#i missed the actual main argument but its literally so stupid like

[an-inspired-eternity]

hey btw i figure i should let you know you were included in some call out post ab some server or whatever. it might be a different guy but i wanted to make you aware in case it is you. most recent post in the project sekai tag as of writing this but it might not be by the time you see this but its calling out some pjsk rp hangout server. i think the entire thing is stupid but i want you to be aware. have a safe night !! <3

yep i am in fact part of it. and it is infact stupid bullshit taken entirely out of context from a guy throwing a tantrum over a server they were not even active in. <3

[cosmicjoke]

The fact that there are a TON of people out there that support what Eren is doing and now hate Levi and co because they have a hand in stopping the rumbling makes me have less faith in humanity and even peoples critical thinking lol because I really don’t see how you can support what Eren is doing. Like if we think about it if this was happening in real life people would 100% be against whoever was trying to kill off 80% of the human population but people will bend over backwards to defend Eren’s actions bc he’s the MC of a show. I also think a lot of these people have in their heads that Eren is only attacking Marley rather than the entire world which is not the case. It’s crazy to me because if you argue that the Rumbling is wrong they’ll fight with you about how wrong that take is and how it was actually the right course of action because stopping it is what got Paradis destroyed in the future blah blah blah. Seeing so many of these takes after the new special and its really hurting my head.

Ugh, I know. These people are flat morons. That's why I posted what I did about the REAL reasons Paradis was destroyed. It wasn't because Eren was stopped. It was because they became a militarized nation that was hostile toward the outside world. They brought their own destruction upon themselves, which is in keeping with the main theme of AoT all the way. People that don't get that don't understand the story of AoT AT ALL. They literally missed the message. With that in mind, it isn't even worth talking to those people. They're too stupid to bother with. And even though it's a loud minority of people who make those arguments, still, it's a minority. The themes and messages of AoT are crystal clear, and most people who read and watched it understand those themes and messages, I think. Again, if you don't, and you think the story is somehow endorsing Eren's actions, or that Eren was "right", then I've also got a bridge I'd like to sell you. You'd have to be the biggest fool in the world to think that. Eren himself knows what he's doing is wrong, and he acknowledges it himself, and he flat out admits, more than once, that it ISN'T for Paradis that he does it. It's for himself.

[crystalelemental]

I have finished Cassette Beasts.  All Archangels defeated, all beasts (except Magikrab, don’t have the patience) acquired.  I am calling that complete.  Thoughts below.

Stuff I liked

I kind of appreciate how the starting beasts have split evolutions.  I think an issue Pokemon often runs into is my sense of “I can’t abandon my first child,” but then it there’s another thing in that type I want to use I can’t.  Having alternate options helps.

I actually like the idea of everything being one singular type.  I think it simplifies things a lot.

I love how the game plays with strategy.  Specifically stuff like:

Type Shields can cover for your weaknesses in absurd ways.  An Ice Shield put up for a Fire-type means any Water moves that are aimed at it instead boost its defenses.  The early Poison Crow thing can set Wind Shield, and not only negates its Fire weakness, but the shield gets stronger and lasts longer.

Glitter Type is really interesting.  Being able to apply a new type that overrides the former, and then shifting the opponent’s type to the next attack type that lands, is an interesting gimmick I wish I’d played with more.

Strategies like stall just kinda...work consistently.  There was very little that couldn’t be addressed by Leech/Poison Spore.  I love that.  I love stall strats.  And I think the biggest thing is that they’re just accurate.  They don’t miss arbitrarily.

Neutral commentary

Boss battles are fine. Until I really got into the Stall Swing, many of the Archangel fights were frustrating, because they’re immune to debuffs, which feels like an incredibly stupid thing to do.  I don’t like when games just turn off mechanics and call it a challenge.  You can do better.

Beast designs range from pretty neat to kinda meh.  There were none that stand out to be as strong favorites, but none that stood out as things I couldn’t stand.  They all work out.

Any arguments to be made about the type chart being better than Pokemon’s is asinine.  It’s just as imbalanced, if not worse in some ways.  Poison feels like Gen 1 Psychic type; only one weakness (Fire) that is easily negated or turned into an advantage.  Earth is just Pokemon’s Ice, it’s so hilariously bad defensively.

I don’t really know what the point of Glass type is.  One thing has it.  It doesn’t seem good, like...at all.

Some mechanics just don’t get added until late.  When I finally encountered Glitter Bomb as a sticker, I was already established with my Stall comp.  There are just certain angles that feel like they aren’t even available until you stumble on the right sticker, which can be ages.

Archangels, conceptually, are...fine.  I’m on board with things made manifest by the imagination of humans.  But also I don’t feel like many of them exude much in the way of personality.

This is the same general feeling I have toward the human characters.  Absolutely no one stands out.  I reference my girl Kayleigh a lot, but that’s frankly more to do with Decibelle than her.

Stuff I don’t like

Look, the only thing I actively hated is that the Switch port is constantly crashing. They get that patched, this is the kind of game I will probably replay some day.  But as it stands, the game is borderline unplayable on console, with some quests being so routine in their crashing that you have to be really stubborn to find solutions.

I think 2v2 mechanics don’t necessarily work out all the time.  While there are interesting things you can do with it, the main suffering is random encounters taking forever.  Early game, running into the Poison Crow is a nightmare.  I don’t have a ton of wood to constantly rest, it’s gonna Poison me, and if I try to hit its Fire weakness, its literal only weakness, there’s a good chance it’ll Wind Shield, and I’ll make this entire situation way worse.  It turns every encounter into a real hassle and a significant threat, which isn’t really to the game’s benefit.  Especially not when stall strats crack the Archangels like a particularly flimsy eggshell, but random encounters can still threaten the hell out of you.  It feels very backwards.

AP Systems are not my favorite.  So much of this game can feel like just waiting for your AP to generate.  The entire reason I latched on to Decibelle so strongly was because Echolocation auto-activating into AP Boost that applied to both allies sped up access to stronger moves.  On fusion, this is the difference between getting a lot of the really good attacks, and being 1AP short, and the double application means you get twice the duration, which is always enough to finish the match.

Fusion, as a mechanic, feels irrelevant by endgame.  Early on, and even in mid-game, it’s the main solution to boss fights.  But again, stall strats.  You can easily figure out that Leech/Poison Spore will answer big single-target fights just fine, and that Decibelle’s Echolocation lets you pivot around AP boosting, Doc Leaf for further healing, and Shield to block major attacks.  The result of this is that Fusion winds up being an outright worse solution.  I can run the risk of my opponent out-DPSing me, or I can safely sit here and siphon HP without issue.  Don’t get me wrong, I am all for Stall Strats, but I do think Fusion as a mechanic starts to stop mattering.  Then again, maybe that’s a personal problem.

I think if there’s any major criticism of the game’s story and characters, it’s that they feel like they’re trying for something they’re not out to deliver on.  The game does a lot of pushing things like building community, and pushing back on injustice and such, but only as lip service.  The Landkeepers are an interesting antagonistic force that ultimately doesn’t amount to much more than a bunch of allusions to real world housing market bullshit.  Random trainer encounters will talk at length about modern issues, but it never goes anywhere.  I think the worst is one has like seven pre-battle dialogue boxes about different eras and worlds, like one has a major plague an one is undergoing major social upheaval, etc, and ends on “Wouldn’t it be so fucked if there were a world where all that was happening at once?”  YEAH, SURE WOULD THANKS.  Like, it’s commentary without really saying anything.  I’m sure there are concepts to be drawn and extrapolated on from playing, I know not everything has to be spelled out.  But this also isn’t Utena.  There’s not really anything being set up that can be dug in to.  It’s just alluding to stuff, alluding to the concept of a solution, but not really presenting anything novel or compelling.  Like, Kayleigh was part of a cult, helped run it, for people who first showed up in this strange world, couldn’t get home, and fell into despair.  Do we want to do anything with that?  No, just one quick comment on the general vibe and then we all go on like no one’s actually all that affected by its rise or its leader’s sudden death, leaving them directionless?  Okay.  It feels like the game, quite legitimately, would’ve been better without trying to push the social commentary stuff, and just sticking to the “Archangels are cool concepts” and more mundane human stuff.  Like, I actually liked Felix’s quest.  An artist embarrassed by his early work comes to appreciate where he started from and get over that notion of cringe?  Excellent, that’s doing something, that’s saying something.  Just do stuff like that.  Smaller moments are what the game did well.  Larger elements felt directionless.

In totality, it’s the kind of game I definitely wish I liked more than I did, but I chalk up a lot of the dislike to frustrations around the game crashing.  I think it’s overall pretty good!  As a gameplay experience, definitely worthwhile, pretty nice for only $20.  Just...don’t get it for Switch until the performance issues are patched.  Seriously.  It is constant.

[alovelyburn]

Rambles about Berserk Deluxe Volume 1 (aka V1-3) - Part 1

OKAY WELL OBVIOUSLY NO ONE WILL REMEMBER ME, but whatever, if you’re here you’re about to start getting flooded with Berserk meta again because I am rereading the series and I started doing it on Twitter but holy crap what a nightmare that is. 

Things to note: 

-I like Griffith, if that’s a problem for you then I... I don’t care, have fun with that, I don’t know. -I barely remember how Tumblr works -Honestly a lot of this is probably just going to be me talking about things I already talked about years ago but realtalk I don’t read my own old meta so like, I have no idea what i said back in the day. 

So without further ado, 

Rambles about Berserk Deluxe Volume 1 (aka V1-3)

1. I remember back in my Berserk fandom days there was a disagreement between fans on whether the Black Swordsman arc was necessary at all and whether it should have been situated after the golden age instead of having the golden age arrive as this prolonged flashback. 

The argument was  generally that the Black Swordsman arc spoils the end of the Golden Age, which it DOES but... to me that's skewing the importance a bit, right like the Golden Age is a flashback, the whole point of the entire arc is to explain what's happening in the main story which is  everything *except* the Golden Age. For various reasons the GA is the most famous/popular part and obviously the most adapted part so it does change the way people might see this since so many people come into the manga through one of the animes that really only touched on the Hawks era, but it doesnt change the fact that, in the manga, the Golden Age is literally just a long flashback, so you're *supposed* to know how it ends. 

I also think the Black Swordsman arc provides some necessary context for understanding what happens in the GA, especially re: Griffith's mindset since Griffith  himself doesn't talk much about his thoughts or feelings which has made him rather easy to misinterpret... which is actually what drove me out of Berserk fandom and into JoJo's back in the day because I literally could not stomach another argument about whether Griffith is a sociopath (no).

2. Also, the scene with Guts in the snake duke guy's dungeon (and just his early relationship with Puck in general) is pretty interesting when you consider the much later revelation about his history with the flower elf. Obviously that was almost certainly not something Miura knew  he would add when writing it, but as retroactive logic it does work very well - last time he left an elf get attached to him she ended up killing herself so you know, why do it again?

It really continues into his early attitude with Puck in general, even in the later chapters until he gets used to having the guy around.

3.  Going into the priest-and-daughter chapter (The Brand), it's interesting to see how much of Griffith's stupid Promrose speech he's still carrying around with him.

Priest: My nephew became a mercenary and died 

Guts: WELL THAT WAS HIS DREAM RIGHT, I MEAN HE DID WHAT HE WANTED NO MATTER WHAT, SO WHAT HE DIED ITS FINE, WE’RE FINE.

4. He’s also inherited Griffith’s nasty habit of swallowing his guilt by pretending he’s actually totally cool with people dying because of him. I remember back in the day people used to say Guts comes off as a psychopath or a villain type early on, and I kind of get it, but I do think it’s fairly obvious from the beginning that he’s bullshitting himself. And then of course that becomes VERY evident after his encounter with the slug count and Theresia.

4. In an old interview Miura had mentioned that Casca’s presence post-Eclipse, really the reason she survived the Eclipse to begin with, was to prevent Guts from dissociating form the Eclipse and letting the memory go dull. That does make sense to the writer in me, but the reader in me is like, how could he forget, the eclipse never really stopped happening for him. hes still being attacked everywhere he goes. 

I actually kind of miss the horrible effect of the brand.

5. This has nothing to do with the story but if I’m paying 50 bucks for a huge deluxe edition of Berserk, I feel like I should have gotten the colored pages in color. Just saying!

6. I really just... love Guts so much? His wildness especially in those early days, his apparent fearlessness which is actually just a pretense since per Puck he’s actually afraid basically all the time AND WHO WOULDN’T BE? 

7. I know this gets said a lot but Guts’ sword is obviously used metaphorically a LOT, I mean if I keep doing these things (why,...) it will just come up over and over again, him and his heap of raw iron. But also all his other swords.

8. One of the things I really deeply love about Guts is watching him fight. I could watch the battle scenes in the OVAs forever, and the thing I love about it, aside from watching this person who is in so many ways unsure of himself and his value and his relationships suddenly become absolutely sure and confident and just transform into a force of nature. I bring this up here because I reached the part in the slug count story where Guts reveals the depth of his skill with a sword and its one of my favorite moments in the Black Swordsman arc. 

9. Guts and his rage at people being nice to him.

10. So one of the things Miura did a lot is... this kind of sequence where you get a visual parallel and often text about someone else that is meant to clue the reader in on what’s going on with a different character entirely. This is the first of them - where we start to understand what happened with Guts through this comparison with Vargas, who was mutilated and lost his loved ones to monsters - the specifics of the mutilation are even direct parallels to Guts’ wounds from the Eclipse. In some cases this storytelling technique is very difficult for me to interpret and analyze because I’m not an especially visual person? But I do make an effort to pay attention to it because it’s done a LOT and in some cases those parallels are the only way you ever have a situation or emotion directly addressed (eg. the King and Griffith in the dungeon, which is just the King and Griffith talking about the King in a way that we’re meant to understand applies to Griffith but yeah anyway that’s several volumes in the future). 

Also the ENTIRE final confrontation with the Slug Count is literally 75% this exact storytelling technique so its not surprising to me that the first use is a parallel between Guts and Vargas, particularly with the later parallels between the Count and Fermto/Griffith.

11. And there he goes again, covering his pain and guilt and self-hatred with rage and disdain. Genuinely one of the things that frustrates me about Western Berserk fandom is the stubborn inability to perceive the nuance in Griffith’s character yes, but also in Guts’s character. He is so often perceived as just the metal badass on a vengeance quest because he hates Griffith so much and hes actually a pretty complicated person with extremely complicated relationships with himself and Casca and Griffith and so much of it is literally just stated outright that I have no fucking idea how people miss it, it is the weirdest thing I have ever encountered in any fandom ever and I don’t understand why it happens. Anyway.

12. So, the obvious interpretation for this scene would be that he’s thinking about the ever ambitious Hawk who ended up self-destructing... but I actually think he’s talking about himself. He’s shitting on himself for having dared to imagine that he could step out of Griffith’s shadow and do something that made him Griffith’s equal and, in the process, ended up abandoning the people he loved in a way that led to Griffith turning into a demon and Casca being raped and going mad, killed his surrogate family and got him permanently maimed. 

Now let me be clear, I don’t think it’s his fault. But I think he thinks it’s his fault because he aimed too high and accidentally broke Griffith. Which, I mean, he is aware that he’s the one who did that by this point.

And that is why, even though he identifies with Vargas, even though he is frustrated and pained by Vargas’s situation, he also holds Vargas in contempt. Because he sees himself in Vargas, and he hates himself.

...

It’s 3am, I’m gonna stop now. Bai!

[ocdhuacheng]

Hey, so can I ask about the thought process (idk words but anyway) behind why you headcanoned Hua Cheng as having OCD cuz I'm very interested? :0

KSJDNKSJDFN sorry it took so long to reply to this I promise I wasn’t ignoring you I was just overwhelmed this week and then after I actually sat down to write out my very long answer I accidentally unplugged my computer and I LOST IT ALL so sorry but this version Is going to be rather incoherent and missing stuff probably bc its pretty much just copied and pasted from one of my discord rambles/previous posts bc I don’t have the energy or memory to rewrite everything how I had it before.. but ive kept u waiting long enough so. Yeah. Sorry.

Also if I sound salty at all its not anything directed at you im just pissed at myself for writing like >3k words all in tumblr like a fool and not backing it up then accidentally yanking on my computer cord like RIGHT as I was going to post it. But I promise im actually very happy getting asks like these even if it takes me a long time to respond ;_;

So anyway basically the tldr version is that I have ocd and I love rubbing my terrible little projection paws all over my favorite characters, but also I do genuinely think that what we are shown of hua chengs personality and actions does naturally lead to the headcanon that he has ocd (and ocpd), kind of like how it seems very clear to me that wwx has adhd and lwj is autistic.

