAN know, as they are a way to make even deeper connections, and talk about things more efficiently. VCs are also a way to more quickly understand the personalities of who I am talking with, so I got a lot of info quickly. Super excited because my tribe looks awesome! :dance: 2. How do you personally assess your gameplay? Where do you think your strengths lay, especially in the early premerge? In what ways do you find yourself capitalizing on those strengths to keep yourself safe? My gameplay is 100% rooted in my social maneuverability. I try to understand those I play with, and preferably, have them as allies. Even if they aren't allies, if I understand how they think, I will be able to anticipate how they will act and react to certain scenarios. So far I hope to use my social game to keep me out of harm's way, as I don't need to be in control, I just can't be the one to go. If things go well, I will naturally be in a more powerful position as people come to trust me, but I can never be seen as going for one or being in one. Perception is everything, and on day 1, I am going for the perception that I am a nice volleyball coach with a passion for education, and I am just somebody who wants to have fun and make new friends. That is all true, and that is all I need to be! :dance: 3. I personally have 0 clue how idols/advantages are obtained in this org. Do you expect it to be difficult or easy? And does the easiness of finding idols factor into your gameplay at all? Or are you used to playing without having to rely on advantages? I expect this to be difficult. My luck in life and ESPECIALLY in orgs is abysmal. This system is rooted in luck but also social prowess, so I can set myself up the best I can socially but ultimately it is a luck-based system. I am not anticipating on finding anything this season if this is the only way to find things, but more importantly, I just need to know who finds what and when. I am used to playing without advantages, and just need to know who has them in order to adapt my gameplay to them. :dance: 4. Lastly, tell me about your day! What did u do that made u feel happy about today and what're ur plans for tomorrow? My day has been good so far! I told one of my volleyball teams that I coach about this, and they said they want to be in my video confessional, so maybe that will be coming soon :eyes:. I love what I do and coach a LOT of hours, so if I am not typing in here I am likely doing that. In addition to that, the semester is winding down for school, so hopefully, soon I will have less school work and I can focus on this and on coaching. For tomorrow I play to more deeply integrate myself socially, and start to talk game with people!

JENNET

i fear i will not click with my tribemates... im easy to get along with but idk if these people will like me

JAKE

https://youtu.be/Q3eDyTryE0g when I tell y'all I've had it....

JENNET

I feel like nobody hears me when i speak :(( i dont wanna sound like a toddler but hopefully its just my insecurities and they do enjoy me

(a little later)

Silver is kinda... hmmm kinda weird i dont like to isolate people or be mean but that’s just something i noticed. i do enjoy having somebody that’s awkward around bc it does take the edge/pressure off me being awkward

(after an afternoon of swimming)

this is such a different experience than what im used to.... nobody really messages me like at all and ive reached out but idk-

JESSICA

Well we are here on day three doing an immunity challenge. I hope we win! Today's song of the day is: HELLO by Allie X (I have listened to it 30 times this morning alone).

So far I like my tribe enough. I find people are falling into two categories: active/chatty or quieter/a little more difficult to talk to. In category one we have:

- Ethan: One of my favourite people to talk to so far, really liking him.

- Sammy: The only person I've talked any strategy with. I really like that out of the gate he was like "hey let's not waste time, let's STRATEGIZE". Since he was the one that brought that up first, I'm thinking I might go to him today (whether we win immunity or not) and see what he thinks about starting an official alliance with any of the people in category 1 (or anyone at all really)

- Daisy: Daisy seems very sweet and is easy to talk to. I really like her!

- Lovelis: Oh my gosh.... at first I was like hmmm not sure what my opinion is of this guy. But then we realized we are both from the FB Org community and now we are hitting it off! He said he cheered for me when I played Kingdoms Collide.

- Pete: Umm I don't really have a read on Pete but he does reply pretty quickly when I message him.

And then in the not so active group:

- Sam: Sam is actually here quite a bit but I've found he's a little difficult to talk to. He doesn't move conversations forward a lot. However we have been bonding over the evil that is braces/retainers so now he is opening up a bit.

- Shane: For some reason, I keep thinking he is also named Ethan? Not sure why. Shane is fine but same as Sam; not great at keeping conversations moving forward.

