#i mean. i gotta get diagnosed first LMAO and get a specialized psychiatrist

[leadendeath]

remember when

(=when meaning TEN FREAKIN DAYS AGO i just checked and. oh my god.)

i asked for one-word prompts of anything at all? i have in fact been working on them

(instead of not doing them and feeling overwhelming guilt)

and am finalizing them now!!

[flightysquip]

also time for some mental health babbling

this isn’t a rant or a complaint.  this is genuinely me curious.

so like

not that there are a ton of depictions of bipolar disorder in media (*that actually focus on treatment or humanizing the character or whatever, that isn’t just shorthand for Evil Or Slutty Person) but most of them i can think of off the top of my head (and i’ve been guilty of this myself in my writing in the past), when they name a medication, immediately go to lithium

which, like, i get it in a sense.  it’s an easy shorthand for bipolar treatment (i would guess a similarity would be ‘depressed person always prescribed prozac’ but my knowledge of antidepressants is not the strongest, the only experience i have with antidepressants was celexa and resulted in hospitalization).  and, like, it also sounds hardcore and medieval as fuck (well, that’s at least my reaction when i hear it mentioned), so it probably makes it easier to justify the inevitable ‘bipolar person stops taking their meds’ storyline that will inevitably pop up.  those are just sorta my guesses.

my question is

like

does anyone’s doctor, when they’re first starting treatment for bipolar (and i’m talking bipolar 1 specifically), actually jump immediately to lithium?

my experiences are limited, of course, and i’m just talking about myself personally.  and i’m sure factors like family history and severity and all of that come into play, maybe affects of other drugs on the patient or whatever.  i don’t know.  i really don’t.  i was initially diagnosed by a, like, a standard MD or whatever, like, a primary care doctor (i just mean she wasn’t a psychiatric doctor).  I made an appointment, went in because i thought i had depression, she did her assessment, diagnosis, and started discussing treatment options.  she DID mention lithium, but not in a “this is a possible route we could go” way but as a sort of, like, potential escalation if other meds didn’t work.  she also stated that she’d rather not go this route because taking lithium requires routine bloodwork and, I think her exact words were that it was a much more ‘high maintenance course of treatment’ than lamictal or some of the other options (i mean, obviously with lamictal you have to worry about the infamous “rash”, but no blood work was required, no concerns about it damaging your liver or anything in the same way that you have to monitor with lithium--again from my understanding with what she communicated that day).

she also started me on a really low dose, too, and built me up.  it wasn’t just ‘here’s a mindnumbing dose of this medication you’ve never taken, go on your way’.  i guess i can understand why this isn’t as explored in media though--it’s not really sexy or exciting, the little microadjustments and all that.

anyway, when i was eventually hospitalized (and taken off the celexa that i’d been prescribed to help with anxiety lol), once again the doctors in the psych facility did assessments and discussed treatment plans and all of that.  and i had another med added in addition to removing the celexa and keeping the lamictal.  and once again, lithium was discussed, as a sort of “if these meds don’t work, we have other options up to and including this form of treatment” and once again i was given the “we would rather not go that route” talk (i’m not saying this means lithium is bad btw!  i have no experience taking it, and different meds work for different people.  i just mean it’s a little ??? that almost all media i’ve consumed that features bipolar/manic-depressive patients, lithium is usually so casually namedropped).  side note, the whole experience of being committed involved a lot of assessments of other possible diagnoses because, like, bipolar holds a lot of similarities to other disorders (shoutout to my bpd and adhd sibs!)

and when i was released from the hospital and starting seeing a psychiatrist, once again we touched on treatment options, diagnosis, etc etc.  once again i went through some mild adjustments and communication about treatment options and so on.  and, like, i guess the reason i bring that up is, i’ve had multiple different levels of assessment (general practitioner, crisis/emergency psychiatric care, specialized week by week psychiatrist), and a fair discussion of meds and options, i’ve never been prescribed lithium or even had it seriously considered.  and, though again this is all anecdotal of course, i have a fair amount of friends/associates/familywhatever you want to call them who have bipolar disorder too, and i think maybe one of them has disclosed taking lithium (shit this makes it sound like i spend all my time sitting around talking about meds and symptoms with anyone who discloses their mental illness to me lmao fuck i’m obnoxious!).

