#i might go with my mom on saturday tho

[katnissgirlsmakedo]

you’ll ask your sister who liked the hunger games in middle school if she wants to go see the new hunger games movie during thanksgiving break and she’ll be like yeah sure and then suddenly it’s thanksgiving break and she’s decided that actually she doesn’t want to because she’s just soooo popular and has a packed social calendar and actually YOU’RE the loser freak for even asking god why can’t you go to the movies with one of your friends beth? and like. well ok i could have seen this movie without u several days ago sorry for thinking you’d enjoy seeing it… but goddamn guess i’ll go fucking kill myself i guess 🙄

[bandana-fox]

Earlier Hazel started baaa-ing and I did it right back so we just had this back and forth going on when suddenly someone came driving by on their bike and also did baaaa and Hazel just looked towards the fence "baaa?"

[coffeeflavored-tears]

hey nova we r getting married friday bc jackbox day is now bring your wife to work day and i am the wife

okay 👍 can i also be the wife

[wonyrs]

౨ৎ like the movies

pairing enha hyungs x fem reader genre fluff , established relationship, scenarios warning cursing

lee heeseung | embarrassing and embarrassed

will definitely yell out "I LOVE YOU" in the loudest voice he can muster up before dropping u off to class and won't leave until u yell it back. he does this with the most shit eating grin ever

he's so dreamy when ure together but sometimes he just gets that burst of energy where he absolutely NEEDS to do something that makes u question why u even liked him

"um she asked for no pickles 🤓☝️"

he buys u guys those ugly "if lost return to her" "hi im her" shirts and forces u to wear them everytime u go on a date

unironically likes it and is a proud matching shirt buyer

everytime u post he'll spam ur comments with all the compliments in the entire world, tags all his friends and old people he doesn't even know saying shit like "hey this is my gf you know my gf go follow my gf"

"hey babe does my hair look good?" and its a picture of him smoldering, showing off his godly jawline. probably thinks hes the sexiest guy alive (he is)

park jongseong | chivalrous and princess

u guys saw that one vlog w his mom? jay literally gave her the more appetizing plate while he just dumped everything on his

opens the car door, cooks ur meals, helps u w hw, and even buys ur parents flowers everytime he visits

"open the door for a big surprise (not clickbait)!" and he doordashed u ur fav foods after his spidey sense told him u felt down

ok i imagine him buying a 100-recipe cook book and making every dish whenever u stay over

"but babe i'm ful-" "please just one more, i promise this will be the last"

spoiler alert- it's not! dw tho, extra servings get sent to ur friends/family. ur mom teaches him some of her special recipes while ur dad is his assistant chef (taste tester)

he's a gentleman, yes thats true. but once u too get real comfortable w/ each other is when the side of chivalry u never knew existed revealed itself

he pampers u when ure tired but still likes to tease u if he sees the oppurtunity to. ex: massaging ur legs after an intense cardio workout, "ur feet are smelling kinda stinky. no need to worry, i'll lick the dirt away for u babe 😉 " NASTY.

he pays for all ur cafeteria meals and always says something along the lines of "let's go out on saturday, except ure paying for everything"

do u ever end up paying? no.

he'll distract u the moment ure at the counter and pays w his card before u can even look back. "i guess they gave us a free discount for being their best customers 🤷" u know what he did even if he won't admit

it's okay, u buy him a cheeseburger using ur free mcdonalds app awards

sim jaeyun | rizzler and rizzed

no lies here: sim jaeyun is the dreamiest man ever

casually explaining to him what happened in ur day blah blah, u look to ur right and the softest eyes are staring at u with so much love u almost combust

but not only was he staring at u, bro was unconsciously licking his lips, tilting his head and holding ur fingers so delicately like it might break any second (cute and sexy?) u had to stop talking for a sec and scream into ur hand

ESP AT SCHOOL DUDE he'll run to u after a soccer match and hug u so tight ur friends start puking

like ewww sweat but at the same time omggg ur bf's sweat 😝 u still have to push him off before u starting stinking too tho

he's defo the type to lift his shirt up to wipe the sweat off his face and it kills u everytime... u look to see if anyone's looking before snapping a quick pic (who wouldn't)

when u guys r studying together, he'll either pull u by the waist or by ur chair so u can get closer to him without having to stand up

struggling to see the paper? no need to fear, dikeu is here :3

he'll slide his hand (purposely) under ur shirt and scooch u over to his side of the table, never even stopping the conversation

mind u, his hand is still on ur waist

park sunghoon | socially awkward and socially awkward

ur relationship makes ur friends giggle at how silly u guys r

imagine: blah blah blah ure in a really interesting conversation with ur boyfriend and someone interrupts, asking if u guys did the hw last week

"oh uh" "uhm" "idk" "sorry" UR REPLIES. EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.

cue the intense eye contact until that person leaves the room. then u go back to whatever u were talking about. "so yeah lebron should honestly retire this season"

since u have all classes together, ur teachers always make sure to pair u up as partners since no WAY in hell will either of u be able to talk to someone else willingly

if ur friend group isn't at the cafeteria, the top 3 lunch spots would be @ the field, rooftop, or back of the classroom

when u accompany him to skating/dance practice, all u do is record him reviewing a program or choreo and silently cheer him on

both ur parents share concerns about u two not having any friends at/outside of school 😢

no one really knows that yall r talking about the weirdest shit during class... they just think ure being little nerds and working on math answers

"messi is literally better than ronaldo what are u on about boy" "ok buddy but who has more insta followers" "HOW IS THAT RELEVANT TO THE WORLD CUP"

@ wonyrs 2023

requests are open !! click here to see request guidelines :>

[hamletshoeratio]

"But no new content 😭!!" that means jack shit. We have several literal decades worth of content we can watch or rewatch. The writers and now the actors too are not only fighting for their livelihoods but for the futures and the soul of their industries.

Fuck new content, fuck the executives and producers and powers that be who make millions upon millions while the people, who create the content that make them rich, can barely make ends meet.

Here's some suggestions to anyone who doesn't know what to watch;

Nostalgia rewatch; watch old favourites, shows and movies you haven't seen in years but that stayed with you, the ones that mattered to you.

Watch the shows your parents didn't let you watch growing up because they thought the show was "too mature" for you.

Watch the shows and movies people have recommended to you that you never found time for before.

Watch indie films!!!

Look at different genres than what you've watched before and give them a go.

Try films and shows from other countries and/or in other languages. There's dubs and subtitles available and these shows and movies can be just as good if not better than their American and/or English speaking counterpart.

And remember when watching shows, that you do not have to binge them all at once, you can have your own personal tv schedule and watch say an episode a week like you would've done when/if they aired before streaming

Look at some older films and shows, why does it matter if it's in black and white or the camera quality is lower than 4k and hd, so long as it's good? And so many of those shows and films, while not perfect, have aged better than shows that have come out in the last decade, like the golden girls for instance has aged so much better than say glee (ok many many many shows aged better than glee but let's be real for a second, music was better when artists were terrified of the Glee cast doing a better version of their song on the show. I do still wish it was a show my mom didn't let me watch tho, lmao glee was fine but no, her twelve year old being obsessed with Les mis and rewatching it religiously was cause for concern 😂😭 I was just as obsessed with glee for seasons 1-4 especially).

It's ok to indulge your inner child and rewatch the classics tm. The shows and movies you grew up with. Rewatch the shows that got you through sick days from school, the tv movies you remember watching premiere, the cartoons that MADE your Saturday mornings, etc.

On the topic of animation, that's literally an unlimited genre you can tap into, which rarely gets the recognition and respect it deserves.

Don't be afraid to watch the one season wonders, the shows that networks and streamers cancelled after one season in spite of strong reviews and good ratings. Or the shows that ended abruptly around the season 3 or 5 mark because networks and streamers cancelled them because they didn't want to negotiate contracts and have to pay the actors and writers more. Get angry, remember what the actors and writers are fighting for.

The privilege of older shows that either concluded naturally or that writers were given a heads up on might be on it's last season is that you get closure, unlike with the above. That might not mean an ending is good but a bad ending is better than a cliffhanger. There's always fix its fics for a bad ending. And if the ending is good, it's typically GOOD in my experience. The fear of a cliffhanger and zero closure has already turned many against watching new content until the show is renewed for another season or is fully wrapped (and fans don't hate the ending).

