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#i mean obviously ur a vampire - wait how did you know??? - you look dead
jedward5ever · 4 years
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Jacob and Edward
hey guys. just a little something. Jacob and Edward if you’re into that. 
setting: cullen’s house they’re studying or smthn bella hasnt moved in yet
edward: so what did you get for number 5?
Jacob: uhhhhh…..i didnt do it
edward: ok. why?
Jacob: i don't really get this whole math thing...can u explain?
e: oh that’s okay. well first of all this is biology. so in question 5 they’re asking what is the first step of glycolysis, do you know what glycolysis is?
J: uhhhhh i turn into a wolf sometimes
e: *startled, looks away.* uh? ok well glycolysis is basically when glucose is split (glucose is sugar and like……. sweet) and the final product is two pyruvate molecules
J: *turns into a wolf* aaaaawooooooooooooo
e: *slaps him across the wolf face, once then twice* what the FUCK are you doing. you cant do ths in my house and u broke my antique glass table i stole from bulgaria
J: *turns back into a person* sorry bro i do that sometimes when im nervous
e: ………. *lights down spotlight on edward for brief monologue* i… i  feel so guilty i slapped him to be or not to be? then i should aboiplogize *lgihts back on*... hey jacob im sorry is lapped u….. why r u nervous’
J: its ok bro…..im nervous bc...no i cant say it...its embarrassing
e: *caresses jacobs’ face where he slapped him* its ok. im sorry. sometimes i let my anger get the better of me
J: its ok ...its just that….i..i….
e: *starts getting mad* speak the fuck up. what are u saying
J: *mumbles something*
e: *starts meditating to calm down* what.
J: i said…..i….l...ll
e: WHAT YOU STUPID MUTT
j:......i….love……
e: what the fuck r u trying to say *flexes his hands ina nger*
J: i love y- *dies of unknown cause*
e: Hi, I’m edward cullen. im trained in first aid. can i help u? *no answer* hello? are you awake? bystander *points to alice* please contact ems adn let them know someone is about to be Turned *bites jacob*
J: *becomes a vampire but also still werewolf* bro……
e: ok. so do you understand glycolysis now?
J: yeah i do thanks bro that helped a lot
e: no problem, now onto question 6. wait. this isn’t a bio question. it says…. no i can’t read this filth
J: what does it say man
e: it… it *face turns red then green then purple* it…. ugh this is disgusting. you read it
J: i didnt want to tell u this bc i thought you would make fun of me but…..i cant read...
e: u fucking illiterate bastard. fine ill read it *clears throat* fuck i didnt copy pzste it hold on
Lmssoaooao dw ok it wont let me but *jacob x edward fanfiction*
LAMOAOAK
J: dude…...thats in the textbook????
e: yeah. its fucking disgusting. how did they know everything about us… actually wait it look s like someone wrote this by hand…
J: thats so weird…..who would have done that….so gross….
e: lemme check whose textbook this is. *flips to front*................................................................. *looks up at jacob with golden orbs and squints his eyes* it says its ur textbook
J: thats c-c-crazy bro ,,,,, i cant even read hahaha how could i write that hahaha
e:....... you fucking liar. yeah u can read. is this seriously how u thin k of me? of us? ur sick in the fucking head. i woulc neve.r;..... never fucking do that with u
J:....is that...is that realy how you feel?
e: *inexplicable rage* obviously u weirdo stupid werewolf dog *starts choking jacob*
J: *actually likes being choked* oh no…..oh no…..don't do this…. e: *notices hes into it* AHRHGHGHHGHGHHG (in rage) *choke slams him into the broken glass table* YOURE SO GROSS
J: *thinks* he will never love me the way i love him...maybe i should just end it all…..
e: *freeze frame…. lights down spotlight on edward again...  monoglogu* wait…. what the fuck……… is that smell? i just realized i cannot read his mind? what the fuck is going on…………. *slideshow in the background with informational voice: it turns out that one of jacob’s sperm containing renesemee was i dont know hanging out which was already pyscihologucally connected to bella and stole bella’s power of smelling good and no thoughts then transferred it to jacob making him have those powers* *spotlight end* jacob…….. why the fuck…. cant i read ur mind… why do u smell so good…
J: i didnt know u could read minds….maybe i just don't have thoughts…..
e: everyone has fucking thoughts.l…… but i cant… read urs…
J: i don't know…….has that ever happened before?
e: no… *intense eye contact*
J; *blushes and looks down* im sorry im different
e: *looks away cus jacob looked away, then  accidentally looks down* bro… is that….
J: no bro… its not what it looks like!!!
e: *stares at him then throws up to the side* i cant believe this… ur a nasty dog but i cant help but feel….. attracted to u
J: youre...attracted to me……
e: I dnt’ know why……. dont worry i cant get it up i have no blood
J: wait….we cant fuck??? Im out of here *turns to leave*
e: wait. there is a way…… *flashback on the slideshow to when edeawrd drank jacobs blodo to vampirize him this slideshow is viewable by edward and jacob*
J: well tell me,,,how do we fuck?????
e: u tell me
J: i don't know youve been a vampire longer than i have
e: bruh. so????? i follow the christian beliefs
J: stupid idiot we cant fuck then
e: *looks away* i guess. not like i wanted to anyways
J: you know what? I don't have to deal with this *turns to leave* call me when you want some dick
e: *when jacob is more than like 10m away suddenly intense pain hits them both* theres… something i forgot to tell u. when i vampirized u….. iut basically means ur bonded to me for like 1 month….
J: so youre telling me….im stuck with u for a month….and we cant fuck
e: well yeah more or less
the end
BREAKOUT ROOMS ENDED CLASS IS OVER LMAAOAOAOAGood rp bro SUCH A GOOD CLASS i agreed exactly to be continued
LOL EXCELLENT STORY it was honestly amazing great twists and turns, the tensini was high cant wait to see where this goes hope rob enjoys <3
setting: school assembly, principal andrew is doing a presentation on how to stay safe from these mysterious killings….. (vampires and werewolfs)
jacob and edward sit next to each other cus they cant be 10m apart.
e: ugh. u again.
J: stop talking as if this isnt ur fault
e: *whispering* ur the one who fucking died for no reason
J: ok and?? You didnt have to bring me back
e: *roll eyes* u know exactly why i had to
J:.........what do you mean…….
e: *looks at him with golden orbs then looks away* shut up. principal andrew is talking..
J: *is listening to every word andrew says bc he is so amazing but keeps looking at edward*......
e: * is listening and doesn’t notice j acob looking at him, then speaks to jacob without looking at him* look… they’re talking about killings… is this ur fucking tribe’s doing?
J: what the fuck no way its your stupid fucking family we keep our end of the agreement
e: *inhales sharply, then grips jacob’s leg with vampire strengthz* dont u fucking talk about my family like that u stupid mutt *people begin looking in their direction*
J: *is kind of turned on but would never admit it* stop being fucking gay people are staring
e: *notices people are staring and releases jacob, embarrassedly* just shut the fuck up and listen. *andrew begins talking about A CURFEW… they cannot leave their houses or some shit like basically e and j have to be together*
J:wait….how the fuck are we supposed to stay in our houses if we cant be away from each other….im not about to live with your weird incest family…
e: *enraged again, grabs the back of jacob’s neck at the pressure point* what the fuck. did. i say. about. talking. shit. about. my family. take that  back right fucking now
J: *smirks* what are you gonna do about it…..be more gay?
e: *even more rage* i am not fucking gay —- cut off by andrew: Edward, Jacob, what the fuck are yall doing? *everyone turns to look, spotlight on them*
J: im sorry mr andrew….its just that edward attacked me…..hes so in love with me and he keeps assaulting me...im not gay though
andrew: oh thank god (he thought they were gay). edward, jacob immediately separate.
J:uhhhhhhhh i think we have to talk though…..sort this out with words…
e: *is extremely embarrassed to have everyones attention on him* Yes sir, andrew. i mean principal andrew. *grabs jacob by the scruff of his neck and drags him to the hallway and then slams him in to the lockers like bullies in the 80s* why the FUCK did u embarass me like that
J: bro you embarrassed urself…..you were all over me….just say youre into me itll be easier for both of us
e: ALL OVER YOU? *slams him again*
J:yeah like ur all ove me right now you cant keep your cold dead hands off of me
e: *moves back as if burned, walking away backwards while also throwing up, but then he is too far and they are both in intense pain*
J: dude calm down lets talk about this shit….we gotta make a plan
e: *refusing to come closer, so still are in pain* …...plan… for … what
J: the fucking…..cerfew…. Idiot…. Come back…..
e: *doesn’t come back, vomits once more* no… u fucking… smell…. what do … u mean…. the curfew…
J: were you not….listening to andrew… we have to stay inside our houses….but how can we do that if we cant be apart from each other
e: *looks away angrily* ….. we… will have to… stay apart… in pain… i guess…
J: you’re so fucking stubborn you did this to me and now youre making me suffer too
e: … i… don’t… care…. *walks even further, causing them more pain*
J: were only like 20m apart….and it already feels like this…..you think we can handle more thN THIs forever???? Youre so fucking stupid
e: *glares at him but doesnt come closer* shut. the … fuck up…. you fucking…. dog…
J: *steps closer* make...me…..
e: *doesn’t see him coming cus eyes are closed* shut…. up… stop… talking…
J: *steps closer* i said…...make….me
a/n: how fucking close are they now huh  uhh like 3 ft apart ok
e: *smells jakob cus he stinks and opens eyes* GET AWAY FROM ME
J: make me *smirks*
a/n: LMFAO THANKS i need to formulate a perfect response lemmet hink of course take all the time you need
e: what the fuck do you mean make me? i will launch u across this hallway wolf boy
J: do it then…..
e: *grabs him by the neck again and slings him*
J: *dies*
e: *notices.( a/n: sigh) spotlight… on …. edward… monoglogue: i-........i cant believe i fucking killed him again…. the pain is gone but… literally wtf….. i…. grrr. *edward looks into the distance, pondering. then silently goes to jacob.* i have to save him. *begins cpr and mouth to mouth breathing*  
J: *was never actually dead only pretending like romeo and juliet* *smirks*
a/n: I FUCKING KNEW IT LOL
e: *notices the smirk, then realizes he was alive the whole time* what the FUCK jacob? *slaps him across the face* you dirty bastard
a/n KALMASKDAOJDIJDOASOISO
J: so i guess you don't hate me that much huh?
e: *slaps him again* i thought you fucking died. i couldn’t let andrew discover a dead body in the hallway. and. and anyway i was going to eat you afterwards so yeah take that
J: yeah thats so believable…… just say you love me...i wont judge you *gay slur*
e: *is about to rage again* im literally. fucking straight. i love…. va-vgagag gaggaga *starts vomiting* WHAT THE FUCK DO U WANT FROM ME
a/n IM CRYING HAHA
J: dude...its 2020...its ok to be gay...you don't have to pretend to be someone youre not,,,, i aceppt you
e: *once again, he can’t help but be attracted to jacob bc of the science i explained in the previous thing, stares depeply into jacob’s orbs* what… do… you… want… from …. me … u fucking… dog
J: *stares back into edwards orbs* i just….i just want you to be happy…
e: *looks away* i am… happy. away from you.
J: *looks away from edward looking away* if thats really how you feel…...fine...ill take the pain….
e: *once a fucking gain. spotlight. monologue* in all my 118 years…. ive caused so much pain and destruction… should i really put this on poor jacob’ why did i see children see i mean sayy omg on poor jacob’s shoulders. no i cant.* no. no. we can. stay together. *teeth clenched* for. the curse, of course. so. you don’t have pain. not that. i . like u.
a/n TEARS MAN WHY IS EDWARD A TSUNDERE I DONT KNOW
J: fine...for the curse….whatever helps you sleep at night..
e: *touches jacob’s shoulder (only cus theyre so close) and pushes him back* yeah. you can stay at. my house. i guess
a/n: (u have to say no so ed goes to jacobs werewolf hq)
J: no way i cant be around all those incesty vampires its creepy as fuck you come to my place
e: *gasp* what the fuck. youre literally a VAMPIRE too. i…. i dont wanna go to ur place…
J: physically im a vampire but mentally im still a wolf and i will not be around so many dead sister fuckers
e: ….. i don’t wanna be around u stinky werewolves…. Unless….no.
