#i mean rb is the same but this is funnier

[a-tale-of-legends]

As I mentioned before Luca ends up getting a big fucking growth spurt as they get older. I see them around the 5'11 to 6'0 range. Both Arven and Penny are devastated by this.

( the other heights are the rest of the gang as adults btw)

[devilmaywrite]

Chris Redfield, Jake Muller, Carlos Oliviera and Piers Nivans with a shy S/O with little to no experience in romantic relationships headcannon. Reader doesn't have much age difference with the guys. Help a thirsty bitch here.

i've yet to write for resident evil and i haven't played the games in a while so if this is ooc, no it isn't <3 rbs/feedback much appreciated

Jake:

He's never really been in a relationship either. Anything in that realm has likely been kept brief and physical. So he's a little lost when he realizes he has feelings for you. But he's not entirely against pursuing you, it'll just take him a bit to work up the courage.

LOVES that you're shy because it's that much funnier to fuck with you, which he's constantly doing. He loves to tease you, poke at you, mess with your hair, etc etc. But it's all in good fun; he just likes to see you get worked up or flustered.

He's smug and it can seem like he's had years of experience because of his confidence but you'll see him stumble here and there. But he's quick to pick himself back up, most of the time anyway.

He does find some comfort in the fact that you've had little romantic experience. It makes him feel less like a fish out of water. But he'll tease you for this too because it's in his nature.

Dates with Jake are usually low-key and low-budget, not that he’s really in a bad way financially, he just prefers this over more extravagant things since that’s not really his scene. He isn’t much of a romantic though that’s not to say he isn’t loving, in his own way.

Jake is young but still immature for his age. Probably due to the shitstorm that has been his life, as he'd probably put it. So this does pose some issues that you'll have to figure out together but Jake is resistant in admitting the fact that he has flaws he needs to work on. 

He’s also not great in the emotional support aspect at first. It’s not that he doesn’t care, it’s just that he doesn’t really know how to comfort you. On the flip side, he has a hard time coming to you with struggles of his own since he’s used to handling things on his own. So lack of communication and emotional availability are going to be common issues early on in your relationship. 

Chris: 

He's married to the job so he honestly hasn't had too much experience in the realm of romance.

He doesn't have that big of an issue with expressing this though. He figures it's best to at least be semi-transparent about it. So he's willing to try and figure it out with you! He's honestly a little relieved that you're nearly in the same boat as him.

Since you're shy, he tries to take the lead and is pretty successful. He's kind and a gentlemen (or least, he tries to be) and probably quite traditional in this aspect so expect flowers, dinner dates -- the whole nine yards. But with time, he’ll find that he prefers to just have nice date nights at home. He likes the domesticity. 

Once settled in a relationship, it's likely that you're not going to see him often. Since, like I said, he's married to the job and likely not willing to retire any time soon. 

He has a whole plethora of issues (alcoholism at some points, betrayals, his life basically being a horror movie, etc) and this can often cause a lot of problems within your relationship that he's not quite sure how to handle it since he's had little experience so this is something that you'll, again, have to figure out together. Not that he’s asking you to fix him but your support and patience is much appreciated.

He is much better with communication than Jake is but not perfect by any means. He also struggles with coming to you for emotional support at first. But he overcomes this as he gets more comfortable with you. He’s a little more apt to get physical when you need comfort; he usually just defaults to bear hugs since he’s not always the best with words. 

Carlos:

Probably has the most experience out of the 4. Nothing too long term but enough to be confident in this aspect. So he’s happy to take the lead and help you figure things out. 

Finds your shyness rather endearing and will tease you about it as well, lovingly of course. But he does try to encourage you to come out of your shell. He’s never aggressive or pushy about it though, he’ll go at your pace.

He does encourage you to be vocal about your wants and needs if that’s something you struggle with since he’s not a mind-reader, and the absolute last thing he wants to do is overstep a boundary and/or make you uncomfortable. 

Carlos is a romantic at heart and he’s a big goof, so expect some cringe-worthy but endearing jokes and pick-up lines. Dates with him are never too extravagant since that’s not really his thing either but they’re intimate and well thought out. Most of the time anyway. He also counts ordering in and watching shitty action movies a date. 

He’s more emotionally available than the two mentioned above but he’s obviously not without his flaws. He’s been through a lot and he’s trying to work through it so your support is appreciated. He’s much more communicative as well and wants there to be a mutual support system, so he’s more inclined to be vulnerable with you and he wants you to do the same. 

Piers: 

Another one that’s married to the job. He’s never had much of a chance to really explore romantically since he’s always put most of his focus into either the military or the BSAA. He’s just never really had time for it but then he met you. So he made time. 

Piers is a little shy about this himself due to his inexperience but he tries his best to open and honest about his intentions with you. Which are, of course, nothing but the best. 

He also finds your shyness endearing and will tease you about it here and there but he isn’t too mean. But he’s also extra protective of you because of it. Like Carlos, he’ll encourage you to come out of your shell and to communicate with him if that’s something you struggle with. He’d hate to accidentally make you uncomfortable. 

Also a communication king. He’s straightforward and level-headed so there’s not much that you can’t just talk out with him. 

Piers is a little on the cheesier side, much to your surprise. But he’s a sweetheart. He’s more inclined to take you simpler dates, maybe to a more secluded restaurant or café. You’ll likely end up finding a special spot that is often the default for the two of you. Though he’ll spice it up here and there. 

[justaredheadf1fan]

Spooky Mexican season is upon us 💀

Well, hello!

Don’t mind me, I was trying to find a fitting skull/Katrina gif to open this but that’s the best I could do for now, I’ll keep trying during the weekend 🤣

So, press conference time and the only good thing about the first one is Charles and Mick sitting together.

Otherwise, the only noticeable thing for now would be the non-penalty of Fernando in Austin. The FIA backtracking their decision after Haas’ complaint is really nothing surprising so far 🤷🏻‍♀️ I mean, I could see it coming. Same as the shitty decision about RedBull’s cost cap infringements. Anywho. I’d like to make a post on thin alone at some point, because this season when it comes to the FIA-RBR relationship has been quite the joke.