Watch the shows that were in their day or are popular or critically acclaimed, they usually hold up to the hype.

Watch the old shows and movies your favs were on/in before they were your favs.

Try a soap or a telenovela, they can be entertaining af (holby city my love, Tuesdays have never been the same since the BBC robbed me of you).

If you liked a reboot or a revival of a show, try the original (in certain cases, the og is even better, see boy meets world v girl meets world).

If you like period dramas, try shows and films from other countries based on their history. A lot of times when people are telling their own history it goes far better than when Hollywood tries it (see the many times Hollywood has actors brought in because producers think they're good for box office and they then go on to butcher the accent their character should have, see Cameron Diaz, Julia Roberts, Meryl Streep and so many others who have absolutely butchered the Irish accent over the years for instance. There's also many many instances even recently of just blatant whitewashing see Matt Damon as the last samurai...).

Listen to recommendations, watch the shows and movies you know your family and friends loved but you never got around to watching.

[daechwitatamic]

VII. Supposed to Be With You

(banner by @/itaeetwon)

Title: My Feet to Follow, and My Heart to Hold (Masterpost)

Rating: NSFW - minors dni

Genre: college!au, roomie!au, angst, s2l, the absolute slowest of burns

Pairing: Namjoon x female reader, unrequited Taehyung x reader

Beta'd by @/kookstempo, @/casuallyimagining, and @/toikiii - thank you endlessly!

Summary: You know a lot about the many types of love thanks to Kim Taehyung. You love him as the only person you see as “family”, you love him as your very best friend, and you love him as the beautiful, funny man he’s become. But when a twist of fate during your senior year has you rooming with his good friend Kim Namjoon, you just might find that you have plenty left to learn about love. 

Lesson One: there are such things as a right way and a wrong way to love and to be loved.

//

You and Namjoon support each other through some tough days.

Section Warnings: language, dealing with loss, pov switch to Namjoon for a section or two

WC: 6k

The world is mine: blue hill, still silver lake, Broad field, bright flower, and the long white road A gateless garden, and an open path: My feet to follow, and my heart to hold. - Journey | Edna St. Vincent Millay

Saturday November 10th

[9:22 AM] You: grocery run??? [9:36 AM] Tae Bear 🧸: ur just using me for my car 🙁 [9:37 AM] You: not true!!! i like when we go together and talk while we shop 🥺 [9:37 AM] You: the car is simply a bonus ☝️ [9:39 AM] Tae Bear 🧸: i mean do i rly want to go run errands this morning… no [9:40 AM] You: you’re the worst [9:43 AM] Tae Bear 🧸: text me later tho! and buy those chips? remember the good ones? [9:45 AM] You: you’re literally insufferable 🙄

Officially on your own, you rise from the couch, coffee mug cooled and almost empty in your hand, and head back to your room to get dressed. When you’re ready, you place your coffee cup in the sink to deal with later and get your little wheely cart from the pantry. When you turn, Namjoon is in the living room, and you jump - just barely fighting back a shriek of surprise.

“God, you really are jumpy,” he laughs. “Are you ever just relaxed?”

“I startle easily!” you say defensively, laughing too. 

“Are you getting groceries?” he asks, eyes catching on the cart in your hands. 

“Yeah,” you say, following his gaze and looking down at your hands. “I was just on my way.”

“Can I go with you?” he asks, totally surprising you. “I need a few things.”

“Oh,” you say, still a little shocked by the question. “You can tell me what you need, if you want! I can grab it for you.”

“I’d rather join you,” he says, “as long as you don’t mind?”

You consider this. “No, I don’t mind,” you say, shrugging. “Do you need a few minutes?”

He shakes his head. “I can go now.”

It’s pleasant, walking through town together, pulling your little cart. It’s unseasonably warm, though the forecast claims you’re due for a frost that night and the next few days will stay cold. Namjoon talks easily with you as you collect produce, meats, and cheeses from the front section of the store. Overhead, the muzak plays 90’s hits that your mom used to love. 

“You start on this side?” he asks, a little playful. “I always start on the other end.”

“I have a system,” you insist, smiling. “You’ll see. It’s very methodical.”

On the cereal row, your favorite brand seems to be low in stock. You stretch on your tippytoes, reaching, fingers just barely catching the corner of the box. It tips, then settles back where it was. 

You know what’s coming, somehow, and you - the world’s jumpiest human - aren’t startled at all when you feel Namjoon’s warm body solidly against your back. One hand steadies you both by resting on your waist, the other reaches easily for the box you wanted.

There’s space between you again, too quickly, as he hands you the box. He avoids your gaze, like he’s not sure if he crossed a line or not. 

“Be careful,” you tease, “or I’ll get spoiled and I’ll ask you to reach all the high places for me.”

He smiles. “It’s a curse I’ve lived with for a long time.”

You make your way, shivering, through the freezer sections, grabbing what you need. Namjoon carries a reusable bag of his own handful of items he’s picked up through the rows, so that he can pay for his separately. 

Once you’re done, you check out and head home. Namjoon places a hand on the cart to pull it for you, and you shoulder him away.

“I’ve got it,” you insist. 

He gives you an indulgent look. “You can let me pull the groceries, Y/N. It doesn’t have to mean anything you don’t want it to mean.”

This shames you into silence, and you move over to let him take the cart. You don’t feel like you deserve the patience he’s affording you. 

“Don’t get all quiet on me, little cactus,” he says, eyeing you sideways. “Everything’s fine. We’re fine.”

What’s we? The only reason you don’t know is because you’re too cowardly to ask.

“What ever happened with your ex?” you ask, needing the subject to change. “We haven’t talked about that in a few weeks. Did you ever answer her?”

Beside you, Namjoon grimaces. 

“We don’t have to talk about it,” you say quickly. “I was just curious.”

“I answered her a while ago… back before Halloween. I told her I wasn’t interested in talking. She’s… been persistent.”

You frown. “Has she said what she wants?”

He shakes his head. “Just that she wants to see me, she wants to talk. I’ve pushed it - I know she’s got a reason - but she sticks to that story. She just wants to see me.”

You wrinkle your nose. “It doesn’t sound like she even knows.”

He purses his lips, annoyed with the situation. “That’s not it. She knows. She just can’t straight out say to me that she wants to see me to find out if I miss her or not.”

“Well…” you say carefully. You’re walking behind him a little, so you don’t have to see his face as you ask, “Do you?”

“I truly don’t,” he says, turning to look at you, something earnest and insistent in his voice. Like he needs you to believe him. “Trust me, it was toxic.”

You’re quiet for a minute, following his footsteps. “I think you can recognize the flaws in a relationship and still miss the person, though,” you say quietly. “I’m just saying. I wouldn’t judge you if you did, a little.”

“I don’t,” he says firmly. 

You walk in silence, chastised. Then, you ask, “So she hasn’t given up?”

Namjoon shakes his head again.

“Let me talk to her for you,” you tease. “I’ll sort her out.”

He looks backwards at you now, smiling a little. “You’re not scary,” he disagrees.

You drop your jaw in pretend indignation. “I am scary!” 

He shakes his head. “Not even a little.”

You pretend to gasp. “That is absolutely the meanest thing you’ve ever said to me,” you pretend to pout, reaching out to give him a playful swat. 

The apartment is in sight, and you’ve got Namjoon’s laugh ringing in your ears as you get close enough to the front steps to register that someone is sitting on them. Then you register the parked car along the sidewalk.

Your brain slowly puts two and two together.

Taehyung watches you two come closer, the groceries in tow. He looks serious, and as you get close enough to talk to him, you wonder anxiously if he’s here because something is wrong. 

“Hi,” you say, a little breathlessly. He steps out of the way to let Namjoon up the stairs with the cart. “We were getting groceries.”

“I see that,” he says, voice just a touch flat. He looks between Namjoon and you. “I called you.”

“Oh,” you say, reaching immediately for your pocket. “I didn’t feel it go off. Sorry, Taetae.” You give him big, sad eyes. He cracks quickly, just like he always has. 