J: what man???
e: *is disgusted firstly, by werewolves, and the way jacob speaks so heterosexually irks him* nothing. can’t we, like. get a hotel room.
J: that might not be a bad idea…..but im poor remember
e: *facepalms then says annoyedly* fine. we’ll go to ur fucking wolf den. but u have to make it up to me.
J: ……...how?
e: *rolls eyes* i don;’t fucking know. u tell me. it better be good cus i will never get that werewolf smell off of me.
J: i mean…...we could like…..if youre down…….
e: *squints at him* what.
J: we could……..you know…. ..
e: *understands, slaps him across the face for millionth time poor jacob probably has permanent hand prints* EW.
J: like i don't want to because im not gay but id do it for you
e: … you know. i used to be able to read ur mind up until  a few weeks ago. so i do know what the fuck u thought of me…. what u thought—- *nearly vomits again*
J: but that was a long time ago...before we got close….now you made me straight
e: *extremely offended* what the fuck? you dont think im hot anymore?
J: why does it matter???? Youre not gay right
e: *hits him again* im not FUCKING gay. and it matters. b ecause, because,m because because because bcuae buse bcueacuab euacaubeucae BECAUSE. everyone thinks im hot. and if ur around him[edward] for the next month, u also need tot hink im hot.
a/n wtf is him oh of course a/n: edward is refering tohimself in third person
J: maybe if you were nicer to me id like you more...stop fucking hitting me and vomitting
a/n: lAMFPAOO,FP
e: *looks away in shame, then sighs shakily brings his cold vampirical hands to jacob’s bruised face* look. my hands. are so.. fucking cold they will heal ur bruies *doesnt look him in the eyes*
a/n HYDUHFUIEHWOIHOIDW
J: *doesnt make eye contact* thanks….i guess…
e: *keeps using vampircal cold hands to heal, then they accidentally make eye contact, edward looks away*
J: you don't have to look away…..
e: *glares back at him just to prove a point* fine.
J: *stares into edwards orbs with kindness and love* ……….
e: *stares back and recognizes what jacob is feeling, whispers* ur fucking gay
J: maybe…..but so are you…….
END
BREAKOUT ROOM ENDINGWHY THEY HAVE A COUNTDOWN. OK THIS SCENE ENDS HERE NEXT IS JACOB’S HOUSE ok it was really good today honestly excellent a/n are a perfect edditon  except im losing my ability to type and spell we at 3k words BRUH LMOAAOAOA i love us ok bye
dun dun dun dun (tear in my heart). LMAO listening to it oh good u start bruh its ur hosue
setting: jacob’s den thing, also we need to have my immortal descriptions
J: so make yourself at home i guess…..
e: *carrying black bag with mcr pins on it , looks around in disgust* ….. u live like this?
J: yeah man sorry im not rich like you are
e: *is definitely thinking something offensive towards native people but disguised as against werewolves as stephanie meyer always does* ok…. so where am i sleeping..
a/n HUIHBUFOEWGEUI did i lie  absolutely not
J;well like……...theres only one bed…
e: *mutters* could this get any more cliche. *notmutter* k. well im definitely not sleeping next to you. mind if i amazon prime a (whatever those fake small bed things are called)
J: if you want but theres not much room,,,,whatever,,,,,,*is disappointed*
e: *ignores jacob, typing on his phone to order the thing*
(Now Jacob’s family comes in I forgot their names but they’re here) billy is dad i think
J: oh hey guys this is edward he has to stay for a bit
Billy: *smells his ugly vampire smell* did you bring one of them….into my home????
edward: *visibly uncomfortable and surrounded by the werewolves, whispers to jacob* what the fuck… i didn’t know your whole pack was gonna be here…
J: *whispers back* this is our headquarters man….i didnt think theyd be so early thought *soeaks to fam* im sorry but a lot has happened….its necessary
a/n: k so im billy now? If u want
billy: *stares at edward for a while, assessing him.*
edward: …
billy: *sniffs him, then decides its ok* well then. if you say so jakey boy *claps edward on the shoulder* no biting ok?
edward: .
J: haha yeah….so were gonna go to my room now…..come on lets go
e: *glad to leave* yeah lets go right now
(The fam watches them go and its so awkward)
(in jacobs room)
J: so that was terrible but we’ll just stay up here as much as possible so that doesnt happen again
e: ugh that was so embarrassing… that was like when i introduced my ex gf to my family…. *realizes what he said* EW , not that WE are like that cus ewww gross *slaps jacob out of embarrassment*
a/n HAHAHAHAHA
J: *uncomfortable bc was slapped but also jealous of ex and sad ed don't like him like that* no man i get it….it happens all the time...cuz i bring so many chicks back here...not that we’re like that…..
e: yeah, obviously. *hand twitches in urge to slap him, but stops himself…. is upset because jacob brings back so many bitches and is jealous. so he goes to face the wall in anger* i need to ….. do./.. my chemistry homework
J: yeah whatever...i gotta do stuff too,,,,,im really busy….*looks down*
e: *is doing the chemistry homework standing up and super fast cus he’s been to high school for over 100 years, mutters* this is so easy ugh
J: why are you even in school anyways like you could be anywhere why do you want to learn the same shit over and over again
e: ………..Well if you woudl really like to know, it’s not the same thing over and over again. the school system has changed a lot since 1918 so it is actually pretty refreshing. i also like seeing how the trends change but are basically the same so yeah i do enjoy going to school, i don’t wanna work everyday because that’s different everyday plus school is easy for me and i get so many bitches cus im sexy.
J: yeah thats cool i guess *mad bc he gets so man bitches* but like if you get so many bitches...where are they???? Why do you hangout with me all the time???
e: *slaps jacob* BECAUSE IF WE ARENT CLOSE TOGETHER WE WILL FUCKING DIE DID YOU FORGET ABOUT THE CURSE OR SOMETHING
J: THE CURSE DOESN’T STOP YOU FROM HAVING BITCHES THO…..ITS ALMOST LIKE UR A FUCKING LIAR
e: *gasps, backhand slap now* OF COURSE I HAVE BITCHES. DID YOU FORGET I CAN READ MINDS. EVEN TEACHERS WANT ME. AND I KNOW THAT YOU DID TOO, AT one ponitn… .gerkgorjgopjfpwjgwprjgpwojgwo *slaps jacob again so he can’t see that edward is blushing*
J: yeah i did like you…….*turns away so edward doesnt see him cry*
e: *not even looking in his direction cause he’s embarrassed* um. ….. *stomach growl*.... oh….
J: oh do you need some fucking blood or something
e: *disgusted that he is being perceived* ugh. im a vegetarian, so i need to…. go hunting… probably
(but they on sacred land or smthn)
J: first of all thats not what vegetarian means idiot and second of all you cant fucking hunt here its sacred and so are all the animals that live here….so  now what???
e: *rolls eyes and is for sure thinking racist things* ugh. lemme call alice maybe she can bring me some stored blood… *calls but there’s no service* what the FUCK…. i hate this place… lemme amazon prime some blood…
J: oh sorry you cant ubereats your fucking blood...and youre so addicted to your phone...maybe try living in the moment lke the rest of the world
e: *zones out for a second at the mention of ike aka the character someone in kelvin yo’s story plays in super smash bros, then jolts back to reality* i am living in the moment. you know whats happening in this moment? im fucking hungry bruh and i need blood. so u better get me some before i fucking start feeding and then ur dads gonna be mad
J: you. Cant. feed. Here. why is that so hard to understand….lets just fucking leave and you can go hunt or whatever
e: *eyes flash with anger and turn whatever the colour is when they are hungry* im. hungry. NOW. *starts doing whatever hungry vampires do like intense breathing*
J: dude…..calm down….*nervous*....we’ll get you some blood or whatever *backs into a wall*
e: don’t tell me to fucking calm down *supa hungry rn, then attacks jacob by slamming him OUT of the wall, yeah u read that right, the wall is broken now how sad* GIMME BLOODDDDDD *edward tries to bite jacob*
J: BRUH U BROKE MY FUKING HOUSE…..AND I DON'T HAVE BLOOD IM A FUCKING VAMPIRE TOO REMEBER??????? I CANT HELP U
e: *too hangry to hear him, bites into jacob’s neck with his fangs. out of his neck comes this disgusting sloshy black thing cus he no have blood* UGH WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS YOU TASTE DISGUSTING *spits it out onto the grass, then sees its black and calms down* waht the fuck………… *looks at broken wlal* huh….
J: oh are you back now???? Yeah i don't have fucking blood and you tried to kill me and my house….what the fuck man it always comes down to you killing me….i don't think i can do this anymore……
e: …….look. it’s not my fault. honestly you’re exaggerating things. i was hungry. i can’t help it and you should have known better than to be around me. and im still hungry. so.
J: wow so we’re victim blaming now????? No man i said i cant do this…..you never think about me
e: *rolls eyes uncomfortably, then notices jacob’s neck is still bleeding* well. im not. victim blaming. but. you’re still. bleeding. so  my vampircal saliva is actually. healing . u.m . proertries. so umeme asmdaosmdsomaodmw. let. me . help . uoi. iok omo kok
a/n you ok man? i told u im losing brain cels
J: how can i trust you????? Everytime i trust you i die…….
e: *rolls eyes and then puts his hand on jacob’s face (like his face not the side of it)* just let . me . do my. fucking job *licks him*
J: *flinches but gives in* youre so fucking gay...if you wanted to makeout you could have jjust said so...i would have said no tho
e: *slams jacob’s head into the ground so powerfully that there is a jacob shaped crater in the ground* IM FUCKING HEALING YOU. *the bite mark has healed, slams jacob into the ground again* YOU STUPID FUCK IM NOT GAY
J: *dies*
e: *mad, spits on the ground next to jacob* i know ur not fucking dead. ur a vampire and a werewolf for fucks sake. get up.
J: *still dead*
e: you can’t just use the dead card everytime u want me to be nice to you. cause i wont. i literally wont.
J: *just a fucking corpse*
e: *stares at his dead body for a bit.* jacob. get the fuck up.
J: *not alive*
e: *hears billy’s wheelchair coming up* spotlight monolgoeu: well fuck. i can’t let him see i just killed his son for the third time. fuckfuckfuck what can i do i don’t have time to hide the body so… so ….. ok well hes a corpse and im a corpse too so this won’t be that weird
BREAKOUT ROOM ENDNEDINDENIEI TO BE CONTINUED YEAH RIGHTAHHAHAHHA JUST GETTING TO THE GOOD PART  HOW EXCITING FOR TOMROW YES I CANNOT WAIT
*continuing edward monologue*
e: yeah … its totally not weird…. its cause i because because because because because because because because i need a cover thats why im doing totally not gay *kisses jacob*
(billy comes out from behind the house)
J: *obviously wasnt dead, wakes up, kisses edward back* oh hey dad
Billy: *supportive of his gay son* hey i thought i heard a fight *looks up* what the fuck happened to the wall
e: *sees jacob isn’t dead anymore, thinks that his kiss brought him back to life like in snow white, shocked* …….hhhh…….. wall?
J: sorry i don't know how that happened shits crazy ya know
Billy: *nods wisely* i do know…...well you boys have fun *leaves*
e: *stares at jacob in shock* …..do you….. remember… what happened before u died?
J: *does but wants to fuck with edward* wh….what? i…...i...d..died??????
e: *rolls eyes* yeah u fucking did. i brought u back though.
J: how…..???
e: ugh *hits him* obviously i just bit you to … bring u back.. to life….
J: so im already a vampire…...but now youve made me a double vampire??? Or does it cancel out and im human????
e: i dont fucking know. i— *remembers the curse and hopes jacob does not bring it up because the curse should double since jacob is double vampire* but don’t worry about the curse. obviosuyl .