Longer version under cut bc. Well. Sorry in advance lol

So. To start off. my ocd got suuuuuper bad in my second year of college, like to the point where my parents and psychologist was considering putting me in a hospital, so i know how awful ocd can get. and because of that ive always been kinda annoyed that all the ocd """""rep""""" in media is just comedic relief kinda stereotypical clean-freak perfectionist haha look at this weirdo sort of thing. like I was barely functional I couldn’t do basic tasks the majority of the time. ironically, my room was extremely dirty and messy despite my main obsession being about contamination. so yeah not all ocd manifests as the spotless perfect room perfect closet perfect desk or whatever the fuck. sometimes its the opposite. I also got put on academic probation bc I failed all but one of my classes (the one I passed was an art class. Lowkey think that class was the only thing keeping me out of a psych ward that quarter. lol. But anyway. That’s a different conversation) BUT ANYWAY it was all around Awful. Like idk it makes me feel kind of stupid for being such a mess before my medications when everyone just sees ocd as a joke or something. like for example, i loove death the kid soul eater, and hes a good character to make fun of urself after you’ve been medicated for ocd, but i wouldnt exactly call him good rep lmao. But after that relapse episode, I kind of really really really desperately needed a character/story to relate to about it but yippee! there are approximately zero (0) canon ocd characters that aren’t comedic relief! but anyway, i know hua cheng isnt canonically ocd but i was actually able to project on him alot from what we got of his personality (and i do gotta say, sorry but despite my attachment to him i dont actually think hes written all that well, but thats another rant), and its part of the reason why i love him so much bc hes like, definitely my biggest projecttion in this regard. so anyway

i mean theres no argument that his personality and actions are very. obsessive, and rather unhealthy to a degree, especially when he was younger, not so much as he matured over literally 800 years lol but he still has some hella issues. so like, [gestures to all of him] with how he chose xie lian as. HIS PERSON, and proceeded to revolve his entire personality and life around him is obvi v obsessive, i think its very obsessive compulsive personality disorder, which is slightly different than just ocd, one difference being (besides ocd being an anxiety disorder and ocpd being a personality disorder.) in that with ocpd, you dont really think theres anything wrong with how obsessive or compulsive you are, while with ocd it causes a lot of distress. (i havent been formally diagnosed with ocpd, but i do think i definitely at the very least have tendencies in that direction too. Like with certain things i know what im doing/thinking is irrational and it upsets me, but with others im just like. why cant other people see this the way i do? why cant they just understand why this is important? like I just get so! Angry! all the time! with people or in general when things aren’t how I want them to be. I get so judgemental even when other people cant possibly know how specific my standards are like I know its bad and I know it makes me act like a bitch and im sorry) anyway……….. sorry about the tangent but back to hua cheng. he is never distressed by how much he fixates on xie lian, the only thing that distresses him is his own percieved shortcomings with how he cannot serve xie lian the way he wants to. im not sure im explaining this well but i do definitely think hua cheng has ocpd as well. his fixation on xie lian actively prevents him forming meaningful relationships with other people, and even causes a lot of antagonism between him and others (especially fxmq). he just doesnt think anyone else is worthy of his attention. which is obviously, very unhealthy and kind of sad. (i do like to think he grows out of this a bit like with yin yu and he xuan, even if he doesnt want to admit it. AND YUSHI HUANG, bc i am also a ysh/hc brotp propaganda machine as well, and well because she was the only one that was willing to help xie lian during the war too. gay lesbian solidarity mwah <3)

so this ocpd thing.. i believe it extends to things like how the temple in ghost city, or paradise manor, is set up, he'd be classic perfectionist for the layout of it all, probably gave yin yu a lot of grief over it every single time he changed his mind and decided to burn it to the ground or redecorate it because it didnt seem good enough anymore for the hypothetical day when he can bring xie lian there. i dont like to think hua cheng treated yin yu badly on purpose, i dont like thinking hes cruel to him for the sake of being cruel like ive seen some people imply or outright suggest, i mean yin yu is obviously overworked but i think part of that is just hua cheng is so perfectionist about certain things (how the temples and manors look, how theyre run, anything that can be used for or by xie lian in the future) and he just doesnt see that its become a large burden on yin yu because he thinks this kind of stuff is just the rational thing to do, and that everyone should put as much thought into these things as he does. and if he doesnt feel like he can get things to be set up the way he wants it to be it becomes. catastrophic lol

so thats more of the pure ocpd side, though there is a lot of overlap between ocpd and ocd obvi

one thing about ocd is like. its all about wanting to be in control of every tiny part of your life. like for me when certain things are out of my control it freaks me out so much that it basically disables me. Its why I hate planes so much despite cars being statistically much more dangerous. Because if something happens in a car I at least have some semblance of control over how I can escape the situation. In a plane youre just. Fucked. (sorry to all pilots its nothing personal I think youre braver than I will ever be but its basically impossible for me to trust you (and the engineers and inspectors) with my life like that) anyway, i despise ambiguity of any kind and i hate not knowing things or having concrete answers to any questions or worries i have. like. i couldnt decide on a hypothetical grad school because i was weighing the possibilities down to like, ridiculous perceived probability percentages of how likely a natural disaster were to occur in the area, and how dangerous said natural disasters could be, etc. (well. i didnt have to worry about any of that in the end bc i got rejected from literally every school i applied to LMAO RIP but anyway.) so you get the gist. its all just very irrational, and time consuming, and ridiculous to try to gain control of every single possible path your life can take. AND I HATE IT. that was kinda yet another tangent but, to apply this concept to hua cheng. one thing that i find super funny about him is how he always has his nose in everyones personal business like hes such a fucking gossip girl its hilarious. like jokes aside its obvi helpful as a ghost king to know whats going on in the 3 realms, but i think he takes his info gathering up to 11 like he definitely has these control issues about having to know about everything thats going on at all times, having to be on top of everyones business so he cant be caught off guard by anything. over those 800 years of sending his butterflies out recording things he was primarily looking for xie lian, but hes also just kind of. snooping. lmfao. Because If He Doesnt Know Whats Going On Everywhere He Will Die. (again)

and well. with his butterflies to help him, it does work, i mean. hes always on top of things hes always got a plan, hes always the one that people are going to in the book if theyre in trouble. He seems so put together but the things he cant get information on completely eat him alive sometimes. cant let others know that tho, bc hes Cool(TM), hes Chill(TM). cant let anyone know there are things that, god forbid, hes IGNORANT of. embarrassing. tch.

his hoarding im a little ? about because i dont exactly remember the details of it but i do know he has a ridiculous amount of like trinkets and weapons and magical items and stuff in paradise manor, but i also know he doesnt really care if they get destroyed or not, which is kind of strange but i do what i want and im making him a hoarder bc im somewhat of a hoarder and i love projecting. though now that i think about it. like if i have a big pile of something that i dont want to get rid of, but someone else does it for me without asking or something happens to it like yeah i get angry but sometimes i also just get kind of relieved……….. idk.

so now about intrusive thoughts, i bet he has suuper disturbing ones. Like we  know how he was debating slaughtering those humans on mt tonglu but ended up not because xie lian would have saved them. obviously that was already a stressful unusual situation but like i dont think that kind of thing gets any better even when hes just like. chilling. he gets visions of himself burning ghost city to the ground or attacking humans or destroying his own ashes or otherwise causing harm to others, like yin yu. like he pretends he doesnt care about yin yu and he xuan and stuff but i do think hes fond of them, but he tries to keep his distance because 1) hes dumb and 2) he gets really freaked out by these violent thoughts he has about them. the worst is, when he finally meets xie lian again he gets these thoughts about him too and it takes literally everything he has not to like. throw himself into a volcano, or something.

and its already been established his self image isnt. great. which is a kind way of saying it. he thinks hes worthless and ugly, esp if he does even the slightest thing wrong. I mean I definitely think hes better by the current timeline of the book, but it still reads as a kind of precarious thing to me? Like he wants to be a companion to xie lian instead of just a servant like wu ming, but even after 800 years he still feels this inferiority and disregard for himself u know? If im explaining in an okay way? and body dysmorphia is also something that can be ocd related. OH and i forgot to say this before but ocd/ocpd can also sometimes be a way that ptsd can manifest and id definitely say with all that he was said to have gone through as a child he has ptsd, leading to, well, exacerbated ocd symptoms, among other things. his body dysmorphia is obviously something he internalized (for 800 years!!!) from when he was a child, and i can imagine him absolutely agonizing for centuries over his san lang form, because it was supposed to be his most perfect form, he needed to make it perfect, and he never felt like he could

similarly, for the cleanliness side of ocd that i feel is kind of stereotypical? at least how its portrayed in most media, hua cheng has been show a couple times not wanting to get things (or xie lian) dirty. he was very poor and dirty as a child so now he has the connection of being dirty = being miserable, and this is taken to the extreme when he becomes a supreme bc now hes rich and able to be clean and any dirt or blood on him or something/someone he cares about (’cant let you down the ground is dirty’; shielding the flower, etc) is like. an attack on this power he has now ? iykwim

anyway sorry this is long and rambly. if you actually read it all… respect……. Also ignore those parts where I might get a little too personal :^) like idk if it is but I feel like I might regret some of this in the morning. honks. Anywayyyy as you can see im completely normal about hua cheng im saaaaaauuuuur normal and well adjusted and I just think hes neat oky byeee jumps out my window

[sidespart]

For the fic title thing: Make Up Your Mind/Catch Me I’m Falling

Make Up Your Mind (this seriously got away from me and became basically a whole string of conscious fic whoops)

Logince, Bakery/coffeeshop AU Mutual Pining/ Not-Actually-Unrequited love, + loceit friendship

So Janus owns a Bakery (struggling to think of a snake/lie based bread pun for the name but ehh). He is the head only baker and sends most of his time in the basement kitchen blasting the phantom of the opera soundtrack and kneading dough. 

Logan is his childhood friend. Janus hired him as cashier after Logan dropped out of collage but then he never left and is now basically manager/ accountant/ hbic of this whole operation.

So one night as Janus is leaving he’s casually like: ‘oh by the way, a couple are coming by tomorrow for a wedding cake consultation’

And Logan blocks the door and is like: ‘Janus. We don’t do wedding cakes. We don’t even do cake. You only make weird artisanal bread. it took me 6 months and 8 powerpoint presentations to convince you to sell banana loaf’

Jan, his eye enormous: ‘but Logan, you should have heard this guy on the phone. They only want to use LGBTQ businesses for their wedding, they want to support the community that’s supported them for so long. He spoke so passionately and eloquently about why it just had to be us I couldn't say no’

Logan, his eyes not enormous: did you tell this man we make wedding cakes just to make the phone conversation end?

Janus: I was going to miss the murder, she wrote marathon, Logan 

So Jan manages to escape, and Logan rolls his eyes but like. This is nowhere near the worst ‘cleaning up after Janus lied to get out of a situation and made everything more complicated for no goddamm reason’ incident that he has had to deal with during the course of their friendship so, whatever: he can tell the couple there was a miscommunication when they show up in the morning. 

Next day, the guys arrive. Virgil, who barley introduces himself and then stays hunched in his hoodie not speaking for the whole meeting, and Roman. 

Roman does not have a problem speaking. Roman has lots of ideas.

Roman has a binder. 

Somehow in the course of this conversation Logan goes from ‘we don’t make wedding cakes’ to ‘I’LL SHOW YOU, WE’LL MAKE THE BEST GODDAMM WEDDING CAKE THIS TOWN HAS EVER SEEN’

Maybe it was the passion of Romans argument. Maybe it was the slightly disdainful look on his face when he looked round the shop. Maybe it was the ridiculous amount of money he was prepared to pay (see: Janus insists on only making specific, weird bread as to why the shop’s always on the brink of collapse). Maybe it was the power of the binder (Logan is like 80% sure Roman hit him with the binder at one point). Maybe its just Logan hasn't had a full blown passionate argument like that since high school debate club and the rush of adrenaline made him dumb.

Whatever the reason - they’re now fully committed to making this 6 tier, purple and blue, Disney inspired, multiflavoured wedding cake

(Janus, who skipped out on the meeting because he is Like That: But Logan....we don’t make wedding cakes...this was really irresponsible of you...

 Logan: I know where you sleep. I could kill you at any time) 

Which would be doable (the weddings a while off, and Logan is ready to RESEARCH) except Roman keeps. Coming. Back. 

With new ideas. And tweaks. And suggestions. All of them seemingly designed to make the cake less structurally sound. 

Basically every time he comes in they end up having a blazing row, first about Romans inability to make up his mind about the cake and then about...literally everything. One time they spent 25 minuets arguing about whether or not Shakespeare wrote all of his plays, which somehow turns into ‘who was the best host of blues clues?’ which then turned  into ‘how would nationalised healthcare best be implemented?’ (the loudest arguments were during the blues clues section).Logan had even fewer customers then normal that day.

(Logan: I hate that guy so much! He shows up at 2pm every day and now my blood pressure has started going up at 1.55pm in anticipation of the fight! He’s causing me actual medical distress because he’s so stupid!

Janus:...you’ve memorised some guys schedule and your heart starts racing whenever you see him?

Logan: yes! because he is my enemy!

Janus:...

Janus: mmKay.)

ANYway, one day Roman turns up and is like: Can’t fight today. Need caffeine. Must Study. and sequesters himself on one of their two rinky dink tables and starts pulling enormous textbooks out of his bag. Turns out Roman is in law school, he’s back home for the whole summer to help with wedding prep and has been neglecting his summer reading. He wants to be an environmental lawyer and, ideally, singly handily prosecute every oil company and give a speech at the UN whilst wearing an immaculately fitted Italian suit. 

Logan has a panicked moment of OH NO HE’S SMART (he doesn't need an oh no he’s hot moment because Roman’s been hot the whole time). Very carefully he does not think about how upset hearing Roman mention the wedding again made him feel, and then shares a bit about his own anxiety during college which led to him dropping out.

Roman says degree or no degree its obvious Logan is one of the smartest, most capable people Romans ever met.

Cue: blushing, stammering, Logan standing up to quickly and knocking half a pot of coffee over etc etc all that good fluff. 

And after that their conversations are less confrontational (although they still debate like. everything.) and more friendly.

They have one (1) more conversation about the wedding wherein Roman apologises for being so stressed and snappy over all the preparation stuff but he just wants everything to be perfect for Virgil. (Logan, awkwardly: you must love him a lot. Roman, himbo-ly: Yeah!) aaand then Logan changes the subject to the best rhyming structure because Romans big sappy grin is making his heart do awful twisty things-

And eventually, Roman asks Logan to go out with him outside the bakery.

Logan: hahaha this is friendship, we are great friends, we are going out as friends. I am not going on a date with a man with a fiancé because that would be the actions of a crazy person.

 So they go on their date. It’s amazing. Roman leans in for a kiss at the end and Logan is delighted!

And then devastated.

He pushes Roman away, yells some creative insult (malodorous centurion?) and flees. Spends the next week basically hiding in the kitchen area, refusing to see any customers and working on the wedding cake.

(which is looking perfect by the way)

So after a week of Logan moping round the kitchen Janus finally blocks the door to stop him leaving and demand he tells him what the hell is wrong. And after a few minuets of filibustering Logan ends up telling him everything.

“In any case, the very fact that he is the kind of man who would cheat on his fiancé means he’s not the kind of man I thought he was. Therefore any alleged feelings I may have developed towards him would now be null and void” says Logan, looking like the worlds sadist accountant

Janus: So...wait. You’re saying wedding cake guy and hot lawyer guy are the same person?

(Logan: you need to come out of the basement more often Janus: YOU need to tell me what’s going on in your life more often. (they have had this conversation many times in the past))

So Janus sincerely tells Logan he’s sorry...and that he’s even more sorry that he needs him to help him deliver the cake to the venue tomorrow.

(this thing is way to big for one person to carry and there’s no way Jan would trust any of their occasional teenage cover staff to do this and ‘we’ll go round the back and you wont have to see anyone anyway comon Lo’ you basically built this monstrosity you should see it home)

So, reluctantly, Logan goes. And they go round the back as promised, and get this enormous cake settled, and then get told to wait there one sec cus one of the grooms is going to come sign for it and before Logan can throw himself out of the widow (get OFF me Janus we’re on the ground floor it’s FINE)  from behind them they hear squeeing.

There’s a curly haired dude in a pastel blue linen suit who Logan has never seen before in his life looking at the cake and cooing over ‘all the little details! its perfect! oh Virgil is going to love this! You know he was so embarrassed about asking for a Disney themed cake he had to ask Roman to go with him to -”

“Who ARE you?”

The man blinked at Logan, who realised dimly that he still had one foot up on the windowsill and slowly returned it to the floor. 

“I’m Patton” said Patton.

“And I’m Janus” said Janus, removing his arms from where they’d still been clamped around Logan’s waist and stepping smoothly towards Patton, clipboard held aloft “A pleasure to meet you, if you could just sign here...”