you know what med universally gets brought up though across the board?  lamictal (my uncle even got that infamous rash, so i know it’s not actually a scare tactic!).  this isn’t me saying this should be the new shorthand medication in shows with bipolar characters.  but it’s just funny to me, i guess, that my personal experience doesn’t have a running narrative of “evil personality warping lithium!!!!” instead it’s “so hey i’m having my dose adjusted on this developed-as-an-antiseizure-med and hey does this look like a cluster of pimples or is it a rash because apparently if i get a rash i gotta hurry my ass to the doctor or i’ll die”

and i don’t know if maybe experiences with psychiatric care are just radically different elsewhere in the country, or if hollywood is just being hollywood, if it’s just out of date information or if my experiences are abnormal or what.  i mean, i guess it’s more, like, some variety would be nice, maybe?  not just in meds either, but all aspects.  some variety would be cool.

[ddonggeun]

Hey! So I’m suspecting if I got adhd/add but is there any symptom idk. It’s really exp here to get it diagnosed

sorry it took me a while to get back to you because honestly i dont know whats a good alternative for you can be so i guess i can share my own experience? 

first of all i think googling symptoms and types of adhd and reading peoples account on how adhd/add manifest is a good start? my doctor and the reddit /r/adhd REALLY help me to accept myself (which is the first step i think) but the way i get diagnosis (i am adhd with predominately inattentiveness - but at the same time i have depressions and dyslexia which is like a killer combo 10/10 would never rec) is that i came across with an article a couple months about how girls with adhd are more likely to be (mis)diagnosed with depression and it basically fucks up multiple generations because they cant get the help they need and i was like wait whats describe in it sounds kind of like me but at the same time i have always been very lethargic and rather well behaved in class growing up i am nothing like what you would typically associate with adhd (you know the hyper-activeness) so during my next visit to the doctor (im getting treatment for my depression) i mention to the article to her and she said wait you know what describe how you feel in a classroom setting growing up and is there anything you do that teachers complain about repeatedly and tell me how studying and doing homework is like to you and so i did (i can go further into details of my life since a lot contributes to why i only get diagnosis when im 21… let me know if you would like to know i guess?)

my doctor (who just so happens to be an adhd specialist and is quite active in the research area i didnt know before then we stan forever i love her really she is so encouraging and so good at her job) took some notes as i was talking and after im done she said you know what i think you might be onto something but i cant be sure yet (since i have depression and dyslexia which both overlaps quite a lot with adhd/add) why dont i first explain to you what adhd is and i’ll give you the set of official diagnosis questions you dont have to do it just take a look at it first do some research organize your thought talk to your parents about it and if you think getting a test on it is something you want we can set up another appointment and we can go from there - which is really really nice because adhd has always been a taboo at least with my upbringing it makes you a loser socially academically and you know just in general its not something you will want to have…. 

in hind sight there are SO MANY SIGNS even in early childhood how come no one notice i dont know prolly because i grew up in the 00s if you are different you need to kys lmao rip: 

trouble paying attention in school or work,

the appearance of not listening - although im an audio learner funny enough

avoidance of activities that require sustained focus,

being easily distracted 

restlessness

fidgeting and cant sit properly - i shake my legs or click my pen so much especially when im thinking or anxious lmao, i got into trouble a lot when i was younger because i only sit in my seat facnig the teacher 5 mins max at at ime then i move around or i move the chair around i think better when i cross my legs but i went to a uniform school and i always make my skirt too short so you know

interrupting - if i dont say what comes to mind when it comes to mind, the thought is gone forever