J: oh does it double now that im a double vampire???
e: NO. and anyways. im still fucking hungry. so. be a good host and get me some mf food
J: yeah just let me check my fridge for some fucking blood…...idiot…..lets go somewhere so u can be a fake vegetarian
e: hmph. well let’s see if u can keep up. *runs away at vampire speed into the woods*
J: *turns into wolf and uses wolf and vampire speed and follows* awoooooooo
(the curse not acting up meaning theyre within 20m of each other)
e: *looks behind and sees jacob can keep up* slowpoke
ROB ENTERED MY CHAT YA SAME LOL ANYWAYS
J: who tf u callin slow *runs so fast that he almost next to edward*
e: *getting tired cus he is low on blood therefore energy* grrrrrrr
J: look we’re off sacred ground now go catch a deer or something
e: . im tired. u get something for me.
J: so now im ur personal chef?????? No get ur own shit
e: ive killed u three times already. dont make it a fourth.
J: *mumbles* whatever *leaves and smirks knowing he only actually died once* *gets a fucking deer or some
BREAKOUT ENDED????????? Ing WTF WHY WHO CARES LETS CONTINUE BRUH WHAT IS GOING ON DID U HEAR ERIC AND TINA THAT WAS SO AWKWARD I HATE THIS CLASS SO MUCH LILY LTIERALY WHAT BURH i do npt ccare at all
k anyways continue
J; here take this eat up
a/n: god i forgot how fucking ugky tina’s voice is fucking right
e: *bites into the deer, drinking the blood and makes direct eye contact w jacob* nomnomnom
J: feel better now?
e: *disgusted and spits blood at jacob’s feet* nomnomnomnom
J: *looks away cuz this is gross* the shit i do for u……
e: *slurps disgustingly* nomnomnom nom nOMnomON griwjodk
a/n wait lets hope we together obviously no omfg these bitches are talking im not speaking to u im puttig yall on mute good
J: *vomits cuz the noises r gross* could u be a little more quiet?????
e: *puts down the deer* dont fucking vomit in front of me and my food
J: your food is so much more disgusting than my vomit
e: then don’t look at me. *keeps drinking*
J: *rolls eyes*......
e: nomnomnomnom… *puts down again* i said dont fucking look at me.
J: *says nothing but keeps looking*
e: *slurp* u want some then?
J: absolutely not
e: *rolls eyes* i know ur a carnivore, come here
J: nah i don't want that shit youve fuccking destroyed it its disgusting
e: *the deer isnt destroyed like literally one puncture, but edward gets mad at the accusation, so he rips off the backlegs of the deer* i know u want some *throws the legs at jacob*
(catch it with ur mouth PLS Like a wolf)
a/n LMAO like throw drink but then u swallow it all dark blue hell post  YES
J: *catches it with his mouth perfectly while making intense eye contact* …..
e: fucking mutt…. *goes back to drinking the blood* nomnomnomnomnom
J: *eats deer leg like it chicken wing* this shit isnt even good….
e: ur the one who hunted it.
J: whatever tommorow we going to mcdicks
e: what the fucks a mcdicks
J: bro…….youve never had a shit burger……..
e: why would i eat shit … in a burger…
J: of course your small mind could never understand….ugh
e: *spits blood in a perfect arch that lands right on jacobs shirt* dont call me small minded ever again
J: dude what the fuck…..and ill call u what i want
e: *finished drinking* no the fuck u won’t. *gestures to deer* u gonna eat my leftovers or what
J: i will not...and what the fuck r u gonna do about it???
e: do about what
J: me calling you small minded idiot
e: *slaps him* shut the fuck up
J: *turns the tables and slaps edward* it doesnt feel so good huh???
a’=./n: HAHAHAHHA
e: *holds his face in shock* WHHY THE FUCK DID YOU DO THAT????????????? MY VAMPIRE HAND DOESNT HURT AS MUCH U FUCKING IDIOT
J: yeah ok but i slapped you once and youve slapped me at least a billion times so it adds up….funny how you can give it but not take it….weak…
e: *thinks about how he could say a few things about that last phrase but doesn’t* i’ve literally killed u so many fucking times *raises fist* i will do it again…..
J: *steps closer* do it then
e: why… the fuck … do you ALWAYS provoke me… kNOWING you will die? *pushes him back*
J: because i know you need an excuse to make out with me every once and awhile *smirks*
e: *gasp* WHAT THE FUFK? HOW DID U KNOW THAT *HITS HIM IN THE FACE*
J: bro you didnt think i was actually dead did you…...i thought you would have known better by now *still smirking*
e: *speechless and wishes he could use his mindpowers on jacob but it doesnt work* ………..
J: yeah so maybe you should try being nicer
e: absolutely not. once this month is over im moving to korea
BREAKOUT ROMM ENDINGNOOOOOOOO AKWAYDS WHEN IT GETS GOOD I KNOW RIGHT UGH ITS OK BUT YEAH THERE NEEDS TO BE AN EMOTIAONL CONNECTION SOON BEFOREMARRIAGE OH OF COURSE I CANT WAIT WE WILL WORK MORE TMRW NO SATUDAY MONDAY WOOOOWOOOO I THINK WE SHOULD MAKE A FILM OF THIS YESSSSSSS MONDAY OK HAHAHA
e: *continued* and im never speaking to u again.
J: yeah right you always say that shit…..but then you come crawling back
e: *rolls eyes* i’ve literally never done that. ur schizophrenia’s acting up because weve never had any fucking relationship before this……. i DONT LIKE YOU
J: uh huh but you always bring me back to life and make out with my corpse so what does that mean???
e: first of all, WE ARE BOTH CORPSES. so its not weird. second, i dont wanna get in trouble for killing a werewolf. so thats that. *turns away and starts walking back to the house but its the wrong direction*
J: yeah thats a likely story…….you know thats not the way home right…*smirks*
e: obviously ….. i was tricking u….. *goes the other way*
J: *rolls eyes and still smirks* so what do you wanna do when we get home
e: nothing *hes still going the wrong way but this time a different wrong*
J: well whatever….how long are you planning on going the wrong way before you ask me for help?
e: buddy.. this is the right way *shows map on phone*
(............ how can this be??????? ARE THEY IN a diffeernte realm)
a/n LMSOAAIOOAAO faerie realm
J: no i swear……..it……*turns in a circle confused* we definitely came from………
e: so what the fucks going on? is this one of ur stupid pranks bc ur native or whatever
J: can you stop being racist for two seconds this is weird….whatever maybe i messed up….lets just follow your phone…
(they follow the directions on the phone but they find that theyre just going in circles eneding up back to the dead dear…. a strange mist is rising*
e: uh…………….. what the fucks going on……….
J: uhhhhhh…….this has never happened before…...what the fuck do we do,....
e: wait. do u hear that……..
(from in the mist they hear something coming……………. its this really hot woman coming out, her name……. bella swan)
bella: …… *in sexy voice* hello boys
a/n GYDSUFGEYORGFBOREW
J: uh…..who the fuck are you….
b: *tosses her head back and laughs, long luscious dark locks of dark of hair of brown falling behind her, then opens her blue? brown? idk her orb colour and stares at them…. she notices edward’s extremely strong gay aura so doesnt go to him. looks at jacob* im bella. bella swan…. youre in my swamp….
J: ok…...but we’re lost...so could you help us out….?
e: *uncomfotable.*
bela: hahhahahah… of course…. *walks up to jacob and touches his face* but the thing is….. humans who come into my territory….. must …… how tf do i say this….. they need to gift me something…. or else u are cursed to work as my servant forever.
J: well we’re not human...hes a vampire and im half werewolf half double vampire…..so that wont apply to us right??
b: *gasps*..... HAHAHAHAHAHHA…… you truly don’t know who i am? bella swan (shes part swan ig) collects HALF WEREWOLF HALF DOUBLE VAMPIRE boys……. jacob….. *licks lips* you will be my prize
e: hhhhhhhhhh
J: so like….if i fuck you….can you tell us how to get home??
bella: *slaps him across the face in the same way that edward does* FUCK ME? hahahahha you’re fucking stupid. i knew it. all of u are. i don’t want u like that buddy, i need to use ur dna to make skins. *grabs him and tries to bring him into the mist*
e: wait…. u can’t
bella: y?
e: um……. bc….
J: *is kind of turned on bc bella slapped him like edward and pavlovs dogs ya know* ……….
e: *was about to say to bella that she cant take jacob, but then realizes he has no say in what jacob can or can’t do…. plus… jacob looks really happy with bella….. but still…. he can’t just let jacob get fucking killed again… even if he’s into it* um. bella. maybe? um u could take me as well?
b: no ur fucking gay i don’t want u. jacob wants to come w me , right jakey? (how does she know his name?)
J: *dream like* yeah…….wait…...did i tell you my name?
bella: *eyes widening in delight* NOOOOOO YOU DIDNT!!!!! LUCKY GUESS!!!!! NOW THAT I KNOW UR NAME……. *turns to edward* u know what happens when fairies know ur name right? *smirks* e
e: *also kind of into that smirk bc pavlovian response* wait… no… JACOB U IDIOT
bella: i feel some homosexual tension between yall …. how about this *curses jacob so that he is like idk evil and will kill edward so then bella wont have to fight him and then can kill jacob le8ter*
J: *eyes rolll back into head like tik tok boy* *lunges at edward* ……
(famous last words by mcr starts playing straight from bella’s mouth for some background music) a/n YESSSSSS
e: *dodges jacob* JACOB. STOP SNAP OUT OF IT
J: …………*jumps at edward again*
e: *barely dodges his snapping jaws*
(in the background …….but can I SPEAK is it hard understanding…….. im incompletel)
e: BNELLA STOP PLEASEEEE
J: *keeps jumping at edward with impossible amounts of force and energy* ……
(a love that’s so demanding…………. IEIODAIOJEWIOADJIOA WHWYY cann ii get WEAKK!!!! I AM NOT AFRAID OFtikwpoerkwopk)
e: *doesn’t want to use force to stop jaconn, but he’s forced to* jacob *does the thing whjere girls try to stop the guy from fighting* jacob its me! stop!!!!!!!!
bella: omg so cringe stop pls
J: *stops for a second but then goes back to fighting* ……
(awake and unafraid asleep)
e: *gets scratched by his werewolf claws, stares at the blood then gets mad* JACOB U STUPID FUCKING MUTT LOOK WHAT U DID TO MY PERFECT SKIN *restrains him with both arms*
J: *when yelled at fully stops but then shakes head and goes back to rage* …..
b: *notices that jacob stopped* omg… wtf *curses him stronger*
e: AHHHHHHHHHHHH
(the song is now… hmmm….. u decide… nanananananaanana LOL ok)
J: *goes at edward so hard knocks him over*........
e: hmmmm,......  jacob i don’t wanna fight u STOP
(na na na na so many security sto every enemy)
J: *stops for half a second blink and youll miss it but then goes back with even more anger*..
e: *thinking: wtf i do’? i cant fight bella to stop him cus then itll be 2 v 1 ./../….///.. .wait…. * *remmebres jacob;’s expression when bella slapped him,..... what if i…. what if* (jacob comes at him again but edward waits UNTIL he is close enough adn then slaps him across the face extremely hard that like he slams into a tree behind him* U STUPID FUCKING DOG
j:  *slides down tree and colapses on the ground….almost unconsiodusio* …….e…..edward….
(na na na is over and fades slowly bc  bella closes her mouth)
b: waht the fucking fukc did u fucking do u stupid sparkly gay boy????///// THAT WAS MY NEXT SKIN
e: *ignores her and goes to jacob* jacob…… r u ok…
J: *opens eyes slowly* ye….yeah…..i *inhales sharply bc pain or smth* im good…..
e: *checks him for wounds*
bella: *comes up behind edward and grabs him by the head then yeets him backwards* I SAID THATS MY SKIN STAY AWAY FROM him
J: EDWARD *tries to get up to fight her but stumbles*
b: stay down. that’s an order u dog
e: *comes back running* NYAHHHHHHHH
(bela and edward engage in a super epic battle u can imagine it however u want ok…..)
J: ………..