“BUT-” Patton paused, hand still raised to accept the clipboard, and looked over again at Logan who found himself mumbling:  “but - but the groom is supposed to sign for it?”

And Patton just smiled at him looking a bit bemused and goes ‘I am the groom? And who are you kiddo?”

Logan says he’s Logan. Patton suddenly looks a whole lot less friendly. 

“Oh.” says Patton. “You.”

And since Logan’s mind is currently refusing to take in the information in front of him Janus is the one who ends up stepping in between them and going “so just for 100% transparency - you are Patton. 

“yes?”

“and today you are marrying the love of your life: Virgil?”

“Yes!”

“And are either of you, at any point today, also planning on marrying one Roman Sanders, caffeine addict and terrible communicator?”

And Paton burst out laughing and says “ROMAN? Virgil’s big brother Roman? He’s my best man but I don’t think we’re planning to take it any further...”. And because Patton is apparently much quicker on the emotional uptake than Logan he gives him a vey soft, if slightly exasperated, look and says:

“Roman - who again, is my future brother-in-law- is helping set up in the main hall.”

And Logan likes to think he said thank you before he took off fucking RUNNING through the building but he can’t be sure.

So he gets to the hall, where a load of people are setting out chairs, putting up flowers etc,  and skids to a stop at one end of the aisle. Shouts: “ROMAN.” (Roman and Virgil, who were standing at the other end arguing over a flower arrangements, both look up) “YOU’RE NOT MARRYING YOUR BROTHER.”

“um.” Says Roman “No?”

Explanations are given. Virgil, who is a lot more talkative now that he’s not on 7th wedding appointment of the day burn out, is ready to physically fight Logan for breaking his brothers heart. And then once he understands the full story is ready to kill both of them for being such dumbasses.

Roman: But I s2g I told the guy on the phone that it was the groom and best man coming??? Logan: Yeah he might have lied and said you were a couple for a joke, or he may have just straight up not listened to you. Either way, he is just Like That.

Logan: WHY DID YOU NEVER MENTION VIRGIL WAS YOUR BORTHER?? Roman: I WAS TRYING TO GET TO KNOW YOU AND ALSO SEDUCE YOU WHY WOULD I WASTE TIME TALKING ABOUT MY LITTLE BROTHER??? Virgil: Yeah...he does like talking about himself, sorry he’s just  Like That.

Anyway it all ends fluffily, Patton and Virgil get married. Roman cries. Logan and Jan hang around for the wedding. Roman and Logan hold hands throughout the speeches and dance during the reception. Roman has to go back to law school soon but they agree to call each other every day at 2pm to catch up and argue. 

Janus gets off with the moustachioed DJ. 

And Roman and Logan get another chance at their first kiss.

[keyofjetwolf]

We’re All Just Guys

Well it took the entire fucking season, but I FINALLY get the purpose for Henry Fondle: Sex Robot. And while the entire episode (and season, honestly) has been tremendous, that this ridiculous fucking punchline was the vehicle to deliver the overarching point with a solid knockout punch of meaning AND pathos? Absolutely floored. That BoJack Horseman can be (and often is) brilliant isn’t a surprise, but the ways is keeps proving it often are.

So “The Stopped Show”, a tale of accountability and responsibility and how we’re all just guys.

Each of our main characters closes out this season alone (sort of), in assorted stages of realizing the main themes, or completely failing to. I find Diane’s arc the hardest for me to make a decision on, which isn’t surprising, as I think in many ways, Diane’s the most complicated character in the show. She delivers, directly and succinctly, one of the major points of not just this season but the entire show, but how does it relate to her? I’M NOT COMPLETELY SURE. I think part of the problem with (and for) Diane is that she knows better. She’s the most insightful character, she has a fantastic head on her shoulders, but only for everyone else. She’s this fucked up little disaster prophet, her vision clear and her message concise, unable to ever apply her gifts to fix herself.

Diane is just as trapped as BoJack, but in a fun twist, is now lagging behind him in trying to do something about it. Nearly every single scene with Diane this season has been in this sad little room of her sad little apartment with all her sad little unpacked boxes, and no matter how much truth and wisdom she spits out, HERE SHE STILL IS, failing to correctly assemble IKEA furniture with names like Bȧcksleid. She already feels like shit for sleeping with Mr. Peanutbutter, so what does she do? THE SAME FUCKING THING. To which I groan and roll my eyes, while simultaneously being proud of her for directly and immediately setting him straight about not getting back together. Diane rides this constant line where she gets it but also doesn’t, which is so interesting to me in the level of additional frustration this makes me feel. BoJack is so self-absorbed you don’t really expect any better of him, which has the flip side of your expectations being so low that even the whiff of progress feels exceptional. Diane doesn’t come with any of that though, she knows better, you KNOW she knows better, and the consequence of this for the audience is that she winds up being more unlikeable than the guy who literally last episode nearly strangled his girlfriend and co-star in the middle of a paranoid drug-induced frenzy.

Which is fucked up! It’s intensely fucked up! And also, I think, the point! We expect more of Diane, and so feel more disappointed when she doesn’t deliver. Is that fair of us?

But there’s more here, as we pivot to the accountability portion of this episode/season. From the beginning of the show, it’s been incredibly upfront about how everything is unfair. We come back to this time and again. Privilege rules the day in the world of Hollywoo. Fame, money, charisma, gender, power. BoJack has been an asshole from pretty much the moment he set foot in the spotlight (possibly before?), and the only thing ever even attempting to hold him back has been the moments his guilt manages to scream loud enough to be heard over his internal narrative. Whatever he does, however he fucks up, he always stumbles back to his feet, and NEVER with any (broad scale) consequences. Meanwhile, here’s Diane, in her sad shitty apartment. Consequences haunt Diane, even if she’s the one doing the haunting. The crap things she’s done and the shitty choices she’s made cling to her.

There’s no fairness in that either, no justice. But Hollywoo (and the entire world around it) (and our world too oh yes) has that privilege carved into its bones, and Diane bears none of its marks. Her situation is very different from but parallel to Gina, who is just so fucked over, it keeps legitimately making me angry for her.

Gina, of course, brought none of this on herself. She made the mistake of caring about BoJack and trying to help him. OOPS YOU WERE A GENEROUS PERSON WITH AN OPEN HEART FUCK YOU LADY. For her trouble, Gina has been assaulted and traumatized, AND she is in very real danger of her career being over when it’s only just finally beginning. And she KNOWS THIS. That’s the part that I keep coming back to. All this should be an aberration, an anomaly, and while that may be true of the specifics, conceptually, it’s so commonplace that Gina already knows how it’s going to play. She’ll stop being Gina and become The Woman Nearly Strangled To Death By BoJack Horseman. Even if she’s able to keep working, this is what she’ll be asked about in every interview forever. Even if she convinced people to genuinely listen to her, BoJack would, at worst, get a slap on the wrist as he stumbles back to his feet. We know that, WE ALL KNOW THAT, because it happens all. the. fucking. time. Gina did nothing wrong, but this would still define her for the rest of her life, while for BoJack, it would maybe become a footnote on his Wikipedia page.

Nothing about that is FAIR. Nothing about it is JUST. Gina’s choices shouldn’t have to be “this becomes my entire life” or “swallow this down and pretend it never happened”. But it is, as it has been in perpetuity for the victims of the privileged.

So then what can we do about it? Well that’s really the question, isn’t it? This episode answers it in an assortment of ways (I think the entire SHOW is very much about this, really, but this episode is for sure coming with guns blazing), while also showing us why none of those answers can work. It’s funny and sad and awful and true, but also, ultimately, the most hopeful answer because it’s the only one you can actually affect: It’s you. It’s me. It’s each and every one of us, individually, making a choice to be better.

And believe it or not, we embody this with Henry Fondle: Sex Robot.

I thought the whole thing was so unbelievably stupid. Half the season, we’ve had this goddamn multi-dildo’d juvenile frat boy joke running around with its stupid ass Speak-and-Say voice, doing the same shtick over and over, and I’m like, “okay this is just the shit I have to put up with to get the clever stuff, I guess.” BUT THAT’S EXACTLY THE POINT I’M SITTING THERE LIVING THE ENTIRE GODDAMN POINT AND MISSING IT. Henry Fondle: Sex Robot is seventeen shades of overt horribleness, AND WE ALL JUST GIVE IT A PASS. It’s just the way it is, the way the world works, the price of doing business. When the whole time -- THE ENTIRE FUCKING TIME -- all it took was one person to say no. One person who could see the game we all are playing and was willing to give up everything to stop it.

Hilariously, Henry Fondle IS a metaphor, sort of, but of the saddest kind. He is literally a robot, he can’t possibly change. What’s more, media fervor will never affect him, fallout will never touch him, and the powerful will always rally around themselves to retain their power. It takes Todd, the head of the company, the creator of Henry Fondle, and the one person who would benefit most from the unending efforts of the rest of the world bending over backwards to avoid the truth, to put a stop to it. In doing so, he immediately returns to his old, homeless, destitute self, but doesn’t once hesitate or look back.

It’s Todd, and only Todd, that stops that madness, because while individual people are a problem, the world at large is too. Stefani makes a great point that Diane holds herself and everyone else to impossible standards and a little forgiveness and grace wouldn’t go amiss, but when Diane suggests they apply that philosophy to their clickbait gossipy shit on their website, it’s just

Which again, is beautifully cynical and depressing, but not untrue. Fostering a more forgiving culture isn’t in stopping websites from posting clickbaity takedown articles, it’s each person deciding not to take the clickbait. We can absolutely have a conversation about the people creating their world or the world creating its people, but when you boil it down, only one of those things can you yourself absolutely and directly change, and it’s not the entire world.

A THING DIANE GETS BUT SIMULTANEOUSLY ABSOLUTELY DOES NOT.

I can’t take myself away from this Diane thing, I know, but only because she’s the fucking CORE of each and every one of us struggling with this idea. She’s the simplicity of it and the complication all in one. Not BoJack, which is NOT where I thought we’d be when we started this journey. BoJack is more an action on the people around him at this point in the story, he IS the world you cannot change. He’s pointed to rehab, and off he goes -- or doesn’t! I don’t think it’s coincidence that we stay with Diane and watch her watching him.

Oh, Diane, indeed. As she tells her story of her friend Abby, who threw her over for the cool kids, who turned every confidence into a scar. Who Diane still helped anyway, because Abby needed her. Did Abby learn from that, did she get better? We don’t know; we stay with Diane and watch her watching Abby. Diane, who can so completely understand about personal responsibility while failing to recognize her own enabling for the shitty things that keep happening to her.

You can control yourself. That’s it. That’s the only playground with a guarantee.

Will BoJack go off to learn that? Will Diane stay and figure it out?

THAT’S WHAT NEXT SEASON IS FOR

Something I was toying with including in this, but ultimately decided against for a variety of reasons, was the contrast between BoJack’s take on personal responsibility independent of external response, and The Good Place’s argument that people need external support for personal growth. An idea I may not have even considered contrasting save that Doc’s talked before about these two Jewish creators with what are clearly very different philosophies, and basically, if she were ever able to manage a discussion between them on this, I’d love to be in the room. I’ll be very quiet and not get in the way, I promise.

[chaseatinydream]

pirate king (43) || atz

It’s a fine day once more.

The morning sun shines down upon the Treasure, its golden rays touching your cheeks as you glance up at the sky. It’s been peaceful the last few days, and you’ve heard from Yeosang that your captain has begun considering sailing back to Nassau so that Seonghwa can visit his childhood friends Seohyun and Soobin.

The cook’s been in a much more cheerful mood for the last few days after hearing those words, excited about seeing how their baby is coming along. He can’t stop gushing to you in the kitchen about how cute he thinks the baby is going to be, worrying endlessly whether they’re going to be alright, to the point that you’ve resorted to stuffing bread rolls in his mouth to keep him quiet so that he can focus on his cooking.

You don’t him to end up with two less fingers like Soobin.

After preparing breakfast with Seonghwa, you’re now seated in the rigging swaying back on forth with the wind, letting the sun warm your face as you prepare for another day ahead.

“I can’t wait to get back onto dry land.” Yunho comments with a groan from above you on the main mast, hanging upside down from the ropes. You glance up at him with a smile, shielding your eyes against the sun.

“I’m sure Jongho could always throw you overboard if you’re sick of being on the ship.”

High pitched laughter comes from beside you and you turn to see Wooyoung swinging over from the mizzen mast, grinning as he steps over to you, expertly keeping his balance on the yardarm. He’s surprisingly steady on his feet, considering the last time you’d seen him yesterday, he was screaming drunken insults about Yunho’s apparent pea sized brain for not understanding how the mizzen mast was the better of the two. He bows mockingly, gesturing to the sparkling ocean far below you.

“Maybe you’d like to go for a swim, your majesty?” Wooyoung jibes, barely able to keep the snicker out of his voice. The lookout tosses his shoe at his friend and Wooyoung ducks easily, catching it in his hand.

“Be silent, you knave.” Yunho grumbles, now missing a shoe. Reclining against the ropes, he gazes at the horizon with a steady eye, body bobbing up and down with the pitch and roll of the ship. “I still haven’t forgotten the last time you pushed me off the yardarm to save your own ass and I fell into the sea because of you.”

You raise your eyebrows as you glance at a shamelessly grinning Wooyoung, who is neither denying nor confirming it. Knowing the head gunner, however, it’s probably… no, definitely true. “How did that happen?”

Wooyoung opens his mouth to answer, but before the silver tongued charmer can say another word, Yunho cuts in, obviously knowing full well Wooyoung is going to twist the story upside down to his own advantage.

“We were on the main mast, arguing about how the main mast is obviously the better mast,” Yunho begins with a haughty tone, ignoring Wooyoung’s cry of indignation. “When San was at the wheel he stupidly beached the Treasure on the shore and the whole ship jerked. I, being the better rigging monkey, caught my balance, but Wooyoung-”

You unconsciously grip the ropes beneath you a little tighter, suddenly wary of falling off the mast yourself. Ahh. So that’s why no one on the ship trusts San with the wheel. You sometimes wonder how they even trusted him with their injuries in the first place.

“I’m a better rigging monkey than you!” Wooyoung splutters in outrage, but Yunho flat out pays no attention to him, continuing with his tale. “As I was saying, I caught my balance but Wooyoung fell. I was reaching down to save him, but then he grabbed my arm-”

“I didn’t need any saving-”

“And I fell off instead! It’s twice as bad because he stayed on the mast and I didn’t!”

“I was perfectly capable on staying on the mast myself, thank you very much.” Wooyoung grumbles, but Yunho isn’t listening to him in the slightest. In fact, he’s so pumped up with ranting that he’s starting to wave his long arms around like a windmill, complaints spilling from his mouth completely unchecked.

“And do you know what else he did? During a battle at sea, he even jumped onto the main mast on purpose! My precious main mast! The crow’s nest got blown off, you know? That’s like the head of the mast!’

You’re starting to lose Yunho to this silly argument, having no idea where this is going.

“Why is it Wooyoung’s fault the main mast got hit?”

Yunho stares at you as if the answer is obvious. “Because he’s so ugly everyone tries to shoot him.”

“What did you say, Yun Hoe?” Wooyoung screeches in the background like an offended pigeon. “Haven’t you forgotten that time you grabbed onto the mizzenmast sail and ended up tearing a huge hole in it? You defiled my beautiful mizzenmast and exposed her for everyone to see!”

You’re utterly lost from this conversation now, baffled as to why any of this matters in the first place. “Come on, guys…”

“You blew the mainmast’s head off!”

“You shamed the mizzenmast in front of the whole crew! The disgrace, Yun Hoe, the disgrace-”

“Oh yeah?” Yunho actually looks furious now, drawing his cutlass from his side. Panicking, you turn to Wooyoung, expecting him to use that glib tongue of his to somehow worm his way out of the antsy situation, but you’re shocked to see that he’s drawn his own blade as well, looking every bit ready to fight Yunho.

“Come at me, Yun Hoe!”

“It’s on, Poo Young!”

Sighing at their antics and the sheer stupidity of it all, you turn around to glance at the sea before you. It’s the same as before, an endless expanse of shimmering, deep blue as clouds drift past the horizon, sun shining-

Wait.

Frowning, you block out the sounds of Wooyoung and Yunho’s ridiculous squabbling, leaning forward to squint at the delicate line separating the ocean from the sky. Puffs of white clouds are rolling across the blue sky, but there seems to be a patch of white moving in a different direction from the others.

“What’s that?” The words leave your lips in a mutter, but Yunho hears it even over his argument with Wooyoung. His eyes narrow warily even as he sheathes his cutlass, stepping over to you.