On the second part, nothing much either. Except Daniel and Sebastian talking about the nazi founder of RB, but other than that, nada, zip. Because I’m not even gonna comment. I get it that thanks to the guy they had a chance and everything, but… Nazi.

So, later I’ll comment on FP1 and FP2, since we’ll watch them more or less on time.

—————————

Nothing interesting really in the beginning apart from Xavi’s message to Charles saying he has a puncture… Good start. Funniest thing has been Carlos with Ricky on the radio as well, I mean between Carlos and Charles I don’t know who’s funnier.

There’s been nothing at all in the first half an hour of FP1, except commentators speaking about the FIA saving Alonso’s P7 finish in Austin and other topics related to this, more or less. And I don’t really want to comment further right now, because of reasons.

Cuntstappen spinning and Fittipaldi stopping the car causing a Red Flag was a very tiny taste of what I want to happen during the race this weekend. Pierre not giving a shit also is quite the nice scene to watch. I love this.

The best thing is seeing Anthony Hamilton watching his son so proudly. OMG this is way too much for me.

Another Red Flag, this time caused by Lawson almost burning down the Alpha Tauri. 3 more minutes to go but not sure they’ll go back on try for that.

So, really, as usual nothing especial going on, moving onto FP2.

—————————

Back for FP2, it’s been over half an hour without any events worth mentioning. However, into the hour left Sharl crashed into the barriers and caused a Red Flag. My poor baby, his face was a poem at the garage.

After getting the barriers fixed, the session resumed and everything’s going smoothly for now.

And until Zhou’s car stopped on the side, nothing more happened. Session Red Flagged again, minutes to go only, just like in FP1 with Fittipaldi. In this case, the session won’t be resumed, as confirmed by Race Control.

So, anyway I’m leaving it here until tomorrow, since it’s quite late already and I’m an old lady now.

Peace out!

P.S.: I LOVE COCO

[vattasref]

Putting all my RP blog OOC stuff into posts now for mobile accessibility

this post is linked on my RP blogs now for ease of access, if you got here from one of those, hi!

please don't be on my RP blogs if you're not 18+!!

you should already know I'm Vatta. I'm in my 30s. I've been on the Tumblr RP scene for somewhere just over 10 years as of 2024 (I've been roleplaying on different platforms for alot longer), I've had ALOT of blogs, mostly Homestuck, a couple OCs, all of my blogs had my name in the bio

currently active blogs:

@catboii - fandomless OC, humanoid shapeshifter, cult vibes, violence/murder/cannibalism/abuse tws, well established (7 years old?) but my pages are a bit of a mess, is currently MIA, is overall friendly if you're nice to it!

Homestuck:

@davepetea - post-game Davepetasprite^2, heavy bird and cat pun usage and some eyestrain, is VERY friendly and loves everyone

@solxrated (sideblog to Catboii) - (not very active) Sollux, Davepeta's moirail, same timeline, mostly just ironically rates computer setups

@hemopseudo - (not very active) Speciesswap (Troll Dave Strider) Devino Stryyd living on Beforus, some mild hemoism but it's more political than murdery so I'll avoid it unless it comes up in conversation, which'll be tagged as "hemoism", pretty mid in the friendliness department but will riff off your muse's energy

-

I'm GMT+0 so my timezone doesn't link up to most of your guys' and I'll be getting online while you guys get into bed, or I'll be getting offline as you guys start getting on. I work Sun-Wed, and am usually quite tired when I get home, so won't be on much on those days

GMT +0

- 

(testing the clock widget)

- 

NONE of my OOC info is a mandatory read, unless there is something specific you want to know! I will try and keep everything simple, the TL;DR is in bold, the rest is just expanding on each point

first and foremost!! I'm very active OOC, which means I'm constantly adding OOC notes to my muse's posts #((,#in brackets like this,#)), if this breaks your immersion and you don't like it, fair enough! I'm not to your taste. I'm on the autistic spectrum and then some so I REALLY like to make everything clear and make sure my muses don't get misinterpreted because of me

I'm neurodivergent so please be patient with me, but if you wanna clarify anything or chat about anything, please know you can drop into IMs ANYTIME (with the ((brackets)) if you're on an RP blog to let me know it’s OOC, otherwise I will assime it’s IC, even if you're unquirked...)

I have no major triggers but want anything relating to pedophilia kept FAR away from me, if your muse is a victim and mentions their trauma that's fine, as long as it's not glorified/positive. this doesn't extend to like ddlg kinks etc but it does squick me out a bit so I have some related terms blacklisted

online interaction unless otherwise discussed! some tips on how you can start interactions with any of my muses is over here

will interact with pretty much any fandom/OC, not picky, even if I don't know the fandom (it's like 10x funnier if I have NO idea who the character is)

PLEASE no personal blog (direct interactions, follows and rbs of non-original posts are ok if you're a mun following from your personal) or RL person RP blogs (characters they play are fine)

no kink/smut/purely nsfw blogs please

(doesn’t include more adult themed muses that aren’t *completely* porn and smut, so if I follow you first/back then we good, I may follow and interact on the sideblog just to keep it off main, Davepeta fucks I just don’t want porn to be the only thing on my dash lol)

not mutual exclusive! please feel free to chat with muse anytime! all posts are open to replies even if someone specific is @-ed if your muse has a comment they wanna make!