- Cloud: Okay I love Cloud. They are great and I really want to talk to them more! But they are also a little spotty with how much they're online. I would not want to vote them out if we lost but I also would not necessarily stop others if they wanted to.

- Madison: She is not here very much and doesn't seem to be putting in the effort when she is. Like she's left me on read already and in the span of 48 hours (or however long it's been since the game started) we have barely spoken at all and I've had to start the convo twice. I'd probably most want to vote her out if we lost.

In an ideal perfect wonderful world, we will win immunity and that gives me more time to try and subtly get some form of alliance going. I don't want to be the one to push it directly so I'm going to try and get Sammy to suggest it to people.

Usually I find I get two placements in games: I make it to merge as a non-threat and then kill it in the second half + go really far or I play too big too fast and by late pre-merge/early merge, I'm taken out. The only times I've gone into merge with a threat label and still won, I either won every single immunity (what's up, Jordan Pines!) or I had a once in a lifetime alliance. In my experience, it's way easier to play from a non-threatening position where everyone likes you.

I used to have that strategy down perfectly but it's been a few years so let's see if I still remember how the heck you win Survivor!

PETE

BYE IM GOING HOME LITERALLY I ONLY SCORED LIKE TWICE MY ASS IS FUCKING DEAD FUUUUUUUUCK

JONES

:pensive_cow: So we get on the beach and like omg I arrive like,, two hours later than everyone else but that’s all gucci idrc ab that but IN HINDSIGHT NOW feel like such an outsider on this TRIBE????????? It’s all internal I think. I haven’t done anything to make me an outsider other than be super super busy and preoccupied but I FEEL SO WEIRD :((( idk!! It might also be an age thing tho,, Bc it seems like a lot of people on my tribe are like 14-18 or smth like that I feel like the weird aunt who lives down the block!!! These kids make me SICK!!! But ya. It’s not like I have no one tho I’m just v v sad and feel rlly tuned out of everyone’s thoughts ajdkdkdkdk but uhm. 👉👈 first impressions cast assessment:

Jabari- have NOT had the chance to pm her 1 on 1 yet, but she was on call for a hot minute yesterday after the challenge was released!! She gave Lindsay some insight on the flash game which I thought was super super neat :) Jake - I definitely think on first impression he’s trying to take on a bit more of a savior leadership type position by organizing everyone for the immunity challenge and trying to make his own quirky cute flag too, but idk if we rlly like ? Need a leader rn ? I get it’s in good conscience but it’s a lil unnecessary. I do think he’s super super sweet tho and I loved his flag :) Mikey - this boy. JSJDJDKKD I think he’s TOTALLY FINE don’t get me WRONG but idk why he was like ,,, unintentionally lowkey shady??????? JAJDJFJFK LIKE when Jake’s flag came into consideration one of the first things Mikey said was smth like “well the judges might think it’s more illustration than a flag” LIKE AKSKSKSK ITS NOT A BIG DEAL ITS A FUCKING FLAG ANJSKS I think it might be,, an age thing or just him wanting his flag to be used which is FINE but it’s a reward challenge and it’s flagmaking it’s not,, the biggest deal ankskdksks I do appreciate his work ethic tho :3

Jennet - I’ve never heard bad things ab jennet so I’m RLLY EXCITED to get to meet them esp since they’re also kinda involved w fast twitter and whatnot but I feel like they kinda came in rlly hot? Like “I’m here to play this for real” I think Is what they said which isn’t totally fine but it’s also like,,, yes. Cool. Idk what it means ig hsjsjsj idk they’re v fun tho :)) definitely wanna work w them long term

Nicole - i Keep thinking Nicole is my emotional support counselor I’m so happy she’s here but I don’t wanna strictly rely on her ya feel (I don’t think I am rn Bc I think I have at least 2 solid allies anskkdkd but I don’t want to have to fall on Nicole Bc shes my friend yk)

Nash - is never rlly online :(( they messaged me yesterday and I messaged them back but they never respondedddddddddd Ik they said they napped but! Where are u I miss u

Pennino - this boy. ANDKFKDKDK he’s the kind of person that will respond to PMs w one word sentences and then go fking off in tribe chat like his life depends on it AJDKDKKDD I don’t see myself bonding w him that well tbh :( I think in the end it’s probs an age thing but he def seems nice and excited to play

Silver - at first I loved his intro,, filled me w joy,, but when I messaged him a bit later I felt like our convo was kinda stale? But THEN yesterday on call?? Chefs kiss I love silver sm. He said he wants to work w me too so BONUS??????? YES!!