“What is it?” He asks you and you point far into the distance, trying to understand how that one white shape is moving towards you instead of away from you, like the rest of the clouds are.

“That cloud is acting weird.” You tell him, feeling Wooyoung step towards you from behind, curious as to what is happening.

Suddenly, Yunho stiffens next to you, staring at the white shape. Frowning, you turn to ask him exactly what has gotten him to tense, but Wooyoung seems to realise it as well, fingers tightening on your shoulder unconsciously, all traces of his argument with Yunho vanishing in sight of the odd cloud.

“That’s not what I think it is, am I right?”

Yunho chews on his lower lip. “But why would any of ship be out here?”

You finally realise it now. The white shape that’s growing in size is actually a sail, starkly contrasting against the blue sky behind it. A chill runs down your back as you lean forward unconsciously, trying to catch a better glimpse of it, but Wooyoung pulls you back before you can fall over.

“Wouldn’t want you taking a dip now.” Wooyoung tries to smile at you, but it doesn’t quite reach his eyes. It’s obvious that he’s worried at what the sight of this white sail could mean, considering it could be a simple merchant ship or even a Royal Navy frigate.

The three of you wait with baited breath as the ship grows in size.

Then suddenly, as if they can read each other’s minds, Wooyoung and Yunho both freeze at the same time, the very tension in the air sends a shiver down your entire body. You turn to glance at the two of them, confused as to why they’re acting this way.

“What is it?”

“It’s them.” Yunho spits as he stares at the horizon, seeing the snowy white sails crest the waves. You frown, unable to see as clearly, leaning forward and squinting to see what exactly could be causing your two fellow rigging monkeys so much distress.

Wooyoung curses, baring his teeth as he leaps to the ropes as fast as he can. “I’m going to tell Captain.” With that, he slides to the main deck with an urgency you’ve rarely seen in him, in such contrast to his usually easy-going and cheerful self.

But then you catch sight of it and your own eyes widen in horror.

On the sails fluttering in the wind is a red shape, starkly contrasting against the snow white background.

The same sigil decorating the shoulders of the coat you had woken up with.

The symbol on the red wax seals of Lucio’s letters.

The emblem of a crimson rose.

Your heart sinks in your chest.

It’s the Royal Navy.

“Damnit.” Yunho curses under his breath, fingers tightening on the handle of his cutlass. He’s afraid of what this might mean, for the crew and for him. How did they find you here? Was it simply by chance? Or have they been tracking you somehow? “We’re going to get into a huge battle again. I hope you’re ready for a fight, Chin Hae.”

“Is it stupid to hope that they’re not here to kill us?” You mumble under your breath but Yunho snorts, shaking his head.

“We literally all have bounties stamped on us. There are rewards of up to five hundred gold pieces for our captain’s head. Fifty for each crew mate. Two hundred for San. Two hundred fifty for Jongho and I. Three hundred for Mingi and Wooyoung.” He exhales shakily, staring as the blood red rose grows ever closer. “If they don’t want to kill us, I’ll eat my own shoe… and Wooyoung’s at that.”

You laugh nervously, trembling fingers seeking his and gripping tight as you watch your impending doom. “Want to raise the stakes?”

“I’ll even admit the mizzenmast is better.” Yunho mumbles uneasily under his breath. Just as he says those words, the sound of a iron bar being struck repeatedly rings throughout the air and the deck floods with activity, the crew swarming to the bulwarks to search for the impending threat. He pushes you lightly to the ropes. “You should go. San will want you with him when the action starts.”

Nerves rise up in you, but you force it down and slide down the rigging, careful not to burn your hands on the ropes from friction. You drop onto the deck, making your way to the quarterdeck where you had last seen your master.

To your surprise, Yeosang is there as well, Mingi at the stairs bellowing orders to the crew to ready the cannons and prepare for battle. You hear the sound of the cannon carriages being wheeled to their spots, the powder monkeys running about in organised drills to ferry the gunpowder to their guns. All of the crew are readying their weapons for battle, suiting up and loading their muskets.

Tension runs high in the air and adrenaline in your veins as you step to the railing, where Yeosang and San are. Wooyoung must have headed to the gunwales to handle his powerful cannons, the long nine and the 42 pounder, the two most deadly and lethal weapons on the Treasure. San reaches for your hand nervously, squeezing it tight.

“Are you scared?” He asks, and you don’t bother lying to him.

“Yes.”

You hate the way your voice cracks even though you’ve been in battle twice already, once with the Royal Navy before and the other on Nassau. You wish you were braver than this, but you can’t stare death in the eye without the slightest whit of fear like your captain and Yunho and Jongho can.

Yeosang takes your other hand, and even though his face is ashen and pale, he still pats your hand comfortingly.

“Don’t worry.”

You’re reminded of the first time you had been attacked by a Royal Navy ship near Tortuga, Yeosang too, had taken your hand and told you not to worry. The difference this time though, was that you were no longer just a amnesiac girl who had to be protected by Jongho, but a person reasonably well versed with the cutlass and musket, who had experienced dangers and could help people around her with her healing ability.

You just hoped it would be enough.

“Yeosang-ah, can you tell anything about the ship?” Your captain calls from this wheel, his voice eerily calm as if they aren’t on the verge of a massive battle.  Yeosang leans forward a little, squinting as he tries to make out distinctive features of the ship.

“It looks like a standard Navy ship, about fifteen cannons down each side on the upper deck. A three masted frigate with no battering ram and it relies on sail power, not on rowers. But…” Yeosang’s voice trails off in shock and you glance at him in worry.

“But?”

You had thought that Yeosang was already pale from fear, but then all at once every drop of blood seems to drain from his face, leaving him white and bloodless. His fingers tighten on the railing of the ship, mouth falling open in horror and pupils dilating in fear as he stares at the approaching ship in shock.

Concern floods you. “Yeosang-oppa?”

“The flag they’re flying…” Yeosang breathes, barely above a whisper. “It’s a black crow.”

San stiffens.

“What?”

Hongjoong somehow manages to hear that over all the noise coming from the main deck, because he whirls around in shock to look at the ship coming from the stern, instructing Mingi to take the wheel. His boots click on the deck as he makes his way over to the three of you, his one green eye narrowing in fury as he stares at the approaching dark shape. His anger radiates him like some sort of black miasma that’s poisonous to the touch, the very air around him almost acrid with sour rage.

“How dare he…” You captain seethes, before turning to Yeosang. “Yeosang, are you alright?”

But the navigator only continues to stare at the ship in shock, unresponsive to his captain except a mumbled ‘yeah, I’m fine’ that no one believes.

You’re confused as to why this ship seems to have such a massive psychological impact on Yeosang, but then San tugs on your hand lightly, his usually bright eyes grim.

“That’s the ship Yeosang’s father captains.”

Memories rush back to you, from that night you had decided to heal Yeosang with your very life force. An officer with a single, golden monocle, thin lips pulled into a permanent scowl, a white scar above his brow bone, golden patches on his shoulders.

Commander Kang. Captain of the Royal Navy ship the Black Crow. Yeosang’s father.

The man who’d abandoned his only son to bloodthirsty pirates and had left him for dead.

“Oh shit.” You mumble under your breath, realising the gravity of this situation now, how it not only crosses the physical boundaries but also the emotional and psychological. You take Yeosang’s hand in both of yours and clasp it tightly, hoping to offer some comfort, but he doesn’t seem to register it, eyes still fixed on the ship.

Then something catches your eye that makes your heart stop in your chest.

“Are they… are they seriously hoisting a white flag? A parley flag?” You spit out in shock, and your captain stares at the Black Crow, utterly furious at the sight and yet completely bewildered by this abrupt change of events from what he’s used to. A Royal Navy ship offering to parley with the Caribbean Sea’s most wanted pirates? That was wholly unheard of in the whole of maritime history.

“Are they mocking us?” You hear San growl under his breath, obviously incensed, but you must have gone a little crazy from the mixture of shock and terror, because an unsteady little giggle leaves your mouth, your hands trembling from both suspense and trepidation.

Your master glances at you, obviously concerned. “Chin Hae? Chin Hae, are you alright?”

Another near deranged chuckle spills from you as you shake your head, mind as blank as the parley flag being hoisted from the foremast.

“Oh no…” You begin, unsure what to say, every thought fleeing from your mind as the dark shape almost looms over you in your imagination. “It’s just that…”

Another uncontrollable laugh escapes you.

“Yunho needs to eat Wooyoung’s shoe now.”

[theangrycomet]

“You win. Kind of cheated, but you win.”

-Devlin Evan Levin

Notes: Edited

*When first writing my stories I didn’t realize Kevin wasn’t Canonically Trans, so his procreations follows the Trans!Kevin Head Canon*

*Osmosians are Aliens*

*The Rooter’s arc is the same, except Kevin was just rescued by the Rooters*

*Devin Levin is Canon here, though his backstory varies*

After Kevin’s break up with Gwen, he was kind of a mess. He went back to his more shady businesses and practices. 

Sunny, wanting to snub Gwen a bit, approached him during a a lower point to have some fun

Kevin was unfortunately fooled.

When he’d found out he’d been tricked, he tried to absorb her to death. It was nearly successful too.

Due to a combination of the two’s previous *ahem* nightly activities and Kevin absorbing most of Sunny’s energy, Kevin got pregnant, much to his dismay.

Convinced he would be a bad parent, he tried to get multiple abortions to no avail; baby was too damn stubborn.

When Devlin was born, he was born in his 11 form.

But hey, Kevin finally got that Hysterectomy he’s been pushing off for years

Kevin was bluntly horrified at what he’d done to the kid. But, as Devlin reached out for him, he determined that he would love his kid to death, even if no one else would. Because f*** all if he was going to let his kid go through what he did as a kid. 

Went back to Earth because Gwen needed help (and missed him)

Went well for about two years until he was forced to absorb excess Turbonic Energy

Barely escaped being sent back to the null void (not by Tennysons, other plumbers)

Still dealing with the jerks of the business, he proceeded with the criminal lifestyle to pay the bills. He managed to keep Devlin from most of it and spent as much time as he could with him. 

He felt like he had no idea what he was doing most of the time, and constantly had to deal with other aliens trying to mess with his kid b/c of people wanting to mess with the infamous Kevin 11000

Actually got a better understanding of his own powers by teaching Devlin about his

Levin’s don’t get Normal childhoods

Birthday: Earth Time: January 2nd

Picked up his fathers’ technological prowess as well as his looks

Though it did not happen often, Devlin was knew how to deal with Kevin’s energy hangovers and subsequent mood swings

Was usually able to talk him down before anything too bad happened

Generally avoided him or fled the scene when told when Kevin got especially bad (only happened 2-3 times but the memories are still pretty vivid)

Though always threatened with being locked out if he came back after curfew, if Devlin was never actually kept out of the house. Kevin just kind of went into small panic mode.

When he was little, he loved using his alien form to cause trouble

Lighting fires with his pyronite arm

Making playhouses with his petropsian arm

(This one was tricky to figure out) Leaning back against walls hand hack security buildings with his Galvanic Mechamorph shoulder blades

Trippin’ up passerby’s with his tail

Devlin preferred the in betweens, when Kevin was most like himself and not worrying about “jerks at work”. Those were rarer than either Osmosian would have liked.

Whenever Kevin got stuck in the Null Void, waited at their hiding place until he got back

When the last time he got stuck, he waited 3 months, pretty much alone

Argit actually snuck Devlin onto Earth

Knew about his plan to get his dad out of the Null Void

Refused to help him publicly.

“And furthermore this plan is ridiculous. What, do you expect to just walts on in, befriend Ben’s youngest son, best after an argument with his old man, get him to slip up how to get in, *cough* 32ndstorybigpadlockeddoorcan’tmissit *cough* and walts out Kevin in tow? Ridiculous”.

Kenny’s Birthday weekend wasn’t the first time Devlin hadn’t been able to talk his dad out of a stupid brawl

But it was the first time Kevin physically hurt him

Devlin's not really sure how much Kevin actually cares about him any more if he was so easily able to throw him aside like that. 

Inside the Tower

He hadn’t realized that Kenny had a sister, or a mom for that matter

Didn’t really know Gwennie at first,

She eventually found a wonderful middle ground of space cars

Kai was… different

Waited to get the story from Ben about the mysterious Emo Kid presence in her living room

Immediately lost her shit at Ben, not for Devlin being brought into the house, but for not talking to her about it and, since he had evidently already made up his mind about the whole thing, still not having one of the guest room set up as his own

He hadn’t met any adult (aside from his dad) who was so brutally honest and upfront about things, having grown up with and around conmen and politicians his whole life

She kind of intimidates him

She thinks its funny that she intimidates him more than big bad Ben 10k

Ben doesn’t

Overtime, they settle into the “Protective but will let you do your thing” older sister Gwennie and “How could you be so stupid to get hurt like this! Get over here and you will let me take care of you, young man” mom role for Kai.

Kenny is definitely his best friend

As he did not grow up on Earth, he doesn’t get a lot of Earth culture stuff, especially the American side of things

What’s with all the holidays?

And why are you so obsessed with social media?

What the kriff is anime?

He regretted asking that last question

He was enrolled with school with Kenny the next school term, giving him about a year to adjust to the Tennyson household

Kids tried to pick on him for being Kevin 11K’s kid, but Kenny quickly shut that down

Ironically met one of his few friends outside of the family by starting a fight with him

Believes what he sees

Does not believe in magic. Period.

Ben tries to fill the Uncle role without stepping on toes for the Dad roe

Works surprisingly well

More of an introvert

Still a sweetheart, its just when he’s forced into an unfamiliar social situation he tends to get defensive and surly

Wasn’t interested in soccer, but found he loved hockey

Pretty damn good at it too

While smart, if he’s not interested in a subject or if a subjects hard he won’t study it

History’s his worst, with English being a close second

Tried to hide the D’s and F’s but Gwennie sniffed them out

She always knows

Additionally, he doesn’t really think past what’s in front of him

He thinks of the evidence he has in front of him and the knowledge he’s got

long term planning? Impossible

He didn’t know she was an Anodite for about a year or two. 

It wasn’t ever really brought up

Can and will question dumb leadership

Mellow other wise

Favorite Disney Movie: Lilo and Stitch

Aroflux Demisexual

Regarding his Powers

His 11 form is still his main form

He does have his own Mana, but his Osmosian side is constantly eating it away so he cannot manipulate it like a “true” Anodite can. 

He can absorb energy, but material is impossible for him

The excess energy goes into maintaining his 11 form. Because of this, when he does absorb energy

He goes to his 11 form

Retains control of his mind

If he tries to stay “human” and absorb energy is where in lies the problem

Because the energy doesn’t have anywhere to go it warps his mind

This doesn’t happen too often because he always allows the energy to outlet to his 11 form and his Anodite side generally finds ways to redirect it

With time, he learns to activate parts of his 11 form at a time

Ben mentioned off hand that at the WAY beginning, when Kevin was Devlin’s age, he could modify the energy to only work on parts of his body

It requires less energy and is convenient if he’s trying to avoid attention

Regarding Kevin

He’s still sore about being literally tossed aside in his father’s quest for power

Doesn’t want anything to do with the lying b****** at first because of he doesn’t really know what to do. He loves Ben, but he wants his dad. Like how things were before everything got all complicated. 

He has no idea what Gwendolyn saw or currently sees in him

Was conflicted when he found out his dad was getting treatment

Part of him wanted Kevin to hurt just as bad as he did when he was thrown away

Part of him wanted Kevin to get better

Part of him wanted Kevin to go away

Part of him wanted Kevin to come home as soon as possible

He was confused as to how Dr. Kincaid could help drain an Osmosian of excess power without getting killed

Devlin’s lack of Pop Culture and Current Super Hero knowledge was shown through at that point

“Turbonic Energy’s what got him into this mess, Turbonic Energy’s what’s going to get him out.”

[abused-sides]

Could you write maybe a short angst/fluff thing about them discovering each others triggers and talking about them and how to avoid them? (My family and the people around me dont really respect mine so this is kinda just a request for me to project onto 😅 you absolutely dont have to tho)

fuck your family we’re your family now 

Trigger warning: This au follows the sides as abuse survivors. 

Other tws for: Yelling, arguments, passive aggression, non-censored homophobic slur used to talk about oneself, sl*t used in a joking and literally not at all degrading/mean manner also non-censored, drama violence (like reading a script), flashback/panic attack, ableism off screen, throw up mention, allergies mention, glass breaking, lmk if i missed anything! <3 

enjoy the hurt/comfort lol it took me like an hour and a half xD 

Edit: love when it just doesn’t fucking add the read more :) sorry about that guys

Virgil: 

-While Virgil was helping Patton fix dinner, Roman and Logan started an argument at the table. Logan was upset that Roman hadn’t finished his chore list for the week, but Roman insisted that he would finish it and he just needed some extra time to work on commissions. 