I'm mobile sometimes but I've worked out how to get Xkit Rewritten to work on mobile, so I can cut posts, but I prefer using the app sometimes bc of the minimalism of it (I'll scroll and write posts in the app, save to draft, then cut in the browser, I'll make my own little tut eventually), but I can't be bothered to queue from mobile app so sometimes I might spam post a little. if it gets to like 4-5 posts in a minute I'll just switch over to browser though

I'm here for fun and fun only! I do love a bit of angst but if you wanna go down that route we'll need to do some OOC communication first bc if I'm in the wrong headspace it can bring me down and no one wants that unsolicited (unless that's what your muse is about, then I'll be expecting it you're all good)

IC =/= OOC... most of my muses are not human and sometimes are immortal. the base media (eg Homestuck) is also problematic in ways that I can't avoid. I like to explore the thought processes of things like being on a planet you didn't grow up on, or being immortal when you previously weren't. this is completely fictional, although I do actively try to avoid anything that could be problematic, unless it's realistic, which I will tag OOC

[racingtoaredlight]

THE DEGENERATE’S GUIDE TO COLLEGE FOOTBALL TV WATCH ‘EM UPS 2021: WEEK TWO, A MUDDLED AND MAUDLIN WEEK OF MAYHEM IN HONOR OF THOSE WE LOST

RTARL would like to extend our warmest holiday wishes to those who celebrate and, even if you don’t, happy 9/11. Now who’s ready for some FOOTBALL!!!!?!?!

So after two weeks of games that combine to count as only one official week even though some teams have already played twice we have only one real question answered: is Alabama still good? Yes, they are. Everything else is still liquefying vapor.

I am assuming everybody is waiting with baited breath for an RTARLsman but I don’t have anything yet. I guess the not-Master Teague RBs on Ohio State are the frontrunners for now. Or that one guy from that one team who was good. You know who I mean.

Saturday, September 11

Matchup    Time (ET)     TV/Mobile

Illinois at Virginia   11:00am   ACCN

Jeff George won Citrus Bowl MVP for the Illini against the Hoos in his last game as a student athlete before becoming the #1 overall pick in the 1990 NFL Draft. Based on this history it is safe to presume that whoever the QB is for Illinois today will be the #1 pick in 2022.

VMI at Kent State   11:30am   ESPN3

I’m not sure on this but maybe this game is cancelled.

WKU at Army    11:30am   CBSSN

Army is favored by 6. I bet this game is boring.

Norfolk State at Wake Forest    12:00pm   ACCNX

I don’t see a line listed but whatever it is bet against Wake covering.

Indiana State at Northwestern     12:00pm    BTN

This game is an act of terrorism.

Alabama State at 25 Auburn     12:00pm    SECN

Real body bag season starts today, huh?

Youngstown State at Michigan State  12:00pm   BTN

The Michigan State running back is the guy I was trying to think of earlier! He’s pretty good. Not good enough to make me watch this but I will check on his stats every so often.

Tulsa at Oklahoma State   12:00pm   FS1

I bet Mike Gundy has some really salient thoughts on the 20th anniversary of 9/11 and I can’t wait to hear them.

South Carolina at East Carolina   12:00pm      ESPN2

South Carolina is a two point favorite against an East Carolina team that is, per my understanding, not exactly good. So I can only extrapolate that South Carolina is likewise not good.

Pitt at Tennessee  12:00pm   ESPN

Look, I’m not going to pretend this is good television but if Pitt rocks their classic yellow helmets and Tennessee wears non-alternates the colors on the screen will at least be pleasing. The thought of the actual football involved hurts my brain but it’s interesting that the points have gone from a consensus pick ‘em to Pitt -3 over the course of the week. Does Tennessee have any players that are good enough that by missing the game they could impact the gambling that much? Or are people just squaring themselves with the fact the the Vols are really and truly a ruined burnt out hole of a football program? Pound the latter.

12 Oregon at 3 Ohio State  12:00pm   FOX

Losing Kayvon Thibideaux certainly isn’t going to help Oregon but he’s not usually on the field as a run stopper anyway and if Ohio State learned anything last week it’s that they can just run until they feel like throwing a pass. Oregon actually has some legit talent on the d-line besides Thibideaux but the Ducks are gonna be hard-pressed to keep things within two scores here.

Miami (Ohio) at Minnesota   12:00pm   ESPN

If Oregon can’t make a game of it in Columbus look out because this time block is an absolute wasteland. There is scant reason to turn the TV on for the early schedule other than gambling purposes.

Kennesaw State at Georgia Tech   12:00pm    RSN/ESPN3

Georgia Tech probably should have closed up shop after Paul Johnson retired. Either that or just absolutely slathered the football program in dollars. The Yellow Jackets being unable to land any big time recruits while playing in Atlanta is a real mindfuck. They aren’t a AA program playing dress up in a “power” conference they’ve got actual history. I don’t mean to give the impression I want them to be good but I don’t understand how they can be such fodder for so long.

13 Florida at USF    1:00pm    ABC

Remember that year when USF was the best program in the state? Wild stuff. Weird, wild stuff. I know the deal with UF is that they don’t go out of state for contract games but it’s actually kind of surprising they even bothered to keep this trip to Tampa on the schedule. Like the area recruits would probably be happier to go see a game at The Swamp than to kick around their hometown for a pile of shit like this.

Wyoming at NIU    1:30pm   ESPN+

I’m not gonna open the ESPN app for this but if it was on ESPN2 I’d probably check in on it during commercials. Aesthetically pleasing trash with an upside for actual entertainment.

Middle Tennessee at 19 Virginia Tech    2:00pm   ACCNX

Virginia Tech’s home crowd scene was the normie story of last week’s games. People that don’t watch college football were either aghast or frantically waving their blue lives matter flags in response. Us in this space just ate the shame and forgot it happened by the time Saturday’s games kicked off. My theory is that VPI is not actually any good but UNC’s 2020 season was a well-timed fluke and the last hurrah of Mack Brown’s storied coaching career. The Hokies are at home, though, and MTSU is almost certainly not on the same athletic level as the Turkey Gobblers so I’d probably take the home team -20 if I were so inclined to wager on this particular game that is being broadcast on the ACC’s new pornography channel.

Rutgers at Syracuse    2:00pm    ACCN

Holy fuck does this game suck. Reuniting former Big East, uh, rivals (??? does Rutgers have any natural enemies?) in a cross-conference classic betwixt the B1G and the ACC.

Duquesne at Ohio   2:00pm   ESPN3

I don’t think I need to explain to you all the national title implications riding on this game.