(they r far away enough that jacob can’t hear them….)
b: bro why r u fighting so hard to save ur friend or is that even a friend
e: *blushes* bro not right now
b: no seriously
e: …..
b: *thinking oh….* ew so yall r like that?
e: ….
b: *sigh* fine… u can have him… but under one condition
(what is this condition lemme think)
b: welcome to paradise…. dun dun dun dundu ndund a gunshot rings at the station………… ok i found it: u owe me ur firstborn child
e: ok (?)
(that’s how bella gets renesmee u decide how that happens)
e: *goes back to jacob* helo
J: are you ok…….what went down??????
e: nothing we totally didnt like f u ck or anything wtf why would u even ask that
J: *thinks wtf did they fuck….get kinda jealoudssss* oh…...so can we leave??
(the mist rises)
e: ok…. can you even walk?
J: yeah im fine *tries to stand but winces and leans against tree*
e: *is worried, but rolls eyes anyway* le,me call an uber
BREKAOUT ROOOM OVER NONOOOOOOOO ITS OK WE FINISHED THIS ARC TODAY WAS SO GOOD ABSOLUTELY BRILLAITN AS USUAL WE ARE AT 840 PERIODS LMAOAAAOOOO GOOD UGH HOW AMAZING IM EXCITED TO REREAD IT TOMOROW YESSS ME FUCKING TOO GAHAHAH
a/n Are they waiting for the uber or at home alreafy? first of all, use a/n, second up to u
(jacobs room)
J: ok im fine stop worrying  
(the whole werewolf clan is surrounding jacob who is lying on his bed, edward is standing facing the corner awkwardly and covering his nose)
biylly: No son. you were attacked by some fucking fairyand  i dont mean him *points to edward* like this is serious shit…. we should call a doctor… but who….
e: *quietly*……. i know… a doctor
a/n laksaodjjefiureyueryhu
J: who…….
e: *turns to face the gang, wich includes seth who i thnk is sexy* um……. carlisle…
J: wait your dad….leader of your incest clan….went to med school???
e: *hand twitches wanting to slap him, but can’t do so in front of his family, so restrains himself* ahem. yes. and we’re not an incest clan.
Billy: i aint bringing you to no vampire doctor we have to find someone else
J: no…..its ok…..i don't even need a doctor….
seth: *is a niner* dude… ur not even okl…. (what were his injuries again?) ur like body is like broken in multiple places…. but. *glares at edward* we can’t have more of Them in here……
e: *rolls eyes at seth* so what the fuck do u propose we do huh niner
seth: ……………… well if u really wanna know, i took grade 9 biology and also first aid….. i’m basically a doctor
a/n i really forget what happened to jacob but lets pretend hes basically dying (when isnt he)
J: uh no thanks seth…..really guys im ok….ive had worse….at least im alive…….
e: *still wants to slap him so bad but cant so instead slaps himself*
billy: wtf… *back to jacob* listen son. ur literally fukcing dying *gets emotional now* ….. we need to do something… *looks at seth* son… *(seth isn’t his son?) will u treat him?
seth: *smirks* ya of course billy…. *turns to jacob* listen ….. we can’t have u dying here…. us alphas need to look out for each other.
J; uhhhhhhhhh well like im kind of more beta…….but…...are you sure you know what youre doing????
billy: JACOB (does he have  a middle name) BLACK NEVER CALL URSELF A BETA EVER A FUCKING GAIN THE BLAHJBLAHBLAH TRIBE HAS BLAHDDBASBDOISDHIAOSJDIASJAJ …..
seth: yea h jacob ur definitely an a**a wtf ok . so first i need to see ur injuries…. where r u hurt?
J: basically everywhere…..she kind of fucked me up….but its cool
e: *still doesn’t know what to do so goes back to facing the wall*
seth: okay well… im gonna need u to like… ahem…. u know…. .disrobe…
J: oh...yeahok….*glances at edward who is still facing the wall**starts to take off shirt revealing 12 pack abs*
a;/n: lMFAO
(collective gasp as they see jacob’s injuries)
e: *begins slamming his head into the wall*
billy: oh my god son. …… this is horrible
seth: alright uhhhhhhhh *is overwhelmed* um …. ,... well u have… um ….  ur bleeding… and ur ribs are briken… so i gusss…… polysporin? edward can u pass it to me
e: *still staring at the wall* no
J: dude why are you always so difficult….plus after seth heals me hes gonna have to check you for a concussionos…..wtf r u doing????
e: *rolls eyes and turns around, but hes hit his head on the wall so hard that blood is dripping from his head into his eyes, blinding him (da blood from da dear ofc* he doesn’t need to fucking heal me. and i’ll get the polysporin. where is it?
J: in the bathroom i think…...down the hall to the left…
e: *goes to get it, blindly obviously and yeah he got it* *hands the polysporin to who he thinks is seth but he can’t actually see who he’s handing it to*
J: man are you ok??? Like maybe sit down for a bit…...thats not seth thats my dad
e: *angirly moves so hes handing it to seth, but in the process slaps seth in the face maybe not so accidentlly*
s: OH my fucking GOd  *mutters* i fucking hate vampires stupid fucks *begins putting polysporin on jacob*
J: uhhhhh is this gonna work…..like my ribs are broken...maybe we should call edwards dad….*looks down knowing they gonna be mad at the idea*
e: *has reverted to sitting in the corner staring at the wall blindly so not actually staring ig*
billy: shut the fuck up jacob. seth is doing an awesome job. looks better already kid
seth: *smirks, looking in edward’s direction* yeah im doing awesome
J: but like…….whatever….if youre done leave edward and i alone for a second…
seth: *finishes bandagnig jacob up* ok. .. but if u need anything… .anythng,... just call ok buddy?
billy: *leaves*
J: so i think i need a real doctor now
s: no u don’t im all u need *leaves*
J: i definitely need a real doctor now…..can you call your dad?
e: he’s not my dad…. and i cant.
J: bruh why not u said u would earlier
e: *can’t really remember due to insane brain damage* uh…… well he’s in italy now. so . ……….. i mean… yeah.
J: dude come here let me see your head
e: no
J: not in a gay way in a im actually worried about your health way
e: *doesn’t actually know where he is in the room bc he refuses to wipe the blood from his eyes* um………………. fine….. *starts walking then trips on jacob’s textbook* wtf….
J: come here sit down *reaches over and grabs his arm guiding him to the bed* here dumbass *wipes blood away from his eyes* does it hurt really bad??
e: *flatly* im a vampire . nothing hurts me. *looks at his bandagings * what the fuck did he do. *rolls eyes* this is unacceptable… *under his breath* stupid dumb fucking niner idiot who fcuckgirn ais trying to one up me i kwjeoijfdoijdeow grrr
J: sorry i didnt hear that last part whats up?
e: oh my god just stfu and *tyler tehecreator voice* elt me do what i need to fucking do *violently rips his bandages off* lemme do it properly because carlisle is in….. china… like i siad
J: uh you said he was in like france or something...also this fucking hurts can you stop being so angry???
e: *no reply. begins piecing his ribs back together w surgical tools he pulled from his pocket* dont move
J: yeah whatever…...why do you have all this shit….nerd…
e: *bc jacob’s ribs were literally sepeareted from what is it called in the centre of the ribs forgot, but his heart is exposed* stfu…. why is ur heart still beating……. *grabs his beating heart*
J: bro what the fuck….don't do that whats wrong with you….maybe bc im still half werewolf???? idk…
e: *eyes change colour….. he goes very still*
(they are both covered in jacob;s blood)
J: uhhhhhhhh edward…..youre scaring me man…...maybe you should go...or just say something please…
e: * eyes r still that whatever colour, but goes back to work silently, and releases the heart* ………………………….. *finishes and starts sewing the skin back up, then looks jacob in the eyes* u rlly should stop begging me bruh,........ it onlymakes me hungrier
J: oh uuhhhhhh sorry????
e: *bandages are finished, assess his work….* ugh finally ur better…… *slaps him* ive been waiting to do that
J: dude wtf…..why are you like this
e: ………….. well i need to do my english project if u don’t mind *goes to face the wall and closes his eyes*..... ……… …
J: you know you can like sit down right…..you don't have to stand t=in the corner
e: *sighs audibly then moves backwards with his eyes still closed and sits on the corner of jacob’s bed but he’s basically just hovering over it*
J: youre so fucking dramatic….youre stuck with me for like two weeks or something so you should probably get used to being around me
e: *opens his eyes and glares at jacob* it’s one month first of all. and i don’t want to get used to you. you fucking stink and ur covered in blood.
J: *smirks* i thouht you liked blood...and you smell like shit too you know
BREAKOUIT ROROM ENDINGUIRNGTRIGNT NOOOOOOOOOOO FUCK UAK WHATS COMING NEXT EW IT WAS ME AND ROB FOR A SECOND EW OMG BRO WE BE WRITING 1K WORDS PER DAY BRUHHHHH OUR FIUCKING POWER ITS SO AMAZING
e: *smells himself* no i dont’ smell like i shit
J: *smirks* you do to me...ugly vampire smell
e: you really should respect me more…. im the one who fixed ur fucking ribs not like seth who used fucking POLYSPORIN
J: its ok….you don't need to be jealous of seth…..i don't like him like that
e: what the fuck>>??? im not jealous of him i literally never said that…… isn’t he ur fucking brother?
a/n hes not lmao edward doesn tknow that
J: wtf????? U thot he was my brother???? Not all native american werewolves are related asshole
e: yall arent….. then why tf are yall in the same tribe huh riddle me that
J: i……...we….how do you think tribes work?????
e: u tell me
a/n I GOT JUMPSCARED BY ROBS VOICE SO HARD LMAO  LOL CAN HE STFU IDC AT ALL ME TOO YALL SHUT UP i straight up dont care this sucksnot interested in yalls feedback for us stfu with the “no one is left out” GUESS WHAT U WILL BE LEFT OUT IN LIFE THATS HOW IT IS ESPECIALLY IF UR FUCKING UGLY LIKE SOME OF YALL stfu with math bulshit 6 is divided by 4 simply will it to be TINA STFU LOL YES HAHAHA we will excluse ourselves “andie doesnt count” how dare u sigh there is no feedback they could possibly give us LMAO RIGHT ugh fuck this and i don't need yall yall can be a group if u wanna we always do anyways yall back to work stfu
J: we….just like hangout…...we aren’t related…….at all……
e: ……….oh……………………………………. well i had no idea thats how tribes work
J: you could have just asked…..
e: *doesn’t reply and goes back to work on his english project*
J: *rolls eyes* youre so fucking lame can u not be a nerd for 5 minutes???
e: *throws pencil like a dart and it sticks in jacobs forehead* LITERALLY WTF DO U WANT ME TO DO HUH. I DONT WANNA FUCKING BE HERE. BUT WE CANT GO OUTSIDE CUS ITS NIGHT (flashbacK: andrew’s curfew for who fucking knows why)
J: *dies*
e: *rolls eyes* i literally know ur not dead cus the curse is still on
J: *still dead*
e: *sighs* ……. * thinks about fall out boy specifically how whats his name never eununciates anything* helloooooooooooooo wake tf up ugly
J: *dead*
e: this aint a scene its a godamn ahms rahce , like why does he say it like that
J: idk man but its a banger tho
e: disagree its so fcuking annoinyg. ahms rahce ahms ahms and like when he says down he doesnt even say down its like dawhhhh
J: i mean yeah but its a classic….and his voice….iconic….
e: *shrugs* yeah ur right…. you know………………. back in the 60s i used to be in a band…
J: oh shit deadasss? Were yall any good????
e: *slaps his uninjured leg* obvioisl;y we were fucking good…. we were really popular too…. *sigh* i had so many bitches
J: *mad kind of bc bitches* well if u were so popular would i know any of your songs??? What was the band called???
e: ……….well ….. *pulls out guitar and drum kit and like every instrument and begins playing them* it goes alittle like this….. here comes the sun dododododood here comes the sun … .
a/n IM CRYING
J: wtf that shits sucks….ive literally never heard that before
e: *rolls eyes* obviously it sucks now , but back in the segragation days,,,,,,, this shit was spectuacualr.. ….. and btw, this is the BEATLES … which by the way,,,,,, i was in
J: wtf i have never heard of yall….u named ur band after a bug thats so weird…..ur shit is trash man
e: *slaps him but this time on the face* shtut he fuck up and stop talking shit about my band… ive literally never seen u do anything of worth in ur what…. how fucking old are u,.... like 16 years of life
J: i get so many bitches u would not believe
e: *rolsl eyes* LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL……. u know i can read everyone’s minds right? everyone  and i mean everyone wants me at school….. like no one is thinking about u
J: *angry* maybe thats true but they only want u bc they think ur hot….if they actually got to know u no one and i mean no one would ever even look at you….youre disgusting and terrible and honestly not even that hot up close
e: *rolls eyes* listen old sport =..... when ur my age…. and also immortal… and sexy….. relationships with humans dont fucking matter. i dont need them to like me, cus guess what ? they re gonna fucking die anyways or ill proabbly eat them… they just need to think im hot. and by the way, i am fucking hot up close….. *tilts his head to remind jacob of their first talking or whatever encounter at edward’s house…….*
J: *angerily silent*.......
e: *starts laughing* like……..  i didnt even do anything and u were like….. .ahahahhahahahahhahahah
J; *still silent* …………………….