“It’s okay,” he says, sounding more like himself. “I just wanted to see if you wanted to hang.”

“I definitely do,” you tell him. “Come up while I put the groceries away, and we can figure out a plan?”

He nods, following you up the stairs. In the kitchen, the cart sits in the middle of the kitchen, all of your items waiting for you. Namjoon is in the fridge, putting a few of his own things away. 

You start pulling your own items out of the cart one by one, putting them where they go. You and Namjoon move around each other easily, like it’s choreographed. At one point, he gently takes a box from your hands and puts it up on the highest shelf for you. You smile at him in thanks.

Taehyung watches all of this silently from where he’s perched at the breakfast bar. When your groceries are put away, you face Taehyung and put your hands on your hips. “What do you wanna do?” you ask.

He shrugs easily, his eyes on his phone screen as he scrolls. “Don’t care. What were you gonna do before I showed up?”

Honestly? Probably hang out with Namjoon in the living room, read a little, do some homework, maybe watch a show. 

“I’m going to get some writing done,” Namjoon says, even though nobody asked him. It’s like he wants you to know you can remove him from the equation. You have a feeling that hadn’t been his original plan, either. 

“Just hang out,” you say, looking back at Taehyung. His messy hair falls over his eyes as he bends his head to look at his phone. “Wanna put on a show?”

You get comfortable on the couch. The familiarity sets in, the comfort of doing your normal thing, with your normal person, in your normal place. It’s so much less scary than foraying into uncharted territory with Namjoon. 

But it’s stagnant, too.

“My parents said to tell you hi,” Taehyung informs you from his side of the couch. “They asked how you were.”

“Oh,” you say, looking over the top of your phone at him. “Hi! Tell them I’m good. I miss them! Tell your mom I miss her stew, like, badly.”

“I can’t tell her that,” Taehyung laughs. “She’ll make you some and tell me to drive there to get it for you.”

“I fail to see the problem,” you sniff. From behind Namjoon’s door, you hear the telltale sound of classical music. 

You know what that means - the writing isn’t going well. On the other side of the door, he’s stuck.

Thursday November 15th 

Your alarm on Thursday goes off way before it should. You tap the snooze button without looking, and then are baffled when the buzzing doesn’t stop. You actually open one eye to peek at the screen and see that Kris is calling you. Something must be wrong.

“Hello?” you answer groggily, clearing your throat.

“I am so sorry,” they say in greeting. “I am such an asshole for waking you up and I am such an asshole for what I’m about to ask you.”

You groan, already knowing what’s coming.

“Can you please - please please please please please - cover me at the store for like two hours later?” they beg. 

“I’m in class until 4:30,” you tell them. 

“That’s fine, I don’t need you until six.”

“You want me to close?” you yelp. “Kris!”

“I will owe you a hundred times over,” they say desperately. 

You roll onto your back and close your eyes again, the phone pressed to your ear. “Fine,” you grumble finally, because you love Kris, and because you need the money. 

You survive both your morning and afternoon classes, grabbing lunch with Taehyung in the caf between the two. After your afternoon class, you have a weird gap of time before Kris needs you at the store, so you head for the library and do a bit of work. When it’s nearly time, you pack up and head to the store. You’re nearly there when you feel your phone vibrate in your hand.

[5:51 PM] Namjoon: did you order dinner already? I’m leaving campus now

[5:51 PM] You: im covering kris at the bookstore until 8:30 :( 

You watch his three dots appear, then vanish. Appear, then vanish. Appear… hover… then vanish. 

[5:54 PM] Namjoon: want me to bring you something to eat?

You want to sink down onto the concrete path and melt into the ground. What is this absolutely boyfriend behavior, and why are the butterflies in your stomach having a rager over it?!

It’s like he knows you’ll be having a whole meltdown about it, because he follows up quickly.

[5:55 PM] Namjoon: it’s not a big deal i can grab something on campus for myself too and bring it over

[5:56 PM] You: i would really appreciate that :’) best roomie ever

[5:57 PM] You: that was NOT me roomie-zoning you!!! you can be best roomie ever AND ….whatever else lol

Sometimes you wonder who decided to let you ever leave your house. You deserve a trophy for being the most awkward human alive. 

You can’t dwell on it, though, because you’re at the store and you have to clock in and take over the register. There’s always a bit of a rush around the dinner hours - more students are in the student center for dinner anyway and stop in for what they need, or opt to get crappy snacks instead of real dinner. You don’t judge. 

It’s almost eight when you see Namjoon’s familiar shape in the door. He’s holding a bag of food and uses his shoulders to push the door open. 

“You brought me sustenance?” you ask hopefully. Your stomach is growling. 

“I did,” he tells you. He sets the bag on the counter and you dig into it immediately, pulling out the wrap he got for you. 

“You are a god amongst men,” you tell him reverently. He beams at you, standing still practically in the doorway of the store. He shifts over when the bell above the door chimes, and a pretty girl with dark hair steps through. You don’t think anything of it until you watch the smile literally drop off of his face.

“I thought that was you,” she says, her voice hushed like she’s in church, and her eyes are on his. You shove another bite of your wrap into your mouth and sink further behind the cashier’s counter, praying for invisibility. 

“Elyse,” he says, and you notice several that all of him has gone tight - his eyes, his shoulders, his fists, his voice. All of it becomes coiled, ready to spring. You resist the urge to say his name, even though it’s fighting its way out of your mouth, so strong is your urge to calm him. “What are you doing here?”

“I was just passing,” she says, sounding a little wounded. “I thought I saw you in here, so I came in. What are you doing here?”

You wait for him to implicate you, to indicate that he’s here to bring you food, spend time with you on the sly. 

Instead, he says, “I lost my headphones again.”

A lie. 

A lie that leaves you out. 

The smile creeps over her face, fond and adoring. She shakes her head, hair swishing. “You’re such a mess, Namjoon.”

His eyes narrow, but he says nothing. The silence stretches between them, and finally he says, “What do you want, Elyse? You saw me and you came in why?”

Her eyebrows knit together; the hurt you’d heard in her voice shifts onto her face. “I just wanted to talk to you,” she says. “I’ve been trying to talk to you.”

He licks his lips, glances at you for the barest of seconds before facing her, arms crossing defensively over his chest.

“I’m aware,” he says dryly. “And I’ve been telling you no thanks. So, again… why are you here?”

Now the girl - Elyse, obviously - eyes you for the first time. You take another bite of your wrap, all innocence. For all she knows, you’re just the girl working the register at the school bookstore. She doesn’t know where you live… or what you’ve been doing with your roommate. 

“Can we… go somewhere?”

He looks at her flatly in response.

“To talk,” she says, like she needed to explain, like he doesn’t completely get it. 

“If you need to say something to me so badly,” he says, his voice scarily even, “you can do it right here.”

“I just…” she says, faltering, looking back at him, “I just wanted to know how you were, I guess. I’ve been… having a hard time, and I…” She glances at you again, like she’s embarrassed for this conversation to be witnessed - and honestly, you don’t blame her. “I guess I wondered if you were, too.” She looks at the floor, rubbing her arms self-consciously.

And here’s the thing… from an outside perspective, even though you’ve heard his side of this… you kind of believe her. Maybe he was right when he said she just needed to grow up a little. 

“I’m sorry you’re struggling,” he says, his voice softening. “You know I don’t want that for you.”

“I know,” she whispers, looking up at him through her lashes. 

Damn, you think. This girl is good. 

“Honestly, Elyse,” he continues, his voice still soft, gentle, “I’ve been doing fine. I’ve been okay. Just… just writing, you know?”

She smiles again, a tiny smile. You can’t believe your amazing luck to be able to innocently witness this transaction, but you also feel for him - to have this conversation in front of you has to be killing him. You can’t imagine trying to have a conversation like this with Taehyung with Namjoon listening. But you can’t leave - you’re glued to the register, your mouth still full of a chicken-avocado wrap. 

“Of course,” she says, smiling shyly up at him. “Always writing. But, Namjoon...” She heaves a sigh. You wish Kris was here to witness this with you, to help you dissect it later. “I guess… I wanted to talk to you because I’ve been… I’ve been thinking about us.”

