#i need a fresh start

[pichupurin]

Gonna set aside 5-10 min (more if possible) to draw one dragon a day, for 100 days, to see if there's any possibility for my shitty art to look any less shitty lmao. Also, I just want to learn how to draw dragons.

Here's day 1-5. Definitely a rough start... and I have my doubts regarding improvements, but you won't go anywhere without at least trying.

[nyf-archive]

well @never-surrender convinced me and i made a new page and tagged a bunch of you without meaning to lmao. gimme a few hours and the page will be up and ready to go

[campingwiththecharmings]

i just want a house with a front porch i can sit on and a bay window with a window seat that i can read on and a free room i can make into a library with one of those cool ladders you can swing on like belle in beauty and the beast and a big, fenced-in back yard for my dog and a property with big, old trees that provide shade and at least the illusion of seclusion and---

[dearreader]

i’m going back to an old draft for red string theory

[fateviled-aa]

so after some thinking, i'm gonna go ahead and start over by moving to a new blog. so today's gonna be focused on transferring things over!!

[fullmetaldevil-blog]

2022 in a nutshell

A bit late to look back at last year but better late than never right?

(Note, slight suicidal warning)

If I had to sum it up I'd call it a roller-coaster to nowhere then straight to hell in a handbasket. For the most part it was business per usual dealing with the GP at work and coworkers trying the patience I don't have. That and doing a lot of home improvements trying to better the house for my aging folks. The normal stuff say for getting burned out a few times due to overworking. Lesson to be learned: rome wasn't built in a day nor should you try to do it all in one shot.

The fun really began in October when a lingering ache in my ankle wasn't going away no matter my attempts at keeping it in check. It ultimately resulted in a trip to urgent care and finding out that not only did I sprain the hell out of it, but I also have a free floating chunk of bone in the ankle as well. So we don't know what the story is about that given the location, but I still laugh at the doctor's reaction. Definitely got tossed back into a wheelchair for a minute until they got me a boot so I can walk again. Though lowkey kudos to the hospital for changing their wheelchair style cause I couldn't make a break for it like last time for which my sister could have killed me. (No sense of humor that girl lol)

Thanks to the injury I couldn't work for a month and a half which that was both maddening and infuriating. Thanks to some things, I got screwed out of pay and graced with a lovely pile of bills. The real fun was my mental health taking a nosedive thanks to stress, some mental issues, and family drama. I took a break to keep myself in check because contemplating and nearly attempting things is when I know I need help. Thankfully my mom and a few friends helped me get myself back in order and in a somewhat better head space. That and seeking mental help from services/suggestions offered by my health care provider. Depression is something I've been dealing with for years and you have your good days and your bad ones. I'm just thankful I have people I know and trust to get me out of the bad ones.

There's still things I am unwilling to go into full details about, but am hoping for a better year. 2022 just felt like 2020 part 2 and frankly I'm so done with it, but am gonna try to look on the bright side of things.

That being said, one of the things that has been lingering on my mind for the past few months is my Discord. I have a list of friends and conversations on there and am getting to the point of starting a clean slate. Not wiping everything but thinning out people or conversations. The main reason boils down to communication, or in some cases, lack thereof. 

I know I'm not the most chatty person in the world, while other times I can be, but sometimes I feel like I don't exist. Friendships are a two way street and lately it feels one sided with some. I know and understand that one person can't deal with every single person on their roster of contacts, but it doesn't take much to simply say hello from time to time. Even if it's a quick check up.

The grim reality for me is it leaves me feeling invisible and only needed when someone wants something. Nevermind simply checking in just to see if I'm still there. The negativity born from that doesn't help me one bit and leaves me bitter. I know I have insecurities when it comes to people simply because of the constant being used and tossed out for "a new model", being constantly backstabbed, being feared, or lastly being left behind. It's something I know I need to work on, but it is also the reason why I give people the 10 foot pole treatment to begin with. To protect myself from the negative thoughts of abandonment and feeling like I'm a ghost.

I get people come and go in life. I fully expect that and certainly have seen enough of it. I'm just at that point in my life where I say "you get what you see, nothing more nothing less. If you talk to me, great! If not, well, it was fun while it lasted and hope you have fun on your new endeavors." 

[notetapper]

gonna try to delete my yt account hopefully i don’t lose my whole email ✌️

[buttskittles]

Man, I really heck'd up repostober. It seems I still have a lot of feelings about my art that I still need to work through.

[cumberlandfarmz]

I HATE THIS SCHOOL AND I HATE THAT I KNOW EVERYONE

[polluted-puddle]

i wanna go to california, northern california

[caterpilller]

cant wait to move out and have my own space and cover the walls with things that make me happy

[keeshysterics]

on today’s episode of impulsive decisions I have deleted all my saves bc they all stress me out ❤️

[dora-winifred]

just learned that a haircut is not something that needs to be agonized over for years but is actually something that you can just call the salon down the street and schedule

[volchiitza]

clearly trying to stop fixating on "productivity" has actually improved my focus

[crescentfool]

orpheus and thanatos 💚

[ryllen]

something i promised on my kofi 6 months ago... 🫠