Toledo at 8 Notre Dame    2:30pm     Peacock

Just remember that if you subscribe to Peacock you are at the very least tacitly supporting Notre Dame. If for some reason you’re watching this please report back on how many of those defensive pick plays Notre Dame runs. They were doing that shit constantly against Florida State last week and it drove me nuts. I think the idea is that you are so flagrantly illegal so often that the refs grow numb to it and just don’t call it at all.

Robert Morris at Central Michigan     3:00pm    ESPN3

Not to be outdone by the early games, the 3 o’clock set is equally terrible.

Purdue at UConn    3:00pm    CBSSN

I bet Edsall still gets bonuses for stupid shit even now that he’s retired or whatever the official designation was for him no longer coaching.

Boston College at UMass    3:30pm    FloFootball/NESN+

I don’t know what FloFootball is but I know it isn’t anything to do with the state of Florida.

Ball State at 11 Penn State    3:30pm    FS1

It surprises me to see Penn State as only -22.5 favorites. That seems very kind to Ball State. Hopefully I’m wrong and the Ball State Lettermans take it to the Sanduskys.

Murray State at 7 Cincinnati    3:30pm    ESPN+

Practice week continues.

Temple at Akron    3:30pm    ESPN+

Pound the under.

Georgia Southern at Florida Atlantic   3:30pm   Stadium

There is really nothing going on this week.

Air Force at Navy   3:30pm   CBS

Middies vs. Fly Boys in the first leg of the Commander’s Cup on the twentieth anniversary of 9/11. I can’t imagine the amount of emotional manipulation that’s going to make its way onto this broadcast. Normally I watch these games but I don’t think I can do it this year.

UAB at 2 Georgia    3:30pm    ESPN2

Georgia may well be absurdly talented on the defensive side of the ball but I’d be surprised to see them make it through the regular season with fewer than two losses.

5 Texas A&M at Colorado     3:30pm     FOX

This is only interesting if the Aggies spring a leak.

California at TCU    3:30pm    ESPNU

Things most certainly are not looking up.

Buffalo at Nebraska    3:30pm    BTN

Nebraska is in an interesting position because if they buck the odds and end up being good after we’ve all been so ready to see a National Championship-winning coach get fired that would be funny but if they end up being really bad it’s even funnier. Go Bulls!

Mercer at 1 Alabama    4:00pm   SECN

I’ll cry a little if Saban pulls the starters in the first half and the Tide beats Mercer by less than they beat Miami.

South Alabama at Bowling Green   4:00pm    ESPN+

10 Iowa at 9 Iowa State    4:30pmABC

This is not the kind of top 10 matchup I can just sit idly by and let it happen. Your silence is complicity in this monstrous display of modernity.

SC State at 6 Clemson    5:00pm      ACCN

Clemson dropped all the way to #6 and they’ll hang around the top of the polls because they don’t have the toughest conference schedule in the world but my confidence in them is not high right now. I think the new QB is just a guy. He’s talented as hell but I don’t see him being great.

Illinois State at Western Michigan     5:00pm   ESPN3

This is either MACtion or MACtion adjacent and I have only one word for this midwestern trash: abhorrent.

LIU at West Virginia   5:00pm    ESPN+

LIU plays football?

Lamar at UTSA      6:00pm    ESPN3

Downside: You’re watching one of the least important games of the year. Upside: You’re really not missing anything.

Portland State at Washington State    6:00pm    P12N

Washington State was a perfect spot for the stupid pirate fuckhead and his leaving has ruined the program and, eventually, his reputation. Not relevant to this game necessarily but this game isn’t relevant to anything else, either.

Gardner-Webb at Charlotte   6:00pm    ESPN3

Oh, yeah, feel the excitement.

Bethune-Cookman at UCF   6:30pm   ESPN+

Go Cats.

NC Central at Marshall    6:30pm    ESPN+

The hits keep coming.

Houston at Rice   6:30pm    CBSSN

I’ve always had a soft spot for Holgo and for Houston football but somehow I really don’t like seeing him coach the Cougs. This is SWC magic but with no magic. UNLESS! Houston can put up 100. I don’t think they even have the guys to do it but this is Rice we’re talking about here.

Nicholls at Louisiana    7:00pm    ESPN3

Keep the energy up.

North Texas at SMU   7:00pm   ESPN+

I bet is MS621 were still alive he’d be at this game giving Spencer’s boys hell. Sadly he died doing what he loved, curing his COVID by eating ivermectin paste out of a horse’s butt. R.I.P., friend. Neigh to you wherever you are.

Southeastern La. at Louisiana Tech   7:00pm    ESPN3

Even the low tier stuff is geared up for annihilation. This is a bodybag week for all time.

Memphis at Arkansas State    7:00pm    ESPN+

Memphis getting less than a touchdown against Arkansas State seems like easy money but I have no real concept of either of these teams just yet. Maybe the end is nigh for the Tigers glory years? I sure hope not but it’s possible.

NC State at Mississippi State    7:00pm     ESPN2

This game should be as fun as a parents funeral.

Southern Illinois at Kansas State   7:00pm      ESPN+

Over the past week I experienced derision for referring the the guys in purple and silver as “Kansas State” instead of “K State” and that stung because it always surprises me that anybody cares about them enough to have a strong opinion about them.

Stephen F. Austin at Texas Tech    7:00pm    ESPN+

Shrugs

15 Texas at Arkansas    7:00pm   ESPN

Let’s see if Texas is ready to run with the big boys of the SEC! Arkansas is given a decent shot to win this game and that makes the “15″ next to Texas appear extremely suspect in my eyes.

Texas Southern at Baylor    7:00pm   ESPN+

This week Texas Southern is the people’s champion.

Texas State at FIU   7:00pm    ESPN+

Oh, Butch, why have you done this to yourself?

Western Carolina at 4 Oklahoma      7:00pm     PPV

All the Westen Carolina fans are buying this PPV to see their guys score 40.

New Mexico State at New Mexico    7:00pm     Stadium

I looked up the historic rivalry last year to figure out why it was played early in the season instead of at the end but I’ve forgotten and don’t feel the need to look it up again. I figured out how to watch Stadium on my TV but I also forgot that and don’t feel the need to look it up again.