Your eyes go wide and you look at Namjoon immediately for his reaction.

“There’s no ‘us’, Elyse,” he points out, so kindly, like he doesn’t want to hurt her and he knows he has to anyway. “You made sure of that.”

You almost gasp out loud, and you quickly stifle your reaction with another big bite of dinner. 

She has the presence of mind to look cowed. “I know that,” she admits. “I just… I guess I’m not sure how I feel about it now. About how we left things. And like… if that’s just me, I guess it’s my problem. But I needed to know… if it was just me.”

You’re chewing furiously, and then the damndest thing happens. Namjoon looks right at you.

You hold his gaze, and wish you could call time-out, pull him aside, confer with him before he answers. Say what you need to say, you’d tell him, because you get it. As complicated as shit is with you and Taehyung... of course you get it. 

You’re fully prepared for him to tell her that it’s not just her, or at least something kind of in the middle, like it’s complicated.

He surprises you.

“It’s just you,” he tells her, and he’s holding your gaze the whole time. Like he’s talking to you. “I’m not coming back, Elyse.”

The door opens behind her, and a group of girls come in, talking loudly to one another. It gives Elyse time to get her face right, you guess, because when you look back she’s managing to smile at him, though it’s clearly forced. 

“Okay,” she says. “Thanks for telling me. If your mind’s made up… then I guess there’s nothing else to say here?” She makes it a question.

“There never was,” he says, and though his words are cutting, his voice is still kind. “That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you.”

She nods, licks her lips, eyes on the ground, and then she heads for the door. The group of girls come up to the register to pay, and you catch Namjoon’s gaze over their heads.

“I’ll see you at home,” he says, not a question, and you nod, scanning their items blindly. 

The rest of your shift crawls, uneventful and lonely, and when you finally clock out you’re dying to text Kris or literally anyone about the episode you just witnessed. 

After you lock up, you head outside of the student center. It’s dark, and freezing, and you hike your jacket up around your neck. 

A voice says your name and a hand reaches for your elbow. Every time Namjoon has startled you at the apartment and you’d jumped or dropped what you were holding pales in comparison to now; you shriek, so loud that some students further down the path turn around to check on you. 

“Jesus,” Namjoon huffs, laughing. “It’s just me.”

“Don’t grab people!” you scold, heart pounding against your ribs. “Holy shit.”

“Sorry,” he says, kind of an afterthought. “Are you going home now?”

As you come down from the adrenaline rush, things start to piece together in your head. “Were you… did you wait for me? It’s been almost an hour!”

“I know,” he says, rubbing a hand over his face. “I know. But I wanted to make sure I caught you.” 

You take a few steps in the direction of home and he follows. You start walking together this way, you leading for once. “Why?” you ask him, genuinely curious. 

He sighs, looks away from you as you cross campus together. “I wanted to tell you thank you.”

“For what?” you demand, flummoxed. 

He runs his hand down the back of his neck, still avoiding your gaze. 

Adorable, you think. 

“For being there. For all that with Elyse.”

“Firstly,” you point out, “I did literally nothing except popcorn-gif. Secondly, if you think that was dramatic, you haven’t watched enough dramas with me. That was tame. No one even cried.”

He laughs, once. “Chances are she’s crying now.” 

“What happens when the scene cuts away doesn’t count,” you tell him firmly. Then, a beat later you add, “You were admirably forth-coming with her.”

“Made me feel like shit,” he admits in a grumble. You reach out and pat his arm reassuringly. 

“I’m sure it did,” you tell him. “But this has to be better than stringing her along or something.”

He gives you a hum of agreement. “Well, anyway. Thank you.”

“Namjoon,” you say seriously, “I didn’t do anything.”

“Y/N,” he says, equally serious. “You have no idea how that would have gone if you hadn’t been there. You being there saved my ass from telling her we could talk again, if it made her happy. It stopped me from getting swept away in nostalgia, or her magic powers that make me stupid. You… grounded me.”

This knocks you into silence. It feels big, like he’s telling you a lot more than he’s actually saying. 

And, you get it. Because Namjoon makes you feel grounded, too. 

You aren’t sure what to say. You want to say thanks, because it feels like he’s given you a compliment. You want to say you’re sorry that he had to stare her down and tell her no, when - probably - at least one, little part of him wanted to say yes.

Instead, you just ask, “Are you okay?”

He shoots you a grateful look. “Yeah,” he says, “I am. Thanks.”

“Stop thanking me,” you tease, smiling, elbowing him lightly. 

He catches your wrist, tugging you closer as you walk. When you’re close enough, he wraps an arm around your waist, holding you tight through the last two city blocks.

Monday November 19th

You’ve walked to campus with Namjoon three Mondays in a row, so he waits for you this morning too, sipping his coffee at the breakfast bar patiently. As he watches the time pass, the time you normally leave together inching closer, he starts to get a little concerned. 

He tries texting you - you coming to campus today? - but you don’t answer. Finally, with about ten minutes to spare, he caves and knocks on your closed bedroom door. He hears your voice respond, muffled, but he doesn’t catch what you say.

He inches the door open, and is surprised to find that not only are you not ready to go, you’re still just a lump under your blankets.

“Y/N?” he ventures. “Are you sick?”

There’s some movement up by your head as you move the comforter enough to peer at him. “No,” you tell him, your voice a bit gravelly from sleep. “But I’m not going to campus today. You can go without me.”

“You’re not sick?” he repeats, just to clarify. There’s a little part of his brain that wonders if this is a menstruation thing, but wouldn’t he have noticed days like this in the months before now?

“No,” you repeat, and pull the blanket back up to cover your ears. 

He feels unsure, like maybe he shouldn’t just leave you here, at least without getting to the bottom of what’s going on. 

“Are you… okay?” he asks, the same question you’d asked him before the weekend, when Elyse had tried to fucking blindside him and drown him in guilt. 

“Mhm,” you say, and he waits for more, an explanation, a reassurance, anything. You give him nothing. 

“Okay,” he says finally, when he’s about five minutes late and he can’t stand it anymore. “I’m going to class. You’ll be alright here?”

You give another hum of an answer. He leaves your door open as he leaves, like it’ll help.

Concern and guilt eat at him all the way through his morning class; he can barely concentrate. He doesn’t really have time to go home between class and his TA hours, but when his professor dismisses him, he finds himself lifting his bag off the ground by his chair and heading in the direction of the apartment. 

The apartment is so quiet when he gets there that he feels a flash of relief - you’d gotten up and gone to class after all. But as he makes his way through the living room and peers into your room, it’s clear that you haven’t moved. 

What is going on? he wonders. 

“Y/N?” he says. There’s no movement, no indication that you heard him. He inches into your room, still unsure if you want him there, if he’s crossing boundaries, if he’s overstepping. “Hey, have you eaten or anything?”

Silence. He purses his lips. Words Elyse used to throw at him ring in his head - stop trying to fix it when I’m upset. I don’t want a solution, I want support. But as far as he knows, you haven’t moved all day. He goes into the kitchen and fills a glass with water and walks it back to your room determinedly. 

When he gets close enough to set the glass down on your nightstand, he can see that you're awake, laying on your side, your eyes on the wall, unblinking.

He sets it down, watching your face carefully, and backs away. He’s about to give up and head out to the living room when he hears you, quiet as a breath, whisper, “Thank you.” 

He pauses, turning back. “Can I…?” He falters, still so uncertain. “Can I stay with you?”

You don’t respond right away, the moment stretching heavy between you. Then, silent, you nod your head, just once. Something blooms in Namjoon’s chest, stretching and growing so that he feels his ribs must shift to make room for it. He circles around to the other side of the bed and gingerly sits, turning and stretching his long legs out, leaning back against your headboard. 

You don’t move, you don’t talk, so neither does he. He just stays, and waits, and watches the slant of sunlight through your blinds crawl inch by inch across your bedroom wall. After about an hour of this, he rises, needing to move to get his phone out of his pocket. He stands, trying to get some circulation back in his legs, as he dials the department head. 