(momentarily silence, until edward notices his hands are still really bloody… )
e: *to himself* ugh…. this is gross……. *starts licking the blood off his hands* mmmmm
J: *makes disgusted face but still doesnt say anything*........
e: *finishes cleaning his hands and wipes it on jacob’s sheets* hmmm….. *checks phone* holy shit my amazon order is here…..
J: *mumbles* go get it then……
e: *goes to the downstairs or whatever and it should be ok bc its within like 20m but as soon as he gets to jacob’s door they both feel intense pain* wtf……… im not….. even…… 20m…. away …. from u ….
J: …...stupid….double….vampire...shit…..
e: ….. *comes closer to esase the pain* ugh…. im so…. fukcing… mad… u sfuckign idit…… *punches hole in jacob’s wall.* …. ok u need to come with me downstairs so i can get my package
J: i literally cant fucking walk selfish idiot
e: grrr.r…… i need…. my mf.../.. amazon prime bed thing……… fine…. *throws jacob over his shoulder* u dont need to walk
J: ahhhh wtf...ur so fucking weird...this is gay man
e: its literally not so stfu *goes downstairs to get his package*
(billy and other wolf members: :|
J: what the fuck is wrong with u u could have gotten someone to bring it p for u wtf
e: *rolls eyes and bends to get the package* …. i have amazon prime^2,,,,,, the package will explode if it doesnt recognize my fingerprint *scans his fingerprint* and my eyeball *scans eyeball and gets package to go upstairs*
J: i hate rich people so fucking much what is wrong with you
e: *throws jacob back onto his bed and rips open the package with his vampire teeth* fuckign finally
J: ok can we get some fucking sleep now???? This day has been way too much
e: *looks him up and down* yeah for u maybe…. vampires dont even need sleep *sets up bed, its literally huge and takes up most of jacobs room*
J: THEN WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU NEED A BED FOR THEN?????????
e: *slaps him* stop fuckign questioning me…. i need it to relax in…. and watch tik toks…
J: what the fuck….you know what i don't care…..good fucking night….
e: *doesn’t reply and gets settled in his huge bed and opens tik tok and watches them at high volume no headphones*
J: BRUH CAN U GET SOME FUCKING HEADPHONES WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU e: *looks up to jacob across the room* i forgot them at home… holdup lkemme amazon prime some new ones
J: bruhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh just like turn the volume down
e: *exhales through nose at a funny tiktok and doesn’t hear jacob*
J: what. the . fuck. *puts pillow over head and tried to sleep*
e: *is now standing on his bed attempting to learn a tik tok dance but hes super tall so his head keeps slamming against the ceiling* renegade rengage
BREAKOUT ROROMRM ENDEIDN STOP NMITERUPTTING MY FUCKING SETENCE I KNOW LOL DID BUT THATS SO FUCKING FUNNYnegade reennegadge
Sorry bro ok bye
(now is morning)
e: *been watching tik toks all night long*
J: *has not slept at all* bruhhhhhhhhhh
e: *has learned every dance possible, now is 2nd after charli damelio in popularity* stfu im working
J: i cant do this…….we need to figure something else out…….
e: *puts his phone downe for the first time in hours* *sighs* …….. jacob,.... u need to understand this…… *sad music begins to play, lights down, spotlight on edward* *ewdward looks out the window wistfully* im….. im a father  now jacob….. i dont have time to “figure things out”...... fatherhood was thrown into my life….
J: wtf…….u r literallykt not in ur childs life at al…...do u even pay child support…..rich bitch…...ur not a father…...u just fucked a girl…….
e: *rolls eyes* first of all, she’s half vamp half faerie like she literally doesnt need money to livem, second that wasn’t just any girl that was bella swan………. i feel terribly guilty jacob,...... i should be in rmeumememeueneneseeeses’s life
J: bruh…...so ur like in love with bella now????? And wtf…….what r u gonna do raise her now???? Nah i don wanna be part of this
e: dude… im not in love with her… it’s just my duty as a father………. And who said ur gonna be a part of this? ……… *thinks* maybe i should get married to her?
J: u literally just said she don't need u so why u acting different???? Also im gonna have to be a part of this bc we cannot be more than 10m apart idiot
e: that’s literally temporary………………………………..
J: oh so ur just gonna wait til this is over….shes gonna hate u
e: *slaps him* u don’t know that…… plus it’ll be a good way to pass a couple centuries…..
J: bro but i DO know that….my mom left us or died or sometihng…..and like….if she came back into my life now….id hate her……
e: yeah but ur a fucking werewofl us vampires and feareires dont think like that….. why are u so against this?
J: honestly do whatever u want……...ill be fine as long as youre away from me……
e: well…….. good… glad we’re on the same page *goes back to his bed to watch tiktoks*
J: *sighs and lies on bed staring at the ceiling* *thinks* this is probably a good thing….edward has brought me nothing but pain….
e: *doesn’t scroll on the tiktok whe’s watching so the sound keeps playing over and over again and hes thinking……: why….. do i feel so guilty? i thought it was about renesueme but…………... *out loud* uh. /…… .were we supposed to um go to mclonad’s or something?
J:.......oh yeah….i guess…..if you wanted to….
e: *suddenly annoyed* it was ur fucking idea to go……….
J: bro whatever chill…..lets go then….
e: ok……. like we dont have to go if u dont want to…. its just u mentioned it…..
J: no like we can go….anythings better than hunting with u….
e: ok but do you want to go or u just saying that cus then its a fucking waste of time
J: OH MY GOD LETS JUST GO
e: *slaps him* dont use that attitude with me ,...... u fucking dog
J: *rolls eyes* what the fuck ever…..ur driving
e: i didn’t bring my car with me stupid…….
J: well what the fuck r we gonna do then?????????
e: …… dont u have a car or smthn……. or we could run there
J: im poor remember????? And im also still injured>>>so like wtf now
e: (flashback: new moon, jacob literally has a motorcycle) …./…. dont u have a motorcycle or a truck helllooooooooo
J: ur so fucking insensitive…….we had to sell those to buy groceries…….fuck you…..
e: *under his breath* i guess no sharing motorcycle drivigng…. *sigh* ok uber eatss?
J: yeah whatever…….oh wait….seth has a motorcycle i think….maybe we could ask to borrow it…..
e: *annnoyed* ew…. i dont wanna use seth’s motorcycle……
J: bruhhhhhhhhh y r  u always so fucking difficult
e: im not difficult bruh
J: u fucking r
e: fine. use fuckings seth’s motorycycle from him hes ugly anyway
J: alright sick
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echo-inthevoid · 4 years
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107-third degree
The lightless flame?? Please stay safe Jon...
Ah right, we're in America. 
Mm Jon thinks someones following him, and I want to agree that he's probably just being jumpy. Usually I would immediately assume that someone is definitely following him since he mentioned it, but Jonny is a genius writer and makes his characters be paranoid and consistently wrong about stuff so I honestly don't know. 
Ok wait... Gertrude isn't actually Gerrard's mom this guy just assumed that, right? Ya. Cause Gerrards mom is Mary. 
Usher foundation? Is that another sister institute? I wonder if there's a mundane reason for there being a bunch of them or if there's a spooky reason there's a bunch spread all over the world? Or.. Is there a bunch or is it just those three? 
Oh Gerrard died from a seizure? A spooky seizure? Or... I think it was mentioned he had cancer? Or was that someone else? 
A cop? 
Jon maybe... Maybe don't use your compelling so much. Especially with this guy watching you. 
Ok ya Gerard had cancer. 
Oh? She broke into where they were keeping his body?? Maybe he wasn't dead? Or she did spooky things to him and he undied? Cause like Ya he showed up at some point after he was dead right? 
Also not sure how I feel about Gertrude always pretending to be Gerrards mother? Like... Probably better than Marry tbh, but considering what she did to Michael I'm worried for our Gerrard. 
Also! This is completely off topic, but they never did explain how Jon tracked down Jude Perry or Mike Crew?? Like he just found them?? Was that spooky eye stuff, like he just Knew where they were? Like how he just knew Gerrard worked with Gertrude? Or was there an explanation but I missed it? -anyway.
Jon's not feeling well? Maybe he used his compelling too much.
Oooh! Spooky thing? She did spooky things to his dead body? ...good spooky things or bad spooky things...?
Ya stop compelling people u dum dum ur gonna make yourself sick. Or maybe it's cause he's away from the institute? 
Elias! ):<
Oh. Ya maybe reading a statement will make him feel better? Tho didn't Elias say reading them was draining or something? 
Hmm is this guy who's interrogating him maybe that other Archivist? 
Ah yes lightless flame. 
Ya it sounds like this guy is compelling him. 
Weird... Is this guy with both the lightless flame and the eye? Or can all avatars compel people? 
Ey! He's feeling better! So the statement did help. Maybe it was draining only in the beginning, I think in context Elias was talking about when Jon first started reading statements when he said they were draining. 
Also is that a smile I hear in Jons voice!! Did he just smile? ;-; please read all the statements u need Jon.
Uh oh. 
Julia?
"Who are you"
"You don't know me?" 
"Should I?"
"No! -i guess. Just, I mean, everyone normally seems to."
"Good for you."
"Not really."
XD I love this exchange. She doesn't seem so bad. As far as people who try to kill Jon go anyway. 
Ooo is she a hunter?
"Kidnapped... Again." XD Jon. 
Yes! Someone who pronounces Gerrard correctly!!! Ahhh! 
Oh. She's the daughter of Robert Montauk? (Who's he again?)
Nonojon don't ask any questions. You know how bad of an idea that is with avatars she's obviously an avatar -oh no.
 "Hunting" ey I was right! (please don't be hunting Jon!)
What's happening? They got pulled over... Is she hunting the police guy who was following Jon? Maybe that's why she kidnapped him? To lure out the police guy? 
Why's he so suspicious of her? Just cause Jon seems to not have his passport or whatever with him? I mean ya she's being a bit- ohaksbdkdhsbdbdjdhdn!? What? Did she just shoot him??
What? Oh there was a guy in the trunk and he shot the police guy? How'd they know he would look in the trunk? 
Ey!! Vampire dude! 
Ok so ya sounds like they were hunting the police guy. I wonder why he was following jon anyway? 
I'm so excited to finally meet vampire dude! He was always so cool! Sjhdkdjsj
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letscuttothefeeling · 5 years
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season three episode three
Let me start off by congratulating the producers – not you Ish – on this great episode. I finally feel like we’re back to THE SHOW. Not a weird Bachelor spin-off with minimal drama and blatantly horrible editing (see: Juliette’s grad party scene, where Chloe’s nails change color DURING THE PARTY.) Nope, we’re done with that and back to the good stuff, so on that note, let’s cut to the feeling.
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Come ON MTV it’s like you weren’t even trying. And yes, I created this, and no, I don’t have a life.