-Logan: We all have jobs, Roman, we still manage to get our chores done! This place is a mess half of the time and that’s largely due to you neglecting the list. 

-Roman: Why are you acting like some weekly chore list is worth more than our jobs? Isn’t that why we moved in together, to pursue our passions?

-Logan: How are we meant to do that when we’re living in a mess? 

-Roman: You’re completely overreacting. 

-Logan: Fine. You’re right. I’ll just do everything. Sorry to be a bother. 

-Virgil had slipped away from his job chopping vegetables to glance at the missing items on Roman’s chore list. The first one read sweep and mop the floors. He silently took the broom from its spot between the fridge and the counter, and worked on piling up the mess on the floor. 

-Logan was about to storm out of the room, when he noticed Virgil. 

-Logan: Are you okay? 

-Virgil: Hm? I’m fine. 

-Logan: You’re shaking. 

-Patton: Of course he’s shaking. Would it kill you two to be nicer to each other? 

-Realization dawned on Logan’s face. He bit his lip as he thought, and then turned to Roman. 

-Logan: I don’t like it when you neglect your chore list. I understand you’re busy, but it makes life harder for all of us. 

-Virgil stopped sweeping, looking at Logan in confusion. 

-Roman was just as confused. 

-Roman: I... Yeah, I got that, weirdo. 

-Logan: I want to make sure there’s no confusion. Do you have anything you want to say to me? 

-Roman’s eyes flicked between Virgil- Shaking, gripping the broom, staring at them with wide eyes -and nodded slowly. 

-Roman: Some weeks I can’t complete the entire chore list. Finishing my commissions are more important. The kitchen can be cleaned later. 

-Patton: And I can help! I don’t mind chipping in on chores. 

-Logan: I can live with that. I’m going to my room. 

-After that, there was an unspoken agreement to state things plainly, especially when fighting, and to try and keep the yelling at a minimum. Janus and Remus may have appreciated it even more than Virgil did. 

Patton: 

-Janus and Remus were visiting for a movie night, and they were still setting up. Patton fussed over the organization of the snack table, Roman over who sat where. 

-Remus: I’ve got my seat! 

-He flopped into Janus’ lap, who grunted. 

-Janus: Jesus Christ, babe. 

-Logan: You two are so... 

-Remus: What? Sexy? 

-Logan: No... Not the word I’m looking for. 

-Remus: A cute couple of boys? 

-Logan fought not to laugh. 

-Logan: No... Not that, either. 

-Remus: Just an attractive pair of young faggots? 

-While Logan, Roman, and Janus burst out laughing, Patton choked. He covered his mouth and tried to recover, but the others laughing quickly died down. 

-Virgil: *softly* Patton? Are you okay? 

-Patton: I’m fine. 

-He forced a weak smile. 

-Patton: Are we ready for the movie? 

-Remus: You look like you’re going to be sick. Is it something I said? 

-Patton: It’s not a big deal-

-Janus: Bullshit. Tell us. What, Remus calling us faggots? It’s okay to laugh, we know we are. 

-Patton didn’t take the bait, shakily sitting down. Janus’ grin faded. 

-Patton: I just... I don’t like that word too much, I guess. It, um... 

-Virgil: *quietly* Bad memories? 

-Patton nodded quickly. 

-Remus: Jesus! You should have told me! I’m sorry, Pat-A-Cake! I guess Janny and I have just been calling each other that for so long, I forgot it bothers some people. 

-Janus: Yeah, um, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have encouraged it, it wasn’t very-

-Patton: Guys, stop. You don’t have to apologize, okay? I’m okay. 

-Roman opened his arms with a soft smile. Patton sighed happily and crawled into his lap, his back against Roman’s chest. 

-Remus: So what can I say instead? Slu-

-Janus slapped his hand over Remus’ mouth. 

-Janus: Why don’t you just try behaving? 

-Patton: *laughing* No, I’m actually pretty used to that one. Roman can’t see a cute boy without calling himself that. 

-Remus: Perfect. Was that the word you were looking for, Logan? Just a bunch of cute little sluts? 

-Logan slapped his hand to his forehead. 

-Logan: *dryly* That’s exactly the word I was looking for. 

Logan: 

-The morning was a busy one. Logan had three projects due that he’d somehow neglected, Roman had two auditions, Patton had an increase in orders to pass out, and Virgil had an interview for an apprenticeship at a tattoo parlour. 

-Everyone raced around the kitchen-- No time for a family breakfast today. Logan banged at the coffee maker as it went painfully slow, Patton trying to carefully package a box of cupcakes. Roman slid between the two of them to get to the fridge, nearly tripping over Logan’s feet. 

-Roman: Hey, watch out! Tryna get out the door here! 

-Logan stiffened. 

-Logan: Apologies, Roman. 

-Roman looked at him in confusion at the formal tone, but shook it off and grabbed his water bottle so he could race out the door. Soon, the apartment was empty, everyone left to their respective tasks. 

-Logan didn’t come home for a while. 

-Patton left a sticky note on Logan’s door to say his dinner was packed up in the fridge for whenever he wanted it, but couldn’t stop feeling worried. He stayed up until 4am on the couch watching cartoons, eventually passing out. 

-When Logan still wasn’t home in the morning, Roman carried Patton to bed and stormed across the hall. 

-He rapped loudly on the door. It swung open a moment later, revealing the tired, angry face of his brother. 

-Remus: What do you want? 

-Roman: Is Logan with you? 

-Remus: Well, I know where he’s not. 

-Roman: I’m not fucking around. Just tell me-- We’re worried about him!

-Remus arched an eyebrow, a sick grin spreading across his face. 

-Remus: *whispering* Are you now? 

-Roman: What’s going on? Is he okay? 

-Remus: *voice still hushed* You would think out of all of us, you and I would know better. You and I would know exactly what to say to make someone feel worthless. The difference is, it’s usually me who says it, and you who avoids it. 

-Roman: I don’t get it. What did I say? Did I hurt him? 

-Remus: He feels like a waste of space in his own home! 

-Roman pushed past Remus into the apartment, finding Logan asleep, Janus curled around him protectively. 

-Roman: Logan! 

-Logan and Janus both startled awake. Janus glared and hissed. 

-Roman: My God, why didn’t you tell anyone you weren’t coming home? We were so worried! Patton stayed up all night waiting for you! Why was your phone off?! 

-Logan frowned in confusion and sat up, self-consciously scooting away from Janus and brushing his arm away. He found his glasses and put them on. 

-Logan: What? I just figured, the apartment seemed cramped lately, people were getting cranky. Janus and Remus offered to let me stay before in the past, so I thought I might give you all some space. 

-Roman shook his head wildly. 

-Roman: Why would you think that? You scared us! Dinner’s still waiting for you in the fridge, and- and you could have at least called us to let us know! 

-Logan fought not to shrink in on himself. He was silent for a while, before he said, quietly, confused, “I thought this was what you wanted.” 

-Roman: No. Where did you-

-Roman paused. 

-He felt so stupid. 

-Roman: No- God, Logan, I’m so... I’m so sorry. I didn’t- I wasn’t thinking. I’m sorry I ran into you, and then... 

-Janus and Remus looked at Logan, waiting his response before reacting. 

-Logan: It’s okay, Roman. I guess I just got confused. Has Patton started on breakfast yet?

-Roman: No, he’s asleep. 

-Logan: I’ll make breakfast. I’ll be there in five minutes.

-Remus gripped Roman’s shoulder. 

-Remus: I’ll show you out. 

Roman: 

-Roman and Remus were in the main four’s living room, scripts in each hand. Roman had asked Remus’ help in reading lines for a scene, and they had both gotten way too into it. 

-Patton: Be careful with my throw pills! My sister stitched those! 

-Remus cackled maniaclly from his position on the couch, a plastic sword held at Roman’s throat. 

-Remus: Now what did I tell you?! 

-Roman, on his knees on the carpet, faked a pained groan. 

-Roman: It’s not true. 

-Remus: Still thinking that, huh? What do I have to do to get it through your head? Beat it out of you?! 

-Remus lurched forward with his fake sword. 

-Roman’s heart stopped, the blood drained from his face, and he threw himself away from Remus’ advance. He fell back, nearly knocking his head against the coffee table they moved, crossing his arms in front of his face. 

-Remus: Roman? *nervous laughter* Come on, I know I’m not that good an actor. Are you... Okay? 

-Roman shakily lowered his arms, staring at Remus with wide, paranoid eyes. He gasped for breath. 

-Patton jumped up from the kitchen table and raced into the living room. Remus caught Patton by the waist as Roman flinched and covered his face again. 

-Patton’s eyes welled up. 

-Patton: Roman? Roman, what’s wrong? 

-Remus: *mumbling* Go sit on the couch, I’ll wave you over. 

-Patton didn’t want to, but he listened. Remus sat on the ground, plenty of space between him and his brother. 

-Remus: Ro? I need you to look around, tell me five things you can see. 

-Roman: Stained- Stained glass. 

-Remus: There’s no stained glass here. Look around, harder. What do you see?

-Roman: Your stupid mustache. 

-Remus: *laughing* Yeah, that’s good. What else? 

-Roman: Um... Um- The- The carpet. 

-Remus: What colour is the carpet? 

-Roman: Green- No. No, it’s beige. 

-Roman ran his fingers along the beige carpet, trying to control his breathing. 

-Remus: That’s good. Three more. 

-Roman: I see Patton. Um, his glasses. There’s flour on his hands. Does that count? 

-Remus: Sounds like five to me. Four things you can touch? 

-Roman: Carpet. Um, my shirt. The table. Y-You? 

-Remus scooted forward slowly and opened his arms for Roman to curl into. Remus held him tight, his chin rested on Roman’s shoulder. 

-Remus: Tell me three things you can hear. 

-Roman: Your heartbeat. Patton crying- Patton, please, love, I’m okay. 

-Patton: I- I know. I’m sorry. I just- I know. 

-Roman: Patton’s voice. 

-Remus: Two things you can smell. 

-Roman: That awful deodorant you use. And Janus, for some reason. 

-Remus: One thing you can taste? 

-Roman: Salt. 

-Remus: You back in the present now? 

-Roman buried his face in Remus’ chest. Remus held him tightly and waved Patton over. Patton staggered to his feet and Remus gently transferred Roman to curl in Patton’s lap, who cooed in his ear and kissed over the side of his face. Remus quietly slipped out of the apartment. 

Remus: 

-Janus: Remus? What’s wrong? 

-Remus didn’t answer, slamming the door shut and headed straight for the bathroom. The water turned on a moment later. 

-Janus looked through Remus’ drawer for his meds and counted them carefully. He’d taken his dosages. He settled against the headboard and waited for Remus to finish showering. 

-About an hour later, Janus was startled awake to a wet pressure on his chest. 

-Janus: *mumbling* Ew. You couldn’t have dried off? Got dressed? 

-Remus looked up at him with wide, teary eyes. Janus raked his fingers through Remus’ hair and kissed his forehead. 

-Remus: It doesn’t matter. 

-Janus: It does. Was it that bitch again? 

-Remus: She is a bitch. 

-Janus: Exactly. What’d she say this time? 

-Remus settled back against Janus’ chest. 

-Remus: *mumbling* It doesn’t matter. She’s right. 

-Janus: I doubt she’s ever been right about anything in her life, especially my Remus. So what did she say? I need to prove her wrong. Proving people wrong is kind of my thing. 

-Remus let out a breathy laugh. 

-Remus: I got upset again. A family told her about their child’s allergy, and she didn’t tell me. I made the dish normally and the girl threw up and had to go home. I started yelling, because I mean I was freaking out, what if I’d killed her? If it was a more severe allergy, she- she couldn’t have been older than seven, it could have killed her just being on the table, and- and- 

-Janus: Hey, baby, take a second to breathe. Just breathe with me for a second, okay? 

-Janus took in a deep breath, his chest raising and lowering Remus gently as he followed the pattern. 

-Remus: She told me to stop worrying about it, that I was delusional. She asked if I remembered my meds. She said I was overreacting. 

-Janus’ hold on Remus tightened as hatred boiled in his stomach. 

-Janus: I’m going to get that bitch fired. 

-Remus: Janus, no, I probably-

-Janus: You did not overreact. She didn’t tell you, and not only could that have killed the girl, it could have ruined your life. We can’t afford a good lawyer, they would pin it on you and shove it under the rug. And you’re not fucking delusional. 

-Remus: I do... Have... Delusions...?

-Janus: That doesn’t have anything to do with this! 

-Remus laughed weakly. 

-Janus: Yeah, you have delusions that the girl on the fifth floor runs a meth lab, and that someone lives in the basement, but that- That was not a delusion. She should be put in jail!

-Remus raised his head and kissed Janus softly. He nuzzled into his neck, and Janus hugged him tight. 

-Janus: I checked your meds. You’re completely caught up. 

-Remus: I know. 

-Janus: And you’re not crazy. 

-Remus: I know. 

-Janus: And I love you. 

-Remus: I know. I love you, too. 

Janus: 

-Janus had snuck into the other apartment to see if Patton had any leftovers from his last orders. The others were asleep, but he knew they wouldn’t care. Patton left notes on the things no one could touch. 

-He found a small plate of assorted cookies with no warning, and settled at the table to eat a few. 

-On his way to put them back, someone on the floor above them screamed a string of curses, and a door slammed. Janus flinched, his shaky hands loosing hold of the plate. His heart dropped as it shattered along the tile. 

-He couldn’t breathe. 

-Clean it up and leave, go, now! 

-Hurry up! Before someone finds you! 

-Don’t worry about clean up, just go! You weren’t here! 

-Logan: Janus? 

-Janus’ head snapped up. He spoke before thinking about the words coming out. 

-Janus: I just got here. I don’t know what happened, I was about to clean it up. It wasn’t me. 

-Logan raised an eyebrow, eyes sleepy. 

-Logan: *flatly* Really? 

-That was the worst lie you’ve ever told in your life. 

-His stomach coiled in embarrassment. He forced up a smile. 

-Janus: I know what it looks like. But I assure you, it wasn’t me. 

-He reached for the broom, but Logan carefully stepped over the glass and grabbed Janus’ wrist. 

-Logan: Janus-

-Janus: *gasping* I’m sorry! It wasn’t me! 

-Logan: Janus. I’m not angry! What’s the matter? 

-Janus hesitantly met Logan’s eyes. Logan’s soft, worried eyes. 

-Logan: You know I would never hurt you. 

-Janus: Of course. 

-Logan: I’ll clean this up. Do you... Want to stay over? 

-Janus’ heart stuttered. 

-Janus: If you want me to, I suppose I could stomach it. 

-Logan smiled a little. 

-Logan: You suppose? 

-Janus: I suppose. 

-Logan: I’ll meet you in there. 

-Janus’ heartrate had slowly gone back to normal as he laid in Logan’s bed. A few minutes later, Logan slipped in behind him, hesitantly resting a hand on Janus’ hip. 

-Janus rolled over and pulled Logan into his arms. Logan sighed in content, nuzzling into his chest. 

-Janus: I didn’t break the plate. 

-Logan: It doesn’t matter who broke the plate. 

[natsubeatsrock]

Did Mashima fridge Juvia?

Well, it was only a matter of time.

I knew I would have to talk about this some year on August 31st. It just happens that this is the year.

For those who don't know, today is a special day in this blog's history. Six years ago, I made a long post talking about Juvia. Most notably, I was fearful about the possibility that Juvia would die. A year later, I was reacting to chapter 499, where Juvia was presumed to have died. Since then, I've used this day to talk about Juvia dying in some way or another. 

Last year, I mentioned that I wasn't willing to open this can of worms. And yet, here we are. To be honest, I figured that this was a topic worth talking about, but not in that post. I was already planning to dive into that this year.

To start, let's talk about the term.

Flashback to 1994. In issue 54 of Green Lantern, the main character walks into his apartment. His girlfriend has been killed and stuffed into a refrigerator by one of his enemies.

Five years later, [insert descriptor here] comic book writer Gail Simone took this incident as the impetus to note a trend in writing female characters in comics. They die or face serious bodily harm to advance the arcs of fellow male characters. She teamed up with other writers to start a website called "Women in Refrigerators". It's a list of female comic characters who fit this trope, to some degree or another. It's still up today, and you can see some more recent inclusions.

My own thoughts on this trope are mixed. I think that there's something to be said about one character's development coming at the expense of another character. Especially if that trend is decidedly gendered. Though, this argument is used in ways that come across in ways that are infuriatingly stupid and short-sighted. I've even seen it argued that women being harmed in fiction is inherently misogynistic. (Please don't make me talk about this.)

In any case, the argument has far exceeded the scope of comic books. (I say as if I'm not talking about comics.) This has been brought up in talking about media of all sorts. Video games, movies, television, and more. If a female character is placed in harm's way, people will argue whether or not she was fridged.