“Hey,” he says, walking to your bedroom window and peering through the crack in the blinds. “I’m going to take a sick day today, okay? I didn’t have anyone scheduled… maybe Alec can take it if you need someone?”

He listens for a minute, then adds, “Yeah. Thanks, I appreciate you. Yeah, I should be fine for tomorrow. Okay. Sorry about that. Thanks again.”

When he turns back to you, you’ve actually rolled a little bit peering over your shoulder at him. “You didn’t have to do that,” you say. 

He regards you seriously. “I… think I did,” he admits. “I just don’t understand exactly why yet.”

You don’t answer, your tongue sneaking out to wet your lips. Then you reach over and flip the corner of your comforter down on the empty side of the bed, an invitation. 

He sits, as expected, sliding his legs under your blankets, and pulling the comforter up to his chest. He lays next to you for a few minutes, about six inches between your bodies. Then, emboldened, he scoots closer, rolls and wraps an arm around your middle, pulling you flush against his front. You stiffen for the barest of seconds, then melt back against him, letting out a deep breath. His hand rests against your stomach, and after a few minutes you shift to place your own hand against his, holding tight. Keeping him in place.

Namjoon might not know what’s going on with you today, he might not know the best thing to do to help you. But he knows he wants to do this - hold you close, wrap himself around you like a protective cocoon - until you tell him you don’t need it anymore. 

He thinks he drifts off for a little; he wakes, groggy, from a half-sleep, his nose buried in your hair against the pillow, his hand slack against the mattress, still touching yours. The tightness in your shoulders tells him that you’re awake, and the blue glow from outside the window tells him the sun has set behind the buildings across the street. 

He rolls a little and hugs you tight again, moving to press his face to the junction of your neck, gently. “I’m going to get up and make us something to eat,” he tells you.

“You can’t,” you tell him.

Puzzled, he asks, “Why can’t I?”

“Because I can’t save you from lighting the kitchen on fire,” you tell him seriously, and he’s so surprised that you’re joking right now that it startles a laugh out of him. 

“I’ll do a better job this time,” he promises. “I’ll start smaller. You good with ramen?”

You hum. “The spicy one. With an egg.”

He smiles against your neck, and you shiver when it tickles. “Your wish is my command,” he tells you, starting to rise. 

“Be careful,” you warn. “I’ll get used to this.”

“Nope,” he tells you, finally releasing your middle and scooting towards the edge of the bed. “Once you’re out of the bed, I go back to being normal.”

“Guess I’m never getting up, then,” you say wryly. Your phone buzzes on the nightstand - a call - and you ignore it. Namjoon leaves, making a point not to look at the screen. He knows who’s calling you, even without looking. 

In the kitchen, the water’s not yet boiling when there’s suddenly a pounding on the door. Eyeing his pot of water over his shoulder, Namjoon walks over to open it, only to find Taehyung standing there holding a bag of take-out. The relief he feels actually surprises him, but he realizes instantly that he probably should have reached out to Taehyung in the first place, to ask if he knew what the fuck was up with your sudden day of silence. 

“Thank god you’re here,” he blurts out, and watches as understanding crosses Taehyung’s face, followed by guilt.

“Ah,” Taehyung utters, upset. “I should have been here hours ago. Where is she? Has she eaten?”

Namjoon steps back to let him in. “She’s in bed,” he says. “She hasn’t moved all day - I was just heating up water for ramen for her.”

Taehyung sighs, sinking in on himself. “I’m glad you were here,” he says, so genuinely that it makes Namjoon feel sick with guilt, like he was taking part in a great deception. “I usually take care of her today. I fucked up. I didn’t realize what day it was until like half an hour ago.”

Namjoon nods at this, not sure what to say. Part of him wants to ask Taehyung for some answers; a bigger part of him would rather it come from you, when you’re ready. To give himself something to do, he moves into the kitchen to pour out half the water - he only needs to cook enough for himself, now. 

Taehyung makes his way into your room, the food bag clutched in his hands. He doesn’t close the door, and Namjoon tries not to eavesdrop from the kitchen, but he can’t help but hear Taehyung tell you, in a voice that’s absolutely sorrowful, “I’m so sorry. I’m a fucking terrible friend.”

He doesn’t hear you reply, but Taehyung says, “Yes I am. I left you alone today.”

This time, Namjoon hears your reply. “I wasn’t alone,” you tell Taehyung firmly. “Namjoon was here.”

“Good,” Taehyung says, his voice muffled, like maybe he’s hugging you in there. “Good.”

Tuesday November 20th

Namjoon awakens to the smell of bacon. Confused, he pulls a tshirt over his head, and blearily peeks his face out of his bedroom. You’re bustling around the kitchen - something he’s literally never seen before - cooking a full-course breakfast. 

“Y/N?” he ventures, and you whirl around, eyes wide, the spatula in your hand.

“Oh!” you say happily. “Come get some eggs!”

Namjoon doesn’t dare argue. He sits at the breakfast bar, still half asleep, trying to open his eyes all the way. You present him with a full mug of coffee, which he takes gratefully. Then, you load up a plate and slide it in front of him, and then you lean against the counter from the kitchen side, watching him intently.

“Yes?” he asks archly. 

You take a deep breath. “I’m sure you have questions about yesterday,” you say seriously.

He lowers his coffee cup. “You don’t have to tell me anything,” he says quickly. “Don’t feel like you owe me an explanation. I’m just… I’m glad I could be there for you. I don’t need anything else.”

You look away from him, blinking suspiciously hard. He waits you out. When you face him again, there’s something steely in your expression. 

“I have a hard time on the 19th,” you tell him. “Every year. It’s… an anniversary. For, um. For when I lost my parents.”

Namjoon’s appetite leaves him instantly. He feels himself lean forward, like he’s trying to get closer to you, like his body needs to wrap you up, just like he had yesterday. He murmurs your name, and you avoid his gaze again. 

“Anyway,” you say brusquely, “thank you for staying with me. And trying to feed me. Normally Taehyung does that.”

He wasn’t here this time, something ugly inside Namjoon thinks. 

Instead, he says, “You’re welcome. I’m glad I could… be there. I’m glad I was with you.”

Your gaze drops to the floor, then you seem to get it together and look up at him. “I am too,” you say, and the words sound heavy coming off your tongue. “So, really… thank you.”

Namjoon pauses. He wants to ask - he wants to know - but he’s afraid it’ll push you away. “Can I ask you something?” he ventures, finally. 

You look back at him, clearly nervous. “I guess,” you say, clearly uneasy.

He grimaces a little, unsure of the choices he’s made. “Yesterday… should I have called someone?” There’s a pause, where Namjoon decides to say what he actually means. “Should I have called Taehyung? Would that have been the right thing to do?”

He watches you soften, eyes widening as you realize what he’s been worrying about. You set down the dish towel that had been in your hands and come around the breakfast bar so you can look at him unobstructed.

“No,” you tell him seriously, eyes on his. “No, you did exactly what I needed.”

“Okay,” he says, reaching for his fork to try and eat some of the eggs you’d made for him. “I just wanted to make sure.”

“Namjoon,” you say seriously, and he looks back up at you, fork in hand. You shake your head, voice pleading with him to believe you. “There is not even a tiny part of me that wishes it was Taehyung with me yesterday instead of you. I promise. Okay?”

“Okay,” he says easily, taking a bite of egg. Does he believe you? He’s not sure. But he’s eager to move on; the topic’s uncomfortable. He knows he started it, but he really did want to know if he did the wrong thing. “Did you eat any, yet?”

You give him a little smile. “I was waiting for you,” you tell him. “I’ll make my plate now.”

You settle next to him, eggs and coffee cup both steaming, and you eat in silence. Namjoon can’t say what you’re thinking about, but his head is spinning. He’s thinking about how it had felt when you’d touched his hand in the bed yesterday, giving him the signal that you were okay with this, that you didn’t want him to move away. 

He’s thinking about how when he’d opened the door and found Taehyung standing on the other side, he’d felt like the person who was supposed to be with you had arrived to make it right. 

He’s thinking about how when Elyse sent his mind skittering towards old, bad habits, locking his eyes on yours had kept his feet firmly in the present. 