Lindsay - this is it folks. This is the one. I love Lindsay sm. I haven’t had a great first impression convo w anyone like lindsay in a long long LONG ass time and I’m so. Appreciative. We both have said we wanna work w each other and I’m so so excited GOD lindsay is so incredible

But ya have to go back to work kiss me on the lipz

DAISY

https://youtu.be/TI72H8w-EK8

JENNET

flopped the immunity comp so i fear i may be next :/// i havent really made an connections this is sick

#cowsurvivor #confessionals

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celestialallstars · 5 years

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Episode #10: “everyone hates me so its good thing its mutual i guess” - Bryce

Welcome to the bottom Jared xoxo

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There’s no way I could ever feel less like an all star than I do right now

Honestly? I don't regret voting for Matt still. Would it have been smarter to just vote Mitch? Sure, but I wanted to have faith and it just didnt work out, that's ok. What I will say is that Bryce/Rhys/Zach all kind of showed themselves at this vote and while I won't act on it now, I won't forget either! Now I am just gonna try to make Bryce feel like he is in a powerful spot and then go with it!

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I think what I'll try to do now is talk with Jack a little more. If I make him feel too comfy around me, it'll lessen the odds of him wanting me out as soon. Right now, I also need to try talking with Chloe a little more in general just to use it to get her to want to vote with us again. As for Michael/Rhys, I'm gonna have to put on my acting skills because they are now an obvious pair that needs to be split.- I don't care who goes first between them. Actually no, I prefer Rhys. I know Bryce, Zach, and Loris wouldn't vote me just yet, but I want to ensure Jared/Stephen's safety and now that I know how some people are going to be, it just makes it easier for me to know who to focus on.

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I realized that my biggest gripe with this from Bryce is that two tribals ago we literally threw a challenge to ensure his safety and so knowing he was so quick to do this and that Zach was so willing to follow suit kinda felt like a slap in the face of the work put into that. I did not mind if he felt like he wanted to flip, but like he pretty much ignored everything I and I'm sure others were trying to say. The thing is, Bryce goofed because knowing he intentionally wanted to do Mitch before the challenge was over sucks more, but it also hinders argument he made. To make all of these valid points and him to go "well, im gonna do Mitch anyways" it didn't make sense unless it was his intention all along. What him and Rhys have done is sure, have a move to put on their resumes, but also show their cards so early that it gives PLENTY of reason to use against them later. So you know what, I'm gonna sit here and eat my food for now but save some leftovers.

Me being on the right side of a vote??? It’s more likely than you think. MAN that felt good, Matt stays once again and Mitch goes home, someone who wasn’t being honest with me. It shouldn’t have been that close and we got HELLA lucky Loris selfed but I’ll take it any way I can. Idk who flipped seems like chloe is the most likely culprit. But hey now I have some relations with Bryce Zach and Rhys! Also wasn’t Jared supposed to be in on this vote? Snaking me again smfh

After last night I feel 100% more comfortable in the tribe and for my future just because the lines seem to be constantly blurring and that’s gonna help me seep through the cracks of alliances to get further in the game and possibly the best thing is that people seem to be getting larger targets as the days go on which means I can hopefully make some power plays later on down the line but for right now I just need to keep talking to people and maybe get a few evil schemes going on getting in peoples heads teehee.