I know I’m going to like an episode when it starts off with the angelic sounds of my lord and savior, Ariana Grande. As break up with ur girlfriend, i’m bored plays, we zoom into Cara’s house. Personally, I’m hoping to see Victoria. Alas – it’s just Cara…and Garrett. God, Garrett STOP. Your ex-girlfriend has already outlined exactly how Cara is using you – since she did the exact same thing - and you’re still asking Cara on dates? This is so cringe. Where’s Victoria?!
Even though Garrett can’t score a date, Brandon can! Maybe instead of asking Cara to go look at babies, you should ask her to rollerblade, G Baby. As Amanda and Brandon glide around the Key, we learn that Brandon is celebrating his 24th birthday on Friday! And it’s “24, Like, Karat Gold Slash, Like, Pirate, Sort Of” themed, of course! He debates whether or not to invite Juliette while giving us viewers amazing helmet safety tips. Meanwhile, after Cara has removed G Baby from her property, she makes her way to Chloe’s to checkuppé on her. This is where we learn that Chloe has officially called the cops and filed a police report. I have a lot of opinions, but more on this later.
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Okay, something I haven’t touched on because I wish it wasn’t happening I haven’t had time is that Kelsey and Jared have sparked a little romance. If you don’t remember, while Kelsey was dating her random LA boyfriend, Jared was the 86th person she cheated on him with. I see this going well! I mean, it always works out when you leave someone you cheated on for the person you cheated with. Right? Plus, there’s Twisted Tea and mudding involved, so Kelsey can rest assured she’ll be going on sophisticated and expensive dates instead of the shitty and poor dates that Garrett used to take her on.
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FINALLY, the C + V scene I need and deserve. Donning a black one-piece that contrasts perfectly with her frozen fruity pink drink, Victoria is effortlessly exuding two polar opposite, chaotic energies. I’m getting “sassy”, but I’m also getting “I’ll fuck you up if you insult my 90’s Quiksilver skater shoes.” AKA, I’m getting Avril during the Girlfriend era. And I love it. As she floats next to Cara in the pool and shockingly proclaims that she’s not into guys, (what?!) I’m on my knees praying to God himself that she become a main cast member vis-à-vis a relationship with Cara. It’s Victoria’s show, and we’re all just living in it, baby. After Cara’s bizarre comment about how her parents punish her by locking her in their wine cellar (weird flex, but okay) Victoria giggles about how dumb Garrett is and we move on.
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We leave C and V for a Madisson and Kelsey reunion, but it’s not a happy one. Madisson delivers the unfortunate news that Chloe may be pressing charges. Oh no! I would be really upset by this, but I can’t focus on the content of Madisson’s words because of how she’s delivering them. Madisson, we fully understand that you’ve been to an acting class in LA because you won’t shuttupé about it, so you can stop over-enunciating everything that comes out of your mouth. Thanks!
After Kelsey tells Juliette about her impending stint in Florida prison, she gets understandably upset. Luckily, Boring Robby is there to teach Juliette how to apologize. Don’t say he never did anything for her! I want to point out that Kelsey truly has been redeeming herself this season. She’s been pretty level headed and a very good friend. If only Boring Robby could do the same… Later in the day, Kelsey confronts Robby about another thing Madisson spilled during their meetup. Apparently, while Juliette was fighting everyone last week, Boring Robby had the audacity to applaud her! How gauche. Boring Robby vehemently denies these claims, saying, “Always take the high road, because the low road is way too crowded,” and, “Silence is the best way to react to a fool, and happiness is the best revenge.” First of all, stop lying about things that were FILMED on national television. You’re now Boring Robby: The Liar. Second of all, why are you the human embodiment of my ninth grade Pinterest quotes board?
Grab your pillows and sleeping bags because we are heading to a SLUMBER PARTY! But before anyone can start braiding each other’s hair, Chloe begins to stir the pot, yet again. She delights in bringing up Brandon and Amanda’s new relationship right in front of Madisson. But to distract from the awkwardness, Amanda changes the subject to her missing phone. After the fight, she lost her phone and no one has been able to find it. She starts to give us a play-by-play analysis of why and how she thinks Boring Robby: The Liar stole it. I’m sorry, am I watching Joe Goldberg on You, or am I watching Amanda on Siesta Key? 
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It’s the day of the BG’s bday, and I’m so excited to see everyone’s 24 Karat Gold Slash Like Pirate themed outfits! They don’t disappoint - G Baby and Victoria are even matching!! I’ve never screamed so loudly in my life. Garrett obviously refuses to drink, and we’re off to the party. But first, there’s one guest who needs to arrive.
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As Alex descends from his family’s PJ strapped with Louis luggage, a BEER, and fresh digs straight from the Siesta Key mall, I can feel the blood coming back into my body. I can feel individual atoms multiplying. I can feel my soul re-entering my empty, hollow frame. I feel exactly like Bella in the fourth Twilight novel, Breaking Dawn. After her half-human, half-vampire baby has eaten its way out of her uterine lining, Edward is forced to do the unthinkable: steal Bella’s mortal soul by turning her into a vampire so she has a shot to survive. (It’s the second time in the series that vampire Edward is forced to resist sucking all of Bella’s enticing blood to save her – that’s true love.) As she starts to respond to his venom, each and every one of her cells begins to freeze over and restore life to her body. Suddenly, she is awake. Her vision is sharp, her mind is clear, and she’s never looked better. And that’s EXACTLY how I felt as Alex exited his plane.
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I expect nothing less than for Alex to arrive at BG’s party with three underage Ukrainian mail-order brides. And he doesn’t disappoint. Unfortunately for the brides, he immediately begins discussing relationships with Cara. It’s fun to see Cara pride herself in not cheating on people for the past year. I kind of feel like that should be a given, but okay. As they’re undressing each other with their eyes talking, Garrett is having an interesting convo of his own. Classic Chloe starts stirring the pot AGAIN by telling Garrett that Cara is using him. Really Chloe? Cara is supposed to be your best friend. What’s more shocking is that VICTORIA starts to betray Cara as well. This causes an immediate fight between Carrett. They leave the party and start screaming at each other in the jungle. I’m so enraptured by the fight that I momentarily forget they’re at a themed party and fixate on Garrett’s outfit. Why am I watching Garrett Miller scream in a jungle dressed as a pirate? Oh, right. Anyways.
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Even though Cara and G Baby are scream fighting, the party continues to rage on. And everyone is makingoutté. Kelsey and Jared, Amanda and Brandon... something is in the air! It must be the pirate theme. #LetsGetScurvy. But one person isn’t feeling the love – Madisson. With Dad gone, she has no one to kish. Clearly bothered by watching her friend and ex-boyfriend eat each other’s faces, Madisson decides to give Brandon the sad news that Amanda is using him. Whether or not she is, Madisson has no right to give her opinion on the matter. And BG says exactly that. Good for him! Another person surprisingly not making out with someone is Alex. He’s too busy being an asshole to Kelsey and telling anyone who will listen that Boring Robby is bad news. Probably true, but literally no one can be worse than he is, except maybe Pauly Paul. In other news, WHERE IS PAUL.
Unfortunately, the next scene doesn’t involve Pauly or Victoria – just Chloe and Juliette. Juliette shows up after Chloe gets out of work to hopefully avoid jailtime hash things out. Now strap in because I’m about to explain exactly where I stand with the Chloe/Juliette drama, and if you aren’t completely focused, please take a 10mg Adderall, wait ten minutes, and check back in.
Okay, hopefully, you’ve taken amphetamines and can really dial in. Here goes: I realize that Chloe is a necessary evil - it’s an indisputable fact that there would be no show without her antics. No one is as shameless when it comes to talking shit and completely ruining their friendships for the sake of television. And for that, I deeply respect Chloe. (I realize that sounds sarcastic but I am dead serious. Thank you for taking one for the team, Chloe.) But I simply cannot stand when she gets what’s coming to her then plays the innocent victim. Obviously, violence is not cool, and Juliette should be embarrassed by her behavior. But Chloe knew exactly what the outcome of that conversation would be. She was banking on a wasted Juliette reacting horribly. With Chloe, you simply cannot win. Earlier in this episode, Chloe verbatim says to Madisson and Cara, “If the roles were reversed, I would have shown up at her house, apologizing.”
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Now cut to this scene, where Chloe verbatim says to Juliette (after Juliette shows up at her workplace) “I really don’t know why you’re here, so if you can please leave and leave me alone.”
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Juliette said it best herself – “Chloe is my best friend when I’m miserable. When I’m actually thriving…this type of stuff happens.” Let’s take a moment to analyze the similarities and differences of how Chloe and the rest of the cast handled Chloe’s altercation with Amanda during season one, in which Amanda broke Chloe’s nose and sent her to surgery. After sending Chloe to the hospital, Amanda justifies her actions by saying that Chloe started it first. So everyone is okay with Amanda decking Chloe. The fact is, Chloe started it first here, too. Chloe swatted at Juliette’s hand first. So why did everyone grab coffee with Amanda, but ostracize Juliette? Amanda even had a sit-down conversation with Chloe after her surgery expecting Chloe to apologize. The inconsistencies and hypocrisy present…I CANNOT.
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Chloe acts like everyone’s best friend to stay relevant and betrays them the second it benefits her. While I do agree that Juliette is only apologizing because she’s scared Chloe will press charges, I think people who talk shit, unfortunately, get hit, on occasion. Until next week!
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dbphantom · 5 years
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Canon: Zane Flynt fucks
Me: haha u know what this means ;))))
Me:
Me:
Me: merfolk glamour time
[[MORE]]
Alright but for real tho u wanna see how deep I am in this fucking universe? Lego
I don't even know where to begin with this universe (Zer0 is an alien! Hammerlock is a werewolf! Troy is psychic! Tannis is a skag! Wait, no, wrong shitpost...) so imma open the 140 page document and start from the beginning
Annnnd Clay! Junpai-7.
When Zane meets Clay for the first time he mentions they did a smuggling job together on Junpai-7, u know, the water planet, so obviously this is good news (This made me super happy because my discord channel's name had been the junpai-7 moon pool for a while so I was like 'holy shit it's canon now' :') )
Timeline wise this isn't the beginning, but I don't write in chronological order and I don't order anything in chronological order, either, so. Eh.
Speaking of chronological order, I once got a line where Zane was like exclaiming something and used the moon instead of idk a god or powerful figure or smth and I was like 'lmao that's canon now'
So the moon... Elpis fucking got yeeted halfway across the galaxy or smth, and, considering we've seen (more) ocean on Pandora in 3 instead of just, like, Liars Berg (getting to THAT) or Tretchers landing, I feel bad for the tides. But that's good news for everyone else. Unless you were on Elpis, I guess.
Also hoh boy the 'end' of the game where Troy Phaselocks the moon was fun to write (it actually wasn't, I lowkey hate writing Moonstruck phases because... It hurts and I can't do it well.) also can we talk about how in tps the psychos are called Moonstrucks in tvhm because this makes me so happy. I really hope they did that intentionally considering H2O is an Australian show because my two favorite things combined can and will kill me. Wait actually the Troy boss fight is gonna be hilarious to write mostly because of that one attack with the tidal waves lol oh no
Also, also, also, you guys it's only explained in a guide book and never actually in-game as to why Captain's ship is Like That (TM) so I took some liberties and uhhh blame the Crackening. I mean the crackening happened after dahl pulled out of Pandora/Elpis so it works. It sorta works. It mostly works. Fuck. It works okay? shut. That's why Liars Berg is all frozen ocean [shoves 3 page essay about climate change on Pandora into the trash] don't need that anymore.
I was gonna talk about smth else
Oh yeah
Mostly brain freeze and trick of the light. That one meme video I made of Tannis and the Flynt Brothers imposed over that one clip of H2O (so let me get this straight: you freeze things, you explode things, and you boil things) wasn't just for laughs, it was actually a warning.
Each Flynt has a thing and Zane's is ice, Baron's is explosions, and Captain's is fire. (Glorious cleansing fire) Because it fits. It fits so well. I will say right off the bat that Mako Mermaids isn't my canon. I lowkey want to write out Charlotte as well (lol) because I've seen the 2nd season so many times and tbh I much prefer them having 1 really strong power over having 3+ really weak powers. Also Charlotte did nothing wrong in the first half of that season. Cleo was just a bitch to her. And Mako Mermaids is just. Not great on the power side of things. You can TURN INVISIBLE. USE IT. Soooo. (also cam got destroyed in s1 and I'm so glad they ended up making him work in s2 and 3. Because he deserved better and Zac was a terrible friend to him and only got away with it because he's a main character). /rant sorry I have so many feelings about these shows. Grew up with them soooooo.