He’s thinking about your hips under his hands in that damn halloween costume, almost a month ago, and how he hasn’t come even close to kissing you since then.

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la di da di da :) what are we thinking?! how are we feeling?! pls consider some type of feedback!!!

thank you so much for readingggg, i'm so happy you're here!!!

[enhahooninurwindow]

The Twists and Turns Love Holds

Pairing: Sunghoon x gn!reader 🍓MASTERLIST

Genre: fluff, angst

Wc: 663

Warnings: eng isn’t my first lang so I might have made a few mistake although I try not to, not proofread, feel free to correct me 🍓

Monday, 18 March, 2024

You lay in bed scrolling on ur phone with a slight headache. Feeling the pain increase, u get off of ur phone and glance at the clock only to notice it’s 2 in the morning. You and Sunghoon had a fight it this was probably the third day you’ve gone without talking to each other.

It all started on a fine day, warm coffee, 9 in the morning on a cozy Saturday. You sat on the sofa with Sunghoon, against his arm for warmth. You both were watching a new series with breakfast and coffee. Everything was fine until his phone vibrates with a notification and you slightly lift ur head to see. ‘Choi Eunkyung, hey hoon!’ “Weird” you thought. Laying back on his arm you start losing ur focus on the series and start overthinking, what if she’s prettier, what if he likes her?? You were going nuts and decided to go to the washroom to calm down. And if u thought Sunghoon hadn’t noticed u getting all worked up, u were wrong. Just as he was abt to ask u if u were okay, you got put and rushed to the washroom. The next day, feeling useless and unworthy of Sunghoon's love when he had someone else, you texted ur old high school friend, Kim Junghe. You talked for a while and left ur phone open on the bed intentionally for Sunghoon to see. It was not just that girl bothering you, Sunghoon had changed, he gpbecame quite, showed no interest in what you talked abt, he just seemed so unhappy with you. But then again you didn’t know if you were just overthinking. That evening, the house was loud, you both were shouting. Not wanting to listen anymore you break down and lock ur self up in ur shared room. He came, said sorry but ntg worked in ur head since  it was the first time he had ever raised his voice at you, you didn’t understand why tho. (end of flashback)

You walk up to the kitchen noticing Sunghoon laying on the couch eyes wide open. You get ur self a cup of water and plop down on the chair next to the counter placing ur cup on the table. You were overthinking again but this time around, Sunghoon got up, got himself a can of beer and sat down next to u. “Isn’t this the third can today?” u ask concerned. He nods his head with a soft ‘mhm’ as a response. Looking back at ur cup, you ask him “did you really love me?” The atmosphere got heavy, the air darkened around you two. “I had 33 pages all abt u in my diary, ur cafe order, ur moms birthday too. I had ur ring size too.” You notice him start to tear up. “I had dreams abt our family y/n, those were my happiest nights…” his voice was unstable, eyes red with sorrow. You couldn’t help but pull him into a hug. He rested his face on ur shoulder as you rubbed his back, running ur fingers thru his hair. He slowly raised his head to face you, eyes meeting urs, “Park Eunkyung is the latest staff of ur favorite shop, I had asked them for ur dream purse in a cute, gift like wrapping for our two year anniversary. I’m sorry, sorry for raising my voice at u, I’ll block her if u want.” Your heart sank seeing him cry, “Hoon, I love you so much but seeing another girl you’ve never mentioned made me go nuts I’m sorry. Sorry for texting someone else, sorry for being mad at you, sorry for shouting at u without even knowing what was wrong.”

You cuddled and placed butterfly kisses all over his face just to see him flustered and smiling with his fangs out. He cupped your face and said “Ur my whole world y/n” the sincerity in his voice was evident “I love you too hoon”.

[rapunzelforlorn]

I made my friend watch heartstopper and I got his reactions for you to all enjoy

Ep 1

Fuck Ben!

Elle actually trans?

FUCK BEN!!

Rugby bros nice & accepting

Charlie is him

FUUUUUUUCKK BEN!!!!

Is ig the main communication method?

Does "x" mean more than kisses?

Ep 2

Charlie is just so supportive

Ben gives the ick

Let people have crushes

Why do school dynamics in shows never feel like they do in real life?

Tori's an odd one

Upset we got robbed Charlie getting his haircut and stressing too the barber

Nellie's barks fake??

What friends play in the snow like this?

Nick's mom read him like a book

Rocketman can't play drums lol

WHY'S THE TENSION SO GOOD 😫

Loving the comic effects

Tori is SO weird

Floor person confirmed bi

Ep 3

Nick going through the queer rabbit hole, fuck that's depressing 😔

Do we like Imogen?

Feel bad for Tao 😔

What's with the sequined clothes?

Tao's a bit dramatic

Fuck Harry

Fuck Ben again!!

Good on Charlie standing up to him

Tao IS dramatic

Imogen is a bit much but not bad?

Who throws parties like this??

Is this a hotel?

The sneaker squeak breaking the silence

God I miss this nervous tension

Nick absolute Golden retriever

Ep4

A boy, talking about his feelings?!?!

Nick never got that jumper

Imogen is too much lol still not sure if we like her

Tao & Elle?

Does this art teacher have a name??

Mr. Arjiya?

Gay people sport

I really want one of these rugby boys to step and be supportive of Charlie being on this team

Imogen...kinda annoying

ANNOYING

Ally 🤣

Tao🤜vs🤛Nick 🙈

Harry's a twat

Nick looking genuinely upset about being "friends"

There's nothing wrong with worrying about your teammate¡!!!!

Nick being ambushed, not cool

Not sure Imogen is bad, annoying yes, but doesn't know better

Ep5

Fuck monopoly

Not Imogen's dog 😭😭😭

Nick's so conflicted and it hurts

Saturday came so fast??

Tao's hair flaps gets me everytime

Wait...what about imogen???

Tao's overprotective, heart in the right place

Not the strongly worded DM 😭

Tao quick to judge

Smooching!!!

Tao & Elle 😏

Imogen, good friend?

Ep6

Nick has good taste in pirate movies

PotC confirmed Bi movie

Bi panic

Friends to lovers pipeline

Why does it always happen in band rooms?

Girl, with very queer haircut - "never would've guessed you were gay"

The ice cream truck song?

Anti-homiphobia cheese

Picnic bants

Shout out to this vlogger

Tara is SUCH a good friend

Such a supportive group

Charlie's excitement for the official date!!

What is this magical milkshake shop???

Where do they get date money?

Tao being oblivious 😐

A concert after all that dairy?!?!

Nick saying he might be bisexual and then saying I'm not sure feels very bixeual

Poor Tara

Tao having the longest legs and being the slowest runner

The subtle carhart on Nick's coat 😂

Ep7

Why is Tori so weird??

Charlie needs to work on standing up for himself

Rugby lad 😂

Sweet popcorn 🤢

Char?

Harry needs to piss off

Ben's a fucking creep AND a pos

Nick standing up to Harry, mint

Nick's mom know? Motherly intuition?

I really need Charlie to stand up for himself, love that he has people in his corner but I need him to step up

The "s" word

Art teacher complaining about crumbs like the counters & cabinets aren't stained with paint

Tao 😔

Elle's fits tho

Tao holding his own against Harry 👀

Tao & Charlie 😭😭

Ep 8

Harry's a twat, Tori confirmed

Tori still weird but good sister

Issac has been unbothered and in his lane all season, we stan

Don't you have to fill out papers to quit a team?

Nick & Tao bonding

Tao is good friend

Seeing the "typing..." appear & disappear is such a relatable agony

Elle is her

Why don't we have a sports day?

What's the point of all girls/boys school if they're seemingly right next to each other and constantly intermingling

FUCK OFF BEN

Charlie...STANDING UP FOR HIMSELF?? 👏👏

Charlie & Tao hugging it out 🥺

Kinda want more Issac

Tao & Elle 👀👀👀👀

Kith? No kith 😖

The principle over the intercom 🤣

Nick & Charlie locking eyes in the rugby match

💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗

The walk off!!!!!

Issac still unbothered and in his book lmao

"I believe you" 😭💜😭💜

Seagulls do not mean beach but okay

Proper date antics 💜💜

The beach is all rocks?