After asking me not to tell a soul, Jared has told Bryce of all people that Chloe flipped and its like well. She definitely is not gonna trust us now and Bryce has enough power as is. Its just like, a frustrating thing because we are already in the minority and have to rely on people who lied to us and now we are burning bridges like its London. I wont say its karma just yet but we had this coming. Meanwhile Matt is over here wanting me to swear to never vote him out. Alrighty cjnigo Montoya is in effect from here on out so I may play a little dirty

SO! Last night was a mess. Bryce, Zach, and Rhys went through with a plan to turn on the 8 because Mitch was scary or something. Now I know why God hates the gays. It's unfortunate but I'm not giving up. This is just proof that I need to work on my relationships with Jack, Matt, Michael, and Chloe since the 4 of them probably aren't going anywhere anytime soon.

I'm pretending that things are cool with Bryce though, so in the event that I can't target him any time soon, he's inclined to keep me around.

It's unfortunate but I don't really trust Zach at this point either. Him and Bryce mis-represented the situation to me which caused me to waste hours trying to convince them not to flip. But I knew it was a plan they came up with the night before so why were they pretending to still be on the fence, hm? Not a fan of having my time wasted. Zach should know better than anyone else on the cast that burning me like this doesn't end well.

Anyway, it's time to get to work on digging myself out of the hole I'm in.

Well Stephen just gave me a boatload of information. Apparently there was an alliance on Orfeo of Sharky, Michael, Drew, and Chloe. During the Kori vote obv Michael and Drew flipped to Matt, then Chloe joined aboard. So that group was a legit concern for people, and since Alyssa and I were connected to Michael Drew and Matt via Cyrena 2.0, we became targets. Suddenly this makes sense, and I was kind of right about an anti-Cyrena conspiracy because it was basically anti Cyrena 2.0 there. Sucks because we didn't do anything necessarily but oh well.

The problem is if they were an alliance... and we're concerned that Michael or Chloe flipped... why would they go against each other? So either Zach or Bryce actually flipped or Rhys did or Michael or Chloe did. IDK this whole thing is a mess and I don't know who is going to be voting with what this round but I'm not committed to anyone long term except for Matt really. We'll see what happens

So, last night I had all but convinced myself that voting for Mitch is the right move. Still, I was on call with Zach/Bryce to make a final plea. Unfortunately I was at work so I busy for 5 minutes and we got added to the tribal call.

Directly before and at the beginning of that call, for some reason I decided to clue Chloe in and try my best to convince her that voting Matt was best for her game. When I got busy I was 100% certain she had no interest in doing that. But, when I came back to my phone, this occurred:

https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/613390015581519902/627137624561418250/Screenshot_20190927-094036_Discord.jpg

Now I'm in a bit of a mess because Bryce forced me to tell him who flipped and then realized that Chris knows 🤦‍♂️

everyone hates me so its good thing its mutual i guess KAHDFKJ

Today I am trying to feel hopeful! What I felt needed to happen, along with my closer allies, is that we get Bryce/Zach and such wanting to target Michael or Matt. After being successful, we'd possibly label them as playing the middle and use it to get people for targeting them. Whether or not we actually vote them out can be debated, however, this can go a long way. Now, yesterday, I talked with Matt and Jack and honestly? I found I prefer them over Michael and Chloe possibly. I think for me, I talked more consistently with Michael/Chloe, but I am here to try new things and perhaps it can help in the long run given Matt/Jack can be targeted just as much as Michael/Chloe. Even better, Bryce apparently is focused on getting Michael out, and since me and Steph have been talking to Matt/Jack I think getting Michael voted could open the door for us more than voting Matt out. Rhys/Chloe will probably have a problem with this but they'll live I suppose

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So the plan now is to do Matt and I've taken it upon myself to talk to Michael, Chloe, and Rhys. Michael seemed cordial as did Chloe, and I think I actually had Rhys thinking I thought no bad thing in regards to his antics, but Chloe went from saying she hadn't heard any name at all, to me telling her I heard Matt, to her saying she thinks Matt is the solid plan for the night in like 20 minutes max? I guess it helps to know that she was lying lol

So like ya I think I'm kinda fucked. If you're not gay or friends with a few select people , you're definitely on the outs and it's really annoying. I know my game is trash but still lemme be somewhat bitter for goodness sake! It's very clear anyone who was on cyrena 1.0/2.0 is in danger on the bottom, which is super dumb cause it's literally just circumstantial but hey I can't do anything bout it. I'm over these people and want to slap them out of the game. So fake and I'm just awaiting my death honestly.time to off myself!!!1!!1

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Could be my final confessional LOL

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im frustrated but i def am just over thinking it i suppose.