frequent talking and talking way too fast - i get the exact same comment every single report day class from when i was 4 till i graduated high school im not even kidding “she has excellent comprehension skill and reading speed. it would be great if parents can help her out a bit in maths or chemistry.  she has a lot of potential if she applies herself, she seems distracted although when we ask her questions she can answer. very helpful and bubbly and yet she talks too much in class. she is not disruptive and her seatmate never complains but she just doesnt stop talking. we have been pairing her up with quiet students in class in the hopes that she will talk less in class but she just turn the quiet student talkative”

trying to do multiple things at once - i cant do one thing at a time, even when im say writing a paper i need to be listening to music or talking to someone if not switching between tabs or word files

mood swings

hyperfocus - oh boy oh boy oh boy

impulsiveness - i dont know if i get better as i age or is it getting worse i just know how to clean up my mess lmaooooo

poor time management - although i would say ever since i start listening to stuff 24/7 it really helps build a sense of the passage of time or whatever? its like now i know ok by the time i get to the third song in the shower i need to be washing out my conditioner; or say i need to go somewhere in 40 mins which is really abstract to me i set timers and put on a show thats 35ish mins even tho im not watching it just so im aware of time is actually happening if it makes sense

fail to follow through - i start things and once i have it figure out in my head i struggle to put it down in words or explain it to others i work well with other adhd peps tho

doesnt follow instruction and only do stuff their way

burnout - this is the worst especially if you are a perfectionist or a control freak and guess who is both 

trouble coping with stress - 

i luck out because im canadian and my doctor (in my schools clinic) just so happens to be a specialist who is very passionate about helping undergrads and grad school students to achieve as much as they can - so doctor and diagnosis for me is free. i do have to pay for my medications out of my pocket for a bit since im on vyvanse (to treat both my adhd and depression-lead anxiety its complicated but it makes sense when my doctor explained it to me lol) and this drug isnt covered by Pharmacare (CAD $130ish for 3 weeks worth of 30mg, im mostly on 30mg but on days when i dont have work on stuff or go to school i take 20mg just so my anxiety dont cause me to explode lmao) and very expensive but recently my doctor and i have agreed that vyvanse really work for me and it is something that i should be on daily for the foreseeable future we applied for special authorization which means i only gotta pay the tax… of course medicating isnt a must but it is what works for me and we figure out a way to make it affordable so i cant be more happy about that

at the same time i work with my psychiatrist to you know configure the whole adhd thing cause you know 21 years of repressing and forcing your feet into a shoes that not even your size frick you up thats something people dont tell you 🤷🏻‍♀️

what my doctor said to me then stuck with me - she told me adhd or add really is no monster or flaw in fact it is a very valuable set of traits we inherit from our ancestor - we hate it now because modern society render these skills useless well you see adhd isnt all about the hyperactiveness you see in the media people with adhd are extra sensitive to their surrounding and prefer hands on experiences (today we call them distracted) they are always aware of the change around them and is capable to attend to a couple things at a time and act fast because their brains are always making sense of things even when they arent consciously doing it. in todays society we dont want these kind of people why? because they ask questions they are curious people who notice trivial stuff that dont contribute to productivity they cant sit still which makes them not the ideal factor workers or pupils BUT! you have to remember that industrialization started like a century ish ago before that our ancestors live in predominately tribal society - adhd people then are the perfect caretakers and protectors, why? because they are always noticing things they adapt and react fast… so yeah it kinda suck for us growing up in a system thats designed to be everything we are and it is something that need to be changed but for those of us who “made it out alive” especially people who only get diagnosed in adulthood more often than not they look back and realize they have developed so many incredible ways to cope to make things work - are they always the perfect way? are they always health? no definitely no but at the same time it shows you how incredible these people are they make things work yes things are really hard sometimes but you got to give yourself a pet in the shoulder for not giving up… with the help of science and research we now know a little more about how adhd affect people we now have medication and programs developed to help people with adhd - they arent to dumb you down or numb you but instead it helps you to focus better so you can actually hear your entire thought and not just phrases or sentence fragments