So, with that in mind, let's talk about Juvia's death.

Or false death?

I mean, we thought she was dead, but it turned out to be a fake-out.

Actually, let's talk about that. That happens to be a great place to start.

Does it count as being fridged if the serious effects were reversed?

I know that probably sounds like I'm splitting hairs. After all, it's not as if chapter 499 is wiped out of existence because we also got chapter 500. Mashima ultimately decided to kill Juvia. That's what should matter most to our discussion. Honestly, I might be inclined to buy this argument under normal circumstances. However, there happens to be a group of people who argue otherwise. They've convinced me that this is worth talking about.

Who are these horrible misogynists who would discount this kind of suffering on Juvia's part?

The people behind Women in Refrigerators.

At least, sort of?

As you might imagine, people have argued against the idea of this trope. To many people, more men have been harmed in fiction. In many cases, men in pain are treated as nothing special. In fact, there are examples of men dying to further the character arcs of female characters.

As a response to this, the website has included an article entitled "Dead Men Defrosting." Essentially, it doesn't matter if men do go through similar pain. There is a difference between these situations. In many cases, men who get fridged are eventually restored to their initial state. They gain their powers, are healed, or even come back to life. Women don't often get that same opportunity in comics.

Let's stop and think about Juvia's situation for a second. She was dead for all of one week, as far as fans are concerned. In canon, it was even less time. If Gray decided to stay behind for a few minutes, he also would have been healed by Wendy. In fact, with the continental connection to Tenrou Island, the whole scenario is forfeit. In hindsight, Juvia's life was never in danger.

So, could it be said that Juvia was truly fridged if she ended up being "defrosted"?

No, technically speaking.

Then again, I've been very critical of the writing of this. I've made many posts explaining why I think this was bad. Would ending the discussion here be the right thing to do? More importantly, is that the kind of resolution you clicked on this post to find?

There is also an elephant in the room. For better or worse, Women in Refrigerators also includes women whose states were corrected. Now, does this contradict the point they made regarding male characters? It’s starting to feel as though I should make a post about this trope on its own.

In any case, let’s ignore the fact that this didn’t actually stick. For the sake of this, let's assume that this does fall under the definition of fridging. Or, at least, that it could.

Did Mashima fridge Juvia?

To say that it did would mean that the death was done to move Gray's character arc. And... well... I mean...

Look, Gray is pushed to the edge of his sanity because he believes Juvia has died. That much is obvious, given the context of his rematch with Invel. I'm not willing to argue that this wasn't the case.

But...

I can't say that Juvia's death was so big a reason for Gray to change. 

If we're talking about Gruvia, maybe it could be argued he decided to take Juvia's romantic feelings seriously after seeing her die. But that only works if you take his words in chapter 499 in the most literal sense possible. It's more likely that he already had feelings for Juvia and was ready to share them after the war ended.

Outside of that, because Juvia died, Gray fights Invel, who he blames for killing Juvia. When he beats the stuffing out of him, he finds out that Natsu was END and directs his fury towards him. They fight for a bit, but they're ultimately stopped. Once he finds out about the Natsu-Zeref death arrangement, he decides the best way to deal with the situation is to go through with Lost Iced Shell.

You could read this as Gray going through with Lost Iced Shell because of Juvia. If Juvia didn't die (but not really), Gray wouldn't think to go use the spell. However, this view discounts Gray's stated motivations for using Lost Iced Shell: guilt over fighting Natsu and wanting to protect him from dying. Gray obviously regrets how the situation with Juvia went if the final chapter means anything. But Lost Iced Shell doesn't seem to be done because of Juvia. (I may rant about a comment I got about this some other day.)

And now, I will defy conventional wisdom and make probably the most controversial argument possible about this moment. Juvia's sacrifice was for Juvia's character arc. Not Gray's.

It's worth remembering what Juvia's arc is. I know that fandom often questions what Juvia's arc is. However, I believe that her arc is best described as understanding love. When she first fights Gray, she says that she has no need for love. A few arcs later, she sacrifices herself because of her love for Fairy Tail.

The motivation for Juvia sacrificing herself for Gray is her love for Gray. No one questions Juvia's feelings for Gray. However, this moment shows that she's willing to sacrifice her own life for Gray. Do you think that Juvia would do this before Phantom Lord?

This isn't to say that I think Juvia's arc was well-written. It's easy to criticize Juvia's extravagant displays of love seem. Or how Juvia's love seems to center more around Gray than others. Or how there are ways to show that you love someone in non-romantic ways. And fans of the series have shared the problems they have with how Juvia's character was handled.

But we're not here to talk about those things. We're here to ask if Mashima "killed" Juvia for Gray's development. And, despite how bad I think the moment was, I can't say that Mashima did.

Consider I’m the one saying this. Like, it would be something if one of the bigger Gruvia blogs made this argument. (I feel as though a couple of them may have blocked me.) That’s something that could be expected. I’ve outright called this the worst moment in the series at one time. I’d love to tack on another reason not to like this moment.

But I can’t.

“That’s because you’re clearly against the idea of this trope existing, chauvanist pig!“

I’ll assume you missed the intro for the trope earlier in this post. I’m willing to admit that this does happen. In fact, I already talked about how I hate how Last Ages happened. Ultear got done way dirtier than Juvia did and didn’t have the effects reversed. Not to mention, it was ACTUALLY done to further Gray’s character.

In Conclusion:

I don’t think it’s a good idea to call what happened to Juvia “being fridged“. Even if Juvia were to have actually died.

[tlbodine]

An Irritated Review of an Aggressively Bad Book

As a child of the 90s, I cut my teeth on R.L. Stine’s books. Goosebumps in elementary school, graduating up to Fear Street -- with its guts and gore! -- by my tweens. But the time came when I had voraciously consumed all of the R.L. Stine at the library, and I hungered for more books in the same vein. 

Which led me to Christopher Pike. 

Christopher Pike was another of the “Point Horror” series writers popular through the 80s, and they were an obvious thing to recommend to a budding young horror fan (especially as his books tended to be popular with young girls, thanks to the romantic subplots they often featured). But I just never really enjoyed them. I read a handful, shrugged it off, and eventually moved on to reading Stephen King and other adult authors instead. 

Which brings us to this motherfucker. 

@comicreliefmorlock​ sent me a small stack of vintage YA horror titles, because reading ridiculous cheesy teen thrillers sounded like good nostalgic fun. 

But this book isn’t the fun kind of cheesy. It’s the kind of cheesy that drives me to start blogging in irritation at 12:57 am. Because this book isn’t just bad, it is aggressively bad, and it says a lot about 1984 and the state of horror fiction and YA fiction and publishing in general that this fucking book launched Christopher Pike’s career. 

So let’s talk about this sumbitch below the cut.

The story is about a group of teens who meet up for a ski weekend. The girls were all very close when they were younger, but drifted apart after an accident that left one friend badly burned and her little sister dead. The burned-friend is the one whose family owns this very fancy house and so graciously invited everyone to come hang out. 

Our characters don’t really get much in the way of actual characterization, but here’s the cast: 

Nell, who has some facial scarring and whose family is apparently loaded

Nicole, the dead little sister

Lara, the main character (ostensibly)

Dana, who likes to eat and crack jokes (funny fat friend solidarity fist bump)

Rachael, the gorgeous blonde beauty rival of Lara

Mindy, who chews gum

Celeste, a shy girl with back problems who they’ve befriended somewhat recently 

They arrive and hand over their keys to a park ranger to valet-park their car while marveling at how they don’t really know if he was a real park ranger, because I always give my keys to strangers when visiting an isolated location. Celeste asks some innocent questions about why the group hasn’t hung out recently, and the group neglects to mention the dead sister, but the reader figures it out. 

Don’t worry, we’ll hear all about that in a moment. But first there’s a small, stupid mystery about a disappearing snowman, that melted really fast like it was burned and Lara will continue to fixate on this for the rest of the book. 

They spend a little time getting settled in before hitting the slopes. Celeste and Nell hang behind despite being the two people at this gathering who presumably don’t know each other, but they hit it off great right away so good for them. 

At the ski lodge, they run into a pair of boys that Rachael and Mindy know -- Percy and Cal. Lara falls into an instant and irritating infatuation with Percy for some reason, deepening that rivalry with Rachael. Cal creeps on Dana, trying to grope her when they get a minute alone, but Mindy of course gets jealous of Dana for horning on on her man because of course she does. 

Note: The book was written by a man in 1985. 

Anyway, at the ski slopes, Dana disappears, and everyone kind of assumes she’s just trying to avoid Cal even when they find one of her skis sitting in the middle of a very mysterious patch of snow that seems to have some ash and ice in it (just like the snowman! gasp!) but it’s probably fine! 

Somewhere in here we get an entire chapter told in italics to provide helpful background information about how Nicole died -- which involved a bunch of 6th graders at a sleepover getting drunk from stolen brandy in the liquor cabinet, deciding to hold a seance, knocking over a candle, catching Nicole on fire, and then Lara trying to put her out with the brandy (because it’s wet!) and that of course creates a Nicole-Flambe situation. Nicole is whisked away to the hospital and dies there and Lara is wracked with guilt and so forth and so on. 

And scene. Back to the present, where Dana is still missing, they can’t find the ranger who has their car keys, there’s a storm bearing down on them, but of course the most important thing is whether Percy likes Lara better than he likes Rachael. They invite the boys to come over that night. 

Dana’s not back at the house, so Lara calls the lodge to ask for them to have her call if she shows up, but otherwise big shrugs about the friend’s disappearance and presumably being lost in the middle of a storm. Celeste is scandalized that they were going to eat cold cuts at a party and sets to dressing and roasting two whole chickens and a bunch of side dishes, which is of course an extremely normal thing for a teenager to do at a party. 

The boys show up, and Lara feels kind of bad about not really caring where Dana is, except not guilty enough to do anything about it. Dana, you’re too good for these people, get better friends. 

Anyway, they eat and do some drinking then play charades, which Celeste and Nell are eerily good at (hmmmm) and then Cal creeps on Celeste which starts a whole argument culminating in Percy punching him in the face, Cal stumbling backward, and Mindy’s arm catching fire because Nell had bitchily thrown alcohol at her earlier. They throw out the boys and start doing some first aid on Mindy, including dosing her on some codeine that they conveniently have lying around. 

Percy’s gotta go, so Lara walks him out in the woods, refusing anybody else’s offer to come with her so she doesn’t get lost because she wants to make a move on him. There’s some painful flirting, some kissing, some talks about pyrokinesis and the mysterious Dana disappearance (and the snowman! that damned snowman!) and also Percy has a flare gun in his pocket for some reason. 

Gag. Ugh. But ok, fine, Percy gives her the flare gun, presumably because he’s letting her walk back through the woods alone in a blizzard. She scoops up some of the ice from Dana’s disappearance-spot to bring home for evidence and then goes to bed. When she awakens, the ice has melted and she can see bones! and ash! Ahhhh! 

This causes her to panic, so she runs out of the house at 3am into the woods and then, idk, freezes or something. Cal is there for some reason? She conveniently blacks out and awakens to find herself tied up in Nell’s basement. But hey look, Dana’s here! And so is Rachael! 

We helpfully learn that Dana’s been tied up in a closet this whole time. Also, SURPRISE! Celeste isn’t actually Celeste, she’s Nicole! (in case this wasn’t already painfully obvious from all of the foreshadowing). She didn’t die after all! She just assumed an entirely new identity! She was just pretending not to know who Nell is! 

Never mind that Celeste has parents who we have literally talked to in this book (they briefly call to check on her and Lara speaks to them instead). Apparently Nicole’s family....gave her up for adoption? but she’s still really close to her sister? Or else Lara somehow doesn’t realize that Celeste’s parents are Nell’s parents? Literally no part of this is explained in a way that makes any sense at all. 

But anyway, turns out this whole weekend was just an excuse to get everybody together so that Nell and Nicole/Celeste could get revenge by dousing them in kerosene and burning them alive. Like you do. 

There’s a lot of waffling and trying to win over Nicole with the power of friendship, and then she changes her mind about the plan but Nell doesn’t, which leads to some dramatic scuffling and ultimately Lara shoots Nell with Chekhov’s flare gun, but it’s totally OK because her expression is “the most peaceful” Lara has ever seen so that’s cool, and then they manage to rescue Mindy before the house blows up.

From there, we’ve just got some loose ends to tie up. We’re rescued by the suspicious ranger from earlier who it turns out actually is a ranger, so that’s cool. How did he find them? Why, that strapping young man Cal tipped him off that they might be in trouble! 

You heard it here first, folks. Cal, the guy whose characterization up to this point has been “gropes girls without consent” and “tells funny war stories about napalm” is actually the real hero here! What a find stand-up young gentleman that serial offender is. 

Also, again, Dana, you are too good for these people, find new friends. 

Anyway, the girls end up in the hospital, where they promise a vow of secrecy but also Lara and Nicole are totally going to be best friends now, no harsh feelings. Also Lara is totally going to hook up with Percy, because that was definitely the most important thing to come from this weekend and she’s definitely not in any way going to be traumatized about any of this. 

The end. 

distant gagging sounds

[nonatowers]

ladies and gents, this is the moment you’ve waited for

a shy “hi” and welcome to my first blog post on this side blog!  my name is rosie, its a pleasure to meet you all and i will be honest, i dreaded my first post into this community for quite some time, but I just saw this answer-reply by psycho-sybil that made me pull out my literary resources and decide, it’s time to throw in my dime (please ignore this stupid joke). i’m sorry by the way, this is terribly random but i never really managed a blog before so…trial-by-error? (please be kind, i have a glass heart under my analysts hat)

anyways, my first idea was to unravel the character that is Arata Shindo (since many people seem to kind of misunderstand this fella), but that post is, uh, gonna be very very very long and i’m kinda trying to figure out if i should put it elsewhere? Or how to post it? if you guys got any ideas, let me know. 

for today’s dish, i will humbly offer a very watered down and shortened take on psycho pass’ possible ending(s) from a more literary theory-point of view, and hopefully inspire some fella writer out here. for this, i could go on a rant of literary theory and criticism but our medium does not fully fit in there as well as too little people would know what I’m going on about, and likely have life’s to care about unlike me. but if you guys wanna know what books i read to get a grasp of the theories and criticism for like, your own free time, i can link you the uni books i got. with so much blubber done beforehand, lets get to this under the cut, since this will contain some spoilers from season 3. 

the full circle idea is a very classic and satisfying theory in both film and literature. i suppose it circles back to the human brain’s need for completion, and to bring something full circle is the easiest and most ideal way to mentally rest a case and finish things. its can be possible for psycho pass to finish that way. however, i believe there are some different aspects that don’t get emphasised as much as they should when trying to imagine the future of the world in psycho pass. for once, its a so-so chance for a piece of work from the genre of cyberpunk to end on a simple type of full circle. if we take the “father of cyberpunk”, william gibson’s neuromancer trilogy, as an example we will see something that is quite similar and that came up within season 3: the introduction of AI’s, and specifically, sybil’s interest in them. i don’t know if it was just me who was confused at the end of the season why the AI aspect was suddenly so important, literally obliterating interest in an entire character that seemed kind of important to some extent at least (r.i.p. karina komiya at this point) but looking in retrospect and after rewatching it, there is a whole lot of sense to it. the story of psycho pass more or less started with us meeting the world and its limitations, heavily focusing on the bad sides as we follow akane’s point of view for most of the story to the point where figures like mika shimotsuki feel outright wrong to us (disclaimer: i am personally not a big fan of her, but i have to say that 70% of the slander on her are missing some pretty important points regarding her, but that’s for another day). akane stated that one day, sybil will not be needed anymore, which is - let’s say it as it is - a very romantic and ideal way of thinking. but we’re all very morally correct idealists, this idea just speaks most to us. however, over the course of the three seasons (i shall exclude the movies for this) i think it became pretty clear that society with the established politics and functions cannot really return i.e. function without a system like sybil anymore. think of this as an evolutionary type of thing: people are so used to buy food that practically nobody will just willingly agree to stop all that and go hunting like in the “good” ol’ days. mental evolution has finally let us come to understand that for example, gender is nothing but a social construct and we all are just humans. we could not imagine going back to times like 1600s, where race and gender were categorised by some b*llshit f*cking idea like “god-given privilege” (pardon my language at this point). hence it lays rather logically close for people to just give up the comforts of a society which we see in psycho pass is very unlikely. the comforts of that world goes as far as pulling in immigrants from all over there world, which does underline this statement- even if we strictly assume that the entire world is in chaos and war, that just makes japan with its sybil system as something desirable. naturally, we could flip this coin in different ways for various argumentations, but it will all boil down to people should reject living like that but they likely won’t. and I think i do not point out something outrageous or illogical when i say that humans are willing to silently accept a lot of things, even when they really shouldn’t. and that is not just some theory, in episode 4 ma-karina’s existence is shown on broadcast, and yet still karina komiya ends up voted as the new governor. the society knows that she herself has an holographic AI doing work for her, yet they still accepted her, and subsequently, sybil accepted ma-karina as a “citizen” with voting right and hence, right to be nominated (which, if you remember, was this thing that unraveled at the end of first inspector). now, sybil’s motives in accepting an AI likely could be different, namely because it could bring the acceptance of society about the system’s true facade closer, but that is a mini-theory for another day if i’m honest. taking these points in consideration, the first likely option that might occur in psycho pass’ future could be similar to real world situations: more people will start to reject the idea (of AI ruling, especially if the truth about the system ever gets publicised) which then results in bringing forth change and evolution through humans, a very classic scenario. hence it would not finish with our main cast, (which mainly serve as our story teller’s) as triumphant in this battle of man vs machine, but rather with their testimonies of society, and how the begin of change can look like. 