So, this vote I’m trying to lay low. I don’t know what’s going on, but I’m in the middle. So laying low may not be an option. Matt wants me to keep him, but the old 7 wants me to vote with them so ahhh. Idk what to do.

SO I have no idea who is actually on board but at the very least I have come up with a plan to save Matt. Chloe and Michael seem to be stirring shit up and Chris has caught on to it, and Stephen is being dragged down as a result. So, me Matt Rhys Zach Bryce plus Chris and Stephen make this a 7-4 vote against ideally Chloe, so that Michael would feel like he has to come back to us. Hopefully. If not no big deal that's a solid majority for this vote. I'm only really thinking 1 vote at a time because I know that this is a really fluid situation and people probably aren't gonna want to stick to things for too long, so as long as I can just work round by round I'll be okay. But hopefully this works and we get at least 6 to keep Matty here another round.

Last round I voted Matt. The round before I voted Matt. People keep telling me to vote Matt even though it’s one of the last things I want to do. And somehow I keep getting fucked over. I’ve never wanted to vote Matt. I adore Matt. I love him with my entire heart. He’s being done dirty. I hate this cast. Fuck them all. Idk why I didn’t trust my gut and vote Mitch last round. I let a man cloud my judgment. The dumbest thing I’ve done all season

OHH AH OOH AH. I'm so fucking nervous and like ahhhhh my name is out there so i just have to hope and pray, if i can just survive this one round i know Jared is gonna take shots at big players like Bryce and Zach and hopfully we can start setting players against one another. i just need to survive this one round just need to survive.

Today I did dip my hand into the jar of chaos. I told Jack about the weirdness from Michael and Chloe and it slipped about Betty White and so one thing led to another and he and Matt want to target Michael and Chloe, which really, my goal was to just get them off of Stephen if he was on there. Now when this vote does not happen, I sadly think I'm gonna have to pass it off as not having the numbers but trying. Honestly? If we had the numbers, I'd be willing to do it, but since we cannot I believe after this tribal, it is best I talk with Jack on how to lie low but try to pull the numbers from underneath people. Jared wants to work with Jack at least but right now? We need Rhys gone after this or else our odds sink down.

hi! <3 It’s day 23! ummm... wow I’m so happy I’ve made it this far like... if I survive one more round I’ll have officially outlasted half of the people in the cast and like for my first all star season like... I’ll be so proud of myself for doing that that’s so cool..... as for this round umm I think the vote is between matt and Chloe? I have literally no clue what is going on but all I know is that I need to start turning on people soon. like. Bryce Rhys and Zach have the right to turn on mitch... surely I can do the same... idk the way the game is going I just don’t think there’s a world I win in against some people and though I don’t have an idol this time... I’m gonna try n make moves to get the power players out. I just have to make sure that the people I don’t talk to leave so that I’m only left with people that want to work with me. I’m a clown I’m literally gonna leave tonight or something how embarrassing.

As the hours tick on the more nervous I get. Everyone I’ve talked to says that Matts the vote but everytime we try and vote the bitch he seems to just weasel his way through the cracks and survives so I’m really nervous tonight but hopefully things go my way. I can only hope that my allies stay true. It’ll be absolutely TRAGIC to not at least tie my previous placement when the bars so fucking low. I just don’t wanna go even tho this game is not going the best for me.

so i'm either leaving or staying. I'm for sure getting some votes tonight and we are hopefully not getting enough to kick me out or an idol being played. I've worked my butt off these past few hours to get a majority on chloe, who has been deemed by both sides as playing the middle, and not playing it well at all. if it works, hooray for me cause i still get to stay even longer. if not and i go home, i know ive fought my ass off to stay here and should be proud. Watch me leave basically unan LOL but still, ik i should be proud. I've wiped the bbq sauce off my tiddies and ate it for BWEAKFAST. that is all

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Matt is voted out 8-3. He becomes the second member of our jury.

Watch Matt’s exit interview take place below:

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#shinebright #episode

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