"In a romantic way, not just a friend way" 🤣

And they were boyfriends

We love a supportive mum

Ending with a montage, love to see it

All in all I think he formed the correct opinions but don't worry I WILL be educating him about baby angel Tori and solitare.

[bigjimbopickens]

This is now the most legendary photo of my Werewolf Jim fursuit. This is where I peak with this thing.

Featuring my mom’s boss (left), who’s place we were staying at.

What’s going on? Well, the past few days have been very crazy. (I cannot shorten this I’m sorry there’s a lot I need to tell)

Basically, Thursday morning a fire started rapidly expanding towards my homecity and on Friday I was evacuated when the wind changed direction and started bringing the fire towards my home. We went to a family friend’s place at the southern edge of the city.

We weren’t the only family staying at that place and there were a few small kids who were rightfully scared. My mom suggested I wear one of my fursuits to try to cheer them up a bit and WereJim was the only one I had on me. The rest were in boxes in a truck. I had him on me as before we were evacuated I was preparing for the (now cancelled) convention in Kelowna. So I put him on and the kids loved him. Eventually I joined the adults on the porch watching the fire get closer with him on and I said “Y’all should take a photo with the fire in the background” and my mom did. I never want to have an opportunity for a photo like that again so might as well do it then.

This story has a happy ending tho, the evacuation order was rescinded Saturday morning and I was able to go home. My home was still there. The fire went down the mountain towards it but crews made a firebreak above our neighbourhood that saved it. I’m so incredibly grateful.

Before leaving I did also save my cult wall, well, the portraits at least.

But the destruction the fire caused here has been absolutely devastating. It all happened so fast and I need some time to mentally recover from it all. Wildfires are one of my biggest fears and I came close to becoming homeless because of one. During this terrifying time, me and everyone else in that house found a bit of joy from a furry version of Jim Pickens.

Pretty unusual for Jim to do that. Usually he’s the one starting the fire and making everyone miserable. Or he eats all your furniture.

Anyways, thank you for reading if you got this far. I am safe, so don’t worry about me. Once I recover I’m back to work on a very awesome project y’all are gonna love :)

[abstractlesbian]

It's been 2 weeks since my mom got diagnosed with leukemia and she's reacting super well to treatment and her hospital stay is going as well as it possibly can and her prognosis is good

And I think I'm mostly coping well? The first week I could barely think or focus on anything but I'm starting to get back to normal "shit fucking sucks" stress levels instead of "my mom might die!?!" stress levels

Mental health has been a rollercoaster but the past few years have put me thru the ringer so I'm like oh I feel the paranoia/delusion/fear/dread/insomnia/hypochondria etc coming and I know what tools to reach for

It's not perfect but I'm more prepared to handle my mind than I used to be

I feel like my family is expecting me to go off the rails but I'm very much still on the rails. Theres turbulence but I'm holding strong.

I am making a terrible amount of impulse purchases tho. Woke up this morning and immediately bought a carebear teddy bear I gave away when I was 12. Bought way too many books and steam games this month anytime I was too sad or too stressed. I am my mothers daughter.

I also picked the worst possible time in the world to switch from weekly to bi-weekly therapy but I also don't want to switch back BC there's just so much talking with my dad and my mom and my sister and my grandparents and my coworker friend and my offline friends and my online friends + the journaling

So much updating ppl and talking about feelings and venting and problem solving

I've only had one therapy session since the diagnosis and I was unable to speak for the first 20 mins of it... But I also clearly need an outlet for all this shit BC I'm fucking writing a novel on tumblr rn lmao

But I'm not suicidal. I'm 5mo/5 years 5mo/8mo clean with different self harm methods. Not going overboard with substances, just some weed on Fridays/saturdays.

Only took one day off work, probably should've taken more.

Haven't torpedoed any of my relationships. Haven't had any major fuckups at work.

Not doing the best on chores but my dad and I are splitting the pet care / dishes pretty well and I'm managing to have enough clean clothes for work at least.

Idk shit sucks. Shit is exhausting. Shit is miserable.

But I'm getting thru it.

[radiojamming]

sorry the what hotel experience that closed breakfast at 5:30am?? Deejers I must know More

HI GLADIE :D

So my mom and I once went up to the Upper Peninsula of Michigan in January for funsies and stayed at a pretty cute hotel in St. Ignace. The thing was, it was snowmobile season up there, so on our first day, the place was super deserted and we p much had the run of the whole thing, and then the next day it was P A C K E D with snowmobilers and one team of dog sledders. The vibe was absolutely bonkers for the whole weekend, because some of these snowmobilers acted like frat boys and apparently there was a snowmobiling celebrity there? I didn't know there were snowmobile celebrities???

Anyway, yes, the hotel stopped serving breakfast at 5:30 in the morning. On Saturday morning, we went down to get something and the very Stepford-smiley receptionist told us they'd stopped serving, even though the sign in the dining area said breakfast was done at 8:30. Naturally, we had some questions, but the response was just, "We are so :) so :) sorry. We concluded :) breakfast service :) at 5:30. :) Can I recommend a restaurant?" (NB: Like 75% of the restaurants in the area are season-dependent and only open in the summer. We ended up getting McDonald's.) My closest guess on why they stopped serving so early is that snowmobilers are a hungry group and might have attacked the continental breakfast like locusts. Or maybe the dogs ate it all.

Other interesting features of this hotel included:

Open-face radiators mounted on the walls in the lobby and in some hallways so you could bask in front of them like lizards.

Multiple signs around the whole building either demanding guests don't feed the seagulls, or reminding guests that seagulls are violent and vicious and won't hesitate to hurt you.

Mounted deer antlers in some rooms, and pictures of hunters posing with dead deer in others. (That's the UP, babeyyyy!)

An indoor pool that was closed due to an undisclosed "pest problem". (Hot tub was open tho)

An inexplicably modern and well-furnished laundry room that looked like it was from a completely different hotel.

An awesome housekeeping staff person who knew so much gossip about the rich people on Mackinac Island.

A neighborhood tuxedo cat that would just wander on in to the lobby when he felt like it.

Magazines from the late 1970s that no one had ever bothered to throw away.

And honorary mention to one of the nearby restaurants/bars that was connected with the hotel where my mom and I went in time to watch a ton of Yoopers going bonkers over a Denver Broncos game; some were wearing jerseys or hats. We're nowhere near Denver. None of these people were even from Colorado.

Anyway, it was a really great weekend.

[dykeseesgod]

GREAT NEWS FOR DYKES EVERYWHERE this saturday i MIGHT be going on the road trip to a con with the person i like i need everyone to manifest that my mom lets me go even tho im technically grounded rn 🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏

[lindszeppelin]

Sharing my thoughts. ☺️

I think one reason Austin might not be doing MOTA stuff is to stay out of the way of the other actors getting opportunities to shine. Callum, Anthony, and Nate in particular were amazing. While you could make an argument that Austin’s presence would bring more attention to them, I don’t really agree.

But honestly it’s probably much more simple than that. He needs a break from the public face of work. The spotlight has been relentless on him since January and he wasn’t even part of awards season. He’s a pro and a good sport but also a shy introvert. He probably just wants some quiet time while he focuses on things that matter to him.

Beyond that I want to add that there could be hundreds of other things contributing to this that are none of anyone’s business. Maybe a friend or family member is going through something serious and it’s weighing on him. Maybe he had something fall through with work and he’s really disappointed. Maybe he just found out Meepo was adopted and he can’t be with him. Maybe he’s learning a(nother) new skill set for his next project and he’s deep in the weeds. Maybe he’s thinking about how his mom protected him from the shit that other child actors suffered and he’s missing her intensely atm. Speaking of that, as someone who carries lifelong profound grief and it can hit at seemingly random times, maybe this week is the time of year they got his mom’s terminal diagnosis and he’s triggered. Maybe it’s just Saturday.

Being famous is part of Austin’s job now. He obviously loves his work but this one aspect (which can involve exposure and exploitation) is not really his cup of tea. The irony that he got tangled up with one of the phoniest, least talented, publicity-obsessed nepo babies… siiiiiigh.