here i shall will finish my already long post here, but i will hint that i personally do a have another theory about how this series could go towards the end. but i will save that up for when the community actually wants to hear it. 

thanks for reading, i hope it wasn’t too messy? i'd appreciate some feedback c:

[dragimal]

I’m gonna be a joyless commie for a minute, but idk how to articulate my problem here, so I’m just gonna start talking

capitalistic ideas like, “stealing is wrong under any and every circumstance and you’re a bad person for stealing,” and, “you must work to earn your right to live,” are EXTREMELY prevalent in animated media and I don’t think we like, talk abt it enough? 

like even some rly RLY good stories like FMA fall heavy into that mindset, like Arakawa straight-up said in one of her notes in the manga that she enforces the idea of, “you don’t work, you don’t eat,” in FMA (and it’s hard to miss that message in the text of the manga/anime all on its own). at least w/ FMA there’s the nuance of that message coming from the worker’s perspective, and there’s real appreciation of labor and community, and the fact that labor is what keeps these folks alive and thriving, so I can see why she has that perspective given her background. but I feel like it’s still worth acknowledging that like, folks shouldn’t have to live under that kinda stress of death/ruin if they don’t work, and how harmful that message is for folks who can’t provide labor/services. but I’ve rly never seen anyone bring it up

though one of the absolute worst cases of this mindset is in Ratatouille, which is actually another of my fave pieces of media, despite it. poor Remi is literally starving at several points throughout the first chunk of the movie, and at every point he tries to snag a little morsel, SOMEBODY essentially guilts him w/ the idea of, “stealing is bad!” whether it’s his own stressed subconscious, or Linguini. the first time it was a teeny chunk of bread from a dinner party that the folks there prolly wouldn’t have even noticed missing (and prolly threw out by the end of the night b/c it was so small!!), and the second was a few herb leaves Remi swiped from a nearby restaurant that the humans there also likely didn’t even notice or miss. like get off Remi’s back, Linguini, the lil dude’s STARVING and he even took the time to cook u something nice before eating himself!

and that’s not even to MENTION all the times Remi makes the stupid argument that rats are bad for stealing from the garbage, and when his dad makes the completely fair point that humans are throwing it out, Remi’s just like, “why are we STEALING it then??” I’m gonna let my inner ecologist jump out for just a minute here, but the idea of “trash” in and of itself is a very capitalist idea (not to mention the fact that the creation of materials that simply can’t be reused/reduced within a comprehensible timeline is a p damn recent development). in reality, all things are just materials, and in nature every piece of material is useful to some part of the various nutrient/material cycles, INCLUDING food webs! like I get that Remi’s affection for human ways/ideas is a p big crux of the film’s whole concept, but it’s still v strange to me that Remi has actively removed himself from the food web he and his ilk are a VERY important part of, and decided that the material they consume is not only useless, but a sign of their low standards/society. and in terms of the social repercussions of that mindset, this just again reinforces the idea that there are certain kinds of people whose life/lifestyle designates them useless to society, thus undeserving to live unless they conform (look, I get that Remi’s arc ended w/ him choosing his own path, but his rat family was also shown to have been “civilized” by Remi, eating “properly” at a lil rat restaurant, so I can’t help but wonder 🤔 )

something else I hate abt this mindset in media is that when it isn’t actively villainizing poverty, it’s just turning it all into a joke! like I watched Brand New Animal recently, and there was this whole subplot abt this baseball team living in the slums. u’d think, given BNA’s (weak) thesis abt everyone being respected no matter their circumstances, that maybe there’d be some commentary abt class/poverty, or at the very least a heartwarming plot abt the team getting out of poverty. if the writers were RLY clever, they could’ve even used the main character, Michiru, to comment on how fucked it is to be lectured by somebody from a place of clear privilege abt what’s right and wrong under dire circumstances. but no like, the team stays in the slums, and the stealing/cheating they do to literally survive (it’s emphasized multiple times the team is on the razor’s edge of starvation all the time) is always met w/ this kinda, “tsk tsk stealing is bad!!” finger-waggling from Michiru, but no significant moves on her part to help them out or provide other options. and it’s all framed in this slapstick comedic way like, “oh look the poor character is excited over finding a 10 yen coin! oh look the poor character fell for a get-rich-quick scheme! oh look the poor character doesn’t realize bread comes with white part in the middle b/c they’ve only ever eaten the crust from the trash! ain’t that just wacky and hilarious?? well time to move on!” like what the fuck. I’m gonna start throwing bricks through the windows of every rich fuck that thought that was ok

[whitleyschn33]

Ozpin and Ruby: Hypocrisy (Probably a Rant)

Yeah, you probably knew this was coming - as a fan of Ozpin that was very much not happy with how he was treated during the later half of V6, you can probably guess that I had a very bitter taste in my mouth when only 2 episodes in, Ruby told the exact same lies for the exact same reasons as Oz and the FNDM started trying to find every possible way that that wasn’t true, that obviously “Ruby is far more justified and has far better reasons to do so” than Ozpin did, and therefore not being hypocritical. 

Yeah, that’s a crock of BS, and I will go on to explain why in a bit, but first, got to make something clear.

As of right now, this isn’t necessarily an example of hypocrisy yet (stressing that yet there). As of now, there hasn’t been any episodes out to follow up on the thought process of Ruby in this and no chance for her to explain why she did it, so there is a chance that she will connect her reasons for doing this to Oz’s reasons to what he did, and realize that Ozpin was right (or at least justified) in not letting them in on every detail, which would mark this a sign of growth in Ruby’s worldview and a step towards reconciliation with Ozpin, rather than hypocrisy at its finest. 

However - the way that the stolen ship was handled (which I’m also itching to rant about) and the fact that there was no set-up to Ruby learning that Ozpin had reasons to do what he did (no talking with him, no example of trust backfiring in her face, nothing that would indicate her perspective of “we deserve to know everything involved” has flipped to “sometimes it’s necessary to be cautious with information”) makes me pessimistic on how this is going to be handled. The track record of the show so far makes me feel like this going to be played as an “It’s okay when we do it, and it’s totally justified cause we’re the protagonists” moment rather than a “Okay, we now see why it would feel necessary to lie or hold back information” moment of growth, and that makes my blood boil. I could be wrong, I hope I’m wrong, but as of writing this, I don’t have a lot of faith.

That being said, let’s get into the arguments (and if I miss one or you have another one, lay it on me).

The main one I’ve seen is that “The gang can’t trust Ironwood, so that makes them lying to him justified, but Oz should trust RWBY, so him lying is wrong and inexcusable.” That’s bull, though - Ozpin has no reason to trust RWBY whatsoever. We know that they’re (theoretically) trustworthy since they’re the protagonists, but from Oz’s point of view, these are just a bunch of random teenagers that Qrow dragged to his safe house and expected him to explain everything to, despite Ozpin not bringing any of them into the loop himself. With Team RNJR, he’s only familiar with Ruby’s background, and only met her at the beginning of the school year - JNR are all complete strangers he’s had no chance to vet. Weiss, Yang, and Blake literally just show up and attach themselves to the party - they all volunteer or invite themselves into the inner circle, and then expect Ozpin to trust them completely when he has no reason to. That’s what I think a lot of people forget - they volunteered for this. Ozpin didn’t seek them out; they showed up with Qrow and volunteered to help - volunteering before they could possibly know everything there is to know. Ozpin doesn’t trust them, and he has every right not to. We’ve seen firsthand that Oz is constantly betrayed, even by people he does come to trust and bring in. Lionheart is someone that Oz has known for decades, but still betrayed him the moment Salem came for him - while coming off the sting of that, why would he do something so foolish as to put his faith in these random teenagers? JNR and Blake in particular are people that he knows next to nothing about, and all have gaps in their pasts or faked records - any one of them could been an agent of Salem. RWBY and Co may not be able to trust Ironwood for good reasons, but Oz has equally good reasons for not trusting them. 

Another one I’ve seen is that “Team RWBY is risking their lives doing this - they deserve to know everything”. To which my response would be, well, that’s not entirely true. Ozpin has never actually lead them into a conflict zone. Haven was meant to be a safe place to recover and begin rebuilding defenses, I’ve already explained why the Grimm attack isn’t Ozpin’s fault, and everything that goes down in Argus is on tRWBY. The only thing Ozpin haves them do is continue training and hang around while they make sure the lantern is secure - Lionheart was supposed to be an ally, Haven was meant to be a haven. Ozpin has never asked them to head into the line of fire - all he’s asked is they learn and play defense while at Haven. 

But alright, though, I’ll play that game. Assuming that them risking their lives is true, then doesn’t Ironwood deserve to know everything? He’s not only risked his own life all this time, but as the head of the Atlesian military and currently concocting a plan that will draw the lives of all of Remnant into this conflict, shouldn’t he be told everything they know that could possibly be pertinent? Before Ruby lies to him, Ironwood has just laid out a plan that will throw Remnant into chaos and panic and result in many deaths, all for the end goal of finally mustering enough strength to destroy Salem - phrased another way, his entire plan hinges on the idea that whatever consequences that happen will be worth it when they destroy Salem. Ruby then proceeds to lie and not tell him about the part where them learning that, for all intents and purposes at this moment, Salem can not be destroyed is what drove Ozpin away. That is extremely important information that Ironwood, if for no other reason, needs to know since it’s the motivation behind everything he’s doing. At this moment, Ironwood has far more need to know this information than tRWBY ever has since he’s actually about to put himself, his military, and all the people of Remnant in the line of fire and the chaos of panic, but Ruby doesn’t tell him because.... why? She doesn’t trust him because of what’s happening in Mantle, which is being fueled by Ironwood’s current plan which she has the information to dissuade him from? Then telling him would be the right choice, and it wouldn’t come of as massively hypocritical. Gah, this entire situation is dumb.

Then there’s the fact that the first thing she lies about isn’t about the Relic, isn’t about what they’ve learned - it’s about why Oz isn’t there. Ironwood wants to speak with Oz, and Ruby lies about why that isn’t possible. You can make the argument that she’s lying to protect the last Relic question, or protect the information that Salem isn’t able to be destroyed, but that’s not what she’s directly lying about, those are a few steps down the line. What she initially lies about is why Ozpin isn’t present, and she practically cuts Oscar off to do so - and that comes off so much like her trying to hide what they did to Ozpin, and honestly? That’s what really makes me mad, because they have no right to hide that. If they’re so certain that what they did was right and justified, why hide it? Why cover it up? Is it possible you realize using the Relic against his will to dig into his past and trauma and then, when he was on the ground and crying after you forced him to relieve his own deaths and the death of his children, attacking him about it was a shitty thing to do? It feels so much like trying to hide what they did so they won’t face the consequences, and after all they did to Opzin for not telling them all of his mistakes and trauma? It’s so insanely hypocritical that I want to scream. 

Speaking of the Relic - lying about the Relic now, are you, Ruby? But I thought that was a no-no - after all, you all freaked out when you realized that Ozpin lied about the number of questions left and that was the driving motive for you to use the Relic on him. Why is it okay for you to do that when it wasn’t okay for Oz? “Well, we can’t trust Ironwood to not waste it/use it poorly -” Great! You just realized why Ozpin didn’t tell you! He couldn’t trust you all either, especially when the first thing y’all did after learning what it was was start trying to come up with questions to ask. So, same reason!

As I’m sure you can tell, the more I talk about this, the more ticked I get. All the justifications Ruby could have for lying to Ironwood are the same reasons Ozpin would have, but honestly worse, since it comes off as them not giving Ironwood the information he would need to stop his disastrous plan and hiding their own sins. It all seems so incredibly hypocritical, and if we don’t some kind of follow-up discussion of all of this, it will be. I want to think that CRWBY will find a way to make this a moment of growth and understanding, but they failed to properly set that up when Ruby switches from “we deserve to know everything” to “it’s okay to lie to people you don’t trust” without any reason that she may have come to change her mind on this between those two actions, and so far, the show hasn’t been batting a hundred with showing any consequences for the team doing something stupid. I want to be hopeful, but for now, it’s just left me feeling incredibly bitter.

Probably a poor way to end this, but I’m technically in class, and I feel like if I rant any longer, it will devolve into incoherent rambling, so - let’s just end it here.

[myhockeyworld87]

Nervous Regrets - Part 7

Requested: No

Word Count: 4566 

POV: Tyler

Waring: Cursing I think I at least use one swear word every part.

Notes: Pretty fluffy, but I like it. Got a little long. 

With one last flourishing swish of your hand it would be done, well not completely done; they still needed to accept your offer, but the realtor assured you they would. Now you just needed (Y/N) to come inside for her part of this venture. She’d been strolling outside around the pool for the last several minutes, hopefully not regretting that kiss you just shared; you could still taste her on your lips. It had been sweet and unexpected. The fact that you wanted it to happen again, was in the forefront of your mind; even as you signed papers for a multi-million-dollar home. 

 Striding through the french doors, came the woman of your dreams, finally stepping back inside your dream home; munching on one of her protein bars. Skeptically you looked at her, “Is that mine?”

 Mouth full, her answered garbled, “ummm…no.” Her cheeks blushed a delightful shade of pink, giving herself away. Reaching over, snaking your hand around hers, you brought the snack to your mouth; taking a huge chunk out of the bar.

 She narrowed her eyes at you, while snatching her hand back at the same time. “What? Don’t try and fool me I know that one was mine. Here I need you to sign this?”

 Settling the papers for the house in front of her, you handed her the pen. “Why do I need to sign?”

 “Because the house is in your name as well, dummy. It’s just for the bid we are putting in, but then the deed and all the rest of the papers will be in both our names as well.”

 Tugging on your arm, she pulled you aside; out of ear shot of the realtor. “Tyler, you shouldn’t be putting this in my name. This is your money, your house. It’s not a smart business move.”

 “You’re wrong babe. It’s our house and the deed is going to reflect that. It’s a done deal, just move your sweet little ass over there and sign your name, or else I’ll eat the rest of that protein bar.” It was an empty threat; if not utterly ridiculous. That it had her moving over to the table and signing the paper, had you patting yourself on the back. “Alright, let’s go get some real food now.” With some last words to the realtor; the two of you left the house.

 Thankfully at this time of night the crowd had thinned out at the restaurant; though you still asked to be seated in the back, so it could just be the two of you. Well three really. “God, I’m starving. I think I could order one of everything off this menu.”

 “Taking this whole mom thing seriously, aren’t ya babe,” there was a teasing tone in your voice; hers and the baby’s health weighed heavily on you. You knew the first few months of the pregnancy hadn’t been ideal, because of your stupidity; but now their well-being was your main concern.

 “You have no idea. I ate a whole pint of ice cream, watching the game the other night.”

Blinking, not sure if you heard her correctly; you digested the information that she was now back to watching you play. It was one step closer to getting her back into the arena, but more importantly back into your bed. “A pint babe, really that’s not a lot. No wonder you ate half of my protein bar.”

“Ugh…you and that damn bar. Next time I’m packing more, they’re small.” The waiter came by then, you two placing your orders; hers really not changing for the last time you two had been here months ago, even though she insisted she was famished. “Don’t be mad or anything. But I’m not sure I’m ready to just move back in or anything with you yet. I mean, I know we wouldn’t be getting the house for a bit, but I’m not one hundred percent sure I’ll be ready when it’s ready.”

You couldn’t mask your disappointment, and were sure there was a touch of sadness in your voice, “I understand. No pressure. Whenever you’re ready.”

She looked at you, surprise written all over her face. “Really? No argument?”

“I’m not gonna lie hun. I wish you’d tell me you were ready to move back right now, but I can wait. We’ll just take baby steps,” laughing at the pun you’d just made. “But really, as long as it’s not a forever thing, I can wait. The dogs on the other hand; they might not like that idea so much.”