Appalachian State at 22 Miami (FL)  7:00pm   ESPNU

My gut tells me Miami is probably legitimately about the 14th best team in the country but I still would never advise you to bet actual money on the Hurricanes. Are they 9 points better than App State? Easily. They should win by 20+. Are they liable to fuck around and lose or scrape out a win in the final seconds? Absolutely. Let’s fuckin’ go.

Morgan State at Tulane    7:00pm    ESPN+

A lot of people learned to love the Green Wave last week but it’s hard to keep that going with their schedule. Don’t forget them later in the year when the CBSSN glow is really shining.

Liberty at Troy   7:00pm   ESPN+

Liberty -4 is maybe my surest advice of the week. If Malik Willis is as good as his press the fake school should have this game on ice early.

Eastern Michigan at 18 Wisconsin   7:00pm    FS1

I find Wisconsin’s losing effort against Penn State last week to be a personal affront against me and all of nature.

Eastern Kentucky at Louisville    7:00pm   ACCNX

I think this game being broadcast at night on ACCNX means they’re playing naked.

Grambling State at Southern Miss    7:00pm    ESPN3

This is the kind of game that belongs on an app.

Hampton at Old Dominion    7:00pm    ESPN3

This is the kind of game that belongs on a well-worn high school football field.

Austin Peay at 20 Mississippi   7:30pm     ESPN+/SECN+

This is a pretty big OOC game for an SEC team.

Georgia State at 24 North Carolina    7:30pm    RSN/ESPN3

One of several GSUs, I think this is the one I most hope emerges victorious this week.

Idaho at Indiana   7:30pm    BTN

Wait, wasn’t Indiana like #10 last week? What the hell happened to them? No, don’t tell me. Seriously, don’t.

Missouri at Kentucky     7:30pm    SECN

When the SEC hits 24 teams the “S!E!C!” chants are gonna seem really stupid.

Howard at Maryland    7:30pm    BTN

There’s no official line for this game but I hope the Bison can pull off the upset in this classic local rivalry game.

Jacksonville State at Florida State    8:00pm   ACCN

Still shaking my head at FSU icing their own kicker. Jesus, Norvell. Get your shit together.

McNeese at LSU     8:00pm      ESPN+/SECN+

LOLSU was my lock of the week last week if you’re considering taking gambling advice from me.

Washington at Michigan    8:00pm    ABC

UDub lost to a 1-AA team last week and now they have to go on the road and beat Michigan. Which seems inevitable, to be honest.

Cal Poly at Fresno State    10:00pm    CW59

The murder rate will continue to increase as the day progresses. I always kind of like it when a local broadcast shows up on the sheet. So pretty much none of us have legal access to this game. It makes it more special.

San Diego State at Arizona    10:00pm    P12N

Pac-12 Network is similar to CW59 in that almost nobody in the country has legal access to their broadcasts. If you’ve read enough of these posts you are aware that SDSU is my weird very deep backup team. I don’t have a reason to align myself with the school or program, I just tend to enjoy watching their games.

Vanderbilt at Colorado State     10:00pm    CBSSN

This is an abomination.

21 Utah at BYU     10:15pm    ESPN

This is a lowkey fun rivalry. I’m pretty sure I write the same thing every year but it’s still true. Go Utes.

Stanford at 14 USC     10:30pm    FOX

I think USC could win a national championship and I’d still be baffled that Clay Helton is their coach. Of course, they won’t win a national championship as long as Clay Helton is their coach but they apparently won’t ever get embarrassing enough to fire him, either.

Idaho State at Nevada    10:30pm    Stadium

This is the lowpoint of the week’s schedule and you have to stay up late to watch it on a network that only exists as an app or as part of a hidden unlockable download-only level of cable subscription. This is the beauty of the college game.

UNLV at 23 Arizona State    10:30pm   ESPN2

Herm Edwards figured out the trick to looking good in the Pac-12 without having a particularly great team and I can’t make up my mind if I’m rooting for him to keep sliding on that rail or to fall off it. I think I’ve come around to rooting for him but it’s a very dynamic and fluid situation.

Hawaii at Oregon State   11:00pm    FS1

Hawaii gets to play at their normal time for a game against the bottom of the barrel of the Pac-12 but they’re an 11-point underdog. If you’re ever going to take Hawaii, this is the stars lining up for you to do it. It’s still a big “if” but I’m saying there’s a chance.

[3one3]

The Sequel - 799

Thursday Night Inaction

André Schürrle, Juan Mata, other Chelsea/BVB players, and random awesome OC’s (okay they’re less random now but they’re still pretty awesome)

original epic tale

all chapters of The Sequel

Why am I so tired, Christina thought groggily when she realized she’d slept through at least 30 minutes of Europa League action. It was not her intention to lie down immediately after eating dinner and pass out. In fact, she usually made sure to remain upright for a while after eating in order to give her stomach a proper chance at tackling the food. Am I turning into him? He falls asleep whether he’s tired or not. There was no need to question why Juan was snoring through the Thursday Cup. He didn’t care about sitting up after dinner. He got comfortable, and then Christina got comfortable next to and on top of him, and then Mourinho’s team put them both to sleep. It was halftime when the rider woke up.

I don’t want to move. I wanna go back to sleep. But if I sleep for like two hours right now, am I going to struggle to go to bed later? I can’t stay up all night and sleep in. Espen doesn’t get here until 9 so I have to do the baby, before he climbs out of his crib and tries to pee on his giraffe or something, she thought, trying to be still as she yawned and not wake her friend too. From her vantage point on the left of his chest, his evening nap looked peaceful and nice too. I wonder what he’s dreaming about. If I were him I think I would probably have dreams about scoring crazy goals all the time, or anxiety dreams, caught in some weird situations with me and Taylor. Or maybe he has some totally unrelated dreams, where he’s just a guitar playing hipster kid, unfamous, under the radar, enjoying public transportation and meeting genuine girls. How many different ways would he try to hurt me if I broadcast his nap on Instagram Live right now? Where’s his phone? It would be funnier to do it on his own account, for his fans. I don’t know how many of his fans still follow me. Probably just the girls. His four and a half million followers would find a live stream of his nap far more entertaining than my half a million. The Daily Mail would probably publish a story about it. Such scandal. Friend falls asleep at friend’s house, on the couch, fully clothed, with a dog on his lap. Actual headline: “Mou’s Man United puts Mata to sleep with lonely Christina Schürrle”.