I hope he has a lovely weekend tho. I hope he gets to spend time with cousin Ashley, and/or make pizza, and/or play guitar, and/or chill, whatever he wants.

Thank you MJ

Basically, Austin we love you and you're doing great things <3 and i too hope he's relaxing and doing things he loves to do.

[ghost-cinnamon]

Have been going for 52 hours on my fast now. Feeling so good rn 🎉

I do have sore muscles rn tho :(

Also might have to break my fast since my mom will get worried otherwise and I don't want her to find out. But at the same time I've also managed to lose 1.4kg over the last few days and I really don't wanna break my fast because of this. Was originally planning on fasting until Saturday...

Also resisted some more cravings 💅💋 feeling great ✨

[fearowkenya]

im soooooo mad

definitely not mad At anyone, but the circumstances in which i find myself are frustrating ):

every time around the holidays when i have to hang out w/ my stepdads family i think to myself Hmm i would love to get to know them better and be more implicated in their lives so that i can Feel Something (some kind of attachment or what have you) so i always tell myself Well then you gotta start going to more family functions otherwise theyre going to assume you dont want to go , and then they just won't invite you, and then of course you will feel Nothing and make no connections

anyway so my stepdads niece is getting married today and months ago i agreed to go which is fine , no one had to strong arm me into it, was even kinda looking forward to being Part of something.

smashcut to now, and its just the worst possible time for me to go anywhere. i dont even think id be able to get back home tonight :/ id have to stay at my moms and go home in the morning and i hate that. for so many reasons.

cabbi (my cat) is just recovering from a UTI so im going to be thinking about her all day

its like a zillion degrees today (~30C today, 'feels like' 30-38) and we live on the third floor so our apartment gets even hotter. theres AC in only one room in my apartment and cabbi hates the AC. girl im sorry for trying to make sure you dont turn into a puddle

even tho the weddings at 3:30 i have to take the fuckall early train at 9:30am so i cant do my normal saturday routine for the second week in a row

i have to stay over at my moms (i might try to find a way around this) so i cant even go home tonight and start my sunday routine properly in the morning

my roommate also happens to be away today and is similarly not going to be back until like midnight so no one is gonna be home to feed cabbi , and tbh thats whatever , i can give her all of her food this morning , its the uti recovery + outrageous heat that im worried about

i knew this was happening but this week has been so turbulent that i didnt like, remember the Exact Circumstances as outlined above and now im just seething about not having been more prepared and making a better plan

"mattie take an uber home" i am not kidding you it will cost like 100 dollars if i do that. my mom lives so fuckign far away from here, and the wedding is in the same town that my mom lives in so i couldnt even take an uber from there

"mattie what about public transit" the closest public transit is a town over, and its a weekend so the schedule is skeletal at best

"mattie cant you get a lift with someone else who does not live out in the beautiful but very distant sticks" i am going to try but i dont now if i will succeed

fuck!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[winderlylandchime]

I wrote this all out while pretending to work and actually working so it’s a little all over the place. But now I’m laughing reading it back because it genuinely looks like one of the “check up” texts I send to mom/dad about my brother. Minus the qaf related topics at the end. Anyway, hi! Hope you’re doing well and had a good start of the week! And now back to the idiot I’m related to:

Take a guess who has been listening to Lover’s spit sincere yesterday? I’m talking sitting outside, drinking his coffee while it’s absolutely freezing and listening to Lover’s spit like he’s in some sad music video. (Btw the songs he listened to were Lover’s spit, you look so fine (which was in like s1 so he was really going through it), Save the last dance, Here nor there and true faith. And this was on a loop!) And the only thing he has “said” to me so far is just a simple lip smack with a side eye whenever he looks at me. So i’d say he is doing as expected but he’s also upset with me for making him like the show (bc yeah, i did that. I made him have a crush on Brian)

He also has bunch of doctor check ups today and I can only drop him off and later pick him up since my work is hectic since holiday’s are coming up. And ngl i am keeping all the doctors and nurses in my thoughts today. Usually (even tho it doesn’t look like it) i stop him or at least limit his ramblings so i have no clue how today will go. He might surprise me and behaves like an adult. Also he said that he barely slept overnight because he kept thinking about what could happen in the last 3 episodes and in case you wanted to know, he told me that through the cat. As in ‘Brian, guess who didn’t sleep today cause of Justin and the other Brian? That’s right, me’ and yes, it was said in a baby voice. I did also get a text from his friend asking me if he’s doing okay cause apparently he sent him a voice memo “talking about Brian and how he’s really worried about him” and my brother has absolutely no memory of even sending that. All this is just after 5x09. I am mentally not prepared for him after the finale.

But to answer some of your questions since I didn’t have the chance to yesterday: He only watches the American RuPaul. And he watched season 5 because of Jinkx (on Saturday he watched the video they did with Trixie a few years ago so he started to miss them). And yes, he has managed to drag the entire family into qaf although grandma has no fucking clue what or who he’s talking about so she just nods her head and smiles. And grandpa only knows about it through grandma who is even less reliable than my brother. But he is very happy that he found a hobby even tho at first he thought Brian was his friend. So basically: yes, he has made it everyone’s problem.

And you saying he’s just like Debbie if she was a man made me laugh so hard cause I’ve been thinking the same thing! Im glad someone agrees with me. And I’m happy(?) to report that 3 of our cousins and our aunt(!) actually got in trouble with our grandpa because it turns out they had bets going on if he’ll figure out by the end of the show that he might be a little queer. And then during a family dinner last week it was revealed that it was our uncle who was the one behind the bets and it was his husband who exposed him (yes the uncles whose wedding he went to with rainbow hair). And no it was not cause he thought the bets were immature but because my uncle didn’t let him be in charge with him. So I’d say the whole family is kinda waiting to see what happens and also treating it like their personal entertainment since we do tend to be more chill with these topics (which is such a huge blessing and we really are lucky about the fact that they dont even bat an eye at anything queer related including coming outs). Also I honestly have no idea how he will react to the proposal. I keep trying to think about it and I can never pinpoint his reaction. His reaction to the comic book was as if he saw the worst thing ever so we shall see. Which tbh same, i always hated that cover story :/

As for the Gale/Randy/Hal thing: first of, I didn’t expect that people were going to later talk about it to you so i hope I didn’t cause problems for you of any kind. But I do admit that even years later, it’s still a topic that has me curious since we know so little and since the lack of social media meant they (aka hal) was shady in interviews. Who does that omg? But also: i was so shocked when he said that. Wish you could see him cause he really had that look in his eyes as if he was there and saw them arguing every day and had inside knowledge and like I was the one who didn’t know anything about qaf. You could literally see the wheels turning in his head trying to figure out if he was right or not. I do wonder how he will feel about it once I tell him the little info I know about.

Btw, im glad to hear you cat is doing well. It is the absolute worst when an animal is sick since they can’t tell you what’s wrong. So please give Emmett some kisses and pets!

Oh and the most important part: your little teasers about your fic are making me lose my mind. Nonbinary Gus?! Older Brian?? I might lose my mind completely when i get the chance to read it.

Anon! I was just texting Europe about your brother. It’s now 12:45 as I start to write this and look:

I’m so glad you wrote because I wanted to remind you and let you make a decision based on whether he’s been paying attention to the titles.

I’m sorry I find it so funny he’s angry with YOI for making him care so much about this show and fall in love with Brian. It’s like when my dogs are mad at me for the rain. (If you’re doing math I have 2 dogs, 2 cats, all rescues because some lesbian stereotypes are accurate.)

Your family is taking bets about whether your brother is going to come out as so form of queer? I love that! Way better than the qaf family taking bets about how long Justin and Brian were going to last.

Don’t worry about mentioning the drama from the cast! I’m still so impressed with how insightful your brother is and how much he’s picked up on everything that the fandom discusses at length. The dynamics between the cast were bound to be one.

Emmett the cat continues to do well and come back from poor pathetic sickly mewmew to absolute bastard of a cat. We love to see it.

I am hoping to start posting my fic next week. I was hoping to have more done but oh well! I need the pressure of readers to focus lol. I’m so glad you’re excited!