Bringing the boys in was a low move, you knew she had a soft spot for them; loved them as much as you did. That she hadn’t seen them all this time, was probably eating her alive. “Oh, you don’t play fair. I miss them so much. How are they?”

“Well, Cash and Marshall are still pissed at me over you leaving. And Gerry,” shaking your head you continued. “Gerry keeps digging holes to come find you.” While the picture you painted wasn’t exactly correct, it also wasn’t a lie either. The dogs had sensed something was wrong the minute she walked out the door; whining and crying with you that day. They’d been moping around as much as you had been the last few months. “They’re all really good though. They’ll be excited to see you. You should come over and see them.”

She hesitated briefly before answering, “Yeah, maybe sometime this week I can make it over.”

“Hmmm, we’ve got a road trip coming up, but go over anytime you want. You have the code still.”

“How long are you gone this time,” was your mind playing tricks on you, or was that a touch of sorrow you heard in her voice.

“It’s not too bad this time. I’ll be home late Sunday night.” Thankfully it wasn’t a long trip and then you’d be back in Dallas for at least a week afterward. Though you’d need to come up with a plan for keeping your relationship with (Y/N) on its current course; you wouldn’t have this five day away trip, make her rethink any of the progress the two of you had made.

You could see the wheels turning in her brain, wondered what she was thinking; though you weren’t meant to find out. The food you’d ordered arrived just then; ceasing the current conversation. The two of you ate; speaking of nothing of great consequence. Essentially just catching up with each other’s lives; while falling back into an easy routine. Before you knew it, the check came; signaling the night was almost at an end. Leaving the restaurant, you helped (Y/N) out of her seat; holding her hand as you made your way to the vehicle.

 Once again you buckled her in, making sure that both she and your child were safe. The last thing you wanted to do was drive her back to the small little apartment, she currently called home. It wasn’t like it was in a bad area, in fact quite the opposite; it was just, she belonged with you. But that would happen in time, you just needed to be patient. Walking slowly, so you wouldn’t have to leave her any sooner than necessary; you made your way to her door. “Thanks for meeting me tonight. I had a nice time.” Your sixteen year-old-self took control of your body then; for you suddenly felt shy and awkward. Not knowing if you should kiss her good night, or just allow her to walk inside.

 (Y/N) took the decision out of your hands, going up slightly on her tip toes to press a quick kiss to your lips. It wasn’t near enough, but you’d settle with it for now. “Goodnight Ty, I’ll see you tomorrow at four.” With that she closed the door; leaving you standing there giddy with how the night had gone.

That the hours ticked by slowly until four o’clock the next day was an understatement. But finally, you found yourself pulling up outside (Y/N)’s office building. That she was standing out there waiting for you, didn’t surprise you in the least; of course, she wouldn’t want anyone to know yet, that the two of you were working on getting back together. “Hey hun, you look amazing.”

“Thanks,” giving you the address to the doctor’s office, so you could punch it in the navigation system. “So, are you ready for this?”

“What’s there to be ready for? You’re the one getting the exam, not me. Besides you said there was no ultrasound today.” Reality was, that you were a tad bit anxious, but only to make sure the baby and (Y/N) were ok; not that you would ever let her know that.

“I don’t know. It’s just a…how do I want to put this. A different environment than a regular doctor’s office.”

You’d seen all those romantic comedy movies with her, to know enough, that there would be a set of stirrups in the office; not to mention that they’d probably be looking at her vagina. Admittedly that would be weird. “I think I’ll be fine.”

Twenty minutes later when you were sitting in the office waiting room; you had to acknowledge you were not fine. While a good percentage of the woman there were pregnant; there weren’t many men with them. Literally you felt like you’d just received a five-minute major for fighting, and now, all eyes were on you, as you made your way to the penalty box. You’d assumed more men went to these things when (Y/N) asked you, but that obviously wasn’t the case. Striving for an air of nonchalance, you picked up a magazine; while (Y/N) filled out the paperwork. Curiosity got the best of you though, when a woman sat her car carrier beside you; inside was the sweetest little newborn, snoozing away. Automatically you asked, “How old is she,” assuming said little one was a girl, since she was wrapped up all in pink.

“She’s six days old today.” The mom answered, as she moved the baby’s blankets down, so you could get a better look.

Funny thing, before you found out (Y/N) was pregnant; you kind of thought all newborns were well….it was sad to say, and ugly was too harsh a word, but they just weren’t cute. Now however, they were the most adorable creatures on this planet; like sweeter than Gerry when he was a puppy, and that was damn adorable. “She’s a heartbreaker, that’s for sure.”

“Thanks, is this yours and your wife’s first?”

“Yes, can you tell,” the fact that you didn’t feel the need, nor did you want to correct her about (Y/N) being your wife; was not lost on you. It actually felt good that someone thought you were a couple; well more than a couple, husband and wife.

“Well to be honest. You look a little nervous, but don’t worry, my husband was a wreck with our first one. With number three here; he’s an old pro. You’ll be fine, just follow your instincts, and just be there for your wife. That’s all she needs.”

Just then the nurse called (Y/N)’s name. “It was nice meeting you. Thanks for the advice. Oh, and congratulations on number three, she’s beautiful.” Letting your hand rest on the small of (Y/N)’s back, you let her lead you into the exam room.

Once encased inside, the nurse started chatting about the appointment. “So, Doctor Harris got called away for a delivery. Hope you don’t mind but you’ll be seeing our PA today.” (Y/N) didn’t seem to have a problem with that; so the nurse continued on. “We need to get your weight, do some measuring, draw some blood and get a urine sample. Then we’ll have the PA come in and check the heartbeat. You two good with that.”

Both of you nodded your approval, considering all you had to do was watch; you were fine with everything. Taking the seat over in the corner, as to not be in the way; the nurse got to work taking (Y/N)’s vitals. Handing over the small plastic cup, the nurse left the room to go find the PA; while (Y/N) went to give the sample. It gave you a chance to better inspect the room. On the wall, hung images labeling all the parts of a woman’s body, as well as depicting a baby inside. There was a small model on the counter of a baby inside the womb as well; as you stepped over to get a closer look, the door flew open, causing you to jump back. “What are you doing? Please tell me you didn’t take that baby out of there.” (Y/N) was shaking her head at you, as she laid the sample down.

“Relax, I was just checking it out.” Truth be told, you were fighting the urge not to touch it right before she came in. (Y/N) took a seat on the exam table; while you resumed your seat in the corner.

The door opened once more, this time a woman who looked to be in her thirties walked in. “Hi (Y/N), not sure if you remember me; I’m Amber, Dr. Harris’ PA. I think I did your ultrasound the last time.” The two exchanged handshakes, (Y/N) smiling, remembering their first encounter. “And you would be,” extending her hand to you.

“Tyler. I’m the dad.”

“Great, to meet you. So glad to see you here supporting mom.” She walked over to (Y/N). “So mind if I check to see how our little one is doing.” (Y/N) raised her shirt revealing her non-existent belly, for the PA to start the exam; pressing here and there, obviously feeling for the baby. After a few minutes she picked up the tablet to review some records. “So, I know you’re not scheduled for an ultrasound today, but I spoke to Dr. Harris before I came in and we’d both like to have one done today.”

“Is something wrong?” it was said in unison, by both you and (Y/N).

“Not that I can tell. Honestly, with you only having a 4 ounce weight gain this whole time; combined with the nurse not really getting a good measuring of your uterus; we’d just like to double check and make sure the baby’s growing at a normal rate. I don’t anticipate anything being wrong.” She started moving things around the room, grabbing a small sheet type thing for (Y/N) to put over her legs. “Dad, why don’t you move closer to mom over here and do me a favor take a deep breath ok. Everything is fine.”

Panic had set in, all the fears you’d had since (Y/N) had told you about the baby; setting in. The voice in the back of your head, beat a steady tattoo of, it’s your fault if anything is wrong.  (Y/N) reached over grabbing your hand, hers slightly shaking in the process; that she was just as nervous didn’t make you feel any better. Turning off the lights, the PA spread some warm blueish gel over (Y/N)’s stomach; then started moving the wand back and forth in search of the baby. A swooshing sound hit your ears first, and you looked to the PA to see if this was a good sign. She remained silent, concentrating on locating the baby; and then there is was, this tiny little human being. It was small but yet you could still distinctly make out its head and body, and what possibly looked like a leg; you couldn’t be sure.

“There you are little one. Oh you look good.” She kept up a little conversion, more with the baby than either you or (Y/N). “Ok let me see,” moving the wand one way, and then you heard it; what sounded like a tiny galloping horse. “Ok dad, that’s baby’s heartbeat. Can you hear it?” Amazingly you could, it was fast and constant; a steady rhythm beating over and over again, and it was music to your ears. This was your baby, you and (Y/N) brought this little miracle here, it was overwhelming. All those fears you had, came back, but instead of feeling scared and wanting to run away; you wanted to run towards it. You felt protective the minute (Y/N) had mentioned she was pregnant; but this, this was different. You wanted to wrap them both in a bubble and never let any harm come to them. They were your life, your being, your reason for living; and god you would do anything for both of them.

(Y/N) looked over at you tears streaming down her face; yours mirrored the same. Bringing your joined hands to your lips; you softly kissed her knuckles. Mouthing the words, I love you over to her; that she uttered them back, sent more tears down your eyes.

The PA’s words had you turning your attention back to the screen. “So I’m just going to take a couple measurements, but everything looks great. You two can breathe now.” She would move the wand, then do a few clicks here and there. “Ok so we definitely need a picture. I’ll print a couple for you both. Measurements look great. We need to get you eating a little bit more mom; think you can help us out with that dad?”

Sniffing, you did your best to answer. “umm..Yeah, I’m on it.”

“Good, I have a feeling this little one will be popping out on you any day. So I have you marked at fifteen weeks and 6 days, by the measurement; which coincides with what we had down before. Things look really good though, I’m happy with everything. We’re going to schedule you with another ultrasound the next time as well. We should be able to tell the sex then, baby wasn’t too co-operative today, but hopefully next time, if you’re interested.”

“No, we decided we don’t want to know.” (Y/N) answered for both of you as she wiped the blue goo off her.

“Not a problem, I’ll make a note on your chart. Just let us know if you change your mind.” Wheeling over in the chair, she snapped on the light switch; quickly you swiped at the tears on your face. Handing over a box of tissues to you, the PA proceeded, “So do either of you have any questions for me.”

Making a few more passes with the Kleenex, you asked, “How much weight should (Y/N) be at for next time?” You’d be force feeding her the whole damn box of protein bars, if you had to.

“Well we would’ve liked to see a gain of about two to five pounds this visit. So at the twenty week mark, we’d like to see eight or ten pounds. I’ll be happy if you can get her at the five pound mark. Remember we are looking for health eating options too, not just all junk food. I’ll get a print out for you to take home. What else?”

Your brain was swirling with about a million things; yet there was only one question you needed to know. The problem was how to word it. “Ummm…with (Y/N) finding out late about the pregnancy; and all the stress I put her through. Do we need to be concerned about any problems or complications in the future with the baby? Or is there something special we should be doing?” Guilt had overwhelmed you after (Y/N) told you what she went through. If there was something you could be doing, should be doing you would do it.

The PA came over to you then, placing a comforting hand on your shoulder. “Mom and baby are fine dad, the ultrasound confirmed that. So nothing that happened before today, has harmed the little one. Going forward, just try and keep mom in a stress free environment.” Turning she spoke to (Y/N), “And like we spoke about last time, light exercise is good, no heavy weights or anything; and sex is fine, I see no problem with that for the two of you.” (Y/N)’s eyes widen; but other than that, she gave no signs that the subject of sex was awkward, all things considered. “As you know in the second trimester, you’ll get some strong hormonal urges; and many women get an increase in sexual drive. This is all normal and since I don’t see any problems; you two should be fine. So, anything else?”

Stunned into silence; all you could do was shake your head no. At least you had the doctor’s go ahead to have sex; now all you needed was (Y/N)’s consent. “Well, if there’s nothing else. We’ll see you both in a couple weeks. Feel free to call in if you have any questions or concerns. You guys take care.” With that she left the room, leaving the door open for you two to follow.

Lips opening, you started to say something, only to be cut off. “Don’t, just don’t say it.” (Y/N) was shaking her head, laughing at you.

“What? I was just going to say that it was amazing that we got to see the baby today.” That was not what you were going to say at all; but it definitely was a good cover.

“It was, wasn’t it?” the two of you continued out the door, making the next appointment for four weeks from now. Thankfully, they were able to schedule a time when you had home games, instead of being on the road. Making your way to the car, you reached for (Y/N)’s hand, grasping it in yours never wanting to let go.

As had become your ritual, you buckled her in and headed down the road; the plan being to take her back to the office and then you could head to the arena for the game. Continuing to hold her hand; her thumb started to caress your knuckles. “So, you got a little emotional in there. You ok?”

“Yeah…I mean I am now. I just didn’t think….” Trailing off, not really knowing how to express all the emotions you felt in that moment. “I mean, when I heard the heartbeat, it all just became really real, ya know.”

“I know what you mean.” Looking over at you to draw your attention; since you were at a stop light, “I’m really glad you came with me today, Ty. I can’t imagine going through today alone. Thank you.” The smile she sent you went straight to your groin; you had been the recipient of it numerous times in the past, but hadn’t seen it in months.

Shifting in your seat, you returned it, “No, thank you for letting me be part of it. You really don’t know what it means to me.”  The light changed colors, shifting your focus back to the road. “And I’m gonna be there at all the next appointments with you. And every other day if you’ll let me.” Kissing her hand, you hoped she would let you inside her heart just a bit more.

Pulling into the parking garage, you got out walking her over to her car. It was killing you to have to leave her yet again; this woman was your all and so much more. “So, is it too much to ask if you’ll be watching me play tonight;” wanting her to be there to cheer you on, was the ultimate goal; but you knew she wasn’t ready for that yet.

“Of course, wouldn’t miss it.”

It was at least a start. “Promise me you’ll go home and eat, as well.” The mild panic attack you’d received when the doctor asked to do an ultrasound; had you taking your job as (Y/N)’s new personal pregnancy trainer seriously.

“I will Ty, I promise.”

“Ok good.” Standing there, not wanting to go, but knowing you should be leaving for the game; you waited for (Y/N) to say goodbye first. The upcoming road trip meant five days of not seeing her, and had you reluctant to move.

After a few moments, she shifted closer to your body; and drew you near. The small movement was the opening you’d been waiting for; you reached for her waist pulling her close so that no space separated the two of you. Tilting your head, you bent down touching your lips to hers; as her hands snaked around your neck drawing you further in. A moan escaped her mouth, you seized the opportunity to deepen the kiss; she didn’t resist. You had let her have control the last two times you’d kissed; not wanting to scare her with the need and desire you had coursing through your veins, for her. But this time, this time you didn’t hold back; letting your mouth worship her. Another moan had you wanting to lift her onto the hood of the car and sate your lust for her right then, but time was not your friend today; so you slowed your pace, savoring each sweep of your tongue, as you gently ended the kiss. Breathing heavy like you’d just skated twenty laps; you enveloped (Y/N) into your arms. She’d always felt so perfect there, as if she had been made just for you; needing just one more minute before saying goodbye.

Softly, she pushed herself back, not breaking contact completely. “I’ll miss you Ty. Score one for me, would ya?” Eyes, blinking rapidly from the force her words had taken; you stared down at her. She would ask you that every time you left for a game; now those words meant more than just putting points on the board.

“I’ll do my best babe.” Kissing her one last time, before you released her. “I love you. Take care of our little one.” Caressing her stomach, as you reached for her car door.

She slid into the vehicle, and waited while you buckled her in; closing the door you stepped away as she turned the engine on, pulling out of the parking spot. She stopped then, rolling the window down, “I love you Tyler.” It was soft, but it had your heart soaring above the clouds, and before you knew what happened; you were at the window kissing her one last time before she left.

Elated you made your way to the arena; where you had one of your best games. Scoring not only one, but two goals and racking up an assist; easily making you player of the game. The only drawback were all the interviews afterwards; you had already told yourself; you’d be stopping at (Y/N)’s after the game, just needing to see her one last time. Now, after all this media attention, you were hoping she would still be awake. You’d just drive by and if the light was on in her apartment then you’d stop.

Luckily at the late hour, you could drive slow past the complex, without drawing attention to yourself. The first thing you noticed, was that the lights to the apartment were still on; your heart sped faster at thoughts of seeing (Y/N) again. That was until it just plummeted deep into the ocean, like the damn Titanic. For the second thing that caught your eye was (Y/N) wrapped in another man’s embrace. But it was the third that made you want to grab the man and rip him into shreds; as he leaned forward and kissed the woman you loved.