Christina managed to get through the first few minutes of the second half and then dozed off again. Like her dogs, it was very difficult for her to resist a nap when in a comfortable position and in contact with a warm, steady-breathing body. She had a little dream about being in an airport and unable to find the right departure gate for her flight. It was kind of distressing, but not enough to wake her. Juan’s phone did that. It was about 10 o’clock and his dad had something to tell him. His ex-girlfriend really hated it when dads have something to communicate to their sons when she was trying to do things with said sons. André’s dad interrupted many a nap. André responded to her irritation by teasing her for secretly just being jealous of people who actually take calls from their dad, but that stopped when hers was no longer able to call. She texted the German while the Spaniard wandered around the house on the phone.

“Tell me something good to try to have dreams about tonight,” she requested of her partner, who she figured was getting ready for bed. He would have had late training since the team played Wednesday night, which would mean no afternoon nap, which would mean early to bed. Borussia Dortmund lost 1-0 to Benfica. They created about a million chances to score and nobody could get the ball in the net. Marco missed gimmes. Auba wasted good opportunities and blew a penalty. They had complete control over the game but couldn’t get a goal, and the one they conceded was mostly a goalkeeping error. André got to play a bit towards the end, but Marco and Auba came off and left him with the sort of second tier of attacking players to try to make something work. It didn’t. And the team’s next match, against Wolfsburg, would happen without the encouragement of the 20,000-strong Südtribune, closed by decree of the DFB as punishment for the actions of violent ultras against Bundesliga culture outcasts RB Leipzig. No one could argue that the situation at the club wasn’t growing tense.

“How about landscaping? Do you want to get some gardener people in to make everything beautiful? I know it’s winter but spring is coming!!! Dream about your stable and our nice home dressed up in plants and flowers :)))” the team’s #21 suggested with a small smile on his face. He was in the process of transferring from video games on the couch to a movie in bed, and he liked that Christina wanted to have a good dream, and even more so that she asked him for an idea. The one he gave her rose from his longstanding belief that nice landscaping is a sign of class and care. He liked when people took pride in the impression given by their home, inside and out. Having tidy plantings could really make a property look nice, and most importantly, make it look like a place people care about. André wanted his wife to develop an emotional attachment to their new home, because he thought that would mean she was happy there. One of the first things he did when he wanted to get her back from Juan was get the guys in charge of keeping the grounds presentable to go plant bushes and flowers at the barn so that it looked inviting and permanent to her when he brought her there to see it. Landscaping was like a sign of roots to him. It was like the opposite of an apartment full of Ikea furniture with nothing on the walls and no signs of “homeyness”.

“So your son can “water” these plants?”

“Once again, why is he MY son when he does something bad and YOUR son when he says a difficult new word?” André thought Lukas trying to pee on a potted plant was the funniest thing ever. He died laughing when he got the text about it, and the photo of the puddle on the dining room floor. He sent a screenshot of the message and picture to all his friends. Marco replied that Noah “rage peed” on things now and then to get back at people for punishing him or preventing him from doing something he wanted. Things included his two-year-old cousin. André decided not to warn his girl that they could be in for that sort of thing.

“Because it’s your genes that compel him to do bad things. I would never pee on a plant.”

“No, you just pee behind garbage dumpsters.”

“I had no choice! He literally doesn’t have to do anything to pee. He can just go. If I had a diaper on that night then I wouldn’t have peed behind a dumpster.”

“If you were the kind of person who goes out drinking in an adult diaper, I don’t think we’d know each other.”

“Are you going to leave me when I’m old and have to wear diapers? :(“

“I’m sure I’ll be in them before you, and probably with dementia, so I won’t know who you are anyway.”

“That’s depressing. I don’t want us to get old.”

“Where is the chocolate cake, my angel of delicious food?” Juan groan-sighed as he suddenly gripped Christina’s shoulders from behind the couch. “I need more cake.”

“Angel of delicious food?” she asked back skeptically.

“I don’t know. I was winging it.”

“You’re making angel puns now?”

“Just one. I need cake though.”

“Why?” The rider leaned her head back on the couch cushion to get a look at the weary sounding footballer. “Restaurant problems?”

“He wants to change the name. Materials have already been ordered. Permits are already in writing. It’s all been tested, and there is a whole marketing plan. I want to suffocate him with a flour sack.” He covered her mouth with his hand to demonstrate his frustration, but the rider’s cheeks lifted and scrunched into her eyes to prove she was smiling under there anyway. It was novel for something to go wrong for him, or for him to appear stressed about something that wasn’t to do with her or his girlfriend. Also, she rather liked it when he covered her mouth. “I need more cake and coconut whipped cream.”

“Both are in the fridge,” she told him when he slid his palm down to the front of her throat to knead her neck. “I have vanilla frozen yogurt too if you want to heat up your piece of cake and make an epic stress dessert out of it and have scary dreams from all the sugar right before bed. Speaking of bed- are you staying?”

“I brought my pajamas.” The Chelsea man gestured down at his adidas shorts as if having changed into them was a guarantee that he was sleeping over. Christina didn’t really need to ask, regardless of his outfit. She couldn’t remember the last time he came over and didn’t stay. “Do you want cake?” Juan questioned, evidently satisfied that the question of where he was sleeping had been settled.

“No thank you.”

He pinched her nose before turning to head to the kitchen, and left her to return to her texting. André said they were a long way from getting old. He said she didn’t look a day over the day he met her, which evoked laughter.

“I wish I could say the same about you, babe. But you’ve aged like 10 years in about 5.”

“You’re so mean to me. I gave you chocolate pretzels.”

“I gave you a child.”

“Yeah but he pees on plants.”