And if ur wondering why I brought up trick of the light it's cause the 13th year exists and that movie was bopping. U guys remember Jess? Good times... Tuba pool scene is iconic. U know the one. I would also bring up aquamarine but ngl that movie was weaksauce comparatively. They hid that bitch in a water tower and iunno talked to earrings. Meanwhile in the 13th year they bring Jess back from the fucking dead and climb on walls like Spiderman. Clearly one is superior.
"but cruddy Aurelia has ice powers too and she's not a mermaid" no she's a werewolf like her brother we already went over that. Did u think I was kidding? No! I'm never kidding unless I am and I fucking love werewolves so I'd never kid about that. I love werewolves and I love Hammerlock and it's perfect I just love the idea of this gentlemanly hunter being a werewolf because I want to see a giant hulking monster being all proper and shit. They're just really cool. Werewolves > vampires and ngl I'm sad skyrim screwed over werewolves with the dawnguard dlc. Anyway Aurelia's ice powers are nanobots as explained in-game and listen I already lore-scienced this okay? Let me say it's amazing the things science is capable of when it thinks it's trying to beat out a competitor and doesn't realize non-Siren magic exists. Even better now that we know Sirens are not Eridian and actually existed before Eridians. Makes me giddy to think about. The universe is tearing me APART Lisa.
Oh speaking of, can we talk about the witch's brew quest on eden-6 because holy shit I had been writing Hiromi and her fascination with discovering all the secret circles long before the game came out and then learning about the group of witches and The Pact (TM) made me lose my shit because 'oh my god it's actually canon now'. We're on the canon path nowwwww. Soon. I hope we get a water planet dlc. I wants it, GB, I wants it.
Also I was totally gonna write a clip in the main story of the game (because I write a lot of backstory stuff if you can't tell, I only have like 3 scenes that take place during the events of the game and like 4 that are speculatory from before the game came out (including a scene from before I realized Troy was Like That but I edited it so he's more in-line and also has Maya's powers now so that's... Hm. In line with the storyline somewhere, but not an actual scene in the games story. Because its not possible with how the game does things (seperating Vault Hunters) I suppose I could just insert a 5th Vault somewhere and say it's the 4th Vault connected to the Machine (with nekrotefeyo's being the 5th). Fuck it.) and then 9,000 are backstory) where Hiromi comes back after like decades of the two not seeing each other and she's been hired to assassinate Zane by one of the many corporations looking for his corpse for a multitude of reasons (And Emma and Nino are both d e a d a s f, you know, for context). And like Barnabas (ya old bastard) Zane is still joking around and just having a grand old time catching up with his black ops buddy meanwhile she had just tried to blow his brains out (she's a sniper) and got pretty damn close. She's not even amused because of her psychic powers so she's just like 'ok' every time he opens his mouth because she already knows what he's going to say she's mostly just frustrated that she missed because she thought she knew him well enough to go off instead of just listening to her intuition but alas people change after, like, 3 decades of not seeing them.
Oh since we're talking about Hiromi that reminds me why Zane wears the black suit. In my non-h2o universe it's because it looks cool and provides some protection from dots. In the H2Oniverse it is because it's waterproof. Okay wait hang on context so Hiromi doesn't like take off his suit or anything, she's extremely gay and not interested, because I realize now how that sounds me relating Hiromi to the clothes, they just get into an argument about how Sirens don't have to follow any arbitrary rules to hide their magic and how it's easier to hide magic without giant glowing tattoos (and mind you this is before Zane even knows Tannis exists though he does immediately know she's a Siren and that's a whole nother can of worms) and hr's like 'I wear a bodysuit for most of my waking hours, so I am pretty sure they can try wearing long sleeved shirts and makeup for a day. Just a suggestion' but like way more in character (and for the scene) because do I sound like I'm in character right now? I'm not. I'm me. And God what a terrible thing to be.
So context for the context: ~magic is real~. If you've got it then you can usually tell who else has it if you're looking. It's especially clear if they're 'similar' to you (if ur a werewolf and u meet another werewolf then you sorta just know they're a werewolf) or if you're psychic (like Hiromi) then you can make some informed guesses. Like. Same Hat? Same Hat!!! Sirens are basically such powerful magic users that they are in literally a whole nother ball park. They're leagues above everyone else. Kill you just by looking at you sort of deal. So sirens normally don't feel other magic because their own magic is so strong it just 'overwrites' the other signals. You know, to not only explain why Lilith isn't immediately like 'who the fuck are you' to Zane and also how Amara couldn't tell Tannis is a Siren. I had a whole thing with Troy (who is psychic) being able to tell Zane had magic despite being near 4 Sirens at once because Troy grew up with Tyreen always at his side so he's used to it and knows how to look through it. Meanwhile Hiromi is basically incapacitated when she's near a Siren because she gets overwhelmed because her powers make it easier for her to read other people's magic.
Oh, context, the black ops outfit worked with Atlas for a short time (the group being Zane, Hiromi, Emma, and Nino. Emma is the yeehaw captain. She's the leader) and ended up meeting Steele for a little bit. Hiromi was just dead the entire meeting, Zane was totally out of it, and Emma and Nino were too busy eyefucking to really care that there was a Siren in the room so. Just imagine one person lying face down on the floor and crying, another staring at the wall without blinking, two undressing each other with their eyes, and then Cmdt. Steele standing in the middle like 'how the fuck did I get here'.
So that was everyone's first experience with a Siren.
There are more but ehhhh I'm tired and I mostly wrote this because I wanted to talk about it with someone else but they haven't read the whole thing yet so now I can scream into the void about it and not feel like I'm bothering them.
Hooray!
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hamiltimebinches · 6 years
Text
Vampire! Lafayette x Reader: A Deadly Mistake
A/n: I’m sorry for punching you in the gut with feels but this is the one of the only ways I can see this ending. Not all stories have happy endings to them anyways.
Timeline: Canon
Warnings: Angst
Request: “I really love ur Vampire Laf x reader! May I request one where the reader’s family was killed by a vampire and they meet one at a party which is Laf and she thought he was a human until in one point of the story??? Thanks!!!”    
Requested by: Anonymous
Words: 2,500
     Growing up an orphan is difficult for anyone. At least if you’re a male you could easily get a job, well, actually that’s not the case. If you’re a male you can get a job easier than a female orphan would be able to. I was lucky enough to be taken in by a family that was close to mine. The family was especially willing to take me in when they heard of my parents bloody demise.
     The family that had taken me in, the Bakers, were much more wealthy than my family had been and are invited to many more parties than my parents together attended in their lives. Unfortunately though because this family took me in I have to attend parties with them. Every single party and there’s at least three a month. Now, this wouldn’t be a problem for anyone else but for me it is, seeing that I’m not a very social person. Never have been, especially not after the incident. 
     So, here I am attending another one of the parties the Bakers have been invited too. A cool breeze tousled my hair and goosebumps to crawl up my arms. The breeze wafted the pleasant smell of the gourmet dishes prepared by the chefs. All around men were happily drinking and discussing politics while the women gossiped in small clusters. The candles cast a warm and charming glow in the courtyard.
     Why one would throw a party during the night outside is beyond me. It’s not particularly cold I just happen to be a lighter dress tonight. It was unbearably hot today and I didn’t think it would cool down this much when I was getting ready.
     I warily surveyed my surroundings. I happen to be standing off to one of the sides, where the party really isn’t taking place. This is what it’s always like, when I go to parties I always stand off to the side. I act as though a wall flower that no one gives even a second of their attention. It doesn’t really bother me all that much though. Half the time I don’t even want to be at the party I just go because I have to.
     I wrapped my arms around myself, debating whether or not it would be a wise idea to slip into the house. If I get caught I can always claim that my little sister ran into the building and I was searching for her so I could bring her back out. I was just about to try and slip into the house unnoticed when someone walked up to me. That’s new, no one ever bothers with me.
     “Pardon me, Miss, but you seem chilled.” I looked up to see a handsome male somewhere around my age standing a polite distance away and holding out a jacket to me. I noticed that the jacket must of been one he was wearing with his outfit. I gingerly took the jacket from his hand, just waiting for him to snatch it back. He never did though. The fabric was nice and seemed warm. I slowly slipped it on.
     “Thank you Sir- Sir...” I’m just now realizing I have no clue who this kind man is. He seems friendly enough. “Lafayette. You’re very welcome, I’d hate for such a pretty lady as yourself to freeze.” He said. His accent is different, it’s not from here. It’s some kind of European accent, maybe French. This Lafayette is quite the charmer isn’t he.
     “It’s a pleasure to meet your acquaintance Lafayette. I am (Y/n) (L/n).” I said politely. “Likewise.” He responded, momentarily holding my hand and placing a soft kiss upon its knuckles. In the warmth of his jacket I slowly started stop shivering, it was very kind of him to let me use it. “Ms. (L/n), how would you like to accompany me on a stroll?” Lafayette questioned casually. That’s surprising, not only does someone take notice of me for once but they are now asking me to walk with them. It’s strange, no one has ever done something like this before. Especially because of the rumors...
     Lafayette waited patiently for me to answer. What should I tell him, should I accept or not. I would like to accept, it gets lonely standing all on my own all the time, but now that I have the chance to get away from that loneliness I’m hesitating. I don’t want to accept because if he does rumors surely will start spreading about him. None of them being good. The only reason he’s probably over here with me is because he hasn’t heard of all those nasty rumors that make people avoid me. I should decline his offer, yet when I look at his kind face and the hopeful twinkle in his eyes I know I can’t resist the urge to accept.
     “I’d love to, Lafayette.”
     I smiled as I thought back to that night, it feels like it was in another life time even though it’s only been a year. “What are you smiling about, my love?” Lafayette questioned as he slid a strand of my hair behind my ear. “I’m just thinking back to when we met. It feels so long ago now.” I answered glancing up into his deep brown eyes. “It has not been that long (Y/n), but I understand how you feel.”
     With a small smile I looked down, the beautiful grass and flowers of the meadow coming into view. This is his and my secret place, a place we go to get away from the world. It’s a meadow in a little clearing in the heart of the woods not too far away from the estate I live in. The two of us had stumbled upon it once as we took a stroll around the land the family I stay with owns, obviously we took a little detour in the woods though.
     “Laf, why do you love me? Me of all people.” I asked suddenly, it’s been on my mind a lot lately. I’ve always wondered why he’d ever want to court someone like me. There’s so many better candidates for someone as amazing as him. He could have any girl he wants yet he chose me. An orphan who most look down upon.
      “Whatever do you mean?” Lafayette asked, genuinely surprised. “Why would you choose me of all people? Most people look down upon me because of what happened to my parents, because I’m an orphan. There’s all these terrible rumors about me because of how my parents died. How they were killed by a vampire, which is true, but there’s so many terrible rumors about me playing a part in their deaths. Some people say that I asked the vampire to kill them, that I’m the reason they’re dead. Others say that I am a vampire and have some how kept it a secret. It’s all so horrible, why would you associate yourself with someone like me?”
     Tears threatened to fall as I said all those things. This isn’t the first time Lafayette has heard me mention what happened to my parents and the rumors but it is the first time I’ve let him know about my insecurity. “(Y/n), I don’t care about the rumors, I love you. I love you for who you are. I don’t want any other girl than you.” He said, his voice sincere as he cupped his hands around my face. As a stray tear fell from my eye he wiped away and kissed my forehead.
     “Aww, how sweet.” Lafayette jumped away from me as a new voice came into the picture. I followed his stunned stare to see a man standing not too far off at the edge of the woods. “Lee, what are you doing here?” Lafayette growled an icy glare directed at the new comer. This guy gave me an uneasy feeling.
     “Jeez, I heard the rumors but I never thought they were true. I guess some things that those stupid women gossip about are true.” This new comer, Lee, said with a chuckle. “What’s going on?” I whispered but I got no reply. “I’m actually having trouble believing this, you’re courting that girl who’s family got killed by stupid old Miller. This is quite the scandal if you ask me, but I suppose this young lady doesn’t know the truth about you. After all, she’d leave you in an instant if she knew the truth.” Lee continued on with a malicious grin.
     “What is he talking about Lafayette?” I asked quietly. “Yes, Lafayette, what am I talking about? Why don’t you shed some light upon this situation for us?” Lee mocked with a dark chuckle. “It’s nothing (Y/n), he’s just a fool playing games.” Lafayette answered but for some reason I don’t feel like he’s telling me the truth. “Nothing?” Lee questioned with a growl, his eyes glowing crimson. I gasped, my hands flying to my mouth. Not only are his eyes red but I can now clearly see fangs protruding from his mouth. This man is a vampire!
     Lee sighed. “It’s all fine and dandy that you’ve fallen in love Lafayette, but at least you should let her know that you’re one of us before wooing her.” He said with a wave of his hand. I slowly looked towards Lafayette, hoping with every bit of my being that this was just some bad dream. He was looking away. “I- Is it true?” I asked him. “Yes.” Lafayette said in a dejected sigh.
     How could he?! He fell in love with me knowing fully well how much I loath vampires because of what they did to my family. He fell in love with me knowing fully well that he was deceiving me about what he really is. He knew very well how much it would kill me to know I was in love with a vampire and he still stayed with me.
     “Now that all that is out of the way... We really should get down to business now that she knows what you are. As you know, Lafayette it is illegal for any vampire to fall in love with a human and that it is punishable by death but I am feeling gracious today. This can end in three ways, two of them working in your favor.” Lee said, clasping his hands together. A sadistic smile finding its way to his face.
     “Now, if you don’t want me to tell the authorities you can either kill this young lady or you can turn her. If you refuse both of those the young lady will still lose her life and you will too. Choose wisely.” My eyes widened at the offer, so this is how it is. I’m either going to end up dead or one of the things I hate with all of my being.
     “And what if I refuse all three options?” Lafayette questioned through clenched teeth. I can now clearly see his fangs, how could lie to me for so long? How could he make me think he’s something that he isn’t? If he truly loved me he would have left me alone, he had to have known that one day he’d get caught.
     “You can try. The moment you do anything rash though is the moment your pretty lady’s fate is decided. One of the many vampires that are surrounding this area will get her away from you and suck every drop of blood from her body. You possibly can’t have thought that I would’ve come here without back up, if you did you must be truly foolish.” Lee said with a chuckle as he leaned up against one of the many trees. Lafayette looked around and hung his head, a distraught look that only I could see crossed his face.
     “I’m so sorry.” He whispered, turning to me. “I can’t have any of them touch you though, this is the only way.” Lafayette said as he put his hands on my shoulders, pulling me closer. I tensed up, realizing that this is it. I am either about to loose my life or be turned. Both of those are terrible possibilities. How could this happen to me? He moved closer to my neck, I tried to get away, it didn’t work. I let out a little shriek as his fangs pierced my neck. I could feel the blood as it flowed out of the wound. My vision blurred and darkened and I lost consciousness.
     “Ugh, my head.” I groaned as I sat up slowly. What happened? I thought as I surveyed my surroundings. I am in the meadow, how did I get here? I can’t remember. How late is it? The sun seems to be setting. How long have I been out here? When did I get out here? I suppose that doesn’t matter, I have to get going though. If I don’t get moving I’ll end up getting caught out here in the dark. But wait... I feel like I got here when it was dark so how on earth could it be sunset? That’s when it all came flooding back.
     I slowly looked down at myself and let out a scream. All over my dress was blood, an unimaginable amount of blood. It really did happen then, it wasn’t all some crazy dream. I let out another scream, this one being of anger and despair. I heard ruffling in the grass beside me. I looked over. There, getting into a sitting position, was Lafayette. There were red tears stains on his cheeks and he looked like a mess. If I’m still alive it means he didn’t kill me, he turned me. Turned me into something I loath.
     “You’re awake.” Lafayette said, relief in his voice. “Listen, (Y/n), I’m so sorry. I wish things didn’t have to turn out this way. But it was the only solution, if I didn’t turn you you were going to die. I couldn’t let you die, not like that.” He apologized, choking up as tears filled his eyes and threatened to spill. In any other situation it would have broken my heart to see that but all I can feel right now is anger.
     “You should have just let me die. This, to me, is a fate worse than death.” I growled as I stood up. He stood up too. “What are you talking about? You don’t mean that.” Lafayette said but even then I could tell that he didn’t even believe it. “I do and I mean this too: stay away from me, I don’t want to see you ever again. And if I do? I won’t hesitate to kill you.” I said, surprisingly keeping my tone calm. “Wah- (Y/n)- please! Don’t leave me!” Lafayette exclaimed, reaching out for me. I stepped out of reach and turned around but before I walked away I said one last thing to him that to this day, hundreds of years later, do not regret.
     “Goodbye, Lafayette.”
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bint-amina · 7 years
Text
after peter wolff writes his son a short letter in which he relates the details of how the matriarch of iris’s coven came to him and asked if damian might be able to email iris or something just to reassure her that he’s ok, damian takes out his phone (he has changed his number since he last talked to her) and he texts a familiar number.
[d] Stop trying to contact me.
[i] Damian???????? [i] Oh my god????? Jfc I thought you like [i] Died [i] Are u ok??
(a day passes)
[i] If u dont reply Ill assume the answer is no and get Grace to talk to ur dad again
[d] That was a low blow.
[i] It was desperate u mean. Which is tru [i] But Im not fucking kidding. I thought you were dead
[d] That’s a lie.
[i] How would u fucking know huh
(half a day goes by)
[i] I heard about the guys in the city [i] Thought maybe after that ur dad got sick of ur shit and called a priest or something lol [i] Cuz ur a demon
[d] Clever.
[i] Actually that wasnt clever sorry. If u have to clarify the punchline u really cant in good conscious call it clever can you
[d] Not really, no
[i] Lol [i] Good to see you’ve still got ur sense of humor
[d] ‘Humor?’ [d] Is that a Korean word?
[i] Har har [i] You speak korean dummy [i]  작은 년이되지 마
[d]  나는하지 않으려 고 노력할거야.
[i] You google translated that one didnt you
[d] I’m out of practice.
[i] Its ok, me too
(another day goes past)
[i] Hows your mom
[d] I don’t know. I haven’t seen her in six years.
[i] Wait what lol [i] Then where are you
[d] Some school somewhere. [d] Not Columbia, obviously
[i] Obviously lol [i] What kind of school
[d] I don’t know how to describe it. It’s designed for creatures like us.
[i] Wait your dad sent you to VAMPIRE school [i] One might even say........... Vampire ACADEMY [i] Wait what the fuck is it a high school lol
[d] Sort of. It’s a combination. [d] I’m in classes that supposedly will transfer back to Columbia when I return
[i] Oh youre coming back?
(sent at the exact same moment:) [d] Be more specific [i] To NY i mean?
[i] Lol
[d] Hole in one.
[i] Good call tbh. It sux up here [i] Did you know vermont is the whitest state in the country
[d] It’s second actually, after Maine
[i] Ahhh yes the compulsive fact checking.......almost forgot why I broke up with you
(20 minutes later)
[i] That was a joke lol
[d] I thought it was
[i] Nah you didnt
[d] I was around 80% sure
[i] Not statistically significant enough to reject the null hypothesis [i] Cmon Damian get back to your roots. Do some math to figure out your feelings
[d] Insufficient data
[i] Lol
(two days later)
[i] Lily says hi
[d] She’s still around? I thought for sure she wouldn’t make it through her first year.
[i] Lol yeah [i] She had a couple accidents too but [i] Nbd tbh. Im not going to get worked up about it anyway
(an hour later)
[i] Im still dating her btw
(a few hours later; in early morning, after class)
[d] I was almost hoping you’d lie to me
[i] Yeah. Sorry [i] She said I could if i wanted to but I would rather not lie to you tbh [i] I feel like........if we’re going to try reestablishing trust and everything [i] Then I should try not to lie at you
[d] Why would we be doing that?
[i] Cuz we dated for two years and itd be great if we could like get along [i] Cuz you ghosted me for a fucking reason and honestly? Id like to know why
[d] I’m sorry.
[i] Yeah you are
[d] It wasn’t my intention to hurt you.
[i] Yeah and it probably wasnt graces intention to imprison me in the immortal shell of a 16yo but ya know. Shit happens [i] We deal
[d] One silver lining to us breaking up. The age difference thing doesn’t come up.
[i] Bitch if we were still dating I would personally find u a new ratbag every god damn day to make sure u didnt look a day over 17 [i] Cuz thats creepy
[d] Fair.
(a day later)
[i] Ok..........sorry for saying “if we were still dating” [i] I just read a cosmo article that said Im not supposed to say that to an ex
[d] It’s fine. I know what you mean.
[i] Im not hitting you up to get back together [i] Ok?
[d] I know.
[i] Like.............itd be great if we could be friends [i] If we cant thats also cool [i] But hmu once in a while so I know youre not dead?
[d] And when the inevitable happens?
(Damian’s phone starts to ring. He looks at it. After three rings, he silences it, then waits until the ringing has stopped.)
[d] I didn’t mean it like that.
[i] Shit like this is why I worry about you
[d] Don’t you think it’d be easier on us both if you just lived with the idea that somewhere out there I might be dead?
[i] Why are you being mean to me lol
[d] I’m not trying to be mean.
[i] Did I fucking ask what you were trying to do Damian [i] I forgot its such a crime to care about someone you dedicated two years of your life to [i] A year ago you wanted me to marry you and now youre saying Fuck off and let me die [i] Like your own feelings aside thats just disrespectful to me [i] Anyway lol have I told you that this is your problem cuz it is [i] Its Damiantown 24/7 with you. I feel like that meme bitch from the brady bunch [i] “Damian Damian Damian”
(three hours later)
[d] Sure, Jan
[i] Oh my fucking god
[d] Sorry.
[i] What the fuck is wrong with you lol
[d] In my defense, that meme is extremely funny
[i] You dumb fucking idiot [i] I cant believe you just turned the one meme I EVER showed you against me
[d] You also sent me the article about the frog once
[i] Ya cuz I was afraid you were on reddit accidentally trading memes with nazis
[d] That’s just insensitive.
[i] I said accidentally didnt I? I was looking out for you in case your dad ever checked your search history [i] Not that he knows what the fuck an internet search history even is [i] But he’d be devastated 
[d] He actually would kill me, in that case
[i] (wooden stake emoji) [i] Not if I got to him first
(Damian spends a few minutes scrolling through his emojis)
[d] Where did you find that one?
[i] I downloaded a vampire pack [i] Without using an ip blocker or anything [i] Just to fuck with the nsa
(20 minutes later)
[i] Do you ever think about how we’re the irl x files
[d] Constantly. And I’ve never even seen The X-Files.
[i] Bitch I sent you the netflix link like 20 years ago
[d] I lost your login information.
[i] Ah yes [i] Just like how you [i] “Lost” [i] My number
[d] No, I just didn’t write it down
[i] I think its off netflix now anyway
(3 days pass)
[i] Oh i totally forgot [i] Did you take my jacket
[d] The one with the fur is my jacket
[i] Wtf I sent you the link!!!!!!!!!!!
[d] And I bought it because I liked it.
[i] Are you fucking kidding me
[d] I thank you for your impeccable taste in style.
[i] I let you take it cuz you liked wearing it [i] Tbh so disappointed you didnt take the other stuff you liked wearing [i] Toxic masculinity Damian
[d] Could we avoid any potential taunting please.
[i] Im not taunting [i] It looked good on you
[d] Great. Thanks
(an hour later)
[d] I actually don’t have the jacket anymore, you know.
[i] Did you leave it at home??????? Score [i] Ur dad likes me anyway so Im just gonna hit him up then  [i] Bye lol
[d] No. [d] I actually may have passed it along to someone else.
[i] OH????? What the fuck lol [i] Who
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