“I was talking to Nat earlier about how I need to pack some things before the movers come, like my jewelry and our vital paperwork, and sex toys. I have 3 questions. What should I actually do with that stuff since I’m not coming back here between Sweden and Germany? I don’t want to fly with hundreds of thousands of dollars worth of jewelry and our un-lose-able documents and keep them in a hotel safe. And how are we moving the cars?”

“Do you want to fly home on Weds and drive one of them here? You could lock everything in the boot before you go to the horse show.”

Not really, Christina thought. I don’t want to road trip between Spain and moving, and I don’t want to drive across a bunch of countries with a car full of valuables. Just imagine if Stef and I got in an accident, or someone tried to carjack us when we stop for food. A scruffy man with cake sat next to her Indian style and smelled like burning chocolate.

“Sure you don’t want any?” he asked.

“No. How long did you microwave it? Five minutes?”

“Thirty seconds. It’s perfect. What are you doing?”

“Trying to figure out how to get my jewelry and important files to Dortmund. I don’t want to leave that to the movers or fly with all of it since I’m going all over the place,” she explained before giving André an answer about driving.

“You could leave it with me and take some whenever you go back and forth. How many files are you talking about?” Juan wolfed down a big chunk of cake with melting frozen yogurt and stiff whipped cream made from the solids that separate in cans of coconut milk.

“Not many. It’s like birth certificates, Lukas stuff, horse registrations. It’s more the jewelry I’m worried about. Like your diamond, and a drawer full of Cartier.”

“Why don’t you just use an insured shipping service to send it in the mail? People ship very valuable things like that all the time,” he shrugged before taking another big bite. Just looking at that is making my teeth hurt, the rider thought, her fingers tapping on the edges of her phone, knowing André was waiting for a reply. Not that I wouldn’t eat it. It also looks delicious. “Are you sure you don’t want a bite?”

“Yes. And it’s not the money I’m worried about. I don’t want to lose the things. I have so many pieces that mean the world to me- stuff my dad gave me before I hated him, stuff I wore like everyday when I was younger, special Schü gifts, your diamond.”

“Why do you keep calling it my diamond? It’s yours. It’s not like I gave it to you on loan.”

“I dunno.” Christina shrugged and told André she’d figure something out.

“I don’t want to drive. At least not that day. Can’t we ship the cars? Or I’ll come back and get them later. I’m sure there will be some reason that I have to come back here that week.”

“I guess. I’m going to sleep. Love youuuuuuuuuuuuu.”

“Love you. Nighties.”

“André?”

“Sí.”

“How is he?”

“Do you actually care?”

“Not especially. This is so good. I feel sick already, eating it, but it’s delicious.” The Spanish player made a face of mixed agony and joy, like he was professing his love to his cake while also breaking up with it over a long standing family feud or something. Christina laughed because it reminded her of herself when she was drunk, particularly when she was very drunk and granted the great pleasure of binge eating pizza. She believed that was the most intense love/hate relationship in her life- delicious, yummy, hot, gooey pizza that helped her not feel sick from drinking too much, but pizza she knew she was going to throw up later, or that would cement itself to her thighs.

“Chocolate fixes almost everything on the stress spectrum. And that cake at least isn’t full of white flour and butter. It’s like almost not totally terrible for you. Or it was until you covered it in frozen yogurt and whipped cream made from fat,” she smiled at the player savoring his dessert.

“If you had let me give you that diamond as I originally intended to, in an engagement ring, I would be so fat right now. If we lived together all this time?”

“I doubt that. You’d eat out less if I were cooking for you at home every day, and that’s automatically better for you even if I do make things like cake and fried chicken and giant dishes of macaroni and cheese sometimes. And- newsflash- that would have been a disaster anyway.” Christina frowned and patted her blanket down in her lap to invite Spencer to sit with her. Both pups were on their feet and on alert for cake crumbs. The tricolor one indeed moved over onto her, but he wasn’t ready to get comfortable and be petted. Juan was studying her while she was trying to get the dog’s attention.

“What would be a disaster?”

“I was going to live with you half the week and down here half the week because we couldn’t find a place for the horses, remember? I’m pretty sure I know now  that that arrangement doesn’t work. Husband in one place and horses in another is too hard.” Her sudden onslaught of sadness and resignation was met with total nonchalance.

“Yeah but I would never let it get like that, like how it’s been for you. I told you that.”

“Why do you guys like to say shit like that? Like you can magically just fix problems? Then you don’t actually do it, and you don’t keep the promise, and then it’s worse. Then it’s not just the original problem, but also the letdown.” They’re all the same, the rider decided. At least all the guys I fall for, anyway. They want to fix everything, and take care of everything for me, and instead they make me go through hell while they realize it isn’t actually going to happen the way they wanted and promised.

“I say it because I mean it,” her ex shrugged, fork poised to capture some soupy vanilla and coconut mix. “If it didn’t work for us, I would have bought a facility near Manchester. You didn’t want to do that because of the cost, not because no acceptable place existed. And if you didn’t like it there, I would change clubs.”

“No you wouldn’t.”

“Yes I would. I would have changed that summer if it didn’t work for us.”

“No you wouldn’t. That would be silly.”

“I left there in the next window after that anyway, entirely because of you. It wasn’t right there without you, and I wanted to be closer to you to repair our relationship. I want to play football and have a good life off the pitch. It doesn’t matter that much where the two things happen.”

“Yeah but you’re saying that like your priorities are different and more noble than Schü’s,” the brunette with the bun argued. “He had to leave to be able to play.”

“Says who? You don’t think he could have done the job Marcos is doing? Marcos is no defender and he has half the ability going forward as André, and less pace. He was playing last year, and with a new manager coming in you don’t know what the situation is in June. He didn’t have to leave. He didn’t have to make the decision and then figure out how to handle it after, either.” Juan’s mouth was full of yummy cake but his voice was full of distaste. He’d harbored real disdain over what “André did” to Christina’s family, and never really let on about it until that night. His eyebrows got angry, which was something she seldom saw happen in any kind of serious way. Her response was mixed, because she didn’t like hearing her partner attacked but did like that someone wanted to speak up for better treatment for her. “If he was thinking of going, he could have figured out first where you would live and how long it would take to be ready. If he knew it would take half a year, then he could have waited and made the move in January. It’s trickier with the clubs, yes, but when you don’t even know what you’re trying to leave yet, what harm is there? And if the new club doesn’t want you badly enough to wait, are you really that important to them? Is it really going to be the situation you want? Family comes first for me. You come first. Never would I put you or any girl I love this way through what he has- not just this time, but last time too.”

“He let me decide, though.” Her defense for André was meek, and based mostly in her sense of loyalty rather than injustice. “He didn’t make a unilateral decision and force me to go along with it. I told him it was okay.”

“He only asked because he knew you wouldn’t say no. Just as I would never force that situation on you, you would never make him miss out on something he wants. You couldn’t even say no to him when he broke your heart into a hundred pieces and made you question if there was any point to living anymore. You only had that situation in the first place because you wouldn’t risk upsetting him during a football tournament to be honest and tell him you were in trouble and needed some help, some understanding. He asked you because he knew you would put his needs and his career first, like you always have. Don’t fool yourself into thinking anything else. It has nothing to do with your career and your life being more flexible than his, or his chances being more temporary, or any other way you justify your thinking. You just can’t say no to him.”

“Why are you so angry about this all of a sudden?” Christina asked, exasperated by the fervent ranting happening beside her on the couch. Cake crumbs were spilling out of the player’s mouth into his bowl because he was talking so fast and wouldn’t stop trying to eat at the same time.

“All of a sudden? Are you kidding?” he laughed.

“No.”

“I’m angry about this all the time! I’m angry that you woke up on Christmas Eve and called to tell me you love me and couldn’t wait to get home from the horse show so that you could be with me on Christmas and be one day closer to living together and having everything we want, and by the end of that night you were ignoring everything you felt in the morning simply because he asked you to. He asked you to ignore your feelings and go back to him based on his own feeling that you were supposed to be together, and you couldn’t say no! You just gave in. Don’t even try to tell me that it was the right decision either. You know better than anyone that your relationship with him has never gone back to the same. You get to the verge of leaving him every 6 months! You have the permanent doubt. You made this situation for yourself because you couldn’t deny him something he wanted. I’m never not angry about this. For you, and for myself. I’m never not angry that he can treat you like absolute shit and get away with it while I do everything you’re supposed to do when you truly love someone, and what I get for it is to be your backup boyfriend when you can’t be with him.”

Christina didn’t like being talked at. Juan was talking at her. He was complaining, and argumentative without arguing. He was frustrated, angry, aggrieved, disappointed, and condescending in a way his friend was quite familiar with. Every now and then he managed to make her feel very small and stupid, and she really hated that. It upset her instead of making her angry though. When people she cared about made her feel dumb, it was upsetting. When anyone else took a shot at her, it was an invitation for her to destroy them, and she usually accepted.  The Spaniard also dropped truth on her all the time, and she couldn’t say what he ranted about was entirely wrong. In fact, nearly all of it was correct.

“You’re right,” she said after a brief pause to organize her thoughts and pet her dog. “But not about why I went back to him. It wasn’t because I just didn’t want to say no. I wanted him to be in love with me. I wanted to know that he was always in love with me and that I wasn’t stupid for thinking all that time that he was and always would be. I went back to him because he convinced me that he never stopped, or- I guess- I guess I should say he convinced me that he could convince me. I didn’t fully believe him that night, but I wanted to. I had no idea what to do, or how I felt, or what would happen. He convinced me that he was going to show me that he loves me forever no matter what. We get in fights now because he keeps giving me reasons to think he doesn’t.”

“And me? Do you ever think I don’t?” a smug looking midfielder questioned.

“No.”

“Why do so many intelligent girls choose a man they don’t believe really loves them over one they know does?”

“Just because he sometimes does things that make me think he doesn’t love me the way I want doesn’t mean he doesn’t actually love me. It just means I take things the wrong way.”

“What difference does it make if he really loves you if he makes you feel like he doesn’t? What do you want in life? To feel loved, or to be told you are?”

“Juanin, I am a grown up with a family. I have a son. I have a husband that I love dearly. We’ve been through a ton of terrible shit together and he’s still my partner in life. I’m not just going to leave him because sometimes he makes me feel bad, or feel like he doesn’t love me as much as I love him. I’m not 16. It’s not a fairytale. We don’t just throw away relationships, and families, because-“

“Okay, stop, stop, I get it,” Juan sighed. He put his fork down, leaving about two bites worth of cake left in the dish with it. He rolled his eyes too. “I’m just saying, don’t give him more credit than he deserves. It messes with your head. You think you owe him when you don’t. You don’t hold him accountable when you’re entitled. That makes you...It diminishes you, in a way, cariña,” he advised with earnestness and humility. “It makes you weaker, and when you feel weak in one area then it spreads to the others like cancer.”

“I know. I know what you’re saying. You’re not wrong. And I’m...like working on all of that. And I never forget that it’s different with you.” The rider rubbed his left arm, slowly and with real purpose. His forearm was warm, and her fingertips carefully rooted under the dark hairs to lift them almost one at time. She thought she knew what was really going on, and that it didn’t actually have that much to do with the injustice of her relationships with the two players. “I know you love me, and you always make me feel very loved, and I love you too, so I know how hard it is for you when you think someone doesn’t understand how much you care, or how much you’re trying to do the right things. Or when they don’t appreciate it. I appreciate very much that you always make sure you treat me like nothing in the world is more important to you, and I’m sure your dad appreciates the work you’re doing for the restaurant. I’m sure he’s not trying to change stuff because he doesn’t realize what you’re trying to do for him and that you’ve already made plans. He probably just didn’t think about it from that side. Everybody gets kind of single-minded in their pursuit of personal projects like that. It’s easy to ignore one’s better judgement when wrapped up in a dream. Don’t let it upset you.”

“You’re a sweet girl, cariña,” the blue Blue sighed with a halfhearted smile. He reached over the bowl in his left hand to pat her knee with the right.